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Not James O’Keefe

OH HI WONKERS. How is it shaking? Are you LOLing at James O’Keefe, not pictured above? You will be in a minute when we tell you about the top story of the week, what was published last week! It was about James O’Keefe being a loser (big surprise) and it’s number one because dingus wingnuts who use Bing to find their internet articles did a lot of searching for James O’Keefe, and apparently Bing decided Wonkette was its main squeeze and sent us ALL THE TRAFFIC!

But before we do that and other stories, let’s beg for money. Remember how we murdered all our shitty ads, and now are completely supported by READERS LIKE YOU? It’s splendid, ain’t it? But in exchange, we need you to give dollars and subscription moneys and things! Will you throw $5, $10, or $25 at our faces? Or we even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations. Seriously, if you are able — DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT — then pull out your wallet and throw money on our face! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Or do a subscription! Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

Look, it’s the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who THRIVES ON LOVE OFFERINGS:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. Did you all see dildo lube boat guy James O’Keefe do a big SHOCKER! report about CNN trying to do actual journalism? It was appalling! Just kidding!

2. Here is yr Wonkette liveblog of Trump’s stupid address to Congress, which was dumb. Read it all!

3. For the second week, here is Wonkette lovingly encouraging Sen. Susan Collins to GET DONALD TRUMP’S TAXES RIGHT THIS INSTANT. This is also here because of Bing searchers, who are wingnuts.

4. Apparently a bunch of “Obama people” left ONE MILLION BREADCRUMBS about the Trump Russia investigation lying around before they left, so people would keep finding them after Obama was long gone.

5. The Trump White House asked intelligence agencies to prove we need a Muslim ban. It didn’t go well.

6. The DNC chose Tom Perez to be its leader, and you are fine with that, really, you are. Shut up right now.

7. That dickbag Trump-loving Rep. Darrell Issa actually called for a special prosecutor for the Trump Russia investigation. He kinda walked it back after that, but credit for being correct for five seconds!

8. Last Friday’s White House press availability was apparently only for journalists who lick Trump’s butt, with their tongues.

9. Those little tiny “Trump” Russian flags at CPAC were some EPIC trolling.

10. And finally, watch a Frank Luntz focus group go APESHIT OFF THE RAILS, because you love that sort of thing.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:

 

K BYE DON’T DO ANYTHING WE WOULDN’T DO THIS WEEKEND! (That leaves you with a lot of possibilities, for honest.)

Love,

Wonket

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  • TundraGrifter

    So this morning’s brouhaha is President Trump’s accusation that Mr. Obama tapped his (Trump’s) phones.

    Apparently our President thinks the former president is some sort of MacKeiver (if I didn’t spell that name correctly I don’t care – too early in the AM). Not James O’Keefe, of course, because according to Mr. Trump the “tapp” must worked.

    Or something…He’s gone from King Leer to King Lear.

  • But are his nutz really numb or do they ache from all the nut kicking he’s been getting?

    • TundraGrifter

      His press office did say he’s been hitting some balls.

      • So, self induced numbness?

      • kindness

        Eight balls? I’ve seen the same kind of psychosis in tweekers.

  • puredog
    • Shoto

      He’s stupid, out of his depth, utterly deranged, and at some level understands that the walls are closing in on him. Glad I went long on popcorn futures.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Donald J. Trump ✔ @realDonaldTrump
      Just out: The same Russian Ambassador that met Jeff Sessions visited the Obama White House 22 times, and 4 times last year alone.

      Well, yeah. He’s the ambassador.

      • Liberal Fascist Ron

        Foreign relations, how do they work? No-one knows.

        • puredog

          No one knew they were so complicated.

        • Sandy Beaches

          The ambassadors go in, the ambassadors go out…

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Well, in my case it’s due to previous generations emigrating from Scotland. So I have foreign relations in Australia, Canada, Jamaica and New Zealand.

      • From Russia with Love

        Would be a big deal if Obama denied it 22 times. Under oath.

        Looking at you, Attorney General.

    • Liberal Fascist Ron

      Srsly, is this deflection or has he really gone flat-out cuckoo?

      • puredog

        BOT, K.

      • Doug Langley

        You’re still unsure??

        • Liberal Fascist Ron

          Canadian. Benefit of the doubt.

    • FlownΩver

      Doesn’t even realize it’s a lucky thing – for him – he hasn’t been able to loosen those libel laws yet.

  • Rick Hill

    A quick laugh out to some quiverful moorons
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aBW06PQ_460s.jpg

    • The Wanderer

      That van is nowhere large enough.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Sister wife not depicted for legal reasons.

    • Amy!

      He needs to stay off the cat as well.

    • Those kids have “homeschooled” written all over them.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Who knew excessive class size was the next big problem with home schooling?

        • FlownΩver

          The one after inappropriate teacher-student relations?

    • orygoon

      A coworker told me a couple of days ago that she went to a Catholic high school and one classmate was one of sixteen children.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Poor kittehs.

    • Boys wear hats, girls wear dresses, cats wear blackface.

    • Persistent Demme

      No dogs?

  • Bill D. Burger

    http://media.caglecartoons.com/media/cartoons/111/2017/01/03/189648_600.jpg?w=1400

    (*Might be more appropriate to have em’ flying out the other side.)

  • orygoon

    I decided that for Lent I would get out of bed every day, but now I wish I had opted for something easier, like wearing a barbed-wire undershirt.

    • The Wanderer

      I thought about giving up porn for Lent.

      • Hutch

        How long did you think about it?

        • From Russia with Love

          About six inches, er, minutes.

        • The Wanderer

          Got an atomic clock handy? I think it was measured in attoseconds.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Don’t you mean giving up Lent for porn?

        • The Wanderer

          Yeah, I had it backwards.

          • Tacoclamgenda

            Funny how many things get turned around when porn comes into play.

          • Shanzgood

            Heh.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Was your commitment to get up and stay up? If not, put your feet on the floor, raise your butt up, go use the bathroom if you have to and/or get stuff from kitchen. Go back to bed. Problem solved.

      • orygoon

        You are all so much smarter than I am.

    • weejee

      I’m giving up Bannon for lent.

  • weejee

    Love the new tee. When will Donna Rose be submitting her dissertation for her PhD in PChem?

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Hutch

      Hands too big; penis size correct; love how the hair escapes the seal!

  • msanthropesmr

    Just in, Trump tweets about the Strawberries.

    • Hutch

      Good ole Yellowstain!

    • Amy!

      “Obama had the keys to the food locker! I proved it, with scientific precision!”

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Take your army to Real MurriKKKa and destroy the Intelligence Services’ Nazi thugs and ‘McCarthy’ Obama.Now fly! Fly my pretties! Fly!”

    https://static01.nyt.com/images/2016/12/15/technology/15state-web/15state-web-master768.gif

    • Alan

      Wrong end.

  • btwbfdimho
  • Villago Delenda Est

    Donald unleashed another twitter storm last night, and all hell is breaking loose as a consequence.

    Donny, pro tip: Beware the Ides of March.

    • Bill D. Burger

      From NPR:
      [3/4/17: Colin Dwyer
      Trump did not produce any evidence to support his assertions, nor did he cite the source of his information.
      On Weekend Edition Saturday, NPR’s Ron Elving notes the fact that Trump says he “just found out”:
      “It appears to be a response to a narrative in Breitbart.com, the right-wing website that was previously published by Steve Bannon, the president’s senior adviser.
      “There, you will find a narrative about how the Obama administration was so intent on thwarting Donald Trump last fall that they had much of the intelligence community doing everything it could to gather skullduggery and information about Donald Trump.
      “And that would have included, according to Donald Trump, wiretapping his phones. But there does not seem to be any evidence of that.”
      “That is an extraordinary and bizarre thing to hear from a sitting president about his predecessor,” NPR’s Mary Louise Kelly notes on Weekend Edition Saturday. For our Newscast unit, Mary Louise adds: “Tapping his phones would require a warrant from the foreign intelligence surveillance court.”
      She also says the director of national intelligence is declining any comment.]

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Is it possible Trumpest-in-a-pee-pot fell asleep during a security briefing and dreamed the whole thing?

        • Bill D. Burger

          Sounds more like Lullaby Ben Carson. In Trump’s case I think the meds wore off and he had access to his phone again.

    • Alan
    • puredog

      My Ides of March postcard is ready to go! All y’all’s?

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Thanks for reminding me–I need to go buy some pink card stock.

      • Liberal Fascist Ron

        Gotta find some. Or print ’em up. Gonna send out a bunch, all from different post offices, for best effect.

  • ManchuCandidate

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndUk6yX3PBo
    This is how I sometimes see our editors dealing with Trump and the Weekly Top Ten.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Ponderous, god-damned ponderous.

      • F*king ponderous.

        • Tacoclamgenda

          I stand corrected. (WHAT short term memory?)

          • Skeptical_thinker

            Short term what?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Shortly after that, Lebanese-American Kasem became a radicalized Mooselimb.
      And now you know……
      ….
      ….
      …the rest of the story.

  • Nounverb911
    • Latverian Diplomat

      Good god. Could the aliens please go back to assessing our culture from our TV programs?

  • msanthropesmr

    So much for the “pivot” into acting precendential….

    • Liberal Fascist Ron

      He just kept pivoting back to where he was before. More of a twirl, really.

      • msanthropesmr

        Twirling towards incarceration.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Twirling, twirling towards freedom!

        • msanthropesmr

          Jinx.

        • LucindathePook

          Turning and turning in the widening gyre
          The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
          Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
          Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world…

          • Liberal Fascist Ron

            More than 140 characters. Darn.

          • Amy!

            Use the second pair of lines, for maximal comprehension. First pair for greatest literary allusiveness (and elusiveness, for that matter).

          • The Wanderer

            And what rude beast, its hour come round at last,
            Slouches toward Bethlehem, Pennsylvania to be born?

          • Liberal Fascist Ron

            Well, they DID vote Republican, so…

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            What rude Orange beast
            FIFY

          • Msgr_MΩment

            He doth gyre and gymble in ye wabe.

      • Querolous

        More of a swirly, really.

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      360° pivot like corpulent orange ballerina

    • Alan

      Hahaha.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Idea for the networks: chyrons under pundits that list how many times they've been fooled into thinking Donald Trump has changed.— Jared Yates Sexton (@JYSexton) March 4, 2017

      • msanthropesmr

        Do numbers go that high?

        • Liberal Fascist Ron

          We’re already having to use transfinite numbers.

  • memzilla Ω
    • msanthropesmr

      Before Trump’s precedency, Borowitz was mildly amusing at best. His career, as well as the fortunes of SNL, have been well buoyed by the cheeto stain.

      • Liberal Fascist Ron

        Donnie’s been an even greater gift to political comedy than Shrub. He should be recognised for this in some way.

      • Doug Langley

        To be fair, it was really hard to parody Bamz.

        • Liberal Fascist Ron

          One thing I loved about Canada’s famous ‘Royal Canadian Air Farce’ was that they could parody anyone, and did, even politicians who were liked by almost everyone. But then, they had decades of experience doing it.

          • My favourtie all-time sketch of theirs is “The Old Dead Animal Skin House, just 1325 kilometres from Thunder Bay!”

        • The Onion tried hard, and goodness knows they had a field day with their spoof of Joe Biden. The difference was that unlike Trump, Biden thought they were funny as hell.

          • Liberal Fascist Ron

            That’s because OHJB is an adult.

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • msanthropesmr

      Presactly – he doesn’t understand that a precedent doesn’t just tell people to do things, and it happens. Which is why he was so surprised by the court decision.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        This!

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
      • msanthropesmr

        Why not both…Why not both indeed.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        On top of being a paranoid narcissist with a compulsive need to identify a clear enemy and rally supporters when he feels attacked.

      • Liberal Fascist Ron

        That latter was clear all through the campaign. Hell, he thought he was President back in November.

    • CeeQ

      Hilarious that he just personally confirmed this AND if he tries to walk it back, he looks even more idiotic. I know. It’s hard to fathom how Trump can out-idiot his own self. But hey. The man has many talents. To be a fucking idiot, that is.

      • Liberal Fascist Ron

        Gotta go with your strengths.

    • puredog

      Mr. Lieu is naive. The criminal magic Negro didn’t no stinking warrant to wiretap Trump Tower. I mean, did Nixon get a warrant to burgle the DNC HQ? Get a clue, people.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      When you have to explain this to Donald, you know you’re not dealing with the sharpest spoon in the swimming pool.

      • FlownΩver

        A metaphor for the ages, VDE. When can you take delivery of your new Internet?

    • Snopes Shop

      Wire tap? Trump Tower? Who the what the? This west coaster goes reluctantly to the googles.

  • msanthropesmr

    One question keeps on coming up.

    “Are you outta your goddamn mind?”

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Rhetorical, right?

    • fishslappingdancer

      “There is a pleasure sure in being mad which none but madmen know.”
      ― John Dryden
      He did say that he was enjoying his ‘presidency’.

  • Reality Kills

    “Last Friday’s White House press availability was apparently only for journalists who lick Trump’s butt, with their tongues.”

    Never in eons thought this could happen in America!

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Did you ever think there’d be a Whitehouse that has a cabinet member who owns the media outlet that puts out their spin? Breitbart is as close to Pravda as we have seen in the modern era.

      • Alan

        No.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        There was a Soviet Era joke about Pravda (Truth) and Izvestia (News). “There’s no truth in the News, and no news in the Truth.”

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • memzilla Ω

    *looks at calendar”
    IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN TWO MONTHS FOR FUCK’S SAKE!
    *gnashes teeth* *adds vodka to coffee* *adds MOAR vodka to coffee*

  • UnsaltedSinner

    At least the headlines your newspapers use for Trump stories are improving. They now realize that they need to point out that his statements come directly from his ass.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5ee5572b6c31e3c855714786b53bf150199821bc55887fd835374372ddd237b0.png
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f54818dd565734f79ef1d707937315629381042f6f81584b5ec9a1d006a88a51.png

    • Alan

      Took them by surprise. Probably locked himself in the basement bathroom. Looking for him now.

    • puredog

      Huh. Failing WaPo and NYT. No surprise there.

    • Persistent Demme

      OK, people, you know the drill.
      What’s he trying to divert us from THIS time?
      *sigh*

      • puredog

        Roosia.

        • Persistent Demme

          Not gonna work.

          • Amy!

            Yeah, pointing to FISA-approved wiretaps of conversations with possible Russian agents is a singularly inept diversion from the issue of involvement with Russians.

            Applying Trump’s Razor: yeah, that’s a match.

    • boyblue122

      Whats surprising is that Drumpf is just finding out now that the IC had been keeping tabs on him throughout his campaign. What a clown.

    • memzilla Ω

      “Proof, like taxes, is for the little people.” — Dolt 45

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “Trump, talking out of his arse as usual. accuses Obama of something.”
      Now all they have to do is cut and paste, and they have a headline for every day of Trump’s presidency.

  • Reality Kills

    Donnie is fucking idiot! To top it, the idiot runs for president, wins, and now he doesn’t want the responsibilities that the job entails!! Manufacturing a bunch of lies or whatever he needs to say so he can feel better with himself!

    • mackafritz

      And takes a vacation every week.

      • Reality Kills

        Yes, every fucking weekend in Florida. Working hard?! Yeah, my ass!

      • Amy!

        I’m really grateful for the vacations. The public insanity increases, but the governmental destruction/corruption pauses and the resistance can catch their breath.

        • Persistent Demme

          FIFY: “governmental distraction/destruction/corruption…
          (Actually, that’s how my coffee-deprived brain read it.)

  • RC

    has anyone done the math on what it’s going to cost us if he goes to swampalargo every weekend for the next year? Probably enough to cover the Medicare cuts the GOP wants to make.

    • eyelashviper

      Saw a number somewhere yesterday, at least $3 mil per trip, more for side trips and brown shirt rallies.

      • Amy!

        I saw a projection (based on costs so far) of $104M per annum.

        • Shanzgood

          Does that include security for Melania and Barron staying in NYC?

        • eyelashviper

          He has already spent as much as Obama did in a year…nice example of fiscal conservatism and cutting budgets…wonder if his minions have begun to catch on yet, or are they waiting until their health care, SS, etc are gone?

          • thewalkindude

            Not catching on yet-

            Harry Hoover
            20 days ago
            “It seems to me, Trump MUST BE the Best Qualified we could ever Have. If you have so many left wing NUT CASES— all SCARED TO DEATH, that they all speak out against him at the same time!

            Most of all, Trump is the People’s Choice…. PLUS
            He’s not a Lifetime Politician…Check
            He’s not a Lawyer…..Check
            He’s not doing it for the money…Check

            Bonus points !
            Whoopi says she will leave the country…
            Rosie says she will leave the country…
            Sharpton says he will leave the country…
            Cher says she will leave the country…
            Cyrus says she will leave the country…

            You liberals can make arrangements to move to Africa with Whoopie.”

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        I continue to feel sorry for the locale of Mar-a-Lago. Nonstop traffic issues. Rules about who can stay or has to go for nonresidents. An overburdened law-enforcement force who only budgeted for 10 presidential trips TOTAL in an entire year. It’s been 4 trips in 6 weeks.

        And meanwhile, that douche makes money every time he goes down there, assuring that Mar-a-Lago is the required housing for the entire entourage.

        • eyelashviper

          And the airport at WPB is always under siege when he is in the area, and Coast Guard Services must hang out offshore, leaving many areas in Florida without CG protection…
          The cost of this Cockwomble in office is beyond comprehension.

        • LucindathePook

          With any luck at all, he will only be president long enough to fit in another 5-6 trips.

        • MeerkatsRMammals

          Also, local businesses are suffering. There was a story recently about banner plane companies who make all their money over weekends flying ads for beach goers. Guess what they’re not allowed to do when Trump’s in town? They’ll be out of business very soon if they continues to be grounded every weekend :( Look at all those jobs he’s creating…making America great again & all. Asshat!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He has, over the past six weeks, spent more on travel than Obama did in his last year in office.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      No matter what the cost…it’s TOO DAMN HIGH!!! For taxpayers to be paying for a man who was “so smart” to find tax loopholes to avoid paying his own share for decades? F that noise. He’s got so much money? He should be footing the bill himself… $3 million a week could do a lot of good for those in need in our country.

      • RC

        You’ll get no argument from me. This provision should have a cap when it comes to personal travel

      • Claire

        For Trump’s followers, that would be a reason for him to spend MORE time in Florida, not less.

  • fishslappingdancer

    I may get downvoted for this but …thank you Disqus. On one of the most interesting and busy days this year you haven’t frozen, crashed or failed to update.
    How much has Soros paid you?

    • Shanzgood

      Good dog, man! Go to bed before you jinx us all!

      • fishslappingdancer

        Yep, that’s why I waited until now :) Good night and Happy Wonking.

        • Shanzgood

          Good night! See you on the flip side!

        • Tacoclamgenda

          Sweet dreams.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Hmmm …. good night now? 1130 EST …. hmmmm ….. Russian plant, maybe? ;-)

          Dream well ….

    • Michael R
    • Mehmeisterjr

      To be fair, this message is still the one I most often see:

      “Disqus seems to be taking longer than usual. Reload?”

      “Longer than usual” means “as long as usual,” as usual.

      • Liberal Fascist Ron

        For it to actually be ‘longer than usual’ would require some radical rethinking of the nature of time.

        • Once&futureFred

          As my velocity approaches c Disqus appears to load more slowly yet..

    • Villago Delenda Est

      More than he’s paid me, the skinflint!

  • Shibusa

    This is Trump’s latest tweet storm, in a nutshell: https://twitter.com/MrButterChicken/status/838006113710788608

  • kindness

    The Donald’s latest Twitter meltdown is the awesome if one is really looking forward to Trumplenacht. For the rest of us, not so much.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • mackafritz

      Thanks Obama!

      • Rick Hill

        Keep up the good work, Bamz!

    • The Wanderer

      Typical Trump, then.
      Leicester City just went up 2-1 over Hull City, 60th minute.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        If you’re looking at relegation, it’s good to up your game.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Even the Premier League is in the Anti-Trump conspiracy!!!1!!!

    • eyelashviper

      gotta be true, and since Obama is not seen everyday, he is undoubtedly somewhere in the tunnels of the WH, picking on the poor lil Donnie…

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Killary also too.

  • Michael R

    This made it to youtube today …

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vTrBTI3S3M

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    gotta get a check for a whole 2 weeks worth of work before I can donate some Ameros.
    It’s coming soon!

    • LucindathePook

      Yer Soros check? Mine is late.
      (and I know which check,, congrats)

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol, thanks!

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Good on ya! Save some Ameros for popcorn!

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Apparently a bunch of “Obama people” left ONE MILLION BREADCRUMBS about the Trump Russia investigation lying around before they left, so people would keep finding them after Obama was long gone.

    This year’s Easter Egg Hunt at the White House has been reorganized to be “Who Can Find the Next Piece of Evidence?” Hunt.

    • Liberal Fascist Ron

      It might be more of a challenge to find a staffer who DOESN’T have a piece of evidence to share.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Or have a “Find Your Phone” hunt for Donnie!

    • From Russia with Love

      Less challenging than finding those fucking eggs.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
    • LucindathePook

      I thought they had to look for the Obamacare replacement document.

    • Claire

      I wonder if they’re even going to have that event this year. It would probably be terrifying for the kids to have Drumpf and his vampire spawn lining up to greet them like the welcome wagon for the Village of the Damned.

      • Liberal Fascist Ron

        With the level of paranoia he’s exhibiting it might get cancelled because he’s afraid it’ll be infiltrated by assassins.

        • Claire

          Those Mexican and Syrian babbies, you can’t trust them for a minute. Even the white ones might be midget Colonels in Obama’s Army.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Excellent copper telluride specimen you got there, Shoenpixels.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Donna Rose is showing her mettle.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        She really shines in that shot.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Manafort’s daughter’s hacked phone texts.

    https://twitter.com/mla1396/status/838006006693122048

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      What the what??? If true, this is pretty damning evidence. So, Manafort was compromised, needed cash & all of the sudden winds up with Trump? This whole situation just gets weirder by the day.

  • RC

    Some day when we’ve rid ourselves of the vulgarian. I’m going to keep a picture of him handy and every time, every time some republican complains about a Dem president I’m just going to hold up a picture of the vulgarian and point and then tell them to STFU!

    • Bill D. Burger

      Loved George Takei’s tweet on Tues night: “With this president, we must change the SOTU to STFU.”

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Better have it heavy duty reinforced for how often you’ll use it. Also, too get lots.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Photo of Donna Rose:

    “Yes, yes she is!”

  • Rick Hill

    Not saying logic is not their strong point but…
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aEY26G9_460s.jpg

    • RC

      little teeny tiny dick.

      • Shanzgood

        I’d choose one of those over the extreme opposite end of the spectrum, though.

        • RC

          not me when they come with insecurities that require weapons to make up the difference.

        • Claire

          I wouldn’t. The little teeny tiny dick seems to invariably come along with a neverending need to overcompensate.

          • Shanzgood

            Good point. But I still don’t want the other kind, either.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            If you don’t have to deal with the Napoleon complex, right there with you. I can work with too little. Too much? Nope, nope, a world of nope.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      “I told you – no fuckin’ ONIONS!!” *unslings rifle*

      • Shanzgood

        *snort*

        • Then finds out there’s a shotgun under the counter, followed by…”Cleanup at the counter!”

          • Shanzgood

            I worked at a fast food place the summer before college and wanted one of those EVERY DAY.

          • I spent a summer working as a park ranger at a state campground. One camper asked us why we weren’t armed, and I replied “Ma’am, you don’t want us to be armed.” Seriously, by the middle of July, we couldn’t wait for the summer to be over, and if we’d been armed, “quiet hours” would have meant permanently.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Had a coworker whose dream was to be a state park ranger- after years of waiting, he got the job- with a big cut in pay.
            He was back at the old job before too long. He said it was just like being a cop- mostly busting people for DUI’s and assorted stupid things.

          • In this state, it’s a summer job, and the most you could do was write a ticket. Which you were told right off the bat “Don’t write any tickets.” I understand that these days, they can’t even write the ticket. Mostly it involved driving or walking around the campground at night, and it was pretty dull. Weekends, though… yeesh. Lots of people with too much alcohol and not much consideration for others.

          • The Wanderer

            Fixed-aim shotguns at crotch height. Just hit two particular buttons at the same time . . .

    • Not to mention the little issue that in the extraordinarily unlikely event there was a need for him to use the rifle, he’d be dead long before he could get that sucker off his back.

      • Rick Hill

        He’d be the first one I’d take a shot at

      • I think I see a 9mm on his right side. Had it been concealed I might not have known to disable him from that side before stealing his assault rifle.

        • Tacoclamgenda

          Oh the things I learn here. Maybe Wonkette could have some online safety classes.

          • It would be a lot less stressful than how the military teaches firearm safety. On the plus side, you’re in great condition afterwards, and you learn how to really clean bathrooms.

          • Tacoclamgenda

            I’m really good at bathrooms. Strangely would rather that than dishes. Go figure.

          • Liberal Fascist Ron

            I, OTOH, insist on doing the dishes – the housemate does NOT have a clue.
            How do you feel about laundry?

        • The Wanderer

          Just try for the pistol. The guy has probably never thought of such a thing as handgun retention.

    • Unless these two douches have a sniper covering them, they’ve positioned themselves as perfect targets.

      • On the bright side, it would give adequate warning to everyone else to clear the area or take cover…

        • Biff52

          Nevada is an open carry state, so I became somewhat used to seeing the occasional sidearm in the supermarket. I draw the line at assault-style rifles. I left a half-filled shopping cart in the aisle and told a cashier why on my way out the door. I think the chain (owned by Kroger) has amended their policy since then, but I’m safely back home in California anyway, so fuck those guys.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        And a sniper to cover the sniper and so forth in infinite regression.

      • The Wanderer

        I agree.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    A smart, sane, well-informed, sophisticated, utterly-presidential black man drove white, racist America nuts, so they elected a dumb, crazy, ignorant, vulgar, utterly-unpresidental white guy to prove their superiority.

    Nope – I’m not getting it.

  • memzilla Ω

    It griped me no end to hear NPR say that Twitler is spending another weekend in Florida, without saying something like: “NPR News. Donald Trump is spending another weekend at Mar-A-Lago, which costs American taxpayers two million dollars each time he does, where he will be…”

    • Bill D. Burger

      Just as an aside, it’s costing the taxpayers $500,000 a day for Mel to stay in NYC just (ostensibly) to allow lil’ Barron to finish school this year. That’s a projected total in itself of $183,000,000.
      Pres. Obama’s TOTAL security/travel expenses for 8 YEARS: $79 million

      And Turnip was one of Obama’s harshest critics for unnecessary travel expenses.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        IOKIYAAWP

        (It’s OK if you are a white president)

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “But in more important news, questions continue to be asked about Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email server in 1952….”

      • RC

        oh and didn’t she have an unsecured phone they went on and on and on about? Granted it wasn’t an unsecured android like the vulgarian has but still…

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          And never forget how she sang off-key in church that one time.

        • LucindathePook

          She had overdue library books (and then Trump burned down the Library at Alexandria).

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      And let’s not forget how he makes money both in NYC and in FL, due to Melania/Barron needing the Secret Service to pay rent for housing on site in Trump Tower and by having the whole circus pay to stay at Mar-a-Lago when in residence there.

      So not only is there a cost to the taxpayer, there’s an income stream to the Orange One. Literally no incentive to change his ways.

      • RC

        It will be interesting to see if she actually moves to the White House when the summer gets here. If I were her, I’d send him to summer school.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I very much doubt either Barron or Kellyanne’s kids are going to be anywhere near DC.

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            They’ll and trump’s grandchildren will be the only participants in the WH Easter Egg Roll, after which trump will tweet that the lying press didn’t show the biggest, best, greatest attendance ever.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I’m pretty sure they’re going to say something garbled about liberal haters and cancel it.

          • Biff52

            Maybe Spicer can reprise his wabbit role.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          As a responsible parent, I hope she keeps him out of Washington. The emotional trauma of watching your male parent do the perp walk could be devastating.

          • LucindathePook

            Tell it to the ICE guys who took that Latino man in front of his kid.

        • Persistent Demme

          I hope that moving to the White House won’t be an option by then.

          • RC

            maybe that’s the real reason she hasn’t moved. She doesn’t think he’ll last that long.

      • Reality Kills

        Who names a child Barron?

        • Liberal Fascist Ron

          A father who thinks he’s a King?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Someone who named their kid after the neighborhood jewelry store because klassy?

          • Liberal Fascist Ron

            And his acknowledged daughter marries a Jared.
            It all makes sense now!

          • Msgr_MΩment

            And he has all those buddies in the Kay Kay Kay.

          • Liberal Fascist Ron

            Mind. BLOWN.

        • Jon Sussex

          Someone desperately seeking social status?

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          He meant “Bannon” and misspelled.

        • Persistent Demme

          John Barron.

        • Querolous

          The same guy that lusted for Paris Hilton, Barron Hilton’s grand-daughter.

    • Biff52

      And after roping in the fundie xtians, he still hasn’t attended church services even once since the inauguration. Unless he has a sekrit chapel on the grounds down there..

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Oh, he goes to church and worships many times a day. It’s called “the bathroom mirror”.

      • Liberal Fascist Ron

        Matthew 6:5-6
        5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”
        No way would Donnie be praying in a chapel tucked away in a corner of the resort. No, he’d have a nice, public prayer session with especially-favoured news outlets filming the whole thing.

      • Persistent Demme

        Well, there was that prayer breakfast where he talked about Arnold…

  • eyelashviper

    The Twitler in Chief rants about being spied upon, his phone lines tapped, all the while continuing to use an UNSECURED Android phone.

    • Get away with your liberal logic!

      • eyelashviper

        {hangs head in shame, shuffles off to alt-facts.com}

    • Reality Kills

      Donnie doesn’t need to be spied on. He puts all out there himself.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      It was checked for the cyber by Barron. PUL-EEZ! That’s fake news!

    • shivaskeeper

      As long as he’s not conducting secure, as in classified business, on a unsecured phone it’s actually fine. He should have a secured phone as well for secure calling. He would also have separate NIPR and SIPR accounts for email, electronic database, and web access.

      Using his own phone for this shit is technically OK since is appears there is nothing that would be classified in the tweets. They are the insane ramblings of a horrible man-child, but they are not illegal. Now if he is also conducting business that should be secured on that phone, that is a problem.

      • RC

        yea, but all we see are his tweets. Doesn’t mean there isn’t more going on we don’t see and wasn’t that part of the bitch with Hillary, that she had two phones and we couldn’t see what she was doing night and day?

        • shivaskeeper

          That’s what I’m saying. He can do all the unclass or non official business he wants on his personal phone. If he’s using it to conduct official business to skirt the archiving rules or making classified calls/texts on it, then there is a problem.

          She was allowed the same leeway, but of course he shit was wrong and immoral and probably illegal. In fact I have it on good authority her phone was powered by powdered fetuses.

          Anyone who wanted to see everything she was doing on the classified line could have easily gotten the correct security clearances and read on to the appropriate levels with the correct need to know access. Easy peasy.

          • RC

            We’re talking by each other. Your second paragraph is what I was getting at.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Agreed. The only security issue would be if the phone was hacked, and present in the room during secure meetings.

        • shivaskeeper

          That would be an issue. A more probable issue would be him using an unclass line to conduct classified business. That is a more common fuck-up.

      • eyelashviper

        So do any of us think he has sufficient self control, common sense and intelligence to use proper phones for proper communication??….nah, not likely.

    • Rick Hill

      I picture a comedy skit, like a 50s party line theme. trump talking on his phone and then the screen splits to five spies listening in, they’re all having secured conversations about what trump is divulging. Slpitting to more and more, in the end five hundred spies, nerds, geeks an twelve year olds are listening in and making snarky comments

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Slpitting to more and more, in the end five hundred spies, nerds, geeks an twelve year olds are listening in and making snarky comments

        In other words, social media?

  • BoziSpicer

    Hey, Donnie,
    “Someone should’ve told him
    That the buck stops here”
    https://youtu.be/spUsTbDAc6Y?list=RDHdCfYHNctsc

  • Bill D. Burger

    Ol’ Yellerstain has completely run off the rails. This is just another pathetic way of deflecting and changing the subject. Just like trying to talk about the leakers rather than the leaks.
    It reminds me of Princess Bride when the kidnapper said to Westley during their battle of wits, “What on earth is that over there?” so he could swap wine goblets.

    Tinyfingers must be the dumbest troll on earth to think that will work. Outside of Trumplandia, Dumbfuckistan world, most people trust Obama immensely. No one with an IQ over 60 would trust Dump.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Babby is Breaking Bad.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      Clean this mess up or we’ll all end up in jail
      Those test tubes and the scale
      Just get it all out of here
      Is there gas in the car, yes there’s gas in the car
      I think the people down the hall know who ya are

      • LucindathePook

        Could you feel your whole world fall apart and fade away?

  • Persistent Demme

    Drip, drip, drip.
    Thank you, IC.
    (Please, hurry up.)

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      That’s OK … take your time. Make sure every, single piece of evidence is unimpeachable, sourced, verified, vetted, and honest.

      • shivaskeeper

        ^^This.

  • Reality Kills

    Impeach Donnie! No more Donnie! It’s six fucking weeks of Donnie’s “presidency” and it feels like it has been 8 years with that moron up there!

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      After the 2008 elections Both the US and the rest of the world were celebrating that it was the end of the Bush era. Right now I hink festivities will be bigger if this fucker gets impeached after 8 friggin weeks!

      • Claire

        I want to see some damn parades. I bet I will, too.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I love that dude. He pulls no punches, and he’s licking his chops.

      • proudgrampa

        Malcolm is my favorite Former Intelligence Officer.

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          I have a few, and some of them are Republicans ready to shank Trump.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    “Technology helped end communism by bringing in information from the outside.”
    — Lech Wałęsa

    Technology will help end this administration from the inside.
    — US Intelligence Community

  • mancityRed6

    So the trolls that come here: Libtards, commies, traitors, etc. etc. They usually have to get boring or abusive before anyone talks about blocking them.

    On that story at brainfart: “Would you still support Trump if the Russian thing turned out to be true?”
    “Blocked libtard.”

    And then they started asking the mods to start banning people or removing posts.

    • Shanzgood

      Happy birthday!

      • mancityRed6

        Thank you.
        It will be as soon as I get off work.

      • Rick Hill

        Hey! It’s my birfday, too.

        Maybe.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          Check your driver’s license.

          • Rick Hill

            Oh, so I shouldn’t feel a little special because it’s not my actual burfday?

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            If you’re here, you’re special. Carry on!

        • Tacoclamgenda

          What the hell. Act like it is, enjoy your self. But you must share cake.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Happy birthday! May there be cake.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        The kind you like. And by you I really mean we.
        Happy birthday.

    • Happy birthday!!!

    • Well, that is because most libtards are not whiny little titty baby snowflakes afraid to listen to anyone else’s opinion.
      That, and we like to fuck with em before sending em to the cornfield ^.^

      • MyDogsAreSmarterThanYou

        It’s not that I can’t stand to listen to their opinions, its just that their opinions are straight garbage, and based on lies, prejudices, ignorance, etc…

    • Liberal Fascist Ron

      Joyeux Anniversaire!
      And yeah, they cannot BEAR the thought of being exposed to opinions that differ from theirs.
      (I imagine that some of our trolls would say the same here, but from what I have observed, our general objection is to idiocy, not conflicting opinions. For some reason, though, the conflicting opinions are always espoused by people who shouldn’t be allowed out in public without a minder.)

      • mancityRed6

        I’ve actually seen one person that lasted several hours and engaged several people in conversation, but they didn’t really come in like a troll.

        • I am good with those, so long as they do not start tossing out fake stats with racial bents.
          The ones who pretend to be sensible and then start using fake racist stats, I show no mercy.
          NO MERCY!!!
          And happy Bday

      • shivaskeeper

        I just want a better class of troll. No CT’s, no “everyone knows it;’s true”, no “I read it on Gateway Pundit or Brietbart or RT”, no made up numbers, no “I scanned the headline of a source article, but didn’t actually read it”, and no glaring logical fallacies,

        Come to think of it, that would make them not a troll at all, just someone with a different opinion.

        • I would not mind that.
          But I do also want a better class of troll. One that does not sink right off into racist slurs or rape jokes.

        • snark-lurker

          there seem to be >1 deffinitions for troll

          • shivaskeeper

            Of course there is. But someone with a different opinion is not always a troll.

    • shivaskeeper

      Happy Bday.

    • The Librarian
    • Jonny On Maui

      How many candles? I’m bringing the fire extinguishers…

      • mancityRed6

        43 baby. I am no longer the answer to life, the universe, everything.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      Fröhliche Geburtstag!

      Gee, we’re supposed to need safe spaces? That question is entirely within bounds.

    • MyDogsAreSmarterThanYou

      They really are some special snowflakes, aren’t they? During the campaign when Trump was saying stupid shit, and the usual suspects would leap to his defense, I would email any of them that I could and ask if there was anything that Trump could do or say to make them denounce him. Never got a straight answer, though Carl Paladino did threaten to send me to prison.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    If your doctor or plumber or baby sitter talked like Little Donnie, you’d look for someone else.

    • And you should stop checking Craigslist for assistance

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I usually do not hire landscapers to fix the plumbing.

    • snark-lurker

      purdy sure my reaction would more…palpable

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    “I love the poorly educated”

    “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody”

    “You can do anything”.

    “Grab ’em by the pussy”.

    The Donald, 1:1-1:4.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    OT: My Wonkette “Enemy of the People” T-shirt arrived this week. I’ll be the coolest kid around at townhalls, marches, and resistance events everywhere. Thankful that it’s offered in slimming black. Even activists have insecurities.

  • Reality Kills

    I really think Donnie is going to be impeach because his mental state is deteriorating.

    • game plan all along. Get the rubes to go with it and then install Pence.

      • Liberal Fascist Ron

        I’m starting to wonder if Mikey will survive the housecleaning. The longer this all takes, the more I suspect that the rot goes WAY deep. Though for expediency’s sake it might just be Donnie and his own people who get heaved out once the spooks are ready for the Big Reveal.

        • Snopes Shop

          Yay then we get the bug eyed granny starver

        • IDK, they have been VERY careful to leave Mike alone in all this. Except he sometimes gets all “surprised” he was lied to.
          I will bet dollars that will be his inevitable line “I was lied to. I was surprised by it”

          • Jeffery Campbell

            THIS! This is exactly the plan. The GOP has wanted Pence all along. When DT implodes, Pence will seem so “normal.” And then all kinds of hateful shit is gonna come raining down!

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    Heretofore to be known as a “Trump clock:”

    https://youtu.be/bL1Xt3T9ZnY

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      hee hee… I posted the same vid ealier.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        Great minds…

        • Kiri the Paid Protestor

          …lie in the gutter, but look up at the stars.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      Tick tock, tick tock, Trumpy!

  • veska
    • srsly. From the man who takes more vacations than…anyone. Ever.

    • DainBramage

      Donnie thinks that shaking down sycophants for money (dues to his crappy resort) is work.

    • Hutch

      So, are you “not enjoying your work?” If not, you have options, Gramps.

    • CeeQ

      This guy. Will we ever be rid of him?? Remember a million years ago when we could turn on the TV and not see his Orange Face on it? Remember????!!!!! We were so innocent then.

  • Rick Hill

    Taking a moment to reflect on the superiority of the wealthy, Idk why…
    http://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/awnXn9y_460s.jpg

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      And every Mexican immigrant in American would be rich enough to have Donnie clean their pools.

      • Rick Hill

        Only if they wanted it done incompetently

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    Good Morning Wonkettes! I would like to admit that I WIRE TAPPED DONNIE! I, TOO, HAVE NO PROOF.

    • Shoto

      Thank you for your service.

    • Rick Hill

      I buried Paul…

    • Biff52

      I wouldn’t tap that. Just sayin.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    This is the tough on crime State you love so much, Donnie. You’ve been stopped and frisked. We’re all waiting to see what they found.

    • Wait, what?

      • BloviateMe

        We voted, and you’re in charge of frisking him. Make sure to check all the crevices thoroughly.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          Ewwwww.

        • The Wanderer

          I’ll get my gloves; however, bear in mind that cavity searches are only done on probable cause by qualified medical personnel at a hospital.

        • Shanzgood

          How about just get one of those scanners they use at the airports?

          • Liberal Fascist Ron

            The ones they use on the luggage.

          • Biff52

            Also, trans-vaginal ultrasound. Just because.

        • Grumpy Twat

          We chose our new vacuum cleaner specifically because it has a crevice nozzle and I couldn’t stop giggling about it.

  • BloviateMe

    My sympathies to our Wonkette overlords.

    Trump just won’t let you guys and gals take the weekend off, will he? It’d be nice if he would keep his madness to just the workdays.

    • Insanity has it’s very own, extra special timetable

    • Is it Sabbath already?

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Molotov!

    • Suttree

      He does. He’s at mango latte right now. We are just catching up.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Two editors at work right now. On a Saturday. And no, I don’t count.

    • snark-lurker

      guys…imagine all the trouble be would get into on weekends without this distraction

  • gene108

    Wonkette Baby is sooooooooo big now!!!!! Squeeeeeee!!!!!!!

  • Rick Hill

    The omniprescient random play demands you hear this:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FsrPEUt2Dg

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Wait, so he didn’t get something because the guy who told him no was more liberal?
      *scratches head* so very much JUST LIKE people getting bombed and denied entry because muslim

  • The Wanderer

    Hmm. I think I shall have something Italian for dinner on the Ides of this month, and maybe a shepherd’s pie for Drink Yourself Comatose Day.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      So, shepherd’s pie everyday?

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        It’s very absorbant, and delicious!

    • LucindathePook

      That last recipe was very good, I made the cottage pie version.

  • I can’t get past the simple fact that there are people out there who actually believe the thing on the left has passionate feelings for the thing on the right.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/22edcee3c6b425e694e501fc4dac6dff54c1c450d61e3309983a0faacbf4727b.jpg

  • memzilla Ω

    How low has President Obama gone to tapp my phones during the very sacred election process. This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy! —
    Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump)
    March 4, 2017
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2b015b172357510d263828396fcc87f6ca3af78ac7d5cd73cd7019a37e38d5b6.jpg

    • Sacred election? Lolz.
      You mean the one that you swore you would not uphold if you lost, Donnie?

      • Rick Hill

        And the one he demeaned and belittled at every point possible?

      • Kiri the Paid Protestor

        The one where he invited the Russians to hack his opponent?

  • Reality Kills

    If Donnie gets impeached, would you imagine what a mess would that be? He’ll tweet all day long stating he is still president and would even claim that he is president for life!

    • shivaskeeper

      And that would matter as much as the tweets he sends out now calling for investigations to start. Not at all.

    • Rick Hill

      He wouldn’t leave the office and hordes of his armed followers would descend to protect him. It would be a bloodbath

      • Biff52

        Marine One probably has enough firepower all by itself to take ’em all out.

        • Rick Hill

          Making it a bloodbath

        • Tacoclamgenda

          Maybe the Coast Guard could pick him up in FL.

          • kareemachan

            Well, they know where he is every weekend….

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        I’d like to think his hordes wouldn’t be able to get through all the people dancing in the streets. Wildly optimistic? Prolly.

      • shivaskeeper

        They might. Bu they probably won’t. His followers, much like him are cowards at heart. Besides, if he gets impeached it’s not like he’s going to able to barricade himself in his office like Scarface.

        • Old Man Yells at Cloud

          Actually that would be great if he did. Lil’Donnie hates the Whitehouse so locking himself in it would be hilarious…just like Assange avoiding rape charges by giving himself a life sentence in the embassy.

  • Liberal Fascist Ron

    Darn you, Wonkette, this isn’t getting those paws made at ALL.
    Back later.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      ??

      • redblack

        it’s obvious: ron should be getting his robot kittens’ paws finished just right instead of dicking around on the innertoobz. he’ll be back later.

        • kareemachan

          Too sad for taco. It can’t keep up.

      • Liberal Fascist Ron

        I have until March 18th to finish a Rocket Raccoon costume, and I’m trying something different with the paws. It took me 2 1/2 hours just now to make ONE. And I’m not sure about the size, which means I may need to remake the bloody things AGAIN.

  • Reality Kills

    Vegas books should take wagers on Donnie’s impeachment chances.

    • Biff52

      They’re on it!

    • Bill Slider

      First, he has to break the law. Being a dumbshit is not illegal.

      • kareemachan

        He’s already broken laws. Try to keep up, okay?

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
    • Surprise there.

    • veska

      FFS

      • The biggest changes strengthen Republican districts that have become more competitive. Golick won re-election in November with 53 percent of the vote over Democrat Erick Allen, down from the 60 percent to 40 percent margin by which Golick won in 2014.

        This. Right there.

        • lol and this:
          Caldwell on Friday said “in relation to the Democrat individual” — meaning Rep. Jones — her district is not adversely affected.

          Democratic individual. Nice. Subtle.

  • Rick Hill

    Hey! We can’t shirk our duties! we don’t get those Soros checks if we don’t do a minimum amount of bashing religion and sucking up to the gawd of science
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/a2rZM7D_460s.jpg

  • You guys should do a full writeup on the Great Lakes Restoration Initiative cut that’s planned by the Trump budget, which slashes it 97% (300 million down to 10 million). I read about it the other day in a different article but it made me wonder if all of those fine folks who voted for Trump in the Great Lakes bordering states that went red…do they even know? Do they even care?

    • For the environment? Fuck. They want their manufacturing jerbs back.
      Never mind automation. Never mind unions are gone so said jerbs will NEVER be as good as they once were.
      Who cares about clean water?

      • Jonny On Maui

        “Who cares about clean water?”

        Nestle. They want to be the only ones who can sell it.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Not until they’re thirsty.

    • LucindathePook

      It’s about drinking water and also the fishing industry and sports fishing/toursim–keeping invasive fish out of the waters (thanks, Chicago River reversal project), which would ruin that. The GLRI was hard-fought for, and its demise is just one more fucking and irreversible fuckup that Dolt 45 is bringing to this nation (and Canada).

    • Biff52
      • kareemachan

        Wives should just shut up.

        /s

    • eyelashviper

      And the new Head Shitbag at Interior just reversed the order banning lead in fishing lures and weights, and in hunting ammo, other than waterfowl.
      The lead leaches into water, soil, is eaten by birds, fish, and then consumed by other birds, fish and mammals, causing dreadful deaths for them…Our American Bald Eagle has been affected in past years, and has been making a strong comeback all over.

      • Now I ain’t no intellectual or nuttin but this doesn’t sound very good at all. Make America Sick Again!

    • Zyxomma

      They would if they watched Maher (I don’t have cable TV; I wait for the youtube video). Bill McK was on the panel.

  • SeekingResistanceBarbie

    New post is up!

  • proudgrampa

    The nail polish on Babby is a nice touch. What color did she choose?

  • Apple Scruff

    Kellyanne just got trolled and now we all laugh.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BRMAtVzBJ61/

    • Edith Prickly

      Snark aside, that is the most attractive pic of Kellyanne that I’ve ever seen. Maybe being trolled is good for her.

      • MyDogsAreSmarterThanYou

        Before she sold her soul, she didn’t look half bad. Apparently being a lying shill is bad for your health.

        • Yr. Gma

          She looked 1/3 bad?

      • Jeffery Campbell

        I’d better better looking to with gauze and Vaseline on the lends. Everyone since Doris Day knows that trick

        • TheBoatDude

          Ah! The Cybil Shepard treatment…

  • Garbageman

    Don’t want to second-guess or anything! But this late-breaking gem probably needs to be on the list!

    ‘Without evidence, Trump accuses Obama of wiretapping him’

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/04/politics/trump-obama-wiretap-tweet/index.html

  • Manhattan123

    They have mail service in Missoula MT?

  • Yr. Gma

    Donna Rose has fabulous eyelashes. She gets prettier all the time.

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    Friday afternoon:Jared & Ivanka: Just about to head home for Shabbat. Need anything?Trump: No.J&I: No unhinged rants, ok?T: 🤞Ok.— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) March 4, 2017

    • kareemachan

      And you believed him?

  • Bill Slider

    Trump’s address to the Nation was all a ploy by the Obamas to get the Trump family out of Trump Towers. This allowed the Obamas to return to Trump Towers to complete some extra wiring. The wiring allows a direct feed to the President of Mexico, the NY Times, WaPo and maybe Wonkette. My unnamed sources were a bit cryptic on this last point. The funding for this highly sensitive operation, allegedly was financed by the elder Bush family and SNL. I have no doubt that Trump’s tweets will divuldge further details as the new week unfolds.

    • Begin Anew Day

      I love me some good sneaking around!

    • eyelashviper

      When I stand on the metal stool in one corner of my kitchen, I can get the signal…late at night, the murmurings between Donnie and Vlad are off putting.

    • kareemachan

      DAMN, who knew, aside from conspiracy idiots?!!!!11!!!??!!

  • Cranky Man
  • DahBoner

    Only about 25% graduated college and 45% of college graduates have never read a book since graduation.

    80% of Americans didn’t buy a book last year.
    https://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/a-few-facts-about-a-little-movie-known-as-dumb-and-dumber-20-photos-22.jpg?quality=85&strip=info&w=1560

    • kareemachan

      Oh shit.

    • Begin Anew Day

      I’d up vote this except it runs counter to my doctor’s advise to stick with my anti-depressants.

    • Goposaur
      • Ill-Advised

        We don’t have a book count, but have filled 12 floor-to-ceiling bookcases. Not counting what’s in storage…

        • Goposaur

          looking for a swap? between me and my waifu, we have a couple of decades in publishing – meaning access to take shelves, free stuff from conventions, many other friends in the industry plus being organizers for the Bookbinder’s guild. Not to mention being bequeathed our parent’s collections.

          Book-wise, we’re hoarders. When we used to be able to travel, we’d usually ship back a box or two of our finds. It is a sickness. A lovely, lovely sickness afforded only to the young, strong of back and of wallet.

          We regret nothing. Probably would rather live under a bridge that give up our preciousnesseses. You know how it is.

          • Ill-Advised

            I don’t suppose you are on the left coast, she said wistfully…I am a book hoarder in the City of Books.

            My husband’s career in publishing began with dropping a California job case filled with 8-pt Helvetica type. I myself am a poor, but enthusiastic, amateur bookbinder. My childhood wish was to live in the library. This is as close to living the dream as I can get.

            A very lovely sickness, indeed!

            If you and/or your waifu would be interested in pen-palling on the joy of books as art, design, or just what you’re reading now, I bet Editrix or a Wonkette Senior Operative could facilitate that.

            Or we could just continue to enjoy drive-in and drive-by commentary, if comments were allowed.

            It’s all good! :-)

    • Erala Contratista

      I’m doing my best, but it is a little house…..

      • DahBoner

        I’d have to agree with Seinfeld on this–intellectuals use them as trophies. Most people never reread a book.

        Read it, donate it to the local library. 😁

    • phoenix00

      Ummmmm…… does reading Wonkette count?

  • Begin Anew Day

    Dear Evan,

    LOL! It is a beautiful day here in Denver, CO and I woke up to get some errands done and then head to the Colorado State Capitol Building. There is no way I was going to miss the Promised Ultra Huge Trump Rally. I thought I would share some of the experience with you since I know that you are busy minding the Wonkette Bar and Grill on Saturdays in an effort to preserve Truth, Justice and the American Way.

    Observation #1: Trump rally draws several million attendees.

    Observation #2: Counter protest by 50-60 self labelled anarchists dressed in very flattering black clothes goes out of control and destroys approximately 90% of the City of Denver.

    Observation #3: Colorado State Police and Denver City Police presence outnumbers both rallies by almost 4 million.

    Naaaaaawwww! I’m kidding! (except for the part about the elegantly dressed anarchists.)

    Do you care to hear what I really saw and heard?

    Don’t get me started! (No, please DO get me started.)

    –BAD

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I dunno bout Evan, but I’d like to hear bout dat idiocy. Please share.

      • Begin Anew Day

        DONE!

        Observation #1: About two hundred Trump lovers show up in tacky flag themed gear. About a dozen black leather biker gear clad folks also show up. These geriatric bikers decorated their jackets with donnie themed patches (“Bikers Against Radical Islam”). About another hundred folks show up wearing various tee shirts advertising their allegiance to donnie, Nike and various vacation spots. All signs are campaign yard signs or completely lame in about one hundred different ways.

        Observation #2: Colorado State Patrol officers circulating in the donnie crowd asking various folks to “spread the word” that concealed carry guns are illegal on Colorado State Government property. Why they couldn’t announce this from the speakers podium at the start of the rally remains a question. I also learned from this eavesdropping that anyone with such a weapon would be safe from “police harassment” once they left state grounds since their concealed carry weapon is perfectly OK in Denver. These are Colorado State Police talking about “police harassment.

        Observation #3: Approaching the rally I passed a squad of Denver’s Police on bikes who were standing by. I innocently (snark!) asked what was going on. A young officer informed me that the group at the top of Capitol Hill were “good Americans” rallying to support America. (Trump = America?) while the anarchists, counter demonstrating nearby, were there to make trouble because they hate America. Again this seems to be an obvious bit of police partisanship.

        Observation #3: State Patrol, wearing helmets and carrying night sticks formed a line facing the counter demonstrators while self appointed donnie spokesmen stood behind them telling the counter demonstrators that the police were “saving your asses from us!”They also provided graphic critiques of the counter demonstrators personal flaws, appearance and what would happen if the police were not there! Obvious christians. Why the State Patrol did not have a line facing the donnie=America demonstrators remains a question.

        Observation #4: One speaker for the donnie=America rally identified himself as part of the “gays for donnie movement” which is growing by leaps and bounds, it is huge! I learned that Hillary was bad for gays and donnie loved the gays. No one spoke on behalf of the “lesbians for donnie movement”. Also underrepresented at the speakers podium were the Queers, Transgenders and Scientists for donnie.

        Observation #5: The donnie=America speakers condemn the following:
        Leftists, Anarchists, Refugees, unreal Americans, non christian muslims, christian traitors to America, weaklings and the pernicious use, by leftists, of “prepared talking points”. OK!

        Observation #6: I made it a point to circulate through both groups (neither rose to the level of a crowd) to check for littering on state grounds. The counter demonstrators were obvious tree-hugging assholes who do not litter. The donnie=America bully boys do litter. (I should note that the donnie=America people are not nearly as bad as an average sports ball crowd.) I did report the littering to the State Patrol and was glared at! Not even a thank you! I guess I must come across as a moral scold when it comes to littering!

        Now Wonkette, I must discuss my receiving a Wonkette Participation Certificate for risking my life to bring you the TRUTH!

        Peace Out,

        –BAD

        • Nockular cavity

          Thank you for your service!

          • Lefty Wright

            Sacrifice. Saturday with Trump loons is a sacrifice.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          You have my appreciation! Being brown I would stand out, like a raisin in a bowl of grits.

          • Begin Anew Day

            Observation #7: You got that right. The donnie=America participation was completely…absolutely completely….white.

          • phoenix00

            Why am I completely not surprised? Also not completely surprised.

        • Jukesgrrl

          Thank you for the superb reportage. I am especially impressed that you can do Numbers and Alternate Numbers.

          • Begin Anew Day

            Aww shucks!

            (blush)

        • Some people have been talking about a LGBTQI movement for Trump. Bullshit. It’s entirely privileged white cis gay men, plus the occasional very confused L-BTQI like Caitlyn Jenner.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Thank you for your service. You can pick up your exposure dollars at the nearest strip club. You’re on your own claiming the Soros bux tho.

  • Martini Ambassador

    Is there any way for Wonkette to serve adverts for pages loaded resulting from Bing searches? ‘Cause if so, you should do that.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Obama is a hard man, but they made him that way. Before he left, he put the government on auto-pilot to fuck Trump. That’s hard.

    • Khavrinen

      I’d put things on Otto-pilot too, if I knew Trump was going to be the next one in the cockpit.
      [ Heh-heh “cockpit” *snicker* . ]

    • Bad Tom

      Trump’s team can’t find the light switches, much less the flight controls.

  • Libby liberal

    The biggest news is that Donna Rose is wearing nail polish like a big girl.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Now THAT is what I call investigative journalism.

  • Miles Barnett

    I gotta admit, the t-shirt in picture #1 is pretty accurate. I doubt that you can get another one that can out-cute picture #2.

  • Weevie

    O’ Keefe would never be in a family with an Alienware laptop!
    Oh, that’s a little girl.

    You just took a short trip through the mind of one Donald Trump.

  • SheltonTodd

    Meanwhile in Portland, OR, the O’Keefe wannabe Michael Strickland was convicted and is due to be sentenced next month.

  • Stein Olsen

    If O’Keefe is remembered for anything, it will be his nose.

    • Pisto75666

      And his terrible wigs.

      • Gregory Brown

        The stupid glasses.

  • freakishlypersistent

    Who is that adorbs LITTLE GIRL? She is no longer our wonket babby burrito. It was only yesterday…sigh.

  • Sylviajgilles

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !do171c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !do171c:
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