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Please send all complaints to Sean Hannity, 1211 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10036
Next you’ll be telling us this nice lady isn’t the POTUS of Canada

We’ll get to Yr deleted comments right soon, but first, let’s take a look at what can happen when a Wonkette joke sloshes out into the great big world and runs into a Twitter reader who notices Yr Wonkette is Wrong on the Internet, and can’t wait to call us on it. We knew it was coming when we used the brilliant headline Yr Editrix suggested for our story about a Canadian Supreme Court decision allowing two bilked investors to collect a whole bunch of money in damages from Donald Trump and the local developers of Toronto’s Trump International Hotel and Tower. In fact, the whole piece was almost an excuse to use the hed “Canadian SCOTUS Agrees: Donald Trump Is A Big Lying Crook.”

We knew it was going to result in some grumpypants replies on Twitter and Facebook from the same folks who patiently explain to us that “moran” should be spelled with two o‘s or that the proper article for “idiot” is an, not a. We tried to at least head that off a little with the “article excerpt” that shows up on social media and our homepage, like thus and so:

As this screenshot from the Sekrit Chat Cave indicates, we knew from experience what was on the way:

So it was certainly no surprise when a Twitter person whom we’ll allow to go by only their first name took the predictable umbrage:

We were, of course, all very happy to see this, because it meant America’s internet correction brigade was at work. I decided maybe we ought to try to head off further trouble by sending out a little note to avoid further confusion:

As you’ll see, this only made matters worse.

Yr Editrix, not one to suffer fools gladly, pointed out that we were actually quite aware Canada does not have a SCOTUS:

Normally, this would be where the story ought to end, as “Andrew” would say, “Oh, OK, so that was a joke. Not very funny, but whatever.” But no. You see, “Andrew” had also seen my tweet that followed (but didn’t directly reply to) his, so he just knew we were trying to COVER UP our VERY EMBARRASSING MISTAKE by CLAIMING IT WAS A JOKE:

Yr Editrix was beginning to find it all a little dopey. Why on earth would we bother covering up something like that? Besides, it was right there in the excerpt, as she said:

“Andrew,” however, was an internet detective who knows what’s what, and he wasn’t about to let some jerk editor tell him he was wrong, and besides, he had HARD EVIDENCE of the cover-up: A full 28 minutes between his tweet pointing out our error and our lame attempt to pass it off as a “joke”!!!1!

We checked. The “bunch of trolls” giving “Andrew” shit up to this point was Rebecca. (I think I posted and immediately deleted a message saying it was a joke, but I don’t recall what I said… guess that could have contributed to his sense of being beset by trolls). Still, Rebecca is vast, she contains multitudes. Of trolls. Trolls who know how to reply with screenshots, too. This may look familiar:

“Andrew” wasn’t having any of it, because apart from proving it was a joke from the start, how the hell was he supposed to know it was a joke if we’d been talking about it in a private Slack channel, and what the hell is even wrong with us?

I decided to help out by pointing out the same excerpt was also on our homepage, which Andrew indignantly said he hadn’t seen, since he only looked at the article itself. Things continued in this vein, with another Wonkette fan hopping in as well to point out that “Andrew,” who lists “comedy nerd” as one of his interests in his Twitter profile, seemed to be having some difficulty with the idea that “Canadian SCOTUS” could be a joke. Meanwhile, in the Chatcave, Rebecca was fulminating about humorless Canadians, so I figured I’d make matters worse if at all possible:

In reply to Rebecca’s “you keep insisting we’re doing a coverup,” Andrew denied he’d ever made such an accusation; he just thought it was a dumb joke. Again, screenshots came into play, finally bringing the farce to something of a conclusion:

And that was the end of that little episode, at least for about 45 minutes, until the next scheduled retweet of the Wonkette story:

Aaaaand, SCENE!

We should also note that since “Andrew” made a big doofus of himself already, but finally acknowledged missing our note and almost even apologized, he should be left alone. No doxxing or harassing him — and frankly, we wish we didn’t even have to warn you filthy fuckaducks, but yeesh, Internet, you know?

And now, a couple of actual deleted comments, if only so we won’t run afoul of truth in labeling regulations like some dirty Canadian baconmonger:

Some dork who immediately deleted their Disqus account dropped by our post asking everyone to chill out about Rachel Maddow so they could ask us if we realized that, as a rich dude, Donald Trump pays a heck of a lot more income tax than any of us, and shouldn’t that make us rethink our hypocritical class warfare, HMMMMMM?

  • Anyway, Trump paid more in taxes in that one year than all the rest of us commenting on this entire blog. How much did you all pay to support all the wasteful programs, military and welfare?
  • Name calling means you have already lost. Anyway, you would be one of the first to whine if we were occupied by a foreign nation. But we also defend other nations, too. Is that worthwhile. One reason there are so many poor is due to a failing work ethic and entitlement mentality. Also millions of illegals. Do you want to help the poor? Then become a social worker.
  • I am one of the hard working people. Do you have a real job? I will vote for anyone who will honestly say they will cut OUR entitlements, which are unsustainable.
  • If you are a citizen you are subject to tax…unless you just ‘take’ benefits from society. I am sure you will not turn them down.
  • You want statistics? Read the federal budget…$20 trillion thanks to Obama and Demos along with some of the Repubs. I will debate anyone on federal spending. Good gosh!
  • You tell me? I am sure you mean the wealthy…well, they pay more to support programs than you, me, and everyone else here. You like the benefits, right? Why aren’t you paying your fair share?
  • I do not even know where to begin with those comments…some of which are racist. Can you not discuss intelligently? You have nothing to back anything up other than talking points you have had reinforced by your slanted view of news.

The “racist” comment was from someone pointing out that poor whites in Appalachia who had voted for Trump would be among those screwed hardest by his budget, which was pretty darn racist, since it mentioned white people. Ah, but then the Big Reveal, sometime before the self-deletion:

Good day! My posts below were part of an experiment. I discovered that liberal commenters seem even more clueless than conservative commenters. I just wanted to visit a liberal website and see the kind of discussion I would have. A couple of you had good points but most of you just demonstrated the ignorant name-calling and baseless accusations I expected. I tried to answer as many as I could but it was hopeless….too much stupidity to deal with. This is my only visit here. I had a good time. I will come back after lunch (maybe) and read some of your replies to have a good laugh with and I will sign off….Sitting back laughing.

Oh my! Well, our self-deleted guest certainly got the last laugh on US with that clever experiment, sneakily infiltrating our completely public website and proving us to be fools who only repeat empty talking points in reply to well-reasoned thoughts like “read the federal budget,” “Do you have a real job, or are you a taker?” and “name calling means you’ve already lost!” We do, however, wish our visitor will contact us when they have published the results of their experiment in the International Journal Of Random Thoughts I Had On The Interwebs This One Time.

Some guy named “Brian” had these completely on-topic thoughts in reply to a post from 2010 about Tea Party protesters screaming obscenities and racial epithets at Democratic members of Congress. Hell if we know. The headline had “Devin Nunes” in it, so OBVIOUSLY it was about Barack Obama’s “wire tapp” of Donald Trump. “Brian” was pretty mad at us morons for not knowing this, seven years ago:

  • Liberals are mentally disturbed as is this site
  • Trump was wiretapped IT IS A FACT and FISA courts proved that. Trump said “Obama” as in his CIA his Govt His admin.. not that Barack Soetoro armed with his fraudulent birth certificate and academic records and background as a professional race hustler and con artist slipped into Donald’s office in a trench coat and bugged him (OBAMA can’t even change oil) You morons are worse than explaining things to a 2 yr old. The funny thing is after OBAMA lied used You useful Idiots and laughed at your stupidity and insulted the very little intelligence you assholes have, you are still allowing him to ass mind rape you pathetic looking people. FAKE NEWS

“Brian’s” very brief comment history also includes this, in reply to a Daily Caller piece on Sean Hannity saying Donald Trump is “a little too sensitive at times”:

I don’t think he is harsh enough. the left are terrorists of the worst kind and everything they stand for seems to be so damaging to the country. hes too nice and centrist for me.

We’re pretty sure that’s not the kind of “sensitive” Hannity was talking about, but what would a terrorist of the worst kind know about words anyway? “Brian” also had some thoughts on a Bankrate.com piece about whether states with no income tax are really giving their residents a break, or just getting revenue in other, more regressive ways:

Deport every illegals, refugees who don’t “comply” suspending all benefits across the board period, force felons in prison to do road work,since we pay 50k a year to support them, make pusssy millennials work low labor jobs by FORCE by taking their grants and food stamps, have a nationwide concealed carry law (crime goes down saves billions) fix OBAMA healthcare law, cut every politician salary by 50%, no more useless wars, occupation in other countries – nation building- foreign aid -crack down on fraud in thenwelfare state and impose a 90% income tax on all entertainers/celebrities (they want it right?) THEN NO KNE NEEDS TO PAY MORE THAN 10% across the board! Oh wait, Trump is doing 80% of this!

So, hey, he eventually ended up getting around to taxes, so that’s darn close to being on topic. We have a feeling “Brian” won’t be the least bit happy to find himself included in this week’s roundup of Derp. Look for his angry reply somewhere in the comments for a 2009 Field And Stream piece on largemouth bass.

Yr Wonkette is now ad-free, even in the farthest reaches of Canada, where it is said that people routinely leave doctors’ offices without paying anything. Please help us continue bringing you the finest deletia by clicking the “Donate” doodad below this article!

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  • Carpe Vagenda

    The important question is: did the ground want to be the whale’s friend?

    • I thought the ground was more into the rough stuff. After all, the whale was hitting on it pretty hard and fast.

    • Christopher Story

      My theory is… No. Friends catch each other when they fall down.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Of course. It’s a team building exercise.

  • Michael R
    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Superhigh is what my trained eyes see i this picture.

      • Michael R

        He’s high on ” Igotmine “

    • The Wanderer

      Superdouche! Faster than Trump’s pudgy Twitter fingers!
      Superdouche! More powerful than the stink of Liptauer cheese!
      Superdouche! Able to leap to illogical conclusions in a single Randian bound!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Bachpfeifengesicht!

    • Christopher Story

      Politicians are always bogarting the best smoke.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The hash suppository finally kicks in.

  • Villago Delenda Est
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Say, you know who else contained multitudes of trolls?

    • Painter of Swedish Tragedies

      The Hobbit?

    • The Wanderer

      The Silmarillion?

    • Any half-decent game of D&D?

    • eggsacklywright

      Charlie Manson?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      World of Warcraft?

    • The Wanderer

      “I sit on the floor and pick my nose
      and dream exotic dreams
      Of dragons who dress in rubber clothes
      and trolls who do it in teams.”

      • Kiri the Paid Protestor

        Bored of the Rings?

        • The Wanderer

          “Yes, indeed!” he replied, spurring his bleating battle-sheep into motion.

        • Ken S., As Seen On Watch Lists

          Great book, a treasure of English literature.

          • The Wanderer

            I sometimes quote the following:

            “We hardly need the strength of thirty
            When we can win by fighting dirty.”

        • LucindathePook

          Peace is we want and do have
          And a piece of all things you have

  • Painter of Swedish Tragedies

    Wow. “Brian” seems to have used up his period allotment for March before he got around to commenting here.

  • Villago Delenda Est
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    How much did you all pay to support all the wasteful programs, military and welfare?

    About 24% in total, about the same as Donald. What’s your point, troll?

    • I went with too much and not enough, respectively

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Also, too, the reason people call you names, Brian, is because your so called “arguments” are so blindingly stupid that there is obviously no point in trying to refute them, because we see where it’s going before you even type a reply.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Yeah but sometimes you can bait them into admitting they actually hate liberty.

        • It’s like when they’re ranting about states rights, and you ask why they want to stop other states from regulating something in their borders. The knots they tie themselves into trying to justify it are level: Gordian.

      • I thought it was because they always come in here calling everyone sheep, stupid, dumb, whatever and then flounce out whining about name calling

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      My first thought was “military and corporate tax cuts are unsustainable, sure, but helping people certainly isn’t.” Some people don’t do any research.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Nope. My taxes are reverse-fungible and therefore only go towards abortions.

  • Painter of Swedish Tragedies

    We should be more sympathetic. “Andrew” obviously suffers from Humor Deficiency Syndrome. HDS ruins lives people!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Irony Deficiency, also too.

      • eggsacklywright

        Irony deficiency?

  • The Wanderer

    I thought it was a joke at the start. I just rolled with it.

    I can be a bit Zen that way.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Anyway, you would be one of the first to whine if we were occupied by a foreign nation.

    Funny how testy we liberal get when another country interferes with our national election while a major political party looks the other way so it can cash in, isn’t it?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/baae234eef8439761688067bd36e75ed28ece958e8e26ddf96bea5dc207c3543.jpg

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Can you not discuss intelligently?

    Forget it Jake. It’s TrumpTown.

  • Biff52

    Oh for fuck’s sake, I hate twitter…

    • Everyone on Twitter hates Twitter.

      • Biff52

        The only time I ever look at twitter is from links posted here, and I always find myself looking for an icepick immediately thereafter. I just never learn.

    • JCfromNC

      I avoid the rage-inducing parts of Twitter by just looking at the tweets from the people I follow, and not the responses from the idiot brigade.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Please also refrain from referring to:
    The Canadian USAF
    The Canadian Mountie Time Zone (which doesn’t exist)
    The Canadian National Hockey League

    • Lance Thrustwell

      …Or you’ll be hearing from the Canadian White House!

    • HolidayinCambodia

      How about “The Canadian Wayne Gretzky?”

    • Ricky Gay

      whatabout the Canadian SCROTUM???!!!

  • AJ Milne

    Re ‘…“moran” should be spelled with two o‘s…’

    Fine. Fine!

    Maroon.

    • The Wanderer

      As in “What a.”

      • AJ Milne

        (Also too ‘wotta’.)

      • Villago Delenda Est

        gulli-bull!

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor
    • HolidayinCambodia

      Ask, and thou shall receive:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_Kh7nLplWo

      • Ωbjectifier

        Shoulda scrolled down.

        • HolidayinCambodia

          GRR!

    • SCK

      “Wisten to the wippwing wefwain of the woodwind, as it wolls awound and awound, and it comes out here…”

      • The Wanderer

        (starched wing collar goes Boing!)

    • willi0000000

      not “mooran” ?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “My speed reading class taught me to skip over captions…and details….and context.”

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    make pusssy millennials work low labor jobs by FORCE

    I love the smell of forced labor in the morning. Smell like … FREEDUM!

    • Next up, all them mooching senior citizens and unemployed people in the Appalachians! Them crops won’t harvest themselves, you know!

      • Amy!

        Corn don’t grow on Rocky Top. Ground’s too rocky, by far. That’s why all the folks on Rocky Top get their corn in a jar, you see.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        They can use their walkers to till the soil.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I really, as a late boomer, do not understand the mindless millennial hate of some people.

    • Nockular cavity

      You know who else used forced labor…

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    I feel like I’m covered in projection vomit. Thanks, Brian.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Some people pay good money for that.

      • The Wanderer

        Emetophiles.

  • amindofitsown

    Next you’ll be telling me Cookie Monster didn’t part the Red Sea, or that Christopher Columbus didn’t discover Antarctica.

    Whatever, libturdz…

    • Ωbjectifier

      Or that Pancho Villa didn’t bomb Pearl Harbor.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        He did too! BillO was there!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    A few years back-knowing that I enjoy writing-a friend suggested I start a blog…talking about the ups and downs of being a local-as-a-motherfucker working musician. Aside from the obvious fact that NOBODY gives a shit, particularly me, I rejected the idea out of hand, suspecting that it might force me to have interactions with the “Andrews” of the internets. I would literally prefer to stick a kabob skewer through one ear until it came out the other side.

    • The Wanderer

      Cranial Piercings will be the Next Big Thing.

      • bupkus23

        I think they already are, amongst the alt-right – they just haven’t figured out whta the equivament to “earrings” would be!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        But who will be punk rock enough to do the cranial “through” piercings?

        • The Wanderer

          Heh. That was kind of what I meant. Eye-bolts straight through the skull, connected to cables from the ceiling so you can really dance to the latest from Prompt Blast Casualties.

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          Phineas Gage.

          • Shucky Ducky

            That guy was metal AF.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Read the federal budget…$20 trillion thanks to Obama and Demos along with some of the Repubs.

    Erm, maybe if you add up all of the Obama years you get that figure. Because the figure for 2005 is $3.8T. Use misleading statistics much, troll?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2d41249f3674c41d6e2479cf1c1d2e47afa8731dfbe1569de017792f3c0c30e6.png

  • Darlene Underdahl

    In my many years of QA/QC, the most common complaint levied against me was that I over explained. You see why.

  • HolidayinCambodia

    I asked my wife whether there was a SCOTUS of Canada, but that was one of the 45 texts a day from me that she ignored, if you can imagine that.

    • Shanzgood

      She sounds mean.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “You want statistics? Read the federal budget…$20 trillion thanks to Obama and Demos along with some of the Repubs. I will debate anyone on federal spending.”

    OH, HOW I WISH I HADN’T MISSED THIS ONE!!!!! I WOULD LOVE TO SHARE ALAN GREENSPAN’S QUOTE FROM 2001 ABOUT HOW HE SUPPORTED BUSH’S TAX CUTS SINCE WE WERE ‘IN DANGER OF GETTING RID OF THE NATIONAL DEBT TOO QUICKLY’.” When Bush inherited the White House, our national debt was scheduled to be PAID OFF by the year 2010, and then we were going to run surpluses for an additional 20 years (that’s WITH an aging population). “What happened?” you ask, see “two unpaid for endless wars, two unpaid for tax cuts, and Medicare Part D unpaid for also.” “Fiscally conservative” my ASS!!!1

    “You tell me? I am sure you mean the wealthy…well, they pay more to support programs than you, me, and everyone else here. You like the benefits, right? Why aren’t you paying your fair share?”

    The rich pay a very large chunk of FEDERAL income taxes. Interestingly, they pay the majority of taxes (40%?) yet they OWN 80% of the nation’s wealth, so THEY are NOT paying their fair share.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Like his POS old man, the deserting coward moved huge expenditures “off budget” so his stupid wouldn’t be quite as obvious. Unfortunately, it certainly worked with the 27%.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        My neighbor is CONVINCED that trickle down economics works, and that it was Obama who single handedly ran up $18 trillion dollars in debt. He kind of conveniently overlooks that Bush ran up an equal amount of debt AND that Bush was responsible for most of the debt that Obama ran up.

    • redblack

      that $600 budget surplus refund check i got from bush went straight to a credit card company. very stimulative, dontcha know…

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        That’s funny, because that’s what everyone did with their check. It had zero effect on stimulating the economy. I considered it more of a bribe to vote for Bush than anything else. I guess it worked, since he got re-elected (barely).

        • redblack

          and it didn’t do jack shit to reduce The (all-of-a-sudden-we-care-about) Debt.™

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Yeah, Republicans cared about the debt from from Jan. 20, 2009 until Jan 20th, 2017.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I do not even know where to begin with those comments…some of which are racist.

    Glad to see I am not the only one who is appalled by the remarks from the trolls.

    Wait, what?

  • Tallmutha

    Moran should be spelled with two O’s.

    Maroon.

  • chascates

    I really wish it was possible to punch someone in the nose over the internet.

  • SCK

    Jeez fucking Christ, I hate internet tweebs like Andrew. Had one fucker once argue with me that I should go back to 4th grade because I didn’t understand what a “”metaphore”” is (his word and his quotation marks, not mine).

    The internet makes stupid people believe they’re smart. I really wish it would go away.

    • The Wanderer

      Your penultimate sentence explains why there were so many Trump voters.

    • Makes smart people look stupid also!

    • ziggywiggy

      It would be great if they just understood why there is a squiggly red line under their words.

      • The Witch of Endor

        IK,R?

      • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

        red lines meen this wurd is speshul and imfatic liek in the biebel.

      • They probably just hit “add to dictionary”, problem solved. How dare a computer suggest they can’t spell!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Double quotation marks? Is that internet shorthand for “I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about or what this misspelled word means, but don’t think that’s going to stop me!”?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Quotation marks are fast becoming the Get Out of Jail Free card of the troll community.

        Thanks, Donnie.

    • FlemmishSpy

      The internet should be the Dunning–Kruger-net.

    • puredog

      Man, “”metaphore”” is REALLY verbatim. All it needs now is a [sic].

      • SCK

        It’s like he wanted a citation in the same way that older white British guys want a little bit of paddling.

    • PubOption

      If a chromophore is that part of a molecule which produces color, a metaphore should be that part of a molecule that produces self-reference.

    • Querolous

      Et vous croyiez que je parlais par métaphore!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    A Conservative syllogism

    Only people who pay taxes should get benefits
    People are better off keeping their money than pating it in taxes and getting benefits back.
    Therefore, government benefits do not exist.

    Also too, Socrates is a taker.

    • Shanzgood

      Ow, stop it!

      • frrolfe

        Amazing how so many of us get all “tingly” when budgets are being discussed. I’ll be in my bunk.

  • I like how Brian is all for taxing entertainers 90%.
    That includes Fox, since they had to legally declare themselves entertainment to avoid being slapped for not being news.
    I could get on board with that!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Just leave those investment bankers alone!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      WWE (back when they called themselves WWF before the World Wildlife Federation schooled them) actually went before the Washington State legislature and insisted they were entertainment, not sports, so that they didn’t have to comply with regulations regarding sporting events.

  • Ωbjectifier

    The funny thing is after OBAMA lied used You useful Idiots and laughed at your stupidity and insulted the very little intelligence you assholes have, you are still allowing him to ass mind rape you pathetic looking people.

    Try diagramming that sentence, I dare you.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Ass Mind Rape is my new Oi band.

      • Nockular cavity

        That is kind of a brilliant stupid, isn’t it?

      • Shanzgood

        It’s always asses with these guys.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I generally ass-ume that is the case.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The derp…you’re soaking in it!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I could turn it into a sentence with four commas, but the capitalization would still be a problem and also too it’s incoherent cutpasta.

    • Was this the racist comment the guy was talking about?

    • eggsacklywright

      In order to diagram that sentence, you’d have to use a Palinizer.

      “Like a chainsaw runnin’ through a dictionary…”

    • Chyron HR

      Don’t try to ass mind rape me, boy.

    • Just gonna say whatever it is, is projection, and leave it at that.

    • Tiny kaiju

      Does the “ass mind rape you” part need a comma or at least a hyphen? It sounds like he means “mind rape your ass”.

      • redblack

        or “ass rape your mind” when it bends over to pick up the soap.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          That was my thought, but I imagined opposable thumbs would have been involved at some point.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’ve said a lot of horrible things about Donnie Dickwart. “Too nice and centrist” is not a criticism that ever occurred to me.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Donnie’s idea of being “nice” is flirting with a woman who’s only a 7.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “Centrist” means he allows female Nazis to attend rallies.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          “I like to grope both sides.”
          — Donald Trump, centrist

      • onedollarjuana

        I first read that as “… flirting with a woman who’s only 7.”

        • Amy!

          Yeah, no, I’m pretty sure he’s up for that.

        • Querolous

          Darn it !

      • Querolous

        Donnie’s idea of being “nice” is flirting with a woman who’s only a 7.

        • Querolous

          Dang it!

    • I’ve often thought that he’s a leader in the sense of “people will follow him to see what he fucks up next.”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Sort of the Pied Piper of Hamelin. Let’s just hope the rats follow him into the river.

    • gene108

      We underestimate the crazy in this country. We seriously underestimate it.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Ahem…that’s “misunderestimate”.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    This is my only visit here. I had a good time. I will come back after lunch (maybe)

    This will be the only time I go to this website. See you this afternoon!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7cc6ffb2cdad039cbec40875a46e539caea9bbb01bfc39dcde42bbe5a552599c.jpg

    • Persistent Demme

      How was your meeting with the Bobs yesterday?

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Not as bad as I feared: there were Bernie supporters there, but I didn’t encounter anyone with a “Bernie really won” attitude. Could have done without the anti-vaxxer, however. But at least we’re fighting the real enemy!

        • Persistent Demme

          Good to hear.
          (Ugh! CA and the anti-vaxxers!)

  • Tallmutha

    When I started reading this, I thought you were going to tell us about all the shit you got for saying a court literally called Trump a Big Lying Crook. Is our trolls getting even weirder?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “He’s our big lying crook.”
      — A Trumpkin

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Something conservatives always say:

    Only those who support higher taxes should pay taxes.

    Something conservatives never say:

    Only those who support a war should have to fight in it.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Or pay for it.

  • I only read Twitter on my tiny li’l phone, and the SCOTUS disclaimer sure as shit did appear.

    Also, dear Rebecca: Flowers can’t talk. Duh. Please admit your blatant error.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    (OBAMA can’t even change oil)

    What did this troll want Obama to change oil into: balsamic vinaigrette? Olives? Wine?

    • The Wanderer

      Maybe he thinks that Obama can’t change the oil in the family car’s crankcase?

      • gene108

        Yes. The most important skill for a President to have is basic auto maintenance do-it-yourself knowledge.

        Brian clearly has his priorities straight on what a Presdient needs to know.

        P.S. Trump got a deferment from basic auto maintenance because his hands are so small, so it doesn’t matter if he can change the oil in his car.

        • The Wanderer

          The gold standard for all Presidential candidates, according to these idiots, is “Is this a guy you can have a beer with?”

          • And unlike most of the Republican presidents, Democratic ones actually do have beers with people.

          • Another thing Trump does not do.

          • The Wanderer

            Exactly.

          • gene108

            The funny thing is the last Republican President and the current one are sel-professed tee-totallers, who would not have a beer with anyone.

          • The Wanderer

            GWB was a dry-drunk suppository. Trump probably can’t drink out of fears of aggravating his brain syphilis.

        • I will bet you dollars that Obama can change oil, and Trump cannot

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            I will also bet that Obama has seen a lot of crank cases over the last eight years.

          • snark-lurker

            tRump donout even know how to open the hood, or which end of the car for that matter

          • Shanzgood

            He can’t even open the door for Melania.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        In Brian’s family car the crankcase is sitting in the driver’s seat.

        • The Wanderer

          He drives an Alfa Romeo?

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          …dammit…

          Looks like someone else beat me to the crankcase joke… :-/

          • Ghenghis McCann

            Sorry, I’ll let you go first next time there’s an opening for a crankcase joke.

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            Thanks!

          • puredog

            Lotta competish, since just about evvabuddy here is a crank case.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Given the homoerotic dreams of many right wing trolls, probably a medium in which to wrestle bare-chested.

      • The Wanderer

        Turkish style oil wrestling, where it is permissible to shove a hand down the back of your opponent’s pants to gain leverage.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Oh I have seen this before – he is not a real man because, as Senator and then as President, he did not do his own automobile maintenance.

    • redblack

      everyone knows they don’t have cars in kenya. duh.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    THEN NO KNE NEEDS TO PAY MORE THAN 10% across the board!

    The Knes will be glad to hear this. Pretty sure the Knas will be pissed, however…

    • The Wanderer

      What about the Knus?

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        I heard their deportation orders were in the mail.

      • Kiri the Paid Protestor

        No knus is good knus.

        • K-nock it off already.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          😐

          That is all.

        • The Wanderer

          Then we have the Knights Who Say Kni!

          • Dudleydidwrong

            Send Roger the shrubber to those Knes.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Will no one think of the poor gnus?

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          I’ve always preferred gnus to knus, but prefer canoes over both. But that’s just me.

      • onedollarjuana

        Who Knos?

        • eggsacklywright

          The Knorman Knabertwackle Choir?

      • snark-lurker

        and the Knarlies

      • vivian

        FAKE KNUS!!!

  • Dear Wonkette,
    Hullo, I am a reader and sometimes do not comment, also. I wanted to write you to tell you that I was VERY PERTERBED that you had a picture of the Queen as president of Canadia, when everyone knows that Justin Tru-blue is the president of Canadia. I was heartbroken that therefore, we had no morning pictures of Justin gracing the cover of yr. Wonkette.
    It is my hope in the future that you will rectify this egregious oversight and produce some pictures of the actual Canadian president Post Haste.
    Thank you,
    Jen (who does not stalk any prime ministers).

    • Sorry hon. That nice old British lady is nominally in charge of Justin

      • I DO NOT BELIEVE IT.

        • Constitutional monarchy. And she met him when he was a wee kid, so granny rights

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            She’s not the boss of him, and even if she was, he could vanquish her with one, sexy, withering look. She may be old, but she’s not dead inside, amirite????

          • Ghenghis McCann

            She probably would be happy to swap him for some of her descendants.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Yer just jealously jealous, Jen B, becuz you wants to be boss of Justin. Admit it.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Are we sure that Keith Richards is not Justin’s biological father?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    The Greeks had the agora.
    The Romans had the forum.
    The Enlightenment had the coffeehouse.
    We’ve got goddam twitter.

    • The Wanderer

      Yes. There’s a drop-off here.

    • gene108

      We also have Wonkette. Score one for us 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾

  • Terry Australis

    Wonkette wrote: ““moran” should be spelled with two o‘s ”

    Yes. It is spelled “maroon”. The A is the first vowel, then two O’s. Please update Wonkette style guide.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Fun fact: This usage of maroon traces back to bugs bunny.

      Even more impressive is what Bugs Bunny did to ‘nimrod’. Nimrod used to mean great hunter, after the Biblical king, and Bugs Bunny used it sarcastically about Elmer Fudd. People who did not get the reference just took ‘nimrod’ to be a generic insult and the modern usage was born.

      • Shanzgood

        Whee! Word nerdage!

        • Bonus Python Nerdage with words: Nimrod was the capitol of Assyria.

          • The Wanderer

            That would be Nimrud.

          • Close enough ^.^ In some spellings it is with an O SO THERE

          • The Wanderer

            (giggles)

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Wait…there’s an ASS Syria?

          • The Wanderer

            Yep! Some of their kings were named ASS-urbanipal.

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            Yes.

            It’s quite close to Twerk key.

          • Marion in Savannah

            So, one of the Florida Keys? I had no idea…

          • nerd=”1″ >

            In the Hilly Bobble Nimrod supposed to be an Assyrian King but appears in none of the Cuneiform King lists. It may be that the writer of the OT confused a king who adopted the God Ninurta as his father (Tukulti-Ninurta)

            Victorians assumed that the Assyrian city of Levekh was the Biblical Calah and hence the city of the God Nimrud (Nimrod) which name stuck

            < / nerd

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            A moose bit my sister once.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        I am impressed that Bugs won an Oscar, but have always been more impressed by his service as a Technical Sergeant during WWII.

      • This is the best thing I’ve learned in a long while.

    • vivian

      Maoron?

      • Marion in Savannah

        That’s the New Zealand spelling…

        • vivian

          Chairman Maoron?

  • Chadwells

    Cheese and crackers. Heavy on the crackers…if ya catch my drift!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      …and we think you do!

  • THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A CANADIAN SCROTUM OF THE UNITED STATES!!!!

    Jeezus, you people.

    • The Wanderer

      Isn’t Canada’s Scrotum also called Maine?

      • RC

        maybe that’s why they keep electing LePage?

        • The Wanderer

          He does sort of resemble an inflamed testicle.

          • RC

            hahahha snort hahaha

          • Dudleydidwrong

            LePage is more of a festering hemorrhoid. “Inflamed testicle” is the name of his dog.

      • Rick Hill

        I’d have guessed Cleveland

      • PerSister Big Puppy

        Ow! Ow! Ow! Only 38% voted for LePage.

    • natoslug

      But Alberta is still Canada’s taint, innit?

      • vivian

        Sure ain’t Manitoba…

        • natoslug

          You take that back! Manitobas are so graceful, so peaceful, floating around all day munching on tasty floating hyacinth and water lettuce and never bothering anybody . . .

      • And no-one wants to know what Saskatchewan is

        (Bugger me! I spelled that correctly first time)

        • natoslug

          Thuffering Thathkatchewan!

  • RC

    O/T Trump bus lady in Texas…

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/classic-apps/fear-hope-and-deportations/2017/03/18/613c33b6-0a94-11e7-93dc-00f9bdd74ed1_story.html?utm_term=.72eb676cec9c&wpisrc=nl_rainbow&wpmm=1

    All I could think is, I thought republicans were supposed to “pull themselves up by their bootstraps” not blame other people for their bad decisions.

    • Rick Hill

      Her taxes pay for the schools the immigrant’s children go to? But she knows the immigrants work and, as claimed by trump, the business owners pay taxes on their workers so that means the immigrants pay taxes, right? (Of course undocumented immigrants pay into a system they cannot receive benefits from but those are “alt facts” to trump supporters)

      • RC

        at one point she talks about how her Hispanic neighbors help her before her white ones, how she doesn’t want the children to think she’s a monster, the people next door worked their butts off and bought a house so the pay property taxes, yea that pay for schools. She grew up rich and shit happened, it’s not the neighbors fault. Like most republicans she wants her cake and eat it too. I just want to…..with votes….

      • Here is the thing. She is sooooo hot to get those illegals outta there!!! But she would not HAVE A FUCKING JOB WITHOUT THE KIDS SHE IS BUSSING
        Stupid fucking bitch

    • gene108

      Those are the blacks and browns who pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Trump supporters not so much.

    • But he has no idea how he will pay for college, so he is thinking that right after high school he will enlist in the U.S. Army.

      “It’s my country and I want to serve,” he says, as he picks up his trumpet case and backpack and heads off to school.

      Fucking Estes is a fucking bitch and I hope she lives a long long lonely life fully aware of what she has done.

      • RC

        That would take self awareness so it’s never going to happen.

    • Alan

      Blaming someone else is all there is.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      So she had every opportunity to make a better life and she made some bad choices.

      Through hard work and persistence, her neighbors have turned the slightest opening into an opportunity and are trying to do everything right.

      Which one of these people belongs to the Party of Personal Responsibility again?

    • Tiny kaiju

      She did two things in her youth that put her where she is; she didn’t get further education or training in a perennially useful field and she got divorced. She could improve her employment options even now if she got over herself and learned a little Spanish.

      • RC

        and her neighbors would probably teach her for free or next to nothing.

  • Ωbjectifier
  • tapp_my_wire,please

    All this time I assumed Canadian SCOTUS was the plural for the sight in a hockey locker room of players removing their jocks.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    I think I finally have all the legal documents I need to establish once and for all whether I am, in fact, Canadian (it looks promising, but it’s by no means a done deal).

    Should I find myself living on the other side of the border, I will immediately file a flurry of lawsuits designed to go all the way to the Canadian SCOTUS. AmeriCanada will finally have strong federal protections in place for legal weed, marriage equality, environmental regulations, the ERA, and dogs and cats living together.

    Since Canadian SCOTUS decisions are legally binding across the northern border, the Queen herself will pledge the full weight of the British commonwealth against anyone who resists. Should she be too physically compromised, Prince Charles and/or William will provide the same amount of moral and military support for such measures.

    You’re welcome.

    • Biff52

      Half my family is from, or is still in, Canada City. The ratio would be far more favourable if not for the extreme breeders on this side of the border. Even so, I don’t think they would take me, and I can’t say that I blame them.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Why doesn’t the Queen just take back this forlorn collection of former colonies and turn it into a version of Canada that matches the one to the north? Or even Australia or New Zealand? C’mon, Queenie–do something. Please. Put on your William the Conqueror suit and get to it.

  • azeyote

    i’t’s nice to know that you have to pay lots of taxes to have something to say about anything relating to anything – i guess i can shut up and get back to drinking quietly if that’s allowed –

    • Fuck that noise. Regular libtards pay way more in taxes- property, income, sales- than any 1 percenter.
      That means we get to be insanely loud about a thing

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Well, you pay tax on the liquor you buy and consume, and from the sound of it, you’re probably a big contributor.

      • An Outhouse for the Resistance

        Fuck yourself?

  • Hollis Brown

    omg I feel so betrayed. Because I trusted you, I believed there really was a Canadian SCOTUS. I figured it was the branch of the US govt that dealt with constitutional issues in our Canadian Territories, you know like the Puerto Rico SCOTUS? But now you tell me it was a JOKE?! Shame on you! How do you expect people to be informed responsible citizens when you give them false information?

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Great name, btw

      Your baby’s eyes look crazy
      They’re a-tuggin’ at your sleeve
      Your baby’s eyes look crazy
      They’re a-tuggin’ at your sleeve
      You walk the floor and wonder why
      With every breath you breathe

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Wait until those assholes in Alabama find out there is no Alabama SCOTUS.

      • SayItWithWookies

        That’s what the Baptist Church is for.

    • natoslug

      I only accept information supplied by the voices in my head.

  • Bad news Wonkers. I will soon be downgrading to a 1 bedroom apt. Less room for refugee bunkbeds

    • Still got a couch, right?
      Non goofy: Sorry sweetie :huggles:

      • Meh. It’s fine. But packing books is a bitch

        • I hate packing. Like unpacking and finding new places for things, but packing seriously sucks

          • MizzMazz

            Downsizing sucks, especially for things like books. Most of mine are still in the garage in boxes, as well as kitchen tools. I used to think I wouldn’t like a Kindle, but I love it now; all my books fit into my pocket. Except for the ones down in the garage.

          • I have a Kobo, but you can pry my books from my cold, dead hands. Kitchen shit will also be an issue

          • janecita

            I’m with you, I love my tablet but nothing beats the smell and the feel of a new book.

          • Or an old book. I love the smell of used book stores

          • janecita

            Me too!

          • Shanzgood

            I do, too. For about 10 minutes and then I get a raging headache.

          • Shucky Ducky

            See my note above. There’s a good reason for that.

          • Shanzgood

            I guess that’s why I hate my basement as well.

          • janecita

            That happens to me at the candle store, head splitting pain after a couple of minutes.

          • Shanzgood

            Same here. Any stores full of perfumed things.

          • Marion in Savannah

            I’ve mastered the steely “come near me with that thing and I’ll kill you” glare at the perfume sprayers who roam the cosmetics area.

          • Shanzgood

            God, do they still do that?! Ack!

          • puredog

            People working out at the gym after dousing selves with perfume or Axe or the like. They annoy me, but they drive the GF nuts.

          • Shucky Ducky

            As a paper conservator, I feel compelled to warn you that that is the smell of cellulostic deterioration, adhesive embrittlement, and mold.

          • Smells good, that mold does

          • And, if you’re really lucky, hallucenogens!

          • MizzMazz

            Quick question for you then. My S.O has some family bibles he keeps in the china hutch. I told him he should not handle them with bare hands, and should keep them in a seal able plastic box. Am I correct? Is there a better way to store these heirlooms?

          • Shucky Ducky

            Nope, sealed plastic bag is bad. Just seals in the acids that offers as part of cellulose deterioration. You want an acid-free, buffered paper box. Bare hands are fine as long as they’re clean.

          • MizzMazz

            Good to know. I thought the oils from bare hands would affect the pages, and said the gloves would be better, but if he just washes his mits, he will be fine. They are already showing signs of wear and tear, and I know they mean the world to him. Brought back from Ireland by great grandparents. Thanks!

          • Shucky Ducky
          • MizzMazz

            Thank you for that.

          • Alan

            Clean, dry, proper air flow, out of sunlight, with spines properly supported. Some bookstores keep the good stuff in plastic but it’s never sealed, they will rot.

          • Biff52

            I’m handing mine down to my nephew soon, so it will be his problem. It was printed in 1848, so it’s survived a lot of generations before I got it and had the wood and leather cover restored.

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            I still like it. Visited the Biblioteca Ambrosiana in Milan in 2013, and almost got high on the smell, mould or not.

          • Alan

            Party pooper.

          • Alan

            Sadly, they’re going out of business.

          • Not in my city. There are 3 large ones that are thriving

          • Alan

            You’re fortunate, but how many did there used to be? We’re down from a dozen to 2 or 3 that I can think of. In a college town.

          • I think maybe 7. It helps that one of them is next to a major head shop

          • Tiny kaiju

            I find it depends on whether the books are in a dry, library like enivronment or in a more damp, labyrinth of a room because they ran out of space upstairs. The best one are enormous fire hazards due to the lack of shelves, resulting in ziggurats of paper backs on every available surface.

          • MizzMazz

            I love the feel and smell of books too. The ones that my Dad left me have that lovely old bookstore smell. It’s just when I want to use a certain spring form pan, or read something I know is down there, it’s a mining expedition. This kitchen is so small only one person can work in it at a time, and even then it’s dicey. I hope your place is better.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            The idea of reading a book electronically is abhorrent to me. The feel, the smell, the weight of a real book…can’t beat it.

          • MizzMazz

            It was to me as well, but dammit if it doesn’t work when you live in a small place and can’t physically cram all those books in the house, not to mention the new ones you want. We have two people living here, a raft of instruments and art, and many of our books here, but it would look like Hoarders if we brought everything in.

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            I love books, too, but several years ago I made the decision to stop buying books that I was probably only going to read one time unless I couldn’t get them from the library. Now my collection is limited to those that I re-read from time to time, reference-type books, and a few that I find particularly beautiful.

          • MizzMazz

            And Libraries are so wonderful. People working there love books, there are programs for kids and really anyone. when I didn’t have a lot of spending money, I would visit the library and get not only books but movies, and got to hear lectures. I was lucky, our library was well funded. Not so in so many places.

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            Also, online resources and inter-library loan! Our library system also has public computers for people who can’t afford their own. Everyone in America should have such access.

          • MizzMazz

            I so agree, and I don’t trust local governments that shutter them. That should be the last thing closed.

          • puredog

            I was driving down the street with an ex one day and we say a small funky used book store. She asked me if I had ever been there, and I said, “No, but I know exactly how it smells.” She still laughs about that. (ETA: Not a bad smell, but you know the one.)

          • MizzMazz

            When you go into a shop like that, you never know what you’ll find, and you might find something magical. At least that was always my hope.

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            My apartment living room is nothing but bookcases. The thought of having to move sends chills up my spine.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            It’s the reason I’ve been in my apartment so long… the thought of moving my books is just panic-inducing.

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Yup. I had a lot of books when I moved in, but went through a spate of book buying when I discovered Abe.com, getting things I had been hunting for for years. Now I estimate that I have close to a ton of books. I ain’t moving.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Does a regular ton of books weigh the same as a “shit-ton” of books? ‘Cause I have shit-ton.

          • Alan

            Metric shit-ton?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            What a surprise…you and everyone else here have a million books. Who’da thunk it?

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Just speculating, but I somehow doubt that packing up all their books is much of an issue for Trumpkins when they move…

          • Alan
          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Who says I have a tiny dick! I’ll shoot the bastard!”

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            I have so many books that I keep having to buy bookcases. On the plus side, I get so much practice that I can put a Billy bookcase together in under 10 minutes, armed only with an Allen key. If the IKEA Olympics ever happen, I’m a shoo-in to represent the US in the Billy-building events.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Hmmm. Sounds like what you need in your life is an experienced woodworker to build you some very nice, artsy shelves that will last forever. I happen to know a guy…

            You know, I had so many books, they were taking over my fairly small house. I finally went through all the ones I didn’t absolutely HAVE to keep and donated them. I still have way too many and seem to accumulate more, but I mostly try to use the public library these days. I had to move my mom to a small apartment after her husband could no longer function with dementia. I ended up taking, like, 40 milk crates worth of books to the Friends of the Library for donation. I decided I don’t want to put Drublic Jr. through that when it’s my time…he’ll have enough to endure with me as it as!

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            I hear you – and I’d absolutely take you up on that offer if I owned my own place. I feel like I’ve done enough to improve my landlady’s property already (to be fair, she has offered to work out some kind of arrangement for me to take the house over when she and her husband retire, so it could be my actual house one day).

            It’s funny – El Dad said that the reason he cleared out his vast array of books (mostly spy novels and adventure stories) was because his experience clearing out his mother’s house made him promise himself that we wouldn’t have to do it after he’s gone. He had crates and crates of them, also too.

            I’ve been trying to keep the acquisition of physical books to a dull roar recently and use my Nook more because I’ve been feeling a little guilty about the trees. My bel sends me a lot of online books from time to time from some source it’s best not to question, so my virtual library is becoming as crowded as my physical one, although I feel less bad about throwing out books I’m not interested in.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Oh, I hope that can work out for you. My cousin and his partner are working on the same deal with their long-time landlord. It would be nice to think there is some reward for being a conscientious tenant who has regularly improved the value of the property.

            I’m mostly kidding about the bookshelves. Most people view shelves-and rightfully so-in a simply utilitarian way. You would have to really want to spend some money to improve the value of your home to hire someone like me to do built-in shelves. I joke that I can’t get to the lumberyard and back to unlock the door of my shop for the price of shelves from Ikea…but sadly, it’s not actually a joke.

            My problem with the e-book thing is that-despite my frequent presence on Wonkette-I’m not at all a computer oriented person, and reading anything other than…you know, dick jokes for a few minutes online actually kinda stresses me out. So it’s old school books for me. Thank God for libraries. I assume Trump will destroy them if he gets a full term.

            I bet having too many books and/or complaining about it is not a conversation you’d often hear in a Trump crowd, right? Always nice to hear from you, Sarge.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            I’m willing to bet that a substantial percentage of the Trump crowd refers to magazines as books, and many of the remainder haven’t read a book since high school.
            Always good to talk to you, also too!!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You’re assuming they’re literate enough to read at all. I would guess that is highly optimistic.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Fair point…I’ve always been a bit of an optimist.

          • Alan

            Books in the garage is a punishable offense here.

          • MizzMazz

            What’s the punishment?

          • Alan

            Don’t know, the threat alone has worked so far.

          • MizzMazz

            Be imaginative. I have found threatening people to get on their knees and sing Jingle Bells to be most terrifying. Trust, those books are well kept out of moisture and such, and I do miss them, but there just isn’t the room.

          • Alan

            Have you considered getting rid of family to make room?

          • MizzMazz

            No, man, he pays half the bills ;)

          • Alan

            That would be a problem.

          • puredog

            A lifetime supply of silverfish.

          • MizzMazz

            Oh, you EVIL!

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          If you can get Girl Scout cookie boxes those are the bomb for packing books. I moved last year and used them. They hold plenty but don’t weigh so much you can’t lift them, and they fit in small spaces in the moving truck.

          • OrG

            I find that liquor stores are ideal for scoring boxes.I mean,you’re already there anyway,right?

        • Ωbjectifier

          For me it’s the unpacking of books. Then the sorting. Fiction v non-fiction, subject, author, etc.

          • Biff52

            The trick is to pack them Dewey Decimally.

          • Erala Contratista

            I use the Tetris technique. End up with a solid cube. Since I forget how I sort them, it gives me the opportunity to reinvent categories!

        • Alan

          Small sturdy boxes. I like the ones with lids that paper gets shipped in.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Pffft. Milk crates or GTFO.

          • Alan

            Oh, I see you’re not obsessive compulsive. Are they all the same color and construction?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Milk crates are incredibly strong, stackable, easy to grip, and the right size to put a lot of stuff in without being unbearably heavy. I’ve used them to store/move stuff in my shop for 30 years I’m not sure how that adds up to O/C, but whatever.

          • Alan

            Sorry, you missed the reference. I’m the OCD and they would all need to be identical for them to work.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Ahhh…well, my crates wouldn’t work for you them…multi-colored, dirty from use. But next time you move, think about it…you know, paint them all the same or something. They really are the shit for moving.

    • janecita

      Did your mom sell the condo?

      • Within the next couple of weeks, probably

        • janecita

          Did you find a new place already?

          • Several options in the same neighbourhood

          • janecita

            That’s great! At least your commute will stay the same.

          • Thaumaturgist

            Sneak across the unwalled border. Rent is cheaper.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Oooh — Condolences. I’d rather have a root canal than move, and finding room for books is a yoooge pain in the butt.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        If you have enough books you can always use them to build a solid and substantial shelter in which you can keep all your other books.

      • Alan

        I have no problem because I don’t own all the other crap that gets in the way of books.

        • puredog

          I used to have a problem before I found Wonkette and got rid of my pants collection. Wah-lah, much book room.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Is the sofa still available?

    • Vienna Woods

      I still have my acre and a quarter available for camping!

  • The Wanderer

    (glances at the clock) Five Monkeys in a Phone Booth! I have things to do, and here I’ve been frittering away my time not commenting!

  • Shanzgood

    Has Disqus been a little shit for anyone else lately by not giving you the “X new posts above/below” messages?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Mine won’t let me upfist without a ridiculous struggle. Therefore I think my upfists should count double, and you are all free to assume so in looking at your tally.

      • Shanzgood

        Do people really look at that?

        • ….*shifty eyes*….maybe
          NOTICE ME SENPAI

        • No. None of us have a crushing need to have interwebz people love us

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Of course not. We are all very happy, secure individuals, who would never think of bragging about our hard earned 4-1 upfist to (non)comment ratio…

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            I have to admit that I enjoy basking in the approval of my fellow Wonketeers.

        • tapp_my_wire,please

          I’m happy just to get validated for my parking at the doc’s office.

          • Shanzgood

            We will give you all kinds of validation at Wonkette!

    • I have not, sorry. Sometimes it sticks though, when the “new posts” thing shows and I click on it, it just stays where it is at

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      I have to scroll a tiny bit to get them.

      • Shanzgood

        I’ve had that happen but not now. I’m getting nothing.

      • Biff52

        ^^^ THIS

    • Biff52

      There are myriad reasons for me to hate disqust, but that ain’t one of them.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Little does “Brian” know that being cited by Dok puts hims into ‘celebrity’ (and 90% tax) status.

  • Persistent Demme

    Thank you, Wonkette!
    Lawyer-daughter was born in Canada, and has duel US/Canadian citizenship.
    Perhaps she should look into clerking for the Canadian SCOTUS!

    • Alan

      Who’s winning?

      • natoslug

        Canada, by a nez.

        • Ωbjectifier

          Perce.

          • Thaumaturgist

            Souix Canada

          • vivian

            Just don’t Crow about it if you win.

          • Ωbjectifier

            Knock it off, Utes guys.

        • eggsacklywright

          Ben and Jerry’s latest: Chocolate Chippewah.

  • Oneofthebobs

    I wish that I had as much free time as these deleted people.

    • OrG

      It’s not as much fun as you’d think.

    • janecita

      Me too! Netflix isn’t going to watch itself!

    • BadKitty904

      Remember, most people who actually work for a living and pay taxes in this country are “liberals”.

  • TJ Barke

    That guy blathering about the rich paying taxes was an moran fer sure. Talk about a useful idiot.

  • Alan

    OT: I suppose this guy will now be blaming immigrants for taking his job.

    Waiter fired after asking patrons for ‘proof of residency’ at upscale Huntington Beach eatery.

    http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-huntington-beach-restaurant-20170318-story.html

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      What the actual fuck? How do you find yourself waiting tables and decide you now have the right, the duty, and the power of law to ask customers of the restaurant you work for about their legal status? I hope his firing was loud, public, and immediate. It surely would have been had he worked for me (if I had somehow fucked up and hired him in the first place).

      • Alan

        Stupidity knows no bounds.

    • Biff52

      I wonder if he was a dick to the kitchen staff, too?

      • MizzMazz

        Oh, you know it.

      • Alan

        I was a waiter in college and everyone knew you didn’t piss off the cooks.

    • MizzMazz

      Oh geez. And to think I got irritated at a waiter in a place I worked at back in the 80’s when he came back to the kitchen, and stated how these people, “Weren’t dressed.” It was not a super fancy place, but nice, and these folks had had a nice hike in Big Sur that day, and they spent money. they came, they ate, and they spent. That was a big deal to me then, how this waiter behaved. How many steps have we taken back now?

    • vivian

      So tourists aren’t allowed to eat? This takes stupidity to an entirely knu level.

      • Alan

        Not Mexican tourists. Duh.

  • Rachel Book Harlot
    • TJ Barke

      I just want to grab people like that and shake them while screaming “WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID AND SELFISH!?”

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        I was reading about another idiot who was able to get Medicaid because of the ACA who supposedly voted for Trump because of “law enforcement”, and is now worried about losing his insurance. These people really only give a shit about anything when it affects them personally.

        • WeaselPoo

          in other words they lack of empathy….and thus they are incapable of understanding satire and irony.
          And should their problem be solved by the actions and assistance of others, they still insist that others should not receive the same help.

          • Tiny kaiju

            They would be resentful of the people helping them. Assistance shames them because they didn’t do it themselves. Then they blame the people who do appreciate the help for putting them in position where they needed help in the first place.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          I saw an article somewhere about a woman in Tennessee who voted for Trump who is now angry that her Obamacare and Meals on Wheels are threatened. Wait til she hears about her kids After School program.

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            And then they get angry when we make fun of them.

      • BadKitty904

        Perhaps I’m being a Pollyanna, per usual, but I can’t believe that people who say and believe such things can possibly be very happy.

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          As long as they are able to shit (literally and figuratively) all over those they have been taught to hate, they think they’re happy.

          • BadKitty904

            That’s no kinda way to live your life…

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            I agree. And yet there are legions of scrofulous assholes in MAGA hats who think that’s EXACTLY how to live it.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          I disagree. Zappa said it best. “Ignorance is its own reward.”

          • PabloDali

            Watch out where the huskies go,
            don’t you eat that yellow snow.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            “Look here brother,
            Who you jivin’ with that cosmic debris?”

          • PabloDali

            Movin’ to Montana soon
            Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Mental toss flycoon.

          • PabloDali

            Yippy-Aye-O-Ty-Ay

          • BadKitty904

            The current Congress proves that. But I was talking about “happiness,” versus “looting the public coffers” and “megalomania”.

      • CeeQ

        Get in line sweetie. We all do. UGH.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      He may be covered, but the deductables for stupid treatments may go over his head.

      • WeaselPoo

        The hell with the cure for cancer, or MS, or AIDS, or the mitigation of anthropogenic climate change–the biggest threat to our general wellbeing and survival is teh stupidz.

    • SayItWithWookies

      The cry of the Assmouth voter: “I thought he was lying to everyone but me!”

      • WeaselPoo

        I think “AssMindRape” is the more appropriate adjective—just a suggestion.

        • SayItWithWookies

          Assmouth isn’t an adjective — it’s my sobriquet for our so-called leader of the executive branch.

          • WeaselPoo

            Ah, yes, got it.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      “I haven’t been to the doctor in four or five years,” he said.

      Exactly, asshole. That is how all insurance works. The money from people who are fortunate enough not to actually need it pays the claims of those who are unfortunate enough to have to make a claim.

      Stupid AND selfish is no way to go through life, son.

      • WeaselPoo

        Good luck saying that to all the FOX ‘news’ on-camera ‘talent’…

  • Ghenghis McCann

    Time for a restaurant review from the Guardian:

    Obviously I go to Trump Turnberry with prejudices fully erect. Of all the lies the orange plank spouts on an hourly basis, I particularly enjoyed his “The people of Scotland love Trump International Golf Links” and “I have a 93% approval rating in Scotland” tweets. Newsflash: there is nothing the people of Scotland love about you, #presidentbawbag. Nor me: I’m claws unleashed, drooling with the wrong kind of anticipation.

    https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/mar/17/trump-turnberry-scotland-restaurant-review-marina-oloughlin

    • BadKitty904

      In re: “presidentbawbag” – in Scots, “bawbag” is the word for “scrotum”, I believe, and is slang for “an annoying or useless person”.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        We’ve always had a problem with giving morans / maroons the respect they think they deserve.

        • BadKitty904

          Amen. We CONTINUE to let the GOP control the political and social narrative, rather than continuously calling them out as the vicious, ignorant morons they are.

    • MizzMazz

      Good read. It’s like this cruise I just went on – once again, child’s idea of luxury, poor person’s idea of what a rich person would do and have. the people working there were wonderful (for the most part) and made it decent, and man, do they work hard.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        I’ve been wondering what’s going to happen to Roxanne from Malta after Brexit. Working her arse off carrying out a job that they couldn’t get anybody local to do.

        • MizzMazz

          That’s how it was on this cruise. Most were from the Philippines and a few other countries, not your average US white person. They worked their asses off, and I’m sure they didn’t make shit wage-wise except for the bartenders.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Oh this was lovely…

      “With events in the White House taking place at warp speed, who knows what will have happened to Scrotus between time of writing and publication? Perhaps a milk-of-human-kindness epiphany; perhaps he’ll erupt into a shower of maggotty orange lard, accidentally suffocating Mike Pence. Whatever: the bucks will keep raining in, even here, where golfers cower under Scottish skies.”

      • Ghenghis McCann

        You can see why Marina O’Loughlin won “Restaurant Critic of the Year”. She sure writes purty.

    • Lord Jim

      With events in the White House taking place at warp speed, who knows
      what will have happened to Scrotus between time of writing and
      publication? Perhaps a milk-of-human-kindness epiphany; perhaps he’ll
      erupt into a shower of maggotty orange lard, accidentally suffocating
      Mike Pence. Whatever: the bucks will keep raining in, even here, where golfers cower
      under Scottish skies. It’s never going to be my kind of place – no
      restaurant even tangentially operated by someone who takes his steak well done “with catsup” could be.

      I am in awe.

  • bookish

    http://nbcnews.to/2mJcc8E

    Schiff is the ranking Democratic member on the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence.

    “There is certainly enough for us to conduct an investigation,” he added. “The American people have a right to know and in order to defend ourselves, we need to know whether the circumstantial evidence of collusion and direct evidence of deception is indicative of more.”

    • BadKitty904

      OK. So, investigate.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        According to Glenn Greenwald, you can’t mount an investigation until you have beyond a shadow of a doubt proof.

        • BadKitty904

          Mr. Greenwald seems to be confusing the definitions of “investigate” and “prosecute”.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            For a lawyer, that’s not a good sign.

        • Lord Jim

          If I recall, the relevant standard here is “substantial, credible” evidence.

  • therblig

    Whether he went on with the diary, or whether he did not go on with it, made no difference. The Thought Police would get him just the same. He had committed— would still have committed, even if he had never set pen to paper— the essential crime that contained all others in itself. AssMindRape, they called it. AssMindRape was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you.

    • eggsacklywright

      Lemmy Caution?

    • Lord Jim

      Coming to a televisor near you!

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Wasn’t there some research published recently that found that empathy is necessary in order to understand satire?

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • His search for the Holy Rail was so nearly successful

      • therblig

        and god sent him a sign

      • TJ Barke

        He chose, poorly.

    • BadKitty904

      The History of Mankind Summed Up in This One Weird Gif…

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      I was really rooting for the poor guy too…

      • Shanzgood

        Come on. You knew how it was going to end.

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          I didn’t! I thought he was going to land on the street and be hit by a car. Actually saw one like that once.

        • Lord Jim

          I said DO NOT ENTER, Crom dammit!

    • WeaselPoo

      If that isn’t an metaphore for burdensome government regulations, I don’t know what is.

      • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

        The failure of trickle down economics?

        • WeaselPoo

          Not at all…the “Do Not Enter” sign is symbolic of regulations preventing this enterprising young man from fully exploiting existing infrastructure to accomplish his goal.
          Also gravity, a known socialist science conspiracy, is to blame.

  • bookish

    http://nbcnews.to/2mXsXhe

    Mulvaney estimates that if the president’s budget were to be approved by Congress, that the deficit would remain the same as it is now. On the campaign trail, then-candidate Trump repeatedly promised to balance the budget “quickly,” and at one point, even made a pledge to get rid of the federal debt in eight years.

    Mulvaney also pointed out that the current proposal is more of a spending outline, and that the administration will be introducing a full budget in May, with a longer budget window and other policy changes.

    “We won’t be able to balance the budget this year but we are working on trying to get it to balance within the 10 year budget window, which is what Republicans in the House, the Senate have traditionally done the last couple of years.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Look, idiots…if you repeal all of the deserting coward’s tax cuts for the parasite overclass, and implement some new taxes on stock trades (and cause Robert Mercer to go apeshit) you can probably erase the current deficit within a couple years. But we can’t do that, because Robert Mercer, parasite shitstain, paid for this fucking election and he wants a YOOOGE ROI on that investment.

    • SayItWithWookies

      “Deficits are only important when we’re in the opposition. Then we can bitch and moan about the Democrats doing nothing about the debts Republicans have rung up.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Ronald Reagan proved deficits don’t matter” – Dick “Dark Lord of the Sith” Cheney.

  • WeaselPoo

    Read the federal budget…$20 trillion thanks to Obama and Demos along with some of the Repubs. I will debate anyone on federal spending

    $20 Trillion is the NATIONAL DEFICIT, accumulated over multiple decades.

    The FEDERAL BUDGET is the annual income and expenditure of the US government, estimated in 2017 respectively as $3.21 Trillion and $3.65 Trillion, yielding a Federal Budget Deficit of $440 billion.

    I will debate “some dork” is a ‘mooran’ and win so bigly it will be tremendous.

    • BadKitty904

      Details, details…

      ~ The Republican Party

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Actually, deficit is yearly. Debt is cumulative

    • BadKitty904

      Read the federal budget

      Why should I be different from the GOP Congress?

      • eggsacklywright

        The federal budgie!? Is that like a state bird?

      • Opalescent Riddles

        “Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each particular thing, ask what is it in itself? What is its nature? What does he do, this man you seek? … He covets. That is his nature.”

        • BadKitty904

          Hannibal? Is that you?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Look, see here…Obama is blah so everything a shit-fer-brains says sticks to him!

    • Scrofula

      Something something Reagan deficits don’t matter . . .

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Fake news!

      • WeaselPoo

        First of all, It’s FAKE NEWS! , not “Fake news”,
        Secondly, you are missing “failing”

        Failing Rachel Book Harlot is FAKE NEWS! Like the Bowling Green Massacre, a disaster! Sad!

    • Lord Jim
  • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

    “Brian and brian! What is brian?”

    • Ghenghis McCann

      He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!

  • Arse Grammatica

    SCOC?

  • RobKanC

    Speaking of twitter and jokes. I am loving this one. https://twitter.com/darth/status/843324645537329152

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Dok,
    I wish you would post the full Wonkette Style Manual. I’ve only picked up the style little by little over the years. I think the Manual will become more important if the site ever allows comments.

  • bookish

    https://www.bloomberg.com/view/articles/2017-03-19/ready-or-not-here-come-trump-and-north-korea

    It’s not just that Kim’s outlaw North Korean regime has accelerated its nuclear weapons capacity and delivery capability, or that Kim sees nuclear weapons as his insurance policy against adversaries.

    It’s also that Trump has displayed little appreciation of history or knowledge and a compulsion to show that he’s tough.

    Trump has called Kim a “madman,” one of the few things he has gotten right about North Korea. Dealing with him, though, requires measured patience and smart diplomacy — not Trump’s forte — and a reliance on alliances and relationships that he has dismissed.

  • Jesse

    That gave me a great idea for Barack Obama’s post-presidency… How about a show where he does all the things people have accused him of not being able to do? Nothing like “make America post-racial” or anything like that, but what about “change the oil on a car?” This is a winner, because all of Hillary’s voters plus 3 million illegals would totally watch this show, along with all those conservatives who just can’t get enough Barack.

    Admit it, you’d watch episodes of “Yes He Can!” with me, wouldn’t you?

    If anyone’s saved a copy of the internet, we should have enough content for about 4 billion years worth of episodes.

    • MizzMazz

      I would watch the hell out of that show, especially if it was a game type of show. Show Barry hanging sheet rock, then ask McConnell to do the same, or change out the oil in a car – I can barely get under a car anymore with the creeper, but wouldn’t it be loads of fun to watch Chris Christey try? Imagine the fun – making toast, frying an egg, unclogging a toilet. How many times would we hear, “Now what does this do?”

      • Biff52

        I can’t get under my car with or without a creeper, but you can’t fit a pack of Marlboro Reds under it, either.

        • MizzMazz

          I quit changing my own oil years ago. Access being a problem, and then disposal of the waste oil, and the constant fear that I did something wrong. Those times I did work on my own cars, and fixed them, well, that is priceless.

          • puredog

            More Portland wonderfulness: After I change my oil, I just put the used oil curbside in plastic bottles and the trash hauler picks it up at no additional charge.

          • Biff52

            I originally learned mechanics out of necessity, couldn’t afford to pay anyone to fix ’em. Then I became a heavy equipment operator, and had to do most of my own repairs. Just the tools for that are quite heavy.
            My truck holds 14 qts of oil, so disposal is a problem. Since I can’t get under the Shelby, it also goes to a shop for maintenance. Better that way.

        • MizzMazz

          Oh, and you got smokes? Lucky!

      • Querolous

        A friend bought a Subaru new in 1987 and never changed the oil or filter. He kept that car for 17 years and only topped it off when it got to half on the dipstick.

    • Shanzgood

      And every ep signs off with Michelle giving a wicked brow arch as she closes their bedroom door.

      • Jesse

        “Yes he can!”

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Look Cheeto: This is how Tweeting is done:

    https://twitter.com/BarackObama/status/843490091519623169

    • Lord Jim

      Eight years of leadership by an intelligent, articulate, equanimous President was apparently too much for our philistine national psyche. Now we must tear off our clothes, throw ourselves in the mud, and thrash around while screaming and shitting ourselves.

      I miss Smart President. Sniff. Uhah…WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    Maybe one of our Canadian Wonketteers can put this back on top of Big Ben. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a172f2dc257eb38d5c189fcc453ebcbcb202bde5ef6dee8f7ed16871f10c71cb.jpg

  • bookish
  • Scrofula

    Dammit, too many parts to these; how am I supposed to keep track of all my witticisms, when the very next graf has all NEW idiocy to pillory?
    OK, I’ll go with EARNEST commentary:
    “But we also defend other nations, too. Is that worthwhile.”
    FUCK NO, RWNJ, we do NOT defend other nations. We stick our military in other nations to “project power” for our own interests. NATO are not freeloading, they just allow US to shove huge bases in their countries, in exchange for “protection”, kind of like the mafia.
    SAME WITH THE UN. It’s all about hegemony people, it is not charity to leave gunships all over otherwise sovereign nations.

    • Lord Jim

      FUCKING EXACTLY. We put forces in Europe to make it more convenient to strike at Russia, also, too.

  • Kiri the Paid Protestor

    “Trump Tries to Read a Book”

    http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/low_concept/2017/03/donald_trump_tries_to_read_a_book.html

    He’s been anticipating this moment for hours. He picks up the book and looks at it. It feels good to look at a book. It feels good to be the kind of person who sometimes sits behind a big desk and picks up a book and looks at the book. There is writing on the cover of the book. The writing can wait. The president begins to speak…

  • bookish

    http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/03/19/political-battle-over-supreme-court-nominee-neil-gorsuch-reaches-senate-trump/99216280/

    WASHINGTON — One of the most convoluted Supreme Court confirmation battles in history finally reaches the U.S. Senate Monday, 401 days after the death of legendary Justice Antonin Scalia left a vacancy that spanned two presidencies and spawned two nominees.

    • Rick Hill

      No note of how many policies will go back to being, essentially, useless. Premiums paid that do not cover anything. Nor of what will happen with the current trend of investment groups buying health care interests as a money making source. Nor what happens when people go back t using emergency rooms rather than preventative care. Nor…

    • BadKitty904

      “…legendary infamous…”

      Fixed.

  • proudgrampa

    Wonkette has a Style Manual? Who knew?

    Does the university book store have copies?

    • vivian

      No no. That’s his name. Technically it’s Style Mañual.

    • BadKitty904

      Yup. We’re Oxford Commies.

      • Shanzgood

        Hee! BAD KITTY!!!

        • BadKitty904

          *purrs*

  • BadKitty904

    It’s too pretty a Spring day outside to fret about random Reich-wing bullshittery…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F13JNjpNW6c

    • Ωbjectifier

      So true. Imma go for a bike ride. Smell ya later Wonateers!

      • BadKitty904

        <– in a hammock on the upstairs-back balcony, with my laptop and two kitties

    • Lord Jim

      I’ll take this song over that racist, child-molesting fucktard’s “Great Balls of Fire” anyday..

  • Rachel Book Harlot
    • BadKitty904

      Vox Populi!

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      All that just to take some fat, stupid fuck on a golfing weekend.

      • Lord Jim

        EVERY weekend. Can you imagine President Hillary Clinton leaving the White House, built to house the President and for the conduct of State business, to go to NY to vacation at her private club, where she will host some foreign dignitaries and make some classified documents available to the cellphone camera of every lookyloo in the joint and then use the prestige to double membership fees she collects? EVERY? FUCKING? WEEKEND?

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          President Hillary Clinton leaving the White House, to go to the Bahamas, to vacation at the private club SHE owns, and everyone, including the Secret Service, pays money into her OWN POCKET to stay there, while she shops and sunbathes and gets manicures. Sometimes she has classified documents carelessly strewn out by the swimming pool that everyone can photograph, and laughingly lets the man carrying the ultra-ultra-top-classified-secret briefcase with the fucking nuclear codes be photographed with her besties? I mean, CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE?????

      • Shibusa

        What a waste of gasoline and overtime pay for the police who have to guard Cheetolini.

    • i so totally loved that. way to go, People! make this happen, everywhere. for all of them.

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    just wanted to visit a liberal website and see the kind of discussion I would have.

    Wait? This is a liberal website?

    Y’all done trick-ed me!

    • Scrofula

      Can I see your papers please, Sr. Skwerl?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Fooled me. I’m just here for the dick jokes.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      Yes we have, and now you have to do the deed with our pet unicorn.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Becca so subtly suggests visitors are liberal with their wallets.

    • Rick Hill

      Yeah, I thought we wuz a bunch of libruls. I got no truck with those liberals.

    • Shoto

      I didn’t realize it myself until I noticed all the Libtards everywhere.

    • BloviateMe
      • Khavrinen

        I’m wise to your trickery now; you won’t fool me a fifth time…

  • Shoto

    “…the same folks who patiently explain to us that “moran” should be spelled with two
    o‘s or that the proper article for “idiot” is an, not a.”

    Are these morans A Idiot, or something? Jeezuz.

    • Jesse

      So its ‘mooran,’ then?

        • tomamitai

          Now I’m hungry for macaroons!

      • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

        Only if they fail to cowtow to the non-commenting rules.

        • WeaselPoo

          Sorry to do this, but…it is “kowtow”

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            Whew!

            I was worried that was gonna go to waste!

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    not that Barack Soetoro armed with his fraudulent birth certificate and academic records and background as a professional race hustler and con artist

    That’s not Barack, that’s Huggy Bear your describing son.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/68cc80991856b01c75a8e3fd08a6d96a250ac588e0fed7f0a00029338c10a6af.jpg

    • Scrofula

      Let’s say Obama DID take his step-dad’s Indonesian name.
      OK. So then he’d’ve been Pres. Soetero. Scandal!

    • BadKitty904

      Now let’s examine Donald Trump’s background, shall we?

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      “Brian” might have trouble telling all of “those people” apart.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      As soon as you see “Barry Sotero”, you need read no further.
      “He’s a Mooslem! That’s why he has that Mooslem name!”
      “He’s a secret Mooslem! That’s why he tried to change his name in middle school!”

  • bookish

    Trump-Russia hearings begin Monday, 10:00 am Eastern.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/powerpost/five-things-to-watch-at-the-house-intelligence-committee-russia-hearing/2017/03/19/53f7a492-0cb5-11e7-9b0d-d27c98455440_story.html?utm_term=.a85f610957ea
    The Intelligence Committee hearing is the opening foray into getting public answers on these topics. On March 28, former spy chiefs and administration officials will also appear before the panel to give their take on what, if anything, transpired between Trump’s team and Russian officials during the heat of the presidential campaign.

    But even as intelligence officials publicly answer lawmakers’ questions, political jockeying is casting a cloud over efforts to probe how deep the counterintelligence investigation involving the president’s inner circle really goes.

    Here are five things to watch at Monday’s House Intelligence Committee hearing, which begins at 10 a.m.:

    Key players.
    http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/19/opinions/key-players-house-intelligence-hearing-opinion-kaayem/

    • Tiny kaiju

      Did you see the marvelous troll who pooped out all of the comments so far? I didn’t know you could type with all caps letters in Cyrillic.

  • data_ninja

    I was literally just thinking that the reason I come to Wonkette is for the dick jokes, the puns, and the HHGTTG references, and then Doktor Zoom drops the “Oh no, Not again”.

    Thanks, I needed that laugh!

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    My twitter would have looked something like this…

    @Andrew
    https://media.giphy.com/media/3oAt2dA6LxMkRrGc0g/giphy.gif

    The end.

    • Scrofula

      Wow, that’s pretty queen-y for a sportsball player.
      Camera missed his wrist snap.

  • TJ Barke

    Yes, the rich pay more in taxes, individually. Because they make more money. Let’s analyze that. Why do they make more money? And is it actually okay that they do? NO, you fucking bootlicking servile simpletons, because they make it by taking the surplus value of the labor of their employees(i.e. all of us), and by hoarding the value of the productive output capacity of property they are insanely allowed to privately own.
    Property is theft(speaking primarily of productive property). It’s taken and held through force or threat thereof(come and see the violence inherent in the system), and the gross share of its value is privatized. If you have the slightest shred of morality, you recognize the gross inequity of this. But, in lieu of liberating this property so that it can be owned collectively, we seek to have the value of such property and its productive capacity to be heavily taxed, so that wealth it produces is not privatized and appropriated by the parasitic ownership class, in order to raise the quality of life of all citizens.
    It’s a way to re-appropriate the value for employees that was appropriated by employers, without, you know, putting employers up against the wall and manually redistributing the wealth.

    • Shanzgood

      *fans self*

      • TJ Barke

        You okay?

        • Shanzgood

          Oh yeah

    • Thaumaturgist

      Rich people also contribute more money to the Republican Party. Maybe if the poors weren’t so selfish Republicans would pay more attention to the poors. Ever think of that?

    • Scrofula

      The threat of commie revolution. We should re-awaken that.

      Also in earnestness: can we please remind these fuckers that poor people pay taxes out the ass every time they buy something? Including “illegals”, who pay sales tax, but do NOT qualify for tax credits.

      • Teecha

        And the poor are disproportionately hit by sales taxes, value added taxes, poll taxes- almost anything that isn’t a progressive tax on income.

    • frrolfe

      Yeah, but what about fiat currency? (esp that used in Italy)

      • TJ Barke

        In that, how do you keep the currency supply reflective of actual produced wealth? Dunno. Work on that after the gross inequity is addressed.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        ALL CURRENCY IS FIAT CURRENCY. Please to read The Wealth of Nations. Thank you.

        • frrolfe

          I believe that we should return to the Tulip, or even better, the Conch standard.

        • eggsacklywright

          It’s better than Lancia or Alfa currency.

          • Serai 1

            Don’t get me started on Lamborghini money.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Even if you have a Lada currency, you actually can’t a Ford anything.

      • wait! what?
    • Alan

      That was reasonably concise.

      • TJ Barke

        I think about it a lot, and how to try and dumb it down for the idiots that patronize the local outdoor store.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      That argument has always irritated me- no, people aren’t taxed, money is taxed. If a select few people happen to have most of the money, then most of the money being taxed is theirs.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      I argue with right leaning (not wing nuts but the more intelligent among them) that a progressive income tax is the same strategy as the second amendment. Having all the money in the hands of a few gives them all the power, just like the framers feared all the guns in the hands of the Feds.

      • TJ Barke

        Hmmm, that’s not bad…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Not to mention the fact that the wealthy utilize far more more of the commons, and thus should pay more for their creation and maintenance. A goodly amount of what government does benefits the rich disproportionately. It’s only fair that they pay more for it.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Wealth is created in two ways:
      1. Leveraging other people’s labor.
      2. Leveraging other people’s money.

      There’s inheritance too, but that isn’t as big a factor in creating wealth as you would think. Dolt 45 is a poster child for option #2, but option #1 is a big one only because he *stole* other people’s labor.

      • TJ Barke

        Well, inheritance isn’t creating anything, just transferring something.

  • frrolfe

    Fun-fact eleventy in this series: Did youse know that Canada is a Constitutional Monarchy. US America is now an Unconstitutional Monorchy since the accession of King Tiny-Hands the Turd.

    • vivian

      I think we’re an Unconstitutional Moranarchy.

      • Scrofula

        No, he’s right. Trump has only one testicle.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Say, you know who else…?

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Putin has Trump’s other testicle, yes?

          Also, too, it’s irresponsible not to speculate on where, exactly Trump keeps the testicle that he still has.

          • Lord Jim

            Steve Bannon has it in a lock box.

          • tomamitai

            In display case with Robert Kraft’s Superbowl ring and Michael Flynn’s honor.

        • Tallmutha

          (Golf clap)

      • Kiri the Paid Protestor

        No, no, we’re an Incontinent Duplicity!

        • BloviateMe

          Shitter splitter!

        • TJ Barke

          I thought we were an autonomous collective.

        • eggsacklywright

          Incontinent Ballistic Mizzle.

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        I think we’re Fucked!

    • Querolous

      A kakistocracy.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Shit. RIP Jimmy Breslin.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      yup, just saw that

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Sucks. His immortal observation on Rudy Ghouliani can comfort us: “A small man in search of a balcony.”

      • puredog

        Or the Pope’s authority on matters of birth control: “He no play-a da game, he no make-a da rules.”

      • Serai 1

        Holy shit, that’s good.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    I gotta tell ya. I get up on a Sunday, make the first good cup of coffee in a couple weeks, opens my Wonkette and read this. My head hurts. Rebecca and Dok. Shame on you for playing with the disadvantaged. Like a cat toying with a disabled mouse. Like a kid pulling wings off a fly. Like Colbert in a battle of wits with KaC. Keep up the good work.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    My favorite take so far on Don Jr’s style piece

    https://twitter.com/robdelaney/status/843160724314755072

    • Rick Hill

      “When you realize daddy’s not coming back to pick you up”

      So sad….

    • Scrofula

      “Purty soon my daddy’s gonna make the whole world like this forest!”

    • TJ Barke

      When you wish a bear would suddenly appear…

    • Scrofula

      Even the Blair Witch wants nothing to do with him.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        He’ll always have the strivers at the Times. I never thought I’d say this, but thank god for Glenn Thrush.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Yeah – the elephant orphans.

      If there’s any justice in the universe this douchenozzle will come down with a painful, debilitating, incurable mystery illness that locks him into an unresponsive body while he develops a sense of empathy and realizes how much pain and suffering his clan has caused to the vulnerable and powerless worldwide. Soundless, internal screaming for a few decades might suffice.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      If a tree falls on a Trump in the forest, is there anyone around to applaud?

    • DainBramage

      “Once this mountain top is removed, we can put the tailings pond right over there.”

    • Chadwells

      Still can’t get over his freakishly tiny head.

    • azeyote

      reminds me of that horrible kids book where the guy used up a tree his whole life then sat on the stump – the end

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        Yes let’s kill this talking tree.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “….if I only had a chin”.

      And dude, those shoes just scream “silver spoon douchebag”.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        “….if I only had a chin”

        Yup, he was the character Frank Baum deleted from the movie, the chinless weasel

      • Carpe Vagenda

        ikr? They’re like some kind of bizarre mashup of Timberlands and janky high tops.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Perfect! I.e., rich white dickhead/”street”/hip hop fashion. There oughta be a law….

      • eggsacklywright

        “Da noive.”

    • Reximus

      A clown and a little boy walk through a dark forest.

      Donny Jr says, “Daddy, I’m scared!”

      The clown replies, “you think you’re scared? I have to walk back alone!”

    • ‘Reminds me of when they have to show a Muppet’s whole body’ someone wiser than me commented…

    • SayItWithWookies

      “You can help cure Resting Shitgibbon Face — or you can turn the page.”

    • BadKitty904

      How apt – A Trump on a Stump.

    • Serai 1

      “Style piece”? What style? He looks like a meth head all dressed up for court.

  • Get a Brian, morans.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    There’s never enough money for the social safety net, seniors, or public pensions. Somehow, those are all “unsustainable”. However, there’s always enough money for military hardware, and there’s enough money to round up, detain, have court hearings, and transport 11 million people. Somehow, that’s all supposed to pay for itself.

    • Scrofula

      Since W. could say, “we’re invading Iraq tomorrow, it’ll cost a trillion.”
      Congress: “Sure, here’s a check.”

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        That was supposed to pay for itself, too, with all that oil money.

        • WeaselPoo

          Correct.

        • Mike Steele

          And be over in an hour and a half and they’d be thanking us for it to this very day…

      • WeaselPoo

        W. COULD have said that, if he wasn’t an idiot who didn’t give a shit…but he didn’t. I seem to remember the PNAC cabal of his administration positing a cost of about $20 billion.

    • boyblue122

      dont forget the cost of a totally cement, 30 foot high wall

      • TJ Barke

        Thank god there are no 35 foot ladders…

        • boyblue122

          or ropes to help climb down the other side

          • Bec Jenn

            or shovels to dig under.

        • WeaselPoo

          Indeed, only 32-foot, 36-foot and 40-foot ladders, so bullet dodged there!

    • tomamitai

      They consider killing, imprisoning, and deporting people to be a valid function of government, but feeding, clothing, sheltering, and providing health care for the needy is best left to charity, ’cause that’s how Jesus wanted it when he wrote the Constitution.

      • Lord Jim

        If religions were that charitable, we wouldn’t need social welfare programs.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Well, the good news is- by the very same transitive property that the RWNJs used to blame Bamz for everything, at this point the entire 20 trillion dollar debt is now all Trump’s fault.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      No no, that only works if the president is blah. Everything is still Obama’s fault!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        funny how that works…

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Also too Hillary’s fault because reasons.

        • tomamitai

          Every republican got an “A” in Blame-throwing and Credit Snatching 101.

        • Lord Jim

          You misspelled “emails”.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            I misspelled her name also too – it’s Emails McBenghaziPants.

    • WeaselPoo

      Transitive property?!!! Material or intellectual possessions of men dressing up as women has nothing to do with it!

  • Chadwells

    Brian…brain…so close…alas, never the twain shall meet.

  • bookish
    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Let Russia annex North Korea. Manifest Destiny.

  • Holly

    Well fuck me and call me later! I knew I was in bad company here in this devils den of bleeding heart libtard Moran’s but I didn’t know we should be less sensitive (?) or more sensitive (?) Now I’m all fucking confused and shit…

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Look if you don’t get it, you ain’t a fucking libtard. GTFO.

    • BMW

      I am stuck on that first sentence.

    • snark-lurker

      oh yeah well whut makes you so special?

      • tomamitai

        Mister Rogers said so!
        https://youtu.be/uocHKmdCOvc

      • Holly

        Because I hang out with all you super cool special snowflakes.

        • Mr. Food Genius

          And you suck the best dick too.

    • WeaselPoo

      Just replace your confusion with outrage…then everything will be tremendous.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Just be case sensitive, and the grammar nazis might leave you alone.

    • Mr. Food Genius

      confusion is your resting state, dumbfuck slut. You are a cum dumpster and you will never be anything more.

  • Daniel Hooper

    I remember reading the comments on the guy who deleted his account as they were being posted. I felt like I was on a safari expedition as I watched.

    “Oh, we’re in for a treat today, everyone. It’s rare that you get to see a live Shit For Brainz in person. Now be careful; they’re easily spooked by loud noises, dick jokes and facts…”

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Please keep your windows rolled up and DO NOT FEED THEM!

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        They had one of those drive through safaris in NJ- don’t know if it’s still there. Bad idea to take a rental car because the lions liked to remove the windshield wipers.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          At Great Adventure? Oh yes, it’s still there.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    At least Brian agrees that Donnie should be paying a 90% tax rate as part of his proposed celebrity tax. In fact, all those RW pundits that when caught lying always use the excuse “I’m not a journalist, I’m just an entertainer ” can now start paying 90% also too. Looking at you, Rush…

    • tomamitai

      Looking at you, Rush…

      Thanks for taking one for the team!

  • Noxious Resistance

    “Andrew” is 14 years old.
    “Brian” can’t get laid & lives in mama’s basement.
    True loyal trumpkins.

    • Scrofula

      Hey I live in my mother’s basement and can’t get laid!

      • OrG

        Both sides do it!

        • Scrofula

          Or rather, don’t!

      • Shanzgood

        Doesn’t she let you out?

  • Serai 1

    I think the most boring thing about these idiots is their utter cowardice.

  • bookish

    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/mar-a-lago-security-costs-mick-mulvaney-white-house-budget-cuts-already-started/?google_editors_picks=true

    Mulvaney was asked on CBS’ “Face the Nation” how the president could propose cutting programs that affect regular voters while at the same time continuing to spend many of his weekends at Mar-a-Lago.

    This weekend was Mr. Trump’s ninth in office, and the fifth he has spent at Mar-a-Lago. His first three Mar-a-Lago weekends cost taxpayers an estimated $10 million.

    “I don’t have a business card to give you today,” Mulvaney told CBS’ John Dickerson, “because at the Office of Management and Budget we have to pay for our own business cards. So it does start at home, but it’s already started.”

    Mulvaney said Mr. Trump and his team put together their budget without the influence of special interests or lobbyists, and that its sole audience is “the people.”

    • Tiny kaiju

      Way to not even come close to answering the question you insular, rich fuck nozzle.

      • Red Bird Ω

        It was intended to be evasive.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      “I don’t have a business card to give you today,” Mulvaney told CBS’ John Dickerson, “because at the Office of Management and Budget we have to pay for our own business cards. So it does start at home, but it’s already started.”

      You could buy an awful lot of business cards for what it costs to ship Donnie’s worthless fucking fat ass to Mar-a-Lago twice a month, you fucking simpleton.

      • Lord Jim

        Notice how he blatantly ignored the question. “Deflection” is too euphemistic for that bullshit.

    • Serai 1

      and that its sole audience is “the people.”

      Kinda how those nurses were the sole audience for Tim DeSalvo’s performance.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Jesus. Where was OMB buying their business cards from? The place that used to make those Pentagon toilet seats??

  • If my great grandpappy was a libertard does that make me an octomoran?

    • snark-lurker

      why…yes…of course you are

  • chascates
  • bookish

    http://www.politicususa.com/2017/03/19/intel-chair-handed-democrats-house-colossal-mistake-trumprussia-denial.html

    The hearings haven’t begun yet. No witnesses have testified, but the Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee is claiming that there is no evidence of collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia.

    Rep. Nunes was a Trump campaign official, so of course, he is going to say that there is no evidence of collusion. Just like Rep. Trey Gowdy, and Rep. Darrell Issa before him, Nunes is continuing the modern tradition of Republican committee chairs which go into investigations with their minds made up.

    The problem for Republicans is that Devin Nunes is risking the House majority to protect Donald Trump. If Nunes is wrong if evidence does surface that Trump and Russia colluded, his defense of the president connects the House Republicans to the scandal.

  • boyblue122

    Drumpf wont be too happy about this. Louisiana senator says health coverage is a right.

    https://twitter.com/alexburnsNYT/status/843474151419666432

    • Scrofula

      Or at least a right to health CARE.

      • Thaumaturgist

        The right to health care is the problem. Even Ryan doesn’t want to lock the poors out of the emergency room.

        • Zippy W Pinhead
          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            Pay wall.

          • Scrofula

            You get ten free at the post; then you just delete those cookies (I’m such a rebel).

          • boyblue122

            right-click, incognito also, too

          • Tiny kaiju

            Does that work for The NY Times too? I cracked and coughed up the money for the Post subscription just so I could follow Wonkette links.

          • Scrofula

            Yup.

          • puredog

            I did, too. Great deal if you’re an Amazon Prime member: 4 (or 6?) months free, then $3.99/month for electronic access. And now I find I can sit in front of my computer even more hours per day! Win-win!

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            I would happily subscribe but am just not able to right now–but I am a Wonkette subscriber! Priorities!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            use incognito or private browsing

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            Thanks!

        • BadKitty904

          Yet.

        • snark-lurker

          har! tharz the rub

        • artem1s

          that is pretty debatable as his plan is certain to lead to massive shut downs of rural health centers, clinics, and hospitals. Remember those days when we had free health care days at county fairs and thousands and hundreds of thousands of people would stand in line for hours just to get a check up? You know, before Obamacare ruined our health care system.

        • Scrofula

          I know it’s semantic, but it’s easy to say you have “a right” to coverage–that doesn’t mean you can afford it.
          And it goes beyond “the poors” since NO ONE in the middle class can afford to be patched up after a major accident.

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Exactly. “Access” and “choice” are completely irrelevant when cannot afford any of the “choices” you ostensibly have “access” to.

        • Tiny kaiju

          True.He wants the hospitals to do that themselves.

    • OrG

      Oops

    • artem1s

      Yes, yes we did and are damn proud of it. It’s taken the GOP almost a hundred years to really start to unravel the New Deal, but I think that the concept of basic economic rights may be ingrained to the point of no return. We just need one little last step to get a few million more people to recognize that all of us just as deserving of those basic rights as the pasty, pale, picayune mouth breathers currently screwing up our country, bless their hearts.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    Tom “The Swab” Cotton is as compassionate as ever:

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/03/tom-cotton-able-bodied-poor-people

  • BMW

    I am laughing because SCOTUS sounds like “scrotum.” I am 12 years old.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Is that your taste in cars (BMW makes cars?) or bikes?

      • TJ Barke

        Fuckin’ beemer bikes! Go back to Connecticut, yuppies!

        • Sedagive ’em Hell

          BSA or GTFO

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Ahh, BSA’s. Electrics by Lucas, the “Prince of Darkness” and “if it doesn’t leak, it must be empty.”

          • Sedagive ’em Hell

            Their vintage bicycles are gorgeous machines.

        • OddMan

          I drove a ’84 R100RT back in the day, fully decked out. Traveled all over the East Coast with my wife on the back for a while in 1985. Damn thing drove like it was on a rail, could do 75 MPH on the freeway with a cup of coffee on the gas tank.

      • starfanglednut

        I believe previous name was barackmyworld.

        • Jeffocaster in the desert

          Oooooooooo…….I get it…..

      • BMW

        It’s an abbreviation of my old username from the previous commenting engine.

    • snark-lurker

      SC(R)OTUS is the teknikal akronem

      • Jeffocaster in the desert

        Supreme Crotch Rot of the US

  • artem1s

    Yr Editrix was beginning to find it all a little dopey. Why on earth would we bother covering up something like that?

    well, considering it is the MO of the Twittler-in-Cheif to walk back all of his A Idiot remarks by claiming ‘just a joke’ or ‘air quotes’…the average WWC voter’s sarcasm and irony meters were obliterated long before the end of W’s reign. This administration has cause deep genetic damage that will be passed on for generations.

  • Reximus

    “we were actually quite aware Canada does not have a SCOTUS”

    Yes…that’s exactly what we want you to think…mwahahahahaha

    • Panika MCD

      yes, Andrew should know that the true coverup is that there is a Canadian SCOTUS and “they” just don’t want sheeple like him to know it!

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Vox populi…

    Nazi-Themed Trump Billboard to Stay Up as Long as He’s President, Owner Says
    The explosive sign, recently erected in Arizona, features dollar-sign swastikas and mushroom clouds.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/anti-trump-billboard-sparks-outrage_us_58ce7dfde4b0ec9d29dcb8c6?a3&amp;

  • Michael R

    I find all this cross promotion confusing

    https://s13.postimg.org/606onpc13/rbg_canadian_bacon.jpg

    • zerosumgame0005

      RGB bacon is the badassest bacon evar!

      • Shanzgood

        I’m not sure about that.

        • zerosumgame0005

          my apoolougies, RBG Bacons gud!

          • Reminds me: what ever happened to those HILARIOUS ‘Makin’ Bacon’ t-shirts?

          • Shanzgood

            OMG I NEED ONE

        • snark-lurker

          oh we know what kind of baconz you like

          • Sister the Resister

            I miss Baconzgood! (just thought I’d take this opportunity to note that…) Time to get another postcard out, I think. I’ve been looking in vain for one with a bacon theme :(

          • Shanzgood

            Try Achie McPhee!

          • Shanzgood

            Also, I miss baconz….it’s coming up on 60 days since this insanity started. He’s exhausted.

          • David Chaillou

            I may have missed parts of the story. How did his interview go ? And yours ?

          • Shanzgood

            His: hears back early next week for a yes/no, hopefully.

            Mine: 2nd interview can’t be scheduled this week as expected because the people who need to be there can’t, so trying for next week.

          • David Chaillou

            Fingers crossed on both.

          • snark-lurker

            make your own! that’z the best kind

          • Sister the Resister

            yep, that’s what I decided. A vintage image, I thought, would work well:
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c41eb4da058f04b8e68f0cfc8cf05ed99e9ff556e9b362b7998633dc6e8e8d7d.jpg

        • Panika MCD

          you’re biased towards baconzgood.

          • Shanzgood

            I freely admit it!

          • Panika MCD

            well, you took all the baconzgood. so we at least have the RBG version!

          • Shanzgood

            Hey, he’ll be back! And I’m willing to share! XD

    • Tallmutha

      Real Good Bacon.

    • Panika MCD

      I’d cut that loin.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    To be honest I have read only half the thread. This is perfect example of TL;DR.

    • Scrofula

      I lost all my tread long ago.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        harrr.. ;)

      • Shanzgood

        Try rotating your tires more often.

        • Scrofula

          Even my shoes and sandals are treadless. I just can’t get a grip.

          • Shanzgood

            Hee!

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Off topic but I am dating an archer in about two hours. Should I tell her I aim to please or would that be too much of a dick/dad joke?

          • Scrofula

            Well, technically, that’d be the archer’s line.
            It’d be, “ORLY? Check out my bull’s eye!”

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Win.

          • Shanzgood

            I’m not the right person to ask about puns since they normally make me scowl! Scrufula’s just took me by surprise and I laughed first!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Fletcher? I barely even know her!

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Well I am just going to plow her field of tulips and we’ll see when the archer joke is needed.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Just ask her if she’d like to nock your arrow in your longbow

            chicks dig that…

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            in her longbow right?

          • Shanzgood

            *scowl*

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            I learn so much words here.

          • Zippy W Pinhead
          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            Nature Porn!

          • Shanzgood

            Boy, Disney really missed out on that when they made Fantasia!

          • Tiny kaiju

            Why can the Christianists use these as proof of Intelligent Design instead of bananas?

          • Doug Langley

            The mind absolutely boggles at how much money those things will fetch.

          • Kiri the Paid Protestor
          • therblig

            tell her you’re all a quiver

            she probably hasn’t heard that one in 2-3 days.

          • Grumpy Twat

            Speaking as a dad with a dick, I believe you can never have too much of a dick/dad joke.

          • Shanzgood

            But he should try to refrain from BEING a dick.

          • Panika MCD

            I think you mean you’re going on a date in a couple hours. because if it’s not official now, then it’s not going to be official in 2 hours.

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            “I missed you, but my aim is improving.”

          • Doug Langley

            Safe guess s/he’s heard it before.

          • Panika MCD
          • Scrofula

            I’m at my station–mom’s basement, my sister’s old desk, my dog, and some 11am Sunday Tecate to lubricate my Wonkette experience. Oh, and pretzels.

          • Panika MCD

            I’m at Spider House with Calliope Jane waiting for the free tacos and drinking some toddy. band is…well…young. they’re like kids that would be fun to corrupt because they’re just old enough.

        • If your tread doesn’t come up to Abe’s head on a penny you’re in trouble.

          • Scrofula

            If you can find where the penny goes on your tires, you’re all good!

          • Shanzgood

            My son is a mechanic and has a special gauge for that! He says I need new front tires soon…

          • eggsacklywright

            But your rear is fine?

          • Shanzgood

            It’s a front-wheel drive sports car so…He recommends putting new ones on the front and eventually replacing all 4 when they wear out again, which will probably be at the same time as the back ones.

            (yes, I deliberately misinterpreted what you said)

          • eggsacklywright

            I am a bad person and I feel bad.

      • Kiri the Paid Protestor

        I will call you “Slick”.

        • Scrofula

          Definitely, with these spring allergies.

          • Shanzgood

            AWW GROSS

      • shastakoala

        Don’t thread on me.

    • Shanzgood

      Article or non-comments?

  • bookish

    http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/03/russias-plot-against-the-west-214925

    Just at the moment when the West requires unity, however, it’s disintegrating. Brexit foretells the potential demise of the EU, a democratic bulwark to authoritarian Russia’s predatory strategy of divide and conquer. Meanwhile, on the other side of the Atlantic, Americans have chosen a president who abjures his country’s traditional role as linchpin of the liberal world order and wishes to ally with the very power threatening to dismantle it. Unlike any president of the postwar age, Trump’s 19th century worldview and narrow conception of America’s national interest seems to accord with a Russian sphere of influence in Europe. For the next four years at least, it is an open question whether there will be any American leadership to corral Europeans together against Russian aggression and subversion. On the contrary, Trump wants to gain Moscow’s partnership in pivoting back to the Middle East, a strategic realignment that may sacrifice European security as the cost of Russian collaboration.

    “The End of Europe,” the title of my book, portends not necessarily the dissolution of the EU or something so catastrophic as a conventional war (though these are real, if remote, possibilities), but rather something more ethereal and imaginable: the slow, gradual reversion to the European state of nature prior to the postwar integration project, and the rise of amoral, prostrate, nationalist governments that no longer project the liberal values upon which the Euro-Atlantic community is grounded, and that are willing to engage in purely transactional relationships with Moscow. Should this future scenario come to pass, it will be the fault of apathetic Europeans, absent Americans and aggressive Russians.

    • Lord Jim

      Or maybe Europe will renew its internal alliance and freeze the US out. I certainly favor a US that is actively engaged in Europe, but the pretension that without American leadership, Europe will dither off back into the past is simply the same old exceptionalist, hegemonic bullshit. Maybe Angela Merkel will become the de facto leader of a new, united Europe.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
  • BadKitty904

    OT: “Maybe”?

    How Much Does Trump Actually Work at Mar-A-Lago? Maybe Not So Much
    Staff is cagey about how much time president spends golfing on pricey trips to his resort.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-work-mar-a-lago_us_58cde456e4b0be71dcf54620?

    • boyblue122

      most of his time is just watching Fox, reading conspiracy theory news and angry tweeting.

      Only difference between Florida and DC is the golfing

      • BadKitty904

        ‘Sides, “Presidents” Bannon and Putin handle all the actual “work”…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Plus, Ivanka and Jared aren’t around on Saturdays to spoil his fun…

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      He is such a fucking hypocritical scumbag.

      • BadKitty904

        Yes. Yes, he is.

      • Lord Jim

        But it’s so obvious. Ya know, I really can get one shying away from uncomfortable truths, being a bit blinkered to disconfirming evidence. But when you come home early from work and find the preacher ploughing your spouse, are still gonna tell everybody what a really fine fella he is? I mean, he couldn’t be more obvious if were wearing a T-shirt saying “Your First Mistake Was Listening to Me.”

    • Panika MCD

      he takes pictures with legal pads and sharpies!

    • Greyhame

      I’d wager it doesn’t take long to create an international incident on the twitternets before sauntering off for 18 holes of golf.

      • BadKitty904

        Beats workin’ for a livin’…

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Bestiality…sick. Whatever happened to good, clean fun like peeing on wealthy American businessmen?

    • Panika MCD

      nope. you can’t make me.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “The frustrated animal has since become obsessed with human breasts, an official told the BBC, which is hardly ideal behavior in a petting zoo.”

      Looks like reincarnation as a “lower life form” might not be punishment after all!

      • HogeyeGrex

        In Russia, raccoon pet you!

  • Chadwells

    Question for you legal scholars.

    Sooo…Dampnut and his filthy minions say that things put in quotes in tweets are not to be taken seriously. Does that mean I can’t threaten him in tweets but put the threat in quotes because it’s not meant to be taken seriously? I bet my right arm to a hole in a donut that the secret service would still show up at my door!! Does that sound fair? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1a4b2a1f86294887088cdce8a327c5a2dcb1de53e5940651b95f0de10734618d.gif

    • Scrofula

      Tweets in general should not be taken seriously.
      Anyway, let me know what the SS says.

      • Chadwells

        I’m not THAT stupid!!!

        • Scrofula

          Yeah, but I mean, only one way to know, right?

          • Chadwells

            LOL! True…true.

          • Scrofula

            HEY, I just realized, working in the IRS bldg, there’s fuckin on-site SS! Do you think if I knocked on their very shut door and asked, I would be promptly fired?

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            I once asked a pair of SS agents where they got their identical blue suits. They didn’t even smile.

          • Scrofula

            Rumor is the on-site SS plants cash in the occasional envelope to catch us stealing. Do you think I could just say, “nah, I’m not stealing, I just wanted to ask you guys some questions about Trump’s tweets!”

          • HogeyeGrex

            So, what are you supposed to do if you find random cash lying around, and does that happen regularly?

          • HogeyeGrex

            Those aren’t suits. They just stamp out the whole agent that way at the factory.

          • Chadwells
    • Sounds “fair” to me.

    • snark-lurker

      donots without a hole have jelly inside somestimes!

    • Michael R
    • Panika MCD
  • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

    Welcome back my friends to the grift that never ends:

    This was in my box this morning:

    Roni,
    Our work didn’t end on Election Day. In fact, it’s just getting started.

    I need to know you’re committed to advancing an agenda that works for the American people.

    That’s why I’m asking you to accept your Sustaining Membership for the 2017 year.

    With you on my team as an active member, NOTHING will stop our movement to Make America Great Again! Not fake news. Not the Democrats. NOTHING!

    Please contribute $250, $100, $65, $50, $35, $20, or $10 to accept your Sustaining Membership for the 2017 year.

    Together, we’ve started a movement that will last through the next four years and beyond. It’s time to step up and show your commitment to our cause.

    Accept your membership today.

    Thank you,

    Donald J. Trump
    President of the United States

    • BadKitty904

      “Dear Donnie:

      Sorry, I don’t keep rubles on hand…”

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        It almost might be worth it- obtain a few rubles and send them by mail to the WhiteHouse

        • Shanzgood

          Get some coke dust and hooker pee on them first.

    • boyblue122

      Please donate so i can haz free trips to mar-a-largo till the end of time

    • Panika MCD

      usually when you send out these things, you give 3 giving levels based on their past giving history, not just EVERY LEVEL WE HAVE!!!

      • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

        Well they probably didn’t know what level to send since of course I’ve never donated. Even a dollar is one more that they didn’t have before.

        • Panika MCD

          you go with the standard $1, $5 or $10 in that case.

    • kareemachan

      Did you send him back a nice fake check (I would have signed it with his name) with FUCK YOU written on it?

    • WeaselPoo

      Sustaining Membership to…what is this thing, again?
      And why the fuck would I contribute $250 when I can “sustain” my “membership” for just $10 ?
      Come to think of it, why don’t you get the Mexicans and Germans to pay for my “sustaining membership?

  • NotALiar

    “make pusssy millennials work low labor jobs by FORCE ” I have every reason to believe this is a performance artist.

    • Shanzgood

      Self-care in aid of maintaining your own sanity is enough of a reason.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I think they call that slavery. Plus my pussy millennial offspring pays more in taxes than this Moran makes in a year.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Mine too.

      • Shanzgood

        My pussy millennial offspring would pay more if weed were legal and taxable here.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          Mine has a taste for girlee cocktails, which probably cost more than weed.

          • Shanzgood

            BUT THEY ARE TAXABLE!!11!

          • Undocumented Skwerl!

            And those taxes have crushed small businesses and taken away the jobs!!!!!

          • Shanzgood

            Yes, all the weed growers and dispensaries have shut down and the schools can’t afford to hire more teachers with all that money!

    • Vincent Ricola

      Ageist arguments, both toward millennials and boomers, are divisive and stupidly dehumanizing. It’s gone way beyond funny, imo, and appears to be another form of right-wing (or Russian, take your pick) propaganda designed to divide progressives from their common goals.

      Sadly, I believe this person is real and as mean as they appear.

  • Sophia

    So not only did they shaft the Veterans again, they are busy lying about it.

    A “major meeting” on veterans affairs slated for Friday evening that President Donald Trump publicly announced at the White House earlier in the day did not take place, according to pool reports.

    A Saturday pool report indicated Trump would be dining Saturday night with Perlmutter and his wife, with the dinner closed to media.

    Perlmutter, an Israeli-American who served in the Israeli army and advises Trump on veterans affairs, has previously met with Trump at Mar-a-Lago.

    A later pool report said that Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross would be joining the dinner. Mark Knoller, CBS News’ longtime White House correspondent, later tweeted that Vice President Mike Pence had joined the group. Pence arrived at Mar-a-Lago at 8:35 p.m., according to a pool report.

    At 11:25 p.m. Saturday, the White House provided a readout of the president’s day, stating that Trump “spent the early morning and afternoon on issues concerning the Department of Veterans Affairs and the military.”

    “This evening President Trump had another meeting, including dinner, concerning the Department of Veterans Affairs and how to turn it around for the benefit of our great veterans,” the readout added.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/03/trump-veterans-affair-meeting-doesnt-happen-236221

    • Mary Sandoras

      Perlmutter is the CEO of Marvel Entertainment, he’s going to solve all the VA problems with comic books.

      • But Fiege is the one doing all the work making the damn company profitable

      • Sophia

        Apocalypse on the job?

      • Doug Langley

        Gosh, I feel so safe now that Captain America is advising Donnie.

    • mailman27

      How much you wanna bet that all these pricks are getting charged for the Mar-A-Lago experience and paying with the taxpayer’s dime? Which goes into Trump’s pocket. It’s not actually illegal, so it must be ethical.

  • Panika MCD

    I’m sure disqus deleter would be happy to know that while we may nominally pay less than Tsarina Tic Tacs paid that one time, as a portion of our income we pay more–therefore we are making the larger sacrifice. that also too social workers don’t get employed when you cut the programs they work for. and that the federal budget is not $20 trillion, he’s thinking of the federal debt which his hero is projected to increase by another $10 trillion at least with is best laid plans!

    and this little liberal worst kind of terrorist would like Brian to know that if you go destabilize a country and then don’t engage in nation building, it tends to lead to more terrorists. that makes us less safe, not more. and leads us to a world where EERRRRBODY is going to be in the military because we will literally need that many people patrolling our borders. that’s a whole lot more expensive than nation building and feeding poors.

    • Thaumaturgist

      It’s a small point but if we were to spend less on nation wrecking we wouldn’t have to spend as much on nation building.

      • Panika MCD

        egg sac lea.

    • suziq

      Well if you are going to bring actual FACTS into it…

      • Panika MCD

        I also too bring alternative facts! and post facts! and faxed facts!

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      And the pragmatic side of safety nets is that the starving masses don’t foment revolution. I suppose the Rethugs would be thrilled to call in the National Guard and gun down starving people. America (but not Americans) First!

      • Panika MCD

        what if the National Guard is starving in those barracks with no roofs?

        • SeekingResistanceBarbie

          Rethugs have a gift for making people believe it’s a Zero Sum game and turning them against each other.

  • BadKitty904

    Time to go swimming. Laters, Wonketteers!

    • Painter of Swedish Tragedies

      Not jealous. Nope. Not at all.

      • And here i was all excited to only have to wear a spring jacket and not boots today

        • BadKitty904

          That whole “seasonal wardrobe” thing is just weird.

      • BadKitty904

        Well, there are some pluses to living in the subtropics, ya know…

        • Shanzgood

          You’ll all be living on houseboats soon?

          • BadKitty904

            I’m hoping that I will be dead and resting with my ancestors before that happens. If not, I, along with my family, friends, neighbors, etc., and millions of other Americans, will be refugees, following the destruction of anywhere from a fourth to a third of America’s food supplies, as well as many of our major cities and all of our major ports…

  • Painter of Swedish Tragedies

    Wow. “Brian” seems to have used up his period allotment for March before he got around to commenting here. Even his ellipsis was missing one.

    • kareemachan

      He has periods on his exercise machine?

      • ZAmazingProfessionalCrastinatr

        I thought only grrlz did that.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Winning Fourth Grade Robotics Team from Indianapolis Told to ‘Go Back to Mexico’
    The Panther Bots won’t let racism get in the way of the World Championships.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/panther-bots-robotics-team-racism_us_58ce3417e4b0ec9d29dcacae?md&amp;

    • The Librarian

      Don’t let yer white privilege get in the way of the fact you lost to a better team. Sheesh!

      • BadKitty904

        Bitter AND Bigoted!

        • The Librarian

          It’s a harsh combo.

          • BadKitty904

            Ugly, too. Also.

  • Juan de Fuca

    I know how ‘Becca and Dok feel. Just the other day, I was driving along a dam in SoCal and a bald eagle flew alongside my vehicle for about 10 seconds or so, like it was racing me along the dam. It flew about 10ft in the air, just cruising with me before it took off for higher elevation. Cool!

    So I pull out my camera, point it out the window in the general direction of the eagle and take the shot. After I stopped, checked my camera and nothing but clear blue sky – missed the eagle entirely. As I’m laughing at myself, I get on instagram and post the picture of the clear blue sky with the following caption:

    Had a bald eagle fly alongside my truck today at work and this is the only picture I got of it.

    *Imagine a clear blue picture here*

    #MissedTheShot #NeedToBeFasterOnTheDraw #OhWell
    #Thatsit. #ThatsTheJoke.

    About 15 minutes later, a friend of mine who is also on instagram texts me, “Hey man, didn’t want to bust you out on instagram but there’s nothing in the picture you just posted.”

    • shastakoala

      Did you reply, “What do you mean?”

      • Shanzgood

        “Do I know you?”

      • Juan de Fuca

        No, but I probably should’ve. I just went with –

        Dude…

    • SayItWithWookies

      “It was there when I posted it — you mean those fuckers can go backwards in time?!”

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
    • Shibusa

      “My name was used as an alias by someone on some watch list.”
      As if.
      More like his name is “Hassan Aden” and that sounded terroristy to the meatball who detained him.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Exactly.

    • Panika MCD

      TSA constantly orange cards me. it’s not a “minor inconvenience”. nor was it a “minor inconvenience” when my grandmother accidentally went somewhere she wasn’t supposed to at LAX looking for a bathroom and was detained and interrogated so long she wet her pants.

      • Shanzgood

        Oh god that’s just inexcusable.

        • Panika MCD

          happened to Gram under Shrub’s administration. I suffered orange cards until Bamz reorganized the list. but I haven’t been through airport security for a while. I sincerely don’t want to find out what would happen to me now. it’s the Black Irish–they always think I am a terrorist.

          • Shanzgood

            My ginger XH and I got pulled for “additional random screening” hauling a tow-headed pre-schooler and with a bald potato-faced baby in a backpack. Maybe they thought we had heroin in the frame or something.

            THAT was merely inconvenient, though. The rest of this crap is really egregious.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Assholes.

      • Lord Jim

        Remember the toddler that basically got molested in a TSA “patdown” years ago? Because she might be packing semtex in her diapers?

        • Panika MCD

          remember the lady who they made drink like 4 bottles of her own breast milk?

    • Panika MCD

      dear 2017,

      we had an agreement. we had to put up with Tsarina Von Clownstick and you wouldn’t take any celebrities for at least 6 months. you broke it. you can now go fuck yourself with all the broken glass bottles as per the agreement.

  • Fartknocker

    Ok, I confess: Not only am I terrorist, but I get money from Soros. So that makes me meaner and richer than Brian. And I don’t have shit-fer-brains. I love this and the fact that Wonkette doesn’t allow comments and Dr. Zoom is the nicest, most caring, patient and kind Internet King.

    • Shibusa

      Brian is too nice and centrist for me.

    • Finnabar87

      It makes you mad! It makes you mean mad!

    • Panika MCD

      but do you pay taxes?

  • Relativicus

    I read that large-mouth article. Very informative.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Funny, I would have thought Deadbeat pasted on Donald’s forehead would have received more of the focus.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    My posts below were part of an experiment.

    Somebody’s IRB is not doing it’s due diligence.

    • Lord Jim

      What was his control group? Was it a double-blind protocol?

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Shanzgood

      Did the first one generate any death threats to the author/s?

      • TheGrandWazoo2

        Yep. Death threats and rape.

        • Panika MCD

          ummm…no. [EDIT:] nevermind, Disqus reversed the order of the photos for some reason. with you now.

        • Shanzgood

          The Obama one? From libtards?

          I know the Trump one did.

    • Teecha

      I wish they’d use a photo of him looking more like his usual self. Y’know, less scowling from under his ginger granddad brows, more looking fick as fuck and generally twatty.

    • Alan

      I think it should be democratic socialism. But anyway, I think social democrat would be more accurate.

    • Persistent Demme

      I like how the tea party one reminds us of how, (back in the day) Russia was not our dearest friend and model nation.

      • Lord Jim

        I like how wingnuts who favor depriving millions people of health insurance and slashing nonmilitary spending with a rusty chainsaw can call a center-right president radical.

    • shivaskeeper

      Once again for the people who are slow. National Socialism does not mean what they think it means. The words are a quirk of the translation from the original German.

      I know all of you get that, but it’s an important reminder when it’s brought up.

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        RIght??? And they deliberately titled themselves something that had nothing to do with reality, kind of like the way East Germany was called “The Democratic German Republic.” It’s almost like they had some kind of deceit in mind.

    • Lord Jim

      One of these things is not like the others. And calling a center-right president radical is a fucking bad joke.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Anyway, Trump paid more in taxes in that one year than all the rest of us commenting on this entire blog. How much did you all pay to support all the wasteful programs, military and welfare?”

    In fairness, the Donald also has the most to lose were America invaded by the Russians or some other hostile power. Oh…

    • Lord Jim

      For the purposes of a fair comparison, I would need a grant of several million in seed money and be allowed at least six bankruptcies before tallying the final score.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    A quick and easy way to ensure you have no friends is to constantly correct things people say. It only makes it worse when it’s a joke you didn’t get. Cringe!!

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Nuh uh.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        It’s NUHHH UHHH! Jeez. Look it up!

      • Juan de Fuca

        Well, actually…

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      I always correct people. It’s part of my charm.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        But not everyone has enough charm to pull it off like you do..

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          Very true. As always, I am impressed by your perspicacity.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I don’t see what my sweaty feet have to do with any of this, but thank you. ;)

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            *Resists urge to pluck low-hanging fruit*

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            See…your urge to correct can, in the right hands, be used as a weapon against you!

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            I’m familiar with your tricks. I’m not so easily manipulated as that!

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            You make me sound so devious and sneaky! You get me.

          • Lord Jim

            It’s that sexy eye. It’s hypnotic. Resistance…weakening…

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Like Sauron with mascara!!

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Your slyness is legendary. May I offer you a cheese sammich, my conniving friend? I want to stay on your good side. It’s safer.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I would love one! We went on a sunset whale watching cruise and a mama and baby swam by the boat for quite a while. The baby was showing off like crazy! It was incredible. I didn’t get pictures of her breaching, but here they are, swimming together.. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e4f8a4a5d183b25cdb6c4fd1dabaaf1fa6b68401fe95b05bdad8b24e6f0e258f.jpg

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Only when compared to Canadians. Speaking of which, we met some nice Canadians this week. One of them told us of seeing the famous Naked Turtle Lady of Maui, who blesses the turtle hatchlings with her nudity. Jonny had seen her once before! I hope to see her soon. Canadians find my accent amusing.

      • Kiri the Paid Protestor

        That, and the putrescence.

      • Alan

        I carry a sharpie and correct errors on signs in stores.

    • shivaskeeper

      You are wrong. That is all. :)

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Let’s be best friends!!

  • Sophia
    • Panika MCD

      I thought we had a huge hospital in Germany to provide medical care to our military members wounded in the Middle East…maybe they don’t want that there anymore.

      • That’s where they took Donna when she got blown up in Gaza!

        • Panika MCD

          it also took those 3 army rangers what were captured in Kundu!

          • How much West Wing can we watch? All of it, over and over again!

          • Panika MCD

            well, I don’t have interwebs right now and it looks like my first disc of Season 1 is scratched. so I only have Seasons 1-4 without the first 8 episodes.

          • Quelle horreur! I just watched Crackpots & These Women yesterday

          • Panika MCD

            that’s one of the ones I don’t have!!!!!

          • I know! Which is why i’m sad for you. It’s one of my favourites

          • Panika MCD

            I will have to go watch “Somebody’s going to emergency, Somebody’s going to jail” now. well, later. there are free tacos to be had in 31 minutes!

          • I am SUPER jealous of your free tacos

          • Panika MCD

            free tacos are the best tacos!

          • Panika MCD

            I am not SUPER jealous of the free tacos what I did not get. they didn’t announce they were serving them and having advertised for a week during SXSW, they only bought 30 tacos. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?

          • Hangry rage riot! That’s fucking terrible

          • Panika MCD

            I know. they didn’t even bring enough tacos for the performers! and then I thought I’d give the wait staff a break and order nachos from a truck which was clearly vegetarian, but said it had queso. turned out it was vegan so it was not queso!

          • Vegan “queso” is a crime against humanity

          • Panika MCD

            and then they just announced that they’re getting more tacos. but they didn’t say how many.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I don’t know why they bothered – rubber was already vegan.

      • Sophia

        I guess I don’t know how things work. Other than him being A idiot I can’t figure out why he thinks Germany owes the U.S. money.

        • Panika MCD

          he thinks they owe him money for the pleasure of his company?

      • shivaskeeper

        Landstuhl Regional Medical Center. Usually the first stop for troops being MEDEVAC’d out of the theater. If they are based in Europe they stay there, if they are based stateside they will eventually come back home.

        • Panika MCD

          but if Germany is like, “quit being a whiny little bitch and read the NATO agreement. we’re paying our fair share. but that’s a nice medical center you have there. would be a shame if anything happened to it!”

          • shivaskeeper

            See you have a fundamental flaw in your assumption. That DJT would read and understand an agreement.

            He’ll be gone soon enough. None of the allies we still have will boot us out yet unless we don;t change course after he’s gone.

          • Panika MCD

            no, I’m just assuming that Germany would assume he hadn’t and tell him to read it because they may not know him as well as we do.

      • Thaumaturgist

        FFS. Germany is like Macedonia, only bigger and wealthier. You want American bases in Germany or Russian bases in Germany?

        • Panika MCD

          right now, I’d like the medical center to remain open.

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        We have literally over thirty military bases there. We utterly depend on them for military aid and their military alliances. Who is a worse pig, Trump, or his vile, disgusting, contemptible followers?

        • Panika MCD

          trick question: none of them are smart enough to be pigs.

    • MizzMazz

      And learn to use commas! Lose the one between expensive and defense. Also, lose your phone.

      • kareemachan

        Nah, let him keep it. I want to know what “thoughts” are rattling around in his head…

        • MizzMazz

          Twirls toe in sand. All right, he can keep them. the phone and the commas. I like the idea of commas rattling around in his head.

          • bupkus23

            Like all those loose marbles?

    • bupkus23

      “Despite what you have heard from the FAKE NEWS…”

      Hey, if Rump’s tweets are all aimed at his base, what makes him think they would have heard anything from FAKE NEWS? They don’t take their heads out of their asses for anything other than the bestest news from RW media….

      • Querolous

        the bestest news from RW RT media….FIFY

    • The Trump Comma might be his greatest achievement.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Oh my! Well, our self-deleted guest certainly got the last laugh on US with that clever experiment, sneakily infiltrating our completely public website and proving us to be fools who only repeat empty talking points in reply to well-reasoned thoughts like “read the federal budget,” “Do you have a real job, or are you a taker?” and “name calling means you’ve already lost!””

    Wait until his local IRB official pays him a visit concerning his deleted experimental data using human subjects/

  • Finnabar87

    I find it amusing how the common Trump cuck keeps claiming Donnie boy is getting stuff done, when all he’s accomplished so far is creating crisises for himself.

    • Panika MCD

      I thought we were supposed to be the cucks because we actually have partners who can sleep with other people to cuckhold us. but they have no partners, so they cannot be cuckholded.

      • Shanzgood

        Checkmate, libtart!

        • Panika MCD

          I thought you were the libtart?

          • Shanzgood

            Today, we are all libtarts!!!

            (My phone kept correcting that to library’s!)

          • Doug Langley

            They’re like Pop Tarts, but you heat them in the mikerwave so’s Bamz can watch.

          • Panika MCD

            I declare you “Libtart-in-Chief”!

          • Shanzgood

            Pft! But I hate golfing!

          • Panika MCD

            Libtart-in-CHEF?

          • Shanzgood

            Hm. Maybe if baconz does the actual cooking.

          • Panika MCD

            obvies. Chefs supervise!

          • starfanglednut

            How is he?

          • Shanzgood

            Bored and lonely and frustrated and scared. He’s in the prison system even though he’s not in actual prison.

          • starfanglednut

            Still? Fuck. Give him (and you) all of our love. Hope he gets out soon!

          • Shanzgood

            Thanks! It’d be easier for him to get out if everything about the place wasn’t designed to keep him in.

            It’s a really screwed up deal.

          • Querolous
  • HogeyeGrex

    Why would anybody think it was spelled “mooran?”

  • Chadwells

    I always preferred “maroon”

    • Panika MCD
      • Persistent Demme

        WTH is that thing?

        • Alan

          I assume it’s a maroon.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            It’s kind of kawaii.

          • Kiri the Paid Protestor

            *sneezes* Honshu!

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Gozu!

          • Erala Contratista

            Yuzu!

          • kareemachan

            Or a living macaroon?

        • Panika MCD

          it’s supposed to be a maroon.

      • Kiri the Paid Protestor

        If your sea urchin remains erect for more than four hours, consult a zoologist.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Now we know what happened to the one California Raisin that went out on Phish tour…

  • Mr. Lambert

    As a liberal who’s been banned multiple times from multiple conservative blogs I fully support wonkette. Period.

  • Chadwells

    Stoner thought as I watch an Investigation Discovery show.

    These people always say that the criminal is behind bars for life and will “never hurt anyone again.”

    Hmmm…prison must be different than I thought if you can spend a lifetime in there without hurting “anyone.” That or…hurting a fellow inmate doesn’t count the same as hurting “anyone?”

    End of stoner thought. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/46d862d6c580e545fe29c3a356762b61c70c31a6895b0a14968aec953ebda3de.gif

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      If it weren’t for stoners, the ID Channel would have no viewers (the Cartoon Network also too).

      • Chadwells

        LOL!! Adult Swim is my nightly shows!! Honestly, it’s my escape from the miserable state of affairs.

  • Shibusa

    Brian certainly took the deploraball and ran with it.

  • Nick Scroggs

    Totally to brag, that I’m the one who got the deleted “Charles Smith” to say “read the federal budget”, I’m pretty sure. Again, bragging about making a troll say something they thought was smart but was just dodging, what did I do wrong with my life?

    • Teecha

      Have a gold star!

    • Scrofula

      Chuck Smith probably read the Federal ammunition catalog, is confused.
      Oh, and take pride in your work. “All work is noble,” said that black guy what got shot.

      • Nick Scroggs

        Laurence Fishburne?

      • thixotropic jerk

        Wait- Buckwheat’s been shot?!?! Noooooooo!!!!!

        • Scrofula

          can’t . . . not . . . following . . .

    • Shanzgood

      Yeah, I got the “he paid more taxes” one and I was all YESSS!

      I need to get out more.

      • HogeyeGrex

        we need new bingo cards for this administration.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Also, too….are we supposed to celebrate if we’re occupied by a foreign country? I’m thinking most people would whine about that a bit.

    • Scrofula

      Used to be the RWNJ would complain we libtards wanted to be occupied by Soviet Russia.
      Haven’t heard that much lately.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        It’s all about liberals and Mooslins these days!

        • Scrofula

          “All those pink-hat broads marching, why don’t they move to Saudi Arabia!” I’m sure many people have said.

      • kareemachan

        Well, they did get their directive to be BFF’s with Putin, so….

      • shivaskeeper

        It goes like this: Libtards wanted weak, sad Communist Russia. That was bad. RWNJs, especially the religious ones are OK with not-Communist muscular, hates the gays Russia under Putin. That’s good.

        So to make a handy reference for you:
        Libtard Communist Russia = bad
        RWNJ hates the gays Russia = good.

        If you remeber that at all times it’s pretty clear.

        • Scrofula

          Yes, yes, I know, just like how Stalin and Hitler are ideologically interchangeable for RWNJ purposes.

          • shivaskeeper

            They are if you don’t understand the nuances of translation because you are an idiot.

          • Lord Jim

            “you are A IDIOT”

            Grammar is important around here.

          • shivaskeeper

            Forgot my Wonkette style book.

      • Royal Ugly Dude

        They only had issues with the hairy hordes of Stalinist Russians. Not Putin. He’s dolphin-smooth.

    • Doug Langley

      Depends which country. I wouldn’t have too many problems with saying “President Trudeau”.

    • Panika MCD
    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Depends – how much potential profit for traitors is there in this hypothetical occupation?

    • lots of vodka. the only way to celebrate this mess.

    • zerosumgame0005

      and to think the folks who say that shit used to cheer the “rebels” in Red Dawn, now they hope the Cuban/Russians invade!

  • Nick Scroggs

    “Moran”. Also the last name of Michael ‘Micky” Moran, a.k.a. Miracleman.

  • DerpyGurdyMan
    • DerpyGurdyMan

      [url=https://imgflip.com/i/1lpd0v][img]https://i.imgflip.com/1lpd0v.jpg[/img][/url][url=https://imgflip.com/memegenerator]via Imgflip Meme Generator[/url]

      • zerosumgame0005

        plus that last 1% is pure D bullshit!

        • DerpyGurdyMan

          u r good at math and should run for elected office

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    From Huffpo:
    “We don’t have universal [health care] ― the only way to have universal care, if you stop to think about it, is to force people to buy it under penalty of law,” Mulvaney said Sunday on ABC’s “This Week.”

    Or you could just have single payer where we all get it.

    • Panika MCD

      and you could keep the ACA in place with its penalty for not buying health insurance and amend it to have single payer. because, you know, it was kind of written to allow for just that thing to happen.

    • Scrofula

      Yeah, uh, automatic enrollment in a single-payer “plan” when you’re born?
      Why do we need “plans” anyway? I didn’t plan on getting shot by a Trumper, but I’d like to go the hospital.

      • Shanzgood

        That’s why there are “victims compensation funds” out there. *hard eye roll*

        My son was offered that when he was robbed at gunpoint working at a convenience store. What he has NOT been offered compensation for is all the times he’s had to take unpaid time off work to show up for mandatory court appearances that end up in continuances.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      But it would be a disaster! No other country has done it! It will never work!! Oh….wait…..

      • snark-lurker

        yuh gotta think of all the $profits that donut exist with single-payer! they would all go away and the world would collapse!

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          I don’t know if I can sleep at night if the insurance company CEOs only have 4 Lamborghinis each…

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Oh the horror!

        • dlemex

          Just take a look at who owns lots of stock in Health Care and Pharmaceuticals. Congress is to greedy to make a change to Single Payer.

    • Teecha

      I don’t buy health insurance in Britain. I just pay tax and national insurance. In Qatar I pay about £20 a year for a health card and all health care is free at the point of use.
      ETA- I don’t pay any tax at all here. No one does.
      This idiot Mulvaney is a idiot.

    • Shibusa

      Mulvaney in 3 words: House Freedom Caucus.

    • proudgrampa

      What a concept.

    • HogeyeGrex

      To Mulvaney, taxes are forcing people under penalty of law, and he’s not necessarily wrong. That said, there’s nothing inherently wrong about doing that. We do it for all sorts of stuff.

      the only way to have universal police protection, if you stop to think about it, is to force people to buy it under penalty of law

      the only way to have universal law courts, if you stop to think about it, is to force people to buy it under penalty of law

      the only way to have universal military investment, if you stop to think about it, is to force people to buy it under penalty of law

      He’s just another venal hypocrite, is all.

  • Greyhame

    Better switch to the Sekrit Bat-Cave for sidebar convos, because Wonkette is the hero Gotham deserves.

    • Panika MCD

      that would make a pretty good coffee mug.

  • Daisy

    Well, my living plans just fell through, so I’m pretty much screwed.

    • Ouch. Wanna commute from my couch? It’s only 3 time zones away!

      • Daisy

        I wish

        • Or, i have a university a bus ride away from my apt?

          • Daisy

            I can’t afford international universities. I can barely afford Berkeley with a Cal Grant and Pell Grant.

      • kareemachan

        I’m only two states north, but there’s a ferry ride involved….

        Seriously, I’ve been there. Last year of college, I found a place for $50/month (yeah, this was a while ago) that had no insulation, no foundation, and only a woodstove for heat. We’d put a marble on the floor and make bets to see which way it would roll.

        Oh yeah, the lack of foundation made the whole house shake when the trains went by – they were about 100′ from the house.

        ETA: If I haven’t said this before, I love your nom de plume.

        • Shanzgood

          The house I had my studio apartment in got condemned and we all had to leave while the defects were corrected. Things like live electrical wires had been run through live gas lines to save money on electrical conduit. Good times.

          • dlemex

            Just think… soon those jerb killing regs will be gone.

        • SeekingResistanceBarbie

          Many years ago, when I was a leasing agent in Santa Fe, NM, where rents are high, I was once inspecting a house from which we’d evicted the tenants for non-payment and discovered an international student from Africa living in the basement room, which had a bare bulb and concrete floor with a drain that the tenants had illegally sub-rented to him. It was sad that he thought that was acceptable.

    • Scrofula

      All part of college. Ain’t it fun?

      • Daisy

        Not really

        • Sister the Resister

          Wish I knew someone to help you. What town are you in again, Daisy?

          • Daisy

            Berkeley California

          • Sister the Resister

            I’ll be thinking about my resources, let you know if I come up with anything.

          • Daisy

            Thanks

          • Sister the Resister

            off-campus housing is what you’re looking for? or are you required to stay in the dorms?

          • Daisy

            It has to be off campus. UC Berkeley only guarantees one year in the dorms, and my app was rejected.

          • Shanzgood

            That’s a bitch. I remember getting rejected for the scholarship hall housing and thinking “I have a National Merit Scholarship. How much more “scholarship” do you need?”

          • Sister the Resister

            oops, just read your replies to others, understand now its off-campus, which I’m more likely to have some resources for. Pop me an email (my username, no spaces, at gmail) so if I find something, I don’t have to post it here in Der Publick Vew.

          • Daisy

            Okay, will do. I’ll just say “hi” for this one. :)

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            Keep us posted, we will worry otherwise. K?

          • Yr. Gma

            Would Oakland be too far afield? Do you need to be walking distance from campus?

          • Daisy

            Yeah, because I can’t drive.

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            Is biking an option?

          • Daisy

            No. I can’t ride a bike.

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      What were your plans?

      • Daisy

        I was going to live with my current roommates, but one got a space in an apartment and me and the other got turned down, so she’s either going to live with someone from a class she has or by herself. Which means I’m the one who gets screwed.

        • snark-lurker

          don’t feel screwed. Life! it ain’t fair but it goes on. you can handle this! when you fall (& we all do), fall forward.

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            Also, too, if you end up having to do Plan B or Plan C, remember: This Too Shall Pass.

        • SeekingResistanceBarbie

          Dang. That sucks. Sounds like maybe they let you down, which sucks more. Wish I could help.

        • suziq

          Doesn’t the college have resources to help you, or at least places to advertise for roomies and or vice and or versa?

          • Daisy

            To an extent. It’s not helpful when most of it is $850+ a month though

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            Yikes! Is that campus housing?

          • Daisy

            Nope, apartments. I already got rejected by campus housing-Berkeley only guarantees one year.

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            Bummer. Keep watching and putting the word out. People’s plans change all the time.

          • suziq

            You are in about the most expensive place ever though so it is going to be tough. How far away can you go and still be able to get to classes reasonably? Usually the farther you go the cheaper it is. Of course, you know that, but try to think of as many options as possible and keep telling everybody you run into you are looking! You never know who might know of some place.

          • Daisy

            Probably a fourty-minute walk. Transportation around here is unreliable, and I can’t guarantee that I’ll have my license next year-or a place to park.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Does UC offer BART discounts?

          • Daisy

            No

        • Persistent Demme

          No on-campus housing?
          Are they forcing you out after 1st year?

          UC San Diego daughter left after one year and was really sorry she did. (Years later admitted that to her little sister.)
          Linfield daughter was forced by her school to stay in dorms, and was glad she did.

          (But, at the time, we could not persuade UC daughter to stay in dorms for love or money, so I understand.)

          • Daisy

            Yes, they force you out after a year. My dorm application was already rejected.

          • Persistent Demme

            Dammit!
            I wish I could help.
            Rents there must be terrible.

          • Daisy

            It’s really bad.

        • Yr. Gma

          That seriously sucks.

  • it’s always the cover up that gets criminals in trouble. i expect nothing less from the Wonkette crew.

  • Alan

    Aha! Michigan 73-Louisville 69. Time to do something productive.

    • Shanzgood

      Spoilers dude!

      • DerpyGurdyMan

        Seriously. Some of us use Tivo !

    • subatomic

      Bummer.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      great game- now it’s yardwork time

  • Ilgattomorte

    I’ll have you know that I believe very deeply in the Canadian SCOTUS. It’s like Santa Claus, Jesus or the Easter Bunny. If you believe in it, it will always be there to protect you, and no one has the right to tell you it doesn’t exist. We have an inalienable right for all of our beliefs to be taken as the truth. Thank God it says that right in the Canadian Constitution.

    Besides, no one can really prove there ISN’T a Canadian SCOTUS protecting all of us. I mean, if there wasn’t a good and all powerful Canadian SCOTUS watching over us, how do you explain the overwhelming lack of Canadian Trumps or the existence of Canadian single-payer healthcare?

    • Sister the Resister

      Your logic is damned hard to argue with!

    • HogeyeGrex

      If anybody disagrees, just say “WERE YOU THERE???!!!???”

      • SeekingResistanceBarbie

        or SAYS WHO?!

  • Scrofula

    I just remembered, corporate shill me from 1999-2005 paid a whole lot more taxes than poor student me working part time 1993-1999. Both of those me’s paid a whopping whole lot more than deadbeat me, 2010-2015.
    So, which one is more surperior, and therefore right?
    All I know is corporate-shill me had WAY better drugs.

    • Panika MCD

      well, what about the Soros money?

  • Pisto75666

    Andrew apparently doesn’t understand sarcasm or context. Sad people like that just don’t know how to take the ‘L’ and move on with their lives.

  • Jamoche

    The new kleptocracy loves for-profit schools and wants to make sure that any monies borrowed for them is returned with interest. Lots and lots of interest.
    https://consumerist.com/2017/03/17/trump-administration-eases-restriction-on-student-loan-debt-collectors/#more-10272446

    • Panika MCD

      don’t be so fast there. rural Republicans hate them because they’re not putting private schools in Muleshoe, TX.

      • Fartknocker

        Muleshoe median household income: $37,256
        US median household income: $51,939

        And the beauty of putting a charter school in Muleshoe is folks in the big cities like Austin get to pay the Robin Hood tax which goes to Muleshoe because Dan Patrick is more worried about free commerce and which kid pees in the appropriate school bathroom because Jesus said so.

        • Panika MCD

          Dannie Goeb is going down, you know that, right?

          also too: you failed to note that the two main industries in Muleshoe are dairy farming and oil so, despite having very nice people, the place literally stinks.

          and Robin Hood is known as “recapture” down at the lege.

          • Left Coast Tom

            I had to look it up…not only is there actually a town called “Muleshoe, Texas”, but it has a “National Mule Memorial“.

            At least one gets to read a sentence which begins: “Jackass admirer V.H. Torrance of Austin, Texas…”.

          • Panika MCD

            pretty much.

          • Panika MCD

            there’s also too a Cut n’ Shoot, TX. and a Flower Mound, TX. and a Paris, TX–which I missed their lobbying day last week and did not get to have their burgers which makes me for sadz because they are really cool people.

          • Erala Contratista

            Also Bee Cave, Dripping Springs. Possum Kingdom.

          • Panika MCD

            I guess I never found Bee Cave or Dripping Springs that weird, though the latter I should totally find weird. Possum Kingdom is a state park, but there is a Possum Trot in Shelby Co.

          • Erala Contratista

            We looked for Bee Cave last year, couldn’t find it. It is on the map, tho, a ‘burb of Austin. First time we were in Dripping Springs, 10 yrs. ago, we passed a water bottling plant. Couldn’t find the plant again and Dripping Springs, which was lovely then is Condo City now, also thanks to Austin.
            There is a Bee Rock in Nor Cal. Couldn’t find the rock, but there is a cool gas station/general store. In fall, it is over run with tarantulas.

          • Panika MCD

            I live in Austin. I know where Bee Cave (which has been destroyed by mega malls) and Dripping Springs now has a booming wine industry.

            they just now voted on a bill to designate a highway the “Charles Goodnight Memorial Highway” and he also has the town of Goodnight named after him.

        • Panika MCD

          and no one is putting a charter school in Muleshoe.

  • Greyhame

    How am I supposed to pay attention to the rest of the article after the bowl of petunias has been invoked? Now all I can think about is learning how to throw myself at the ground and miss.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      IIRC, something has to so completely distract you, it spoils your aim.

      • Teecha

        There are clubs you can join which will provide you with
        ‘the all important moment of distraction. They hire people with surprising bodies or opinions to leap out from behind bushes and exhibit and/or explain them at the critical moments’

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Trump approval drops to 37% – the worst Gallup poll any president has ever had this early in their term. pic.twitter.com/399k8tLFmx— Steven Dennis (@StevenTDennis) March 19, 2017

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      Twitler in 3…2…
      FAKE NEWS!

    • boyblue123

      winning

    • LarryHoudini

      FAKE NEWS–SAME POLLSTER WHO GOT IT ALL SO SO WRONG BEFORE THE ELECTION!!!
      [spontaneously combusts; jumps through glass window]

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Fire and defenestration!

    • boyblue123

      its only going to get worse. His health-don’t-care bill and his budget proposal both affect his own base which is where his strongest support still remains (at least for the time being)

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Oh, if only someone could have seen this coming!

      *bangs head on desk violently*

      • Kiri the Paid Protestor

        Oh, do be careful, dear! That replacement cortex you’re using is the last we have until next month!

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          Yeah, I know…*hangs head in shame* I was feeling a little peckish…

      • zerosumgame0005

        like making luv, do it slowly to let it linger…the bruising makes interesting patterns too

    • over at Eschaton Atrios is asking if he should return to the days of Ponies. let him know what you think, the man has some pony shock skillz.

    • DainBramage

      He’s number One! at being hated

    • Doug Langley

      My god! He IS the Uniter!!

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      All I can ever think is, how is it this high?!

      • Shoto

        There’s the hardcore, bonehead segment, right there.

      • HogeyeGrex

        I assume at least 10% of the American public is that sort of trained-to-be-nice where they won’t say bad things about anyone, especially the President. That leaves about 27% dumbasses. About right, but I still think he’s got room to drop. I expect to see 27% overall within the year, barring a war.

      • Paul

        Because his followers are high as fuck.

      • Snopes Shop

        Yeah, me too. How does that large a percentage of Americans think Nazis are ok.

    • Mary Sandoras

      Approve 37%
      Disapprove 58%

      Winning!

  • Sophia

    Prime example of talking to a wall but thanks for trying Joy.

    Joy Reid stomps on GOPer saying poor ‘game’ Medicaid: ‘You can’t panhandle your way to 138% of poverty’

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/03/joy-reid-stomps-on-goper-saying-poor-game-medicaid-you-cant-panhandle-your-way-to-138-of-poverty/

    • Biff52

      And of course I demand they file a 1099 whenever I drop change into a panhandler’s bucket, too.

  • Doug Langley

    O.T.: saw this over on Kos:

    http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/3/18/1645035/-Question-Your-favorite-comic-strip-of-all-time

    So why not. What’s you favorite comic strip?

    • Panika MCD
      • Rasilom

        For the life of me I cant remember the name if the movie, but the author of Tundra and some of his friends made a movie about a were-moose. I have not seen it but am going to find it. And yes, for the record… Were-moose bites can be nasty…

        • Panika MCD

          you’ve never had to deal with the moose nugget brigade on your doorstep!

          • Rasilom

            Actually I have. They are thick as flies on poop in Anchorage. I was staying with friends up there when I was on a job and stepped in a nice pile the moose nugget brigade left on the sidewalk.

          • Panika MCD

            you have not met the moose nugget brigade. you killed the moose nugget brigade!

          • Rasilom

            lol!

          • Scrofula

            Well, no, silly, Moose are imaginary!

          • Panika MCD

            but….without moose, we would have no moose nuggets and then what would we use for kindling? what would we shellac to sell to tourists as earrings and swizzle sticks?

          • Scrofula

            Wait, I thought you were in TX. See, lying FAKE MOOSE NEWS!

          • Panika MCD

            but I’m from Fairbanks, AK originally.

          • Scrofula

            Pssshaw, another fake place. Like Sarah Palin could actually exist outside some animatronic experiment gone wrong.

          • Panika MCD

            well, Wasilla is pretty much indistinguishable from Palmer, so it’s perfectly safe to assume that place doesn’t exist. but the animatronic experiment gone wrong is in North Pole.

          • Erala Contratista

            Also no moose turd pie. Heard it from a friend…

        • Panika MCD
          • Rasilom

            You found it! Thanks!

          • Panika MCD

            there’s also too this one:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7_EFL8HE_M

          • Panika MCD

            and also too too also, they’re makin’ another’n.

            http://www.tundracomics.com/sudsy-slim-movie.html

          • Rasilom

            That is awsome. Looks like they are turning the Soapy Smith into a parody. Soapy was a con man in Skagway during the gold rush. He ran a fake telegraph service (there was no telegraph in Skagway at that time) as well as a bunch of other shady stuff. And yes Skagway has built a large part of their tourism economy around his tale.

          • Panika MCD

            I’m aware.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      I’ll give you a hint. These guys:
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/44c57976d195dca6fcae6cff9bf19952da0aeafbc8de735c79721d031dfc0641.jpg
      Are named Calvin and Hobbes. (Calvin is on the right)

    • TJ Barke

      Hard to pick between Far Side and Calvin & Hobbes.

    • jowgajen

      Currently, Breaking Cat News.

    • HogeyeGrex

      C&H. Bloom County. Doonesbury. XKCD. Far Side. It’s a tough choice.

      I know my least favorite. The Trump Administration.

    • Panika MCD
    • Shoto

      There are a whole buncha good strips out there, so it’s a tough call. However, if I had to choose, I’d probably go with Tom Tomorrow these days. Of all time? Imma have to think about that one.

    • data_ninja

      Dr. McNinja was pretty phenomenal, but it ended recently. Pearls before Swine has some amazing puns to it, and XKCD is great. Subnormality is pretty good, even if a heavy read each time.

      Per the classics, I agree with TJ: Calvin and Hobbes, The Far Side, pre-crazy Scott Adams Dilbert, Bloom County…

      For what it’s worth, the first comics I read were Peanuts. But we also had a subscription to MAD magazine, so I’ll throw Spy Vs Spy in there as well.

    • OrG

      The Angriest Dog In The World.

    • leemoder

      I’m a sucker for the old adventure strips: Terry & The Pirates; Hal Foster’s Tarzan; Raymond’s Flash Gordon & Rip Kirby and anything by Noel Sickles.

    • Ωbjectifier
    • I personally like Least I Could Do.

    • Erala Contratista

      Broomhilda!

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
  • Mike Steele

    Lady MS here: Decades ago, at the dawn of the internet, BFF’s husband was webmaster of local paper and asked if I’d like to be a blogger. What’s involved? Well, just write what you’d like, then monitor the site and answer replies. Lacking in courage and already employed, I politely demurred – and have aged in place and in PEACE ever since. Don’t know how y’all do it, but am undyingly grateful that you do. Will send proceeds when change jar is full again:)

  • motmelere

    Wow, Brian’s comment might have missed on the gays, but hit every other wingnut pin on the way down. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c9e44261638bb2eeb6606056acff67ab917f0b8f32bd556981b6e2091e97058d.jpg

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Rural Areas Brace for a Shortage of Doctors Due to Visa Policy
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/18/us/doctor-shortage-visa-policy.html?_r=0

    • boyblue123

      Medical science is overrated. Thoughts and prayers will be good enough to cure any illness

      • Marion in Savannah

        Well, and some cod liver oil…

        • theCryptofishist

          LEECHES LIEBULZZZ!!!!!11

        • Querolous

          And a mustard plaster.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • LarryHoudini

      I didn’t realize what a sewer Twitter can be until I looked at Eichenwald’s Twitter feed. Christ, what a bunch of assholes. No wonder they love Trump.

      • boyblue123

        some are kremlin bots who are there to try to intimidate and pollute discussion

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
    • Jack Tenhet

      I read this elsewhere the other day and there was clear intent to cause harm in the tweets themselves. One tweet hoped the image would kill him. They knew that was a possibility and that motivated them to do it. In this case, maybe attempted murder charges should be considered.

    • puredog

      Y’know, what’s particularly wonderful about this is that if the diarrhea-mouthed defendant had restrained himself from taunting “you deserve a seizure” — which taunt the possessed Eichenwald probably wouldn’t have been able to read anyway — he might have remained unprosecutable or, at least, it would have been tougher to prove a case against him. Somehow reminds me (OT) of the vandal who threw a brick through a window at McDonald’s with a note wrapped around it: “You deserve a brick today.”

  • Nick Scroggs

    For no reason:
    Griff: Haven’t you ever seen a war movie? The black man always gets it first! …Jim Brown in The Dirty Dozen, Laurence Fishburne in Apocalypse Now, Bubba in Forrest Gump! Any black man in Star Trek! We go in, test the waters, get killed, and you white guys go home to your families.

    Al: See? We both lose.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I’ve never read something more disrespectful to black people and women at the same time without being overtly sexist/racist.

      • Nick Scroggs

        The why did you upvote it?

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I thought you posted ironically. Was I incorrect?

          • Nick Scroggs

            No. I just, like, Married with Children.

    • Panika MCD

      the first person to die in Apocalypse Now was a whole bunch of Vietnamese.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      In Star Trek TOS episode “By Any Other Name” the black guy redshirt Shea lives but the white gal redshirt (dress?) dies when her cubooctohedron was crumbled by the Kelvin leader.

    • Erala Contratista

      Ummmm, Nickie? That paper won’t write itself.

      Back slowly away from the website. Good boy.

      • Nick Scroggs

        Do I get a treat or a little pat on the head?

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      Excellent. All the panels should be titled.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        This section paid for by your grandmother’s life.

        • SeekingResistanceBarbie

          If trump builds that damned wall we should form volunteer brigades to paint it that way. Aesthetically.

          • Notreelyhelping

            “History considers it a grotesque mistake, but the wall did provide the world’s greatest graffiti display.”

          • boredcatlady

            Gay up whole sections thru Texas with rainbows

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          This section paid for by starving schoolchildren.

        • boredcatlady
          • Snopes Shop

            I know the cat food eating old folks is an old trope but it always, always make me so sad.

          • cat food’s too expensive now … 70’s meme.

          • boredcatlady

            True that…spoiled babies just got a handful of (locally sourced whole prey) treats because giant thunderclap resulted in kittycat freak out

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          The should just build it with bones, and save on the concrete.

      • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

        Repealing school lunches paid for panel #3186.

      • OneYieldRegular

        That’s the section I want a chunk of to use as a paperweight when Mexicans and American gather 8 years from now to hammer Trump’s wall into smithereens and drink beer together.

        • SeekingResistanceBarbie

          Tear down that wall!

  • calliecallie

    Brian, math is hard. Don’t hurt yourself. (forgive my all caps, just to differentiate)

    Oh wait, Trump is doing 80% of this!
    1) Deport every illegals – TRYING
    2) refugees who don’t “comply” – TRYING TO BAN SOME
    3) suspending all benefits across the board period – NOT YET
    4) force felons in prison to do road work – NOT YET
    5) make pusssy millennials work low labor jobs by FORCE by taking their grants – TRYING
    6) and food stamps – TRYING
    7) have a nationwide concealed carry law – NOT YET
    8) fix OBAMA healthcare law – HEY, HE DIDN’T SAY REPEAL & REPLACE! NOT YET
    9) cut every politician salary by 50% – HARD TO ARGUE W/ THIS ONE, BUT NOT YET
    10) no more useless wars – WE HOPE HE SUCCEEDS HERE
    11) occupation in other countries – NO CHANGE HERE
    12) nation building – NO CHANGE HERE
    13) foreign aid – TRYING
    14) crack down on fraud in thenwelfare state – NOT YET
    15) impose a 90% income tax on all entertainers/celebrities – NOT YET
    16) THEN NO KNE NEEDS TO PAY MORE THAN 10% across the board! – NOT YET

    So Trump is working on #1, 2, 5, 6 and 13, so 5 out of 16, carry the one…31.25% Even lower than his approval rating. Good one, Brian.

    • Panika MCD

      inre 2: comply with what?

      inre 4: doesn’t that make it easier for them to escape?

      inre 5: how does he know that millennials won’t just take his job by force if they lose their grant funding?

      inre 7: he didn’t even try for nationwide open carry w/o a license? pussy.

      inre 9: how is he supposed to cut the salaries of politicians who work at the state, county, municipal or SPD level again? doesn’t the 10th amendment kind of defeat that one?

      inre 15: wouldn’t he be taxing himself?

      inre 16: doesn’t this negate 15?

    • Tiny kaiju

      Re: #5: taking way their grants for research fellowships and science type stuff too.

    • weejee

      Thanks for posting callie, but even with differentiation, Brian’s not even ∂-ly getting the too hard maths.

    • theCryptofishist

      I’m hazy on why knees are paying taxes. And if I have no knees, do I never have to pay taxes?

      • SnarkON

        The knees pay taxes to pay for the ACL Act.

        • theCryptofishist

          A Crap Legislation Act?

  • Nick Scroggs
    • Shanzgood

      I guess “trouble” means something different to you.

      • Nick Scroggs

        Well, a piece of dialogue I put below this went from 4 likes to 2, and I almost thought to instead put something that would get really banned.

        • Shanzgood

          Might have been interesting if you decided to have a conversation with folks about why they gave you dislikes below instead of immediately trying to garner more.

          • Nick Scroggs

            I’m basically procrastinating against the papers I have to write for finals, frankly I’ve given up on meaningful conversation in this phase of my life.

          • Shanzgood

            Then don’t don’t engage people in conversations you’re not prepared to follow through on.

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            A little context or comment would be helpful, too, also.

          • Shanzgood

            It happened downthread a bit.

          • David Chaillou

            Short fuse ?

          • Shanzgood

            Short attention span.

    • Scrofula

      I never had good results on my biceps until I leaned on a super-high inclined bench and draped a washcloth over my balls.

      • For a really good workout, you also need Ted Danson in the background giving you the “Hello, sailor!” stare.

      • SnarkON

        Same, and I’m a woman.

        • Scrofula

          I bet a woman who does curls like that gets a TON of unsolicited advice from dudes at the gym.

    • Ωbjectifier
    • boyblue123

      Where are they working out? A turkish bath house?

    • A “companion book”? To what? Is it part of a course, or something?

      • Courser_Resistance

        I think it’s a euphemism for ‘wank book’.

    • Sister the Resister

      lipstick lesbians have always been among us…

      also, too, I did not know that string bikinis for men were are thing back then! Wonkette is Edumacational!

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Oscar Wilde passed as straight and there’s a small hill of evidence Newton was gay. It’s almost like sexuality and personality are separate things.

        • Shanzgood

          Indeed.

      • theCryptofishist

        Old book jackets, especially pulpy ones, are very edumacational.

    • Panika MCD

      there are over 400 sexes.

    • theCryptofishist

      Seems to be a bit more unnecessary writhing going on that gym.

      • Nick Scroggs

        You’ve never been to Gold’s in West Hollywood.

        • theCryptofishist

          No. I have seen the outside of God’s Gym in Oakland, and that’s funny. And locally famous.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    It is the 21st century, and we STILL have people who believe the earth is flat. Which goes along way towards explaining how Drumpf got elected I suppose.

    http://www.msn.com/en-ca/sports/nba/shaq-also-believes-earth-is-flat/ar-BBynY3p?li=AAadgLE&ocid=spartanntp

    The only infinite thing in the universe is the human capacity for stupidity.

    • Scrofula

      I will bet way more people today believe the earth is flat than at any point in history.

      • Sister the Resister

        er… um… no.
        But a lot more than in, say, the last 100 years.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          Add a few centuries to that. Just a bunch of centuries.

        • Scrofula

          Nope, stand by my argument, including as a percentage.
          All you have to do is climb a hill to understand the concept. People today are being contrary, just like with climate change.

      • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

        …yanno… since there are lots more people now than there used to be, it probably doesn’t take such a large percentage of live folks to make that claim true.

        Oh, sigh…

        • Scrofula

          Anticipated your argument, thought about qualifying it. Figured it worked as a total and as a percentage.
          I’d add that only in the last hundred years has the question “what phase is the moon in right now?” been unanswerable by the majority (percentage) of humans.

        • Scrofula

          Also, “more people AT ANY POINT” kind of implies percentage.

      • thixotropic jerk

        What is “the earth?”

        • Scrofula

          That thing on the back of the turtles.

      • SeekingResistanceBarbie

        The ancient Greeks figured out that the earth is spherical.

        • Scrofula

          Older than that; they straight measured how BIG it was. With a stick and some math.

          • theCryptofishist

            Ah, but we were told there would be no math.

          • Scrofula

            It’s the ancient Greeks–you get either math or pederasty, your pick.

          • pstockholm

            Probably goes back much further, to any early civilization studying the night sky, which was all of them.
            The moon is so obviously a lit and shadowed sphere to sharp and curious eyes, that it could well be pre-historic clever people that started wondering about the earth as well, especially if they noted the gradual appearance of distant sails, riders, clouds. We’ll never know.

          • Scrofula

            Folks knew as far back as records go, anyway.

        • LucindathePook

          And Eratosthenes measured it.

    • Mike

      You ain’t seen nothing ….
      https://youtu.be/nj8hT9YO884

  • Rick Hill

    “What is this hand bag designer doing at this meeting?”
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/agLooev_460s.jpg

    • weejee

      A quantum stare for sure.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Merkel studied quantum chemistry, Trudeau can explain quantum mechanics and we have the shitgibbon.

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          Aw, c’mon… the shitgibbon *must* have seen Quantum Leap at least once, right?

          • Courser_Resistance

            Since he wasn’t on it, probably no.

          • theCryptofishist

            Not once when beset by insomnia, roaming trump tower sans bathrobe…

          • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

            “Oh boy!”

          • Liberoid Ron

            It still niggles at me that in the first episode of ‘Enterprise’ Scott Bakula didn’t look in the mirror in his quarters and mutter, ‘Oh, boy!’ How perfect would that have been?

        • Liberoid Ron

          Try this:
          ‘Merkel studied quantum chemistry, Trudeau can explain quantum mechanics, and Trump fell asleep halfway through “Quantum of Solace.”‘

    • Shanzgood

      No shit. I’m starting to love Merkel’s face SO much.

    • Shoto

      Merkel’s running some serious side-eye on dingbat Grifter Barbie, FLOTUS-in-Chief.

    • boyblue123

      she only rips off designs for handbags. She doesnt do original designs

      • KenRob

        She also rips off designs for shoes, jewelry, clothes, etc. All Trumps are grifters!

      • pstockholm

        Don’t think she even rips off the designs herself, she just markets them.

    • Persistent Demme

      STFU, Ivanka!
      (How dare you think ANYTHING you have to say at this meeting is worthy!)

      • Shanzgood

        And HOW INSULTING to have Ivanka there in the same room as Merkel?

        OMFG I guess it’s just as insulting as having her father there.

        Fuck.

        • ZangoCrudmonger

          Well, both strike fear in the hearts of men.

          YMMV.

    • Lord Jim

      Doesn’t even design handbags. Sells other people’s handbag designs. Like Daddy, like daughter.

  • nightmoth

    Last week I complained about how I read deleted comments on Sundays when I’m feeling good and a wonker sagely advised “Don’t read them until Monday!” So that’s what I’m going to do. All you mfs who got banhammered are safe from my blue-hot sarcasm another day. In the meantime, the choir at the church I sometimes attend sang one of my favorite old songs today, and I’m going to keep thinking about that.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUxHn6jJQew

  • Grokenstein

    It’s always a total napalm-and-acid burn when a brilliantly-disguised troll pulls his big reveal: WAH LAH! I WAS TESTING U! AND U FAIL! LOL ROFLMAO!

    • Shanzgood

      That’s like the “up high, down low, YOU’RE TOO SLOW” handshake from grade school.

    • And then he reveals HIS POSTS WERE COMING FROM INSIDE THE MICROWAVE ALL ALONG!

    • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

      Yeah, that was a real Scooby Doo reveal there.

  • Mike

    JFC doc…I’m at least 20 IQ points dumber after reading that …

  • Nick Scroggs

    Trump-world as an existential 50s crime novel? Are we all living in a nihilistic Joker world now?

    • Liberoid Ron

      If we were there’d at least be a few laughs.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    Another Real American dumbass, getting the loving treatment from the media: http://www.myajc.com/news/breaking-news/trump-voters-south-georgia-come-terms-with-gop-health-plan/YGhaSvEz7yeZowZQZhYYLM/

    Blake Yelverton is taking a break with a burger that doesn’t cut any corners. Cheese and bacon and everything. He’s 23, a burly young man with a big red beard, and he works on his father’s cow farm.

    “I don’t believe it’s the federal government’s job to provide health care,” he said. “It’s communism, socialism anyway.”

    Yelverton hopes Trump trashes the whole thing, and he’s not too fond of the GOP plan being discussed in Congress either. “They’re doing a lesser evil of Obamacare,” he said.

    His insurance?

    “I’m on my parents’ plan,” he said.

    So, Yelverton, it turns out, benefits from Obamacare. That’s because the law allows parents to keep kids on their insurance until age 26 — a widely-popular element of Barack Obama’s signature health law that Republicans intend to keep in their replacement plan.

    Confronted with that information, he pauses for a moment.

    “I haven’t been to the doctor in four or five years,” he said.

    • Sister the Resister

      Just. Not. Getting it.

    • Shoto

      “His insurance? “I’m on my parents’ plan,” he said.”

      Derp

    • boyblue123

      So what if i have car insurance, i havent been in an accident in 4 or 5 years

      • boyblue123

        also, the goalposts are instantly moved after he realizes hes benefitting from Obamacare.

        “Govt shouldnt provide healthcare” becomes
        “Yeah, but im not using it anyways” lol

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        Medical care is totally predictable. It’s not like farming is a dangerous job or something.

        • boyblue123

          True. Operating heavy machinery and the being around various animals and their diseases seems way more unpredictable than a desk job

      • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

        Didn’t see this before saying pretty much the same thing. These guys are incapable of seeing more than two seconds into the future.

    • Grokenstein

      “I don’t believe it’s the federal government’s job to provide health care,” he said. “It’s communism, socialism anyway.”

      Yeah, one of them isms, anyway. Billy Joe Bob Jake Goober Gobble ain’t kno nuffin’ ’bout nuffin’ but that ain’t mean he ain’t got no ‘pinions on stuffs.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Just keep eating like that and find out how much statins will cost.

      • Grokenstein

        He thinks public safety regs are communism/socialism/totalitarianism/stalinism/Sharia Law, so’s he gets his beef fresh from Dutch’s Cafe, on the beltway.

      • puredog

        Buzzkill.

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      He works in one of the most dangerous occupations. From the CDC website(https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/topics/aginjury/):

      Agriculture ranks among the most hazardous industries. Farmers are at very high risk for fatal and nonfatal injuries; and farming is one of the few industries in which family members (who often share the work and live on the premises) are also at risk for fatal and nonfatal injuries.

      • Panika MCD

        not as dangerous as oil rig worker or crab fisherman.

      • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

        I was thinking the same thing. What happens if this guy loses his hand in a thresher accident after his 27th birthday? Can’t farm anymore, can’t pay the medical bills himself, has to turn to a social safety net his young ass has been told he should hate for no reasons whatsoever.

        We are all literally one bad day away from total disability. I wish people would realize this.

        • SnarkON

          Don’t worry. His church will take care of him.

          • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

            LMFAO! Yeah, that always works. They’ll just do the laying on of hands to compensate him for his lost one and call it a day. Praze Jeebus!

          • SnarkON

            Plus all of the ladies will bring him casseroles.

          • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

            So he won’t starve until the next local tragedy a few days later.

    • WeaselPoo

      (Fyi, story posted earlier down-thread…)

      “I haven’t been to the doctor in four or five years,” he said.

      Meaning…that because he hasn’t been to a doctor whilst being insured under the ACA, he’s not a beneficiary of health insurance—that his parents pay for, I might add?

      If I were one of the cows, I’d be a bit concerned about his ability to distinguish one end of a bovine from the other.

      • pstockholm

        I’d be more concerned he knew exactly which end he was interested in.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        Sorry. I also stole it from LGM. Can’t keep up with Wonkette today!

    • Tiny kaiju

      If Daddy is a dairy farmer he probably gets price support for the milk from the government. Daddy may also have some undocumented workers on his farm because who the fuck wants to milk a couple hundred cows a day. If Daddy is raising beef cattle out west, he is probably taking advantage of low grazing fees for the federal government. He may also benefit from relative shortage of federal inspectors that might remove tainted meat from the market.

      • Grokenstein

        Blake would have everyone think Teh Free Markit is a rule-free neverending cage match where only God’s Chosen (like him!) survive, but yeah, he’s up to his baconated ass in that socialism he thinks he despises.

        • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

          Yeah, people like him are ignorant to the fact that socialism has been a part of this country since well before most of us were even conceived. If someone were to rip out the spine of the social system like the ignorant blindly want them to, we’d plunge into the darkness of another true Great Depression in record time. Even the 1% would shrink to less than 1% in the massive collapse of social structures. Everyone would either be in complete poverty or insanely rich. There would be nothing else.

          • Lord Jim

            Mmm. Feudalism….

      • OrG

        Why he sounds like a TAKER when you put it like that.

      • Panika MCD

        and the fact that programs like subsidized s