Oh, golly, now Starbucks has really done it. They’ve gone way past hurting Jesus’s feelings by leaving Christmas scenes off holiday cups, or offending the Founders by asking people not to bring guns into their stores. They’ve done the worst possible thing now: They’re going to hire people, those burnt-coffee bastards! Specifically refugee people, who are the most dangerous people there are! Starbucks chairman and CEO Howard Schultz announced the chain would hire 10,000 refugees over the next five years, in the 75 countries in which it does business.
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The company replied more politely than he might have expected, referring to webpages on their veterans outreach and their new shop in Ferguson, Missouri, as well as their commitment to open stores in other minority communities:
Oh, but those damned liberals didn’t fool Scott Baio, not one bit, because he happens to know they’re total hypocrites, like all liberals are. Sure, Starbucks may help vets and minorities like he originally asked about, but WHY IS STARBUCKS KILLING BABIES?
Mr. Baio did not specify whether he uses motorized goalposts, or has to move them manually.
He also retweeted this dumb thing:
Mind you, these are the same folks who want to eliminate family planning to punish sluts, cut food stamps and housing programs so takers will stop mooching off the system, and will inevitably show up in Deleted Comments to tell everyone who voted for Hillary Clinton that the freeloading is over and it’s time for homeless bums to get a goddamn job. Unless maybe someone thinks a refugee might deserve to be allowed in the country. And of course the Flying Monkey Brigade completely ignores the detail that Starbucks refugee hiring will be worldwide — why aren’t they offering jobs to Americans in Berlin, huh?