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Unser Präsident ist eine Schande vor der Welt!

Hide your face, America! The nation’s humiliation continued apace Friday as our knownothing POTUS met with Chancellor Angela Merkel, the German Queen of Competence.

Sadly, seating Mrs. Merkel next to the tacky shoe designer at the Business Leaders’ Round Table was the LEAST embarrassing gaffe of the day.

Was the White House thinking the girls would compare manicures or something? No time to dwell on that, because JEEZUSSS, that joint press conference was brutal!

Ich habe die besten Worte!

Trump got the ball rolling by alluding to Chaos Monkey Julian Assange’s 2013 revelation that the NSA was listening to Chancellor Merkel’s phone conversations. If you think the Divine Miss M didn’t know damn well that EVERYONE SPIES ON EVERYONE, well, you keep writing those letters to Santa Claus. But here on Planet Earth, it’s like pooping: We all do it, but there’s no need to talk about it in public.

As far as wiretapping, I guess, by this past administration, at least we have something in common perhaps.

HOLY TURD IN THE PUNCH BOWL, BATMAN! Did you just compound a major political gaffe with your FoxNews conspiracy bullshit? Are you just trolling us now?

Liegt am Handel

Then it was on to some arglebargle about the U.S.-German trade relationship.

Right now, I would say that the negotiators for Germany have done a far better job than the negotiators for the United States. But hopefully we can even it out. We don’t want victory, we want fairness. All I want is fairness.

Germany has done very well in its trade deals with the United States, and I give them credit for it, but — and I can speak to many other countries. I mean, you look at China, you look at virtually any country that we do business with. It’s not exactly what you call good for our workers.

Let me give you a quick second to Google “U.S. Germany trade deal”….

HAHA!!! Fooled ya!

We don’t have any trade deals with Germany. Germany is a part of the E.U. and does not negotiate any unilateral trade deals. Mr. President, might I suggest that you visit the website of the U.S. Trade Representative or the Department of State, both of which fall under YOUR OWN GODDAMN EXECUTIVE BRANCH, for a more in depth explanation. (Spoiler Alert: T-TIP is a trade agreement, not a tool to clean your ears.)

But while we’re on the topic … Germans buy A LOT of expensive American stuff. 

Don’t be silly, CNBC! Everyone knows numbers are FAKE NEWS!

In fact, Germany is our fifth largest trading partner, and Germans buy more than 10% of Alabama, South Carolina, and Connecticut’s exports. But let’s definitely threaten to start a trade war with them! Smooth!

NATO ist keine Mafia!

Trump went on to mischaracterize NATO as some kind of protection racket.

I reiterated to Chancellor Merkel my strong support for NATO, as well as the need for our NATO allies to pay their fair share for the cost of defense. Many nations owe vast sums of money from past years, and it is very unfair to the United States. These nations must pay what they owe.

And, just in case anyone missed it, he followed up on Twitter this weekend.

And here, in a couple of Tweets, is EVERYTHING THAT’S WRONG WITH THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. Wrong on the facts, uninterested in the longterm policy goals, treating every relationship like a business transaction, and pissing off allies so that they are less likely to do what we want.

Is there ONE COMPETENT PERSON in the entire White House who could possibly explain to our dipshit leader how NATO funding works before he spews this nonsense on national television?!?!?!?

Okay, FINE. I’ll do it!

NATO is directly funded by contributions from member states. Here, have a chart.

Germany, a country of 82M, funds 14% of NATO operations. The U.S., a country of 320M, funds 22%. So, who’s the moocher here?

Operating on the principal that the world is more stable if each country invests in its own military, NATO members are supposed to spend 2% of their own GDP on their own national defense. In fact, only five countries meet the target for this indirect funding. But Germany is raising its defense spending by 8% per year and will hit the indirect spending target by 2024. Well, that’s their plan, anyway. Donald Trump is wildly unpopular in Germany, so his bullying Chancellor Merkel makes it even more difficult for her to get increased defense spending through the German Bundestag. Which would be apparent to anyone with an iota of political sophistication or diplomacy!

Unfortunately, we’re stuck with this cretin.

Germany doesn’t “owe money” to NATO or the United States because they failed to meet indirect funding targets. Indirect funding targets aren’t like Mar-a-Lago dues! Nor is Germany relying on the U.S. for “expensive defense,” there being no military action in that country for three generations now. These are LIES, constantly repeated in the wingnut media, then barfed out by the Ignoramus in Chief. Pretending that the U.S. is some kind of paid bodyguard for the world misses the ENTIRE POINT of NATO. We all benefit from a stable planet which doesn’t descend into a World War every generation.

FUN FACT: The one and only country to invoke NATO’s mutual defense obligation was the United States after 9/11. Thirteen NATO countries, including Germany, sent planes to patrol the skies over the U.S. And they didn’t send us a bill, either.

You know who hates NATO?

THIS GUY.

Because it’s harder to go in and seize parts of small countries when they have standing armies and mutual-defense treaties.

Bitte sprechen Sie lauter, weil ich ein Idiot bin!

Later, Trump disgraced the nation even further by seemingly refusing to shake Mrs. Merkel’s hand during the Oval Office photo session. The assembled press asked for a shot of the two shaking hands, Merkel repeated the suggestion, and Trump apparently ignored her.

I know the tape looks pretty horrible. But as someone who can’t hear shit in a crowded room, I’d like to suggest that Trump actually couldn’t make out what she was saying and just nodded along like the fool that he is. He’d already shaken hands with her twice before their Oval Office photo op.

Remember the last time Team Trump fucked up the photo op with a foreign leader?

THIS ONE NEVER GETS OLD!

During the press conference with Shinzo Abe, Trump’s earpiece remained on the dais, but Trump still smiled and nodded along as if he’d understood Abe’s speech in Japanese.

Trump treats handshakes like an arm wrestling dominance game. Refuse to yank the arm of a woman half his size? NFW! Unable to follow the conversation, he nodded along and stared vacantly at the cameras as usual. It seems more likely that Poppy Trump would rather cause an international incident than wear his hearing aids.

Or else he’s a giant asshole. That’s also plausible.

Was wird Morgen passieren?

BUT COULD THERE BE MORE TO THE STORY?

WELL…Juicy details of the leaders’ private, one-on-one meeting haven’t leaked YET. So we’ll have to wait for the inevitable story about Trump’s rant on Freedonian refugees, or Godknowswhatelse. The embarrassment from Friday’s presser and clueless Tweetblather are more than enough for today, TYVM.

Eurasia ReviewWonkette / CNBC / NATO / WaPo / NATO again ]

Don’t make us speak German to you! Vee Vant the Moneh, Liebowski!

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  • Lunch special at Trump Tower today…

    Red herring in a White Supremacy Sauce.
    https://img.clipartfest.com/570a836fc5ceef7190126fed66236c88_-stand-the-red-herring-red-herring-clipart_320-320.png

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I hear “herring” and I can’t help but hear it in Lili von Shtupp’s voice.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Michael R
    • vivian

      “I haff seen das photos, Donnie… you naughty boy!”

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      More specifically, hooker pee.

  • The Wanderer

    I wonder how many times she had to restrain herself from slapping the taste out of his mouth.

  • Nounverb911

    Did Angela Chancellorsplain to donnie that BMW’s biggest factory anywhere is in South Carolina?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      She should have told Donnie about her new Buy-German plan, in which she’ll slap a a surplus on those Beemers.

    • gene108

      German companies view the USA as a source of cheap labor. This is what killing unions and race to the bottom has gotten us.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Yet they want worker involvement.

  • lucidamente

    I bet he gave her an earful about the plight of the Silesian weavers.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Weavers? Why do we have to bring St. Paddy’s Day into everything?!

      • PubOption

        I was behind a car on the highway on Friday night. The driver seemed uncertain as to which lane he should be driving in.

  • OddMan

    Chancellor Merkel was giving Lord Dampnut the most incredible stink eye, the whole world saw it. Lord Dampnut was clueless.

    • memzilla Ω

      Stinktauge!

  • Duke

    I want world leaders to stop coming. Each visit is an embarrassment for the USA and creates damage in international relations.

    • Crystalclear12

      I am sorry the USA is currently closed due to an outbreak of stupid.
      Thank you for your patience.

      • vivian

        “The country you are visiting is currently unavailable. Please check our election results and try again later.”

        • LesBontemps

          “If you need immediate assistance, please hang up and dial Germany. Or anyone else, pretty much.”

        • Liberoid Ron

          <golf clap>

    • Marceline

      I kind of want them to keep coming just so he keeps showing how pitiful and unprepared he is.

      • Greyhame

        Yes!

    • Creepoman

      On the road to North Korea status – sanctions will follow soon in an effort to pressure regime change.

      • FigaroPho

        Honestly, that’s the best case scenario. The whole world just economically boycotts us until the Russian traitors are gone. Scumbag GOPers care about nothing but money so, take it away.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’m surprised trump doesn’t greet them at the IHOP for dinner.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        KFC! IHOP is for breakfast.

      • Liberoid Ron

        Hell, I’m amazed he doesn’t have them stop off at Waffle House on the way in from the airport.

      • Biff52

        He makes money if they eat at his hotel.

    • nightmoth

      Same here. Trumpanzees voted for isolationism. I want the rest of the world to shun us until the lesson is learned, that we are one world, like it or not.

  • Roman Elazar

    It was great to see the leader of the free world visit the US.

  • lucidamente

    Insulting Germany and Great Britain in a single news conference is pretty impressive, in a reckless asshole kind of way.

  • Deb Beasley

    This is just so incredibly well written and researched. Also, damn funny and has me laughing through my tears. Back to tears again, soon morphing in to fist shaking rage, but thank you.

    • vivian

      5$F rocks!

  • Lefty Frizzell

    The last time I saw anything that embarrassing was when Mitt dissed that lady’s cookies.

  • lucidamente

    Can’t wait for the visit of the President of France, and the Pepé le Pew jokes that Trump will regale us with.

  • schmannity

    Angela Merkel: We loved the highly educated and highly vocationally skilled.

  • Vincent Ricola

    It’s almost like Donald is going out of his way to piss off our closest information-sharing allies. Gee, wonder why?

  • memzilla Ω

    Ach zo: the leader of the country that started two world wars, who came from its Soviet side, is now the leader of the free world.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3e6513273600110fc7fc435c7da951fbe437a6458c2319076dd852fe4ebca2eb.jpg

    • LesBontemps

      Some countries can learn from their mistakes, apparently.

  • schmannity

    Why does every Trump tweet end in an exclamation like a hysterical teenager?

    • Crystalclear12

      He is trying to sound more mature than he actually is.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      According to Mental Floss, in texting, “!” indicates sincerity. (i.e., I really mean this, I’m not making a joke)

      I guess that’s what happens when sarcasm gets out of hand

      • arglebargle

        !!!1!!!!1!!!1!!

        • Liberoid Ron

          I believe you.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Liegt am Handel

    Speaking of which, who liegt the details about Trump and Putin having anal in the Ritz Carlton Moscow?
    Well, whoever you are, thanks for not Lieging the video, Comrade.

    • schmannity

      Holy shit, I just read about that moments ago.

      • Rags

        I saw it on the internet, also too.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Lots of people are talking about it.

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            And we have confirmation. I’ll go bring this up at the next State dinner :head desk:

        • magyar of infinite power

          Many people are saying this, it must be true

  • Tony Emond

    Trump looked really constipated during that sit-down meeting. That’s what you get for burning your steaks and dousing them with ketchup I guess.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      You’d think ketchup could at least act as a lubricant.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        I tried that once, but it’s pretty vinegary, and it burns. Butter, OTOH….

      • Biff52

        Very acid reflux-inducing, which could explain something, maybe.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Our ‘trade’ deals may appear to be unfair to the U.S. but that’s because the GOP keeps insisting that we have no tariffs and free trade should be completely free even if know one else plays by these rules. The GOP hates America.

  • janecita

    The nepotism in this God damned administration is so fucking disgusting! If I see another picture of good for nothing Ivanka, hanging out with foreign dignitaries, I might break something!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’m sure they’re twisting arms trying to get the foreign dignitaries to buy some of her shitty jewelry and shoes. “We’re having a 60% off sale for diplomats this week!”

      • Mr. Blobfish

        After the photo op, Trump takes world leaders to the White House gift shop.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “How about a nice, gold-framed portrait of Donald Trump? No? A nice Trump Steak? Well shit, at least Trump; The Board Game then? *Secret Service agents unholster pistols, point at reluctant diplomat*

          • Biff52

            How about drumpf bobbleheads? Or those dumb “family” silhouette window stickers for the back of your mini-van?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            “Perhaps you’d like to look through the watches and silverware we’ve stolen from other fancy dinners we’ve attended?”

        • Yellow_Dog_Dem

          You meant “grift shop,” right?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Break somebody else’s stuff, not your own. Go to a tony side of town to do it.

    • PubOption

      I noticed that Ivanka was described as a handbag designer, made me think of Edith Evans,
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyuoUwxCLMs

    • cmd resistor

      Don’t worry, she and the brothers and all the kiddies and wives are off to Aspen next weekend.

      • janecita

        Except for the one that broke his leg this weekend, I hope!

        • cmd resistor

          I was not aware one of them did that. Just get a couple of extra Secret Service guys to wheel whoever it is around.

          • janecita
          • cmd resistor

            For some reason I thought they were off to the slopes next weekend, but guess it was this one. Feel sorry for that kid, for many many reasons.

          • janecita

            He is a cutie pie:-) I also feel bad for him.

          • cmd resistor

            I just saw Trump retweeted the kid’s mom tweeting that they were getting a new member of #teamtrump in September (baby).

          • janecita

            This whole family, reproduces as often as the Duggar family!

  • Marceline

    That Abe eyeroll never fails to make me smile.

    • vivian

      That is the Japanese equivalent of a very loud scream.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Donald and Angela sitting in tree
    E-m-b-a-r-r-a-s-s-i-n-g-l-y

  • schmannity

    Ivanka, world business leader. Mouth. Little. Throw up.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The kiddie table was full, apparently.

    • magyar of infinite power

      I’d rather have her than her dad

  • rocktonsam

    wonder if Donald knows anyone else who owes” vast sums” of money to others…

  • Rags

    ERM – I think you mean ‘bilateral,’ not ‘unilateral’ trade deals…..The sound of one hand trading.

  • Chadwells
  • Proud Liberal

    Another God damn embarrasment is this:

    “Germany Just Got Almost All of Its Power From Renewable Energy”

    https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-05-16/germany-just-got-almost-all-of-its-power-from-renewable-energy

    • msanthropesmr

      Wow. It’s really put the brakes on their economy too.

      • Oblios_Cap

        The continent is descending into chaos!

        Oh, wait. That’s North America.

        • PubOption

          Donald sees himself as Chancellor Coal.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Yeah, those *negative* energy costs really fuck things up. We’ll kick their butts just as soon as we get back to burning coal.

    • Edith Prickly

      Well…I have to be a nerd here and point out that was for one day and Sunday afternoons are typically a low-demand time period. But you can’t beat renewables for fuel costs (as in, zero.)

      • Liberoid Ron

        It’s a start, though, and shows that it’s possible.
        And keep in mind that Ontario is EXPORTING renewable energy (hydro, wind and biomass) and has been since the 20s (hydro).

        • Edith Prickly

          True, but you could say the same thing about nuclear power, which is around 50% of the province’s installed capacity. Sorry, I know I’m being a nitpicky douche, but we’re touching on my area of professional expertise here. Overall Ontario does have export much more electricity than it imports. If you want to get wonky, there are numbers here. :) http://www.ieso.ca/power-data/supply-overview/imports-and-exports

          • Liberoid Ron

            I suppose, because of the way the grid is designed, there’s no way of knowing which each type of power generation contributes to the export picture. Once you get the electrons into the wires the tags always fall off their underwear.

  • msanthropesmr

    Huh. How does Germany manage to kick our ass economically all while providing universal healthcare?

    • LesBontemps

      They don’t have the Republican Party controlling their government.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “They don’t have enough black people.”
        — The Republican Party

    • Oblios_Cap

      And a healthy dose of worker protections.

    • snark-lurker

      and a living wage also to

    • Ωbjectifier

      Um NATO is part of it.

    • magyar of infinite power

      The same way every other industrial nation on the planet does: by not being a dick.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Juicy details of the leaders’ private, one-on-one meeting haven’t leaked YET”

    “Mrs. Prime Minister…Angela. Can I call you Angela? Sure I can call you Angela. I once knew an Angela, great gal, great, runner-up in one of my pageants. Real beauty, that one. Not one of the Germans but from somewhere over there. I like ’em when they have accents. You know you looked a little tense back there, you know, when I was talking about Obama and the wiretapping and all. You look a little tense now. How about I just…rub your shoulders…like thi-…Hey, whoa, whoa, what? You let Bush do it, and he was probably interested. Now relax.”

    • Teecha

      Eeeewwww!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Latverian Diplomat

    Trump suggestions for what Germany should do to help American businesses succeed there:
    — Loosen construction regulations
    — Weaken financial regulations
    — Believe more bullshit

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TD_Trump_Deutschland

  • Chadwells

    Let’s sit the theoretical chemistry research scientist and chancellor of Germany next to an idiot fucking bimbo clothing design thief who bangs her father.

    WTFF?!?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Jo Mathie

    Oh bring him to the UK. He’s pissed off pretty much everyone and the general population hates him. We’re actually looking forward to protesting against him.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    A physicist and a spray-tanned idiot walk into a bar….

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Physicist uses the laws of motion & gravity to shove the spray-tanned idiot off a cliff (with votes!)

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The physical chemists ducks before she hits the bar.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Bartender sez, “howdy Chancellor Merkel. I see you’ve brought some Dark Matter with you.”

        • Msgr_MΩment

          The farce is strong with this one.

        • arglebargle

          Low energy. Weak.

  • Counter Sniper

    He might not have heard Merkel’s question about the handshake but everyone could hear the reporters calling for a handshake so that excuse doesn’t fly.

  • Msgr_MΩment
  • Latverian Diplomat

    “OK, I’m pretty sure I got the last one, who’s paying this time?”
    — Donald Trump, tries to charge Merkel for the state dinner

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He doesn’t give a shit who pays, so long as it’s not his money.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Trump is like a racist, ‘tarded bull and the world is his China shop. What a fucking buffoon…thanks, white people. This is real change we can believe in!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I just couldn’t trust Hillary.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        She had an email account. Secretive, so secretive

      • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

        And if she coulda smiled more, and been a little less shrill, that woulda helped get my vote.

        • persistently_resistant_gayby

          I know ya’ll are joking – but teara are rolling down my cheeks now…

          • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

            Gallows humor. I was fuming when I wrote it. People really can be stupid, shallow assholes. Stay strong, friend.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    No German
    No German
    You’re the German

    • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

      Damn, how could you tell, Mr. Blobfish?

      I shall need an even more cunning disguise…

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      No Russian
      No Russian
      You’re the Russian
      Wait! Okay you got me

  • persistently_resistant_gayby
    • MamaBrown

      Dear god I’m laughing at something the repulsive Andy Cohen said. I think its the end of days. What’s next? I heartily approve of the conduct of Kim Kardashian? I love a book by E.L. James? I think that Rick Perry is a hoot and a swell dancer? I need to go lie down.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Having an actual adult with diplomatic skills as POTUS would be way too much to ask for.
    https://twitter.com/serenityatsea/status/842842482719318019

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Happy Hillary makes me all sad and teary.

      • Claire

        Sad, teary, and enraged. I will never, ever forgive Trump voters for taking the world we could have had and sticking us with this one instead.

      • Greyhame

        Damn, now I’ve just remembered what it felt like early in the day on November 8, before everything went to shit.

        • persistently_resistant_gayby

          Hmm.. I was just listening to “Girl on Fire” when polls closed in KY. Was feeling ecstatic to welcome a woman POTUS.

          Alas…

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Yes – two women actually leading the free world instead of blowing it up.

      Oh well – at least we get to die of preventable diseases in a polluted, theocratic hellscape. At least we have that.

  • therblig

    wtf do the germans need that’s made in alabama?

    • laughingnome

      Banjos playing through the broken glass.

    • TJ Barke

      Syphilis?

    • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

      Alabama…Alabama…?

      Maybe incest porn? Otherwise, I haven’t got a clue.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Wim Wendersish rustic Americana?

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Pure unadulterated raciam..?

    • NastyBossetti

      They have a Mercedes-Benz plant there.

      • therblig

        if i could afford an M-B, i’d pay extra to have the “made in alabama” sticker removed.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Bestiality?

    • MamaBrown

      Klan robes?

    • Alan

      I’m guessing cars and trucks.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “Ich bin ein Hoofwänkender Bungelkunt.”

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Nunes asked us to come forward if we know anything about leaks. Going to tweet to him that I know that one of the leakers is Devin Nunes, and he leaked yesterday on Fox News.

  • cmd resistor

    Cretin is right. It’s bad enough that he’s evil, self-centered and stupid. But he’s also intentionally uninformed. Ranting about trade deals that don’t exist at a press conference with the Chancellor of the country that does not have a deal? This crap is inexcusable.

    • Edith Prickly

      Listening to briefings is hard. Watching Fox News is easy.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    What’s the wingnut right spin on this fucking fiasco? Something like “Unbowed American Fuhrer faces down evil Hun”?

    • TJ Barke

      Something something evil globalist.

    • magyar of infinite power

      “Women should be seen, not heard”

      • nightmoth

        I’m sure it will include something about Merkel not being a “10” only expressed much more crudely.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    From punditry today I gathered that all Trump has to do is apologize and say he was given bad information and all will be forgiven.

    • Greyhame

      Well fuck them for that, but they won’t get their wish anyway.

    • MamaBrown

      Apologize? That’s adorable.Might as well look for snow in July that ask Trumpy to apologize. For anything.

    • cmd resistor

      Thanks, glad I missed it. So if you watch shit on TV you are being “given” bad info?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I would really enjoy watching Fox cover their pet preznit’s explanation that he couldn’t be responsible for bad information he was given by Fox.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That is, in fact, how low the bar is for Il Douche. Anything that’s not flat-out reprehensible is going to be lauded as “presidential”.

      • nightmoth

        Trumpanzees do not know the meaning of this word “reprehensible” and cannot recognize examples.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      As seen on Fox

    • Erala Contratista

      Apologize?

  • Proud Liberal

    Who here doesn’t believe the Trump campaign colluded with the Russians to hack our election?

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Seems unlikely given all the lying, etc

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Honestly it would not surprise me one iota if it’s true. The fuckers will do anything for power. And they’re stupid enough to do it, even if there’s no reason to. (Pootie would have shanked Hillary with or without collusion – but now he’s got their nuts in a vise.)

      • Proud Liberal

        Comey just confirmed that the FBI is investigating Trump and his campaign.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          That was hardly in doubt. Question I’d have is, “Since when?” Might explain why they were listening in on Flynn.

    • Alan

      I don’t see a lot of those people responding yet.

    • Suttree

      Me.Wait whut? No the opposite.

    • LucindathePook

      I don’t see how anyone can think anything else, given all the tie-ins and timeline.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Aaarrgh! Completely OT and I’m sorry, but a coworker – the second-highest in my organization – came by to tell me she’s retiring. I had just begun the process of learning her job so I could apply to it in a couple of years when I anticipated she’d be retiring.

    Now, I will be applying to her job in a much weaker position than I’d anticipated. Fuuuuck. If I don’t get this, I will likely be stuck in my dead-end bullshit position for YEARS. God damn mother fuckin %$#@!

    Ahem. Sorry, carry on.

    • Edith Prickly

      Just go for it, you got this.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        You’re the best!

        • efoveks

          It’s the glasses, isn’t it? Edith DOES have the coolest specs.

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Good luck bro, I think you’ll get it!

      • Lance Thrustwell

        You are also the best!

    • NastyBossetti

      In how long is she retiring? Is there a little bit of time for you to learn what you can? And will she recommend you to replace her?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        A month, tops. Some, not as much as I wanted. And… good question. We get along well – I guess I’ll find that out!

        • Liberoid Ron

          Be frank about it. If you can work together towards that goal you’ll be in a far better position than anyone else, and if your company’s any good at all they’ll take her recommendation to heart.
          Listen to the Wonketariat, man. We got your back, and we know you can do this.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Yup. This is the time to ask, because higher ups will be asking her.

        • Biff52

          Sounds like an opportunity dropped into your lap. Challenging, perhaps, but you gotta go for it. I was on a steady path until I bumped up against someone five years younger than myself who had no interest in further promotion or laterals, so I couldn’t get around him. Now I’ve been retired for 10 years and he’s dead, so there’s that. Good luck!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        ^^ this.

    • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

      Unqualified people getting jobs is all the rage right now. You’re a shoe in

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        ^^ UPFIST TIMES A MILLION.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Ha! Thanks, I guess.

        • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

          I tease. Good luck though!!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Lots of people are retiring around at my place, too. I wish I could.

    • Alan

      So when the most unqualified person in the world holds the most important job in the world…. You’re not pulling our collective leg?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I will take your non-comment as both a trenchant observation and a roundabout method of encouragement. Thank you sir. {tips hat}.

        • Alan

          Yes, just go for it.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Just tell ’em you know me.

      Wait…

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Since you’ve already started learning her job, ask for her help – tell her that you always thought her job was interesting, and that it was something you’d love to do. If she buys in, she’ll not only be able to train you, but will be able to stress to the bosses that you’ll provide continuity in her position.

      Even if you don’t get it, just showing that you’re looking ahead, have ambitions but are willing to go about achieving them in a patient and realistic way and not by backstabbing, and want more responsibility is a great idea.

      You can do this!! Good luck!!

  • Chadwells
    • The Wanderer

      “‘Tis better to be pissed on, than pissed off.”

  • Rick Hill

    “Honored to join @realDonaldTrump, Chancellor Merkel and CEOs of US and German companies in a robust discussion on ”

    What? was she there to argue the pros of destroying worker protections and to advocate pillaging and destroying your social fabric to get that CEO end of year bonus as sweet as possible?

    • Moonshine

      Or outsourcing the manufacturing of your lame clothing line from one country that pays low wages to another country that pays even lower wages?

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    For America, this is like bringing your racist, bigoted and embarrassing grandfather to meet your girlfriends family and then watching in horror as he moves onto one of his per theories about “those people” before he then pisses in the ice cube tray…

    • Alan

      Even though last time you took him out in public you swore it was the last time.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      …and shits in the punch bowl.

  • Liberoid Ron

    Donald Trump is wildly unpopular in Germany, so his bullying Chancellor Merkel makes it even more difficult for her to get increased defense spending through the German Bundestag.

    This surprises me. I’d think that it would make them eager to strengthen their military, since it looks increasing likely that Donnie* will bail on NATO to make his buddy Vlad happy, leaving the rest of the alliance on its own.
    * and/or President Bannon

  • PubOption

    Has Donnie yet tweeted a photo of a disgusted-looking Angela Merkel and called her a sour Kraut?

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      LMAO

    • NastyBossetti

      You know he’s not that clever!

  • Vacuous Virgina

    Hail, hail Freedonia 🤗

    • The Wanderer

      Land of the brave and free!

      • Vacuous Virgina

        Exactamente 😉

  • Mr. Blobfish

    boob
    /bo͞ob/
    informal
    noun

    a foolish or stupid person.

    • snark-lurker

      that’s not the kind of boob i’m looking for

      • puredog

        “You may go about your business.”

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        You want those boobs over there.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    Nations never fully recover from tragedies like 45. We can apologize to our allies and make amends moving forward, but we will own this moronic, childish, destructive, delusional shitstain forever.

    Sad.

    • snark-lurker

      and the shit stain will continue spreading for as long as he is in office

    • Claire

      And rightly so. We’re the nation that elected him.

      • Cleo_Cat

        Electoral College. He lost popular vote by 2.8 million

        • Claire

          I doubt anyone here needs to be reminded of that, or have the electoral college explained to them. The fact remains that America contains enough drooling, hateful idiots in enough locations that Donald Trump is now our president. The electoral college may have given those drooling, hateful idiots an outsized voice but it didn’t invent them out of whole cloth.

          • Cleo_Cat

            True. Many more of them than we would like, but they are not the majority even though they might like to claim they are.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Even if you could get rid of him tomorrow and replace him with Abraham Lincoln, the damage he has already done to U.S. credibility and prestige is serious, long term and in fact probably irreparable.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Schindler tweeted
      //twitter.com/20committee/status/843299522839281664

      “Dubya & Obama — didn’t like either, FYI — were both normal POTUS’s. They will be looked back on as the last decent age in our politics.”

      this prompted a question:

      ” you don’t see the republic recovering from this?”

      And his response:

      “not quickly”

      DT has shown a level of incompetence and immaturity that is astounding and disturbing at this level. Rebuilding the trust of our allies will be an essential part of next President’s job. And we’re … what … 7 weeks into this administration?

  • Mavenmaven

    The World Tour of Self Defamation

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • CripesAmighty

    Wonder how the hickerati are gonna spin it when BMW summarily shuts down the Alabama plant cuz fuck this noise.

    • nightmoth

      I am unashamedly stealing “hickerati.” Thank you, thank you very much.

  • magyar of infinite power

    Comey and Rodgers are currently lying to Congress. This should be fun

  • calliecallie

    Is it Ein Idiot or Ei Idiot?

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      It’s Idioten, plural. Viele, viele Idioten (Many, many idiots)

      • calliecallie

        I read that as Vile, Vile Idioten, which works also too.

        • At the crossroads, stay strong

          The German teacher in me cringes, but my inner Wonketeer nods in agreement.

  • Alan

    So apparently the idiot is tweetering this morning that the Clinton campaign also colluded with Russia? Is he really?

    https://youtu.be/Cs4Gj7JsET4

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hillary met with Russians when she was Secretary of State. There’s proof!!

  • At the crossroads, stay strong

    Many don’t know that Merkel speaks quite passable English. She probably didn’t even need the translator when the Trumped Up one made that idiotic ‘joke’ about having something in common.

    I have a feeling she went away with the impression: Mein Gott. Die Vereinigten Staaten hat eine Narren Regierung. (My God. The United States has a government of halfwits.)

    • phoenix00

      English is taught in school over there, so many Germans are at minimum competent conversationally.

      Plus many Germans are total Anglophiles. Given history, go figure.

      • desida

        If the German educational system is anything like the one in Belgium, where my first boyfriend lived and started learning English in kindergarten, her English is probably better than Trump’s.

        • phoenix00

          Only in America can the English spoken by most of the population is worse than their leader’s.

  • laughingnome

    This president is indeed a jelly donut. – Angela Merkel

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      This fat slob has had entirely too many jelly donuts and would entirely miss the allusion to another president popular with the Germans.

    • The Wanderer

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxXW6tfl2Y0
      “The King is like a dose of clap.”

  • calliecallie

    Thank you bigly for the Nato-splainer. I copied that bit and emailed to someone who generally hates Trump but thought maybe he got this one thing right.
    Nope, do not normalize. Not ever. Never. No!

  • azeyote

    fucken that trumpken

  • canes_pugnaces

    What’s important is that pissed off neo-Nazis are happy. Nothing else matters.

  • Suttree

    Shut the fuck up Trey Gowdy. Your head looks stupid also, too.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    Frothy mixture of fecal matter and anal lube says: “He is TOO smart enough to be president!”

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/03/former-republican-lawmaker-stuns-cnn-panel-when-he-says-trump-isnt-smart-enough-to-be-president/?comments=disqus

    • The Wanderer

      Santorum’s too stupid to know when to shut up. I’m surprised his sweater vest hasn’t tried to strangle him.

      • Sister the Resister

        Well, we actually don’t know that – he spends a lot of time out of the spotlight. Has anybody tried to interview the sweater vest?

  • Epstein’s Mother

    I wouldn’t shake that beotchs hand either. Trump didn’t want to get rabies.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Bless your heart.

    • Why, he afraid it will off set his syphilis?

    • Manders

      He wishes he had rabies. That at least might explain his behavior.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      How is rabby formed?

    • Jeff Ackerman

      It looks like you dropped in to engage in a battle of wits, unarmed…

      • Epstein’s Mother

        There are way too many dim wits on this site……total idiots here. Enjoy the next 8 years. You’ll make it. lol

        • phoenix00

          Doesn’t beat this master dimwit total idiot.

          I’ll be amazed if you make it to next morning, never mind 8 years.

  • Lefty Wright

    The chart here is just for NATO expenses, but some people use comparisons of total US defense spending to compare with our European allies. What they forget is that the U.S. has major commitments in the Pacific region. Europe does not really need $13 billion dollar aircraft carriers to defend against Russia. In addition, our European allies have more military personnel in uniform in Europe than the U.S. has world wide.

  • beatbort

    Though much of this was, of course, snark, it’s a far better summation of the importance and inner workings of NATO than any mainstream media outlet has provided. The MSM seems to take it for granted that NATO is a vague distant relation, like the second cousin who only shows up at funerals.

  • William
  • Kakkeltje

    So, what would happen if Germany decided that the USA has become seriously unreliable and that having American bases on their territory is now somewhat equivalent to having Russian bases on their territory?

  • Ghenghis McCann

    Trump’s grandad was German. The Germans hate Trump. Trump’s mother was Scottish. The Scots hate Trump. Trump is American. Don’t break the chain.

    • The Americans hate Trump. Canada hates Trump. Actually, come to think of it, is there a country that doesn’t? It’d be a shorter list.

      • Russia?

        • hendenburg2

          funnily enough, even russian media is turning on him apparently.

          • phoenix00

            Looks like 45 has served his purpose. Into the discard pile he goes!

          • hendenburg2

            Nah, it’s because Dumpf hasn’t lifted sanctions yet

          • phoenix00

            Oh you know he’s itching to….

        • Russia is beginning to have second thoughts. They woke and realized that that the beer vodka goggles were way more effective than they believed, and are now debating whether they should chew their arm off to escape …

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          Oh, they despise him most of all. Strongmen despise nothing more than weak men who cravenly give in to them.

    • Maclare

      great, now I have Fleetwood Mac stuck in my head.

  • Angela Merkel’s face throughout that entire shitshow was the face of every intelligent woman ever forced to treat some Mediocre White Man as her equal. merkel has probably scraped things off the bottom of her shoes that would lead more competently than Cheeto Bentito.

    • Biff52

      45* has illusions of mediocrity.

    • M.E. Lawrence

      To paraphrase Jamie Lee Curtis, Merkel’s worn pantsuits with higher IQs.

  • SweetDeeKat

    I love Merkel so much. Her expression reminds me of my great aunts. They were the type that quietly took over everything after putting up with foolish men for too many years.

  • Me not sure
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I know the tape looks pretty horrible. But as someone who can’t hear shit in a crowded room, I’d like to suggest that Trump actually couldn’t make out what she was saying and just nodded along like the fool that he is.

    Pretty sure Angela Merkel was relieved either way.

  • Shibusa
  • BearGHAZI

    Ich mochte mehr Deutsche Wönket

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Saaaaaay, you know who else wanted Germany to increase its military budget?

    • phoenix00

      …. Emperor Hirohito?

  • Germany: We will be happy to increase our military size and meet our indirect NATO commitment.

    France and the UK: No, no… really, you don’t have to do that… we’re all good with you right where you are, guys.

    • boyblue122

      yeah, let Germany increase their military size…worked out great the last time

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Well what’s even a bigger problem is that no German wants to increase its military. If you want to lose votes in Germany, propoe to increase army spendings.

      • Regret

        Same in the Netherlands. (well, minus the hyperbole, there must be at least one person who wants moar dakka)
        We got real problems to fix, and there is no need for more bullets in the world. Sadly, we have a treaty with NATO so something will have to done.
        Maybe we can train field medics and engineers and send them to unstable countries to improve infrastructure and educate women? That is more effective against war than battleships, so you could write that up under military expenses without lying.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          Yes but that would be way too pragmatic and creative of us Dutchies to be accepted by lord dampnut.

      • eka

        i was living in berlin when the bombing of serbia happened. berliners were not too happy about participating in that. and while bombing was an extreme tactic which catered to the desires of terrorists, that was a lot more morally defensible than the shitshows of afghanistan and iraq – especially after the IC didn’t react swiftly enough in bosnia.

    • phoenix00

      Poland: “That NATO thing, we’re so glad we’re BOTH in it…”

  • I do actually buy the idea that Trump may not have heard/understood the handshake request . . . but because he was so busy sulking or pouting. He seems to do this when he talks with someone who is smarter than him, and will not kiss up to him. For example: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/92fa05a1defa5545937b1f8c5475648a6d3e9f4e27a394ef3c03dec8b4de9f1d.png

    • Sister the Resister

      I have absolutely no evidence to support this, but I think Merkel read him the riot act not too long before the photoshoot. Sulking is written all over his body language.

      • Completely agree, not too many people of her intelligence and educational level are going to sit there and let him bullshit his way through everything. Having worked in several labs and collaborated with two labs from German universities, even the boss will get called out if he starts talking out of his ass (as Trump does constantly).

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          And she grew up in fucking EAST GERMANY, yet battled her way to becoming the female leader of a not-particularly-feminist country. She is TOUGH AS SHIT. Too bad we didn’t have someone who was equally tough, where there was mutual, deserved respect, and who knew how to behave like a world leader. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e0e1653fef12dc98cfa4d5ab217bf8d605a0ea0222551e1c5ea1ad5596daf804.jpg

          • ThaagNasty

            Zwei Frauen vonBadaß.

          • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

            Upfists for the eszett! WHICH reminds me, way OT, I was outside puttering in my tiny garden, and a neighbor came by and we started chatting. What’s your name, and he said his name was “Stray-bee.” What an odd name, thinks I, an endless busybody, so I pressed him about it, and he said it was spelled Straube. OH MY GOD I instantly realized his name was Strausse and the Ellis Island folks processing his ancestors in the late 19th century misread the eszett! He was not at all happy to hear this, probably a total anti-semite, but I was happy all day. And why not re-take the real name, which is so much better, than the silly name that sounds like Flowbee?

          • ThaagNasty

            That’s pretty damn cool of you though. It may inspire him to go find out.

          • lovelydestruction

            Ancestry is cool as heck

      • M.E. Lawrence

        Interesting observation. I’d also agree that the guy should either wear his hearing aid or learn how to present well without it when he’s doing something more demanding than pandering to his base at a campaign rally. Is it possible he still just doesn’t understand that being POTUS is not the same thing as being a crooked businessman? (Rhetorical question.)

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        More likely he knows that he is outclassed and there is nothing he can do about it, and it burns his fragile ego so he sulks.

      • TheBoatDude

        “Vot ze fuck are you doing, you schnitzengruven?!”

      • lovelydestruction
  • Zyxomma

    Thank you, Five Dollar Feminist.

  • CeeQ

    Hunh. It’s almost like “knowing how things work” in your job makes you better at that job. Weird!

  • marxalot

    Sometimes, knowing basic German is fun! (my German prof would be ashamed of how little I use it)

  • BeverlyCrusher’sWig

    Ivanka looks like she’s wearing a Starfleet Uniform in that pic. It is not command red. That is all.

    • whitroth

      You’re right… except I never saw a black uniform. Could this be from the alternate universe, where they’re all bad guys?

      Oh, that’s right, that’s where we’ve been transported to.

      Maybe we should send a present to Trumpolini… a red shirt. Y ‘know, like i used to see in dealers’ rooms at cons… the ones with the target on the back.

    • BMW

      She borrowed it from Capt. Kirk the morning after he showed her his photon torpedo.

  • whitroth

    But now, with Trumpolini in office, he’s running government like a business, just like all the Reptilians say they want.

    That is, how’s this going to work for me this quarter? Hey, long term planning: how’s this going to work for me next quarter? The 2018 elections? That’s for next year….

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      The bigger problem is, as we have now painfully come to realize, that he is a completely SHIT BUSINESSMAN who’s done nothing but squander his daddy’s money and run all his posturing, limp-dicked businesses completely into the ground.

      • whitroth

        No shit. How do you run a casino into bankruptcy?

        Btw, I *like* she purrsisted. I’m sure my Lord & Master would appreciate it… (he’s just nor really a great catversationalist….

  • Hardly Ideal

    Man, and your wingnut uncle thought Obama made the whole world laugh at us?

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      But in wingnut uncle’s hateful racist little world, the idea of a ni[clang] in power over him totally meant he was shamed and being laughed at, and that’s all the universe that exists for the sad rubes.

  • BMW

    He was disappointed because he thought he was actually meeting Urkel. All weekend at Mar-O-Lago he practiced saying “Did I do thhaaaatt?” in preparation.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      We should thank our stars that it wasn’t Urkel. I can live with the German Chancellor outclassing our *President, but for him to be shown up by a washed up sitcom actor would be terminally embarrassing.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        Heck, Lil’Donnie would be shown up by Chachi.

  • C4TWOMAN
  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    i dunno, I don’t think he didn’t hear the question, I think he PRETENDED he didn’t hear the question.

    Maybe I’m projecting, but he seems right pissed off after that moment passes, almost shaking his head at whoever asked them to shake. Maybe he was pissed about that, or maybe he’s just always pissed at the press.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      From the expression on his face at the time, its obvious he was pretending not to hear it. Just like his hotels, even his acting is feculent.

    • lovelydestruction

      I think that’s the body language of someone who can read crowd behavior and realizes that he must have missed something important, but he doesn’t know what it is.
      That must have sucked for him. :D

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    I heard that Merkel made a joke’ that was a play on words which changed Eine Kleine Nachtmusik to Kleine Hände Musik. Amazingly, or not, one of Trump’s aides spoke German…the meeting went down hill from there.

  • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

    I am just now catching up; but not using the “Babel Fish” to understand what is said in a bi-lingual conversation is incredibly rude. He is the idiot yelling, “You’re in America! Speak English!” to an immigrant (or native American) speaking their first language to someone in public. By not using this tool, he is telling the World he does not give a shit about what they think.

  • BEAM ME UP LT. IVANKA!

  • Sarah E. Grove

    You know what I think? I think that Merkel/Trump-no-handshake photo op was just after a one-on-one meeting between the two. It wouldn’t have taken much effort for Angela to let him know what a stupid asshole he is. And THAT was his reaction.

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