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Hello, American travelers! It is me, I am back, and I have been on an epic Greyhound trip for over 24 hours now, and I have 10 hours to go, so I am obviously here to tell you how much bullshit American travel infrastructure is! I am all rosy-eyed and shit! (This might be the sleep deprivation but FUCK IT I AM A WARRIOR.)

Most Western civilizations understand the need for public transport and do swanky rail projects and things. But fuck those countries, America First and Americans second! So instead we have buses, where a seven hour drive by car magically transforms itself into a 39-hour odyssey of hellish interactions with people who will tell you very loudly that they are not on crack, and then we have trains that mostly don’t go anywhere but do manage to do it very slowly, and we have roads that will fuck up your alignment (never drive through Oklahoma, kids!) and also we have a cabal of airline companies that are so emboldened they’re trying to take over as airspace regulators!

Which sounds great until you realize these people cannot keep track of your suitcase, cannot make planes fly on time, and cannot behave like human adults. For instance here is the CEO of United Airlines apologizing for his company (except he forgets to actually apologize to the man in question, and says United is the real victim). See if it sounds human to you!

Now. What do you suppose this is about, reading that very sincere customer-focused response to a shitstorm unlike anything the Internet has seen since LeggingsGate? It was about an airline violently removing a passenger! That is called “re-accommodation” now which isn’t at all weird. Here’s the video, if you like this sort of thing:

Now here is how it came to be that any private transport company can have your ass kicked by law enforcement on a whim, and I hope that Dear Leader Of The Swamp-Draining is reading yr Wonkette because it is an answer he will love: fear! And lobbyists! Please tune out now if you are over about 35, you know this already. For you young ones: There once was a time when anyone could go all the way to a plane gate to meet you. The only security was metal detectors. There WAS NO TSA. Those were the good days. Then there was 9/11 and the country collectively went batshit for more than a decade and a half now and in order to Fight Terrorism we started giving cops weapons that would be illegal to use in a war according to international law, and we gave them LRADs and Bearcats and APCs and sniper rifles and we set them to catching people who weren’t white, because in this America we know who the real problem is (Barack HUSSEIN!!1!!1!HEHASACOMMONNAMEHOLYFUCKBALLS Obama) and we also passed laws saying that you can’t even say no to a flight attendant once aboard an aircraft.

Nowadays airlines do this thing called “overbooking” in which they overbook flights and whoever’s last to the gate has to hold an overly heated potato wrapped in tinfoil until their hands blister. They do it so that if people don’t show up (which is frequent) they won’t have empty seats. But if everyone shows up, then THIS shit happens. This is a bullshit policy and should be outlawed but remember we are making things fair for Business here because they are powerless against our pitchforks and even the drum circles and need a thumb on the scales!! Sometimes they offer vouchers to get volunteers to take a later flight. In this case, they were offering $800 and a hotel for the night but nobody wanted a stupid voucher, they wanted their flight to leave please, and United needed to move crew so they decided to kick four people off the flight after boarding. Nobody volunteered so they had the computer pick them, and this was where the unusual level of fuckery kicked in.

This is spectacularly bad management and PR, first off. And one doctor was Not Having It. When the airline people asked him to move, he refused. If it’s frowned on to refuse the orders of flight crew, it is flat-out illegal to refuse an order from law enforcement on an aircraft, because TERRORISMS, but the doctor decided “fuck it, today is when I stand up for all the indignities we passengers have suffered” and did some Civil Disobedience for Freedom or something. Now the thing about Civil Disobedience is you generally get arrested because you are knowingly breaking laws. Which is what happened.

What did the airline people say? Well, former United Airlines parent United Continental Holdings’ Chief Executive Gordon Bethune thought it was the passenger’s fault, saying “Denied boarding is usually handled with a whole lot more maturity,” and we have shown you the bullshit CEO thingy which frankly he should have just farted into a jar and mailed it to the doctor, it would have been a better apology. Here’s what happened when Buzzfeed tried to figure out why the fuck we are beating up doctors for trying to get to surgery on time:

So that is the story about how armed agents of the state began to concern themselves with the profits of private companies, and how despite all fucking odds the Internet is shocked that police would mistreat anyone even though it happened before not that long ago! If you don’t like that example hit the Google, there are dozens! Anyway we are INCREDIBLY SURPRISED around here to find that corporations who thus far have shown nothing like responsibility or humanity for their millions of customers have turned out to be inhumane.

And not for nothing: I’ve been on this fucking bus trip for a day and a half and I’ve seen forcible removals twice already. How many retweets do you suppose I would get if I posted a video of a Poor Person getting fucked up by cops at the behest of a transit company instead of a doctor?

TL;DR: If you pass laws restricting Freedom to help out your fucking rent-seeking unholy capitalist scumfriends THOSE LAWS MIGHT SOMEDAY BE APPLIED TO YOU TOO.

But never fear, our economy is safe! United stock is up 1% since this video dropped and CNBC talked to a dude named Andy Swan who runs a social media thingy called LikeFolio and he laughed while he told us what was what: “Tomorrow we’ll be talking about something else.”

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  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

      I have a friend I have known since Jr. High; her dad was a pilot for United (in the 80’s) and he had this image. She is now a Flight Attendant on United, and she is sharing the fuck out of the seating plan labeling the majority of the plane as “Fight Club.” She had to attend a mandatory training recently, and showed up in street clothes; at security her pudding cup snack and her bottle of Tapatio were confiscated. Despite having her crew ID on her, she was subjected to the full security screening at her home airport. It seems Sacramento International does not provide a special ID for Known Crew as they do at SFO for instance; occasionally, even while in uniform she has been subjected to the same standards as regular passengers. She is infuriated by this nonsense!

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    OT Sphincter Spice just now.

    “He is the decider.”

    Are we already in re-runs?

    • BearGHAZI

      The Trump show only broadcasts new episodes. Period.

    • Crystalclear12

      Same shit different episode.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      They are both graduates of the Electoral College.

  • WiscoJoe

    I lowkey dig the people on social media being all like “I’ll never fly United again!” because whenever I book a flight I just go for whatever is cheapest and/or most convenient. Of all the factors that go into air travel (price, departure time, airport, layovers, etc), the actual brand/reputation of the airline is pretty much meaningless.

    • jodo

      That’s because all domestic airlines pretty much suck. I banned United for a few years. I have some miles to use with them but after that, I may need to re-ban them.

      • Eileen Besse

        Don’t even use the miles, they’re pretty much useless unless you have enough for a “flight” right NOW.

  • MynameisBlarney

    I bet United’s lawyers are like, “Y’all are fucked.”

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Start figuring out how many zeros to put in the check now.”

      • MynameisBlarney

        “Come up with a figure, double it, then call my people.”

  • Ducksworthy

    The worst thing about living under an authoritarian tryrany is how it empowers the petty authoritarians.

    • Claire

      And the petty ass-kissers who aren’t happy unless they have a pair of jackboots to grovel in front of.

  • what, me worry?
  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    What I don’t get is they suddenly decided after letting everyone board the plane that “Whoopsie, we have too many people on the plane!”
    I would be (slightly) more forgiving if all this nonsense had happened before they started taking tickets. Slightly.

    • Rotisserie Teal

      Exactly right. If this guy threw a fit at the gate and had to be restrained, that’s one thing. But once you are in your seat, no way. That is horseshit.

      • Hutch

        AND they later let the guy they had thrown off get back on the flight. Bloodied lip and all. Unadulterated horseshit.

    • birdbrain53

      It had to do with needing to get a flight crew from Chicago to Louisville ASAP. UAL needed to boot 4 or 5 paying customers because the plane was full. No overbooking actually happened here, but their *amazing* customer service inepterpersonal realtionship training didn’t prepare the filght staff for someone actually saying no.

      But if you’re a doctor, you shouldn’t fly coach anyway. Cattle call seats suck and you get treated like dirt. UAL has been going downhill for a long time but this is ridiculous.

      • FlownΩver

        Another passenger suggested the United employees just rent a car to L’ville. 5-hour drive, compared to a two-hour takeoff delay plus an hour flight and days of PR shitstorm.

        • Querolous

          I would not be surprised if one of the charter air services had a plane sitting on the same tarmac.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    OT Fantastic. Another school shooting. San Bernardino murder suicide, students hospitalized. Just saw on CNN.

    Will Donald go to the school and say bad things about gun violence? Or will he say it’s just fake news?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Or just open up another crate of fake thoughts and prayers to send out?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        “Do that! It’s no work and I don’t actually have to try and come up with a new idea!” – His Fraudulency

    • Vincent Ricola

      I’m guessing he’ll say nothing. No brown terrorism, no care.

      • Crank Tango

        Something something gunfree zones, something, kommiefornia, etc.

    • Crystalclear12

      Thoughts and prayers have been deployed!

    • thewalkindude
    • BearGHAZI

      WHAT?!?! Electing Trump was supposed to magically end that shit! Law and Order!!

    • hendenburg2

      There was also a workplace shooting in Miami on Saturday.

      It was Miami’s second workplace shooting this month.

  • MynameisBlarney

    OT: But seriously, fuck Douchey and that other bastard with no eyebrows.
    Y’all fuckin heartless motherfuckers.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10028914308

    • Vincent Ricola

      I don’t even need to click the link to upvote my agreement.

  • Vincent Ricola
  • Nightcrawler

    Frank Conniff said it best on Twitter.

    “United Airlines has become Presidential”

    • Rotisserie Teal

      That’s fucking hysterical!

    • goonemeritus

      I’ll wait and see what United Tweets before I agree.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    If this truly was the perspective of one of the people on that flight, OMG. So many options were open to United. Up your offer. Eventually, you’ll hit a price at which people will gladly leave your plane. Also: FUCKING PLAN BETTER WHEN YOU NEED TO MOVE YOUR OWN EMPLOYEES. Because apparently this flight wasn’t even overbooked. It was perfectly booked, until United decided that their employees took precedence over paying customers.
    https://twitter.com/44/status/851483361440923652

    • HogeyeGrex

      There was a good comment elsewhere about incentive.

      I used to fly a lot for business, and the procedure used to be

      (1) ask for volunteers.

      (2) offer incentive (e.g. free flight anywhere in continental US)

      (3) if no takers, sweeten the incentive and try again.

      (4) repeat (3) until you have a taker.

      This algorithm will eventually produce as many volunteers as you need. The problem is that when you need to produce enough seats for an entire flight crew might cost you thousands of dollars.

      So make no mistake, the decision to use force was an economic one.

      • jowgajen

        This is exactly it. There is no situation that allows for the forcible removal of a paying customer already on the plane. If it costs you a ton to fix a problem YOU CAUSED, then welcome to real life.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Clearly, they felt it would be cheaper just to beat the motherfucker down.

        • Nancyjrios

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      • FreeCandyVanDriver

        And how many fares did they win by beating up a customer? Zero?

        How many did they lose? More than four? You betcha!

        And no, having the cops beat them up for you doesn’t mean you didn’t. It means you’re a mob lieutenant (capo), instead.

        • Cookie Lipschitz

          In the end, they’re going to pay millions to this guy. As well they should. Fuckers.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Just say no to tort reform. This man and his lawyers will, hopefully, teach the airline a lesson. Because even in Dolt 45’s America the courts will prevail.

        • HogeyeGrex

          He may not have a leg to stand on, legally. They apparently have the right to unilaterally void your contract with them and you have no right to resist.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            I was thinking that they could not force a paying customer to cancel. They were the party wanting to void the contract, not him. Anyway, I feel for the guy and hope there is some legal remedy.

          • HogeyeGrex

            Pretty sure they can, and the limit for damages is a refund plus $1300. It goes over it on that United sucks website a couple of folks have posted. http://www.untied.com/main.shtml

            They are complete fuckbags, regardless.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Yes. Yes they are. Thanks for the link.

          • ANNG14

            What is the limit for assault and battery?
            That is where United will be paying through the nose.

          • Goposaur

            the publicity will cost them millions. UA will blame/fire midlevel cogs, business as usual.

          • HogeyeGrex

            Actually wouldn’t surprise me if it went all but unnoticed. An unintended(?) consequence of the continual turd-propellor interface that is our current administration is that you have to do something pretty incredibly heinous to be noticed for more than two news cycles. Unless it’s the dreaded ISLAMICTERRORISMOHNOEZ!!!, multiple murders slip off the front page at the rate that used to hold for curious but unfortunate local pet injuries. Not only is Trump an enabler of despicable behavior, his clogging of the media with bullshit to distract from his own criminality gives cover to any and all that shit all over everything.

      • ANNG14

        United miscalculated. They could see that other passengers were upset.
        This incident will cost United a lot more in the end in lost customers and the law suit that will be coming.
        Which is usually what happens eventually when a company/person does not do the right thing.
        I know that I won’t be flying United.
        That incident left a bad taste in my mouth.

    • hendenburg2

      Gonna be honest, making sure that your flight crew gets to their plane in time to (legally) fly it is probably a good business decision.

      • Manders

        It is. But beating up a doctor to do it is not.

      • vivian

        Displacing paying customers because your flight crews are resourced at the last possible minute is a horrible business decision. How much money will United lose form the PR over this event, not to mention the inevitable and rightly-justified lawsuit?

        • hendenburg2

          What’s worse… booting 4 paying customers, or cancelling and refunding an entire flight because you can’t get a crew to the plane?

          People always seem to forget that weather happens. For example, there was a massive storm that hit Atlanta last week and it took Delta 5 days to get everyone to their destinations.

          If one plane gets delayed long enough, the flight crew gets timed out, since the FAA has rules limiting how long a crew can work in a 24 hour period. If the original flight crew for the Louisville plane had to be sidelined due to a delay, they would have had to get a replacement crew certified for that type of plane. If there wasn’t an available crew on standby in Louisville, they would have to have been flown in from somewhere else. I’m being speculative, but this is certainly a plausible scenario.

          • vivian

            And putting that flight crew in a van for a 5 hour drive wouldn’t work because? The flight crew was for a Monday flight. In any case, convincing a significant portion of your customer base that your company cares more about profit than its customers is a horrendous business decision, whether it results in 1 cancelled flight or 10.

          • Claire

            I’m preeeeetty sure that cancelling and refunding an entire flight would have been cheaper than hauling a customer out of his seat and beating him bloody. I’m not sure there is any economic calculus, let alone a moral one, that makes that make sense.

          • birdbrain53

            Flight crew are paid for flight hours only. So travelling to the flight location is unpaid.

      • HogeyeGrex

        See: Incentives, below.

        Historically, they pay people to gtfo. Apparently, they no longer feel that compensating them for their trouble is necessary. Easier to just thump ’em.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        They had to be in Louisville in time for a flight today; they were on a flight scheduled to leave at 7:42 p.m. last night. Between code-shares, multi-leg flights and rental cars from closer airports, you’d think they had plenty of time for options. If they were leaving from some very small airport, I could maybe see the argument. O’Hare should have had other options than just one, direct United flight.

        • hendenburg2

          It’s not just the physical distance. There are FAA regulations regarding how long a flight crew can be on duty. Similar to how the DOT sets how many hours, in a 24 hour period, truck drivers can be on the road. In this case, the flight crew driving a car to Louisville would have been considered to be “on duty” since they would be operating the vehicle, and that could have disqualified them from actually being able to operate the plane the next day (today).

          Again, in the case of a multi-leg flight to Louisville, I’m not certain that there could have been connecting flights to Louisville, especially given that the Chicago flight was leaving at 7:42 pm.

          That particular flight could easily have been the only available option to get the crew to Louisville on time and able to legally fly.

          None of this excuses whoever made the decision, but I would suspect that this was mainly perpetrated by someone under pressure from higher-ups panicking and operating without clear guidelines.

          • birdbrain53

            But on duty does not mean paid. Crew is only paid for flight hours. In other words, when the plane actually leaves the gate for the flight they are working.

          • hendenburg2

            It’s not about pay. It’s about the number of hours that the FAA allows a flight crew to be on duty (around 9-14 hours for a single crew, starting when they report for duty and ending when plane parks after the final flight). Yes, flying as a passenger to their destination is not considered on duty. However, the FAA mandates that flight crew must have the opportunity for 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep before their shift begins. It’s a fair bet that “flying on a plane” or “driving a car” does not constitute “8 hours of uninterrupted sleep”, even if just by virtue of the fact that neither the flight nor the drive from Chicago to Louisville would be longer than 8 hours.

            From the FAA: https://www.faa.gov/news/press_releases/news_story.cfm?newsId=13272

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            According to the police report, they were pulling the poor, seated passenger off the flight at 6 p.m. I still think there were other options open to them to get them to the Louisville airport in time to meet FAA regulations. FYI, I’ve trained for my pilot license. I know the requirements.

    • Manders

      JFC.

      This is why I hate flying, an activity I used to not mind, or even enjoy.

      I went through security recently, with TSA precheck, and the metal detector went off when I walked through. So they sent me through the body scanner, after making me wait about 5 min, and then made me wait another few minutes to get wanded. The culprit? a small metal lacehole on my sneakers – but only one one foot, apparently. The other lacehole didn’t show up. By the time I was done, I was grim with fury. My mom asked me what was wrong and I said “The whole process of flying is humiliating these days.”And she said, “You have no right to be mad! They’re just trying to keep people safe!”

      And I didn’t even have to deal with a patdown, or invasive questions about my life or travel plans.

      The thing is, the whole experience now, from buying the ticket (do I pay extra to sit closer to the front?) to security to boarding to exiting, now makes me feel cheated and intimidated and wary of everyone, and gives me a low tolerance for the dawdling of others. And I’ve been a New Yorker for decades! I wish the whole process could be re-examined.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        I particularly love being publicly groped. Apparently if they touch your privates with the back of the hand, that’s magically not sexual assault. I’m TSA precheck, too. I once asked for the private pat-down instead and found it added another 10 minutes to the process. Now I just seethe in anger in full view of everyone.

        • Manders

          I think it was my public seething that upset my mom, not necessarily because she thought it was inappropriate, but because she was worried my attitude might cause problems. And that is a world I do not want. I should be able to be upset inside my head, even on my face. As long as I don’t conduct myself badly, my feelings about things should not matter.

          • HogeyeGrex

            The beatings will continue until morale improves.

          • keenanjay

            Public seething is tantamount to insurrection. Thought-crime and such. Definitely a risk to good order.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I get patted down all the time, because my bras hook in the front, and apparently that freaks everybody out. I usually tell the person doing the pat-down “This is the most action I’ve had all year,” because goddamn it, you’d think above-middle-age slightly overweight white grandmas were the ones responsible for all the fucking evils in the world, if you just went by who gets this kind of treatment, and I’ve found you either laugh or burst a blood vessel.

        • Goposaur

          I lean in, moan and say ‘noice’.

      • Jamoche

        I thought I posted this but Disqus seems to have eaten it:

        One airport picked up my bra hooks. Seriously, bra hooks. They’re tiny.
        One assured me the titanium plate in my ankle wouldn’t be picked up. Another one picked it up.

        My mom was a Customs Inspector back before TSA existed. Between that and modding a WWII-era RPG, I know more about smuggling than TSA does. It’s a joke.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          I wear no-metal bras. Like, athletic ones. Because flying is apparently full-contact now, anyway…

          • Jamoche

            I hadn’t flown since Dec 2001. Bra hooks just didn’t occur to me.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        I agree with your mom. But in the process of keeping people safe they don’t have to treat those people like a piece of dog shit stuck to the bottom their shoe!

      • Ms.Moon

        To save myself the grief I’ve started going on cruises for holiday I like it so much better. When I do fly I basically fly “naked” I don’t wear a bra, I don’t wear jeans, I wear flip flops if possible and ugg boots when I have to be somewhere cold, all clothes have buttons and no metals at all.

    • eyelashviper

      thanks for posting this, it paints an even uglier picture of United.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      How the fuck did he get back down the jet way? It’s supposed to be secure.

  • proudgrampa

    For. Fuck’s. Sake.

  • Hutch

    When I saw this video, I dug up my littled-used United credit card that I’ve had since 1985, and sent it back to them with a nasty note. Hmph!

    The only airline I formerly hated was Southwestern. Those flights remind me too much of being on the summer band bus in high school.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Good for you. I checked all my existing flights to make sure I wasn’t on any United ones. I don’t fly often or have many choices of airlines, but I can rely on the others from now on.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Southwest has gotten a little better (I’m willing to put up with the cattle call seating to avoid paying $60 in bag fees). My main aggravation with them is that they time things stupidly and so I’ve had 3 flights delayed because the crew to operate them was deadheading on a flight that landed less than a hour before they were scheduled to work.

      • Hutch

        “Cattle call seating” is a good way to describe the Southwest experience. But three delayed flights is a lot from one airline and not at all acceptable.

  • Crystalclear12

    This is what voting while afraid gets you.

    • eyelashviper

      Or not voting because candidates not pure enough..

  • Crank Tango

    Didn’t air travel also get shittier after TWA 800?

    IIRC, that’s when they started getting up in your business about who put what bomb or maybe missile in your suitcase for you.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I know things got tighter after they realized that metal detectors didn’t actually go all the way down to your feet. Ramzi Yousef used that to get a bomb onto a plane in 1994.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        After the underwear bomber I thought we would have to fly naked.

  • Crank Tango

    Fly the Unfriendly Skies™

  • Lefty Wright

    From Leggingsgate to Leg Ironsgate.

  • goonemeritus

    Privatization is the only solution for this kind of government thuggery. …Oh wait

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Security Theater.

    It’s a helluva drug.

  • goonemeritus

    I’m jealous, I never get to throw my customers a beating. Running an airline must be awesome. And lets not forget that they get to break guitars too.

    • MynameisBlarney

      And steal your shit.
      They make a fuckin shit-ton of money off of “lost luggage”.

      • goonemeritus

        They got to make up the cost of those 6 oz. glasses of soda and the mini bags of cookies somehow.

    • grindstone

      Catchy tune, though.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Will this be the unraveling of Untied Airlines?

    • MynameisBlarney

      If it ain’t, it’s still gonna fuckin hurt.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        As it should. This is not forgivable.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Crystalclear12

      What about the shifty toaster ovens? Bet they’re still recording!!!!!!

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Yeah but the picture quality on those old toaster ovens is just awful.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Again:

    UAL sucks.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I remember when there weren’t even metal detectors in airports. Then people started hijacking planes in the late 60’s, and that ended. Of course it wasn’t ALL rosy in them olden days – I also remember having to either carry my heavy luggage around the airport, or pay to rent a rolling luggage cart, or pay a porter to carry it for you. Why they didn’t invent wheeled luggage long ago, I can’t imagine. Eccentric Victorian Englishmen invented all sorts of strange and obscure things, so why not wheeled luggage? I once carried two heavy suitcases for a mile to get to the train station in Zurich because I couldn’t afford a taxi, and I think my arms stretched about 2″. Maybe that is why I have rheumatoid arthritis today, 40 years later.

    Whoever designed the computer program that United uses to pick random “volunteers” to give up their seats is obviously a moron. The program should identify at least two “extras” for times when someone it picks really can’t postpone their travel. Listen, United, FLEXIBILITY is the key to a successful business.

    • NastyBossetti

      I was sitting at a gate waiting for a flight in PHL once when the random kicked-off-customer generator selected a teenage girl who was there with a group of other teenagers and a few adults. None of the adults in the group were removed, just this one high school girl. She immediately started crying. There was almost a fistfight with the gate agent. Good times!
      So anyway, maybe while they’re redoing the program, they could add in a thing that makes sure minors don’t get auto-kicked off the plane because the airline overbooked!

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Yes, I agree, and that should require very minor adjustments to the programming. Nobody traveling in a group should be kicked off. Also nobody traveling with a pet in the passenger compartment. I read recently that they kicked a man off who was traveling with his cello to a performance. Next they’ll be kicking off cancer patients who are traveling to a drug trial 1000 miles away from home. Maybe they could kick off people who are flying to their mother’s funeral or their son’s wedding???? NOT!

        • teele

          Programming? If they were actually using computers, there is no way in hell they got “overbooked.” If they paid for a “program” that can’t count seats and passengers and tell when a flight is fully booked, they should return it and sue the contractor that sold it to them.

  • Rotisserie Teal

    Fuck United. It is a clown show to be sure. I was on a United flight to Hawaii out of LAX which sat at the gate for an hour after the flight was boarded. We were told that there were a bunch of passengers on a flight from San Diego that would be joining us. I remember thinking, “That’s awful nice. I can’t remember anyone holding a plane for me for an hour before”. Then when they finally did arrive, the other shoe dropped and they told us that OUR Pilots, were on the S.D. flight.

    They boarded an entire plane before the pilots where in the same city.

    I think it’s time to cash in those frequent flyer miles for a toaster or something.

    • PubOption

      Austrian Airlines pulled much the same stunt in Vienna.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      This seems to have become an issue with a lot of airlines – rather than have crews based at a location (or have them fly in the night before), save money by have them deadhead on a flight that gets there reasonably close to the time they have to turn around and fly out again as working crew.
      Which is all well and good until the arriving flight comes in late. Or doesn’t come in at all.

  • Creepoman

    “Nobody volunteered so they had the computer pick them . . .”

    Psst, hey United – Shirley Jackson has a system you may consider trying next time.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      When I’m stuck in office team building retreats I often daydream about winning the lottery.

    • Eileen Besse

      You win!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    What’s even more disturbing is that what the flight attendants originally suggests that they were being bumped for four airline employees flying standby, who by definition should not be getting on a full plane. So while it’s not OK for prepubescent girls on standby to board a plane with available seats if she’s wearing stretch pants, it is OK to have a doctor who paid for his seat physically assaulted and prevented from being available for his patients physically assaulted for ‘properly-dressed’ employees.

    • jowgajen

      The employees were likely a crew they needed to move for operational purposes. A relief crew, not folks flying for pleasure as a benefit.

      This doesn’t excuse the situation. They need to book these seats just like passenger seats. And they need to be prepared to cover the cost of business emergencies, like any other goddam business.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I’m sure there were other flights leaving that airport they could have gotten that crew onto. They do it for passengers all the time.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        I was pissed off enough to look into the timing. According to the Chicago Tribune: Once the flight was boarded, passengers were told four people needed to give up their seats for stand-by United employees that needed to be in Louisville for a Monday flight and the plane wouldn’t depart until they had volunteers, Bridges said. http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-united-drags-passenger-0411-biz-20170410-story.html A quick Google tells me that United 3411 left Chicago yesterday at 7:42 p.m. and arrived in Louisville at 10PM. It may not have been a direct flight or even a United flight (code-share, duh?), but I guaran-damn-tee they could have gotten those employees to Louisville in time for a Monday flight.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Obviously, the market was not working. I know this sounds heretical, but there it is. Now United is facing legal action that will probably run then a bit more than the $800 and paid overnight accommodations might have cost them.

      There’s also a triage issue here…a random selection might, as it did here, affect someone who can’t be delayed, because other people are depending on that person arriving at the other end. A doctor, for example (!). A military member returning from leave who must return to their place of duty by law on a certain date.

      • The market cannot work. Their entire business model RELIES on people paying for a service and then not using it. If you go into a meltdown every time all your customers turn up on time, then you deserve to go out of business. Instead, we get the police to beat a man to ensure their bullshit model keeps going. Maybe nuclear war with Russia won’t be so bad. We might get a functional society out of it in 200 years or so…

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    From my memory a few years back, United was the worst offender with over-booking.

    Here’s the thing I figured out by listening to people smarter than me though:

    Be nice to whoever you talk to and let them know you know it’s not their fault, and 90% of the time, things will work out better than expected if not better than where you started out.

    I am serious. I have been moved to a direct flight from one that had two connections just because I was not the first passenger to lose it when they did this to me.

    • jowgajen

      The next flight they offered was 2:30 PM the next day. It wasn’t an acceptable accommodation for that man (who said he is a physician and had a shift at his hospital in the morning he needed to be at). It’s likely there were 4 people that could be bribed with a large voucher, a nice hotel and a later flight. But that passenger was willing to forgo such an incentive because he needed to be at work in the morning.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        Apparently, everybody opted out of that offer.

        He still didn’t make it to his destination, did he? And nobody had any incentive to help him.

        Sometimes–and it’s crappy, and I’d avoid United if possible–you have to think clearly about your real options. And this is a pretty simple calculation really.

        And… most people will fail to deal with this sort of thing. Heck, half the passengers will lose it over weather delays even.

        • jowgajen

          United could:

          Put their crew on a later plane.
          Put their crew on a competitor’s plane.
          Flown a deadhead plane to move their crew.
          Moved a different crew to cover the plane that crew was going to miss.
          Delayed the plane the crew was going to miss.
          Increased the offer until 4 passengers did volunteer.

          There was a solution, it was just more expensive to them than having a man clubbed and physically dragged from the plane. Or so they thought at the time.

      • Jamoche

        Slate makes a good point:

        http://www.slate.com/blogs/moneybox/2017/04/10/united_punished_a_passenger_for_its_own_outdated_overbooking_system.html

        So for lots of people sitting on planes today, there is simply no price at which it would make sense to get bumped, especially on sparsely traveled routes. Sure, if you get bumped from a shuttle from LaGuardia to D.C., you can catch a flight in an hour. But if you’re on the last flight of the day, or if there are only a couple flights daily, it’s a different calculus. This United flight was on a Sunday night, and the airline was offering people a flight that left the next day at 3 p.m. Getting bumped would have killed an entire working day. News reports said the man dragged off the plane against his will was a physician who said there were patients waiting to be seen. The $800 offer was a nonstarter.

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          The thing is… everybody who didn’t take the offer probably had a similar story about where they had to be Monday morning.

          The lessons here: United is very bad about overbooking (I used to have to use them twice a week, and they were bad even back then), and resistance is futile, and things can go from bad to worse.

          • Manders

            Well, and maybe if jobs-related stuff wasn’t so nasty in this country (they’re disappearing; most people don’t get paid enough and are disincentivized to take vacations, etc.) people would be more willing to hang on for a day. I realize that isn’t United’s fault, but it IS their fault that they needed these employees in a certain place at a certain time and hadn’t planned well enough for that.

            Also, the incentives were wrong. Someone offered to stay behind for $1600 and the manager laughed at her. It’s a bad world when an airline will opt for violence over incentives.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            But it wasn’t even overbooked. It was perfectly booked…until United planned poorly for relocating its own employees. Between code-shares and rental cars from airports near the destination airport, they should have looked into other plans for the deadhead flyers.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Payback for this bad PR will have UAL relegating the doctor to the middle seat assignment for the rest of his life.

    • vivian

      Yeah, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that if he ever needs to fly … anywhere… ever… he’s not gonna pick United.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Oh, I dunno….after the lawsuit, he’ll be flying first-class for free for the rest of his life.

  • jodo

    United, deservedly, is getting a lot of heat for this. But what about the policemen who actually battered him? Why aren’t they being singled out for attention? If they had to remove him due to dangerous behavior, that would be another story. But here, they are basically hired goons for a corporation who couldn’t get their shit together. I saw “Police” on the back of the men. Is that Chicago PD? Or Chicago Airport PD?

    I bet you the UA staff called in the police and thought that was enough to scare the man to “voluntarily” leave. When the police decided to go gestapo on the man and battered him, that fucked the UA staff and they must have known it was going to go viral. Bet they wished they had offered a few hundreds dollars more in incentives.

    • eyelashviper

      If you watch the video carefully, the guy who actually assaults the doc and drags him out is wearing jeans and a casual jacket, with no ID visible. the other two guys are wearing uniforms, with “police” on the back of their jackets..

      • Carpe Vagenda

        So, US Marshal? That’s not going to end well.

        • eyelashviper

          Not sure who he is…some pissed off TSA agent with a grudge??

          • Jamoche

            Oh, that narrows it down.

          • Internet Hitler

            A tough detective who doesn’t play by the rules.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Just to be technical, the Federal Air Marshal Service (FAMS) reports to DHS.

          The U.S. Marshal service, is part of the DOJ.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Ah. Thank you. I did not know that.

  • dslindc

    Our poor corporate person! I hope their plane wasn’t harmed in the altercation!

    Seriously though, fuck United with all of the votes.

  • Belasaurius

    how dare someone pay money for a seat and then expect to fly?

  • TJ Barke

    Another day in paradise, indeed.

  • Mpeg

    Some of Dame Peggington Nooningshire’s favorite gin martinis have been consumed while flying. “Better to die high than fly dry” she types into her WordPad while the engines temper the air with a soothing roar.
    Sorry, what?

  • ariel_gee_398

    This is what they’ll do when they know incidents are likely to be filmed and go viral. What the fuck would they be doing if we didn’t all have cameras?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      What the police have been doing for decades to the melanin-surplus population.

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      United stock is up over 1 percent. The moneyed types have concluded based on their research that consumers are easily cowed and will always take the cheapest, most convenient flight. With this object lesson, next time people won’t put up so much resistance to being bumped.

      • Jamoche

        Try finding anything *but* the cheapest flight. I made two cross-country trips last fall, and hell if I’m going to be crammed into a tiny seat for 6-8 hours. I wanted to pay extra! But every flight-finder was optimized for cheaper, even to the point of “and there are 3 stops so it’s a 14-hour trip”. What, is there some secret site known only to the Wonder Admins where they have the business class flights? (All credit to Wonder Admins, I love them.)

      • birdbrain53

        But United is not the cheapest. I used to fly United (my dad is a retired jet mechanic) but now I don’t because 1. not cheapest. 2. old planes 3. grumpy flight crew (They have every reason to be grumpy, they’ve been screwed over, but that’s not my fault the paying passenger).

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • ariel_gee_398

      “Good start, United, but next time, try to find a passenger with more melanin to kick off the flight.”

      • Internet Hitler

        You must be THIS white to stay on the ride

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The bad Keebler elf remains bad, BAD! Slap him silly back to the old plantation.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Plant some weed on one of the attendants. Problem solved.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    There’s something I don’t quite get here.

    If the flight overbooked, the plane is full, and some people didn’t get on – isn’t that it?

    Why do you have to choose some people to get off? Isn’t it the people who didn’t get on who simply stay not got on?

    When have you ever heard of somebody already seated retroactively given less priority? I never heard of that before.

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      The plane wasn’t overbooked with passengers. They had some employees to move to Louisville so decided to boot some paying passengers.

      • Rick Hill

        Sun uf a bench

      • Lefty Frizzell

        Even so – weren’t those people too late? I mean – if it’s that important to move these people and you own a whole fucking airline you’d think it would be simple enough to book or overbook them and head your mark off at the gate.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          The problem is you used the word “think”. Clearly there wasn’t any of that involved in this process.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Prolly a flight crew who needed to get to Louisville to ferry another flight crew to Omaha, or something.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          They didn’t need to be in Louisville until today. Their flight from O’Hare was scheduled to leave at 7:42 p.m. last night. From the busiest airport in America. I guarantee that by using code-shares and maybe even rental cars, they could have found a way to Louisville last night without needing to bump anyone. By insisting that their own employees not be inconvenienced by multi-leg flights or having to drive from another closer airport, they’ve caused this themselves.

  • This is the American way: defer blindly to authority, agree to be treated like an animal, and accept personal abuse in the name of profit and ‘security’.

    • vivian

      Um, did we get to vote on this?

      • We tacitly accept all of it without resistance, so voting hardly matters.

        • Bmaccnm

          To me, that’s the scariest part of this ugly scene. I’ve been following this on various sites, don’t judge me, I can’t sleep. The comments are about evenly split between “UAL Sucks and I’m never flying them again” and “That’s what he deserved for resisting. Always comply with instructions.” Grown-assed citizens have internalized the notion of absolute obedience, and any one who “doesn’t comply” deserves whatever beat down he or she gets. This is what the end of America looks like. Masked deputies promising fiery death on Florida teevees and blue jean wearing goons dragging paying customers off airplanes in Chicago. Comply, citizen, or it’ll happen to you too.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Sounds more like Germany than America. Or at least it used to.

      • Well, white supremacist fascism is back in fashion these days.

  • Shibusa
    • MynameisBlarney

      Yeah…
      You know you’re about to get sued into oblivion, right Oscar?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Until he personally is affected by this, it won’t mean shit.

      • Darrell Imaginarian

        Not clear he can win. The airline did everything legally. It’s all by the book, as the book was written by Congress.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Lamest non-apology eva. They didn’t “have” to do anything. Choices were made. The wrong ones.

    • arundel

      “Sigh. I apologize for HAVING TO re-accomodate these customers. Ok? Are you people happy now?”

      What a begrudging bitchbag this guy is.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Remember when airline travel was vaguely glamorous and a stewardess job seemed a little racy and adventurous (okay, I’m revealing that I’m older than dirt here)? Now it’s like being herded into a cattle car with SS guards handing out peanuts.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I remember when the “friendly skies” were actually friendly! Which makes me as old as dirt as you are!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Right? Offer to get you a blanky and a pillow while they fetch your free beer? Now they kick you in head and say, “yeah, how’s THAT for ‘discomfort’, pal?”.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I remember when everyone flying dressed like they were going to church, too, because of all that glamour. I like being able to wear stretchy pants and comfy shoes as much as the next gal, but if they’d treat me like a human being I’d wear white gloves if that’s what the protocol demanded.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        If only you were a doctor en route to perform an important surgery! Oh….wait…

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Did you ever read Coffee, Tea or ME? I think most of it is made up or grossly exaggerated but it’s hilarious!

      • Eileen Besse

        OMG, I’d nearly forgotten that book! Agree….

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Rick Hill

      In a desert somewhere

      • birdbrain53

        From National Geographic:

        “there are 26 species of wild hamster that run free in parts of Europe, Asia, and the Middle East, including Mesocricetus auratus, the Syrian hamster, which comes from the region surrounding Aleppo, Syria”.

        Now we should protest for bombing innocent hamsters just because they live in Syria.

    • eyelashviper

      kitchens in Peru…

      • Rick Hill

        Awwwww…….that’s not right

        • eyelashviper

          Sad, but true…

          • NastyBossetti

            I thought that was guinea pig.

          • eyelashviper

            Mostly, though a friend of mine from Peru swears that hamster was even better…yuk.

          • Erala Contratista

            Trying to envision carving a hamster….Xacto knife?

          • eyelashviper

            tiny scalpel.

          • Rick Hill

            Won’t tell my daughter. She got a hamster when she was in college. She kept that thing alive for 2 1/2 years, took it to the vet twice and it would come over to her almost like a little, cheek stuffing dawg.

          • eyelashviper

            I know, my daughter had them when she was growing up and loved them dearly, they both succumbed to “wet tail” a very common disease, even though they were ensconced in a veritable hamster palace an d ate like mini kings. Hers were also very tame, and would come to her..the cheek stuffing was always hilarious, once one stuffed in a whole carrot slice, so his cheeks stood out on each side, with the outline of the rectangular stick visible. We went from there to dogs, cat, rabbits, birds, horses, chickens, ducks, geese, peacocks….still have more than a few.

          • Erala Contratista

            Once you have peacocks, you will likely always have peacocks….

          • eyelashviper

            yep, they do multiply, despite the predators in my area. They also can live up to 30 years…
            There is an extended group in my neighborhood, maybe 40 in all, but 10 or so live here, a few raised from babies when their mom was killed by a raccoon.
            It is full mating season now, so the males are nutso, displaying for everything, attacking anything with a reflection, and being kinda noisy. I love them, so tolerate their antics and poop on my deck.

          • Rick Hill

            So, you’re saying you run a zoo?

          • eyelashviper

            It is running me…

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            The ex and I had one (while we had 2 cats, 5 kittens, and a bird also too at the same time). He was hilarious – the undisputed ruler of the house. We’d put him in a little plexiglass ball and he’d roll all over the house, followed by a line of kittens.
            He used to escape from his cage a lot, and once, he disappeared for 6 weeks. I was up late studying when I saw some activity at the cat bowl and realized that the big cat was sitting politely next to the food, and that the hamster was chowing down on Friskies and drinking from the bowl – and was probably double the size he had been when he escaped.
            When I tried to catch him, he scooted under the sink where we surmised he had a little mouse girlfriend.
            We made a trap out of a stock pot with a staircase of books leading up to it, and sprinkled hamster food up the staircase and in the stock pot figuring he’d try to get the food, fall in, and be unable to climb out, but he wasn’t interested. The next night, we made the same trap but used cat food, and caught him, furious, but full of Friskies. For the rest of his life, he demanded cat food for treats.
            His confidence was his undoing – he confronted my mom’s boxer dog, who – to be fair – had never seen anything like him, and picked him up and shook him, killing him.

          • birdbrain53

            Now that’s a great hamster story!

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Gordon was a great hamster!

      • Trip Space-Parasite

        I thought that was guinea pigs. “The Tilapia of the Andes”.

    • Rick Hill

      Hamster habitat. The first hamsters were discovered in Syria, though they also live in Greece, Romania, Belgium and northern China. In the wild, they like to live in warm, dry areas, like steppes, sand dunes and the edges of deserts

      I thoguht I remembered that from the days when the internet was printed and bound with limited distribution services

      • vivian

        in handy 10-volume sets!

      • MynameisBlarney

        LIES! ALL LIES!

        They live in Habitrails!

        • Yellerduck

          My parents told me mine went to live on a farm with a bunch of other hamsters where they could all play outside all day. That was a while ago. I assume he’s still there.

          • H0mer0

            you mean he didn’t “purchase” the farm?

      • birdbrain53

        There’s Russian dwarf hamsters too.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Up Richard Gere’s butt?

      • MynameisBlarney

        No…that was Lemmywinks.
        A Gerbil.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    I am developing more and more loathing for the fucking sociopaths who run corporations. Business “ethics” is the biggest goddamn oxymoron going these days. Those motherfuckers would torture their mothers to death for an increase in the share price and some stock options.

    • Rick Hill

      With Gorsuch and trump, they’ve been given the keys to the liquor cabinet and told that consumers would be footing the bill…including for the hotel room, the hookers, clean up and damages.

  • Lulu Mac
  • Rick Hill

    The thing that gets me, and is too common, in these stories is that the ones that have escalated could generally be avoided if the crew treated people with consideration and respect. Just lke leo who know they will not get reprimanded and have all the power, these folks are letting it go to their head

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      So many times I see where they could have handled so much differently and had a much different outcome.

  • Proud Liberal

    “That time Tapper asked Obama about Syria inaction”

    http://www.cnn.com/videos/tv/2017/04/04/jake-tapper-president-obama-town-hall-september-syria-civil-war-red-line.cnn

    Imagine Trump saying this….

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Holy shit, I miss him so hard now.

  • Mavenmaven

    It should be renamed Trump Airlines: “Back in the good old days when we could just drag non-white passengers off of planes”

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    The German’s had it figured out 70 years ago. There were never any overbooking issues on the trains to the camps.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Please! Those were “resettlement” trains!

      • vivian

        re-accommodation shuttles

    • phoenix00

      I’m sure they didn’t have to worry about seat pitch…. oh wait, airlines don’t worry about that either.

  • tinker12

    Fuck United — I hope they will have an underbooking problem now because who in the hell would fly with that POS airline if they have another choice? I was treated very poorly by United in 1983 and I haven’t used them since. Instead, I happily give my business to British Air, Alaska, and Delta who know who to treat their customers.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      That’s not how that works. They will make fewer flights and still over-book them. I am pretty sure there is a small department for making sure this happens at United.

  • Crank Tango

    I’ve stayed at O’hare for a lot less than 800 bucks. I’m surprised they couldn’t find somebody to bite on that, or enough somebodies anyway.

    • Internet Hitler

      I know a guy that always books flights the day before he wants to travel, then snags the cash and vouchers deal. Hasn’t paid for a flight in years.

    • eyelashviper

      Someone below linked to a tweet from someone who was on the plane…the details are horrible.
      Apparently someone offered to get off for $1600 and the “manager” scoffed at the offer. Now the price is gonna be waaaaaay higher.

      • Crank Tango

        Exactly. Easily preventable, and then executed insanely.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    In case we needed a reminder, these people are actual fascists. This is fascism–the perfect union between corporate interests and the armed and uniformed power of the state, covered for by an indifferent and malleable corporate press.

    For all that yapping about Ayn Rand and the Freedom Agenda, this is what Charles Koch and Team Donald and the dark money Republican Party are all about–the right of cops (who have been given a go-ahead by that nice Mr. Jefferson Beauregard Sessions the Third down there in Washington DC) to beat the crap out of any citizen who offends, inconveniences, or otherwise afflicts any corporate entity, wealthy individual, trust fund brat, or Republican politician.

    Oh PS, it’s going to get way worse before it gets better, assuming it ever does get better. That’s up to us, fighting back in all kinds of ways, including raising hell, marching in the streets, refusing to be silenced, and–sorry, kiddies–actually getting out there on Election Day,jumping through the burning hoops put in our way by dark money Republican legislatures, and voting for Democrats even if we don’t like every single little thing about them and even if we don’t feel like voting that day because we’re hung over, or whatever.

    • Yellerduck

      I took a class from a professor long ago that posited law enforcement exists to protect the “Haves” from the “Have not’s” period. He also set out at the beginning of the semester with the stated goal of demonstrating to us that current jurisprudence is not much more advanced as far as fairness and accuracy than dunking witches.

  • Shibusa
    • vivian

      during a re-accommodation. Then they accommodated his ass downtown in the clink.

    • eyelashviper

      Darn all those lying videos taken by other passengers….

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      And then they “helpfully” assisted the poor man by “carrying” him out.

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      Man, what lousy luck. He falls down the stairs about once a week!

      • Shibusa

        “He ran into my knife … ten times.”

        • spacecat in space

          “He had it coming.”

    • mysonsam

      Because, of course, we’re all going to pretend to believe that shit. Isn’t that the sort of thing spouse battering POS people the world over say?!

      They explanation goes from active first person, to the passive object. The “his head struck the armrest”. What a bunch of assholes

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        His head did it.

        • H0mer0

          like when my patient with an orbital blowout fracture came down hard on his stepson’s outstretched fist.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            and then suspect used his head in an attempt to break the armrest causing $200 in damage

          • H0mer0

            His head was that hard or was the arm rest overpriced if it could be broken so easily?

    • Yellerduck

      Repeatedly.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      What the police narrative will say: “As I escorted the male subject to the floor, he lost his balance, striking his head on the armrest.”

      ETA: “He continued to yell obscenities, which in my training and experience, are signs of guilt. I feared my life. Once he was face down on the floor, I placed him in handcuffs, checked them for tightness, and double locked the cuffs behind his back. He then came at me with a knife.”

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Jesus. It was only 6 p.m. yesterday when this happened? And the flight crew only needed to be in Louisville for a flight today. Hell, the drive from O’Hare to Louisville is only 4 to 5 hours. I’m pretty damned positive they could have gotten their employees to the airport with plenty of time to spare out of the busiest airport in the US by using code-shares, a non-direct flight or even a rental car from a closer airport. I was actually thinking they were scheduled to leave almost 2 hours later. This was really, REALLY poorly handled, all to be sure that employees got the direct flight on United specifically.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Well those armrests are made out of policeman fists.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      If you fall in a plane that is completely full, you’re going to fall onto a fellow passenger.

    • birdbrain53

      Violently the armrest rose up and smacked him in the face.

      Riiiight.

  • vivian

    Why do we put up with this shit?

    Are profits so fucking important that we will allow companies to literally assault their customers? What’s next, pulling people out of seats at the theatre because someone else was willing to pay more for their seat? Where does it stop if we don’t act to stop it?

  • Rick Hill

    Well, terrible but we also get the news that Tesla is the most valuable US automaker. Maybe that will help blunt the impact of the gutting of the EPA

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Nah, it’s just more stock market tech bubble BS, IMHO. Tesla is way overvalued at the moment.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Mar-a-Lago helipad built for Marine One now sports a Trump-branded private helicopter instead

    So what is a private helicopter doing on that presumably super-necessary, must-have helipad for Marine One? It wasn’t Trump that flew in on it, so who did? Is this the Kuchnermobile? The Ivankacopter? Pray tell, what non-Marine-One-related business so important as to require “staging” a private aircraft on the presidential-business-only helipad?

    • jesterpunk

      Advertising

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        So the taxpayers are funding that also too?

        • Jennifer R

          Of course we are. Hell we probably bought the helicopter too.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            “The Grift That Keeps On Giving!”™

        • jesterpunk

          Yes, and Mar-a-lago is advertising its now the Winter White House and members get to see the president there on weekends.They cant justify doubling prices if Trump and his brand are not shown off in the golf course.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      The Ivankacopter!”

  • Mpeg

    another day for you and me in paradise

    The most bland Phil Collins tune to ever get stuck playing in my head~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt2mbGP6vFI

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    The infographic below from AirHelp explains why overbooking happens and how to minimize your chances of getting bumped from a flight. It also explains the monetary benefits of being bumped, though. If you volunteer to be denied boarding, the airline might offer you $200-$400 back, but if you’re involuntarily denied, federal regulations require you to be compensated up to $1,300, depending on how much of a delay was involved. You should get 2 to 4 times the ticket price plus a full refund of your original ticket.

    Cash is better than a voucher, but you have to make sure you’re involuntarily denied boarding, rather than accepting whatever the airline offers for volunteers.

    http://lifehacker.com/if-your-flight-is-overbooked-dont-volunteer-to-get-bum-1722036179

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      Apparently his excuse was that he was “a doctor” and he had to perform surgery or something on “patients” at a “hospital”.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        Everybody has someplace they’re supposed to be, most likely, on a Monday. Unless you are retired or unemployed .

        • Crank Tango

          Freelancer libel! Have laptop will travel.

        • vivian

          Yeah, but work at the widget farm might not be quite as important as informing Mrs. Mifflin that she does not in fact have cancer, or setting little Jimmy’s broken arm.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            But then who is going to decide who’s job is more important?

          • vivian

            Well our current system (which is utterly deranged) already decides that. Nobody asks someone flying first class to give up their seat for flight crew.
            I dunno, maybe someway of assessing whether a person’s job has a direct and immediate impact on either the health or safety of our citizens?

          • birdbrain53

            Exactly. NO ONE asks FIRST CLASS to give up their seats.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            I think the free market works here. Offer a bigger incentive till you get a taker. Even someone who is travelling on business might be willing to take a “sick day”.

            In my case, as I work two locations, I might be willing to spend an unscheduled extra day with Crew A and let Crew B figure things out for themselves and see what shakes out of it. But I’d do the mental calculation about the worth of the incentive vs. my really, really having to get there. If I decide in favor of the latter, then offer more, and maybe somebody else will jump at the offer, problem solved, and if the offer goes high enough, I’ll reconsider.

            But kick me off the plane? Uh, no. How about the cops enforce my “ownership” of the goods I purchased and kick the “freeloading” standby passengers instead?

        • Darrell Imaginarian

          Sure…. I mean everybody’s Monday I’m sure is just as important as everybody else. But they could have put those 4 employees in a van and they would be in Louisville in 4 hours.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            That’s the part where playing nice sometimes help. You never know. They have an incentive to get you on another flight even if it is another airline.

          • Darrell Imaginarian

            An offer they never made. They had a 3 PM flight on United the next day.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            You don’t have to accept their offer.

            It gets better if you don’t. They have to pay you something like 4 times the ticket price plus your ticket cost up to 1300 bucks, I think.

            Then you can rent an Uber to take you to wherever maybe?

          • Darrell Imaginarian

            Um confused. Obviously he didn’t accept their offer, and didn’t care about the 1300 bucks.. not sure how much a one way from Chicago to Louisville costs. Probably not much.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            You have to get off the plane if they tell you to get off. You don’t have to accept their voucher offer.

          • Darrell Imaginarian

            Yes, we know. It’s the system people are objecting to. The system where you can buy a product from a company 3 months in advance, and then after you are already on the plane, using the product you paid for, they can take it away, give it to somebody else, and if you object, beat the shit out of you. It’s the law… that is written for the convenience of corporations, that people object to.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            I understand your point. I have walked in those shoes. Just pointing out that it does no good to throw a fit. Throwing a fit is always a bad move.

            Being nice (even if you don’t particularly want to be nice–especially then) usually works better.

            Experienced business traveler.

          • Darrell Imaginarian

            Sometimes throwing a shit fit gets you what you want. In my experience, customers that throw a shit fit usually get what they want, especially when dealing with a corporation. They don’t want bad publicity, etc. But now that we’ve trained flight attendents and air marshalls to think they are on the front line of terrorism, apparently this is what they think is the smart move.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            Oh boy. You don’t fly much, huh?

          • Darrell Imaginarian

            OK I get the fucking point. Airlines treat their customers worse than just about any other industry, and it’s because the law allows them to. Do you think first class customers were included in this lottery to kick people off? Prolly not.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            Umm, no. It’s because things go wrong all the time with travel. If you do enough of it, you grow to expect it, and the first impulse is to throw a fit, and there are always people throwing fits almost daily in every major airport unless the weather, planes, crew and booking are all perfect.

          • Darrell Imaginarian

            Yeah yeah I get it. Like lawyers say, if you are being wrongly or even illegally arrested, just stay calm and don’t resist. You can’t win there. But if some grandpa gets lippy with the cop, and gets his head bashed into the side of the police car for his trouble until blood is running down his face and he has a concussion, you will stick up for the cop. And this was such a smart move… a flight that only takes an hour left over an hour late to clean up the blood and mayhem.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            Nope. I am simply pointing out that if you travel enough, something is going to go wrong, and if you are the rare individual who figures out that being the lone understanding ray of sunshine amid a blizzard of hate (justifiable or otherwise), you’re more likely to get the help you need to reach your destination.

          • Darrell Imaginarian

            Rather than having 3 strong cops feeling it necessary to bash a 69 year old’s face into a arm rest in order to gain compliance. He could be a ninja or something. Children, autistic people, the mentally ill, people having some kind of drug reaction… doesn’t matter. They resisted. Beat them bloody in front of a couple hundred people. USA! USA! USA!

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            None of the people you are normally talk to are going to punch you or even have control over what is happening to you… unless you act up to the point they call security, and then all bets are off.

            Airports are not the places to have a run in with security if it can be avoided.

            Mostly, they are going to be people doing their jobs as best they can given the situation at hand, and how you behave can either make them want to help you or simply default to “not my problem”.

          • Darrell Imaginarian

            Fuck the police. People resist arrest all the time. Because they are drunk or crazy or just old and cranky. If they were going to take him off the plane, the bare minimum would be to order everybody in the rows in front, behind, and across, so the three police could get firm control of him and remove him without jerking him out of seat and smashing his face into the armrest. I know your type. You are the good, obedient 5 percenter who gets a huge boner from watching big tough cops beating up people who aren’t “an understanding ray of sunshine” (bootlicker to men in uniform). It’s the cops jobs to behave professionally. They are paid to do that.

          • H0mer0

            pitching a fit at Heathrow at the age of eight when immigration was taking too long to process my Indian-citizen-at-the-time-mom’s visa when my brothers and I breezed thru as Merkin citizens helped get my mom thru more quickly. Of course that was back in 1972…

          • Darrell Imaginarian

            Oddly enough, from what I read, the doctor got back on the plane and flew to Louiseville.

          • H0mer0

            Did one of the crew decide to deplane themselves? Some details of the story don’t make sense. They waited on the ground until he came back from the hospital? (I read that he was taken to the hospital.) What did they do about the $200 of armrest damage?

          • Darrell Imaginarian

            I think I was wrong about that. Now it seems he is still in a hospital in Chicago.

          • ez

            oh, roughly 7,000 Bonus Thumbs Up. I have been assured that with that amount of T U’s you are entitled to a free round trip Flight (continental states only) with United Airlines. If they give you any guff, tell ’em ez sent you.

            Oh they’ll go pale, gasp and swallow hard a few times, but they’ll come through for you.

          • H0mer0

            I took the day off from work once to fly to Philly from DC while a colleague worked a full day and then drove there. Given I was flying US Air out of National Airport, my colleague got there before me.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            I try to take the train for anything less than a 3 hour flight, because I’ll make out time ahead.

        • Sister the Resister

          or, you know, don’t work a Monday-Friday schedule. My “Monday” happens to fall on fridays.

          • Darrell Imaginarian

            Oh yeah me too. I’m an entertainer and work weekends mostly. but let’s ignore that everybody isn’t an office drone.

      • TundraGrifter

        Suddenly everybody went to Med School when making dinner reservations or other important stuff in life. Overall.

      • Doug Langley

        “A hospital? What is it, doctor?”
        “It’s a building with lots of patients, but that’s not important.”

      • Yellerduck

        Yeah, probably some Obamacare taking taker doctor performing free abortions and sex changes for immigrants or something anyway.

  • The Witch of Endor

    Please note this url will first ask you to acknowledge that you realize you’re not on a United Airlines site. You will also be asked to donate to the site pretty much as soon as you get on. However, I found this site in the mid ’90s and it continues to fight for worker and customer rights against United Airlines.
    http://www.untied.com/main.shtml

    • H0mer0

      at first I thought you were talking about wonkette.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    I really hope our country fades from importance before it collapses completely, because there’s honestly no coming back from wantonly denying rights and government assaulting people without supervision and a ton of paperwork (and probably a war).

    • Red Bird Ω

      Sure. But they’ll always blame it on the black guy.

  • Internet Hitler

    I recommend flying Emirates whenever possible. A bit more expensive perhaps, but well worth it for long intl flights. “Coach” is better than first class on other airlines.And first class is unbelievable.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I recommend clinging to the landing gear prior to takeoff. More economical and a helluva view before the bay doors close.

      • Yellerduck

        Take a sweater.

        • TJ Barke

          And a baggie of O2

    • Sister the Resister

      strangely, Emirates does not fly out of Eugene, Oregon….

      • mysonsam

        I’m near enough to Eugene, to be able to point that what is available is often not the sort of carrier any sane person would fly on.

        • Sister the Resister

          Mainly United and associated subsidaries, actually. Alaskan is usually pretty good, but *sigh*

    • Bitter Scribe

      Plus the flight attendants. I’ve never flown Emirates, but once at a hotel in New York I stayed on the same floor as a bunch of Emirates attendants. Yowza!

      • Internet Hitler

        They make those head scarves WORK. And they have several ‘costume changes’ throughout the flight. And bring kids baskets of toys, and volunteer to babysit during flight. And are always helpful and kind.
        Got off in NYC for a connecting flight on Continental. Smelled like a dirty bus. Stews were loud and obnoxious. Threw crackers at us.

      • H0mer0

        One of my patients who was an Emirates pilot was pretty hot.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      But but but, “Emirates”?! They’ll TERRORIZM you!!1!11!

    • birdbrain53

      I don’t believe Emirates has a Chicago to Louisville route. Thanks anway.

  • bookish

    Do you suppose that doctor has a lawyer? I bet he does.

    • eyelashviper

      No doubt an entire cadre of attorneys is trying to contact him now.

  • TundraGrifter

    Just a thought here – if you have choice between being removed by professional LEO’s or by rent-a-cops, take the pros every time. There are no guarantees that will go well. I mean, right or wrong – look at the overall situation. However, to opt for underpaid probably overweight wanna-bes who suddenly have their moment in the spotlite – no thanks! They’ll probably drop you down the stairs. By mistake.

  • anon_the_great

    Yannow, in Trumpistan 2nd Amendment remedies are becoming more attractive. No practical mind you, just attractive.

  • anon_the_great

    Or United could have chartered a private carrier to get their crew to where they needed to go.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Which I have heard of them doing before. It’s a mutual agreement. Hotels do it with their nearby competitors as a regular policy. “I’ll help you and you help me”.

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      They could have rented a car . . . the flight was from Chicago to Louisville, KY, a four and a half hour drive. They could have rented a limo for less than what this is going to cost them in compensation to the passenger and lost biz b/c of the publicity.

      • nightmoth

        Sounds in the video like one of the passengers was telling them that.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Or asked another airline to help – they’ve done that for passengers sometimes when things get really FUBAR.

  • Sister the Resister

    Jesus, between this and the Wonkette article on the Georgia voter “fraud” crap, I’m ready to start ragedrinking. Unfortunately, I hate being drunk, and have 9 hours of work to get through, so guess I’ll have to hold my shit together for a while longer. *fuming*

    • Rick Hill

      Stick to planning drinking. Make sure it’s not confused with conspiracy drinking.

  • vivian

    How about a law that requires airline execs to fly coach exclusively?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Middle seat, last row.

      • vivian

        Or the “toilet seats” as my friend calls them

  • vivian

    I think this is it. This story makes it official. The US is dead. Welcome to Crapistan.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Unless you have a shit ton of money, air travel is now torture to be endured, full stop.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    John Lewis recalls being re-accommodated on Edmund Pettus Bridge. Didn’t get frequent flyer miles.

  • Randy Riddle

    This is why I avoid flying at all costs.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      I haven’t flown since August 2001, and it sounds like it’s all gone to shit since then.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Why the computer lottery? It seems the policy is that it’s the last to get to the gate, if it’s forced. Shouldn’t it have been the last four to board? And that’s another thing. I have a hard time believing that it was AFTER boarding the entire plane that they found out they needed these four crew seats. I have flown a lot and almost every time I have seen some jackass who has a carry on the size of a baby grand piano and then have a code red meltdown when told the bag will have to be checked. More than once I’ve seen people who are clearly drunk and belligerent in the boarding area allowed to board. These persons should never even been allowed down the jetway. If you’re going to have to confront a passenger wouldn’t you rather do it in the terminal rather than in the confines of the cabin, dragging all the other passengers into it?

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      I don’t fly much, so I’m still trying to figure out how if you purchased a ticket for the flight three weeks ago it can come down to a first come-first served situation to get your seat on the plane.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Look how they screw things up. There is no way they could do it by ticket purchase date. And here’s the thing…by doing it to the last passengers to get to the gate there is a good chance they will have “no shows” and won’t even have to deal with it.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        “I don’t fly much…”

        You’re the luckiest person alive.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      That’s the part that I don’t get – if this happened at the gate, it wouldn’t be as big of a deal (it still would be a fairly big deal, but at least the guy hasn’t been seated, stowed his carry-on, and had his luggage placed in the hold). But waiting until after everyone is aboard to decide that you need four volunteers to disembark to accommodate crew is incredibly incompetent management at some level.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        And you see it over and over again.

      • destiny

        Boycott all airline travel. Charter a plane.

    • TundraGrifter

      It may well have been a situation where the flight the crew was scheduled to take wasn’t available.

      Not to be all Polly Anna about it (I prefer Polly Morphus) – if this crew doesn’t get to where it needs to go about 180 passengers are going to have to be “re-accommodated.”

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        That probably is what happened. But that still doesn’t explain why they waited until after boarding all of the passengers. Like I said, I have a hard time believing they didn’t know this until the last minute. Somebody knew it but failed to communicate. Which is one of their biggest problems.

        • TundraGrifter

          “What we have here is failure to communicate.”

          Guess they never saw Cool Hand Luke, huh?

        • Mormos

          no, callous indiferrence to humanity is one of their biggest problems

      • destiny

        Too fucking bad!

  • Greyhame

    “I apologize for having to re-acoomodate these customers.”

    God, he can just fuck right off into the sunset with that kind of apology.

    • Flashman

      Having had thugs “accomodate” the passenger once, I bet he can’t wait to get re-“accomodated”.

    • TundraGrifter

      I missed the part where United “accommodated” this customer the first time. He bought a ticket but didn’t exactly get to where he wanted to go.

      • OppressedMass

        How is it you can pay for a ticket and then the airline can just say, sorry, no, we’re not going to take you where we said we would take you?
        It really is kind of mind-boggling. Is there no “implied contract” in this purchase? They TOOK YOUR GODDAM MONEY!

        • TundraGrifter

          ProTip: Read the contract. In this case, the fine print on the back of the ticket. And the Warsaw Convention, because I believe it is referenced.

          Probably also the Treaty of Versailles.

  • twinkie223
    • Vel Venturi

      Thank you. This needed to be said.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Most Western civilizations understand the need for public transport and do swanky rail projects and things.

    I remember a European friend talking about how he was planning to book a train ticket from Chicago to New York–two major economic hubs. When he saw that the estimated travel time was measure in days, he was “America, WTF???”

    Seriously, y’all, traveling by train and bus is like the equivalent of 19th-century travel by stage coaches.

  • gratuitous

    It’s weird. I went to a couple of new story web sites for this incident, and the usual bevy of public scolds have taken the day off or something. There’s almost always someone responding who admonishes us all to obey law enforcement officers at all times, or stand ready to absorb whatever punishment they deem appropriate to the situation.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I think everyone is just about fed up with air travel. Between the TSA gropings, and airlines who hate their customers.

      • Professor Fate

        I honestly get the sense that some airlines would be happiest if they could just take your money and not have to be bothered with actually flying you someplace.

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          Kind of the way that some asshole “real estate tycoons” would be happiest if they could promise to teach you ALL their secrets to business “success” and take your money without actually educating you?

          • Professor Fate

            yes but honestly you have to be rather dim to think they would give away their secrets in a course no matter how much they charge for it. But as the saying attributed to HL Menken: “nobody ever when broke underestimating the intelligence of the American Public” – he didn’t quite say that but he was close enough.

        • Mormos

          isnt that every corporation?

    • Mormos

      those “someones” are called the NSA

    • Claire

      They’re all on News and Guts’ Facebook wall lecturing everyone about how bad things only happen to you if you don’t Follow the Rules.

  • Mavenmaven

    If the passenger was African-American, they might have tazed and shot him a few times as well, just for fun.

    • HazooToo

      Actually, given the way he screams in pain, I’m not positive they didn’t tase him.

    • Mormos

      tazed yes, shot no. errant bullets might damage the plane, and unlike its customers united actually cares about those. planes are expensive!

  • MamaBrown

    Everyone at United is UPSET, you guys! That stubborn unhelpful doctor guy resisted, and hit the valuable seat hardware with his face (he’ll be hearing from our lawyers, no worries!). Why are people so mean and unwilling to muck in and help when the chips are down? We’re “reaching out” to him, though!

    Jesus. My advice, don’t get within an arm’s length of a “reach out” from United. Looks like that gets you a bloodied face and bruised ribs.

    • clubseal

      They’ll give him a coupon for a free year of maybe getting his luggage sent to the correct destination.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      $800 says there was actually a free seat in business class, too.

  • Flashman

    Think of it as the CEO firing a cruise missile into this passenger’s seat. At that moment, he became presidential ™.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      He was decisive!!!!

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Anyone still think corporations operate smarter and more efficiently than the government? This was United issuing a big punch to its own face.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      It’s definitely more efficient to avoid having empty seats.

      But overbooking makes people unhappy. United is the worst for overbooking, so if you have a choice….

      • clubseal

        United is the worst for overbooking fucking terrible, according to me and everyone else. Seriously, small five seat planes are better than a United flight.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Why I hate United:
        They hate their customers
        Their airplanes are dirty and shabby
        They hate their customers.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          Why I hare all US carriers:

          FIFY

          • Amalga

            Try Alaska Airlines. They are great!

  • O_Hellllllllp

    We don’t give a shit if the person involved is not a US citizen AND white. Fuck us.

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    It appears to me that United’s policy is “Our limit is $800. After that, we start assaulting random passengers”.

  • Hey Andy…
    I think it would be GREAT if the internet were to start talking about you.
    Just sayin.

  • God Emperor Emeritus

    Ugh. I just looked at the ticket I was purchased for a business trip I need to take in a few weeks. Fucking United. Fuck.

    • HazooToo

      Still time to rebook?

  • TundraGrifter

    I’m old enough to remember when “flying united” was a really good thing. I had that poster up my college dorm room for a couple of years.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Yeah? Well, *I* remember when it was all “Fly ME!” and “The Friendly Skies”. This was when airlines had this thing called “competition”.

      • puredog

        The “skies” are friendly enough. The tarmac, not so much.

        • Swampgas_Man

          And the crew, even less so!

      • Mormos

        consolidation is the nature of capitalsim

  • TundraGrifter

    Looks like that “doctor” picked a bad day to try flying on United wearing leggings.

  • OppressedMass

    Really when you think about it– Why is it legal to sell you a service/space that doesn’t even EXIST? They’ve already sold all the seats on that airplane and then they sell you one? At full price? Without even a warning?
    It’s like twenty people each paid for a big Mac and the store only made 15. On purpose.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      That’s a reasonable question. Because it’s legal, and they just have to pay you if you are involuntarily denied a seat.

      The bigger problem here is they already let the poor guy board, and then they decided they needed to fly a crew to wherever (something went wrong most likely), and they went to bump people after boarding. That’s not even normal.

      Usually, they have it all worked out 30 mins before boarding.

      • puredog

        Seems like it might have been a side effect of the Delta SNAFU, United getting its tit caught in the resultant wringer.

      • Claire

        No, the bigger problem is that it’s legal. Laws aren’t handed down by God or aliens, they’re written by human beings. Russia just made it legal for men to beat their wives, but that doesn’t make it okay, it just means that Russian lawmakers want to beat their wives with impunity. Shrugging off an unjust law because “Well, it’s legal” is how you get things like legal spousal abuse and police brutality.

      • slouching

        Exactly. It’s not at all usual to bump people once they are in their seats waiting for take off. That’s why United told the NYDN that poor Mr. Dao (?) was irate and agressive. They want to give the impression that he was brutally assaulted because of his behavior. Fortunately for Mr. Dao(?) there were many sympathetic witnesses to the assault. Remember, this is 69 year old elderly, slightly built man who posed no threat to the three hulking thugs looming over him.

    • jodo

      I know right? Let’s tell Congress, I’m sure they will do the right thing and protect consumers rather than the corporations.

      • OppressedMass

        I truly LOLed at the notion

  • Alan

    Actually, I think United’s mistake was calling the police because the guy wanted the seat he paid for. I have no clue why the police would ever get involved in such things but I suspect they will get sued. Probably a first for police in Chicago.

    • Gregory Brown

      You make joke! Ha ha!

      • Alan

        My wife says it’s fortunate that I amuse myself.

  • nightmoth

    JFC! That’s horrible. Boycott United forever!

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      You don’t always have a choice. I had to fly Memphis to Chicago and back for a while. One choice at the time.

    • puredog

      I would love to, but unfortunately/fortunately I have about 400K United FF miles, and so must take at least one more trip with them.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        If you ever have a chance when flying international, try Singapore Airlines.

        It’s frigging amazing. Free movies from the console/tv to your ear buds from the seat in front of you, pretty flight attendants, polite, free drinks, they will give you booties/socks and shaving kits, a hot towel, there is leg room, the seats are wide enough so you don’t have somebody in your lap.

        • spacecat in space

          KAL was pretty freaking amazing when I flew with them. Their bimbap was surprisingly delicious.

  • gkshenaut

    Why isn’t routine overbooking illegal?

    • Amanda Panda

      corporations own the people that write the laws and regulations. Free market and all that jazz

      • spacecat in space

        I think you may have misspelled “jizz.”

    • slouching

      It should be but it’s not gonna happen when all 3 branches of gov’t controlled by goopers.

  • Sister Suffragette

    Back in February we flew United from Hawaii back to the mainland. We’d booked the extra legroom seats, but when we checked in we were in regular old steerage and not even seated together. When I complained I was told that that happens sometimes, and you’ll get a refund for the extra cost of the Economy Plus seats, and it’s a full flight so you sit where you’re told to sit. I later read online that United does that all the time — if they can’t accommodate a frequent flier in business class, they’ll at least give him the extra legroom seat, and boot whoever actually reserved that seat out of it.

    That seemed outrageous to me at the time — that we wouldn’t get the seats we paid for — but now I feel lucky that we weren’t assaulted.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Try Alaska Air or Delta. Delta mostly just treats its employees like crap :)

      They force their employees to fly on vouchers where they can be bumped and sit across from the bathroom at the tail end of the plane… like always.

      • Sister Suffragette

        Yep, I’ve been inexplicably loyal to United over the years, but I’m done. No airline could possibly be worse. I have one more upcoming flight with United, and then I’m taking my business elsewhere.

        I always feel sorry for the flight attendants when I see where they have to sit.

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          Even American is better than United. Except, don’t fly through Ohare in the Winter or Dallas/Ft Worth in the Summer (their main hubs) if you can avoid that.

          • angryspittle

            Yep, snowstorms in chi-town and thunderboomers in DFW.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            Bad experience #4 of 457: Being stranded on DFW runway with no air conditioning in the Summer for two hours because of lightning storms.

            And then the plane gets struck by lightning anyway, so they taxi back and made us get off.

          • angryspittle

            Been there, done that, plus an hour and a half bus ride to a hotel for 2 hours sleep, then back to the airport for another flight……fucking nightmare but still better than being a Syrian refugee or a subject of Tomahawk airlines.

        • birdbrain53

          Stews always sit in jumpseats. Been that way since I was a kid.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    Of course, the option to offer higher and higher amounts of CASH monies never happened because, fuck it, let’s just give you vouchers for more and more shitass experiences in a plane. I guarantee people would have gladly gotten off the plane if enough actual $$ were in the offing. I sure would have.

    Let me apologize now for the swears, but this happened to one of us. A person, a human being, a citizen. Any of us could be next. Any. of. us.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      If you are denied a seat you paid for already and do not voluntarily give up your seat (and I don’t mean refuse to get off a plane–I mean, say no thanks to voucher), and they can’t get you on another flight very soon with their airline or another one, they wind up having to cut you a check.

      • angryspittle

        Oh, I somehow believe they’re gonna cut this guy a big fat check…….and not willingly.

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          Maybe. I doubt it though. Maybe the security or police will?

          Thing is, when Pilot says leave, you gotta leave unless you are in the air.

          • angryspittle

            Yeah, you’re probably right, especially if the SCOTUS as it is now has any say…

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            I just want to have been there to tell the poor guy, “Look, this doesn’t end well for you if you don’t get off the plane. They didn’t ask me, so I am staying put, but I feel ya. Best chance at getting home tonight is to leave now”.

    • miss_grundy

      Actually, they offered higher amounts of money and hotel stay but there weren’t any takers. Do these idiots think that the passengers fly just for the fun of it? If you have to be at a meeting in the morning in Louisville and you fly the night before are you supposed to say–Hey! I’ll get fired just to help you out? Jeez!

      • spacecat in space

        They already suffered through sexual assault from a TSA agent, spent way too much money for no legroom and a filthy seat that hasn’t been cleaned in approximately three years, and have waited for-fucking-ever in various Brazil-style lines just to get on the flight for which they paid money, and now they’re being told to fuck off until tomorrow so they can do all of that all over again.

        Eat every dick in very conceivable universe, airlines. Every single alien dick ever.

      • They stopped at $800. They can go up to $1200. Assholes.

      • slouching

        If they had offered $2000 I would have demanded cash and taken an Uber or a Lift to Louisville.

  • teele

    They weren’t overbooked — they needed the seats for their staff to get to their jobs. For a couple hundred dollars, they could have rented a car (right at the airport, even!) and had them down to Louisville in 6 or 7 hours. Or, for less than $800 + hotel they could have booked their staff on a competitor’s flight. Oh, and Mr. Bethune, “denied boarding” means you don’t get on the plane to begin with, not that you get dragged off by armed policemen for the very great crime of having paid for your fucking seat. And by policemen who are paid by TAXPAYERS and not the fucking private airline. When did the Chicago police become goons owned and operated by a private company?
    This is beyond disgusting. Also, I note they “randomly” selected someone who doesn’t look too difficult to subdue, as opposed to the well-fed middle aged white guy sitting one row forward (who, actually, would probably have meekly followed them off and never bitched when they lowered his compensation to the original $400 offered).
    I don’t know why this particular story has set me off and infused me with see-red rage, but it has. Perhaps because it is so completely wrong on so many levels, so completely evil in a such a banal way, so horrifying in its revelation of our doomed future. Oh, yeah, and why the notpology? Please — they know this ends in a lawsuit, and saying “We’re sorry” means they are admitting guilt (their lawyers surely told them). This sucks. And sucks some more.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      All that, and to think this whole thing could have been avoided.

      • confettifoot

        Like world wars. And other things that could never happen. Everything this week takes me back to that, I think I’m going nuts.

    • ExpatGirl

      They didn’t have to hire a car or a driver. They could have booked the crew on a different airline. Or arranged for a different crew to be in Louisville the next morning.

      • Gregory Brown

        They could have seated the damn crew first, or reserved their seats and stopped boarding passengers when the max count was reached, BUT NOOOOOO.

    • Gregory Brown

      The Chicago police have been goons since the beginning. But the recent development is being goons in the service of an airline.

    • Gregory Brown

      In the immortal words of Butthead: “This sucks more than anything that has ever sucked before.”

    • confettifoot

      I know why it fills me with even maybe disproportionate rage. It’s because I’m tired of watching cops being thugs that beat up innocent people in various really scary and horrible ways, and never get properly prosecuted no matter how outrageous their latest murder even.
      Way back in the day we just gave up and hated cops, period, because of what they were doing to civil rights demonstrators. And people who looked like civil rights people. And people who looked like they were probably on the side of civil rights people. Or whatever.
      There were no cell phones back in those days and we’d all seen it or felt it, and the national indifference and general disbelief and condescending invalidation was just not sufferable.
      So I’m trying not to just give up and hate cops again, but they stick together even if they’re not abusive and it’s like not in style or something, you have to go on about the good ones and their valor and etc., but I guess in my bad heart of hearts I do. It’s the worst subculture in the country.

      • slouching

        I hate cops, too. I always have. But for awhile, when it looked as if Obama and Holder might actually improve police departments, I tried to feel sympathy for the police. I’m more comfortable hating them again.

  • bluicebank

    Flying was so much better in the 1970s. Hell, that’s when domestic hijackings were a thing! Did we care if we got diverted to Cuba? No, because the inflight service would still be great with plenty of legroom. Heck, the stews would probably give everyone free drinks for the inconvenience of landing in Havana.

    • Iam Reading

      Except…….smoking. remember smoking sections on planes? As if it isn’t all the same air for the duration of the flight.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        It’s still pretty bad at the back of the plane. Especially the back 3 rows nearest the bathroom on most mid sized planes.

        No, I don’t want a bag of pretzels. Can you not smell the shit and sanitizer?

        • Old Man Yells at Cloud

          I once had to fly first class on my employers dime and that happened with the head at the front of the plane too but it cost a whole lot more for the pleasure.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            Never opt for a seat near the bathroom on a plane or a room near the elevator in a hotel.

        • Iam Reading

          The VOCs and PAHs from jet fuel exhaust that somehow finds its way into the jet seems to be worse in the back too.

      • bluicebank

        Bonus!

      • phoenix00

        Oh gawds, mandatory no-smoking on all flights is the best thing to happen to aviation since the jet engine.

  • angryspittle

    I sincerely hope this guy ends up owning United Airlines………but if it reaches the SCOTUS he’s out of luck now.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      With current set of low life party hacks we have as justices, he would probably end up getting billed for cleaning the blood stains out the carpet.

  • Daniel Hooper

    I guess United goes by that old adage of, “It’s better to seek forgiveness than ask permission”. Not sure that should apply to something you paid for, though…

  • BrianW

    Given that United merged with Continental, an airline that was so bad it was once called “The American Aeroflot,” I can’t say that I’m too terribly surprised. The sad part is, the airline might have some chance of winning this, if they don’t decide to just settle and avoid any more bad publicity.

  • miss_grundy

    Someone needs to take Oscar Munoz aside and make him watch the facocta video until he gets it in his head that he owes the man who was dragged off the plane and the other three passengers who had to give up their seats an apology. I hope the passenger finds a really good attorney and that his legal eagle will push the equivalent of a 777 up this airline company’s rump. Like there wasn’t another flight that the flight crew could have taken to facocta Louisville? And don’t get me started on the police. At least one of these bozos was suspended for his actions. Instead of suspension, he should be fired.

    • Moar Wordz

      I keep wondering abt. that – weren’t there other flights ?!?

  • BreakingDeadMen
    • SayItWithWookies

      The guy getting shoved out the door must be too small to see in that pic.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Actually, the skies may still be friendly, it’s the getting off the ground that’s the rub.

  • Gregory Brown

    Ironically you are writing from a bus, when airlines have become the bus lines of the sky, with all the comforts and luxuries bus travelers are accustomed to.

    • Hardly Ideal

      I like how Patton Oswalt summed up air travel:

      It used to be that it was sexy and exciting. Look at the footage, and there’s men wearing suits and the women have clearly bathed. Everyone was a spy!

      Now, you may as well bolt a solid rocket booster to the top of a Greyhound bus and launch it off a ramp pointed vaguely in the direction of your destination.

    • KillerMartinis

      I fly a fair amount. It’s way nicer.

      (Except for the TSA which I will never forgive anyone old enough to vote in 2002 for.)

      • Gregory Brown

        Coach?!

        • KillerMartinis

          I mean, personally I try to avoid the plebes and stuff but they do keep refusing to honor my automatic upgrades by saying “we sold all the business class seats” which I think is bullshit. So yes, economy.

          • Gregory Brown

            I hate it. Not afraid of flying in the least, but to me it is just uncomfortable. I endeavor to fall asleep as soon as possible after takeoff. I will admit to also hating the phrase: “We’ll be on the ground soon.” It incorporates so many possibilities, and only one of them is good. I would prefer to hear. “We’ll be landing soon.”

    • I see you have never undertaken a 21 hour bus ride across America. Stopping at every little Podunk town along the way is excruciating.

      And there was the time in San Jose where the driver got lost and asked the passengers if they knew the way.

      😁

      • Gregory Brown

        I took a 7 hour flight to Peru in an aging jet with old vinyl covered seats that seemed to be covering wooden planks. That was years ago and my ass is still traumatized, especially since I had to endure the flight back. Our tour bus in Peru was better, but not by a whole lot, and we were in that for hours each day for a week. Of course, the payoff was Cusco, Machu Picchu, Chinchero, Sachsayhuaman, etc.

  • eyelashviper
  • President in Exile Firefly

    I don’t think many people will take the “$500 flight voucher plus free beatdown” offer.

  • dslindc

    I keep seeing people defend the airline because the passenger was violating the law. I get that there are federal laws and the passenger was in the wrong for not following them. I don’t dispute that, but United is responsible for allowing the situation to reach the point it did because they lack policies and procedures that give a genuine fuck about their customers. They failed to understand the climate in which they operate (i.e. everyone between the passenger and the door has a camera and will film this) and instead of upping their offer, they rolled the dice and lost. No matter what the law requires in terms of compensation, everyone has a price, which I guarantee you, would be far less than what the fallout will ultimately cost them. They need to empower and retrain their employees and contractors and rethink their policies to focus on the customer and what will get everyone as close as possible to being happy.

    So yes, United, you fucked up. Again. Will this be the wake up call, or shall we pencil you in for another PR fuckup in a few weeks time?

    • confettifoot

      Passenger wasn’t wrong for violating a federal law. Bad federal laws, like the one that gives airlines the right to throw a perfectly innocent passenger off a plane because it’s convenient for the company (an opportunist and abusive misuse of reasonable security laws to do with actual terrorism) have to be broken or nobody ever fixes them.
      This is ethics 101. Connected in principle if not by severity to things like not going to the back of the bus, and harboring jews in a nazi country.
      The latest generation or so of Americans often seriously doesn’t get this.
      Bad laws and rules are bad laws and rules. You say no to them.

      • spacecat in space

        I do believe MLK called it our moral duty as citizens to resist bad laws.

        I could be wrong, though, as I am ghostface-white and my people tend not to know shit about the Rev. Dr. MLK Jr..

    • No shit. This is gonna cost more in lawyers fees alone when they lose. Unfortunately, the passenger won’t get much unless he can prove “physical damage”, etc

    • slouching

      I don’t think he did violate the law.

      • slouching

        Although “Justice” Gorsuch would probably rule that he did.

      • dslindc

        Current federal law is that you must comply with crew instructions, which he did not.

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
  • confettifoot

    So it’s against the law to say no to an officer, period, on a plane? Like no matter what he tells you to do? That is a totally insane law. They should have the right to enforce anything really has to do with safety, security. Nobody disagrees with that. But blanket power, at whatever whim? This country is going insane.
    I just put two more really big chipotle peppers in the chile I’m cooking, for emphasis.

  • “So that is the story about how armed agents of the state began to concern themselves with the profits of private companies”

    If you believe Marxists, then that’s all they’ve ever cared about.

    • mfp

      i believe….

  • dshwa

    If he was poor and/or black, United stock would be up 5%

    • slouching

      If he were poor and black they probably would have killed him.

  • tehbaddr

    Fucking despicable!

  • dshwa

    I once got a food and hotel voucher from United when my plane broke before takeoff. Most of the restaurants in the terminal wouldn’t accept them because United​ was months behind on payments. Same for the good airport hotels.

    • WTF

      • dshwa

        Seriously. The only hotel that would accept it had a distinct Bates motel feel to it, only not as clean. The one food vendor told me “They’re something like nine months behind on reimbursing us so our managers said not to take them.” This was like a decade ago so they’re clearly improving.

  • tehbaddr

    One time on United, we had to go back just after take off because the plane was done broken. No other flight available that day, so they gave us vouchers, they were only good on the concourse. Yeah stay the night at the back ass end Dulles concourse. No thanks!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Man, if this keeps up, corporations might not deserve to be people.

  • Goposaur

    Gee, if they’d only done this to the terrorists. Worst company in the world

  • Emi Diaz

    Oscar muñoz eat shit you fucker.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    You know, sometimes, a person will sell you something, have every ability to deliver that thing, and yet refuse to honor their end of things. When the person is not a corporation we call that fraud.

    • Cookie Lipschitz

      Yeah, but according to the Supreme Court, corporations have personhood.

  • Bad Scooter

    Don’t re-accommodate me, bro!!!

  • Garbageman

    Overbooking . . . because good God almighty, we can’t possibly afford to have even one empty seat – ever again! . . . So shut up already!

    • slouching

      They wanted to fly a United crew of four to Louisville after all the passengers had boarded and were sitting in their assigned seats. The plane was full, not overbooked.

      • OppressedMass

        Airline troll alert!

        • Brendan_M

          A mere pedant.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Makes no practical difference to the person “asked” to give up his seat, does it?

  • Poly_Ester

    “If he just would have told us he was a doctor, we could have accommodated him.” I’m sure no one from United said but will.

    • spacecat in space

      He did tell them, so even that bullshit will not help grow a thing.

      • Poly_Ester
        • destiny

          Fire the effin basturd cop.

          • destiny

            Cops cry when they get shot. Well, this is why people hate cops of any kind.

        • Chuck Dee

          I hope he gets shot in the back of the head. The only good cop is a dead cop.

          • Brendan_M

            A sober, responsible, and rational response…

          • doktorzoom

            Please review the rules. We don’t wish violence on anyone here. Not even abusive cops, who can be fired and tried for assault. You can take your cop-killing fantasies elsewhere.

            — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

        • slouching

          What about the other two cops?

  • The Librarian

    I’ve bitched about United forever. In this instance, I hate being correct.

  • Panika MCD

    this is why I fly Alaska Airlines. but I’m probably not going to fly anywhere soon because I’ve gotten use to not being orange carded every time I go through security. I miss the metal detectors. Willie Nelson once said “Howdy” to my aunt and I when I was walking her to her gate in the Austin airport.

  • Jack Taylor

    sorry, but when security tells you to do something, you have to do it. Unless you like getting jacked up. When you’re at any of our airports, just smile and follow orders.

    • texcynical

      WTF?

    • bettycat

      Sieg Heil!

    • slouching

      Did you see that storm trooper take the handcuffs out of his pocket, change his mind and put them back? He was going to handcuff the guy for objecting to having a seat he bought and paid for stolen from him. That was a disgusting display of cruelty and brutality.

    • OppressedMass

      Oh fuck you

    • Cookie Lipschitz

      Thanks for weighing in, Heinrich Himmler.

  • I really, really, really want to see a video of a heavily armed Chicago Police SWAT show up unannounced at the United Airlines headquarters and tell CEO Oscar Munoz he “needs to leave” and then drag him off when he gets beligerant.
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/Pjr9bh5OUkgTe/giphy.gif

  • Manhattan123

    Well, at least their seats are comfortable…oh….wait…..

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Nothing changes with Unitass Airlines. Like 20 years ago when I was flying from LA to Denver with Mrs. Joe and two year old BabyJoe for my mother’s funeral. Oh, they gave us three seats, just in three different parts of the plane many rows apart and the idiot agent couldn’t understand why I was so upset at the idea of a two year sitting by herself. I don’t fly Unitass now.

    • slouching

      I have to fly United in a couple of days. Too late for me. Ticket not refundable. But I would rather rollerskate to Timbuktu than fly United again. I’m not risking assault, battery and the exposure of my belly fat, not to mention possible head injuries and heart attacks.

  • destiny

    What kind of name is Munoz? So Donald Trump, where is your outrage? Are you pushing for more of this crap? No deregulation for airlines. Get rid of TSA and hire humans, not molesters.

    • phoenix00

      To be fair, Munoz was doing a very good job cleaning up the mess left behind by the last CEO, who got himself snared into a corruption investigation, along with cutting the airline itself to the bone.

      • OppressedMass

        I fail to see how selling non-existent plane rides to unsuspecting customers is anything but legalized fraud, Mr United Troll.

        • phoenix00

          Dude, 1) I’m only an Avgeek who wants to see all airlines succeed. I don’t agree with the practice of overbooking, and I absolutely agree that UA screwed the pooch with this one, and if I were that physician in his situation I’d likely fight tooth-and-nail for my seat which the gate agent already gave me. But at the same time, 2) I understand why airlines overbook. Profit margins are legendarily thin (5% means you’re jumping for joy whereas 25% in other industries barely bats an eye), and airlines are extraordinarily expensive businesses to run. One or two empty seats/no-shows, on many routes, is the difference between making your <5% profit on the flight, or running that segment at a loss.

          3) Up until two days ago, Munoz was a breath of fresh air at UA compared to the worm by the name of Jeff Smisek. If you want to read about a rotten uncaring airline CEO, he's the nee plus ultra. I don't agree with how Munoz is handling this sitch, but trust me Smisek did far, far worse.

      • Brendan_M

        Wait, is OppressedMass correct, phoenix00? Have your years on Wonkette all been a long-con to insidiously push the agenda of United Airlines? Are there any lengths to which the tentacles of Obama’s Deep State cannot reach?!

        • phoenix00

          All of that. Plus SorosCorp ™ was offering bonuses.

          But then again a business class trip on one of UA’s new Polaris seats is more than acceptable.

  • richardgrabman

    “Reaching out” to the passenger is what started this whole mess.

  • Cody Goodman

    Great, another opportunity for people to slam the police force when they were not the cause of it, it was the mistake of the company. Meanwhile, I see a lot of people videotaping this event to post on social media and not a single one of them will help out by giving up their seat.

    • slouching

      If United raised the $800 to a thousand or two someone would have taken them up on it.

    • Brendan_M

      The Chicago Police Department, never missing an opportunity to be lying scumbags covering up brutality, volunteered to lie about this incident, despite the video evidence. No one forced them to try and cover for United; they are just incapable of being honest and decent.

      United Airlines is primarily at fault, but “just following orders” doesn’t let these thugs off the hook.

  • Scooby

    In United defense the guy did look like a foreigner.

  • phoenix00

    This won’t fix ALL their issues, but am I the only one who wants United to go back to this logo?

    http://i.bnet.com/blogs/united-airlines-old-logo.jpg

    I so hate the Continental logo…….

  • Patrick

    Obviously, United and the cops were just trying to be helpful and re-accomodate the doctor– get him to his destination quicker with air ambulance.

  • ANNG14

    Treating a customer like a criminal…not good policy!

  • ANNG14

    A long time ago, it used to be that the “customer was always right.

    • kaydenpat

      Yeah, whatever happened to “the customer is always right”? When did it become, “We’ll call the police on your behind if you don’t give up your seat, even though we were the ones who made a mistake”?

      • ANNG14

        Sad. United went to far and they will pay a big price for this. Good!

  • reelreeler

    WTF??? Is United Airlines run by the soup nazi? I don’t need to fly any more and feel sorry for those who do. The “land of the free” died with the birth of the so-called Patriot Act.

  • Shibusa
    • kaydenpat

      LOL!! Well, that’s something, I guess.

  • kaydenpat

    Boycott. United Airlines had so many sensible ways to handle this issue and chose the worst way possible.

    • Cookie Lipschitz

      Americans are actually just waiting for them to put on a big sale, and then all will be forgotten. A nation of fucking idiots who like to be recreationally outraged for 20 minutes and then they move on to the next corporate-generated circle jerk.

  • Nancyjrios

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dk374c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !dk374c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs664MarketCrossGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dk374c:….,…….

  • jodo

    Since the VICTIM (yes Mr Munoz, the victim) looks relatively youthful for his age, there isn’t much of an emphasis of the fact that United and its hired goons, battered a senior citizen. Sixty-nine years old could be someone’s grandpa.

    I have never had an issue with the police but can understand why so many are suspicious of them. How are we to trust police reports when this one describes the victim injuring himself by falling into an armrest? If police cannot provide truthful accounts of incidents and arrests, this way fascist state here we come.

  • reesespbcbt$$

    “re-accommodation” = alternative facts. Bigly.

    • Moar Wordz

      The hell is ” Re-accommodation ” ?!?
      Where we unfairly had to do our jobs twice or stupidly manhandled the Doc into a broken nose ?!? Sob, we had to re-accommodate i.e I’m Not Sorry.

  • BFD

    It is going to be very hard finding an impartial jury when UA gets sued for a billion bucks, because everyone in America (except the d-bag CEO and his dog) are going to want to see this company burn in hell. Because, of course, the airlines have made such an effort to endear themselves to us all. BTW, to be fair, the only two airlines that do not do this abusive overbooking practice are JetBlue and Virgin America, which also just happen to be the most highly rated American airlines. But do you really think that other fuck wit airlines will learn anything from this? Good luck.

    • Meliflaw

      You make a good point, BFD, in that we all hate airlines and have all had unnecessarily lousy experiences with them (apart from maybe JetBlue and Virgin, which I fly as well, because they still give you individual screens, and Virgin’s food isn’t too disgusting and Virgin claims something resembling environmental standards). I hope United undergoes martyrdom for the sins of all the other cattle-car airlines, but in any case I rejoice in Munoz’s present suffering. We, the consumers, sentence you to fly those friendly skies in economy class, 24/7, and for the rest of your life, sir.

  • Holly

    Ladies and Gentlemen this is your captain speaking…..We’ll be pushing back and taxiing shortly and we’re 10 billionth in line for takeoff….If you act up in anyway our inflight gestapo is ready to drag your sorry asses off this aircraft without much provocation whatsoever….now sit back and enjoy the flight…

  • LesBontemps

    Most Western civilizations understand the need for public transport and do swanky rail projects and things.

    ♫ In my country
    There is problem
    And that problem
    Is transport ♫

  • runfastandwin

    Here’s the thing, if the “doctor” had been a black Muslim no one would care, maybe not even Wonkette…as it is screw that guy, it’s part of the contract you sign when you buy a ticket. I’m guessing alcohol was involved. Also if he’s so goddam important to the world that he has to be in Louisville by sundown he shouldn’t be flying United at 2pm…I’m pretty sure I don’t want a 69 or 79 or 89 however the fuck old that idiot is year old surgeon doing surgery to me anyway…

    • AlwaysLateAlwaysGreat

      Ageism. Good times :)

  • Zyxomma

    Of course we’re talking about something else; it’s National Pets Day. I don’t have pets, despite my love of many animals. Instead, I feed wild birds on my bathroom windowsill and have been feeding them for decades. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/64793a9df71d3a833a092d70e721e3528315bc1d02c3d1c24ef7ee2980daca6b.jpg

  • pbr90

    Must be a management issue here, or several, that start at the top….just like in the Trump Whitehouse.

  • Leslie Bee

    I understand this concept of overbooking if people have not paid for their seats. The airline has to fly with an empty seat that no one paid for. But if everyone has paid for their seats, what does it matter whether they actually sit in them or not? They paid for them, the airline has their money. Case closed! No???

    Gone are the days when airlines booked unpaid seats, right? I mean, I can understand them over-booking if people don’t show up and don’t pay as they promised. But when people have paid in advance, how can they possibly get kicked off because of overbooking? Does the airline to get to keep the money for the guy who paid and didn’t show up, PLUS the money from the guy who paid and took his seat???

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