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Nobody who has been paying attention assumes that He Who Prefers Presidents Work Instead Of Golf has a brain in his poorly groomed head. This is why he ripped off America First and Make America Great Again (that last was from Sainted Reagan even) and why even in the batshit insane froth of hyper-nationalism and bullshit he called an inaugural speech he had to channel Bane. His op-eds once belonged to Ben Carson, and that’s how you can tell how smart this man is because out of the whole wide world he thought “You know people just love that Carson guy I think I’ll be him for a minute” which is the stupidest thing a person could think excepting “it is 2016 I think I will vote Republican in the general!”

He plagiarized his Inauguration cake. Even Melania (whom I will hear no evil about, both because she is punished enough already for any mistakes she’s ever made by being married to His Most Respectful Of Women, I Bet He’s Even Better Behind Closed Doors Oh Wait His First Divorce Filings Though, but also because the woman survives on eating diamonds which is maybe a bit hoity-toity but is also a badass superpower) plagiarized parts of a speech from Michelle.

Anyone who is listening to DC gossip (I assume you all have high-ranking Republicans in your Rolodex, yes?) knows that to get a job in the Trump administration you must show loyalty. Which is probably why everyone who works for His Most Firm Of Ethics If Not Handshakes Or Other Things (seriously, there’s no problem there) has been just stealing shit left and right. From election websites to fake university courses, everyone seems to be trying to fit in by making sure His Most Emotionally Secure Of Leaders knows that never will he have to touch an original thought. He will have only the best, most test-driven thoughts! This is probably why that Monica lady resigned earlier in the year. (This, I must say, was a wasted opportunity for the nation because how easy are Monica/White House jokes?)

But all of that was before we got one of the best Cabinets in history, and by best I mean richest because this is fucking capitalism you goddamned hippies. Which is how it came to be that last month, the government of the United States of America totally ripped off an Exxon-Mobil press release. Now this might have been less an attempt to impress the boss and more just sheer laziness for our Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, who is not only named Rex but until recently ran Exxon-Mobil and writing TWO press releases is hard. Still I’m going to count it because I have a ridiculously shaky timeline thesis here and this guy is named REX. REX. I will take every shot I can get at a dude named Rex.

This month on the ethical fuckery wheel: Neil Gorsuch. Now. I sat through the first Gorsuch hearing, and golly gee willikers let me tell you if he got any folksier I was going to build a scale model of Mayberry in his home district and burn it down in front of him. But as it turns out, Mr. High And Mighty Judicial Ethics ain’t exactly pure as the driven snow after all, given that it appears he plagiarized part of his book.

It will be interesting to see how many Dems still stick by this man in accordance with the long Democratic tradition of being very polite to the GOP! One assumes that this will only bolster his reputation in the White House though as they really do prefer people who are entirely incapable of honest interactions with fellow humans.

This has been another installation of Jesus We Really Elected These People, We Are All Doomed.

[Politico]

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  • Congratulations to you and your cheating rocky mountain chalky punkass libertarian politics, Justice Nuclear. [edited for nihilism]

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    Justice Scalia was a lion of the law. Agree or disagree with him, all of his colleagues on the bench shared his wisdom and his humor. And like them, I miss him.

    -Abraham Lincoln.

    • Nounverb911

      Abe spelled ‘Lying’ wrong.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Gorsuch: “I was inspired by Melania Trump’s book.”

    https://bossip.files.wordpress.com/2016/07/stillrise.png?w=700

  • Mavenmaven

    Melania iaughs.

  • Hutch

    Sorry for such an early OT (great article, Killer), but I could not pass this up.
    https://twitter.com/NYDailyNews/status/849442723266539520

    • Bill D. Burger
    • akryan

      please god let this be true

      • Hutch

        Would Norman Lear lie?

    • JesusWasAHippie

      Why, JJ? Why?

      • Amy!

        Because she’s …

        (wait for it!)

        dy-no-MITE!

    • Yr. Gma

      Good Times indeed.

    • ariel_gee_398

      She was jealous of all the attention Milo got for saying he liked black dudes?

    • I had no idea Walker was into necrophilia.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      They deserve each other.

    • Bill D. Burger

      A big over-the-hill homophobe AA and a way-passed-her-sell_by-date albino bitch…pairing made in hell:

      “In 100 years from now, people are going to go, ‘Who was against gay marriage?’ And I’ll be one of those idiots and say, ‘That’s me.’ I’m just against it on moral grounds, that’s it. I’m as much a heathen as anybody. I just don’t believe on moral grounds it should be done. I don’t like it, I don’t accept it.”
      ____ Jimmy JJ Walker

    • Truck Fump

      Dyn-O-Mite!

    • ManchuCandidate
    • Groundloop

      True or not, “Ann Coulter is dating “Good Times” star Jimmie Walker, according to Norman Lear” is a string of words I never thought I’d see in my lifetime, so kudos to the New York Daily News Twitter person.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And here I thought Walker had some taste…

    • elviouslyqueer

      To quote from the Awesomely Luvvie blog (which is to say, my second home after Wonkette): “He looks like a dried up Cocoa Puff.”

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Esther must be Rolleing in her grave.

      • elviouslyqueer
      • Carpe Vagenda

        I don’t think so. Supposedly she and John Amos were really upset that what was supposed to be a series about a poor family surviving and moving forward turned into a one-man goon show.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          I can well understand that, because Jimmy Walker played it way too minstrel.

          • Hutch

            Minstrel? J.J. made Eddie “Rochester” Anderson (of Jack Benny Show fame) look like Frederick Douglass.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            It’s true! I am hearing more and more about Frederick Douglass lately!

          • wide_stance_hubby

            I don’t know why they don’t put him on the Sunday shows. He could do alot for the blahs if he spoke out more.

          • Thespian Pony Ron
          • Lamashtar

            He’s become an important voice in the Trump policy of glorifying the Old Days.

    • Haven’t they been dating for a really long time? Like years?

      • Hutch

        This is the first I’ve heard (but then I live under a rock).

        • Honestly, I could care less about Coultergeist’s dating, but I was pretty sure she was dating some washed up black actor ages ago… Not sure if this is the same one though :P

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Judging from his interviews, he dislikes women almost as much as she does. Sounds like a match made in heaven.

    • Mystery_Poster

      That’s the ugliest couple I’ve seen in a long time.

    • SayItWithOtters

      That’s a pair whose browser histories I definitely do not want to buy.

    • Thespian Pony Ron

      I think the NYDN mixed up the photo with a still from ‘The Walking Dead.’

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    OT USA Today: Barry Manilow is explaining why he took so long to acknowledge publicly that he’s gay.

    Could it be that it is none of our fucking business?

    • JesusWasAHippie

      None of our fucking business?

      No, no, that can’t be it…

    • Yr. Gma

      I don’t think I ever cared.

    • Me not sure
    • Carpe Vagenda

      We have a winner.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        THIS

    • SayItWithWookies

      His albums used to sell without secondary publicity?

    • GoutMachine

      Barry Manilow’s still alive?

      • elviouslyqueer

        TOO SOON.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Or that when he was Bette Midler’s pianist in the NYC bath houses he always wore only a towel? And his tip jar was an empty Crisco can?

  • Anna Rompage

    They say everything has already been done before, so there’s not really any new original thought… The trick is to either credit material that you are taking and republishing, or put it in your own bloody words…

    BTW, doing this in college would get you a big fat “F” and possibly expelled for cheating…

  • No one is going to give a shit, because they don’t care. All they care about is power. They’ll support anyone who gets them power, no matter their crimes, treason, or character flaws.

  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    Jesus, we’re gonna be fucked for decades with this asshole.

    On the bright side, via the Drumpf administration policies on climate, the environment, and animals, the human race is set to die off before then.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    The good news is he won’t be issuing any rulings that we haven’t already seen.

    • Yr. Gma

      Hahahahaha!!! You win!

    • Thespian Pony Ron

      The first case he’ll be sitting in on is Chisholm v. Georgia, 2 U.S. 419 (1793).

  • Nounverb911
  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    “…and golly gee willikers let me tell you if he got any folksier I was going to build a scale model of Mayberry in his home district and burn it down in front of him.”

    Kudos: that’s some great online journalism right there.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I don’t think Melania has paid for Julia Ioffe.

  • Nounverb911
  • MynameisBlarney
    • Nightcrawler

      “Well little Mary, remember when you saw the Flash and how Barry messed up the timeline?”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Mr. Integrity”. It is to laugh…another fucking Scalia.

  • Nightcrawler

    “The only thing we have to fear…is someone googling my speech!” -Donald Trump

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Not the point of the post, I know, but the “poor Melania” narrative doesn’t play well with me. She’s either a credulous bimbo goldbrick or, by most accounts, she isn’t. Donnie didn’t become a racist, predatory, pathologically lying misogynist piece of shit the day after their wedding. I’m assuming she got pretty much what she was hoping for.

    • KillerMartinis

      I will also hear nothing against Wendi Deng because I think she may be the world’s only actual female supervillain right now and I’m here for it. Anyone who thinks Rupert Murdoch wasn’t evil enough so humiliates him with Tony Blair then throws over Vladimir Putin is doing evil correctly.

      • SnarkON

        No, anyone who does that is just as shitty and evil as the men she does it to. She deserves the contempt she gets.

        • Iron Monkey

          Actually she isn’t. Someone has to be a lot more evil than Wendi on her worst day to be guilty of killing journalists, being allied with Assad and responsible for the deaths of thousands of Syrians, committing war crimes (maybe genocide) in Chechnya, etc.

          Wendi sucked his Russian cock–Putin engaged in mass slaughter of civilians.

          • SnarkON

            Obviously mass slaughter is more evil. But you can’t seriously give her a pass.

          • Iron Monkey

            I give he a pass only in that I don’t care about her or what she does. Melania is a drag because she probably can’t spell cat if you gave her the C and A and she gets thrown in our face occasionally.

      • Yr. Gma

        You have a point there. So does Wendi. She’s racking them up.

      • Jenny

        But my problem with her is that she keeps forgetting the black widow part!

        • KillerMartinis

          this is a legitimate critique, but it is possible she simply hasn’t been able to get enough equity yet. I would wait until I owned everything because those sons are something else.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            They should be eliminated first

            (with votes)

          • Jenny

            What is the point of bedding the most powerful men in the world if you don’t have them put you in the will?!?

            Right now she’s playing a classic Bond woman. Go for Kill Wendi before it is too late! You’re approaching the asian wall!

          • KillerMartinis

            I like to think she’s just letting him humiliate himself completely and will leave as the final twist of the knife just after he’s been sentenced.

          • KillerMartinis

            I totally mixed this thread up. Agree on all points. Though letting them live to be humiliated is also something I can see an argument for.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I’m obviously not up to date on my female supervillain lore right now.

    • SayItWithOtters

      Looks like she’s living the Pretty Woman dream to me. Or at least, the gaudy classless version she got when she settled for him.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        the gold plated Eastern European version

    • ZAmazingProfessionalCrastinatr
      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I suspected as much. I tend to mostly keep my yap about her, unless she actively joins the axis of evil, but yeah…fuck her.

  • Crystalclear12

    I suppose you drank all the whiskey this time too?

  • SnarkON

    Killermartinis, I don’t know who you are, and no offense intended, but the fact that you make excuses for the hideous, venal Melania, when she not only willingly entered into marriage with this subhuman piece of shit but also remains married to him for the obvious financial benefits, implies that you are either 1. A think-with-your-dick heterosexual male who holds women you deem fuckable to a much lower standard than women you deem unfuckable or 2. A proponent of Victim Feminism. Neither of those options is good, and neither does anything to advance the position of women in our society.

    • Yr. Gma

      Now, don’t be all understanding about differing opinions and all that. Tell us how you really feel.

      • SnarkON

        Sorry. This issue just REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS.

    • KillerMartinis

      I am definitely Option One. I spend most of my day rating women on their fuckability and then writing them notes about how Victim Feminism makes them unfuckable and also I like to tell them that they should care about my opinion because I think it is A Bad Thing.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        XD Shack on the target.

      • Jenny

        As one should!!

        • KillerMartinis

          it’s the only ethical way to live really. One must ensure the wimminz know how fuckable I think they are, it is important to the continuing rotation of the earth.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        can I plagiarize copy your notes?

        • KillerMartinis

          anytime!

  • Anna Elizabeth

    OT – one of my neighbors is this ArchieBunker-looking guy, always sitting outside jabbering, except he gets quiet and gives me a look when I’m walking by. He was friendly enough the day I moved in, so what I’m wondering, is it the Trans* thing, or that I took a PoC to bed?

    Fuck ‘im, either way. The Important Question of today – with UPS delivering the large laundry soap I ordered on Amazon later, should I change into Booty shorts, or a negligee’?

    XD

    • Yr. Gma

      Shorts. The negligee is too obvious. Be a Lady of Mystery.

    • Iron Monkey

      Booty shorts and strappy sandals with wedge heels.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I can do that. :) This is UPS’ first visit to my new digs, I want to make an impression.

        • Thespian Pony Ron

          Oh, you will. You will.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            XD Thank you.

  • Yr. Gma

    Re Melania: I have conflicted feelings about her. Yes, she married that pile of steaming ooze, but she has been paying for it. As a mother, I sympathize with her need to keep her child away from the DC sewer, but I resent the money it costs all of us to do that. I think the woman lives in fear for her life and the safety of her son, and that shows on her face whenever someone catches a candid shot of her. I’m hoping I live long enough (well, that all of us do) to read the book Barron is going to write about his life and his mother the Stockholm Syndrome victim.

    • SnarkON

      OMG. I just completely disagree with you on this, Grandma.

      • Yr. Gma

        Well, I never! What happens when you disagree with Grandma?

        • SnarkON

          No more baked goods?

        • Jamoche

          No cookies for you?

          • SnarkON

            Jinx

    • HazooToo

      She LOOKS like a victim. She TALKS and LIVES like an accomplice. Maybe she’s both. I don’t care. She needs to move into the goddamn WH.

      • Jennifer R

        You can easily be both a victim and a perpetrator.

        • Yr. Gma

          That is true.

      • Jenny

        Melania is what happens when you drop out of Zoolander’s school for ants!

      • “M”
        • HazooToo

          She’s not the only one he brought in to work illegally, and yeah, I think she’s an ignorant bitch who deliberately lies for him. I also think he abuses her emotionally whenever he gets the chance, and that she probably gave up her right to say no a long time ago. So, both complicit birther collaborator and victim. Sort of like how a murderer who collects the skulls of his victims can also have his rights violated by police, if they take him to a broom closet and beat a confession out of him.

    • KillerMartinis

      I don’t think there’s anyone who’s happy about the money even if we do know for a fact that Trump likes to drag his wives down the stairs by their hair and we think that’s not great generally. Mixed bag, methinks.

    • Iron Monkey

      She seems to be the only one of the Whole Sick Crew® with her head screwed on at all straight–stay out of DC and keep the kid out as well.

    • jowgajen

      I lived in DC for many years, there is no sewer.

      There have been many children raised well at the White House, it is suited for safely raising the President’s children. There are several private schools that are accustomed to providing a safe education for the children of our nation’s leaders and foreign diplomats. New York is not a better place to raise Baron.

      As for Stockholm Syndrome, we just have no idea. I envision their marriage as being transactional in nature, but I’m the first to admit that I have no idea. It’s clear she doesn’t like him much, or at least doesn’t like being First Lady much. But beyond that it’s just pure conjecture.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      On the one hand: she didn’t ask to be first lady of the United States, and I feel fairly certain that she never harbored any political aspirations. Also, too: she looks miserable.

      On the other hand: she’s enabling the sociopath who is in imminent danger of not only starting WWIII, but destroying any hope of addressing catastrophic climate change.

      Plus: eating diamonds while her husband tries to take away affordable healthcare makes Ms. Antoinette look like the Flying Nun.

      Conclusion: fair (but reasonable) game.

      • She may not have asked for it, but she is suing some rag because she said her chance to capitalize on being first lady was hurted.

        • Thespian Pony Ron

          That was the final deal-breaker for me. If she were the victim of circumstance she wouldn’t be trying to grift off it. Just shows how much of a me-first opportunist she was and is.

    • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

      Imho, Melania just needs to get AS FAR AWAY FROM DONALD AS POSSIBLE because it’s damn obvious she doesn’t like being near him. She can take her son, too!

    • “M”

      “As a mother, I sympathize with her need to keep her child away from the DC sewer,”

      Sasha and Malia (and Chelsea, who was there when she was only two years older than Barron is now) seem to have turned out okay.

      I’d also be interested to know if you trotted out the same argument when any of those children were being raised in the WH.

      I’d also be interested to know whether or not you saw Melania on The View spouting the same Birther crap her husband did when she was supposed to show us *her* papers proving she didn’t show up here and work illegally back in August … but somehow that press conference never materialized.

      No sympathy. She’s complicit, just like his daughter. And both of them are just as bigoted as he is.

      • Yr. Gma

        I “trot out” arguments when they are valid. I guess my problem is that I recognize nuance in individual circumstances instead of trotting out some trite screed (which is obviously much easier to do since it requires no critical thinking.) You know, bigotry takes many forms.

        • “M”

          “I “trot out” arguments when they are valid.”

          But … this one wasn’t.

          “You know, bigotry takes many forms.”

          Yes, I do know that. I’m looking at a few in your earlier comment.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Plagiarism in Gorsuch’s book? Hell, that’s nothing — wait’ll you see him plagiarize Plessy vs. Ferguson.

    • Bill D. Burger

      And uphold the reinstitution of The Three-Fifths Compromise.

      • yyyaz

        How originalist.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        These are “The Rights of States,” which is totally completely different from “State’s Rights”

  • Charles Wolf

    Barry Manilow Comes Out As Gay At Age 73 .
    Whooda thunk?
    …besides everybody.
    Who cares?
    Besides nobody?

    • Jenny

      Surprising no one?

    • SnarkON

      Oh, Mandy.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        She gave without taking. Shoulda known then.

    • jowgajen

      I’m happy for him.

    • Truck Fump

      At the Copa…. they fell in love

    • …marking the first time in several decades that anyone has thought of Barry Manilow.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        And the last, I hope.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          But, Mandy?

          and my high school years!

          • wide_stance_hubby

            I’m old and hateful that way.

          • yyyaz

            Mandingo had one too many syllables.

    • Oblios_Cap

      What an attention whore.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      tbh, I kind of assumed after I heard he was Bette Midler’s pianist at the baths, but it wasn’t anything I put too much energy into.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      As the heir to Liberace’s audience, his popularity won’t be dented one bit. Not even a scuff mark.

  • Jamoche

    “I will take every shot I can get at a dude named Rex.”

    Rex Stout libelz. I’ve been reading the Cold War and Nixon era Nero Wolfe books, and he must be rolling in his grave at all this.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      If you like Rex Stout, you should try Reginald Hill’s Dalziel and Pascoe books. They should be right up your alley.

  • DerpyGurdyMan
  • Jenny

    Neil Gorsuck: HEY THESE BAD IDEAS ARE NOT EVEN MY OWN!

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Tonight, on MILF Wars!

    Melania T. vs. Sarah P.

    Sarah, any day of the week.

    • Where’s the option where I just kill myself and get it over with?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Does the F stand for “Freaking run away from?”

    • KillerMartinis

      Seconded.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Mud wrestling with the Stars

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Count me all in.

    • Vecchioivan

      Mud rasslin or gtfo.

    • Suttree

      One L Michele gets winner.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Noooooo!

        Well, OK, just this one time.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I’ve got big money on a surprise appearance by the notorious RGB, who mops the floor with all of them, Katie.

      • KillerMartinis

        You are twisted.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I wouldn’t fuck either one of them even if I could use *your* cock.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        A sensible policy for a better America.

    • Lily412

      ITT: sexist remarks are a-okay as long as they’re about people we don’t like

      (sorry. love you guys, but damn)

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        If their business has to do with how they look or their fashion industry, it’s fair game. How many times do we gush over Justin Trudeau?

        Also, satire.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Who’s to say he didn’t think the exact same combination of words at a different time, all Dr. Who like? The chances of that are roughly 1 in 10^21, but Trump is president, and the president is Trump so anything is possible. Even not not plagiarism.

  • Vecchioivan

    Is it assisted suicide when your boss orders you to stay in your truck and freeze to death?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Fashion question: Is orange (say a jumpsuit) a good look if you have extremely orange, completely “naturally” tanned bronzed skin? I asked my daughter, who I consult for everything, her and her husband, but I’m not sure she wasn’t just buttering me up, as she does. I was going to ask my wife, but she’s back in NYC, and I find it hard enough to read that face when she’s sitting right in front of me, let alone skyping.

    Asking for a friend, obviously. Why do you ask?

    • jowgajen

      Accessorize with a nice glass of carrot juice to tie the whole ensemble together.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Negative on that, but hopefully the Subject of the Query will not get the choice.

      • jowgajen

        Oh I think some places still do the stripes.

    • Nounverb911

      The orange complexion should fade once his ability to tan is lost, the hair moth will just say the hell with it and leave.

    • jesterpunk
      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        Paint the ball & chain gold – or better yet, make it FROM gold – and you have a winner!

    • canes_pugnaces

      Tell your friend that for the naturally orange a red necktie as a cod piece and suit coat roughly four sizes too big is THE look these days. Plus with the wife in NYC who knows what kind of pussy you/he can grab.

    • PubOption

      There used to be a black guy in the White House, but he was replaced by an orange guy. So, like it or not, orange is the new black.

      • Lily412

        Oh my god. That was masterful. Love it.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    This comment has been removed due to plagiarism

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Hey, I already said that!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        eggzactly

      • Vecchioivan

        Can I quote you ?

    • JohnBull

      Ha! Can’t fool us. We know they don’t allow comments on here.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Due to plagiarism, this comment has been removed.

      THIS IS DIFFERENT AND HAS TONS OF ADDED PUNCTUATION CONTENT

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    In all fairness to Gorsuch, he’s a conservative. They’ve all been saying the same things for decades.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    John McCain, who said he was fine with 8 SCOTUS justices if Clinton was elected, now says he deeply regrets the Democrats are mean and forcing him to vote to blow up filibuster.

    • Nounverb911

      Walnuts, remind us about your role in the Keating Five again.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Never forget where they really stand. Money money money

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        His role was “Don’t get caught just enough to leave a dangling reverse-sword of Damocles out there, to be wielded by any and every establishment-connected Republican from here on out, to guarantee his compliance and support on whatever subject the powers-that-be deem necessary.”

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Once again, John McCain proves he will always come through and strike out in the clutch.

    • SayItWithWookies

      So mavericky, taking orders from Mitch McConnell.

    • jesterpunk

      But that was different because Benghazi and eeeeemmmmaaaaailllls.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      McCain amplified that he wants to arm and advise, plus providing air support to the Republicans and defeat the Democratic insurgency.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “Forcing” him to do it – because coming up with a more acceptable nominee isn’t an option. When push comes to shove, he’s as utterly shameless as any other Rethug.

  • Belasaurius

    I failed students for less than this

    • Nounverb911

      One of my classmates plagiarized a recently published design for his masters thesis, didn’t end well….

      • Belasaurius

        for a fucking masters thesis? What a moron.

        • Nounverb911

          Sure was, still hasn’t graduated 39 years later….

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      When I was a TA in grad school, we gave a D to a cheater. We agreed the douche should never be anybody’s doctor, and a D in org chem was like a death sentence to a pre-med. (The university converted Fs to “never happened”, so failing him was not an effective option.)

  • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

    I WAS gonna say Gorsuch reminds me of Applejack with his “aww gee shucks” countryisms, but Applejack would probably buck me ‘cross Sweet Apple Acres for comparing him to her.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c6d5526672e365b7eb795e7959ff7b4d705396b20dc5a3f00922029deccf1073.gif

    Also Melon Trump’s maybe the only Trump that I don’t hate, aside from Barron.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Darn right, Sugar Cube. Applejack don’t truck with no hater Republicans!

    • Truck Fump

      I don’t hate Tiffany, either. As for Melon, I feel kind of sorry for her, in a gold-digging, Russian-mail-order-bride kind of way.

    • KillerMartinis

      applejack would mess you up for this comparison.

      • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

        Yes she would, and I’d deserve it for making it.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    “Plagiarism is a victimless crime. Y’know, like marital rape!” – Republicans

  • DerpyGurdyMan
  • OrdinaryJoe

    So I guess we can say that an Originalist is a judge who uses somebody else’s original thoughts without attribution.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Meanwhilst, at the ‘Murkan-Canuckistani border.

    http://img.memecdn.com/typical-day-in-australia_o_2770991.jpg

    • Vecchioivan

      I have no idea what to make of this, but I think I like it.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Photoshop{Random photo A, random photo B} = new meme.

    • SayItWithWookies

      “If anyone asks, we’ve been lounging in the pool this whole time.”

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Those mooses look like vandalizers to me. Or are they pool reporters?

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    To be fair, conservative males all have to take turns using the one brain they have between them.

  • boyblue122

    What person connected to Drumpf in some way hasnt plagiarized

    • Nounverb911

      NOT,K?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Barron.

      • DerpyGurdyMan

        yes, but parents stole his name from a financial rag

        • PubOption

          Or did they steal it from John Barron?

          • DerpyGurdyMan

            I had to look that one up. Is he kind of like ‘Carlos Danger’ ?

      • TJ Barke

        His book See Dot Run will be out soon…

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Anna Elizabeth

      *shakes head*

    • boyblue122

      Perry is just there to nod and smile. Its not like he knows anything. Bannon was a lunatic who wanted some kind of crazy new world order.

      Ill take the trade off

      • Jennifer R

        McMasters can keep Perry in check with a paddle ball.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I mean, I can kind of, sort of, see the sense; Perry’s department is in charge of maintaining the nuclear deterrent, which Trump keeps yammering about updating.

      That said, it also puts a pro-“Nuke ’em” voice on the council, coming out of a phenomenally stupid mouth.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      “There are three components to our nuclear triad – submarine launched ballistic missiles, strategic bombers, and…what was the third one again? Can someone help me out?……oops

    • Jenny

      Perry wants to President. This is a step to get there. Still gonna laugh him off the stage.

      • Jennifer R

        Worked well for Ford.

      • MynameisBlarney

        He’ll forget about it long before he has even the slightest chance.

        • Jenny

          Well now he looks sane compared to Trump!

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      To me, this means that Perry will be tapped to be Pence’s VP when Dampnut’s impeached and resigns.

    • Anna Rompage

      “Hey look what I brought to show an tell. This is an actual rod from a nuquelar power plant”… Rick Perry

    • HazooToo

      Anyone else thinking this means nukes are on the table, now?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Guess who must’ve learned to suck dick without taking those glasses off.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      McMaster must be all “Dammit, Donnie, this is not what I had in mind!”

    • Logic of Color

      I can’t help thinking that this has something to do with getting his wall built.

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    The tally is 31 companies pulling their ads Billo.
    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/849684382688452608

    • Shoto

      Oops

    • elviouslyqueer

      Free market, bitches! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

      • Nounverb911

        Invisible middle finger.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Winner.

        • Irenewhoward

          Google is paying $97 per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !fq336c:
          On monday I got a great new mclaren f1 from having earned $12778 this last four weeks.. 3 to 5 hours of work a day… Weekly paychecks… Bonus opportunities…Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !fq336c:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs626DigitalCommunity/GetPaid$97/Hour ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫:::!fq336c:….,…….

      • Shoto

        Now, if only they would pull those dollars away from Fox Fearotainment, entirely.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Donnie didn’t realize that the “Awareness” implied disapproval…

    • Suttree

      when you’ve lost Old Dominion……

      • h4rr4r

        But what about Old Glory ?

      • PubOption

        …you have to use another trucking company?

    • boyblue122

      has he lost the cash 4 gold ads yet?

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        I thought they went over to the Blaze with Beck.

        • boyblue122

          oh, is that the guy who pushed all those ads…wrong fox deadbeat…oops

    • Anna Rompage

      I’m sure if he is let go that Trump will be kind enough to find a place in the Whitest House for Dilldo to land…

      Perhaps Dilldo could be the Whitest House’s historian, or aid to Bannon, or maybe the replacement for Lying Spice!

      • kbbaldwin2

        A WH Press Conference with Billo at the dais. I’d watch that.

      • wavicles

        ‘Killing Trump’

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      This makes me happy.

    • Vincent Ricola

      How will Jenny Craig survive the eventual boycott by O’Reily viewers?

      • Oblios_Cap

        I don’t see Hoverround on that list!

      • SadDemInTex

        Hey….I’ve used Jenny Craig (with great success) and it has a variety of people who do it.

        • Lambsendbeds

          So has Kirstie Alley…three or four times! ( Congrats to your own success!)

    • DerpyGurdyMan

      And now for tonight’s episode of The O’Reilly Fucker, brought to you exclusively by The Red Pill Men’s Association of America

    • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Jenny Craig was in the tank for O’Really? yesterday… they caved in overnight?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Nothing left but Shake Weights, SlapChops and Trump University.

    • gamera23

      I am shocked. He had 31 advertisers?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey look — a judge wants to check out that secret-but-openly-displayed anti-immigrant plan that Kansan Kris Kobach (has a nice Trumpy ring to it, no?) brought to his meeting with Assmouth:

    Images of the document showed that it included proposals for registration of citizens of high-risk countries, extreme vetting of foreign visitors, a ban on Syrian refugees, deporting aliens charged with crimes (apparently without regard to whether they’ve been convicted) and building a border wall with Mexico.

    • Nounverb911

      Was Kansan Kris Kobach wearing his robe?

  • Jennifer R

    Oh man this nut doesn’t know when to shut up.
    https://twitter.com/mflynnJR/status/849660748204654592

    • SayItWithOtters

      What’s a Jrus?

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        us is flag icon not xlating .

      • Jennifer R

        I like to think it means he is a junior russian spy.

        • kbbaldwin2

          A junior Russian spy? Do you get a secret decoder ring?

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        RUS, obvs is for “Rodent of Unusual Size”

        J is for Jenital-Wart, I guess.

        • Thespian Pony Ron

          Rodent of Unusual Size? I don’t believe they exist.

          • phoenix00

            Go play Fallout.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Fact 3: Fuck this guy.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Yeah, a 3-star General who cut his teeth in the sandbox isn’t serious about fighting ISIS. Remind me which theater of operations sonny-boy Flynn served in?

      • Nounverb911

        Theater of the absurd?

      • Jennifer R

        He still goes on about the pizza place too. I wanna know where Flynn keeps his child sex dungeon so we can put this sick fuck away for a long time already.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Which theater of operations? Probably the local multiplex.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Why do these loonies think that just saying the words “Radical Islam” will suddenly make everything rainbows and unicorns? It’s not like the jihadists are like vampires when confronted by garlic.

      • Suttree

        Because if you don’t demonize a billion people you’re not a patriot!

    • Jenny

      TRUMP is a TRAITOR. FUCK HIS LOYALTIES!

    • gamera23

      He’s a factor of life.

    • The Wanderer
  • Nounverb911

    OT
    Mark your calendars, tomorrow is the 100th anniversary of the US entering WW1.

    https://twitter.com/AP_Planner/status/849676882840891398

    • Oblios_Cap

      Maybe we can celebrate by nuking N. Korea and starting WWIII!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      So, where will the poppies blow next? Damascus or Pyongyang?

      • HazooToo

        We’re going to war with Syria and it will be the most disgraceful conflict we’ve ever fought.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          They do have oil; on the other hand, the Russkies got there first.

        • Oblios_Cap

          I don’t know about that. We’ve fought a lot of disgraceful wars, declared or not. Ask the Mexicans. Grant thought that the Civil War was God’s retribution for what we did then.

          • HazooToo

            Yes, but in Syria, Trump will not give two shits what happens to the civilians he is supposedly protecting, and neither will Assad, or Putin. And we still won’t take any more refugees.

          • marxalot

            He may not have been wrong.

        • Logic of Color

          Don’t forget the Mormon – Missouri war!

        • gamera23

          Let’s see. Putin double-crosses ASSad and joins us in a holy war “for human rights.” Then Russia is left in charge after war to build pipeline.

          Wait, phew, false alarm. Putin says it was just a gas leak.

      • Jennifer R

        Remember! Two fronts means the news has less time and fewer resources to cover domestic issues.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Nothing bad eve comes from waging a land war in Asia! Or, I’m guessing, Asia Minor.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Poppies are tough, but glowing glass is pretty hard to push through, so imagonna say Damascus.

      • Yellerduck

        AOT,K.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Both. And I never even got to visit South Korea. I see the cutting-edge fashions and makeup from Seoul on Pinterest, and I feel like I would belong there.

        At least these madmen, and the subhumans who voted for them, wont have long to enjoy their profits.

    • DainBramage

      “That was a really Great War, one of the greatest. Nothing compared to the great war I’m going to start, of course. Believe me. It’ll be the yugest, big league war you’ve ever seen. You’ll get tired of winning, it’ll be so awesome.”

      • JustDon’tSayKingLeo

        Bidenator, is that you?

      • phoenix00

        Dont’ look now, he just gave the George Dubya to Lil’ Kimmy AND JinPing. This ain’t far off.

      • Keith Taylor

        I seem to remember some American feller who was no armchair general, but the real full-grown-and-ready-for-stud thing who knew what he was talking about as few have known, said “Some of you young men think that war is all glamour and glory, but let me tell you, boys, it is all hell!”
        He was indeed a ruthless murderous bastard towards Southerners and Native Americans both, but he did tell the straight God’s truth at least once. One more time than armchair hawk generals usually manage.

    • The Wanderer

      “If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace
      Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
      And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
      His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin;
      If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
      Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
      Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
      Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,—
      My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
      To children ardent for some desperate glory,
      The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
      Pro patria mori.”

      – Wilfrid Owen, Dulce et Decorum Est

      • puredog

        All the upfists for Wilfred Owen.

        • The Wanderer

          I despise these armchair chicken hawk ‘generals’ who think war is some kind of grand thing where they can gain vicarious glory. I just hope we’re still here for the war crimes trials.

  • msanthropesmr

    I can’t take anymore.

    Time for karaoke.

    “Oh Mandy, you came and you gave me a donut..”..

    • Anna Elizabeth

      “So I gave you Ben Gay..”

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      “And I’m gay now
      And out of the closet” – Barry Manilow

      • ahughes798

        His name was Barry
        Deep in the closet
        Though he’s come out being gay
        His fans will love him anyway.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      PPS. Should it have been Randy instead of Mandy?

      Inquiring minds…

      • Jennifer R

        Now I can’t help but think of Barry Manilow x Randy Newman.

        • msanthropesmr

          Leave your hat on.

          • Jennifer R

            Enjoy your dreamscape tonight.

      • Yellerduck

        Mandy was his dog. I never liked that song until I found that out.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Maybe it was really “Man-D” and we just didn’t get the clue?

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Did you see that Barry Manilow just came out as gay? Did you know he was in the closet?

      • ahughes798

        I always thought if he sat on a couch it would burst into flames. His fans love him no matter what.

      • JustDon’tSayKingLeo

        A closet with glass doors and a skylight?

      • Little Lulu Ω

        🎵 “I write the songs that make the world….turn round,
        I write the songs that you can buy by the pound…” 🎶

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Actually written by known asshole and Bruce Johnston, the putative replacement for Brian Wilson.

      • Ha ha ha, he got his start in the 70s playing piano for Bette Midler in bathhouses. This is like Austin Powers being shocked that Liberace was gay.

    • SeeTrain65
  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    I like how the same exact footnotes, to the same exact sources happen to line up exactly in the same spots in “his” “work.”

    “Well, gollydoodle shuckum-shooey woopsie deedle daisies! I guess I probably was just being too patriotic and wholesome to have noticed all those tedious details, you know how it is, everyone who I am just like, for heaven’s sake. I guess I’m imperfect, just like everybody, in the most everybody-like-way, yessir, goshy gosh. Uh… APPLE PIE … !”

  • Nounverb911
    • georgiaburning

      the GOP 2024 front-runner, if he can figure out which foot goes in front

      • Painter of Goats

        He has “TGIF” written inside his shoes. Helps him remember “Toes go in first”.

    • DerpyGurdyMan

      Rick Perry, The Other Nuclear Option

    • PubOption

      I see a turkey, but no straw.

    • gamera23

      Perry should have plenty of time after abolishing his own department.

      Now is he here because of nukes (which he just recently found out he is somewhat in charge of)?
      Or is he here to help Rex pump out all the Russian oil so the whole Trump gang can get richer?

    • phoenix00

      Does not give me pleasure to say this, but I’d take Perry over Bannon for the NSC.

  • jesterpunk
    • C4TWOMAN

      Oh ffs, would these people do their damn jobs…

  • Bitter Scribe

    Hell, the way things are going, I’m just surprised he wasn’t plagiarizing from Merrick Garland.

  • DerpyGurdyMan
  • marxalot

    Just btw, “build a scale model of Mayberry in his home district and burn it down in front of him” is my Favorite Thing I’ve Heard Today.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    The big risk is that he’ll tear a hole in reality, kind of like when you point a live camera at the feed on the monitor, when he plagiarizes a ruling from Justice Clarence Thomas.

    • The Wanderer

      So long as he doesn’t open a hole into the pastel dimensions of horrifying cuteness.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Maybe we can find a way to make him plagiarize Merrick Garland.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    You folks don’t get it. In Trump world original thought is suspect. Tried and trusted thoughts are best, especially if they are from early 20th century German or Russian.
    New thoughts confuse people. Familiar thought don’t require thinking, and are comforting.

  • arensb

    He’s not plagiarizing; he’s relying on precedent.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    This has been another installation of Jesus We Really Elected These People, We Are All Doomed

    I really hate this series. Hope it doesn’t get renewed.

    • TootsStansbury

      I hope it gets cancelled. Soon.

    • Keith Taylor

      You didn’t really elect him. The Republicans stole the election. Again. See my rant above. Decency isn’t finished yet.

  • TootsStansbury

    Dear McTurtleface,

    If I ever see you in shellson I will set you on a fence post and turn you onto your back like any fucked up junior serial killer or typical young Republican would do.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Gorsuch has no problem taking a stolen seat so I’m not all that surprised that he plagiarized.

  • DerpyGurdyMan
  • phoenix00

    “You were wrong, I was right. You said goodbye, I said goodnight. It’s all been done. It’s all been done before.” – Melania

  • Irenewhoward

    Google is paying $97 per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !fq336c:
    On monday I got a great new mclaren f1 from having earned $12778 this last four weeks.. 3 to 5 hours of work a day… Weekly paychecks… Bonus opportunities…Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !fq336c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs626DigitalCommunity/GetPaid$97/Hour ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫:::!fq336c:….,……..

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      A McLaren F1? Don’t talk silly, Irene Who Ward.

      What have you done with Lori?

  • Keith Taylor

    Hey! No! Mr. Killermartinis, sir! I keep saying there is at least one little shred of comfort to be had, in that the people of the United States did not really elect Donald Trump. The presidential election was stolen by the Republican Party with the skill of practice and experience. (No, I don’t think it was the Russians, even though they hacked the electoral computers of both parties, and a lot of rich Republican corrupt blokes are deeply involved with dirty Russian money, both borrowed and laundered, and therefore subject to blackmail, naming no names.) Unfair voter ID requirements since Section 4 of the Voting Rights Act was elided. Outrageously sloppy Interstate Crosscheck, slanted against potential Dem voters, and unnecessary in the first place; out of seven million plus suspects in the beginning, winnowed down to slightly over one million at a later stage, not one conviction resulted even though there were supposed to be swarming hordes of illicit several-states-at-once voters out there. Not. Bloody. One. Conviction. Hanging chads and fake caging lists of felons and I don’t know what other tricks, because I’m not the expert and past master the Republicans are.
    Given a completely honest electoral process, Trump would not have taken the electoral college or even come close, and as we all know he didn’t take the popular vote even with all the dirty tricks, and just cannot get over it …
    You didn’t elect him. Okay. Tens of millions voted for him, and that’s very bad news, but the people of the U.S.A. in general are still better than that. By a big margin.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I plagiarize my comments all the time, so I don’t see what the big deal is.

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