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If there is anything Texas wants — well, Texas Republicans, anyway — it is to defund Planned Parenthood. They want it so bad. Why? Well, because they really hate abortions and also, I assume, don’t think having the highest maternal death rate in the developed world is any reason to fund organizations related to women’s health. That would just be silly!

Anyway, back in December, Texas cut off Medicaid funding to Planned Parenthood clinics on account of the fact that some doofuses edited a video to make it look like Planned Parenthood was selling fetal remains, which repeated investigations have proved they were not in fact doing.

On Tuesday, however, Judge Sam Sparks issued an injunction against the state, along with a 46-page ruling telling the state that they can’t take away Planned Parenthood’s Medicaid funding “without any evidence indicating an actual program violation warranting termination.”

Naturally, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton’s heart was just broken over the ruling. How could this be? Why would he need evidence to do something like that? Can’t he just make up facts and then make policy based on the facts he just made up? What is the point of anything anymore if he can’t do that? So weird!

“Today’s decision is disappointing and flies in the face of basic human decency,” he said, unaware that some people might consider using a misleadingly edited video and an unfounded conspiracy theory to take health care options for approximately 12,500 poor people to also “fly in the face of basic human decency.”

Noting said debunked video, Paxton said that “no taxpayer in Texas should have to subsidize this repugnant and illegal conduct” that was not actually happening.

You know, I may personally believe that Ken Paxton is actually a cannibal who feasts on the hearts of women who die in childbirth or from illegal abortions. Should Texas really be funding him? I mean, I made that up right now, but I have just as much evidence to prove that as he does to prove that Planned Parenthood is selling fetal remains.

This is, of course, hardly the last of Planned Parenthood’s troubles; Donald Trump and Paul Ryan have both stated that they plan on defunding Planned Parenthood on the federal level, on account of the fact that they think that allowing them to take Medicaid and Title X funds somehow translates to “subsidizing abortions.” Because god forbid they check with someone who even vaguely understands how either medical billing or 501(3)cs work before settling on a national policy. That would just be silly!

Perhaps next time we have a Democratic majority, we can work on passing some kind of law that bans making laws based on shit you just made up ten minutes ago. That would be nice.

[CNN]

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  • proudgrampa

    Forget it, Jake. It’s Texas.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    If they really cared about human life, they’d start with Medicaid expansion then move on to extreme vetting of gun buyers and wrap it up by abolishing the death penalty.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      But that’s not what American Jesus would have done.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Jewish Jesus, maybe … but fuck that guy. USA! USA!

  • Treg Brown
    • BearLeft

      Hart to believe that she and Molly came outa Texas. How we miss them both.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Two great ladies who told it as it is.

        • SpideySenser

          And don’t forget Barbara Jordan, also, too.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Lots of good folks in Tejas, as in any other state.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        I’m happy to say that I met Ms. Richards once. I was working at a hotel in Dallas that she stayed at. I took room service to her room, where she was very rude to me. I left thinking “Fuck her and all her political buddies.” An hour later my boss called me into his office for a phone call. Ms. Richards. She apologized for being rude and explained that she had been pissed because of some Texas political shenanigans going on at the time. She even sent me a tip. Gracious lady.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Miss them every day. They both had to come out of Texas. They needed that upbringing to appreciate the absurdities of politics and to learn the joy that goading the crap out of idiots can bring.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Alan

      Apparently they need to keep breeding.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Moloch needs sacrifices of children.

      • Lord Jim

        Wasn’t that the reason Rome said Carthage must be destroyed – Carthago delanda est?

        • wait! what?

          In 149 BC, in an attempt to draw Carthage into open conflict, Rome made a series of escalating demands, one being the surrender of three hundred children of the nobility as hostages, and finally ending with the near-impossible demand that the city be demolished and rebuilt away from the coast, deeper into Africa. When the Carthaginians refused this last demand, Rome declared the Third Punic War – wiks

          • Jeffery Campbell

            Well, like always, I’m now smarter than when I got here!

        • Seriously, historians and archeologists still argue whether the Phoenicians/Philistines/Carthaginians (same culture, different areas) really sacrificed children or whether that was Roman/Jewish propaganda against them.

          • Lord Jim

            In a certain sense, it’s moot, since Rome really lacked the moral authority to criticize much of anybody. Even as Cicero was speaking in support of the Lex Manilia to grant Pompey extended power to deal with piracy, he was also noting the Romans’ reputation for rapaciousness.

      • wait! what?

        Ugh, you just evoked the movie “Sinister.”

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzVQZBJbTxg

    • SpideySenser

      ^^^^^THIS^^^^^

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      OT/ How did you get the Ohm in your avi?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “no taxpayer in Texas should have to subsidize this repugnant and illegal conduct”

    WOW! If that’s the standard, no taxpayer in Texas should pay for anything their state government is doing. And, by the same standard, no taxpayer in America should pay taxes to Little Babby Donnie’s regime.

    • Longstreet63

      Apparently the asterisk was left out. It reads “Applies only to things Liberals want, or any issue that improves public good.”

  • Anna Rompage
  • Martini Ambassador

    For a bunch of folks that cry about the persistent unfairness of “fake news” from established media outlets like CNN and the NYT, the wingnuts sure do like hokey amateur videos.

    • Ricky Gay

      fake news has a well-known conservative bias!

      • Longstreet63

        Fair and balanced lies are still at least one of those things and who’s to say which?

    • Zonath

      It’s the new political discourse -Take whatever the other side accuses you of and accuse the other side of the very same thing until the accusations from both sides lose any semblance of meaning. See also: “I’m rubber, you’re glue.”

      • georgiaburning

        “See, both sides do it.”

        • SpideySenser

          Projection LIBELZ!!!!1!!1

      • Longstreet63

        That’s what you do, but you’re the one who’s glue!

        • Zonath

          I would have gotten away with it too, if not for you meddling kids.

          • Longstreet63

            It’s a fair cop.

      • Rags

        See especially Carl Rove.

    • georgiaburning

      The fact that it is badly made is proof to them that it’s authentic. Liberals get that way about some things, too

      • mancityRed6

        Let’s hope they never see Blair Witch.

  • Alan

    Yeah well, just remember this is from a guy whose website is called “The Common Sense Show”. I guess words have different meanings in Texas.

    There can be no doubt that the internal events at Walmart holds the key to the end game of Jade Helm operations. Jade Helm and Walmart are inextricably linked and the existing evidence suggests one of two possible end game probabilities for Jade Helm.

    1. Converted Walmart stores will be processing centers for FEMA camp political prisoners.

    2. Some Walmarts will be used as supply and staging centers for an internal conflict within the United States.

    • Longstreet63

      Well, obviously. Walmart is a well known Liberal front. The real patriots will be supplied from Costco.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        My mind is reeling from the internal contradiction there.

        • SpideySenser

          Alternative facts.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Common Scents in TX government: bullshit

    • mancityRed6

      Of all the things Obama didn’t do but should have, this is in my top 5.

    • mailman27

      They have the intel.

    • TheAmazingAmateurHousekeeper

      http://www.fortliberty.org/hoax-sites.html I’m a bit puzzled by the presence of Alternet.org on this list, but otherwise it’s interesting that almost all of these are conservative web sites.

      • Alan

        I’m not surprised at all. Conservative is synonymous with lacking education.

    • redblack

      re: 2.

      unless it’s an emergency that affects the poors.

      like hurricance katrina.

      in which case wal-mart will hide behind the feds’ skirts and ask for their own fucking handouts – and protection from the poors – tyvm.

  • BearLeft

    Geez, where’s a hungry atheist s’posed to get a good baby sandwich if we don’t let Planned Parenthood sell parts!

    • PubOption

      They like barbecue in Texas. If PP is defunded, where will they get back ribs?

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      Ersatz babies. Taste like tofurkey.

      • therblig

        I used to love “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Babies” until they put Olestra in it.

        • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

          The internet is now over. Thank you for participating.

    • Longstreet63

      Don’t worry. Texas only cares what happens to them before they’re born.

      • melina1222

        Now just a minute. Not all Texans are deplorables.

        • Longstreet63

          The State of Texas as currently governed, to be fair.

          • melina1222

            True, although I campaigned and voted for Wendy. Sigh.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Right? We already have to slice ’em paper thin.

    • Vorhees

      {Edit out due to unintended racist innuendo}

  • schmannity

    But does the ruling apply to alt-fact Planned Parenthood?

  • chortlingdingo

    The fact that Ken Paxton hasn’t resigned flies in the face of human dignity.

    • Longstreet63

      It even humans in the face of fly dignity.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yeah that Paxton guy is pretty fly. As in, he’s annoying and eats shit.

        • Longstreet63

          The National Association of Musca Domestica Americans have angrily denounced any suggestion that they have anything in common with Paxton.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Everything in Texas is bigger. Especially the stupid.

  • schmannity

    The dumb is bigger in Texas.

  • Ricky Gay

    5 Second Rule!!!

  • goonemeritus

    If we’re going to insist on evidence and facts before passing legislation it is going to totally upend our present system of government.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    my favorite part of the pic is the color of the state

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Pro-Life” people seem to be really into death.

    • Longstreet63

      Oh, it’s just Other Peoples’ deaths, not anyone they know…

  • canes_pugnaces

    I can’t imagine this little hiccup will slow the trend of reverse evolution which seems so prevalent in the Lone Star state.

  • Rick Hill

    But…republicans WON! So fck all you people with yoru dignity and laws and respect! Why does everyone want to keep conservatives from being as awesome as they can be? Maybe they can just ensure they steal every single office and judgeship…then you’ll see how moral they really are!
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aOzd9Ly_460s.jpg

    • If you educate the MASSES not just the LEADERS, then the craziest of the leaders have fewer morons to influence…

  • If they get a SCOTUS majority, expect a national ban on abortion. They won’t be content to just go back to letting the state’s decide. It will be encoded in Federal law.

    • Longstreet63

      Yes, of course. States’ Rights only applies if Republicans agree with the exercise of them.

    • canes_pugnaces

      As a matter of law, SCOTUS is rarely inclined to throw its own rulings in the unconstitutional rubbish heap. They don’t fly that way, as it sort of zeros the equation for them. Rather, I’d expect incremental challenges, which SCOTUS will send via harsh non-rulings back to the appellate and state courts to adjudicate. Think Texas. Or WVa. Or any of these hell holes. These judicial backdoor rulings will have an equally bigly worse outcome, in many ways.

      • We’ve seen Republicans throw out all of the norms for Congressional and Presidential behavior. I’m not sure I’d trust them to respect judicial traditions or norms.

        • canes_pugnaces

          Very true. But SCOTUS is a different matter. As yet (a big as yet) they still see their place in historic terms, not presidential terms.

          • I will concede that I think John Roberts still cares about the court’s reputation, which means Trumpelstiltskin would have to flip two liberal seats with reactionary conservative justices.

          • canes_pugnaces

            Yup.. that’s the ‘a big as yet’.

    • mailman27

      And if that comes to pass, these people will NOT fold up their tents and go home. They’ll just redefine life as conception thus outlawing birth control. The argument would be just as compelling as the anti-abortion argument (not at all IMHO), and the fund-raising gravy train would keep a-rollin’. It’s all about the sluts.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        So what does it take to get women to vote?…

  • SweetDeeKat

    Please note that savior of fetuses Paxton is still facing felony criminal charges for securities fraud.

  • dslindc

    You know, I may personally believe that Ken Paxton is actually a cannibal who feasts on the hearts of women who die in childbirth or from illegal abortions. Should Texas really be funding him? I mean, I made that up right now, but I have just as much evidence to prove that as he does to prove that Planned Parenthood is selling fetal remains.

    I have now read this on the Internet, so it must be true! Defund Ken Paxton!!!!!!

    • Thiazin Red

      Many people are saying it.

      • Longstreet63

        No, they aren’t! It’s what The Government is Hiding From Us! Why won’t any media cover Paxton’s well known cannibalism?

        • Thiazin Red

          I have this print out of 78 instances of cannibalism that the media hasn’t covered!!!! See all these folders on the table? Evidence of cannibalism.

          • Longstreet63

            I’ll bet they never even covered Alferd Packer, well known Democrat!

          • SpideySenser

            80% of serial killers vote Republican.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If we can get Alex Jones to pick up on this, it will seal the deal!

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Royal Ugly Dude

      I miss Billly and the Boingers.

      • OrG

        Deathtongue libelz!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I’d like to pass a law that would make it illegal to knowingly spread bullshit if you’re a politician or a “news” organization, and if you knowingly spread bullshit that leads to a violent crime, you’re an accessory to that crime. I’m looking at you Carly “Baby Parts” Fiorina and Alex “Pedophile Pizza Ring” Jones.

    • Anna Rompage

      Personally I think anyone who takes the oath office and swears to uphold constitution who is found to knowingly be passing false info should be jailed for 30-90 days for each offense, regardless if it leads to a violent crime or not

    • Zonath

      Maybe we can just open up the libel laws.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’m not sure it’s libel to say “Planned Parenthood is selling baby parts” it is incredibly reckless, though. I think you’re allowed to criticize politicians, almost without limit, but saying Hillary Clinton is running a pedophile ring is a bridge too far.

    • Oh Fairness Doctrine, how we miss thee..

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “Some kind of law that bans making laws based on shit you just made up ten minutes ago.”
    We have it – it’s called “rational basis”. The Supreme Court, even at the least strict level of review, judges legislation based on whether it has a reasonable relationship to a legitimate state interest. Particularly when it involves due process or equal protection questions. Precisely what Judge Sparks had little trouble doing, and could have done in a paragraph. (The 46 pages were used to tell Paxton all the different ways he can fuck off.)
    Bullshit laws like this are like the 50+ “repeals” of Obamacare: masturbatory exercises for wingnuts, a sad simulation of what they wish they could do, if not for that pesky Constitution. (Like the Bible, they profess to love it while ignoring the actual contents.)

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    “Today’s decision is disappointing and flies in the face of basic human decency,”

    I’m amazed that Paxton’s trousers didn’t spontaneously combust after uttering this statement.

    • melina1222

      I was kind of hoping his head would combust, but I’ll settle for trousers.

  • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

    I have a relevant story to tell. A few days ago a group of ladies were talking and PP came up when they mentioned a relative needing to get medical help related to a pregnancy. One women blurted out “Oh they do abortions”. Two other women responded, “Well they a lot more, like provide birth control and exams.” The first women then said “Yes, but when I think of them I think of abortions.”
    The lesson here is that the GOP has done a very good job of dictating the narrative if someone can be both aware of what PP does and yet still only associate them with one thing. :(

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      The GOP is genius at only one thing – propaganda. They just repeat lies ad nauseum, and after a while, everyone believes it.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        This.

      • SpideySenser

        MOST everyone believes it … FIFY.

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      It’s what they do. If you repeat a lie often enuf… (Or in this case a half truth).

  • Notreelyhelping

    But, but, but…they kill babies right up to the delivery date! Sometimes, they whack ’em with a sterilized hatchet as soon as their head shows!

    …and other dumb shit that Donald Trump believes. Don’t anybody send him a copy of “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” or we can kiss pasta sauce and pizza goodbye.

    • “It’s terrible, can you believe it? Illegal tomatoes crossing our border and attacking people!”

      • Longstreet63

        Some, I assume, are good vegetables…

        • Technically a fruit, but he doesn’t know that…

          • Longstreet63

            If told, he would claim that The Gays love him.
            In fact, they are technically berries.
            As are watermelons.
            Raspberries, on the other hand? Not Berries.

          • ahughes798

            Avocados are berries, too. Raspberries, Blackberries and Strawberries are not berries, but compound aggregates.

          • Longstreet63

            Those…bastards…

          • ahughes798

            It broke my heart in my Botany class to hear that everything I thought I knew about fruit was wrong.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Can someone pass me the ketchup, please?

      • Notreelyhelping

        The cops said it was the worst thing they’d ever seen. Just pulp everywhere.

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        And one of them could be hiding a nuke!

        • Notreelyhelping

          Is that a thermonuclear device in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

          • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

            Why not both?

    • Clyde Barrow

      You left out Satanic worship, Heavy Metal music, and the Purple Teletubby.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Not to mention slow dancing.

        • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

          Why don’t Baptists fuck standing up?

          They’re afraid someone will think they’re dancing!

    • SpideySenser

      FSM will NOT be pleased!

    • Querolous

      “You better watch out for the eggplant that ate Chicago!”

  • C4TWOMAN

    we can work on passing some kind of law that bans making laws based on shit you just made up ten minutes ago.

    I’d go one further and add criminal charges.

    A friend points to stuff like this as proof the system of checks and balances is working. They have a point, but for how long? I see it less as “working” and more as being tested.
    For those familiar with the Napoleonic wars, a city wall resisted a cannon blast…at first. But after a day or two of a battering they came down.

    Stuff like this fills me less with reassurance and more wondering how many cannon balls are they willing to fire, hoping to break through.

    OK really gotta go do errands. Curse you Wonkette and your addictive news!

    • Longstreet63

      Well, if you’d modernized your city with a proper sunken wall and interlocking bastions, ravelins, and crownworks to provide enfilade fire on the enemy assault, you’d have forced them to institute a formal siege and continuous losses to disease and defensive actions, allowing time for relieving forces to arrive and erect lines of circumvallation.
      Long live Badajoz!

      But maybe I’m taking the analogy too far.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        One good artillery barrage and it’s so long, planned fortifications.

        • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

          Fuck, just drive around them, like the Sigfried line.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Well, if you’re talking modernization, air cavalry makes any wall based defense moot. Just sayin. Bombs away!

        • SpideySenser

          Won’t somebody please think of the Trebuchets?

          • WotsAllThisThen

            Excuse me, the proper term is “modern sporting catapult.”

          • SpideySenser

            Trebuchets are a type of catapult. Catapults get energy from tension (usually torsion) and the arm hits a stop near the top of its arc to release the projectile. Trebuchets get their energy from gravity.
            Unless I didn’t get a joke you were conveying?????

        • Longstreet63

          Oh, yeah? How are you getting past the tower mounted rail guns?

        • Jeffery Campbell
    • Clyde Barrow

      30 years ago this wasn’t nearly as bad of a problem, because if people wanted information, they went to the library. Facts and credible information were listed under ‘Non-fiction’, and novels, fairy tales, and made up bullshit was listed under ‘Fiction’, or ‘Religion’.

      The lines have been blurred and some people are too naive to know the difference.

  • Anna Rompage

    Seeing that the GOP is just about to defund all Medicaid grants to the states, it’s just a matter of time before PP, as well as any other clinic or heathcare facility that offers healthcare to the impoverished communities of this country will be defunded by default…

  • Fartknocker

    Kenny, Kenny, Kenny: You need to stay off the tee-vee and start worrying about the securities fraud trial you got coming in Spring. Enjoy looking at the Bluebonnets after they bloom during your drive to the courthouse you shit stain.

    https://www.texastribune.org/2017/02/15/paxton-weathers-politically-legal-woes-persist/

    • Querolous

      Does Uber have tumbrils?

  • Persistent Demme

    And the Goopers want to keep that anti-choice money train rollin’, rollin’, rollin’.

  • canes_pugnaces

    One word, no two: FUCKING VOTE.

  • aureolaborealis

    BRB: Double-checking that my monthly contribution to PP Action Fund is still in place.
    It is.

  • Clyde Barrow

    I thought Texas was going to secede back to 1862 when Obama won his second term in 2012?

    For fucks sake, these people are just slow all around.

    • Wild Cat

      Hell, yeah . . . took Terrence Malick 30 years to film his third flick.

  • Wild Cat

    Fuck this, Sheeple! Why is Texas the only state where I can buy a used fetus, godammit!!!

  • Crystalclear12

    When does his trail start?

  • OrG

    Pro tip:smoking a joint with your morning coffee makes you feel a lot less stabby.

    • Bitter Scribe

      But then I would crave bacon, eggs and hash browns.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Makes my bagel look like just a bagel.

      • OrG

        That’s a feature,not a bug.

        • Bitter Scribe

          Until the next time you step on a scale.

          • ahughes798

            Center cut bacon has 50 calories per slice. Egg beaters is 30 calories an “egg,” So you could have 2 slices of bacon(100 calories), 2 “eggs” (60 calories) and one of those pre-made hash brown patties for 140 calories, if you bake it instead of frying it. 300 calories total for a decent amount of food is not too bad!

          • Jeffery Campbell

            Egg beaters, prefab hash browns, and baking not frying?!?!?! What are you trying to do, live another 15 minutes in the nursing home?

          • ahughes798

            No, trying to lose weight. To stay out of the nursing home. Want to hear something more scandalous? Sometimes, I bake my bacon.

          • TheAmazingAmateurHousekeeper

            I always bake bacon. I can cook nearly a whole pound in 12 minutes. And then eat that nearly a whole pound in less time.

          • ahughes798

            Yeah, that’s kind of why I only cook bacon at home a couple of times a year. If it wasn’t for bacon, and BBQ chicken, I could easily be a vegetarian.

          • Cliff Hendroval

            I had a vegetarian friend swear to me that fried chicken was a vegetable.

          • ahughes798

            Oh good lord. I had a vegetarian friend who ate seafood because it “wasn’t really meat.”

          • TheBoatDude

            As good as that sounds, I can tell that I’m getting older as I instantly thought “Gawd, my stomach would feel like hell after that..”

          • HarpyLibtart

            Hell yeah, is that not what the broiler feature was invented for?
            So crispy….
            Goddamit, now I want bacon :(

          • Jeffery Campbell

            Me too….because that way I can cook multiple pounds at the same time!!

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            YOU MONSTER!!! 111!

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            Peeing on yourself and wondering where your friends are.

          • HarpyLibtart

            Meh, I’m on a keto diet, cut out the hash browns, throw some cheese in the eggs instead – still winning. :P

          • Bitter Scribe

            I’m envious of people who can do without carbs. I’m the worst carbo junkie there is.

      • TheBoatDude

        Is there a time that you don’t?

  • SayItWithWookies

    How come Ken Paxton is so worried about aborted fetuses being sold when he should really be concentrating on those horrible chainsaw massacres?

    • Master Contrail Program

      His family’s always been in meat, I’d wager.

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        “Preacher” reference?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      That would utterly decimate the chili cook-off jobs in his state.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    OT fun fact: The annual budget for the National Endowment of the Arts, which Il Douche wants to eliminate, is $148 million.
    Annual cost of securing the Dark Tower for Melania and the Barronette: $180 million.

    • MizzMazz

      That poor kid. Yeah, he may very well grow up to be as bad as the rest of the family, but right now, he’s just a little kid, who’s probably not allowed to go out and play, get dirty, or even have a dog to love. I feel bad for Barron.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I’m sure he does miss out on some normal things, but he also gets to kick servants for fun, order room service for milk and cookies, and light the fireplace with $100 dollar bills for kindling. I never got to do shit like that as a kid.

        • MizzMazz

          Hey, me neither, and I turned out fine! (Not according to my parents)

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I actually do feel sorry for him; he’s got a manipulative sociopath for a father and a shameless goldbrick grifter for a mother. Kid is doomed….but as with his dad and siblings, great wealth will make his own emotional dysfunction an asset as an adult.

          • MizzMazz

            OR, he could be the one to say, “Fuck this shit!” to the whole family/cabal/whatever, and go off to write a tell-all book, or make some amazing art, or become a scientist, do some actual good in the world. It could happen…

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            It could. As much as it sucks to see a child ostracized by a parent, Tiffany seems like the lucky one. I have no idea what she’s like as a human being, but at least she isn’t in the death match competition that Psycho Sr. puts his children through to gain his attention. Hopefully her mother-who reputedly despises Trump-has raised her with enough character and self-esteem to escape the curse and avoid the life of craven pathology the others pursue.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Considering Marla tried to grift a hairdresser into styling her and Tiff’s inauguration hair for “exposure bucks,” and then vaguely threatened said hairdresser – in a “do you know who I am” kind of way – when her suggestion was refused, I’m not sanguine.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You gotta be shitting me! Bubble popped. Wow…”for the exposure” and “do you know who I am”; two of the biggest douchebag moves possible. Jesus Christ…this whole family, even when they’re not blood related, seem to have some kind of fucking disease.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            I’d say they all learned from The Master, but it seems to me that there’s no way Marla would have found Donzo attractive-enough to schtup in the first place if she wasn’t already kind of leaning that way.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            *sigh* You’re right. I mostly try to avoid going off too harshly about his exes, but he has always been the fucking same sociopath he is now, and that wasn’t exactly private, restricted information. They knew exactly what they were getting, but they wanted it anyway because of the money and the status, so yeah, fuck ’em. Ivana and Marla did have the sense to leave, but I’m sure even those reasons have less to do with any newfound sense of decency and general human awareness. What a sad fucking sack of bastards this whole bunch is, yeah?

          • HarpyLibtart

            Did they leave though, or did they just age out of the Drumpf’s stable?

          • TheBoatDude

            “do you know who I am?”
            “Yes. A self-important twat. Next question?”

          • TheBoatDude

            That’s what I’m hoping for. I’ve heard rumors that he’s autistic, so there’s hope he won’t end up like Uday and Qusay (or whatever their names were…).

            I think Tiffany’s and Ivanka’s silence are being bought – Tiffany with cash and Ivanka with power/access to power. Tiffany will be the first to flip, I think…we’ll know she was up to something if she magically disappears…

        • marxalot

          That can’t be good for him, either.

        • HarpyLibtart

          His dad hates fat people and his mom is a professional salad-muncher, I doubt he gets a lot of cookies though.

      • HarpyLibtart

        I know, did you see that clip of him trying to high-five his baby cousin after the inauguration? I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry watching him try to interact with an infant in the only way he seems to know how,
        Then I thought about it a bit and realised I’ve never seen either of his parents express any affection to him in public, aside from the occasional attempt at that same gesture…
        Poor kid, all of his siblings are so much older than he is, they’ve got their own lives and families and he’s all on his own with his mom and a bunch of bodyguards in that gilt-plastered showroom they call a home – he’s the only person in that family I feel any sort of sympathy for, that’s no life for a child.

        • MizzMazz

          Yeah, little kids need to run and play, go outside, and eat a pound of dirt before they’re five. I didn’t see that clip, but I’ve seen that picture posed for a magazine where he’s on the stuffed lion with toy limousine at his feet. What kid wants to play with that?

    • Lord Jim

      Austerity for thee, grift for me.

    • TheBoatDude

      Now, even that’s gone down, hasn’t it? I seem to remember it used to be $500MM a while back…

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Ooh new game! Making up laws to go with made up facts. Wait, that’s what the entire Republican approach is.

    • efoveks

      Keeping government small!

      (No room for facts. Besides, what is the word “fact” but a four letter f- word anyway….)

      • Querolous

        Small enough to fit in….

    • TheBoatDude

      OK, new laws:
      It’s a felony to wear those stupid cowboy hats if you don’t actually work outside
      it’s a felony to own anything more than a 1/2 ton truck if you do not have a large trailer/boat/horses
      Truck nutz may not be larger than your own; if they are, misdemeanor and public shaming. Size equality will be validated publicly.

      [I went off topic, but fuck, it was fun…]

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Too bad hearts are so little in texas….

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    “Noting said debunked video, Paxton said that ‘no taxpayer in Texas should have to
    subsidize this repugnant and illegal conduct’ that was not actually happening.”

    — I’m guessing this is another case of Juneteenth, where the Union Army hasn’t arrived in Galveston with the news that the video was fake yet.

    • Querolous

      Think a P*OTUS SCOTUS will overturn Obergefell before Junetwentysixteenth?

  • JMP

    At least it’s not like the idiotic conspiracy theory this moron is spreading pushed a fellow radical Christian terrorist to shoot up a Planned Parenthood or anything.

  • whitroth

    God *damn* these assholes. I *demand* that a real percentage – > 5% – of my tax dollars go for abortions. And the TX AG flies in the face of human decency.

    • HazooToo

      Don’t charitable donations get you a tax deduction? Would that work? I really know jack shit about taxes.

      • Querolous

        Don’t give them ideas! PP’s tax status as a 501(c)(3) could be on the chopping block.

        • HazooToo

          I wonder, if that happens, what’s to stop someone from going to their local PP and buying a $100 pack of condoms?

  • marxalot

    As a Texan in exile, I fully supportRobyn’s belief in re: Ken Paxton (who may or may not be under investigation again?).

  • I have seen the argument. That if they cut off funding, they will have to use the funds they raise outside of medicare to cover other things and not abortions.
    They…really do not know how things work.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Abortions are just part of it. They also really hate PP because it gives birth control to teenage girls. If those kids feared pregnancy, you just know they wouldn’t be out there having sex.

    • TheBoatDude

      Because the fear tactic has worked so well, so far…

    • Conservatives Big on Fear, Brain Study Finds
      Psychology Today

  • Scrofula

    Can’t the spineless Dems attach some rider or whatever they’re called that lowers the age of consent for girls to these things? Because that’s the REAL conservative agenda: men marry fourteen year-old virgins, like in the good old days. Then we wouldn’t need contraception or sex-ed or ‘bortions, or women’s health at all. And then they can cover up the girls so other men can’t see them, or forbid them to leave the house without an escort.

  • Panika MCD

    your friendly non-comments Texplainer would like to add:

    1) it’s not even all Republicans, though they may vote like they want to win their next primary. in fact, during the TX HB2 stuff, one came to us (one I wish I could name) saying there were at least 35 House Republicans and 2-3 Senate Republicans who wanted to vote against that bullshit. then one of the little, shitty, non-voting, tree defiling occupiers decided to yell “HAIL SATAN!!!” (not sure if “seitan” would have been any better here) and a bunch of nice dupes praying. (they were nice, they gave us their leftover water and juices from the Duggar rally because no one else was using in and their confused/bored children had not been chastened or aborted when they wandered off from their parents to find our pizza…they got pizza and cookies instead. so they were nice back.) anyway, the video went viral and all except Sarah Davis (R – Awesome so long as you don’t talk unions to her) had to vote for.

    2) the war between factions in the GOP going on in the Pink Dome is as educational as it is fucking hilarious.

    3) still surprised it was Sparks and not Yeakel, but WHOA HEY! looks like Shrub appointed us 2 decent federal district judges!

    4) Ken Paxton doesn’t just make things up, he makes things up and then says, “but God told me to do it! UNFAIR! he told me in the McKinny DQ so you know it’s true and the law don’t apply!” https://www.texastribune.org/2016/04/11/sec-charges-paxton-securities-fraud/ and he does this even on laws he fucking voted for.

    5) but Schwertner? the senator who broke the table and is also a doctor person in real life? he TOTALLY believes the videos and hates PP and hate Medicaid (maybe more) and is the chair of the Senate HHS Committee.

    6) they already cut about 108 thousand women from having access to basic reproductive healthcare when they kicked PP out of the WHP in 2011. you think they’re going to care more about 12,500? probably not.

    7) wondering why they don’t seem to care about all those new kids who were borned instead of ‘borted. oh, yeah, Superior decided they didn’t need speech therapy which, until this year, I didn’t know also covered therapies which keeps medically dependent kids from needing feeding tubes and/or iron lungs–but I’m not in the healthcare business. at least one had died now, just to update everyone.

    8) I have even more evidence to prove he should not be funded by the State of Texas unless it’s through TDCJ. so does the SEC. so does the TEC. so does the Collin Co. District Court that indicted his ass. (we’re now to changing the venue because Paxton’s buddies tampered with the jury pool by running an ad campaign in the DFW area…after 2 years.) no, Paxton should not be funded. Paxton should be in jail for securities fraud. and I’m still trying to get to the bottom of what the fuck he thinks he’s doing usurping oversight of the sportsball charitable raffle thing.

    • ken_kukec

      Good to know Molly Ivins’s old Lege is still gettin’ it done the old-fashioned way.

      • Panika MCD

        that’s a weird way to put it since she was never elected. if it’s the case that the writers own the lege, then it’s mine now.

  • agnosticsdonthatemuch

    Once again I say, how come DICKHEAD Daniel Daleiden has not been arrested for financial fraud, wasting taxpayer’s money debating those debunked- heavily edited videos HE MADE? Think of all the shit he is responsible for? Why isn’t he in jail….JESUS!!!
    The Bible before country!

  • SadDemInTex
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