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Slideshows are for lazy people who don’t know what the hell they’re doing.

Morning Wonketariate! Here are some of the things we may be talking about today:

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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • puredog

      If Stephen wanted to be consistent he would call it Drumpfcare.

  • I love a genda difference

  • memzilla Ω
    • theCryptofishist

      See if he came from Iowa, instead of America’s Dairyland, he’d know that you can’t do that.

  • beatbort

    What about Gorka and his pussy beard!?
    Nothing about Gorka and the pussy beard?!

  • YoBunnyBunny

    What irony… A GOP dickheaded man-thing don’t want nothing to do with women’s baby birthing issues… I wish they would be so willing to abstain more often when we’re talking about reproductive rights and such like.

    Pro-Birth. Anti-Pay For Those Births.

    Fuck those guys… forever and always.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      And this is the part that gets me. Not-baby-having ladies are paying for them too, and unless there have been significant developments in lesbionics since last I heard they’re paying for the births of children who have male parents.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Who would have thought these idiots believed in human parthenogenesis? Not that they could actually spell it.

    • Thiazin red

      And that is not how insurance works. If they think its complicated now, imagine what it would be like if every person had to cobble together their own policy based on what they think they will need.

      Plus, once again they prove that all their “pro life” talk is total horse shit, and they don’t give one good god damn about babies.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Exactly. These fuckers are hell-bent on not understanding how health
        insurance pools work. If they’re insured, everybody pays for everybody
        else’s care. Nobody is getting a free ride!!!!! Except the uninsured, and that’s why we want the mandate.

        Also too: if a man is married/partnered to woman a who does not have her own health insurance, I bet he’ll be wishing he had pre/post-natal coverage when they bill comes due after he’s baby arrives.

      • PubOption

        I made a similar comment on Wonkville. Such a plan would let them say that they reduced costs and put patients in charge of their own care.

    • jodyleek

      Pre-natal care is as much for the child as for the mother. Apparently, that dickhead doesn’t realize that at least half the creatures inside the lady tummies are pre-natal males. Or, does he think they don’t turn into little dudes until they are born’ded. Making babbys, how does it work?

    • Lara

      Why do I have to pay for mens’ prostate exams and Viagra? Huh? Answer me that!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Federal investigators and computer scientists continue to examine whether there was a computer server connection between the Trump Organization and a Russian bank, sources close to the investigation tell CNN.

    Questions about the possible connection were widely dismissed four months ago

    by Eric Lichtblau of the Times, who was embedded in the colon of the NY office of the FBI.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Trump’s Tortilla Curtain may be collapsing already…

    It’s gonna be taco trucks on every corner. EVERY CORNER SHEEPLE!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I continue to hope that’s true.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      And the customers will pay for it.

  • beatbort

    Ryan rolled up his sleeves. He must be working hard, otherwise why would he roll up his sleeves?

    • I wear button-ups all the time and roll up my sleeves, but that’s because I AM working all the time.

      • beatbort

        Yes, but you are doing something productive and helpful.
        Ryan is posing for a photograph.

        • I thought they were moving pictures?

          • beatbort

            I am not, nor never will I be, moved by Paul Ryan, though he does make my bowels move on occasion.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            So the purge has begun.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          You never know when a defunct soup kitchen is going to ask you to clean up after the dishes they aren’t using to feed their non-existent patrons.

          • puredog

            That was the Bowling Green Soup Kitchen before the tragic events.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Funny we don’t have to be vigilant about the Bowling Green Malnutrition and Preventable Diseases.

      • therblig
      • puredog

        I was going to snark “like right now?” but then noticed your username and was abashed.

    • Pilotshark

      guess he was thinking he was washing pots and pans in some homeless shelter, he is getting ready to destroy.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It’s time to get that “Paul + Ayn” heart tattoo he’s always wanted?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I hope he gets Hep III from the needles.
        I mean Herp.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          With votes?

        • puredog

          He already has derp herp.

    • Liberal Fascist Ron

      To show off his pipestem arms?

  • goonemeritus

    OT I just proved I’m smarter than Jim Newell in the Slate weekly Quiz so as bad as the news is I still have that going for me.

    • msanthropesmr

      I’ve never been beat by one of the editors there.

      • goonemeritus

        I have but not often, I crushed Jim this week I suspect he no longer gets his news from the “Rough First Draft of History” by which I mean the Wonkette.

  • Nounverb911
  • Shibusa

    Marine story will be spun as “a few bad apples” in 4, 3, 2….

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Or proof that women dont belong in the military.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Well, their commander in chief could have told them that. He did, in fact.

      • Thiazin red

        Well what did women expect? They were just asking for it, brazenly existing, in public even!

    • UnsaltedSinner

      People who use that expression never seem to recall how the full saying goes.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Time to make applesauce.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Chadwells

    And now we have to listen to this bloviating flesh bag talk about how YUGE the jobs report is.

    I’ll be in the corner punching kittens.

  • Nounverb911
  • UnsaltedSinner
  • Chadwells
  • Nounverb911
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Bullshit artist bullshits his way to the White House with a bunch of bullshit.

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Let’s all take a moment to point and leer at Ill. Rep. John Shimkus. He’s got a problem with paying for prenatal care, and was wondering why men have to pay for it since men aren’t the ones having all these babies.

    Has somebody explained to Sackless Joe how babby is made?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      https://youtu.be/lqouUMUzFLc

      I have the feeling I may be posting this again later today.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I love those movies. And Christina Ricci’s performance as Wednesday makes the world a better place.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Thanksgiving has certainly been a more enjoyable holiday because of her performance.

    • babby is made with penis in the A-N-U-S, right?

      • guppy06

        … uh-oh…

        (Does pegging count?)

    • Celtic_Gnome

      The Scots would call him a bawbag.

  • Shibusa
    • YoBunnyBunny

      OMG! I’m laughing/crying so hard that I can even breath!!! and my co-workers had to come in see what the hell I was dying about. HA!

      Thanks for this :-)

    • Asterix

      My other favorite Senator, Chris Murphy (CT-AWESOME)* posted this this morning with a comment that this is why he doesn’t do on air interviews from home.

      (My other favorite Senator is Richard Blumenthal (CT-AWESOME))

    • Latverian Diplomat

      You know, dude, it’s not theater, the show doesn’t have to go on.

      It’s OK to acknowledge an interruption and politely and efficiently deal with it instead of pretending it’s not happening.

    • ltmcdies

      It’s great when the best thing on the net gets posted early in the day…

    • DensityDestiny

      Who pushes their kids away with a hand to the face??? An authentic human being would have picked the kid up, set them on his lap, and forged ahead. The look on his face when the baby came in followed by his wife was priceless. Thank you for the first belly laugh of the day!

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Debt rolls out, debt rolls in. Nobody can explain that!

      • puredog

        Well, nobody knew it was so complicated!

  • Randy Riddle
  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    Credit where credit is due: the GOP is very, very good at killing people. They are also very, very good at killing animals. They also excel at voter suppression and the redistribution of wealth (upwards that is).

    Can’t really blame them for going with their strengths.

    • Randy Riddle

      And self-loathing. And gay sex scandals. They’re good at that one, too.

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        And being frightened of their own shadows, and investigating false claims, and denying empirical truths, and sticking their heads up their own asses…

  • memzilla Ω
    • weejee

      Color me green.

  • ManchuCandidate

    A Few Horny Marines.

    Kaffee: Colonel Jessep, did you order the Nude Picks?*
    Judge Randolph: You *don’t* have to answer that question!
    Col. Jessep: I’ll answer the question!
    Col. Jessep: You want answers?
    Kaffee: I think I’m entitled to.
    Col. Jessep: *You want answers?*
    Kaffee: *I want the truth!*
    Col. Jessep: *You can’t handle the truth!*
    Son, we live in a world that has cameras, and those cameras have to be
    used by men who think with their dicks. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I
    have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep
    for females, and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have
    the luxury of not knowing what I know. Those nude pics, while
    tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and
    incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don’t want the truth because
    deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that
    wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like boobies, hoo-hoo, circle jerk.
    We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something.
    You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the
    inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and wanks under the
    blanket of the very perversion that I provide, and then questions the
    manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you,
    and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a camera, and
    take a picture. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are
    entitled to.

    Kaffee: Did you order the Nude Pics?
    Col. Jessep: I did the job I…
    Kaffee: *Did you order the Nude Pics?*
    Col. Jessep: You’re Goddamn right I did!*

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Unfortunately, this goes beyond just thinking with their dicks. This is definitely into humiliation, revenge and bullying territory.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        So, thinking with their extremely small dicks.

        • snark-lurker

          I donut know about other guys, but my brains is in my balls, hard-wired to my optical nerves via my cock, and me head donut control none of that stuff.

      • Thiazin red

        Its not like there is a shortage of naked pictures in the world.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Exactly. This is very much about who the pictures are of.

        • From Russia with Love

          True. I saw some of the president’s wife recently.

  • Nounverb911
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Dear Nashville Tennessean Forum,

    When a doctor and his second cousin love each other very much but are both married to each other’s third cousins, …..
    Hold on, I’ll just be over in my bunk for a couple.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      and he knows where he can get his hands on narcotics…

    • Creepoman

      After a couple hundred years of inbreeding, are there really any Tennesseans who aren’t cousins?

      • From Russia with Love

        You mispelled Cretins.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Maybe the people who move in from out of state? Of course if that state is another southern one…

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      OT: I was in a home improvement store for a couple plumbing parts and the guy there looked exactly like Santa Claus. I was too polite to say anything but as I was leaving, I wondered “What does Santa know about running water? All his water at the North Pole is frozen.” (Pruitt will fix that ASAP.) And sure enough, I WAS PROVEN RIGHT. He gave me the wrong part. Don’t ask Santa for plumbing advice! I cannot emphasize that enough.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Duly noted. Also, do not wear anything orange and go to the Home Depot. People stop you and start asking where they can find things.

        • DrBigHead

          Or a red polo shirt in Target.

          • cmd resistor

            I read about some prank where a bunch of people went in Best Buy (I think) dressed like Geek Squad people — blue shirts. I forget the rest.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        At least once during the Christmas season, I get mistaken for Santa in the grocery store by some little kid. When they ask if I’m Santa, I give them a nice little “Ho, ho, ho,” and say, “Everyone knows Santa lives at the North Pole.”

        Little kids are so gullible.

        • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

          Fox News’ business model depends on it.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Crystalclear12

    Someone needs to stop pulling that loose thread on the GOP sweater before they completely unravel.

    ‘Cause nobody wants to naked GOP.

  • weejee

    Flags and more flags. One is never, ever sufficient. Know who else had a thing about a bajillion flags?

    / aside: do the Rs wear flag undies too, also.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    So the Republicans think women should ideally be at home and not at work, but men shouldn’t have to contribute to cover things like prenatal care and childbirth.

    How does that fuckin work?

    • Because someone, somewhere in the bowels of hell took a bible and a copy of Atlas Shrugged and smashed them together in a particle accelerator and somehow came out with a product that was twice as worse and didn’t include any of those sort of redeeming Jesus-y bits.

    • cheetojeebus

      Margaret Atwood wrote a manual, Geeze keep up.

  • Nounverb911
    • Latverian Diplomat

      Does the back apologize for Chuck Grassley?

      • snark-lurker

        You got me there. But still didn’t vote for that snake.

    • snark-lurker

      But it’s not my fault–he’s not in my district.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    White House statement on so-called TrumpCare:

    Trump™ is a registered trademark of Donald J Trump Organization and may not be used for any product, service or offering without express written permission of Donald J Trump and/or his duly authorized representatives. Call 202-456-1414 for fee schedule and terms of sale. Ask for Mr. Barron or Ms. Conway.

  • Sharing nudie pictures of female Marines on Bookface was just tip of the sad iceberg as an image board has been discovered that exposes female soldiers from all branches of the military in all the worst ways.

    I’m sure the Republican solution from President Pussgrabber will be focused on punishing the male perpetrators, educating soldiers about privacy violations and rape culture, and instituting stricter codes of conduct to ensure this doesn’t happen again.

    Hahahahahahahah….

    Yeah, they’ll totally use this to say that women shouldn’t be in the military because boys can’t control themselves or that the women are really responsible for allowing the pictures to be taken of them in the first place.

    • Thiazin red

      It would be amazing if the normal reaction to horrible behavior from men were calls to restrict men’s freedoms instead of women’s.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Wanna know how fucked-up Facebook is? Yeah, well, I’ll tell you anyway:
      Report illegal kiddie porn to Facebook, and they report YOU to the police. Seriously: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/09/business/media/bbc-facebook-police-sex-children.html
      Oh, and they may not take down the stuff for which they reported you to the police.

    • chortlingdingo

      What’s kind of funny (and infuriating) is that the whole boys will be boys/men can’t control themselves excuse is so insulting to men.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    There (R) a lot of stupid people in Congress.

    • ltmcdies

      also not in Congress…..absolutely peak stupid

      https://twitter.com/rollcall/status/840205617914605569

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        That there is some next level kinda stupid.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Yeah – why don’t they spend a year crafting a healthcare bill, holding hearings, taking feedback from constituents, and making bipartisan amendments, huh? Where’s that plan??

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Is the author of this piece someone who needs to be reminded on a regular basis how to breathe?

        • ltmcdies

          I suspect dropped on their head several times….

          • Liberal Fascist Ron

            On a daily basis. And continuing to this day.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        uhhh…

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea

          It gets even worse if you read the whole thing.

          He thinks “deficit hawk” R’s will vote for expanding coverage by eliminating the cap on SS taxes.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        They did. And millions of people rely on that. Please excuse me, I need to go get ragey now.

      • Longstreet63

        I sure HOPE we’ve hit peak stupid.
        I’m afraid somebody’s going to invent some kind of stupidity fracking, though, to increase the output of stupidity from previously uneconomical sources.

        • cmd resistor

          Every time I think we have I am proven wrong.

      • guppy06

        Complete with their own slideshow!

        http://dammitja.net/vegas2k/tw-rhps.jpg

      • puredog

        That’s right up there with McConnell’s “the people have the right to have a voice in the selection of a Justice.”

  • Creepoman

    ” . . . that computer in Trump Tower that was talking to a Russian Bank because it’s “odd,” . . .”

    “Odd” – what an unusual way to spell “Treason.”

  • Msgr_MΩment
  • stankbait
    • This is AWESOME. As an ACA person i tell people this all the time and NO ONE has any idea that he was instrumental in destroying the co-ops. Glad it’s starting to get legs.

  • guppy06

    Hey, second cousins are second to none!

  • Darlene Underdahl

    The pee tape? Having known someone just like Trump, yeah he did it. That kind of person has no boundaries and no decorum. If something seems funny, at the moment, they’ll do it.

    • Chadwells

      Yup. I grew up in a sea of assholes just like him. Rich, entitled and bored. Of course he did it!!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Wait – you can kick a President out of office over a corruption scandal that stems from his association with a Rasputin-like crazy person?????!!!

    We need to talk to Korea, pronto!

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Heilemann and Halperin roasted Tom Price this morning. I still fucking hate them but good job.

    • GAME CHANGE

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Yeah, no love. Anybody who had a platform and didn’t start hating until after the election should kinda not be looking for cookies.

  • Martini Ambassador
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      You can start by handing in your resignation, Elmer.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Starting out by smothering any investigations of Il Douche and his corrupt family and cronies.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Oh, FFS!

    • OneYieldRegular

      Independent investigation my ass. He just wants anyone who served in the DOJ before 1/20/17 to be gone. Sessions has jumped on the purgewagon being driven by Steve King, who said this last week:

      “Any open borders official within DOJ and DHS should be gone…Any pro-government-run health care supporter within HHS has to go. Any official within Treasury who is not on board with the OMB spending cuts and pro-growth tax cuts should go out and campaign for their cause … on the outside. Any State Department official who is a shill for refugee resettlement, a Palestinian State, the Muslim Brotherhood, or who opposes the president’s immigration moratorium must go.”

      • PubOption

        “Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling party line.”

    • guppy06

      “I’m going to do everything I possibly can to restore the independence and professionalism of the DOJ”

      Resign.

    • Persistent Demme

      But we also need to see the traitor Sessions back in the limelight, so this may not be the distraction they are looking for.
      Yes, Beauregard, compare and contrast yourself to Obama’s DOJ.
      That’ll work.

      And thanks for reminding everybody that you need to resign.

    • cmd resistor

      Interesting interview on Fresh Air last night with Emily Bazelon about a story she wrote for NYT Magazine about how Sessions and Bannon go a bit of a way back, and how they plan to use the DOJ for not good. http://www.npr.org/2017/03/09/519415023/what-is-steve-bannon-and-jeff-sessions-shared-vision-for-remaking-america

  • DerrickWildcat

    Today is Friday.

    • eka

      which means our weekend will be ruined by whatever trump does when ivanka and jared are gone?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “I call it babysitter’s night off super fun time!”
        — Donald Trump

      • guppy06

        7 hours, 48 minutes until sunset in DC.

        I think I’ll just stay offline for a good long while after that.

      • theCryptofishist

        Shabbats goy, Ivanka & Jared, shabbats goy.

      • cmd resistor

        I don’t think he’s coming down to Florida this weekend. Guess he has to rest up for the big rally in Tennessee next week.

    • Chadwells

      Fake news.

    • Martini Ambassador
      • DerrickWildcat

        Hi Julian.

  • Chadwells

    BTW….50 days into this slow motion train wreck.

    • Liberal Fascist Ron

      Halfway through the Hundred? I smell another record in the offing!

  • Rick Hill

    “… computer in Trump Tower that was talking to a Russian Bank because it’s “odd,”

    Odd. Just a reminder that when it was first discovered, the folks looking into it showed the data to a computer geek(can’t remember who, sue me!) That guy said “Wow. This is very odd.” That geek was one of the guys who, essentially wrote the programming for the interwebs, so there’s that.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      but Eric Lichtblau, and he almost certainly has Rudy on speed dial.

      • Rick Hill

        trump’s guys are the BEST. I’m talking Gold, Jerry!

  • Chadwells

    I guess the “fake news”, “alt-fact” quips have lost their funny. Justly so. Never again.

  • Apple Scruff

    “Rex Tillerson will continue to do a whole hell of a lot of nothing”

    You know things are in the shitter when a sentence like that makes you feel better about the country.

    • chortlingdingo

      I feel like these people shouldn’t be drawing salaries if they aren’t going to actually do anything. I mean, I don’t want Tillerson to fuck anything up, but it makes me angry that he’s getting paid from our tax dollars.

      • bupkus23

        Especially when he just took $100M+ of our gas dollars in severence/retirement munnies….

  • cheetojeebus

    Meanwhile in Texas: 7 men and 2 women voted on a bill to advance it to the Texas House to allow doctors to lie to women about the health of their fetus if the dr fears the mother will seek a legal abortion.
    The ball’s in your court Florida.
    http://www.legis.state.tx.us/BillLookup/History.aspx?LegSess=85R&Bill=SB25

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh, the AMA is gonna come down like the wrath of god on that one.

      • Shanzgood

        It’s already in effect in Kansas. Can’t sue a physician for withholding information they think might lead to an abortion.

        So much for informed consent, eh?

        • Gosala

          Now, dear, don’t worry your pretty head. Let the mens take care it all for you and go back to your knitting. Oh, and put another log on the fire…

          https://youtu.be/BWpYQjuJ0u0

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            I loved the Candace Bergen version of this on the Muppet Show

        • PubOption

          One more answer to the question.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Aside from the ethical travesty of this, doesn’t it also create a conflict of interest? The disabled babby is going to need lots of medical assistance from doctors…i smell profit!!!

          • Shanzgood

            I didn’t think of the profit angle. I guess that’s why I’m a poor stupid libtart still.

            Plus their argument for forced ultrasounds, abortion “reversal” quackery, and state-mandated lying that abortion causes breast cancer and depression is that they’re supposed to be part of “informed consent” procedures.

            Ugh. So much stupid.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      I saw that yesterday. It’s one of the most monstrous proposals I’ve ever seen. Even for Rethugs it’s a new low. State Sen. Brandon Creighton Cretin was the author. He’s a charmer.

      http://m.dallasvoice.com/senate-committee-votes-doctors-lie-women-10233411.html?mobile-redirector-transfer=true&utm_content=buffer147ac&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Next, they’ll be able to lie to dying folks if they fear patient might shorten their own life.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Florida? Court?

      A Florida defence lawyer’s trousers have reportedly caught fire in court during an arson trial.
      Stephen Gutierrez was to address jurors on Wednesday when smoke began billowing from his pocket, witnesses said.
      The attorney fled the court and later returned unharmed with a singed pocket, blaming a faulty battery in his e-cigarette, the Miami Herald reports.
      Mr Gutierrez, who had been arguing that his client’s car spontaneously caught fire, said it was not a stunt.
      “It was surreal,” one witness told the Herald, while another pointed out that “a lot of people could have been hurt”.
      Police and prosecutors are investigating the incident, the newspaper reports, saying that officers “seized several frayed e-cigarette batteries as evidence”.
      Mr Gutierrez, 28, was making his closing argument to jurors when the fire erupted.
      He returned to the court moments after running out, still wearing the singed pants, to explain the incident.
      The defence attorney was representing Claudy Charles, who was accused of intentionally setting fire to his car in South Miami-Dade.
      Jurors later convicted Charles of second-degree arson.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Fuck fucking Texas godbothering motherfucking fucktards. Just fuck them. Fuck.

      • Parakeetist

        Can we sell Texas to Mexico?

        • Celtic_Gnome

          We don’t have enough money to convince them to buy.

      • cheetojeebus

        Basho fucking weeps at the beauty of your fucking eloquence.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          *Fucking blushes*

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I saw a headline this morning, “Dead shark found in grocery cart in parking lot,” and clicked on it just to see if it was from Florida.

      Fort Lauderdale.

  • Michael R
    • WomanInThePersistence

      It’s always the open thread. We are not easily herded.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I though Liberace had better taste…
      Sad. Weak.

    • guppy06

      He didn’t strike me as being into bears.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Liberace or Trump?

        • guppy06

          Hell, neither. There’s probably a clause in the prenup Melania had to sign concerning any hair growth south of her eyebrows.

      • puredog

        ISWYDT

    • Shoto

      Owww! My eyes!!!

    • PubOption

      I don’t know what is behind Donnie’s head, but it makes his hair look more poofy than usual.

    • chortlingdingo

      What the hell is wrong with that polar bear’s face? Bad taxidermy?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Too much coke.

  • Longstreet63

    Senator Schwarzenegger.
    Well, why the fuck not, at this point? At least he’s actually been a governor. Is Jesse Ventura running again, too?

    • Doug Langley

      He’s always craved being President. And he would too, if not for that meddling constitution.

      • guppy06

        And the fact that I can’t see either major party nominating him.

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          Yeah, well, we couldn’t imagine anyone nominating Lord Dampnut, either, and look where that got us.

      • Longstreet63

        Again, at least he’s trying to get some experience first. And he’s pissed off enough republicans to give up on the party.
        Remember when he won governor and the GOP talked about altering the Constitution so he could run for president? He is no more their golden boy.

        • suziq

          They decided they wanted an orange boy instead.

        • Doug Langley

          Call me skeptical, but I don’t see him as “trying to get experience”. I’ve followed Ah-nold since the 70s and discovered he’s as insufferable a narcissist as you can get. He’s just got better at hiding it. And he would LOVE to amend the Constitution cuz he has an unquenchable thirst for power.

          • Longstreet63

            I didn’t say he wanted to do it that way. He’s been forced to, and appears to have absorbed some of it. I’m not pro-Ahnuld, but in the present world, standards have come down. At least he’s not dumb.

        • Alexander Stallwitz

          Arnold is too moderate for the current GOP, He flunked the “One True Conservative” test

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Whats sad at this point, i would take him over Donnie anyday. at least he actually ran a government and I know he wouldnt just randomly nuke a country

        • Celtic_Gnome

          And he actually accepts the current theories on global warming.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      The GOP certainly loves their gropers.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    The nude servicewomen thing should be a non-issue. I don’t mean that the people that posted the photos online should go unpunished; of course they should be. What I mean is, while they search for the guys that did it, this should essentially be a non-story. The women who posed for the pictures did nothing wrong, and have no reason to feel guilty. Violated, sure; fearful or ashamed, no.

    Does this make sense to anyone? I don’t want to sound like I’m making light of what is clearly an egregious violation of privacy. I just feel like nudie pics seem to magically turn grownups into giggling teenagers, and these servicewomen deserve better attitudes from those around them.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Yeah, which is why I have a nudie pic policy of always looking FABULOUS (nothing that I’d ever be ashamed/embarrassed about)… you know, just in case they fall into the wrong hands.

      Yes, but in all seriousness, this should reflect poorly on the asshats who posted the pictures… NOT the women in them.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Exactly. You put it better than I did.

        • puredog

          My favorite quote de cluelessness from the Business Insider story was from a sojer who was butthurt over rejection, told his ex that he wouldn’t post her pix if she would just contact him, then became outraged when she blocked his communications, and posted. “I’m not a bad guy,” he said; “she had a choice.” SMH.

          • YoBunnyBunny
          • Lance Thrustwell

            Self-awareness asymptotically approaching zero…

          • guppy06

            She persisted.

          • Longstreet63

            It’s like when I mug someone. I tell them bad things won’t happen if they give me their wallet. They have a choice!

            Note: I very seldom mug people.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            Who hasn’t mugged someone every once and a while?

          • Longstreet63

            Let’s not bicker and argue about who mugged who…

          • Celtic_Gnome

            It really depends on what your definition of “mugged” is.

          • Longstreet63

            It only counts as mugging if you hit them for fun. Otherwise it’s either self defense or a deductible business expense.

          • puredog

            Only when it’s too long between paychecks. I mean, I’m not a bad guy, Your Honor.

          • chortlingdingo

            You know, when I see a guy all dressed nice in his expensive suit and fancy watch, I just can’t help myself. If he didn’t want to get mugged, he shouldn’t have dressed like that.

          • Querolous

            If he hadn’t worn pants I would not have picked his pocket.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            No, no. Never go after the rich guy. They may have all the money, but they don’t carry it on them.

      • snark-lurker

        Yeah but you can undo the embarrassment, the mortification–those have long half-lives.

    • Thiazin red

      A lot of them didn’t pose, and the pictures were taken without them knowing.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Oh! I didn’t know that. I’ll fix my comment, thanks.

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • YoBunnyBunny

      Yep! America is great again already! Can’t you feel it?

      • snark-lurker

        Remember Tailhook?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Don’t forget paying for Uday and Quisay to travel overseas with chaperones.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Funny that the “Congressional Budget Office” wants to “score” Trumpcare. Everyone knows that the CBO is full of libtard snowflakes who think Trickle On Economics does NOT work. Pfft…stupid pencil pushers.

    • PubOption

      “We don’t need that. It’s much easier to arrange the facts around the policy.”

  • Anna Elizabeth

    It’s Friday, Wonketteers! Time for Anna to do something fun, like see if FWB has woken up yet. XD

    I’ll see Y’alls laters, be safe.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/960233e9d79681f6936ec96b094fa0f0e8d7bf9fe23ba5630b3d95342d2037c3.jpg

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Good to see you back to your effervescent self Anna!

      • Tacoclamgenda

        I’ll second that!

    • lroom

      Great to see you Anna!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Thank you, Darlin’! It’s great to be back. :D

    • Yr. Gma

      Love the bow!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Thanx! I have anime hair, so I usually accessorize like an anime girl. :D

  • puredog

    Depending on where you are, folks, today might be a good day to get those Ides of March postcards in the mail to Hair Furor. Text should be insulting and stern, but it would probably be best to both keep it clean and realize that “with votes” will not inoculate any outright threats from the Secret Schutzstaffel. Donnie, 1600 Pa Av NW, WDC 20500.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      You can also address them to “President Bannon”. Just saying.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    The “alt-left.” Jesus wept. This guy is so fucking stupid other right wing “pundits” notice.

    https://twitter.com/seanhannity/status/840046305267261441

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      We didn’t even make up the term “alt-right”

      • Undocumented Skwerl!

        Although I would like to coin the term “Gault-right” for all those “fiscal conservatives”.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        Very true. Richard Spencer coined it to create a smokescreen over who they were and what their goals were. I don’t see a lot of people on the left wanting to disassociate themselves from things like fairness, equality, social justice, progressive tax policies…

        • Gosala

          Liberty and justice for all?…Commie!

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            I thought they liked Commies now? I haz a confuse…

          • Gosala

            They liked Rooskies. Rooskies ain’t commies no more. Theys klepto capitalists.

            Germans the commies now.

            ‘K?

    • folderol

      Hannity gave Obama a free ride, and in return you lefties tear down poor old kind President Trump. Well, I can assure you: that’s the last time a Democratic President goes through an entire two terms in office without our Mr. Hannity making a peep! No sirree bob!

    • suziq

      Yup-all smears and slander because none of it is true! He is a super great guy. Really! Quit being so MEEEEAANNNN!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      which is hilarious, because Greenwald has already grabbed “alt left”. That moron berner Levitz kid at Intelligencer (presumably he’s an offblow Wasserstein relative) wrote a thumbsucker last week about how the “alt center” needs to stop being mean to the alt left and Greenwald congratulated him on twitter.

      • cmd resistor

        Let’s just call all those people Alt Idiots.

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Holy fuck, if my brain alone could kill someone, Hannity would wither up and die. Along with Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich, everyone in Trump’s inner circle and about ten thousand other people I can’t stand.

    • cmd resistor

      Is Alt Left even a thing or just a fiction of his alleged brain?

  • Lefty Frizzell

    “To the best of your knowledge, has a man ever delivered a baby?”

    They really don’t get teamwork and shared responsibility. They just don’t get it.

    Look, dumbass, if there’s any women in your household who ever have, or ever will deliver a baby the whole household will benefit. That includes your mothers, wives and daughters you were so fucking concerned about yesterday when you were thinking about who pees where.

    Not to mention the question of how a man from the party of personal responsibility would answer “To the best of your knowledge, has a man ever fathered a baby?”

    What a selfish arsehole. Selfish fucking arsehole. Go explain that to your wives and daughters you stupid, narrow minded, empathy-devoid selfish fucking arsehole. I got mine, fuck you, ha fucking ha.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      That pretty much sums it up.

    • Shoto

      A few carefully crafted ads, and a solid woman candidate might just present a problem for that asshole during the runup to 11/18.

      • stubbornirishlass

        Honestly, if the left cannot make total mincemeat of the right with the voluminous mountains of material now available – and more every day – then there really is no hope for us.

    • suziq

      I always want to ask those guys if their mother had insurance when she gave birth to them. Because all men may not knock up someone but there are not any men who didn’t have a pregnant mom before they were born. So long ago that they forgot I guess.

      • monoglot

        To be fair, most Republican men appear to have hatched* rather than have been birthed.

        (*Apologies to all hatchlings.)

    • puredog

      I ame to Wonkette for the snark, but stayed for the delicious sugarcoating.

    • “To the best of your knowledge, has a man ever delivered a baby?”

      Trans men do it quite often, I hear.

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    Trump’s Tortilla Curtain may be collapsing already as Congresscreeps quietly run away as fast as they can. Even Mitch McConnell doesn’t think Mexico will pay for it!

    He should have made George Soros pay for it.

    • eka

      but then who would there be to send me my monthly protester checks?

  • Shoto

    Precious little babby gazelle, eating snacks and getting well. Thank dog that the nice vet lady is not using ZEGSRyanCare on the sweet babby animal.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      something something… bootstraps… moocher… FREEDUMB!!!1!11111
      Amen.

      • Shoto

        Exactly. USA USA!!!

      • C4TWOMAN

        Damn mooching baby gazelles. It should stop faking it, get up and get a job on the savannah.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Ryan would be trying to decide what kind of wine you serve with roast gazelle calf if he were in charge.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    It’s warming up here in the great fruit and veggie basket that is the California Central Valley. Spring means harvest. And harvest needs workers. Normally those workers come to Cali from Mexico. But this year, the flow of labor has come to a near standstill. And all those agri-business farmers and their vocal right wing pols are starting to sweat. You betchya they be talking to the Messicun foreign secretary at the White Man’s House. Those damn fruits and veggies ain’t gunna pick themselves and there aren’t car trains of Oakies coming to work for 50 cents a basket.

    • Gosala

      Didn’t Alabama go through something like this a few years ago?

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        Believe they did. Georgia too, maybe.

    • Shoto

      Hey Wingnut Pol: How does $35 for an iceberg lettuce salad sound, you effing moron?

      • OrdinaryJoe

        $70 if you order it in a restaurant. Trickle down turns into a tidal wave up. Great way to crash an economy, no? Make food prices so high they are on the scale of gasoline costs.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Sounds like I must be eating at Morton’s.

      • Longstreet63

        Thing is, the pols can afford it. It’s grandma wingnut with her SSI cut and no food stamps that gets to feel it. She will have to use the last of her strength blaming it on Obama.

      • Yr. Gma

        As long as it’s a Mar-a-lago wedge salad.

    • Gosala

      Just keep squeezing the working class and the truck trains will appear, as if by magic.

      Or should I say: if you wreck it, they will come?

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Tell them to hire bored hipsters at $25 an hour plus medical benefits and paid sick leave. They’d also like a paid month of vacation each year.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Just advertise the jobs in WV newspapers as “western surface mining specialists.”

      • Celtic_Gnome

        “I ain’t never seen coal that looked like this before.”

    • Yr. Gma

      Down south here in CA, it’s suddenly hot again after a long spell of cold rain. No transition, just cold then hot. In the 90s today.

    • Hardly Ideal

      I read somewhere else that the flow of labor was a lot more seasonal before the walls went up, but people who would otherwise go home instead choose to plant roots since it’s too hard to go back and forth now.

    • Ducksworthy

      Don’t count the Okies out just yet. It was around 100 degrees there in February. The place is on the verge of becoming uninhabitable again.

  • Liberal Fascist Ron

    It is said that you can’t put a value on human life. The GOP disagrees. And ties that value to income, gender and skin colour.

  • SweetDeeKat

    Tell the giant twat Shimkus that he can put in a rider for prenatal care for boy babies only. Fuckwit.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    I want Ginger

    • Shanzgood

      Well, there’s me and BadKitty here. We’re gingers!

      • Yr. Gma

        I’m curious about that word, “ginger.” Why is it now in such wide-spread use to describe a red-haired person? You were a “redhead” when I was a kid. Now you’re a “ginger.” I worry a lot about trivial stuff.

        • Shanzgood

          I think it’s a British thing, partly. I’d never heard the term until I went to live there in the late 80s. And then there’s the South Park meme about gingers having no souls.

    • Zyxomma

      I have organic ginger, and organic crystallized ginger candy. Which would you prefer?

  • chortlingdingo

    Yet another example of just how “pro-life” these people are. Force women to carry to term and have that baby, but otherwise don’t provide funding for any sort of care for the mother and child before or after the birth.

    • suziq

      “She should have kept her knees together.”

      • puredog

        Aspirin, the best birth control.

    • John Frum

      Well if something’s not conscious, it can’t know it’s YOU when you shit on them. How is that even fun? Republicans are against abortion because they’re afraid they’ll run out of victims.

  • suziq

    Haven’t seen this mentioned elsewhere, but on Mr. Paul Ryan’s graph explaining how the small section of the pie represents the sick n’ poors and saying that that stupid Obama care makes the big section of the pie of the younger/middle aged/healthier people subsidize them (which is how insurance works, but he doesn’t think it should) the poor people section was RED and the “normal” people were BLUE. So if you didn’t hear his whole thing and just looked at his pie chart it looks like there are maybe 20% republicans who can’t afford health insurance and the 80% are the dems that pay to help cover the red section. I liked that, because that is how insurance works and now they are admitting it! Though his explanation was a bit different.

    • RandomNameAllocated

      just no one tell him how a tontine works….

    • John Frum

      That’s actually the way the entire country works, if you extend it to federal dollars going to assistance programs in red states.

      • suziq

        I know, I live in a blue state and am kind of sick of the red states with their lower cost of living and lower taxes and lower pay taking my tax dollars while telling us how evil we are for being socialist commies who care about other people.
        But his chart-the red part were the sick and poors and the blue part helps them with medical insurance. Could it have been an accident they picked those colors, or is it just me that thinks it looks bad for the Rs? They associate with the color red and libtards are blue right? Not really anything? Maybe I should get some sleep one of these days.

        • Yr. Gma

          It’s a conspiracy.

        • John Frum

          Thinking it was more than an accident gives them too much credit for competence.
          Also let’s not forget the tax burden we schlep so Wal-Mart and Cracker Barrel can use public assistance to subsidize a business model based on being entitled to something for nothing from their employees.

          But that’s the difference between the Pig People and civilized folk:

          BLUE STATE: “I will happily help build a system that works for everyone, as long as it works for me, too.”

          RED STATE: “WAAAAHHHHH!!!! MINE! MINE! MINE!”

    • Hardly Ideal

      “You don’t say?” said California through clenched teeth.

    • Ducksworthy

      Colbert covered this point pretty well. Also, I suspect that the Wonkette headline about how Paul Ryan doesn’t understand how insurance works may also hide a reference to this.

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    Hey Shimkus — women have to pay for your prostate massage and boner pills, so you have to pay for their vital pre-natal health. That’s just how it works.

  • chortlingdingo

    I got some breakfast tacos from my closest Mexican hole-in-the-wall restaurant, and while I’ve come to expect the food to be delicious, I was pleasantly surprised by how tasty their coffee was too!

  • smitallica

    What if we just said Viagra counted as “pre-pre-pre-natal healthcare?” Would that pep ya up some?

  • Trump’s Tortilla Curtain may be collapsing already as Congresscreeps quietly run away as fast as they can. Even Mitch McConnell doesn’t think Mexico will pay for it!”

    Well that’s what happens when you let T.C. Boyle build your wall.

    • Bitter Scribe

      GREAT book!

  • Re: Arnold

    So yep politics is now the new “hangout” for celebs with failed career prospects. Just preparing you guys for the inevitable Kardashian/Hilton ticket in 2024 (“Ugh, I’m bored and the stupid E! network isn’t calling anymore. Let’s like run the country and stuff after posting butt-selfies, k”)

    • Bitter Scribe

      Kardashian/Hilton will never get off the ground for the same reason that Gingrich/Santorum didn’t: They’ll both want first billing.

    • Yr. Gma

      Arnold has been dissing Donnie, and the enemy of my enemy, etc.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      The Pee tapes would be slightly more interesting, at least!

    • HorseChestnut

      Either of those women would do a better job of running the country than those currently in office. Easily. In heels.

  • John Frum

    Love how these bootstrap-yanking Republican asswipes are always demanding everyone else have a shitty life so they can have more. “Looks like you’ll have to give up that hope of paying for college. Go clean a bathroom, kid. Looks like you’ll have to tighten that belt and work three jobs so you can put food on your family. Looks like you’ll have to take one for the team because some selfish piece of shit threw a tantrum when your kid needed chemo.” “Aww, how cute. A blind veteran with no arms who thinks we owe him something. Suck it up soldier. Go fight Humana like the rest of the peasants.”

    Here’s something you never hear them say: “Looks like Mr Koch’s gonna have to scrape by with 5 yachts instead of 20”. Or, “If Senator McCain can’t remember how many houses he has, maybe he doesn’t need that many.” Or, “Maybe we’re sick of having our tax dollars pay for Mr Ryan’s government-backed Cadillac health plan, just so he can be beefy enough to pull up that big ladder behind him.”

    Let’s start a petition to force Paul Ryan to explain the difference between being successful and just being a pig. And make it a campaign issue when he gets it exactly ass backwards.

    • Lord Jim
    • John Frum

      And another thing! I think healthcare is another issue in which there are competing realities.

      For most people, the problem is: “How do we join the civilized world in which people people other than elitist, entitled fatcats are allowed to see doctors other than the coroner?” They’re not ideologues, there’s no ulterior motive, and they don’t have to lie to sell their idea because most sane people would go, “Good question!”

      But then we have the Pig People: The entitled, elitist fatcats, their grifting minions, and this giant mob of nasty, stupid, bamboozled lab monkeys who think you can belong to this club even though you live in a swamp and have a refrigerator on the porch. The elitist fatcats keep them around because even in Christian Free Market Utopia, someones gonna have to clean the toilet.

      But remember when Poppy Bush was bewildered by a grocery store? Remember Mitt Romney couldn’t even fake being a person who bought shirts hizzowndamnself? And George W saying “My base: The haves and the have-mores HAHAHAHA fuck you peasants”. Oh, and Blimp Pillpopper wondering why people didn’t just pay for their health care like he did.

      These people see medical care in a way nice normal people would never even think of. To them, proletarians like us thinking you should be able to not just drop dead when we’re no longer useful is nothing but class envy. Just look how they wheedle and dodge when someone confronts them with the harm they will do to people. They don’t give a fuck.

      When you strip away the bullshit, this is the basis of the “access” to health care argument. I have “access” to a Bentley dealership right near my house. I can walk right in and say “One towering monument to conspicuous consumption, please”. But they don’t want to talk about what happens next.

      And those bullshit “health savings accounts”. Which are a coup de gras to the idea Republicans are even interested: a simultaneous tax scam for the rich and a middle finger to everyone else.

  • Ducksworthy

    Looks like the Koreans are going to get rid of some of the corrupt “anti-communist” authoritarians. Maybe I can go back there if things get much worse here.

  • Khavrinen

    “they sent a sternly-worded letter to the White House letting them know just how angry they are.”

    If this sort of thing happens again, they might even have to use italics or even bold lettering to show how upset they are. Are you willing to risk a backlash like THAT, Mr. President?!

  • Lord Jim

    Here and here are a couple of interesting stories about Trump’s billionaire backer Robert Mercer. The Guardian piece is a little more chilling because of the role Cambridge Analytica, in which Mercer has a large stake, played in Brexit.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Cambridge Analytica worked for the Trump campaign as well. They’re supposed to be data-miners, but they really seem to specialize in overthrowing governments.

  • puredog

    Someone may have noted this here, but I just heard on NPR that an Alabama ACLU attorney has filed a complaint with the Alabama State Bar to the general effect that Sessions lied under oath and thereby violated the rules of professional responsibility (tru dat). I’ll believe the complaint will get any traction when I see it, but I like the way they think.

  • Nodrama4mama

    Is it wrong that I have never been so jealous of dog before?

  • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy
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