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Morning Wonketariat! Those filthy hippy LIBERAL Nor’Easterners are getting a little SNOWFLAKE so governments are shutting down, but that won’t stop us! (Because we don’t live there.) Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

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  • Gayer Than Thou
    • Me not sure

      The mark of “just the best!”

    • Noxious Resistance

      “Are you feeling alright, Rosemary?”

  • DahBoner

    TRUMPCARE is so WONDERFUL…

    People are DYING to get on it!!!!1!1!
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/NQRRqqkImJ3Da/giphy.gif

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Where is this from?

      • Mpeg

        she looks part Patricia Arquette and part Melanie Griffith.

  • Chadwells

    “Drumpf’s White House made its own analysis of Drumpf/Ryan Care”….is bullshit to distance himself from it. Does anyone actually believe for a fucking second that these morons did a valid analysis AND CAME UP WITH A WORSE NUMBER?!?!? GTFOH.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Donald Trump wants the LIBERAL White House Press Corps to decide where he sends his presidential paycheck, and I can’t think of a better place than Planned Parenthood, or Doctors Without Borders, homeless shelters, Pro Publica, scholarships for immigrants…

    Or our beloved Wonkette…

    • Me not sure

      It’ll all go to the Trump Foundation to pay legal bills.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Last week’s tiger cubs did not work out so well as pets, but I am sure that my new koala will be a total pet success.

    • Tiny kaiju

      Just make sure your local squirrels get treated for chlamydia afterwards.

  • dslindc

    There are snowflakes outside today, so I have decided to remain in my safe space where it is warm and there is coffee.

    However, there is no pie for Pi Day and I haz a nerdy sad.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I went to a meeting yesterday where a visitor from D.C. was giving a presentation. She was positively giddy about being in nearly 80-degree California sunshine while her colleagues were being buried in snow back east.

    • calliecallie

      In my office we have no snowflakes outside and way too much pie inside. This has been a weird winter, for sure.

    • calliecallie

      If you’re home, you could make a pie.

      • dslindc

        I could, that’s true. I’d have to improvise though and I really don’t need the calories.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Newt Gingrich is SO FUCKING BUTTHURT about the CBO that he’s demanding the CBO be abolished for trashing Trump/RyanCare.

    Won’t this asshole ever go away? Do Republicans even care what he has to say about anything? Because I know that Democrats don’t.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Newt isn’t an asshole. He’s America’s hemorrhoid.

    • dslindc

      Grifters gotta stay known enough to grift.

      • Darlene Underdahl

        Exactly. Sarah Palin is attacking Joe McGinniss again. He’s been dead three years.

    • Shibusa

      Remember when Peggy Noonan called Gingrich an “angry little attack muffin”? Good times.

  • Shibusa

    Breitbart’s “leaked” tape of Ryan saying, “I am not going to defend Donald Trump—not now, not in the future” is Bannon/Trump’s revenge porn against the GoldenBoy Ryan.

  • dslindc

    Oh and after yesterday, my microwave keeps trying to take selfies. Help.

    • OneYieldRegular

      What’s in your re-heated coffee?

      • Tiny kaiju

        Nanobots. Tasty nanobots.

    • Me not sure

      Kellyanne, it’s not the oven, the cameras and mics are hidden in the Hot Pockets!

      • OneYieldRegular

        “It’s coming from inside the house(hold appliance)!”

  • OneYieldRegular

    The CBO just scored my GOP-inspired personal “Individual Freedom” savings plan and determined that if I give up food and clothing, and don’t pay my rent, utility and medical bills, I will save big $$$.

    • Rick Hill

      Think of the savings if you only eat Ramen!!

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      Make sure you funnel some of that $savings$ up to the 1%. Otherwise, what’s the point?

  • Rick Hill

    This is one of those morning when my eyes keep wanting to go crossed. (I can’t think straight. No, not hungover, allergies or something) Am I reading Wonkette or The Onion? Half of these I can’t be sure of…

  • schmannity

    The Daily Shit show.

    • Crystalclear12

      Sponsored by:

      Shit sandwiches!!

  • Shibusa

    Steve King: “I’d like to see an America that’s so homogenous that we look a lot the same.”
    Trump: “Terrific idea. We’ll have the best homogeneousness. Bigly.”
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3a897691f54e30f490820276125e788a12c41f0475943b9cd6dc19791c65334e.jpg

    • coozledad

      Started reading Peter Hayes’ book yesterday: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/03/books/review/final-solution-david-cesarini-why-explaining-holocaust-peter-hayes.html

      Steve King probably has Meine Ehre HeiBt Treue.tramp stamped on his ass.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      If I had to sit at any kind of table and pretend to care about what the orange swine is saying, I would have a ragegasm.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      That pot has melted like a fine fluffernutter fondue.

    • Rick Hill

      So they are advocating racal intermixing? Because otherwise they would be calling for….

    • goonemeritus

      What are those chicks doing in there?

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        They brought the sammiches and the press blocked the door, so the men graciously let them sit down for a minute.

  • HorseChestnut

    Jared Kushner is set to make a shitload of money by selling his building at 666 5th Avenue

    It’s going to be fun watching fundagelicals contort themselves around that one.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    I’m going to go lay down in a snowbank and just wait….

  • Crystalclear12

    So he gave the CIA drones?
    Hmmmmmm?
    I wonder if they are thinking what I am thinking?

    • Tiny kaiju

      Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Pinky? I suppose so Brain, but can they hit a target as small as Paul Ryan’s sense of humanity or Steve Brannon’s heart?

      • Liberoid Ron

        The newest generation of high-precision drones will have centimetre accuracy. So no.

  • Chadwells

    I’m gonna be 100 with y’all…I don’t give a fuck if all of Dampnut’s moronic, drooling masses lose their insurance then, in turn, do the world a favor and die off.

    Related news: I’m surly as fuck this morning!!

    • Crystalclear12

      Irish up that coffee and turn the frown into an evil smirk!

    • OneYieldRegular

      If surliness persists for more than 4 hours, see your GOP Representative immediately.

    • Darlene Underdahl

      Me too. Up vote.

    • Tiny kaiju

      But they’ll take my livelihood with them and I’ll have to-shudder- work retail. Also driving an hour to get the hospital will be fun.

    • Marceline

      Same here. I just wish innocent people didn’t have to get hurt but Trump voters can rot. I co-sign your surliness. I got very little sleep last night and I’m feeling throat punchy.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Must’ve been that “waking & baking” you talked about ;) I find baked goods makes me much less surly…

      • Chadwells

        That’s why I needed the wake and bake!!! BTW…I have achieved said goal!!!

        • MeerkatsRMammals

          Ah ha! Good for you ;)

  • Riley Whodat Venable
    • Tiny kaiju

      Why doesn’t this even exist? Unless you are an extreme exhibitionist but there are certainly other ways to show the world how you get your freak on. Ugh. Just ugh.

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    One silver lining in this daily shitshow is that the Senate is too distracted to take up the Gorsuch nomination.

  • CeeQ

    Jared owns property with address of #666. I mean. It just couldn’t be more appropriate. He is literally the master of hell.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Paul Ryan Said A Bad About President Trump.

    Broken clock correct once a day.

    • bupkus23

      Broken clock correct once a day

      FIFY ( I know, it doesn’t fit the cliche, but… )

      • It does if it is a 24hr clock

        • bupkus23

          Ryan is correct much less often than on a daily ( or twice daily ) basis.

  • Tiny kaiju

    Also for your consideration:
    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/03/ny-times-republicans-are-counting
    Props as always to MPS for the honey dipped truth arrow. Remember to remind your Democratic congresscritters to hold the line and let the GOP self-immolate.

  • Shibusa

    Lolz that somebody already came up with a Wayne Tracker twitter account:
    https://twitter.com/WayneTracker/status/841411111341686784

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Thank God Scott Pruitt has assured us this isn’t a problem.

  • schmannity

    Kushner family receives unusually favorable terms on sale.

    You Libtard naysayers are probably going to suggest that it was to curry favor with the King. Sad!

    • Rick Hill

      Nobody says it’s because all trump’s are geniuses and they negotiate so well that everyone else looks on in envy

  • Rick Hill
    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Oh how I loathe that Marsha Blackburn!!! As a lady, I’m generally offended by the “C” word, but this bitch? Oh, she’s a big one!

  • freakishlypersistent

    The more important question is how do they keep getting away with this shit? How much more awful do they have to be until people just start throwing their shoes at them? Seriously, what a clusterf#.

  • Chadwells

    Interesting little side story that no one noticed the last 2 days….Mexico, in their infinite wisdom after Dampnut fucking savaged them….OKs Trump trademarks for hotels and tourism industry. WTFF?!

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Sure…let him build a hotel there… Mexicans seriously hate him. It would only be a matter of time before they destroy anything with his giant golden T on it.

      • Liberoid Ron

        Might be the plan. Make him think he’s gaining concessions from them, ease up on the rhetoric, then let the games begin when he actually TRIES to get something made there.

        • MeerkatsRMammals

          I like your thinking ;)

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Another big apologia in the Guardian about white Trump voter/economic insecurity in the Midwest, which means it must be what….a day ending in “y”? Little by little, I am getting the message that white people are horribly oppressed in this country.

    • Marceline

      I’m so fucking sick of being told that I have to feel sorry for these people. They dragged this country into the toilet because they’re drunk on willful ignorance, magical thinking, weaponized religion and white supremacy. They’ve spent their lives voting against their own economic interests but now the rest of us – the people they hate – are supposed to make them cocoa and wrap them in bubble wrap.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Yeah, my heart bleeds for the worthless Motherfuckers.

        • From Russia with Love

          I no longer give a fuck what they feel or what they want either. Thanks for ruining the country, dickwads.

      • Lulu Mac
      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Well, to be fair, many of them are afraid right now…constantly harassed by ICE, the target of government intimidation, terrified of being deported. Oh, wait….we’re talking about WHITE people, right?

      • aureolaborealis

        One of my young relatives is apparently awash in economic uncertainty. He almost lost his job last year. Of course, it was because he’s loud-mouthed fuck-up with numerous safety violations on his record. There was a period of panic when he wasn’t sure where he was going to find the money have his neck and hand tattoos removed so he might have a chance at a new job. The opioid addiction may also have had something to do with the near job-loss, but I think that’s behind him.
        He aged out of high school with something like a 0.5 GPA. Refused by the Army once they got a good look at him. (Did finally get a GED, so, I guess, winning.)
        But the first step in fixing your problems is recognizing them, and he has: His life would be perfect if it weren’t for The Blacks, who are America’s real racists, because Black Lives Matter, and because he’s not allowed to say ‘nigger.’ Another cause for his troubles: Immigrants, whether getting financial aid to attend university, or speaking foreign within earshot. Also: “Ignorant liberals,” who are people who consume any news outside the Fox/Breitbart sphere of influence.
        Is it redundant to mention that he is a gun-nut who fancies himself a bit of an internet tough-guy, a la Ted Nugent?
        Oh, and he’s also found Jeebus.
        Anyway, the Obama years were what ruined him … that was when he managed to get his shit a little bit together and get a real job, get married (she’s apparently as “economically uncertain” as he is), start a family, buy a house, buy a series of new vehicles, etc., etc.
        You know, intolerable stuff. It’s no wonder he’s so angry.
        After all that, he is one of the folks I see ranting about ‘participation trophies.’
        And I think: Motherfucker, what are you talking about? You are a walking, talking participation trophy.

    • NastyBossetti

      How many times do we really need to read that same fucking bullshit story?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Every. Fucking. Day….apparently.

        • NastyBossetti

          After all, we wouldn’t want anyone to forgetful a second the most important consideration in everything is, “how do white people feel?”

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Especially white people who think the earth is 6,000 years old. Their insatiable curiosity, wide range of reading, and intellectual rigor makes their opinions crucial.

    • From Russia with Love

      And the Republicans act like economic insecurity isn’t EXACTLY what they want those people to have. Makes ’em nice and compliant.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Keep ’em broke and stupid…i.e., good little Republicans.

  • Darlene Underdahl

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but Ryan wants to give tax cuts to the rich, and he wants to pay for that by taking Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. That’s it. That’s the end game. He’s a (vile) one trick pony.

    • Rick Hill

      And he’s doing an endzone dance, spiking the ball and bending over and humping the cheerleaders in celebration

    • Bill D. Burger

      Bbbbbbuuutt…..It save $$$$ and can put more money in the pockets of the already obscenely wealthy. It’s GOP 101.
      Older and poorer Americans will die earlier than they should, leaving the young and rich alive and well thus cutting insurance costs. Brilliant. Maybe Ryan was inspired by Logan’s Run.

      • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

        Not surprising:

        “There. Is. No. Sanctuary.”

        • Shanzgood

          Upgisted for Logan’s Run reference!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Whenever I call it trickle down, President Trump gets very excited for some reason.”
      — Donald Trump

  • cheetojeebus
  • Nounverb911
    • Chadwells

      It looks sideways!!! Are you ok?!

      • Nounverb911

        Technology, how does that work?

    • wait! what?

      …killer storm knocks building on its side.

    • shastakoala

      You shall rebuild.

    • canes_pugnaces

      You seriously need to cut out the drinking.

    • shastakoala

      Looks like someone shoveled your front walkway with a microwave.

      • Nounverb911

        They’ve been working since 4am….

    • Mr. Blobfish

      We got about six inches of snow and then it turned to rain. It’s a howling nor’easter, they is.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Let’s see whether millions of “snowflakes” can shut down DC.

  • Belasaurius

    another survey from El President, y’all know what to do
    https://gop.com/president-trump-first-50-survey/

    • Left Coast Tom

      Under “what do you want the President to focus on next” I wrote “Implement a nationwide cap-and-trade market to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and address global warming”.

      • From Russia with Love

        Sorry, too many characters for Donnie to read.

        • Left Coast Tom

          They should have added a “maxlength=140” attribute in the input tag.

    • From Russia with Love

      “what do you want the President to focus on next”

      Suck my dick until my head caves in?

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Done. They’re not gonna like my responses..boo hoo…

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Florida House of Reps just passed bill banning sanctuary cities. The bill passed 80-40 with all Dems plus one Orlando-area GOP voting nay.

    http://www.tampabay.com/news/politics/stateroundup/florida-house-passes-ban-on-sanctuary-cities-for-undocumented-immigrants/2263999

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Local control!
      — A sincere conservative value since never.

      • bupkus23

        Like “military intelligence”, the phrase “sincere conservative” is a self-conflicting oxymoron….

    • cmd resistor

      I went to read this because, Florida, and I hadn’t heard about it. Then I got confused with the article referred to Matt Gaetz, because he is now a US Rep (and still an asshole). So then I noticed this was from last February. I am guessing it didn’t make it through the Senate, which is only a bit less asshole-ly than the house down here.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Oops, didn’t realize that article was from last year. They did just try it again though, as was talked about on my local radio this morning.

        • cmd resistor

          Well, they have plenty of time to do damage as they’ve just started the session. Sadly, they might even have more support for that kind of thing now than last year.

  • Chadwells

    Today is a wake and bake kind of day…

    • Doug Langley

      You’re going to bake pi, right?

      • Chadwells

        Exactly!!!

  • From Russia with Love

    “Republicans are losing their minds this morning trying to convince people that the big, fat mess of TrumpCare/RyanCare is actually a delicious shit sandwich.”

    Neither Trump nor Ryan eat shit sandwiches. They don’t like bread.

    • Tiny kaiju

      It’s a dip and a sandwich filling. Shit, it’s what we’re getting for dinner.

    • Lulu Mac

      Let them eat cake?

    • Bebecca

      then maybe they should eat cake.

      • Querolous

        Saddam’s yellow cake?

  • canes_pugnaces

    Bannon dropped a nuke on Ryan.
    Trump is now a proven liar.
    And only those earning over $250K get to see a doctor.

    Another day in paradise.

    • Nounverb911

      But what if the doctor is poor?

      • canes_pugnaces

        The age of wealthy doctors is long over.

        • Tiny kaiju

          Unless you’re a plastic surgeon or a top notch cardiologist in a big name hospital.

          • canes_pugnaces

            True. But that’s a minority. Post residency income is pathetic, even for many specialities, and managed (insurance company) care is a like wearing a yoke.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            That ad campaign opposing “socialized medicine” the AMA did back in the 40’s didn’t work out so well in the long run.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            It was 12 years ago, but I saw a documentary on women finishing their residencies. A woman on Surgical rotation in D.C., married to a Rap producer, and after they paid her loans, day care, and rent, her “disposable” income was on par with *mine*, and I’m on disability.

          • Tiny kaiju

            I know. Hospitalists and general practioners are getting screwing by Medicare reimbursement cuts. All while the demand for GPs increases and they’re forced to rely on nurse practioners and physicians assistants to provide routine care.

        • Shibusa

          Not sure about that–my brother is a surgeon in rural Missouri and makes over $500K/year. That’s pretty good coin. He says the surgeons in his area who own surgery centers pull down $2-$3 mil a year.

          • canes_pugnaces

            Surgeons make coins, no doubt. Try being an internist taking care of middle income people…

          • From Russia with Love

            The insurance industry killed light civil aviation. They made it a lot less profitable to be am MD and hang out a shingle too.

          • Doug Langley

            I started hating doctors when I read about one who opposed socialized medical care because it would drag his income down to $120,000.

          • Shibusa

            Yes. We have a family friend who is a neurosurgeon who makes big $. He is a decent and highly intelligent guy. When I said that I’d like to see the US have a program like Germany or the UK–everybody gets basic insurance and people who can afford it can buy extra/better insurance. He said, Guys like your brother and me will fight that. We make a LOT of money on the system that is in place now. He wasn’t being a dick–just being honest.

      • From Russia with Love

        You can pay him with a chicken!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • From Russia with Love

      Is Donny teaching the kids or learning from them?

      • Bill D. Burger

        Every time I see that pic, I think: “Out of the mouth of babes.” And that’s rife with a number of interpretations. ;)

    • Shibusa

      Let’s call it Trumpcare.

    • Chadwells

      Dampnut is crying because the babies have bigger hands than him.

    • shastakoala

      Is that an advertisement for Ivanka’s affordable childcare?

    • chortlingdingo

      I feel like you can just tell that Dampnut never held his own children as infants for longer than 5 minutes.

    • Doug Langley
  • Chadwells

    The Russian connection drumbeat has gone quiet. The Wiretap drumbeat has gone quiet. Etc. Etc. Etc. All eyes are on this healthcare bullshit…effectively notching another distraction success by Dampnut. I fucking hate the ADD of the MSM news cycle these days.

    • From Russia with Love

      Well, it might help if the average American had a five minute attention span.

      • Chadwells

        Very true as well.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      We all now that ZEGS only released the repeal plan to deflect the Russian and/or “tapp” biz. Anything to deflect from the fact there is a raving lunatic in the Oval Orifice.

      • LucindathePook

        Anything to deflect from the fact there is a raving traitor in the Oval Office, surrounded by many more of the same.

      • bupkus23

        AND in the Speaker’s chair…

    • WeaselPoo

      Well, the “healthcare bullshit” hurts a lot of people, including Republican voters who are now realizing that their great ‘fuck everyone else’ worldview is being applied to them, instead of magically excluding them—so that bodes well for voting motivations in the mid-terms that can pump the brakes on this Trump-Bannon driven clown car that is headed for a cliff.

      The Russian connection seems a more existential concern, ergo more important, but because it involves a lot of official and unofficial subterfuge, it’s more malleable and less easy to expose, allowing for considerable obfuscation and confusion on all sides.

      In short, TrumpDon’tCare has a more direct and actionable effect on voters than the particulars of Russian-US relations.

      • Chadwells

        And it’s too difficult to keep both on the front burner?

        • WeaselPoo

          IMHO every news organization worthy of the name and ideals of the role of “the Fourth Estate” should have a regular front-page/first view feature devoted to the Russian connections—perhaps call it ‘Dispatches From The Russia House” or something like that.

          I do agree with you, just offering a perspective that coverage of the TrumpDon’tCare plan isn’t an awful “distraction”. Of course, the MSM has a terrible record of squirrel hunting, and the next ‘big story’ could be Trump getting a haircut or something.

      • Chadwells

        Alas…I reckon you are correct.

        My rub comes from the hypocrisy of his base…and the GOP. Ignorant fuckers run around screaming corruption and demanding people go to jail….wasted hundreds of millions in tax payer money investigating NOTHING… wasting his ignorant bases money as much as ours. Now…with fucking mud in their eye…they can’t be bothered to condemn their own for doing FAR WORSE.

        Ugh…it’s like being pissed at water for being wet.

        I guess, in short, I’m pissed at the stupidity of it all. This country is full of fucking rubes.

        • WeaselPoo

          Indeed.
          Welfare for “inner city”, Democratic voting residents is undeserved and ‘buys’ votes, whilst welfare for the Republican voting ‘heartland’ is ‘their’ taxes being returned to them (never mind that the ‘blue’ states are taxed higher and subsidize the ‘red’ states, and regardless of geography, poor is poor no matter what.

  • Shibusa

    Another story is that Preet Bharara might be replaced by a Marc Mukasey, a former prosecutor who now works in white-collar criminal defense…recently he represented Roger Ailes! And the Bharara replacement will inherit an ongoing investigation of Fox News.

    • Liberoid Ron

      Good thing there’ll be no conflict of interest.

    • bupkus23

      Turns out he’s the son of Shrub’s replacement for Alberto Gonzales as AG.

      Smells like more nepotism in that drained swamp Rump promised….

  • Rick Hill

    Graphic content warning. Internet does it’s thing to folks disrespecting Holocaust memorial
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/az8MOoq_700b.jpg

    • Chadwells

      WTF is wrong with people?

      • canes_pugnaces

        They are very very small.

        • Chadwells

          It’s things like this that make me believe we deserve the GOP.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Graphic indeed, but fuck these people for making light of an atrocity. Would you pirouette on top of someone’s grave? If you answered “no”, then you shouldn’t be doing it here. If you answered “yes”, you deserve to be punched in the face like a common Nazi :(

      • mancityRed6

        it all depends on who it is.
        I mean, as soon as Limbaugh, Hannity, or Savage kick the bucket, I am there.

        • MeerkatsRMammals

          Ok. That’s the ONLY acceptable time to dance on one’s grave!

    • MynameisBlarney

      That is beyond fucked up…

    • janecita

      I fucking hate people!!!!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Liberoid Ron

      Pictured: people who will be covered under it.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
    • HorseChestnut

      I love those phones. I still have one in a box somewhere, just because I like to play with the rotary dial.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Today in “Sweet, Sweet Schadenfreude!” News…

    Transphobic douchehammer can’t seem to find a job.

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/03/pat-mccrory-can-t-find-job-because-his

    • Ωbjectifier

      ” People are reluctant to hire me, because, ‘oh my gosh, he’s a bigot’ – which is the last thing I am.”

      First, last. whatever.

      • Thaumaturgist

        Second least bigoted person you’re ever going to find. Donald is the least.

    • SweetDeeKat

      And he’s weeping about it! Oh, the joy in my heart…

    • YoBunnyBunny
      • MynameisBlarney

        Heh…

        He’s being fisted by the invisible hand of the free market.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The one thing I don’t get is all the happy horseshit talk with Ryan, Considering Bannon’s hatred for Him. Trump has hinted that he likes him now, but could change very quickly. There has to be some secret evil plan.

    • Rick Hill

      If ryan actually said those things(and he did) trump will always have his revenge. See: C. Christie

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Strange bedfellows, united in their common goal of fucking over everyone who isn’t white or wealthy.

      • NastyBossetti

        Totally unrelated to anything you’re talking about… I met Fat Mike this weekend, and he was… delightful. It was a confusing time.

        • LarryHoudini

          Who’s Fat Mike?

          • janecita

            Either a fat guy named Michael, or the lead singer of NOFX, a punk band.

          • LarryHoudini

            Oh hey janecita. BTW, I met Neckbeard Phil on Groundhog Day! He was coherent. It was . . . confusing.

          • janecita

            Lol!!!

          • shastakoala

            He used to be just Mike until Skinny Mike showed up.

          • NastyBossetti

            He’s in a punk band called NOFX. alwayspunkindrublic’s name references one of their album titles – punk in drublic.

          • LarryHoudini

            lol–I had no idea that’s where his/her name came from.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Get the fuck out of here!! Really?? You GOTTA tell me the whole story! He seems like a fairly approachable guy. I’m all ears!

          • NastyBossetti

            NOFX was on the Flogging Molly Cruise this year, except Melvin who was at the hospital because his wife (? not sure if they’re married but whatever) was in labor with twins. They put him on FaceTime for a minute so he could see the crowd.
            Let me back this up just a little bit and say that there was a vocal contingent of cruise-goers (there’s a Facebook group) who were saying that NOFX and Fat Mike in particular were going to ruin the whole “vibe,” which is bullshit. I get that NOFX isn’t for everyone, and I get that Fat Mike is known as an asshole, but there’s no way one band or one guy is going to ruin the entire fucking party.
            Anyway, I was up front at their Friday night show, and afterwards, he came down asking if anyone had big hands and wanted to thumb wrestle. We compared hands, and I had bigger hands than he did. He tried to keep eye contact instead of looking at our hands. I almost had him, but he distracted me by saying something about my grip strength, which made me ease up. Everyone who met him on the boat had only good things to say about him. He seemed to just be having a good time and was very approachable, hanging out with people in their cabins, playing in the casino.
            In typical Fat Mike fashion, he was so drunk at one of the shows that he forgot the lyrics to The Brews, and the roadie kept taking his drink away and replacing it with water. But he wasn’t to the point of being so sloppy that it ruined the show. I thought they were in pretty good form. A guy from Less Than Jake took Melvin’s place, and he did great. (Also, that guy was the happiest motherfucker I’ve ever seen in my life. Just a ray of sunshine, smiling away the entire time he was on stage.)

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Color me terminally jealous. I’m not sure what vibe they’re shooting for, but NOFX seems to me to be about as fun a band as there is out there. I assume “fun” is kind of the whole point of the cruise, right? I mean, I’ve never met him-unlike SOMEONE I know-but I’ve never really thought of Fat Mike as an asshole. Sarcastic and juvenile maybe, but also very bright and pretty self-aware (I’ve always thought he’d be a natural on Wonkette). Far be it from me to advocate sobriety, but I do worry about his substance abuse issues…I mean how tf do you forget the words to The Brews? I don’t think I’ve ever been that drunk, and I didn’t write the song!! I know Smelly thinks Mike is heading off a cliff, but if THAT motherfucker can’t bigfoot him into doing something about it, I guess he just not ready for a change yet.

            Anyway, the whole thing sounds like too much fun. Good for you. And as far as the Less Than Jake dude beaming throughout the show, I mean…on stage with NOfuckingFX? Who wouldn’t be on cloud nine??

          • NastyBossetti

            Those people’s vibe is very much “one love.” So there’s a kind of push-pull between them and people who are like, “When did punk rock become so safe?”
            Everyone in the crowd remembered the words to The Brews, so he was drowned out anyway. I doubt he will ever get sober. He seems to view rehab as sort of a temporary cleanse and then starts back up again.
            I think some people have misinterpreted and blown out of proportion stories about him, like the one from the book about how he and one of the other guys were standing outside a show when they were teenagers and some skinheads were carrying a girl away and they didn’t do anything to help her. I got the feeling that moment kind of haunts them, but I can’t fault them for their self preservation instinct. They were kids, they were outnumbered, and those were not dudes to be fucked with.
            And he kicked a fan in the face at a show? Hell, he kicked a friend of mine at a show once. Chalk it up to shit that happens at shows. I think he’s kind of fascinating and definitely smart.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I thought the incident you mentioned was a pivotal one in the whole tone and meaning of the book…not that it’s Thomas Pynchon or anything. They tend to present these stories a bit routinely…”oh, another day in the life of a punk band/you wouldn’t believe the shit we’ve seen in NOFX”. That said, I think the reason for this emotional distance is precisely because of shit like that they’ve experienced…you kind of have to build up a thick skin in a hurry and protect your own emotions with black humor. I had no doubt from reading it they felt both traumatized by that incident and guilty about it to this very day. But like you say, they were scared, skinny-ass white kids…I wouldn’t have ever thought to toss that story back in anyone’s face. But…internet dickheads, right?

      • mancityRed6

        they just want to allow the invisible hand of the free market do it’s job.
        screwing the poors is a feature, not a bug.

    • cmd resistor

      So my understanding is a good deal of that was already public. It was no secret Ryan was not really supporting Trump although he was somewhat weasely about it.

  • Chadwells

    Also….why the FUCK is no one slamming Sean Sphincter for his overt, racist reply to that woman in the Apple store?!?!?

    • From Russia with Love

      Did she at least call him a Mick?

      • Ωbjectifier

        Melissa,

      • Chadwells

        I wish.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Because she was being a bit of a jerk. there are better ways… Sphincter is a pathetic tool. We shouldn’t be.

      • janecita

        Really? At this point, I think that we should fight fire with fire.

        • canes_pugnaces

          Maybe. On the other hand haranguing people doesn’t work. Doesn’t work with me.

      • Shanzgood

        How was she being a jerk?

        • canes_pugnaces

          Following him around and haranguing him. Maybe you don’t agree, but were someone to do that to me, there’d be a problem. Look he’s a horrible human, but optics matter at this point.

          • Shanzgood

            I disagree. I think her response to being criticized for that was spot on: (paraphrasing) “Our democracy is under siege and you’re saying we should be more POLITE about it?”

          • canes_pugnaces

            It’s one way to go. There are others.

          • Relativicus

            Why do optics only matter for The Left?

          • cmd resistor

            I agree some of the stuff she said was over the line, wherever that is, even if true. I don’t have a problem with her approaching him and asking legit questions, especially stuff he won’t answer when he’s in front of the whole press corps.

      • Chadwells

        She was…but didn’t deserve the racist reply.

        • canes_pugnaces

          I totally agree. He’s part of the most vile slime mold colony in history. But we are a little bit better, and a lot more convincing if we mind our manners — at least for now.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Antonin Dvorak

      These are the people we are supposed to find common ground with?

      • MynameisBlarney

        INORITE!?!

      • From Russia with Love

        He’ be just like a hippie, if not for his interest in mass murder.

        • MynameisBlarney

          So…a libertarian then?

      • Claire

        Those are the people whose feelings we’re not supposed to hurt because we made them assholes with our smugness.

  • Chadwells

    I’m beginning to sense that the country is settling in with the Dampnut situation. Is it just #Resist fatigue? Is it just that the shit they are doing now doesn’t seem as outlandish compared to other stuff they have done, because it’s all still fucking terrible!!

    Or is it just me?

    • AJ Milne

      Advised for anyone living under a would-be autocrat taking power by steadily shifting expectations: reset periodically. Remind yourself what it was like previous to his regime. Read old news, old books. Resist also normalisation.

    • canes_pugnaces

      At a certain point there is no point. There was never a guarantee that the American experiment would work.

    • Marceline

      I think people are just figuring out that this is a marathon not a sprint. Plus I think the Russia noose is quietly tightening. Trump claiming he was wiretapped is a pretty good indicator that he’s losing his mind.

      • cmd resistor

        Hope you are right. I get updates from the S. Florida indivisible group and they have been having lots of stuff going on — not just protests, but training meetings, etc. Also, the ACLU. So that’s good.

        • Claire

          Yeah, Indivisible is all over the place. There are all sorts of events going on near me.

          • cmd resistor

            Lots of different cities in S. FLorida. And our local dems are actually doing some concrete stuff — we are a little further north and not a big town. But they’ve had several voter registration drives — something you normally only see closer to elections.

    • Liberoid Ron

      Not sure. But I caught a couple of talking heads on CNN this morning discussing how ONLY 24 million Americans would lose health care. That was… upsetting.

    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      The volume and levels of stupidity, insanity and horribleness are overwhelming. I believe the general population is back to the mode of not paying attention or just whatever. Apathy sets in once again and the buyers remorse crowd is just sitting quietly.

    • Persistent Demme

      Settling in with resisting.
      Resistors are realizing that they have to pace themselves to keep from burning out.
      Resisting is the “new normal.”

  • Nounverb911

    666 Fifth Ave? Jared is the devil!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Love the look on the face of the Marine in the lower right corner: “Hay-ull’___ Look at the size of that ass.” (Which could apply to Turnip’s derriere or Turnip as a whole.)

    https://twitter.com/Kyle_Lippert/status/838926021869113345/photo/1?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

    • Chadwells

      Trump probably farted in his face….which is about as much respect as he gives the military. Draft dodging piece of trash.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Like most Repukes their patriotism is little more than flags, lapel pins and weapons’ systems.
        For the people: “Thank yew’ for yewr’ service. Now, fuck off.”

    • shastakoala

      He’s not saluting, he’s shielding his eyes.

      • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

        Oh… Okay… I thought he was trying to gouge them out.

      • Bill D. Burger
        • Anna Elizabeth

          On the Left: Dayum!

          On the Right: WTF, over? Does he have another pair of pants onunder the ones we can see?

          • HorseChestnut

            I’d guess Depends, but they aren’t really that bulky these days. I have no idea.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yeah, my Mom used to wear them. With nice trousers, you couldn’t tell. Donnie J looks like he wrapped a reserve parachute around his withered member-area.

          • cmd resistor

            Maybe bulletproof underwear.

          • From Russia with Love

            DO NOT PULL THAT RIPCORD!

          • Anna Elizabeth

            LOL!

          • Erala Contratista

            Maybe it’s his only pair? Of golf pants.
            OTOH hear tell he won’t go swimming. Be thankful for whatever good comes our way

          • Anna Elizabeth

            A-men to that!

          • Noxious Resistance

            Depends

        • shastakoala

          I think my retina just detached.

        • Greyhame

          This is why you should plant a vegetable garden instead of developing a fetish for buckets of greasy chicken bombs.

    • From Russia with Love

      Not just his ties… He needs to tape that suit to his ass.

    • Isaac Heston

      Guess it just Depends.

    • Msgr_MΩment
    • Courser_Resistance

      Even worse, he has a bubble-butt. Not to mention him white-knucking the handrail with his tiny paw. Afraid of stairs indeed.

      • cmd resistor

        So is that hand photoshopped? Looks even smaller than usual!

        • Courser_Resistance

          So small it looks like raccoon or squirrel paw.

      • From Russia with Love

        I used to fly for a living, but helicopters still scare the shit out of me. Unnatural beasts.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I’m hoping to get my ‘lift ticket’ at the annual SAR conference put on by one of our helicoptor rescue orgs this year. Um, the same one that had a horrific crash a couple years ago. I must have a death wish or something.

          • From Russia with Love

            SAR is God’s work (if an atheist can say that). Good on ya.

    • Claire

      I love that these are on Twitter, because you know that Trump is seeing them and going blind with rage.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    prompting Democrats to rip another page out of the Republican playbook and threaten a government shutdown.

    No Democrats, do not grow a spine just to try doing that one thing that always backfires.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
  • goonemeritus

    That’s only one of Rex’s nom de plums, I’m pretty sure he also posts to porn sites as well-oiled-pump-jack-69.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      XD

      “Wayne Hardthrust”

    • mancityRed6

      “deep drillwell”

      • From Russia with Love

        Diamond Encrusted Bits.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Msgr_MΩment

      I do not want to trade in my iPhone for Trumpcare, Mr. Chaffetz.

      • Nasty Candy Apple

        You’ll only have to trade 1,739 of them to afford it!

    • Anna Elizabeth

      “And, it shaves as close as a blade!”

      • From Russia with Love

        It’s a telephone! It’s a microwave!

        • shastakoala

          You got your telephone in my microwave.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          “If you order now, I’ll throw in Popeil’s Pocket Pool Table!”

    • bupkus23

      Nate shoulda tried to find a photo of two tin cans and a string to illustrate “Rumpcare”

    • chicken thief

      60-ish white man long time GOP voter looks like he just found out how much his insurance premiums under (not even)T-Ryancare will go up.

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    Rachel tore up Mike Flynn, too. Let’s see if this linky works: http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show

    Edit, just goes to her main page.

  • Lulu Mac
  • Relativicus

    No fucking government shut-downs, you assholes!

    Besides, between proposed firings, “reorganizations,” and the starving of funds for or the abolition of most government agencies, the government will be pretty much shut down by Trumpenbannon’s design anyway. Filibuster Gorsuch till you can’t, throw as many procedural shenanigans into legislation as you possibly can, and otherwise just deal with the fact that by keeping Obama and his accomplishments at arm’s-length for most of his 8 years you fucked yourselves and us for the foreseeable future.

    But no fucking government shut-downs, you assholes.

    • From Russia with Love

      Truth.

  • Ωbjectifier
  • Bill D. Burger

    Happy Pi Day!

    Remember: The worst thing about being hit with a Pi is that it never ends. And never talk to one….it just goes on and on and on…. Oh you get the point! ;)

    http://math-fail.com/wp-content/uploads/tumblr_lvjkbqHKV01qbm6wuo1_500.jpg

  • chicken thief

    All those veterans organizations that supported Trump during his campaign and were promised funds will be glad to hear that their new Preznit has no idea where to donate his salary.

  • penny stock

    Best part about the salary donation is he is going to make it a charity donation, which gives him a $158,000 tax credit, which means it will actually make him the highest PAID president ever. It will literally cost MORE to have him do this.

    On a side note it will be his first ever charitable donation, and basically it is just a FUCK YOU AMErICA move. Don just keeps on giving.

    • Noxious Resistance

      He’ll just give it to his own charities.

      • phoenix00

        This. His so-called “charities”

  • penny stock

    Grrr, that’s all I do anymore, just GRRR! Going skiing, then going to literally make a smoking crater of my mind and avoid all fucking news. Fuck this fucking con man fuck. Like fucking fuck fuck it all.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I share the sentiment. Every fucking day.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I applaud your proper Wonkette use of moar fuck. Kudos!

  • The Librarian

    The WH and CBO agree that the peoples will be screwed by Trump-RyanCare. The shit sammich grows ever larger. Do we at least get pickles with that?

    • Sophia

      Pickles are not covered.

      • The Librarian

        Damn. :(

      • Doug Langley

        What about Russian Dressing?

        • Sophia

          Definite possibility. You’ll have to check the fine print.

      • eyelashviper

        And no spicy brown mustard..

      • zerosumgame0005

        but “pickle” stiffening pills are!

        just no ‘bortions allowed after the sweet sweet raping of your 12 year old daughter! Gawd don’t like that

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Is Newt going to demand the White House abolished, too? Because I could finally get behind one of his ideas if so.

  • SweetDeeKat

    Holy hand grenade, I just read the NYT article about Lewandowski and his shakedown scheme. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Time for Kitten Academy.

    https://twitter.com/CharweeMonster

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    So the screwy thing about gerrymandering is that it is not actually illegal. You can gerrymander the shit out of Democrats because they are Democrats; you just can’t do it if you gerrymander them because they are Democrats who are also Black or Hispanic.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Exactly. And that is why the st00pid HB in Georgia doing a redistricting in an off year doesn’t pass the smell test. If Gov Nathan “Raw” Deal is as shrewd as he was last year with the Religious FreeDumb bill, he’ll kill it and save the state face and money. Because it will be challenged immediately if passed.
      Yeah, throwing black voters out of GOP districts in a ham handed way is so SMRT.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Just when you think this crew couldn’t get any slimier, Lewendowski slithers back on to the scene.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Regarding US Customs searching citizen’s cell phones at the border – this happens to my nephew every single time he flies, whether he flies internationally or domestically. It happens to him because his father was born in Syria, and he has an Arabic name, even though he is a US citizen, does not look Middle Eastern, and is a member of Pre-Check and Global Entry.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      This is stupid anyway. I don’t store anything except apps on my phone. Everything else is backed up to the Cloud or is stored on a sim card that can easily be removed and hidden. These guys are amateurs.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        It is often deliberate. I’ve had some very negative experiences with Customs officials over the past 50 years – many of them are bullies who ENJOY intimidating people. They probably don’t even look in some of the phones they confiscate.

    • phoenix00

      Time for him to get a burner travel phone.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        He tried that. It seems to make them even more suspicious. I wonder what they would do to me in similar circumstances – because I don’t have a cell phone or any social media accounts. It’s practical a deviant lifestyle today to not own a cell phone or use Facebook.

        • phoenix00

          ….. IANAL, but I still suggest burner phone with nothing but emergency numbers. If he’s gonna get stopped, frisked, and questioned, best to exercise whatever shred of 5th Amendment he’s got.

          For yourself? IIRR you’re An Old so you might be able to get away with it if you can put on a convincing act for the CBP officer (“A cellphone? I can barely work my toaster! And what’s Facebook? My grandkids visit me, in person!”).

          But who knows. Trump/Bannon just gave CBP a set of gonads and told them to jizz on anybody or everybody they damn well please with no oversight or parent to tell them “Put that back in and zip it up. It’s disgusting.”

  • capnkrunch

    What’s China doing now that Trump has run away from the Asia-Pacific region?
    Article is gone for some reason. Archived here: https://web.archive.org/web/20170314140418/http://www.politico.com/agenda/story/2017/03/world-prepares-to-move-on-without-us-on-trade-000361

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Cap’n – thanks for the find. Story on Mexican sugar imports also too is missing. Must search for it.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Too early to be chanting “Look Tillerson Up!”?

  • eyelashviper

    I vote for baby koalas to rule the world…

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Ryan/Trumpcare is really cheap because it’s a one use only plan.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Tweeted this out to my followers this morning re Tillerson. Discuss.

    Wayne Tracker or Carlos Danger – Better Alias? Discuss! RT SoS used email alias to talk climate: NY AG https://t.co/HkGjjP5d1Y via @Reuters— Cynthia Coles (@cynmac07) March 14, 2017

    • HazooToo

      I’m gonna go with Wayne Tracker. Everyone knows that “Danger” is supposed to be a middle-name.

      • Regnad Kcin.

        (Joke for very old people.)

  • HazooToo
  • Shoto

    Little babby koala is the best.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Republicans finally got rid of President Obama so they could repeal Obamacare, only to find that they had really been fighting themselves all along. What a fine Parthian shot. It’s so bad they think Obama is running a shadow government that makes them fuck themselves.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    I just got to pet a koala last week. And step in kangaroo shit! Good times, good times!

    • TheBoatDude

      New game at Chuck E. Cheese?

    • phoenix00

      ‘stralya.

  • M.E. Lawrence

    Koalas make me nervous–those claws! Still, they’re so much nicer and more civilized than the White House’s current pirate crew dot dot dot

    • phoenix00

      I heard those buggers smell as badly as a burning dumpster.

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