Morning Wonkatariat! Here’s some of the one ZILLION stories we may be talking about today.
- Russia is looming large over everything Trump does, but for all the smoke, Trump thinks it’s a witch hunt, and coincidentally, Russia says the same thing!
- Oh HEY, Jared Kushner, YOU met with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak too? What’d you, the ambassador, and Mike Flynn talk about? Gefilte fish recipes?
- BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Carter Page and J.D. Gordon ALSO met with Ambassador Kislyak, a meeting that Carter Page stumbled about during a fucking bonkers interview with Chris Hayes.
- OH, we’re not done yet! Donald Trump JR. was paid at least $50,000 to appear at a think tank allied with Russian efforts in Syria (which, by the way, have resulted in the deaths of many U.S. allies).
- Some democrats are calling out FBI director James Comey for stalling and dragging his feet about their investigation into the Trump campaign’s connections to Russia.
- The DHS was wondering how many spooky brown people from war torn countries are responsible for terrorist attacks only to find that, in the unlikely event a refugee goes all Ted Kaczynski, it’s only after living in the U.S. for years. [MORNING MADDOW!]
- Trump’s getting his revenge on the IRS and cutting their budget, that way those goddamn math geeks will NEVER finish their audit of his taxes! Suck it, dorks!
- Illinois Republican Rep. Mike Bost has been skipping his town halls because he’s just so busy, NOT because he feels it’d be like “the cleansing that the Orientals used to do where you’d put one person out in front and 900 people yell at them.”
- Military brassholes are frantically filling out spread sheets before Congress can cut them a multi-billion dollar blank check, even if the they’re not sure what it is they want yet. Pay now, buy later!
- As governor, Mike Pence used a private (fucking AOL!) email address to conduct state business, and after it was hacked, he signed up for ANOTHER fucking AOL email address to
- EPA Chief Scott Pruitt ALSO used his private email address to conduct government business while doing favors for energy lobbyists, and Senate Democrats want to know what else he’s lying about.
- Little Marco Rubio is propping up whatever’s left of his spine and criticizing Rex Tillerson’s absence on the State Department’s Human Rights Report, a pretty serious piece of paper.
- An Iowa State Senator Mark Chelgren lied about all his managerial credentials, and actually got his “degree” from a Sizzler, but it’s cool because, according to one official, the course was “kind of like Hamburger University at McDonald’s.”
- The batshit fundamentalist assholes who call themselves ISIS/ISIL/Daesh/whatever have been using a 100-foot-wide sinkhole in Iraq as a mass grave. Sorry guys, this is just…*sigh*
- Dame Peggington ambled down to her typewriter on Tuesday night, spilling not but a drop of gin, and scribed a glowing appraisal of Trump, basking in the light of her false God with Van Jones and the ghost of Reagan. Oh, indeed, madam. [Archive]
- Melon Trump descended from her golden palace to read Dr. Seuss’s “Oh the Places You’ll Go” to some kids, but there’s no word on whether or not she thought it was her biography as the former model and trophy wife encouraged the children to read. You can overcome A LOT of the accent if you just show the kids the fucking pictures!
- Tom Hanks bought the poor slobs in the White House Press Pool a new espresso machine (AGAIN) so that they can “Keep up the good fight for Truth, Justice, and the American Way. Especially the Truth Part.”
- You know what you need right now? Old photos of America’s secret hetero-lifemate boyfriend from the North, Justin Trudeau, looking like a goddam sexxy sex person.
- Here’s your late night wrap up! Seth Meyers Took a Closer Look at Trump and Russia; Trevor Noah clued America in on an unclaimed award given to African leaders who relinquish power; and Colbert talked some super hush-hush Leak-Crets.
- And here’s your morning Nice Time, baby hippo pool time!
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