Yr Wonkette will confess that we aren’t the greatest follower of professional Basket-the-ball, but we do know an excellent score in a game of the Dozens, which is precisely what was delivered by NBA star Stephen “Steph” Curry Wednesday in yet another instance of a sportsball person having a political opinion. Here is the play-by-play: On Tuesday, the CEO of athletic wear company Under Armour, Kevin Plank, raised some eyebrows among basket-the-ballers when he described President Trump as “an asset,” without even adding that we have no way of determining that asset’s value since Trump hasn’t said what he feels it is today. Then, on Wednesday, Mr. Curry, who is one of Under Armour’s highest-paid “brand ambassadoers,” offered his take on his sponsor’s comments in an interview with the San Jose Mercury-News:

“I agree with that description,” Curry said, “if you remove the ‘et.’”

Nicely wordplayed, Mr. Curry. A less adept punmonger might have ruined the whole thing by over-explaining it. Instead, you trusted us to finish the thought, giving us only the slightest lexical nudge, a perfect assist to the punchline. Bravo. Steph Curry may be a dad, but his Dad Joke was pretty swift — a decided contrast to those inflicted on us by complete dad Barack Obama every year during theThanksgiving turkey pardon. Obama would joyfully go Full Dad, drawing out the agony:

Malia and Sasha, by the way, are thankful that this is my final presidential turkey pardon. What I haven’t told them yet is that we are going to do this every year from now on. (Laughter.) No cameras. Just us. Every year. No way I’m cutting this habit cold turkey. (Laughter and applause.)

Good one. That was pretty funny.

Steph Curry would never follow up his “if you remove the ‘et’” with “That was pretty funny.” It’s excessive, as all true Dad Jokes must be. This is not to say that Steph Curry’s Dad Joke is inherently superior to Barack Obama’s Dad Jokes — it’s a difference of style, is all. Obama revels in the very awfulness of his pun, knowing that his daughters are screaming on the inside. Steph Curry drives the lane, shoots, and scores, and leaves you blinking in admiration.

And President Bunglecunt? Basketball-hued though he may be, we doubt the occupant of the Oval Office is comfortable enough in his own thin skin to pull off a proper Dad Joke, which requires a certain humility and self-awareness and not having the “joke” be that you would like to make love to your daughter. It is not a good Dad Joke, even at all.

In conclusion, Steph Curry is the Steph Curry of Dad Jokes, Barack Obama is the Ur-Dad, and Donald Trump is a bad father and a bad joke.

[San Jose Mercury-News / WaPo]

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  • memzilla Ω

    I believe President* Trump is everything he claims to be, if you remove the “T.”

    • Nounverb911


    • SnarkON

      I’d like to remove the “President.”

      • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

        Yes, doctor, I have this giant boil on my ass, it’s orange, and rotting, and lives in DC or sometimes NYC – can I have this removed please?

  • Michael Smith

    This is funnier than the time Steph Curry was in an ESPN commercial, where he kept graciously thanking some very confused cafeteria workers for their “homage” to him when they were serving chicken curry.

  • SnarkON

    There goes Curry’s endorsement deal.

    • Chadwells

      I’m sure he would love to get out of his UA deal.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Picabo

      Have there been any snowball theatrics by climate change deniers?

      • Berthajbuchanan

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !mj617d:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
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  • arglebargle

    WTF? A basketball and pun post with no mention of balls or rim jobs? Sad.

    • And orange balls, no less.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I was saddened by the lack of dick jokes in this story. I thought I accidentally clicked an ESPN link instead of my Wonket.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The Cavs are really steamed.

      • arglebargle

        Took me a loooong time. But I got it.

  • and not having the “joke” be that you would like to make love to your daughter.

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Ivanna who?
    Ivanna fuck my daughter Ivanka. Have you seen her, just gorgeous.

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      So. Wrong.

      • ahughes798

        If loving that is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

  • Skeptical_thinker
    • Carpe Vagenda

      I think that wasn’t the link you meant to paste?

      • Skeptical_thinker

        You are correct, though that was a good one, too.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          It’s OK. Scott Baio, Kelsey Grammar and Jon Voight will hold their own Oscar™ party. Gary Sinise will bring progressives to send to the hospital. Good times.

          Adam Baldwin can headline the Big Hollywood party.

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    “Underarm Her” — Ivanka’s new replacement line.

  • dslindc
    • Alternative Pony Ron

      There’s a ‘dribbling’ joke in there, if I am any judge.

      • snark-lurker

        too much boards space between free-throw & target–if your’re a cock-haver pissing like a big boy

    • mardam422

      Your free throw percentage oughta be pretty high. But judging by the men’s room at my office, there aren’t too many Steph Curry’s here. And I refuse to rebound any missed shots.

    • Shan McStroppy Pants(less)

      Why does all toilet stuff look like it was designed by people who’ve never had to clean one?

      • ahughes798

        I know, right? Guys have the means to aim…and still can’t manage not to get pee on the floor, FFS.

        • Shan McStroppy Pants(less)

          I don’t understand why they need to stand up, anyway. It’s not a tree, there’s a seat!

          • ahughes798

            It all goes back to marking territory, LOL!

    • Roadstergal

      Double dribble is extra-foul.

    • phoenix00

      No alley-oops please.

  • Alternative Pony Ron

    I am no judge of Dad jokes, despite being a Dad. That joke, however, is definitely Wonkette-worthy.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Are we sure Plank didn’t say “asshat”?

  • DerrickWildcat

    Donald J. Trump
    Stephan Curry, one of the most over-rated players in history of basketball. 4 fouls 1-4 3pt shooting against Bulls. Should be traded. Sad.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Fun Steph Curry fact. He went to my alma mater, Davidson College, where they won’t retire your jersey until you graduate. In more than 25 years, he’s the only basketball player Coach Mckillop hasn’t graduated. To this day, he still dogs Steph about finishing his degree (which Steph still at least tells him he will).

    We’re a nerdy school. When I was a student there, they closed the library on Saturday nights to try and force us to have a social life.

    • OneYieldRegular

      You went to Davidson? Nerdy indeed, but did they ever have a good music department. When I was in high school i went to concerts there all the time. I even met Count Basie.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        They did get good music. R.E.M. was practically the school band when I was there. They came up from Atlanta all the time.

        • OneYieldRegular

          I don’t know what genius ran that place, but they managed to get all kinds of great acts to drive right through Charlotte and go straight to Davidson.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            We had an alumnus who started Cellar Door Productions. Pretty sure a lot of what we got was based on that. If you are in charge of booking bands, you are in a position to ask favors.

    • SadDemInTex

      So jealous….what a fabulous place to go to college!

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        I even went during the time that they did your laundry (which they don’t anymore). Of course, the mega-industrial washers also destroyed your laundry, so you only sent pretty sturdy stuff to them. Otherwise, there were washers free to use in various dorms around campus. It was a nice place to go. Beautiful. VERY friendly people. I was one of the poor kids, but you met a lot of sons and daughters of industry/politics. Kathy Gingrich was on my hall and a little sister of SigEp with me. She was a really nice girl when I knew her.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Just a couple of weeks ago Curry visited the school as Davidson renamed the student section in the college’s John M. Belk Arena in honor of him. It’s now “Section 30,” which is his number). But they still won’t retire his jersey. Gotta love it.

    • Little Lulu ResistanceFighter

      I had a boyfriend who attended tiny Davidson in the 60s – I think you and I have had conversations before about his picketing a barbershop there – and I attended several concerts at the school, most of which aren’t worth mentioning. There were no women in school there in the 60s, so it must have been pretty monastic and boring – except for their Top 10-ranked basketball team, which Davidson students haven’t stopped talking about TO THIS DAY. But I did see Ray Charles there with a huge band. And Chicago. And Gordon Lightfoot, whom I love still. And Bette Midler in her first concert outside NY, when she was skinny like a stick (that was in ’71). I hear it’s very different there nowadays.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        It was still very recently that women had been students when I was there. A little over 10 years. I’m happy that the students have always been socially active, where injustice is concerned. One of my proudest moments as a student involved the KKK announcing that they were going to march down Main Street in Davidson. Don’t do that in a town of savvy students and citizens. We knew that what they wanted was publicity, so we starved them. We held a counter-event on campus celebrating diversity, inviting students, college faculty/staff, town citizens, families. Fun stuff for the kids. Inspiring stuff for the adults. We posted students near the street during the march, warning people to turn back or attend the counter event. Result: sad march with no audience, certainly no protest. Yawn. BIG diversity event on campus. We. Win.

  • ViveLaPersistence

    When Trump tries to joke, we get Easy D. Or thermo-nuclear war. One of those.

    • Creepoman

      Six of one, half dozen of another.

  • Anna Rompage

    “How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, ‘Ribbit,
    ribbit’ and a horny toad says, ‘Rub it, rub it.’”

    • Sister the Persister


      • Anna Rompage

        “A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, ‘First offender?’ She says, ‘No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!’”

    • elviouslyqueer
    • msanthropesmr

      So a guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder and tells the the bartender, ” I’d like a pint for me and a pint for Tiny here.” So the bartender says,” why do you call him Tiny, anyway?” So the guy says, ” Cause he’s my newt.”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • mardam422

    Asses, asset. Who’s to know for sure?

  • weejee

    Dad jokes? I resemble that remark!

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    Reminded me of an old friend’s joke. Unrelated to politics, but a similar style:

    I love Country and Western music, but only the first syllable.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Rosalynn Cash got into some trouble with the broomstick up the ass crowd when she said after a rousing number, “If that doesn’t put the cunt back into country, I don’t know what will.”

  • The Wanderer

    “So you wanna play the Dozens?
    Well, the Dozens is a game.
    But the way I f*cked your Mother
    Was a god-damned shame!”

    – Saint George Carlin

  • Crank Tango
    • Vincent Ricola

      I’ve been staring at this for at least 60 straight seconds now and am thinking about putting some dancing music on in the background for the next 60+ seconds.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • mrFawkes

    Touche Steph Curry. In your honor, tonight I will make chicken peanut curry and watch half-naked men run and jump on hardwood.

    • The Wanderer

      I’m thinking just good old plebeian hot dogs and beans for dins tonight.

  • OrG

    To be serious for a moment: It’s good to see some sportsball players not so afraid of losing their endorsements to call “bullshit”.Now back to your regularly scheduled dick jokes.

    • Courser_Resistance

      It was so perfectly done, too. Very quiet yet cuts right to the quick. I grew up with humor like that. It’s awful in a way, but so perfect in others.

  • ThePuckStopsHere

    Mr. Curry”s joke had to be explained to the Fuhrer.

    • The Wanderer

      Very likely, yes. Czar Baldy Bald XIV isn’t known for a sense of humor.

    • Anna Rompage
      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Less vs. fewer is one of my pet peeves. It irks me no end when I see commercials using them incorrectly. How many people have to have seen a completed, national commercial before it’s released out there?

        I know. I’m the only one who cares. I’m used to it. Lord knows there are bigger problems these days.

        • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

          The Boost Mobile where you at campaign almost killed me, grammar wise. I feel you.

        • Moebym of the Returners

          “15 or less items” only. Okay, if I eat part of the watermelon, does that count as “less than” 15?

        • Gosala

          Right. Such as lie v. lay.

          • mailman27

            Don’t get me started. Shit like this has probably kept me from getting laid.

  • Chadwells
  • Chadwells

    Shit. Forgot I was at work. Probably should do some of that….

    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      Can you do mine while you’re at it?

    • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

      Aw, man! You just snapped me out of the happy place. Time to write those test reports…

  • BigBoppa ~ Résistant

    True story. When I was a kid I used to roll my eyes and groan whenever my dad would tell one of his lame jokes. Then a few years later I noticed I was telling my son those same kinds of jokes and he was rolling his eyes the same way I did. Fast forward 20 years and I recently heard my son telling his daughter an equally lame joke.

    Recycling is a wonderful thing.

    • Vincent Ricola
    • The Wanderer

      Yes it is. Just last week I rattled off an anti-JFK joke my dad told me ages ago. Amazingly, the audience got it.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s genetic, I’m sure of it. I do the same thing to nearly empty dip containers that my grandfather did…clean them out with my finger.

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        I can’t imagine what else one could use. Besides, the curve in them fits the finger so well, it must have been planned that way.

        • Querolous

          Fingers are intelligently designed?

    • shaar dula

      that’s so true. As I grow old I’m observing that I’m becoming my dad without even knowing it.

  • Nounverb911

    Speaking of sportballs:

    At least three members of the Super Bowl-winning New England Patriots have said they will not visit the White House for the traditional meeting that championship teams have with the president.

    The Pro Bowl linebacker Dont’a Hightower became the latest to bow out when he told ESPN on Wednesday, “Been there, done that,” having visited with a championship Alabama team.

    Tight end Martellus Bennett told reporters after the Super Bowl that he would not go: “It is what it is,” he said. “People know how I feel about it. Just follow me on Twitter.” The outspoken Bennett had joked that he might move to outer space after Donald J. Trump was elected.

    The Pro Bowl safety Devin McCourty, a team captain, told Time magazine: “Basic reason for me is I don’t feel accepted in the White House. With the president having so many strong opinions and prejudices, I believe certain people might feel accepted there while others won’t.”

    • The Wanderer

      “Been there, done that” – and with a much better man in the White House.

      • Shoto

        How’s the migraine today?

        • The Wanderer

          A little throbbing when I woke up this morning, but it’s pretty well faded by now. Thank you for asking! :-)

          • Shoto

            Been there, and it ain’t no picnic.

          • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

            I read that answer before the question and was already typing -yes, tell me more, when I registered the actual thread. This has been a long week.

            I’m glad you’re feeling better!

          • The Wanderer

            Thank you. Had a great morning, largely spent sitting about in my town’s park.

    • Chadwells

      I heard Chris Long and James White were bailing too.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • The Wanderer


    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      Oh Husky joke meme, I’ll always love you.

    • I have been chased out of a room for telling this joke.
      #noregrets #funeralwasboringanyway

  • azeyote

    maybe trumps daughter thinks his – whose your daddy – jokes are funny?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      No. Hoosier Daddy is Pence’s Secret Service codename.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    “Of course Trump is an asset.” -V. Putin.

    • Shoto

      “Of course Drumpf is an asshole. ”

      — (Almost) Everyone Else

  • DahBoner
  • Tallmutha

    What do you call someone whose humor is all dad jokes but who is himself not a dad? (Asking about a friend.)

    • “Uncle Tallmutha”?

    • bobbert

      Once it would have been “Uncle Bob”.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Teen Titans Go told me they’re “Uncle Jokes”

  • Moebym of the Returners

    A joke my dad told me (in Chinese, so some things may have gotten lost in translation):

    In China, a tall young woman touches her rear pant pocket, where she keeps her smart bus pass, to the smart card reader to pay her bus fare. A shorter, older, and less technologically adept woman sees this and goes, “if she can do it, why can’t I?”, so she rub her ass against the smart card reader repeatedly in an attempt to pay her fare. It doesn’t work, obviously. She didn’t know that it’s not the ass that pays the bus fare.

    • The Wanderer


    • Crank Tango

      I keep mine in my front pocket, I swear. I… just…can’t… seem… to…get… it… to… work…

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistant

        Is that your bus pass or are you just hap……. You know the rest.

    • phoenix00

      That’s smart! Hands-free transit access!

      I’ve tried putting mine inside my obamaphone case, but no go. The reader won’t trip unless I take my card out first.

  • The Wanderer

    From the Benny Hill ‘Master Mind’ parody:

    “What is an asset?”
    “A little donkey.”
    “What is an ascot?”
    “A little donkey’s bed.”

  • undercover epicurean
  • President in Exile Firefly

    So wingnuts to boycott basketball in 3.. 2.. 1..

  • Roadstergal

    Our hometown team seems to be a lot less ‘spoiled rich brats’ than it could be. Curry, Durant, Iggy… and Green is unquestionably entertaining.

    Kerr has quite a life story, too.

    • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

      It helps that they hit all those threes, also too. But yeah, there’s a lot of Class Act in that bunch.

    • Tracy

      Steve Kerr is a prince among men.

  • Jennifer R

    deadbeat donnie: America’s Abusive Stepfather.

    • OrG

      NOT our REAL dad.

  • Chadwells

    OT: Too bad we’ve already moved past this bullshit and into a different bullshit puddle. And it’s Michigan.

    “This State Just Dug Deep Into Voting Irregularities. It Found Nothing Close To Widespread Voter Fraud.”

    • TJ Barke

      No wai!

    • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

      I’m shocked. Stunned. Shocked and stunned.

    • wavicles

      “Clearly, they’re in on it!!”

  • Greyhame

    Oh, but he is a very shiny asset indeed, once you have the proper bribes and kompromat in place.

  • boyblue122

    kinda OT – 5 players so far from the team that won the SB arent going to the WH

    • Jukesgrrl

      Are Brady, Belichick, and Kraft going to have a special private audience with Der Gropenfuhrer after the celebration? So he can thank them for helping Putin and Comey?

      • Jay

        I believe Brady said he would pass on that. I think.

  • Greyhame

    How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?


    • Jon Sussex

      Have you done a test tickle?

    • proudgrampa

      Thanks! I’m sending that riddle to the proudgrandchildren right now!!

    • AndyC316

      I LOVE that joke

    • Ambignostic

      It’s even better if you change the joke to “squid,” because squids have TEN tentacles, even though technically two of them are “arms,” and hey wait don’t leave

  • Moebym of the Returners

    Following up on my earlier joke:

    Trump can’t pay off his personal debt and our national debt. Why? He’s an ass, and asses can’t make payments.

    (Okay, that was lame.)

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Now I need to boycott under armour? I’m going to need another sports bra soon!

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Right? Cant figure out who is safe anymore.

      • Jennifer R

        Is buy blue still a thing?

        • Jukesgrrl

          These days it’s hard to figure out who blue is. One day LL Bean is the enemy, the next day they’re back in our good graces.

          • bobbert

            Well, in that case it was one board member; in this case it’s the CEO.

      • laineypc

        Now he’s coming for our boobs.

    • Greyhame

      Try Patagonia.

    • Roadstergal

      Nike! They came out against Drumpf’s ban. I needed a bra and got one from them.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      The front-zip one from Victoria’s Secret are pretty awesome. Bonus – they are cute.

  • bookish

    “The danger is, as you continue to create this dark view of society,” John Jay College of Criminal Justice professor Dennis Jay Kenney said, “it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

    Kenney, who was a police officer in the 1970s, said Trump’s misleading view on crime and safety is dangerous because it’s more likely to inflate community and police officers’ fears rather than sooth them, which helps to create rifts between the two groups.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      So, all according to plan, then.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Not to mention that lying is bad. Full stop.

  • bookish

    Cummings and Chavez request ethics review of KAC endorsement of Trump business.

    • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

      Chaffetz? really? Did he not put on his tin foil hat today?

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        He was getting ready for the weekend & forgot?

      • Rags

        Maybe town hall meetings work?

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      The tornado of shit that has spun over the last year & THIS is what they’re gonna investigate? Jeebus. What happened to Russia hacking our elections? What happened to Trump’s getting richer while in office? What happened to all the ladies who accused him of assault? The list goes on…but you get the point.

      • marxalot

        Reminds me of how “Dynamite Bob,” a man well known for having “enough stuff put away to take out half of Birmingham” was brought down by a busted tail-light and a trooper who hadn’t gotten the memo…

    • They have found their sacrificial sheep already!

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        And, of course, it’s a lady sheep.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “On the one hand, I do not like Steve Curry’s joke. On the other hand, I like short words, so I like the basic idea of making words shorter.”
    — Donald Trump

  • Ambignostic


    • The Wanderer

      Hoofwanking Bunglecunt!

      • Dutchman

        Thank you, as someone that lives with a grammar nazi, I have been drilled that proper usage is key.

      • SeeTrain65

        Please don’t bring Sarah Palin into this.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “Nicely wordplayed, Mr. Curry. A less adept punmonger might have ruined the whole thing by over-explaining it. Instead, you trusted us to finish the thought, giving us only the slightest lexical nudge, a perfect assist to the punchline. Bravo.”

    And that’s when I knew it was a Dok Zoom post.

  • Foocatchoo

    Steve Bannon is WAY funnier. He once told a GOOD one… Q. Why did the monkey fall off the wall? A. Because a White, gun-toting, Jesus-loving man blew its freaking Mooslim head off to stop it from wreaking carnage on our families before it crossed the border to steal, rape, carry drugs and kill us all.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I wonder how much of Under Armour’s production is done overseas?

    (I also wonder why they use the British spelling of “armor.”)

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Wait’ll we see So-called president Trump at the White House Correspondents Dinner. He will slay them! (I mean that literally.)

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      If anyone shows up besides Breitbart, Gateway Pundit, and Daily Caller.

  • SeeTrain65

    All you non-sportsball fans can pass this one if you like …

    Cleveland Trump Fan: “Yeah, but who blew a 3-1 lead in the finals, Steph?”
    Steph: “The Cleveland Indians.”

    • data_ninja

      TOO SOON!

      • SeeTrain65

        I’m a lapsed Cleveland sports fan. I’m also a pessimist. But I repeat myself.

        (Pitchers and catchers in three days.)

        • data_ninja

          The pessimistic Cleveland Browns fan: How are we going to lose this game?
          The optimistic Cleveland Browns fan: Maybe we’ll have a better team this time next year?
          The realistic Cleveland Browns fan: How bad is our team going to lose this time next year?

  • What do you mean like?

  • masked mumbler

    You can’t trust anything a CEO says about Trump these days. They’re just bending over backwards to avoid Trump bending them over the other way (with stock-devaluing tweets!)

  • JD Mulvey

    A preview:
    “Welcome to the White House –except for you Jake Tapper. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, because it’s the time when America, which is so so great, gives thanks for its blessings, which I alone can protect. This terrific bird is a “10”, and believe me, it’s hard for a turkey to be a “10” without succulent breasts –Will you look at these things? Just incredible… They told me that Obama would have spared this turkey’s life. Weak! This is why the world doesn’t respect us anymore… Starting today, we start winning again –beginning with this turkey. I will enjoy this incredible dinner, which is indisputably the largest meal in the history of America, and I wish all real Americans a magnificent holiday, Thanksgiving, in which everyone gives thanks, for me.”

  • Sami

    Steph Curry’s ridiculously adorable daughter Riley is, like, four. Maybe still three. She is still too young to suffer.

    (If you want a dose of adorable, look up Riley Curry on YouTube. She has occasionally made appearances at her daddy’s press conferences.)

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