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hello Alex Jones

Remember that weird thing we had recently where conspiracy loon biscuit Alex Jones did an interview, and in some ape-like show of dominance, stripped off his shirt and proceeded to gnaw sausages in front of that nice German reporter who was probably like GEEZ! AMERICANS!?

Well, we have another example to share at you, of Alex Jones’s unbridled raw dude tough ‘n’ sexxxy-ness. It seems Jones is real mad at Alec Baldwin, because of Baldwin’s mean Trump impression on “SNL,” and because the cold open this past weekend made fun of Alex Jones as well. But don’t worry, he only wants to beat the living shit out of Baldwin FOR CHARITY:

Alec Baldwin thinks he is a tough guy, I challenge him a million dollars to the charity he wants to get in the ring with me, bare knuckle. I will, I’ll do it right now. I’ll get in the ring with you and I will break your jaw, I will knock your teeth out, I will break your nose, and I will break your neck. You coward, you think you’re tough guy …

You want to sit there and defame me and the president? Get in the ring with me, I will break your jaw in seconds. I will smash your nose into a bloody pulp, and I will whack your teeth out. My fists are going to bleeding with your teeth marks all over them. You frickin’ bully, you coward. I HATE YOU! MY LISTENERS HATE YOU! AND REMEMBER THAT, SCUMBAG, FOREVER! HEH HEH HEH HEH. WE’RE GONNA DEFEAT THIS ANTI-HUMAN SCUM, WE’RE GONNA WRECK THEIR WORLD!

Is Alex Jones’s raw macho sexual and punchy-punchy dominance arousing you right now? Have you sprunged wood in your pants or slidden off your chair? Of course you have not, because this is a post about Alex Jones. You might want to pause the video right now, because of your giggling.

Anyshizzle, RawStory ‘splains that Jones is very upset because he got name-checked on “SNL” during that Trump cold open about an alien invasion. Why, the Saturday evening comedy program suggested that an Alex Jones conspiracy theory could be racist! This cannot stand, so Alex Jones will huff and he’ll puff and he’ll blow …

Oh, I was just joking when I said I would break Alec Baldwin’s back, or neck. I meant that metaphorically.

He blew his load too early, and now he is saying he was doing a joke. But you see, Jones is proving a very important point, because “SNL” did a joke about how an Alex Jones conspiracy theory might be racist, which is unfair, so Jones should be able to “joke” and say to Baldwin that “I will break your jaw in seconds” and “My fists are going to be bleeding with your teeth marks all over them” and so forth. If you don’t see how Jones’s thing works as a “joke,” then you probably don’t even know how “funny” works.

Knock knock! Who’s there? Alex Jones will beat you on the face until you are almost dead! LOLOLOL! You forgot to say Simon Says! LMAO!!

Did y’all see the “SNL” sketch? You should watch it, or just read this little rundown from the Chicago Trib, so you can see what Yelly McPussyTown is having a conniption about:

In the sketch, Trump … puts forward a theory – not from FBI or CIA intelligence, but one he heard from Alex Jones of Infowars (“You know he’s legit because he’s always taking off his shirt, OK?” Trump says in the sketch).

“I actually heard the aliens are already here. They have been hiding in this country for hundreds of years,” Baldwin-as-Trump says. “It’s a fact. They’re shape-shifters. They look like regular people, but they’re aliens. Look, there’s one right there,” he says, pointing out black soldiers.

Jones was not done with his temper tantrum, though. He says it took him 30 minutes to watch the “SNL” clip, because he was eating jalapenos (???), and then explains he’s NOT mad at Alec Baldwin, punchy-face threats notwithstanding, he’s upset about the “sick world” Baldwin and his writers are “making for our kids.” HE’S NOT MAD, BRO.

J/K yes he is, but also he’s sad, because now people think he hates black people. Also for some reason he is suddenly upset with Bill O’Reilly as well, because he thinks O’Reilly called him a “sexual predator.” (No we do not know if O’Reilly really insinuated that, and no we don’t feel like looking it up.) Anyway, so now Jones is going to make punchy-punchy with both O’Reilly and Baldwin in the ring, because he’s younger than they are (he’s only 43 after all!), which means he is zippy and strong and BING BONG! THERE GOES ALEX JONES, whose masculine prowess is such that he has THREE PENISES, unless he has even more than that, and oh boy oh boy oh boy!

Dude, I don’t sit there and say that you hate black people. I mean what the hell man. Just because you dehumanize me, and want to go on the news and lie about me, or create some fictional character who you say is Alex Jones. You just can’t get away with that bro. So I’m not going to attack anybody unless they legally get in the ring with me. I guess bare knuckles boxing is illegal so, the point is that I guarantee you — I just am tired of these people, man. I’m tired of you writing checks you can’t cash, bro. I hope one of you actually takes me up on this. Alec Baldwin, supposedly a tough guy, Irish, I’m sure he is. I’ll take him and Bill O’Reilly on, because they are both older than me at the same time in the ring.  […]

I’m that pissed off, you understand that? I know that I want to punch you in the nose, do you understand? And when I want to punch somebody in the nose, I don’t ever lose. I love everybody, until they lie about me and my family. And so what am I supposed to do when you say that I’m a sex predator? This guy says I’m a damned racist? I’m tired of it man. You understand? I’m a person, dumbass.

ALEX JONES IS A PERSON, DUMBASS. He has feelings and a heart and a head, a shoulder, knees and toes, and sometimes when it thunders he holds his blanky a little tighter, and he literally cannot stop weeping every time he watches the end of The Notebook, which is every day, ALLEGEDLY.

For the record, Alex Jones has repeatedly declared that Alex Jones is not a racist person, even though he has been “racially attacked” 35 TIMES by the blacks and FIVE TIMES by the Latin Mexicans, not that he is counting.

Apropos of nothing, here’s a fun video compilation Media Matters sent us, of Alex Jones saying repeatedly that he is not bragging:

In summary, Alex Jones is NOT RACIST and he is NOT BRAGGING.

Did you like this post? We sure do! Give us a few dollars to help out, by clicking below!

[Chicago Tribune / Media Matters]

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  • Latverian Diplomat

    When did “macho” start meaning “throw a temper tantrum like a two year old”?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Seriously… I know some pretty “macho” dudes, and if anybody whom they don’t think too highly of throws shade their way, they’re totally like “Fuck that guy”, and then they go about their business.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      That is what macho means. Posturing, rooster strutting, hot air blowing caricature of masculinity covering for the snot nosed titty-baby inside.

    • Paganish

      When I was little, my father told me that “machismo” was Spanish for “stupid”

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Latverian Diplomat

      Extreme nerd joke:

      Classical logicians claim a false flag of a false flag is a true flag, but intuitionist logicians don’t accept this.

  • Anna Rompage

    I think Alex needs to lay of the trucker speed and steroids for a few weeks. Oh, and maybe seek out some mental healthcare too…

  • Inner Venom

    Oh! Thanks for posting an article about Alex Jones. I had almost forgotten to go out and take my daily whiff of the chemtrails.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Chemtrails prevent vaccine-related autism.

  • Someone gave the quintessential internet tough guy a microphone. It did not end well.

    BTDubs, my money’s on Alec, since he looks like he may have actually moved out of his chair at some point in his life…

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    If someone in a show gets pregnant and freaks out, and no one asks them if they’re going to keep it or mention abortion/adoption at all, and the show was made after a certain date (someone else is going to have to decide the date, I’m 20) the show is not feminist. I’m making that a rule right now.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Mentioning only adoption is not good enough, IMHO.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I thought I said or? That would imply I’m fine with one or the other (although abortion is preferred because it’s not the Middle Ages, although I’m pretty sure they had their methods as well).

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Yeah, I’m saying or is not good enough for me. Abortion should always be mentioned. Again, that’s IMHO.

    • BosGrl

      And let someone on TV actually have an abortion without a lot of hand-wringing.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        the show is not my taste but BoJack Horseman handled it really well.

  • TJ Barke

    “He Musten respecten dear Trumpenfuhrer!”

    • schmannity

      Misspelled Gropenfuhrer

  • JohnBull

    Jalapenos? Yeeahh, beer-battered and fried then dipped in ranch then fried again, maybe.

  • kindness

    Here is what I read when I saw this post:

    Alex Jones Will Fuck Alec Baldwin

    And I thought, well duh! Yea he would. I’ve seen him raving worse than any Xtasy spaced freak at a rave. That animal would take on anything that was too slow or crippled to get away. And I believe that.

  • John Lo

    This is what happens Alex, when you’re friends and wank-bros with the likes of Sean Sphincter and Insane Donald Trump.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Sounds like somebody needs a Xanax-soaked pacifier, a diaper change, and a nap.

    • schmannity

      Like those are bad things.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I mean, that’s pretty much how I like to spend the time between 3 and 5 in the afternoon.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Young, hot Alec Baldwin or present day hot in a different way Alec Baldwin?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh…..it’s on now! You mess with FOX’ and Turnip’s go-to investigative reporter…and the Big Guns are coming after you.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c0152a365e111175c37bc15bf00310df889671535ebbda283581d78bc14e60e5.gif

  • Alex Jones is a freakish wad of doughy derangement.

  • TJ Barke

    I wonder what it’s like to not realize that you and your side are, basically, the nazis…

  • JohnBull

    These guys don’t take winning very well. Imagine how they’ll react when they lose next time.

  • Vincent Ricola

    “My fists are going to bleeding with your teeth marks all over them. You frickin’ bully, you coward.”

    Jeesh. I feel both dumber and possibly meaner after reading this trashpile of Alex Jones crazy.

    • BadKitty904

      Didn’t Jones just prove he’s a bully and a coward?

      • TJ Barke

        Always projection.

  • BadKitty904
  • Treg Brown
  • Bill D. Burger

    Wouldn’t it be sweet if Alec knocked-out Alex, then tea-bagged him with his Schweddy Balls?

  • canes_pugnaces

    And for those of you who ran out of air sickness bags, or with compromised immune systems, I have a little Breitbart comment treat for you: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c5f4e313c85c084001c0b96c08be6221ebaf9a1a9355bbaacef474d629b422bc.png

    • TJ Barke

      Nothing deplorable about that…

      • canes_pugnaces

        Nope. Totally normal. Although I do recommend they stay away from my neighborhood in Harlem.

        • TJ Barke

          Just remember; liberals are the real bigots.

    • tomamitai

      Is that what was left after the moderators were done with it?

      • canes_pugnaces

        After. Before. During. My god. To think that’s what’s now running the country.

  • PixieThis

    He’s “only” 43????????? He needs to see a doctor, ’cause he looks like CRAP

    • Bill D. Burger

      Honestly, I would have guessed, at the least, early 60’s.

    • TJ Barke

      So they can commit false flags on him?! Give him diabetes and heart disease? No thank you!

    • Inner Venom

      White people age like those pumpkins you leave out a little too long after Halloween.

      • I dunno, I’m a 38 year old white guy and I look like I’ve got a rapidly aging picture of my self hidden away in my attic…

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Like when they get incontinent also too.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      It was the Jalapenos, not a stroke or heart attack…………..damn….

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    He seems nice.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I hope one of you actually takes me up on this. Alec Baldwin, supposedly a tough guy, Irish, I’m sure he is. I’ll take him and Bill O’Reilly on, because they are both older than me at the same time in the ring. […]

    So he thinks he can kick both Alec Baldwin’s AND Bill-O’s asses simultaneously? Dude, you’re delusional, they’re both bigger than you and stronger than you, and they don’t look like they’re about to stroke out. I would pay good money to watch him get his ass completely demolished.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I’ve always wanted to punch Sean Hannity.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Get in line!

        • tomamitai

          Is there a separate line to waterboard him for charity?

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I prefer to think of it as a concurrent line.

        • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

          That’s going to be a very long line of otherwise peaceful dirty hippies.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            …and angry dykes, and gay dudes, and computer programmers, and students, and etc…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Is the Alex Jones porn parody called Nymphowars?

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      Rule 34 says it is now.

    • tomamitai

      Nymphowhores FTFY

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Nightmare” is not even close to “parody.”

      You must have tried using your microwave/camera. The can opener is the one that turns into a spellchecker, duh!

  • Inner Venom

    Gotta love the irony of the people who tell everyone else to “suck it up and accept free speech” are often the ones whining about how comedy sketches are somehow an attack on them.

    • BadKitty904

      Without fail. Every. Single. Time.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “I’ll kick your ass right now, if you come to my house. Before dinner. But after 6:30, ’cause I don’t like to miss Wheel. And not today, ’cause I have to mow the lawn. And tomorrow I need to get a haircut. So, come on over, tough guy. I’ll be waiting. But not Wednesday; it’s supposed to rain. STOP BULLYING ME!”

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I envision an SNL running gag, where a shirtless Alex Jones just runs around on various non-related skits, punching the stage furniture…

    • BadKitty904

      But Chris Farley is dead…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Also, too, this would be a sad underuse of Chris’ talents.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Alex Jones, proud graduate of the Sam Kinison School of Deportment.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Well, shit!

    Today Alex Jones released another video where he says the challenge was just a joke.
    And he apologizes. Sort of … we’re not entirely sure what he’s saying.
    Something about frogs and aliens and the establishment.
    Eh.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDtAn4sq_nM

    • Beowoof14

      Probably afraid Alec would swing back and Alex would get a well deserved punch in the face. (With Votes of course).

    • canes_pugnaces

      How can anyone listen to that man. He sounds like an incoherent mental patient who swallowed a #10 file and chased it with a fifth of Rebel Yell.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      You do realize that’s 24:54 of Alex Jones, right? Have you been trumpified into looking continually into the abyss?…

      • Boscoe

        …and is the abyss staring back?

    • SayItWithWookies

      “SNL is a pack of lies!” Well — take that, so-called journalists at a weekly comedy show.

  • Inner Venom

    If you aren’t a racist, then why are you offended at some stupid sketch claiming you are?

    If you throw a stone into a pack of dogs, the one who hollers is the one who got hit.

  • SadDemInTex

    What is he on? Cocaine and steroids? With any luck he’ll stroke out pretty soon.

    • tomamitai

      Washed down with Italian mineral water.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Pure water………………or grain alcohol…….

        • tomamitai

          Didn’t some of those old time moonshiners use lead auto radiators as condensers? I think Alex may have been drinking some of that.

      • SadDemInTex

        Ewwwww

  • msanthropesmr

    Where do they find these people?

    • BadKitty904

      Well, when Reagan started shutting down the asylums…

  • WiscoJoe

    I may be a snowflake, but I only get triggered FOR CHARITY.

  • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

    Dear Alex “I Think The Massacre of Innocent Kids Was A Sham” Jones,

    Suck it up, snowflake.

    Sincerely,

    ~The rest of America

  • Beowoof14

    Alex, you fat bastard, you couldn’t fight with a Toy Story Woody Doll. Spare us the notion that you have enough physical strength to break anyone’s jaw. (And even if he gets his weight into the punch, there won’t be much there).

  • YoBunnyBunny

    at the 3:50 mark of the SNL video

    “Ohhh… okay… NO.”

    That was hilarious!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I’ll get in the ring with you and I will break your jaw, I will knock your teeth out, I will break your nose, and I will break your neck.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/68dd8d0fb4777c1e18fbd62b08227cd7649985170b90edb6b192e662cf1c2167.jpg

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Does Alec do yoga and pilates? I’d put my money on any man who does yoga and pilates.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Usually, if people are inexplicably taking their clothes off, that’s PCP, not meth. And they don’t gain super-human strength. Angel Dust numbs the body so they can’t feel all the punching and clobbering. I guess that would be useful in a bare-knuckle fight.

  • Mary Sandoras

    I’m not bragging, but I know an asshole when I see one Alex.

  • schmannity

    If I buy and take all of Alex Jones’ supplements and tonics, can I get a bloated puffy face too?

  • KnaveOfSwords

    regarding the Trumpcare fiasco, I have two solutions to suggest to our congress-critters (one serious, the other non-serious, and neither especially likely to happen)

    1: Attach a section to the law stating that all elected officials are required to use the government healthcare they’re proposing and aren’t allowed to supplement it in any way. If they need to get a treatment that’s not covered, they either need to rush through an amendment to expand coverage for everyone, do without, or resign. (In fact, I’m of the opinion that this wouldn’t be a bad idea even if this bill weren’t a complete shit-show.)

    2: Since Trump is insisting that both the 24 million people losing insurance that the CBO is projecting, and the 26 million that his administration came up with, are wrong, fine. Let him put his money where his mouth is. While campaigning, he promised that no-one would lose coverage, and that no-one’s premiums would go up. Promise to vote for his TrumpDon’tCare plan as long as it gets an add-on that says that Trump will foot the bill for anyone who would lose coverage, have to make do with less coverage, or need to pay more. Give the government authorization to seize any necessary assets from Trump, his companies, or his scammy foundation to cover those expenses. After all, since he doesn’t believe that this will actually have anyone losing coverage, and look how much cheaper it’s going to be, this shouldn’t be a problem for him.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      You’d have to make him pay up front, because his history….

      • KnaveOfSwords

        That’d be why my version included authorizing the government to seize assets belonging to Trump to cover it. We know he’d never actually pay up if given a way out of it, but that way, when Trump decides to be Trump and stiff them on the bill, they repo his plane, Trump Tower, Mar a Lago, his tacky hotels, any stocks in US companies, any accounts he has with US banks, and if necessary going all the way down to his ill-fitting suits, the mass of scotch tape he uses to hold his too-long ties together, his cans of spray tan, and that thing he calls a hair-piece.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    “Alec Baldwin is above your paygrade, Mr. Jones”.

    Sincerely, an unpaid unofficial and unappointed representative for Alec Baldwin.

    PS. An official spokesman for Mr. Baldwin is above your paygrade also too.

  • Sardonicuss

    I wonder if Alex realizes there are a lot of people who would pay good money to stand substitute for Baldwin if it involved the chance to shut that screeching mouth of his. (Jones’s)

  • Crystalclear12

    Could someone give him a thorazine lollipop or maybe hide it in his sausages?

    • Shoto

      How about one of those Marlin Perkins, bull elephant tranquilizer darts?

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    “InfoWads.cum”

    Worst porn site ever.

  • BadKitty904

    Alex should take up a calming hobby, like bird-watching, before he starts foaming at the mouth and chewing the carpet.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6a3144a213b614fa2aa489fa88fb89c92e6ecda58001a5ef46cb2fae543bf31a.jpg

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I’m a person, dumbass.

    Say, you know who else is a person?

  • OrG

    Oh Alec,please please please please,do it do it DO IT!!!!!!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Alec would kick his ass six ways to Sunday. The amount of money raised would be YOOGE.

      • OrG

        I’ll put down $20 right now.Which I cannot afford,but SOOOOO worth it.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I also can’t afford it, but would go without a few meals to do it.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Of course, Alex has one advantage that would force me to reexamine my tactics.

    That thick neck of his would make tal-shaya problematic as an opening move.

    “Excuse me, sir, a multi legged creature is crawling on your shoulder.”

  • memzilla Ω

    Ya know, if I want to hear what shit sounds like, I’ll just hold my ear to the toilet.

  • SayItWithWookies

    So remember folks — please don’t dehumanize Alex Jones by saying he’s a joke, or he’ll call you anti-human scum who needs to be eliminated.

    Oh, also, Alex — if O’Reilly calls someone a sexual predator, that’s probably a compliment. So he likely meant to call you a pedophile.

  • Inner Venom

    Hey Alex, when there are people killing and harassing Indian guys because they assumed they were Muslim (and in some cases killing them), maybe your boy Donny has bigger things to worry about than Alec Baldwin doing impressions of him.

    • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

      Oh, he does, but because our “President” is an easily offended shitgibbon he’ll still get pissed over Alec doing impressions of him while innocent Indian guys get harassed and/or murdered by skeered, misinformed dummies.

      • Boscoe

        Plus, he has PLENTY of time for those tweets while he rides to the next hole on his golf course.

        • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

          On the course and hotel that, to my knowledge, he still owns.

          (God, can we just kick these grifters out of our government already?)

    • Amelia

      On the other hand, this is Drumpf we’re talking about, so while he has bigger things he COULD be worrying about, he is definitely more angry about Alec Baldwin than about those rascally white supremacist types murdering people.

  • Crystalclear12

    This happens a lot, yeah, you can tell from the video.
    He missed his nap time.

  • Raan

    You know who else was a shithead who got into a physical fight with his critics?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Courtney Love?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Geraldo “Jerry” Rivera “Rivers”?

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      Tycho Brahe?

      • mardam422

        Oh that’s a good one.

      • Raan

        Yeah, I don’t know what that baby’s problem was. He was really being a dick.

    • Lizzietish81

      Sean Penn?

      • hendenburg2

        Still a shithead

    • BadKitty904

      Christopher Marlowe?

    • Amelia

      Justin Bieber?

      Oh wait, WAS. Bieber is still a shithead.

    • Undocumented Skwerl!

      Caravaggio?

    • Raan

      Uwe Boll.

    • Weevie

      Jesse Ventura woulda throttled Chris Matthews but Chris was always waaaay up in that booth thing.

    • Nockular cavity

      Hamilton! OK, only occasionally a shithead.

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      Steven Fucking Segal?

  • Lizzietish81

    “Have you sprunged wood in your pants or slidden off your chair?”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuX9mS5PWrU

    • tomamitai

      His voice always reminds me of Cornfed Pig from the old Duckman cartoon series.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Jesus, how much meat does this lardbag eat, to end up with that sort of pudgery, considering all that artisanal trucker speed he does?

    • BadKitty904

      He’s just big-boned. Starting with his skull.

    • Weevie

      From a historic batch brewed in Bannon’s ex-wife’s bathtub!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Not only would I love to get in a boxing ring with Alex Jones, I’d love to get in a boxing ring with someone who says “bro” in every goddamn sentence even more. C’mon Alex — this could be a twofer, and I’d only knock you out once.

  • Shoto

    What’s the over/under on Alex Jones suffering a full-blown aneurysm before he hits the Big 50?

    • Jamoche

      Not taking that bet – I was sure Rush Limbaugh wouldn’t last this long, but just look at him.

      • Isaac Heston

        No thanks.

      • Weevie

        Could have sworn Limbaugh started out as a comedian. Maybe not, anything sufficiently stupid is funny though.

        • mardam422

          Radio DJ. In my hometown, no less.

        • Jamoche

          Always took him for the kind of bully who says “What? I was only joking!” when called on it.

  • Sardonicuss

    That ridiculous affectation he does with his voice, that he thinks sounds macho but really just sounds….pitiful; could be used in combat training to incite soldiers to beat shit of the enemy.
    One sentence is all it takes to make anyone “punch-y”.

  • Flashman

    Alex Jones has got to be hung like a gerbil.

  • memzilla Ω

    When it comes to conspiracy theories, XKCD has Alex Jones beat by 12 parsecs.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c544eaa2243c03a7f57649191e81735224f3e3eda5e033614381e9e74ce25d74.jpg

    • Weevie
    • Keith Taylor

      I’ll take your word for it! I don’t follow XKCD, hadn’t even heard of it until now (I live in Australia). But if it really has Alex Jones beat by 12 parsecs, becoming familiar with it might do something serious to the structure of my brain — and at my age I worry about that already. Insane conspiracy theories are everywhere and like most other people I have seen some dillies on YouTube. (Evolution is a Satanic conspiracy that goes back 6,000 years to ancient Sumeria: Kent Hovind.) I can see how playing off conspiracy theories against each other might be fun when you’re young and resilient … but as I said, at my age …

  • Weevie

    Alec Baldwin, tough guy, bully, bro, coward, scumbag (and scum), metaphorically of course, and Irish, says alien shapeshifting sex predator, pissed off racist dumbass person and crybaby, Alex Jones, who longs for Glenn Beck’s MSM blackboard fame.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a6a0850643f5eec0689cd3fc29e30d043581ea8a70b6c3382e525fc7aeb7464c.jpg

  • Jamoche

    If Alec is busy, Buzz Aldrin could step in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wptn5RE2I-k

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Buzz Aldrin: MAN

      Alex Jones: Well, nothing, really

    • Lizzietish81
    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      Lemme hold your coat, Colonel.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Holy shit, that dude’s a freaking lunatic. I actually applauded when Buzz punched him. Never mess with an astronaut. They are the definition of badass.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The judge agreed with Buzz.

  • Jgb979

    He looks like a Sontaran from doctor who with a sunburn
    https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/images/ic/976x549_b/p00t6blw.jpg

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Oh he does! But still, Sontaran libllz!!!

  • BadKitty904

    Vera, that boy’s not right.

    ~ Aunt Pearl Burris

  • DainBramage

    To celebrate Pi Day, I’m making a quiche and one of my world famous blackberry pies. I can’t share those with you, so here’s the Dance of the Sugar Pi Fairy instead.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT6cf2Z1D2s

    • BadKitty904
      • DainBramage

        I LOVE PI!
        I LOVE PIE!

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      Mmmm, quiche. Maybe I’ll make one this weekend.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Love this!

  • There’s no effing way I’m watching that video at work, but can I assume from the still that Alex Jones is also SO MAD BRO at Jake Weber for the hilarious impersonation he is doing on this season of Homeland? Maybe he’s only mad at Weber’s attempt at a Texas accent, which is so awful that I initially thought it was supposed to be Australian. It reminded me of Jeremy Irons in the 3rd Die Hard movie, where he’s an Englishman pretending to be a German pretending to be a southern American of some sort. (Weber actually does a perfectly fine “no accent American accent”, but he needs to work on his regional variants, like, a LOT.)

  • The Grim Snark

    Snowflake has been triggered! Get him to a safe space now!

  • Jamoche

    https://moneyish.com/ish/this-is-joe-bidens-favorite-obama-biden-bromance-meme/?utm_source=COVER%2FLINE&utm_campaign=1bd61c4e13-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2017_03_13&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_61ae003a14-1bd61c4e13-

    When former Vice President Joe Biden first learned of the viral memes featuring him and Barack Obama, he “sat there for an hour and laughed,” his daughter Ashley Biden tells Moneyish. She would know – she’s the one who broke the news to her dad. His favorite one? An image of him and Obama hugging, above a caption celebrating their eight years of partnership.

    https://twitter.com/TheDiLLon1/status/788114505624612864?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

    • BadKitty904

      Proving, once again, that liberals are the ones with a sense of humor…

    • Rachel Book Harlot
    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      OHJB has been a real sport about all this, and it’s wonderful of him.

  • bookish
  • Edith Prickly
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    It would be nice if more journalists addressed this:

    https://twitter.com/JoyAnnReid/status/841717159642464261

    • BadKitty904

      While not perfect – nor was it claimed to be perfect – it was working just fine up until January 20th…

      • Jamoche

        It works really well with the Medicare expansion.

        • BadKitty904

          Because its Democratic architects were focused on genuinely helping Americans.

    • Edith Prickly

      Yeah. Somebody besides Charlie Pierce should be able to figure out what’s really going on… http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a53834/cbo-report-republican-healthcare/

    • pussygrabber in chief

      “Journalists” are too busy being upset that Donald won’t let them suck his dick as much as they’d like.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      THIS!

  • Edith Prickly
  • aktlib101

    The Brits have their own monsters to fight:
    “Britain is in chaos – and now the Tories may destroy the union”
    https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/mar/14/britain-tories-union-scotland-brexit#comment-94880966
    One reader’s (Buckquoy781) comment can easily apply to Democracies everywhere, currently under attack by unhinged Conservatism
    “It all feels pretty shambolic and acrimonious. What happened to the reasonably prosperous and tolerant country that rubbed along quite well under the bureaucratic but largely benevolent EU which gave grants to Welsh and Cornish regions that a Westminster government would never have done? EU health cards meant you could travel around Europe on Easyjet at low cost with free health care if you fall sick or you want to move and start a business in Europe.. Now all of that thrown out of window while we snarl at each other behind barricades. I blame the right wing a@@@holes who have never believed in the European project and all its maternity leave, equal pay and ‘green crap’ like clean beaches. Perish the thought we might have to clean our filthy city air-oh that’s Brussels Bureaucracy telling us filthy Brits what to do. after Brexit watch for all environmental rules laid waste by the Ultra Right Trumpsky lick- spittles like ‘Kim Philby’Rees Mogg.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Scotland is PISSED, and not in the two many tumblers of single malt sense.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        They have hookers there?…

      • AJ Milne

        Two many tumblers is not that many.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Many tumblers hold 16 ounces

          • Tacoclamgenda

            Are those the ruffin tumblers?

          • Beanz&Berryz

            They are when filled with whisky. Or whiskey also too.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      “shambolic”………………..mmmmm, words are so sexy……………..

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Here’s a shock–and by “shock” I mean “another example of the same old shit from Donald:”

    https://twitter.com/LOLGOP/status/841669418287542272

    • BadKitty904

      Well, who else did anyone expect him to help?

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Most of “the rich” are outright parasites. No better example than the Trump Crime Syndicate.

    • TJ Barke

      Because helping those that least need help makes perfect sense.

    • DainBramage

      🎵 Donald Trump, Donald Trump, slumping through the night.
      Donald Trump, Donald Trump, on his golden throne.
      He takes from the poor and he gives to the rich…
      🎵

      • Rags

        Stupid bitch….

    • georgiaburning

      Killing poors is one way to raise the median income. But killing the 1% and dividing their money is quicker. Just speaking on mathematical terms, you understand.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        We could probably get votes to get behind that.

    • Weevie

      Nail the poor, they won’t fight back. Great plan.

  • mardam422

    “I will, I’ll do it right now. I’ll get in the ring with you and I will break your jaw, I will knock your teeth out, I will break your nose, and I will break your neck.”
    I’ll do it! I will. I’m doing it. I’m doing it now. I’m getting in the ring. Nobody stop me, I’m doing it. Here I go, this is happening. I’m gonna do it.

    • OrG

      I wonder,any side affects connected with mixing Thorazine with meth?

      • BadKitty904

        “Steroids and peyote,” per Stephen Colbert…

  • Iam Reading

    He’s 43? I’m almost 10 years older but look 1/2 his age. He is doing it wrong.

    • boyblue123

      A steady diet of rage and hatred for others probably doesnt help the aging process

    • Me not sure

      IQ score?

  • JMP

    Alex, if you don’t want to be called a racist, you could just try not saying horribly racist shit all the time anymore; it works wonders.

  • bookish
  • undercover epicurean

    Alex Jones is only 43!? BRO.

    • Edith Prickly

      He’s 75 in lizard person years.

      • undercover epicurean

        Chemtrails will really fuck you up, man.

    • Raan

      Like I’ve said previously, he’s aged like a glass of milk on a table in Guam.

  • Rick Hill

    I blame Raygun. When he made the cuts that closed the mental health care centers, people like Jones are left to the mean streets and are a danger to all of us.

  • Me not sure
    • Jamoche

      Word association result from Jones and Toro: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqCQuiq6eOo

      • Me not sure

        Well played, mi amigo.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “What a gulli-bull!”

    • CindyinEncinitas

      And lay-deezzz! He’s sinnnglllllle!

      • Me not sure

        And always will beeee!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Ageism!!! He’s 43? ___ rotfl
    “Age is like a friend of mine that hit me from behind…”

    Spent the afternoon cleaning out our stables. My wife came through the runway and an interview with Rep. Jim Himes of Connecticut was on one of the overhead monitors. She said, “Hey! He looks just like you, only much younger.” I said , “Why thanks.” ___ Then she laughed, gave me peck on the cheek and walked out.
    __ It dawned on me. I ran to the end of the stables: “What do you mean MUCH younger?” ___ She laughed louder.

    http://ww3.hdnux.com/photos/14/00/21/3146870/3/920×920.jpg

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Mucking out can really age you.

  • bookish

    http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/03/14/520126949/planned-parenthood-would-lose-178-million-in-payments-under-gop-health-plan

    The Republican plan technically cuts off funding to Planned Parenthood for only one year. If the organization stops providing abortions, it will be eligible for Medicaid reimbursements again. But Richards said there is no chance that will happen.

    “We provide full reproductive health care for people in this country,” she said. “And even though abortions may make up a small portion of what we do, women and families and young people come to Planned Parenthood because they count on us to be on their side, and to provide them with health care they need.”

    Federal spending on abortions is already illegal, except in the case of pregnancies that are the result of rape or incest or that threaten the life of the mother, as NPR has reported.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Leaving you with this to pencil into tomorrow’s schedule:

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/841772302090031104

    • Jamoche

      “House Intelligence Committee stakeout position”.

      I suppose it has come to that.

    • Jenny

      “We’re calling a presser to let everyone know we sufficiently swept this under the rug. No questions. No questions. God bless Murica.”

    • boyblue123

      Nunes, who campaigned on Drumpf’s behalf, will surely give a non-biased opinion of the investigation

    • WotsAllThisThen

      As per the Trump & White style guide, “investigation” should be in air quotes.

    • BadKitty904

      WHAT “Russia investigation”?

  • Jenny

    I wonder if Alex puts his weight behind his punches. If so, does it knock him off balance???

    He probably owns a lot of Tap Out shirts. That would be a sight. Anyways he should go listen to moar nu metal and look for his aliens to talk to.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    You are worthless, Alec Baldwin!!

    https://youtu.be/cfOXhGbwdm0

    • hendenburg2

      See, that’s one of the things that really, really pissed me off about Team America.

      It’s a really, really old racist stereotype that people of any East Asian heritage can not pronounce an “L” and instead replace it with an “R”.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        You must have been offended a lot during that movie! They make fun of everyone.

        • hendenburg2

          There is a way to make fun of people (especially Kim Jong-Il!) without falling back on racist tropes.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            There certainly is. I don’t think that’s the South Park guy’s speciality. They do anything they damn well please and it’s funny to some, since they rip everyone and everything a new asshole, and offensive to others. The beauty of it all is everyone gets to choose what they do and don’t watch.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Raan

      Even the bathwater would have been an improvement.

    • bupkus23

      I first read that caption as “.. and kept the sock”.

      Which, if you think of it, works even better than Mae’s comment

  • OrG

    While it’s fun to mock this idiot, the scary thing is that he has a sizeable audience that takes him SERIOUSLY.

  • Shanzgood

    FUCK! Took me this long to compose my OT post and now it’s not OT any more. Sweet!

    I had a good job interview, I think. Except they made me ALSO fill out an application with the same info that’s on my resume. (Why?) So they left me in a conference room by myself for 10 minutes to do that using a skinny ball point pen on a single piece of paper on top of a pockmarked slate tabletop, so my handwriting looks like I have Parkinson’s Disease. Plus the HR lady left me with a coffee in a to-go cup but she didn’t put the lid on properly so I spilled it right in the middle of the crochular area of my brand new skirt so…nice.

    But I think we got along really well?

    I want everything to do with this job because it’s what I do, I like it, and I’m good at it. The company looks neat and their corporate culture seems really engaging and friendly and conducive to being inspired to do good work. The only thing is that the pay is meh. They’ve are offering significantly less than my last job, but to be fair my last job was pretty high so that’s not too terrible.

    It just bothers me that they (like so many other companies I’ve seen, I’m not picking on this one in specific) can advertise a position with such a detailed description of the skills and experience they require and then tell someone who applies for it – who is very well qualified – that the salary range is basically commensurate with what someone could earn as an assistant manager at a big box retail store after a couple of years out of high school (I’ve seen this). Oh, and also tell you flat out that you’re not likely to move up the corporate ladder from that position. Ever.

    I don’t mind the latter because, like I said, I like what I do and I’m content to continue to do it and do it well until I retire. I just get frustrated that this work is so consistently undervalued. I’ve been doing it for a long time and really think it should be worth more by now. You don’t have to train me and I’m going to be able to hit the ground running. I’m a PROFESSIONAL. You should be willing to PAY ME like I’m one.

    The problem is that the work I do in my field is traditionally considered to be “women’s work” so that’s why it’s expected to be done so cheaply all the time. It’s like hiring someone for childcare. They want to pay only X per hour whether they’re getting a brand new 15yo with no experience or a 50yo grandparent who knows their shit.

    • Jonny On Maui

      You told them your salary requirements, right? It all boils down to how much you liking the job is worth to you.

      Best wishes Shan. I hope this works out for you.

      • snark-lurker

        it is Kansas, so… …

        • Shanzgood

          True but…they live here, too, and want to live happy lives.

          • snark-lurker

            low unemplyment #s in KS? that would help

      • Shanzgood

        Yeah but…the salary differential isn’t more important than the life-happiness factor, so…

        • snark-lurker

          you gotta make a living. i know an IT guy makin 60k he hates pooters but journalists (his true love) donut make squat

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      What’s the position, if you don’t mind my asking?

      • Shanzgood

        It’s always hard to describe. Basically, it’s all the paperwork to do with building buildings and getting everyone paid to do it.

        That’s the basic start. There’s a lot more involved but if people aren’t getting paid, there’s not much point in the rest.

        • cats530

          Sounds like document control. I used to perform that function at “the world’s #1 chipmaker,” until they put the kibosh on the new building and I took my skills elsewhere.

        • Iron Monkey

          I did that years ago–it was called “Title Indemnity” because it was done for the developer of the project so that he would have a clean title with no pesky mechanic’s liens when it came time to refinance/sell. It was on the real estate service side of things–title insurance. I didn’t think it was still a thing, at least the paper chasing part, figured it was all done electronically with little human oversight.

          Kind of like mortgage servicing–oops, not exactly a good comparison.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      TL;DR

      (just kidding…actually did intensively skim!)

      Hope you nailed it, Shan!

      I’m pissed that your work is undervalued/under-compensated as well, but we know that’s because they want you as a exploited profit center. This is what it’s really all about. Personal loyalty means nothing nowadays.

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      That application-filling happens everywhere I’ve ever interviewed. I don’t know why, except maybe the application is the thing labor lawyers care about.

    • Sophia

      Hoping you get it. I do have to say that at least they were honest about the corporate ladder part. I think it’s a good thing to know if you are switching to a lower paying job and who knows, things may change in that area.

    • Weevie

      Best of luck, hope things work out.

      There are many skilled jobs requiring steady hands, superior dexterity and patience that women do MUCH better than men. Construction of practically invisible medical devices (cardiac stuff, e.g.) fabricated under microscopes is dominated by women, the pay is very good and these things truly do save lives. There are a lot of highly skilled technical jobs around if you can find them and can perform the work.
      So fuck all that girls can’t do shit, shit!
      And the plaid shirt crowd yearning for their grandparents’ black lung days.

      • Shanzgood

        Er, yeah, but I have a lot of years invested on the admin side so starting over is gonna suck. That’s why I’m so mad about feeling like the value of what I’ve invested so far is so insignificant.

        • snark-lurker

          (0)*

        • Weevie

          It does suck to start over and good luck again.
          I was OT of your OT, I suppose.

        • David Chaillou

          Play your cards and trust in karma.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      So glad it went well. You’re right about the explotation. So how can I still be amazed at the pay the same as. Big box asst. Manager given the work. Glad it’s working you really like so here’s hoping.
      BTW. The application thing is so they have consistent documentation. Not saying it’s right, just what is.

      • Shanzgood

        I understand the app thing. It was just frustrating.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Good luck to you! It’s galling to be undervalued for critical work, but if the culture is nontoxic you’re better off than many.

      • Shanzgood

        True!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      The salary thing is bullshit. They do that to intimidate women.

      • Shanzgood

        It’s just a “women’s work” thing. If men were the ones who usually cleaned hotel rooms, you know the pay would be a hell of a lot better. It’s that kind of thing. They’re just looking for who’s willing to do the work for cheapest.

    • David Chaillou

      NEVER have coffee or tea above any part of your body or belongings while on your way to an important meeting, unless there is a broad protective surface between the liquid and you/your possessions. A 12-inch horizontal safety margin should be considered a minimum. Add 6 inches for every vertical foot between the liquid and potential targets, to allow for splashes.

      If accident-prone, treat the liquid as aware and hostile.

      • Shanzgood

        Yes, well, I thought about that AFTER the fact. And I turned my skirt 90° so it wasn’t immediately visible. Not too much of a disaster, I hope.

        • David Chaillou

          Well, obviously that 90° thing wouldn’t work quite so well with suit pants. More discrimination against men.

          • Shanzgood

            Hot coffee in the crotch would probably also be worse.

          • David Chaillou

            We can’t compare, can we ? The great unknowable, what the other side really feels like.

          • calliecallie

            I can attest to the fact that many women’s blouses can also be turned front to back in the even of spillage before a meeting. More gender discrimination for you men.

          • David Chaillou

            I want a pay raise to compensate.

    • calliecallie

      Good luck! Hope you get it.

  • idiotboy

    Well he got one thing right, I am a dumbass.

    • snark-lurker

      i a idiot + dum bass

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    “Jalapenos?” Do methamphetamines come in “spicy??”

  • Sophia

    I’m a person, dumbass. Nah, he’s just a dumbass.

  • Foocatchoo

    Mike Pence can only hope Alex shows off his glistening man boobs more in the future, his secret closet-boner for Trump is fading and he needs something to recharge his libido…

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    You know what convinces me a man is a major fuckin’ badass who is gonna beat everybody up in a really impressive manner?

    When he talks all kinds of overly macho shit from the safety of nowhere near the person he’s gonna totally kill….later. Kind of like when my chihuahua barks at things from under the covers, against my hip.

  • FZsdaughter

    In other news, Glenn Beck is now making a living pretending to be sane and hugging liberals on TV.

    • BadKitty904

      Ew.

    • OrG

      Sounds like a better gig than Soros protester.What’s the pay grade?

    • Sophia

      Back on the meds huh. He was off again in whatever his world is a little why ago.

  • memzilla Ω
    • cats530

      How could I have forgotten about Pi Day? The first time someone said, “Happy Pi Day” to them I said, “Huh? It’s not Friday.”

    • proudgrampa

      I’ll have some Pi.

    • georgiaburning

      I like irrational numbers, when I was single I dated plenty of them.

    • House0fTheBlueLights
    • Weevie

      This may do me in:
      3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679821480865132823066470938446095505822317253594081284811174502841027019385211055596446229489549303819644288109756659334461284756482337867831652712019091456485669234603486104543266482133936072602491412737245870066063155881748815209209628292540917153643678925903600113305305488204665213841469519415116094330572703657595919530921861173819326117931051185480744623799627495673518857527248912279381830119491298336733624406566430860213949463952247371907021798609437027705392171762931767523846748184676694051320005681271452635608277857713427577896091736371787214684409012249534301465495853710507922796892589235420199561121290219608640344181598136297747713099605187072113499999983729780499510597317328160963185950244594553469083026425223082533446850352619311881710100031378387528865875332083814206171776691473035982534904…..

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Yo, Wonkette— Anti-Trump shirts? (that thread is as dead as my chance of ever being a millionaire, or in fact any aire with more than 2 zeroes in it)

    You do not sell this one, and I wonder why. Fox will hate it. It’s Real Math™, so the stupids will hate it, if anyone explains it to ’em.
    Simple, no artwork involved, even.
    How simple?

    2.868692 × 106

    That simple.
    If you make a million, buy me lunch…

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      Did you forget to indicate an exponent?

      • The Flaming Carrot

        Ah, now I get it. 10^6

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        No, Diqsuq forgot to display it. Lemme see if I can change that…

  • WotsAllThisThen

    ALEX JONES IS A PERSON, DUMBASS

    There’s your headline, right there. Proper headline grammar and everything.

  • Mary Sandoras
    • OrG

      Support the troops!

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        By saying the words “I support the troops”. It’s so easy!!!

        • RobKanC

          But he only supports the troops that are not caught. If they get caught then they are no heroes.

        • OrG

          Bumper magnet also too.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Think of how many “support the troops” bumper stickers we can buy with that $300 million!

    • Sophia

      FUCK! That’s all I can say.

    • Sardonicuss

      Grrrrrrr….

  • bookish

    Likely effects of Trump policies, displayed in charts.

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/14/politics/donald-trump-policy-numbers-impact/

  • mancityRed6

    So, Alex is the guy in the bar telling his friends to hold him back, and none of them do.
    Wait.
    “friends”

  • nightmoth

    I don’t understand why Alex Jones has a show instead of being in a mental health hospital getting the meds he so desperately needs. And if he knows what he’s doing, and is just an amoral grifter, then he should be in jail for fraud. I’m turning into a law and order liberal when it comes to liars like this—Book ’em, Dano!

    • Weevie

      An unfunny Sam Kinison.

  • Reality Kills

    Man, Jones dude is going to have a heart attack. Say hello to Andy when you see him.

    • Truly Madly Derply

      “Hell” being the appropriate syllable.

  • RobKanC

    I am pretty sure Baldwin will kick Mr. “Out of shape with all that bloviating so my body is mostly hot air” Jones’s ass.

    • Truly Madly Derply

      Especially if O’Reilly’s there to help out with his “combat loofah.”

  • bupkus23

    I’m sure it has been said here many times already – but it cannot be said enough:

    Fuck Alex Jones. Elaborate on that as you wish….

    • OrG

      With chainsaw votes!

    • Weevie

      That’s probably the closest Jones will ever get to that!

    • proudgrampa

      With a big stick?

  • Reality Kills

    The real shame from this is that Alex Jones thinks he has a president.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He’s unpresidented!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Hey, he may be the only one of us who really does.

  • bookish

    http://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-keith-schiller-taxes-irs-flynn-crowley-white-house-foreclosure-567860?google_editors_picks=true

    A government employee struggling with financial problems is considered a security risk, according to the Department of Homeland Security’s 2014 guideline on “insider threats.” Schiller’s troubled financial history also raises questions about the rigor of the security vetting process, which has periodically come under scrutiny since early January, when CNN revealed several instances of plagiarism by Monica Crowley, Trump’s pick for a top spot in the White House National Security Council. She was forced to withdraw from the post and her publisher deep-sixed her 2012 best-selling book, What the (Bleep) Just Happened.

  • unrelatedwaffle

    Alex Jones is the human equivalent of accidentally calling a fax number.

  • Weevie

    Jones is more or less just a typical blob.

  • Swampay

    I’ve noticed how small minded people attempt to respond to reason with violence. What the fuck, dude-bros?

  • cats530

    “He’s only 43 after all!”

    Really? He looks much older. As does Kellyann Conway at a supposed 50. Maybe that’s what Republicanism does to you…it ages you ahead of your time…and very badly.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      How many is that in human-years?

  • Wow…what a fucking whiny little snowflake.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I only lasted 10 seconds into the not-bragging video before I wanted to punch Alex Jones in the nose and get his teethmarks in my knuckles.

  • andyshelt
    • Nockular cavity

      I assume that will happen sooner or later.

      • RobKanC

        With the amount of iodine he drinks. I agree.

  • Mary Sandoras

    How cutting Planned Parenthood led to one of America’s biggest HIV outbreaks
    https://www.indy100.com/article/mike-pence-indiana-hiv-outbreak-planned-parenthood-needle-exchange-7628001

    • h4rr4r

      You can’t just buy syringes in half the states? What the fuck. My wife needs them for a medical issue and they are cheaper over the counter than with a prescription here. Very useful for all kinds of stuff. They should be sold in vending machines FFS.

  • aktlib101

    From The Guardian: “Republicans call kicking millions off their healthcare ‘freedom’? That’s perverse”
    “Trumpcare does nothing but serve the rich at the expense of the poor and the sick. This is no freedom – it is a form of oppression”
    https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/mar/14/republicans-kicking-millions-off-healthcare-freedom-perverse-trumpcare
    “And finally, what Ryan seems to see as Trumpcare’s greatest emancipatory element – the elimination of the ACA’s unpopular individual mandate – would simply be replaced by a 30% premium penalty, assessed by insurers, for those who spent time uninsured. As Patrick Henry might have put it: give me a continuous coverage premium surcharge as opposed to a tax penalty, or give me death.
    Unbelievably, Ryan sees “freedom” in all of this devastation.”
    Quoting Patrick Henry: priceless

    • RobKanC

      But this country was founded on the very principles of serving the rich at the expense of poor. what else do you expect from the GOP

      • aktlib101

        250 years to prove that Private health care is cheaper/better than a universal, National health coverage system. All other developed countries in the world have figured that one out already. We’re still trying, because freedomz

        • Chayne

          That is true, Here in Australia we have universal health care, works great and has kept myself and my dear old Ma alive well past her time.

      • h4rr4r

        Upholding traditional values. Like owning people and letting poors die in the gutter.

  • therblig

    the fact that alex jones would even have a million dollars is all that is wrong with america.

    • cats530

      I also find it obscene that Limbaugh and Coulter are millionaires.

      • therblig

        i wish i could get stupid people to give me their money. there are just so damn many of them.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Fuck. This client came in today to sign his divorce papers. He has millions. I’d never seen him before and in comes a too-tan guy in his 50s with a woman in her 40s and he is very inked up, very coiffed and very loud. After meeting with my boss for a few minutes, he bursts out of the conference room to take a call and he plops down on a chair in the lobby and starts loudly telling the caller that he wants that house. He’s going to get that house. And then he tells the person that everyone thinks HIS REALITY SHOW is “fucking hilarious.”

      • Weevie

        It’s obscene that Coulter is very intelligent and used if for that crap. The other two are idiots in the right place at the right time.

    • Ωbjectifier

      If I had a million dollars
      I would kick Alec Baldwin’s ass
      – with apologies to Bare Naked Ladies

  • Bill D. Burger

    Rarely seen Twilight Zone episode: “Total Idiot Transmitter (T.I.T)”
    Small town unrestrained loser and failed lab rat Derp Halfwit invents a device he claims is better than the internet and can instantly reach a third of the planet with paranoid drivel.He sends the prototype to Alex Jones at Info Wars to demonstrate to the world but things do not go quite according to plan.
    Starring Alex Jones as Alex Jones.

    https://i2.wp.com/31.media.tumblr.com/345b8c98e1cfd8891385b1e31907167f/tumblr_nkwvvxPTNG1sa11jco1_540.gif?zoom=2

  • memzilla Ω

    O/T: Oh, this is wonderful! As a follow-up to the guy who did the BBC interview that was crashed by toddler and LAND SPEED BABY WALKER RECORD-SETTING babby (How Many Feminists Does It Take To Shit On World’s-Most-Hilarious-Video-For-Real? One And It’s Very Funny!)NOW COMES PART TWO: THE REACTIONING! Guess what Dad’s biggest worry was?
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f0498c69d7ae2ffc4250010339596b5c30e84603169c5542c9d9fab7f36a452d.jpg

    • Moebym the Persistent Returner

      Gotta love how people just assumed his wife was his maid. If you’re an Asian woman in a relationship with a white man, you’re either the maid, or the mistress, or the trophy wife.

      Being an Asian woman, I did take offense at that.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Damn. He was wearing pants. I had hoped he was one of us.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I love that the bed is now gone.

  • Keith Taylor

    Yes! Agreed! Alex Jones is a person! Hath he not hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, feelings, passions? And if provoked shall he not display what a raving nutter with an exaggerated macho complex he is, on InfoWars to everybody? It’s been pretty much settled he shall. So let’s be tactful.

    • RobKanC

      But is he really?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I’ll go carbon-based biped, but that’s about all I can muster.

      • Keith Taylor

        Really a person? Wellllll … it’s understandable that you feel the need to give serious thought to that and be sceptical. So did I. Not completely sure yet. He’s unstable, frenzied and furious, as anybody except others of his own type can see, and as Peggy says below, he shows signs of having his own private meth lab … or maybe he’s just on his own naturally aberrant brain chemistry. It’s also possible that it’s a big hysterical act for ratings, from a cynical performer who calms down after every calculated, self-induced rant, goes home grinning, and counts his ill-gotten shekels. But if his craziness is an act, it is sure a convincing one.
        Still, considering all the unprincipled irrational repulsive people there are in the world, who are still persons, technically … benefit of the doubt?

  • Mary Sandoras
    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      aaawwwwwww! Pits are the best!

    • Sophia

      I love videos with dogs and kids. They make me feel happy inside.

      • Mary Sandoras

        I can get lost in animal videos all day, it’s heavenly.

  • nightmoth

    This is OT, except thinking of Alex Jones made me think of the National Enquirer, owned by a friend of Trump’s, which has been running virulently anti-Hillary and anti-Obama covers for months. When I’m in the checkout line at the grocery store I discreetly take the stack of Enquirers and turn them around backwards, then put a magazine in front of the stack. Out of sight, out of mind—just a small act of resistance to affect sales to rednecks, and improve my mental health.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Cool Idea! I haven’t seen the Inquirer at the stores I go to for…. ages. It’s a pile of other gossipy rags and I frequently have no idea who the person on the cover even IS.

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      you posted about this before, right? Because I ran with that idea at the safeway a week or so ago.
      Felt good. Real good.

      • nightmoth

        Yay! It’s pretty satisfying, huh? I walked out of Krogers last night humming a tune.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Baldwin ain’t ‘zactly a nice guy himself. And I think he tends to sue people. Before people fell all in love with him for that Show That Everybody Watched Except Me, he did some extremely abusive stuff to his kid and others that I don’t specifically remember now. Kim Basinger, I think?

    Also, isn’t it somewhat, um, dangerous to talk all about just HOW you’re going to fuck someone else, specifically, UP?

    • nightmoth

      Kim divorced him over his anger issues–I don’t think he ever got physical, but he yelled and cussed a lot, and she didn’t want their kids growing up with that.
      At least, that was the gossip in Athens, Ga., which is her hometown.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Yeah, he’s an asshole. But he’s our asshole. Frankly, we need a few more assholes. Like Rahm.

      • SayItWithWookies

        If he was an asshole like Rahm, but knew how to govern, and was a liberal, we’d have something.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Ah, Rahm. We kinda miss you.
        An oldie, but a goodie:

        WASHINGTON, D.C. – U.S. Representative Rahm Emanuel (D-IL) released the following statement in advance of delivery on the House floor:

        “Mr. Speaker, yesterday the President said we continue to be wise about how we spend the people’s money.

        “Then why are we paying over $100,000 for a ‘White House Director of Lessons Learned’?

        “Maybe I can save the taxpayers $100,000 by running through a few of the lessons this White House should have learned by now.

        “Lesson 1: When the Army Chief of Staff and the Secretary of State say you are going to war without enough troops, you’re going to war without enough troops.

        “Lesson 2: When 8.8 billion dollars of reconstruction funding disappears from Iraq, and 2 billion dollars disappears from Katrina relief, it’s time to demand a little accountability.

        “Lesson 3: When you’ve ‘turned the corner’ in Iraq more times than Danica Patrick at the Indy 500, it means you are going in circles.

        “Lesson 4: When the national weather service tells you a category 5 hurricane is heading for New Orleans, a category 5 hurricane is heading to New Orleans.

        “I would also ask the President why we’re paying for two ‘Ethics Advisors’ and a ‘Director of Fact Checking.’

        “They must be the only people in Washington who get more vacation time than the President.

        “Maybe the White House could consolidate these positions into a Director of Irony.”

    • Pisto75666

      Only if you don’t say ‘oops, just joking!’ afterwards.

  • Hey, Jones, could win the fight. After the second punch Jones threw, his heart would explode and the force of the explosion coupled with the meaty shrapnel might knock Alec out.

  • Ωbjectifier
  • BadKitty904

    The Chorus of Calls for Bipartisanship Has Fallen Silent Now That Trump Is President
    The pundits who wouldn’t stop haranguing Barack Obama to reach across the aisle seem to have lost their voices.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-pundit-shifting-standard_us_58c81198e4b0598c6699eda9?

    • Moebym the Persistent Returner

      Hmph. Democrats are always the ones expected to reach across the aisle, to take time to understand how Republican voters think. Republicans will behave how they behave because they can’t help themselves.

      Republicans are called the party of personal responsibility, but the Democrats are treated like the party of personal responsibility.

    • aktlib101

      After Chimpy’s brilliant presidency, I always hated the Dems and Barry bending over backwards to provide Bipartisanship. And voila! Look where this has gotten us. If in those 2 years of Dem majority they had rammed through the Congress a Universal Single Payer health care plan, they would have been hated by the right wing, but would now be heroes to those “rubes with healthcare”. It would be very amusing to watch Ryan and The Shitgibbon trying to dismantle such Single Payer system. Instead, we are in this horror show.

      • BadKitty904

        Sadly, I have to agree. “Bipartisanship” only works when there are two willing partisans. The GOP has not been willing or a partisan in American government for several decades now.

        It didn’t work for Neville Chamberlain in 1938 and it’s not going to work now. The Dems need to face the fact that the Republicans aren’t playing by the same rule-book.

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          I think Dems have to face the fact that Repubs have set the rule-book on fire and tossed it off a bridge.

          • BadKitty904

            Truly. If the Dems don’t start fighting fire with fire, they’re going to keep getting their asses handed to them.

            You don’t stop bullies with “sternly worded notes.” You stand up to them and keep standing up to them ’til they back down. And if they don’t back down, you up the ante…

      • Claire

        I also see half the liberals in America (it seems) falling all over themselves to make the exact same mistake Obama did – we should reach out to the Rs! If we just explain our positions calmly and rationally, we’ll change minds!

        Obama didn’t have any idea the kind of hatred, spite, and sheer booger-eating stupidity he was up against. We don’t have that excuse, but here we are about to refuse to learn from his mistakes anyway.

      • SterWonk

        https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/14/opinion/the-original-lie-about-obamacare.html?ref=opinion

        When Barack Obama ran for president, he faced a choice. He could continue moving the party to the center or tack back to the left. The second option would have focused on government programs, like expanding Medicare to start at age 55. But Obama and his team thought a plan that mixed government and markets — farther to the right of Clinton’s — could cover millions of people and had a realistic chance of passing.

        They embarked on a bipartisan approach. They borrowed from Mitt Romney’s plan in Massachusetts, gave a big role to a bipartisan Senate working group, incorporated conservative ideas and won initial support from some Republicans. The bill also won over groups that had long blocked reform, like the American Medical Association.

        But congressional Republicans ultimately decided that opposing any bill, regardless of its substance, was in their political interest. The consultant Frank Luntz wrote an influential memo in 2009 advising Republicans to talk positively about “reform” while also opposing actual solutions. McConnell, the Senate leader, persuaded his colleagues that they could make Obama look bad by denying him bipartisan cover.

        At that point, Obama faced a second choice – between forging ahead with a substantively bipartisan bill and forgetting about covering the uninsured. The kumbaya plan for which pundits now wax nostalgic was not an option.

        The reason is simple enough: Obamacare is the bipartisan version of health reform. It accomplishes a liberal end through conservative means and is much closer to the plan conservatives favored a few decades ago than the one liberals did. “It was the ultimate troll,” as Michael Anne Kyle of Harvard Business School put it, “for Obama to pass Republican health reform.”

  • Reality Kills

    That was a good SNL sketch!

  • Truly Madly Derply

    I think we have next week’s SNL cold open. Thanks, Alex Jones! And apropos of the brave new world, here’s a picture for ya’s. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7093cb08ded15440f068a5d2a5baa0e16caa2961dacd0c5adc9b4ad176af5483.png

    • Truly Madly Derply

      In perhaps the only humane accomplishment of his life, Trump has so far not posed topless like his 2 boyfriends, denying me the ability to create a montage of wtf. Thanks, anti-Obama!

  • JustDon’tSayDieInJail
    • Weevie

      Now that’s a boombox!

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        ik,r? I hadn’t seen the video before. There was at one time a fan video with My Little Pony characters singing the lyrics, but I can’t find it.
        Those guys kill me.

  • Sophia

    Ooh, looks like we have a bunch of that white, fluffy, lake effect snow blowing in. Maybe it will hang around long enough that I can haz a snow day tomorrow. Woo Hoo!

  • lucidamente

    Speaking of threats, I continue to be amazed by the forbearance of the parents of the Newtown victims. If I were one and some little wad of fuck used his show to say that the massacre was staged, I would find it very difficult not to buy myself an AK-15 (it’s in the Constitution, look if up) and end said wad of fuck. (With votes.)

    • Sophia

      Standing your ground

    • Weevie

      That’s amazingly sick and it’s been going on for a long time.

  • Reality Kills

    Erdogan may win that referendum next month. It’s going extend his chances for president at least until 2029. If they vote yes next month, Erdogan needs to run again for president. Right now 63% think he is good. Sorry Turkey. You are going to get Erdogan’ed.

    • aktlib101

      Like Russia got Putin’ed
      And we got Trump’ed
      Like they are all related. Common father?

      • Reality Kills

        Definitively same playbook.

      • Sophia

        And Netherlands may get Wildersed(?) That one is close.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
  • Bitter Scribe

    He says it took him 30 minutes to watch the “SNL” clip, because he was eating jalapenos (???)

    Hey, those things can give you wicked diarrhea.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I know a couple of people who were addicted to coke who ate jalapenos to get the same endorphin rush. But of course Alex was only smelling it.

  • Poly_Ester

    Alex Jones is to pugilism as Alex Jones is to journalism.

    • vh

      nice

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    How do people listen to this guy uncontrollably shart-raging like a live-action Tasmanian devil cartoon, and not facepalm so hard that it causes a sonic boom?

    I mean, how can anyone take this unstable wackjob seriously? How is it that people can profess being fans of his, and not suffer such withering humiliation they melt into a slurry and have to hide for seven generations?

    Obviously the world is not hard enough on fucking stupid ass idiot shitbrains. Seriously, we’ve become soft. We’ve been letting monsters squall and wail and tantrum and instead of knocking the fuck out of them for all the goddamn noise and trouble they cause, we’ve let media feed their spittle-spattered colicky performances like the worst helicopter parents spoiling their uncontrolled brat.

    • mackafritz

      Because the people who listen to this guy are even stupider. That’s why we have a congress full of morons.

    • Sophia

      They are full of rage themselves at the “unfairness of life” and the way they fix it is to let someone yell for them.

    • Weevie

      There are some really, really dumb fucks around.

    • Chayne

      Most of my family are fans of the Alex Jones Alien Shapeshifter Fanclub, I’ve had to move 800 kilometres away from the crazy, I feel it was the right move. Calm happy peace.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Good for you. Sanity is important.

  • Me not sure
    • Sardonicuss

      Hey..we have the same regimen!
      Famous people: They are just like us!

    • SterWonk

      It’s hypnotic. (And flawless! Well done, whoever created that loop!)

      • Me not sure

        Certainly not I, but yes.

    • honeywest

      Good GOD, Lemon!

    • Paganish

      I can haz never-ending booz too??

      • Me not sure

        Did you floss today?

  • Weevie
  • Bill D. Burger

    ot, but laughed at John Dean’s response to a question:

    Interviewer: “Mr. Dean you said Watergate was a ‘…cancer on the presidency’ How do you view this administration 50 days in?”

    Dean: “The difference here is that this entire presidency is a cancer.”

    • Weevie

      Our metastasizing presidency. nice!

      • HogeyeGrex

        So that’s why they’re trying to kill healthcare. Self-preservation.

  • BMW
  • bookish

    Jared’s tower isn’t gonna pay for itself…

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ivanka-trump-china_us_58c7e73ae4b0428c7f131cc1

    But did you know that even as President Donald Trump promised to create jobs by following “two simple rules: Buy American and hire American” in his January inauguration speech, huge shipments of his daughter’s line were reportedly on the way to the U.S. from China?

    More than 53.5 tons of Ivanka Trump-branded shoes, bags, and clothes were sailing to American ports in eight shipments “even as he spoke,” according to customs receipts obtained by French news organization Agence France-Presse.

    President Trump promised to bring more factory jobs to this country and accused China of stealing manufacturing work. But at least one shipment per business day of Ivanka Trump’s shoes and other offerings continues to be sent from China, according to the AFP investigation, and the Global Times reported last month that a Chinese factory has already received an order for 10,000 Ivanka Trump shoes for next season.

    In fact, “almost all of her goods are made overseas,” according to the New York Times. The paper reported back in Dec. 2016 that the brand outsources internationally to avoid “costly and impractical” factors involved with manufacturing in the United States. Ivanka Trump admitted in an interview that she “didn’t have any experience in production and manufacturing,” describing herself as an entrepreneur rather than a fashion designer. Her imported goods tracked by AFP were licensed by three different U.S. companies; one declined comment to the agency while the others didn’t respond. A request for comment from The Huffington Post to the first daughter’s company was not immediately returned.

    • SayItWithWookies

      In fact, “almost all of her goods are made overseas,” according to the New York Times. The paper reported back in Dec. 2016 that the brand outsources internationally to avoid “costly and impractical” factors involved with manufacturing in the United States. Ivanka Trump admitted in an interview that she “didn’t have any experience in production and manufacturing,” describing herself as an entrepreneur rather than a fashion designer.

      So Ivanka doesn’t design that knockoff crap that her company imports from China, and she knows nothing about manufacturing. So what does she do for this company, anyway?

      • Sophia

        She makes sure taxes aren’t paid and she also gets sued. Tough job but somebody’s gotta do it. She has a great mentor to show her how.

        Ivanka Trump Sued For Allegedly Copying Shoe Designs

        http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ivanka-trump-sued-copycat-shoe-designs_us_576ac4b5e4b09926ce5d54c2

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          Same thing her scummy old man does for HIS “businesses.” Slaps on the name and collects a cheque.

      • Weevie

        She’s not even an entrepreneur, just someone named Trump.

      • Iron Monkey

        Since she is an entrepreneur, she adds value to the products by entreprening or maybe trepanning

    • Jamoche

      Clothing factory jobs don’t register on the Trumpists – they only care about really manly jobs like coal, even though once upon a time fabric mills were a major industry here.

  • Weevie
    • Pisto75666

      THIS NEEDS TO BE A THING! (the fight, that is)

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    “12 yards long, 2 lanes wide,
    65 tons of American Pride!
    Canyonero! Canyonero!”

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/841779634257694720

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Dave Barry’s mythical American car: The Chevy Subdivision.

      • Sophia

        I love Dave Barry. Discovered him when I was in Miami and checked him out online when I came back here. I really miss his columns. My favourite was when he published a telemarketing company’s phone number.

    • aktlib101

      What’s the new, future standard? 6mpg? Plutonium cars?

      • Courser_Resistance

        No shielding of course. Russians don’t believe in fucking shielding – just ask any Russian sub-mariner. They leak as much radiation as Reaper ships.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        All vehicles must automatically be equipped to “roll coal”.

    • pussygrabber in chief

      “Smells like a steak and seats 35!
      Canyonero!”

    • Jamoche

      “Have fun trying to sell that here” – California, plus another 13 states that nobody ever talks about. http://mde.maryland.gov/programs/Air/MobileSources/CleanCars/Pages/states.aspx

  • Nick Scroggs

    Hell, I will fight Alex Jones for charity. I’m probably in better shape than him, how do we get this happening?

  • WomanInThePersistence

    I am pleased and proud to say that I have never, not once, clicked on anything that relates to Alex Jones. And never will. Life is too short.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Who the Fuck is Alex Jones? Looks like a gorilla in a man suit.

      • Jeffocaster in the desert

        Oooo….sorry Harambe….

    • BadKitty904

      Same here. I’m going to be 30 soon and I’m apparently already turning into a Cranky Old Man. My tolerance for this kind of rabid bullshit is getting smaller and smaller.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        You are the kind of theoretical nephew that would make any woman in the persistence very proud. Curmudgeons unite!

        • BadKitty904

          Awwww! That’s so sweet!

          Actually, “Theoretical Nephew” would make a great screen-name!

          • WomanInThePersistence

            It’s also, coincidentally, the name of my Thomas Dolby tribute band.

          • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

            Is that the one that just plays a 60-minute version of Blinded by Science?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Nobody ever accused us of having an excess of imagination.

    • Weevie

      I watched one of his youtube vids once, got to the Illuminati part, then closed it.

    • Clyde Barrow

      He was on Joe Rogan’s podcast a few weeks ago. I made it through about 30-40 minutes before I turned it off. He was drinking whiskey, smoking Joe’s weed, and acting erratically, going to the bathroom every 15 minutes for what I presume was another hit off the crack pipe, and I’m not being facetious.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Do YouTube poops mocking his weirdness and making him say he loves cock count? Asking for, err, a friend.

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        As long as that turd doesn’t get click-credit, is OK by me.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I guess Alex Jones didn’t learn the old saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” It’s not really true, of course, because words can be very hurtful, so I say “Go For The Gold, with Words, Alec Baldwin!”

  • Chadwells

    Baldwin can fight IRL. Jones would get his shit pushed in. I would pay a million to watch Balwin kick the ever loving shit out of Jones.

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      Thanks for the shirt! Maybe I can eat my own dinner after all.

    • BadKitty904

      Why is he dressed as Olive Oyl? Or do I not want to know?

  • bookish

    http://boingboing.net/2017/03/13/christ-what-an-asshole-3.html

    Trump, Sr is going to get to choose the next head of the US Patent and Trademark Office.

    Drone Aviation grabbed more than $700,000 in Defense Department contracts last year, according to the Daily Caller. The company has a tethered drone product and is bullish about the patent it has acquired to protect it, according to reports. Drone Aviation didn’t respond to requests for an interview for this story, nor did a top lawyer for the Trump Organization.

    Scrutiny of Trump’s businesses, now controlled by Trump Jr. and Eric Trump, has so far not focused on patents. But the Trumps’ collective view of patents could have significant effects on the tech sector. President Trump picks the director of the US Patent and Trademark Office, who serves at his pleasure. Even somewhat technical changes to Patent Office rules matter greatly. For instance, the different types of re-examination proceedings created in 2011 have had a huge effect on the economics of patent trolling, with relatively low-cost inter partes re-exams having been effective at knocking out many types of patents. Tweaking the inter partes process in favor of patent holders could give a big boost to the patent enforcement business.

    https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2017/03/macrosolve-donald-trump-jr-s-favorite-patent-enforcer/

    • Weevie

      Great, he’ll be approving patents for iphone strip mining.

    • BadKitty904

      So, will TrumpCo be selling American patent info to Russia, China, or both?

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        No worries. Those patents are bullshit. Trying to patent the concept of filling out a form on a portable device. Even the East Texas court all the patent trolls love said, “yeah: no, that’s not an invention.”

  • Begin Anew Day

    “…I meant that metaphorically.”

    The old tried and false Ted Nugent “Metaphor” Defense?

    ***Yaaawwnn***

    Get back to me if you ever have a creative thought in the brain-free zone you call your skull Alex.

  • Run2Live

    Please, please, bring back MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch.
    A Jones/O’Reilly/Baldwin three-way would be hysterical.
    https://youtu.be/gha-P7Dsi_E

  • aktlib101

    Who says there is nothing new going on in the world:
    “Vibrator maker ordered to pay out C$4m for tracking users’ sexual activity”
    “Canadian manufacturer We-Vibe collected data about temperature and vibration intensity, revealing intimate information without customers’ knowledge”
    https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/mar/14/we-vibe-vibrator-tracking-users-sexual-habits

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Soooooo, it’s not the microwave you need to watch out for. Good to know.

      • aktlib101

        A CIA dream come true

    • Swampgas_Man

      Why didn’t the CIA think of THIS?

    • mancityRed6

      “…collected data about temperature and vibration intensity…”
      why would you even…
      nope, not gonna ask. I don’t wanna know.

  • Begin Anew Day

    Macho snowflakes with feelings Alex?

    REAL MEN have no feelings. Didn’t donnie teach you anything?

  • Clyde Barrow

    In my experience, the loudest, most arrogant wannabe tough guy in the bar usually goes home beaten and bloodied by the end of the night. They usually go on to snivel to the police afterwards of how they got “jumped” for doing nothing wrong.

    Alex Jones reminds me of that loud, arrogant wannabe tough guy in the bar.

    • mancityRed6

      blowhards are a dime a dozen, it’s the quiet ones you have to watch.

      • Clyde Barrow

        Yeah, that guy who sits in the corner, speaks softly, and moderates their liquor is the guy that usually tunes guys like Alex Jones up at the end of the night.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I must hang out in very nice bars.

      • Clyde Barrow

        I prefer dive bars. I just can’t get into clean, trendy, microbreweries playing dubstep.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I actually prefer dives myself. It’s just that any actively assgressive asshole would be ignored by the regulars. Because they just don’t care to play that game. And dubstep is the soundtrack in hell.

        • mancityRed6

          In ’09 the ex and I went to Hays Kansas, the town she attended college in. It’s a little dot on the road where the wind never stops. There was a fancy restaraunt/brewery, with “award winning beers”. We ate there once and that was it. We spent more time across the street in a little hole in the wall called “The Brass Rail”
          Darts downstairs, nice little bar upstairs. And they were open on the Fourth of July.
          Good times, good times.

          • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

            Hays is on my route from Tulsa to Colorado Springs. Odd little place and you’ve got that right about the wind.

          • mancityRed6

            if you ever have a chance and haven’t, stop in. the fort is still original and on a hill top overlooking a lot of land. we watched a storm roll in and it was gorgeous. also, the buildings are sandstone and there is graffiti gouged into the walls from as far back as the late 1800s or so. I think some was from the soldiers who were garrisoned there.
            and you definitely have to see the fish within a fish fossil at the Sternberg museum.

          • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

            We will do it, if we can stand the heat on our way down from the mountains!

      • Kiri the Paid Protestor
        • WomanInThePersistence

          Hey, I like both country and western!

        • Ωbjectifier

          The Good Ole Blues Brothers Boys Band.

    • Whose tiny penis never gets any bloodflow.

    • honeywest

      I worked in bars for years. This is the asshole in the parking lot lying in his own vomit at the end of the night.

    • Persistent Demme

      Yep.
      My dad was 6’9″, and never had trouble from the big guys, just the little “Napoleons” or roided out wannabe tough guys.
      He never would rise to their bait.
      Although once he ended an encounter with a mouthy dude by disgustedly stating: “I’ve broken matchsticks bigger than you.”
      My brother, (6’10”) has had the same experience.

      • Clyde Barrow

        Holy cow, your family is tall!

        • Persistent Demme

          Yes they are!
          I tell my husband all the time that he should be grateful for my tall genes mixing with his short ones, and creating normalish-sized people!
          (Our girls are 5’6″ and 5’10”)

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    DJT still wants us to believe 3 million illegals voted for HRC & yet not a single microwave oven managed to snap a photo of it?¯_(ツ)_/¯.— JΞSŦΞR ✪ ΔCŦUAL³³º¹ (@th3j35t3r) March 14, 2017

    • BadKitty904

      DJT is also crazy as a rat in a tin-can.

      • Courser_Resistance

        His brain is a bag of cats

        • mancityRed6

          cats libelz!
          his brain is a gimpy hamster on a rusted wheel that no longer turns.
          the hamster is just bored and gnawing on things now.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            The hamster is also mangy, and grouchy. And apparently lives on Donald’s scalp, poor thing. The poor thing is the hamster, obviously.

        • Fritz1964

          Or hammers…

  • Kiri the Paid Protestor
    • mancityRed6

      one of the only reasons to get up on Sunday mornings once my parents stopped making me go to church.

  • bookish

    https://mediamatters.org/blog/2017/03/14/legal-questions-abound-stephen-bannon-s-shady-address-book/215661

    Seemingly, all Bannon-connected companies are currently — or were, until recently — registered to the same Beverly Hills address, and the financials are managed by Rodriguez and his partners at Freemark Financial.

    Federal Election Commission (FEC) reports also show Make America Number 1 — a pro-Trump super PAC ran by Bannon and Trump confidante Rebekah Mercer — paid millions of dollars both to Glittering Steel and to Cambridge Analytica, which was also used by Donald Trump’s presidential campaign. And though Cambridge Analytica has no publicly listed address in California, the super PAC payments were curiously sent to the Bannon-centered Beverly Hills address, prompting legal complaints of campaign finance violations. Newly amended FEC reports show Make America Number 1 continued to pay Cambridge Analytica at the Wilshire Boulevard address throughout the fall, raising a host of questions about whether financial transactions centered around Bannon’s office are all above board.

    Make America Number 1’s Payments To Cambridge Analytica Went To … Bannon’s Beverly Hills Office

    Rebekah Mercer is a multimillionaire GOP mega-donor with ties to Bannon and several other allies in Trump’s inner circle, including Kellyanne Conway, David Bossie, and Trump himself. She and her father Robert are major investors in Breitbart News (to the tune of $10 million) and the Government Accountability Institute, and they’ve employed Glittering Steel — all Bannon-affiliated groups.

    Robert Mercer is also the principal owner of Cambridge Analytica, which specializes in “political microtargeting,” and Rebekah Mercer reportedly “used her influence in Trump’s circle to ensure that Cambridge Analytica … would be brought on board by Trump’s campaign team.” The Trump campaign ultimately utilized Cambridge Analytica’s services directly.

    • BadKitty904

      If America had a functioning government any longer, it’d be kept busy for decades to come investigating and prosecuting the unprecedented corruption of this Administration and the GOP Congress.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7ebdc94f2acabebe36fcde4ecc2eb27d7612e7f4d54c2e96823cc14cb053623d.jpg

      • RobKanC

        Hahaha.. Functioning government.. *snort*. That died in 2010.

        • BadKitty904

          Well, I did say “If“…

          • RobKanC

            I like your optimism.

          • BadKitty904

            The chamberpot is half full, not half empty!

        • mancityRed6

          2010? I’m thinking ’94.

    • OrG

      Corrupt nazis.Wow!

  • LarryHoudini

    I think even Daniel, lowliest of the Baldwin brothers, would be able to kick Alex’s flabby ass.

  • aktlib101

    Heh, more brilliant man-first heroes:
    “A far-right Polish MEP who said women must earn less than men because they are weaker, smaller and less intelligent has been handed an unprecedented punishment by the European parliament.”
    His logic is flawless:
    ““Of course women must earn less than men because they are weaker, they are smaller, they are less intelligent, they must earn less, that’s all,” he said. “Do you know how many women are in the first 100 of chess players. I tell you, no one.””
    The more you know.
    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/mar/14/polish-mep-janusz-korwin-mikke-punished-saying-women-less-intelligent-men

  • Begin Anew Day

    Yo Alex!

    Bill O’Reilly didn’t say you were a sexual predator. He said you were a giant PUSSY!! ARE YOU GOING TO LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THAT SHIT? He’s out there saying you are a giant pussy and all you do is sit at your desk with the whiney voice and your fuming.I guess Bill O’Reilly was right for once in his miserable life.

    S’matter Alex? Are you afraid of Bill O’Reilly?

  • honeywest

    Jack Donaghy never loses, Alex.

  • frrolfe

    I’m a straight oldz. Every time I see Mr Jones I get strange feelings in my swimwear area. Thank God I’ve just been told it’s only tertiary syphilis.What a relief.

  • Mavenmaven
    • Count Awesome

      Needz moar matching grillz!

    • HooverVilles

      Awesome!

    • ViveLaPersistence

      Needz moar duck tape.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    OK, lessee if I got it this time

    2.868692 × 106

    Nope…

    Evidently Diqsuq doesn’t support the superscript tag. Oh well.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      I just write it as 10^6, and not try to mess with superscripts.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        Yeah, but I was going for appearance, this being a shirt graphic idea and all. Say la vee…

      • mackafritz

        Or as 2.868692E6 in scientific notation.

        • pussygrabber in chief

          Again, I was told there would be no math.

  • Michael R

    Alex Jones Will Fuck Alec Baldwin

    Would you watch this ?

  • Count Awesome

    Alex Jones looks like he already has his boxing match with Alec Baldwin and lost.

  • Nick Scroggs

    OT, something I wrote to some Randroid guy on a Patheos article, “McMansion Hell”, not sure if it’ll be approved because it says “Pending” so here it is for your enjoyment: “That it is a place you figured as a mark for basically saying “I am
    right and you libtards are dumber than hell!” That it is a place where
    you thought you could spew the same Randroid crap and call others idiots
    when they point out flaws in your circular loop of a brain.”

    • Weevie

      They’ll never understand it.

    • Doug Langley

      Wait – the trolls have returned to Patheos? Why didn’t someone tell me?

      • Nick Scroggs

        It was someone named Isaac Lewis, I thought I saw you there too, actually.

  • Weevie

    Six subtle signs of intelligence

    Trump has…..none of them

    https://www.indy100.com/article/six-subtle-signs-of-intelligence-7627346

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Brian Cox!

      *nerd swoon*

      • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

        He’s like a real life Buckaroo Banzai. *echoes swoon*

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Was bummed when one of his shows left Netflix.

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        Yes, yes, YESSSS!

        Pardon me.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          I completely understand. Do you need some bunk time?

    • georgiaburning

      So the cats subvert, and subjugate the smart ones. Good thing there is one form of intelligent life on earth.

  • Count Awesome

    It’s easy to say you’re a tough guy when you look like a bloated drunk.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Even easier if you ARE one.

    • gullywompr

      An AR-15 will do that for your ego every time, works like a charm.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      He’s fucking O’Reilly at the Bar…

      • Weevie

        I love Dan Hicks! “The dog goes bow wow wow wow wow wow wow!”

        Hah Hah!

    • Lambsendbeds

      IK,R? I can’t fucking believe that he is only 43. I guess he’s like a reverse Dorian Gray, instead of the portrait showing all the ugliness within, it just shows directly on his actual so-called face.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      The only part of his reflection in the mirror that he see’s in from the neck up, he doesn’t need self awareness.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    If Alex Jones didn’t exert such a pernicious influence on certain segments of American society, he’d be downright hilarious. Jeez louise.

    • Count Awesome

      He’s like bad dental care.

  • bookish
  • shivaskeeper

    You know, in my time I have met quite a few people who could kill someone with their hands of feet and with minimal effort. One thing they all had in common was they didn’t go around challenging people to fights, and they never, ever bragged about it.

    What an ass.

    • Count Awesome

      Welcome to Bluster-dome.

    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      Some of the nicest people I know could break your neck with one hand. I’m glad they’re my friends.

  • HooverVilles

    Guess who the real snowflakes are.

    • capnkrunch

      Racism is over so calling someone racist is always false and the worst thing you can say to someone.

      • Isaac Heston

        George Zimmerman is part Mexican. Checkmate libtard!

  • The Other Tim

    I’m not racist! That Irish guy must be a tough guy and wanna fight me.

    • Count Awesome

      He must be really popular in South Bend, Indiana.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        He thinks the Notre Dame logo is a photograph.

  • Wild Cat

    Alex Jones at home, showing his machoness:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPIfgPbvJ18

  • bookish

    http://www.salon.com/2017/03/14/intelligence-expert-malcolm-nance-on-trump-scandal-as-close-to-benedict-arnold-as-were-ever-going-to-get/

    How much damage has been caused to the American people by Trump’s Russian gambit? Most important, are Donald Trump and his advisers working in support of Russian interests and against those of the Unites States? Are they traitors? How did this all transpire?

    In an effort to answer these questions, Salon recently spoke with Malcolm Nance, a career intelligence and counterterrorism officer for the United States government. In his more than three decades working in that capacity, Nance served with U.S. Special Operations forces, the Department of Homeland Security and other agencies. He has worked in the Middle East, North Africa, the Balkans, South Asia and sub-Saharan Africa. A frequent guest contributor on MSNBC, Nance has authored several books, including “The Plot to Hack America: How Putin’s Cyberspies and WikiLeaks Tried to Steal the 2016 Election.”

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-russia-timeline_us_58c2eec2e4b054a0ea6a744e

    http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory/key-members-trumps-circle-scrutiny-russia-ties-46112302

    • Count Awesome

      Putin is playing chess while Trump can barely grasp “Candyland”.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        Donnie can’t even play checkers. He just tries to eat the pieces.

        • Count Awesome

          “These black ones don’t taste anything like an Oreo! There isn’t even any cream filling!”

          • therblig

            yesterday over on dead breitbart, the faithful were extolling trumpy’s playing multi-dimensional chess with ryan and the rinos. they really are so incredibly stupid.

          • Count Awesome

            Must be a chaos theory thing: Trump makes a move and there’s a disaster somewhere else.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            You really need to be more careful with your associates. And there is no such thing as “multi-dimensional go fish”.

          • shivaskeeper

            I saw that as well. I went there just to see the comments. I have seen some cognitive dissonance in my day, but that was at least an order or magnitude above anything else. The idea that DJT was playing some sort of long game of policy maneuvers with ZEGS was… pretty astounding.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
  • Reality Kills

    “Bankers who want to run for office are in luck. A powerful lobbying group has launched a training camp designed to help bankers become politicians.

    The American Bankers Association started taking applications on Tuesday for its first-ever “candidate school.” The pilot program is open to any banker who wants to run for state or federal office.

    The biggest bank lobbying group described it as a “comprehensive two-day program” that will take place, naturally, in Washington, D.C.”

    -CNN Money

    Worst idea ever! Bankers becoming politicians in two days! The last thing we need is bankers as politicians.

    • ViveLaPersistence

      As a banker, I approve your non-comment. Worst. Idea. Ever.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Has buying them stopped working?

      • alpacapunchbowl

        My thought exactly. Politicking is SO much work.
        Plus, no point in knowing how to run for office once the conservatives gut the government.
        Still it is pretty funny if this is their answer to She Should Run, Vote Run Lead, etc.

    • DahBoner

      Bankers becoming politicians is like taking yourself out on a date….

      There’s a 100% chance you’ll get lucky.

  • Puck

    Snowflake needs his safe space.

  • ViveLaPersistence

    This is specifically for Shit fer Brains Commenters to be Deleted at A Future Date: I would bet cash money that Alex Jones blows his load too early every single time.

    • Count Awesome

      He needs to sit on his hands until they fall asleep then.

    • Weevie

      Never gets that far, Propecia victim!

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      Cartoon ponies last longer than Alex Jones and have bigger dicks.

    • RobKanC

      I put money on Can’t get it up.

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      Considering his BMI, I can’t imagine him being able to get even a seminars. The only loads he is blowing are likely to belong to someone with a wide stance.

  • ariel_gee_398
    • ViveLaPersistence

      Rachel wouldn’t lie.

      • ariel_gee_398

        I’m guessing either business or relative, not Donnie’s, though.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Someone live, aaaahhh, make note like things that aren’t comments for those of us without cable. Please…. *Said in pleading voice.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Wait. It wouldn’t be legal even if leaked would it?

    • bookish

      I read an article– can’t remember citation– that said tax returns as complex and potentially explosive as Trumps’ are closely held within the IRS, among a very few expert IRS employees.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Read same. Still, can’t believe not hacked yet.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          If he’s pissed off enough people in government, I could see someone deciding to leak them anyway. (I wasn’t even trying and the piss and leak appeared.)

    • DahBoner

      I got a hankering to go rafting on the RUSSIAN river all of a sudden. High cash flow, I bet…

    • TJ Barke

      Something tells me it’s going to end up being anti climactic…

      • bookish

        A drip here, a drab there…it adds up.

        • TJ Barke

          I’m not holding my breath.

          • Snopes Shop

            I’m with you. Pessimistic unless proven otherwise.

      • Thiazin Red

        I feel the same about it.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      With any luck, this will make The Pentagon Papers leak look like a wet diaper.

    • RobKanC

      Could be Tiffany Trump’s. You know the one everyone overlooks.

  • Holly

    Will someone please tell me how we are “dehumanizing” a guy that isn’t human?

    • Count Awesome

      It’s more projection with these assholes.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        It’s ALWAYS projection with these assholes. FIFY.

  • jaspersdad
    • Snopes Shop

      my stars

  • bookish

    https://newrepublic.com/article/141272/trump-russia-story-not-diversion

    Pursuing the Russia story is a retreat from politics, only if it is framed simply as a matter of Trump having ties with Russia, and not connected to Trump’s ideological agenda. But the story is organically linked with other aspects of Trump that deserve critique. Trump’s mysterious ties to Russia can’t be divorced from his secrecy about his finances, his affinity for autocratic politics, and his desire to upend American foreign policy in the pursuit of an Islamophobic agenda. The Russia story is not a distraction from developing an anti-Trump politics, but central to the case against him.

    As for worries that the story will amount to nothing, it’s worth noting that this has already been disproven. Flynn’s resignation was a major defeat for Trump since Flynn was one of Trump’s closest senior advisers. Given the evident skittishness of the Trump administration around these issues, Flynn likely won’t be the last to go. In any case, even it were politically desirable to stop the Russia story, that’s beyond anyone’s power, including Trump’s. The issue is in the hands of law enforcement agencies, the intelligence community, and Congress. Trump opponents will have to figure out how to respond to the unfolding news, but there’s no question that it deserves notice, and ought to be leveraged responsibly to further discredit the president.

    • TJ Barke

      The ties to Russia are related to the ideological agenda, shown in his similar disdain for democracy and affinity for authoritarianism.

  • DahBoner

    I’ll get in the ring with you and I will break your jaw, I will knock your teeth out, I will break your nose, and I will break your neck.

    It’s got a good BEAT…

    But can you dance to it?
    https://media3.giphy.com/media/VNF7YegY0DMwU/200w.gif
    With all that blood flying around

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      Worst LL Cool J cover video ever.

  • DainBramage

    Back in 2009, our mendacious VP Mike Pence voted against the recognition of Pi Day. My guess is that he would vote for a bill that defines Pi as equal to 3.
    http://gizmodo.com/reminder-mike-pence-voted-against-recognizing-pi-day-1793270767

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Rounding down does seem to be his specialty.

      • Count Awesome

        And GOP wives specialty is to be on top cuz their husbands can only fuck up.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Please imagine a pony gif going “ba dum, dum”. I am not good at gifs.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Utah Congressman Jason Chaffetz said on Twitter that he could not support Pi Day as “just one day,” adding that “it should go on forever.”
      Leave the nerd jokes to the nerds, curly.

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        e can’t ‘elp ‘imself…

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      B.S. Johnson libelzzzz

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    What do you get when you cross Wayne Tracker with Carlos Danger?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Chlamydia *and* herpes?

    • ViveLaPersistence

      Cracker Wanger?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I was going for “Hitler with a hard-on” but I think I like yours better. Crank Wanger also has a certain appeal.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Dammit. “Crank Wanger” was going to be the name of my male protagonist in my new Western erotica novel.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      A sudden heartfelt desire for celibacy?

    • pussygrabber in chief

      Dick Trickle?

    • Ωbjectifier

      Painful Rectal Itch?

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      The heartbreak of psoriasis?

    • Isaac Heston

      Abstinence education?

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      Hoofwanking bunglecunt?

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      A pedo that actively denies the science behind the profession of time?

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Poison oak in your whatevers?

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Mary Sandoras
  • Sophia

    Start working in your list of suggestions so that you’re ready when they invite us.

    Presidential Executive Order on a Comprehensive Plan for Reorganizing the Executive Branch

    (b) The Director shall publish a notice in the Federal Register inviting the public to suggest improvements in the organization and functioning of the executive branch and shall consider the suggestions when formulating the proposed plan described in subsection (c) of this section.

    https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/03/13/presidential-executive-order-comprehensive-plan-reorganizing-executive

    • thewalkindude

      Eliminate the Judicial and Legislative branches?

    • Left Coast Tom

      Is L’il Donnie aware that the cabinet department organization is specified in law, by Congress?

      I guess I could have stopped typing with “aware”…

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    what’s up Wonkenauts!

    How is everybody?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Mildly nauseous with a side of anxiety, the same as every day since November 9th, 2016.

      • snark-lurker

        same hear

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Hear, too.

    • Sophia

      Great. It’s looking like I may have a snow day tomorrow. How you doing?

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        it was a rollercoaster today! Started bad – got really good – a brief interruption of bad – more good!

        The bad stuff was puny, I’m happy about the good stuff today!
        Thanks for asking.

        • Sophia

          Hey it ended good. If you nail it at the end that’s what they always remember.

          • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

            Something about the dismount…

        • Tacoclamgenda

          How’s the job?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh, see above.

            I did some work I’m proud of today – got nipped at for some shit that, eh, I see their point and will defer to them to say it’s important. I don’t see why they got so het up about it, but there it is.

            All in all, fine – I’ve got some interesting assignments I’m generating some interesting results on!

          • Tacoclamgenda

            All in all, sounds good.

    • snark-lurker

      mixed

    • TJ Barke

      Meh.

    • Shanzgood

      Exhausted

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Broke. Literally no money for groceries.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Well shit. Are you going to be ok?

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Sent out some invoices to people who weren’t due to pay for another 2 to 4 weeks, explaining the situation and asking for them to pay early. I’ll pull money from the tax set aside for health care payment, but that’s never a sustainable plan. Four new clients kick in from mid April through July, but I think I’m going to need to eat before then. Meanwhile, the ex is on his third (fourth?) European vacation in the past 20 or so months.

          • Take care

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            oye, that’s awful. I”m sorry things are so bad. I think we’ve all been there.
            Best of luck to you.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Ex sounds charming. Yes, sarcasm.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        God, this sucks. Don’t even know what to say.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Wonkenauts? I am new to this word. And doing very well, thanks. How are you?

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      “The first ten million years were the worst. And the second ten million: they were the worst, too. The third ten million I didn’t enjoy at all. After that, I went into a bit of a decline. ”

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Blissed out.

    • shivaskeeper

      Welcome back. I see you are doing good at the job, which is awesome. Although it seems to be cutting into your Wonkette time.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        it is, I’m usually very tired. I want to commisserate, but then again, the last thing I want to do is stare at loads of characters on a screen.

        I’ve been coming home with headaches from focusing too hard. Plus there’s chores to do.

        How are you SK?

        • shivaskeeper

          Still upright and breathing. All is good on this side. Get rest, get adjusted to the new schedule. Anytime I had to do OJT it was more draining than doing the job, as there is so much more to worry about while I was learning.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, sounds a bit like what I”m going through. I mentioned one of the people in my office (but who’s not on my team) is the past president of hte local paralegal assocation. I told her, “Well, I”m not sinking, but I’m not swimming either.”

            Best wishes to ya.

    • Still at work for another 45 minutes.

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      Requirements-writing hell. See ‘OfficeSpace’, except they make it look more fun than it is. Still, about to put the longest doc into the Out box, so there’s that.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        aye, my big fuck up at hte law office isn’t the damn law, it’s the filing procedures and cover letters.

        Oy vey.

  • Truly Madly Derply

    “I’m a person, dumbass.”
    Assumes facts not in evidence.

  • ViveLaProtestPayments
  • Andy_Kreiss

    I wonder how long InfoSnowflake spent looking up what kind of boxing is illegal so he could make his “challenge you a million bucks!” make believe and rhetorical.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I actually find it highly amusing that the show undoubtedly (perhaps surprisingly) has legal counsel, and the poor attorney had to break it to him that bare knuckle brawling is illegal. Alex Jonestown Massacre must keep that legal department reeeeeal busy.

      • I am assuming it was they who told him to take down the pizza stuff after that dork shot the place

        • alpacapunchbowl

          “After that dork shot the place”
          It’s not necessarily a *good* legal team, lulz

      • Andy_Kreiss

        I’d disagree on how that worked. I’m guessing Jones checked with legal first, to make sure he couldn’t be called out on his wimpy bluff.

        The whole thing is just weird and delusional. “I’m gonna tear that guy a new one!” Is metaphorical. Graphic details about bloody teeth and hands, and a donation to charity, is just crazy talk.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Oh he’s totally nuts. I don’t think his blustering is performance art.
          You could be right, I have to think they run the “scripts” or outline of the episodes by legal first. Thing is though, when he goes off on one of his rants like he does, that’s gotta be all rage stroke-y ad libbing. I wouldn’t want to be the one to suggest a 5 second delay, much less contradict him when he’s foaming at the mouth.
          I mean, he might make you get BBQ with him! Shudder.

          • Andy_Kreiss

            No, he’s nuts, but a coward, too. He knows he’d never actually fight anybody.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Well sure. Anytime someone is huffing and puffing and blustering like that, you know they’re an all talk no action garden variety coward.

    • Crank Tango

      Sounds like his first choice was cockfighting.

      • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

        I’m sure his first choice definitely involved cocks…

      • cuck fighting

      • Andy_Kreiss

        “Metaphorically “?

        • Crank Tango

          Or whatever.

          • Andy_Kreiss

            SWM
            In Show Business
            DTCF
            NO drama queens, or Lizard People. I like metaphors, but don’t really understand them.
            Let’s party!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’m sure waivers could be signed if he was really serious about bare knuckle brawling. Or why not just meet behind the bleachers with no fanfare and duke it out?

      • Andy_Kreiss

        Of course he was never serious. He’s another alt right Snowflake, pretending to be a man at his microphone or keyboard.

        For a second, before going all “LOL! Metaphor!”

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    1 Secretary of State Rex Tillerson warned this week that President Donald Trump’s administration wants the U.N. Human Rights Council to undergo “considerable reform in order for us to continue to participate,” according to a report published Tuesday.

    2 The Trump administration is moving ahead with plans to make it easier for the CIA and the military to target terrorists with drone strikes, even if it means tolerating more civilian casualties, U.S. officials told NBC News.

    1 + 2 = T↑

    where T = the number of terrorists

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/report-rex-tillerson-trump-threatens-to-withdraw-un-human-rights-council
    http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/trump-admin-ups-drone-strikes-tolerates-more-civilian-deaths-n733336

    • ariel_gee_398

      I mean, he’s basically Uncle Sam on the ISIS recruiting posters.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      In a couple of more months, I may consider signing up with them…and I’m a WOMAN.

    • WeaselPoo

      “…even if it means tolerating more civilian casualties,”
      I’m just going to assume this idea has complete “buy-in” from the “more civilian casualties”—after all they’ve tolerated the regular casualty bit so far, but now there’s going to be more, and who doesn’t like more, huh?!

      • Sophia

        Would you like that Supersized?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      gee, where are all the BoBs and Stein dupes? Isn’t this their cue to whine about what a warmonger Hillary is and how she’s no different than Donnie?

      Hey Sarandon, GFY…

      • You know what the Stein-whiners think, having a repressive regime will speed the glorious revolution

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    TFW your client stiffs you and the health care bill is due.

  • Snopes Shop

    Apparently Maddow’s got fuckface’s tax return?

    • Lesser Tiffany

      Yeah and I don’t get off work until 6 PST

      • Snopes Shop

        Not sure why we have to wait for a TV news/entertainment outlet to release what is We The People’s Right.

        • Lesser Tiffany

          I KNOW. I commend Maddow’s tenacity here but I wanna know nowwww

          • snark-lurker

            We all need an upper of some kind tonight & the sooner the better & TRMS…<2 hours but WTF IS JOURNALIZIMS?

          • Snopes Shop

            Right? Not sure why everything is a goddamn reality show now.

        • shivaskeeper

          It’s not our right unfortunately. He is right that there is no law or rule that obligates him to release any tax returns. It has been done as a courtesy since Ike, to show no conflicts of interest, and has become something of a tradition, but no one has to release anything.

          That probably needs to be changed and made into a requirement.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Holt crap, really?

      • Lesser Tiffany

        Yep, according to her twitter

        • WomanInThePersistence

          OMFG!

    • And Drumpf’s too!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      “Trump tax returns” could mean one of the lesser Drumpfs, or some corporate one.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Was anyone else creeped out by Ryan and Pence nodding and clapping in unison, while wearing the exact same outfits:
    http://www.cnn.com/2017/02/28/politics/donald-trump-congress-speech/

  • Reality Kills

    I want a Donnie chatbot. It’s easy to design. Just a mindless chabot that makes no sense and says stupid stuff.

  • Crank Tango

    That was not easy to masturbate to.

  • Reality Kills

    BTW, I am a chatbot. RKChatbot.

    • TJ Barke

      I knew it!

      • Reality Kills

        I know you suspected it all this time!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Nope. You are our own RK. And while it was a bumpy road at first, you are definately one of us.

      • RobKanC

        Wow.. It hurts a little.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          We all hurt a little. And RK is one of us.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            He’s a little weird, but there’s no law against that. Otherwise, he fits right in…

          • Kiri the Paid Protestor
  • Rachel Book Harlot
    • WHOA if true!
      Did Marla dish a few more from the 90’s?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        My guurrl.

        • I figure they are reaching in the bottom of the barrel to distract from the shitty health care thing.
          Trump don’t know they are TOTES fine with throwing him under the bus. He about to find out.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Stupid fuck.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        It’s maybe from the 60’s when he was delivering papers while the chauffeur drove the Rolls.

        • BosGrl

          Hey, I gave mom a percentage!

      • Rachel Book Harlot
    • RobKanC

      Could be Tiffany Trump’s. You know the one everyone overlooks.

      Edit: I swear I posted this before. But I guess disqus blows.

      • bookish

        You did. It does.

    • OrG

      I don’t have the cable,but I know you guys will tell me all about it.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      I’ve been in somewhat of a pain cave following my surgery, and have been avoiding political news. But this has me fired up. I’m tuning in, Rachel!

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Awww. I’m sorry to hear that, Saxo. I hope you feel better soon.

        • Saxo the Grammarian

          It’s getting better, actually! I’m off the serious pain medicine now, and what I’m dealing with is a persistent (and annoying) ache in the surgery area. Thanks for your kind words!

    • HazooToo

      Ohohhohohohohoho, my god, we will need a surprise bonus Wonkette liveblog for this!

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Yes! Someone make it so!

        • bookish

          I will send a special love donation to Wonk Overlord Donna Rose!

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            Me, too!

    • Chayne

      Awesome. I wonder how that was achieved.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Gah, I don’t have cable! Dammit!

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Don’t worry, I’ll find a youtube vid of it and post it for you.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Thanks, that’s so sweet of you! I just don’t want to wait for it to be uploaded to the youtubes.
          It’s almost like Christmas morning!

    • bookish
      • HazooToo

        Interesting, but WHERE THE HELL WERE QUESTIONS LIKE THAT WHEN TRUMP ASKED THE RUSSIANS TO HACK HILLARY?!

        • bookish

          Well, yeah, but Hillary was shrill…

    • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】
  • memzilla Ω
    • HazooToo

      Dat me.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Embrace the Green Side.

  • anon_the_great

    Make Long Pig of him and feed him to the Trumpanzees. Oh, I was just joking when I said I would gut, clean and roast Alex Jones then serve him to swine. I meant that metaphorically.

  • Count Awesome

    Alex Jones would lose a pissing for distance contest with a woman.

  • Snowflake wants his safe-space NOW!

    Oh, I was just joking when I said I would break Alec Baldwin’s back, or neck. I meant that metaphorically.

    Say, what is threatening to break a guy’s jaw after calling him to a fight inside a ring, a metaphor for?

    • shivaskeeper

      It’s a metaphor for, “Oh shit, I fucked up and that could be taken a threat by someone who probably has better lawyers than I do.”

  • Alec, demand he make good on his offer.
    Seriously.
    I could take this douche who thinks he can take on old guys because he is 43.
    Hell, BIllo could take this douche on.
    DO EEET ALEX. And while he splutters tweet endless “Cuckcuckcuck” at him

    • Mary Sandoras

      9 pm tonight on her show. Maddow just tweeted it.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        Hope her polonium vaccines are current.

        • TJ Barke

          Not how that works… She best keep a Geiger counter handy.

    • suziq

      Wow, that would be great!

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Apparently with some journalist tax expert

      On @maddow I'll break a big story about Trump and his taxes – 9PM eastern via @DCReportMedia Ill be on @lawrence, too.— David Cay Johnston (@DavidCayJ) March 15, 2017

    • Bill D. Burger

      “We’ve got Trump tax returns,” is noticeably different than stating “We’ve got Trump’s tax returns.”

      But…..Oh, I will be hopeful!
      https://d30y9cdsu7xlg0.cloudfront.net/png/54856-200.png

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    which means he is zippy

    HEY!! et tu, Evan? You’re a day early, anyways…

  • Reality Kills

    Donnie is pressing on his wiretapping claims! Oh man, this is going to be a ….. interesting. I think S. Spicer is going to be gone in two years. He already looks on drugs. I can understand. Tough job.

  • Hey, whoever transcribed that, you put a comma in an incorrect place.
    It should read “I’m a person dumbass”
    You are welcome

  • Anna Rompage

    Jesus fucking Christ swallowing Mohammad’s love load, is every single figurehead of the right wing a full blow bully ass lunatic?

    What the fuck happened to these people to make them so fucked up in the head?

    • They didn’t get laid but were not smart enough to become smart nerdy ones that get the girls when they get rich?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        They also weren’t smart enough to start dating the nerds.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Milo was molested as a child by a priest, Roger Ailes had a drunk, vicious father who beat him, Paul Ryan and Jim “Creme” DeMint’s fathers died young, god only knows what happened to the rest of them.

      • So basically absent fathers?

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          …and welfare queen mothers, and repressed homosexuals showing them love in a forbidden way.

          • Damn. It really is all projection with these fuckers

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Some people become empathetic to the suffering of others when they suffer, and then you have Republicans.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Yup. Always.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Apparently, at least one all too present father. And you know what? Maybe I’m just a bitch, but I don’t actually care. Because while I genuinely feel bad for people who have suffered, and want them to find peace, finding peace by treating other people like shit does not in fact work for me. It’s one thing if you’re a kid, but these are supposedly grown-ups.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        My parents were abusive and I still understand and have my humanity. I think they traded theirs away.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          People who were abused usually go one of two ways – 1) Develop empathy for other people who are suffering 2) Become abusive pricks themselves.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            My comment about selling their souls still stands.

      • shivaskeeper

        Not buying that at all. All sorts of people have a shitty childhood and still manage to turn out OK.

    • shivaskeeper

      A lot of them are bullies. If they aren’t threatening you in person, they are threatening you with their god,

      As for the lunacy part? Have you seen them?

  • Sophia

    Aw, I feel so bad for him

    McCrory: ‘People Are Reluctant To Hire Me’ Because Of HB2

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/mccrory-people-are-reluctant-to-hire-me

    • Anna Rompage

      You mean negative actions upon your part have actual, real world consequences?

      • OrG

        Reverse Discrimination!

        • Anna Rompage

          Someone needs to call this muther fucker a whammmmmbulance, stat!

      • shivaskeeper

        Wait a minute. Are you saying he should have to take some personal responsibility for his actions? The hell you say.

        • Anna Rompage

          But not in that way that they blame poor people for being poor and tie it to personal lack of responsibility…

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      More likely because it exposed what A idiot he is.He was part of that Rethuglican “deep bench” that turned out to be a derp bench.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      I’d hire him to clean public toilets. If he does a good job, after five years we’ll give him a brush.

    • I love how he is still blaming other people for what he has done.
      I am not a bigot, really! I just wanted a law that made one small section of the population humiliated because I don’t understand or like em!
      But it is all liberals fault that I can’t get hired.

      Where are the fucking bootstraps, Pat? Where is the personal responsibility?

  • Chayne

    Just curious everyone, can someone explain what happens if your orange gorilla elpresedente is impeached along with pence the vice, what happens if the whole republican administration is taken down for corruption? Who steps up and runs your country? Do you call for a new emergency election? What about the millions who voted for these idiots? Will they not react? Could this potentially lead to a civil war? As bad as it is at the moment, things could spiral out of control and throw the world into an end of times war. This is all very bad, damned if you do and dead if you don’t.

    • Thiazin Red

      Ryan would be next.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Well, yipee.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        The thing is, the entire election, which includes who got to be Speaker, is under question. So how do you say “oh someone stole the election, so we’ll just give power to the OTHER people who were in on it.”

        • Chayne

          That does not solve the corruption problem, I think they are all in on it.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            Yes, that’s exactly what I said? So SCOTUS needs to come up with a solution, because the current options still reward the criminals.

        • shivaskeeper

          The election itself is not under question. The results are the results. No one seriously believes the ballots results were hacked or other wise corrupted.

          The disinformation prior to the election, the possible collusion of and entire campaign, if not most of an entire party, with a hostile government is under question. The conflicts of interest are under question.

          The only one who has tried to call the election results into question was DJT himself when he claimed 3-5M illegal votes.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            So, manipulation and propaganda by a foreign government doesn’t count because no votes were purportedly “stolen” (leaving aside so-called legal voter suppression). Oh, well, by all means, let’s leave the people who immorally benefited from that in place, because that’s not completely fucked up.

            And no, I know longer believe that there was NOT manipulation, beyond voter suppression, of those 70,000 votes. Sorry. Not buying what you’re selling anymore.

          • shivaskeeper

            I clearly said the information warfare happened. I have never not said that it didn’t happen. I have never claimed Russia was not involved. I said I though the GOP was at best deliberately ignoring the foreign interference, at worst actively colluding. I never said none of that should be ignored.

            All I said was the ballots were most likely not tampered with at all let alone on any kind of large scale therefore the results are as they were counted. People voted the way they voted. Hillary won the popular vote by 2.9M but it doesn’t matter. The EC failed to do it’s job. and that does matter, but I don’t think anything will be done about it. There is no way you, or I, or anyone else can look back now and say with any kind of surety that those 70K would have voted differently so toss the results and we get a do over.

            We have no mechanism in our laws to declare the election illegitimate and hold another one, The only mechanism we have in place is the order of succession.

            I never even touched on voter suppression, ID laws, or gerrymandering. All I said was the votes were counted as they were cast.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      We’re all hoping we can figure out a way to call an emergency election but we’re afraid that won’t be the case since their is no method for a new election of the president.

      • snark-lurker

        we donut need a mergency lection, the real winner is just a riot away (hrc)

      • shivaskeeper

        The would fall to the the next in the chain as laid out in the constitution. There will be no new election.

    • OrG

      The Constitution lays out the order of succession.Too lazy to google it.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        VP-Speaker-President Pro Tempore of the Senate, which is Orrin fucking Hatch. I think that’s followed by SecState, and then other Cabinet.

        • Vienna Woods

          Ryan is before Hatch.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            Yes, that’s what my comment says: Vice Prez, then Speaker, than PPT

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Interestingly enough, Truman is the guy who thought Speaker and President Pro Tempore should be in the line of succession.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      There is a Constitutional solution, which would involve a certain degree of SCOTUS magic, and a push-through Constitutional Amendment, which might happen if things were bad enough.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Read Josh Marshall’s piece today on the runup from WW1 to WW2, and it’s even worse…

    • DahBoner

      Highly unlikely. No need to worry about Trump getting impeached. The answer is never.

      • Chayne

        I don’t know about that, everybody loves controversy, why do you think they cover wars so adamantly? Something has gotta give.

        • DahBoner

          I don’t know. Republicans have infinite capacity to ignore facts. I even had a Republican tell me that the fact Reagan did Iran-Contra was “controversial” (he admitted it on a speech on TV).

          They’re not going to kill the goose that makes them rich.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Wow, this Republican is the worst.

    • TJ Barke

      Aot,k?

      • zerosumgame0005

        IK,R?

    • snark-lurker

      well that’s a radical opinion

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Currently watching Chris Hayes.

        • tapp_my_wire,please

          and Hayes wisely cut him off before he could sing the virtues of tort reform

        • snark-lurker

          mee too

  • Anna Rompage

    I just read that team tRump directed the EPA to no longer include climate change analysis on environmental impact reports….

    ignoring climate change doesn’t make it go away, but Donnie already knows
    that doesn’t he, and his intentions are much more nefarious, aren’t they?

    • Count Awesome

      It’s the same plan for healthcare. Ignore it and hope it won’t kill you.

    • Chayne

      I would say yes, refute climate change and use it as a tool to kill millions by proxy while shifting the blame to scientists and democrats. Your president is a murderer and an evil rich bastard. I hope he gets aids and dies.

      • Yr. Gma

        From votes?

        • Chayne

          Aids from votes? How does that work?

          • Yr. Gma

            Have you read the commenting rules?

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      The standard modern Republican tactic with any data they don’t like. Like a kitten hiding its head, what they can’t see won’t hurt them. Gonna fuck up the rest of us, though…

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I wonder what Ivanka thinks her children are going to do when they need to breathe?

      • snark-lurker

        buy canned processed air

    • shivaskeeper

      Five agencies I know of will pretty well ignore any bullshit like this. The four services plus the Coast Guard might officially agree, but will not comply. They have to operate in the real world. The Navy and CG for damn sure worry about sea level rise as it changes coastlines and hazards. Can’t land an AF plane is the runway is flooded out.

  • Sophia

    I have n idea why the turtle is showing here. The video is Schumer.

    https://twitter.com/ABCPolitics/status/841736572596772865

    • shivaskeeper

      That’s how bad the bill is. Even he can see it.

  • Reality Kills

    Most conservatives don’t have enough IQ to have sense of humor. They always get mad when you make fun of them.

    • OrG

      Or don’t even realize.

      • Reality Kills

        Ha! That reminds me of that Nirvana song, In Bloom!

  • Anna Rompage
    • Thiazin Red

      I do think some people will be disappointed because they seem to think tax returns contain information that they don’t. Tax returns wouldn’t have net worth, or details of loans. I’m 100% sure it would show that he didn’t claim anything for charitable donations, but they’ll just say that he gave without claiming it.

      • Anna Rompage

        But they can, and often do show sources of income, investments, and outlays…

        • ANNG14

          Yep and all that Russian money pouring in.

      • ANNG14

        So why wouldn’t Trump release them?
        Oh I know, he has a lot to hide.

        • Thiazin Red

          I think he does have a lot to hide, and that there are probably some things which are embarrassing. I just don’t think the returns will contain the information people think they do, or be a smoking gun. I think it would be great, but I’m not going to get hyped up about it.

    • snark-lurker

      <30 min. to find out

  • HazooToo

    Again with Kellyanne’s appliances. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibOkPx_Ej30

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Alex Jones is a festering boil in need of a lancing. He can go fuck himself with a turbo prop engine…

  • shoeflyin

    Rachel Maddow says she has Trump’s taxes omgomg

  • Blender_415

    Anyone seeing that Maddow just said she has the Orange Shitgibbon’s tax returns?

    • shoeflyin

      YES

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Am I going to need chocolate or a candy cigarette for her show tonight?

      • Anna Rompage

        You’re gonna need a bottle of champagne, and some chocolate covered strawberries!

        • HazooToo

          I got a giant bottle of amaretto and some chocolate lava cakes

      • snark-lurker

        my crutch is party-size bag of M&Ms and tiny-twist pretzels

    • Chayne

      The question should be, how did she get those tax returns, legally or otherwise? And are they his actual returns or a modified version?

      • HazooToo

        My questions are “are they real” and “will they help impeach him”

        • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

          I want the answer to be, “they’re real, and they’re spectacular”

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Someone below suggested Marla.

      • shivaskeeper

        One of the legal eagles can correct me if I’m wrong, but if they were handed over to her show, she should be covered legally. He is a public figure now, so isn’t really entitled to the same privacy the rest of us are.

    • bookish

      She said she had Trump tax returns. There are lots of Trumps.

  • shoeflyin
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Shit! That’s conflicting with my Real Housewives of Beverly Hills schedule.

    • Bill D. Burger

      This is going nutz’ on Twitter. I’m certainly going to wait and see exactly what Rachel has.

      https://twitter.com/DavidCayJ/status/841801318939398145?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

    • Bill D. Burger

      MSNBC also displayed a “Trump Taxes Countdown Clock” prior to the airing of Maddow’s show.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Hmm so maybe the real goods?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Love this: Rachel Maddow has recently been enjoying a massive ratings bump, outrating every other primetime show last week.
      The host, who is open about her left-leaning political inclinations, whalloped her direct right-wing competition, Fox News’ Tucker Carlson, by 14 percent in the targeted and coveted news demo of 25-54 year old adults

      • phoenix00

        “Whallop Tucker Carlson” should be a national pasttime.

        • OrG

          It’s not?

          • phoenix00

            Only on our regresssive backwards racist meanie snowflake Liebrals side, it seems.

      • snark-lurker

        she was floundering for a couple of years, re-found her MOJO!

    • Michael R

      Well it’s not April Fools Day

    • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

      Imminent orange shitgibbon Tweeter explosion at 4AM in 3…2…

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I don’t if I should get excited or just dash all my expectations and assume that this is too good to be true and even if it is true, just wonder what good it’ll do now…

      Sorry y’all, but seeing how 2016 went and 2017 is going for Dampnut, I’m a bit myopic :-/

      Nevertheless, fuck that guy and his rancid ass-minions.

  • Martini Ambassador
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Not me, we had a long talk and declared détente. It won’t rat me out for midnight snacks as long as I don’t heat up anything too smelly…

    • TJ Barke

      Hell no, I like to chat at Bamz, pretend he’s there, offering sound advice to combat my mediocrity.

    • OrG

      Worth it getting spied on to have hot coffee.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      If I couldn’t talk to my microwave I’d never to talk anyone at all.

      • snark-lurker

        donut masterbate in front of it. oh wait got a idea BRB

        • Rags

          Defrost only!

    • SayItWithWookies

      I’ve rediscovered the joy of making popcorn on the stove. Also, microwave popcorn smells like Doritos mixed with mothballs coated in industrial squalor.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Microwave popcorn is utter shite. Stovetop 4 life

  • Other Chris

    Maddow. Taxes. 9PM EST.

    Hold me.

    • HazooToo

      I can’t stand the suspense!!!!

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Is there a porcupine or goat themed superhero because if not writers/artists really missed opportunities

  • Duke

    “Believe me, I’m not bragging.”

    Sigh.

  • ANNG14

    Bullies get really, really mad when people laugh at them!

    • BadKitty904

      They certainly do.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    One arrow points to my favorite tap house in Tucson; the other to where Alex Jones films his show. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e7cfd21c8bbfd7c47ce7e2333b23a49e1053cd091dcc80846a669cacbc878eb8.jpg

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Well that video explains why Alex Jones and Trump braid each other’s hair….I’m not bragging but I’m an obese manatee who likes to get shouty and pretends to be tough

  • Thiazin Red

    What the shit building maintenance its really damn cold, and I called you last monday to come and fix our damn heat.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Jump up and down yelling, “OMG! OMG! OMG!” It’s keeping me pretty warm right now.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Persistent Demme

      I hope it’s DONALD Trump, and not some other Trump.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Tiffany? …..~snort~ Maddow wouldn’t do that. ;)

  • azeyote

    is this a trailer for the new season of Celebrity Deathmatch

    • SayItWithWookies

      Except for the celebrities and the death. Oh, and there won’t be a match, either.

  • Bill D. Burger

    It is unclear from Maddow’s post how the network obtained the documents.
    MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell tweeted that following Maddow’s 9 p.m. Eastern show, she will join him on “The Last Word.” O’Donnell called it “the night we’ve been waiting for.”

    https://twitter.com/Lawrence/status/841796368331071489

    • Tacoclamgenda

      They wouldn’t yank our chain that hard would they?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Oh, let’s hope it’s not Al Capone’s Vault, part II.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Lol. I just posted that! Gmta?

    • Chayne

      I think everyone needs to prepare for disappointment. Is it possible he’s managed to modify his own tax returns once he became president? Is the American Taxation Dept beyond his powers?

    • SnarkON

      I thought that was the season premiere of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

  • Yr. Gma

    Okay, the taxes. I’m not going to jump the gun and celebrate until we actually know something. I fear it’s more hype than substance here (even though it is Rachel.)

  • Bill D. Burger
  • zerosumgame0005

    here is a thing to help out on!

    https://ssl.capwiz.com/aclu/ca/issues/alert/?alertid=75985626

    Join us in making sure California slams the door shut on a Muslim registry.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’m not bragging, but beautiful women fall at my feet daily, and I could buy Trump’s whole family with my debit card.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Hey, I just had a major client stiff me, how about send some of that my way.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I have some beachfront property in Arizona you might be interested in as well.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Chloroform’s a helluva drug.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    It’s been a tough day, moods wise. I should be used to standing alone, but I guess I get tired.

    At least, with this wig on, Starey McChurchy-Assholes get the hint when I give them a look: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4d31c4441dca80c2c1732b2fb6bef41acf7425c30e36c05e8adb0ba8127ff6a0.jpg

    Also, this song is helping: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B67KVpmElFY&index=2&list=PLgA_QpnjZQyxiI0w4WufY2UozFlwsX1Zg

    I hope Rachel has something good.

    • HazooToo

      Love that shade of red. I keep trying for it, but all I end up with is “clown crimson” or some awful magenta madness.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Thanx. :) I had a choice, the lighter red Scarlett wears in “Avengers” would be too orangey for my skin tone I think.

        • HazooToo

          You look like a ‘winter’ to me, but how a pic is taken can change a skintone. Bluer tones look good on me, ones with orange in them just get garish.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I’m pretty sure I’m a Winter. Fairly dark, naturally Brunette.

    • SnarkON

      Girl, that hair demands red lips and major lashes.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Tomorrow. XD I was trying for Black Widow: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/66a47c2e04ccaee637b85c24d0fd2745f7a68cdfcc7207c3248b9c29388a32d3.gif

        Her makeup is pretty understated, I did do a little blush cos I don’t have Scarlett’s chekbones.

        • MizzMazz

          I’m pretty sure I told you I had that hair (used a high lift color designed for streaks, but just put it all over). Loved it, the passengers loved it, then a high up boss said it wasn’t acceptable in the management directives for appearance. Laid down some black dye, and it turned purple – fuck you, management directives!

          ETA: Buckaroo Banzai is on Amazon streaming! See you in a bit :D

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Hey Doll, it is! I watched it last week. “No matter where you go, there you are.” XD

        • SnarkON

          No one has Scarlett’s cheekbones. :)

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yeah, she’s one in a billion, or did I mention I SRSLY crush on her? :D

    • BosGrl

      Katie went red once – she was so cute. It was like Raggedy Ann red, but 17-year-olds but she pulled it off :).

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I’m losing weight pretty rapidly. When I get my hernia fixed, Ima try a Black Widow cosplay for Halloween or a Convention.

        And I’ve been getting lots of compliments on this wig. :)

        • BosGrl

          You look great!

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      You’re not alone! There’s a nasty, vile little snark mob behind you! Hang tough :-)

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Thank you. :)

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          I wish I could pull of the deep reds. Strawberry blonde is the best I got.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I keep thinking this wig makes my nose look bigger, but I get loads of compliments on it. :) I do think I made a good choice with the dark red.

  • SnarkON

    I wish I had a sense of humor so I could understand why Alex Jones is funny.

  • Michael R

    apologies if this was already posted

    https://s30.postimg.org/5wj5m6jg1/maddow_trump_taxes.jpg

    • TJ Barke

      Oh, FFS

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        I couldn’t have said it better myself. Plus, I think these must be the ones that got entered into the public record through some court case, so people have already seen them.

        • Yr. Gma

          That’s sort of what I’m thinking.

        • BosGrl

          I feel like she wouldn’t be making a big deal out of this unless there was something.

    • Chayne

      Is it possible he’s managed to modify his own tax returns once he became president? Is the American Taxation Dept beyond his powers?

      • BosGrl

        Yes, at least for now.

    • HazooToo

      LEG!!!

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      DAMMIT.

      Twitter will be cruel to my darling Maddow…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Some people are saying that what Maddow has might not be all that it seems. To those people I say, stop raining on my parade. Let me live the dream a little longer, damn it.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/kpunmYgKLMY5G/giphy.gif

  • Bill D. Burger
  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    Okay, is everybody flipping out about the “Trump tax returns”….?

    *hears screaming*

    I’ll take that as a yes.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Juan de Fuca

    For a guy who’s only 43, Alex Jones looks like he’d break his own hip within seconds. Also too, Alex, the last time somebody went on a “My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable, I’m just ferocious and I’ll eat his children” rant, he got knocked out by Lennox Lewis.

    No offense to Mike Tyson. You would’ve beaten him in your prime champ! *ducks*

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Did you listen to the Media Matters vid? Alex Jones Physics at the end is comedy gold.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Not yet, I just read Evan’s commentary. I’ll check it now. I also need to watch the SNL skit, because I missed that one this weekend.

    • Count Awesome

      I’m sure Alex Jones claims he can kill someone in 9 different ways from the fetal position.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Seriously? I’m older than Alex Jones, then. By Lucifer’s Beard, he looks like warmed over shit.

      • snark-lurker

        i know! go figure

      • Juan de Fuca

        I’m four years older than Alex and all I’m saying is he looks like a guy who’s going to have a really hard time when he’s 60. Hypertension and all of that.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          I would have guessed that Jones was already 60. Geez Louise.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Yup. And the way he carries on? Can you imagine him when he’s 60? Instead of being the old guy shouting, “Get off my lawn!”, he’ll be the old guy with signs around his house stating – Lawn protected by Claymore!

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I’m guessing that if he doesn’t change his behavior, he wont be making it to 60.

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    Go fuck yourself, Alex.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I think he probably does that a lot.

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        He probably uses Donald’s hands…

      • proudgrampa

        Ah. So THAT’s what they call it…

  • HazooToo
    • Shoto

      Bring it.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Thanks, HT!

      • HazooToo

        Anything for a Book Harlot

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          Kisses!!

  • Rachel Book Harlot
    • ariel_gee_398

      Well that’s a good sign…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      but where did that income come from?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Places?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          for doin’ stuff…

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            And thangs.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      1040s or it didn’t happen.

  • Shoto

    If Alex Jones was punched in the face really hard, would he consider that to be a false flag operation?

    • Count Awesome

      I think it would be more like the exact opposite of “the honeypot”.

    • snark-lurker

      i am a kidney & breadbasket man myself

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey, look how progressive Saudi Arabia’s getting — they just launched their first Girls’ Council. You’ll never guess what they overlooked — really, never. Never never never.

    • magyar of infinite power

      Having actual girls on it?

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        B-I-N-GO! BIIIIIIINNNGGOOOOOOO!

        • snark-lurker

          too easy so Merican

      • Juan de Fuca

        Holee fuck. Did you peek?

        I was going to go with how they overlooked the whole thing about allowing men and women to interact with each other on the bus (have ridden on buses in Saudi – it’s different) but damn.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Oh — lucky guess!

    • Zippy W Pinhead
  • Taxes, shmaxes. Where’s the pee video?!?

  • WeaselPoo

    Re Trumps 2005 1040 :

    2005
    Trump agrees to a licensing deal with development company Bayrock to build a hotel in Moscow. Bayrock’s founder is Tevfik Arif, a Kazakhstan-born former Soviet official. Trump reportedly puts Felix Sater, a Russian-born convicted felon with Mafia ties who now lives in the U.S., in charge of the project

    from :
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-russia-timeline_us_58c2eec2e4b054a0ea6a744e?0eoxk7g3fhdaq0k9&amp;

    By Nick Wing

    I wonder if that will show up in any way?

    • Chayne

      Two words, Shell Companies.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby
    • HazooToo

      I love the look on her face <3

  • SayItWithWookies

    Alright, y’all narrate the good parts for those of us without cable. Okay, for me.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      You can stream MSNBC.

      • SeekingResistanceBarbie

        I haven’t been able to figure out how to stream MSNBC.

        • Suse

          Jinx!

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          You can borrow my 13 year old. He also showed me how to screen mirror. God, I’m old!

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I just tried youtube. No Rachel, but that may be because I am Pacific time.

          Eta- I am getting my beloved Elizabeth Warren.

      • Suse

        I can never get it to stream. What’s the secret?

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Teenager magic.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Last time I tried that, during the election, they had about a minute free and then you had to have a cable account to login. But I’m not averse to trying again.

  • wait! what?

    Sometimes at the end of the day you just need a good, free, plowing…

    http://bgr.com/2017/03/14/pornhub-plows-boston-new-jersey/

    • SayItWithWookies

      Weird — you’d think PornHub would want people to be stuck indoors.

      • wait! what?

        After a bit, t’s hard to scrounge lube and batteries when you’re stuck at home.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    On topic – I have zero idea where so many men got the idea that tough talk and threats of violence are appealing or “macho”. It makes the fools that do that – like Alex Jones – look and sound like squalling babies.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      It does.

    • Chayne

      Horse testosterone steroids probably.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Yeah, ‘Roid Rage, it hadn’t occurred to me. Rage isn’t attractive, neither are threats.

        • Chayne

          Agreed, it’s a shame that so many men are like this in such an enlightened age.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            A line I read in a book comes back to me: “Rage is Anger plus Shame”.

            I think there is something to that, and it helps me manage my own temper.

          • Chayne

            Rage is also depression turned inwards. I think it’s both.

    • shivaskeeper

      This is posturing, plain and simple..

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Affirm. Don’t posture boys, it’s pathetic.

        Predators are quiet, like a knife.

        • shivaskeeper

          Predators posture all the time, especially for territory, mating rights, or food. This is the equivalent of a dog barking at someone walking past it’s yard and about as dangerous as said dog barking.

  • Sophia
  • persistently_resistant_gayby
  • chascates

    Let’s check out Rachel Maddow. This could be the turning point.

    • proudgrampa

      I got my fingers crossed!

      https://youtu.be/JFmHKO9k6J0

    • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

      If she doesn’t win some kind of goddamned award, like the Presidential Medal of Freedom or something, by the time the orange shitgibbon is gone and in jail I’ll be extremely disappointed.

      • Snopes Shop

        Disagree. She didn’t get “woke” until post 11/9/16. I was disappointed in the entire MSNBC team and can’t get over it.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    OK, I’m going to watch S1E8 of The Expanse, be back in 43 minutes. I expect to see some awesome stuff both on the show and then on here.

    • Chayne

      Oh damn, that episode was awesome! Also the one before, and all the others. Love that show.

    • Thiazin Red

      It is a good show. Its kind of a shame that the budget limitations show sometimes, but they still do an excellent job with it. The changes they’ve made from the books, fleshing out people sooner, having characters show up earlier have all worked.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        THERE ARE BOOKS???!!!!! (digs out library card)

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    https://twitter.com/dailyjulianne/status/841809891975135235

    This still might be big! (unlike Don Donald’s you-know-what (hands/feet/penis))

    • Bill D. Burger

      I’ll take what I can get at this point. It’s a start.

      drip…drip…drip… Oh shit, that always reminds me of the Russian Pee Hookers.

    • HazooToo

      That is a thread, guys, this could be better than it looks, okay?

  • Blender_415

    Sorry, but *everyone in the fucking world* knows what “we have Trump’s tax returns” means. To tweet that out and just have a single document from 2005 is click/ratings bait. We’ll see.

    • 2005 <—–

    • HazooToo

      Also disappointed, but hoping like hell that there will be something in them that’s useful!

    • Wild Cat

      I doubt if even his 2016 tax return would mean shit at this point, so who cares about 2005 except some future historian? Those that love him love him. Those that hate him—like me—have zero power.
      Plus that network is a cruel joke.

  • Martini Ambassador

    Trumpy coming off as a little defensive here, methinks. Something to hide?
    https://twitter.com/davidshepardson/status/841810979595902978

    • TJ Barke

      No. No it won’t benefit all Americans. Not even close.

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Triggered snowflakes in the WH!!!

    • Chayne

      This is the response of a slug of leach after its well salted.

    • Undocumented Skwerl!

      If Trump is one of the most successful business in the world, I am one of the most successful athletes in the world.

      • TootsStansbury

        And I am the Tsar of all Russ-oh wait.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      What’s that they say about liars including too many details in their lies and subsequent attempts to defend themselves?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Keebler elf says what?

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Compare and contrast with Obama team’s response after the “wire tapp” accusations.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      No puppet. No puppet. You’re the puppet!

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Oh crap, I should have scrolled down!

      • Martini Ambassador

        Sometimes the posts come fast and furious.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    “I love wikileaks” -Donald Trump

    Karma. What a bitch.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      except Putin’s pet leaker most likely had zero to do with this

      • can we call it Trickileaks? For the larfs

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Dickileaks? Just because.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        I get that. But he obviously has no problem with leaked documents as long as it benefits him. He’s going to shit his Depends over this.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    The WH is having a tantrum, ya’ll.

    https://twitter.com/Acosta/status/841811274174500866

  • MynameisBlarney

    dammit…

    my mom just had what appears to be stroke.

    It never ends.

    I seriously can’t even begin to deal with this shit.

    fuckin hell I want to yell at the gods that know do not exist. the fuckin bastards.

    That’s it, I’m gettin more beer.

    • Martini Ambassador

      Nooooo. Oh, how awful. What’d the doctor say?

      • MynameisBlarney

        No idea, I can’t get hold of anyone other than my older sister, and she can’t get ahold of anyone either. She did say refused to be held for observation overnight, but that’s it.
        My sis texted a few minutes ago saying what she heard from our younger sister, no word since then.

        god dammit I want to fuckin smash my head against the wall right now.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          the fact they let her go home is seriously positive

          • Chayne

            Agreed, they would have made her stay if it was life threatening.

          • MynameisBlarney

            No insurance.
            They don’t give a fuck.

          • Chayne

            Hmm I forgot it’s an American health care system. Chin up Blarney, it will be ok, u need to chill, drink a glass of water, stay away from alcohol.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            they’d still have kept her if they were worried.

        • HazooToo

          Please be safe, take it easy, and remember to take care of yourself too.

          • MynameisBlarney

            At this point…I can’t see any reason to.
            Everything, and I mean everything in my life has gone to absolute shit.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I’ve been in this situation too. Seriously.

            My mom died, my family abandoned me, neighbors harassing and threatening.

            I hit rock bottom in January. But, I’m having the best month of my life in March.

            Hold on, hold out. I’ll help you.

          • HazooToo

            If you don’t look after yourself, bby, it won’t get better. We care about you and we’ll be here for you, anytime, any day. You’re allowed to be sad and mad and feel hopeless, but remember that you’re allowed to take your mind off it, too!

          • MynameisBlarney

            You’re right. Thanks.
            Texting with my sis now, I have to keep my brain right for her at the least.
            She’s livin’ entirely too close to the Alt-right HQ.

            Way too fucking close.
            If the shit hits the fan…I won’t be able to protect her and hers.

            She just sent me this link…

            http://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/alt-right/

          • HazooToo

            It’s fucking horrifying. We all have to look after each other, no matter how long it takes to stop these creeps. Take the time to put yourself back together, for your Sis’ sake and your own. And always try to have a Plan B!

        • Martini Ambassador

          I’m so sorry. I’m hoping it is minor. My dad had one last year, and he’s back to his old self after a few months of limited use on his left side.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Breathe. Take a deep breath.

          And another.

        • Sophia

          Frustrating with not getting all the details. Breathe. Someone will contact you soon. Probably busy at the hospital. Hugs.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I’m sorry.

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Oh dear, dude. I’m praying she’s going to be fine.

      Stay strong buddy – don’t lose hope.

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      So sorry to hear about your mom.

    • Chayne

      Just take it one hour at a time Blarney. You will be ok.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I’m so sorry.

    • Snopes Shop

      She can still be ok…medical science and all…

      • MynameisBlarney

        She’s in a state mental institute, severe bi-polar/paranoid schizophrenic with dementia…
        In North fucking Carolina…
        The only state with a worse mental health “program” is Florida.

        They’re not going to go out of their way to help a poor person.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Oh Honey, I’m sorry.

          I’ve been in a situation similar to this.

        • Snopes Shop

          Sorry

          • MynameisBlarney

            Me too. Me too.

    • bookish

      Very sorry to hear about your mom.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. My mom had one last Summer.

      I’ll keep my fingers crossed for her, and for you.

    • chascates

      Hoping for the best.

    • Undocumented Skwerl!

      I’m sorry.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Ugh — so sorry. I hope she’s okay.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Do whatever you must to take care of yourself.

    • I am sorry Blarney :huggles:

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      All the best to you and your mom. It’s a hard thing to go through.

    • Ill-Advised

      Hang in there. That’s a hard place to be. Rant as needed, rest, deal, repeat. We’re here for ya.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Aye, thanks. very much appreciated…She’s doing good as far as i know, being about 1000 miles away.

  • BosGrl

    Here: Something to do while waiting for Maddow:

    https://twitter.com/mental_floss/status/841814459102420992

    • whhhoooopppieeee!!!!!

    • Reximus

      Make feet for children’s stockings (1785) lol

    • mailman27

      Couch quail!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Looking forward to hearing what Rachel’s got. I also remember going to bed on Nov. 7 pretty sure Hillary was going to win the next day.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Yes, I am still heartbroken. Though I take solace in the fact that she won by more than 2.9 million votes.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Point being, I’m not getting my hopes up overly much. Short of him getting caught red-handed in the White House laundry room wearing a Chris Christie disguise, with a dead Russian hooker, there’s no magic bullet out there.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Only if it’s a male hooker.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            How ’bout a mail hooker? Is there such a thing?

          • ariel_gee_398

            If you’re talking snail-mail, they usually require more of a commitment. Harder to guarantee payment up front and the printing up a catalogue of hookers is quite expensive.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            And how, EXACTLY, do you know so much about this subject? Don’t tell me the MRAs have a point!

          • ariel_gee_398

            Everything I know about it I learned from a lifetime movie. And to paraphrase Ben Franklin – the only two sure things in life are death, and that MRAs have no fucking point.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That Ben Franklin…ahead of his time, wasn’t he? But how are MRA supposed to assume their rightful position at the top of society when resentful libs like you refuse to acknowledge their natural superiority and winning charm?

        • mailman27

          I hear you. I don’t believe in miracles either. I do hope it’s the the camel’s nose under the tent. (Speaking of Christie, I saw him giving traffic reports on teevee today. He thought he’d be Attorney General by now. Haw haw.)

  • bookish

    Vice News. WH comment on Trump 2005 tax return release on TRMS.

    https://news.vice.com/story/trump-tax-returns-maddow

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    Live blog Rachel, please. I don’t have cable!

  • WeaselPoo

    OT, Republican Trump voter on NPR/NYC:
    “…didn’t like the way Democrats were running the economy where the growth wasn’t fast enough…. ”
    —That would have been the REPUBLICANS crippling the stimulus funding the Democrats wanted, idiot!
    ” …my wife now has ACA, her diabetes is under control, the coverage is better than before, better doctor, so this Obamacare replacement by Republicans is just wrong! People are actually going to die from this. Trump promised a better plan, this replacement isn’t better.”

    —And yet you voted for Trump and your GOP is fucking you and everyone else over, becuase you are A IDIOTS.

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      No sympathy at all.

      Your callousness is going to result in your own loss.

    • It wasn’t fast enough! Even though I personally benefited just fine, they said it on the Fox all the time that people waited 40 years for jerbs to come back instead of doing something else or something

    • shivaskeeper

      Well. When I see something like this, I recall an old Army expresion.

      “Eat a dick you stupid motherfucker. What the fuck did you think was going to happen? Fucking dumbass.”

      I find it helps in situations like this.

      • Right? These people are seriously testing my libtardedness to want to help everyone.
        They were FINE taking stuff from other people, but if it effects them….
        FFS

        • shivaskeeper

          Just like a responsible parent, sometimes you have to let them fall and hurt themselves before you can help. They need to fall, and they need to be hurt by their own actions or they will never learn.

          Yes they will hurt others, but that has never been a concern to them. They need to hurt so they might learn some empathy.

          Personally, I’ll still be willing to offer them a hand, but only after they have fallen.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Trumpers: You. Got. Conned.

      By a known shit weasel “business” man who has a well documented history of making “sales pitches” just to close the deal, and then dipping the fuck out when shit goes south.

      Fuck you. Fuck ALL OF YOU.

  • snark-lurker

    1 min to TRMS

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Still looking. Where can you stream this? YouTube is being a might bit twitchy.

  • Serai 1

    All together now: “What a WHINY. LITTLE BITCH.”

  • snark-lurker

    hear we go

  • chascates

    Here we go.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I’m all out of tar and pitchforks. Someone help a fella out?

    • snark-lurker

      i got a spare flame-thrower

    • in a pinch, gellied nail polish remover and pointy sticks?

      • Liberoid Ron

        Ewh, ewh, ewh, point-ed sticks, eh? Gettin’ all ‘igh and mighty, are we? Fresh fruit not good enough for you, eh?

        • Ill-Advised

          Here’s a banana.

    • kareemachan

      I was looking in my kitchen utensil drawer the other day, when it dawned on me how many lethal implements of destruction I have in there. For example:

      Heavy as mo-fo meat tenderizer
      Baby blow torch for creme brulee and such
      Two sharper than heck serving forks (tines are 3″ long)
      A professional-weight meat cleaver that can thwack through a lamb leg bone like it’s nothing.
      Lots and lots of kitchen knives, all sharpened and ready to carve.
      My ulu.

      and, of course, a whole container of chopsticks. I’ve seen kung fu movies where those things were DEADLY.

  • snark-lurker

    Zzzzzz

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Laughing so hard . . .can’t breathe . .. ohmydeargod . . ,

    Mom Finds ‘Child-Friendly Kama Sutra Guide’ In Doctor’s Waiting Room, Things Get Awkward. GO! READ IT! BWAHAHahahahhahahhahahahhahahhahahaha *wheeze* hahahahahahahahahahahahaha *tears* hahahahahahahahhahahahahahha

    • HazooToo

      That was delightfully bad!

      • Pinkham’s Law

        “Where do those rejected sperm think they’re going now, exactly? And WHY ARE THEY WEARING BACKPACKS?“

        *gigglesnort*

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      i love Babette Coles books, and my daughter had that one. Her “The Sprog Owner’s Manual” is my fav.
      https://www.amazon.com/Sprog-Owners-Manual-Kids-Work/dp/0099447657

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Oh, it looks to be a wonderful book! It’s just . .. picturing the situation, the randomness of just . . . finding it, and imagining the other parents’ reactions when they overheard the questions/answers. Hilarious!

  • BosGrl
    • OrG

      Thanks,Obama.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      That tears it! No more storing my valuables in the microwave!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Pffft, burglars always look there

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Is a cookie dough pie crust with a custard filling too decadent?

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Is this a trick question?

      XD

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        No, I’m wondering if (as a diabetic) the smell alone will kill me or if a small slice is fine.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          I wouldn’t know, but the pie certainly sounds tempting.

      • snark-lurker

        yeah. i wanna donut pie crust

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Only if you’re having sex with it.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        That left me with more questions than answers.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Yes, it’s DIY filling night

          • BloviateMe

            And now, even more questions.

          • snark-lurker

            donut make me come up there & put my pants on!!!

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Uh oh. Custard’s last stand.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            if it stands for more than four hours, see your doctor

          • Liberoid Ron

            Pro tip: do NOT make the crust using the Greasy Grass.

      • Anna Rompage

        What? what else would you want to have sex with? I’m serious!

        • Msgr_MΩment

          I’m married. I don’t mess with the pastry.

          • Liberoid Ron

            Lipstick on your collar is one thing. Crumbs in your pubic hair is quite another.

    • Anna Rompage

      I make my Thanksgiving pumpkin pies with a triple ginger cookie (thanks trader joe’s) crust that’s similar to graham cracker crust for cheese cake, so I don’t see why not

      • cmd resistor

        My aunt used to make an amazing pumpkin pie and before she dumped in the pumpkin stuff she had a layer of pecans, butter, maybe brown sugar and spices. It was wonderful.

        • Liberoid Ron

          So, a pecan pie with pumpkin topping.

          • cmd resistor

            Not really. It didn’t have that pecan pie gooey stuff. Just a layer of nuts and stuff. I have made a combo pumpkin and pecan pie where half is like a regular pumpkin and then on top you do what is basically the pecan pie with the gooiness. It was ok. Her pecan layer gave a nice little layer of crunchiness.

          • Liberoid Ron

            Gotcha. It does sound lovely. I wish like hell I was any good at baking, though if I were I’d prolly have even more trouble keeping my blood sugar under control.

          • C4TWOMAN

            One of the drawbacks of needing to bake your own pizzas/cakes(wheat intolerant here) is managing the “fall out”. Should I really have a whole cake sitting around for when I’m hungry and haven’t made a meal yet, and here’s some cake…

            With pizza its not so bad–I load it with good meat and veggies so it’s all a proper meal, and plan to eat at least half one day and the rest the next.

            But I can’t do that with cake and I’m not to be trusted. So I’ve gotten really good at making tiny, single/double portion cakes. It’s either that or buy gluten free stuff which is mostly good , but everyone’s moving towards egg replacers, making the cakes dry and sandy and not what I buy cake for and I wish they would STOP!

            Anyway, yeah, portions can be a problem.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      No. Delicious, and decadent, but not too decadent. Just right decadent.

      • Liberoid Ron

        I think that makes it dent, doesn’t it?

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          No, no, it makes it quintadent, I think.

          • Tishalicious

            I was just going to say that I clearly needed something kilodent then to make it through this week.

    • cmd resistor

      No. All pie is allowed.

  • WeaselPoo

    according to the WH response, “$38 million in taxes on over $150 million income”. or about 25% IF not significantly OVER $150 million.

    That’s about the rate I paid on $60,000 salary when I was working 80 hours a week.

    If this is not a big deal, then show us more recent tax returns? Hmmm?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Nice rate. I think the middle-class rate is something like 28%, isn’t it?

  • Millswiththethrills

    It’s *almost* like Alex Jones failed at amateur wrestling and this is his career back up but I mean I could be wrong.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Heard he was once a bodybuilder. Obviously let himself go…..

  • BloviateMe

    Wow, so he’s something.

    I’m guessing I’m not the first to extend this offer, but I’ll go bare knuckle with Alex Jones for Alec. I’m older than Alex, so he should be OK with that.

    I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love everybody until they come after Alec. I’m that pissed off, you understand that? I’m a person, dumbass.

    • I think we should all form a line of who wants to kick Alex Jone’s dumbass for charity

      • BloviateMe

        The reality is, he’d stroke out after like 15 seconds, rage can only carry you so far. This turd’s got nothing but shit talk.

        • Which is why we danced right off into “metaphor” right quick before Alec even said bring it fat man

        • jaspersdad

          I’m a small man and I’d just dodge him ’til he had a heart attack.

      • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

        I’m in. I’m a big guy with hand-to-hand combat training I actually got to use back in the day. Alex would be as easy a sack of potatoes for me.

      • Kiri the Paid Protestor

        I think it would go something like this:
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvPugcb7QGE

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Ooh, ooh, ooh. Rachel showed the Trumpgina in Azerbaijan!

    • HazooToo

      I can’t watch it coz the link isn’t working, probably because thousands of people are clicking it at once.

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Buttplug Tower.

      • Anna Rompage

        I’m quite the bottom but it would be a muther fucker to try to take even the tip of that monstrosity…

        • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

          It’s an ugly-ass building for sure.

  • Martini Ambassador
    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Yeah, Rachel being the nerd she is always goes for thoroughness and sometimes it really feels like she emphasizes the key points in her intro way too much. I find myself yelling at the TV sometimes when I’m watching her show in a futile attempt to get her to spit it out already.

      • Ill-Advised

        Yep. I find her smug. Makes me wonder if she has to string things along and repeat the obvious because she doesn’t actually have enough material to fill the time. Happened all through show. I know she’s popular, and I agree with her content, but the style gets on my nerves. I’m not her audience.

      • C4TWOMAN

        It’s tedious, but imagine the shit she gets from the right if she didn’t explicitly dot every ‘i’ and cross every ‘t’ leaving NOTHING unclear. Imagine your worst encounter with a rightwing troll disingenuously misinterpreting every casual thing you say. That’s what Maddow would have to deal with 10X and probably worse because she’s feeemale.
        So yeah, I agree, but I forgive it because I know she has to do it.

        That said, just imagine this when you’re waiting for her points:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1YmS_VDvMY

  • OrG

    new thread

    • BloviateMe

      Is that a sex metaphor?

      • Anna Rompage

        Only for those with very very small hands…

  • MynameisBlarney

    This is how I feel right now.
    That, and crying.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIf4nQ058LY

    • Anna Elizabeth

      ~hugs~

      Crying is healthier. I was crying earlier. I feel better now.

    • Anna Rompage

      Let it out and scream at the moon! Then take a hot shower! You’ll feel much better!

  • Anna Rompage

    I don’t know if this was posted below, but supposedly Rachel has a copy of Trump’s 2005 tax returns, which is yummy seeing that there’s things I’ve read that show this is the time he had tons of Russian investments coming into his companies…

  • Troll Slayer Rogue Elf

    The thing about Alex Jones, you don’t take him seriously.

  • does alex have any reason to think he might win this fight? because to me he looks like a fat tub of intemperate lard who couldn’t land a punch on a ford pick up truck.

    i mean i’m only stage trained (safety first!) small-ish blond chick and i’d have a go.

    • Sakonyachen

      I had flexible fat like that when I was self employed. It doesn’t make you strong but it makes you look like it. It’s just part of the act I’m sure.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      heh, I laughed when some stage actors I did an indie movie with told me how stage crotch kicks work.

      Of course, it only “works” if you hit the right spot.
      : D

    • kareemachan

      Yeah, I can see him taking two swings and panting from the exertion.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Disabled middle aged chick with a blue belt in karate and I ain’t skeered.

  • MynameisBlarney

    update on mom, she talking and in good spirits, so far.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      shit dude, everything okay? I’ve been off wonkette for awhile due to work.
      Best to you and yours.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Thanks, yeah…
        Mom may have had a stroke, not sure yet. But she’s ok for now, and back to her and my aunt bickering about a non-existent inheritance from gramps.

        *sighs*

        Goddamn soap opera bullshit.

        And they wonder why I stay away.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          ah man, i’ve been there kinda. It’s (one of) the bitch parts about getting older – they get older too.

          Been with mom through a few health scares. Dad died 7 1/2 years ago and I have no siblings (and the rest of my family, while nice, is NOT reliable and they’re far away).

          Anyway, if you need to talk, just reply to an old comment and I’ll reply as soon as I see it.

          I’ve been coming home from work with headaches from staring at tiny, poorly copied scans of info, but I always check wonkette at the end of the day.

          Best wishes – TX!

          • MynameisBlarney

            Thanks, I appreciate that more than you know.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Anytime!

          • MynameisBlarney

            Sorry you are going through all that too.
            I had to read your post a couple of times for it all to sink in.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            aw, thanks. She’s doing fine. I’m here to help her. FWIW, she had a good day. Arthritis was (mercifully) easy on her, I came home to find her up and cleaning and in generally good shape (and ready to give me good advice on work stuff – she’s a former legal secretary).
            I hope for the same for your momma.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Your mom sounds like she’s a kick ass woman.

            And thanks.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      *BIGLY HUGZ*

    • WomanInThePersistence

      So glad to hear that.

    • Chayne

      Fantastic news Blarney. Seems you have many friends here sending good karma your way.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Thanks,
        Yes, I do have people here that seem to like me for some strange reason.

        They must be crazy or something.

        • Chayne

          Crazy like a Fox.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Happy nice time story:

    Oregon ‘gringo’ lives American dream on border
    “Lincoln Smith has been living the American dream on the U.S.-Mexico border.

    Smith, 37, moved from his hometown of Salem, Oregon, to El Paso more than a decade ago to work in Juárez, where he also lived for one year.

    “You do not have to be American or in America to be successful or better yourself. If you are determined and work hard, you can achieve the American dream in whatever part in the world,” Smith said. “For me it was here.”

    Smith said many of the opportunities he was looking for in the United States he found in Mexico, where he has a successful engineering career within the manufacturing industry in Juárez.

    His appreciation of Mexico turned into a personal campaign through the initiative #GringosForMexico on Facebook, where he has gathered 37,000 followers since last fall.

    The initiative, he said, was motivated by President Donald Trump’s constant bashing of Mexico during his presidential campaign. Trump has described Mexican immigrants as rapists and criminals and repeatedly said he would force Mexico to pay for a border wall.”

    http://www.elpasotimes.com/story/news/2017/03/13/oregon-gringo-lives-american-dream-border/98977336/

    • Chayne

      Inspiring and true, life is what you make it. Good for you Mr Smith.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    If you’re going to show how tough you are, I find it works better if you don’t keep saying “that guy is older than me, so I’m sure I can take him”. You might as well say: “I’m not bragging, but I could definitely beat up that little girl, ’cause she can’t be more than nine.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYKWch_MNY0

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Oooh, forgot to tell you all – so I’ve been borrowing money from the (very patient) TX mom till my first full check comes…but I try to limit it.

    Today, I had 2 dollar bills, 2 quarters, and a handfull of dimes.

    I was hungry at lunch, and then – surprise surprise – it was dollar taco day in the cafeteria.

    I scored 3 and had 30 cents to spare! Score!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      Also, too, I haven’t shared this story at work, but maybe a week ago I was walking from the garage to work, waiting at the stop light.
      A car drove past – and I would swear in court this is true – the guy was playing audio of porn in his car…CRANKED UP LOUD. Like a woman moaning, eyeing all the professional ladies.
      I turned around, shocked, and this lady behind me just kinda put her head back and chuckled.
      #DowntownFunInMoreWaysThanOne

    • Scrofula

      Y’know it’s a good day when you have three tacos.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        ya know, they weren’t like *real* tacos, but for 3 bucks…ya know. (I had a picadillo burrito from them – bought for us by our associate atty that was pretty good last week.)

        • Scrofula

          But *real* tacos DO cost a buck. The ones out a truck, anyway. (Two small ones with some radish pickle).

  • Greyhame

    This whole “Alex Jones” persona would make for a brilliant stand-up comedy routine, but then I suppose he’d have to take a pay cut.

    • Chayne

      Sacralige!! I think that’s a word.

  • Scrofula

    So I admitted I never liked Rachael Maddow in the next thread.
    I might have to renounce my Wonkette citizenship.

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      I like her fine, but I don’t care if other people don’t.

    • C4TWOMAN

      BURN THE WITCH

      J/K I also too am a Maddow fan, but am cool your not. ;)

  • Alex Jones is a vile piece of garbage- a disgusting, hateful, lying a-hole who is actually harming the ignorant people who follow him.

  • MynameisBlarney

    On a more pleasant note…I may have talked my sis into joining our dirty little club.

    • Scrofula

      That’s not some dirty Duggar club, is it?

      • MynameisBlarney

        HA!

        No.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Y’all are gonna fucking LOVE her!

      OR ELSE!

      • Chayne

        LOCK HER UP! LOCK US UP! SOMEBODY GET ANYBODY!!!

        • MynameisBlarney

          She is a Domme…
          Best not speak about such things unless you want the whip.

          • Chayne

            I’m strangely aroused by that statement.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Well, she used to was, anyway…
            And hey! No arousal whilst talking ’bout mah sis!

          • Chayne

            My apologies, it’s the rain does it to me, rain whips.

          • Kiri the Paid Protestor
          • MynameisBlarney
          • Chayne

            Thanks, nightmares for me tonight.

          • MynameisBlarney

            You’re welcome!
            I’m just here to help.

    • Scrofula

      So then, what’s her handle, that we might haze her properly, with dick jokes and earnest anti-Trump rants?

      • MynameisBlarney

        I don’t think she has a disqus account.

        And I ain’t givin out her twitter handle.

        • Scrofula

          Wait, this “little dirty club” IS wonkette, right? Will you alert us to her debut, or is this a different dirty club (because I might want to join).

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yes, it’s Wonkette.

            And of course, I’ll introduce her in a grand and embarrassing fashion, which I’m sure to regret.

          • Chayne

            You know the difference between Republicans and Everyone Else? Everyone else can laugh at their own silliness, while Republicans rage against everyone else when they get laughed at. We really need a good psychologist to do a case study on this.

          • Scrofula

            I’d argue they just rage anyway.
            I sure stopped laughing a while ago.

          • MynameisBlarney

            What’s the difference betweenxt a catholic and baptist?

            A catholic will say hi to you at the liquor store.

          • Scrofula

            I upfist even though I don’t get it.
            My knowledge of catholics is Mexican weddings, where everyone gets drunk fast and then there’s a fight.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Baptists are teetotalers.
            No dancing, no drinking, no fun.

            Of course, that’s what they all say at church, anyway. They sin like pro’s through the week.
            Xtians of convenience, that lot.

          • Scrofula

            I was going to say, that’s some grade-A bullshit.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yup.

            I was raised a Southern Baptist, all that with racism/sexism/homophobia to boot.

            I got out as soon as I fucking could.

          • Scrofula

            All I know is that around here, if you’re a white christian, I assume you’re some born-again fool, or you’re at my door and you’re Adventist, Witness, or Mormon.
            But mostly latino catholics and Hmong somethings.
            Anyway, point is, all but the adventists and witness get loaded on the regular.
            Did I mention my Arkansas family are all Adventists? When I met them a hundred years ago they didn’t drink soda. Kids. Had never had soda before. That was when my five year-old brain exploded over religion. I hadn’t even had a chance to get guilty over jerking off yet.

          • suziq

            So Christians think drinking alcohol is bad but Jesus did a miracle turning water into wine. Were they then not supposed to drink it?

          • MynameisBlarney

            They’d call you a blasphemer for questioning “Teh Lard”!

          • suziq

            Okay, I will admit to being a blasphemer!
            But what do they say about it? Or do they deny the story? Always so many contradictions with those people! Like everybody believes in their god is the only right one and you have to follow their rules only. Because reasons.

          • Bebecca

            Because their INTERPRETATION is the right one. Ummm, I don’t think they understand the word interpret.

          • Amy!

            I grew up in a dry county in East Tennessee. It was a standing joke that the most dangerous roads in the county were the ones leading to/from the nearby metropolitan area (which was not a dry county) on Sunday after church.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            That’s why baptists love to go bass fishing. So they can drink in private and don’t have to worry about finding a bathroom.

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            Q: Why can’t Baptists have sex standing up?
            A: God’ll think they’re dancing!

          • MynameisBlarney

            As for the “different dirty club”…I can neither deny nor confirm these wild allegations!*

            *I’ll send an invitation ASAP*

    • MynameisBlarney

      Oh jesus…this may be bad…
      She’s gonna tell y’all too much, lol!

      WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!

  • Maclare

    For fuck’s sake, stop saying “bro”!

    • Scrofula

      Also, too, “dude” and “man”.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Manbearpig?

        • Scrofula

          Excelsior!

        • Stulexington

          New vilian: Dudebroman

  • Chayne

    So what happened with Orange Smallhand McPresidents Tax Forms? I was away driving thru floodwaters and missed it. Do you all have a new President now? Plz say yes.

    • Scrofula

      Next thread over.
      This thread is for sad people who were preemptively let down.
      ETA: or maybe just me.
      That’s OK, I’ll man it alone.

      • Chayne

        Dang.

  • kareemachan

    You what’s really funny is that this article is about Jones, and a lot of people are talking about Rachel. Poor dude can’t get any attention even when the article is showing him having a hissy fit.

    • Stulexington

      IKR, almost like the distraction isn’t working anymore.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    The ratio of people who understand how school districts budget to the people who think they know how school districts budget is roughly 1:100. And the ones who do can’t speak while the 100 who don’t spend copious amounts of time on the Book of the Face screaming out their crackpot ideas to “fix” the problem.

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • Delu

      They live in a dream.

      Waking up from that would be the nightmare.

  • At the crossroads, stay strong

    I am sorry, but I simply cannot watch this offshoot of humanity, Homo stultus obesus without either wanting to put my fist through the monitor or losing the entire contents of my stomach, or both, actually.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Fucking Alex Jones cries at the drop of a fake news story. He’d be on his knees in tears in the middle of the ring the first time a glove fanned him, much less hit him.

    • lowenufc

      He’d be slathered in BBQ sauce to deflect the blows. Or because he usually is slathered in BBQ sauce. Good day- got to use the word “slathered” in a sentence.

      • TakingAmes

        Twice!

  • theCryptofishist

    50 levels up? I doubt it.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Good evening late-nighters. It’s already The Ides of Trump on the East Coast. Don’t forget to mail your postcards today! Here are Wikipedia instructions if you didn’t see my other posts.
    https://www.theidesoftrump….

  • The Wanderer

    “The Ides of March have come.”

    “Aye, Caesar, but not gone.”

  • motmelere

    What comes first, Alec & Bill-O’s restraining orders, or the trucker speed induced aneurysm? Not really joking, Alex is going to be as dead as Breitbart if he doesn’t learn to relax.

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      Promise you won’t tell Alex that, OK?

  • AJ Milne

    (Blinks…)

    Sometimes I worry about that boy.

    • capnkrunch

      Bless his heart.

  • Mike Steele

    Lady MS here: Until this moment, only knew this Jones creature of which you speak through Wonkette snark or the occasional MSM screenshot. He didn’t seem to be in a place where I wanted to spend any time. Must thank Evan for reminding me to always trust my first instinct. This freak defines hideous.

  • William

    Alex Jones only exists to make Glenn Beck seem normal.

    http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb250/cap_franklin/cbg/alexjones.gif?t=1291536312

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Glenn Beck was a more “normal” guy before the Terry Schiavo and Timothy McVeigh stories. I used to listen to him on the way to work before those stories broke his brain and he went off the deep end. From what I can see, Alex Jones has always been an asshole.
      OMFG, I just defended Glenn Beck. Let me go get the brain bleach.

      • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

        Yah, Beck had stretches of lucidity even after that, but man, when he goes bugfuck crazy, he makes a shithouse rat seem well comported.

        • TheBoatDude

          [changes Disqus name to “Well-comported Shithouse Rat”]

          • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

            Tis a fine name, that.

  • Bebecca

    Typical republican, settling any disagreement with lies and violence.

  • Relativicus

    Alex Jones, a man whose entire “career” lies in promoting the wildest conspiracies known to man, is sick of people metaphorically writing checks they can’t cash?

  • TundraGrifter

    I was in the car yesterday and caught a few moments of The Silly Savage. What a Whiner! He’s such a tough guy on the radio. He sounded like Trump, ranting about suing people and how he’s “blacklisted” and national ad buyers won’t touch his show.

    A number of years ago I worked at a bank and I heard one of our ads on his show. It was purchased by an agency in a package deal. Next day I went to the head of PR and said “Have you ever listened to that idiot?” So driving home she did.

    She told the agency “No more of our ads on that show!” See – “Capitalism.”

  • gOf

    I’m not bragging but I have been making fun of Alex Jones since long before Info Wars, when he was just a nut on the Internet yelling about shape shifting lizard people. He has always been a screamer and I love that in an unhinged commentator.

    Beck is shit house crazy but I prefer fake rage to fake tears.

    I miss Morton Downey Jr.

    • You should check out Jim Marrs. He’s basically Alex Jones but very shucksy and calm, kind of like listening to Andy Griffith talking about alien abductions and Nazi spacecraft.

  • mardam422

    “I’m a person, dumbass.”
    So close. Actually he’s a dumbass person.

  • Tiny kaiju

    I want to believe Alex Jones is not a person, but rather a persona. Otherwise we are watching an undiagnosed schizophrenic riling up more undiagnosed mentally ill and some not terribly bright people about things that none of them, especially Jones,understands.

  • Tiny kaiju

    Uh, Alex, those aren’t pecs. Those are moobs.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    I’m not bragging, but I made it all of 24 seconds into that video before I turned it off due to the nausea it induced.

    • Keith Taylor

      You may reasonably brag. Standing 24 seconds of that, shows a high level of endurance. I also endorse Marla, Nick.Trite and lowenufc above. May we all still be here when Jones is just a broken shoe on the garbage heap of history.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        I think that is likely – the man looks like a walking aneurysm.

  • lowenufc

    A shirtless Alex Jones eating sausages is this year’s Squat Cobbler.

  • Nick.Trite

    Alex Jones is a person, but the people whose kids died in Sandy Hook are not people apparently (also not a person: Hillary Clinton, literal demon).

  • Marla

    Alex Jone$ is a domestic terrorist

  • Tj McGee Wright

    Man, where do they find these village idiots to put on their teevee?
    Its as if they go across crappy flyover bits of America and find the crappiest idiotest villages, and then ask “ya’ll seen a really big really loud idiot anywhere?” And they all pointed to Alex Jones and then he goes on teevee and says lots of “non-racist” brainfarts the end.

  • ahughes798

    If he’s a person, then why doesn’t he start acting like one?

    • Keith Taylor

      Ratings? Or just a craving for even negative attention? Or he’s a demon from hell, one of the overwhelming majority that (according to Poul Anderson in OPERATION CHAOS) are simply not able to think? Hey, maybe that whole “Hillary and Obama are demons, I mean it, demons, they smell of infernal decay” thing was projection?

      • ahughes798

        Like I’ve read many times here….it’s always projection with these guys.

  • Ruhe

    Jones probably never saw Miami Blues. Baldwin would kick his ass…while reciting improvised haiku.

    • ImGoingBacon

      also too while hosting Match Game. Dumb Dora is so dumb….SMACK!

  • Empress of the Iguana People

    I read that as paunchy-punchy

  • Even I would have laughed at anyone claiming that by 2017 the president would be listening religiously to Alex Jones and Mark Levin instead of working or something like that. It’s like a trinity of pudgy, red-faced anger stupid.

  • Alex, release your blood pressure report. Until then, no talkee.

  • TakingAmes

    That dude is only 43?!?!

  • Fritz1964

    Grammar correction: “[Alex Jones is] a person dumbass.” The original comma was clearly extraneous.

  • Aileen

    I’m sure much of this is just showmanship, but Alex Jones seems so unhealthy. Like, the poster boy for serious cardiovascular problems. He needs to recenter himself. Practice some mindful breathing.

    • whitroth

      I think if he sticks his head down a toilet and inhales would help with that….

    • davidhollenshead

      Nope, but you are close.
      The man who was killed to make his human skin suit was unhealthy.
      The Lizard inside is merely constipate, pregnant and about to lay a few hundred legs on our planet.

  • Ducksworthy

    It all started out as a joke, Eichman said. But it got out of hand.

  • Jack Tenhet

    I would vomit, but I’m just too tired.

    We all know Jones walked back his terrorist threat because he could have been arrested for it. You can’t just threaten to beat a person to near death and not suffer any consequences. That’s not how the whole free speech thing works.

    Finally, you know who gets puffed up and really pissed when they’re called a racist? Actual racists.

  • whitroth

    Well, to start with, if O’Reilly calls him a sexual predator, I mean, one sexual predator ought to be able to recognize another.

    And Alex? If you think he’s defaming you, perhaps you might sue him in court for defamation. *snicker*

    And he’s been attacked that many times? For real? Are there police records of it? If even a tenth of that is true… he’s got to be a massively aggressive bigot.

    • davidhollenshead

      Alex Jones probably does get assaulted often, as thats what comes from abusing the Sandy Hook families for profit.

  • Saint Stephen

    The opening act for the Jones/Baldwin match will be Sean Hannity undergoing waterboarding for charity.

  • Panika MCD

    he’s lived in this state for how long and he can’t eat jalapenos without coughing? man, all you need to beat him is a habanero.

    • whitroth

      Yeah, right. I lived in Florida for about 3.5 years, and wound up going to a Chi-Chi’s once. They had jalapeno poppers. Bred for the US South market. Think “Hunt’s Spicy Ketchup”, and you may be overthinking them….

      • Panika MCD

        well, if he’s buying spicy katsup (because who in the South eats salsa?), he’d best be going for the Whataburger version.

  • With these idiots and their thin skin, it’s like dealing with talking tissue papers…that’s already been used.

  • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

    or create some fictional character who you say is Alex Jones. You just can’t get away with that bro.

    Jones followed this with – “I’m mean, bro, dude, man, that’s MY job”

    • davidhollenshead

      So how could you make a satirical Alex Jones which is actually worse than the real Alex Jones Clips ???
      =============================
      Alex Jones on 34 hits of liquid LDS ???
      Alex Jones with two dead gerbils stuck in his a$$ because his intern never learned how to ties a proper knot ???
      An Alex Jones, Führer Trump, Steve Bannon, Kellyan Conway, foursome ???
      Being stuck in an airline seat with Alex Jones on a flight to Australia ???

      • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

        See, clearly he’s just that much of a genius. You can’t even parody him! That’ll show everyone. And Alec Baldwin.

      • Keith Taylor

        Leave my bloody country out of this! Do you know how many horrible home-grown creeps we have here without getting lumbered with Alex Jones? I understand that the U.S.A. would want to be rid of him, but just remember, Australia has fewer than 25 million people. There is only so much creepiness per head of population that we can sustain.

  • “Darn, and I already picked a health secretary too” –Trump

  • davidhollenshead

    “Is Alex Jones’s raw macho sexual and punchy-punchy dominance arousing you right now?”
    Nope, I am Straight.

  • Peggy

    Someone should take a nut cracker to Alex Jones and really give him something to scream about. Disgusting human being.

    • Keith Taylor

      Now on that there’s NO doubt.

  • Peggy

    I’ve always wondered if Alex Jones has his own private meth lab, because it seems like he is on somthing!

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