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“Hey Donald, there’s WIRE TAPPS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!”

Is the Justice Department being for real right now? Or are they just desperately hoping that if they search REAL GOOD, like in the back of the fridge and inside the couch cushions, that they will magically find “evidence” that “Obama” did “Wire Tapps” to Trump? Are they humoring the metastasized orange fartsack what lives in the White House? Because they have said that, even though Monday was the “deadline” for them to find “evidence” of “Obama’s wire tapps,” that they need “more time” now, because we don’t even know why:

The Department of Justice asked the chairman and vice chairman of the House Intelligence Committee for “additional time” to collect evidence to support President Donald Trump’s accusation that the Obama administration wiretapped his phones at Trump Tower during the campaign.

The committee had set a Monday deadline for the agency to provide the evidence, a source familiar with the matter has told CNN — a deadline that did not appear to apply to the Senate Intelligence Committee’s investigation.

Senate panel Chairman Richard Burr told CNN, “I’ve talked to all the appropriate people,” adding later that he has received “sufficient” responses about the wiretapping claim.

Haha, Richard Burr, a Trump supporter who MIGHT be slightly more serious than the Republicans on the House Intelligence Committee, owing to how he is a big boy senator person, is pretty sure he knows what he needs to know. (SPOILER: The thing Burr probably knows is that Trump was making it up.) But the House hasn’t heard enough! Surely Dear Leader wasn’t lying or anything, because he’s never lied before, not ever.

But we do understand how the scope of the investigation might have grown in the past few days. Instead of just searching Trump Tower for bugs in the phones, they might have to check all the microwaves and see if any of Kellyanne Conway’s Bagel Bites recorded sensitive conversations. Moreover, as Sean Spicer has explained, Trump didn’t LITERALLY mean a “wire tapp,” because he tweeted that in quotes. This means Trump could have been talking about all different kinds of surveillance, and definitely does not mean Trump has “no idea” how to properly use “quotation marks.”

And of course, maybe there is a FISA warrant, obtained legally, involved with that server registered to the Trump Organization that pretty much only communicates with Alfa Bank in Russia. That could be a thing! The FBI is still definitely investigating that! But we have a feeling that’s not what the Trump supporters on the various intelligence communities really want to see right now.

As CNN points out, vaguely sane Republicans like John McCain and Lindsey Graham have been telling Trump to put up or shut up on this whole “wire tapp” thing pretty much since the day he said it, because they’d actually like to investigate the large Russian bear in the room, which is the Trump campaign’s probable collusion with Russia, instead of wasting time chasing after some bullshit tweeted by Trump’s dumb face. Graham and his Democratic pal on the Senate Judiciary Committee, Sheldon Whitehouse of Rhode Island, also sent a letter to Justice, saying pics or the “wire tapp” didn’t happen:

“I’m getting very ill-tempered over this,” the South Carolina senator told reporters. “I expect them to take some time, but Judiciary has control over the FBI–oversight. So I have said, OK, let’s keep the committee process in place, regular order, so if the FBI runs over to the Intel committee and they testify there, and they don’t respond to my letter, I think that’s a mistake, because the FBI is under our jurisdiction.” […]

“You’ll run afoul of the Judiciary Committee. If I were you, I wouldn’t do that,” he said. “Director Comey, trying to give you a little advice here.”

Pissy Lindsey Graham is our favorite Lindsey Graham.

But we guess the Justice Department is just crossing its T’s and dotting its I’s and making 100% for certain that there isn’t a tiny chance Trump knew what he was talking about. (LOLOL AS IF. What a “stop the presses!” moment that would be. “Donald Trump Knows Thing”!)

Fortune magazine points out, a bit snarkily, that the Justice Department actually isn’t required to submit to some dumb “deadline” imposed by the House Intelligence Committee. But Rep. Devin Nunes, the idiot Trumper who heads the committee, thinks they do, and says he might subpoena the Justice Department and the White House if he doesn’t get the made-up answers he’s craving. They’re having a hearing very soon, after all, and Nunes would probably really like to find Trump’s completely made-up #SmokingGun on “wire tapps,” so they don’t have to do anything unsavory like investigate why Trump lives inside Vlad Putin’s butthole.

God, all these people are just the worst kind of idiots. Aren’t you glad they’re running America right now? Don’t they just make you SLEEP SO WELL AT NIGHT?

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  • Edith Prickly
  • whitroth

    Ah, yes, use of quotation marks…. There’s a supposedly true story that I read, maybe 20 years ago, so I don’t remember what city… But one idiot council member was talking about a sign, and had a mock up, with quotes around a few words. A second, literate council member objected, saying that was an incorrect use of quotes.

    First member: it’s for emphasis, that’s how they’re used now.
    Second council member: So, it’s ok if I tell the press that I saw you and your “wife” coming out of a hotel?
    First idiot shut up.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Now that the last competent people have been fired, we can finally get to the bottom of this.”
    — Your shiny new Justice Department

  • Mr. Blobfish

    They will never find the evidence because sneaky tyrant Obama is so powerful, he was directing foreign intelligence agencies to spy on trump.

    • magyar of infinite power

      Mossad?

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Two letters. Begins with U and ends with K. I hear this goes all the way to the top!

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      That was part of Agenda 21, right?

      • ahughes798

        Which was part of Jade Helm, right?

  • Oblios_Cap

    why Trump lives inside Vlad Putin’s butthole.

    Well, it’s not much worse than the usual tacky places he stays.

    • magyar of infinite power

      Pretty sad when a colon is nicer than your multi-million dollar apartment. And better decorated.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Is there any fucking downside to the trump administration keeping this fuckfest alive? Because the only reason it was ever a Thing was to fight back against the Putin connection news, and it has partly worked. If there was no tapp (there was no tapp!), can anybody’s fingers get slapped?…

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Well, Donald’s fingers are pretty small, so you might want to pick a bigger target. I’d suggest his ego.

      • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

        “…that’s no moon…”

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      It’s serving it’s purpose nicely. When was the last time you heard anyone ask why the fuck Jeff Sessions still has a job?

    • Jim Johnson

      Wasn’t there something about Sessions perjuring himself and having to resign while his “Justice” department did an investigation? It seems so long ago now.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “Hey Donald, there’s WIRE TAPPS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!”

    Plenty of room down there if his hands are any indicator.

    • ahughes798

      Probably enough for an entire Putin.

  • Vincent Ricola

    “I’m getting very ill-tempered over this” – Sassy Lindsey Graham

    This phrase is about to be overused in my daily conversations and work emails.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      If you continue on your present course, sir, I shall have no choice but to challenge your honor at sunrise tomorrow morn…

    • OneYieldRegular

      I can’t quite believe that Graham didn’t use the words “hissy fit,” but maybe he’s saving that for when he’s really mad.

    • CeeQ

      “This is making me very cross!”

    • Mike Steele

      Lawdie, we love us some Miss Lindsey – and that’s what I like about the South:)

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The Department of Justice asked the chairman and vice chairman of the House Intelligence Committee for “additional time” to fabricate evidence to support President Donald Trump’s accusation that the Obama administration wiretapped his phones at Trump Tower during the campaign.

    /fixed
    /FFS

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      “FFS”…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    So far, they have only come across evidence of Trump getting “Tapped” during an “experimental phase” at Wharton.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      He knows how to be tapped out when it’s time to pay his bills, though.

    • AJ Milne

      If anyone needs me for the next little while, my schedule is:

      — next 48 hours: vomiting
      — week after that: intensive care

  • therblig

    i guess if we can’t have senators with head mounted laser beams, it’s enough that they’re ill-tempered.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Wait until the ham biscuits start flying.

      • ahughes798

        And grits.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “You’ll run afoul of the Judiciary Committee. If I were you, I wouldn’t do that,” he said. “Director Comey, trying to give you a little advice here.”

    Is this Southern for “Bitch, please”? I like, I like!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This Just In; Justice Department announces new surveillance program Operation Riverdance: Now the white men are doing the tapping!

  • bookish
    • Shibusa
      • Doug Langley

        Beware! I am now “Doug the Kid”!

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Lynn Pommelhorse here

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Hmmm. I’m “Jay the Kid”. You think we’re related?

    • PubOption

      Calling yourself Wayne Tracker is not a good way to cover your tracks.

    • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

      Schneiderman is a damned good AG! He does the work, and connects the dots. I wonder how he even figures this stuff out. He is like a crime profiler on “Criminal Minds.” I loved that show. I was a late comer to the series, we had a roommate a long while back that started calling me “Dr. Reed” since I apparently also connect dots and have some knowledge in vastly various areas. Once I started watching the show, it brought back my early desire to study forensics. When I was 12, my plan was to be a forensic pathologist and coroner.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    “I’m getting very ill-tempered over this,” the South Carolina senator told reporters.

    “Why, I’m positively madder than that snake what married a garden hose!”

    • magyar of infinite power

      They tried to warn us that this would happen once butt-sex marriages were allowed.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        I couldn’t find one about a lawnmower on StupidSouthernExpressions.com so I went with the next best thing.

    • Persistent Demme

      I always hear him with a Foghorn Leghorn voice.
      “I’m getting very ill-tempered, I say, Ill tempered, over this!”

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Funnily enough, I always hear him in Aunt Bea’s voice.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          I hear Aunt Pittypat, but they are all hilarious to me.

    • Shibusa
      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Those aren’t his real pearls…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “The Department of Justice has asked for more time to comply with the House Intelligence Committee’s request for information related to possible surveillance of Donald Trump or his associates during the election campaign,” Nunes spokesman Jack Langer said in a statement. “We have asked the department to provide us this information before the committee’s open hearing scheduled for March 20. If the committee does not receive a response by then, the committee will ask for this information during the March 20 hearing and may resort to a compulsory process if our questions continue to go unanswered.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/385a7ebb7585237eb0ca6a7e044859af13de2e14e2349dc16cd42c48f5331150.gif

  • Mpeg

    Has anyone thought to look for the answers in VP Pence’s private email server? Hmmmm?

    • Mpeg

      I guess technically it wasn’t a server. BUT STILL..

    • Shibusa

      Or the private RNC email server that Conway, Preibus, Bannon, Spicer, etc are all still using?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Two congressmen privy to sensitive intelligence information said this weekend that they, too, had no information currently to support Trump’s claims…

    House Speaker Paul Ryan, asked directly on CBS News’ “Face the Nation” if he had seen evidence of the wiretaps, said: “No.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7aaa1fabbc27cdd4593ea2ad4d14b589d483a590c3bf974a37f8d82fd8137481.jpg

    • Shibusa

      President Bannon fired a shot over the bow with that “leaked” audio of Ryan today. But it seems like Ryan can do a lot more damage to Trump simply by muscling (with $) the House intelligence committee (such as it is) to do an investigation of Trump’s Russia ties.

  • Can we just move on to the phase where Caesar Trump replaces the Congress with a herd of horses?

    The horses would probably be smarter and more useful in governing the country.

    • magyar of infinite power

      Caligula was a better leader

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        I presume you mean than tRump. When I first read it I thought you meant better that Incitatus. I’m sure Incitatus would be better than either Caligula or tRump.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I vote for Clydesdales, at least they helped that little lost dog

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “Chris, I’m not Inspector Gadget. I don’t believe people are using the microwave to spy on the Trump campaign,” Conway told CNN. “However, I have — I’m not in the job of having evidence…”

    So she admits that we should not take her bullshit seriously. Good to know!

  • FDRliberal

    There is no “wire tapp evidence”, as we all know.

    Trump, a stupid old man, simply repeats whatever he happens to have read on Breitbart “News” or have seen on Hannity. He does not question whether it is true. Like the drunken, angry right-wing uncle everyone runs away from at a family gathering, he just repeats what Bill O’Reilly or Alex Jones says.

    So I just wish Lindsey and McCain would stop wasting time pretending and going along with the so-called president’s act.

    As usual, lying scumbag Trump is lying, there is nothing here.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      All the real problems in the world and this is what we’re doing. It makes my head hurt.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Maybe they can wring a confession out of the toaster.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Honestly, I’m just glad to find out that talking to my appliances makes me prescient, and not certifiable.

    • Grumpy Twat

      If you water-board a toaster will you get the result you were anticipating?

      • Doug Langley

        Nah, you’ll just get crumbs.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Depends on whether or not it’s plugged in and you’re holding it.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I look forward to seeing this evidence! Along with the evidence that Melania was always working here in the US legally, and that all of the Trump family’s conflicting business interests have been divested, and Trump’s SEKRIT PLAN TO DEFEAT ISIS… I’m going to be waiting a while, aren’t I?

  • Anna Rompage

    Let me get this straight…

    The same people who spent $10s of millions of taxpayer money, & 4 years unsuccessfully looking for a smoking gun that Hillary planned and carried out the attacks on the consulate in Benghazi are now investigating whether Obama had Trump’s phones tapped?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      It’s almost TOO easy!

  • Crank Tango

    “I’m getting very ill-tempered over this”

    No need to yell!

    • Rick Hill

      If this starts to cause him concern, then, look out!

    • proudgrampa

      Stop screaming!

      • ahughes798

        Miss Lindsey is a propah Southren gentleperson. That is how they scream.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Latverian Diplomat

      He may be 70, but he never grew up.

    • Stockmann

      “Can we just admit we may have taken this ‘Anyone can grow up to be President’ thing just a bit too far…?”

      Lets also include William F. Buckley’s maxim: “I would rather be governed by the first 2000 people in the Boston telephone directory than the 2000 people on the faculty of Harvard University.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nf_bu-kBr4

  • Rick Hill

    How’s about looking for some of that trump/Russia evidence. Should be a lot easier to find, yet there doesn’t seem to be enough to begin any type of investigation.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    This would be funny if it wasn’t such a fucking disgrace. Does Anypony remember being citizens of a Superpower rather than a fucking Banana Republic?

    • magyar of infinite power

      I came of age during Reagan, so – no

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I was just a kid then, but Point well taken. :)

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      If this was a television show, it would be funny. It would be unbelievable and over-the-top. The Keystone Cops meets House of Cards meets The Apprentice meets Satan. But then you remember it’s real. For keeps. Today. Sometimes I think elections have consequences…

      • Anna Elizabeth

        If our nation – Hell, the species – survives, perhaps John and Martha Q. Public will finally learn that lesson.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          We never do things the easy way. Bless our stupid, mean hearts.

          • ahughes798

            Apparently getting meaner and stupider all the time, also too.

        • DahBoner

          Half of Americans have below average IQ:
          http://www.livescience.com/18132-intelligence-social-conservatism-racism.html

          I’ve noticed you can’t fix DUMB because dumb people already think they know EVERYTHING, so no need to bother learning something new.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Unfortunately, you are absolutely right on that.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I was born in 1977, so I recall us blathering endlessly about being a superpower. That said, I went to bed every night as a child terrified that I was going to be nuked in my sleep, so if we WERE a superpower at that time, I’d be content with something less target-y.

      • Shibusa

        Be glad you’re not sleeping in a Trump property. Those sure seem like big gold cheesy targets.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        ’73 for me. I remember those days too. Plus, Dad would lead dinner table convos about how we should expect to be nuked soon, cos the USA isn’t mentioned in the Bible, so we needed to be nuked so Jesus could do the Second Coming.

        Also, I got punished for not being able to eat.

        • cmd resistor

          Ha, first I read that as USDA wasn’t in the Bible.

          • ahughes798

            Well, there were all those dietary rules….

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Hah! Nixon and The Draft were nearly as lyerly as today, but we were all still in shock from the Dead Kennedys….

          • Anna Elizabeth

            True enough. The nation survived those things, gives me motivation for these times. :)

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          OK, THAT SPOILER TAG DID NOT WORK

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I grew up during WW II when a somewhat reluctant America became that superpower. I had assumed that we would continue to show the world that we care for others as we did when our fathers and uncles (and mothers and aunts) sacrificed themselves in the war and in the acts that followed, the refugees that came into the country and the Marshall Plan and other programs that send to others those resources.

      Things have gone to hell in a handbag under this Orange Shitgibbon and those who praise him for being the asshole that he is.

  • Greyhame

    Evidence, you say? Did they check Mark Levin’s ass?

  • ThePuckStopsHere

    I , for one, say give em all the time they want. Better to have them chasing their own tails than to have them wrecking the country. See also: AHCA.

    • Rags

      No. don’t let the squrrels run the show. This is all deflection from Trump/Russia.

  • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

    Aren’t you glad they’re running America right now? Don’t they just make you SLEEP SO WELL AT NIGHT?

    NO AND HELL NO.

    Anypony else remember when the US of America was, y’know, actually respected and not auto associated with an angry rage orange?

    • TJ Barke

      Are you a bot?

      • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

        No…?

  • Jonny On Maui

    I guess it was just a matter of time. Ronnie Rayguns gave all free range loons. Now they are all members of the current administration.

  • Inner Venom

    So just to recap:
    1) Obama is leading a political assasination plot against Sessions and Flynn and wiretapping Trump.
    2) Microwaves are really transformers with cameras to spy on us.
    3) Hillary Clinton runs a child trafficking ring out of a pizzeria like a mobster.

    But SOMEHOW, global warming and white privilege are all just hoaxes that don’t exist designed to destroy America?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Winnah, winnah, chicken dinnah!

      • Raan

        Wait, shouldn’t it be some kind of crab dish? Because of the crabs? Like crabcakes? Ooh, or Dungeon-Us Crab? Because we’re in a dungeon?

        I’m kidding, Crab Rangoon.

        • Doug Langley

          Are you seriously suggesting we partake of canned crabs?

  • Bebecca

    Is the Justice Department the President’s personal attorney?

    • TJ Barke

      It is now.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    No doubt Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III is going to investigate the fuck out of this.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
  • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

    What he was trying to say, “What happened to Omar in The Wire. Sick/Bad.” Alt Spicey

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Question!! Should I watch the Wire?

      • proudgrampa

        Yes.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          Thank you both!

          *adds that shit to Netflix que*

      • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

        Yes.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        I got exactly five minutes into it and quit, and have been assured that I am a loser for doing so.

        Also, Breaking Bad.

        I know, guys, I know.

        • snark-lurker

          mee too

        • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

          It took me a long time to get through Breaking Bad. I originally thought it was supposed to be funny, and I am a fan of dark humor, but Breaking Bad was not, nor did it intend to be, funny.
          OTH, the Wire was awesome, and I have watched the whole series multiple times.

          • proudgrampa

            But I, for one, thought the acid in the bathtub scene in Breaking Bad was hilarious!

            Maybe I’m just a twisted soul.

          • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

            There were some brilliantly hilarious moments like that scattered throughout, which is why the first time I made it as far along as I did.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Oh oh……..I never got the message that Breaking Bad was not supposed to be funny! Why didn’t somebody “wiretapp” me?….Fuck you guys! I laughed all the way up to the end, and then felt justified……..Man!….

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            Yeah, I think that was my problem, too. I think because people start laughing when they talk about BB because it’s so dark that they would cry otherwise.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          I felt the same about Breaking Bad, although I am gonna give it another try.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    And the GOP cottage industry of investigating Dems for anything they can dream up continues to roll merrily along, spending taxpayer money like a drunken sailor in a whorehouse*

    *no Russian pee hookers were harmed in the making of this non comment

  • Rags

    And the investigation of ‘millions of illegals’ voting? Hmmmm?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Oh, that one too!

    • Anna Rompage

      Those should be coming out about 3 months before the next presidential election, showing inconclusive proof whether it happened or not……

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Of course such an urgent problem can’t wait for an investigation. It demands immediate action with more voter restrictions and gerrymandering.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          Also, stop and frisk.

          • Anna Rompage

            Can I request a cavity search if the officer is cute?

          • mailman27

            And moar tax cuts!

    • Me not sure

      All the secret agents are in Hawaii looking for Obams’s birth certificate.

      • Liberoid Ron

        Gotta be good for the tourist industry.

  • memzilla Ω

    BREAKING: White House Announces New Anti Surveillance Protocol
    .

  • memzilla Ω
    • snark-lurker

      knitting on speed again, huh?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “This is too big for my hands, just like that old gym sock was too big for…[changing the subject] Obama tapped my taco bowl!”
      — Donald Trump

    • Doug Langley

      Where’s the Cone of Silence when we really need it?

    • Occupied Territory of Kavefish
  • BMW

    Trump didn’t mean it literally, which is why he asked for an investigation and the Justice Department is gathering evidence…YES, THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE, SEAN SPICER.

  • Mavenmaven

    They enjoy this “investigating Obama crimes” idea, and ultimately people will simply believe it to be true, much like Trey Gowdy’s BenghazI hearings.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      It’s why they do it.

      • TJ Barke

        Makes me very very strangley…

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          And it will continue to work as long as people let it!! Has no one noticed they never find any evidence and lock her or him up?! If the Democrats are indeed the raping, murdering, microwave-spying villians you claim, why would you keep voting for people incapable of catching them with literally years and years of investigations and eleventy billion dollars?

          • TJ Barke

            Any day now… any day now…

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Fuck.

  • cmd resistor

    So, OT, but the Washington AG filed a motion Monday saying the so-called judge’s travel ban TRO should apply to the new EO, and asked for a hearing. Judge said there wouldn’t be a hearing before 3/15, but said if there WAS one, it would be by phone. HE then ordered DOJ to file a written response by today at 4:30 PST. Meanwhile, there is a hearing scheduled in a Maryland case tomorrow and one in Hawaii. http://www.economist.com/blogs/democracyinamerica/2017/03/back-court

  • azeyote

    trump just knows things no one else does – also he has big hands –

  • Kiri the Paid Protestor
  • Aaron Wise

    Nancy Pelosi needs to get involved soon.
    Making waves and, wait, she’s still in her bubble bath.
    Go Nancy! GO!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Where’s my black?

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        Hi, I’m The Internet. I’m all yours today!

    • DensityDestiny

      Need a nap?

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      Fetid pile of crap?

  • Aaron Wise

    Relax everyone.
    The DNC is going to exploit this like they did with Jeff Sessions.
    Full attack mode!

  • bookish

    https://www.propublica.org/article/can-customs-border-protection-search-phone-legal-rights

    Recent detentions and seizures of phones and other material from travelers to the United States have sparked alarm. We detail what powers Customs and Border Protection officials have over you and your devices.

    • Liberoid Ron

      None, cuz I ain’t goin’ over there nohow.

  • Swampay

    The stupid, it burns.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I was looking for the Bush searching for WMDs gif to make a joke, but decided to stop here.
    https://media.giphy.com/media/IgxOJDDF5B7aM/giphy.gif

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Shiny!…

    • Raan

      brushy brushy brushy

    • Liberoid Ron

      I get exactly the same look on my face when someone is running a giant toothbrush over my head.
      I can haz Precedency naow?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Busted!
    New “Omamaware Microwave”: Designed especially for Trump Tower: NYC.”

    https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/e35/17265644_1118374788308671_9177384481986707456_n.jpg

    • SayItWithWookies

      What — the NSA’s really gonna listen in on the help, now? Put a bug under the gold-plated toilet seat and they’ll get some useful info.

    • Liberoid Ron

      I recognise the fridge and dishwasher and oven, but who’s that dashing fellow above the range?

  • DensityDestiny

    Oooo, “metastasized orange fartsack” has legs, Evan. It will run and run. Please use that one again.

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      T-shirts need to be made.

      • maxneanderthal

        …and coffee mugs..

        • Liberoid Ron

          I don’t think I’d be comfortable drinking from anything with the word ‘fartsack’ emblazoned upon it.

    • BadKitty904

      Impressive, very, but the fake Korean News site’s “Fat, Rotting Papaya” will always have a place in my heart…

  • natoslug

    The only way any of this makes any sense is if Wire is Trump’s nickname for his ever-expanding ass. And even then, he should probably be looking at Bannon or Sphincter, not Obama for the tapping.

    • Raan

      Goodbye future ravioli with meat sauce and garlic bread. I’m sure you would have been good.

      • natoslug

        Ravioli with meat sauce and garlic bread sounds like another description of Roger Ailes’ swimsuit area.

  • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

    Did someone say “Microwaves”? Here’s something on that topic to mebbe lower the blood pressure:

    https://youtu.be/VwbjqZ4debM

  • BadKitty904

    And this time-wasting DoJ bullshittery is costing us taxpayers HOW much???

    • Anna Rompage

      The DoJ has much better things to do, like formulating a plan to go after pot vendors & users in states where recreational pot is legal…

      Why there’s private jail space that needs to be filled up…

      • BadKitty904

        Esp. GOP Congressfolk are stockholders in said private jail vendors…

      • Raan

        Funny how they’re all for state’s rights except when states do things they don’t like.

    • WeaselPoo

      Nothing, ‘cos the Mexicans will pay for it, just like they…..

  • maxneanderthal

    Tweet reports 3/9/17 “President” T.Rump, reporting “taps” vidscreen, mal-reporting rectify “++ungood” upsub.
    Fixed….

    • whitroth

      Doubleplusgood, citizen, for reporting that.

  • bookish

    https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/03/paul-ryan-breitbarts-favorite-punching-bag/519546/?google_editors_picks=true

    Breitbart News has been, and may forever be, at war with House Speaker Paul Ryan.

    Ryan has been a favorite target at Breitbart for years. Current White House chief strategist and former Breitbart chairman Steve Bannon has made little secret of his disdain for Ryan. In December 2015, Bannon reportedly said in an email to Matthew Boyle, the site’s Washington political editor, that his “long game” was for Ryan to be “gone by spring.”

    • TJ Barke

      He may well pull that off given what a steaming shit pile this health bill bullshit is.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        The problem is who would be both venal enough and stupid enough to take the job after the White House has a Speaker from their own party whacked?

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Putin?…

          • maxneanderthal

            Farage.

        • Raan

          Steve King.

          • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

            BA-hahahahahahaha

        • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

          Given those criteria, there must be 150-200 just in the House.

  • elviouslyqueer

    “You’ll run afoul of the Judiciary Committee. If I were you, I wouldn’t do that,” Lindsay Graham said. “Director Comey, trying to give you a little advice here.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5c1a0dfb88ccabf0de88b7c54c6b9ced867f8ed1174cc42dfcd99cbbf062093c.jpg

    • BadKitty904

      Aunt Pitty, threatening the head of the FBI – ’cause it’s not like she’s hiding anything in her closet, is it?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Whaddaya mean? I’m sure Miss Lindsay is as Straight as I am. XD

        • Gayer Than Thou

          She’s certainly at least as straight as *I* am.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            LOL

        • maxneanderthal

          Straight as a tap dancing pink unicorn whistling Gloria Gaynor’s greatest hits

      • timpundit

        Except for that red petticoat that’s so stiff it can stand up by itself.

        • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

          eeeeewwwwwww!!!!!

          • BadKitty904

            (Pssst! It’s a Gone with the Wind reference…)

          • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

            I don’t care – that ain’t the image that conjured.

          • timpundit

            That’s not what I meant! But I wish I did! lolol

    • nightmoth

      Bitchy Lindsay is best. Wish he were like that all the time.

      • Jonny On Maui

        I’m pretty sure Bitch Lindsay appears after 3 mint juleps. If only my SparklePony would stop after 3…

        Ed: I forgot. That would mean stopping drinking before noon.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Ya can’t drink all day if ya don’t start in the mornin’.

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            Reason #4,829 to hate Daylight Saving Time.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Under Trump Standard Usage, does this mean that putting “with votes” in quotation marks can now get one ban-hammered?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Beowoof14

    Something tells me they have everyone possible working on creating that evidence. Including James O’Keefe and Larry Klayman.

    • BadKitty904

      The Laurel & Hardy of the GOP…

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Which one wants to work for Wonkette, again?…

      • Raan

        That weird Brit who I will bet you a bag of crisps voted leave.

        If ‘e bothered to.

  • bookish

    An interesting profile of KAC. She persists.

    https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/04/kellyannes-alternative-universe/517821/?google_editors_picks=true

    But insiders say Conway is largely untouchable. Jason Miller, who worked for the campaign and the transition team, told me he couldn’t imagine Conway losing her job: “One thing people don’t quite get is that she is a living, breathing folk hero for millions of people around the country.”

    To doubt that Conway’s comeuppance awaits is to question the laws of political gravity, or even the basic concept of right and wrong. “She’s able to sit there with a straight face and say, over and over, ‘No, the sky has never, ever been blue, and it’s true because we won,’ ” says Rick Wilson, the anti-Trump consultant. “She’s going to have to, at some point, reckon with the moral compromises it takes to do the things she’s doing.”

    In a universe that operates according to normal rules, that might be true—actions are supposed to have consequences; people are supposed to stop listening to you when you prove that you can’t be trusted. But as Donald Trump showed again and again throughout the campaign, those rules aren’t as binding as we may have once believed.

    • BadKitty904

      Which can only mean she’s got files/footage on one of these tax-fattened hyenas…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      She’ll reckon with moral compromise only when she’s bouncing a tennis ball around the walls of her Supermax cell.

    • uhm….living breathing folk hero?
      Really?
      erm.
      huh.

    • Jamoche

      “One thing people don’t quite get is that she is a living, breathing folk hero for millions of people around the country.”

      [citation needed]

      • Right? It is like they are trying to make fetch happen.
        All we need to do is start playing all that tape of her ragging on Trump during the primary. Betcha donuts she goes the way of the Ryan

      • Raan

        Yes, millions of people who have, apparently, lost everything above their brainstem.

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          If you plant the brain too deep, the stem will rot.

    • Liberoid Ron

      She may be ‘a living, breathing folk hero for millions of people around the country.’ Those particular people aren’t exactly overflowing with smarts. But I’m quite sure that none of that matters to the enemies she’s making in the White House. What matters is loyalty to THEM, not the voters.

  • BadKitty904
    • Raan

      When it started incriminating (allegedly!) the Beast.

    • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

      09 November 2016.

    • DahBoner

      “I got nothing to hide” (Bush years)

      “Maybe I do have something to hide” (Obama years)

      “Trump needs privacy. He hates n***ers just like me!” (Trump years)

  • boyblue123

    Justice dept will release their evidence when Drumpf releases his taxes

    • Raan

      On October 22, 2077. One day before the bombs fall.

  • Martini Ambassador

    Didn’t Drumphy mouthpiece Stoopid Spice already admit that his boss was talking out of his ass with the “Omamz did wire tapp to me” stuff? Justice has nothing better to do than an obvious snipe hunt? ¯_(ツ)_/¯

    • ariel_gee_398

      It’s either this or attack voting rights. I like this option better.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, you know, as far as snipe hunts go…emails!

  • bookish

    https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/03/trumps-war-on-independent-analysis/519468/?google_editors_picks=true

    CBO is just one front in the war on analysis. Intelligence is another. Trump spent months disputing the consensus judgment of the U.S. intelligence community about Russia’s role in hacks related to the election. He infamously speculated the perpetrator could have been a “guy sitting on their bed who weighs 400 pounds.” He later tweeted, “Unless you catch ‘hackers’ in the act, it is very hard to determine who was doing the hacking.” (Actual experts disputed this.) Trump later said he accepted the judgment, but has maintained a skepticism about intelligence conclusions. The result is the same: undermining the role of independent analysis within the government.

    Other departments have been similarly undercut. The administration reportedly plans to cut the budget for the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Various Trump advisers spent months claiming the Bureau of Labor Statistics was untrustworthy. Trump’s fury that a federal judge could strike down his immigration executive order was similar: He believed he had, or ought to have, a monopoly on constitutional interpretation.

    The immigration order is a good case study on the conflict between independent analysis and political imperatives, and the risk for Johnsonian and Nixonian abuses. After the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals struck down the administration’s first attempt at an order, the White House assigned the Departments of Justice and Homeland Security to ferret out evidence to back the conclusion, already reached without backing, that the seven countries from which Trump wanted to ban immigrants were particularly dangerous. So the agencies got to work. Their report, obtained by the Journal, “assesses that country of citizenship is unlikely to be a reliable indicator of potential terrorist activity,” just the opposite of what the White House sought. A senior administration official fumed: “The president asked for an intelligence assessment. This is not the intelligence assessment the president asked for.”

    • Jamoche

      “The president asked for an intelligence assessment. This is not the intelligence assessment the president asked for.”

      Wonder how many of his former employees are going “been there, done that.”

      • whitroth

        Here’s an intelligence assessment: I’d say his IQ is about 90, or maybe 85.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      You make this sound like it had “reasons”….

  • Bill D. Burger

    Now really, youz’ guys! He didn’t mean ‘wire tapping’ when he said ‘wire tapping’; he meant general surveilance of….uhh…the general sort. And he didn’t mean ‘Trump Tower’ when he said ‘Trump Tower’; he meant the whole country generally, you know, “generally.” And he didn’t mean ‘me’ when he said ‘me’; he meant somebody, somewhere….generally.

    https://i.imgflip.com/1lc34r.jpg

    • SterWonk

      I’m actually okay with using that phrase as a stand-in for “surveillance” – that’s one of them sophistamicated furren-sounding words, so I can forgive 45 for not being able to come up with it.

      That said, there’s still precisely zero evidence of even the more generic “surveillance” going on.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Yes, there were Secret Service agents at trump Tower for weeks before the election. They were watching everthing. Satisfied? Apologize?….

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      HE MEANT OBAMA WAS TAPDANCING!….

  • nightmoth

    So is Richard Burr suggesting he’s heard all the lies he needs to hear and Justice can put up or shut up? Put much more nicely, of course. Because that’s the Richard Burr who voted “yes” on Betsy DeVoss after she gave him a whole big heap of campaign money, so that means he’s somewhat sane, although still corrupt as a broken toilet.

  • Suse
  • Villago Delenda Est

    I understand that Adam Schiff is not upset with this, says that as long as they are ready to go by the 20th, when the hearings start, it’s cool with him.

    Just be ready to go or the hurt is going to be, um, hurtful.

  • I thought spicer came out and admitted that the whole tapping thing was just a metaphor?

    • DahBoner

      “I never said I met Thor” — Spicy

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger

    New photographic proof from Infowars and Breitbart. Expect a twitterstorm from Hare Fury tonight!

    https://image.cagle.com/192597/1155/192597.png

  • WotsAllThisThen

    You guys, Obama wasn’t literally tapping on wires with his fingers like Morse code! What do you think this is, the 1800s? Next question, please.

  • zerosumgame0005

    my favorite part is this part:

    But Barton wasn’t done. Pointing his finger at the man who had the
    audacity to suggest that he take a moment to care about women, he
    demanded:

    “You, sir, shut up.”

    “You don’t tell anybody to shut up!” the man shouted back. “You work for us!”

    http://addictinginfo.org/2017/03/14/texas-goper-angrily-demands-voter-shut-up-when-he-complains-about-violence-against-women-video/

    • BadKitty904

      Are the sheep beginning to turn on the wolves who prey upon them?

      • Crystalclear12

        Saw that on Grimm. Didn’t end well for the wolf.

        • whitroth

          He got ram-med?

      • zerosumgame0005

        one truly hopes the fuck so!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Chadwells
  • Carpe Vagenda

    If we could just lock the door of the room this is taking place in and misplace the key for a while…

    https://twitter.com/lachlan/status/841746660111859712

    • BadKitty904

      Welcome to the Monkey House…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You say potato, I say potahto, let’s rumble.

    • TJ Barke

      God I hope they all kill “vote” each other, so we can “vote” off the survivors.

    • Red Bird Ω

      This is the worst pretend fight I’ve ever seen.

    • Edith Prickly

      LOOOL, so much shade-throwing!

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      But…can we still punch Nazis in the face? With votes of course ;)

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I think we should leave the nazi punching to nazis, don’t you? Splitters.

  • Crystalclear12

    This show is dragging this plot point out too long.

  • DahBoner

    Hey Donald, there’s WIRE TAPPS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!

    Wire Tapp detector goes off, then Trump sees a new car ad on his Twitter feed…
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/70a7e6a2e8fea301bdaf0df1b56c5eccb754502f2a1f52daf54b4ce27366a172.png

    • Isaac Heston

      Needs a Hummer

  • bookish

    http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2017/03/scott-pruitts-epa-his-own-pr-firm

    One of the first actions the Trump administration took when it entered office was to crack down on the Environmental Protection Agency, starting with its social-media feeds and website.

    The agency’s work on climate and energy policy has slowed to a crawl, but it has been replaced with a different focus: the promotion of the new EPA administrator, Scott Pruitt. With one exception, all of the EPA’s tweets and Facebook posts since Pruitt’s confirmation have been about his various appearances or sharing quotes from the EPA chief or President Donald Trump. The only time the EPA tweeted about an environmental issue, it was to promote Trump’s executive order attempting to roll back a Clean Water Act rule. (On Monday, outside of the three-week period we used for this analysis, the EPA finally tweeted about a local grant.)

    • whitroth

      And the asshole appointed to HHS is sending us his Weekly Newsletter, about all the Wonderful Media Things he’s done….

    • TJ Barke

      Scum running an agency opposed to scum…

  • OT – The money quote (if not the money shot) was that

    … another sex party for officers in the MacArthur Suite of the Manila hotel. During the party, “historical memorabilia related to General Douglas MacArthur were used by the participants in sexual acts,” according to the indictment.

    https://twitter.com/rudepundit/status/841738994354421760

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Dick-brained losers.

    • BadKitty904

      OK, you try finding a replacement corncob pipe in Manila at 3AM, if you think it’s so funny!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        XD LOLOMG

    • TJ Barke
    • Anna Elizabeth

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/30da3baefc20ed0c521d461af2a2b394b6a839d364196e3405936ea91df2977a.jpg

      Look at this whitebread piece of shit. He wears Aviator wings and lots of brass, but he don’t look like he could find ice in Antarctica. I think we should bring back hanging from the yardarm for these crimes.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Wow — Filipina call girls put up with a lot, but having to look at that face — ugh.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Roger that, Affirm. Ick.

      • Flashman

        Upon discharge of his bodilly essences, the admiral would cry out, “I shall return!”

        • Anna Elizabeth

          LOLOMG

          I’ve wanted to be a Naval Aviator or surface officer since I was little, but *this* whitebread makes me glad I never was, for the first time in my life.

          I’m not a prude, but trading sexxytimes for selling out Service and Country? Shame. If I were CNO, after seeing these assholes hanged, I’d decomm “Blue Ridge” and change her name.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Rear Adm. Bruce Loveless

      Haha, Borowitz. This time I’m not biting.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    In my fantasy world, where microwaves take p0rno photos of us in our nude pizza pocket frenzies, the Justice Department just wants a little more time to make sure all the Senators are firmly onboard with Article 25-ing Drumpf.

    • birdbrain53

      ROFL

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Aw. The BBC video family speak (tl;dr: they usually lock the door and the little girls was still hopped up on sugar from her birthday party)

  • wait! what?

    …and this is why there aren’t many cats in the White House.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acoustic_Kitty?wprov=sfla1

    Acoustic Kitty was a CIA project launched by the Central Intelligence Agency Directorate of Science & Technology, which in the 1960s intended to use cats to spy on the Kremlin and Soviet embassies. In an hour-long procedure a veterinary surgeon implanted a microphone in the cat’s ear canal, a small radio transmitter at the base of its skull and a thin wire into its fur.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Well, we have really good intel on the mouse situation in the embassy, but not much on what Brezhnev is up to.”

    • TJ Barke

      And the test cat was promptly run over.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Except the white cat, who sat in the Head of Spectre’s lap and purred loudly the whole time…

    • Persistent Demme

      And now we let them help elect the president of the USA.
      Proud of yourselves, GOP?

    • Flashman

      Only the CIA would use for espionage purposes an animal that sleeps 23.5 hours a day.

      • birdbrain53

        And doesn’t take well to instructions. And believes hoomans exist to serve them.

        And we’re paying for them do do stupid stuff like this?

        • mardam422

          They figured Russians must be like bond villains, plotting the takeover of the free world while stroking their kitty.
          Wait…did that come out right?

      • HarpyLibtart

        They are very good at positioning themselves to silently judge you when you do something embarrassing, though. :P

  • Anna Elizabeth

    OT – I’ve been needing to cry – it’s good for mental health – and it’s been about 3 weeks, so I found a video to help:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hBwYkZ4q00

    RIP, Ayrton Senna

    • TJ Barke

      The ending of the Futurama episode Jurassic Bark is good for that.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Damn, it’s been a while for that one. :) Yes, you are so right.

      • Also, too, the last episode of Blackadder Goes Forth

        • Anna Elizabeth

          TNG Episode “The Inner Light”.

          • Yeah, that one works too (though, had to google which one it was, originally thought you meant the one where Tasha dies…)

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Ah, “Skin of Evil”. Yes, Tasha’s memorial is pretty reliable too.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Watching ET does it to me. As does the end of the courtroom scene of Legally Blonde (when Elle wins the trial). Every. single. time.

        • Isaac Heston

          You just dredged up a memory. I cried during ET in the theater. Then my parents made fun of me for it.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I’m sorry. Everyone I know cried during ET.

          • Isaac Heston

            Thinking about that again. Fuck those assholes and I’m glad I don’t bring my children near them.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Good for you. :) I had to cut ties to my family – smartest thing I’ve ever done.

          • Isaac Heston

            Thank you. Sincerely.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            You’re quite welcome. :)

            If we learn from, and don’t repeat those patterns of abuse, I think that’s something very good.

        • mardam422

          Old Yeller? Anyone?

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      This might make you cry but smile as wel

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V79iNNmBJe8

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Sorry, not view-able in the USA. The title is inspiring, though.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg
  • Jenny

    O/t but listening to politicians circle jerk about their service and courage to try and treat people unfairly is one of the most infuriating things ever. Fuck your “service” Kolkhorst.

    • BadKitty904

      The only person a Republican pol has ever serviced has been him/herself. And you can interpret that any way you want.

      • Isaac Heston

        I don’t know. They’ve been fucking us for years.

        • magyar of infinite power

          It’s only servicing when you get the other person to come (cum? What does the AP stye book say on this?).

      • Flashman

        Well, and their rentboys.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It’s nice that both intelligence committees are still humoring Assmouth instead of just saying “Shit, man, we don’t pay any goddamn attention to anything you tweet, so send us a goddamn letter with evidence or you get nothing.” Hell, if he demands an investigation and then Spicer McCarthy says he was only joking, what the fuck else are they supposed to believe?

    • BadKitty904

      And, in the meantime, We the People continue to foot the bill.

  • geoffalnutt

    They tried to bring the microwave out of Trump Tower, but the cord wouldn’t reach.

  • parachihuahua

    This is to keep us from paying attention to the real problems:

    https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/03/13/presidential-executive-order-comprehensive-plan-reorganizing-executive
    AND, the just passed HR 998 that lets the House create a committee that can go back 15 years and rescind any regulation they want. Exxon just go it’s way.

    • Other Chris

      Mission accomplished, Wayne Tracker.

      • Foocatchoo

        Wayne Tracker is the new Carlos Danger

        • Mr Canoehead

          or the new John Absolutelynottrump

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
  • Me not sure

    Obama did it all by himself. A black guy in a jump suit can get in anywhere. It always worked on “Mission Impossible”. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2dcdbb0b65f1cf1ec5677edbdb80667785bc52a71b8f0b4b9f279ce2d1f04217.jpg

    • Slamtundra

      A black guy in mom jeans

      • Me not sure

        They’d get him for sure.

  • https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0bca52fa2fc42cae06538d706180bf7a47b53e3cf668048ecdf116b1a7c612fc.jpg Cheeto Benito doesn’t “understand” how to “properly” use “quotation marks”. He’s not “the norm”. The “voices in his head” told him that Hot Pockets programmed by “Obama people” are “spying” on him when he’s taking his 4:00 am “Twitter and dump”.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    But what are the consequences for Trump if they cannot provide evidence? They take his phone away for 30 minutes?

    • Phoenixdoglover

      A more definitive item for the list of high crimes and misdemeanors.

  • Gorillionaire

    2018 midterms are gonna be all about the wingnuts trying to hose out the “moderate” Republicans and setting up the fascist state for realz. I guess the Democrats will just stand to the side and try to appeal to the mythical middle.

  • Manhattan123

    Translation: Jesus, guys it was just another brain fart that Trump shitted out while he was literally on the shitter for his 5 am bowel movement. We didn’t know you were going to take it seriously.

    • “M”

      Tough. Live by the Kremlin propaganda playbook, die by the same.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Won’t the Russian mob be expecting a big payoff?

        • “M”

          I am not the person of whom you need to ask that question.

          Fortunately.

  • Reximus
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      If you replace “Hillary Clinton” with “Paul Ryan” I would totally believe that.

    • Manhattan123

      At what point will the Ecuadoran embassy in London have had enough of this fuckwad?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        April 3 :)

        • “M”

          You know something …?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Just the date of the Ecuadorean runoff election Assange’s state sponsor is popularly expected to lose.

          • “M”

            Oh, my.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Bannon must be on incredibly shaky ground right now.

      • TootsStansbury

        Like ‘Shakes the Clown’?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Well, so far in this hyena standoff they’ve managed to restrain themselves to pissing outside the tent, so I’m guardedly hopeful.

    • jenny_whyme

      I literally laughed out loud.

      Pence is the GOP plant for when they get rid of Trump.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Pence might be the price we pay to get rid of Trump and all his baggage. Pence might be too tainted himself, but that’s where we are.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    It’s going to be interesting to watch how completely nuts the GOP is willing to go. Will the Freedom Caucus nut job coalition, and Steve Bannon, completely burn down the country, or will the few remaining moderates step in and try to put a stop to all their shenanigans?

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      AOT,K! First they burn shit down, then they eat the canned clams, then the moderates step in? I only added the clams because they are monsters!

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I really can’t wait to see the backlash when they start cutting all the federal programs. Remember how the country went nuts when they shut down the national parks for a few days? Wait until it’s hard to get a passport because the State Department no longer exists.

        • MeerkatsRMammals

          Oh yeah! You know nothing good will come of this 😑

  • YetAnotherRebecca

    Personally, my favorite Lindsay Graham is *drunk* pissy Lindsay Graham. Although unfortunately he’s been mostly absent since the election

    • Nodrama4mama

      My dream would be for *drunk* pissy Lindsay Graham and *drunk* pissy John Boehner to go off on an all night twitter rant.

  • Rachel Book Harlot
  • Truly Madly Derply

    Some of my disdain for Miss Lindsey melted away along with his foundation when he cried that one time, talking about Joe Biden. And I’m happy to see his pissyness streaming toward the appropriate receptacles. (The pee jokes, they will never stop). I am once again gaining a grudging though restrained appreciation for McCain’s bullshit detector, as well. I hope sanity reaches out with a tentative hand and fingers at least a few more on the Right side of the aisle, though when you’ve already got your own head jammed up there a finger might not make much of a ripple. And also, too: when I was reading this post this phrase jumped out at me: “Kellyanne Conway’s Bagel Bites.” And I thought Well, that would certainly explain a lot.

  • mardam422

    “Is the Justice Department being for real right now? Or are they just desperately hoping that if they search REAL GOOD, like in the back of the fridge and inside the couch cushions, that they will magically find “evidence” that “Obama” did “Wire Tapps” to Trump?”
    In the microwave. Everyone knows that.

  • penny stock

    Pee hookers!

  • Aaron Wise

    Jeff Sessions is working on it.

  • Foocatchoo

    BUT Trump was SOOOO sure this happened! Now it’s not so clear because the legitimacy of his BS claim is falling apart; yet TRUMPSTERS still believe it!

  • Aaron Wise

    Hopefully Schumer and Pelosi aren’t losing too much sleep.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Every day Trump is reminding me more of Joe McCarthy.

    He never really completed any of his campaigns, and some that he announced he never even began. He would speak of Communists “with a razor poised over the jugular vein of this nation” in defense plants, in the Army, in radar laboratories. But he would stop talking and stop investigating the moment the headlines began to diminish in size and number, this leaving our jugular in as much danger as before.

    –Richard Rovere, Senator Joe McCarthy

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      He never actually had a list of Communists in the State Department either. Like Trump, he made it up as he went along.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Hitler had a program for the coming millennium; McCarthy had no program for tomorrow morning.

        –same book

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          I’ve been reading David Halberstams book on the 1950’s- he makes McCarthy seem pathetic in his desire to be liked. Kind of like you-know-who.

          • Robyn Ryan

            He destroyed so many people’s lives.

      • tkingt

        Edward R. Murrow would have crushed Donnie.

  • Foocatchoo

    Me and mah Sister-Wife dun herd somethin’ about that damn Obama listenin’ to folks all illegal like. Trump said it, so you gotta reckon it’s all true, y’all. Go Jaysus!

  • Robert James Nugent

    But now, the RWNJ theory is that the British did it for Obama. No FISA record that way.

    • jenny_whyme

      My personal theory is the Russians did it.

      Because, gold showers just weren’t gonna matter.

    • ltmcdies

      If MI6 did it, you ain’t finding it RWNJ…

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    The evidence is hiding in the same place that tricksy negro hid his birth certificate and those Iraqi WMD’s. He’ll stop at nothing to humiliate Real Americans™.

    • Gordon Lever

      Real Americans, yes they’ve been humiliated for centuries now, leave them alone, please!!

  • TootsStansbury

    Get these motherfucking snakes off this motherfucking country!

  • Robyn Ryan

    Trump panicked when he learned that the Russian phones he calls repeatedly were legally tapped.
    His story assumes that the tap was on his number and the Russians called him.
    Two way street, cupcake.

  • thixotropic jerk

    Is Trump inside Vlad’s asshole? Maybe, maybe not but this covert photo proves he has skills none of us have ever dreamed of! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7b03d642516b5f0d0d0912503de9cd9d6fd63bcb14c29cb753d5288549938ce7.jpg

    • phoenix00

      That’s just as orange!

    • Rickyphoo

      Thank you for the much needed laugh!

  • TundraGrifter

    This pathetic performance by the Trump Administration, trying to find some shred of evidence his crazy Tweets had any foundation in fact, are hereby named “The Tapp Dance.”

    Or, the “Von Tapp Family Dancers.”

    This show should have closed in New Haven.

  • William
  • DerpyGurdyMan
  • nick kelly

    I’m not clear why ‘taps’ has two ps
    Plural of rat: rats
    Plural of mat: mats

    Oh but I am clear on this! To ALL US media: the past of ‘forecast’ is ‘forecast’ not for Chrissakes ‘forecasted” which spell check correctly flags.

    ‘I went fishing and cast my line…’, not casted which spell check correctly flags.

    The words have the same root. In ancient times the future was divined or forecast by casting stones or bones and reading the result.

    • oh yeah moran?

      – Ratt
      – Matte
      – Tapp

      Tow t’s. too p’s.

      • Gordon Lever

        Matté not friggin Matte

  • Mr Canoehead
  • William
  • Phenicks

    Oh, oh, I know why they are delaying! They figure if they wait a couple more days, Donny Tiny Hands will forget about the whole thing.

  • Well, I bet the hoo-ha between Trump and Palin has cooled off cause of this, no? I mean, Palin’s GOT to have increased her respect for Trump in the last two weeks.

  • TundraGrifter

    “…all these people are just the worst kind of idiots.”

    I didn’t know idiots came in “kinds.” I thought there was just one – sad.

    Now, I will agree there are differences between ignorant, dumb and stupid. Personally, I think the Von Trump Family Tapp Dancers are mostly stupid. With a few dumb mixed in.

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