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  • Nounverb911

    Nikki Haley, alone in the big city, when does some huckster sell her the Brooklyn Bridge?

    • DQKennard

      As soon as Trump has a few minutes, he’ll sell it to her. A bargain. Picked it up years ago, and he’d like to really reward her with the opportunity.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Wow, Peter Thiel really has confidence in his Presidential pick, doesn’t he.

    • Rick Hill

      Far enough to be away from the impact of most of the damage and high enough above sea level to not drown. Yeah He’s hedging his bets.

      • tomamitai

        Then I guess Elon Musk must have supported someone much, much worse, since he’s trying to get to Mars!

    • BadKitty904

      Like any other Reich-winger, Peter Thiel is solely concerned about what’s best for Peter Thiel.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Sales of private jets, up 37% since November.

      *in the spirit of the season, I made that up*

    • Tovarich Cock Blockula

      Funny how he picked a socialist hell-hole like New Zealand, and not a libertarian paradise like Chad or Somalia.

  • Nounverb911
    • tomamitai
    • ViveLaRésistance

      One thing that won’t be surging are sales of that dress. KAC puts the fascist in fashionista.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Freedom is slavery. Eyesore is fashionable.

      • OneYieldRegular

        If you willingly chose to work for someone as tasteless as Donald Trump, do you think you would have good fashion sense?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Hey, I looked it up: turns out “alternative facts” has a little known synonym: LIES!….

  • freakishlystrong

    And while we’re all staring, aghast, in to the abyss, house Republicants are quietly, again, limiting our reproductive rights by passing some Orwellian “There’s a ton of shit to do, but we have to waste time pretending we care about babbies” bill. Hi, Republicants, I PAY TAXES TOO.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m beginning to think that stop paying out taxes is the only way to stop these people. WE are funding this nightmare, not Congress.

  • Nounverb911

    “The Truth of the False”
    Paris Liberation seems to think Donnie is a phony.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2a7fb35d0c5c13b23de23c5dd0dbd52e30a52d55ca2ce40e24dd90ede260f3fc.jpg

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      The French have a history of calling a spade une bêche.

  • Bill D. Burger

    And like the big ol’ whining orange bitch he is, Cheeto Benito says the media is just ruining the enjoyment he should be having occupying the White House.

    [Report: Trump Complains Negative Press Means He Can’t ‘Enjoy’ White House]

    https://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/trump-negative-press-means-he-cant-enjoy-white-house

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/D34PNBmcH80/maxresdefault.jpg

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      He and I may just have to go on ruining it for each other, one day at a time…

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      One is an immature child who is offended by the slightest things. The other is a baby.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    I will be in Washington Trump City in late March. Though it’s hard to say exactly when because the sun’s journey around the Earth cannot be predicted due to Hand of God factors.

    • bupkus23

      Oh, please don’t call DC “Trump City”!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Purging climate science, the Wall, Keystone, suspending Muslim immigration. Remind me what date he picked for Kristallnacht again?

    • janecita

      That would be on Saturday, he wants to finish the week bigly!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Wait a minute. Trump doesn’t work weekends.

    • Pissed de Résistance

      November something?

  • Nounverb911
    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      Ironic, isn’t it? Republicans have been fearing the imminent imposition of martial law for eight years, and it took Trump a week to threaten it. What do you want to bet the next thing he says is, “We’re gonna go in there and take away everybody’s guns!”

  • Crystalclear12

    I really am thick. Just figured out why the gave Haley, a known brown female person, a job. Because the plan on destroying said job!

  • Rick Hill

    Yeah, not one week in and already trying to stifle voting so he gets his eight years.

    • aureolaborealis

      Eight years? Hahah. You naive child.

  • Martini Ambassador

    Every day I keep hoping to see the news that the derpy band of idiots has reaped their karmic retribution and has spontaneously exploded with votes. Every day I am disappointed. But I believe patience for such things is a virtue.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Okay, local dems meet tonight. We may weigh in our feather’s worth on the DNC Chair – Tom Perez all right with you, or should it be Keith?…

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Ellison has a track record of getting elected and not in an easy district. I don’t know Perez’s background.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Perez was on Rachel last night and sounded good on strategies we should have taken but didn’t, especially here in Northern Michigan…Hispanics appear to be backing him, also…

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Good points (although it is Minnesota) – especially if it means he’s good at strategery…

    • janecita

      Keith!

  • freakishlystrong

    Hi, Senate Democrats? At least ACT like you’re going to resist. Pro Tip: They can confirm every one of Drumpf’s nominees, WITHOUT you. Don’t give them cover.

    • BadKitty904

      The Democratic Party still exists? Who’da known it?!?1?

    • snark-lurker

      they either donut hear you or they donut care about you

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      In the era of information silos, alternative facts and so-called “hyper-partisanship” … obstruction, misinformation, denial and incivility is a winning strategy. Democrats need to evolve or die (from votes).

    • Pissed de Résistance

      Amen. Let Al Franken question all of them. He twists a knife pretty well.

  • Nounverb911
    • NastyBossetti

      We’re so disorganized we can’t even voter fraud right!

  • janecita

    I don’t want to click on the links, I have two classes today and I don’t want to feel stabby before dealing with horrid HS kids.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Can’t you use that to your advantage?…

      • janecita

        I’ve been walking around with a “don’t mess with me” face since Trump got elected, I don’t wanna over do it;-)

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Grrrr is good until Easter!….

        • Pissed de Résistance

          I have not really taken a blast from any “conservative” acquaintances since the election. Not sure whether they don’t want to rub it in, or if they are not sure exactly what they bargained for.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I’m seeing rumblings on the Tweeter that, much like the fact that Trumpers didn’t understand that Obamacare actually IS the ACA, they believed that building the wall was just a metaphor for more strongly enforcing existing law because actually building a wall is crazy.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    • Bill D. Burger

      On one of the old Leno late night shows, his ‘field’ researchers talked to one lady who went on at lengths how she kept up with politics closely and that “Obama should work with Republicans on their Affordable Care Act, but he was like a dictator and would only accept Obamacare.”

      It was funny…and telling…and, sadly, true for a lot of low/no info Trump supporters.

      • Martini Ambassador

        Blerg. My head just popped off from the stupid.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        If I was a low information voter, I would not find that funny.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      A metaphor? Donnie thinks ‘metaphor’ means he shook hands with an unattractive woman.

    • NastyBossetti

      I am heartened to learn that they know what a metaphor is.

    • Pissed de Résistance

      Ha indeed!

      Chickens… Roost…

  • Rick Hill

    Those affluent voters are just as delusional as the dirt poor, uneducated ones.

    • janecita
      • Ms.Moon

        I wonder if those white supremacists that support Trump understand that the brown people that they hate are actually more human than they are. I watched one of those science things on human evolution that the GOP no longer wants to pretend that it understands and it turns out that Europeans because they went out of Africa actually have traces of neanderthal DNA. Africans because they stayed in Africa do not. SCIENCE!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I really enjoyed the one who said Trump represents discipline.

      • Rick Hill

        Someone will bring up Hillary’s desire to start a war. Based on trump saying she would and no way, uh-uh , that he would. freakin idiots

  • dslindc

    Even though I still haven’t received my coffee, Yr. Wonkette’s Sleepless Intern >>>>> Cheeto Benito.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Looks like Peter Thiel bought himself New Zealand citizenship.

    Male uruk-hai seeks same.

    A smart professor person suggested news outlets ignore Kellyanne Conway because she’s a goddamn liar (and a terrible comedian). Now it looks like some organizations are actively considering it

    and yet, Sean Spicer has got to wipe the lipstick from every news organization in town off his dick for not tapdancing on it again.

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      When will they learn?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        “It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it!” — Upton Sinclair

        • bupkus23

          I always thought that was Mencken ( until you correctly attributed it ). OTOH, I guess it wasn’t mean enough to be Mencken ( Mencken and Bierce are my favorite cynics )

  • beingreleased

    “If you thought that was bad, you’ll absolutely believe what Trumpkins think about inauguration crowds when given the two photos, and what that actually means.”

    So which is worse: a president who lies about everything or one who’s delusional?
    AOT,K.

    • snark-lurker

      aka a Delusional Liar

  • dslindc

    So many rally/march plans popping up every day now, which I’m ok with as long as all of those people are contacting their Congresscritters and planning to vote furiously EVERY SINGLE TIME.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      That’s what I’m worried about. We need to treat the marches like playtime after you finish your homework of contacting your elected officials.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      We’re implementing a thing of going to all the town halls and saying stuff….step two….

  • snark-lurker

    r.e. Thiel Hitler: South America won’t have him (been there, done that) so HELLOW New Zealand!

  • Nounverb911

    Trump shut down the White House comment line, so now people are calling his hotels to complain about things.

    https://twitter.com/TimKarr/status/823961694443601921

    • Carpe Vagenda

      That’s actually kind of hilarious.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      That is beautiful, although I honestly feel sorry for the people answering the phones. On the other hand, if it blocks people from reaching the hotels for reservation purposes, hopefully they realize that their frustration hasn’t been for naught.

      Edit: That story doesn’t actually say that people are calling the hotels. The Tweeter seems to have gone a little beyond what it says, there.

      • bupkus23

        “…On the other hand, if it blocks people from reaching the hotels for reservation purposes…”

        I would consider a double win, if it were true. Then again, the right would ignore the initial WH double-cross, and call the protestors calling the hotels “hackers” for running a DDOS attack on the hotels – thus, “invalidating” all those protests in their own tiny little minds.

  • going4baroque

    I’ve given up on my search of that one butterfly whose flight caused this shitstorm of an election – probably the butterfly couldn’t tell me much that I’d understand, anyway, but I happened upon this graph that might explain a few things:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/690f40cb4569735b9ae06416e9103870d39d24da7c01e8947d06024a446bbd67.jpg

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      This graph is best graph.

    • mackafritz

      It all makes sense now!

      • going4baroque

        I’m currently working on a dual hypothesis experiment, first: does buttered toast when dropped on the floor always land butter side down and second: does a cat always land on his feet. My testing apparatus: A slice of buttered toast, butter side up, strapped to the back of a cat – results: inconclusive, the cat jumped off the counter, and just to fuck with me I’m sure, he’s just hovering about 6 inches above the floor.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      I was told there would be no…. Whatever this is!

    • cheetojeebus

      I fucking knew it!!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Hat tip for referencing actual, literal butterfly effect.

    • Pissed de Résistance
  • MynameisBlarney

    *gasps and clutches pearls*

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/10141677148

    CNN COMMITS ACT OF ACTUAL JOURNALISM!

    • BadKitty904

      Law of averages, dude. I’m sure it was accidental.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • snark-lurker

      donut beweive it. CNN is one of the worst, most dishonest people in the werld, terrible, disgraceful, sad. really sad

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Or, conversely, CNN supportively points out how many, many millions of people watched the inauguration.

    • Rick Hill

      Well, if they’re the network actually calling trump out, even if it’s just for ratings, then it’s something.

  • Blender_415

    Meeting with the Brits? That calls for Tea Hookers instead.

    • Tiny kaiju

      They call them Biscuit Ladies.

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        Crumpets!

      • Bozilingus

        Tea Cozies

    • aureolaborealis

      In Tea-Rooms?

  • BadKitty904

    1.) Sniffles really does think he’s a monarch – absolutely no conception of how American government works. Thanks, GOP!!!
    3.) Trump will sign executive orders to “shift” our tax dollars from the DHS to some GOP contractor/contributor’s pocket.
    4.) I can’t even.
    16.) Strong-arming America will be pretty easy once President Putin has finished gelding our nation.

    I’m too heartsick to comment on the rest of this frightening bullshit.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      I think Trump grossly overestimates his ability to change things with Executive Orders. Some things, yes. Many others, No. For example, Da Big Fucking Wall. If the money has not been appropriated, it is unlikely bags o’ cash are just lying around, waiting to be used. Same for infrastructure. And regarding his supposed rollback of regulations (environmental, etc.), if the rollback process violates the rulemaking procedures establish in the law, then Trump is going to get met with an avalanche of lawsuits; and the first thing that is going to happen is the lower Fed courts are going to put a stay on the change.

      I wonder if anyone among his crackerjack staff has told Trump he is not a god despite his fancy new title?

      • DQKennard

        Then Trump blames “activist” Obama-appointed judges for “obstruction”, and he gets to pretend to look good and “Presidential” for his base (the people who’ve been complaining for years about Obama using Executive Orders and Memorandums), while not actually doing anything.

      • BadKitty904

        Then let’s start those lawsutis rolling NOW, before said lawsuits are outlawed by the Reichpublican Congress or the Judicial Branch is “purged” of “dissenters”.

      • aureolaborealis

        The limits only count if you recognize them. If he and his cronies choose not to recognize them, options are few right now.

    • snark-lurker

      “gelding”. Now your getting personal about privates & dat hertz

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      The common man needs their own tax shelter.

      • BadKitty904

        It has been suggested that if the common man refuses to pay his taxes, this nightmare stops. Federal money is OUR money.

        Even the GOP can’t arrest 300+ million Americans. And if the “President” doesn’t pay taxes, why should we?

        • chortlingdingo

          Ooo, and it’s our taxes that pay the salaries of Congress critters. What better way to tell them to fuck right off than refuse to pay their wages?

          • BadKitty904

            WE are currently funding the Republican destruction of America. That can be fixed.

          • Ms.Moon

            But how do we do it because FICA is taken out directly out of my paycheck because if I can get every cent of that money I guarantee I will keep it for myself.

          • BadKitty904

            That, I don’t know. This is the kind of thing where leadership, organization, and guidance is needed to make it effectively work.

        • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

          It has also been suggested that if the common man all became churches or non-profits they would not risk arrest.

          • BadKitty904

            I call dibs on The Church of Starry Wisdom

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Is The Church of What’s Happenin’ Now available?

        • aureolaborealis

          Cue (attempted) federal occupation of the main federal tax cash cows: blue states, especially the metro areas.

      • bupkus23

        It’s called “poverty”

        • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

          Well, I haven’t heard anyone ask the Republican led states, why, if we’re cutting funding to social services and public programs, are we not getting a cut in our income taxes? The rich are getting lower rates. Do we deserve that too?

    • Courser

      Last night I realized that for the first time in my somewhat long adult life, I feel vulnerable for the first time. I don’t like it. At all. It can be argued whether I was foolish for NOT feeling vulnerable for so many years, but I always had faith in my ability to manage to survive the bad shit that came down. Not this time. I have no idea how I’ll navigate this nightmare and not sure there even IS a path to be navigated.

      • BadKitty904

        One of the things that concerns me most about this unfolding political coup is the complete lack of any sort of national leadership and organized resistance planning. Where are the mass protests? Where are the national strikes?

        Are we as weak and useless as the Russpublicans have always accused us of being? Will we let American democracy die without a fight?

        • chortlingdingo

          I think a lot of us are kind of in shock as more and more inhuman garbage spews from the White House daily.

          I also think the Bernie-bro, 1000% pure progressive or not at all mentality of a decent number of people on the Left hurts us.

          It wasn’t just conservatives rolling their eyes at the Women’s March.

          EDIT: That being said, we do need to get our shit together and resist properly.

          • BadKitty904

            Agreed. THAT, I can fully understand.. But the clock is ticking…

            Absolutely. The GOP/Putin is fully aware that keeping Dems fighting Dems is the most effective way of neutering resistance on the Left. Saunders helped cause this horrorshow and will have to go far to even begin to make amends.

            No, it wasn’t. The right-wing minority continues to control the left-wing majority because they can be a united force and we, so far, can’t.

            Yes. We do. NOW.

        • Courser

          It looks to me like our representatives just completely rolled over. Too paralyzed to try any outside-of-the-box to try to stop the inauguration, which should NEVER have gone forward without deep investigation. Water under the bridge now as the Shitgibbon Regime erases all our scientific research for the last 20 – 30 years.

          Part of me can’t believe Obama just… walked away. On the other hand, the way he was treated for 8 years, I can’t really blame him.

          But us little folks are well and truly fucked.

          • bupkus23

            “…our representatives just completely rolled over. ”

            Just like “Not My President”, GOP legislators ( at all levels ) are proving to be “Not Our Representatives”.

            Of course, this is really nothing new….

          • Courser

            Suicide will be the only retirement option for me. My father used to talk about it and we all told him to STFU about it. He’s now 83 and can survive because he has a small pension, SS, and VA for health. I will have none of the above.

          • bupkus23

            And the way it’s going, neither will your father before long.

            I used to ( gallows humor ) joke that Smith & Wesson wrote my retirement plan – but that was before I fell into “early retirement” and learned to accept a lot less. I still have several years before I qualify for Medicare and/or full pension/SS benefits – and I’m finding that it’s gonna be a near thing.

            Hang in there!

          • Courser

            I’ve been stuck in the contractor trap for several years now. I have zero savings for retirement and I’m 58. Even if I do manage to get SS, it’s not enough to live on in the Metro due to exorbitant rents. I have no one anywhere else.

            That’s how my dad put it. Smith & Wesson retirement plan. Problem is, I already accept less. I live in a 600 sq ft apartment and drive an 18 year old truck which is on its last legs. I have very little debt, which is a good thing, but no help for going forward. In fact, I’ve never had enough debt to even declare bankruptcy. I did this whole life wrong…

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            Hang in there bud.

            Want some other gallows humor, but kidding on the square? Depending in how this fight with Cheat-o Benito goes, we might need people with nothing left to lose, willing to fight to the literal last.

            Too cynical?
            Don’t check out early. If you have fight left in you, you’re still able to do good. We need everybody.

          • Courser

            Oh, I’m not talking about *anytime* soon. That’s the last resort, when I’m completely busted up and homeless.

            I’m gonna fight to the last, no worries.

            And I just had the same thought a moment ago and chuckled an evil chuckle at thinking that when people have nothing left to lose, we can do fucking amazing things.

          • H0mer0

            Bob Dylan sorta said that when we got nothing to lose, we’re invisible; how many times has the child in us wished we could do that, sneak around and do all kinds of mischief with impunity?
            (of course, verses taken entirely out of context, sorta and maybe not….)

          • Courser

            Oh, I hear you. I discovered that I have the ability to just kinda blend into a crowd when I was a kid. At first glance, I look just like any other short, pudgy, middle aged white woman. Very generic. But I’m *much* physically stronger than I look (quirk of genetics, mostly), not to mention smarter and more conniving. I can wear a placid, bovine look on my face while looking for opportunities to escape or cause disruption. And because I look so fucking average, people assume I’m just going to go with the herd. People *always* underestimate me, which is pretty damn effective.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Thanks for that. I’d much rather go out fighting than by just giving up.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            57. I am disabled and on SS/medicare with additional supplemental disability. I have been working hard to rehabilitate myself. Due to medical shit, I have pretty much nothing except the place where I live and a payed-off vehicle in good condition. The supp. goes away in 2024 and I have been working hard to be able to live with some degree of comfort after that point. I am starting to feel that all of that hard work is for nothing.

            I suffer from depression and my father took his own life back in 1987–obviously I inherited that. I have not been thinking of suicide for quite some time. Sadly, it keeps coming back into focus these days. Luckily I have some of the best care possible.

            But for me, suicide seems to be only partially depression-related. It has taken on elements of being a possible option to take as a last resort. And sadly, I am comforted by that.

            Hang in there. You are not alone.

          • Courser

            Yeah, I’m on meds for both depression and anxiety and should probably look into an adjustment, but not knowing what’s going on with my insurance is holding me back. Well,that and I have Obamacare, which I am very happy with, BUT last year, I would have had to pay out-of-pocket for anything more than the preventative stuff. Unfortunately, I don’t have the money to have a couple follow-on things done. Everything’s great, healthwise, but I have a (TMI) cervical polyp that needs to be removed. Didn’t get it done last year because that starts at about $500. Kaiser’s really good about giving estimates of procedures, but there’s always the possibility of even more follow-on care. I know I can go to PP and have it done on a sliding scale and I may end up doing that. The other thing is an echocardiogram to rule out pulmonary hypertension since I am a smoker. Also 500$ On top of my $420/ month premium. No subsidy last year. This year, I got a subsidy and my plan has several office visits included at reduced cost.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Let me tell you this: You are not alone. Not by a long shot.

          • BadKitty904

            My issue is that we don’t HAVE any visible “representatives.” Warren, Franken, and a few others are still in there swinging, but the rest seem to be perfectly content with cashing their paychecks and cooperating with the Junta. We should’ve been hearing one long, loud, non-stop scream of dissent from the Dem Congressfolk since at least October. And what have we heard instead…*crickets*

            I’m deeply disappointed in Bamz, Hilz, et al. The very folks that we should be looking to for vocal, public leadership at this dreadful time have been silent. I would like to think that our faith in them has not been betrayed, but…

      • Windyish

        For the past 8 years Fox News , NRA, alt-right “news”, etc. have been spewing that Obama will: take guns, martial law, FEMA camps, religious freedom, etc.
        None of it happened so now when it is a real possibility of happening they won’t believe it and then it’s too late to resist.

    • Rick Hill

      You know, aside from all the current troubles which have been caused by the rich and the conservatives, the extreme garbage currently going on is caused solely by the same folks.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I’ve been taking some solace in Churchill and Newton. Churchill said, “All success is temporary.” Newton’s Third Law doesn’t just apply to physics. The farther they swing the pendulum to the right, the harder it will swing back to the left.

    • aureolaborealis

      Yes, and apparently the block-grant alternative to medicare, etc., that’s being floated will be a way of siphoning even more federal money from blue states, who already pay more than they get back from the feds, to red states, who already get more than they contribute.

  • Sorry, you guys, Chicago City Council meeting for News Writing class today, but here’s a raw, unedited fun time photo from Friday’s protest in Chicago. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1301045e3e7830935ea2019596d6f2a5e797196772701e6cb795f5ba2f819b9a.jpg

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    With a voting system this weak porous, Little Baby Donnie certainly got thousands and thousands of illegal votes.

  • Crystalclear12

    Didn’t listen and ran out of heavy objects.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    The only theories Trump wants investigated are conspiracy theories.

    • tomamitai

      Then there’s hope we’ll get the truth about Roswell, the Buildergbergers, and the Majestic 12!!!!!!1!!!

      • Bozilingus

        I worry about the Build-a-bears and the eyes that follow you and report back to someone.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      And he wants the investigators to tell him they’re true.

  • PubOption

    OT, but is Rahm Emanuel’s part-amputated finger longer than any of Trump’s?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Damn, those NC GOPers are really showing us what their party is all about. Assholes and scaredy cats.

  • Dr.Zoidberg

    Nice try, Dominic, but no amount of cute animal pics/videos are going to help.

  • Lizzietish81

    Christ, I can practically hear the boner from the Right Wingers over the prospect of federal troops taking over Chicago

    • Twang!!!!!!!

    • chortlingdingo

      I seem to recall some Right-dwelling folks freaking out that Obama would declare martial law and take their guns, which wasn’t a thing, ever.

      And now they don’t see any issue with Trump actually threatening to declare martial law and take away guns in Chicago?

      I’m confused.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I dunno. It seems black and white to me….

        • chortlingdingo

          I see what you did there.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      They will be met by 100,000 angry women in pussy hats.

  • Bill D. Burger

    [Donald Trump’s Inauguration Draws 18% Fewer Viewers Than Barack Obama’s in 2009]

    SAD. Can’t believe Cheeto Jesus hasn’t had a tweetshitstorm’ about his Low Energy, Low Turnout, Inauguration ratings.

    [Television coverage of Donald Trump’s presidential inauguration reached an average total of 30.6 million viewers across the 12 broadcast and cable news networks that provided live updates throughout the day, about 18% down from the viewers who tuned in when Barack Obama was inaugurated in 2009.
    Mahita Gajanan
    Jan 22, 2017]
    And Obama’s inauguration didn’t even have the benefit of live streaming in 2009.

    http://fortune.com/2017/01/22/donald-trump-inauguration-ratings-low/

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      I read that as 180%. Let’s go with that. Why the hell not?

    • beingreleased

      Actually, I watched the 2009 inauguration on the computer in my office. I don’t remember whose feed it was though.

    • Bozilingus

      That’s just their opinion, man.

  • Treg Brown
    • The Gosala Alternative

      This!!1!

    • geoffalnutt

      Not gonna work.

    • bupkus23

      I’ve seen that “explanation” in several places ( another instance, Nancy LaTourneau over at Washington Monthly ) – but the thing that bothers me is the idea that Rump is capable of HAVING a purpose ( other than misguided self-aggrandisment ) to his ravings – and, so far, his appointments/executive orders seem mostly to be driven by payback…

      • Think of it, then, as the purpose behind Trumpy’s shadowy handlers (Bannon and, behind him, Russian spooks).

  • Shan

    Dominic, 404 alert on the NC piss-baby article.

    • Shan

      Never mind, it’s fixed!

  • Oblios_Cap

    investigating all the illegal votes that were never cast by Not Americans.

    Next: Laws to make it harder to vote if you live in a college town or big city.

    • Bill D. Burger

      3 to 5 million illegal votes…and not one of them in the states that would have helped Sec. Clinton win. Amazing!

      Only in the orange-tinted cesspool that fills Cheeto Benito’s skull could this be true.

      • Lizzietish81

        I mean Clinton stole the primaries except in states where Bernie won for reasons that we won’t worry about.

    • Tiny kaiju

      And doubling down on voter ids and redistricting.

  • I just wish Teresa May would stop licking Trump’s taint. I do not want to be the 51st state or a “Sovereign Territory”

    • Oblios_Cap

      After years of Tony licking the idiot’s, you think that you would be used to it.

    • janecita

      Teresa, will get on her knees, and do whatever Trump wants her to do. She fancies herself the new Margaret Thatcher, and Trump is Republicans’ new St. Ronnie.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Oh, there’s much more taint involved…

    • Bozilingus

      Don’t your laws allow for removing her and finding a new PM?

    • Thaumaturgist

      Teresa May is carrying the EU’s water, hoping to get a better Brexit deal.

  • The Librarian

    1) Thanks for babby monkey, it made me happy for a moment.

    2) No shame tweeting from the loo. I suspect many of us do it.

    3) Fuck our government.

  • DQKennard

    I wasn’t going to watch any of the inauguration at all, but this is a good excerpt of it. Really gets the sense of it.:
    https://youtu.be/gneBUA39mnI

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      That’s pretty much how I remember it.

    • NastyBossetti

      It would have been funnier for me if the speech portion had just been the words he actually said.

    • Rick Hill

      I think George has a crush on Michelle

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    From the article on rich Trumpkins: “I expect him to build that wall. I expect him to start the process of getting the legislation in place to stop birther rights [the rights of children born in the US to an undocumented immigrant receiving automatic citizenship]. I don’t want people to come over here and drop out of their mother and they’re automatically a citizen.”

    Yes, lady, you’re right, the REAL American way to become a citizen is to force a woman to give birth to a child she can’t afford and/or doesn’t want. Fuck those people, and their dumb babies, who go through hell to get here so they can get jobs or get away from violence. Now if you’ll excuse her, she’s got a “pro life” rally to attend.

    • Tiny kaiju

      My thought was marrying a guy with an Irish last name doesn’t make you Queen of Tara.

    • “I don’t want people to come over here and drop out of their mother and they’re automatically a citizen.”

      You mean like the family of Donald Trump, or the Kennedys, or the Roosevelts, or the Eisenhauers?

      Fuck off you entitled crock of shit

  • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

    Peter Thiel teaches that mimesis stuff and believes humans are prone to violence because they all want the same stuff. He has said before that we need to destroy society and rebuild it. Is it just me or does this type of thinking come mainly from wealthy white men who feel threatened by any positive moves by non-whites?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Libertarians share that belief with communists (if you can find one of those these days).

      For the same reason: because their ideas do not work out, so the problem must be with society as a whole.

      • aureolaborealis

        Spouters of that belief always seem to be rich or young (and usually male), who think they can ride out anarchy and come out on top. The women I’ve known who talk like that believe they are hitched to an alpha who will take care of them in the chaos.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Peter seems to be of a generation, not unlike Donald, who took their lessons both from the early 20th century suppositions about human nature and supposedly more scientific or rational mid-century views on what motivates people. It’s not the exclusive domain of the white male, as brain-ded salad Ben Carson will aptly demonstrate.

      • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

        Duly noted. Thanks for the clap back.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Or he’s just a nihilist adolescent with enough money to shove the rest of the world up his ass with his head.

      • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

        Have you read the teachings of Rene Girard?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      They’re wealthy enough to shield themselves from the consequences of destroying society. If they were in the same boat as the rest of us, they’d be singing a very different tune.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        This. Remember when Trump said that the destruction of the housing market was awesome because it let people like him pick up everyone else’s assets for a song? Imagine what Peter Thiel can pick up now.

        • Tiny kaiju

          Herpes? Drug resistant Gonorrhea is big right now too.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I’m not on board with STDs as moral judgment, but I could defintely see my way clear to being unmoved if he ran across a spot of pestilence.

          • Tiny kaiju

            Not a moral judgement per say, more of a wish list because I’m spiteful.

          • aureolaborealis

            That kiwi’s got a mean streak a mile wide, mate. I mean, LOOK AT THE BONES!

      • snark-lurker

        there will be no place to hide

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        They THINK they’re wealthy enough. But the lifestyle to which they’ve become accustomed is wholly dependent on the people they despise so openly. If society goes down it’ll take them with it, sooner or later.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          Eventually, yes, but they’re far from the first to go over the cliff.

          • Alternative Pony Ron

            What if we push?

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          How expensive are guillotines and could a CrowdFundMe campaign be successful (just doing research for a very votey friend)….?

        • aureolaborealis

          I’ve always loved the idea of these shitheads ‘going Galt.’

          “Delusional nitwit, I see you will now be slopping your own toilets. And parenting your shitty spoiled kids 24/7. And repairing your car yourself. And building your cars. And cooking your meals. (And cleaning up afterwards.) And changing your invalid parents’ diapers. And. And. And.”

    • Tiny kaiju

      I wonder how he’d feel if we all destroyed his stuff and used it to rebuild? Or just pissed on it for fun.

      • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

        I kind of get the feeling he is assuming that what will happen. No?

    • Peter Thiel is talking out of his cloaca.

      Over tens of thousands of years humans survived by being co-operative. What destroys society is the insistence of a few narcissists and sociopaths on being granted special favours.

      These deformed personalities corrupt the co-operative urges of more usual humans to further the ends of the deformed.

      • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

        Amen!

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    I was once in a relationship with a narcissist. While in therapy, I happened upon a tv show called “Nowhere Man”. The scales fell from my eyes as I recognized that I was the main character living through constant gaslighting, my own identity in question. I highly recommend the show–a combination of “The Prisoner” and “The Fugitive.”

    “Nowhere Man is the story of photojournalist Thomas Veil, who discovers that his life has been abruptly “erased”: his friends claim not to know him, his wife claims not to recognize him and is living with another man. His ATM cards and credit cards no longer work. His best friend turns up dead. His mother, recovering from a stroke, is incapable of confirming his existence. In the course of a single evening, every trace of Tom’s identity is gone.

    Tom believes this is a conspiracy related to a photograph he took a year earlier, depicting four men being hanged in South America by what appear to be US soldiers. The only evidence Tom has of his past are the negatives of that photograph. A mysterious organization covertly pursues Tom in search of the negatives. The series revolves around Veil’s attempts to get his life back by trying to find out more about the organization, while also trying to keep the negatives safe.”

    America can become Thomas Veil. It IS happening.

    http://www.cosmoetica.com/B218-DES158.htm

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5ab36dc2e060984f6f835118221b2d074f0c4e51cc091bf6454f6fa1f69cd39d.jpg

    • Courser

      Ex bf is a narcissist, though I’m pretty sure that evolved over the 10 years I dated him. I’m still in contact with him, but keep my distance and boundaries in place. Now he’s in NM, eating lots of Xanax daily. So glad I’m far away from him, these days.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • DoILookAmused2u ?
    • WotsAllThisThen

      Please, Donnie. We had enough Downfall parodies already.

    • BadKitty904

      Good.

  • dluch

    first – the rating numbers are skewed
    second – Trump has HUGE if not the LARGEST support of any new prez
    third – many of the people who rated him negatively were fictitious
    fourth – people who disagree should be jailed
    (i’m practicing my new alternate reality speak)

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      You’re very good at it. Should we be worried?

      • dluch

        just testing the waters… may run for some political position – I hear there’s good bribe money in that job – and excellent health care!

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          If you get elected I hope you’ll remember your friends!

        • Tiny kaiju

          A lot of government contract work should be opening up soon.

    • ViveLaRésistance

      You had me fooled. I almost rage-stroked.

      • aureolaborealis

        Gotta watch that rage-stroking. It can leave the genitals raw and unhappy.

    • MynameisBlarney

      You didn’t mention how large and manly his hands are.

    • I’m sure that if you count all the people whose video recorders were set to record, as well as all the people who clicked on that “you won’t believe this!” or “one weird trick” ads which were actually feeds of the inauguration, it… might have had large numbers of viewers. Maybe. Just guessing, throwing out some alternate facts here.

    • Tiny kaiju

      Well done. 4.5/5 Poes for this.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Heres something nice, a charity is selling these hats and auctioning off one signed by Lauren Faust https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2b8945aa3c3fffdb37e33af7b92f2bf60e4be404b1875c14b55c0be95db97a5a.jpg

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      Those ponies have good taste in books.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      I need that hat!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    From the article on rich Trumpkins, two rich lesbians from LA: “I’m not concerned about anyone knowing I voted for Donald Trump, except for the “tolerant” left. I’m afraid of the “tolerant” left. They are really the “intolerant” left. I am concerned that I’ve got customers who are part of this intolerant left, and because I have a company and I voted for Trump, I’m concerned that if they knew, they would not be my customers any more. I think it is very sad.”

    That’s a real nice picture of you two lezzies and your little girls. I hope you’re not a big fan of gay marriage and child rights, because the “intolerant left” are gunning for you. Oh, wait, sorry, that’s the idiots that you voted for. Maybe your little girls can go plead with a Republican to not break up your family. Don’t worry, they’re young enough that they PROBABLY won’t get grabbed by the pussy. Sorry, my fellow lesbians that I am so intolerant of your “bold” choice to be pro Republcan.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Boycotting her company is sad. Fucking over her customers by electing a baby monster is just politics.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I have no idea how any gay person could vote for Republicans no matter how much you hate poor people, and love tax cuts. She just thinks it’s not right that poor people get some things they didn’t work for. UNFAIR!

        Jesus, nothing is ever enough with these people. Once they all get the society they dream of, when all the poor people are sleeping on their front lawns begging for alms, they’ll be unhappy with that too.

      • Ummm, because Trumpkins never boycott?

    • Me not sure

      The rich feel that they can buy as privileges those things that the rest of dream of having as rights.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I guess she thinks Betsy DeVos, Mike Pence, and Jeff Sessions are A-OK with her life choices, and won’t try to take their kids away from them. Republicans have such a long history of being tolerant of gays and lesbians.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      The things some people will do for the vague promise of a tax cut.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        My mother is willing to overlook ALL of the GOP’s bullshit, as long as she gets a tax cut. She’s actually pro-choice, fine with the gays (since I’m one), and thinks the dumb bathroom bills are insanity. I will say to her credit, she did NOT vote for Trump, she voted for Evan McMullin. She finds Trump as repulsive as the rest of us.

        • Tiny kaiju

          She’ll get a tax cut alright. One that is off set by loss of deductions and privatizing Medicare.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I asked her during the Bush fucktastrophe, when the DOW hit 6500, and her condo had lost half its value “so, was all this worth a tax cut?” She very quietly said “no.” Guess what? She’s STILL a fucking Republican. I think she just hates to admit she’s wrong, and I’ve been right all these years.

        • aureolaborealis

          I hope she’s not middle class or lower, cuz she’s in for an ugly surprise.

    • bupkus23

      “…because I have a company and I voted for Trump…”

      Most uninformed small businessperson of the year. The idea that Trump has any interest ( besides empty rhetoric ) in protecting/encouraging “small business” is yet another example of the fantasy world that the right ( even the “lesbian right”? ) lives in….

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Republicans always inherit a good economy, then they stimulate it through fantasy economics. Trump’s going to spend a trillion dollars on infrastructure, which WILL boost the economy, but he won’t bother to pay for it. His tax cuts will go to people who already are rich, so that’s going to give a temporary boost to the economy, and make rich people richer, and the middle class will get stuck with the bill, as usual. Meanwhile, we’ll lose Social Security and Medicare. Then, a few years down we’ll have a massive recession, as always. How middle class people vote for Republicans is beyond my comprehension.

      • aureolaborealis

        It seems like a significant part of Trump’s wealth comes from simply not paying small businesses for the goods and services they provided to him and his companies, then bullying them into going away.

    • omg, I hate those guys but I do not want to lose their money!!!!

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I really think as a follow up to the march, Democrats need to do something economically to show the power of our wallets.

        Also, there’s nothing more repugnant to me than entitled gay people. “Hey, sure, Republicans hate my guts and think I’m going to hell, and don’t want me to have any rights, but I support them, because I don’t like poor people.”

    • Darkrose

      I hope those women are shunned, and end up having no friends.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        As a gay person who lives in the South, it always infuriates me that gay people vote for Republicans. It’s like being a Jew and saying “well, you know, those Nazis did keep crime down, so they’re not all bad.”

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Sorry, but if the will of the people is thwarted through the vagaries of the electoral college, don’t be surprised to find people using one of the only remaining powers left to them – their power as consumers.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        The funny part was, they didn’t use their names, but they showed their picture. Do they think none of their customers will read The Guardian and recognize them? They don’t seem terribly bright, I’m wondering if they didn’t inherit their business, the same as Trump did with his. Whenever I meet rich, dumb people that’s usually how they got rich, unless they married money.

  • Panika MCD

    in TX news:

    ignore the Tinderholt bill and the school choice idiots. what’s more important is that Abbott is going to try to deny funding to Travis Co. over the new policy brought to us by our new sheriff (and friend of Panika), Sally Hernandez. she is planning on releasing people ICE expresses interest in from the jail if they a) make bail or post bond and b) their stay is not related to a violent felony offense. none of the stories have gone into the facts that the reimbursement to jails for honoring the detainers is far exceeded by the cost of doing so or that most of the time ICE doesn’t even show up or that many of these people are legal residents, if not citizens.

    https://www.texastribune.org/2017/01/23/abbott-demands-hernandez-reverse-new-sanctuary-pol/

  • weejee

    So the facts will be piled higher and deeper (PhD) at the Scientists’ March on Washington. Will those of us who left fizz chem for engineering be welcome or seen as sell-outs for not strictly following the basic science path?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9ef9f43333a0482e6f287d834f27e234e39fe7ac217ac67ed941ae05af2b5103.jpg

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Bio chem rules, P chem drools.

    • Do you believe science is a thing? Then you’re in!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?
    • snark-lurker

      just getting a rope on the witnesses, keep ’em incognito in silence. no one will ever see those 2 again

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Ah– throwing CIA assets to the wolves part of the pact that the Trump campaign made with Putin, I assume.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        I don’t know. Apparently the arrests were made in December, and we are just now finding out about them.

        Leaks?

        • Tiny kaiju

          Leak scapegoat?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Trump was just checking his sources.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      They must not have met their fake news production quotas.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    I assume these early days reflect the horror Susan Sarandon wanted instead of supporting Hillary.

    “Really,” Sarandon said, adding that “some people feel that Donald Trump will bring the revolution immediately if he gets in, things will really explode.”

    http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/03/29/susan-sarandon-trump-might-be-better-for-america-than-hillary-clinton.html

    • Shan

      Unless she’s in the vanguard with a machine gun, she can fuck right off.

      • Shan

        Stupid auto co-wrecks.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Actually, she’s most likely in the effectively segregated town in Westchester where she chose to raise her children.

        • Shan

          She’ll watch the revolution on her tee-vee because, yes, it will be televised.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I bet all those folks trying to keep the pipeline off their land are writing thank you notes to Sarandon and Dr. Stein and their berner friends as we speak for allowing them to be props in their political theater piece.

    • all I can say is that if the revolution doesn’t happen then Susan Sarandon should go petting Polar bears in the nude and coated with blubber

      • bupkus23

        Aren’t polar bears always nude?

        • No! under the fur they’ve got tighty whities

          • LucindathePook

            Fun fact: Under the fur, their skin is black. The color comes from the sun reflecting off the fur.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Not all of us want to explode, Susan.

    • Historicat

      Revolutions are funny things – people get hurt. People get killed. We’re talking about good people, bad people, and those in-between.

      And you know what? Sometimes revolutions fail. So you can have a lot of pain and suffering and things are worse, not better.

  • Tiny kaiju

    The affluent Trump supporters piece has some jewels of sentience. The first one must not be fluent in English because “discipline, accountability and prosperity” are not things that Trump has ever displayed. The second one needs to be told that marrying a guy with a Irish last name doesn’t make you any less of an Asian Chicana than the ones you complain about. OK, maybe it means you have assimilated enough. The third one, fromJersey, wants to burn it down, but cleanly. Because social disorder never impacts white tech guys business owners.
    Also none of these people strike me as affluent. Well off maybe, but not 1% types. Those folks are smart enough to keep their mouths shut and fuck off to New Zealand with Peter Thiel.

  • Greg Comlish

    Hey Wonketteers, guess what? Clinton campaign manager Robby Mook is joining forces with Trump asshole Corey Lewandowski. One guy blundered the most consequential campaign of modern American history. The other is an unstable hothead who physically attacked a media ally and got fired. Marketed as an “entertaining pair” the two fuck-ups will be having some laughs at your expense as they ponder why Clinton was rejected by the American electorate. Mook’s failures, which apparently have nothing to do with the campaign’s decisions, strategy, or policies, will be fully exonerated by a gracious Lewandowski who will affirm that nothing could have stopped an egomanical reality tv star. They’ll also cordially discuss the extant danger to Democracy posed by Bernie Sanders. Get your tickets now!

    https://www.buzzfeed.com/rubycramer/robby-mook-and-corey-lewandowski-team-up-for-paid-speeches?utm_term=.hp3MD6mmx#.wfwrQVGGN

    • bupkus23

      Sounds like they want to follow Carville/Matalin model. When’s the wedding?

    • Apple Scruff

      No, that is not true. They are doing SEPARATE paid speech tours. It was the agency doing the tours that made up this joint project but neither Mook or Lewandouchski has agreed to it. It has since been removed from the site.

  • chortlingdingo

    Christ. I don’t drink, but today’s bad news agenda makes me want to start.

    • snark-lurker

      will it bother you if I take my pants off & get stoned?

      • Courser

        Pretty much my agenda for today. I was hoping to use less weed, but now? Fuck it.

      • chortlingdingo

        Be my guest. No pants is oddly liberating.

    • Pissed de Résistance

      I’ll do it for you.

      • Sardonicuss

        Yep. Got them covered.
        Chinese scientists better come up with some new liver tech soon…because 4 years?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Will help…

    • But the monkies were cute….

      • chortlingdingo

        The monkeys are the only reason I’m not drinking now ;)

    • ViveLaRésistance

      Eric looks creepier in the original.

    • BadKitty904
      • Pissed de Résistance

        That she looks better with her clothes on is not really a compliment.

        • BadKitty904

          The GOP’s “First Lady” of the United States, folks…

        • MynameisBlarney

          She’s not UN-attractive. But not the type of woman I’d pursue.
          Just too damn skinny for me.

          • Pissed de Résistance

            She just looked a lot better last Friday.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Hey, who put that cob up there?…

      • Bozilingus

        She is getting ready to pee on the bed.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Rick Hill

      In other news, trump has ordered an investigation of wee folk to determine their status as citizens and whether they should be deported…after he finds their gold reserves and appropriates them, that is.

      • NastyBossetti

        He’s going to be sorry. Leprechauns are vicious.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Hasn’t he seen the documentaries?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Also; too: He confiscates their lucky charms.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        This time, we take the gold!

      • Apple Scruff

        He’s totally going to invade Ireland, isn’t he?

        • Rick Hill

          Yes. Yes he is.

      • aureolaborealis

        He just wants to round them up so he can rub all their heads and hoard the world’s good luck.

        • H0mer0

          Ah, a new angle on the “Leprechaun” in Central Park/butt sechs joke.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      PERIOD!

    • Apple Scruff

      OH god, I love how big his suit is. Nice touch!

  • Lizzietish81

    So interesting tidbits from my coworkers…

    One quoted a guy from Homeland Security saying they are short 1500 agents, so how the hell are they supposed to patrol this fucking wall.

    Another asked whose patrolling now and why don’t they hire more?

    Well Trump put a hiring freeze on government employees.

    Except Military right?

    Homeland security isn’t military?

    Nope.

  • ViveLaRésistance

    What fresh hell will emerge from the bowels of hell nation’s capital today?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • efoveks

      They Live Among Us!

    • Apple Scruff

      How much time do we give this guy? Normal press secretaries only last a couple of years. I don’t think Spicer Twilight will make it past May.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I’ll be surprised if he makes it an entire month.

  • Rick Hill

    So, a top contender for a supreme nomination, Gorsuch, has, among the rest of his conservative cred, a really great opinion of how the Fed should regulate food, drugs and environment. As an added bonus, corporations definitely have strongly held religious beliefs. I wonder how Roberts is viewing the legacy his court is leaving, how history will judge and place his name as the one cited most?

    • BadKitty904

      I doubt Roberts would notice. He’s always struck me as unusually…”detached”.

      • Rick Hill

        There was brief mention of his looking at the courts legacy when he said that Obamacare was a tax.

        • BadKitty904

          Mighty big of ‘im.

        • Historicat

          But since then he’s managed to gut the VRA, so his main life’s goal has been achieved.

  • BadKitty904

    One unusual point, so far, is that none of Trump’s businesses have been reduced to charred rubble.

    • Pissed de Résistance

      Figuratively? They all are.

    • Bebecca

      You’re right, only that will get his attention. And he would apply for federal aid just like he did after 9/11.

  • monoglot

    So, has the dumpster fire that is POTUS decided yet to send FEMA to help Georgia recover from tornado damage, or has that money already been allocated to the wall-building for which Mexico is not paying?

    http://www.myajc.com/news/breaking-news/south-georgia-need-help/SNOPQLEJIUJwjTvsIKRASO/

    I will not make a red state comment…

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Not until the issue of crowd size is settled. Priorities, people!

    • NastyBossetti

      I’m assuming he has no idea anything is happening in Georgia.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Depending on what channel he’s watching right now, he might send federal aid to Love it or List it.

      • Pissed de Résistance

        The state? No. The country? Why, yes!

      • Apple Scruff

        That’s exactly what I thought when I saw the story on the news.

    • Courser

      They better not hold their breath. They’re not even on Shitgibbon’s radar.

    • aureolaborealis

      Let’s see. Who did they vote for?

      • i must confess i thought this far too many times – with relish – over the last few days.

        not that i mind being a vindictive bitch, but still.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Oh, wonderful, so Donald Trump is going to launch a massive investigation of non-existent voter fraud, just like he launched that incredibly successful investigation of Barack Obama’s missing birth certificate.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Only this time it’s the taxpayers who are funding it.

      • Pissed de Résistance

        Unlike last time when undoubtedly nobody actually funded it.

        • ViveLaRésistance

          Those “investigators” are still paying off their credit card debt from that “fact-finding mission” to Hawaii.

          • suziq

            If he pays in advance I will investigate voter fraud in Hawaii for him. Hell, I will investigate the voter fraud in California too when it quits raining (still want to be paid in advance, I ain’t that stoopid)

    • bupkus23

      ..to be eventually named “Whitewater 2”

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      If Trump is really serious about learning more about the massive fraud he says occurred, he should create a blue-ribbon presidential commission to study voting rights, voter suppression, and allegations of voter fraud in the 2016 election. The panel should be led by former Supreme Court justices Sandra Day O’Connor, David Souter, and John Paul Stevens– all Republican appointees. The lead investigator of the Commission should be former U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald– another Republican appointee. Congress should endorse the endeavor.

      Fitzgerald, who earned a reputation as a dogged, independent prosecutor, should be given subpoena power. His investigators should talk on the record to purveyors of the voter fraud myth to identify and expose their theories. Local election officials also should be questioned about what they saw and didn’t see. There are law professors and other scholars (including those at the Brennan Center) who have devoted years of their lives researching the question of voter fraud and voter suppression. Their views, too, should be included in a final report that would be completed no later than May 1, 2018, six months before the mid-term election.

      • i thought he was pretty much done with public service?

        though he’d be awesome in almost any context in our current era.

    • Apple Scruff

      Welp, if it keeps him busy and distracted, I’m all for it.

      • Serai 1

        I’m not for some hare-brained scheme that harrasses immigrants and makes their lives a paranoid hell, thank you.

        • ImGoingBacon

          ‘I Love Lucy’ libels!

    • aureolaborealis

      Methods and results will be suppressed. He will announce that he was right all along. He will announce new, draconian restrictions on voting that will apply either only to or disproportionately to blue and minority areas of the country, thus avoiding the need to directly suspend elections.

      • Serai 1

        He’ll use a government agency to compile the data, and then claim it was in his favor. And since the agency will have been gagged, as he is doing, we’ll have no way to know if the report he’s waving actually says what he claims.

  • Rick Hill
    • Vienna Woods

      I often used to say the the really obnoxious kids I taught would end up wet spots on the pavement in Toronto if they tried saying the sort of shit they got away with in school.

    • Serai 1

      Would have been funnier if the second part had been someone else saying something offensive to him, and then him freaking out the same way the other student freaked out. As it is, all I thought was, “wow, that guy with the bracer sure is an asshole.”

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I predict that this will fail to concern Congressman Chaffetz.

      • BadKitty904

        Or any other member of Congress, apparently.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Subpoena powers, special prosecutors. Attn Congress, use it or lose it.

          • BadKitty904

            But the Reichpublican Congress fully approves of Trump’s destruction of the Executive Branch. They’ll fully cooperate before they prosecute.

          • Yep, wait until he wrecks the thing, they break out the dirt on him, then impeach and blame the mess on him while they sit back and rake it in.

          • BadKitty904

            Nothing will make Pence look more “statesman-like” than Trump’s endless dumbfuckery.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            He’s bribing them by signing anything they put in front of him.

            The question is … when will that not be enough?

          • BadKitty904

            Trump will stay in place only as long as he’s useful to his owners.

          • Apple Scruff
        • Yr. Gma

          Those egos will start bristling when he cuts off too much of their access.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Carpe Vagenda

    Interesting – the Pope just fired the head of the Knights of Malta for saying the Pope was not the boss of him. He was refusing to cooperate with an investigation into his firing their grand chancellor over giving poor people condoms.

    https://twitter.com/Newsweek/status/824275386603307009

    • ViveLaRésistance

      Which one of them was in favor of free condoms?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        The guy who the Pope fired got rid of his Chancellor because their charity arm was giving out condoms on his watch.

        • ViveLaRésistance

          So the dude in the Kellyanne Conway-inspired uniform fired one of his guys for letting the charity give out free condoms (ribbed or not is yet to be determined), and New Pope fired uniform dude for firing condom guy? Crikey, why can’t these people just admit that condoms reduce abortions and STDs so we can maybe help some people?

      • Pissed de Résistance

        And were they ribbed or not?

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Not the one fired or the one firing him. He was fired for firing somebody for giving out free condoms.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Which is weird, because even Palpatine was on board with using them to avoid spreading HIV once he was done using them as a stick to beat liberals with, and the current guy said you could use them to keep from spreading Zika. So essentially he bagged this guy for doing something that wasn’t necessarily against Catholic doctrine, which suggests that there was something political going on. Like, Malta guy isn’t OK with the current state of doctrine.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            Dogma eat dogma.

    • ViveLaRésistance

      Also too….sheesh, what is it with wingers and their hard-on for military cosplay?

      • Pissed de Résistance

        Oh… I thought he was the doorman.

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          That’s Kellyanne’s job.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I am rubber you are glue.

      -New Pope

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Latex, or lamb skin if you have an allergy.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      The Grand Master of the Knights was going to take on someone from SJ? hahahahahahahahaha

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Srsly. The one the Dirty War couldn’t get who took out the grand inquisitor.

  • Thaumaturgist

    I personally feel for North Carolina politicians. Streets can be as scary as bathrooms.

    • BadKitty904

      Apparently, the taste of their own neo-Nazi medicine was unpleasant.

    • natoslug

      As a male, I’d like to point out that streets often are excellent substitutes for bathrooms.

  • Claire

    Another interesting read, viz. the earlier discussion on Nazi-punching:

    “It’s easy to see the appeal of the idea that problems can only, and should only, be solved without violence — it’s neat, it seems civilized, and it’s far removed from the endless violent conflicts in which our race has involved itself for thousands of years. But venerating it is also something that benefits those in power. You can see this in how disingenuously conservatives propose the likes of Martin Luther King as examples of “how to protest properly,” when in reality — who, let’s remember, was the victim of the ultimate act of violent oppression — King had a far more nuanced view on the nature and role of violence in the fight for civil rights. Where once it was used to shame power into submission, now nonviolence is used to police the nature of outcry against power.”

    http://flavorwire.com/598041/america-its-your-civil-duty-to-punch-a-nazi

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Nazi punching should be a national past time, honestly because fuck them.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Seems pretty simple to me. Nazis get punched. Don’t be a Nazi.

      • natoslug

        He was asking for it, really. If he didn’t want to get punched, he shouldn’t have been wearing that hairstyle and saying all those punchable things, like a punch-slut. Nazis need to show some responsibility, dress themselves appropriately, and not do or say things that just beg people to punch them. Besides, the body has ways of shutting those punches down. (may have mixed my metaphors or messages here, but fuck it, I’m on a roll. Or maybe it’s a Danish).

        • Claire

          Did you sincerely just compare sexual assault survivors to people advocating genocide?

          Wow, you’re an asshole.

          • natoslug

            Actually, no. But I could understand the confusion. Do you really think that sexual assault survivors deserve what happens to them? Do you feel that the way they dress or act makes them somehow deserving of sexual assault? Wow, you’re an asshole.

            The argument that sexual assault victims deserve it is a popular conservative argument. I used reductio ad absurdum (probably poorly) point out the ridiculousness of that argument. And to mock a self-labeled Nazi. Mainly to mock a Nazi, tbh.

  • Chyron HR

    My car got buzzed by a missile-armed helicopter cruising over I-395 at about 30 feet in the air this morning. What the actual literal fuck is going on?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Do you live near the White House?…

      • Chyron HR

        Yes, this was at the on-ramp near the Pentagon, but WHAT THE ACTUAL LITERAL FUCK?

        • Crank Tango

          Trump’s probably gonna fake another 9/11.

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            You make snark, but that is pretty much the one way he can solidify the public behind him: if we need him to “keep us safe.”

    • NastyBossetti

      Just one of those military flyovers our president loves so much! No big!

    • Shoto

      “That’s a feature, not a buzz.”

      — Preznit Cheeto-Face

    • Bill Slider

      The military must have gotten an early start on finding those illegal 5 million Hillary voters. Either that, or the traffic news person is now packing bigly.

    • Screen shot this. There’s climate science info in here, so it might be delete

  • Bill Slider

    Wonkette: Facts, Alternate Facts & Buttsechs. Marshall Law in Chicago, you and Robyn can be Wonkette’s combat zone, front line reporters. Ask for hazardous duty pay to supplement your increased security needs, like more beer.

  • Lucas Foxx

    With Linda McMahon in charge of small businesses, I’m surprised he hasn’t tapped Dr. Laura or Dr. Oz or Dr Phil for Surgeon General.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Just wait…………

      • Rick Hill

        In all seriousness…

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Dr. Oz has a medical degree so he’s right out.

    • Bebecca

      anyone else wonder why HE didn’t nominate Ben Carson for surgeon general? At least he’s a real doctor but of all the people HE knows, Ben is probably the only one to ever live in public housing so of course he would be an excellent choice. That is the strength of HIS mind, any warm body will do.

      • Rick Hill

        I’m sayin’, he needs a patsy for when he steals more HUD money.

      • Lucas Foxx

        Sadly, I think it came down to the word “Urban”. Meaning inner cities. Meaning the black guy must know what that is all about. After all, Trump’s “wadda ya got to lose” plan for the black community was Urban development.

        • Serai 1

          Because the gods know there aren’t any other black people around Washington he could have tapped for the job.

          • Lucas Foxx

            None that the President or Reince know of.

    • Hellhathnofury Demme

      Shhhhh…………

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I’m surprised he didn’t give it to Dr. Feelgood. After all, the man did do him a solid.

    • phoenix00

      John Cena

      He is the Doctor of Thuganomics, after all.

  • Jonny On Maui

    “graduated cylinders”

    Sheesh! Every nerd knows flasks make the best bongs!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/28c4418922494e68a1a2479605ebe1b8693ef612a578c38a63ab5227aa7cce72.jpg

    • alpacapunchbowl

      That’s a beauty! Back in college my friends and I made a little bong out of a plastic bottle, the top of one of those cone incense burners, a Bic pen barrel, and automotive putty. His name was Vinny. He wasn’t pretty, but he was good at his job!

    • Serai 1

      The very best bong is the Tandyn Slave-Master.

      http://dreamchimney.com/oftheday/otd_images/20060920082405_auto.gif

      My friend Ernie Lundquist tells me there is no better way to imbibe.

      • Scrofula

        Ugh. Has anyone ever seen a vacuum flask that didn’t have jebus-knows-what crystalized over the bottom?

      • aureolaborealis

        Chocolates made with cannabis-infused coconut oil are also an excellent way to imbibe.
        I hear.

        • Serai 1

          Edibles do nothing for me, unfortunately.

          • H0mer0

            that’s what I thought….until the next morning.

          • Serai 1

            Not for me. I’ve stopped accepting them when dispensaries offer little gifts. I figure it’s a waste to give them to me.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Will the tRump Junta be sunk by its own hubris or by its incompetence?

    • Yr. Gma

      Yes.

  • Word this morning is the alt national park twitter putting out science data and defiance is being coordinated out of (ta Da!) Rainier National Park in deep blue WA.

  • TundraGrifter

    Press Secretary Spicer compares “Alternative Facts” to weather reports while filming an infomercial with Sheer “Am I uh An idiot?” InSannity.

    Short version: We’ll pee on your leg and tell you it’s raining.

    • natoslug

      See? Trickle-down economics works!

      • TundraGrifter

        “Thank you! I wanted a pair of yellow sox!”

  • Serai 1
    • Scrofula

      I bet Madonna was a big part of their usual playlist.

      • Serai 1

        These days? I doubt it. More likely they never play her at all, and are doing this as a tantrum move.

        • Scrofula

          (All my statements should be taken as sarcastic unless otherwise specified; and even then they probably are)

          • H0mer0

            [like those times as a young adult when I gave up sex for Lent when I was neither Catholic nor getting any anyway.]

          • Scrofula

            Lent lasts five years, right?

          • H0mer0

            the only time i had a dry spell that long was probably when I was married…wait, maybe not. I don’t remember, it’s been 10 years.

      • phoenix00

        Didn’t they also ban the Dixie Chicks a while back?

        • Scrofula

          Ran over their records with a Bobcat fur Freedumz! How DARE they question the invasion of a sovereign nation!

  • Panika MCD

    dear Wonkette,

    I want to see your lily pads.

    love,
    TX State Sen. Paul Bettencourt

  • puredog

    Peter Thiel, pissed off at being outed as a Kiwi, funds libel suit of third party against the New Zealand Herald. Wait for it, 3-2-1. . . . .

  • Raan

    Allow me to make a proposal: Reporters should walk out on Spicer when he lies.

  • Khavrinen

    “the spooky brown people who didn’t vote for him”

    Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you what you will find in the Donald J. Trump dictionary under “fraudulent voter”.

  • Medusa

    Donnie’s Mexico To-Do List….

    1. Talk shit incessantly about how unbelievably bad Mexico & it’s people are
    2. Destabilize economy/currency. -a. discourage potential investors. – b. threaten NAFTA dissolution
    3. Create Leverage. – a. Establish “alternative fact” of indebtedness for “wall”. (Which will magically be equal to the 16% VAT Tax) – authorize deportation of unbelievably yooooge numbers of immigrants
    4. Negotiate the best ever –most “America First” –totally comprehensive trade, immigration, security deal in the history of the universe.. (so Bigly BIG LEAGUE he will surely get an award for being the bestest ever deal maker)
    5. meanwhile — completely on their own.. honest– Donnie swears…. certain really smart, white American real estate developers— actually some of the smartest real estate developers in the world, ( cuz Donnie says they are) will be taking advantage of the ridiculous exchange rate buying up land in Mexico w/mineral rights included (–duh — they are like the smartest ever, remember? And you know they all voted for Donnie )
    6. Loser Mexico, of course, will agree to send the US only their best and hardest workers… who instead of paying all those pesos to some Coyote… will now pay all those pesos to the US for some extreme vetting & a green card … so they can work legally in the US and have Federal income Tax withheld… but no Medicare or SocSec. Because those won’t be around much longer anyway….. and besides, Mexico has its own National Healthcare system to take care of them….. and besides they probably won’t want to come anyway because all the car companies will be building their factories there again…with US steel…on the land those really smart white US real estate guys bought up ….

    Once the new Super Fantastic Bilateral Screw Over deal is signed… every patriotic amurican will be required to sing thy hallowed name (Trump, duh) …
    of course, the Wall may never get built
    (you know, those stupid losers in congress .. it will be all their fault…they are gonna so totally be the reason the funds do not get appropriated… not Donnie… cuz we all saw him sign the Executive Order for the Wall, right?? It was on TeeVee .. seen by at least a quadrillion zillion people… even the dishonest media was there so they can’t lie on him and try to say that he did not keep his promise because that executive order paper thing in the folder proves he held up his promise… so it’s not his fault….)
    And besides Donnie will say “who cares about that stupid old wall anyway? Am I right? ” cuz the 16% VAT tax will not be re-instated… and all his bufu buddies will make millions
    an all around
    big WIN for the “don” and he will say so .. over and over…

  • bbayliss

    What is it now, six days? How likely is it that trump will face less pressure going forward?

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