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Bless his heart.

Y’all know what “bless your heart” means, right? If you are not familiar with the South, or if you think you know what it means, but you are unaware of how you are wrong, let yr Wonkette, a southerner, sexplain it to you. “Bless your heart!” is an expression of something anywhere along the line between bemused pity and abject disdain. It can mean literally anything from, “Lord, how DO you tie your shoes in the morning?” to “I’m of half a mind to plant MY shoe inside your ass, how would you like that, you filthy piece of knock-off trash?” Both are valid feelings, and well within the bounds of “Bless your heart!” We don’t know where the expression came from, but we’re going to guess it’s based on how our lord Jesus was always blessing people, regardless of whether He was healing them or fucking their shit up at the time.

And so, we come to this video of anti-Trump protesters outside Donald Trump’s poorly attended Hitler rally in Nashville on Wednesday night. These very nice southern liberal Democratics came together to greet their Trump-supporting neighbor with a hearty chant of “Bless your heart!”

Now, knowing how well-mannered we Southerns actually aren’t are, we’re going to guess the protesters’ feelings were more along the lines of “Hot damn, you’re dumb as a molten bag of dicks” or “FYI, glue is not food,” rather than something impolite, ugly or violent. That’s just not how we are.

The Trump guy responded by trying to chant “You’re a snowflake!” in rhythm with the “Bless your heart!” shouters, but bless his heart, he just sounded like a common Donald Trump who doesn’t know how to words good:

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  • wide_stance_hubby

    Now, that’s what I call a Southern Strategy.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
    • proudgrampa

      He got the mannerisms perfectly. And the dress.

    • anwisok

      That IS rather perfect.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        It. Nailed. He did, that is. Nailed it.

    • Shanzgood

      I sure hope Rachel loves that!

      (I’m concerned my neighbors might have called the police because of the shrieking I just did so I’d better go wait on the porch for a bit.)

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I just made everyone nearby turn around and look at me. They look sympathetic. I guess that’s good.

      • Frumpycat

        Yeah, her tweet is pretty funny

        Rachel Maddow MSNBC‏Verified account
        @maddow

        Rachel Maddow MSNBC Retweeted The Late Show
        OH MY GOD HOW DOES HE KNOW I HAD A PET CHICKEN.

        • Shanzgood

          Perfect!!!

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Exactly. This is how intelligent people react to a bit of gentle ribbing. Laugh, and perhaps even, turn it up to 11!

    • JCfromNC

      She had some unpronounceable Russian company name in her broadcast tonight and said, “I’m not going to attempt to pronounce this because Steven Colbert will make fun of me again.” (She was laughing while she said it.)

    • Blackest Noobs

      yes let’s all remember how conservatives always say comedians never poke fun at liberals….yeah because that never ever happens. (snarkcasm<—-)

  • Vecchioivan
  • Mpeg

    Today we are all “snowflakes” who load our phrases with mixed meanings, as Southerners are wont to do~

  • Michael AK

    One of the most succinct and honest explanations of that two edge sword we call a blessing, that I have ever heard.

  • whitroth

    Now, that’s just *wrong*. Trumpolini is a snowflake, who melts down every time someone disagrees with him….

  • Dudleydidwrong

    How did that Trumpanzee get the red stocking cap to fit over his colander?

    • willi0000000

      FSM libel!

  • proudgrampa

    Well, bless your heart!

  • anwisok

    BWAHAAHAHHAhahahahhahahahahahhahahahahah!!!!

    A thing of beauty!

  • TJ Barke

    That’s some intelligent and nuanced discourse. I’m pretty sure I would have started kidney punching him…

    • Lascauxcaveman

      WHEREAS I do not support any kind of violence in argumentative political discourse; I think you might find throat punching to more satisfying.

      With the added benefit is it makes it so the asshole can’t talk for a month or more.

  • Proud Liberal

    The level of discourse in Trump world is at a 4th grade level.

    • TJ Barke

      A generous assessment.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      4th grade libelz!

      You knew that was coming.

      • OrG

        Low hanging fruit.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Or reverently observed tradition. Who can say?

          • The Wanderer

            They’re all members of the Amalgamated Association of Morons:
            “We are morons, tried and true!
            We will do our yell for you!
            DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

    • Mavenmaven

      you must mean reading because clearly their math is even lower than that.

    • JohnBull

      My fourth graders, some of whom speak English as a third language, speak better than these people.

  • Crystalclear12

    Bless his heart, he does try.
    The Missouri variation.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Fuck Off And Die

      The Colorado Corollary

      • CindyinEncinitas

        That’s super gnarly, bro. The California Corollary

        • marxalot

          Cool story, bro. I love getting schooled by tough guys.
          -the Army Analog

        • Persistent Demme

          Wicked and awesome-sauce!

    • marxalot

      Lord love him…
      (because no one else does)

    • Persistent Demme

      FUCK YOU!!
      FUGGEDABOUTIT!! or
      GETOUTTAHEAH!! or…

      The New York City Narrative.
      (Sometimes claimed by New Jersey.)

  • calliecallie

    This really loses something when your employer won’t allow you to play the video.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I’m laughing my ass off at the fact that he ended up at Municipal Auditorium for his rally in Nashville. That thing is older than I am and I’m in my 50s. It’s one of those sad old domed things where parents can drag screaming kids to see Disney on Ice. It seats under 10K people and was apparently not close to full. Huge lolz.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The Hee Haw cornfield was booked.

      • yyyaz

        Well, at least that is what they told the OPOS, bless his heart.*
        *with one more burden than it can bear

    • The Wanderer

      It’s not Disney On Ice, but it’s just as horrifying:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5UaIw3wt64

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Oh, that’s weird.

        • The Wanderer

          Yes. Yes, it is.

      • Suttree

        Where figure-skaters go to die.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      He prolly just wanted to book that venue because he wants to hang around for the Harlem Globetrotters later on.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Conservatives assume that the boss is the boss because he is the smartest. My boss is so dumb he tried to put a mechanical pencil in the sharpener. Bless his heart.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      The day-drinking bosses are the funnest!

  • I like the dude punctuating “bless your heart” with “fascist” between refrain’s.

  • marxalot

    “Bless your heart” = “there is something wrong with you.”
    The “something” can be big or small, but you need blessing on account of it, whatever it is.

  • canes_pugnaces

    OK, today I learned a new phrase: bless your heart. I had no idea. All this time I thought people really want to bless my precious little heart. I’m going back down south and blessing some heart. Thank you.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Facial expressions and body posture are important. Sometimes, we are really blessing your heart. Like, “Did you hear about Susan? The cancer came back, bless her heart.” That’s a completely different thing from, “Did you hear about Susan? She thought Obamacare and the ACA were two different things. Bless her heart.”

  • Mavenmaven

    The Nuremberg, I mean Nashville Rally?

    • laughingnome

      Notice how they both start with N

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “Bless your heart!” is an expression of something anywhere along the line between bemused pity and abject disdain. It can mean literally anything from, “Lord, how DO you tie your shoes in the morning?” to “I’m of half a mind to plant MY shoe inside your ass, how would you like that, you filthy piece of knock-off trash?” Both are valid feelings, and well within the bounds of “Bless your heart!”

    Wait–it doesn’t just mean “fuck you” in Southern?

    Oh well, this Yankee turned Left Coaster learned something new today!

    • marxalot

      The Southern dialect is so inflected as to be almost tonal: how, under what circumstances, and with what emphasis we say things like “bless your heart” make all the difference.
      Now, I have one for you: can one use “yinz” as a form of address? I can open a statement/email etc with “y’all” and then carry on, as it is an accepted vocative opening, but can you begin an announcement that way with “yinz?”

      • arglebargle

        Yinz are a jagoff.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Is that like “Yontsum tea?”

        • arglebargle

          Jeet jet? No, jew?

        • marxalot

          Kenna’hepya?

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Oh that is so perfect.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson
        • marxalot

          TIL

    • Eileen Besse

      Yes. It does.

  • OrG

    Sure is a good thing the trumpkins are in the minority,or we might be in big trouble.

  • Crystalclear12

    He probably drove all the way home thinking how clever he was.

    Yeahhhh. . .

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Next time, he’s gonna spring “I know you are but what am I?” on them fellers.

      • Crystalclear12

        That’ll show’em!

  • janecita

    I wonder what the Jersey version of “Bless your Heart,” would be?

    https://youtu.be/CzznDfa-F9s

    • writersbloc

      Isn’t “Hey asshole, go fuck yourself” the universal greeting in Jersey?

      • janecita

        It’s, we are an extremely polite state!

  • Proud Liberal

    I could never live in the South. I would be saying “fuck off asswipe” a hundred times a day.

    • janecita

      You and me both!

    • Shakenbake

      I live in the Confederacy and I do at least think “Bless you heart” about that much.

    • Shanzgood

      They just talk too much

      NO, CASHIER, I DO NOT WISH TO DISCUSS MY PURCHASES. JUST RING UP MY TARP, JELLO, CATTLE PROD, AND ROSES SO I CAN GET HOME ASAP.

      • Crystalclear12

        What no shovel?

        • Moebym the Persistent Returner

          Or duct tape or 50-gallon trash bags?

          • yyyaz

            Pro tip: Never buy all your party favors at the same place.

        • Shanzgood

          If you need a shovel you did it wrong.

          • Crystalclear12

            That explains a lot.

      • Proud Liberal

        LMAO! Applause!

      • The Wanderer

        Date night?

        • Shanzgood

          Somewhere.

    • Reddishrabbit

      I visited a friend once and coming from NYC I could not get adjusted how slow things could take, like checking out of a grocery store. I mean the most I say is “paper. Credit”

    • Persistent Demme

      After living in London for 4 years, I nearly happy-cried when I returned to NYC.
      The directness, (often misunderstood as rudeness), was SUCH a relief!
      I don’t think I could survive in another indirect culture.
      (But I totally get how NYC is hard to handle, if you’re not used to it.)

      • David Clark

        Sounds like just the place for you.

      • Proud Liberal

        I’ve heard they can really be rude but I’ve also heard, they are extremely nice. I’ve never been but would love to go!

        • Persistent Demme

          The pace of life is REALLY fast, and the directness and abruptness of this can seem rude, but if you can get past that, (and not everyone can), it’s great!
          I loved it, and my brother lived there for 30 years, (but my parents always hated it).

  • Mavenmaven
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      This meltdown is getting old FFS.

      • David Clark

        Sean Spicer is a cuntish little weasel. Can he please be the first one up against the wall* when the time comes? Please?

        *With votes, natch. Sharp, pointy votes.

    • Proud Liberal

      Every time I see Spicer, I think of Melissa McCarthy and I crack up!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The Trump guy responded by trying to chant “You’re a snowflake!” in rhythm with the “Bless your heart!” shouters, but bless his heart, he just sounded like a common Donald Trump who doesn’t know how to words good

    Glad you transcribed that–I had no clue what the lunatic was babbling. Um, Trump troll?

    http://i.imgur.com/Fyw5RLj.gif

  • geoffalnutt

    He’s the guy who puts truck-nuts and a Confederate flag on his lawn-mower…just so everybody knows where he stands!

    • clairence

      in the closet?

  • WeaselPoo

    OT but apropos in the manner of a thing which is the opposite of the thing that thing insists is or isn’t that thing depending comes this classic bit of news involving:

    1) A married with two kids state Senator

    2) A motel

    3) near a church

    4) Some money

    5) a male

    6) who isn’t old enough to vote

    7) and ‘interstate commerce’ of a type generally frowned upon.

    Guess which bible-thumping gay-hating law abiding fiscally responsible family values political party the State Senator belongs to? Can you guess? Can you?

    Go on…..guesssssssss!

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/senator-faces-prostitution-charges_us_58caaa4ce4b0ec9d29d95724?g89y1gi6aq07fogvi&amp;

    • Crystalclear12

      Too easy.

    • Prof. T. Green Bastard

      LOCK HIM UP.

    • anwisok

      Clarification on point the Sixth: who is a minor, in a state where the age of consent is 16. Which is to say, he isn’t old enough to drive.

      • clairence

        boy is 16 or 17 per the news linky.

        • anwisok

          Ah! That part is new.

    • Vincent Ricola

      AOTK?

      Edit: I misread and now I feel shame :(

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      Tory?..Whig?…

      • Moebym the Persistent Returner

        The Whig guess isn’t too far off. The correct party is pretty much going to suffer the fate of the Whig party.

    • Vecchioivan

      Come on, Florida, you can’t let this challenge go unanswered.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Calling him a ‘bear’ is entirely too generous also too.

    • Suttree

      At least he was within 1,000 feet of a church, so he could go pray away the gay when he finished up.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        How efficient!

    • CindyinEncinitas

      OOH OOH! Pick me!!!!! Pick meeee!!

    • memzilla Ω

      How could you miss the part where he was Twitler’s campaign director in the state where Editrix’s mom lives?

    • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

      The Know Nothings?

    • Okay, fuck that guy with a rusty welding torch, but… “engaging in prostitution within 1,000 feet of a church” should not be a goddamn crime.

    • Erala Contratista

      Pffffttt. Move to Louisiana. Remember “dead girl/live boy” works jes’ fine.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Somebody fetch me a faintin’ couch and mah clutchin’ pearls!
      Oh, wait – SSDD. Never mind.

    • Ms.Moon

      I have no issue with prostitution if the prostitute is of age and wants to do the work I think it should be legal. This man is the best example of republican hypocrisy. He has got a wife and kids he has lied to them and has embarrassed them. I am sure he’ll say he went back to Jeebus he and his wife prayed about it she’ll probably get pregnant again and he’ll be re-elected because they’re all hypocrites.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    IMO, Trump guy has watched too much pro wrassling and thinks as an untalented wrestler, playing the villain will lead to fame and fortune.

  • Moebym the Persistent Returner

    This Trump supporter is the real snowflake for wanting a country without those scary brown people stealing the jerbs he wouldn’t take anyway.

    • TJ Barke

      Or those absolutely terrifying muslims that he is scared want to terrorism him.

      • Moebym the Persistent Returner

        Strangely, he doesn’t seem to be scared of those domestic terrorists who will 2nd Amendment anyone who looks at them the wrong way.

  • anwisok

    If you look at the Trumpians – they know. They know. How delightful!

  • ServantToTheStars

    The snowflake response is as perfect as Trump clapping and swaying in a Black Church.

  • goonemeritus

    I have to say it really looks like a good time was had by all. This makes a Northerner like myself happy and proud of my Sothern neighbors.

    • Eileen Besse

      Well. I absolutely ADORE “Bless Your Heart.” It says what I’m not supposed to say in polite company.

      • Shanzgood

        Same here. It’s an excellent response to when they say “I’ll pray for you” when what they really wanted to do is tell you you’re going to hell because you’re a liberal baby-murdering whore.

        • Eileen Besse

          That, too. Yes.

      • goonemeritus

        My go to response when someone says something totally ugly is from Poirot

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYX6EzNM-n4

      • Erala Contratista

        Also “aren’t you precious!”

        • Eileen Besse

          Oooohhh, yes!

    • Weevie

      Don’tcha know

  • writersbloc

    When I lived in Dallas I remember some slimy real estate douche who’d do his own commercials and he’d end every spot saying “Bless your Heart.” Now I’m confused, was he just telling his audience they’re dumbasses?

    • Crystalclear12

      Yep, see, you weren’t confused.

  • Shanzgood

    Kansas is not the South but we say that here, I think. I do, anyway, and everyone knows what I mean.

    There’s also snobby elite libtart version I’ve heard: “He’s no better than he should be.” Which as I understand it basically means “Well, he’s badly-raised trash, what did you expect?”

    • Vecchioivan

      “No better than he/she ought to have been” is an old Britishism.

      • Shanzgood

        Huh. Maybe that’s where I got it. I also like their “I’m so hungry my stomach thinks my throat’s been cut.”

      • Weevie

        Brits need to learn English.

        • kindness

          Brits say the same thing about Americans.

    • The Wanderer

      I spent part of my childhood in New Jersey, about 45 miles from NYC. I think “Fuck you” is still in use.

      • Weevie

        Douche! Where I grew up.

      • shastakoala

        You “Dog’s Butt” has always been a favorite of mine.

      • Jukesgrrl

        And the appropriate reply is, “No, fuck YOU.”

    • Jennifer R

      Speaking as badly raised trash, it’s no excuse to be a douchenozzle.

      • The Wanderer

        Sometimes, I have found that being a douchenozzle works.

        • Jennifer R

          Only when in the shower.

          • The Wanderer

            (evil eyebrow wiggle)

          • Shanzgood

            Henh. I remember I had to buy a special one when I was pregnant LOLOL!

          • Jennifer R

            One of my friends has a reaction to vinegar so I had to go two weeks while I was up in seattle.

          • Shanzgood

            Ok that’s not nearly the same kind of douche I was talking about.

      • Shanzgood

        Too right. My mama was raised in some of THE worst circumstances imaginable and she’s a classy lady to this day.

        I still wish I could swear with her creativity, conviction and vehemence, though. And she can do it fluently in two languages.

        • Jennifer R

          Class sounds like too much effort. Style and perhaps aplomb is more my speed.

          • Shanzgood

            I guess I meant “classy” in that she’s gentle and loving most of the time but takes no bullshit because she’s damn well had enough in her life and can smell it coming from a mile away. And she is fierce about both things.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I’m still particular to “That boy ain’t right.”

      • Jennifer R

        Bobby turned out far better than he had any right to.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Very true.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        Do you sell propane & propane accessories?

    • kev

      I like that one Shan. We’re all probably no better than we should be though, when you think about it.

      • Shanzgood

        True, but I’ve never heard it used that way.

        • kev

          Keep sharing your smarts,Red..

    • Shoto

      I also like, “He’s so dumb he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the directions wrote on the heel.”

    • Erala Contratista

      Also, too “he’s not half the man his daddy was” and other variations.

  • memzilla Ω
    • The Wanderer

      Admitting that you have a problem is the first step in recovery.

      • OrG

        I thought getting thrown in jail was.

        • The Wanderer

          You win.

      • Shoto

        Losing the idiot #MAGA hat is the second step. Or maybe even the first step. By my reckoning, it’s about a toss-up.

        • Shanzgood

          The MAGA hat goes with the sign so we know what the sign is for.

        • proudgrampa

          The Hat of Shame.

    • Kinda a bit late… And what really has changed? “Wait, you mean he’s going to try to do all the crazy things he said he was going to do when I voted for him? You mean he’s going to continue acting like a lunatic once he’s in office?”

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        “I didn’t think they would eat MY face,” sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party.

    • Weevie

      One down, a few million more to go. It’s a start!

    • pollosmoky

      BAHAHAHAHA!!! Where’s Gob when you need him?

  • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

    The irony of the snowflake thing…who gets their panties in a bunch when transgender people need to take a whiz? Or when gay people want to hold hands in public? Or when black people want equal rights? The projection never ceases to amaze me.

    • Crystalclear12

      Better than imax.

    • Longstreet63

      Such projection. In a few minutes of Right Wing Crazy Radio today, the host was ranting about how Democrats think that rules are only for the other side, and will do or say anything to get into power. As an example he used Michael Moore.

    • Prof. T. Green Bastard
    • Carpe Vagenda

      Or when one of the corporate citizens who must be allowed to kill us with impunity have the wrong shit on their coffee cups in December?

  • RobKanC

    It’s funny when someone gets triggered by a bless your heart. And it’s more funny when the triggered guy suggests the others are the special snowflakes. Can’t make this stuff up folks.

  • TJ Barke

    They somehow think “snowflake” is some top tier insult? It’s like a first grader insult. That’s the best they can do?

    • Crank Tango

      Yeah well, you’re glue.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    It’s not a real protest unless some nails the nutsack to the sidewalk.

  • yyyaz

    Etymology of “bless”: blōþisōną, from the proto-Germanic language, to mark with blood, ca. 2500-500 BCE.
    I feel better using words that have been repurposed by xtianity if they predate it.

  • Shoto

    Assuming my ‘rithmetic-cipherin’ is workin’ real good, it appeared as though the Special Snowflake Trump Supporters™ were way outnumbered in that gathering. How sad for them, when all they’re trying to do is MAGA everything and everybody.

  • Moebym the Persistent Returner

    OT: OMB Director Mulvaney is evil. But we all knew that.

    https://twitter.com/_cingraham/status/842461181835112449

    Bonus: He also thinks climate change research is a waste of money. So what isn’t a waste of money to him?

    • Shoto

      Oh, for fuck’s sake. These people are fucking monsters. Jeezuz.

    • The Wanderer

      Feckin’ gobshite.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Um, what results should Meals on Wheels be “showing”?

      • Shoto

        Wait, I know this one. Um…That people are not dying of starvation in their own homes?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Dividends for shareholders? Bonuses for executives?

        • Shoto

          You forgot lavish expense accounts, and a corporate jet.

          • WotsAllThisThen

            “We need to cut granny’s applesauce budget and get to our executive retreat in the Bahamas. Hurry, we’re meals-on-wheels-up in twenty minutes!”

        • Jukesgrrl

          Yes, that’s what this is really about. Maybe we could make Meals on Wheels a subsidiary of the Corrections Corporation of America. Then they’d love it.

      • Weevie

        Meals?
        Wheels?
        Hamburgers served?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Poor guy, his pizza was 30 minutes late and he never got over it.

    • Prof. T. Green Bastard

      The Granny-Starving Zombie virus continues to spread.

    • OrG

      Not to mention that for a lot of these people Meals on Wheels is just about the only human interaction they have. Fuck You repukes.

      • Paul

        Tremendous point. Most are “shut ins”.

    • Bebecca

      I think people not starving to death might be considered showing results.

      • Jukesgrrl

        Consistent progress. It’s so dull! Where’s the drama?

    • Longstreet63

      This is a thing that happens when human society makes progress. A big problem is identified. Someone gets the political will to do something, driven by popular outrage about the issue. A solution is put into place, and it works.
      Next generation, that solution is deemed unnecessary because the problem it solved is no longer a problem, and minor compromises involved in the solution become the new Big Outrage.
      They ditch the solution and the old problem returns.
      See: The Civil Rights Act, Obamacare, The European Union, etc.

    • Rags

      facts. how do they work?

  • nightmoth

    Good for the Nashville Resistance!
    However, I need to vent about something OT. I inherited some stocks from my parents and they’ve been invested conservatively for the last 30 years by a broker I trust. So today I have a call on the answering machine from a financial advisor and when I return the call, he’s out but his secretary says he’s taken over my account. So I ask “How come? Has T. retired?” and she doesn’t know because that office is in a different state. (?!) So I call T. and he’s on vacation but the guy who answers tells me Wells Fargo has sold all their brokerage accounts with LESS THAN $250,000 IN THEM, and it wasn’t T’s decision and I’ll like my new “FRA.” “What is THAT?” I say. “Financial resource advisor” he says with fake bonhomie, because he can tell I’m irritated, and then urges me to call T. when he’s back from vacation.
    Moral of this story, I guess, is that in New Trumpanistan, the big banks not only don’t give a rip about the poor—they never have, but they no longer give a rip about anybody with less than a quarter million in stocks. FU, Wells Fargo!

    • Weevie

      Make sure it’s not a scam!

    • Weevie

      Lots of loose ends so far.

    • yyyaz

      When I had to deal with brokerage accounts and banks every day, Wells Fargo was the worst by any metric.

      • Weevie

        Agreed! Well, maybe not, they sold my mortgage to Countrywide, then the real fun began!
        Dumped all Stagecoach stuff long ago.

    • OrG

      Mrs. G closed her 401k when it was turned over to wells fargo. It was a wise decision.

    • Erala Contratista

      My MIL hated Wells 70+ yrs ago for screwing up an investment account. They ARE consistent.

    • Jukesgrrl

      When I owned a house worth less than $100,000 my mortgage used to be sold almost every year. I had trouble getting insurance for it, too. I finally got off the phone and knocked on the door of a State Farm agent in the neighborhood and she covered me. I gave her my auto policy for good measure.

  • kindness

    WTF happened to Tennessee? I mean, yea the hicks have been hicks since their great great grandparents got kicked out of one of the more reputable colonies. But Tennessee was one state where a sizable part of the population was Union during the Civil War. And I can’t tell you how many of my southern friends tell me how liberal Nashville is. I guess that’s compared to other places.

    I am so glad to live in the Peoples Republic of California. Let me tell ya.

    • 1captainhooker1

      Nashville is like any other larger southern town – Birmingham, Chattanooga, Atlanta, etc… It’s liberal on the inside, but drive just a few miles out of town and things change quickly.

      • Jennifer R

        Asheville sure is like that.

    • Longstreet63

      That’s nothing. West Virginia was so pro-Union they seceded from the Confederacy. And now look at ’em.
      Indiana is much the same, of course. Liberals in the city, Jesus, guns, and belt buckles out in the corn lands.

      • kindness

        I hate to say it as a native New Yorker but in NYC there were conscription riots because men didn’t want to have to join the army (it wasn’t voluntary then) to fight for black slaves rights to be free.

        • Longstreet63

          Particularly the Irish, most of whom didn’t, shall we say, take an enlightened view of skin color, and couldn’t afford the thousand bucks to pay a substitute.
          Of course, there were lots of Germans and Irish ready to walk off the boats and into a blue uniform to gain an instant income.
          A different attitude towards immigrants in those days, of course. Instead of hating someone for being an immigrant, you just hated them because they were Paddies, Wogs, Guineas, or Dutchmen.

          • kindness

            Yea. I have Irish & English roots, neither family going back to the old days thought much of the other. My GGGgrandfather on my mothers side (Irish) converted to Protestant in the 1850’s to marry a nice WASP girl and there is a whole section of those ancestors who would have nothing to do with him ever again. My Grandfather refused to talk of it and it was 3 generations removed from it.

          • RobespierreHoo

            A replacement could be had for only $300. A bargain at three times the price.

    • Guinnessmonkey

      What do you mean, “WTF happened to Tennessee”? Who, exactly, do you think was Union during the Civil War, because it was the “hicks”. The areas that were most pro-Union in West Virignia, Tennessee, and Kentucky are also the areas that are bright red for Trump: Appalachia. Eastern Tennessee wasn’t pro-Union because they were cosmopolitan; it was that they were too poor to own slaves and had no interest in dying for the rich folks that lived in places like Memphis.

    • Shoto

      Reaganism, combined with thirty years of hate radio and Fox Fearotainment shitting into their skulls. For starters.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Oh, we have our wingnut contingents here, too. They have just had to take a back seat.
      California is red, except for the coasts. That being said, I’m a proud transplanted New Yorker Californian. im proud of everything my states done since we turned blue. I believe we’ll also be the first state with single payer healthcare.

      • kindness

        I work in Oakland but live out in Modesto so I see both ends every day.

  • Mavenmaven

    OT: It is depressing when actual news headlines sound like Wonkette headlines. This Tom Price has to go.
    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/03/price-says-states-should-decide-on-vaccines.html?mid=fb-share-di

    • Weevie
      • Shoto

        Used car salesman libelz!!

      • Prof. T. Green Bastard

        A loose stool of concentrated evil, shat out by Satan in a vaguely human shape.

        Turnip has drained the swamp & turned it into a gold-plated toilet. Can we get a Courtesy Flush, please?

      • Lulu Mac

        I’m quite bothered by that thing on his face.

        • janecita

          His face?

          • Lulu Mac

            That too…but also that bump-thing. I. Can’t. Look. Away. Gah!

        • David Clark

          His mouth?

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Empathy was never a requirement for getting into medical school.

      • Jukesgrrl

        He looks like a grifting preacher.

    • Jennifer R

      The headlines have undulated between “Wonkette” and “Onion” for weeks now.

      • Prof. T. Green Bastard

        I noticed The Onion posted an article w a real headline abt DumpCare the other day. They don’t even have to make shit up anymore. JFC.

        • Sophia

          Life is now an Onion Article

    • Nockular cavity

      Oh, for fucks’ sake. Welp, it’s a good things germs can’t cross state lines!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This guy claims to be a doctor, but this shit means he’s a quack.

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    LOL, that’s the best :) Killing him with “kindness”. I’m surprised he didn’t take to Twitter to tell everyone how nicely he was being treated!

  • Bebecca

    I just don’t get how snowflake became derogatory. As far as insults go, it’s pretty tame (and lame) and those people are so stupidly condescending when they use it. Actually I laugh when I hear it. My name for Trumpladytes is much worse-flaming a$$holes.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I always tell them “yeah we’re snowflakes, and winter is coming in 2018”.

    • Lulu Mac

      Snowflakes cause avalanches. Snowflakes shut down cities, schools, and government buildings. I’m from Michigan. Snowflakes can fuck you up if you have enough of them.

      • Longstreet63

        Snowflakes of the World, Unite! You have nothing to lose but your solidity!
        Hmm, need a better thing to lose…

        • Red Bellied Black Shake

          Cohesiveness.

    • Prof. T. Green Bastard

      I hear that’s part of the knuckle-dragging GOP-loving morans’ ire- we’re way more clever & won’t stop making fun of them. Mean! Unfair!

    • Weevie

      It’s stupid, lame, dumb, middleschool cliquish and uncreative! Fits Trumpettes perfectly; everything they say is self-effacing satire and they have no clue!

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      The “snowflake” thing goes back to WWII concentration camps. When the Nazis ran the ovens, ash would come down like snowflakes. That’s what they want to happen to all liberals and/or MSM. Charming, huh?

      • Jukesgrrl

        That might be what a few of them mean, but most are far too ignorant about even recent history to know that.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      And Holy Moses on a Matzo, why do they cry and gnash their teeth over a goddamned participation trophy?

      • Bebecca

        Because that makes kids weak? I hate them.

  • Flashman

    The Minnesota version of “bless your heart” is “well, OK, fine, then,” and purse your lips real, real hard. You can’t chant it, but that’s how we roll; a crowd-full of Minnesotans in knit hats with their lips pursed is not pretty.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I’ve always understood “OK, fine” to mean “I can’t convince you to not do the stupid-ass thing you’re set to do, so all I can do is wait until it blows up in your face.”

      • Mom?

      • Weevie

        My wife says that a lot to the kids and yeah, that’s what she means.
        Sometimes I look into things because we’ve had explosions.

    • Weevie

      Ya! Ya! Don’tcha know.

    • CB

      Minnesotans showed up last November… so they get a pass.

      Wisconsin and Michigan… they have some ‘splaining to do…

      http://www.270towin.com/presidential_map_new/maps/bRgO6.png

  • JohnBull

    Snowflakes are unique and individual–two things that you normally don’t associate with a Trump supporter.

    • Weevie

      I think deep down they know that. They say it constantly and I’ll be uhstatic when it goes away.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      They are yellow snowflakes, all the individuality they once had has been washed away from years of being pissed on.

      OR

      They are skidmarks, each a little different but just as shitty in its own way.

    • Red Bellied Black Shake

      I do not get the snowflake thing, I always thought they were rather pretty. And no two ever the same. What gives.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I guess they mean we’re delicate? Not-hardy? I dunno, because it seems to me that the snowflake is a much better metaphor for the people who want to Make America White Again.

        • Red Bellied Black Shake

          Mmm, well they can’t change it now. Stupid Trumpadoors.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      It’s a right wing trope that all liberals are brought up to believe they are a special snowflake, and can’t handle the real world. School of hard knocks, muggers at every corner, terrorists poised to strike assgasket, KS at any time – republican world.

  • shastakoala

    They cut out the part where the protesters started throwing boiled peanuts at that there Yankee.

    • Suttree

      Spicy boiled in a can, that was an impulse buy in the checkout at the Piggly Wiggly.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Or casseroles. Or copies of Southern Living magazine. That’s what ladies throw. “Here’s 50 designs for wreaths for your front porch and several pecan pie recipes!”

    • Red Bellied Black Shake

      Why peanuts? Personally I’d rather peanuts than a half brick. Boiled or otherwise.

      • yyyaz

        Erm, have you ever eaten the cold, bland mush-in-a-bag that is boiled goober peas?

        • Red Bellied Black Shake

          No, but then I have never eaten a half brick. I’ll pass on both.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Bags of hammers.

    Much more useful than any Donald fan.

    • yyyaz

      Even a box of rocks has more uses.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    In Missouri I rarely hear “bless your heart,”, but I do hear “You don’t really mean that!” quite a lot. THIS MAKES ME FURIOUS! Why would I say something if I don’t mean it?! I’ve been getting this stupid, arrogant, condescending response all my life. I would like to have a t-shirt that says, in big letters, “Yes, I mean what I said!”

    If you think about it, our brains are kind of like concealed weapons. We carry them around with us everywhere we go, nobody can see them, and we can pull them out and use them whenever we like. Or not, if we are Republicans. We also don’t need a permit to use our brains, although some training is advisable. Somewhere in this statement is a great t-shirt logo, but I can’t find it right now.

    • Weevie

      YEAH I DO!!!!

      don’ like it either.

    • Red Bellied Black Shake

      That’s because you’re only ever supposed to mean what they want you to mean. Eg ” My ideals are everyone’s ideals, or fuck you! ”

      It’s simpler in Australia, as you usually just get the last bit, with the f words.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, they say “he doesn’t really mean that!” about Donald “straight talker” Trump ALL THE TIME when he says something ridiculously outrageous, like “Muslim ban!” that the courts look at and say “uh huh, that’s what he’s saying, and it is a direct violation of the 1st Amendment”.

    • Jukesgrrl

      That statement is especially annoying when it’s uttered without the exclamation point. As if to state without question, “I know your mind better than you do and here is what you really think.” So insulting.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Very. When I was in my 20’s, I heard this statement quite often from almost everyone, particularly young men I was dating, when I told them I didn’t want to get married or have children. It was always followed by “You’ll change your mind when you meet the right man.” Now that I am old, I hear the first phrase whenever someone asks me my religion, and I tell them I am an atheist. I keep waiting for them to say “You’ll change your mind when you meet the right god,” but they never do, LOL.

    • wavicles

      The Bible’s got some insane stuff in it but, “they prolly dint mean all of it.”

    • Mike Steele

      Angela, the ‘brains as concealed weapons’ is genius. May we borrow it sometime?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Of course. “Share your brain”. . . that’s my motto.

    • Chris

      If all you said things were things you didn’t mean you would be a common Trump. Bless your heart.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I hear this phrase so often, that I really do wonder if a lot of people are constantly saying things they know they don’t mean. I don’t actually encounter that a lot, what I mostly find is people saying stupid or irrational things that they obviously haven’t thought through very carefully, and people who make a lot of irrational assumptions.

  • Amelia

    It’s so great being called snowflakes by people who are terrified of trans folks needing to pee, same sex couples they’ve never met getting married, ladies who don’t want babies, head scarves, and skin tones darker than “rotting orange.”

    I’ve always had an appreciation for irony so strong it’s nearly tangible.

    • Jack Tenhet

      *SPOILERS AHEAD*

      The first time I ever heard the term “snowflake” applied to people was in Fight Club. The very fictional Tyler Durden used it once and the applied irony should not be lost to it’s being co-opted by people who don’t even know what irony means.

      Durden didn’t really exist. He made soap for a living. He was also a terrorist alter-ego. Quoting this non-person as some kind of zen master just betrays the inability/unwillingness to follow a damned story.

      It’s like how MRA’s lerve to use the red/blue pill reference while not really understanding what any of it means or that the Wachowski brothers are now the Wachowski sisters and thereby represent everything MRA’s hate. Wish they’d understand context and stop holding on to hollow bumper sticker slogans.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Wish they’d understand context and stop holding on to hollow bumper sticker slogans.

        They simply cannot do this. They don’t have the necessary mental acuity to do this. They are every bit as blockheaded about context as they are about civility.

        • Jack Tenhet

          I know, but a wish is just a wish in the end. It irks me on a personal level because I love subtext in all forms of art. i read the same books and stories repeatedly to catch it. I watch the same films multiple times for the same reasons and the same applies to music.

          Everything means something and it’s always best to find out the meaning of that something before going around quoting it like a common idiot who read Norman Vincent Peele once.

          • yyyaz

            I always preferred Emma Peel.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Depth in literature, film, television, visual art, and music, is much of the fun for me as well, can’t argue with you in that.

            I just finished HHhH, a novel by Laurent Binet in which he tells the story of Operation Anthropoid, the mission to assassinate Reinhard Heydrich. In it he deconstructs historical novels in general and the book is a delight on multiple levels as he not only describes the historical events, he describes how he researched them.

            Our friends the Drumpfenproles and the MRAs and the entire “alt-right” would not appreciate it. Not only because a man who they probably see as a hero gets killed in it, but because it refuses to stick to a single narrative thread and they just can’t multitask while reading.

          • yyyaz

            I do not want to accept that Heydrich could be a “hero” to more than a couple hundred lunatics anywhere.

          • Jack Tenhet

            Sounds fascinating! I’ll definitely read it.

          • Mike Steele

            Peale. Oh, dog, jack…I’m sorry. Can’t help myself. lady ms.

          • David Clark

            Better you than me.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Yeah. That “home of the brave” line is in need of redacting at this point.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    In NY, the land of my misspent youth, it was a hearty “Bullshit! Whaddya mean by that?”. No room for interpretation there.

    • hendenburg2

      funny… i thought it was “fuhgeddabowdit”

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        That would get worked in too. Saw two ladies get into a vicious argument over a parking space, which ultimately turned into a discussion about how life in NY generally sucked, and who could recommend the best therapist.

  • Rick Hill

    Up in the more northern but still the midwest, folks use “bless their heart” when they talk about someone, saying something they wouldn’t say to their face. “Since your niece had the baby she hasn’t lost the baby weight, she’s gotten even fatter. Bless her heart”

  • John Norris

    I do like ‘bless your heart’ and ‘what a piece of work’. But what tops them all? Flaming Shit Heel.

  • Panika MCD

    first time it was used for a nationwide audience was during Ann Richards’ speech to the DNC in 1988, but I’m sure that LBJ regularly said it to people’s faces. I usually see it as an all encompassing GFY. last TX lege session a bunch of the GOP senators who are not on my senator’s X-mas card list had forgotten what it meant and he used it liberally. unfortunately, this session someone saw fit to remind them what it means, but forgot to tell them about the not eating paste part.

  • going4baroque

    what a pious ejaculation, blessing all those people with a phrase that translates to “asshole”, that’ll change the world, allright, it’s professional wrestling day, every day, in America

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Did you have your sense of humor surgically removed, or were you born without one?

      • going4baroque

        if you’re not still rolling on the floor at my genius comical “pious ejaculation” you could very possibly be on the fast track to brain death

        • ibwilliamsi

          Aren’t you precious!

          • going4baroque

            same to ya!

          • ibwilliamsi

            Did you ever try, “I’m rubber, you’re glue…”?

          • going4baroque

            one response per dolt, I’m making this one exception in your case, just so you’re clear, bye bye

          • Chris

            Not since first grade.

          • ibwilliamsi

            Fuck off, idiot.

          • Chris

            Thanks for that, that’s the most action I’ve seen in a month.

    • Caaro

      WTF are you trying to say?

      • going4baroque

        there’s no way I can answer your question, as I didn’t “say” anything. What I’ve written is exactly as I wanted to write it. There was no trying.

        • Caaro

          Obviously.

        • Caaro

          Obviously.

  • Jukesgrrl

    When Pittsburghers want to show disdain for something you have done or said, or especially something you are wearing, they say, “Well, that’s differnt.” (Note, I spelled “different” phonetically, as pronounced in the ‘burgh.)

    • Carpe Vagenda

      In NY we have “yeah, right” and “sure” which both mean exactly the opposite.

      • jimmyjazz101

        Hmmm? I grew up on the Canadian side of the Canada/NY border and those phrases were used in abundance for the same purpose.Teen during the 70’s.

  • Baron Von Speedster

    Another fun Southern-ism is “I’ll pray for you” which can mean anything from “OMG I want to make the sex with you sooooooo bad”, to “Your soul is irredeemable and you are destined for eternal torment in the fires of hell, i.e. you suck”, depending on the context.

    • Erala Contratista

      “I’ll dance at your weddin'”

      • Courser_Resistance

        I’ll dance on your grave.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m losing my religion over you, babe. I’m tossing it away. Because if loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right!

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    My dad always uses “simple”….like…”That Spongebob Squarepants is so simple”. He actually said that. I suppose you could use “simple” to describe these Trump supporters too. Bless their simple hearts ;)

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      That’s funny, does he happen to have some Dutch in him? Because in Dutch simple means both easy as retarded.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I’ve picked up that meaning, and it probably was from my mom via my grandmother, who had a Dutch maiden name.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          We all intertwine.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        Huh… His mom’s mom came over from Germany. That’s very interesting! I always just chalked it up to “dad jokes”

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Simple minded is a thing in english too, although in some anabaptist sects it’s considered a spiritual goal to strive for. This is a Shaker hymn, which Aaron Copland used in Appalachian Spring.

        https://m.youtube.com/?reload=7&rdm=2hfeiy1yo#/watch?v=fYi9Vr8bHJY

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          Did you by any chance study Theology?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Nah, but I had a real good friend who did.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            You remind me of a friend that did. That’s why. (Major compliment btw)

          • Carpe Vagenda

            d’aw :)

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Yes well she is one of the wisest persons I know so there is that. ;)

      • Courser_Resistance

        Grandma was 2nd gen Scot, but our family lived in a Scandanavian town. Norwegians and Swedes, mostly with a few German and Poles mixed in.

    • Apple Scruff

      Also good: “You’re pretty.”

    • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

      Have you ever seen the Simple Dog comics from Hyperbole and a Half? It’s my favorite. Her dog really is simple.

      http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/11/dogs-dont-understand-basic-concepts.html

      • magyar of infinite power

        I love her comics. The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas should have won a fucking Nobel Prize.

      • DensityDestiny

        Thank you for that link. I just laughed until I cried.

      • Lambsendbeds

        I’m glad MY dogs weren’t home when I read this. I was almost hysterical. That’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.

        Thanks!

        • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

          No problem. She’s a joy.

      • thebeatgoeson

        She’s so awesome. Almost all her posts make me laugh until I cry. Except the ones about depression. Those make me laugh and cry in a completely different way…

      • TheBoatDude

        I miss Allie…bought my GF her book some years back and we laughed so hard we cried. “Dear five year old self…what the fuck were you thinking?”

    • Courser_Resistance

      My grandmother used to say that! As in, ‘What’s the matter with you, are you simple?’

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    They’re so special…

    • davidhollenshead

      Only People who are Complete Tools can be “so special”

  • Then there’s “have a nice day”, said with sarcastic vim and vigor after someone just said something really, really offensive, which actually means you’re wishing them exactly the opposite but aren’t going to actually say it, well, not directly, anyhow.

    • thebeatgoeson

      I once heard a snarky cashier say to a customer who had been difficult:
      “Have a nice evening and I hope you don’t get hit by a car” I liked it so much I put it in my “about me” section of facebook under “favorite quotes”

  • Mike Steele

    Now THAT’s what I like about the South! Cordial, classic and defines resistance. Nashville rockabillies:)

  • DensityDestiny

    Yay, Southern People! That blessing had a special magic that made the Trump guy look extra weak and pathetic. I’m from the faux south, around Cairo, IL. Yeah, THAT Cairo. And Mounds City too. I don’t recall hearing “Bless Your Heart”, but I would have preferred that to what I did hear. Thank God my Dad joined the army and got us the hell out of there. Actually, just Thanks Dad!

  • capnkrunch

    Ponder this: does the Trump supporter not words good and therefore doesn’t understand the concept of syllables or is it simply that he can’t count? Extra credit: which one is worse?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      He’s just not used to being outnumbered.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Yes.

    • Once&futureFred

      5?

    • cheetojeebus

      AOTK

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Yahtzee!

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
  • davidhollenshead

    Unfortunately many of those “dumb Trump supporters” are capable of doing unspeakable things, if their Führer Trump & his Brownshirts get their way.
    Mr. Bannon thinks that our looming population vs resources crisis can only be addressed thru ethnic cleansing.
    And since Führer Trump & many of his Brownshirts have committed a Capital Offense, there is less incentive for them to walk back their Treasonous Position.

  • BMW
    • kev

      by the fourth stanza I thought for sure we were making a snowball.

  • DahBoner
    • kev

      “Ve Have your tanks surrounded…”

    • He was about the only member of Saddam’s government who was never charged with anything. He was probably the single most popular Iraqi official at the time, at least among the coalition forces. :-)

  • msulawgrad2006

    Trump people are blinded

  • msulawgrad2006

    They refuse to see anything but positive about Trump….At least for now

  • Lamashtar

    This joke was stolen from the comments at The Hill, who said they stole it from somewhere else:

    “Stage One:
    Ryan: This is my plan
    Trump: This is my plan.

    Stage Two:
    Ryan: This is my Trump’s Plan
    Trump: This is my Ryan’s Plan.

    Stage Three:
    This is Obama’s fault.”

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Stage 5: Obama drone striked Trump tower during our sacred election. Sick guy. Sad!

      • Me not sure

        He’s been brain dead since before the election, but no one on his staff can figure out how to pull a plug.

      • Carole

        It’s almost a Haiku.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Bless their hearts.

  • bluicebank

    No.

    I’m sticking with, “Bless your pointy little head.”

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Hahaha. Like Molly Ivins used to refer to Ross Perot as “our pointy headed billionaire.”

  • Headpants

    “Bless their Simple Minds…”

    Wait, did I say it right?

    • Oxidation Suspenders

      I prefer my Simple Minds from from Scottland, in the 80’s, on MTV. The current American Simple Minds, not so much.

      • TheBoatDude

        Pep pep pep pep…

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Bless their stupid fucking asses. May they die in a holy fire.

    Did I do it right?

    • TheBoatDude

      Almost…

    • freakishlypersistent

      Bless their heartlessness?

  • Chris

    I’m from a part of the south where it means fuck you and the horse you rode in on – but in language acceptable to my cat Puff.

    • psychobroad

      Same here!

  • Anita Ledford

    I always use “My, Oh My how very very nice!”

    • As I recall, in our area growing up it was “oh, poor dear…” Which meant “What a fucking idiot you are.”

  • Lamashtar

    Clearly these were actually PRO-Trump activists, calling for the Almighty to shower our country’s leader with blessings!

    • Oxidation Suspenders

      When you say blessings, you mean pee. Right?

      • Carole

        Lends a whole new meaning to Burns’ “blessings on your frosty pow!”

  • Me not sure

    Next time, Evan, explain “Well, isn’t that precious?” for the southern impaired.

    • Jim Johnson

      “Well, isn’t that nice?” also too.

  • cheetojeebus

    Another lovely Southern* disparagement. Bannon : Jakeleg

    *East Texas & perhaps further afield

  • Carole

    My grandmother-in-law used to call it “nasty nice.”

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    There’s a little bit of Southerner in Church Lady, I do declare… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/31cb4c3885f22d9f23b9ec37e28e2ac65c0ed0e0d9c0734ed3b70a6da58eb378.jpg

  • psychobroad

    OMG that made me proud to be a Southerner, and that doesn’t happen often! <3

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I’d LIKE to believe his rally was poorly attended, but I believe it sold out, and there were rubes who were waiting on line for 12 hours.

    • CR

      If that was the one inside a stadium, the pictures I’ve seen show half empty seats.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’d love to think he only half filled it, but I read something this morning in a Tennessee newspaper that said it was sold out.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Easy to sell out if you only sell a couple thousand tickets.

    • TheBoatDude

      Wait, I thought all Trumperinos had jobs…?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Yeah, it always surprised me how many elderly Tea Party idiots had time to take off from their “job” of collecting Social Security, to protest “redistribution of their wealth.”

    • HarpyLibtart

      Maybe…but it appears that at least some of them were paid to be there as ‘Brand Ambassadors’ which, the last time I worked one of those events meant “show up wearing the merch we give you and look excited to be there”.
      Now, would someone who was sure they’d have a YUGE turnout need to pay for human billboards?
      http://www.nashvillescene.com/news/pith-in-the-wind/article/20854915/are-you-hot-enough-to-hawk-merch-at-the-trump-rally

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I read your article and found this one too:
        “After stalling to allow more people to work their way into the building, Trump would eventually take the stage in an auditorium with many empty seats. Bizarrely, though, there were more than enough Trump supporters to fill the stands still waiting outside. Poor advance work and too few entrances and metal detectors had apparently left thousands standing outside in the cold for nothing.”

        IDIOTS LOVE TRUMP. Sad but true.

        http://www.nashvillescene.com/news/pith-in-the-wind/article/20855085/trump-brings-his-ongoing-reality-show-to-nashville

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      They were kept out in order to make the lines impressively long. There were, in reality, many empty seats. They always pack in a crowd directly behind Il Douche, with the official party signs, to create the impression that he’s got a terrific crowd. Tremendous, believe me.
      http://thecontributor.org/slir/w859-h589/uploaded/news/News_1489635448_315.jpg

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        That warms the cockles of my heart. What is the source for that photo?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Enough of his idiots showed up to fill the stadium, but as usual he didn’t even know how to get them inside:
        “After stalling to allow more people to work their way into the building, Trump would eventually take the stage in an auditorium with many empty seats. Bizarrely, though, there were more than enough Trump supporters to fill the stands still waiting outside. Poor advance work and too few entrances and metal detectors had apparently left thousands standing outside in the cold for nothing.”

        HILARIOUS THAT HE NEEDED METAL DETECTORS. Why does he hate guns?

        http://www.nashvillescene.com/news/pith-in-the-wind/article/20855085/trump-brings-his-ongoing-reality-show-to-nashville

  • NastyBossetti

    Where I’m from, we just say what we mean, which is usually, “fuck you.”

    • CR

      I hear it used as either “fuck you” or “”wow, you’re a real mess”. The last one can be sympathetic or judgmental depending on tone of voice.

    • Jim Johnson

      If I am feeling all euphemistic, I’ll translate that expression into (spoken with all the false sincerity of a southern belle): “isn’t that nice?”

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Oh, girl. “Nice” is the kiss of death in the south. “Well, she seems perfectly nice” means she puts dark meat in her chicken salad and is trash pure and simple.

        • Jim Johnson

          The horror!

    • sonaliraq

      Brooklyn? Me too, twinsies!

      • NastyBossetti

        Ha! No, but my grandmother was from Brooklyn, so maybe that’s where I got it.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    You laugh now, but I’ll bet he’s just a few tweets away from being appointed to an ambassadorship or cabinet position our some such shit.

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    Glue is not food? Oh, shit …

    • TheBoatDude

      It’s nit food, but it’s a helluva weight loss strategy…

    • Bigby

      PASTE is, not glue. C’mon, man…

  • Vel Venturi

    Hmmmm. As a southerner, I think this could work. I may propose this to my local Indivisibles/Pantsuiters/Dems.

    On being nice to Trumpites: pulling away from the gas station today we noticed an older lady also leaving, who had left her gas tank open as she drove off. We chased her down and let her know, so she could stop and put the cap back on. As we left her, we noticed a TRUMP sticker on the back of her truck. We laughed, but I admit, we did kind of wonder if we would have helped if we had noticed it beforehand. We decided we would have anyway, but we wished we had said “Courtesy of your friendly neighborhood Democrats!” when she thanked us.

    • Blackest Noobs

      that’s a nice thing you did but i personally wouldn’t announce that a Democrat helped them. me being me wouldve been more subtle..like when they saw me drove off saw my planned parenthood bump sticker for example. and yes i do understand sometimes they and us don’t pick up on subtlety.

      but my deal wouldn’t be to convince ’em Dems are good people too. they can think or not think that…i don’t care. i just wanna do the right thing when the right thing counts. and maybe doing that would convince them, hey…wait a cotton picking second….what have i been doing? OOOOOH MY GOD!!!!!!

      i know on here i seem pretty MAD…and believe you me…I AM MAD. but even given that i have never stopped to do a nice thing for a person regardless of person’s whatever. so please….yes do what you did more….we all need to do more nice for everyone no matter how minute (my-noot). so open more doors, say thank you more, let some idiot who doesn’t know how to merge into traffic, drive after someone who left their atm card in the card machine with the pin punched in (<—-ive done that), do a nice thing regardless of any agenda you wanna achieve.

    • Blackest Noobs

      just do nice things regardless. do it enough and enough of us do it, it will change hearts and minds. and you won’t need to add youre a democrat.

      just another decent human being.

  • Moose Lambs
    • Mr Canoehead

      So that’s why his tie is so long!

  • Begin Anew Day

    Is flatulence covered by the first amendment? If so this guy has nothing to worry about.

  • Bigby

    Ahahahaha, Salon has gone to FB commenting? Fuck that. Jeezus, we’re almost full blown fascist and they want us all to identify ourselves. You first, 8chan. You first.

    • I AM R U

      For some reason people think that forcing people to identify themselves will prevent fascists being bigots and arseholes online – it doesn’t. All it does it make people afraid of posting because the fascists will stalk them with relentless online abuse.

    • kfreed

      The only question I have is: WHY are you reading Salon “Just Let Republicans Win” (dot) come to begin with?

  • freakishlypersistent

    I still loathe these idiots, and still have a hell of a time being civil to them at work. It kills me a little every day, and makes me hate my job even more.

  • GemlikeFlame

    Let’s recap…

    Immigration/travel ban: Mired in the courts, probably won’t survive.

    Mexican Wall: More of a trap door.
    Budget, ACA repeal: DOA.

    EPA, state department, social services administration gutted: Mission Accomplished!
    Social services and education programs gutted: Not yet, but on the way.

    Executive branch administration in disarray: Yep.
    Executive orders ignored: Almost all of them.
    Executive administration ethics violations: Multiple.
    Revolving door executive branch appointments: Whirling like a dervish.

    GOP discontent: Increasing rapidly.
    Loss of credibility in the international community: Increasing rapidly.
    Hill Republicans now wishing they’d backed another horse: Increasing rapidly.

    Somebody tell me how this situation leads to any kind of functional government?

    • Jim Johnson

      But, very successful if your goal is “the deconstruction of the administrative state”. These foxes are salivating at all the possibilities for damage in the henhouse. Hopefully, they will bunglefuck this up like “successful” businessmen.

      • Keith Taylor

        Plenty of them are probably scenting fat profits. To paraphrase one of Rhett’s remarks to Scarlett, “There’s money in building a country. But there’s more in wrecking one.”

    • timpundit

      They do not want a functional government that’s the whole idea.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    The only thing harder than preventing an idiot from making a mistake, is getting him to admit that he made it. The Trumpanzees are a textbook case.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    What’s the purpose of these rallies other than to stroke Orangina McTinyHands’ ego on the tax payer dime?

    • Relativicus

      There is no other purpose.

    • The viagra doesn’t work anymore.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The Nuremburg Rallies were bigger. Trump’s got some work to do.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      It’s a shame Leni Riefenstahl is not available for the current administration.

      • Some of those North Korean rallies are pretty impressive. I’m sure they would loan 45 one of their experts.

  • rocktonsam

    when they sober up they’ll hear their leader wants to take away their health care and meals on wheels for merikkka

  • William
  • davej1s
    • Keith Taylor

      I wouldn’t want to believe it, but then I made the mistake of looking at some comments about Trump’s proposed Mexican wall — and illegal immigrants, of course — on a Trump supporters’ site. Oh my God. These people are not just stupid, they are horrible. And they seem to be serious. They are not just talking about using nukes on hostile foreign countries, either.
      Samples:
      “I still think it should be electrified.”
      “Crispy man-shaped tacos on the electrified fence for crows and buzzards.”
      “I prefer a motivated border guard, behind a machine gun, with a ‘Shoot it if it moves’ doctrine.”
      “I think we should test high-yield neutron bombs on California sanctuary cities.”
      “Now, now … be nice … and take pics!”
      “I like it!”
      Each is a real genuine quote. Excuse me for spoiling your appetites, but hell, we all knew it already. Hillary Clinton has copped plenty of flak for calling people like these “a basket of deplorables”. She was evidently too polite.

  • dingo

    Bless your heart has always equaled Sucks to be You in my world :)

  • Occam’s 8 ball

    I need help with an arts and crafts project. I would like to leave smiling pictures of Trump at urinals that would have ‘Спасибо Влади́мир!’ clearly printed on them. “Thank you, Vladimir!” Can someone help me with a black and white photo that would print clearly at 3″ X 4″? Спасибо щонкетариат!

  • Mr Canoehead

    “I’ll pray for you” is an alternative.

    • Keith Taylor

      Can arouse ire. Remember grave-robber and spouse abuser Jerry Cruncher in A TALE OF TWO CITIES? Tossing a boot at his wife and ordering her not to pray against him? “I wasn’t praying against you, I’m praying for you!” she wails, and Cruncher answers, “Well don’t, for I won’t be took the liberty with!”

  • Bless your heart = 3 syllables
    You’re a snowflake = 4 syllables
    Bless this dumbass’s heart, he doesn’t understand how “counter-chanting” works.

    • I AM R U

      I’ve been trying to think of a good counter chant, and the best I can come up with is “Thank you, ma’am” which is awful but the proper response to your grandmother shadily saying “bless your heart”.

  • etaoinshrdlu44

    “I’ll pray for you” is the Christian way of saying “go fuck yourself”.

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