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He’s on everybody’s mind!

Several members of the Senate Judiciary Committee have been DEMANDING that FBI Director James Comey hightail his ass over and brief them on the FBI’s investigations into Trump’s connections to Russia, and even whether those FBI investigations actually exist, in advance of a hearing set for Wednesday by the Senate Judiciary Committee’s subcommittee on crime and terrorism, which has oversight of the FBI. Senators Lindsey Graham (R) and Sheldon Whitehouse (D), the subcommittee’s top Republican and Democrat, have been demanding SOME ANSWERS, MISTER, from FBI Director James Comey, to confirm whether or not the FBI is even doing an investigation into Donald Trump’s ties with Russia.

Meanwhile, Chuck Grassley, the chairman of the full Judiciary Committee, has been threatening to deny deputy attorney general nominee Rod Rosenstein a confirmation vote if James Comey does not come. here. right. now! and give him a full briefing on the FBI’s Trump Russia investigations. (Remember, since Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions has had to recuse himself from any investigations involving Trump and Russia, Rosenstein will, if confirmed, be in charge of overseeing them. You know, if they exist.)

But there’s good news for these gentlemen, and it is that James Comey accepts their requests for a sexxxy date, and will brief the top ranking senators at Judiciary this afternoon! Hooray!

Sens. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) and Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.), the committee’s chairman and ranking member, respectively, told reporters separately that they are expecting to get a closed-door briefing later Wednesday.

“I’ve been told that I’ll have a briefing this afternoon,” Grassley told reporters when asked about reports that Comey was expected to clarify any investigation into ties between the Trump campaign and Russia by Wednesday.

Yay, Comey is doing his job!

You see, what is happening here is that as intelligence committees are starting investigations into Trump’s Russia connections/collusion, the Judiciary Committee is doing what Politico calls a “parallel probe” into the FBI’s role in all of this. So, they explain, it would help them a lot to know, FOR OFFICIAL, if the FBI is actually doing an investigation, so they don’t step on any toes:

“You can’t really be in the position of saying, ‘your congressional oversight will interfere with an ongoing investigation but we’re not going to confirm that we have an ongoing investigation.’ You can’t have it both ways,” Whitehouse said. “So I think that’s a fair question to ask and that [Comey’s] obligated to answer that question.”

Fair enough! And the FBI does have some ‘splaining to do about its activities investigating Trump and Russia, since we know for a fact it’s been, at the very least, investigating Trump associates for a year now, and the agency was in possession of knowledge of Trumpers communicating with Russia before the election, at the same time Comey was putting the nation at Def-Con 4 because he heard a rumor that an FBI agent in some office (the New York office, probably, where that rogue group of Hillary-hatin’ sleeper agents works, ALLEGEDLY) might have evidence that Hillary Clinton had checked her email recently.

But the Trump Russia thing is not the only reason senators want to see James Comey after class, under the bleachers, and also maybe they can meet up to “study” later, once mom and dad have gone to bed. If you’ll remember, Graham and Whitehouse sent a letter to the Justice Department saying, “Hey, we know Donald Trump is just lying about Obama doing ‘wire tapps’ to him, but for the sake of humoring the gasbag, and so we can move on from this, please send us all the ‘evidence’ you have of that. LOL! Sincerely, Sheldon and Lindsey.” (Slight paraphrase.) In response, the Justice Department has been stalling, because WTF, they do not have “evidence.”

For the record, Pissy Lindsey Graham would like us all to know that, even though Comey is heading over for a briefing on the Russia thing, he and Sen. Whitehouse have not gotten a response to their letter on the “wire tapps”:

“He hasn’t answered that letter. If he doesn’t answer it today I’m going to go to the chairman of the committee, Senator Grassley, and seek his support to subpoena,” Graham said during a Fox News radio interview.

It’s unclear if Comey ever pledged to respond to their letter by Wednesday.

Uh huh, we are sure Comey’s FBI and the Justice Department will get RIGHT ON handing over whatever “evidence” they have (LOL) that Donald Trump got a “wire tapp” in his butt courtesy of Barack Obama, because we are so sure that “evidence” is a real thing that exists.

Anyway, we are very happy James Comey is doing his job and going to brief senators today, may they all live happily ever after and finish their various investigations — Comey is testifying before the House Intelligence Committee this coming Monday! — so that the “president” may go TO JAIL.

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[Politico / The Hill / Washington Post / The Hill]

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  • msanthropesmr

    Where have all my invisible friends gone?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Turned to snowflakes every one.
      When will they ever learn?
      When will they ever learn?

  • TJ Barke

    I’m gonna be super pissed if this goes nowhere and we get stuck with cheeto benito.

    • LarryHoudini

      Me too. But even if that’s the case, he’ll step on his own dick soon enough.

    • Bebecca

      Yes but are we really better off with Pence? I don’t know what to wish for.

      • Crank Tango

        I’ll take a hobbled cheeto over an emboldened pence.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          I’ll raise that pence, and two fucked over cheetos….pence will be in a terrible position, if he’s left holding the bag…

          • Lamashtar

            Oh yes. The main problem with Trump? It doesn’t matter how stupid he is, the GOP base is supporting him. Keeping him on under the theory he’ll screw up is cutting Democrat’s throats.

            Replacing Trump with Pence will cut the knees of Republican support.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Pence is a garden variety methland Republican; holier-than-thou, way too concerned with other people’s sexual business and not enough with their business business, but he’s not going to nuke the world. Hobbled cheeto just might to prove he’s manly.

      • TJ Barke

        I dunno, pence seems lawful evil, donnie is chaotic evil.

        • BosGrl

          Pence definitely evil but Drumpf totally screwing over the Constitution has to stop.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        If Trump goes down, how can his very tainted VP replace him. Nope. We’ll be stuck with the Widow Peaked Granny Killer.

      • starfanglednut

        The most important thing is to get rid of Brannon. Hopefully getting rid of trump would accomplish that.

        • Liberoid Ron

          They do seem to be joined at the brain stem.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Lizzietish81

      Please, Putin is grinning into his breakfast cereal and vodka

  • canes_pugnaces

    My cynical take on this: if KK-Komey agreed, he must have travelled far up the capacious anus of the Mango Trumpannon and determined that there is enough plausible deniability to be able to look the GOP in the eye and say: clean as a whistle. It was only smoke up the ass. Nary a fire to be seen.

    • Me not sure

      🎶K,K,K, Komey, dutiful Komey, your the only G,G,G-man that we adore,
      W,w,when you go b,b,b,before the C,C,C,Congress,
      We’ll be asking that you haved dirt on that orange-haired boor.🎶

  • Edith Prickly

    Thank god, a new post!! We were getting worried…

    • Sardonicuss

      Where are words?! When will words come back?!!

      • Oblios_Cap

        Thank God -I can stop working now.

        • Sardonicuss

          That SNL skit where the teleprompter goes out on a morning show!

  • dslindc
  • memzilla Ω
    • Sister the Resister

      That is adorbs

  • dslindc

    Will they have a pajama pizza party at Justice for the closed-door briefing?

  • OneYieldRegular

    I will be so impressed if Comey dazzles everyone by testifying in Russian.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Comey, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. You get to choose! We’re offering you a choice!”

  • Duke

    Maybe they can lure him in with an impressive spread of doughnuts.

    • msanthropesmr

      So after buying donuts for many meetings, I have a theory about the consumption of plain donuts. They’re always the lat to be eaten, and they’re eaten in halves, much like something from Zeno’s paradox.

      • Sister the Resister

        People who really WANT donuts, and aren’t supposed to HAVE donuts, eat the plain half-donuts because “Donut” but substantially less “bad” than the other ones.

        • Liberoid Ron

          That would be me. Happily I enjoy plain donuts.

          • msanthropesmr

            You’re lying to yourself. Admit it. It’s only Bavarian cream. (Frightening that Google autocomplete recommended cream after Bavarian….)

          • Liberoid Ron

            Too sugary for me. But last summer Timmies had these ‘lemon meringue pie’ donuts that I would treat myself to, one a month, after which I would have only salad for the next two days.

        • Longstreet63

          This. I often find myself in places where there are boxes of free doughnuts. “Want a doughnut?” They say.
          “Yes,”say i, “But I’m not going to have one.”

      • Teecha

        A colleague of mine brings doughnuts to work. I don’t like them. I have to avoid her room in doughnut day because despite disliking them, and needing to lose weight, if I’m in the same room as a doughnut, I will eat one. By cutting it in quarters and pretending I’m not eating a whole one.
        Ffs.

      • Duke

        First a half, then a quarter.

  • Bebecca

    Yes but will WE THE PEOPLE know what is going on? It could be classified information.

  • stankbait

    He’ll never get a second chance at a first impression. He fucked over Hillary when Anthony’s Weiner exploded all over her email. He may be acting as though he is seeking redemption.

  • Crystalclear12

    Nunes has said there is no evidence. And he REALLY wanted there to be evidence.

  • laughingnome

    Maybe they can get Luca Brasi to get him to talk.

    • Sister the Resister

      You just know Luca was the kind of guy who could calm a wailing baby, then knife a guy, then bottle-feed some orphaned kittens with full confidence. We need more Luca sometimes…

      • georgiaburning

        a professional who could multi-task

        • Liberoid Ron

          A rare breed these days. Plus the man was dedicated to his job, with a quiet joy that was a pleasure to behold.

  • Call me cynical, but I have lost confidence in the FBI to do a proper investigation of the president that they weighted the scales to get elected.

    I expect that the theater of an investigation will go long enough to be plausible before it slowly vanishes into the political ether in time for “Trump 2020: Make American More Gooder Again Bigly” campaign to kick off.

    • Sardonicuss

      Well, if the FBI doesn’t do it, then we are screwed. With Sessions running Justice, and a congress full of spinless jelly fish…holdover IC people are our only hope.

  • Me not sure

    Comey, oh Comey, oh wherefore art thou Comey?
    “Cuz I got this sweet FBI gig.”

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    No matter what Comey says, the mountains of evidence regarding trump, his cabinet, Putin and now the Chinese intelligence bureau demand lengthy, deep investigations, tout de suite….

  • Vincent Ricola

    Comey: “We are both investigating and not investigating Donald Trump and the Russian interference in the 2016 election. We have also found proof that Hillary Clinton may possibly have discussed wiretaps in an email she sent in 2002 to Huma Abedin, which we will be investigating thoroughly for the foreseeable future.”

  • Shocking news: the US Government is spying on foreign diplomats and intelligence operatives! Who would have guessed?

  • chascates

    I realize polygraphs aren’t considered reliable but I’d like to see Comey hooked up to one anyway.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The 20kV one?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      How about hooking him up to a Spy-ro-graph?

      • Suttree

        Like In The Penal Colony?

      • ahughes798

        I always hated it when the push-pins would start coming loose and your design would be ruined….

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      How about just to an electrical current?

      • Longstreet63

        Trump insists it works!

    • Longstreet63

      You mean Maury might have it wrong?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    White House press secretary Sean Spicer said Tuesday that Trump is “extremely confident” the Department of Justice will produce evidence former President Obama ordered surveillance against him.

    “Donald’s been able to make shit up before–what’s to stop him from doing it again this time!”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d8522ae9770672b57cb0d89751b07a24183c77e80f7ccce0a701b4db751462a3.jpg

    • YoBunnyBunny

      And, again, Trump Dumbasses: YOU’RE ONLY DRAWING ATTENTION TO WHATEVER FUCKERY TRUMP MIGHT HAVE BEEN UP TO!!!! Now as you were…

    • Wild Cat

      Cartoon’s inaccurate. His daughter isn’t carrying her father’s child.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Trumpanzees don’t put their fingers in their ears. They’re too busy shouting over you.

  • JMP

    It’s not like Comey has already proven time and time again that he, like Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell and most of the other Republicans in Congress, only care about the good of their party and not the country and so thing the President should be allowed to violate any law he feels like as long as he’s a Republican or anything..

  • Asterix

    Republicans investigating Republicans and Republican hack FBI Director… I don’t expect this to lead anywhere..

    • Liberoid Ron

      I have some hopes, because the Republicans are fracturing and half of them seem to detest the other half. They might make things happen out of sheer spite.

      • Suttree

        They surely don’t do anything for any sort of proper reason.

      • C4TWOMAN

        There have to be some of them who went along because of misguided trust and are have a WTF moment(s)…

        • No, I doubt that. Better to hope that some of the GOP scum turns on the others to keep from being dragged under with them.

    • Sardonicuss

      ….but there are Dems on the committee who get to question him no matter what.
      ….and lying to congress is still perjury. But don’t tell Jeff Sessions.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Baby steps. This opens the door to discovering the truth. I’ll take it, as a start anyway.

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • William
    • Pinkham’s Law

      He forgot CNN/ABC/NBC/WaPo/NYTimes/et al‘s fingers next to Comey’s.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Everybody In Washington Wants A Date With FBI Director James Comey, AND HE ACCEPTS!

    You get a rose! And you get a rose! And YOU get a rose!
    Roses for fucking everybody!

    • Longstreet63

      Rose cuts for the rich!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “We have jurisdiction over the FBI. It wasn’t a complicated letter, so I expect some kind of reply,” Graham said Tuesday. “This is not an unreasonable request, it should be answered.”

    He sounds pissed

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/af2c99e8f085e9aede85b97fba3c6f364d1b9a14f48a8ed55ce866ee2a104d4c.jpg

  • Werewolf

    Gonna be pedantic-Defcon 4 is Situation Normal. Imminent war is Defcon 1. (I watched “War Games” back in the ’80’s)

    • Crank Tango

      Would you like to play a game?

    • Longstreet63

      Actually, 5 is the lowest state, and 1 is nuclear war. We’ve never been higher than 2.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Careful, or we’ll have some people saying “Hold my beer….”

      • Werewolf

        I stand (or sit) corrected.

  • Lizzietish81

    And you know that in a couple of years time, the shit gibbons who didn’t vote for HIllary because she was under investigation will still be defending themselves, but also claiming they were fooled.

    Because it wasn’t fucking obvious what Comey was doing apparently.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Part of me still holds out Comey was set up with planted “evidence”, but that’s looking less and less likely. Or he’s to proud to admit it.

      • Lamashtar

        There was an article in the conspiracy side of the net suggesting that the New York G-men were going to come out with the anti-Hillary stuff anyway and make Comey look biased. To save himself, he came out with it first, so that his investigation into Trump would remain untainted by hint of bias.

  • Miss Lindsey is a vengeful southern belle.

    • Sardonicuss

      He is showing…”Strinth!”

    • Lizzietish81
      • wide_stance_hubby

        Cast iron and frail.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Nothing resting about it, that’s face set to “Seethe”.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          “Seethe” is its normal resting mode…

    • Sister the Resister

      We can only hope

  • Crystalclear12

    I think the Ryancare/Trumpcare has helped the Russian investigation. Because as every child knows when you fuck up you bring up something your brother or sister did worse than you and then back away.

    If they can’t govern the next best thing is an excuse why they can’t govern.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    And in a related story:

    A culture of paranoia is consuming the Trump administration, with staffers increasingly preoccupied with perceived enemies — inside their own government.

    In interviews, nearly a dozen White House aides and federal agency staffers described a litany of suspicions: that rival factions in the administration are trying to embarrass them, that civil servants opposed to President Donald Trump are trying to undermine him, and even that a “deep state” of career military and intelligence officials is out to destroy them.

    Aides are going to great lengths to protect themselves. They’re turning off work-issued smartphones and putting them in drawers when they arrive home from work out of fear that they could be used to eavesdrop. They’re staying mum in meetings out of concern that their comments could be leaked to the press by foes.

    I’m oscillating between LMFAO and despairing over the fact that these people are trying to run our country FFS.

    • Longstreet63

      To any Trump staffers reading this:
      It’s all true. You’re being watched. You know by whom. Take steps to defend yourself. They’re out to get you.
      But don’t get paranoid.

    • georgiaburning

      “putting them in drawers”? Maybe I need to sell some aluminum foil on ebay as “-100 decibel Electromagnetic Transmission Shielding” and take some of their munniez. Split profits with editrix

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      But you can’t fit your MICROWAVE in a drawer! Victory shall be ours!!1!

      • georgiaburning

        That GPS tracking chip built into every Starbucks travel cup will rat you out

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          We’re running the whole thing out of the basement at some pizza parlor…

      • Crystalclear12

        The listening devices in the dildos have been very effective.😈

        • Longstreet63

          If rather muffled…

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          They only seem to work when the user is in church though. Every tape is just “oh, God! Oh, GOD!” over and over.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          Ohhh myyy!

    • Vincent Ricola

      “They’re turning off work-issued smartphones and putting them in drawers when they arrive home from work out of fear that they could be used to eavesdrop.”

      I do this same thing, except it’s not because of eavesdropping paranoia, it’s out of fear that it could be used to reach me after work hours.

      • ahughes798

        If they were real worried about eavesdropping, they’d take the batteries out of the damn things after they turned them off.

        • Lamashtar

          Haha! Despite it being public knowledge that this is how we caught Bin Laden, apparently this is still considered ‘in depth’ information.

    • boyblue122

      Im selling tin foil hats for $100 a piece. It’ll protect Drumpf staffers’ phones, computers, and even their brains from being hacked.

      Act now and ill sell them 2 for $199. Great deal, stupendous. Only the best for paranoid staffers working at the WH

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        That’s not much different then some of the other stupid shit sold to RWNJ’s. Does it protect from chemtrails also? Asking for a friend

        • Liberoid Ron

          The vinegar spray is $50 extra.

        • boyblue122

          for an extra $25 ill apply a layer of snake oil to the hats to protect from chemtrails

      • wavicles

        But is it made with American foil?

    • C4TWOMAN

      Its like Frankenstein’s monster out of control. Usually conspiricies are used to distract/control people. But when you (Putin or voters) want them to also”do stuff”, the tinfoil kinda blows back…

      • Lamashtar

        Tinfoil Blowback: When the conspiracy theorists are actually in charge

        • C4TWOMAN

          And you’d think that would take the wind out of their “The Gubmint is out to get us!!” sails, being as they are the gubmint now, but no…

    • Liberoid Ron

      You mean there are people actually trying to run the country? I thought the whole place was in Park.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Trumpway…

    • LMFAO at these fools. Naturally they all think that everyone else is a traitorous shitheel like they themselves are.

      • TakingAmes

        IKR? All these people know how to do is project.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I look forward to seeing Director Comey sit in front of the committee and say absolutely nothing of substance — either because there is an investigation, because there’s not an investigation, or because he would never ever comment on shit that he knows nothing about, and he’s kept himself completely in the dark just to be sure.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I’d give so much muneez to any Dem who trolls him with “out of an abundance of caution, right?” whenever he refuses to answer.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      “While investigating the extent of Trump’s collusion with Russia, we found a computer which may or may not contain some of Hillary’s emails. I thought it important to inform Congress of that.”

    • C4TWOMAN

      And he barely knows that “Comey” guy who looks at him out of the mirror every morning.

  • Rick Hill
    • C4TWOMAN

      Is that anything like downloading more RAM?

      • Longstreet63

        Hello. My name is…Ted…I’m from Microsoft and your windows has a virus…

        • C4TWOMAN

          I was wondering what all those things flying back and forth are. They say they’re birds in this so called “outside”, but I’m not fooled.

          • Longstreet63

            I can fix it, you just need to go to this web site and enter your credit card for verification purposes…

          • ahughes798

            You went out into the big blue room? Or were you just looking out the Windows?

          • C4TWOMAN

            I’m still using my Windows Infinity system. Oh now it’s got some weird drop looking things all over it. And the big blue room is gray. I wonder if there’s a connection? Better call tech support.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Corgis!

    • This is EXACTLY what our political process feels like right now, except without all the Corgi joy.

    • The Wanderer

      The Corgicizer! Because corgis can’t ignore Leg Day!

      • marxalot

        Tiny little drumstick legs need exercise too!

        • TakingAmes

          Unless they’re on the Speaker of the House.

  • schmannity

    The Comeyczar is in town!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      uh oh

  • schmannity

    Russia has another ship waiting offshore in case Trump needs a quick exit.

    • Lizzietish81

      I’m thinking Trump will be found dead in a hotel room next to a pile of cocaine.

      After this he’s useless to Putin.

      • Randy Riddle

        Trump could wind up dead in a hotel room next to a pile of cocaine all by himself without any help from Putin.

        • wavicles

          Trump could wind up dead in a hotel room next to a pile of cocaine and not lose any votes.

      • Me not sure

        I just hope he’s not naked and covered in gold paint.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Just like Howard Hughes. Or is that Howard Yoooooge?

      • schmannity

        You forgot covered in urine.

    • Sardonicuss

      They have a hollowed out volcano just waiting for him!

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Are there sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their heads?

        • Raan

          No, but there are mutated ill-tempered sea bass.

          • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

            …which are pretty good, with a lemon buerre blanc and some haricots verts…

          • marxalot

            TOOTHFISH

        • Sardonicuss

          They cost…Thousands of dollars!

    • Crystalclear12

      I think Trump needs to beware of men with umbrellas.

      • georgiaburning

        Could we make the “Village” look like Mar-a-Lago?

        • Liberoid Ron

          Ew. I’d rather see Castle-Trump-by-the-Sea made to look like the Village. Always looked like a nice place to live, to me. Plus I always wanted a Mini-Moke.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          It’s only a short way from the Potemkin Village to the Odessa Steps. With votes.

        • Mavenmaven

          Trump wouldn’t remember his “number”.

  • Sardonicuss

    Is Al Franken on this committee? Because that would be delightful.

    • OrG

      Well,he is good enough….

      • Sardonicuss

        And by god people like him!

      • Raan

        And smart enough.

  • capnkrunch

    SPECIAL COMMISSION NOW!

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Miss Lindsey does not forgive and move on. Giving out Miss Lindsey’s personal cell phone number was not a great move on Trumpp’s part.
    That doesn’t mean Miss Lindsey will suddenly become a Democrat, but he will twist the knife whenever he thinks he can get away with it.

    • Manders

      Agreed. The President* may think he is the only one capable of holding enormous (yuge! the best!) grudges – and I can see why he thinks that, given the behavior of basically every Republican he insulted during the campaign) – but I think those chickens will come home to roost as soon as they can.

      • When he burns, and he will, we won’t get a chance to piss on the ashes for the line up of republicans waiting to go first.

    • BosGrl
      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        It was a 900 number. I don’t trust any of them either, but I don’t mind seeing Trump embarrassed.

        • Assumes he’s capable of embarrassment. Facts not in evidence.

    • Longstreet63

      Oh, all of them will.
      After “Liberals” their worst enemy is the insufficiently pure “Conservative”.

      • zerosumgame0005

        mirror image of the purity troll BoB’s

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Wasn’t “Pissy Miss Lindsey” a Larry Williams song?

    • Liberoid Ron

      Good golly!

  • Raan

    Breaking News: Ratfucker Does Job.

  • William

    I bet everyone wants to get a selfie with him. He’s so popular right now. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d3ae9d3ea4180ef273e40736ea9997dcd8e0bd40e2ed7e0b3e8d1b21076ef44d.jpg

    • Me not sure

      I think it would be great if he produced footage of Trump colluding with Kislyak taken by a covert microwave oven camera.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Oh sure, now we’re worried about microwave espionage.

        The pioneering investigative reporter Dave Barry exposed the antisocial behavior of small household appliances decades ago:

        http://www.davebarry.com/misccol/poptarts.htm

        • Me not sure

          🅰+ Always extra credit for a Dave Barry reference.

        • Persistent Demme

          I will always love Dave Barry for this characterization of the brain of his “auxiliary” dog:
          “the cocoa-puff sized nodule of nerve tissue that serves for a brain.”

    • MizzMazz

      I remember back when we just said, “Don’t watch the food cook.”

  • Lefty Frizzell

    The only reason Miss Lindsey has any interest in this is that he suspects the Russians could take a big enough hold to threaten the gains him and his country club buddies were expecting. He’d be quite happy with the same domestic agenda minus Russkies.

    He does seem relatively bright and not clinically insane though, so as far as republican allies go he’s pretty good.

  • Scrofula

    “Mr. Director, can you please tell us if the FBI is investigating the obvious Russia/Trump collusion, and how the investigation into the FBI’s investigation of obvious Russia/Trump collusion is going?”
    “Senators, I think the NY FBI is investigating the DC FBI for investigating the NY FBI for ratfucking the election, for investigating the obvious Russia/Trump collusion in the first place. I really don’t fucking know and just want my wife to stop beating me.”

    • Raan

      “I want to do something safe and legal and boring with people that like me! And have a wife and kids and get divorced and fight for weekend access like everybody else!” – Ken Rosenberg

  • Mormos

    Huff* what a freakshow

  • Mavenmaven

    He’ll say, well, it was treason but not as bad as emails.

  • cheetojeebus
    • cheetojeebus

      WTF what’d i do wrong with this embed? fukkin disqus

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        That happens to me randomly also too…

      • Chris

        You used a dog not a cat.

  • Yr. Gma

    I’m happy that Comey is supposedly doing his job, but I’m not going to get my hopes up that anything will come of it. When Donnie falls, it won’t be from a punch we saw coming; it will be over before we know what happened and we’ll be saying “Where did that come from?”

    • Jack Tenhet

      You’re right, Gma! People like 45 tend to fall because people close to them stab them in the back. History bears this out. It’s also almost always the last person anyone ever sees coming so it’s not likely to be Bannon or even a member of his own family.

      I know you remember Watergate and who eventually turned on Nixon. On a related note, it also bears remembering that Watergate started as a “small local story” about a break-in.

  • The part that I enjoy about this is the sheer existential pain Comey must be suffering right now.

    He KNOWS more than anyone else in the country, that everything he believes is utter bullshit. There is not a trace of evidence anywhere that Hillary is guilty or that Trump isnt a traitor, and he knows it. It’s all on his desk.

    • Pilotshark

      yep, feeling the heat cause no matter what he knows he was wrong in doing what he did, when he did it. his only hope would be to come out of this with enough of a hide to maybe get a job being a security cop at a closed down mall.

  • bobbert

    Comey should go to jail.

  • Tiny kaiju

    That picture up top makes it looks like Comey has blood stains from his nose down over his chin.

    • kittygrrl

      That’s what he gets for gnawing on Rump’s hemorrhoid.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Oh, now, ew.

        Well done.

  • Bill Slider

    It has become increasingly difficult to determine which wide receiver is carrying the football, or is it a quarterback sneak? Congress demands FBI Comey’s ass on a platter for the evidence on the alleged Obama White House wire tapp. Congress demand’s Comey’s ass on a platter for the evidence of the Trump-Russia connection. MSNBC releases two pages of Trump’s tax returns from 11 years ago. The Fed raised interest rates. Trump wants a plan in 30 days for more boots on the ground in Syria, as 1,000 Marines are on their way already, allegedly. The White House has released information and tickets on the Easter egg roll, but failed to say whether Melania or Ivanka will be dying the eggs. Obama was spotted in a restaurant in Hawaii without Michelle, allegedly. The Chancellor of Germany is visiting the White House for corn beef and cabbage, and Dominic has threatened to move to Florida and become an alcoholic if I don’t send money. It is 61 degrees in my house today, which does not bode well for my electric heat pump in this 17 degree weather. I think that I will just send my bank routing number to Wonkette, then purchase a Powerball ticket. That should make me feel good.

  • Iron Monkey

    Meanwhile, Chuck Grassley, the chairman of the full Judiciary Committee, has been threatening to deny deputy attorney general nominee Rod Rosenstein a confirmation vote.

    In other news the senior person at Justice is now Joey in the mail room unless he is on break–then it’s that other guy.

  • Iron Monkey

    The FBI has a horrible history even for a government police agency (Hoover, Cointelpro, Martin Luther King, etc. etc.) so it is news when the director does something not illegal or unethical.

  • kittygrrl

    According to reports, General Michael Flynn, former National Security Adviser to the Trump administration, paid consulting fees to an FBI agent that defamed Hillary Clinton in connection to Benghazi.
    Comey does not want to have to answer why one of his agents was paid by a Russian ratfucker to smear HRC. Or how Ghouliani knew ahead of time about Comey’s pre-election premature speculation about more emails from HRC that were actually Weiner’s dick pics.

    • Yep. $28,500 from Oct. to Dec.

    • Truly Madly Derply

      I’m betting that all the Russian skulduggery around the election will track back to find Bannon at its nexus. Here’s why I think so:
      A) The only way he could fulfill his vision quest to send us back to feudal times was to ensure he’d ride his mark’s poorly tailored coattails to the White House; he never woulda hitched his mottled ass to Trump’s unless he knew deep in his black shrunken heart that victory was a given. He mustregard Trump with as much contempt as do the most rational among us-probably more so, given the useful idiot’s wholesale consumption of the flimflam.
      2) All Bannon had to do was follow the yellow brick road paved by decades of Trump’s predatory ineptitude, compromising himself and as it turns out, our democracy, for barrels and truckloads and offshore accounts full of shady shekels, mercenary deals and other alleged “liquid assets.” Pee. I’m talking about pee.
      And D) He operated THE alt-right, conspiracy theorist’s wet dream of a website, where he nurtured the necessary know-how, connections and impetus to exploit the schism here at home between The Us and The Them and the one abroad embodied by Brexit, an historic refugee crisis and Putin v. European Union. Bannon is a cunning puppetmaster. Hush, children, do not be afraid. Cunning is the métier of the intellectually fragmented. If he ever wielded true intellect it has been corrupted, along with the teaspoon of morality with which he was born, by his nonstop suckling at the leathery old pendulous teats of bigotry, calumny, inadequacy, and, judging by the violent eruption of rosacea on his “face,” whiskey. There’s one way that he and Trump are twinning so hard right now, you guys; even though Bannon is unquestionably pulling the strings, he, like our Commander-in-Queef, is incapable of assessing or even acknowledging his flaws and pretty poor at assessing the skills of his adversaries, because to him/them we really are categorically “less than.” Either we’re so fucking stupid that we needn’t be taken seriously or because our beliefs make us evil, or sinful, or because, let’s face it, we’re super lazy and always looking for a handout, our humanity is redacted and then it’s just a couple of goose steps and you’re over the line and standing in a place where it’s easy to regard a whole group of people as disposable. They underestimate and exaggerate, so their clever (coff* dumb) attempts to obfuscate and distract will continue to confuse and frighten provoke and incite progressives across the land planet, really, as we are learning in our brave new world how to “WTF” in every language.
      And my final point in fingering Bannon (ew) as Russia’s BFF: hot tub fulla acid.

    • Chris

      I believe the FBI agent in question was a retired FBI agent at the time he was receiving payment and making requests.

  • whitroth

    Y’know, once Trumpolini gets thrown under the bus (which will happen sooner, if he can’t ram through the UnHealth care bill), and it’s Pres Pence (shudder), then Congress gets to appoint a VP.

    My dib’s on Lindsey Graham.

    • Chris

      While I despise very nearly every political position of Mr. Graham, am I the only one who thinks after a few mint julieps he’d be a hoot and a half?

  • OT: Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ, he can’t even spell a three-letter word correctly.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      My theory is that he deliberately misspells easy words so people will think it was an accident as he tried to type on his phone’s tiny keyboard with his yooge hands.

  • rocktonsam

    I hope we finally get this bengazi thing behind us

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      Shrill!

  • John Lo

    It it weren’t enough that the FBI was smooching Rudy Giuliani’s fat fucking ass to ruin Clinton’s chances for the presidency, Comey has managed to remove any remaining Bureau credibility.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Trump is trying to punk Congress into another phony investigation of Obama to distract from the suffocating stench of his own corruption. Graham may have other ideas. Buzzards don’t follow orders, they follow that smell.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      Let’s hope.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    It’s no wonder that everybody wants a piece of Comey. He’s a man-whore…and not in the good way.

    • The Witch of Endor

      I just had chills. And not the good kind.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        That’s because you’re a Witch…and not the bad kind.

        • The Witch of Endor

          Thank you! You’re pretty cool, too. :)

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Gosh.

          • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

            Get a room, you two

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    The Russia thing does not go away. Schindler seems convinced if it all comes out, members of the administration will go to jail.

  • Mike Steele

    Why is Casey Anthony sitting behind Jim Comey at that hearing? Could she be the one offing assorted Russians-in-the-loop? With chloroform? Irresponsible not to speculate…

  • Mike Steele

    Well, lady FBI exec announced indictments on 5 Russians for old-news Yahoo hack. Mounties even caught one for us in Canada; others, including 2 KGB/BRO or whatever it’s called now, on most-wanted list. Good luck with that…Vlad the impala has disappeared those dudes already, no doubt.

  • Twelve

    Good god, the corruption in this administration is breathtaking.

  • Lefty Wright

    Comey met with Feinstein and Grassley today but no one is talking. I’m getting tired of this crap. We deserve to know at least if they are actually investigating any Russian ties to the Trump campaign. I’m really going to be pissed if 12 months from now, we find out there never was an investigation, or the scope was so limited that it was useless.

  • Truly Madly Derply

    Comey Comey Comey Comey Comey Chameleon.

  • H0mer0

    OT: while reading Charlie Pierce and realizing I have to postpone sexytime since my son is home from school because he doesn’t feel well (welcome to every day of my adolescent life) and getting distracted by Chris Evans, my gaze also fell upon this gem:
    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a53855/texas-lawmaker-male-masturbation-bill/

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