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Morning Wonkers! Here’s some of the stories we may be working on today!

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  • Nounverb911
    • Red Bird Ω

      This! I bought a Coffee Ninja. So nice.

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      I’ll bet he was watching the show, probably pissed off that the Oscars will always get much higher ratings that The Apprentice ever did or will.

    • Ill-Advised

      I heard the first tweet in Alec’s voice. I may be watching too much SNL. Is that possible?

  • MynameisBlarney

    “Trump howls at the news media, not just because it embarrasses him, but
    because it provides an institutional check on his lies, incompetence
    and conflicts of interest. But we can take his vitriol: When the time
    comes, we will write Trump’s obituary, not the other way around.”

    NICHOLAS KRISTOF, NY TIMES, FEB. 25, 2017

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Not a Kristof fan, but he get’s a cookie for this one.

    • End times have truly come.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    In an effort to stop leaks, Sean Spicer has ordered White House staffers to dump their phones for random inspections, and told everyone to not saying anything to reporters, which the staffers immediately did.

    Pictured: Sean Spicer relaxing at home, far away from those pesky cell phones. https://www.rfsafe.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Better-Call-Saul-Chuck-McGill-Space-Blanket-Blocks-Microwave-Radiation-300×253.jpg

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Maybe they should have everyone sign loyalty oaths or, better yet, non-disclosure agreements. Yeah, that’ll fix everything.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Looks like someone accidentally’d a word when they made that meme.

  • That segment on Last Week on the ACA was amazing. HSAs can work if they are part of supplimental insurance to single payer.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I’m a little surprised that he skipped the part about “refundable tax credits” paying for insurance. It’s the “refundable” part that irks. You have to pay the money out-of-pocket before you get it back. No haz moneyz? No gets tax credit. Admittedly, there was a lot to unbundle in there. He did a super job at making it easily understandable.

      • Jamoche

        What if you have money but aren’t paying taxes? Silicon Valley is boom-and-bust – more bust during Repub years – and so the time I need ACA is also the time I have no income to tax. Like now; haven’t paid any income tax all year, but I’ve yet to run through the severance package.

        I assume being retired will be similar.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          Good point.

      • Querolous

        Muscovitchya Financial will gladly offer you a payday loan.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Of course Chris Christie loved doing town halls. Why would he ever miss an opportunity to bully and verbally abuse constituents who lost their homes in a hurricane?

  • dslindc

    Are we sure it’s Monday? Can we check the envelope again? It might be Friday.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Which timeline is this anyway? Is this the one where Trump becomes president and the Earth is obliterated by the Vogons?

      • Longstreet63

        Better see if the Dolphins have left…

        • Querolous

          The Dolphins are still in the same place. The name of the stadium has changed again, that’s all.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        No, this is the timeline where Trump is president because Kirk saved Edith Keeler.

        • Longstreet63

          I blame McCoy.

      • Ill-Advised

        Nailed it. That’s a very cogent summary of Two Revelations.

  • Nounverb911

    Muslim groups were on site repairing the desecrated cemetery within three hours of it being reported.

    https://twitter.com/EducationIQ/status/835984444938924037

    • Rick Hill

      Look for righties to claim this photo is the Muslims caught in the act of desecration.

      • Little Lulu Ω

        Or that they left the cemetery after the photo op to do jihad somewhere.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Trump’s budget is expected to ask for massive increases in DOD spending

    Well, we certainly don’t spend enough on it now. We’ll never be able to have nice things. Or even basic ones.

    • Marines will soon be able to use TWO flak jackets in the sides of a humvee to soak up Soviet-era weaponry!

      • Mike Steele

        Recall seeing Israeli-made device years back that would intercept anything (RPGS, etc,) headed for your vehicle. Since Cheeto and Bibi are buttbuddies, we ought to get a great deal on these simple aftermarket upgrades.

        • bupkus23

          You might be talking about “Iron Dome”

          Link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Dome

          Don’t believe the hype!

          • Mike Steele

            Actually, apparatus I saw would be in your vehicle and deploy if RPG or sliding IED were approaching it – meant for humvees, personnel carriers, etc. Demo was impressive but, like Iron Dome and other systems, results may vary…

    • Longstreet63

      So, they’ll get, what? Five new fighters for that kind of money?
      Better start another war to use up some of the excess equipment.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Those munitions will go bad if they sit around too long.

        • Longstreet63

          Oh, you might laugh but that was a thing that used to happen a century ago. Expired cordite sank more battleships than enemy guns.
          Of course, we don’t use that mixture any more…perhaps the new stuff has a “Best Shot By” date on it…

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Is the date on the side the best if used by or best if sold by date? I always get that confused.

  • memzilla Ω
  • memzilla Ω
    • Amy!

      It’s amazing how well a professional can cover up the scales, vertical slit pupils, and split tongues!

      Pity about the smell.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I have no doubt in my mind how Eric and Donny Junior would be if I ever met them but I can’t help but wonder what kind of person Ivanka is.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Are you very, very, very rich and/or powerful, and do you look like Justin Trudeau? If not, I suspect you will find that she is just like Uday and Qusay.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          hehehe, My first idea would be that she would be like Marie Antoinette and that she would say to the people Qu’ils mangent de la brioche in case they were hungry.

          • Or in america speak: we’ll give you tax deductions for your nanny.

  • Nounverb911
  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Trump will someday be held to account for his crimes aginst food http://www.avclub.com/article/president-trump-orders-his-steak-well-done-ketchup-251081

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Nounverb911
  • Oblios_Cap

    he’s shoved their political system so far to the right

    No more Amsterdam pot and hookers? The Netherlands is no more!

    • Longstreet63

      Just open the dikes and give it back to the sea without those! What else they got? Tulips?

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Ok, let me start of by stating that what we call “The right” would be considered pure communism by conservative Americans. There is nothing going to change if Wilders would be elected as prime minister when it comes to healthcare, drug policies or whatsoever “ridiculous” leftist ideas we have grown so fond of in this little country. However Wilders has a very anti European and anti Muslim agenda that has led other parties to go along with his rhetoric that the EU should be less bureaucratic and that new comers should adapt to our norms and values and need to integrate more than was expected in like let’s say the 1970’s. However, you need a majority of 76 seats in Dutch parliament. Wilders is only on 30 in the polls and all other parties have allready stated they will not join a coalition with Wilders and at the same time the left parties like the Greens, the democratic party and the liberals are all going up in the polls. So the Netherlands might have moved a little to the right, in no way are we moving away from our liberal agenda. hell: Last week legalisation of weed was finally one step closer to officially being legalized by law and so was the legal ending of one’s life even if not terminally ill but just the true conviction one has lived his or her life and want to end in dignity.

      • The Wanderer

        Thank you for putting it in perspective.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          You are welcome. I offered the editrix to cover Dutch elections for Wonkette. :)

      • arglebargle

        What are your immigration policies like? Asking for a friend me.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          As someone who has helped American and British expats with their relocation to The Netherlands I would say it’s quite easy. Find a job online at one of the many international companies based here and the rest pretty much settles itselve. All major cities have international schools and everyone speaks English as their second language although we are prone to overestimating ourselves a bit which can lead to some awkward conversations. ;)

          • Shanzgood

            No!!

            (I’m laughing)

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Ok, Help me out here.

          • Shanzgood

            Aren’t you the one I had that “wkward conversation” with after you presumed I didn’t know the difference between Switzerland and the Netherlands because I’m in the USA and we don’t know how maps work? Apologies if that was someone else! It’s still funny in my head.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Yes! that was me. And I did apologize right? :)

          • Shanzgood

            Yes! That’s why it’s funny now! Your presumption wasn’t entirely wrong but statistically it was unlikely to be very accurate at Wonkette!

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Well once again forgive me. Everyday we learn. Wonkette is an awesome place.

          • BackDoorMan

            … yes, yes it is. And you contribute to that. As I will be visiting/enjoying Amsterdam and Vlissingen in a month or so, I love hearing the perspective from there. My Dutch and German friends are the best ones I have!

  • Me The People

    “In an effort to stop leaks, Sean Spicer has ordered White House staffers to dump their phones for random inspections, and told everyone to not saying anything to reporters, which the staffers immediately did.”

    Word to WH staffers : burners.

    http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Brand-New-Alcatel-OneTouch-1016-Black-Unlocked-Sim-Free-Cheap-2G-Mobile-Phone-UK-/262806560767?hash=item3d307ddfff:g:RiwAAOSwo4pYOYgK

    • Msgr_MΩment

      It was all done with carrier pigeons.

      • Creepoman

        Carrier stool pigeons.

    • Longstreet63

      I’m sure the White House has only the best Right Wing tech experts ready to analyze those phones…

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I’d get paid upfront.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      RoguePOTUSStaff mentioned the cost of burners for their fleet of leakers posting under that name on the Tweeters, so at least that account is all over it.

  • Chadwells
  • Carpe Vagenda

    Sanders offered this analogy to describe the tension: “You know, one of
    the things we say in the South: If a Girl Scout egged your house, would
    you buy cookies from her? I think that this is a pretty similar
    scenario. There’s no reason for him to go in and sit and pretend like
    this is going to be just another Saturday night.”

    Well, that’ll show all those meanies who said that the White House correspondents are a bunch of spoiled housepets with beltway Stockholm Syndrome celebrating their access.

    • “…and they come and pee on MY rug?”

    • Oblios_Cap

      I live in the South, and Ms. Oblio and I just looked at each other when we heard that and asked “have you ever heard anybody say that?”. The answer was “No”.

      • cmd resistor

        Maybe it is an Arkansas thing? I sure never heard of it and it is a stupid saying if anyone ever did say it. Sure doesn’t sound Southern. Bless her heart.

        • FlownΩver

          It’s more common among dog-killing households.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Well, it would be a little awkward if she used the saying her family really uses about girl scouts torturing dogs to death.

        • Shanzgood

          Congrats on eliciting the first snortle of the day!

      • BackDoorMan

        … apparently, if you’re a Huckabee, nobody likes you, not even the Girl Scouts. So it could be them, or anybody really, egging their house and the Huckelfucks would consider that normal. Thus we have The Birth of a Notion that totally could be a saying.

    • Longstreet63

      Yes, that analogy is fine if the “you” is a ten year old. Adults are generally supposed to be more mature. Let alone world leaders. The Soviet Union and the USA metaphorically egged each other’s houses for 70 years and still showed up at summits most of the time.

      • wavicles

        And as I’ve said, If a fucking Girl Scout egged my house then I must be some sort of prick and deserved it.

        • Longstreet63

          To paraphrase Twain, the problem is that the Girl Scouts with eggs aren’t distributed right…

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      They still selling thin mints and those chocolate-covered peanut butter ones? I AM BUYING THOSE COOKIES. She obviously wasn’t the one who egged my house, being so brazen as to return and ask for my moneyz. FAKE NEWS.

      • Shanzgood

        My kids buy thin mints because they know I won’t eat them.

      • The Wanderer

        If they’re selling Samoas, I shall give them all the monies.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          I have no idea what the normal cost of a box of cookies is, but you can buy them at egregious cost (but with Amazon Prime shipping) in Bezos-world. No, I didn’t buy any (almost $10 a box, shipped?), but yes, I totally checked.

          • The Wanderer

            I bought two boxes at $4 each when the Scouts waylaid me as I was coming out of the local market. I cannot resist the seductive wiles of the Samoas.

    • ariel_gee_398

      This administration would probably just steal the cookies from the Girl Scout, refuse to pay, then sic the dogs on her, whether or not she had egged the house.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Before they sicced the dogs on her they’d steal her allowance.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Trump would barge into their dressing room.

    • Shanzgood

      Stupid analogy. Girl Scouts are smarter than that.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Great analogy. ‘Cause yeah, the first thing you think of when somebody says “Girls Scouts” is egging houses, right? As my mum likes to say, these people view others through the lens of their own malice.

      • Shanzgood

        Bingo. And the lens of their own stupidity.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I have never heard that saying said. Just googled it, only comes up as attributed to this broad.

      • therblig

        pretty sure it’s in the bible. you smear chocolate on your door to show that you’ve bought girl scout cookies and they pass over your house on egging night.

    • Creepoman

      This is bullshit. Everyone knows Girl Scouts are trained to drive the knee straight into the nuts.

  • Nounverb911

    In more oops today, dead costume designer still alive.
    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/836223608720588800

  • Lizzietish81

    Once again a reminder that Misha Collins, Blessed be his Name, once worked at the White House

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQhAgFF3erM

  • TundraGrifter

    So far, the funniest story over the weekend was Bull O’Really? “interviewing” (it was another fake Faux News “debate”) an expert on Sweden that nobody seems to have heard of.

    Why would the show bookers bother to vet an “expert?”

    • ariel_gee_398

      If they don’t vet VP candidates or Cabinet nominees, they’re certainly not going to bother with tv experts.

    • Longstreet63

      Well, he was apparently Swedish, right? What more do you need?

    • Mike Steele

      Posted on weekend open thread. Guy was no such thing; immigrant to US 1994; changed last name from Tolling to more prominent Bildt; did drunken assault on a cop, getting 12 mos. time with 11 suspended…IOW, one of those bad hombres we should have kept out, amirite Bill-O?

      • TundraGrifter

        Pronounced “homm-brez.” That’s Spanish for “bro.”

        • Mike Steele

          What’s Swedish for phony?

    • GoutMachine
    • Ghenghis McCann

      The “expert” has claimed that he never said he was an expert on Sweden. It was Faux News that said he was. (They couldn’t get the Swedish Chef from the Muppets.)

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    If I had any money, I’d invest in futures for throwaway burner phones. And a pony.

  • Martini Ambassador

    In shocking news, Trump is apparently not all that good at getting things accomplished: Trump broke 64 promises in his first month in office
    He kept 7.
    But he told CPAC he was getting all of the things done. ALL of the things.

    • GoutMachine

      Well, to be fair, he is the best liar and the best grifter. BIGLY!

      • TundraGrifter

        You write “grifter” like it’s a bad thing.

    • Apple Scruff

      Did you also hear how his governor’s ball last night had THE HIGHEST ATTENDANCE EVER????

  • nightmoth

    What’s up with Darrell Issa? I don’t trust him as far as I could throw him. Does he want to do a big old investigation just so he can say “Nothing to see here, move along?”

    • Also, nearly lost his last election. He’s fucking terrified

    • he’s terrified of the campaign ad that shows how much money he’s wasted on useless investigations during the next election cycle. And if I may uses a half-baked analogy, there’s blood in the water, the sharks are beginning to circle, and even if you aren’t hungry, it’s better to swim with the rest of them (for now).

      • Shibusa

        “We’re going to need a bigger boat.” ~Louie Gomert

    • snark-lurker

      it is easier to sweep dirt under the rug by taking up the broom

    • Longstreet63

      Well, he failed to find anything any other time. Maybe he’s adjusting his difficulty level.

    • Apple Scruff

      He lives in liberal California and just eked out his congressional win in November. He’s scared shitless for 2018.

  • Michael R
    • ¡Persister de la Résistance!

      Whoever the fuck she is.

      • fishslappingdancer

        No idea, was going to Google but the dog looks cute.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        She won an Oscar for “Michael Clayton” and has been in “Snowpiercer”, “Moonrise Kingdom”, and the Narnia films, among (nearly 40) others.

        • fishslappingdancer

          Ah, I don’t generally watch films. Did she write any good books?

          • Antonin Dvorak

            Not that I know of.

          • fishslappingdancer

            Okies, sounds like she’s good at what she does. Not my thing .

      • therblig

        so glad she changed her last name from “Kowzcumholm”

    • Creepoman

      And this Tilda Swinton that looks like David Bowie.

      • Shanzgood

        I heart Tilda!!

        • Creepoman

          Me too. Loved her in “Burn After Reading.”

          • Shanzgood

            Yes! And Constantine.

          • frrolfe

            Also Grand Budapest Hotel too!!

          • Shanzgood

            Ooh, I should watch that!

          • frrolfe

            Really good.Best wishes to you and Baconz. x

          • Shanzgood

            Thanks!

        • Snopes Shop

          She is sublime

      • Antonin Dvorak

        She actually played Bowie’s wife in one of his music videos years ago.

  • MamaBrown

    Wait–Chris Christie crawled out of Trump’s ass long enough to berate Rubio for having no spine?

    • NOBODY resists a chance to bash Marco. NOBODY

      • It’s like candy…

      • cmd resistor

        I’m just thinking about the nice polite note I will send him as my Senator.

    • Shibusa

      It’s okay. Rubio can hit back with a ‘memorized 25-second speech.’

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Negotiators from 16 Asian countries are meeting in the Japanese port city of Kobe this week for talks on a regional trade pact seen as a rival to the Trans-Pacific Partnership rejected by U.S. President Donald Trump…Trump has said he prefers bilateral deals.

    Trump also prefers walks by the lake, anything about himself, and punching puppies.

    • o’look Skwerl!

      Because it is always hard to bully a group of people.

    • Longstreet63

      If you like piña colatas and sycophants in the rain…

    • FlownΩver

      Headline: Trump Beef in Kobe

    • Thaumaturgist

      The point behind TPP, that nobody over here seems to understand, is that it gave Asian countries the ability to avoid choosing between Japan and China, and/or the ability to deal with Japan under the moderating influence of the US. TPP was an attempt to trade dollars for national security.

    • Querolous

      A Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere?

  • Red Bird Ω

    Crab for breakfast?! I say yes.

  • Nounverb911

    W was on the Today show this morning and actually made some sense.

    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/836217282313486336

    • Lizzietish81

      Well it’s all relative, he makes sense and doesn’t seem so bad when compared to Trump

    • Wanted to put that in here, and a few other items, but I didn’t get around to it.

      • Slacker! ;)

        • Shanzgood

          He’s angling for a pay raise.

          • Nounverb911

            Pay?

          • MynameisBlarney

            I hear they pay in Gin-U-Wine Soros Bitcoins!

            https://cdn.meme.am/cache/images/folder236/600×600/14936236.jpg

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            Hold out for whore diamonds, Dominic. They’ll hold their value better when the dollar collapses.

          • Shanzgood

            Yeah, those “chocolate” ones aren’t even good as food. Maybe could be used to waterproof boots.

          • Marion in Savannah

            For that you need bread bags. Ask Joni Ernst…

          • MynameisBlarney

            For real, the are mostly wax.

          • Shanzgood

            I was horrified as a kid. The disappointment was soul-crushing. Like HOW COULD THEY?!

          • MynameisBlarney

            It’s worse than those chocolate footballs!

          • Shanzgood

            This conversation is such a depressing start to the day.

          • fishslappingdancer

            Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

          • Shanzgood

            Oy…

          • baconzgood

            Hey. I was able to sneak a wonk in while being repressed. Like the name. People will think we are in love or some shit like that.

          • fishslappingdancer

            *Tiptoes quietly out of the room*

          • Shanzgood

            BACONZ!!! SQUEE!!

          • Left-wing Fascist Ron

            Jeez, you two, get a… I was gonna say ‘cell,’ but I dunno, too soon?

          • Shanzgood

            Naw, I’d have gone but he wouldn’t let me.

          • Left-wing Fascist Ron

            For telling that joke you’ll be getting the cold shoulder from everyone.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Those whore diamonds are really rough on the ol’ choppers.
            I can’t understand why so many people like them.

          • Marion in Savannah

            How long has he been the “summer intern?” He deserves a raise!

          • Shanzgood

            It’s summer SOMEWHERE on the planet.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            “Somewhere” being almost anywhere in the US lately, if you judge by weather. Around 80 degrees in DC in February. Oh yeah. Global warming is totally fake news.

          • Shanzgood

            Same here in Flyover land.

          • FlownΩver

            Confirmed. Bigly.

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            Internal polling has Dominic up 3.5%.

          • Shanzgood

            *snicker*

          • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

            Jayzus, that’s an innuendo, wrapped in a double entendre,inside an obvious dick joke.

          • Shanzgood

            Oh, good. I wasn’t the only one.

    • Bill D. Burger
      • MynameisBlarney

        You still are A Idiot.
        Turmp’s just a bigger idiot. By several orders of magnitude.

    • snark-lurker

      “W” and all I get in my head is a bunch of bloody war-criminals waving down from high places, smirking

      • ¡Persister de la Résistance!

        So you got it right.

        • snark-lurker

          is it any wonder that OPOS thinks it can get away with ANYthing?!

    • Longstreet63

      Back in the day, making sense was considered a normal thing, rather than a trick by the Elite Fake Media to harsh The People’s buzz.
      W was incompetent, not crazy.

  • schmannity

    It was the strawberries, that’s how I caught the leakers, with logic and deduction.

    Sean Spicer, a/k/a SS.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Bill D. Burger
    • MynameisBlarney

      This meme, consider it purloined.

    • zerosumgame0005

      A) NOT all Old Fucks! (joke, get a sense of humor)
      B) if young assholes had VOTED we would not be in this mess!

  • Nounverb911
    • ¡Persister de la Résistance!

      Their batting average is still better than the Trump Administration’s.

      • Nounverb911

        Their batting is better than the Mets and Yankees combined.

    • Creepoman

      No shit – the Challenger explosion of the envelope stuffing industry.

    • Sandy Beaches

      It’s ironic that this came on the heels of Huffington Post writing an article about how it was damned near impossible for the Oscar to be awarded to the wrong nominee.

    • Doug Langley

      Reminds me of the screwup in 95 when Paul Newman presented the award for Cinematography. He started to read the nominees, then stopped. When the clips ended, he looked confused and said “Can we do that again? No? Well, the Oscar goes to . . . John Toll for Legends of the Fall!” Toll came up, took the award, and said “The other nominees were blah blah blah” Not good when a technical guy has more camera poise than a duper star actor who couldn’t even read a teleprompter.

  • Treg Brown
    • FSM only knows why

    • Shanzgood

      Jeez, that guy.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Melissa McCarthy?

    • snark-lurker

      “I gave you my best & all I got was this dirty sucker.”
      –Spicy et al

  • The Wanderer

    Yeah, “Regional Comprehensive Economic Partnership” does sound a lot better than “Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere.”

    • Let’s call it what it is, Resource-Driven International Trade Deal

      • The Wanderer

        Or “We’re All Scared of Donald Trump; Please, China, Protect Us from the Nasty Man.”

        • People are just as terrified of China, but in a trade war between the U.S. and China, only one isn’t separated by several thousand miles of ocean.

          • The Wanderer

            Quite true.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Surely not? Trump says those are bad.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Focus groups found that the original trade pact name”America Screwed Seriously But Excellently by Trump Over and Over, Bigly” didn’t test too well. Some thought the acronym ASSBETOOBIG was part of the problem.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Or lebensraum

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
  • Nounverb911

    This’ll piss off donnie this morning too, also.
    https://twitter.com/NYDailyNews/status/836224377905639424

    • Carpe Vagenda

      With Trump, the list includes a President for the first time — and the Queens native and lifelong New Yorker places fourth, after Gov. Cuomo and Mayor de Blasio.

      Oh, snap. They called him a Queens native. I guess forty years just isn’t enough for some people to fit in.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        It’s like Amity Island. If you aren’t born there…

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Nah. Three generations of my family were, and right up until the norwegian invasion we didn’t give a shit where people came from.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Rock Crab vs Canned Clam. Discuss.

  • Martini Ambassador

    As it turns out, a musical did not win Best Picture this year, but I’m sharing this anyway.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9752343362750194d3e50cb39e032560a0a82885af36cd591c5df2618df8e01b.jpg
    Now go forth and brunch, my fabulous ones. No, “It’s Monday and I have to go to work” is not a legitimate excuse.

  • chascates

    Trying to keep my healthcare and live on Social Security under Trump will be my own personal Vietnam, to paraphrase that orange-tufted howler monkey.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’m in that age bracket where that is a concern I will have in not-too-distant future. Hopefully, we’ll have run the GOP out of power by the time I start.

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
  • cmd resistor

    Here’s a happy nice time story about a special dinner done yesterday by this restaurant featuring the cuisines of the 7 countries on Trump’s travel ban. http://www.news-journalonline.com/news/20170226/300-dine-on-meal-in-deland-inspired-by-trumps-travel-ban

  • MynameisBlarney
  • We already have someone to go to war with: Iran. The hawks have been chomping at the bit for years to bring to Iran the same level of success we brought to Iraq, Afghanistan, and Libya.

    A move that will leave Saudi Arabia and Israel as the only remaining stable regional powers and do more to empower Wahabbist terrorism than anything we’ve done before.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Our foreign policy in the Middle East seems like it’s been outsourced to 12 year-olds for the last 60 years.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Are you saying the reason they don’t like us is that we haven’t bombed them hard enough?

        • Oblios_Cap

          Or interfered in their politics?

        • Left-wing Fascist Ron

          Yes.
          – Dick Cheney

    • Longstreet63

      The only problem* with going to war with Iran is that they are too big to be beaten in a quick, low casualty war. It will be very expensive, and they have a long coastline to inhibit both military and tanker traffic, as well as borders with people with no trouble providing assistance to them. Finally, their capital is not easily accessible from the south, so they ain’t gonna just quit in 3 days.
      Beating them down is at least a Vietnam level of commitment, and we no longer have the troops to do it.

      *From a military planning point of view.

      • FlownΩver

        That hybrid purchase when gas was cheap is looking smarter all the time.

      • That’s a thoughtful analysis which will by no means take place inside Trump’s head.

        “We have the best bombs. Great bombs. Amazing bombs and the best military in the world. It’ll be over in a few days and cost us nothing. We’ll take Iran’s oil to pay for it. “

        • bupkus23

          Yeah, but first they have to figure out how to decontaminate it and/or the recovery facilities – you know, after Rump nukes ’em

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Well, if Iran’s oil glows in the dark, I guess we’ll just have to go with the Russian oil fields, eh?

            Rex and Vlad approve.

      • fishslappingdancer

        True from a land/sea/air invasion standpoint. The USA has many long range attack options. It would be an incredibly stupid thing to try so I hope all these Generals in the administration show some restraint.

        • Longstreet63

          But you cannot actually win a war from long range. The sole potential example, Japan 1945, is not a good example, given that the Japanese had first lost conventionally.
          You got to have boots on the ground or the war ain’t over.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “Huckabee Sanders: No reason for Trump to go to Correspondents’ Dinner”

    Meaning, Trump can’t even pretend to be a good sport.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I love watching that old WH CD where Trump was gently ribbed by Obama, and Trump was literally fuming. Obama should have been the guy barely hiding the fact that he was seething with rage, but as usual, Bamz was cool as a cucumber.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Former presidents have attended the WHCD to show they could take a joke while slinging a barb or two of their own. Trump has no such grace.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          He’s such a special little snowflake baby.

    • Apple Scruff

      She also swore up and down on the weekend shows that the FBI found absolutely no link between Trump and Russia. She’s been drinking the Lying Liar flavored Kool-Aid, too.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Funny how you don’t hear that coming from the FBI. I guess they’re too busy looking into Hillary’s emails and ask the WH to take care of that for them.

    • Longstreet63

      Clearly the time is ripe for a Trump roast in absentia…

  • Oblios_Cap

    One might be forgiven for thinking the Trump White House would be cool with leakers, given all the news about pee hookers.

    • Longstreet63

      Fetishists are always very picky about the exact circumstances of the fetish. Perhaps Trump can only get off watching Russian, not Ukrainian hookers, not nonprofessionals, urinate WHILE STANDING on a bed once used by Obama, not, for instance, Lincoln. Any deviation from the above disgusts him…

  • HazooToo

    Can we all agree that this is an ugly dress?

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C5oddwsVAAA282A.jpg

    • chortlingdingo

      It is pretty hideous.

    • goonemeritus

      I’m a bad judge, I so rarely attend galas these days. I feel I might look silly wearing such a gown to my bowling league.

      • Left-wing Fascist Ron

        The panniers would induce a pretty nasty hook, I’d think.

      • HazooToo

        I don’t know, you might be the only one who could pull it off.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      It’d be great without all the black tulle.

      • HazooToo

        And the aluminum foil.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      What dress?

      • HazooToo

        Sorry, ‘disaster’ might be a better word for it.

    • Napoleanofthetrump

      Don’t know, next to Octavia Spencer’s feather-duster it don’t look that bad.

    • Speaking as a shallow fashion person, i liked very little last night.

      • Maclare

        Every one had shiny shiny dresses. Did they send out a memo?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      #bringbackpaniers

    • Longstreet63

      The dress sucks, but the boobs are nice…
      Sigh. I’m so shallow.

    • Doug Langley

      Can we all agree we obsess over what the actors wear because God forbid they would to talk about, you know, acting instead?

      • HazooToo

        Even she can’t act like that dress is beautiful.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Its okay as long as she doesn’t need to sit down.

      • LucindathePook

        Or go to the baffroom.

    • Maclare

      I rather liked it.

      It was very, “I’m gonna WEAR a Fucking Goth Princess Gown, SO HELP ME!”

      • HazooToo

        Maybe it started out like that, but somehow it went horribly wrong.

    • BackDoorMan

      … I dunno… I was getting a nice Game of Thrones vibe from it… I’ve seen much worse on ‘haute couture’ runways, and besides, it’s the Oscars and I think the intent is to stand out in a crowd of people desperately vying for attention.

      • HazooToo

        I am in favor of the “actually in my underwear” tactic. Like, legit show up wearing actual real lingerie. It can cover all the “can’t see on TV” bits, but still be 100% not-actual-clothes. You don’t need to wear abstract art to make a scene.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Oh this is hilarious, on the topic of the “I tweeted from upstairs while the grownups raided Yemen without me.”
    https://twitter.com/RoguePOTUSStaff/status/836231241863065601

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I LOVE that the father of the soldier killed in Yemen is demanding an investigation of his son’s death. If Democrats had any brains they’d turn this into a massive years long investigation called Yemenghazi, but as usual, they’ll let a good opportunity drift away.

      • Yemenghazi-gate

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I’m ok with the Dems not politicizing the death of an American service member.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          There is something to investigate there (Trump pushed for an ill-advised action to look tough), but I don’t think it will happen, but if it does, it will be politicized by the Republicans, unfortunately.

          • Shibusa

            Repubs will find a way to blame Obama and/or Hillary for Trump’s fuck-up.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I’m not OK with it. Trump’s idiot followers will have absolutely NO idea that an American soldier died, because Trump wanted to prove he had a big set of swinging brass balls. Of course Trump didn’t actually have the balls to serve his country, but he was certainly willing to sacrifice someone else’s child to glorify himself. That would be opposed to Benghazi where WE were attacked, and not prepared, because the GOP wanted to cut spending on embassies.

      • Rick Hill

        This is what I’m saying about taking the high road…

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Most of the time I want to take the high road, but most of the country doesn’t even know that a soldier died in Yemen, because Trump wanted to show he had big balls.

      • goonemeritus

        “year long investigation” — you sir or madam obviously don’t think like a Republican.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Sorry, I meant YEARS long investigations. I think 17 investigations sounds about right.

          • goonemeritus

            Dyslexia? I think you meant 71

      • What uncle Matt said. I know, I know, taking the high road gets us sent back more oft than not….
        But the alternative is to turn into the fuckers we’re fighting. I am not prepared to do that just yet.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I am prepared to fight fire with fire, particularly since the father of the dead soldier wants an investigation. We keep losing to these morons because we keep letting them get away with this hypocritical shit.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        As the minority, I don’t think they can launch investigations. Once an investigation has begun, they can subpoena evidence, IIRC. But the majority controls what does or doesn’t get looked into.

        • Jamoche

          That sounds like a really stupid setup. What happened to this being a representative democracy where even the minority gets a voice?

          • guppy06

            “Winners make policy.”

          • LucindathePook

            Investigation =/= policy

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Democrats could demand investigations, even if nothing comes of it. Note that there wasn’t any reason to actually investigate Benghazi, because it was a foregone conclusion, everyone knew what happened. Yet Republicans managed to drag it on for YEARS, and turn up an email server that wasn’t secured (horrors!).

          The media could also do its job and try to investigate what happened in Yemenghazi, but they won’t. They managed to spill millions of gallons of ink all over Benghazi, but most of the country doesn’t know Trump killed a soldier for no reason, other than his own glory.

          As usual, Democrats won’t do shit, and we’ll continue to lose elections, but we can be smug in the knowledge that we took the high road.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        They have no power in Congress to institute investigations (plus, what UncleMatt said below).

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Democrats could publicize it if they wanted too, and the father of the dead soldier wants an investigation. Why should he be denied an investigation? Republicans spent MILLIONS of dollars and several years investigating Benghazi, when everyone knew what had happened – we got attacked by terrorists.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Has he really thought about this? Because it doesn’t send a particularly stalwart message if low-level military are planning high-level intelligence operations without input from upper management.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        I’m definitely not in his head, but I see his viewpoint as being filtered through the CEO method of governing that he thinks he’s employing. “I gave orders. Someone else eff’d it up.” He’s not used to the idea that he’s not only Preznit, but also Commander In Chief. Which leaves him accountable no matter who did what if the instructions came from the top.

        • This. He is pre-assuming they will find an underling scapegoat to hang it all on.

          • guppy06

            One Troopz to die, and another to take the fall.

        • Left-wing Fascist Ron

          Even if they didn’t come from the top, well, as Truman famously pointed out, the perambulations of male deer terminate in the Oval Office.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          I grew up in a Navy family. The captain of the ship could be asleep in his bunk at 2am and if some moran down the chain makes a mistake that runs the ship aground, the Captain loses his job. I would say, “Period,” but Spicey ruined it.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        That’s only the case if the operation fails. They will, of course, take full credit for any successes…

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I’m sure the military is used to that, but if he’s going to ignore the chain of command to punish people who are following the orders of his non-military advisors, that relationship is going to go south super fast.

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith
  • Carpe Vagenda

    Um. The coach of Baylor’s women’s basketball team is backing away from her helpful suggestion that anyone who thinks women aren’t safe in her rapist-friendly school should be punched in the face by a Baylor student?

    • Napoleanofthetrump

      Man fuck Baylor so fucking much. And fuck the Big XII for not just taking their TV money. You’re making the other 9 schools, including mine, look bad. Cowboys don’t need help there, we had Les Miles do that.

  • chortlingdingo

    Ah, I love those little raccoon hands.

  • goonemeritus

    Murdering the EPA wouldn’t fund a mornings worth of coffee for the DOD.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      It’s called “Balancing the Budget”. We take $1 from here, and we spend $10 over here. Because tax cuts and clean coal manufacturing job trade deals.

    • Stulexington

      I have a feeling it’s more to do with giving people no other option for medicare, education and housing than the military. And if you’re not able-bodied too bad.

  • BMW

    Hopefully the White House Correspondents’ Dinner can now die.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      It is seriously one of the more stomach-turning “traditions.”

  • chortlingdingo
  • baconzgood

    Baconz has been oppressed by the MAN. Sorry I can’t wonk. But my dear Shan has filled you in (tee-Heee).

    I will be snarking forth coming.

    • Baconz! Good to see you for a drive by and yes, Shan’s filled us in
      :hugs:

      • baconzgood

        jail sucks. I’m not even in here for a good reason. I mean if it was drugs or I cock punched douche bags at least I would feel like I accomplished something.

        • Right? Hey, I was once arrested for operating an illegal speakeasy. Before you say anything, no, it was not 1925 or something. It was a friend’s place and these party crashers kept forcing a ten on me so, dumb college kid, I took it eventually.
          BUSTED.
          Fight the power, Baconz. Hopefully they will stop being dorks soon enough.
          Edit: Also, if there is anything set up to help you, let us know! We’re in it together as it were

    • Left-wing Fascist Ron

      Wonking can wait. Fight the power!

    • lroom

      Hang in there Baconz!

    • starfanglednut

      Heyyyy! Welcome back! Glad you’re ok, and hope things start looking up soon.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Hey, good to see you! Keep fighting the good fight!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Hey, welcome back. Hope this means you’ve gotten it fixed. If you need something, say.

    • Doug Langley

      Missed you, man!

    • Shibusa

      Welcome back, Baconz.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Sorry about your difficulties. Glad you escaped.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Hang tough, man! We’re all behind you (not all in a pervy way, but some, I assume are perverts).

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Latverian Diplomat

    “No Donald, throw the Dreamers under the bus. Nothing less with satisfy our bigotry!”
    — Trumpkins

    “But, some of them are hot chicks!”
    Donald Trump, showing compassion, of a sort?

  • Bill Slider

    In the famous quotes department, Donald Trump scored bigly this weekend. While dining in the Trump International Hotel in DC, yes, on that well done steak which he buried in ketchup, he posed for a photo with a stranger who is female. It was her birthday. Donald told her she had nice skin.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “You have nice skin. It would look great crumpled up next to my bed. Wait, that’s not how that one goes, is it? Also, I was supposed to neg you first, wasn’t I? This is too complicated, that’s why the pussy grab is my move.”
      — Donald Trump

    • Longstreet63

      Did he offer it the lotion for its skin?

    • Rick Hill

      From what they say about the food at his hotels, well done and smothered in ketchup may be the only way it tastes good.

    • Jennaratrix

      Of all the things I know about this man that make me detest the very sound of his name, the fact that he desecrates a steak by eating it well-done and covered in ketchup may well be the worst.* What. The. Hell.

      *Not really; that’s minor in comparison to everything else. But it’s pretty bad.

      • Longstreet63

        Yes, I’ve never understood why people who clearly cannot stand the taste of steak insist on eating it anyway and so do their best to obliterate any flavor left once it’s been boiled to leather.

      • An Outhouse for the Resistance

        Some poor animal died for that.

        • Jennaratrix

          Yeah. The least he could do is eat it properly cooked.

    • Erala Contratista

      Where were those little hands? Ummmm MMM???

  • Shibusa
    • fishslappingdancer

      I raise you an oldie.

      My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn’t even matter..

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Carpe Vagenda

    Somewhere Hillary is shaking her head.

    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/836239036742164481

    • ltmcdies

      well maybe you shoulda…oh I don’t know….asked the last guy who lived in those WH digs, yah moron

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        That nice fella who used to live at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue could have helped. Or maybe that dashing Prime Minister north of the border? They seem to have a working system.

        THERE ARE NO CLIFF NOTES FOR RUNNING THE US, DUMBASS.

  • Doug Langley

    Well. I broke down last night and watched a bit of the Oscars. Long ago, I used to love award shows, especially for movies. But after working in Hollywood, I just can’t. Blows up my blood pressure.

    I just can’t watch the smiling, laughing, happy, joyful faces. I saw a very different Hollywood. Loads of people grinding away in nothing jobs, you’ll never see them on the awards shows. Lies. Broken promises. Idiots in charge who get all the credit and the underlings frantically saving things get the boot. Squabbling, arguing,yelling, hurt feelings, more intrigue than the court of Louis XIV.

    Don’t we all dream of working hard and accepting the award for being the best? The cheers, the ecstasy, a career paying off. Well, forget it. Will never be an option for 99% of us.

    • guppy06

      Lies. Broken promises. Idiots in charge who get all the credit and the underlings frantically saving things get the boot. Squabbling, arguing,yelling, hurt feelings, more intrigue than the court of Louis XIV.

      Not seeing anything to distinguish it from any other corporate job.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        My thoughts exactly. Middle management is middle management is middle management.

      • BeachBum

        Every corporate management trainee should ask themselves ” Can I sell my grandmother down the river for a buck?” If they cannot, they will be crushed like a paper beer cup sooner or later by those that can and will.

    • Maclare

      This is one of the many reasons I continued working in theater in ATL while some of my friends got movie gigs. Heard too many horror stories. Better pay is not worth the extra trauma.

      • Doug Langley

        And it wasn’t always better pay. The big places paid decent, but small shots were a complete crap shoot. One of those places I ran into a very talented, friendly CGI animator. Later found out he got a plum job at James Cameron’s Digital Domain. He flew home to Spain, married his girlfriend, came back, walked into DD and was told, sorry, mistake, we don’t want you. That’s the same James Cameron who lied through his teeth about bringing Hollywood into the digital age – in reality, he had fought computer tech for years.

        • Maclare

          That’s all kinds of fucked up.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Oh, look. Mr. Doesn’t Pay His Vendors speaks.

    https://twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/836242494278914048

  • Me not sure

    OT : Bill Torpy had a great piece in today’s AJC. It is well worth a read, particularly if you fly through ATL. I found it very amusing and scary at the same time,
    The link doesn’t appear to be working, but just Google Rick Derringer at Atlanta Airport
    And look for Torpy’s Article.

  • Come here a minute

    If they have trouble finding enough departments to cut to fund massive defense spending increases, they can always cut more taxes. That fixes everything!

  • ltmcdies

    good morning and WTF is happening the world that makes THIS GUY the voice of reason

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/836253131042353153

    • It’s astonishing what a month of Trump in office will do, isn’t it?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Holy Tapdancing Dog Butt Jeebus! When you’ve lost “W”, you’ve lost it all.

  • fishslappingdancer

    Okies it’s night time for me, I leave you with the master.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUG0IMjfxCE

    • BeachBum

      Thanks.

  • DahBoner

    As soon as we find someone to kill

    Load the coordinates of the overfed grannies!
    https://media.giphy.com/media/3o7TKAwnruRFfywQ0M/giphy.gif

  • puredog

    Perhaps a gazillion people have already said this this morning but I am late to the party. Just: WHERE’S HILLARY’S ENVELOPE?

  • Persistent Demme

    “Trash pandas!”
    Dominic, you kill me!

    • Zyxomma

      Yes, trash pandas for the win!

  • Paperless Tiger

    Did China already win Trump’s trade war? That was quick.

  • Mystery_Poster

    This happened close to where I live, and you covered it at the time. Some rednecks threatened (with words and guns) a group of African Americans celebrating a kids’ birthday party. Here’s a follow up (spoiler, they got pretty stiff sentences).

    http://www.ajc.com/news/local/judge-orders-stiff-sentences-for-two-douglasville-hate-crime/pHWEb5zXxdVqGBGxGNtorI/

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