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Betsy DeVos, your new Secretary of Educmacation, has come under considerable criticism over the fact that it very much appears that she bought her way into that position by donating, along with her billionaire Amway family, to Republican politicians. Especially considering the fact that she has no idea about what the hell she is even doing. Though, to be fair, Rick Perry didn’t know what the Energy Department even did until a month ago either, and could not even remember what it was even called in one of the Presidential debates, when he wanted to eliminate it completely. HAHA, no one knows what they hell they are doing!

In a brief missive posted to the White House website titled “Vice President Pence Casts Historic Vote to Confirm Betsy DeVos,” Mike Pence has decided to spin her story a little bit. Now, rather than just coming from a super rich family, where’s she’s siblings with Blackwater and literally married to a pyramid scheme, DeVos has graciously donated HER TREASURE to help all the kids!

Yarr!

The vote the President asked me to cast wasn’t just for Betsy – it was also for America’s future.

Our nation’s success depends on the education of our students. In Betsy DeVos, we have one of America’s foremost advocates for educational opportunity and excellence.

For nearly three decades she has devoted her time, her talent, and her treasure to ensure that every child in America has the best shot at a better life. Countless students have benefitted from her efforts to promote an educational marketplace defined by innovation, opportunity, and real, meaningful choice.

The President and I agree that our children’s futures should not be determined by their zip code. Students should not be trapped in a system that puts the status quo ahead of a child’s success.

That sure is a good way of describing being in the business of buying politicians and promoting charter schools in Detroit. Charter schools that worked out very, very, very poorly. And were not, in any way, good for students!

But instead of being a creepy lady who buys politicians and fucks up school systems, she is a kind and selfless pirate, graciously donating her treasure to the good of all people. She’s not paying to play she’s paying to, uh… do something else. Something for the children that people won’t think is bad. That’s the ticket!

[WhiteHouse.Gov | H/T @RadPartyBro]

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  • memzilla Ω

    The vote the President asked me to cast… was also for America’s future.

    THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT WE’RE FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Goddamn I fucking hate these fascist bastards.

  • Alan

    What a fucking idiot.

  • Lizzietish81

    I just had a conversation on facebook where some guy was going on about how she’s good because she’ll eliminate common core.

    I pointed out she wants to destroy public education period.

    He thought that was even better. Better the kids remained uneducated than learning Common Core.

    I told him I had nothing to say to that.

    I can tell my therapist I’m improving.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Uneducated people are what got Donnie elected, so it’s hardly surprising he wants to gut the educational system.

    • Suttree

      I would find it sexier if you kicked him in the groin. With word votes.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
    • Oblios_Cap

      It’s amazing how Gawd has so much to say thousands of years ago and then just shut up.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        Ik, r?

        • o’look Skwerl!

          He works in mysterious ways, like electing Shitgibbon.

          • Bebecca

            Further proof there is no god, right? Like we needed it after Hitler.

          • Alternative Pony Ron

            And making the Patriots win.

      • He’ll be back, annnnnnnny day now.

        Fuck, if anything was going to spur on the end of days, it’s this bullshit.

      • PubOption

        Didn’t he say something impugning treasure on earth?

  • Oblios_Cap

    The President and I agree that our children’s futures should not be determined by their zip code. Students should not be trapped in a system that puts the status quo ahead of a child’s success.

    Man, I need to drink some liquids and rehydrate after reading that drivel. I laughed so hard I emptied my lachrymal glands!

  • o’look Skwerl!

    The President and I agree that our children’s futures should not be determined by their zip code. Students should not be trapped in a system that puts the status quo ahead of a child’s success.

    Let’s run this through the Christofacist to English translator:

    Shitgibbon and I decided that kids should not have to go to school with Blacks and Browns. White kids should not be forced to sit next to minorities.

  • Painter of Goats

    How soon before Ben Carson asks DeVos if the new Secretary of Agriculture can store America’s grain in the Amway Pyramid?

  • mPEEg

    “Is our books burning?” is gonna become the new “Is our children learning?”
    :’-(

    • Oblios_Cap

      The only books that
      Americans will be allowed to read in the future will be “The Bibble” and “the Art of the Deal”.

  • Nounverb911

    Stephen Colbert ‏@StephenAtHome 18 hours ago

    Elementary math under Betsy Devos
    Q: Ned and Sheryl each have 4 apples. Who has more apples?
    A: Whomever Mike Pence decides has more apples.

    https://twitter.com/StephenAtHome/status/829035587038543872

    • eggsacklywright

      Sheryl kicks Ned and takes his apples. Fuck Ned.

    • schmannity

      This is a silly idea. Sheryl would never have more than 70% as many apples as Ned.

    • Bozilingus

      How do you like them apples?
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnESedN4vSI

    • Historicat

      It doesn’t matter because Ned and Sheryl are now banned from the Garden of Eden for eating the apples.

  • memzilla Ω

    Let’s see… what foreign country would benefit from the wrecking of what used to (nominally) be the finest public education system in the world? Thinking… thinking…

    • o’look Skwerl!

      Rhymes with…

      • Oblios_Cap

        Mynah? Prussia?

    • schmannity

      Malladen, Haiti?

    • eggsacklywright

      Licktenshtein?

    • Creepoman

      Cayman Islands?

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      The Duchy of Grand Fenwick

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      AOT,K?

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    “I have a foreboding of an America in my children’s or grandchildren’s time — when the United States is a service and information economy; when nearly all the manufacturing industries have slipped away to other countries; when awesome technological powers are in the hands of a very few, and no one representing the public interest can even grasp the issues; when the people have lost the ability to set their own agendas or knowledgeably question those in authority; when, clutching our crystals and nervously consulting our horoscopes, our critical faculties in decline, unable to distinguish between what feels good and what’s true, we slide, almost without noticing, back into superstition and darkness…
    The dumbing down of American is most evident in the slow decay of substantive content in the enormously influential media, the 30 second sound bites (now down to 10 seconds or less), lowest common denominator programming, credulous presentations on pseudoscience and superstition, but especially a kind of celebration of ignorance”
    ― Carl Sagan, The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark

    • ViveLaRésistance

      Yikes. What is the date of this? 1990’s?

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        The book was published in 1995.

  • schmannity

    I have pushed through season one and all but two episodes of season two of The Man in the High Castle. I would have done it faster but I kept confusing a story about the defeat of the United States and the installation of a fascist puppet government with CNN.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      So, do you think trump has started his trumpenfuhrerspunken program yet?

      • schmannity

        Will his “retarded” son be swept up in the eugenics program?

        • Bozilingus

          We should leave the kid alone. He may turn out to be the only family member who is actually a human being.

          • Alternative Pony Ron

            Evidence that Donnie is NOT the poor kid’s father.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Hell, no. He’s being groomed for the Trumpenyouth League.

          • schmannity

            Heil, no.

            FIFY

          • aureolaborealis

            I believe the technical term is Drumpfenjugend.

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      The easy way to keep them distinct is to remember that one show has a “gruppenführer” and the other a “gropingführer.”

      h/t Stephanie Miller

    • OddMan

      We wanted to watch more of TMITHC but the dark side that hides under everyday Americans highlighted in that show, all of a sudden became too real.

      • schmannity

        Trumpenprolitariat know nothink.

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    Ivanka’s shorting Nordstrom’s today….

    Donald J. Trump ‏@realDonaldTrump 18 minutes ago

    My daughter Ivanka has been treated so unfairly by @Nordstrom. She is a great person — always pushing me to do the right thing! Terrible!
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/829356871848951809

    • Alan

      Great grifter.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Well, that’s certainly Presidential.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        All those tweets are now archived as public records, alongside the Gettysburg address, FDR’s address to Congress after Pearl Harbour, and JFK’s inaugural address. “Ask not what you can do for your country.” If only someone could do this for their country: press rewind and have it be the morning of November 8th again, with the memory of this trainwreck in everyone’s mind. I suspect the result of the election would be very different.

        • Bozilingus

          Wait for Ivanka’s new book, “Shit My Father Tweets”, soon to be in your local Nordstrom’s.

        • Shoto

          “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what Nordstrom can do for Ivanka.”

          — Cheeto Jeezuz

    • beingreleased

      Wow! Trump must be the world’s best mult-itasker! Rant about judges, praise his daughter, bomb Iran. So many things at once!

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        And lies about the murder rate.

        • o’look Skwerl!

          “misspoke about alternative lies”

    • I’m well past the point of thinking he should ONLY be impeached, that fucking bag of flaming dogshit left on the doorstep of your sweet aunt petunia needs to rot in fucking prison.

    • schmannity

      So unfair for Nordstrom’s to disassociate itself from the daughter of a flaming anus.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Taco Bell libelz!

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      In a sane world, any single ONE of his fucking tweets would have been sufficient to prove that he was grossly unqualified to be POTUS. Any one. I keep thinking my contempt and hatred for the people who voted for and continue to support this fucking brain dead pile of rotting garbage could not be any higher, yet it continues to grow.

    • ViveLaRésistance

      I can’t afford to shop at Nordstrom’s but I sent them an email thanking them for their courage and saying I would try to spend some moniez at their store next time I’m in the big city.

    • Shoto

      JFC, he’s A Idiot.

    • beingreleased

      Tweet from Senator Bob Casey:
      CC: @OfficeGovEthics

      https://twitter.com/SenBobCasey/status/829358858904678400

      • NastyBossetti

        That’s my senator! (Pat Toomey is not my senator. He sucks.)

  • If she’d donated her munniez to people who actually had the remotest clue about actually educating Children, she COULD have made a difference, instead she went on a free market Jeebus crusade and made things demonstrably worse.

    Fuck you, DeVry, and fuck your whole shitty family.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      The problem is that those who have the remotest clue about actually educating children want to actually educate them. You know – pollute their young minds with reality, facts and science, instead of moonshine and bullshit from the Big Book o’ Fables.

    • Querolous

      “DeVry” Now that is how snark is done! Well done!

  • Creepoman

    “Countless students have benefited from her efforts . . .”

    You got me there, Mike – technically, zero is “countless.”

    • calliecallie

      I can’t believe you beat me to that.

      • Creepoman

        Not sure if I did – tie goes to the runner?

        • calliecallie

          I am heartened to know that people will see through that bullshit so readily! Kudos!

          • Creepoman

            Now if someone would only call him on it – “No, go ahead Mike, count them for me. We’ve got time.”

          • Beanz&Berryz

            You can use the fingers on both hands, if you need to.

    • beingreleased

      https://www.dropbox.com/s/ency86k5urlxoa3/zerosapercent.png?dl=0
      [Why doesn’t discus allow uploads anymore? Is it mad because we had a date with someone else over the weekend?]

      • Alan

        Dunno but it’s pissing me off.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Countless is, technically speaking, infinity. Which is a butt load of students. More than she can count. Or he.

  • calliecallie

    “Countless students…”
    Technically, you can’t count zero. Hence, countless.

  • Suttree

    Is Pence saying that she boned people to get the job? That’s what I’m hearing.

    • Shoto

      It would be irresponsible and reckless not to speculate.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      I was wondering if “her treasure” was a euphemism for her lady parts. Will she be suing Pence like Melania is suing the Daily Mail?

  • OneYieldRegular

    The President and I agree that our children’s futures should not be determined by their zip code.

    The President and I agree that our children’s futures should be determined by their bar code, and that is why we are announcing Premium Prime Schools USA, a privatized system of education where no student will fall between the cracks, because we’ll be tracking them – literally – to see how much revenue each one will generate for our nation’s great investors.

    • Shibusa

      Quite sure Betsy and Donald don’t want to see a bunch of bad zip code kids getting bussed to their grandkids’ fancy private schools with their vouchers clutched in their dark-skinned fists.

  • PubOption

    That pic. looks more like Busty DeVos.

  • Warned_and_Persistant

    ‘DeVos’ work experience has revolved around philanthropy and political advocacy’
    She has demonstrated the ability to write a check, lick a stamp and is familiar with the DC zipcode.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      I’ll bet that she doesn’t lick her own stamps. She’ll have people to do that for her.

      • Warned_and_Persistant

        U right. I suspect her involvement is limited to ‘if I give too much to Marco, will Mitch feel slighted’.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Well… Our Modern Post Office makes it so many of us don’t need to lick stamps anymore.. unless we want to…

  • Shoto

    “Jeezuz rode a dinosaur to charter school every day. Uphill both ways.”

    — Betsy DeVos

    • Martini Ambassador

      And wore bread bags for shoes. You heard it here first, kids.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      With Jesus.

  • Oh, and may I also say a hearty: Murderous, thieving, raping and pillaging though they may be, this is some serious fucking PIRATE LIBELZ!!

  • Anna Rompage

    I personally can’t wait until they bring Home Economics back to the class room, so that this newest generation of females gets the proper training on how to take care of their future husbands…

    • Martini Ambassador

      Make Sammiches Great Again!

      • Anna Rompage

        Obviously you’ve only been with women who haven’t had such training, otherwise you’d be praising the holy goodness of casseroles made with cream of mushroom soup!

        • Oblios_Cap

          And Jello™!

          • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

            Ambrosia salad like a muthafucka!

          • Alternative Pony Ron

            Though hopefully not in the same recipe.

        • cmd resistor

          I confess to loving cream of mushroom soup casseroles. But I HATE Jello.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Upvote for the cream of mushroom soup casseroles. My mother used to make a jello salad with carrot shavings in it for holiday meals. I hated that shit.

          • cmd resistor

            I had to do a colonoscopy a couple of weeks ago and even though Jello was kind of a solid food, I couldn’t make myself do it.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Make Great Sammiches Again.

      • Shoto

        Make Sammiches Yoooge Again!

        — Chris Christie

        • Martini Ambassador

          Hey, I forgot about him. Is he in jail yet? (does Google search, is disapoint)

          • Warned_and_Persistant

            He ate the jail.

          • Alternative Pony Ron

            He escaped long enough to say something nice about his BFF Donnie, but they laid down a trail of donuts and captured him again.

      • Suttree

        Is a whole class actually required to teach them how to spread mayonnaise?

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          Great cooking is all in the details.

        • Querolous

          Do they learn how to plan a Crisco Party?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Them sammiches won’t make themselves now, will they?

      • Martini Ambassador

        Jinx!

        • Oblios_Cap

          Great minds and all that.

    • Lizzietish81

      No, they’ll learn from their mothers or go to finishing school. No more college for women

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibUsglYe4r0

      • eggsacklywright

        So they have a nice, shiny, Stepford-like finish. aka republican.

      • Suttree

        Fuck that physics homework! Come hear about home ec!

    • Warned_and_Persistant

      Our favorite TN congresscritter Marsha Blackburn’s resume:
      Born Marsha Wedgeworth in Laurel, Mississippi, she attended Mississippi State University, earning a B.S. in home economics in 1973.

      • Anna Rompage

        You should see the things she can do with a packet of Lipton Onion Soup mix, OMG…. And the pleats on the bed ruffle, my god, they were ironed perfectly!

        She can write the checks, balance the checkbook, clean all day while cooking a scrumptious casserole, and even had time to ride the spin cycle to an orgasm, all while her husband was away…

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Useless Factoid: in junior high (mid 70s), when I was sick of getting bullied in ‘Shop’ (woodworking and tools, which boys were required to take), me and my gay bud at the time busted tradition by asking to be transferred to Home Ec. We took merciless mocking for it, but least we stopped fearing power tools in the hands of bullies.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Maybe they can just turn the Home Ec curriculum over to Carl’s Jr. Pudzer will have a ready-made horde of new employees, already trained with government funds. That will definitely help him keep costs down.

      • Bozilingus

        Must first get Congress to reduce the Federal Minimum Wage.

    • ViveLaRésistance

      One time, our junior high home ec class made a thing called “Santa’s Fudge.” The walnuts sank out of sight to the bottom of the pan, causing a classmate to snark, “I guess Santa didn’t want his nuts to show.” On many levels, this probably explains why I was attracted to Wonkette.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      North Dakota’s already on it! Breakfast in bed…

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Breakfast In Bed!

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    I guaranfukcingtee you, the only mention about teachers is how much they suck. But, but, what about the unions?

    Please.

    Like most unions, the two largest unions have been, pardon my gendering, cut off by the balls over the past three decades. And actually yes, both sides have contributed to their decline. The NRA could shoot the NEA on Fifth Avenue and no one would care.

    • Warned_and_Persistant

      nailed it. busting teacher’s unions is the mission that outweighs any crocodile tears over the future of the kiddos.

    • mancityRed6

      and nothing ever gets said about the police unions

  • Lefty Frizzell

    OT ten random seconds of Fox this morning and some shithead was agreeing that the press covered up all these terrorist attaks.

    • snark-lurker

      if you want to know what that OPOS is thinking at any given moment, just go to FOX.

      • Shoto

        Get the newz before Drumpf tweeters it out.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        It’s just the rank stupidity. I fully expect if I had continued listening that Doocy arsehole would have said something like “you read about these attacks every day and the press just won’t cover it”.

        • Phoenixdoglover

          Of course, the list compiled by the White House was assembled using….Google…and reading….news articles.

          Nobody goes there any more. It’s too crowded – Yogi Berra

        • snark-lurker

          that has surely been said at Fox & we just missed it is all

          • Alternative Pony Ron

            Well, who can take more than a few seconds of it at a time?

  • Creepoman

    These folks sure have one hellacious hard-on for busting teacher’s unions, and they seem to have ignored the warning to see their doctor after four hours.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Roadstergal

    “Her treasure” sounds like a creepy Christian dad’s euphemism for his daughter’s genitalia. You know, the kind of creepy Christian dad who takes his daughter to Purity Balls.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I was just thinking that. My mom told me to be very careful with my treasure and not donate it to just any hawt guy on the football team. Wait for a rich one.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        *starts to write*

        *stops, goes for a walk*

      • snark-lurker

        how did that turn out btw?

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          The best plans of mice and men…

          • snark-lurker

            yeah. George did what he had to do too.

          • Alternative Pony Ron

            … you married a mouse?

          • Jon Sussex

            Were not laid?

      • Heyzeus Ahchay

        That’s what Melanomia did, and you see how THAT’s worked out so far.

      • Shibusa

        When I went off to college, my mother’s final words were, “Always drink like a lady. And don’t get married your first year.”

    • snark-lurker

      I couldn’t quite put my finger on why that sounded creepy, but you got it.

      btw, no pun was intended–really

    • Hutch

      “Purity Balls.” *snort*

      • Phoenixdoglover

        You sure do have some Purity Balls.

        *I’ll let myself out*

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        “What is, ‘What’s in daddy’s shorts during that lame father-daughter dance,’ Alex.”

      • Shibusa

        I read that as “purty balls”!

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    But instead of being a creepy lady who buys politicians and fucks up school systems, she is a kind and selfless pirate,

    Jeanne de Clisson is like “Bitch, please”.

    • Martini Ambassador

      First marriage at 12 years old. Those were the good ol’ days.

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        The Dominionists are salivating at the idea that they could bring them back again.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Shoto

      The idiots don’t fall too far from the idiot tree.

      • cmd resistor

        Of course her dad couldn’t really call her Pocahontas without being guilty of impugning, right? Actually, much as he isn’t my fave, he probably wouldn’t.

    • Marceline

      She really is. The right wing is already trying to Hillary her. They are going to focus on trying to kneecap her for a 2020 run.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Sadly, thanks to all the LIVs who don’t pay attention beyond the soundbites and to all the liberal purity trolls who bought into the Hillary BS, the GOP may be successful at smearing her

    • Lefty Frizzell

      It says a lot that they think it’s funny and/or a valid criticism.

      It combines racism, sexism, personal attack, and a completely false reading of the backstory – it’s a republican winner all the way – hahahafuckingha. Split my sides laughing guys.

      2018

    • Rick Hill

      These people are very intent on spreading their message and christian faith, now aren’t they?

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Well, I guess we can regard this as settled now that Antonio Sabato Jr has weighed in, right?

    • Remember in 2008 when she tried to be the “cool conservative” because she didn’t think LGBTQ folks should be tortured and banished from society? Showing her true colors, just like her traitorous father.

  • gene108

    There is no good intention unmitigated greed cannot subvert and ruin.

    Charter schools were a nice idea. Develop some new teaching method or special focus curriculum and give parents and students the option to enroll. If it was really successful roll it out district wide.

    But then the scammers got into it and turned it into a joke.

    And the Republican Party is 100% in bed with the scammers, who are ripping off the tax payer.

    • beingreleased

      I’m not opposed to new ideas. I’m opposed to new ideas which have been proven not to work.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      So are many Dems, sad to say. Google DFER and Diane Ravitch.

      • gene108

        But it is not as absolute as it is with Republicans.

        There’s some hope more and more Democrats will move away from the whole charter school business.

        There literally is no Republican, who opposes charter schools and when they try to pass sunshine laws on what charter schools do with their money, people like DeVos pay to have them defeated in a primary.

      • h4rr4r

        For cheat sheet of who is doing what you can look at the senate vote for Cabinet positions.

        https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/01/31/us/politics/trump-cabinet-confirmation-votes.html

        As you can see most of them. Compare to how the Rs got yes votes out of nearly everyone.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      To be fair, since 2007, mortgage lenders have needed a new line of work.

  • Marceline

    For those who don’t know that’s prosperity gospel speak. You give your “time, talent and treasure.” This was a victory dog whistle to Evangelicals.

    • Warned_and_Persistant

      Jim Bakker is still paying off Tammy Faye’s mascara tab.

      • chicken thief

        Speaking of Bakker, I was thinking “give your time, talent, and treasures” was what he used to sweet talk Jessica Hahn into the sack.

    • Anna Rompage

      How the evangelicals, who seem to believe in much of the old testament, and take a literal translation of the bible, ever came about to accepting the Prosperity Gospel is so beyond me…

      • Shoto

        “Jeezuz works in mysterious ways.”

        — Mike Pence

      • Rick Hill

        Started the change in the 90s when a lot of folks made money on the stock and tech bubbles. I read back then pastors were asking what to tell their congregation that were worried about that rich mn into heaven piffle.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        The preachers are smart enough to see an opportunity to shear some sheep, and the flock are fucking dumb enough to allow themselves to be sheared. It’s easy to fuck over stupid people – it’s how the Republicans keep getting elected. And why they are so bound and determined to keep people stupid.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          they’re not all stupid- many are also grifters. that preacher just gives them the cover to continue bing greedy

          • Robertatbellamy

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !sc317c:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !sc31s7c:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs617NetworkFilmsGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!sc317c:….,….

      • sweeper

        Literal reading of a particular translation. If they knew how to translate themselves they’d be mighty surprised.

        • aureolaborealis

          That sounds like it would require learning a language. LAME! If God wanted us to speak foreign so we could translate the bible ourselves, He wouldn’t have written it in English.

          • sweeper

            Stupid foreigns with their stupid foreign words. Probably talking about us.

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        It promised them money. Their TRUE God.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        In their bible Republican Jesus (TM) came to earth to save the rich by making poor people feel shitty about themselves and keep them in their place.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        It tells them it’s virtuous to be rich – they love that shit more than their god, their family, their country, even life itself.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        you’re surprised that a bunch of greedy hypocrites were able to concoct a rationalization for their greed?

    • Rick Hill

      I’d gone to church until I was a teen. Everyone of them were very clear on Jeebus’ message on rich men getting into heaven. That all started to change in the 90s. Disgraceful

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Exactimundo. Pence the Pious strikes again.

    • Johnatx

      Mrs JohnATX and I like to guess which person is writing the EOs and choosing nominees. DeVos is definitely a Pence choice.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Am I too late for the booty jokes?
    Arrrrrrrrrr!

    • Warned_and_Persistant

      We left you behind.

      • Rick Hill

        Butt….you said you’d call first

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          That was cheeky of them, wasn’t it?

          • Rick Hill

            They could at least give a little toot to let me know it’s time

    • Anna Rompage

      The only booties around here, are the one’s your granddaughter is going to learn how to knit in their new HomeEc classes….

      • HorseChestnut

        Home Ec libelz.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Bringing up the rear again I see…

    • ViveLaRésistance

      Any crack from you is always welcome.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Yup, we’ve already turned the other cheek.

    • Shibusa

      This is a wonk-thread I can really get behind.

    • chicken thief

      This is a glute-free thread.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        You people are so derriere intolerant!

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    “The President and I agree that our children’s futures should not be determined by their zip code.”

    No, they want a system determined by tax bracket instead of zip code.

    • h4rr4r

      No, they have a far easier method, to implement it all you need is a paper grocery sack for comparison purposes.

  • Bozilingus

    My fellow Wonkettes, this may be the opportunity we have been waiting for. There must be quite a few educators and retired educators among us. Get together and start our own charter schools. Take all the monies the government will be giving and recruit students who still want to learn. Those families too poor to pay can be allowed at no cost. Take back our education!

  • Phoenixdoglover

    In other news today, Corrections Corporation of America (CoreCivic) announced the formation of a new operating division, to be branded as SkoolBox USA.

    In a news release, CCA President and CEO Damon T. Hininger, announced the move, and said, “We plan to leverage our vast experience housing uncooperative delinquents, and forcing them to do what we say, while holding them back from a normal life. Co-location of key facilities and transportation options, will be the competitive advantage we have over public options for education. And the security of our schools will be second to none. We look forward to working with the new Secretary of Education to plan our takeover. Praise God.”

    • OrG

      Joke?

      • Rick Hill

        Who the fck knows, anymore?

        • Phoenixdoglover

          Not me, and I wrote the damn thing.

      • Historicat

        Yes.

        Wait – we are talking about the country, right?

  • Rick Hill

    So nice to see our country finally being run in accordance to (contemporary) christian values….

    • OrG

      No Sharia Law or something.

    • Spurning Beer

      Contemporary Christian values are my favorite, along with Soft Rock values.

  • OddMan

    Thank you Ms Pennacchia for writing this.
    Betsy is a big proponent of Charter Schools; but I did not realize how truly corrupt and anti-learning that Charter schools can be when deregulated as in Michigan. The NYT article you listed above about Detroit spells it out quite well and I suggest those interested go read it. ( if NYT gives you crap open it in an incognito window) Hell’s Bells we are in for a world of shit if this type of unfettered hypocrisy and greed happens on a national scale.

    “Idiocracy” was disturbingly a much more prescient movie than I ever thought it would be.

    • hendenburg2

      Drop the phrase “when deregulated.” Studies have found that around the country, only the top charter schools are even on-par with their neighboring public school.

      • OddMan

        My use of the term “deregulated” came from my reading about Detroit, where they really got out of hand due to changes in Michigan law.
        I think public monies should go to public schools, and Michigan and Betsy are showing us what may happen in many other places.
        Yeah you are right maybe deregulated is not a strong enough word. Abhorrent may fit.

  • Anna Rompage

    What’s worse that DeVos being head of the Dept of Education?

    Jerry Falwell Jr being in charge of the Department of Eds Higher Education branch…

    http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/jerry-falwell-jr-asked-lead-trump-education-task-force-n715116

    • Johnatx

      They want to gut Title IX

    • Shibusa

      Christ on a bike. America is doomed.

    • chicken thief

      Obama rooning America as we know it by inflicting private health insurance on our poors and infirm?

  • Warned_and_Persistant

    If we only rolled back child labor laws, we could call employers VocTech educators and they’d be eligible for BetsyBucks in the form of vouchers

  • azeyote

    i skipped sunday school way more than i skipped regular school – which was a lot –

  • Crystalclear12

    Would someone tell the GOP it’s cheating to bring a shovel to a limbo contest.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    The complaint from these fucks about Islam is that it’s more than a religion – it’s a legal and governmental system designed to supplant democracy.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      To the right irony is the taste of blood in your mouth.

  • Johnatx

    Yeah, here in Texas, our Lieutenant Governor, Dan Patrick, is pushing hard for “school choice” . Basically, his plan is to give parents a debit card with $5000 per kid. They (the parents), can use the money to pay for the kids education however they want: public school, charter school, Jesus school, home schooling. With no oversight! Also, with no standards! Why??? Because freedom, I guess. You may have heard of Lieutenant Dan. He is the Texas pol that wants to do the whole “ban transgender folks from using the restroom of the gender to which they identify.” ‘Cause that’s working out so well in North Carolina.

    • Shibusa

      So if you home school, you can pick up a Bible to be your textbook from Good Will for $1, and then have $4,999 left over for meth, Slim Jims, RC Cola and Moon Pies.

      • Johnatx

        Yep. Though, there is a good chance that the State representatives and senators from the rural areas might fight it. Charter schools won’t touch the rural areas. Not enough $$$ in it. Also too, the Texas House Speaker, Joe Strauss, is fairly normal, and often stops the crazy coming from Patrick

      • OrG

        FREEDOM

      • puredog

        Moon Pie libelz!

    • Fartknocker

      Dan Patrick is a shit-stain on this state (and we’ve had many). But his voucher program will be on par with Perry’s Trans-Texas Corridor as the most poorly conceived and managed program for this decade. I can guarantee you that in 3 years the Texas Rangers will find people purchasing guns, crack, and snorting heroin off of the ass of strippers using the Patrick Pussy Pay Pal card.

      • Johnatx

        Yeah. He actually makes me miss Dewhurst

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Too bad the average cost to educate a student is $10,000.

      • Stinky_Hole

        And that’s just it – they want to get back the taxes they paid (or maybe didn’t pay) to use towards their own private school fees, knowing full well that poor people will never be able to afford to send their children to the same schools even with a voucher.

      • Nodrama4mama

        Private schools in Hawaii start at about 10K and several of them are 20K and that is just the tuition, not counting fees, transportation costs, and the fundraising that always seems to be expected, even if you are paying an assload of tuition.

    • Mike Steele

      Ooooookay, so Trumpanzee tax $s (such as they are) can now go to the fundy charter school established by the local imam? Hmmm. We may have an angle here. Also, too, who will fund the social workers having to rescue ‘the children’ from home school hell? Likely, public schools are where many children go to ESCAPE abusive situations.

    • JoeChristmas

      And don’t forget you loser libs that the banks take a cut of every transaction on those debit cards…free marketz!!

    • mailman27

      The first time this cold cash goes to the local madrassa(sp?) the liberal coastal elites will hear the wailing from their multicultural enclaves.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Trump drained the swamp alright….then he replaced it with a fucking BOG.

    • Spurning Beer

      “Drained” isn’t quite the right verb. Expanded? Intensified? Deepened?

  • Snark Tank, Bad Hombre

    Is “Her Treasure” the female equivalent of a young man’s “Special Purpose”?
    https://goo.gl/images/9dhyII

    • natoslug

      I really do not want to hear more about “Her Treasure” and how Pence has become so intimately familiar with it. Although I should just be glad he didn’t refer to it as “Her Hot Pocket.”

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Could anyone imagine Hillary making unqualified campaign donors cabinet appointees? I know, I know…she had emails and a charity foundation that was transparent in its budget, donors and goals. Clearly she was the more corrupt.

  • Little Lulu ResistanceFighter

    Note to Pence: it’s “benefited”, not “benefitted”. A word ending in a consonant preceded by a vowel and not accented on the final syllable doesn’t double the consonant before adding a suffix beginning with a vowel. I know these things.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      Psst – the punctuation goes INSIDE the quotation marks. I know these things.

      • Little Lulu ResistanceFighter

        This is where I differ from established grammar policy. I think other grammarians are simply wrong on this.

      • Little Lulu ResistanceFighter

        Although no one agrees with me. Sad.

      • Little Lulu ResistanceFighter

        Okay, punctuate this:

        My sister sang three songs: I Wont Grow Up I’m Flying! and Wendy from the musical Peter Pan. When I hear these songs I think of the words YOW CHOFF and BEEBLEBERRY.

        • puredog

          Hey! They said there wouldn’t be GRAMMERZ!

      • puredog

        Well of course you do, darling. That’s why you a libtard.
        ETA: Hadda vary it or disqus wouldn’t let me post it again. Damned botz gotz no sensayuma.

      • Yr. Gma

        I do Chicago Manual of Style, you say potahto, let’s call the whole thing off.

    • puredog

      Well of course you do, darling. That’s why you’re a libtard.

  • Warned_and_Persistant

    From the lede photo, is it ok to call her Betsy DDevos?

  • natoslug

    Yet another reason why the concept that money is free speech needs to die.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    What the fuck is wrong with my zip code, Pence? you snob.

    • natoslug

      My zip code’s mainly a bunch of trees. Why does Pence hate forests?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      He’s not a snob. He’s an elitist.

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    The GOP and Amway: two sides of the same coin.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    The only thing “historic” about the confirmation of Betsy Devos is that she will go down in history as being the most unqualified secretary of education in the history of the Untied States! Thanks Mike Pence, Thanks Donald Trump, for helping to ruin our public schools and make our nation into an even bigger laughing stock.

    • puredog

      She and the head of the federal task force on higher education (Jerry Fucking Falwell) must have LOTS to talk about.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Anyone else hear that one in the voice of Dobby the elf? Her treasure…

    • Lambsendbeds

      Don’t you mean Gollum? Dobby mostly said “Harry Potter, sir,…”.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Is just now figuring out humanz, and now I have to keep elves straight also too?! How’s a bear supposed to Make Middle Earth Great Again when society’s all complex and stuff?!

  • Rick Hill

    Oh, yeah, cause now the gop is caring about helping the poor….Mybe a look at pence’s reecord in Indiana will give us a clue as to what he really thinks is important

  • chicken thief

    Pearls of wisdom from a guy that calls his wife “mother”, second in command to a guy that wants to fuck his daughter. Now there’s some family values, folks!

    • h4rr4r

      I have called my wife mom, in front of my kid. It is a weird time I tell you what.

      Damn, I am getting old.

      • Ren Chant

        in front of your kids is one thing-in front of legislators is another.

        • puredog

          It still doesn’t creep me out like Ronnie calling the Blowjob Queen “mommy” in many contexts.

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    Republicans really know ethics. The price of them, at least.

  • Holly Palmer

    That “Time, talent, treasure” line is an old one. Usually used when someone is asked to sit on a non-profit board. One is expected to give one of the three. Oh, and BTW, Pence is a closet queen.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    She ain’t got no booty.

  • pgjack

    Amway (now Quixtar) has been investigated for pyramid scheme practices in many countries. The Billions of dollars funneled to the De Los family has been used to make constant major contributions to the Republican Party on all levels. DeVos favors far right candidates that are willing to overlook the company’s practices.

    • Holly Palmer

      Don’t forget the Prince family foundation (Betsey was a Prince before she was a DeVos) Prince Foundation has spent countless dollars fighting LBGT causes. Oh, and as a bonus, Erik Prince of Blackwater ill fame, is Betsey’s brother.

      • Keith Taylor

        Before this campaign and election, no movie producer could have made a film telling a story like this without having it laughed off the movie screens, or else hailed as a bizarre and brilliant but of course wholly impossible satire … and that goes for the denizens of the Trump administration in particular, and their monstrous relatives …

  • Sister the Persister

    OT: Ooooooo! Disqus is somewhat better than yesterday – user names are back to displaying in COMMIE RED rather than dull ol’ grey, and more importantly, when I clicked on the little “you have 9+ notifications” balloon thingey above, it opened up a popup instead of overwriting the wonkette page as it’s been doing for the last few days (yes, I know, I shoulda coulda woulda opened it in a separate tab, but autopilot/still on first cup of coffee/whine whine whine)

    Anyway, thanks Shypixel or Disqus or Lords of Comcast or whatever the fuck set thing right. Maybe we’ll get our picture-posting linkey back eventually too!

  • Nodrama4mama

    Oh deal lord, that is the worst bullshit I have heard in pretty much my whole life. Did he pay someone to write that? How could he read that with a straight face.

    • puredog

      Pence only has a straight face.

      • Foocatchoo

        you forgot that he also has a CROOKED heart and a CLOSETED penis

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          “Barbarians need to be educated! By Amway!” — Marcus Bachmann

  • Two words that don’t go great together, “educational marketplace.”

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      “Fuck the kids…I’m buying them a cheap ass education so I can get a bass boat.” Is not something I want to hear either.

      • Naytch

        But teach a kid to fish… bootstraps, rugged American can-do spirit, etc.

        Of course in the glowing TrumpenFuture we won’t have schools for kids or schools of fish… but orange water and PROFIT!!

      • well I started the day off by removing tons of snow, then I read the article on Deadspin’s The Concourse about looking past DeVos’s lack of qualifications, but at what she has actually done, which is pretty scary. For-profit charter schools with no oversight or accountability outnumbering traditional public schools that ARE held accountable, largely for being funded at bare bones emergency levels. That sounds like a great plan for america!

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Her and people like her are why I quit teaching. That and I wanted to make my fortune with my soon-to-be-ubiquitous Ass Chaps App. It allows users to take a picture of someone who is angry and adds the words “Sorry your ass is chapped” to it. It’s been awhile though, and I’m not sure why no one wants to help me develop it.

  • Scrofula

    All the babbies will be math whizzes now! If little Suzie buys fifteen boxes of school vouchers, and signs up five friends, who each buy twenty boxes of vouchers, how rich does Suzie get? Trick question: they all get rich in JESUS.

  • Teecha

    Why would an adult woman, who wishes to be in a position of responsibility, use the name ‘Betsy’?
    She’s surely an Elizabeth?

    Also, she appears to be pure evil, and I hope her money never ever results in her happiness. Fuck everyone who wants to fuck up the ONE SINGLE CHANCE that children and young adults get at an education. Fuck everyone who wants to twist education into any sort of indoctrination or take it down any narrow road. Education should open your mind and make you question every thing.

    Fuck this stupid child woman, and her stupidity. Fuck her.

    • puredog

      I don’t know. That suggests an activity that might be pleasurable for her. (Ponders. . . .) I know! Fuck her up the ass, with votes, but without lube! There ya go.

      • whitroth

        No, unfuck her. No fucks for her, ever again.

    • whitroth

      For the same reason Cheney went by Dick (well, he was and is one…)

    • Yr. Gma
    • Medusa

      It’s an “old money” thing….
      The Jr. League roster is filled with names like Betsey, Bunny, Jewels, & KiKi…despite the fact that it makes them sound like a bunch of cheap hookers…
      Miss Betsey has no I.D.E.A. that the Secretary of Education is a really important position that should be held by a knowledgeable professional..
      rather than a dried up debutant…

  • Sekhmet1

    Those poor kids. Those poor poor kids. Bloody hell.

  • roberteye

    So McConnell gave Collins and Murkowski cover… but that’s it. Everybody else, including old “maverick” McCain had to get into the usual lockstep… even civil rights hero Jeff Sessions had to remain a senator long enough to check in. But no doubt Collins & Murkowski gives the spin of how the Rethugs are a bunch of uncontrollable free thinkers.

  • whitroth

    Y’know, it just struck me how “treasure” is usually used in a reference to a woman…. so she screwed her way to this position?

    How does he know? Inquiring minds, and alla that….

  • Yr. Gma

    As the beacon of light that Yr. Gma is to the hopeless and discouraged, I would like to point out that I, myself, am a product of “Christian Education,” and yet here I am at Wonkette, snarking, still. The best way to make sure a kid doesn’t turn out a “Christian” is to send him/her to a “Christian” school. (I will amend that to say that I did learn what “Christlike” is though I’m not so good at that, either.)

    • You are not, however, likely a product of a Christian Charter school that has no oversight and no accountability except to the shareholders.
      I too went to Christian Schooling; what these fucks are proposing is anything but. Either word.

      • Yr. Gma

        Accountability to a bunch of church elders wasn’t much different, frankly.

    • Boscoe

      Yeah, but more important than not ending up “Christian” is actually learning facts that matter in a consensus reality. We’re literally wasting the futures of our children if we allow them to end up in places that are free to “teach” that dinosaurs were agents of Satan and that’s why Noah didn’t let them onto the ark, or that climate change is irrelevant because Jesus will take pity and fix it for us.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Survived it also too — from 7th through 9th grade, no less. On the upside, I met my best friend there: The weight room. :-D

  • Silly Wonkette, her treasure is all the whore diamonds she spent on her “investment” of politicians to someday give her the job to dismantle public schooling for the good of her family

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    yeah, yeah, yeah, and Pablo Escobar built parks and soccer fields in Colombia.

  • Thomas Hodgson

    The Pirate of Pence Aunts?

  • Tiny kaiju

    I advocate drinking cocktails. This doesn’t mean I have any expertise in making quality liquor. Fuck you Betsy DeVos, Mike Pence and the Amway Pyramid you rode in on.

  • Tiny kaiju

    Does this mean Betsy will pay, with her own money, for the children in my school district going to Christian schools, so my taxes can be used to fix the roads instead?

  • Reddishrabbit

    Who wants to sign up for my Little Satan School! I mean, vouchers choice blah blah.

  • Zyxomma

    ” … her efforts to promote an educational marketplace … ” So, school age children are consumers, not students?

    • HazooToo

      And will be fleeced as such.

  • Don Gwinn

    “Treasure” isn’t a pirate reference, it’s a dog whistle for evangelical Christians of the “My treasure is in heaven” variety. They’re expected to know that Pence is giving them a shout-out and vouching for Devos’ evangelical credentials without alarming the squares who ain’t hip to the JC juice.

    • virgomusic

      Exactly right. The “time, talent, and treasure” formulation is a stock phrase that gets a lot of play when church budgets are discussed.

      I swear, these godless liberals need to run things by those of us who speak fundie as our first language.

  • phoenix00

    Oh my, Ms Devos, what, umm, pair of treasures, you have there!

    • Me not sure

      Arrrgh! I loves me some booty!

  • Rickyphoo

    First Tillerson, then DeVos, now Sessions. The hits just keep on coming!

  • Panika MCD

    hey, be nice to Gov. Good Hair. he couldn’t remember the name because the Texas Energy Department is called the “Railroad Commission”. it’s hard to remember when you have to switch names! besides, his office is going to supply this nation with more eye candy than you ever did see in a federal oar fish.

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