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Bristol Palin is Mad About A Thing
‘Member when?

Bristol Palin — and this may shock you — is not a feminist. She is very confused by feminism and why it might exist. In fact, she claims that feminism, somehow, is setting “us” back decades. Because, she says “feminists say they are all about ‘strength,’ yet they’re always playing victim.” Probably we need to learn a good lesson from Bristol and her mother, neither of whom ever complained about one single thing during the entire Obama administration, because they are so very strong.

Anyway, Bristol has some questions for feminists, and they are real serious questions that we probably will not even be able to answer, because we are dumb and she is smart and she’s got us on this one, probably!

1. What rights do we as American women not have?
We can’t vote? We can’t bear arms? We can’t go to school? We can’t work? We don’t have freedom of speech? We have every single opportunity in this great country that anyone else has. Wake me when you start marching in the Islamic countries that murder women for showing more than their eyes in public.

Well, Bristol — and I feel that I have addressed this multiple times this week, so it’s making me a tad dizzy — the primary reason we are marching here, for our rights, rather than for women in countries where we do not live, is that we also vote here. We have a lot more ability to affect change here than in a country we do not live in.

I could just as well ask you why the Tea Party did not march for children starving in other countries, or perhaps to free Tibet, or any number of other things. I could ask your mother why she is constantly sobbing over the fact that store clerks say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” when there are people all over the globe actually being oppressed due to their religion or lack thereof, who would likely love to have their worst problem be how they are greeted by the shopgirl at Nordstrom. Though I disagree with them, I was aware that their problems were here, and not with things going on in other countries.

If you and your fellow conservatives have such fabulous ideas about what we ought to be protesting instead, I suggest you get it together and do that yourselves! Personal responsibility and all.

As for rights! Well, for one thing, we still don’t have the goddamned Equal Rights Amendment, which is straight up embarrassing. Really, who is it that’s scared of one line that says “Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex”? Even if you think women are “already equal,” it seems bizarre to be threatened by such a thing, no?

But that is not our biggest problem right now. Our biggest problem right now is that we are facing a loss of rights we had already gained. Women all over our country have had their right to choose abortion restricted already, and it’s likely that, soon enough, the rest of us will lose it entirely. Unfortunately, unlike you, if we have an unplanned pregnancy, we cannot count on money from Mommy and Daddy to help us get by. We could be financially devastated! And that is a less than exciting prospect for most of us.

Oh! Also — you may not have heard, but Congress and Donald Trump are all geared up to defund Planned Parenthood. While this may not be an immediate issue to you — someone who clearly has no interest in birth control whatsoever — the impact this will have on women across the country is immeasurable. Not for women who have abortions — which are already not paid for “with taxpayer money” — but for women who go there for other services as well. Birth control, cancer screenings, STD testing, etc. etc. For the 20 percent of women who live in areas where there are no other choices for medical care covered by Medicaid. Guess you just don’t care about the women in “flyover country” huh?!

The financial impact this will have on our country, by the way, is astounding! You see, abortions aside, Planned Parenthood prevents over 579,000 unintended pregnancies a year. Probably more! When Texas defunded Planned Parenthood, births shot up 27%. At over four million pregnancies a year, an increase of 27% is a LOT of babies. Where, exactly, do you think we are getting the money for these babies, who are going to need Medicaid, and probably other kinds of subsidies in order to merely survive. Not to mention the fact that pregnancy itself is pretty darned expensive! Unlike you, you see, most women actually cannot actually afford multiple unintended pregnancies! Especially when we don’t have maternity leave or subsidized day care in this country!

Sure, you could say “adoption” — but how are we going to place like, 600,000 babies a year?

Just to make you happy though, we are concerned about women in other countries as well! Because we’re awfully unhappy about the whole “gag rule” thing, which bans USAID funds from going to any NGOs that perform abortions or provide referrals for abortions. Given the fact that, due to the Helms Rule, we already did not “fund abortions” and these NGOs used privately sequestered funds for them instead — this basically just means that people can’t get their vaccines, malaria treatments, HIV/AIDS treatments now, because y’all just wanna be petty. It’s pretty bad! Especially since this newfangled version is even more severe than the one put in place by Bush II, which allowed exceptions for NGOs dealing with HIV/AIDS patients, on account that not being able to talk about abortion makes it real darn hard to fight that particular problem.

I could go on, and on and on, but let’s get to your next question!

2. What are you trying to prove by dressing up like “pussies”?
I’m embarrassed to be a woman in a generation like this. As a middle class working mom – wife – and independent woman – this is completely asinine. I’m telling you, dressing like a giant vagina and holding signs that say things like “Do my periods scare you?” is doing NOTHING to help women, and a LOT to hurt them.

First of all, we are very glad you are a wife now, and not like all those unrespectable unmarried hooers what get knocked up without a ring on it. Those women are TERRIBLE.

Second of all? YOU ARE NOT MIDDLE CLASS. Just to get that out of the way. You are a rich person. Third, allow me to refer to something your beloved Donald Trump said:

“I moved on her like a bitch. But I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.[…]Yeah, that’s her. With the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.[…] Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.”

So that’s where that came from! Personally, I am a heck of a lot more embarrassed to have a President who said shit like that than I am by pussy costumes! But I suppose you and I have different priorities! But, while we are talking about costumes here…

Tea Party

Not sure you guys have room to talk!

3. What if the tables were turned?
Can you imagine if men dressed as giant dicks? Wore penis hats? And held signs like “don’t assume I cook?” .. feminists would freak out and claim they’d been harassed, no doubt.

Um. When men have their reproductive rights threatened — or hey! Even if Medicare Part B suddenly decides not to cover penis pumps and we no longer have tax money for old boners — they are more than welcome to dress up like penises. Or pumps. Also, I’m not sure who you think is holding a sign that says “Don’t assume I cook,” but a man holding such a sign would not actually bother me. I don’t assume anyone cooks, generally speaking.

So there you have it, Bristol! Answers to all of your questions! If you’ve got more, I’d be more than happy to help you out!

[Bristol Palin]

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  • azeyote

    ha ha you mentioned planned parenthood to the always pregnant abstinence queen

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Okay, so we have a quadruple spin attack: Relative Privation Fallacy, Appeal to Ridicule, Tone Policing, and False Analogy. The judges will have to take that into account when scoring this routing.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I haven’t read her whole post because I cannot afford to be made any dumber than I already am, but must will depend on whether she sticks the landing. All the high-risk moves in the world don’t make much difference if the landing isn’t solid.

    • Lizzietish81

      Not to mention gas lighting

    • OneYieldRegular

      A (pussy) hat trick!

  • memzilla Ω

    Can you imagine if men dressed as giant dicks?

    I don’t have to imagine this, because THERE’S ONE IN THE GOD DAMN OVAL OFFICE.

  • PubOption
  • Oblios_Cap

    Bristool really likes to show the whole world that she really has no point at all. Unlike Oblio., who wears a cap.

  • That picture, as always, looks like the start of every single “amateur” porn I’ve ever seen.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Bristol, tell us all how well abstinence worked for you.

    • Spurning Beer

      “That means ‘doing it,’ right?”

  • janecita
    • Oblios_Cap

      Wow. When Snow White calls you that, it must be true.

      • janecita

        Snow White lived with one, she is kind of an expert.

        • Thiazin Red

          The evil queen did have some killer eyebrows though.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Disney villains all seem to have killer eyebrows.

          • Thiazin Red

            Ursala, Scar, Evil Queen, Maleficent, Gaston, yep it checks out.

          • Usedtobeyellerdawg

            Gaston barely qualifies as a villain. He was just an egotistical, misogynistic, braggart and blowhard who was so into his own self-aggrandizement he became delusional. Huh. Maybe he was a villain after all.

          • Antonin Dvorak

            You’d be surprised by the number of “Gaston was really the good guy” fan theories floating around the web at the moment.

          • Thiazin Red

            Avenant, the character hes based on from the Cocteau movie, is more ambiguous but Gaston doesn’t have his redeeming qualities.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            I think the “Beauty and the Beast” illustrators may have met the orange overlord at some point.

    • Lizzietish81

      She is neither warm nor deep

    • proudgrampa

      Thank you. I did not have to point it out, this time!

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I can’t explain why I love this gif so much.

      • janecita

        Because it’s awesome;-)

  • o’look Skwerl!

    1. What rights do we as American women not have?
    I would say the right not to be raped on a college campus is one.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Equal pay for equal work?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Bodily autonomy?

      • Martini Ambassador

        Ability to obtain affordable birth control? And to not be forced into being a baby-making machine?

    • Jenny

      How about the ability to speak without some numb nut screaming you’re wrong, shut up and enjoy your life? No improvements needed!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      The right to run for President without the Russians interfering?

      • Heyzeus Ahchay

        I wonder if Brittle’s mom could see the Russians planting fake news stories from her porch.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      How about the right to
      – not get paid less for doing the same work as a man
      – not have a baby if you don’t want it after sex
      – not have your pussy grabbed by a stranger
      – not be kissed by a vagina-mouthed dickwad
      – not be harangued by a know-nothing baby-factory pretend Barbie.
      Can hardly wait for your next little wordgasm the next time you get bored!
      Buh-bye, Brittle

  • Jenny

    Oh, shut the fuck up Brisket. Your opinions and arguments are as loose and worthless as your vaj.

  • nightmoth

    Nobody dressed up like a giant vagina, Bristol. Although that would have been most amusing. Particularly, if it were street theater and the giant vagina gobbled up someone dressed as Rump.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Watery tart who was paid almost a quarter million to advocate abstinence while fucking every man at some Vegas gun show says what?

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I’m telling you, dressing like a giant vagina and holding signs that say things like “Do my periods scare you?” is doing NOTHING to help women, and a LOT to hurt them.

    Did she even see any of the march coverage or just hear about them? She seems to be under the impression that the “pussy” hats were legit vagina hats, because we all know that Bristol isn’t quite sophisticated enough to speak metaphor.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Bristol is not the sharpest spoon in the drawer; a chip off the old pussy, as it were.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        A few sandwiches short of a picnic.

      • Ricky Gay

        a pube, at best

        • Spurning Beer

          “Not the curliest pube in the bush.”

          • Ricky Gay

            and also very crabby…hmmm.

      • Sharpest mallet in the toolbox

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’m not sure I follow her logic. You would think she’d be thrilled to have her period more often.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Logic and Palin do not mix.

  • NastyBossetti

    “We can’t work?”
    Sure, we can, for less money than men make, even if we’re doing the same job!
    Also, I can imagine if men dressed up as giant dicks because one time, my brother got sent home from high school for wearing a condom hat on “hat day.” Dicks wear condoms sometimes, so that counts as dressing up as a dick, I think. I wasn’t mad about it. It was pretty funny.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Make less money, have less chance of advancement (because of course you’re only working until you snag a man and then you’ll be gone), stricter standards of conduct…

      • Celtic_Gnome

        A female friend is an elected official. As much as she dislikes it, she accepts that, every time she goes out in public, she will be inspected and assessed from head to toe before any serious business can be conducted. You just take it into account. You know Hillary did.

  • Ricky Gay

    she is definitely middle crass

  • TundraGrifter

    “they’re always playing victim.”

    Victim? Is that the game for people too old to play “Doctor?”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      God, was this girl homeschooled? The last time I checked, victim was spelled R E P U B L I C A N.

  • Hutch

    Does anyone, other than for humor, actually listen to the Palins anymore? Even my Deep South tea party neighbors roll their eyes these days when Bristol’s mother is mentioned.

  • Jenny

    Also my ex boyfriend has a blow up dick costume he wore for the hell of it. Usually to make people laugh. So another argument invalid Brisket.

    • Oblios_Cap

      He had a Tea Party costume?

      • Spurning Beer

        That’s so 2009. Now it’s a Pee Party costume.

  • chascates

    You have the right to remain stupid.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Anything you say may be used against you at Wonkette.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        With canned clams, no less.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, we’ll assign Orly Taitz to defend you.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Eh. Let’s not get carried away. That would mean we’d have to listen to her.

        • Phoenixdoglover

          Whatever happened to Oily Taint? Maybe she and Brad have a thing.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Trump settled the whole Birther thing, so she’s out of a job.

        • Oh, Dog! Orly Taitz on the Supreme Court

  • Mavenmaven

    Bristol who?

  • Lizzietish81
    • Gayer Than Thou

      Bristol Palin is absolutely a first world problem.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Given the state of the first world, a minor one, to be sure, but annoying.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        I’d be happy to give her to a less fortunate nation, particularly if they don’t speak English and won’t really know how annoying she is. I’m sure she’d make a fine wife or Nike clothing worker.

        • Thiazin Red

          Since she doesn’t like feminism, I suppose her parents should have sold her to another political family to solidify alliances like in the good old days.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            She has the look (and temperament) of a Frey.

          • Thiazin Red

            And not the good one they tricked Edmure with.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            I think she’s a little long in the tooth for a Frey.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Y’know, it might do her a world of good. She might get a sense of what feminism is for, maybe even organize a march or two.

    • NastyBossetti

      I feel so embarrassed right now. Not for her, but for me and my eyeballs.

  • Martini Ambassador

    Oh noes! Occasional mention of female anatomy made poor widdle Bruzball squeamish! Why can’t those protesters be more polite?

    This is why, ya daft bimbo:
    http://www.peacemonger.org/assets/images/products/POS25_-_Well_Behaved_Women_-_Laurel_Thatcher_quote_Poster.jpg

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    “Do my periods scare you?”

    Now and fem.

    • Thiazin Red

      There is a disturbingly high percentage of allegedly heterosexual men who seem terrified by women’s bodies.

      • o’look Skwerl!

        I am after I heard about the “clitoris” women have. Just look at this picture and tell me you want to put your pee-pee in there:

        http://www.sciencephoto.com/image/547338/530wm/C0178358-Sea_lamprey_mouth-SPL.jpg

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          I’m all in.

          • mailman27

            You wouldn’t all come out.

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            WORTH IT

        • Thiazin Red

          Jawless fishes are legit nightmare monsters.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I don’t think Bristol’s thought this through. Or anything really.

  • Look, guys, it’s really simple, only white men can acceptably protest and only over things like how they’re oppressed by taxes and not being able to use racial slurs. That’s American.

    Asking the government to respect your bodies and your rights as a woman is just so uncouth and probably communist and you’re just being a sore loser because you can’t handle the greatness of Donald Trump’s America which is so great, the best really with bigly jobs for everyone, such bigly jobs that you’ll all be able to afford to buy your own birth control (until the Christianists outlaw it) or fly to Canada to get your abortions done.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Hang on, are you Bristol’s ghost writer?

      • Lord knows that some days I wish I didn’t have a conscience, so I could join in the grifting.

  • Hutch

    Headline: “Bristol Bristles Brutishly.”

    …yet again.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Brainless Bint Bristol Bristles Brutishly”

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Bravo

  • Lizzietish81

    Bristol, if not for feminism you would have been sold off cheaply by your father to the father of your first child to avoid being stoned to death.

    So shut the fuck up.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Bristol, if not for feminism wingnut welfare you would have been sold off cheaply by your father to the father of your first child to avoid being stoned to death.

      • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

        Didn’t they try that and it didn’t work for the baby’s daddy?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          She and daddy # 1 didn’t work out, for some reason. Daddy #2 and Daddy #3 are the same daddy, only there was a lawsuit in between when he said the baby wasn’t his and then sued for custody.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Because nothing says “refinement” and “elegant enough to be the Second Family” like brawling in the streets over who knocked up the Abstinence Queen.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Hmm… I wonder what other things Bristol would not have if it were not for feminists…

      • Lizzietish81

        Well she wouldn’t be able to write. Wouldn’t be worth it though.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        The right to vote? The right to go to school? The right to work at any job we’re qualified to do? The right to freedom of speech not controlled by our patriarch? Personal property? The right to every single opportunity in this great country that anyone else has?

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          The ability to divorce their POS husband without being left penniless?

          • Thiazin Red

            No fault divorce is the second best invention in human history.

            1. birth control
            2. no fault divorce
            3. printing press

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Or make their own medical decisions, or get custody of their children once the child labor laws are done away with and they become an asset again.

      • Spurning Beer

        Lots of plastic surgery?

      • OneYieldRegular

        A…hahaha…a contract….hahahhahOOOhaha…with an abstinence advocacy group? hahahahahaha…

    • Thiazin Red

      Shit, women were still being denied the ability to have bank accounts and credit in their own name in the 50s and 60s.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        seventies

        • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

          Really?

          • Yup, certainly here in the UK

          • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

            Good lord! The young women today have no idea what they stand to lose. And I don’t think they care either. Sad.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Hillary Clinton applied for a credit card in 1973 and was turned down. She was told to just use Bill’s.

            And she made more money than Bill at the time.

        • Red Bird Resistance Engineer
          • Carpe Vagenda

            Yeah, officially, but even when they were technically allowed they didn’t get them, ostensibly because they didn’t have credit histories. It took a while (my folks got divorced ~1970 so I remember this).

          • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

            I was in utero when all this happened so I have no memories. I am one of those lucky women who grew up not knowing any different. As I get older and learn more about what it was like for women just 50 years ago, I gain a deeper understanding of why my mother is so impressed with the fact that I have a career.

        • aureolaborealis

          Yep. My mom was laughed out of the bank when she tried to get a mortgage in 1973. This laughter was not based on her income.

          • Amalga

            I well remember trying to get a car loan for a used car in 1974 in Fairbanks. I had a job, bank account, good work record, etc. The private seller (a man) eventually cosigned with me.

      • Edith Prickly

        Mom of Prickly was telling a story about that just the other day. A major department store refused to let her keep her card in her own name after she married. She had to get a new card in Dad’s name with his “permission”. Ugh.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      If it weren’t for being stoned I’m not sure she would’ve gotten pregnant.

  • o’look Skwerl!

    As a middle class working mom – wife – and independent woman <– this is completely asinine.

    Well you got the “woman” part right.

  • proudgrampa

    Such A Idiot.

  • Martini Ambassador

    “Everything is great for meeeeeee, obviously everybody else that says things aren’t great is lying!”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CdV8ZfdUMAUU8p4.jpg

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      Exactly.

  • suziq

    We already know Bristol doesn’t actually practice abstinence, she just preaches it. Her kids were born several years apart and she was with the dude what she finally married for a while so I am going to have to go ahead and believe she used birth control for at least a few years. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
    And don’t be so darn hard on her, maybe she doesn’t know the difference between wearing pussy cat ears on a knit hat and what a vagina looks like. Not the sharpest spoon etc…

  • Spurning Beer

    Somebody offer that bimbo a wine cooler.

    • nightmoth

      No, don’t. She’s bred enough already. Show some mercy to the gene pool!

  • Thiazin Red

    Now I think I would like to see what happens when insurance and Medicare decide not to cover old man boner aids.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    feminists say they are all about ‘strength,’ yet they’re always playing victim

    Bristol, part of being a strong woman is pointing out when you or others are being mistreated, and refusing to tolerate it. Part of being a strong woman is standing up for justice and equality.

    You’re welcome.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c07274486e82e2000e0c175a981b499826a57d64e01bc6966dc877d9b0abdd73.jpg

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Bristol doesn’t know about any of that shit, because, well, Bristol.

    • Martini Ambassador

      This has to be one of my favorite wingnut talking points these days, that liberals apparently whine about social ills even thought they may not be personally affected by them. Yeah, that’s sort of the point, assholes–care and concern for the treatment of the least of us in society is exactly what makes us liberal. Just because they are selfish and self-centered twats (who laughably call themselves “Christians” more often than not), doesn’t mean that everybody in the country is.

      • Liberals whine about social ills because they are not self centred assholes and actually think social responsibility is a good trait to have

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        We put on our hats, drew up hilarious signs, and stomped around wintery cities all over this nation on our day off, listening to speakers, and making our causes heard.

        That’s not “whining,” dumbass Bristol.

        Whining is a lot more like sitting on your lazy ass in your warm house typing up some empty blog-words of illogical criticism about people who showed up in huge numbers and made noise when they were called to do it.

  • boyblue122

    Didnt Ms christian-family-values get pregnant before marriage. How is she going to preach to anyone about anything

    • Villago Delenda Est

      TWICE. And she started her “abstinence” gig after the first pregnancy, created with a man-child she didn’t marry.

      • boyblue122

        wow…thats funny…couldnt stick to the plans she preached even after having the first kid

        • Villago Delenda Est

          This is what drives me nuts. I do not care if a woman engages in a lot of sex with multiple partners, as long as she uses contraception to protect herself. Especially if she’s got a job pushing abstinence, to avoid making her hypocrisy impossible to not notice (for most of us…”Christians” seem to REVEL in hypocrisy)

  • Beowoof14

    The questions I would expect from Brisdull are where’s the tequila? And do you want to do it bareback big boy?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Didn’t read because fuck Bristol Palin. I can’t even get interested enough to come up with a snarky nickname for her.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I like “Barstool” myownself, but you do you, dollface! XD

      • Sardonicuss

        She will always be Barstool to me…always.

    • BrianW

      I was going to say “fuck Bristol Palin,” but I figured the line for that was waaaayyyy too long.

    • Remember what “Bristols” is slang for in Britain

      • mancityRed6

        she is a twit, so close
        or you could just call her a boob.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        well, it’s dialect for the town of Bright Stowe. Beyond that, not gonna ask. (note to self- do not google this)

    • Opiwan

      Bigtool Palin

  • Zonath

    Dear Wonket,

    How is babby formed? How girl get pragnent?

    -Bristol

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “When a man and a woman drink too many wine coolers in one sitting…”

      • freakishlystrong

        And yet men are to never be held responsible for resulting babby..funny that.

    • o’look Skwerl!

      Sometimes when a man really loves a woman, but most other times….

    • Opiwan

      First, there’s the anal and the blowjobs, so that you don’t violate god’s will and lose your virginity. Just don’t ask Dog about all that sodomy stuff. It might get complicated. If you do decide to hump Satan so you can go quickly to hell, the man puts his wee wee in your naughty spot and 9 months later the stork comes, the end. An “abortion” is when they shoot the stork on the way to your house and no baby shows up in the end.

  • boyblue122

    OT – Greenpeace has put a crane holding up a big “RESIST” banner right behind the White House :)

    https://twitter.com/noahmichelson/status/824297588836995074

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Oh, that is beautiful.

    • beingreleased

      How rude. Someone might hurt Donnie’s feelings.

      • boyblue122

        Yeah, someone definitely needs to take Donnie’s feelings into consideration ;)

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Oh, I think they very much took Donnie’s feelings into consideration…

          • Oblios_Cap

            I can’t wait to see what insane rambling will be Twatted about this!

          • boyblue122

            Is he even in the White House or at one of his hotels

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I will be up all night fretting over the feefees of Donald.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!
      • Celtic_Gnome

        And Donnie will lash out at those closest to him. Yay!

    • Doug Langley

      Wait – what’s that crane doing there? Just what are they building next to the White House?

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Apparently it is down on 15th Street/ Ave L, it is just that tall.

  • Dear Bristol if you had seen this perhaps you wouldn’t have had that first baby
    https://youtu.be/Fr5Z1o_ckVs

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Wake me when you start marching in the Islamic countries that murder women for showing more than their eyes in public.

    So Bristol will be supporting the Islamic feminist movement? Good to know!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f8c9b174983fd3237f2389046695a6c923480a8399e9f2d6dedbce1aa0b51ec7.jpg

    • Carpe Vagenda

      You mean the ones Trump will no longer be admitting women freeing persecution from?

  • Lucas Foxx

    Couple of things. These marches are in cities where the citizens generally vote favorably on women’s issues. Seems to me there needs to be some sort of march, or tour, of the more rural counties where white women are listening to Rush Limbaugh describe feminazies. Also, I see men saying they are victims of women’s health care because it costs so much more for women’s care and they don’t feel they should have to subsidize the “weaker sex.” Fuck you. Men are 100% responsible for pregnancy due to rape. Your boner pills are covered. The birth control to protect women from your artificial virility should be covered as well.

    • suziq

      Men are 100% responsible for all pregnancy always. Women don’t do it alone and same sex couples don’t procreate (so that’s good, right?) Even with artificial insemination the sperm came from a man.
      When ACA was first starting up my chiropractor said something about insurance would cost more because of the female thing so men should be able to have a different plan that doesn’t cover it etc. I said it is called insurance for a reason. That is the way insurance works. I am not going to get prostate cancer but I don’t mind that insurance covers it for men. Then I did mention that men are the ones that get women pregnant so they kind of do have something to do with it. She went oh yeah, I see what you are saying. I think she just heard some R men complaining and hadn’t really thought of it much herself. So I don’t think I really changed her mind, she was not sure what to think about it, but I hope I got her to look at the big picture.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      It’s simpler than that. If there’s any women in your family or household your collective income will suffer if women’s care is not covered.

      Really – how hard is that to understand?

      • suziq

        Evidence would suggest that is is very hard to understand.

    • Thiazin Red

      Also, the women are the ones who pay for their insurance. No one else is paying for their premiums. Insisting that policies must cover it is not the same thing as someone else paying.

    • eka

      one thing i will never forget, though i can’t remember who said it first: if men could get pregnant, abortion would be safe, fully legal and free.

      As long as I remember that, I say fuck you to anyone who thinks that womens health care is too expensive.

      Another thing I think of is how most medical trials use men because women’s bodies are “too complicated”. so why bother to see if women are adversely affected by a new drug in a way that men are not? that one’s been changing, but slowly.

      • NastyBossetti

        “If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.”
        It’s been attributed to both Florynce Kennedy and Gloria Steinem, but Steinem says they both heard it from an old Irish lady taxi driver in Boston.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    3. What if the tables were turned?
    Can you imagine if men dressed as giant dicks? Wore penis hats? And held signs like “don’t assume I cook?” .. feminists would freak out and claim they’d been harassed, no doubt.

    It isn’t necessary to imagine it, you fucking round-heeled little dimwit.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0a9c9f2ef1d573cfed0429e225dfb10267d3f4044cebf0ff24bfa7a76a0afed8.jpg

    That piece of shit is just the tip of the iceberg.

    • BearGHAZI

      Doesn’t even rhyme!

    • formerChild

      I think the more interesting thing about that pic is the dead uncomprehending eyes of everyone in it…

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    And held signs like “don’t assume I cook?” .. feminists would freak out and claim they’d been harassed, no doubt.

    Um, no. We might laugh until we peed a little, but I don’t think that would count as harassment. Try again?

    • Thiazin Red

      I might be confused.

  • mardam422

    Poor Barstool. She spends so much time reproducing with every Tom and Harry with a dick that she just can’t fathom that anyone might want to decide when they do so.

  • Bill Slider

    The highest calling for any Republican who considers herself to be a feminist is sammich maker in chief, that, and breeder extrordinaire. The highest calling for a Republican woman who denounces feminism is sex slave, or maybe heavy drug user.

  • o’look Skwerl!

    So is she saying I need to hold up a sign that says, “I don’t really want to kill spiders!” or “I don’t auto mechanics!” because these are more likely things I am assumed to do.

  • mardam422

    Poor Barstool. Her life is so wonderful. How can any woman not see how wonderful everything is…for her…Barstool Palin.

  • Oblios_Cap

    It’s amazing how wingnuts’ predictions about the demise of the country (see Tool’s shirt) when a Democrat is elected never come true, yet when their people get in office there seems be a real danger of that happening.

    • SpideySenser

      It’s ALWAYS projection with these asshats.

    • Amalga

      No, that shirt was about him being black, not just another Democrat.

  • Crystalclear12

    Another person whose only contribution to the good of humanity is to sequester carbon and keep it out of the atmosphere.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    “So Bristol, what did you do on your abstinence lecture tour?”

    “Got knocked up.”

    • Nounverb911

      Made $300K…..

    • MamaBrown

      wait, don’t you mean “was gifted by Jesus with another warrior for god, by means of my my studly All American boyfriend, who is also white so that makes it ok”?

      • puredog

        “…whatever his name was….”

  • fawkedifiknow

    I thought for sure that Bristolstomp would ask, “How is it babies are made? Asking for a friend.”

    • Carpe Vagenda

      When a woman and an unrelated third party like each other a little bit for a limited period of time when they’ve been drinking, sometimes they…

      • An Outhouse for the Resistance

        Do they have to be unrelated? Asking for Bristol’s friend.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Ima say that’s a gene pool that can use a few folks diving in.

  • anwisok

    I’m sure this is downthread already, but:
    http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/001/070/005/de6.png

    • Villago Delenda Est

      No, but always appropriate and in good taste when dealing with a Palin.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Also, too; appropriate for any republican one can think of.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • mardam422

    Poor Barstool. Only she can see what a waste of time, effort and money it is to march for equality and respect.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Maybe it’s just me, but…

    Making fun of the unhinged monster truck snow rodeo that is the Palin crazy just doesn’t seem like as much fun anymore since we have a crazier dude in the Whitehouse.

    • proudgrampa

      Maybe we could have a motion to discontinue any further mention of Palins (of any kind!) in Wonkette.

      Second?

      • Serai 1

        NO.

        • proudgrampa

          K. It was just a suggestion…

          • Serai 1

            Too much fun to be had, dude. TOO. MUCH. FUN.

        • Amalga

          I’m with you. We must continue to mock at every opportunity. We must never forget that the selection of her mother for VP started the shitshow that has resulted in Dear Leader.

  • Opiwan

    For those Republicans out there who “dun do da maths gud”, because only elitists know how to add, multiply, and shit like that, a 27% increase in >4M births per year is OVER AN EXTRA MILLION BIRTHS. And since we all know that only poor, liberal women have unplanned children (Bristol is a libtard now by definition?), that would mean 1M more takers on the gubmint welfare rolls every year! OH MY HEART!

  • Rick Hill

    Well, Bristol is living proof that men should run all the things and tell women folks what to think and what to do. Except for Bristol of course because if you try to tell her her place she’ll clock a muthafucka. (Idk, I get lost with their logic…)
    http://images.dailykos.com/images/355069/story_image/womensmarch.png?1485155275

  • MynameisBlarney

    Meanwhilst, in teh world o’ pr0nz.

    http://i.imgur.com/mSWbgNC.jpg

  • arglebargle

    You don’t have to assume I cook. I do willingly. Quite well to, if I say so myself. And I’ll be happy to tell you all about it. This, I assume, would be necessary when dating a moistened bint like Bristol, who I assume can’t boil water.

  • DahBoner

    Women pay more for common household items than men do.

    Captain CuuCuu requests permission to land.
    https://media1.giphy.com/media/qllaxfH4FnoBi/200_d.gif#48

  • freakishlystrong

    Meanwhile, Viagra and Cialis remain on every formulary in the country, FREE FER’ NUTTIN! Barstool.

    • puredog

      Not mine.

  • mardam422

    Poor Barstool. Only she, someone who has never worked a day in her life, knows what it’s like to work for less money, less respect, less opportunity. I’m forever grateful for her, and her mother…what’s her name. Surely they are pushing the envelope for equality like none of those vagina-dressed marchers could.

    • suziq

      She actually has a real normal person job now. Or she did recently. Like a real person! You would think interaction with normal humans would open her eyes a bit but eh, not so much.

      • Heyzeus Ahchay

        She still has to go home to mom every day.

  • Treg Brown
    • proudgrampa

      FSM help us.

    • Clyde Barrow

      Yeah, but can she cook good meth?

      • Treg Brown

        Just like mama makes

    • chicken thief

      She must be visiting someone otherwise one a’ them trucks would be sitting on blocks rusting away.

  • ViveLaRésistance

    This is what happens when Bristol, Brandi, Jinger, Jessa, et. al. have a brainstorming session. Preemptive: Brain libelz!!11!!!111

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      OMG that is the only video of the hostile takeover inauguration I want to watch!!

    • boyblue122

      “Now raise your shrunken hand and repeat after me” ;)

    • RJ (TO)

      Holy crap I want to be BFFs with whoever put this together.

    • puredog

      I’m hearing-challenged and have over some years developed modest lipreading skills. THIS IS GENIUS.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    She could have saved all of us a lot of time by just writing “Marsha MARSHA MARSHA“.

  • Donkey Option

    Another point about women in other countries – it actually isn’t our place to try to force change in their countries because that would be colonialism even coming from a good place. But trying to get women on more equal footing here and other developed countries, we are allowing more resources to go to helping women in those other countries. When we women make the same as men and can be an example of a goal, then there is a model to strive for. When we make the same as men and have more money, we can donate more of that money to support the work that other women are doing in their own country. And we, unlike some people, can both work for our own equality and support the equality of women in other countries. As someone who is a middle class, married, independent, never-had-a-baby-out-of-wedlock woman, I support everyone who dressed up as either vaginas or pussies (seriously, you’re upset about women putting on pink hats with cat ears as a joke about pussies? Are you 5?) So since I clearly have the moral high ground here (never got preggers out of wedlock, not that I care, but since you do) I can tell you that you can go fuck off (with votes) you self-righteous hypocrite, who only is known to anyone nationally because your mother is an embarrassment to us all.

  • Bristol IS the dick joke of the day.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      I wouldn’t laugh at her with YOUR dick — sorry, man thing.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I love how wingnuts are always telling liberals to go protest the treatment of women in the Islamic world while they A) protest against us admitting Muslim refugees, most of which are women and B) they sit on their fat white asses doing nothing except making racist memes and harassing American Muslims. Fuck you, wingnuts

    • I don’t seem to recall them protesting the treatment of Turkish prisoners all that time they were whining about Barry neither

    • Serai 1

      So much concern for those women being oppressed – until they try to come HERE to escape the oppression. Rather like having tons of concern for fetuses until they’re actually born. Then they’re on their own.

      The supposed “compassion” these nasty creatures feel for others is nothing of the kind – it’s merely self-aggrandizement, “concern” for their own egos and how OMG MAZING they are for “caring”.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I think you’ve hit on something important: people like Barstool don’t believe we liberals actually do care about others, because they don’t. They assume we’re being cynical and devious somehow by pretending to care about issues, because that’s their modus operandi.

        • Serai 1

          That’s wingnut psychology 101: they project everything onto others. Thus, since they do not fundamentally care about anyone who’s worse off than them, that must mean nobody ELSE cares, either. They’re incapable of looking outside themselves.

      • H0mer0

        I guess we are supposed to march on their behalf in Syria and Turkey and while we are out of the country, they lock us out.

    • OneYieldRegular

      It’s like when they get all exercised about gays being thrown off buildings in the Middle East, as if they’ve ever given a flying f*ck about gay people.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        They realize you actually care about them, therefore they can use your compassion as a weapon against you.

        It’s the Wingnut Way. No club is too disgusting to wield in order to batter your “enemies” with.

  • Saaaayyyyy
    Whatta ya call a government mooching taker who gets knocked up by multiple men all the while proclaiming the virtues of not having sex?
    Bristol.
    Whatta ya call a single mom who works her tail off in craptackular jobs who might get a couple bucks for milk per week?
    A single mom.
    Learn the difference, Republicans.

    • Picabo

      You win the internet today!

      • I would humbly like to accept this internet on behalf of all the starving lemurs in Tibet what get thrown off buildings if they ghey love the orangutans by those evil people who worship our god differently than we do.
        TAKE THAT, LIBTARDS

  • MynameisBlarney

    Stolen shamelessly from C&L…again…

    “When it’s no longer your problem.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eb8b49d22230ff19e7cb1c2936baf06095b0a243605433e13473ce851bb322b1.jpg

    • CYA SUCKERSSSSSS President OUT

    • Rick Hill

      Well, then again. Obama is proly thinking about how he found out just how much melting down the world economy was doing. At his briefings. The ones he went to. And payed attention to. and didn’t spend his time wishing he was twitting about how much waste of his time this was.

  • therblig

    doesn’t she have children to neglect and a marriage to work on destroying?

  • notanncoulter

    bristol who?

    • chicken thief

      Clearly you did not play football for the Wasilla Warriors.

      • H0mer0

        “THE WARRIORS DID IT!”

  • Edith Prickly

    Bristol dear, I know edumacation is not your strong point, but the reason women have those rights is…feminism. 200+ years of feminism, in fact. And there are plenty of people out there who would like to take those rights away – they are already starting. And considering the life choices you’ve made so far, I don’t think you need to be embarrassed by ladies in pussy hats. Have a look in the mirror.

    • kareemachan

      If I could knit (dismal failure, here), I’d knit and mail her one of these hats.

      Alas…

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Oh, shut up you vicious little nobody. Go fuck up your kids like your worthless braindead mama did you, so another generation of stupid can continue to obstruct all the good in the world.

  • Jgb979

    Considering she’s already had several virgin births despite being a strict practitioner of “abstinence only education”, I’m not sure if she understands the basics of “preventing pregnancies” to begin with…..

  • Shoto

    Obligatory:

    Bristol Palin is A Idiot.

    • Edith Prickly

      A Idiot libelszzz!

      • H0mer0

        [Prince Mirsky libel; also I is a idiot because I somehow expected a happier ending to a Dostoevsky novel]

  • Serai 1

    She’ll have an interest in birth control after Kid #6 interferes a little too much with her partying, and what’s his name is still sticking his dick in her. She’ll get pretty fucking interested then.

  • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

    Oh Bristol, feel free to exercise your right to free speech. Just remember none of us give a shit about your opinions.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    middle class? how about no class.

  • Yr. Gma

    Shouldn’t she have a dick in her mouth?

    • Duke

      That’s not how babbies are made, though.

      • loop hole!

        • Serai 1

          I don’t think they’re made there, either.

        • Hardly Ideal

          The sex that God can’t see… *shudder*

      • Spurning Beer

        Okay, sure. Tell me how they get into your belly, then, Mr. Smart Guy.

        • Duke

          From what I’ve seen on the internets, it just might have to do with the belly button.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            From what I’ve seen on the internetz, the man shoots his semen on her face, and the sperm cells work their way past the eyeball and along the optic nerve and down to the ladyparts. Kind of like a reverse Fantastic Voyage.

    • Shoto

      Photo-shopped out of the shot. That thing works really good, no?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Hey Levi!

      Or is this Joey? Kyle? Dakota?? Wait, DONALD!!?

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Welp, I’m convinced.

  • Spurning Beer

    Well, that’s good enough for me. No more of that feminism stuff. Hey, she’s a graduate of Wasilla High School (Go Warriors!) and a two-time contestant on Dancing with the Stars, for fucking Christ’s sake.

    • chicken thief

      Did she actually grah-jee-ate from Wasilla High? Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought I recalled that she dropped out to bear the fruits of her abstinence. Prolly got her GED and then moved on to beauty college or whatever it is she did.

  • Duke

    Her mom was governor and she’s whining about feminists.

    Perhaps she doesn’t know much about history, or anything.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Isn’t she a high school graduate with a job that is not teaching or nursing? Clearly, they should have held her back a couple of years.

    • Bebecca

      I wonder what she actually does for a living-incubator? OK I’m usually nicer than that but I’m not feeling like my old self these last few days…

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Last I heard, she was a receptionist at a doctor’s office.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Robyn – no offense, not worth your time. Trolls gonna troll.

    • Greyhame

      I do think it’s worthwhile to refute the bullshit though. We’ll never persuade the Bristol Palins out there at this point, but we must do what we can to prevent their idiot talking points from gaining traction.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        Unscientific guess – how much overlap is there between “people who read wonkette” and “people who take anything Bristol says at all seriously?”

        How about, “people who read wonkette” and “people who know anybody who takes anything Bristol says at all seriously?”

  • The Gosala Alternative
  • clubseal

    What was that from the Nazi Punch article yesterday … something about how you can’t even argue with someone who isn’t advancing ideas even remotely relevant to the conversation?

  • Slinger

    Bristol could have used those penis hats with Levi.

  • TJ Barke

    Today in “things I don’t care about therefore do not matter”

  • Bitter Scribe

    Hey, give Bristol credit. Her number of children now exceeds her number of baby daddies.

    • chicken thief

      Depends on who the “Impossible Delivery” is attributed to, doesn’t it?

  • chicken thief

    Worst.Wet.T-Shirt.Contestant.Ever.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Drool counts!

      • Ωbjectifier

        Grool too!

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Middle class” – oh, that is rich.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Referring to herself as a working mother is the one that got me.
      Oh bless your little heart, Barstool.

  • ViveLaRésistance

    Bristol dear, I’ve spent most of my life having to look at men dressed like dicks. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/37b373a4e5b8f5d891db7351553bf44277929b93f13deac85427ae03582f022e.png

    • Villago Delenda Est

      That is truly a gallery of rogues. And not the good kind.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        Aren’t those dicks dressed as men? Oh well – poTAYto, poTAHto I guess…

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      HEY!!!!

      LABEL YOUR DIX PIX NSFW NEXT TIME, JEEZ

  • Mike Steele

    Monied bastard machine chastises economically anxious marchers. Prepare to dodge some verbal shrapnel, class warrior.

  • BMW

    Shorter Bristol: “I don’t need feminism because I don’t have any ambitions beyond what I have already been told I’m allowed to do. Since I have never been discriminated against, discrimination does not exist.”

    • kareemachan

      Oh, I’m sure she’s been discriminated against. She’s just too stoopid to recognize it.

    • bupkus23

      ” ….I don’t have any ambitions beyond what I have already been told I’m allowed to do. other than to grift as much money as I can without doing a stitch of honest work in my life…”

      FIFH

  • Shirley Temples Dog

    Not original, but I have to say it with my Dan Akroid (sic) voice:

    “Bristol – you ignorant slut……”

  • Greyhame

    Reminds me of “Bitch, it’s Saturday.”
    http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028516893

  • BMW

    “Gee, I wonder what that lady only famous for being a pregnant teenager and who has literally no other qualifications thinks about this,” said no one sane.

    (Yes, I know this is an ad hominem argument, but the substantive counter-arguments have already been made, so I just wanted to address the obvious idea that THERE’S NO REASON ANY SANE PERSON SHOULD CARE WHAT SHE THINKS and she should probably not be taken seriously by anyone.)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The sincerity of all her arguments rely on her non-existent character for support.

    • bupkus23

      But, but, but… She’s a “celebrity”, ain’t she? “Famous for being famous”?

      Sheeeeee-it!

  • Nynaeve

    Do these people think that the pink pussy hats were meant to be depictions of vaginas? It seems like that’s what they think. It’s embarrassing that they don’t get the pun. (Pssst, Republicans, “pussy” means cat, too. Hence, the cat ears on the hats.)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It really pains me that this has to be explained in tiny words to these doofii.

    • Scrofula

      Not to mention the military refers to some of their uniform head gear as “cunt caps”, and they’re manly men, so . . .

      • Tina in Spokane WA

        My husband (20 yr Air Force vet) does that. I let him get away with it in that context only.

    • nightmoth

      Punz is HARD!! It maks me try to think!

  • Kooolest G

    “Sure, you could say “adoption” — but how are we going to place like, 600,000 babies a year?”

    I actually volunteer for an adoption agency, and I’m an adoptive dad. we totally could place all 600k babies a year. they’re all healthy and white right? wait what? ok that’s gonna be a little tougher then

  • jackaroe

    “Sure, you could say “adoption” — but how are we going to place like, 600,000 babies a year?”

    Actually, if they are white, this will not be a problem. The problem is whether or not you think it’s ethical to give young women bad sex ed and deny them birth control in the hopes they’ll turn up in “pregnancy crisis centers” where they can be coerced into adoptions.

  • Scrofula

    Why did the tea party march, when like all those sad oppressed European men all pay WAY higher taxes?
    Actually, that’s a good question.

  • chicken thief

    “3. What if the tables were turned?

    Can you imagine if men dressed as giant dicks? Wore penis hats? And held
    signs like “don’t assume I cook?” .. feminists would freak out and
    claim they’d been harassed, no doubt.”

    Holy Christ, Brizz, you’ve had days to think it over and edit your fucking message and that is what you came up with for turning the tables?! Seriously, have Wyoming or Montana or whatever his name is help you out with this shit. mkay.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Jesus, these numbskulls.

      Many of them claimed to be unfazed by Trump’s language, that his “pussy” comment didn’t bother them at all.

      Now, suddenly, they’re going to freak out about PUSSY! Oh My Stars™!! “It’s politically convenient for us to use this word as a weapon against you, since it is obviously wide-spread and somewhat effective!”

      Besides the Pussy Hats I saw basically were sewn straight across the top, which left pointy little corners, that looked like kitty ears. Therefore PUSSY, you know, the innocent meaning of that word?

      Is that anything at all like the equivalent “dick hat” she just dampened her twisted panties about? Oh, and the color was pink. Is that the first thing you think of when you see a pink hat on someone’s head? “OMG That’s a total vadge!”

      So , I guess the takeaway here is Bristol’s snatch is allegedly large enough to regularly envelop the top of a human adult’s head, has pointy corners on it, and is very bright pink.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      If gentlemen wanted to start wearing penis hats? That would be funny, actually. As long as they’re not trying to shove the hat in my wherever…I don’t really care. Bristol obviously knows no actual feminists.

  • RobKanC

    The real question is why is Bristol Palin still a thing?

    • El_Pinche

      I don’t know man. The Palins give me diarrhea.

      • They give themselves diarrhea. They post on their websites and call it “social commentary.”

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      The EPA has never been able to regulate these kinds of toxic polluters.
      Now they never will.

    • Because this new political era has become one perpetual “Celebration of Anti-intellectualism”

      • RobKanC

        No kidding. I am now trying to counter fake news atleast among my friends. But they all now think I am a trouble maker because I basically refute every single thing now.

  • El_Pinche

    I raise all of my daughters (well…girls at the strip club that I’ve sent to college over the years) to not be like Bristol Palin.
    – Don’t be dumb, angry, spiteful, violent or hypocritical.
    – Don’t wake up angry at the world and use social media to extend your rage.
    – Don’t be a jingoistic soldier-fukking war monger.
    – Stay away from wine coolers.
    – Infants and babies , They shit and cry. They grow up and take your money. Don’t be fucking obsessed with them.

    • Scrofula

      Sr. Pinche, your words don’t have the same intimidating punch with a kitty avatar. What happened to that scary-ass Danny Trejo-looking dude?

      • El_Pinche

        I switch the avatars from time to time for no apparent reason. Ken Layne (remember him!?) used the same avatar. I do it in his honor.

        • jodyleek

          Didn’t Layne’s avatar have the kitty with a pope hat? You know I’ve been lurking around here for a long time if I remember that.

          • El_Pinche

            It was a devil cat costume, but instead of evil, the cat model appears regal.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    “Don’t assume I logic”

    Look! I made Bristol a sign.

  • natoslug

    That’s a lot of words to say what could be summed up with “Fuck you, Bristle! Focus on your Bartles & Jaymes and fuck tent and let the grownups handle the thinking.” Or more succinctly, just that first sentence.

  • puredog

    Sorry, Robyn, but:
    OLD BONERZ LIBELZ!

  • Jonny On Maui

    Yes, whenever I want up to date information on Feminism I turn to one of the feral Palin brood…

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Stopped reading at Bristol Palin.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    If Bristle were a car she’d be a Pinto, cheap and prone to exploding.
    If Bristle were a snack she’d be Canned Clams, tasteless and hard to stomach.
    If Bristle were a retail store she’d be Walmart, too big, too tacky and too unethical.
    If Bristle were clothing she’d be a sarong, flimsy and easy to see through.
    If Bristle were a sportsball team she’d be the French World Cup team, whiny and willing to go down at the least provocation.
    If Bristle were a…

    • kareemachan

      On the 4th one, you forgot “made in a foreign country by people being paid about 50 cents/hour”….

  • Granny Sprinkles

    I don’t know what those librul perverts in Alaska wore, but I don’t recall seeing anyone dressed like a giant vagina.

  • Sandy Beaches

    It’s a good thing comments aren’t allowed here because I’d have a difficult time commenting without slut shaming her.

    • NellCote71

      Or breaking news the sacred rules for radicals.

  • Ωbjectifier

    She has one more question. How is babby made?

    • jodyleek

      The Bartles & James goes in, the babby comes out. Who can explain it?

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    I’m really enjoying all these pearl clutchers who saw so many signs with bad language & pussycat hats. They’re SO offended by that…but the actual words that came outta the man they elected (Robyn even quoted up there)? Nah. That makes him “manly”? Not “creepy”, “gross” or an “assaulter”?

    • Abby Normal

      My sister in law told me I had no right to be offended by trump sexually assaulting women because I say “fuck” a lot.

      When her brother and I came out against trump, she decided that meant we were against the entire family. This is of course my fault, being an uppity New York Jew liberal and all.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        Oh my goodness. Sorry you have to deal with that. I really don’t get how your use of bad words (fuckity fuck fuck) means you don’t get to be offended by women being assaulted…WTF? Didn’t Evan tell us recently that using many swear words means we’re smarter & kinder? I’d e-mail her that article. Keep on being your nasty word using, uppity Jew liberal self ;)

        • Kimberly Osment

          Blip is my new word

          Blip blip blippity blip

          • kareemachan

            I’m clutching my pearls here! ;-)

        • Abby Normal

          At this point I think I need to learn a couple of new languages, I can only curse fluently in 3 and it just isn’t enough any more!!!

          To be honest, I’m glad to be rid of her. It was rather uncomfortable having to make nice with someone who works in a shop that specializes in confederate and nazi memorabilia.

          Will do my best to stay nasty!

          • kareemachan

            Merde. She sounds…. special.

  • Jennaratrix

    She hurts my head.

  • Michael R

    What we need is a good celibacy spokeperson who doubles as a sperm bucket .
    That would really help America .

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Amy Schumer’s term, Cum Dumpster, is so much more evocative.

  • rick

    Barstool…erm, Bristol would know a thing or two about unintended pregnancies.

    • Tina in Spokane WA

      She’s on her third one now, but good for her for getting an ex-husband-to-be first.

  • Michael Loraine

    Short Answers to Bristol’s Big Questions:

    1. Equal Pay For Equal Work.
    2. We Don’t Care What Names You Call Us. Women Still Rule.
    3. Men Are ALWAYS Dressed As Giant Dicks. Just Look At Your Dear Leader.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Hmmmm?? Strange that she didn’t get around to announcing that she’s carrying a new Palin bastard. That’s how the universe demands all stories concerning Barstool end.

    • cats530

      I hope she shuts the baby-making factory down permanently after the next one.

      • phoenix00

        That would be made much easier if she had, I dunno, RIGHTS?

    • DeeDeeKing

      I heard that she’s referring to her lady parts as the Gaza Strip these days because they’ve been pummeled so hard and often than no living child is likely to escape it in the future.

      • you know, that’s really gross. and really not funny.

        • DeeDeeKing

          You’re right. I just kinda posted it off-the-cuff. If I had put more thought about it I would have said that she refers to her lady parts as Aleppo… it would have made the joke more current, and then I could have worked in a line about the many different men who have knocked her up so far via a reference to the multiple players currently bombing Aleppo… but it’s too much work, frankly. We’re talking about Bristol Palin are and she isn’t worth the time or the energy. Thanks for the feedback, though.

  • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

    Bristol, some advice from Star Wars
    “MMm, youngling, the fuck up, shut up you should. Mmmm”

  • CATMAN

    I have a question for the spokesperson for abstinence education: how long did it take you to rationalize the disconnect between your public persona and your private behavior?

    • cats530

      IOKIYAR?

  • Kimberly Osment

    Robyn, good try. We need more variety and greater depth. NOT just about sex. But you nailed poor airhead Bristol. Why do she and her mother get air time. They don’t exist. Put them to rest. And let’s get past their pettiness

    • SnarkON

      Concern troll?

    • phoenix00

      The Palins, like Trump and his sniveling back-ass-wards cretins, need to be called out every single time. Their lies cannot be left to stand unsanitized.

    • kareemachan

      Nope, sorry, you don’t make something go away by ignoring it. I hear this all the time, and it’s bullshit.

  • Bemused

    Bristol, Feminism made it possible for you to have 2 kids outside marriage without being stoned or being sent to a convent to have your babies, who would have been immediately removed from your care and given to someone else. So, you have feminism to thank for your family.

    • SnarkON

      We also have feminism to thank for Bristol’s dingbat mother getting thisclose to being the Vice President of the United States of America, thus making Bristol famous. So, thanks, feminism.

    • melina1222

      She’s only up to two kids? She seems to breed well in captivity. I was expecting a higher number.

      • efoveks

        Well, #3 isn’t fully baked yet, so there is that to look forward to.

  • SnarkON

    You know, I’ll make this even easier. Even if you don’t like pussy costumes and don’t want to talk about abortions and don’t give a shit about Planned Parenthood, it is this: In the same job, for the same amount of work, the guy next to you is secretly making 20 percent more than you are. He makes a buck; you’re making 80 cents. That right there is something even the dumbest, willfully clueless little Republican “wife and mother” can surely understand. He gets a buck. You get 80 cents. http://www.aauw.org/research/the-simple-truth-about-the-gender-pay-gap/

    • cats530

      But their Pentecostal religion states that penises are very, very special. So shouldn’t they be paid more?

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “We can’t vote? We can’t bear arms? We can’t go to school? We can’t work? We don’t have freedom of speech? We have every single opportunity in this great country that anyone else has. ”

    Yeah, rights (assuming for argument who have all those rights, even though Robyn made a good argument women don’t) are not the same as “every single opportunity” – as in to be paid the same, hired as often, etc etc.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “As a middle class working mom – wife – and independent woman – this is completely asinine.”

    Nope, nope – working is promoting abstinence with a blog or some shit? Middle class and independent,when you’re the daughter of a former governor and VP candidate with a grifty pac and 2 houses, nope, nope, nope.

    Dress in giant pussy costumes? I…I didn’t see a single one of those and I spent all saturday looking at photos. Maybe I’m wrong (I did see one lady dressed up as a taco, saying “Don’t Touch My Taco.”

    • efoveks

      No canned clams? That would have made a great sign and costume: “Don’t touch my clam!”

  • bookish

    When Battlin’ Bristol is embarrassed, damn, that’s a low barre. We must do better, my peeps.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Bristol is a cunt!

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Nope – she’s neither warm nor deep.

  • CatCope

    Brisket is just like mama: No, sillies I don’t mean continually PG, I mean, she is like dog shit you step in & walk around with it. You can’t smell it but others can. You try & scrape it off, but, alas, no can do!

  • peteywheats

    It must suck to know your mother cared so little about you, that she named you after the town where they shoot ESPN shows instead of a name that means anything.

    • m3bosha

      Not that I think Bristol is a good name, but in the grand scheme of names you could be named, it’s not awful. However, the fact Sarah named her Bristol because she wanted to be a ESPN sportscaster and not a housewife in Alaska is a bit sad for her.

  • efoveks

    Dear Bristol FuckFace: I know you are ignorant, so ignorant that you do not have the good sense to be embarrassed by the truly stupid stuff you post, but maybe you should educate yourself about this lovely Act that was passed last week or maybe 20 years ago called HIPAA. Every fucking time a ProLife idiot stands outside a women’s health facility (like Planned Parenthood) for the purpose of “talking’, “counseling” or–let’s face it– HARASSING patients , their families or friends, this ProLife botherers are violating the right to medical privacy of those patients, their families or friends.

    That said, NO, women do not have all the rights that they should. Women are not protected as they should be, or treated as fully contributing members of American society, and that’s true for more than this one issue.

    Also, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO VOTE, BRISTOL HONEY??? It wasn’t by people like you sitting at home bitching about all those bad mannered women, walking in the streets like common street walkers. (Oh my, get the fainting couch).

    That said, the point that YOU, you stupid cunt, have the right to participate in the democratic process AT ALL, is because brave women before you really were politically incorrect and FOUGHT for those rights so you could bitch whine and puff out your ignorant shit in protest of the whole thing.

    Any questions now?

    Good. I’ll sit down..

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    The pic at the top looks like a Tumblr cowgirl fuck video screen cap!

    • efoveks

      Great. Just wonderful. Now I cannot unsee it for that. ;)

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        6/10. Would fap to, as long as no talking!

        • kareemachan

          Then you have very low standards.

          I’m sorry for you.

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            Story of my life!

  • Bang Crasby

    Do we really need to smack ol’ drunky McBrawlface Preggerbones around again?

    Well, that’s a dumb question. DUH. Of course we do! I wonder who I would have to pay for a meteor to strike her?

  • dshwa

    Unfortunately, willfully stupid is an acceptable way to go through life.

  • Lefty Wright

    I hate to break this to Bristol, but if her mom were not a drop out governor and loser of a VP race who waaaay overstayed her ill deserved 15 minutes of fame, you would be flipping burgers at a hamburger stand and depending on housing and food assistance from the government to pay for you and your kids. Unless you were an involuntary guest of the state criminal justice system, which sounds more likely. Then, the taxpayers would be responsible for the whole deal.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    The attempts to extend the fifteen minutes grow more and more pathetic by the day.

  • javadavis

    Long post – too bad. At least Bristol won’t read the whole thing.
    Just for her, the short version is that women have rights that have been fought for over centuries and the danger is in losing those rights, rather than not having them in the first place. Duh.
    Moving on to the points of the first Bristol question.
    *We can’t vote? Can since August 18, 1920, after decades of campaigning for that right.
    *We can’t bear arms? For white women, not so much an issue, but I’ll stick with that group anyway. Apparently it was just assumed women were not likely to be allowed near guns, sorta like children, although it did come up occasionally if there were black or red people around to shoot at. However, remembering that the constitutional bearing arms amendment was mentioned in relation to military preparedness, lets review. Women were not allowed to fly combat missions before 1991 nor were they allowed to serve on combat ships before 1993, and it was not until January 24, 2013 that Leon Panetta removed the military’s ban on women serving in combat (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_in_combat#United_States) which I must assume (from the context of other loosening of restrictions) means allowing women to officially bear arms for the military rather than controlling various war machines. Before this there are recurring exceptions where women disguised themselves as men in order to fight in various wars. They were discharged from duty if found out.
    *We can’t go to school? Again, the story is complicated, so for simplicity, let’s restrict this response to white women (in spite of Ms. Bristol having Eskimo ancestors, allegedly) and to colleges. My info camer from this site: https://www.nwhm.org/online-exhibits/education/introduction.html . The first US college to admit women was Oberlin, in 1833, a women-only school. A big name college that many know is Harvard, which opened in 1636 from which Radcliffe was founded as a literal sister college in 1879 over 200 years later. I didn’t even bother looking up when women were allowed to attend actual Harvard. There was an interview posted recently about a woman attending Yale in the years 1969 to 1973 in which she described the harassment and pressures that she and other women in that Law School were subject too, including claims from some of the men that her seat in the law school meant death for some poor man who had to go to Viet Nam and get killed so that she could go to Yale.
    *We can’t work? Let’s assume Bristol means working outside the home where, yes, women can work longer hours for the same amount of money. The number of women working outside the home greatly increased (per google) in the 1960’s and 70’s, although some women have always worked outside the home in some capacity, such as selling the produce from the family farm or being a governess like the fictional Jane Eyre. Most US working women were basically waitresses or nurses until there was such a male teacher shortage in the 1830s that women had to be hired as teachers. Secretary positions became open to women somewhat later, and wage parity is still a contentious issue. I also recently saw a reminder that many women could not have a bank account in their own names as late as the 1970s, so working for wages was problematic.

    ***We don’t have freedom of speech? Come on, Bristol! Wait a minute here! Is she seriously f-ing saying here that women should not have freedom of speech because women have freedom of speech? This one just answers itself.
    I’m done with her.

    • kareemachan

      You spent more time on her than she deserves – or can comprehend.

      • javadavis

        Don’t think of it as being for the next Palin I am done with. Think of it as an illustration of fact-checking vs. alternate-fact spouters. Before the Gish even starts to gallop the truth is already at a disadvantage.

  • chapka

    Bristol Palin thinks feminists would be outraged if a bunch of men dressed up in outlandish penis-heavy costumes and held up signs asking people not to apply outdated gender stereotypes to them.

    In other words: Bristol has never been to a Pride parade.

  • Teecha

    Whenever I see this woman’s name, I wonder why her idiot mother named her after a port town built with the profits of slavery, which is slang for breasts and pronounced by the locals as Brizzol.

    • Amalga

      She is named for Bristol Bay in Alaska where Todd is sort of from. He has a fishing permit there that I think he still uses. Still an idiot though.

      • kareemachan

        Um, we knew this already. Better check the batteries in your snarkometer…

    • stu elman

      I thought it was for the home of ESPN.

  • There is no bigger example of why shame really needs to return to the national psyche. Good gawd, y’all. Just good gawd. I am so embarrassed and uncomfortable for Bristle after reading her questions and “reasoning.” It’s no wonder Republican governors are getting away with raping their states and the GOP is getting ready to stick it to the rest of us. Seriously, this shit is embarrassing and scary.

  • kareemachan

    ME ME ME!!!!!!1!!!! LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Jean

    Dear Bristol, The people wearing pink, “pussy hats” in the marches were not dressing as vaginas. We were dressing as cats. Could you not see that the hats have cat ears? Or do you not know what a vagina looks like? You see, Pussy is a word for a cat. It is ALSO a slang word for a woman’s genitals. (Pussy hat rhymes with pussy cat, in case you’re still not getting this.) The pink hats were a strong, visual statement that women are reclaiming that word and reclaiming our bodies. Because despite what our president thinks, our private parts are NOT up for grabs.

    • NotConvinced

      Bristol would know what her vagina looks like if there wasn’t always some stranger’s kid’s head in the way.

  • gingerland62

    Intellectual curiosity is not on the Palin family crest.

  • grindstone

    Bristol in the 1960s…Hey, black people, what are you complaining about? The back of the bus is comfy and gets there just fine! You’re really making it unpleasant for those of us who really believe in civil rights, ya know.

    • GordonGekko

      NI GGERS should be in the back of the bus where they belong.

  • empclsr

    bam!!! mic drop! lol

  • NotConvinced

    Bristol “Sperm Spittoon” Palin, needs to shut her yapper now.

  • GordonGekko

    I love this Ho, just wear a rubber.

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