Good Morning, Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today!
- When he’s not apologizing for Trump to other countries, Rex Tillerson is standing around with a thumb up his ass, most likely because nobody in the White House understands the role of the State Department.
- Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster wants to reorganize the White House foreign policy team, a move that could possibly kick out President Bannon. I wonder when McMaster will be “You’re Fired” for doing his job?
- Republican Senator Susan Collins was on a local public radio station and said that the Senate Intelligence committee could subpoena Trump’s tax returns as part of their investigation into Russia dicking around in our election. Fingers crossed!
- The House GOP will try to kill a “resolution of inquiry” from Democrats that could force Trump’s tax returns by using a loophole in committee, that way no one will ever have to go on the record for being an Russian-sponsored secret lizard person.
- Somebody hacked the cellphone of Paul Manafort’s daughter and found text messages that suggest Manafort was being blackmailed by Ukrainian politicians with “bulletproof” evidence of his and Trumps ties to former Ukrainian president Viktor Yanukovych. THE PLOT THICKENS!
- To the surprise of nobody, new documents reveal just how much of Scott Pruitt’s homework was done by oil and gas lobbyists. No wonder Republicans tried to shove him into office!
- CPAC starts today, and the bloodthirsty, flesh-starved crowds are salivating to hear the grunts and shrieks from Trump, President Bannon, Nigel Farage, and a plethora of Fox News and RT wingnuts.
- Trump’s White House terrorism advisor Sebastian Gorka called up one of his critics and threatened to sue him for being mean on the Interwebs, and it’s too bad that the whole thing is on tape.
- Trump’s White House won’t release its new and improved
muslim bantravel restrictions on ethnic and religious minorities until next week because, according to Stephen Miller, the angry little racist writing the “policy,” it needs to “pass legal muster.”
- The Air Force is calling fuzzy math bullshit shenanigans on Trump’s claim that he saved $1 billion negotiating the cost of Air Force One because the the logistics behind the new flying fortress haven’t even been finalized.
- Kellyanne Conway hasn’t been stuck in detention, or blacklisted from teevee shows for lying, those are alternative facts! She’s been busy being a mom, and she doesn’t have to explain herself for being a mom if everyone is just jealous. Did we mention she’s a mom?
- Michigan may continue its trend of letting horrible and unqualified idiots into public office as Ted Nugent and Kid Rock are floating the idea of running for a U.S. Senate seat. Seriously…
- Here’s your late night wrap-up! Colbert poked rogue Twitter accounts, and then at Kid Rock and Ted Nugent running for the Senate; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at Trump’s Immigration Policies.
- And here’s your morning Nice Time, baby elephants and giraffes! AWW YEAH!
Hey, you! Be a nice person and help us keep doing things! It’s nice, generous and beautiful people (like you!) who make everything possible.