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Sad news for Sarah Palin today, as the rumored ambassadorship to Canada went to some lame lady just because she’s married to a billionaire and gave Donald Trump lots of money. Is that even fair? Did that lady grift her own dimes to get to Trump’s big speech and then vomit even more craziness than usual on it? Did that lady squeeeeeeze all her pennies just so she could give Donald Trump a widow’s mite contribution of $10,000, or one-eighth of all her 2016 contributions from SarahPAC (which grossed $1.4 million)? SHE DID NOT.

But maybe we can find a place for Sister Sarah anyway. Because we just learned about Donald Trump’s pick for Secretary of the Air Force — after being turned down a couple few million times by actual Air Force people, and Navy people, and Army people — and the lady he picked, well, she is sort of just a pale imitation of THE INIMITABLE.

OK, maybe she is imitable.
Heather Wilson, one of few Trump nominees to actually get nominated (he still has more than 500 Senate-confirmable positions he hasn’t even tapped yet), used to be a Republican Congresswoman from New Mexico. Then, literally the day after she left Congress, she became a “strategic adviser” to two separate nuclear labs, using her “expertise” to soak up defense contracts. Tell us more, Center for Public Integrity!

Wilson’s work involved using her contacts in Washington to try to gin up new federal business opportunities for the privately run weapons labs.

But the labs got into trouble by billing the government for her work, and one of them was accused of effectively using federal funds to lobby for more federal funds, a violation of law, according to the Energy Department’s Inspector General. The lab’s manager, the Sandia Corporation, agreed to pay a total of $4.7 million dollars to the government to settle the case, although it too denied any wrongdoing.

Pfft, who would think that a multimillion dollar settlement was evidence of wrongdoing!

But surely Heather Wilson did lots of work for her $20,000 a month paid by the feds to lobby the feds?

According to investigators, Wilson refused from the outset to provide a detailed accounting — at any time — of how she did her work while earning fees from Sandia and from the Los Alamos National Laboratory totaling $20,000 a month.

Because — get this — she wrote into her contract that nobody could ask her what her “deliverables” were or how she spent her time. That’s some contract!

[Inspectors] complained in part that Wilson’s silence about how she spent her time had blocked their efforts to determine whether she was billing the labs fairly or improperly collecting fees from more than one laboratory for doing essentially the same work. They also expressed uncertainty that Wilson had met a contractual requirement that she devote 50 hours a month to meeting each of the labs’ needs.

On at least two occasions while working as the head of a consulting firm she established after leaving Congress, for example, Wilson occupied a single seat at government meetings in Washington, but collected two paychecks from firms running separate labs, which subsequently each billed the government for these expenses.

[…]

“Due to the lack of work product, we were unable to prove or disprove the potential issue of duplicative services,” said Felicia Jones, a spokeswoman for the Energy Department’s Inspector General Office, in a Feb. 16 email to the Center for Public Integrity about the notes, which were obtained under the Freedom of Information Act.

There’s much more at the link about how these goldanged bureaucrats just wouldn’t stop regulating poor Heather Wilson and leaving her free to be a small businesswoman entrepreneur off the backs of gubmint contracts — that is, until they all threw their hands up in despair at ever getting a straight answer out of her, except when the question was “hey can we see some time sheets” and the answer was “go fuck yourself.”

This lady sounds like a small-time con, Don. Twenty thousand a month to do no work? Pffft. Why not choose someone who knows how to fleece the geese and the ganders? A real pro?

You can’t get much more real than that.

[CenterForPublicIntegrity]

Wonkette would like to grift you, but we keep forgetting not to do an honest day’s work. MONEY PLEASE.

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  • Foocatchoo

    Sarah Palin should just go Para-sailing and stay out of politics for her good and our own good…

  • Lizzietish81

    Sarah could lead the air force squad in charge of shooting wolves from the helicopter.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      “As long as she doesn’t bring Betsy along”, said the grizzly.

    • Martini Ambassador
      • boyblue122

        Looks like her head is about to explode from all the derp inside of it

        • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

          Derp has zero rest mass…

        • Logic of Color

          It’s like when you play Slim Whitman for a Martian

      • Ducksworthy

        The Learning Channel logo is the most disturbing part about that.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Air superiority, yubetcha!

  • I would like it on record that I would gladly tell people I was doing 50 hours worth of work a month in exchange for $20,000 per month. I shall update my LinkedIn profile accordingly.

    • Martini Ambassador

      It is the easiest job I ever do!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Under “job description” be sure to point out that according to your contract you don’t have to tell anyone how you spend your time.

    • I will admit I’m impressed by the “you can’t ask what I’m doing” clause. Back when I did consulting gigs, I always had to justify my time and work with the billing. Tsk, I was such an amateur!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I was told there would be no meth.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      My jaw dropped at that figure. It’s pretty much still there. Please toss popcorn and or peanuts. Thanks in advance.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    The “Air Force” is what’s measured at the puncture site when someone pokes Sarah’s head with a pin.

    • Fartknocker

      Measured as inches of derp (idDerp).

  • whitroth

    I like it: an airhead for the Air Force. What could possibly go wrong…?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    She is going to save taxpayers so many monies, you guys!

  • Wild Cat

    Man, after paying these demented shits for national security for over four decades, the dweebs folded like a cheap suit for Russian and New York con men; world security is now determined by a drunk racist ex-film producer.
    I’d like a refund of my tax $$$.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Sandia Labs? Really?
    Better call Saul.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      High school Spanish jumps a near-20-year gap, lands in my brain, and makes me wonder whether that place makes artificial watermelons for Jeff Sessions to use as props when he whitesplains the Inner City(TM).

  • Asterix

    I wonder what Miz Sarah did to piss off Trump. I mean, he bought her lunch and everything…

    • Liberal Fascist Ron

      Oh, Sarah, you poor dear, that’s how it all starts…
      – Chris Christie

    • ariel_gee_398

      She didn’t let him order the meatloaf pizza for her.

  • Spurning Beer

    I’m glad that Heather will be adding her talents to that freshly drained swamp.

    • OneYieldRegular

      My impression is that it’s pretty much a requirement for service in the Trump administration that you demonstrate your ability to shift government monies to private pocketbooks – even if it’s the pocketbook you’re carrying over your shoulder.

  • JoeChristmas

    She can watch Putin fly right over her head.

  • JoeChristmas

    Sure it’s not the Airhead Force?

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Sad news for Sarah Palin today, as the rumored ambassadorship to Canada went to some lame lady just because she’s married to a billionaire and gave Donald Trump lots of money.

    Swamp Drain libelz.

    • snark-lurker

      that drain is clogged with something like (resembling) hair

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Because — get this — she wrote into her contract that nobody could ask her what her “deliverables” were or how she spent her time. That’s some contract!

    Milo Minderbinder plagiarism!

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Shouldn’t the mere fact that she actually served in the Air Force make her overqualified for this post?

  • arglebargle

    Does she work from home and drive a Delorean Too?

  • Jamoche

    Burn, baby, burn:
    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-39124349
    “In his first address to a joint session of Congress, after a tumultuous first month in office, Mr Trump delivered a conventional speech in a conventional manner. That it was unexpected, and that the bar for success was knee-high at best, is life in the age of Trump.”

  • Shanzgood

    Editrix and Wonkette staff, how do you all delve this deep into the derp all the time and still retain the will to live? I can’t even get through the first paragraph sometimes.

    I promise to send more money when I have a job.

    • arglebargle

      Send some of your Soros bucks.

      • Shanzgood

        I don’t have any of those because I don’t leave the house very often.

        Funny aside: my phone offered me “Becky” in lieu of “because” just now.

        • arglebargle

          OMG, not Becky with the good hair?

          • Shanzgood

            That bitch and whoever she is can fuck right off along with her hair. I’m white and still learning how to deal with my newly wavy/curly business. Know where I have to go for lessons and products?! NOT WHERE BECKY GOES.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      After a while, I think you just reach that point of rueful shaking of the head.
      Booze helps, I’ve been told.

      • Swampay

        We have legal weed in WA state.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Same here!

      • Shanzgood

        I just had a meltdown trying to apply. I haven’t had to do this for 15 years and it’s all different now. It’s all online and no PDF’s or non-Word docs. Plus WHY IS MY SSN A REQUIRED FIELD FUCK YOU.

        So I went and washed my hair instead.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          After 11 years and never really paying attention to linkedin I today realized I would rather get a blow job by an alligator than being very active on linkedin.

          • Shanzgood

            LinkedIn is weird but…I know a lot of people on it so I’m about to launch an offensive there.

            Because if I don’t get a job soon, baconzgood is gonna…berate me some more.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            I don’t know who baconzgood is but he or she should cool down.

          • Shanzgood

            baconz is my Wonkette-acquired boyfriend and he can berate me whenever and however we want.

            😀

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Fifty shades of Wonk.

          • Shanzgood

            Ehhhh..no. I sent him this Snapchat picture without knowing it was a fetish mask (but he did, and so did TJ, go figure) and it made him laugh so hard he had to get off the bus because he was afraid of getting ejected.

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/892dc6da3a8adfa2f9622441f6201cb5c71495ad89e5d6ecbb1f28f52d553623.jpg

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Aww u purdy.

          • Shanzgood

            Baconz thinks so which is nice but he also worries I’m gonna think he looks like Cornelius from Planet of the Apes so whatever. Stupid man.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            I have no idea what that means but if you ever come to Amsterdam, call me. Oh and bring the mask.

          • Shanzgood

            Baconzgood is another Wonker here and he gets the mask first even if it makes him laugh so hard he pukes.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            call me though.

          • Shanzgood

            OMG I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT WAS A FETISH MASK I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            You nake me laugh which is always a good thing.

          • bobbert

            Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    • Snopes Shop

      They can’t be real.

  • Ducksworthy

    GOP Core Principle #12: The Federal gobbermint exists to serve as a mechanism for moving monies from tax payers pockets to those of assorted sleazy grifters.

  • Wild Cat

    Maybe we can make purity queen and failed editor Thomas Frank head of the air force? I myself regret not realizing what a true prophet he is. /s/

  • Bill Slider

    Secretary of the Air Force? Can you open a window of an F-15, or an F-35, to shoot moose?

  • Nounverb911

    Well, she DID see putin’s air force flying over Alaska from her porch that one time.

  • Rick Hill

    This woman is double dipping, writing her grift into her contracts and is just completely stonewalling investigations!?! Why just wait till trump finds out about her…he’ll fix of her little red wagon! There are plenty of unfilled positions just waiting for people that trump can identify with…

    • Damian L

      Maybe he’ll name her alt-queen of the New Republic?

    • snark-lurker

      i thought that OPOS didn’t like people who get caught & she got caught

  • OneYieldRegular

    It’s not wrong-doing anymore. It’s alt-wrong-doing.

  • Unnamed_and_MaybeFake

    Hey Donald, realize your respect for Heather’s game, but what did you say about lobbyists after leaving gubmint last night?

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    $20K a month, with no requirement to provide work product, seems like the real-life equivalent of getting a genie to accept “infinite wishes” as one of your allowable 3.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Speaking of the air force. Top Gun is now on. A small reminder why this, then 6 year old, fellow fell in love with the USA and why most Europeans have a hard time with what has been going on in the US lately.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      If you think the EUROPEANS have a hard time with this, just imagine what it’s like to be LIVING HERE!

      • snark-lurker

        and not sure about your papers

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg
        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Why did “Pepe Finally Gets Laid” run through my head when I saw this image?

    • phoenix00

      Geez don’t worry about the USA, worry about what went on with Tom Cruise!

  • Liberal Fascist Ron

    Where do I get one of those jobs where I get paid five figures a month and nobody can ask me what I’m doing to earn it?

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Bad news: you have to become a Republican.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        “Well if that is all it takes” Said every republican ever.

      • snark-lurker

        that’s doable

        • Nounverb911

          RINO!

      • Rags

        Can I do that and then just tithe wonkette for penance?

    • Anna Rompage

      I hear the State Dept is essentially paying most if not all of it’s employees to just show up and do nothing right now, due to the lack of leadership…

    • This is an even better job than TV weather personality (where you can be wrong 85% of the time)

      • Liberal Fascist Ron

        100% if you’re CHEX Peterborough’s Peter Fialkowski.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Become a consultant that works on Pentagon contracts.

      Warning: You may have to work on stuff that gives you nightmares.

      • Shanzgood

        Who doesn’t have nightmares about their job?

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Hades knows I do!

        • Not doing my job correctly could cause major bodily harm, up to and including death.

    • phoenix00

      A Republican President?

  • elviouslyqueer

    “You’re hired.”

    — Marmalade Mussolini, just now

  • memzilla Ω

    Why not draft Lori? She’s not only a demonstrably gifted grifter, but she could drive to ALL THE PLACES in her Land Rover Range Rover!

    • Shanzgood

      I dunno if we can afford to insure it.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Well and there’s that whole worry that she’s actually been killed by one of those other chicks who keeps trying to get us to join their cult.

        • Shanzgood

          I don’t care as long as my insurance is cheap.

          I miss those caveman guys and their pet Cockney lizard.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            Have you seen the weird cartoon general? Maybe he can help you. He seems the logical next step in your journey.

          • Shanzgood

            The late-night guy? Yeah, a few years ago when I had the cable.

            I wouldn’t buy from him. He looks like Elmer Fudd’s idiot son who got drafted and then promoted up to keep from harming others.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            Word. Can’t blame you. I’m suspicious of that duck who claims he wants to help me with disability, so I understand the trust issues.

          • Shanzgood

            Oh I had Aflac through a former employer and it was SO worth it because of my accident-prone son (even before motorcycles but especially after).

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            Duck in the “trust” column. Good to know!

          • Shanzgood

            Yeah. Premiums were low and I got hundreds of dollars whenever my son broke himself repeatedly. Plus they paid me for gyno visits. And THOUSANDS when my son trashed himself and his motorbike. I had to submit assloads of paperwork, though, but it was worth it.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            Have you considered getting a new son? Particularly if yours is still under warranty and there’s a replacement clause.

          • Shanzgood

            Yeah, no. He’s 20 so he can pay for all his own damage now.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            Excellent. Congrats for helping him survive so far. Clearly it hasn’t been easy, so well done, you!

          • Shanzgood

            Er…thanks?

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Yosemite Sam’s City Slicker cousin

      • phoenix00

        Canada ain’t paying for it, bumper-to-bumper or not.

  • Martini Ambassador

    Apropos of nothin’ beyond the linking of these two titans of the word salad industry:
    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/e9/77/d9/e977d9130e744a15534fd227e4714b40.jpg

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Because — get this — she wrote into her contract that nobody could ask her what her “deliverables” were or how she spent her time. That’s some contract!

    IANAL, but how the fuck is that even legal?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      It isn’t for a municipal contract.

    • OrG

      Legal shmegal.

    • MOG253

      And why didn’t I think of it!

    • chazmanr

      Because we have a majority Rethuglican Congress. Poor people being on the public dole = bad, end of humanity bad; rich people being on the public dole = patriotism.

    • bobbert

      Possibly because Sandia is a private contractor, but it still seems fishy because the Feds normally require, by contract, that contractors follow all Federal guidelines.

      I wonder if the investigation turned up who she was banging at Sandia.

      • H0mer0

        if someone is that good at banging, my hat’s off to them but ripping off the government and blaming the blahs and immigrants for being welfare cheats, that pisses me off. Any $$ I get from the govmint has lots of regs attached to it and the [implied] threat of a audit

  • ltmcdies

    so totally NOT SORRY that I don’t risk having to run into this woman when I visit Ottawa in the fall.

    • I have already made arrangments to stay with friends to come protest Twitler whenever he shows up there

  • OrG

    How unusual,a grifty,lying,stealing rethug.

    • Keith Taylor

      First one on record.

  • Mavenmaven

    OK, Sarah might be old for him, but surely he could find a gig for Bristol?????

    • BreakingDeadMen

      That girl gets pregnant too easy

      • Shanzgood

        So did I. One time by accident and the other with military precision.

        • Ωbjectifier

          Ten-Hut!!!

          • Shanzgood

            Pretty much.

      • Jack Tenhet

        Yeah, she just got pregnant again just because we used the word pregnant. Now she’s going to have triplets.

        • Jamoche

          Got to one-up Beyonce and the Clooneys?

        • davej1s

          pregnant, pregnant, pregnant, pregnant, pregnant…octuplets?
          cool…

    • chazmanr

      Is she in between being pregnant with another future bastard?

  • MOG253

    I must be an idiot, working all those years when I could have just ripped off the government. And they want to talk about welfare cheats.

  • “….effectively using federal funds to lobby for more federal funds.”

    Could there be anything more Trumpian than that?

  • geoffalnutt

    Air force. That works.

  • Mormos

    Wilson is human garbage, ask any new mexican

  • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

    I’m getting so mad that I’ve had a job non stop since I was 12. Thanks parents, I could’ve been a grifter instead.

  • Poor Sarah. Just when she’d finished polishing her act, Trump went and redefined stupidity.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/156f21792026e4e631e0d962f3b0bd0b6edf0ce8d416241c678226a5a497eacc.jpg

  • Me not sure

    Q : “What are we paying you for again?”
    A : ” I’m sorry, but, as per our contract, that’s none of your damn business.”
    Q : “How about a raise, then?”

  • Bitter Scribe

    Maybe if this lady doesn’t work out, the next choice can be Wally from Dilbert.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cf167aa5ff23347aa86eb951cc316db2ce731dea7fb5fff5937e6f39c5b0771d.jpg

    • phoenix00

      but that’s MY chosen career!

  • hendenburg2

    I just want to correct the record on one thing: Los Alamos National Labs is a government organization under the Department of Energy…

    It’s also a hell of a lot more than just a “weapons lab”

    • Weevie

      Isn’t that where Davie Crocket died? The Santa Ana guy and all that?

  • TimJ

    At first I thought Tina Fey has been picked for Secretary of the Air Force… I need to read more carefully.

  • CatCope

    Well, sp is an air head. Makes sense. Do they do random drug testing??

  • OddMan

    Heather may by a total jerkface GOP slime bag, but she is no idiot.
    Air Force Academy grad with honors, Rhodes Scholarship to study at the University of Oxford earning an M.Phil. and D.Phil. in international relations by 1985.

    • kareemachan

      And post-doctoral work in grifting.

    • HarpyLibtart

      Soapbox alert:
      I wish people would stop saying “Oh, they’re a Rhodes Scholar” like that means they’re some kind of goddamned genius – it’s not based purely on academic merit, you do not have to be exceptionally intelligent to get one, you have to know the right people to get access to the right internships to impress the old white people who award them with your ‘commitment to duty and instincts to lead’ and also be able to afford to live in the UK on the basic stipend that accompanies it (aka ‘independently wealthy’) which is how Tony Abbott, the dumbest raw-onion-munching proto-fascist ever to draw breath, managed to coast into Australia’s Prime Ministership on the back of one.
      Also, Cecil Rhodes was a fucking racist murderer who set up the scholarship to ensure a steady flow of suitably conditioned colonial overlords to sustain the rule of the British Empire, so anyone willing to take his blood money is morally suspect as far as I’m concerned.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Because — get this — she wrote into her contract that nobody could ask her what her “deliverables” were or how she spent her time. That’s some contract!

    I work with federal contracts all the time. It never occurred to me to draft one that had no deliverables, but then The Grift is not so strong with me.

    • kareemachan

      And they let it slide? Is somebody getting a little kickback on the side?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I read stories like this and just get in-fucking-censed when I think about the 40 page, vet you financially back to the dark ages grant applications to get $10 or $15 or $20K to teach school kids about environmental responsibility, which you never get, and it just MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY.

    • davej1s

      Murka hates teachers, didn’t you get the memo?

  • tinker12

    If we’re talking about Sister $arah, then it should be “the Air Head Force.”

    • H0mer0

      the moniker “Sister Sarah” reminds me of “Sister Morphine”:[C’mon Sister Morphine, turn my nightmare into dreams….]

  • Libby liberal

    Know what else Heather Wilson is famous for? Losing her shit over the Janet Jackson nipslip, lo, many Super Bowls ago. I don’t have time to paste a link-do it yourselves

  • Zyxomma

    Oh, this is going to be SO much more efficient under Rick Perry, no?

  • azeyote

    Palin does a bad imitation of Tina Fey

  • Viktor

    Heather Wilson, the woman who hid evidence her husband was under investigation for touching a child inappropriately. Where does Trump find these people, from an un drained swamp?

  • phoenix00

    Hmmmmm let’s see, ambassador to my wonderful nation comes down to corrupt grifting crook vs redneck grifting airhead…… meeney meeney miney mo, catch the deplorable by the toe…..

    I give up. Which one is easier to laugh at?

    • All of them Katie.

  • Weevie

    We pick the airhead to end all airheads to convince Trudeau to love us. He’ll swoon her into melted mush.

  • …from the CFPI article:

    “Ms. Wilson was very direct with him, stating that she was not going to account for her time in any detail.”

    Ms. Wilson sounds like a real walking, talking rectum, colloquially known as an asshole. No wonder she has a (R) after her name! Sheesh!

    • H0mer0

      looks like a shoo-in for the Trump cabinet.

  • dshwa

    Could Palin see the liars about Russia from her house?

  • thatdamnbob

    purely for entertainment value, and to ensure that Tina Fey has steady work for a few months or 4 years if she needs it, why not

  • Nick Fury II

    You expect Sarah to give up her slot as a match game panelist?

  • Zimmy43

    Why do people believe the internet? When Palin’s daughter’s fried joked about the Canada story, daughter said “too bad nothing on the net is true.”

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