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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

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  • BadKitty904
  • Michael R

    We found that creepy ” deep state ” everyone’s been looking for .
    What will we do with the rest of our day ?

    • Nounverb911

      Texas?

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        My money is on Florida. Because: Florida.

      • Ya’ll come back now, ‘ya hear?

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Trump Tweets will be a chapter title that future history textbook editors will giggle over.

    • BadKitty904

      Assuming there are any “future history textbook editors,” a 50/50 bet at the moment…

  • Nounverb911
    • Carpe Vagenda

      What a shiny and attractive city which does not appear to be a dystopian hellscape!

      • That orange and white isn’t clouds rising above skyscrapers at dusk, it’s the raging fires and dope smoke.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I like a city that knows how to party.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Photoshop.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          You mean you can use the Kellyanne tool on cities?

    • BadKitty904

      Très artistique, Dominic!

    • PubOption

      Does one of those towers bear the name ‘Trump’ in yoouge gold letters?

    • Nounverb911

      Dominic! You can walk on water?

      • Doug Langley

        It’s clearly a pic of Flint, MI. Anyone can walk on that water.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Obviously needs more jackbooted Feds to come in and restore law and order.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      Needz moar zeppelin parking.

    • Undocumented Skwerl!

      Wow! Grand Rapids has really grown.

      And the M&Ms building is really nice.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Needz moar fog on little cat-feet

  • Carpe Vagenda

    OK, splain this to me. Ted Cruz is going to save healthcare by convincing the Freedom Caucus not to kill the bill that would gut healthcare? Because it seems to me that if the Freedom Caucus wants to keep both their tea party voters and their, you know, actual living human being voters happy, they’ll keep doing exactly what they’re doing, and shut down any attempt to gut Obamacare out of ‘purity’

    • Ssshhh, don’t inject logic into the Freedom Caucus.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Or Ted Cruz, I guess.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Preach. My Congresscritter is one of them. He doesn’t speak this language called “logic.” He does, however, speak asshole. He’ll get his answer at the polls in 2018.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      They want a test of Medicaid recipients to drop and give them 20 to sort out the slackers.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      The GOP hard on for able bodied citizens on Medicaid will only be satisfied until those citizens become cardiac or diabetic cripples.

  • Nounverb911
    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Lots of “look over there!” Not. Falling. For. It.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      I am disappointed with my brand-new Wonkette Enemy of the People coffee cup. It does not refill itself. BRB.

  • freakishlypersistent

    Does anyone else wake up every fucking day, and read the fucking shit these delusional, sociopaths shitstains are doing to this country and say; “he can’t be president, he can’t be, how the fuck did this happen?” And “Who ARE these people??” *Rhetorical, AOUK.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Polar bear cubs! Who try to nom the camera… SQUEEE!

  • Gayer Than Thou

    First, they came for the TV has-beens, and I said nothing, because if you’ve seen one sitcom where a shlubby white guy has a hot wife, you’ve seen ’em all.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Is “deconstructing” the word Bannon meant to use? It looks like he’s more into “dismantling”.

    Isn’t deconstructing the process of identifying and describing all the parts of a system in order to demonstrate what’s wrong with it? (Eg Gene Hackman deconstructed gun fighting myths in Unforgiven.)

    For that you need a depth of knowledge and an ability to communicate, and I don’t see any evidence of either from the Trump administration.

    • Marion in Savannah

      I’d go with “destroying” myself…

  • Chadwells
    • Crystalclear12

      Today we are all the poor bastard that opens the curtains to too much sunlight.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Tim “Tool Time” Allen can always go back to his original career as a coke dealer…. but he wasn’t any good at that either.

    When you stand for being a dick to everyone not white and rich it is hard to be polite. You go from “bless your heart” to “fuck you motherfucker” territory pretty fast.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Can’t he just live of the Home Improvement residuals and STFU?

    • Undocumented Skwerl!

      He is a tool.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: A brief respite from Republican treason and Russian treachery – HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING, WONKLINGS!!1!

    For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone;
    The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;
    The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.

    ~ The Song of Solomon 2:11-13, KJV

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Boy, you just can’t beat the KJV for real poetry. Those idiots who use the Revised Standard or some other shite translation because it’s more “accurate” (derp!) should be beaten about the head with various apocrypha.

      • puredog

        Man, those apocrypha can really leave a mark, too.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Non-canonical bruising.

      • BadKitty904

        Yea, verily!

      • SadDemInTex

        I love the KJV!!!

    • Vecchioivan

      in Just-
      spring when the world is mud-
      luscious the little
      lame balloonman

      whistles far and wee

      and eddieandbill come
      running from marbles and
      piracies and it’s
      spring

      when the world is puddle-wonderful

      the queer
      old balloonman whistles
      far and wee
      and bettyandisbel come dancing

      from hop-scotch and jump-rope and

      it’s
      spring
      and

      the

      goat-footed

      balloonMan whistles
      far
      and
      wee

      – e.e. cummings

    • Asterix

      The voice of the turtle is heard in our land as well… and it causes weeping and wailing and the rending of garments.

    • PubOption

      How old is Mitch McConnell?

    • msanthropesmr

      That’s the Bible verse that talks about sweater gazelles.

    • shastakoala
    • Liberoid Ron

      The ponies around here have really botched the Winter Wrap-up. A sharply-worded message to Princess Celestia seems to be in order.

  • Oblios_Cap

    the military’s finding it tough to drill the idea of sexual equality into jarheads.

    Since the military was able to integrate the services successfully, surely they can handle sexual equality if they really try.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911
    • under_score

      Amazing. I’m trying to debaffle who’s in the leg brigade up there telling me why US families DGAF about Russia. I’m an old ciswoman, and even I’m distracted. (ETA: pic in first tweet, not the countdown)

  • Crystalclear12

    Getting people to believe the golf pictures are fake is easy. Getting people to stop bitching about the traffic jams created by your very real visit. . . impossible.

  • Nounverb911

    Trumps IMs with pootie have been uncovered.
    https://twitter.com/LadyThriller69/status/843780362585047041

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Trump’s White House has been installing its own spies to monitor cabinet secretaries’ loyalty to Trump and his talking points.

    Paranoia will destroy ya’.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Crystalclear12

      With a side of whiskey?
      Thanks

  • Oblios_Cap

    The yacht belonging to Trump’s bestest friend and financier, Robert Mercer, was spotted in the Virgin Islands oddly close to the yacht of Dmitry Rybolovlev

    Those two were just having a quiet swordfight, I’m sure. Nothing to see here.

  • LarryHoudini

    My guess on Comey today: he’ll show they’re investigating people on the Trump team, but don’t have anything incriminating on Trump. In other words: we might be in for four years of this baboon.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Since they’re taking bids, has anyone considered making the border wall a 30-foot high queso fountain? I’m sure we have a surplus of cheez in this country, and it could solve the problem of those pesky Meals on Wheels cuts, too. Just ship all our homebound vets and seniors to the border and let them feast on national security.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      We cannot risk our nation’s strategic cheese reserves.

      • James

        Cannibal Tex-Mex in the Queso Jungle of Death

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Ooh, can we send Bill Maher?

          • James

            What do you have against Mexico?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Hey, it’s a big desert.

      • Doug Langley

        It’s Gouda you to remind us of that.

        • puredog

          Who am I to diss a brie?

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        How’s this for weird: We have crazy surplus of cheese. The gubmint announced a plan to buy 11 million pounds of cheese to counteract the surplus and bring up prices. http://fortune.com/2016/08/24/usda-buy-cheese-surplus/

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Don’t tell me, let me guess. They don’t plan to feed children and old people with it.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            Actually: The cheese will be distributed to food banks across the country and ” provided to families in need across the country through USDA nutrition assistance programs,” according to the USDA.

            Of course: (1) The cheese buy was announced before Trump’s new budget; and (2) USDA? Sort of not much of a priority in that budget either.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Clearly, I’m not doing my share to help America. I shall go to the cheese shop this morning and increase my consumption immediately.

          • Doug Langley

            John Cleese already tried that, but it doesn’t work.

        • Tacoclamgenda

          Yes, but it’s usually crummy cheese.

      • Transreason Maidenheader

        We must not allow a cheese reserves gap!

    • James

      No thanks, I’ll stay here.

    • subatomic

      How about one long taco bar?

  • memzilla Ω
  • Groundloop

    Tim Allen needs to shut his pie hole, lest his Republican titty baby whining erodes my love for “Galaxy Quest”.

    • By Grabthar’s hammer, what a savings.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Let’s send that rock monster after his sorry ass again.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      You know, I thought about that, and doesn’t it actually add a layer of delightful meta to discover that he really was playing himself?

      • therblig

        shatnerception

        • Carpe Vagenda

          tbh I thought Shatner was kind of delightful as a monster in Boston Legal.

      • SadDemInTex

        I was thinking the same thing…shallow and full of himself.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      There are those of us who love “GalaxyQuest” DESPITE Tim Allen, not because of him. He’s bland and innocuous, but Alan Rickman (PBUH), Sigourney Weaver, Tony Shaloub and Sam Rockwell far outshine the shitty sitcom star.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Perzackly.

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      What contact? He’s snorted too much coke again this weekend.

    • ariel_gee_398

      No, Donnie, it’s not true. And you’d know that if you ever read a fucking briefing instead of doodling tits and smiley faces all over them every morning.

    • Undocumented Skwerl!

      Yes Don we’ll get to that right after you release your tax returns.

    • wait! what?

      What about Poland?

    • Apple Scruff

      Seems like he is freaking out over James Comey’s hearing today.

    • snark-lurker

      this will buy him another 4 to 6 weeks while everyone chases “where’d you hear that? got proof?”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      If, by, the person contacted by the FBI thought they were shitting him, then, of course, yes.

  • schmannity

    Slightly OT, but Bryan Fischer said of Gorsuch in a tweet:

    Be advised: Gorsuch attends a church that is rabidly pro-gay, pro-Muslim, pro-green, and anti-Trump.

    As a member of the Frozen Chosen, you’ve thanked us enough already, Mr. Fischer.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Gosrsuch’s one redeeming value is that he calls CO’s People Republic of Boulder home.

      • Courser_Resistance

        That can cut both ways. He might have stubbornly continued to live there despite loathing everything about the culture. Not a lot of those left in Boulder but there’s a few die hard who’ve stayed there just to stick in the craw of the lefties. BUT, as far as I can tell, he hasn’t ever been involved in local politics. I’d actually never heard of him before and I’ve lived in the Metro forever.

        • James

          My wife (before she met me) escaped from Colorado Springs to the comparatively liberal place of northern Oklahoma.

    • James

      Perhaps Mr. Fischer will spin up a few of the wingnuts in Congress against Gorsuch. That would be something to see.

  • Marion in Savannah

    OT — a lovely piece by Charlie Pierce on Chuck Berry and Jimmy Breslin:

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a53957/chuck-berry-and-jimmy-breslin/

  • memzilla Ω
  • ariel_gee_398

    So the WH wants us to believe that Newsmax is FAKE NEWS? https://twitter.com/ChrisRuddyNMX/status/843164640054001664

    • BadKitty904

      My, they’re Caucasian!

      • Marion in Savannah

        Shit — they’re whiter than I am, and I’m so white I glow in the dark…

        • Undocumented Skwerl!

          I like the tanning gene I inherited. I am currently pasty white, but in the summer I like to compare my skin with the brown skinned people because I am usually darker.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Lucky you! I got the “turn beet red and peel” gene.

    • Tiny kaiju

      Where did they all get the same set of dentures from? Disturbingly even, forced smiles there.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Yeah, add in a newspaper with the date featured prominently and I’d assume this is a proof of life photo sent from a kidnapper expecting ransom.

      • therblig

        like 3 kids scared shitless of santa, whose parents told them to “stop crying and smile or i’ll give you something to cry about”

        • Tiny kaiju

          that or they were all child models. “Smile for the camera, honey. Then you can eat your caloric allotment for the day.”

    • Apple Scruff

      What a stocky group of white dudes.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Wait a minute, if he wasn’t golfing, what’s with the glove? Anyways, I’m off to the drinkery that plays CNN all morning for the old drunks such as myself and watch Comey do his schtick.

      Good times.

      • puredog

        He was doing his bad Michael Jackson impersonation?

      • ariel_gee_398

        “Watch Comey do his schtick”? You think the Russians have a hooker tape on him, too?

    • BackDoorMan

      … are we comparing thumbs? Because that fat fuckwad in the middle ain’t got nothin’ to smile about.

  • James

    Off-topic non-comment but I learned my sister’s wife is suffering from stage IV breast cancer, and as is typical with such issues in these US of A, that means it is ruining them financially.

    Her spouse is in some sort of specialised drug trial. I’m not sure of the details because though she explains it on a GoFundMe she set up, it gets deeply into the terminology of oncology that is beyond my grasp.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Well that’s awful. So sorry.

      • James

        Well, there isn’t a whole lot I can do for them when they are in California and I am lost in the Nebraska Sandhills. About all I could offer them would be a cheaper place to live (Nebraska), and with that, significantly lower-quality health care.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I’m so very sorry. My brother’s partner’s sister’s partner (wow, how convoluted – must be a better way to describe that relationship) just went through the same thing but has come through the other side. Here’s hoping your sister’s wife has a similar outcome.

          • James

            Kinfolk.

          • brother’s sister in law

          • Courser_Resistance

            Thanks! Too early on a Monday ;-)

    • I am sorry, James :hugs:

      • James

        Thank you, though I think my sister and sister-in-law (who you don’t know because they don’t post here though I recommended to my sister yesterday she come check out this home of the international resistance and mommy blog and recipe hub in a much shorter sentence than this so you might see her soon) could use the hugs more than I can.

        I appreciate your concern.

    • puredog

      There are some very promising trials out there, so fingers crossed, though Stage 4 is a toughie.

      • James

        I’m not sure of the Commenting Rules for Radicals on posting a link to GoFundMe so I won’t. That said, what she describes on the page about my sister-in-law’s condition sounds grave. At the moment she is still working (she has her own business) but I am not sure how long that will continue.

        • You should ask Becca if you may. I did once when my lad’s class was raising funds (though he never did the thing so never posted it). Can’t hurt to get as many sheckles as you can

          • James

            Mrs. Editrix? Are you out there watching this? Yes? No? I’ve driven through Montana twice and spent money in your state on trips to Saskatchewan if that helps.

          • rofl, just email her XD the addy is somewhere around here- at work comp or I would do a quick send over, lemme hunt a minute

          • 2nd reply: found it on the contact page ^.^

            rebecca@wonkette.com

          • James

            Thank you. I’ll fire off a question about that to Mrs. Queen Mother of Donna Rose and ask about that.

            I’d also toss a few Ameros toward a campaign she once suggested here for Montana’s at-large House seat, but that’s another story.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Cancer is f’n hard enough without the financial shit. So very sorry. Add my hugs to the others.

      • James

        Thank you. My sister says this trial does look promising, but it really has to be tough on her (she has been with her friend/then partner/now wife far longer than I have been married).

    • nightmoth

      So sorry! Try to communicate optimism to her. Breast cancer treatment has come a mighty long way. I had stage 2 in 2015 and am totally clear now. A colleague had stage 4 in 2015, and it had gone to her bones, but she is now in remission. All is NOT lost! Tell your sister-in-law to ask if there is a financial counselor at her spouse’s clinic. There is lots of private fund-raising around this disease to make money available to people who need it.

    • Zyxomma

      Hugs to your sister’s wife, and to you and yours.

  • BadKitty904
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Things that we never did before?
      1. Rounding up the Jooz.

      • BadKitty904

        And blacks and gays and liberals and Latinos and…

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Who let all this riffraff into the room?

          • James

            I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on here!

          • BadKitty904

            The Constitution of the United States of America.

  • wait! what?
    • NotReallyHere

      Oh my gawd. I think that might be me after listening to Trump speak.

      • James

        Or Kellyanne, or Sarah Palin, &c
        Do they have a school to teach right-wingers that?

        • bupkus23

          Natural talent….

        • nightmoth

          home-school, followed by Bible “college”

        • NotReallyHere

          It seems like there must be, but when I google “school for right wing nut-jobbery” I don’t get any hits.

  • Jgb979

    Trying to not get excited for what inevitably is going to be a letdown with Comey testimony…..

    • puredog

      It strikes me that, for the sake of public testimony, if there is any there there (and I dearly hope there is), he’ll be all like “I can’t comment on that aspect of our continuing investigation.” If he’s all open and such, it’ll be more of a case of what you see is what you get. Unless there is an understanding that certain questions won’t be asked.

  • Crystalclear12

    First question for Comey:

    Have you no shame?!

    • msanthropesmr

      No. Next question?

      • Marion in Savannah

        You beat me to it!

      • Rick Hill

        “Are you willing to cooperate to keep your sorry ass out of prison?”

        • msanthropesmr

          Yes. Next question?

          • Rick Hill

            “Well, then. Start singing, Chippy”

          • From Russia with Love

            Dayum, you’re pretty good at this!

    • BadKitty904

      He’s already answered that question with his actions.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      “Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “How long have you been a member of the Communist Putin Party?”

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      “How do you eat with Putin’s truck nutz in your mouth all the time?”

    • bupkus23

      Can you say, “Would you like fries with that?”

  • baconzgood

    Joni Ernst strapped on her bread bags and marched to a town hall where she was booed after saying Betsy DeVos had been “carefully vetted.”

    They were saying Boo-etsy

  • Tiny kaiju

    Is Mr. Conway going to use his old “Bill Clinton’s dick is responsible and should be prosecuted.” strategy?

  • Bill D. Burger

    If Comey had one shred of decency, integrity or respect for the intelligence service he heads (I know I’m dreaming here.), he would sit down and open his remarks with, “Gentlemen, I want you to know that I intend to hand in my resignation after this hearing today, but first I want to give you a full and complete and honest assessment of the president, the people around him and the threat they pose to this country….”
    And then he unloads in epic fashion.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f9caf69bf02f17c77a1e50a35d5cb5d175aa21b7b3a3f2d46ccf03ea33cdcc1d.jpg

    ~snort!~

    • From Russia with Love

      At that point I would hate him approximately 4% less than I do now.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    You know what’s just like Nazi Germany? Being a rich white guy that gets paid lots of money despite mediocre talent and that guy getting called out on his stupid and wrong and privileged entitlement. That’s as bad as being shipped right off to the gas chambers! It’s true!

    And let’s not forgot coke head that saved his own ass by being a giant rat: http://defamer.gawker.com/remember-when-tim-allen-almost-got-a-life-sentence-for-1682644188

    • boredcatlady

      That is like, literally, the definition of being sent to the gas chambers!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I thought Melania established that only people who ask for it are threatened with gas chambers in Trump world.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      You know what’s worse than that? Nobody called him out. He just feels awkward about it.

      • Edith Prickly

        NOOO!! the humanity!!

        • Carpe Vagenda
          • James

            Eeek Snowflake kewl, flashy gif not kewl for my epilepsy.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Yikes, sorry. I fixed it, just refresh.

          • James

            Not a problem, scrolled past it really quick.
            I was looking at Kurt Eichenwald’s Twitter feed the other day however, and dayum, his feed was pummelled with intentional crap (now all removed) that triggered a migraine in me and sent me to bed for the rest of the day.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            And I feel terrible for him, but even after that experience he’s still bothsidesing with the SJW crap. That’s a mind pretty determined not to shed its lazy prejudices.

          • James

            I just noticed your avatar is a green Hello Kitty. (I’m slow but I’ll get there.) Is she seasick?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            No, she’s Cthulhu.

          • James

            Ah I see the tentacles now. I wasn’t wearing my glasses.

  • boredcatlady

    Will you liveblog/tweet this russia pee pee, I mean, leak hearing if we throw money at you? Give me a number

    • Nounverb911

      All of it, katie.

  • Nounverb911

    When does donnie angertweet about this?
    https://twitter.com/guardiannews/status/843802726798524416

    • Doug Langley

      I’m sure he’ll say something about Obama wrecking the economy.

    • boredcatlady

      It’s FAKE news, and everybody knows it

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Good, that’s another 20 years I can skate on my taxes!”

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      I read in a bio about Trump that Forbes magazine would receive so many phone calls from Trump arguing about his place on Forbes list. They had to task a intern with taking them.

  • Tiny kaiju

    I know we’re not supposed to make fun of how people look, but George Conway III looks like a podling from the Dark Crystal.

    • Bill D. Burger
      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        KaC really needs some straps on that swimsuit. Holy mother of god, doesn’t she own a mirror?

        • Tacoclamgenda

          There’s no end of things to pick on her about. I like it when we don’t add body shaming to the list. And, yes it is.

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            Normally, I’m totally on board with not body shaming someone. But when someone seemingly goes out of their way to wear something completely unflattering, then I feel okay remarking that the outfit is unflattering. Why would someone choose a swim suit that made their boobs look like they were protruding from their mid section unless they didn’t own a mirror?

  • Nounverb911
    • msanthropesmr

      You have to poop out as much as you consume or else the balance is surgically extracted. Ht Douglas Adams.

    • There’s like 10 people in that lake

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Probably January . And if that’s the Blue Lagoon, there’s shitloads more of it to the right.

        • Right, but if you are doing a story about too many tourists, one would think you would show the picture with the shitloads more to the right, instead of the like 10 people in the lake

        • bupkus23

          Even if it was July, that would have to be a hot spring

  • Greyhame

    Bestill my heart, is Mercer going to go down right along with the rest of the treasonous lot once the fecal matter finally hits the rotating ventilation device?

    • James

      Might take his yacht and sail off into the sunset.

      • Greyhame

        They’ll find an island and go Gault, I’m sure.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    If Comey doesn’t show up in J Edgar’s fav little black dress, I’m disappointed.

  • Apple Scruff

    Awe crap. They found Tom Brady’s jersey in MEXICO.

    The wall just got 10 feet higher, didn’t it?

    • It needs to be high enough you can’t throw a deflated football over.

  • Douche who has his own show wherein he gets to have almost total say complains that Hollywood is not treating him fairly enough because he is conservative.
    No film ever, cause fuck that douche

    • Bill D. Burger

      Tim Allen is quickly becoming the new Victoria Jackson. Forgotten and trying to get some, any, attention to reignite whatever career he had.
      SAD____ PERIOD.

      • Sardonicuss

        Tim Allen’s name should always be followed with a (R)-for Rat, since he ratted out his buddy to stay out of prison for coke).

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Well, he knows that as long as Disney wants to pump out Toy Story movies he’s still got a gig.

      • Pilotshark

        well the Don did bring Chachi out of retirement and obscurity, so there might be a come back.

      • chortlingdingo

        What a shame. Galaxy Quest is one of my all time favorite movies. Although, to be honest, it isn’t because of Tim Allen.

        • nightmoth

          Galaxy Quest is my go-to if I’m feeling dangerously down. And you’re right, Tim Allen is good in it, but so is every single other actor, and the whole: script, effects, etc. outweighs everybody.

        • SadDemInTex

          I love Galaxy Quest. Everyone is wonderful in it.

    • Greyhame

      I suspect his choice to make The Santa Clause IV has more to do with his loss of status than whatever he’s been doing in the voting booth.

    • SadDemInTex

      The list of great writers and composers and artists that were total douchebags is legion. (Not that Tim Allen can even wipe the ass of a great artist). George Bernard Shaw said it best “Orchestral players, good enough to find constant employment in the best European orchestras, and yet with the manners, ideas, and conversation of ordinary private soldiers, are less common than formerly;but they are still contemporary facts, and not at all anomalous ones, except to muddle-headed people who imagine that every man who can play a string of notes written down by Mozart or Bach must have the heart and mind of Mozart and Bach.” (A private soldier in the 19th century was notoriously ignorant and loutish and violent).

      • This is precisely applicable to the case of a certain brilliant brain surgeon who is A Idiot and Common Moran in the Trump cabinet.

  • James

    When you can’t find a place to park in a town of 14,000 people . . .
    Police Investigate Crash at Verizon (Goes to the Scottsbluff NE Star-Herald with an interesting way to park your car: Inside the store, with a photo)

    Driver can’t even angle-park on the street correctly.

  • Tiny kaiju

    Across social media, antiabortion advocates said it was impossible for Lahren to be both conservative and in favor of abortion rights. They criticized her interpretation of the Constitution and called her out for seemingly contradicting previous remarks about abortion. Some claimed, as they have before, that by rising to prominence so young she lacked an understanding of political philosophy and ideology.

    Because no woman, even Screechy Barbie, can ever understand that the Constitution or the tenets of privacy rights and smaller government obviously include limiting women’s control over her own uterus.
    There are not enough Fuck Yous and and piles of dog shit for these people in the world.

    • Liberoid Ron

      ‘she lacked an understanding of political philosophy and ideology.’
      In other words, she doesn’t know she’s supposed to toe the Partei line and not think for herself or have her own opinions.

      • Mary Sandoras

        She broke from the hive mind, and for that she must be punished.

      • Tiny kaiju

        She should have never started extending the platform planks to their logical conclusion. Even if state rights, smaller govenrment and the argument for gun ownership do all point towards everybody gets to control their own body.

    • Prominence?
      LOLZ. Yeah no, you guys saw “hot young chick!” and didn’t ever listen to her until she stopped spouting the script.
      Prominence, pft.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        THIS… EXACTLY.

    • AnniNoone

      Oh for fuck’s sake. But all the Repub women who are all like “I don’t need bodily autonomy and you are correct to legislate my vagina” are deep political thinkers.

      • Tiny kaiju

        They are proper Ladies, unlike any semi-autonomous woman regardless of voting record.

    • James

      And they say that liberals are all about being politically-correct. Projection there too, also and so forth.

    • bupkus23

      I certainly would include Screechy Barbie in that group, even if she supposedly “defended” abortion rights ( by comparing it to “gun rights”, she betrays her hypocritical self-servicing interest is behind her opinions ).

  • Msgr_MΩment

    In other news, could somebody please tell Dolly Madison we are so through with that Oval Office wallpaper.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I would rather refer to them as Gestapo than S.S.

  • janecita

    Convicted drug trafficker, police snitch Tim Allen said what?

  • Liberoid Ron

    He flies in a giant custom-painted airliner and shuts down Palm Beach for the whole weekend – and we’re supposed to NOT NOTICE? Yeah, that will go well.

    • Many people have custom painted 747’s these days, really many, many people. It could have been anyone. Just because a plane had a military escort – and it wasn’t even my plane, which is tremendous, and has my name on it, so beautiful.

      • puredog

        Piker. 757 or GTFO.

        • James

          Piker, 787 or GTFO

          • Ill-Advised

            Piker, a custom design, the biggest, most beautifullest ever. Gold cockpit controls or GTFO

          • James

            With platinum filigree and pinstripes and flames. (Flames are okay on an aeroplane aren’t they? I never really figured that one out when I worked on aircraft in the Navy.)

          • Erala Contratista

            Also big teeth!, too.

  • “I said Donnie likes his Kung Powell chicken not spicy”

    https://pics.me.me/uhh-ya-and-some-kung-pao-chicken-hey-barack-you-16122490.png

  • MynameisBlarney
    • BadKitty904

      He’s not even a Rodney Dangerfield.

  • thewalkindude

    Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree-KaC’s mother

    “President Obama “pitted the blacks against the whites,” she said. “If something happened to a black person, he and his wife were right there. But if something happened to a white person, you never saw them, did you?” Attending the inauguration with her daughter, Fitzpatrick was relieved to hear God mentioned for what she believed was the first time in eight years.”

    • Teecha

      What is she on? Blind and deaf to facts.

      • James

        My guess is the usual: She is comforting Trump’s base voters with the soothing refrain of “Obama’s the real racist.”

      • thewalkindude

        Mainlining Faux News, I’m sure…

  • Tiny kaiju

    Samantha Bee updated Pat McCrory’s resume.
    https://twitter.com/FullFrontalSamB/status/841754492513226754/photo/1

  • Blackest Noobs

    if i could be honest at work:
    ” when someone says to me seems like you’re having a bad day, “i say no not really”…but what I really want to say is “no, i am not having a bad day just annoyed that you’re a fucking idiot that cannot possibly remember simple things like your password which you have not changed from the default password.”

    • James

      Change it to “Hillary” for your co-worker.

      • Blackest Noobs

        not a co-worker issue….it’s the stupid public who comes in here issue.
        you know the same dumbasses that either didn’t bothered to vote or voted for that jag-off with orange thin-skin.

        • Blackest Noobs

          but we did have some idiot co-worker who couldnt ever remember her password, we had to reset it every other week until we decided her password had to be 123abc or something like that because apparently she is just as fucking dumb as the fucking public out there.

          and this fucking moron thinks she can handle graduate school.

          HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

        • James

          And you can’t upset the customers, I get that. How about “IWillVoteNextTime”

          • Blackest Noobs

            i could careless about upsetting them. i deal with some seriously emotionally deficient people. they take my no BS all Business approach as either being belligerent or rude…which is hilarious because my slave masters (i.e. my bosses) pay little to no mind about it.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Are you guys currently watching the farce? So Nunes is basically making this about leaks.

    • Of course.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        I’m so aggravated. I had to walk away from it.

    • James

      Of course he would. DARVO

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        What is DARVO? I’m an old so you have to spell it out for me. :)

        • zerosumgame0005

          Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. A behavior of
          perpetrators of wrongdoing (especially sexual offenders), when accused
          of attacking their victim, reversing the roles of victim and offender.

    • Blackest Noobs

      we all knew that from the get-go. look at any interview he did before this and Nunes was more concerned about the leakage than what was leaked.

      • James

        I wonder why that is? Trying to futz with such an investigation seems . . . curious. Like there might be something to hide or something.

        • Blackest Noobs

          there is ALWAYS something to hide.

          sometimes it’s some heavy serious shit….sometimes not so much, more like egg on face kind of stuff.

          • James

            I noted to my wife that I was born at the end of Eisenhower’s administration (so I don’t remember a whole lot about him), but every Republican president since (that is, every) has been involved in some sort of scandal.

            It’s almost as if it is built into the GOP platform.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        He was part of Trump’s transition team. He should not be a part of this. This makes me so angry.

        • At the crossroads, stay strong

          There are dozens of people who shouldn’t be part of what they’re doing, beginning with Ivanka Trump herself. She should be behind the counter of one of her tacky stores flogging her worthless goods.

        • AJ Milne

          Seriously. Fox guarding the henhouse.

  • Me not sure

    The Atlanta Journal-Constitution today led off with a front page story about how all of the Republican legislators at the state capitol are all pissed off about the “so called” ACA replacement bill because it continues the Medicaid expansion, for states that took it, until 2020. Georgia didn’t take it so the state has gotten NOTHING and will continue to do so for two more years. The circular fitting squad is forming. Meanwhile a recent AJC poll shows that 57% of Georgians wanted Medicaid expansion and that many of Georgia’s self-employed farmers are terribly upet that their ACA purchased policies will cost a shit-ton more under the new plan. The punch line is that there is talk of rushing through a bill to accept the expansion before the Congress can vote on the plan to kill it, thus getting in under the wire after turning down two years of free money and watching rural hospitals close. Stay tuned .

    • efoveks

      Better late than never. Also too, they will get to know firsthand why that Medicaid expansion is so awesome. Before it gets yanked, that is.

      • Me not sure

        There is a rising tide of outrage by Trump voters here in GA out of some kind of crazy belief that he just might have been lying about everything the whole time. Who knew?

        • James

          Not here in NE. (At least on my side of NE – Omaha isn’t the “real NE” so there might be some disquiet over there.) My local newspaper is still “all Trump all the time” and the religio-industrial complex radio stations are still all in on “evul liebruls.”

          • At the crossroads, stay strong

            So they’re all on board with Trump’s adultery, profanity, indecency and overall incompetence? Religion for the masses for the mass hallucinations,

          • James

            Pretty much. Amazing how much you can rationalise away of your religious beliefs in the name of political ideology.

            Somehow we godless liberal Demoncrats are the real amoral people pulling apart the fabric of what’s good and pure about the USA.

          • At the crossroads, stay strong

            Well, of course. We want demonic things like fair wages, equal treatment under the law, treating non-white people like human beings, recognizing there are other religions than Christian, women’s reproductive rights, accepting immigrants. What’s not to hate when your religion fills you with hate?

          • James

            Well, we did have two recent referenda on ballots here: One raising the state minimum wage that passed by a very wide margin, and the other that repealed the death penalty repeal (because killing people is something something compassionate conservatism)

          • At the crossroads, stay strong

            AH, yes. Protect the unborn, but kill ’em after they get out and mess up. Can you say hypocrisy? I knew that you could. Gimme that ol’ time killin’ religion.

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Truly horrifying concepts.

          • James

            Next thing you know there will be dogs and cats, living together . . .

          • zerosumgame0005
          • Me not sure

            What do your farmers do for health insurance? If they have ACA policies how can they not notice the rise in costs that are sure to come?

          • James

            I’m not sure. My wife as library director was an insurance navigator (the state set up librarians to do that). The state did not set up an exchange or expand Medicaid. She said that despite promoting it in the local papers and such she got zero bites for people asking for help to sign up for insurance.

            That could be because people did it some other way (though at least in my town the choices for Internet service are the public library and my house) – or they may have collectively said “to heck with that, I don’t need insurance” (despite working in the most dangerous work in the USA – agriculture),

          • Me not sure

            We did neither expansion nor state run exchanges. My daughter is self employed and went online through the Federal exchange and got insurance in less than an hour.

        • Persistent Demme

          I guess the same people that “knew” health care was complicated!

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      It seems once again, we’re hearing from idiots who hated Obamacare, but are happy with the ACA. It’s the same kind of thinking as, “I don’t need a vehicle. I have a car.”

      • Me not sure

        I have a car that automatically becomes a vehicle when driven.

        • James

          My vehicle becomes a car when driven. (And it’s smarter than the average car since it’s a Smart.)

        • At the crossroads, stay strong

          Do you think you could sensibly explain that to an Obamacare hater/ACA lover?

          • Me not sure

            What decade is it?

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          I have a lap, but it mysteriously disappears whenever I stand up.

  • At the crossroads, stay strong

    Joni Ernst strapped on her bread bags and marched to a town hall where she was booed after saying Betsy DeVos had been “carefully vetted.”

    ..
    Hmm. Considering dear little Joni’s background, does that mean that Betsy DeVos has been spayed?

  • James

    Sun’s been up for a while now in Mythical Mountain Time Zone, so it’s time for me to rack out. Catch y’all later, you smart snarksters, you.

    • Sister the Resister

      famous last words… *wink*

  • Ricky Gay

    Tim Allen, the persecuted Christian conservative. Boo fucking hoo!

    • Ricky Gay

      although because of Galaxy Quest I shall let him live.

      • ltmcdies

        I’d rather have Rickman back…

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Give him a break, life is hard being a never was instead of a has been

    • HazooToo

      Now maybe we’re being too quick to assume what he meant. Maybe he wasn’t saying he’s as oppressed as a Jew in Nazi Germany. Maybe he’s saying he’s as hated as a Nazi in Germany BY the Jews! That would make more sense.

    • cmd resistor

      So I never knew about or paid attention to this guy’s politics, but since wingnut brother idolizes him, no surprise. He thinks that tool show was the best thing since sliced bread and I found it boring.

      • Ricky Gay

        Your brother must really like tools.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Hey, Tim Allen, welcome to “too old for Hollywood.” This happens to *all* women actresses who aren’t named Charlotte Rampling or Helen Mirren, and B-list has beens like you.

    • AJ Milne

      … also, too, is it too late in the millennium for me to do a Von Clownstick-style Twitter rant on weak! sad!! TV… specifically how incredibly blandly melba Home Improvement was even as blandly melba network sitcoms go? Because I absolutely would. Sweet FSM. I mean, okay, I know, that’s probably what they’re _trying_ to do, but it actually _hurt_ accidentally to flip past it on cable.

      (Quick! Go quick! And pray the remote doesn’t stutter, and no one walks through the line of sight between IR transmit and receive… You might catch one of the alleged punchlines, and feel both sadly underwhelmed and slightly dumber for days.)

  • James

    I said I was going to leave and I didn’t. This place is too addictive.

    However, my computer just borked and wants to restart or rebuild or perhaps relocate, so I need to go before it logs me out . . .

  • The Librarian
  • Sister the Resister

    I can’t tell you how much I want it to be an actual Tortilla Curtain, made of actual tortillas. First good rainstorm….

    • Jeff Ackerman

      I prefer white corn myself, it would be pleasing to the palate.

  • AJ Milne

    So Trump wants to divert any investigation into collusion between his campaign and the Putinistas toward… erm…

    The leaks…

    Bit of a non sequitur, this, yes… Funny, that. Man’s got a pinball machine for a brain.

    (Also, forgive the obvious, but I _swear_ sometimes he’s doing this on purpose… Look at how he puts it:

    Trump: Must find leakers now!

    Me: Phrasing!)

  • notanncoulter

    so is cheeto the clown is too fucking cheap to give the ss commander bannon one of those shitty ties he peddles? have we ever seen the commander ginblossom in a tie?

  • Khavrinen

    *acceptable bids should be “aesthetically pleasing,” yet “physically imposing in height.”*

    I have a proposal that will be incredibly imposing in height, because it will reach clear to the stratosphere, and be very aesthetically pleasing, because it will be completely invisible. I call it the Emperor’s New Wall.

    [ In the event that my proposal is accepted, and the government’s check actually clears, I plan on doing for real all the stuff the RWNJs hallucinate that George Soros is paying for. Also, too, stuffing Planned Parenthood’s Texas donation box full enough to watch some evangelicals’ heads a’ssplode. ]

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Trumpstappo.

  • Duke

    Nice. Political commissars just like the Russians had. Gotta keep an eye on the people or they may do what’s right.

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