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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

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  • BadKitty904

    “Now”?

  • Nounverb911
    • Ew, is that cream?

      • BadKitty904

        Gee, thanks, Evan… *gag*

      • Major_Major_Major

        No scare quotes?

  • schmannity
    • Yey!!!!

    • The Wanderer

      I sing from the diaphragm a lot!

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        I like to push the pram a lot!

  • Nounverb911
  • Bill D. Burger

    The sad thing is that Donny’s one lesson learned is that he gets congratulatory noogies from the media for bombing something…..anything.
    I fear he’s learned that lesson too well.

    • GoutMachine

      Everyone knows you’re not a real preznit until you kill people.

  • baconzgood

    I need bacon and Coffee and bacon and whiskey and bacon and eggs and bacon and home fries and bacon.

  • Nounverb911
    • Bill D. Burger
    • GoutMachine

      Jesus, they can’t even get this stupid thing right. Such a bunch of incompetent morans.

      Then again, I can’t imagine a child who’d want to attend this thing.

      • The Wanderer

        I have difficulty imagining a parent who could be so heartless and dead inside as to drag their child, kicking and screaming, to this ‘event.’

        • GoutMachine

          Does KellyAnne Conway have kids? (I just shuddered typing that.)

          • Antonin Dvorak

            At least two girls, actually.

          • PubOption

            Wikipedia claims three girls and one boy. She is Catholic.

          • The Wanderer

            Ugh. I have to amend my previous post, as you have just found a parent who could, in fact, be so heartless and dead inside.

          • puredog

            Bunches, IIRC.

    • baconzgood

      https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/04/11/us/politics/white-house-easter-egg-roll-trump.html

      My fellow americans. The bombs will be falling in 3 minutes.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      I hear that a lot of Rebumpkin donors are upset because they found out it’s an Easter Egg ROLL, and not an Easter Egg HUNT for children. They were looking forward to hunting the poor kids on the White House lawn.

    • calliecallie

      I thought Ivanka was supposed to be taking care of this stuff.

      • MissNomer

        Ivanka is Jewish.

  • Nounverb911
  • Michael Smith

    The Easter egg roll is probably not the only reason Trump isn’t looking forward to Easter. I heard his one uncle voted for him and will not shut up about it.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      No one has been able to explain Easter to him. Even Jarad gave it a try.

  • From Russia with Love

    Robert Bentley has resigned as Governor of Alabama and pleaded guilty to phone-sexing an aide and trying to hide campaign cash.

    Mmmm, where exactly was he trying to hide that cash?

  • Nounverb911

    Trump to close his modelling agency, will have to look elsewhere for next wife.

    https://twitter.com/Rschooley/status/851685534980161537

    • BadKitty904

      I’m sure Russia can replace the model they’ve currently given him.

      • Is that why he is sending Jared into a combat zone?

        • BadKitty904

          I hope.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: The latest from the current “GOP Amateur Hour”…

    Wag the Dog — How Al Qaeda Played Donald Trump and the American Media
    Responsibility for the chemical event in Khan Sheikhoun is still very much in question.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/syria-chemical-attack-al-qaeda-played-donald-trump_us_58ea226fe4b058f0a02fca4d

  • memzilla Ω
  • Trump was going to put little slips of paper with one of his accomplishments in each Easter Egg. But how can you have an egg rolling contest with only one egg?

    • Me not sure

      Probably rotten at that.

    • The Wanderer

      Trump’s had a lot of accomplishments apart from Gorsuch:
      1. He woke up today.
      2. He didn’t make boom-boom in his pants.
      3. He was able to hold an adult-size fork to eat his breakfast.
      4. He didn’t have a rage-stroke and die on the toilet while tweeting.

    • The eggs are usually wood.

      • Well, then Donnie’s really out of luck, isn’t he?

      • dslindc

        Pastels and gold this year. The best gold. Just tremendous.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Only the worst parents allow their children to go to an Easter egg hunt sponsored by a creepy pussygrabber who proudly talked about the sexual potential of multiple young girls.

    I will look at the pictures and I will judge the adults harshly in my mind.

    • Spurning Beer

      That’ll show them!

      • Vincent Ricola

        I do what I can. #thankyouscott

    • Persistent Demme

      I always do that.
      (I even double judge those morans at Mar-a-lago.)

  • From Russia with Love

    Baby goats are just pure cute. Which reminds me, I haven’t seen any out near the bike trails yet this year.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Mislead about voter fraud? Solving non-existent problems is what Republicans do best.
    – voter fraud, of course
    – terrorist refugees
    – Obamacare
    – military spending (notice that “our depleted military” is now super-great)

  • memzilla Ω
    • mrpuma2u

      Too right. Also, too, when little Syrian kids were washing up on the beach? Jack from Donnie and and Cons. Now they care? BS.

  • Nounverb911

    New picture of trump and some of his bestest friends playing a game.

    WAR HEADS
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/adbc2864ee404dc9aacdf6e316dfe4015af0239ee78e35765e6041b3702a5b5c.jpg

    • BadKitty904

      It doesn’t show Putin holding the “bank”…

    • wait! what?
    • It took me a minute to realize those were there brains. I was thinking more like testicles. Actually . . .

  • Nounverb911
  • thewalkindude

    Bannon called Kushner the “D” word…

    Tense relations between Steve Bannon and Jared Kushner in the White House appear to have completely blown up.

    Thursday’s report that Bannon calls Kushner (arguably racially charged) names behind his back was bad enough, but a New York Times story later that day suggests that face to face dealings have further deteriorated, as well.

    According to the Times report, Bannon fixated on what he thought was the reason that they couldn’t come to a detente: “Here’s the reason there’s no middle ground,” he “growled” according the Times. “You’re a Democrat.”

    • BadKitty904

      But “Jew” begins with a “J”…

      • thewalkindude

        Da Jew?

      • From Russia with Love

        Bannon thinks it starts with a “K.”

    • Vincent Ricola

      I’m starting to think this Steve Bannon guy might not know how to make friends and influence people.

      • Paul

        Make friends? No. Influence people? Hell yeah!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      You know, Miss Maggie really needs a column to share her insider tips about the personalities in the White House. They can call it “Tiger Beat.”

    • Bill D. Burger

      Bet living rot Bannon has used the alt right favored “K” word to refer to Kushner on many occasions.

    • HazooToo

      Someone has clearly been using his own product.

    • puredog

      This was after Trump sternly told them to kiss and make up? Boy, that fellow sure can wangle a deal, can’t he?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Also too because nobody in Manhattan likes Don Jr either, and the conservatives in most of the other boroughs are first and second generation immigrants.

    Hey, Dominic? The Trump/RNC link is borked.

    • The Wanderer

      If he runs, I think that Donny Jr. would consider himself lucky to not get flayed alive in the primaries. With votes.

      • BadKitty904
      • Carpe Vagenda

        In fairness, they probably love him in south Brooklyn, Staten Island and Jamaica Estates, although I think circumstances may have cooled the enthusiasm in orthodox precincts.

        • The Wanderer

          You’re probably right, but I couldn’t erase the mental image of Ramsay Bolton defeating Donny Jr.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I have to think the NY Democrats are capable of Mark Greening away that race. We’ve done it before.

          • calliecallie

            Ramsay’s much more likeable, more relatable.

  • Nounverb911
  • There’s a story around about how TRUMP ‘accidentally’ made oodles of money by throwing bombs the other day: http://crooksandliars.com/2017/04/did-trump-attack-syria-personal-profit

    • The Wanderer

      Be fair – Cheney made a packet off the Iraq war through his Halliburton and KBR connections. It keeps him in the blood of virgin children to help him stay alive and evil.

      • BadKitty904

        GOP SOP…

      • nightmoth

        But—but—he said he sold all that Halliburton stock! SURELY there was no way for him to profit off their near monopoly on the Iraq War?

    • Nounverb911

      Insider trading?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Quick everyone, our shocked faces!

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      Yay Martin Luther!

      • From Russia with Love

        Goddamnit Martin, nail your fucking feces to somebody else’s door.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Awesome, but who is Makgoba?

      • I think Godzilla and Mothra had to fight him in one of their movies.

      • Brendan_M

        A very famous and pioneering South African doctor and academic. He’s said some mean, if mostly justified, things about white people, so Breitbart will probably try to make this a thing.

    • BadKitty904

      That’s kinda cool.

  • Asterix

    I bet friends a bottle of Jack that Trump would screw up the traditional WH Easter festivities and that our First East European Hooker Lady wouldn’t bother to show up.

    • BadKitty904

      At a cost of millions in tax-dollars…

  • elviouslyqueer

    there’s no word if Spicey will once again put on the Easter rodent outfit.

    Revealed: Spicey’s real Easter Rodent outfit! http://a.abcnews.com/images/Business/ht_pizza_rat_lb_150921_16x9_992.jpg

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Yeah, those goats are cute now, but wait until three or four months go by and you find them on top of your car….

  • Nounverb911
  • Bill D. Burger

    Priorities:
    White House Website Removes Climate Change Page, Adds “Easter Bunny Tracker”

    https://d26v70zl50qz3k.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/unnamed-file-900×505.jpg

    • To be fair, Trump is more interested in bunnies than breathing.

    • wait! what?

      …I thought once you drank the EBs blood, she was with you forever…

    • The Wanderer

      Is it just me, or are Trump’s eyebrows getting more and more Romulan?

  • Al Swearengen

    Trump will probably start a war with North Korea if his goon wins in KS today.

    • Brendan_M

      More likely if he loses.

      • Al Swearengen

        Yeah, I mis-typed. I meant “loses”.

  • wait! what?

    The Nick Rivers “donations” from the ATF must have been hyooge.

    https://youtu.be/7f_19nxNfjs

  • Nounverb911
    • From Russia with Love

      Pardon me young lady, your book is upside down.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    “as people (AKA donors) lobby Trump for fancy pants positions in Western Europe and the Caribbean.”

    So even his allies realize it might be a good idea to move the fuck out?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Trump’s running on a wing and a prayer? It’s his life, but we’re the ones going to be suffering from his admin’s bad medicine.

    • From Russia with Love

      Sayonara
      Adios, auf wiedersehen, farewell,
      Adieu, good night, guten abend,
      Here’s one last song you can sell
      Lets call it burning bridges
      It’s a sing along as well
      Ciao, adieu, good nacht, guten abend
      Play it for your friends in hell!

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Trump takes control of the GOP machine

    Yeah …. this is going to end well.

    • Asterix

      But it will be fun to watch rethuglicans take each other out.

    • BadKitty904

      Serves ’em right, says I, after they’ve betrayed America to its enemies…

    • On the bright side, if it’s like most of his ventures, the Republican Party will be mostly gone and heavily in debt within 4 years.

      • puredog

        Maybe his candidacy WAS a Hillary plant after all! Except she probably didn’t see it playing out quite this way. . .

      • Brendan_M

        I don’t know how you write-off an imploded political party to avoid paying income taxes, but I’m sure there will be something about that in the upcoming tax “reform” Bill.

    • The Wanderer

      I think it’ll go a little something . . . like this:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPNaaogT8fs

    • Pilotshark

      well here`s to him given it that well oiled machine running feelings.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I doubt most of them will be able to learn the Cyrillic alphabet or be able to speak Russian.

    • BadKitty904
    • Crystalclear12

      He’ll burn out the clutch in no time!

  • Panika MCD

    TX SCR 8 is not a thing. it doesn’t have a companion even. if it were up for official state designation, it would be an SB. but it’s not. it’s just an SCR which has the same amount of impact as an SR at this time in the session without a companion over in the House. besides, this would be on the list of things that Speaker Straus would call “not a priority”. which means if it gets over there, it will die like so many bathroom and school voucher bills.

    what’s more fun about TX?

    definitely the court ruling on Voter ID
    that firefighters are going to be allowed to fight fire with firearms. (SB1408)
    Sticky trying to defund the feral hog program and then Springer trying to defund all transportation projects for Bedford and then the fight that ensued. https://www.texastribune.org/2017/04/08/texas-house-takes-budget-day-pictures/
    and, finally, Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick Dannie Goeb asking for a vote on “school choice” from the House and getting it and then not getting the results he wanted.
    https://www.texastribune.org/2017/04/06/texas-lt-gov-dan-patrick-asked-house-vote-school-choice-he-got-it/

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Meanwhile in Rome, Pope Francis has built a free laundromat for the homeless. If that happened here, Republican heads would explode…”just where does Jesus say anything in the Bible about helping the poor!!”.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      But, but, there’s nothing about laundromats in the Bible!

      • Wild Cat

        There’s nothing about Calvin or the Pope or Joel Osteen or any other religious authoritarian in the Bible, either.

        But there are some really great sex scenes.

        • The Wanderer

          I have very little good to say about Jean Calvin, but nothing good to say about Joel Osteen.
          The Pope? Eh.

          • Wild Cat

            Is Osteen Flesh or Plastic? Or pure filthy lucre. What a greedy closet case.

            The Pope was sui generis. Most of them suck . . . often members of the same gender.

          • The Wanderer

            My favorite Pope of them all, of course, was John XII. He was made Pope at 18 by his grandmother (she bought it for him), celebrated with an orgy in the Vatican Palace, and was reportedly killed by a jealous husband.

          • Wild Cat

            And HBO hasn’t made an extravaganza out of this yet?

          • The Wanderer

            There are so many fun people in history that you could make great films out of.

          • Wild Cat

            “Bridgegate” is gonna knock ’em out at the feelies in 2105.

        • Sedagive ’em Hell

          Blessed are the Cheesemakers.

          • The Wanderer

            Or any purveyors of dairy products.

          • Wild Cat

            And lactaid manufaturers.

      • BadKitty904

        There is, interestingly, quite a bit about the sin of hypocrisy. That Carpenter Guy was against it.

        • The Wanderer

          What did he know? He was union.

        • Sedagive ’em Hell

          Yeah, but he was a Jew.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          He wasn’t real big on oligarchs either.

          • From Russia with Love

            Or money changers.

        • Richard or Karen?

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          That fucking guy. Leaves for three days right in the middle of a job?!?!!? I don’t remember if he came back or not.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            He stopped by briefly later on to gloat.

      • From Russia with Love

        Or the Constitution, Sparky!

    • BadKitty904
      • Pilotshark

        “”Hypocrisy is the deadliest of sins, because it allows you to justify committing all the others.””

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      We have a center here right downtown which serves a meal a day, offers government/social service assistance, the right to use their phone number/address for job applications (or whatever else for which you need a fixed address), showers and free-to-use laundry equipment. It’s a fantastic idea and does a lot to help people actually get out of homelessness. I wish more cities had such a thing.

      • Paul

        You obviously live in Moscow, comrade.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          LOL I know. It’s a very librul area. I live about half a mile from the center. No outcry of NIMBY from any of us. We understand the need. It’s not a government center, either. It’s largely supported by grants and private donations. The fact that it’s thriving says a lot about this area.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Where are you?

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            Charlottesville, VA.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Great on your community. A couple of my good friends went to school there.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I thought the idea was to punish and humiliate them and make sure they remain homeless so we can feel smug and superior and whine about the homeless people stinking up the area?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Some homeless activists here decided to create a homeless camp in the middle of downtown to draw attention to the problem. Unfortunately, they encouraged an attitude of aggressive militance about being homeless, which kind of buried the point that it would be a whole lot better NOT to be homeless. The place turned into a drug-infested open cesspool, and had the net effect of turning local businesses and many in the public against the idea of government assistance for the unfortunate. Good job, guys.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          Yikes. That’s unfortunate.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Yeah…I became exasperated with the leading homeless advocate here…I mean, his compassion is genuine, but he seems to, well, advocate for BEING homeless. What you have there sounds perfect…treat them with compassion and dignity, but take active steps to get them out of their situation.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        I worked at an agency that did all of that, along with medical, dental and drug/alcohol treatment. It was fabulous.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          I know they have AA and NA meetings at the one here. We have a free clinic in town, so I’m not sure how much they do on the health side of things. I like the one-stop-shopping at your facility, though. That’s a plus. Kudos!

    • From Russia with Love

      How will we be sure they’re poor if they don’t stink, hengg?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Perhaps some kind of yellow badge or patch?

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          tattoos will also suffice…

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      IIRC, he put up showers last year

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        He obviously fails to understand his true religious mission.

  • Nounverb911
    • Wild Cat

      CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE TOO, SHEEPLE!!!!!!!!!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      If United announced that trans folk could use the bathroom of their choice, there’d be an angry Republican boycott. Beat the shit out of a passenger and drag him off the plane? America is Great Again!

    • wait! what?

      I never realized United Continental was a 24.5 billion dollar company.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        It possibly was a 24.5 billion dollar company. Must check it’s current value.

    • calliecallie

      Guess it was worth it for them to not up the offer to $1350 for volunteers willing to get off the plan. Yeah. Good call there.

    • nightmoth

      Apparently, the man is of Chinese descent, and his name has been published in the Chinese media, where this video is being played repeatedly. There is a real shitstorm blowing our way over this from the other side of the planet.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Right after the big summit, too! Did Trump give Xi and oversized bill for the currency manipulation?

    • From Russia with Love

      It’s OK to beat your meat United, just don’t beat other people’s.

  • puredog

    OT: I don’t care WHAT Al Gore says, the internet was made for this.

    Many are excellent, but perhaps my fave is “TSA was just foreplay.”

    https://mobile.twitter.com/hashtag/NewUnitedAirlinesMottos?src=tren&data_id=tweet%3A851665090663378945

    • wait! what?


      They put the hospital in hospitality.

      • puredog

        Like I said, good ‘uns. My contribution — if I twatted — would be “The skies are friendly; it’s the tarmac that can get a little dicey.”

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      TSA- come to fly home, stay to be punched in the face and dragged off the plane.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      “Bringing domestic violence to domestic flights.”

      “United Airlines. We make an offer you can’t refuse”

      Oh, the snark.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      United: Tell us your safe word.

  • Nounverb911
  • nightmoth

    from the Google News headlines this morning: specifically, Reuters–
    “Tillerson Carries Syria Stance to Moscow as Trump Administration Speaks For West”
    I know headlines are hard to write–I used to write them, but REALLY Reuters?

    • From Russia with Love

      “Both the President and His Secretary of State Are Afraid of Stairs, Unified on Syria Also Too”

    • guppy06

      Trump’s stance with Russia is wide, while the only “West” he speaks for is Virginia.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “On Thursday, a resolution to designate the cannon as Texas’s official state gun passed a Senate committee.”

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/04/10/room-for-all-three-a-handgun-cannon-and-knife-all-being-considered-for-official-state-symbol-designation-in-texas/

    Everything’s bigger in Texas, especially the aggressive macho idiocy. They’re talking about a bronze 6-pounder in 1835; why not just go all the way, fellas?

    http://14544-presscdn-0-64.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/m-65-atomic-annie.jpg

    • BadKitty904

      Good thing their legislature doesn’t have any, you know, ACTUAL issues to deal with…

    • From Russia with Love

      Why, that’s probably Rick Perry’s personal side arm now that he runs the Department of Energy.

    • The Wanderer

      Atomic Annie and the Davy Crockett were great ideas. They just had certain flaws.

      • Kiri the Unicorn
      • Ghenghis McCann

        Like the range of the Davy Crockett rocket being slightly less than the radius of the lethal area around the point where the warhead exploded?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The one Santa Anna went and took? The one they had for self-defense that the “bad guy” took away from them? Seems appropriate.

  • puredog

    Pro tip: To get that Sam Bee invite, have Rachel whisper in Sam’s ear.

    • calliecallie

      Editrix should get Donna Rose to put it a good word with her friends Mika and Joe.

  • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

    Rabbits aren’t rodents. They’re lagomorphs.

    • Me not sure

      Would Mar-A-Lagomorphs be sea bunnies?

      • Mar-A-Lagomorph’s are Playboy Bunnies.

      • guppy06

        They’re more silicone and botulin than bunnies now.

    • wait! what?

      It should have been the Easter Pika. It could have had a saddle and been ridden by a buckawn who dispensed the eggs.

    • Crystalclear12

      If the rabbit has a Spicer in it. . . then it’s a rodent.

  • Me not sure

    I think that I understand how Hyundai is able to offer such long warranties on their cars. They don’t expect to survive the Trump years.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Oblios_Cap

    So Trump has his first major legislative win because the GOP changed the senate rules? Really, CBS?

    • Chadwells

      That BS spin triggers me super fast!!! Grrr…

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      That and “Trump looked presidential” after the ineffective strike on that Syrian air base is what gets me about the media. They seem so narrow sometimes you gotta wonder what kind of dumbass methodology for teaching critical thinking they use in journalism schools in this country.

      Hey, you dumb fucks, not all of you can be hosting ET at the same time! Think in context for a second or two before opening your mouths.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I thought he sounded like he was being forced to read something that he didn’t understand when I saw the presser.

        • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

          I got the same impression and then I see Fareed Sakaria saying that that’s when Donald became President of the United States. I used to have lots of respect for Zakaria’s intelectual prowess when he was at Foreign Agfairs magazine. Now he’s just like any other entertainer on TV. What a disappointment.

  • Spurning Beer

    Meanwhile, China has told North Korea to keep its coal shipments, the hermit kingdom’s chief export, because North Korean stuff is full of dongs, and smells like human slavery.

    Is this a success for Donald in getting China to rein in NK, or a failure for Donald in getting China onboard with Clean Coal®?

    • Major_Major_Major

      Yes

    • guppy06

      DPRK Coal: Now with 10% fewer dead laborers mixed in!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Cheap-ass bastard. Guess we should just be glad that the eggs weren’t made in China.
    https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/04/11/us/politics/white-house-easter-egg-roll-trump.html

    The White House has ordered 40,000 of the commemorative eggs — about half of the roughly 85,000 ordered in 2016 — with 18,000 to be given away at the Easter Egg Roll and another 22,000 available for sale, according to Lara Kline, the vice president for marketing and communications at the White House Historical Association, the official retailer.

    • Hey, you don’t get rich giving your money away. Especially to contractors or people who did work for you.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Wonder who those will be sold to benefit?

      • The Trump Family Foundation?

      • Major_Major_Major

        Prolly, the more important question is “benefit whom?”.

    • nightmoth

      Remember those great Easter Egg hunts the Obamas used to have? Sigh.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        I’m truly terrified of what will happen on Halloween in that White House. That definitely won’t be anything like an Obama Halloween.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          It’s a Halloween Chamber of Horrors every day in the White House now.

        • nightmoth

          Hmmm–I predict that he will further endear himself to evangelical nuts by declaring it Satanic and not observing it at all. The christianists will eat that up and he doesn’t have to spend any money on costumes. (Not that he’d need costumes–Trump and the Russian Honeypot are scary enough.)

      • cmd resistor

        I don’t see a Trump reading “Where the Wild THings Are” like Obama did. Well I don’t see any reading at all as a part of it, sadly!!

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Know what I’d love to see Dampnut read a la Obama? “Mean Tweets”!!!!

          Yeah… totally not happening. But a girl can dream.

          • cmd resistor

            About his speed, though, unless he goes for one of those board books with no words or one or 2 per page.

    • BadKitty904

      How many taxdollars were spent on these?

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Don’t worry, he’s not going to pay for those eggs, either. “Terrible. There’s a crack in one. Don’t pay that bill.”

      • Tony Prost

        China is gonna pay for those beautiful eggs.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Those would be Trümp® manufactured (in China) Brand Commemorative Eggs

      Don’t you know, it’s all
      About the grift,
      About the grift,
      No freebies.

    • anon_the_great

      Wait. Hard boiled eggs are not a collector’s item.

      WTF Murica, wtf.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Dominic mentioned downthread that they are usually wooden.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Yup. These are wooden eggs. They waited until almost too late to even order them at all.

  • Pilotshark

    So next time Don calls for an airstrike, lets make it an broken arrow! with votes of course.

  • guppy06

    Texas is having trouble deciding what kind of boomstick will grace its flag.

    No electric chair? Convenient tree?

    • AnniNoone

      Nah, they’re honoring vigilante executions rather than state ones.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        To be fair, the average vigilante execution is more humane than the ones the state botches these days.

    • The Wanderer

      There should be an embarrassingly limp penis to go with those weapons. Just to hammer home the point about modern Texan males and guns.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      What next, the Official Sexually Transmitted Disease of Texas?

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Chlamydia. It’s all the rage these days.

        • snigsy

          Chlamydia the Tattooed Lady

          • Fun with Cthulhu

            I is an old and I lol’d hard at that.

          • snigsy

            ; )

      • guppy06

        No, that’s teen pregnancy.

  • OddMan

    OT
    Odd piece of news out of Russia today. The pride of the Russian Pacific Fleet (old missle cruiser Varyag) is sailing to South Korea to participate in war games.

    http://tass.ru/armiya-i-opk/4171928 https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/41601341b8b5405999e14d7b36b4bbbfce6f6d629c6f5e8e0542fd03d7e59895.png

    • MynameisBlarney

      What could possibly go wrong?

    • The Wanderer

      You can’t even see the oars! Great Russian technology!

  • TundraGrifter

    “The game is afoot!”

    “Afoot?” Wasn’t that the favorite game of “Dick” Morris? Probably still is…

    • Erala Contratista

      A toes, actually

      • TundraGrifter

        I hope they were still attached to the foot. Otherwise…

        Meanwhile, shortly after I posted that comment the radio played Michael Franks’ “Popsicle Toes.”

        True story!

  • anwisok

    Tch. Hearts & minds is so 70s. It’s all about the pussygrabbing now.

  • janecita

    My birthday is on May 2nd, I’ll be expecting a baby goat in a big box, from you guys, so chop, chop!

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Feliz cumpleaños por adelantado.

      • janecita

        ¡Muchísimas Gracias!

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Ummmm goat vindaloo….chop chop indeed…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I already bought you a pony. Do I hafta take it back now?

      • janecita

        Hell no, I’m keeping that pony!

    • BadKitty904

      Baked? Curried? What?

      • Jeffocaster in the desert

        HEY!!!! Vindaloo

        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          The only correct way to eat goat, IMHO.

          • Jeffocaster in the desert

            Yes. I love that the Portuguese named this dish (after wine and garlic) and the Goans made it a spicy Indian dish and because aloo is potato in Goan it contains potaotes.

          • Erala Contratista

            Vina D’alos! Garlic, red wine, pork shoulder. Marinate 5-6 days, cut in cubes and cook slowly in the fat that renders out. Eat with boiled taro, good bread and some kind of greens. Tums for afterwards. A fine Azorean treat.

          • janecita

            You are saying that because you never had Cuban goat stew.

          • Tallmutha

            Or African goat stew with peanuts. But I can’t eat them any more because they’re too goddamned cute.

          • janecita

            I agree, they are too cute to eat.

          • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

            I’ve had both (I lived on Key West for a few years), as well as roasted and Mexican BBQ. Vindaloo is the winner. And Happy early B-day!

          • janecita

            You never had my mom’s stew though;-)
            Thanks!

    • shastakoala

      FYI, open the UPS boxes with the air holes in them first.

    • snigsy

      So is my son’s!

      • janecita

        Your son must be very special, handsome,
        and smart;-)
        Happy Birthday to him!

        • snigsy

          All the fabulous people are born on May 2nd!

  • VirginiaLady

    Mmmmmm, tiny lil baby goats. Just in time for Easter. Getting tired of lamb and kielbasa so they will be a welcome change! / S

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      Lamb is for Passover in my house. Ham for Easter.

      • Jeffocaster in the desert

        ugh…trayf

        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          If smoked pork is trayf (and I’m virtually certain it isn’t), I don’t want to be Kosher.

          • Jeffocaster in the desert

            The line is drawn for me at bacon. But ham I can do without except prosciutto

        • Erala Contratista

          Yum! Trayf!

          • Jeffocaster in the desert

            gentiles…….

      • VirginiaLady

        Our breakfast is the traditional Slavic kielbasa and eggs, but for the evening meal I like a Greek lamb roast with garlic and lemons. Our fresh local asparagus is mandatory ar both meals. Easter is the bestest high cholesterol time of year:)

        • janecita

          I love lamb. What kind of seasoning, besides the garlic and lemon, do you use?

          • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

            I do garlic, black pepper and rosemary.

          • VirginiaLady

            Salt, pepper and very light crushed rosemary. Too much and that’s all you can taste.

          • janecita

            Thanks!

        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          Do you make a lamb cake? I’m still trying to figure out what part of Europe that comes from.

          • janecita

            I thought that they were a Polish tradition.

          • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

            Odd – we aren’t Polish (that I know of), but have always made them. My maternal g-ma was French – but I haven’t ever seen that the tradition comes from there. My other one was eastern European and never made them.

          • Williams-Sonoma

          • VirginiaLady

            My mom tried that once. It was sad. She forgot to bake toothpicks in the ears. But traditionally Poland has a BUTTER lamb. Yup a lamb butter sculpture. We luvs us some clogged arteries!

          • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

            pfft. Try being Hungarian – every recipe starts with either lard of bacon fat. We don’t mess around.

          • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

            …and, yes, I do take a high dose of Simvistatin

          • VirginiaLady

            Low dose Pravastatin for me. Mine is genetic and will eventually get me.

          • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

            I lie to myself and SAY it’s genetic. But I eat a diet of pretty much nothing but animal fat.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The idea of a shooting war with North Korea is still as bad now as it was in the 50s.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Where’s Hawkeye when you need him?

      • snigsy

        Suicide is painless . . .

    • TundraGrifter

      It’s never officially been called off.

  • guppy06

    The folks who make those commemorative eggs began egging on the administration over Twitter

    No. Just… no.

    she proposed raiding her family’s nest egg of $5,000 to fund making her own egg.

    And I’m done reading.

  • mancityRed6

    So maybe I’m just slow about getting this, but the reason he has the pad turned up at the top is so you can’t see there’s nothing written on it:
    https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Trump-Writing-No-Idea.jpg

    • Antonin Dvorak

      He didn’t even think to hold the pen in a writing position.

      • Shanzgood

        Does he know how?

      • Brendan_M

        It’s a Sharpie, which is awkward to use when writing a speech.

        • TundraGrifter

          Unless you’re Duh Gov’, in which case it comes in handy for writing your speech on the palm of your hand.

          I recall Bull O’Really?’s “notes” for his pre-Super Bowl “interview” of President Obama – about 10 words scrawled on a legal pad in Sharpie.

          • Brendan_M

            Donnie mostly uses his Sharpie to write notes on print-outs of stories about him that he has hand-delivered to the writers.
            http://images.dailykos.com/images/162434/large/trump-hate-mail.jpeg?1441305967

            I guess that’s better than what he used to do with Sharpies, which was hold down his bullying victims and draw dicks on their faces. But Don Jr. and Eric are too big for that now and Barron is in New York.

          • Internet Hitler

            “Best wishes”? LOL

          • Jesus Christ what was this about?

            God what an asshole.

          • Brendan_M

            Obama made a speech about how Muslim-Americans are a vital part of the country, including a line about how Muslims are our sports heroes. Donald started making hilarious jokes about how Obama is stupid because he doesn’t know of any Muslim athletes. Photos of Trump with Muhammad Ali and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar were immediately produced, Abdul-Jabbar went on news shows and wrote open-eds calling Trump a fucking idiot, and then this.

          • How do we recover from this level of behavior on the civic level? I personally do not want to continue living in this version of america.

          • Brendan_M

            We’ll elect a decent, generic Democrat in 2020, the Republicans will erase their history of embracing the disastrous previous administration, like they did with Dubya, in a cynical fashion that would make Stalin blush, and the mainstream media and Democratic leaders will largely let them get away with it. The country will make tremendous progress for 8 years, much of it reversed after President Coulter is elected in 2028.

            We can only hope the good outweighs the bad in the long run, and hope the power of deluded denial of reality by Republicans somehow sweeps Trumpism back under the surface.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            Consisting of:

            “Are you a Muslim? Why do you hate America?”

            …okay… 9 words.

          • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

            “…Muslim Terrorist…”

      • Tallmutha

        QUIET!!! He’s thinkin.’

    • Wild Cat

      I’m trying to eat breakfast and you download a photo of a Human Fart?

    • snigsy

      That look on his face–the concentrated angry blank stare into nothingness–is the same as a student in a final exam who didn’t bother to study, or even read the assigned texts.

      • Wild Cat

        Actually, I think it just spotted a reporter who forgot to cross her legs.

      • Greyhame

        “This is my big-boy-president face .. do I look presidential? Push the eagle in a little closer. Ok how about now?”

    • vivian

      DontheCon’s Look of Intensity™. You can see the thought bubble:
      “i am be pictured. Must look powerful. Must look Preznitly.”

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Even worse actor than Reagan

        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          On the same level as Nicholas Cage

      • bupkus23

        I dunno – looks more constipated than Preznitly…

    • Carpe Vagenda

      also there’s no pen in his hand.

      • Internet Hitler

        Eagle statue making him nervous.

    • Persistent Demme

      And this looks like it was taken at Madame Tussaud’s.

      • Incoming “Enough Already” Ham

        Interestingly the Tussaud’s figure has more hair on the head…

  • geoffalnutt

    I thought the game is adick.

    • Nockular cavity

      It’s kind of acunt, too.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Hokay. This in a nutshell is what’s wrong with both american corporations and our press.

    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/851796094044573696

    • Brendan_M

      Jaffy is usually very solid. I’m surprised he’d publish a tweet like this.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I don’t think being on Chuck Todd’s team is good for anyone.

    • TundraGrifter

      So?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        “If you have to ask what jazz is, you’ll never know.” ― Louis Armstrong

        • TundraGrifter

          You mangled the “quote.”

          Meanwhile, back here in reality, if you think a medical doctor (assuming he is one and not a PhD) being “involved in drugs” is news – you’re behind the times.

          And the Tribune.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Well and he deleted the Tweet. So apparently he was publicly shamed over whatever it said. I didn’t get the chance to read it.

    • vivian

      Well Bradd (sic), you might say that. I wouldn’t. I might say that your tweet is utterly reprehensible.

    • And now we have the entire Chinese online community coming after us.

      I’m seriously thinking i need burn my 500K united points sooner rather than later.

  • Shoto

    Babby Goat Says: “I’m doing important tail-wiggling and jumping around stuff.”

  • Proud Liberal

    Kansans must show the Republicans they haven’t won. Today is your opportunity!

    • Shanzgood

      Yesss!

  • BadKitty904
  • cmd resistor

    I think I better find my lottery ticket I bought Saturday in case I won and can retire and buy a goat farm.

  • Chadwells

    Get fucked, Eric. Why are we hearing from this asshole? No one gives a fuck about his opinion.

  • The Librarian

    Those baby goats are so sweet, unlike that old nasty goat Robert Bentley, yuck. Putting a sweater on him would not help.

    • Proud Liberal

      Does it ever? Well, maybe Mr. Rogers.

      • The Librarian

        :)

    • suziq

      Oh thanks, I just pictured Bentley without a sweater on, as in naked and I ran out of the brain bleach! AHHH get that picture out of my head!

      • The Librarian

        Sorry about that, I would be happy to buy you some more!! I’m sure it won’t go to waste these days……..

        • suziq

          That’s for sure-time to stock up on the industrial size!

    • Shoto

      Maybe putting a plastic bag over his head would help?

  • Paperless Tiger

    Look, it’s the Concierge-in-chief!

    • Ducksworthy

      Remarkable resemblence to Assad.

  • William
  • Greyhame

    I’d say Hassan Minhaj is the perfect choice to roast a muslim-and-immigrant-banning chickenshit of a president who won’t even show up to face the music at his first WHCD.

  • cmd resistor

    Just curious. Have they always sold extra eggs, or is this a Trump money-making scheme?

  • Baby goats!!! Made my day!!

  • Persistent Demme

    Mommy goat says: “what are these things on my babies?”
    She doesn’t appreciate the extreme cuteness!

  • Bitter Scribe

    Those aren’t goat-hair sweaters, are they? Because that would just be weird.

    • phoenix00

      Also a “Yo Dawg” meme.

  • eyelashviper

    I always get sidetracked into Nice Time, this time spending nearly 45 minutes on funny animal stuff, sending it to others, and laughing..thank you, it helps to deal with the day!

  • Khavrinen

    “Trump’s taking over the GOP and installing his minions throughout the the RNC in order to wrestle control from Freedom crazies and center-right Republicans in 2018 and 2020.”

    LOL, like Trump’s going to make it through this year without crashing and burning, much less the next three.

    • Please please please please be right.

    • Nodrama4mama

      I’m just wondering if they get enough evidence that the Russians tampered with the Republican primary, if the rest of the primary losers will go out for blood with Trump.

  • Edith Prickly

    LOOKIT THE GOAT BABBIES!!

  • Panika MCD

    wait a second–let’s set aside the fact that the Gonzales flag is not one of the 6 flags over Texas and that the Gonzales cannon itself is an itty bitty thing. WaPo found SCR 8 crazier than any of the other SCRs on the Regular Order of Business calendar for the TX Senate today? I mean, we’re sitting here listening to the Kim Davis defense bill which is a real bill that is really being considered and debated. fuck me. but other Senate Concurrent Resolutions are:

    SCR 41 to urge the DoD move US Africa Command to Houston. it’s on the local calendar which means everyone on the committee voted for it and it has a companion.

    SCR 35 to give the federal government an invoice for our “border security” operations and a “please to pay or we will kidnap your ICE agents” love note.

    SCR 3 “claiming sovereignty under the 10th Amendment” by the guy who thought the Senate Finance Committee didn’t understand where DC was (probably because he also too said it was “a far away land” like England or something) and had to say, “It is the District of Columbia!”

    and SCRs 1 and 24 to ask Congress to please repeal the ACA already and keep giving us Medicaid money, but let us use it on whatever we want.

    but it’s the cannon one that has you guys all hot and bothered? I would think that suggesting moving Africa Command to NOT AFRICA would rank higher. also the whole thing about sending Congress a bill for things they didn’t ask us to pay for.

    • Incoming “Enough Already” Ham

      Thank god there is tequila, goddamn it ain’t Friday.

      • Panika MCD

        they didn’t actually take up any of the HCRs today. it’s either to party with them tomorrow before the holiday weekend or because they don’t have enough votes for them.

        • Incoming “Enough Already” Ham

          I’ll go with b. What are they doing to actually run the state? Serious question.

          • Panika MCD

            there are budget negotiations going on behind the scenes. it’s really the only thing they’re constitutionally required to do. the House had a hearing on the Sandra Bland Act yesterday. trying to update the voter ID law to comply with the federal court order…mostly. trying to do some student loan reform and help out people who went to career colleges that closed. trying to get Bettencourt to not be such a fucking asshole. hazing Buckingham and the rest of the freshmen senators.

            they did pass an SCR out of the Senate today–which they’ve done this one before and the House just sits on it–to reinstate 10 Amendment authority…whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean. it’s Creighton’s thing.

  • efoveks

    Any “presidential adviser” stupid enough to refer to other members of that same president’s family, in derogatory terms (or attempts– “globalist” and “democrat” are weak as far as insults go), is not long for his job. I give Bannon till the end of the week to shoot himself in the foot. He won’t last until May IMHO.

  • William
  • javadavis

    That Easter costume – it’s a lagomorph. Bunnies no longer considered rodents.

  • Zyxomma

    I needed baby goats in sweaters. Thanks.

  • phoenix00

    I’m OK with Hassan Minaj hosting the WHCD. If a brown person hosting is more excuse for Fanta Hitler to lolno the event, so much the better.

  • Somecallmetim

    Those baby goats made me go all sensitive and stuff.

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