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Boris Epshteyn is one of the many people Donald Trump knows who was born in Russia. (Weird, right?) But instead of being some dude with his name in capital letters in a pee hooker spy dossier, he is actually all over your TV, all the freaking time, shilling for the Trump regime. You’ve noticed him, how obnoxious he is, how he comes off as a guy who has had human sexual intercourse only slightly more times than dead-eyed Trump asshole Stephen Miller. You may have even thought, huh, with that Russian name, wonder if he is part of the #Scandal, just hiding in plain sight! (He has LOTS of business ties in Russia, because of course he does!)

But then you forgot him, because he’s forgettable.

Well, it turns out one group of people REALLY hates Epshteyn, who used to be just a lowly campaign surrogate, but who actually is an assistant to Trump now, coordinating TV appearances for the regime. The media hates him! But not just ANY media, or just the #FakeNews mainstream media — it’s literally across the board, from CNN to MSNBC, and even Fox News!

Politico has the story, and let’s just start with why Fox hates him:

Epshteyn … got in a yelling match with a Fox News booker after Hemmer pressed him for details of President Donald Trump’s controversial executive order cracking down on immigration from Muslim-majority countries — a topic he was not expecting to be grilled on.

“Am I someone you want to make angry?” Epshteyn told the booker, the sources said. When he threatened to pull White House officials from the network, the fed-up booker had had enough.

“Go right ahead,” the booker fired back, the sources said, aware that Epshteyn had no power to follow through on a threat that would have upended the administration’s relationship with a sympathetic news network.

Hahaha, they HATE him, but they knew his threats were flaccid. Sounds like a lot of Trump staffers!

Apparently Epshteyn, who was maybe raised in a Russian barn, is a total pig when it comes to Green Room Etiquette too. One time, he was backstage at CNN, and former New York City Council member Christine Quinn, a known lesbian, was there also. Young Boris, an icon of fashion and sexxxy maleness, did not like the fashion choices of ANOTHER lady present, and spoke up to register his discontent:

Why does she dress like that?” he said out loud, in front of multiple people, pointing to a woman with very short hair, wearing a loose-fitting pantsuit.

“Why do you dress like that?” Quinn, who is gay and a longtime LGBT rights activist, fired back. Epshteyn, Quinn said in an interview, appeared stunned by the reaction to his comment.

Awww, poor baby, did the mean lesbian bite you? As Politico notes, Epshteyn wears three-piece suits, and we are sure his mom tells him he looks very handsome in them, when she’s sewing his name into the waistbands.

Another time in a CNN green room, Dumb Boris came in and spread his yuck body all over the couches for a little nappie, and then started yelling about the make-up people not making him beautiful for TV quickly enough. TYPICAL BORIS!

Now let’s talk about why MSNBC hates Boris:

At a meeting with NBC executives, he aired his grievances against [MSNBC host Joy-Ann] Reid and MSNBC host Rachel Maddow. In the room, his jokes about how he enjoys appearing on television in part because of the free food fell flat, according to multiple sources in the meeting.

“He calls women girls, and he has no decorum about how he speaks to people,” said Reid. “He’s somebody that just makes the room uncomfortable. When he leaves the room, the conversation is, ‘I hope he never comes back.’ He enjoys making people uncomfortable.”

That’s typical behavior for people who don’t enjoy the ability to make friends. And just people who, in general, are boorish louts, the kind who faintly smell of whatever meat drippings have gotten tangled in their body hair that day.

But just kidding, Boris Epshteyn DOES have a friend! His name is Eric Trump, the younger, creepier adult Trump spawn! They met at Georgetown! We bet they had many wild college exploits, talking about the girls they ALMOST got to finger!

Oh, and according to Politico, one time he told the head of the New York Democratic Party, TO HIS FACE, that because he was the child of Jamaican immigrants, he probably only got where he is because of affirmative action, unlike Russians in the Trump administration, who get whatever they want, because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

At least we assume that’s why Epshteyn got his job. It ain’t ’cause he’s pretty or nothin’.

Wonkette is fully funded by Readers Like You! If you wouldn’t mind, be a good sport and throw us a few dollars!

[Politico]

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  • MynameisBlarney

    Who the fuck is he?

  • SnarkON

    Am assuming Trump’s supporters refer to him as Boris (((Epshteyn))).

  • Mpeg

    Seems all Donnie’s bigliest spokespeople, like his choicest steaks, get biglier and best-ier than ever, all the time. True. Great. The best. Did he mention special? Trump’s people, they’re very, very, very, special, people.

  • aureolaborealis

    Well. He seems terrible.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Cabinet appointment material, fer sur!

      • Creepoman

        Dream big – SCOTUS?

  • anwisok

    “. . . with that Russian name, wonder if he is part of the #Scandal, just hiding in plain sight!”

    I can vote yes? Good! I VOTE YES!!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Urine trouble now.
      Ooops, I spilled too much.

  • Mary Sandoras

    OT: Quinnipiac poll
    Sessions should resign
    51% yeah
    42% nay
    http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/322968-poll-over-half-say-sessions-should-resign

    • Persistent Demme

      Let’s revive this.
      It needs to happen, and, (bonus), it vexes Li’l Donnie so.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Attorney General Vanilla Ice has a nice ring to it.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “Boris is someone who is willing to go on the battlefield in support or defense of candidate and now President Trump,” Conway said

    Kellyanne went on to add “Because fuck it, it’s his turn to try to find a way to defend the insane person we have in the White House. Peace-out!”

    • georgiaburning

      That sounds like the South Vietnamese government towards the end of the war.
      “We will fight to the last man. I’m not the last man, he’s over there,”

      • Thaumaturgist

        Cheney. Dick Cheney. Willing to fight to the second last American.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Epshteyn … got in a yelling match with a Fox News booker

    I swear I read that as ‘hooker’. Thanks, Obama.

    • Beowoof14

      Since Ailes left they’re trying to clean up the job titles.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Borish Epshteyn sheemsh like a real schmuck, like mosht of Donnie’sh friendsh.

  • C4TWOMAN

    “Epshteyn, Quinn said in an interview, appeared stunned by the reaction to his comment.”

    One of two things: women in his part of Russian don’t talk back or are desperate to make money in “industries” requiring male approval.

    I guess that’s just one thing.

    • georgiaburning

      “women of low social responsibility”, wasn’t that how Putin described them?

      • C4TWOMAN

        I missed that. How convenient. Destroy the economy and opportunities, then blame people without opportunities for having shit jobs.
        The Robber Barons did it first, Putie.

        • georgiaburning

          Russia had their own Robber Barons in the late 1800’s. Their’s really were barons.

    • Beowoof14

      Well they do allow wife beating so not getting a reaction may be normal in Russia. It must be a shock for him to be around people that actually like women.

  • georgiaburning

    I miss Baghdad Bob. As political shills go, he was at least entertaining. Unfortunately some of his dire predictions about what would happen in Iraq were accuate.

    • proudgrampa

      I was gonna say. Where is BB when we need him???

  • Scrofula

    He sounds Russian.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Epshteyn sounds like the mark a booger leaves when a Russian shill wipes it on the wall as he walks by.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    At a meeting with NBC executives, he aired his grievances against Reid and MSNBC host Rachel Maddow.

    When asked to reply, an MSNBC spokesperson said:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5f23379171fcca98c93ab213134bbc12b9ca09dcf110f4754a5945e09aed89b9.jpg

  • memzilla Ω

    Epshteyn … got in a yelling match with a Fox News booker…

    Who else read this and mentally replaced the “b” with an “h” because wouldn’t be surprised? *raises hand*

    • Mary Sandoras

      Ummm, down thread.

      • memzilla Ω

        GMTA.

  • ariel_gee_398

    I like this serialized format, makes the information more bearable. Who will be featured in tomorrow’s chapter of Incompetent Monsters: Real Life in the Trump Administration?

  • BadKitty904
    • Latverian Diplomat

      Heck, he married an Ivan[a].

    • OneYieldRegular

      Yes, he seems bad enough for the job.

      • BadKitty904

        A perfect fit for the “Administration of Hate,” really.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    True fact; if you look up “Shander fir der goyim” in the yiddish dictionary you can see his picture.

    I have assholes like this in my family (extended, thank FSM). My least favorite is a security volunteer at the synagogue in Florida who bought a gun to protect the place from brown people terrorists.

    • Persistent Demme

      I also have assholes like this in the family.
      I am dreading seeing them at the next family function, cause I just wanna say:
      “Fuck off!”

  • OrG

    Who?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    In the room, his jokes about how he enjoys appearing on television in part because of the free food fell flat

    “OK, then: if we order a pizza for you, will you go away?”

    – newsroom bookers everywhere, probably

  • Painter of Swedish Tragedies

    Let me guess. This guy is Dampnut’s ethics advisor.

  • Ricky Gay

    Please excuse Boris for not doing his homework. He has bursitis of the brain. Signed, Epshteyn’s mother

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Burshitish!

    • mardam422

      Ooo! Ooo! Mister Kot-terrrr!

      • Ricky Gay

        That’s CARter. Carter Page.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Mary Sandoras

      FTW!

    • MynameisBlarney
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Limp dick is definitely God’s will – if for no other reason than erect dick so often seems to be Satan’s will.*

      *(In a repressive, sex-negative, Christian tradition of looking at such things.)

      • Brooke

        LOL

        Because of Trump, the political bar has been set so low and become so trashy and juvenile that it’s now EXPECTED that he’ll behave like a lying, spoiled, privileged foul mouthed brat. And on that level, he does not disappoint.

        Trump needs to rely on these large brain-washing rallies to garner up support, just like Hitler. I don’t blame them though, what else is there to talk about? What other card can they play? Obama has thrived in office.

        Dow over 17,000, record corporate profits, 5% growth, best year for jobs since 1999, consumer confidence up, deficit down 60% in 2014, gas prices low, health insurance cheaper than ever ($85/month), car insurance cheaper than ever ($25/month from Insurance Panda), the 1% starting to be taxed more… all while republicans bleated about Benghazi took pointless votes to repeal the ACA, and did nothing for anybody except the top one percent.

        I don’t know what is more offensive; Trump trying to scapegoat Bill Clinton, or the press calling it an “apology”.

        • Caepan

          Flagged for subtle yet annoying spam.

      • Peggytgordon

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dk260c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !dk260c:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs550WebSecurityGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dk260c:….,….

    • puredog

      That she is making kissy-face at the photographer really elevates this photo.

  • Jgb979

    Boris?

    Not even trying to hide the Russian connections anymore are they Natasha Ann Conway

    So weird how every higher ranking member of this administration is a dysfunctional sociopath

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    After he bombed on the Borscht belt circuit, Boris hasn’t been a happy camper.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Epshteyn was born in 1982 in Moscow, Soviet Union into a Russian Jewish family.[2] In 1993 he emigrated with his family to the United States; his family moved to Plainsboro, New Jersey. In June 2013, Epshteyn marked the passing of Democratic Senator Frank Lautenberg by publicly thanking him for creating legislation that helped Epshteyn’s family to emigrate to the United States: “…… passed in 1990 [which] loosened the restriction on refugee states and thereby allowed for tens of thousands of Jews like me from the former USSR to come to America.

    lulz

    In September 2016, the media watchdog organization Media Matters for America criticized CNN, Fox News, and PBS for failing to disclose Epshteyn’s “financial ties to the former Soviet Union, which include consulting through Strategy International LLC for ‘entities doing business in Eastern Europe’ and moderating a Russian-sponsored conference on ‘investment opportunities in Moscow.'”[10]

    • Thaumaturgist

      So Boris is a “sleeper?”

      • georgiaburning

        a tool

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “I thought that was my job.”
        — Ben Carson

    • OrG

      He sounds like one of those bad hombres I’ve been hearing about.

    • What is with all these Trumpkins who are in their 30s looking like they’re pushing 50… Is evil aging?

      I’m older than this fuckwit and I look like 20 years younger than him easily. (same goes for that Miller character).

      • C4TWOMAN

        Well, look at what the Dark Side did to Senator Palpatine. So yeah.

        • And Kellyanne PROBABLY isn’t 90, I’d guess… Evidence is mounting.

          • laughingnome

            And she’s mounting the evidence.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Some of them look older than my parents, and they’re my age. All that hatred and anger eventually shows up on the outside.

        • Jonny On Maui

          That explains why you’re so beautiful. Both sides are.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Awwwwww!! That is so sweet! I’m not going to be half as mean to you on International Woman’s Day as I had planned!

          • Jonny On Maui

            Thank you baby!

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Aaaaaaaww!

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Same here–I was floored when I saw his birth year (23+/- years older than this mess and happily aging much better).

    • C4TWOMAN

      Woah, there! Boris benefited from “affirmative action” legislation? Epshteyn-gate!

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Trix’s other Jewish half? Epshteyn being Epstein in Russian?

    • OrG

      He hangs with Horshack?

      • Beanz&Berryz

        No Youngz will get that one!

        • Meccalopolis

          Ooh Ooh Mr Carter!

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Carter??

          • Meccalopolis

            Kotter. Or, as Washington would say, Mr kah- tair

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Boris Epshteyn is one of the many people Donald Trump knows who was born in Russia.

    For some reason, I read that “one of the many people who knows Donald Trump was born in Russia.”

    • Thaumaturgist

      Speaking of which, now that he’s president, The Donald can order the FBI to release Obama’s long form. Why hasn’t he?

    • C4TWOMAN

      Well, for 8 years we’ve been hearing Obama is Kenyan. So it would be irresponsible not to make some conspiracy shit up speculate…

  • Undocumented Skwerl!
    • Scrofula

      Wonkette Classic of yore used to rock Blingee daily.
      Then came the Ponies.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        I miss the daily seizures.

      • Undocumented Skwerl!

        Where are the sparkly pony sites?

        I wanna play,
        I wanna play,
        I wanna play,
        I wanna play,
        I wanna play,

        • Scrofula

          You’re ON the sparkly pony site!

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      why? Why do you hate me?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Trump does seem to like a certain type of douchebag male subordinate, doesn’t he?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      He’s got a certain… style. Kind of like if Al Capone and Liberace had a love child and gave it a head injury.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I think they all have the same father, too.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Betas sucking up to the *snicker* Alpha.

  • Beowoof14

    Well being an obnoxious asshole is a perfect representation of the Trump regime so points for accuracy in representation of his boss.

  • Chadwells

    Comment rules…and these are worse than what I had for Ratfaced fuckwit Paul Ryan.

  • The Wanderer

    One of Qusay’s friends, huh?

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    It seems the list of folks without ties to Moscow in the Trump campaign/Admin is a much shorter list that you would normally expect.

    • Jamoche

      1. Ben Carson (got lost on the way to Moscow)
      2.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        Rick “Three things” Perry libelz, although he was into that Moscow-backed Texas secessionist movement.

        • SadDemInTex

          Moscow does not have to back the Texas secessionist movement….it was fine and dandy well before this fuckstorm. I live here. These people are still angry about the Civil War.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            Well and it causes them to have to multitask while backing the California secessionist movement, also too. So much meddling. So little time.

          • You mean that war where they got their asses kicked and made to stop owning people?

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            Does living there make a Wonker drink incessantly? Remember the Alano!!1!

          • SadDemInTex

            Sad to say I face this insanity sober. I have been forced to take a breather after having major surgery. So I’m at home not able to totally participate in the madness. I work with about 85 people and the knowledge that at least half or more (who voted…bc Texas is 51st in percentage of women who vote and 48th in percentage of men who wore) voted for Trump is devasting. People who voted for Obama voted for Trump…purely out of their hatred for immigrants and especially out of their hatred for Muslims and their fear that their precious European white man Xian world was in jeorpardy of being “destroyed”. Being at home is better for my blood pressure for sure.

      • Meccalopolis

        Oh Ben? The woods are lovely dark and deep…

  • ariel_gee_398

    “Spicer told POLITICO. “Obviously we’ve got to make sure that everyone is treated with the appropriate level of respect. I have not seen a problem.‘”

    Aggressive oblivion is your stock and trade, Sean. No one expects otherwise.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Is his last name pronounced fuck-steen or fuck-stain?

    • Mary Sandoras

      yes

  • Carpe Vagenda

    So he’s essentially the russian Alan Keyes. Good to know.

  • exinkwretch

    Clearly, he’s not working for Putin. He would have disappeared or suffered a fatal “heart attack” by now.

  • shaar dula

    so a boring f-stain?

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • CogitoErgoBibo

      On the plus side, he didn’t retweet his password. Again.

    • BadKitty904

      It’s like watching monkeys try to build a rocket engine…

      • Suttree

        Prehensile tail libelz!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        No, because an infinite number of monkeys could probably eventually do that. These people are trying to build a rocket engine with the goal of not having a rocket engine at the end.

        • BadKitty904

          And denying that “rocket engines” exist.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            and of course ‘freedom’ means floating in space without propulsion.

          • Vacuum is just a theory…

          • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

            Who’s ever seen a vacuum cleaner in space? Damn libturd brainstems.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Gravity also too, although science is divided about whether the earth sucks or space blows.

    • Crank Tango

      Meh, I could take Tomorrow am in a fight.

    • SayItWithWookies

      The White House is gonna fire up the shortwave and hope to make contact with the Russians undetected.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    OT-Warning: Spicey just announced that the White House will be holding the usual Easter activities. Hide yer children.

    • Clyde Barrow
      • C4TWOMAN

        That is so disturbing. And I like jelly fill type sweets…

        • Creepoman

          But really no worse than taking the sacrament, if you’re Catholic-ish.

          • C4TWOMAN

            I remember when I still went to Mass (I stopped around 14 after I became Wiccan) being really under impressed with the taste of the Host. Basically it’s like those puffed potato starch packing peanuts. The body of Christ can’t be salted? Or perhaps Nacho flavored?

          • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

            Are they any good with hummus?

          • C4TWOMAN

            Like I said, need more salt. Then maybe?

          • LucindathePook

            And they stick to the roof of your mouth and since they are really Jesus you have to pry ’em off with your tongue without breaking them.

          • C4TWOMAN

            OMG I forgot about the sticking bit! But I wasn’t really fussed about getting Jesus unstuck whole.
            I’m going to Hell, aren’t I?

          • LucindathePook

            See you there, but for reasons other than host chewing.

          • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

            So, no chewing, demonstrative lip smacking, yummy sounds, et cetera, I take it?

          • LucindathePook

            Nope.

          • AJ Milne

            It’s like: by all that’s (allegedly) holy, Pringles would actually be an improvement.

          • LucindathePook

            With bacon horseradish dip.

      • SnarkON

        You’re making me hungry.

      • Creepoman

        Took me a minute, but I got it. I are S-M-R-T!

        • Clyde Barrow

          What’s the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus?

          Only takes one nail to hang the picture.

          ba-dum-tss!

      • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

        Spear wound or GTFO.

      • Meccalopolis

        Reminds me if the Jesus live doll

    • Anna Rompage

      And a warning to women, please wear the new bear trap chastity belt if attending any Easter activities that might include Donnie… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/aa8c5ef1074a69811ab1ae41a768ec6e82e532ba5b38c6207b5ed34135466a4b.jpg

      • Persistent Demme

        I need one of these, next time I go to the airport.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Grab her by the AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • AJ Milne

          Didn’t actually get kicked out of this place, laughing at this. But it was close.

        • mailman27

          Donnie Nine-Fingers.

    • Jonny On Maui

      An Easter Bunny hunt this year.

      • Creepoman

        Can’t wait for the celebratory shot of Uday (or Qusay?) holding up the amputated cotton tail.

    • Mary Sandoras

      Photos of tortured childrens faces by the Trumptouch will abound.

    • Crank Tango

      I wonder if it will be a whites (only) party?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    There is literally no one in the Trump orbit who is not worthy of being the center of attention at a Purple Wedding.

    • puredog

      Is that like a Red Wedding only different?

  • Anna Rompage

    Is there anyone in the Trump adim who isn’t a raging fuck asshole and who doesn’t deserve to be accosted by votes with a rusty chainsaw?

    Asking for a friend…

    • You think anyone who was a half decent human being could stomach being around Herr Dipshit? Of course, it’s also possible that being around him erodes the soul of once good people until they’re simply husks…

      • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

        There’s the smell, to begin with.

    • Crank Tango

      N O T, K?

  • Inner Venom

    Boris?

    What a very fitting name.

    • eggsacklywright

      Bore us.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    A limp Tony Montana

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    He calls women girls? That’s not so bad when you consider all women call him “Not even if you were the last man on Earth.”

    Also, too…why does he dress that way?

    • Jonny On Maui

      His momma dresses him…

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It’s what mom picked out this morning.

    • Anna Rompage

      Why does he dress that way?

      Trump suits were on a ‘Buy 1, get 3 free’ sale?

  • MynameisBlarney
  • geoffalnutt

    Clearly, Putin wanted a ‘tough guy’ in the role. Yawn.

  • Creepoman

    I just . . . ah, fuck it. The persistent anxiety, low-grade headache, and general apathy must be how the Romans felt, circa 476 AD. They didn’t allow comments either, right?

    • MamaBrown

      Yeah, just look over there, in the distance–do you see Visigoths? Because I do.

  • goonemeritus

    I find it refreshing that this administration has chosen representatives that are truly representative of Trump.

    • Ugly Russians?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Petty and entitled assholes?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          The aggressively incompetent dregs of the entire class of second-rate pushy white draft dodgers and their useless heirs and nephews?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Self-loathing, closeted homosexuals that love dressing up like nazi’s and getting into heavy BDSM and lots of CBT?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            The children of people who have decided as a class that the only hope their sons have for self-support and someone other than mom to do their laundry is the exclusion of women and brown people from literacy and voting?

          • Lamashtar

            I have a soft spot for those..

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Villains out of central casting. Send out your Russian spies, Nazis and douchey fratbros so we can put them in charge!

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Too often we do not ask the question: where the white women at?

    • Creepoman

      Reprehensitives.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Meanwhilst, in the tin-foil lined oval office…

    In a bold move that promises to never bite him in the ass, turmp bans all press from all his meetings.

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/10141723369

    • Asterix

      Sadly, the press will just roll over and say nothing.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I don’t know.
        They may finally learn and start ridiculing that fucknut. Harshly.

      • C4TWOMAN

        If Drumpth sticks to his guns, they won’t have a choice but to get spines.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Yeah, that’ll last five minutes.

      • Suttree

        He needs constant attention or he gets sad. Maybe someday he’ll figure out why people think that he’s a joke.

        • Yr. Gma

          Yes and not likely.

    • C4TWOMAN

      I think it’s just for today:

      “As of this writing, all of Pres Trump’s meetings today are closed to
      press coverage. No chance to question him about his wiretap tweets.”

      http://www.rawstory.com/2017/03/trump-bans-press-from-all-his-meetings-following-baseless-wiretap-accusations-against-obama/

      But it would be awesome if he TRIED to make it a permanent thing.

      • MynameisBlarney

        If it’s only for today, does he actually think that on one will think to ask him about it, oh….I dunno…..tomorrow?

        • C4TWOMAN

          “does he actually think..”
          No. Next question?

    • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

      “The president also had scheduled meetings with Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-MA)”

  • Thorn Spike

    You can’t spell “Boorish” without Boris.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Somewhere, a Fox booker is thinking about how polite and fun the Obama spokespeople were, and rethinking his life choices?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Introspection is something they are wholly incapable of.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Hahaha — no.

  • shaar dula
  • wide_stance_hubby

    His chin is a magnificent accident I cannot look away from. Is it bad rendition or does he have a diaphragm in there? Anybody else see it?

  • Chadwells

    But what is the rest of that story?!? After the booker said “go ahead”…what did this shitfaced moron say back?! That’s the best part of the story!!

  • bookish

    http://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/foreign-policy/322933-saudis-upcoming-trip-to-china-sends-strong-signal-to-us

    King Salman Bin Abdul-Aziz of Saudi Arabia is leading an entourage, including 25 senior princes and 10 ministers, to China later this month, part of a month-long tour of the Asia-Pacific, as the kingdom is seeking to hedge against an unpredictable and divided White House.

    While it yearns for a renewed American role in the Middle East and reassurances from President Trump that Riyadh remains an ally, Saudi Arabia now faces a period of uncertainty due to the unpredictability of Trump’s foreign policy stance. That reason alone could explain why a trip to Beijing was planned before a trip to Washington.

    Despite its efforts at economic diversification, Saudi Arabia will remain dependent on oil exports for a long time, and China provides the kingdom with a stable market for its energy exports for decades to come.

  • laughingnome
  • You’d think Satan could send Trump some more attractive, personable minions to be his spokespeople. I guess good help is hard to find, even for Hell.

    • Anna Rompage

      I’m starting to think Trump is too evil and fucked up for even Satan to get behind…

  • bookish

    http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/322856-dems-make-another-push-for-trumps-tax-returns-from-house-floor

    House Democrats on Tuesday furthered their push to force Republicans to take tough votes on President Trump, offering a resolution on the House floor to request Trump’s tax returns for the second time in a little over a week.

    The resolution was blocked on a procedural vote of 227-186.

    The resolution’s failure isn’t a surprise, but Democrats are committed to repeatedly forcing Republicans to go on the record about Trump.

    House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) told television news anchors last week that House Democrats are planning to push for a vote on Trump’s tax returns on a weekly basis.

    • Mary Sandoras

      It’s the new wave of militant feminism.

      The feminazis are coming!

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Finally!!

    • Yr. Gma

      The weekly bill to repeal Obamacare equivalent?

  • Because any excuse is a good excuse for Melvins…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9wq-34xyeE

  • x111e7thst

    Вялый Борис

    • Mary Sandoras

      Молодой человек в старом теле.

      • x111e7thst

        He fits into that suit the way too much sausage fits into too little casing

        • AmusedAmused

          Like two scoops of half-digested horseradish and mustard in harem pants.

      • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

        Molodoi chelovek v starom tele?

        • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

          Young man in the old body

    • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

      Vyali Boris?

      • x111e7thst

        Flaccid Boris

  • C4TWOMAN

    Sorry if someone’s already posted this down thread:

    2014 arrest

    Following a bar fight in Scottsdale, Arizona in 2014, Epshteyn was charged with misdemeanor assault. The charge was dropped after he agreed to undergo anger management counseling and perform community service.[2]

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Epshteyn

    More at:

    https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/14/us/politics/boris-epshteyn-trump.html?_r=1

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Guess he only seems nice.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      A bar fight? A bar fight?!? *fiendish grin* Is there anyone out there who can tell me what bar he hangs out at? *licks chops*

      • Fancy Meau-Faux

        It’s probably on this list. You may need to go on a vigilante manhunt. With lots of booze involved.

        https://www.thrillist.com/drink/phoenix/phoenix-s-bad-decision-bars

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        I’ll join in, and then it’s a bär fight also too! No German / Russian non-aggression pacts here!!

      • puredog

        Assumption of risk! No votes required!

    • SayItWithOtters

      What is it with all of these guys slap-fighting each other with appletini glasses or whatever?

  • Crank Tango

    “Go right ahead,” the booker fired back, the sources said, aware that Epshteyn had no power to follow through on a threat that would have upended the administration’s relationship with a sympathetic news network.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/CaztIO8SCWyru/giphy.gif

  • mancityRed6

    for someone as concerned with optics as much as tRump is, you’d think they’d see something strange about having someone with the name “Boris” around.

    • Crank Tango

      He’s great at going after Moose(lambs) and Squirrel(!).

  • Mr. Blobfish

    lick·spit·tle
    /ˈlikˌspidl/
    noun
    a person who behaves obsequiously to those in power.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      See also: Toady, brown-noser, ass-kisser, parasite, yes-man, fawner.

      • leemoder

        See also: star-fucker, apple-polisher, Chris Matthews.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Lefty Frizzell

      Jesus. If that’s not a photoshop it should be.

      • MynameisBlarney

        LOL
        A friend of mine had dog named “Low-Rider Jim”. He was a Basset Hound/German Shepherd mix.

        Funniest looking dog I’ve ever seen.
        Little stubby Basset Hound body with a massive German Shepherd head.

        • Fancy Meau-Faux

          There was a black lab/doxie mix that used to come to coffee shop I worked at. It was basically a lab with very short legs. Sweet dog though.

        • marxalot

          I once met a tri-color collie/corgi mix. Looked like Lassie, until it stood up and… didn’t get very far.

          • Persistent Demme

            My aunt and uncle had a doxie/collie mix.
            Poor thing had that big collie coat on little legged body!

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          We have a Beagle/Basset Hound mix named Frodo. You can see the Beagle frustration on those failed bed jumps. The Chihuahua also likes to rub it in: “Dude, you can’t make that jump? It’s great up here!”

        • Persistent Demme

          Two brothers at the dog park were Husky/Basset mixes.
          Short-ish, but sturdy (and straight) legs, floppy ears and bushy tails.
          (Best thing that ever happened to cute, but gnarled Basset legs!)

    • mailman27

      Nachttraumhund!

  • SayItWithWookies

    How many times have they told you, Assmouth — you don’t bring goons to a nice fight.

  • BearGHAZI

    I heard that guy is so gross he worked at a pet store for the free rabbit shit. Well, I read it on the Internet. People are saying. Many people.

  • Pongo

    Networks to Epshteyn ‘Fuck off, Ivan. We won’t stock the green room with borscht and vodka.’

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Boris Epshteyn smells like ass and borscht.

  • Bemused

    The professionalism of this administration is AMAZING. They took a man with an ongoing issue of being too close to the Russians and gave him a Russian spokesperson named Boris? Do they even know what the word “optics” means?

  • TundraGrifter

    I’ve heard this jerk being “interviewed” a few times and it’s clear – it’s a complete jerk.

    Probably not the only guy named “Boris” working for Mr. Trump these days.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I also heard Boris likes to swim in pigshit lagoons on the weekends…

    • OrG

      People are saying……

      • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

        I know someone who saw it.

  • Iam Reading

    He hates moose and squirrel

  • AmusedAmused

    As a Russian-American (one without dual citizenship or business ties to Russia), I apologize for Boris Epshteyn. Turns out, Ye Olde Soviet Union did not always send America its best, huh, weird.

    But seriously, please don’t knock borscht, vodka, pelmeni, Russian folk crafts, or our beloved Slightly Afro-Russian poet Aleksandr Pushkin (who was sort of black, a little!) on Epshteyn’s account. Those things are great! If Boris Epshteyn was all about cooking, drinking, decorating papier-mache boxes and poetry readings, that would be fantastic. Alas, he represents none of those things. For what he does bring to the table, I’m heartily sorry.

    Boris’ mom: your son sucks.

    • Rick Hill

      Not to worry. It’s in the same category as not hating all Alaskans just because of one family of Palins.

      • BadKitty904

        Or hating all Floridians because most of our fellow citizens are crazy as dammit.

        • keenanjay

          I’ve lived in NW FL for 22 years and still call myself a Californian.

    • BadKitty904
    • AJ Milne

      There are many things I love about Russia. The language. The literature. A certain dark, fatalistic sense of humour. Awesome, weirdly before their time, quirky technologies. Shuttles that land themselves, incredible rocket engines…

      … and then there’s the guys who, when they ask you why you dress like that, you should probably, on balance, take that as validating.

      • BadKitty904

        AND don’t forget their music and composers.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxHkLdQy5f0

        And yes, Boris’ mom: your son sucks.

      • AmusedAmused

        Thing is, it wouldn’t be surprising coming from a RUSSIAN-Russian, or someone who came to the US in his middle age. Men over there, and older Russian-American men, take it as a personal insult when a woman within seeing distance has no make-up on. Failure to cause boners is kind of a major social faux pas in Russia, regardless of the woman’s sexual orientation. You’d think a guy who came here as a young kid would know better. It’s like he never left Brighton Beach.

        • Red Bird Ω

          That could be said of South America too. Only North America and Northern Europe idealize the natural look.

          • Lamashtar

            I just thank the dieties we didn’t end up with too much of the Attractive Deformity hot trends for women, like in Chinese feet or African spacers the size of our heads.

      • Meccalopolis

        They’re the best source for vacuum tubes

    • Tio_Doidinho

      And Gary Shteyngart! We like him lots.

      • mailman27

        Yes.

    • mailman27

      Snark off: Who can you turn to for good English translations of Dostoevsky? (I’ll take my answer off the air.)

    • OppressedMass

      Russia gave us Bulgakov’s “The Master and Maragarita” therefore the world is in your debt forever and forever, amen.

  • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

    [from 2012]
    Donald Trump’s new cologne smells like soap. Not bar soap exactly, more like a really nice men’s body wash—the kind that costs $12 at the drug store instead of the generic $9 one. It’s also reminiscent of a fashion magazine that contains too many perfume ads, such that the scents mix together until they’re indistinguishable from one another. That’s what Trump smells like. That is, assuming he actually wears his new $55 cologne, “Success.”

    Surprisingly, Success is not the most arrogantly titled celebrity perfume ever created (that would be Diddy’s Sean Jean scent, “I Am King”). It also isn’t Trump’s first foray into cologne. In 2004 he partnered with Estée Lauder to launch “Donald Trump, The Fragrance,” which, according to early press releases, contained “hints of mint, cucumber and black basil.” Otherwise known as a salad.
    https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2012-04-19/donald-trumps-success-cologne-gets-the-smell-test

    • boyblue122

      hahaha…nice

    • AmusedAmused

      Pretty much any bodily fragrance that smells like food is a textbook example of vulgar.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I dunno, I think vanilla can be a nice note in a scent.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          It is- I’m have a side business where I make soaps and lotions and sell at craft fairs. Vanilla’s great with a floral note like jasmine, or a citrus note, but most adults don’t want to smell like a cookie or a Jolly Rancher. There’s always that one, though….

          • therblig
          • alpacapunchbowl

            Some years back I was wearing a perfume that had pretty significant vanilla undertones, but whatever it was combined with didn’t make me smell like a walking sugar cookie. I think it was Givenchy, so they know what they’re doing.
            Added bonus, while I don’t wear things in order to be attractive to men, the guys I dated all LOVED it even though they couldn’t quite place the vanilla.

      • Erala Contratista

        I have one from Demeter called “Dregs” that smells like a really nice Zin.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      A $23 wedge salad?

    • Liberal Fascist Ron

      I’d start a ‘what should it smell like?’ poll, but I’m trying to recover my appetite.

    • SayItWithOtters

      Show of hands: who thinks Donald J. Trump smells like “success?”

  • OneYieldRegular

    Call me crazy, but I get the distinct impression that nearly every male in the Trump administration suffers from arrested development and has never made the transition from immature child to responsible adult.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      GOB and Buster Bluth libelz!

    • Red Bird Ω

      Yes.

    • Liberal Fascist Ron

      You just know KNOW they were in the same play group together.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        “You just know KNOW the ARE in the same play group together. Their mothers would take them home for their naps but their mothers can’t stand them either.

    • Manhattan123

      But what about Sean Spi….okay, never mind.

  • Crystalclear12

    Boy, the media is getting good at seeing bullshit. If only they perfected that skill earlier😕

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Like about 18 months ago?

      • Crystalclear12

        Any time in the last 20 years, really.

      • orygone

        they did, nobody listened

    • Rick Hill

      It’s the only thing keeping their ratings up, now. Year ago, their ratings driver was an idiot named trump

  • marxalot

    Is there anyone involved with Dolt 45, his campaign, or his business, who isn’t revolting.
    Hahahaha, j/k, don’t answer that.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      This is a group that prides themselves on their deplorability.

      • Hardly Ideal

        Until you punch them in the face, of course.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    This Boris so bad, he make libelz on Boris from “Archer”, da?

  • MamaBrown

    I’ve seen this twatwaffle on Joy Reid’s show. it is a real pleasure to see how quickly and efficiently she shuts down his condescending, boorish blathering.

  • Teecha

    Yo, wonkers.
    I’ve been avoiding the real world for 2 reasons: 1) I was 40 on Thursday and wanted to enjoy it. b) I’m flying high on seeing GUNS N FUCKING ROSES in Dubai on Friday and x) I’ve been having asthma fun, including a go on the nebuliser at hospital (free!) although I did have to wheeze and cry for 20mins before I could get the dr to plug me the fuck in.

    However, I am back and ready to say ‘FUCKS SAKE YOU FUCKERS!’ as required to support my yankee wonketteer chums.

    • Persistent Demme

      Welcome back!

      • Teecha

        Thanks!

    • Caepan

      Mazel tov! I turned fitty five on Thursday.

      (Sux about the asthma, tho’. Hope you got yer cussin’ lungs back in order.)

    • Liberal Fascist Ron

      Guns N Roses. In Dubai.
      This is not the world I grew up in…
      Enjoy being forty, BTW. Fifty and sixty are creeping up fast!

    • AncienReggie

      Me, 64 today, my young friend. Keep coming back.

      • Sarah E. Grove

        Damn! I’m a real paragon of youth, at 59! Can’t walk w/o a cane, but still think like an aged youngster.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Welcome back, youngster. Always glad to see teechas around here. But 40? Wait’ll you turn 82 like I did last week. At least you can risk buying green bananas.

    • Weevie

      welcome back, pipsqueek!

  • Jeffery Campbell

    Epshteyn … rhymes with shitstain.

    • ryp

      ah, beat me to it..

  • Foocatchoo

    “Comrade Douche”, I call him…

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Of the Khmer Rus!

  • JD Mulvey

    Three-piece suits? Ha.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      He got them in ‘husky’ size at a Sears close out sale.

      • Sarah E. Grove

        Gawd, Donnie has a fat ass.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Since when is a jacket, pants and a diaper considered a three piece suit?

      • Liberal Fascist Ron

        Since Donnie had that ‘little accident’ a few years ago. Now it’s what all the cool racists are wearing!

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Depends, I guess.

        • thixotropic jerk

          ISWYDT

      • doggiedaddy

        Since the Monster of Orange started having them made in Mexico.

        • kareemachan

          No, in China. By the “girls” who will now be employed by his whorehouses and escort services.

  • Culture Club Warrior

    I can see why Trump likes him.

  • Sister the Resister
    • whitroth

      But..but… I’ve got a dear friend named Natasha! And she’s from eastern Europe! But she doesn’t wear a black hat and raincoat….

      • Sister the Resister

        … that you know of…

  • Red Bird Ω

    So is there anyone on the Trump staff who is NOT a white supremacist? Yes, that is a rhetorical question.

  • Mavenmaven
  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Look, he’s crawling up my wall
    Black and hairy, very small
    Now he’s up above my head
    Hanging by a little thread

    Boris the spider
    Boris the spider

    • mfp

      spider, spider on the wall
      have you got no sense at all?
      cant you see that wall’s been plastered?
      get off that wall, you lousy….spider

  • Which Eastern European is more obnoxious: Boris or Sebastian Gorka.

    I really don’t know the answer to this.

    • Weevie

      Gorka looks a little better.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Great, a new SNL character. Too bad Belushi isn’t still around.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    This administration has no concept of optics. Being investigated for ties to Russia? Find a Russian-American to jerk face his way across the cable spectrum. Ayup. Perfect sense.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Well, it’s not that he is a Russian. And it’s really not that he is an immigrant. It’s that he is a flaming asshole that makes the optics so bad.

      • Liberal Fascist Ron

        I think he should be commended for having discovered multiple ways of being a complete twunt. Most people are content to stick with the one they know best.

        • Chris

          It is important to branch out and stretch yourself.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    You’ve noticed him, how obnoxious he is, how he comes off as a guy who has had human sexual intercourse only slightly more times than dead-eyed Trump asshole Stephen Miller.

    So, -5 times?

  • BigCSouthside

    Boris and Cohen are like really poorly written characters in an even more poorly written gangster movie.

  • Khavrinen

    “Awww, poor baby, did the mean lesbian bite you?”

    Too bad lesbians aren’t like werewolves…

    • Longstreet63

      Even a man who is pure at heart..
      which this guy ain’t…

  • ryp

    It’s pronounced “shitstain”, true fact.

  • CatCope

    OK, Now is the time to bring back Boris & Natasha. SNL, R U listening??

    • Me not sure

      Put a little mustache on this guy and you have a good enough Badenov.

    • Jukesgrrl

      I hear ya, but it appears to be complicated. Rocky and His Friends (Bullwinkle, Boris & Natasha, etc.) was conceived and owned by the late Jay Ward. For many years rights to re-air these cartoons and re-animate them was handled by a company called The Program Exchange, but it doesn’t exist anymore. Jay Ward Productions — now owned by members of his family (Tiffany Ward, President) located in Costa Mesa, CA — in 2007 formed a 50/50 joint venture with another company called Classic Media. Together they distributed the contents of the vault and gave the legal permissions for movies based on Jay Ward characters under the joint venture name Bullwinkle Studios, LLC. This was complicated in 2016 when Comcast purchased Classic Media. I can understand if Lorne Michael wouldn’t want to enter this morass.

      • Lily412

        They could probably still do it as a parody. That falls under fair use.

      • CatCope

        I got to thinking the same thing. Because, why wouldn’t they have been around by now. Oh, well.

        Like Lily412 (below) sez, maybe a parody? Don’t know. Everyone else gets “roasted” by Lorne.

      • Chris

        The upside is you can buy them now. The initial episode has a stirring courtroom scene where Mr. Peabody adopts his boy Sherman. It should be required viewing.

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    Right. Donald has nothing to do with Russia. Regardless; like all creeps he loves to surround himself with creeps like him. Bannon, Miller, Cohen, Gorka, this piece of shit… they’re all creepy motherfuckers with no social skills and a life-long chip on their shoulders for having been declared utterly unfuckable by every woman on this planet. Happy wimminz day, ladies, and thank you for not giving these assholes the time of day.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Before the whisky, rage and pork rinds took their toll Bannon was a pretty handsome dude.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bd13a03a0f128d9a9845995c1b2b127a61831e48164c68bf52e9d9dc81fe3221.jpg

      • kareemachan

        No. that’s still an ugly piglet.

      • RugzYaBurnt

        Oh god, what was his connection to Biosphere again? I think having that in my browser history would make me incapable of looking in the mirror in the morning.

      • mfp

        it must be the pork rinds, cause i’ve had a good, full life of whiskey and rage, and i dont look like that

        • HarpyLibtart

          No chin, weak jaw, flat cheekbones – it was pork rinds and gravity.
          There’s no bone structure there to support any extra weight and he’s carrying a LOT of excess baggage these days.

  • Jukesgrrl

    I managed to do time on four different continents in my life and still I’ve never been to Russia. In fact, of all my well-traveled friends only one as been to Russia (art tour of St. Petersburg). I even worked many years for a multi-national Fortune 100 that had offices in 30, count ’em 30, different countries … but not Russia. Yet it seems that every person Der Gropenfuhrer knows goes back and forth to Moscow like it’s weekend in Vegas. THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE, FFS.

  • Shibusa

    When Russia sends its people, they’re not sending their best….

  • Boris’ googly-eyes and anemone-complexion will make for a helluva mugshot when he’s the latest Trumpster arrested for beating a servant with his wife’s strap-on.

    Bannon keeps buncha “yid” lawyers on speed dial for just such “misunderstandings”.

  • It would be terrible if someone counted all the immigrants in Trump Swamp Land and touted that number to his followers repeatedly.
    So Imma just make one up- THOUSANDS. THOUSANDS OF MURRICAN JERBS GIVEN AWAY TO THE FURRNERS

  • thixotropic jerk

    In Russia, gross Trump idiot hates you!
    …or something…

  • DahBoner
  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Well…he could be well liked in a Russian pee room…I meant tea room.

  • GemlikeFlame

    …Till a lady passing by was heard to say
    “You can tell a man who boozes
    By the company he chooses”
    So the pig got up and slowly walked away…

    It is said that you can divine the character of a person by the company they keep. If the pointless ranting, tantrums, and baseless puerile character assassination weren’t enough of an indicator, the inclusion of this swine and others like him in the inner circle should tell you everything you need to know.

    Whether we agree with them or not, we expect our leaders to keep their word. There is ample evidence to suggest that Trump feels no such constraints, and the people who put him in office under the assumption that he’d actually do things like build astronomically expensive walls without raising taxes or somehow renegotiate long-standing trade agreements to our exclusive benefit are about to be sorely disappointed.

    However, little as I like it, Barnum was right. The people wanted a demagogue to stick it to people-not-like-them, and they got exactly what they deserved..

  • mfp

    that first block quote….”ephsteyn…got in a yelling match…”

    i havent scrolled the whole non-comment thread (ipad=painintheass) but i cant believe i’m the only one who read “ephsteyn got in a yelling match with a fox news hooker”

  • abstract668

    It has been nice to have Ephsteyn OFF MSNBC this season. Also nice to not have to see Kellyanne Conway. Feuds with MSNBC are a huge benefit to us viewers, who don’t have to listen to the liars from Trumplandia. Now they have to stop giving facetime to baby Republicans who took Kellyanne’s lying class.

  • ~Medusa~

    I always assumed that Boris was a friend of Putin’s and he was installed here to push the Tramp propaganda machine. However, his message was marred by his obnoxiousness. Therefore, he did the opposite. He turned people off to everything he said. It makes sense that he’s a friend of “the other junior Trumpkin”. All Trumpenstein’s male offspring look and sound just like him = sneering & snarling bags of lying sh*t.

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