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Morning Wonketariate! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

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  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Where is my pie? I was promised pie!

      • They gotta stop promising punch and pie

        • dslindc

          More people will come if there is punch and pie!

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Or those cakes we like.

          • Tennessee Rain

            I may have mentioned this before, but I actually walked up to a Amish farmer and asked him for “cedar cheese.” Good gawd, that was embarrassing.

      • Nounverb911
        • I. FUCKING. LOVE. PANCAKES.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Me too. I’m a stickler about them, though: gigantic pancakes are dumb, because there’s too much pancake to absorb the butter and syrup thoroughly, even if you put a lot. And they shouldn’t be so over-cooked that the crust isn’t permeable by said butter and syrup.

            Edited to add: And I hate it when you order pancakes and they give you one rock-hard pat of frozen butter. WTF is that?

          • dslindc

            Agreed. This is very important.

          • I did not know there was such a thing as boxed pancake mix until i was 16

          • OneYieldRegular

            You probably didn’t know about CANNED CLAMS either, did you.

          • NastyBossetti

            Hard butter is such a disappointment.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            This is how you know the diner hates you.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            If you add just a little too much milk, then they fry up nice and thin, and you can roll up stuff in them. The French have a word for this… rhymes with ‘landscape’…

          • Gayer Than Thou
          • Tallmutha

            Pancakes are good, but I can never finish an entire order of them no matter how modest.

            Waffles are good for about 15 seconds, but quickly grow cold on the plate.

            I have a lot of issues with wheaten breakfast dishes.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Waffles are always a disappointment, in part because of the “single frozen pat of butter” problem. Bring me a pitcher of melted butter!

          • From Russia with Love

            To me they are but a vehicle to scarf butter and maple syrup from.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          I totally need to remodel my kitchen to install a high-production pancake assembly line. Luckily, yesterday’s post about how I can get rich even on a minimum-wage job will help me save the money to do it!

          • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

            Nay! I say, NAY! You can build a pancake making robot out of legos, ketchup bottles and, apparently, a five year old girl. https://youtu.be/2aux0ZQJVBk

          • Gayer Than Thou

            I can get most of those things, but I am probably past child-bearing age. And, in any event, I am pretty sure I’m barren.

        • Undocumented Skwerl!

          Damn Mexicans taking all of our pancake flippin jerbs!

        • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

          The Moon Comes for Dinner
          by Emma as told to Daddy

          One day the Moon decided to visit Emma. The Moon loved Emma and liked to watch her from the sky.

          “I hope Emma is home,” the Moon said to the stars.

          She was.

          “Hi Moon. I made pancakes,” said Emma.

          “My favorite,” said the Moon.

          “Do you like ice cream? Because I like pancakes with ice cream. And chocolate chips. And syrup, ketchup, pepper and scrambled eggs.”

          “Me too. I also like marshmallows, peanuts, corn flakes and cookies on top.”

          “Me too.”

          They had a delicious dinner. Then the Moon went back up in the sky. Emma waved to the Moon. The Moon couldn’t wave back because he doesn’t have arms.

          The End

        • AJ Milne

          I gotta go… Can’t watch the whole thing.

          Can someone tell me how it ends?

        • PubOption
        • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

          “For ‘Science Tricks and Treats’, I have made…” Henry paused dramatically, “brains.”

          “Ewww,” said KayLee.

          “I’m a vegetarian,” said Riley.

          “Me too, all of a sudden,” said Jake.

          “Um, guys,” Emma explained calmly. “They’re pancakes shaped like brains.”

          “But bloody!” Daniel cheerfully added, holding up a bottle of strawberry syrup.”

  • Nounverb911
  • MynameisBlarney
  • FlemmishSpy
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Lyin’ Sean, living up to his name.

  • Did i miss Chris Wallace doing a journalism this weekend?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I actually saw a quick glimpse of that interview when I was in the gym locker room Sunday morning. I couldn’t hear it but the captions were on and I was like: “Was Chris Wallace calling bullshit???”. And then I hit the shower because I was smelly.

    • From Russia with Love

      Must have been an off day for Chris.

    • lroom

      He eviscerated the EPA guy and they were crying about it over at Brietbarf. It was pretty awesome.

  • dslindc

    Call me crazy, but I’m starting to think there might be a connection between these Trump people and the Russians!

    • Nah, you’re thinking of the Democrats!

      • Tennessee Rain

        Why isn’t Hitlery being investigated? And also too, she killed Vince Foster with her bare hands. Oh and her e-mails.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “Amazing report on Fox&Friends about spring fashion. Ivanka has best selection. Call 202-456-1414 to order.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    First they came for our Christmas, and I said nothing, because meh, Santa is white or something. Then they came for our Easter, and I was like, woah!

    https://twitter.com/TIME/status/849245230192656384

    • What does unidentified sugar goo have to do with zombie-based fairy tales?

      • therblig

        how well i remember the easters of my childhood, when my mom would bring out 3 big chocolate crucifixes and ask which one we wanted, and we kids would all shout out, “Bring us Barabbas!!”

        good times.

    • From Russia with Love

      What’s she pissed about, not spelling it cream? Maybe she prefers creem?

  • Vincent Ricola

    Wow. You weren’t lying about that awkward Seth Meyers/weird ass freak Breitbart guy interview.

  • Nounverb911

    In the meantime Billo’s sponsors are running away.
    https://twitter.com/funnyordie/status/849124423277924353

  • Michael R

    Incriminating evidence against Donald Trump using his own methods …

    https://s16.postimg.org/jz9ztdhet/he_blows_goat_wayne_s_world.jpg

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Damn. I’m not used to mandatory reading assignments. Will there be math, also too? I was told there would be no math.

    • dslindc

      I just hope there won’t be a pop quiz!

      • Thespian Pony Ron

        You mean a ‘soda’ quiz, right?

      • You’re naked also, too. Aren’t you?

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Who, me?

    • Nounverb911

      How many trump donations to the park service equal one day of protecting Melania?

      • dslindc

        All of them, and then some, Katie!

      • therblig

        i doubt that trumpy would declare a national day of mourning if melon’s security failed. he’d wait a decent (for him) interval and then call up the father of those girls who sang at his rally to discuss the misunderstanding over payment, america’s trade deficit, national security, and training bra progress.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        So $78K is a little over 1/2 minute of her costs, so it’ll take a while to catch up.

        • cmd resistor

          I think I read 39 times? I could be wrong.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Every morning, the failing NYT provides me with a “morning briefing” in my inbox. Nice try, NYT. For the record, Dominic and Wonkette give me more and with more insight every morning. I pay for both services but I find ever more, Wonkette services me better than the “newspaper of record”.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/04/briefing/neil-gorsuch-fox-news-tar-heels.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=second-column-region&region=top-news&WT.nav=top-news&_r=0

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Republicans hate the idea that the National Security Advisor would investigate contacts between “US citizen A” and Russian agents. We can be confident that SCPOTUS Trump will not do anything like that.

    • From Russia with Love

      No need, already been done.

  • Greyhame

    Oh hello, what’s all this about spies named Mikhail Kalugin and Russians using hacked voter registration rolls to craft micro-targeted propaganda campaigns against U.S. citizens then?
    https://youtu.be/WCWJmmG257s

  • Nounverb911
    • dslindc

      I do have several news person crushes, do I get to pick which ones to hug?

      • Nounverb911

        Hug away!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Is Robyn a news person?

      • Thespian Pony Ron

        Yes.

    • NastyBossetti

      My cousin is a tv news person, but he’s all the way in TX, so someone else will have to hug him.

    • I send Joy-Ann Reid, the Wonkettes posse, David Fahrenthold, and Rachel Maddow a virtual hug every day.

      Keep up the good work, everyone.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Turmp demands NBC stop reporting on how much of a fucking traitor he is.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18sIR5zH5vE

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      “I am not a traitor. Believe me.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

      • MynameisBlarney

        No traitor! No traitor! You’re the traitor!

    • Greyhame

      the yuuugest traitor, believe me.

    • Bebecca

      Well he’d heard when you’re the precedent, you can do that.

  • cheetojeebus

    Ok Kids, quit fucking around, there’s a lot of snarking to do! get to it!!!111

  • Hutch
    • Fuck! They’re watching me!

      • Hutch

        Especially that rooster.

    • MynameisBlarney

      That’s totally worthy of being a “You’re in the wrong neighborhood, motherfucker!” memes.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Friendly piece of advice, pal – don’t be in this part of the field after dark.

    • Greyhame

      About to drop the hottest indy-folk-rock album of the year!

      • MynameisBlarney

        That, or Nordic Death Metal.

    • Thespian Pony Ron

      ‘Farmer Brown? Hi. We’ve just been reading this book called “Animal Farm,” and we need to talk. NOW.’

      • Greyhame

        The pigs sent us, they promised we’d all be equals, bigly.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      This evokes some sort of ominous Celtic mythology for me. I feel uneasy.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Some Druids or Fae creatures are about to attack through the fog!
        RUN!!!

    • From Russia with Love

      European farmers REALLY do not have enough work to do.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      It’s like they are posing for the cover of their folk album or something.

    • Hutch

      Here’s the story on this picture and some others that are just amazing!

      http://www.boredpanda.com/farm-animal-portraits-rob-macinnis/

    • Alexander Stallwitz
    • The Wanderer

      “We are Spirits of Lea and Hillock, Moor and Meadow. Come, join us . . . join us . . . join usssss . . . “

    • OneYieldRegular

      Best remake of The Incredible Journey EVAR.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The last thing I wanted to see on the wonket was my exes.

      • Thespian Pony Ron

        So, got that llama’s phone number? Asking for a friend.

    • Tallmutha

      Very emo haircut on that Yak, or whatever it is.

    • lroom

      “We came to eat hay and kick some ass, and we’re all out of hay.”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • dslindc

      Someone put this with the Veep closing credits and it fits perfectly.

    • From Russia with Love

      Is there any real doubt?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      I was thinking about this on the way to work. Why did he have a podium brought to the Oval Office? Has anyone ever done that? Why not just to the whole kit and caboodle from the desk?

      • Bebecca

        or his own little suite, sorta like an efficiency apartment- bed, sofa with big ass television with all the channels, signing table. He probably loves seeing himself on the big screen.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I love Pence desperately running after him, which is I guess Pence’s main job.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Like cleaning up horse shit.

    • Tallmutha

      I’m actually more concerned with dementia when he signs the orders than when he ducks out of signing them.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Nounverb911
    • Thespian Pony Ron

      ‘The president had a scheduling conflict. He was scheduled to hide in the White House until the game was over.’

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Well, from Dolt 45’s point of view, the stadium, from the pitcher’s mound, looks like you are surrounded by stairs. That’s got to be nightmarish for the guy who’s afraid of them.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        The boos throughout the game might have a problem.

        • Thespian Pony Ron

          Very distracting if you’re the pitcher.

    • Greyhame

      He certainly hasn’t photographed well in the past while attempting to pitch a baseball.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      They should have invited HIllary.

    • aureolaborealis

      Article says Dampnut was the captain of his high school baseball team. I have a hard time reconciling the photo of him throwing with any suggestion that he has ever played the game seriously.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Ivanka on Cap Hill talking up gender equal pay. Forgets to pay her interns and donate a dime to a woman’s shelter or heaven forbid PP.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    So I’m totally lubed up and ready for the Twitler Administration to collapse. Do we have an ETA on that? Please tell me it’s not going to be like Obama’s FEMA camps, which I waited for for fucking ever.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      If it could happen right around the 2018 midterms for maximum destructive party effect, I’d be OK with that.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        My dream scenario is a Trump collapse followed by a 2018 rout for the GOP because of the Trump stink. I haz a dream!

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        I’m hoping most are arrested for any combination of treason, corruption, money-laundering and unpaid parking tickets. The trials that follow will be epic. By which I mean “humiliating for the country”. At least the trials will be something to watch as we’re eating our hobo beans and talking about how things used to be.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I’m gonna need more lube.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Be honest, that was going to be your response regardless.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            It always is.

      • TakingAmes

        Before the midterms, preferably.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Obama’s FEMA camps? Whaha, the conspiracy sites waited for them 8 whole years during the Bush jr. admin. So then the Repubs were pushing them another 8 years?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      The collapse and the lube are unrelated, right?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        If you’re doing it right…

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Hoping you’re using a lube that doesn’t dry out quickly…

    • Are you using Frankie’s Yam Bam Thank-you M’am vegan lube?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        They should’ve gone with Vagicadabra.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      John Schindler on Twitter is teasing some reveal later today, but who know. This has gone on both shorter and longer than I imagined, so far.

      • Claire

        One of the weirdest things about the Trump fiasco is its time-distorting properties.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          I know. The inaguration seems like it was a year ago.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Speaking of Chicago police (we were, weren’t we?)

    https://twitter.com/mccanner/status/849255929677836288

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Surely, by that point it would be easier to actually do his job.

    • TakingAmes

      But God forbid we continue reforming local police departments.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Hey Y’all. I am rapidly growing weary of both people and life. I’m going to start on a model kit, should be good therapy.

    I hope Everypony has a good day.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Is it the tank you’re working on today? I used to build models and I have a Space Shuttle model still in the box I’ve been waiting years to put together. Time to do it on a snowy day like today.

      • From Russia with Love

        Is it Upslope Tuesday?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Yeah. A Tamiya 1/35 Tiger 1, “Fruhe Production”. It’s an older kit, but I have lots of extra details in brass and such for it. It’ll be from “Das Reich’s” Schwere-Kompanie, at Kursk. The real tank is somewhat famous: “The Lucky Tiger”.

    • The Wanderer

      That reminds me. I need to buy an O-scale flatcar, because I have a Soviet-era tank model kit, and I want to kitbash an armored train for a friend of mine who’s a model train enthusiast. I’ve previously made an armored and armed streetcar for him.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        That would be awesome. I know Brigade Games make a Russian Civil War era Armored train, but it’s not runnable, just put it on the table for wargaming.

    • Thespian Pony Ron

      Once my morning meeting happens and I get my hair cut, I’m going to get started on the competition rockets I need for later this month. Building stuff is so wonderfully calming to the soul.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I meant to tell you, StarTrek Online is celebrating “First Contact Day” (April 5th) by a minigame where you scavenge model rocket parts and launch a model of Zefram Cochrane’s “Phoenix”. It’s just on the PC screen of course, but it made me think of you. :)

        • Thespian Pony Ron

          Aw, you know me so well!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Please don’t huff the glue.

      • From Russia with Love

        Save us some.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Why? I thought that was the whole point of making models

    • SweetDeeKat

      That sounds really nice. I’m thinking about the Swedish VASA ship, as it was bizarrely designed and plunged to the bottom of the harbor upon launch. It speaks to me somehow.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    http://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/3/22/14762030/donald-trump-tribal-epistemology a long but powerful piece on how we got “fake news” and Trump.

  • Nounverb911

    Somebody, please get this “manbaby” a life or a job or something.
    https://twitter.com/SteveKopack/status/849240616554942464

    • Better or worse than Brietbart or Info Wars?

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Six of one, half dozen of the other.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Yes

    • cmd resistor

      What a surprise. Shithead.

  • Spurning Beer

    Everybody hear about the crackdown on LGBTQ persons in Chechnya?

    I think we really need a full-throttle spambot campaign to out Vlad Putin as a secret flamer just before the next Russian elections.

    • From Russia with Love

      Instituted by Russians or Chechens?

    • eka

      Some of those pictures of puti and trump looked pretty intimate.

      And if people are willing to believe there’s a child sex ring run by hillary in a d.c. pizza shop … well, a little photoshopping can be easily swallowed.

  • OddMan

    What the fuck, House FreedomCaucus™ members?
    They somehow think that allowing insurance companies to sell health insurance that actually does not cover you getting sick is a good thing. And the entire fucking GOP says yeah we will go with that to. Fuck all you sick people.

    All of this, every goddamned bit is just to stick it in the eye of that damn black man who was president. Racist SOB’s.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Insurance- how does it work?

      • Greyhame

        They favor bait-and-switch scams that look like insurance at first glance being allowed to compete, because that’s how the free market will solve this problem, by golly.

        • Darlene Underdahl

          Every time a claim is made, they’ll say “We don’t cover that.” My husband had insurance like that once; the HR manager bought insurance to cover the needs of young maternity patients, like herself.

        • kareemachan

          Rescission. They’ll definitely bring that back. You know, where the fact that you saw a doctor for acne disqualifies you when you have cancer…. (true story).

      • The Wanderer
    • Greyhame

      Silly me, thinking that having decently reliable health coverage was actually a key to personal freedom. But I suppose once the Freedom Caucus has their way, I’ll be free to stay at home all the time, avoiding all potentially-diseased human contact while encased in bubble wrap – can’t afford to take any chances!

      • From Russia with Love

        Nothing says freedom quite like “avoiding all potentially-diseased human contact while encased in bubble wrap.”

    • Darlene Underdahl

      Dumb white “losers” will tag along hoping for the best. Maybe this is how we get rid of them? Yeah, I’m cynical today.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Most people don’t think about how expensive cancer is, for example, until they or a loved one is diagnosed. The Rethug plan runs on people being in denial that they’ll ever have an expensive illness, as well as the “we don’t need to pay for slut pills” demographic.

    • Claire

      Well, it is a good thing – for the CEOs of insurance companies. People pay you money and you never have to give them anything in return.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Like Trump U.

    • Jim Johnson

      “Republicans don’t give a shit about people.”

  • William
    • OddMan

      Hmmm, wasn’t he a Republican?

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        I’ve heard good things about him. As well as Frederick Douglass.

        • janecita

          I also heard good things about Susan B Anthony.

          • Thespian Pony Ron

            Did you know she’s on money? I had no idea!

          • MynameisBlarney

            Have y’all ever heard of radio?

          • YoBunnyBunny

            Yeah, I’ve heard of those. They have something called “knobs” because they don’t have touch screens. Cool, huh?

          • Thespian Pony Ron

            ‘Knobs’? Heh, that’s funny, naming a part of a ‘radio’ after a guy’s junk.

          • Molecular biologists named the section of DNA that stimulates the copying of a gene “The TATA box.” Sometimes nerd humor is the best humor.

          • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

            “We’ve had many TERIFIC woman leaders like Casey B. Anthony.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

          • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

            Wow, I’m surprised you’ve heard of her!

          • Notreelyhelping

            She’s getting a lot more notice!

      • Tennessee Rain

        Not too many people even know that.

        • kareemachan

          Just because the drumpster didn’t know it until recently, don’t assume that most of the rest of us didn’t either.

          • Tennessee Rain

            I know, right. When he says shit like that, what he really means is, “I am an uncurious ignoramous who just found out (fill in the blank)”

        • Lefty Wright

          Who is he?

          • Tennessee Rain

            I think he invented a luxury automobile.

      • From Russia with Love

        If you saw him on the street today looking like that, you would probably just assume that he is a Republican.

      • TakingAmes

        Most people don’t know that.

  • Greyhame

    Mercenary scum, Erik Prince is a traitor too? (Also a James Bond villain, apparently.) Lock her up!

    • kareemachan

      Isn’t he staying out of the US cuz of legal reasons? And he can make oodles of money palling around with totally non-terrorist Muslims? But OMG, that family. Mom must be SO proud!!1!!

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Hopefully she’s dead, so she doesn’t have to see this shitshow.

  • Nounverb911
    • I forgot about Eichenwald. A virtual hug for him too, on this #huganewsperson day

    • ariel_gee_398

      Well, I mean, one way or another it was going to be done by a real estate guy with no government experience, right?

      • Claire

        Sort of like how, whether Trump got elected or not, the new leader of the free world was going to be a woman.

    • Thespian Pony Ron

      Who has the ‘Are you a Third-World Banana Republic?’ checklist? Because I think we can check off two more items.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        If Donnie dons a military uniform we have bingo.

        • Pamdrodriguez

          Google is paying $97 per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !ft295c:
          On monday I got a great new mclaren f1 from having earned $12778 this last four weeks.. 3 to 5 hours of work a day… Weekly paychecks… Bonus opportunities…Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !ft295c:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs585DirectGraphics/GetPaid$97/Hour ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫:::!ft295c:….,………

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      And yet, sadly, this is actually better than most Americans expected from the ignorant fucktard Comey and Putin put in office.

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      Speaking of…Ivanka is, apparently, chairing this morning’s CEO town hall. Daddy must be golfing.

      • cmd resistor

        I think he’s there, from the “watch live” thingy I saw on CNN.com, but perhaps they don’t want to let him embarrass himself too much.

        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          He showed up. Is there a technical turn for that thing you do when you tongue bathe an old man’s taint? Because that’s what’s happening.

          • cmd resistor

            Wonder if someone will ask him about Assad gassing all those civilians? Nah.

  • Nounverb911
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸
      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Warren/Schiff 2020?

        • OneYieldRegular

          I’m still waiting for a progressive Democratic Senator or Governor or Congresscritter named Stein to come along and be selected as Al Franken’s running mate.

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
          • tapp_my_wire,please

            I tots behind supporting Gov Beans

          • Somewhere I still have a poster from A&W root beer stands, that is a picture of the Frankenstein monster holding a hot dog in one hand and a mug (stein) of root beer in the other and saying Frank n’ Stein are mighty fine. I don’t know exactly why, but I love that poster.

          • Tallmutha

            Headline for when candidate Al pulls extravagantly ahead in the polls:

            FRANKEN ON A ROLL

          • calliecallie

            I would relish that headline.

          • Old Man Yells at Cloud

            I’m hoping for Sanders/Brown 2020 ‘case I want “Bern and Jerry’s”

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        When our congresscritters become comics, you know things are a farce.

  • Nounverb911
    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Love that Carl is still out there laying down smack. He is/was one of the originals.

    • therblig

      even the lesser tiffany?

  • The Wanderer
  • MynameisBlarney
    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Ricebenghazi The Sequel.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Is that the San Francisco treat?

  • IAMBOWLINGGREEN
    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Trump shares the Charlie Sheen defintion of Winning I see.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Yup, just pass.

  • Dominic, speaking as a Virginian and husband of an alumna, I respect and admire your choice of sources.

    • Thanks! I try to use as many reliable sources as possible, but if I can’t find more than one source to corroborate a story, and/or the source is even remotely sketchy, I’m not using it. It’s bad for you, it’s bad for us, it’s bad for me, and it’s bad for society.

      • puredog

        I knew Tucker Carlson, I worked with Tucker Carlson. Dominic, you’re no Tucker Carlson.

        • I don’t like bow ties and I only did temp work on K street for a couple of months to save some money.

          PBS Kids has THE. BEST. office.

  • bookish

    Such a clever little rodent.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    If these names were unmasked and leaked how come no fucker knows who they are? It’s all very odd.

    • Greyhame

      No one except for the FBI agents investigating all the criminal behavior.

      • From Russia with Love

        How can that even be fair?

        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          Just wait until Ryan’s “Budget” defunds the FBI.

  • cheetojeebus

    Interesting slight resemblance between The Angriest Boy on Legion and Kushner eh?

  • Tallmutha

    CAPTION CONTEST! (You guys go for it, I’m terrible at this):

    https://static01.nyt.com/images/2017/04/04/business/04FOX1/04FOX1-master768.jpg

    • puredog

      “And if you use both hands you can grab two at once!”

    • Antonin Dvorak

      And Susan makes ten.

    • You use this hand to grab her butt and this hand to hold the loofah. It’s just science.

    • From Russia with Love

      “So I’ve got Greta’s butt cheeks in my hands like this…”

      • Tallmutha

        Oh, God, see, this is why I didn’t want to try it myself.

    • cheetojeebus

      Try to visualize either of them naked and walking toward you in bed without weeping or looking for the nearest blunt object.

    • OrG

      You’re not supposed to get caught,.

    • Major_Major_Major

      And this is my 0-face.

    • Gretchen’s boobs are this big, but Meghan’s are only this big.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      They were that big. Couldn’t help myself either.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Ailes: the name on the resume was Tamara Holder, and I just went with her surname.

    • Nockular cavity

      [Wha wha wha, then Solo come out frozen in carbonite! Stiff me, will you? Wha wha! Say, Bill, check out new chick, in metal bikini!]

    • ServantToTheStars
    • Major_Major_Major

      And I was like Hamburger Helper? You betcha, and I helped her to a big old handful of it.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      “When my moobs get this big, I’m going to end up sexually harassing myself.”

    • Pilotshark

      i than i said, why not a three way with Bill and his magic loofah, and we can call it an interview.

  • Greyhame

    Oh the unmasking! How dare those Obama Justice Department officials unfairly investigate us, just because at the time, we appeared to be in the middle of committing various crimes and treason?

    • From Russia with Love

      High crimes and misdemeanors, but nothing worse than that.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Everyone’s’ doing it!

    • OrG

      UNFAIR!

  • Tio_Doidinho

    So per Rachel, the Susan Rice story was researched by Ezra Cohen-Watnick, the NSC millennial tasked to generate oppo research in the NSC.

    Thank God they don’t have any wars to worry about or anything…

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      The war with anything Obama will never end.

      • Tio_Doidinho

        This Susan Rice disinformation has the distinct stench of “let’s shame the uppity Benghazi Negress, shall we?”

    • Their war on women is just getting cranked up.

  • chortlingdingo

    The pika might be my new favorite animal. It’s pretty freakin cute!

    • Notreelyhelping

      I dig the way they jump. Looking forward to the first all-Pika ballet.

    • VirginiaLady

      More attention should be paid to the humble Hyrax.

      • chortlingdingo

        Oh man, just googled it, and I do not regret it!

    • Are you kidding? It’s the most overrated Pokemon on the block!

      Wait, what?

      • chortlingdingo

        Dragonair was always my favorite, and Nine Tails. I had a holographic Nine Tails, back in the day. I even had the coveted holographic Charizard, but alas, it wasn’t first edition.

    • Major_Major_Major

      That there is a man that will grow up enjoying the smell of his own farts.

    • I wonder if he, Eric, and Donnie Jr. spent a lot of time discussing hair care products during the transition?

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        Trumps don’t add products to their hair. They use their natural sliminess.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      I bet his classmates were happy to help him get to the bottom of things – especially the toilets in the boys locker room. Secret agent Nunes – code name “Swirlie.”

  • folderol

    I’m just a surrogate
    Trumpster’s little pet
    I hide the part
    I’m playing

    I don’t have no regret
    ‘Cause they ain’t caught me yet
    My country I’m
    Betraying

    There will come day
    When I’ll have to run away
    Before the Russkies
    Get me

    ‘Cause IIII’ve got dirty laundry
    Nobody has seen it
    No way
    To clean it

    IIII’ve got dirty laundry
    And nobody cares for me

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    UNMASKED!! EEEEEE!!!

    Listen, Trumpwads: As you like to tell us so fucking much, all the time, regardless of the issue (almost as if it was all you had, or something) “Trump Won.”

    Right? Explain the “harm” that occurred to your boy, by this unmasking, by Susan Rice, that we’re finding out about… NOW.

    How did this so-called “unmasking” affect his campaign? Your stupid un-vetted fucker WON. Dumbasses like you gleefully voted for him without checking out a damn thing. You don’t even know if he claims income in rubles on his tax forms.

    And be honest, it didn’t change a damn thing whether Rice overheard splashing sounds of ongoing pee hooker parties, or Ivanka complaining about his tiny hands touching her inappropriately, or Mike Flynn promising to Kislyak to undo the sanctions “as a thank you for all your hard work” or anything. Was anyone in the Obama Admin trumpeting this info from the highest tower? That’d be a resounding, deafening NO.

    Besides, it wouldn’t have changed your cultist beliefs in Trump one iota, even if it had been hammered on as much as “EMAILZZZ BANGAZZEEE,” which it wasn’t.

    So what exactly is your fucking deal?

    • It looks like something that can be used as a crudgel and they can mindlessly beat “the opposition” with it. What did you think politics was about, solving things? Dumb lib!

      In all seriousness, Digby explains the phenomenon rather well:

      http://digbysblog.blogspot.com/2017/03/why-his-lies-work-so-well.html

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Most excellent clicky! Thank you for that!

  • Bill Slider

    Is it just me, or are the Republicans and ISIL, using the same Playbook? Both just want to tear s*** up and destroy it. Neither has any plan to rebuild or improve what they destroy. Their goal appears to destabilize the system,, create distrust, and confusion. Further it would appear that President Trump is grooming his son in law to be the GOP Heir Apparent for 2020. Wake up sheeple.

  • Persistent Demme

    I woke up afraid.
    The closer we get to finding out who the traitors are, I worry about T***p staging a terrorist event, or a war.
    I worry that he will do ANYTHING to stay in power, and does not give a shit about anything else.
    And it’s not like the GOP cares either.
    Please tell me why I am wrong.

    • VirginiaLady

      Any attempted terror attack at this time is suspect. If ISIL weren’t such a bunch of attention whores they would deny anything that happens here from now on.

    • Jim Johnson

      I am sure that staging an effective false flag event to rival the Reichstag fire is a top priority for the Trump “administration.” After they blame it on Hillary, Obama, and not enough guns being carried in public spaces, they can shift their fascist coup into high gear and finish their “deconstruction of the administrative state”.

    • HazooToo

      He’s been trying. He’s just too chickenshit to follow through. Give him time to get more desperate.

  • Lucas Foxx

    “And they would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”

    I hope to hear this a lot over the next couple of years, Shaggy.

  • Lefty Wright

    Gorka is an especially smug, sanctimonious prick who cherry picks his facts or sometimes just manufactures them and refuses to acknowledge any other facts that question his interpretation. Considering that Trump changes his mind more than he changes his underwear, and creates data out of thin air, Gorka is never without some statement to back him up. A knowledgeable interviewer who really held Gorka to the real Trump, refuting Gorka’s claims, would reduce him to the steaming pile of shit he is.

    • Bitter Scribe

      As far as I can tell, all Gorka ever does is repeat Fox News talking points in polysyllabic words.

    • I heard him THREE different times on NPR and each time the (very seasoned) anchor was apparently bewitched by his stupid British / E European accent.

      His credentials are half made up OR brietbart ones. he’s got hungarian monarchist / nazi / order of the dragon ties. He lies constantly. And his smugness is INSUFFERABLE.

      i think he may be more punchable than spicey.

  • Shoto

    Pika Sez, “Mmmmm…Salad…” Good Salad-Eatin’ Pika!

  • Bitter Scribe

    I just do not get how people (by which I mean men) fell for that Ashley Madison shit. I mean c’mon, a website ostensibly dedicated to adultery? If ever there were anything you were meant to do totally on your own…

  • calliecallie

    That Pika can chew.

  • gamera23

    Illinois contractor wants to make apocalyptic border wall “recreational.”
    http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-trump-border-wall-builders-0404-biz-20170403-story.html

  • Another day, another “oops, we got ensnared in the trap we wanted fellow citizens to spring” article

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trumps-budget-would-hit-rural-towns-especially-hard–but-theyre-willing-to-trust-him/2017/04/02/51a456d4-12e3-11e7-833c-503e1f6394c9_story.html?utm_term=.42c0a90319fd

    Remeber folks, this is about financial parity and fighting against disenfranchisement:

    Clyde Glenn, 79, responded that there is a lot of waste in social programs.

    “If North Korea shoots a missile and it hits the United States and knocks out our power grid, then you’ll be saying: ‘How come nothing works no more?’ ” said Glenn, a Navy veteran who owns rental properties in the area and voted for Trump.

    (But worrying about Russia is stupid paranoia, of course)

    More quotes from the “They never learn, do they” files? Well here’s a fullproof solution to the economic ails of rural (Aka “Real”) America:

    Jackie Garner, a bookkeeper at the senior center who volunteered to reduce her hours so it wouldn’t have to cut even more services, jumped in to say that the Christian community should be doing more to care for those in need, as God instructed his followers — not the government.

    You know how the church routinely fixes potholes right?

    Four workers are assigned to patch the city’s nearly 200 miles of road, which Rundel compares to applying a temporary bandage to a gaping wound. There’s just never enough money left in the annual $30 million budget to tear up and replace Main Street and other main roadways. It would take at least $20 million to update the roads, he said.

    “We just don’t have the resources,” Rundel said.

    It would cost another $10 million to $20 million to update the city’s generations-old water treatment and sewer systems, the life of which has been extended by city workers willing to come up with creative fixes and build their own parts. Trump’s budget promises “robust funding for critical drinking and wastewater infrastructure,” but it also would eliminate a $498 million grant and loan program that helps rural communities that are smaller than Durant upgrade their water and wastewater systems.

    I guess that is a good tradeoff for being able to moon “liberal elites” and “drain the swamp” (right into our field crops and water supply but man we sure told that uppity bitch Hilary a thing or to!) I’m sure Trump will eventually remember that this is suppose to happen to “other people” not us (but, y’know “elitism” is bad)

  • HazooToo

    Wait, no hold up. The Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention thing WASN’T an April Fools joke?! Jesus fucking Christ, I’ve been reverse pranked!

  • Tiny kaiju

    Dominic, the Tom Price link now takes you to a Mike Cernovich gripe about how Bloomberg stole his Susan Rice scoop.

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