If you are a liberal in America right now, you have probably spent the entire day laughing with your friends over glasses of kale juice and buckets of raw, unseasoned arugula, about how Melania Trump is A Idiot who can’t even sound out the Lord’s Prayer with her Not American mouth. OR MAYBE it has been driving you LITERALLY INSANE that Melania even said the Lord’s Prayer, because oh man, liberals just go CRAZY when somebody mentions the Lord! Take that, feminazis and libtards, there’s a new sheriff in town, and his name is Jesus, and Melania Trump can pray at him all she wants! And afterward, all the people will clap and cheer, as Christians usually do at the conclusion of the Lord’s Prayer.
Wait, you did not do that? That’ll be news to convicted felon Dinesh D’Souza and deadbeat dad former congressman Joe Walsh!
So, Melania read the Lord’s Prayer at the little Nuremberg rally her husband Pussgrab threw in Melbourne, Florida, and it was obvious she doesn’t really know it, at least not in English, which is surprising because she’s lived in America for 20 years and the Trumps have such a long history as active Christians. Here, watch it, so we can be terrible liberals and mock it and GET OUTRAGED!
Here are the two thoughts we have about this:
1. It’s true, Melania struggles through it. Maybe she’s never heard it before, but honestly, we don’t fucking care.
2. The FUNNY part of this video is watching Donald Trump pretending to mouth the words, as if he, Two Corinthians-addicted Jesus Freak that he is, actually knows the prayer. Seriously, watch his face, because he is basically doing “WATERMELON WATERMELON WATERMELON.”
Dinesh D’Souza, who is not in jail right now, has a different take:
Is … that what that was? And ARE WE SPUTTERING RIGHT NOW? Clearly it’s so very in-your-face, in a nation where the majority of people are Christian, to say the Lord’s Prayer, but are we SPUTTERING? Did we all stop drinking cocktails at brunch while having gay sex in public this weekend because we were SO ANGRY?
And really, no other first lady has ever done anything so bold? Do we not all remember how Hillary Clinton had everybody murdered with her Whitewater emails back in the 1990s? We think that was more bolder for sure! Oh and also, as Wonkette alum Gary Legum points out on Twitter, Michelle Obama planted vegetables, which definitely made Trans-Fat-American wingnuts “sputter.” And don’t get us started on Nancy Reagan’s allegedly very bold blowjobs!
Let’s look at Joe Walsh’s thing and see if it’s stupider than D’Souza’s:
We’re convinced! The Fox News link in Walsh’s first tweet is here, and surprise, it is a few randos on Twitter saying snarky things. FEEL THE OUTRAGE! Twitchy appears to have assigned at least six and a half of its NINE PAID STAFFERS to find other randos being mean on Twitter. The stupidest man on the internet, Jim Hoft, also reported that liberals were “TRIGGERED AND OUTRAGED” by Melania’s praying. Personally, we, yr rabid frothing liberals, didn’t even hear about this until these two dorks started whining about it:
Dinesh? Joseph? Stop being such fucking pussies. A few people on the internet tweeted some things, some of them pointing out that Melania was totally pandering, since we’re all pretty sure the Trumps, who were sent by baby Jesus to save America, are not remotely Christian people. This is a valid observation! Sorry if it hurts to hear it, but we highly doubt either Donald or Melania actually gives one solitary fuck about Jesus. And we are saying that without sputtering or outrage! We may be smirking just a little bit, because we are total dicks.
But that’s it, you sad crybaby pube gremlins.
(But seriously, watch the video. Donald Trump mouthing “bing bong!” and “grab them by the pussy,” or WHATEVER he’s doing with his mouth during the Lord’s Prayer, is funny as shit.)
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