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Worst human in America maybe
Worst human in America maybe

If you took the Lord’s Day off from playing internet like we did (“we” being me, Evan, since the editrix made Dok work ALL DAY), you might have missed Our Kellyanne Conway, Assistant Liar To The Liar-In-Chief, telling Chuck Todd that Donald Trump’s Press Secretary Sean Spicer isn’t just a thin-skinned, weak asshole, lying at his boss’s behest about Trump’s tiny inauguration numbers, but that the administration is simply presenting “alternative facts.” HA. HA HA. HA HA. FUCK YOU, CRAZY LADY WHO WEARS UGLY CAT BUTTONS AND WAS ONCE CROWNED PRINCESS OF THE BLUEBERRIES IN NEW JERSEY.

Here! Watch a fun exchange if somehow your entire social circle hasn’t been laughing about it for a whole day now:

CHUCK TODD: … [Y]ou make a very reasonable and rational case for why crowd sizes don’t matter. Then explain, you did not answer the question, why did the president send out his press secretary, who’s not just the spokesperson for Donald Trump … He also serves as the spokesperson for all of America at times. […] Why put him out there for the very first time in front of that podium to utter a provable falsehood? It’s a small thing. But the first time he confronts the public it’s a falsehood?

KELLYANNE CONWAY: Chuck, I mean, if we’re going to keep referring to our press secretary in those types of terms I think that we’re going to have to rethink our relationship here. I want to have a great open relationship with our press.

If you say the press secretary lied, just because he lied, then maybe the Trump administration will threaten the press, for reporting that the press secretary lied.

Conway complained a whole lot about Sean Spicer’s OTHER whine-fest from Saturday’s press statement, that a journalist had a made a mistake by reporting that Trump had removed a bust of Martin Luther King Jr. from the Oval Office, and then corrected the record. But why did he get that wrong in the first place? Kellyanne Conway knows he only got that wrong because the press is UNFAIR TO TRUMP.

There was a lot of blah blah crosstalk and Kellyanne Conway being an ass, but Chuck Todd had not forgotten that she had not answered his question:

TODD: … [Y]ou did not answer the question.

CONWAY: I did answer …

TODD: No you did not.

CONWAY: … your question.

TODD: You did not …

CONWAY: Yes I did.

TODD: … answer the question of why the president asked the White House press secretary to come out in front of the podium for the first time and utter a falsehood?

She “Kellyanned” the question, which is very different from answering it. How this works is that you pick out one word in the interviewer’s question — in this case “falsehood” — and then you turn it around and, all dickhead Jersey-like, you go “YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT FALSEHOODS?” And then you talk about whatever it is you wanted to talk about in the first place. She does it every time.

CHUCK TODD: Why did he do that? It undermines the credibility of the entire White House press office …

KELLYANNE CONWAY: No it doesn’t.

CHUCK TODD: … on day one.

KELLYANNE CONWAY: Don’t be so overly dramatic about it, Chuck. … You’re saying it’s a falsehood. … Sean Spicer, our press secretary, gave alternative facts to that. But the point remains–

CHUCK TODD: Wait a minute– Alternative facts? Alternative facts? Four of the five facts he uttered, the one thing he got right was Zeke Miller. Four of the five facts he uttered were just not true. Look, alternative facts are not facts. They’re falsehoods.

When you manage to get Chuck Todd, hackiest hack of Hackville, to laugh at you for being such A Idiot, you have accomplished something, Madam.

Oh, also she said she was a “kind” and “gracious” person, for real, and we don’t even have a joke about it, that’s how nuts it was.

Anyway, all of Twitter and all of Facebook and all of the angels in heaven and demons in hell and the old witch who has Kellyanne Conway’s father’s soul trapped in a lantern — read that link, The Onion is READY ON DAY ONE for the Trump regime — laughed and laughed and started making up alternative facts about themselves, and Kellyanne Conway is the laughingstock of the universe now, even more than on Inauguration Day, when she wore that … thing.

marshall

People have also been making memes with #SeanSpicerFacts and things Sean Spicer Says, and the internet is just having a jolly old time with all these idiots.

So that’s where America is now. We have a new administration that will lie to our faces every single day, and we’re going to have a hell of a time correcting every single thing they say. This is the Bush administration going after the “reality-based community” times ten, ON CRACK, and it’s going to hurt us.

However, we must give our mainstream medias, particularly the Washington Post and the New York Times, massive props for seeing the same Sean Spicer press statement we saw, and immediately calling the fucking liars a buncha fucking liars, right to their faces. Here, have some headlines:

New York Times: White House Pushes ‘Alternative Facts.’ Here Are The Real Ones.

Washington PostHow Kellyanne Conway ushered in the era of ‘alternative facts’

New York Times: With False Claims, Trump Attacks Media on Turnout and Intelligence Rift

Washington PostThe traditional way of reporting on a president is dead. And Trump’s press secretary killed it.

That’s just a handful of the stories they’ve published this weekend. If Trump’s tiny hands succeed at just one thing during his administration, it might be he wakes the media up out of its hacky slumber and forces it to DO ITS JOB. And that, lovelies, will truly make America great again. (Until Trump has a tantrum and mistakes the nuclear football for his Twitterphone, and we all die go boom.)

Anyway, feel free to make up your own alternative facts in the comments, which (#alternativefact) are allowed and always have been.

[RealClearPolitics]

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  • TJ Barke

    Orwell spun so rapidly in his grave yesterday that he triggered a catastrophic fusion reaction that left thousands dead.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    They can’t even get their lies right. Spicer said biggest ever, she says second biggest.

  • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

    Kellyanne is a human being and not a Dalek in disguise. #alternativefacts

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      “derpinate, derpinate, derpinate, derpinate!”

  • Nounverb911
    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      pre-American Revolution chic – that’s our Kellyanne.

      • proudgrampa

        There’s no doubt SHE would have been a Tory.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        It’s like she’s been Disneyfied.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Discount rack at the Valley Forge Fashion Emporium.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      #alternatefashionable

      • Seek

        I’m petty and I’ll admit that up front. It drove me crazy that her various reds are all different shades of red. The hat and the collar are close but the gloves are way off.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Has trump taken credit for the Patriots winning last night?

    • Stulexington

      Well he won’t pay her for the day … but then again he probably won’t pay her anyway.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        She gets paid now. She’s got a steady paying gig now. That’s a government job. Her paycheck comes from the taxpayer.

        And, it’s been clearly established during the campaign that Donnie’s got no problem spending other people’s money.

    • Querolous

      ” so she can fulfill her prior engagement of being the Patriots tackling talking dummy?”

  • lucidamente

    Kellyanne Conway is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.

    • Nounverb911

      I thought Dok was that.

  • Nounverb911

    So is Kellyanne crazy or is she #alternativesane?

  • MynameisBlarney

    Kellyanne totally doesn’t look like a Caribbean Club coke-head barfly. #alternativefacts

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      Every cougar on every bar stool in Florida.

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      Tiki Bar.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Naw.
        The Crib.
        She’s been 86’d from all the Tiki Bars, because, drunk & nekkid. And scaring children.
        #alternativefacts

  • Stulexington
  • Mr. Blobfish

    If they will lie about stupid shit like this, they will lie about anything. And his fans will believe it.

    • Historicat

      They will snarf down the shit sandwich he is going to feed them and declare it “delicious”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      There is the theory that’s the whole idea. Get them used to everyone else is lying on this stupid shit, and they’ll believe it when the serious shit starts coming dow.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I want to have a great open relationship with our press.

    Say, you know who else wanted a great open relationship?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Hugh Hefner?

      • Brendan_M

        No, much grosser. Newt Gingrich.

    • Martini Ambassador

      Donny Drumpf during marriages #1, #2, probably #3?

    • SnarkON

      Marcus Bachmann?

    • MynameisBlarney

      My ex?

    • Querolous

      Kim Davis?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Many people would like to give her alternative hugs. With votes!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I hope she is visited upon by great numbers of alternative and angry votes in her alternative wherever.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    You did not …

    Yes I did.

    We’re going to be hearing this a lot during the next four years, aren’t we?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fe428ef99ed9a043558b074e8e1f6812f7dc33bdaf86b6bef304f317e86cc9c7.png

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      When your White House spokesperson and an (almost) respected media rep sound like an argument between a couple of 5-year olds about ready to call on mom to settle things, there’s a rather large problem.

  • diogenez

    Laugh at these evil clowns all day long, but know that this is staged theatre, designed to distract and keep us busy talking about them, rather than their evil agenda.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Never fear, diogenez!

      We gots folks here what can multi-task.

      • diogenez

        Wonkette sure, but notice what happened to the news cycle after the “presser” and then Conway spouting nonsense on MTP. Suddenly THAT’S what was trending rather than the massive protest rallies.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Well of course.
          What else would ya expect from a neutered and declawed MSM?

        • SnarkON

          No snark: You’re going to pop an artery if you keep worrying about every fluctuation in the news cycle for the next four years. The nature of the human attention span means that news stories will trend and then recede. Nobody has forgotten the women’s march. Pace yourself, friend.

          • diogenez

            Thank you. I’m not so much worried about this as much as just recognizing patterns. This IS how they operate, and we’re wise to be aware of the games they play – and when they are gaming the public.

          • SnarkON

            Attending the march on Saturday reminded me that millions of Americans absolutely get that these people are lying con artist fascists. These Americans will not be swayed by the B.S.. The dumbasses who voted for Trump may not be swayed by facts, no matter how often the facts are presented. Don’t worry about trying to change them. Focus on the smart people. We are out here, and we are WOKE.

          • tomamitai

            Focus on the smart people. We are out here, and we are WOKE.

            Unfortunately, we’re bringing brains to a gun fight, and guess how that turns out? X_X

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      You say that like there’s a lot of strategy going on. LOL.

      • diogenez

        More strategy I suspect, than you may think.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Don’t underestimate Bannon and Miller. The real reality writers of Trump’s speeches; the Wizards behind the curtains.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Miller_(political_operative)

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Wait…you’re telling me Trump wasn’t really writing his inauguration speech in that thoughtful, pensive, presidential photo?

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      It works with the mouthbreathers who already think the man-baby farts rainbows. I’m not so sure many others are falling for it – especially because we’re now self-conditioned to know that when there’s some event like this there’s going to be REAL bad news shortly.

  • Shibusa

    Oh for fuck’s sake. Chuck lost control, very quickly, and she got to unleash her meaningless talking points. And of course, she set herself up to be a media martyr for the RWNJs.

    • SnarkON

      From the transcript, he doesn’t seem to have lost control. Seems like he pinned her down and told her he was aware she was lying.

  • Bill D. Burger

    My alternative factual investigation shows that Merriam-Webster actually supported and agreed with me.

    http://15130-presscdn-0-89.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/dictionary-conway-701×394.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger

    Conway: “Our exhaustive alternative factual investigation now conclusively prove that Mr. Trump’s inauguration crowd (pictured on the left below) is twice the size of President Obama’s 2009 crowd (on the right). FOX math has confirmed our investigation. So this should put the matter to rest.”

    http://i4.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article9674751.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/MAIN-Kellyanne-ConwayTrumps-team-is-now-claiming-biggest-inauguration-ever-boast-is-based-on-altern.jpg

    • Longstreet63

      This is a simple misunderstanding, of course. The one on the right is the Trump crowd…
      Why wait until April 1st for Alternative Facts Day?
      In fact, today is April 1st.
      Every day is and always has been, April 1st.
      April 1st, today, has always been Alternative Facts Day.
      Alternative Facts are the only real kind, which has been proven logically, and for which President Trump received the Nobel Prize.
      Every year.

    • cmd resistor

      So why can’t they come up with a photo of Friday that would support their position? I understand that because of the weather there are no satellite photos but I remember someone posting a live feed from Friday with a still from the moment the program started. People like my brother post things saying, why do the crowd numbers count, then proceed to nitpick how the photos are misleading because they were taken 15 minutes before the ceremony and most people were not there yet. Right. An none of them have come up with explanations for the empty bleachers along the parade route. The ones with Trump and Pence walking by, one would think, should be DURING the parade. I guess the big deal they keep whining is them being upset by the numbers at the Women’s march

  • Rick Hill

    She is totally awesome,amirite? I heard that she has met with Miss Universe and Miss America and they both tried to give their crowns to her, claiming they weren’t worthy.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    #alternativefact: My ex-husband is a lying dick who owes me $153,000 from the forced sale of my house, for being a lying dick. Think I can get that to court?

    • Alan

      Actually sounds plausible.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Twitter is having quite a go at this:

    https://twitter.com/rmayemsinger/status/823285198389321728

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Five will get you eight that Melania broke down and begged for help when she and Michelle were alone.

      • ImGoingBacon

        Which was the reason why Michelle looked so concerned (and dare I say, a little distracted) during the inauguration. It would be completely irresponsible not to speculate wildly.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Left her behind and standing like a fool on the curb and rushed to greet the President and First Lady…and then headed into the White House without even looking back to see where Mel was. Embarrassing as hell but funny.

      • Alan

        Wait! He really did leave his wife standing at the car? What an oaf.

      • That’s what the secret service is for. The “secret” “service” knowwhatImean?

    • Alan

      She looks like she’s awaiting sentencing.

    • jodyleek

      Melanie may be the key to toppling this whole regime. Like any narcissist, when given more power he will become even more abusive. She will be lonely and confide in someone who will spill the beans and cause a ruckus.

      • cmd resistor

        I am still holding out for the idea that she is the KGB agent, or whatever they call it now.

        • Paul

          “Swallow” is the old term for certain “spies”

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      They are such a Lifetime movie couple, where she’s the heroine’s best friend from school who married the mysterious billionaire and then gradually began to notice that whenever he went out of town “on business” a young woman turned up dead in a sensationally brutal murder and…well, if you’ve ever seen a Lifetime movie you know just how it goes.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      I think I’d be wearing a sad face as well if my husband kept making me give BJs to congressmen to get them to change their minds about my picks for cabinet seats. Looks like now he’s angry that she’s willing to give them, too.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      One of my favorite signs from Saturday read, “Free Melania!”

      • puredog

        “Blink twice if you want us to rescue you!” was another goodie.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m starting to think these bad liars and unpleasant rage monsters may not have the best course of action planned for Americans.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Sit down o tired doublespeak, for now we have GreatSpeak!!

  • Alternative Pony Ron

    Thank goodness I have the latest edition of the Newspeak dictionary!

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    I like to get my alternative facts from ‘Twilight Zone’ reruns, not the WH press room KAC.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Is she calling it TrumpCare yet?

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    So we’ve had the Gilded Age, the Industrial Age, and now…the “Alternative Fact Age”.

  • Martini Ambassador

    Derpyanne: “I think that we’re going to have to rethink our relationship here.”

    Why does everything she utters sound like a barely-veiled threat? But ok, Derpyanne, be careful what you wish for. Because we too want the press to rethink the relationship, calling you and your Cheeto daddy out on the blatant lies, obvious hypocrisy, and shiny deflections. Good luck peddling your propaganda without a willing press to carry your water.

    • SnarkON

      Here are the two sets of people you do not want to piss off if you are in a precarious position of power and have a ton of shady stuff to hide: 1. The entire press corps. 2. The CIA.

    • LarryHoudini

      Reminds me of when she said Harry Reid “should be very careful” about his comments about Trump. Um, yeah—fuck you, dipshit.

    • Longstreet63

      Oh, you’re just misunderstanding her. It wasn’t barely-veiled at all.

    • Vincent Ricola

      She’s a master of passive-aggressive, smiling, drippy sounding threats. I spent time on a HOA board and can confirm that these types are highly unstable dangers to society.

  • LarryHoudini

    Some people think we needed a non-politician as president in order to drain the swamp and shake up the system. Others think what kind of fucking idiot would make enemies with both the CIA and the national press before he’s even really started. Good luck, president numbnuts.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      He may succeed in uniting enough Conservatives and Liberals and Civil Rights activists and Government reform Activists to reign in the Executive Branch and introduce more Congressional Oversight.

      Of course, that is partially dependent on this Congress rising to the occasion, so don’t get your hopes up just yet.

  • Swampay

    Did KAC wear that outfit to the inauguration intentionally to make it seem like The Hunger Games?

    • SnarkON

      The look is “(wing)nutcracker.”

  • mPEEg

    “Melania and I send our deepest condoleezzas to the familars of all those who lost their lives in the tornadoes and severance weather that struck the Southeasterly regions of our nation this weekend.”
    — @RealDonaldTrump with help from auto-fill/ auto-correct (oh, why am I bothering to correct myself?)

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      As if we needed any more evidence that there’s nothing average (or American) about these assclowns.

  • SnarkON

    Kellyanne’s cosmetic surgery and fillers are subtle and flattering.

    • coozledad

      When Madame Tussaud’s does her, theyll be able to hand the job over to a rookie. No need to try and make her appear less waxy. That’s a subdermal flop sweat.

      • SnarkON

        It’s not just waxy; it’s filled too much in the wrong places and not filled enough in the needed places. Her Botox is terrible. Her neck lift and facelift are hideous. Whoever her doctor is should have his license revoked.

        • Historicat

          Medical science can only do so much against such overwhelming hate.

  • goonemeritus

    George Orwell is feeling pretty smug right now for a dead guy.

  • dslindc

    Well I don’t know about the rest of you, but I absolutely love Mondays! #alternativefact

    • eka

      the tree threw an apple at me! #isaacnewtonalternativefact

  • Longstreet63

    “There are no enemy soldiers at Bagdhad airport.”
    I like to stay with the classics.

    • Bill D. Burger

      “There are no Americans in Baghdad. You have nothing to worry about. You can believe me.”
      (M1 Abrams tank rolls by in the background.)

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Of course not. Friendly as can be!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • o’look Skwerl!
    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Brilliant!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Make Oceania Great Again!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    On a more serious note, I can only hope Hannah was right:

    https://twitter.com/brainpicker/status/823516080815636481

    • efoveks

      Keep this in the top file. You are going to be posting it often, both in response and by request.

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    I know I’ve seen that coat before said every Hessian in Trenton in 1776.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    Is it my imagination, or does KaC look like Chuckie in that photo?

  • Anna Rompage

    Propaganda Barbie now come with 4 times the amount of bullshit than before.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b938c7d286070a8bbd24688aa99bfbd5457c1f46f2911618b37ea9af8b87657b.jpg

  • schmannity

    On the lie spectrum, alternative facts are 17 notches below truthiness.

  • Ricky Gay
  • Brendan_M

    Kellyanne Conway pisses on America’s leg and tells us it’s raining. While Donald Trump masturbates furiously in the corner.

  • snark-lurker

    mebbee they donut want the press in the WH because they would hear Twelter’s tantrums & stuff breaking

  • BokkenMonkey

    Someday they’re going to stop interviewing her. Hopefully before we’ve all surrendered our free will to Big Brother.

  • exinkwretch

    Virtually everything the orange fuckhead and his crew of crazies has uttered since he glided down the escalator into a fake crowd to announce his candidacy have been lies. And anyone thought that would change when he was sworn into office?

    • chortlingdingo

      My mom (liberal, voted for Hilary) is desperately clinging to the hope that he’ll shape up once he realizes the scope of the job.

      I, a much more cynical person somehow, am not so optimistic.

  • Truck Fump

    I like the old Bushisms. There was no middle man for the joke. With the Twitter in Chief, we have to wait for the public to create the hashtags and memes.

    • Vecchioivan

      Gallows humor does help pass the time.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        I wouldn’t stick my neck out.

      • snark-lurker

        i was thinking Madam Gillotine

        • Vecchioivan

          Knitting. Always knitting . . .

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          “Check out my post on Tumbrelr!”

    • MynameisBlarney

      I got a bushisms calender for my berfday, I loved it.
      Something tells me that trumpism calenders are going to be even better.

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        They could put out a ‘Trumpism A Day’ calendar in two editions and STILL have material left over.

        • PubOption

          Bigly.

        • Querolous

          A Trump calendar would have no Saturdays or Sundays.

      • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

        If I can have alternative dates where every third day is Friday, I’m for it.

      • o’look Skwerl!

        They would be downright frightening.
        “American carnage”
        “ripped from their homes”
        “From this moment on, it’s going to be America First.”
        “we will build new…tunnels”
        “We stand at the birth of a new millennium,”

        • puredog

          Bone spurs bleed? Who knew?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    If Trump’s tiny hands succeed at just one thing during his administration, it might be he wakes the media up out of its hacky slumber and forces it to DO ITS JOB.

    Your lips, god’s ears.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      But will the truth make money?

      • snark-lurker

        that is their jerb now: $$$$

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I suspect that they’ll discover that if they start printing the truth, people will pay to read it. It certainly seems to be working out for the Washington Post and Newsweek. Meantime, the Times is having a firesale on digital subscriptions.

        • Darkest Timeline Zach Morris

          Smart people, the people who pay for knowledge, will pay for correct information. People who vote for Trump will keep on reading Infowars and Breitbart for free.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Yeah, but it’s more of a revenue flow than they have now.

          • Darkest Timeline Zach Morris

            Oh absolutely. I was trying to say that we were willing to pay for good journalism, but it came out snarkier than needed for accuracy.

  • janecita

    Kellyanne is looking a little rough, all the hard drinking is starting to show. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/289e584e18adde74fca827278b32517665b993c7b2512505ad0de3b667708e2b.jpg

    • Bill D. Burger

      Liberace looked a lot better.

      • janecita

        And was a lot more entertaining.

        • Résistance Land Shark

          and he’s dead.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        His legs look better, honestly.

        I guess her panythose are sagging. #alternativefacts

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Women in the tweaker camp next to my shop look healthier.

    • Alan

      I laughed at him because he was entertaining. I laugh at her for other reasons.

  • Donald Trump got where he is because he is very smart, not at all because he was a trust fund babby who has failed upwards spectacularly for decades. #alternativefacts

    • Longstreet63

      Good one! If you put that on Twitter, you might get an ambassadorship. They don’t seem to be very discerning when it comes to sarcasm.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    I’ve always loved “alternative reality” SF stories. Now I get to live in one…

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      I’m almost positive I saw Leonard Nimoy on TV wearing a goatee.

      • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

        mmmm…Sexy!

  • GRH

    Alternative Facts = Gaslighting

  • Sandy Beaches

    “Jesus Hussein Christ, what a fucking liar.” – Joe Izuzu

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Even Baghdad Bob is gobsmacked.

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    It is sad to see KAC sell her soul for the contents of Melania’s Goodwill hand me downs although it would improve her style sense.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Oh that soul has been bought and paid for since the 90s. We are watching the devil try to refinance for a better interest rate now.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • anon_the_great

    I know how to fix this. Circus music jingles for all Trumpanzee quislings.

  • ken_kukec

    That outfit Kellyanne had on at the inauguration looked like something Shirley Temple would wear to dance with George M. Cohan.

    Even Shirley knew not to dress like that once she became Ambassador Temple-Black.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      “George M.!” Now there’s a musical that needs no revival.

      Or does it?????

  • efoveks

    I have come to the conclusion that Grump and his people think that “media” means National Enquirer, Star, and the like. These are the press people that orange monstrosity has been dealing with for years, an now that he and his must deal with real, legitimate journalists who really do deal in facts and do actual research before they publish their pieces, Cheeto jeebus and the new orangemen don’t know how to respond like grown ups.

  • Longstreet63

    In the question of “Who you gonna believe? Me, or your lying eyes?” We may now see a glimmer of the coming decision.
    The question, of course, is which way it will break. Can they keep it up?

    • Bill D. Burger

      There will be a tsunami of ‘Alternative Facts’ coming from this Trump cesspool. It’s going to be a chore to separate and categorize em’!

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    “I’ve got nothing to say, but it’s OK.”
    “Good morning, good morning, good morning ah…”

    Moar caffeine

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Gives a whole new meaning to “Alt-Right”.

    • Rick Hill

      No, I’d say it’s just in keeping with their fine tradition of truthiness.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        I was thinking that Alt-Right, given the KaC statement, would now mean “definitively wrong”. Use: We were alt-right about the Mango Menace and his access to the nuclear codes. It seems that the Russian Puppet does not have the patience to enter the fifteen digit password that is required before launching.

    • PubOption

      The only journalists allowed in press conferences will be the alt-write.

    • Erala Contratista

      The complete title is Alt Right Delete. Even I know that.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    ♫Hey Kellyanne, what’s your game now, can anybody play? ♫

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      <golf clap>

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Rubio flipped – he’s voting for Tillerson too. Gad, bunch of spineless, unprincipled worms.

    His justification is there’s just too much uncertainty, and we can’t leave the position empty just because the nominee is corrupt and inexperienced.

    • BadKitty904

      You genuinely thought Lil’ Marco was going to defy the Partei’s agenda?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Not really. I was just expecting a less odious rationalization than “Well, a lousy choice is better than no choice at all.”

        • BadKitty904

          The Comb-over Kid continues to phone it in.

        • cmd resistor

          As opposed to his position on Garland, good choice is no good if made by a democratic prez.

    • Rick Hill

      When these guys say they aren’t voting for somtehing they’re just saying “What’s in it for me?”

    • Fartknocker

      After the vote, John McCain patted him on his ass in the Senate Cafeteria and said “that’s my boy.”

    • cmd resistor

      I sort of figured he would slime out of it. His first email response to me when I said, great, oppose the guy, was much more forceful than the last one, which pretty much said, I will give careful consideration (no more “I have concerns about him.”

    • Pisto75666

      Worms have more spine than Rubio does.. After he was on TV endlessly decrying Trump before the election, figures he’d fall in line just like the rest of them

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Man, he’s practically a Democrat when it comes to spine.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Unlike all the overseas offices that are going to be empty for months.

  • Rick Hill
    • BadKitty904

      Delusion is a helluva drug…

    • boredcatlady

      Russia, if you’re watching, I’d love to find those 500,000 people

  • pstockholm

    You know I think we might be better than the Russians and Turks and Hungarians on this whole authoritarian/fake democracy, big lies, abject, craven apparatchik thing. Makes me proud in a twisted kind of way.

    • Longstreet63

      The next step is to exclude any media that points out the lies, so that they will be forced to aggregate the stories of those who won’t.
      Whether the younger breed of reporter will stand for that, I dunno. Whether the publishers will, probably.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Hold on a sec….I’ve got something in one of my lying eyes.

  • geoffalnutt

    “You lying crunt!” – which is, of course, alt-truth for “I love you a bushel and a peck”.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8dda54593b5edc5d6382e9433ba9efd915c445cf21ddeb153e5bb7cd82e2fe4d.jpg

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Awesome (a word I reserve for, ya know, actual extraordinary things :-).

      And, FYI, stealing it! As should we all.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • cmd resistor

      But Rubio has folded, as well as McCain.

  • snark-lurker

    Tweetler: Another fine mess you’ve gotten me into Seanolly.

    Seanolly: wimp wimper wimp wimper

  • BadKitty904

    Shrill, shrieking harridan LIBELZ!!1!

  • Holly

    I am waiting for “the POTUS is a happily married man whose wife loves him above all else”.

    Now that one is sure to cause Kellyanne’s head to explode on camera and would be well worth waiting for.

  • “Best you sit down, Dearie. I have some rather shocking alternate truths for you.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a79fe7af5aa68a5dc1fdf9a7b91f95784018f24d886b81dbe27fc7f5e2a6671d.jpg

  • boredcatlady

    Is it too petty to spend all day (or all the days) discussing how Kellyanne claims to be 49 years old? Rode hard and put out wet, maybe?

  • if alternative facts= lies
    and alternative right= fascism
    then alternative music=_____________

    • Longstreet63

      Marching bands

      • Bad Tom

        That explains KellyAnne’s Inauguration Day, um, attire.

        • Darkest Timeline Zach Morris

          Alternative Fashion.

          • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

            You win!

          • SpideySenser

            Unfashion.

        • Pisto75666

          I admittedly kind of like her outfit. It’s cute. OTOH it (plus the hat) makes her look like Belle from ‘Once Upon A Time’s American half-sister.

    • NastyBossetti

      Three Doors Down?

    • ViveLaRésistance

      Pat Boone?

      • chicken thief

        Leather Pat Boone or pre-leather Pat Boone?

  • ken_kukec

    At his presser today, maybe Spicer will announced that dear leader shot his usual par 18 at Burning Tree over the weekend.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Perhaps soon he will top that ‘other’ Dear Leader’s prowess on the golf course:
      [ I’m referring to—what else?—the 38-under-par 34 reportedly fired by the late North Korean despot Kim Jong Il, a man known to his people as Dear Leader and to you and me as Dear Top-the-Leader Board. According to official North Korean state accounts, Kim’s round, the first he’d ever played, was highlighted by five holes in one.]

  • NastyBossetti

    O/T, but for the people with punk leanings, Frank Turner has been opening his shows with a new song. I went to his show the night of the inauguration, and it was just the thing I needed.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZ6s8C88zzk&feature=youtu.be

  • Bill D. Burger

    Here’s a lil’ horror story for Monday in the new Rolling Stone.

    [ The Radical Crusade of Mike Pence
    He’s trampled on the rights of women, LGBTQ folks and the poor. Then there’s the incompetence. Meet, quite possibly, the next president

    What Mike Pence’s role will be in a Trump White House is like everything else dealing with Trump: It is an enigma wrapped in a riddle held in the tiny hand of a serial liar with his thumb on the nuclear button. Trump choosing Pence was an explicit move to protect his flank with the Christian right. It seems likely that Pence will have immense influence over social issues, like repealing Obamacare, gutting abortion rights and keeping the LGBTQ community in its place.
    Pence’s favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz, and he is poised to be the man behind the curtain. His influence could be far-reaching, from judicial selection to leaning on Pence’s old cronies on Capitol Hill.]

    http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/features/the-radical-crusade-of-mike-pence-w462223

    • PubOption

      So we should pay no attention to him.

    • Eleanor Quirk

      By “like” I mean “hate”. I think you are correct in your analysis.

    • chicken thief

      Until Mike Pence marries a Trump daughter I think we can safely assume The Donald could care less what the fucker thinks.

    • Erala Contratista

      But I recall things didn’t work too good for that man after Toto pulled the curtain away…

    • puredog

      While I loathe the man, I gotta say, maybe better Pence than Cheney.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    Unfortunately, this schtick works with a lot of people. I’ve been having an exchange on another board with an idiot who is earnestly telling me you can’t believe anything the CIA says about Russian hacking because of the way they ginned up the intel about WMD’s and then invaded Iraq. That’s right – the CIA invaded Iraq. Bush, Cheney et al went along kicking and screaming I guess…

    • There are always going to be crazies.

    • Rick Hill

      All part of their secret plan to….

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Tell the guy on the other board that you think Pence is working up the nerve to stab Dear Leader in the back and run things himself.

  • azeyote

    alternative fact – a lie is only something you haven’t said enough times to be the truth –

    • Longstreet63

      What counts, after all, is if you really want it to be true.
      And if you’re a billionaire, well, enough people will agree with you so it will seem true.

    • Shan

      Ouch.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I’m pretty sure this is an actual fact, if my memory of 2000-2008 serve.

  • The opposite of left is right
    The opposite of right is wrong
    So anyone’s who’s left is wrong
    Right?

    Stephen Sondheim

  • folderol

    Hey, Kellyanne, what’s your game now?
    Can anybody play?
    Hey, Kellyanne, what’s the rules now?
    You change them everyday.

  • boredcatlady
  • DahBoner
  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

    “…[T]he old witch who has Kellyanne Conway’s father’s soul trapped in a lantern…”

    Well, it’s too fucking late to ask us unicorns for help. She shoulda come to us first. Dragons don’t usually give a damn about humans (when it’s not lunchtime), but I know one who owes me a favor.

    • Pisto75666

      Where do unicorns stand with donkeys? ‘Cause I know of one who’s married to a dragon and they may be able to help you out.

  • Pisto75666

    “Look, alternative facts are not facts. They’re falsehoods.”

    No Chucky, what they are is LIES. You know that word, right? that word the right called everything that came from Obama’s mouth. LIES. L-I-E-S. Jesus, why is it so hard to use that one little word?

    /rant.

    • NastyBossetti

      It’s not a lie; it’s just a tiny little prevarication.

      • Pisto75666

        Hopefully they’ll start using THAT word more often. Then the fun part will be seeing Trumpettes scrambling for a dictonary (like the Pepe Le Pew cartoon where the people fleeing a boat.)

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I think it was Nixon, or one of his henchmen, who told us that “the previous facts are no longer operative.”

      • Pisto75666

        If Trump’s minions went with THAT, I’d even be ok with it.

      • tomamitai

        I was a “yute” during the Nixon years, and I was disheartened when my peer group and many of the adults in my life gladly went along with his “it’s not illegal when the president does it” defense, but took heart when the shit piled up so high that the republicans in congress put partisanship aside and got on-board for the impeachment hearings. I don’t see any chance of that happening now. Like Robert Reich says his republican friend told him, they’re going to use Trump to get as much as they can of their hideous agenda passed, and only then will they “pull the trigger” and impeach him, leaving us with president Pence.

        • Mike Steele

          Thought Reich had it nailed till I read Robin Wright’s piece on the actual response to Donald’s debacle before the CIA. Now I’m not sure he’ll make it to impeachment.

          • tomamitai

            The part that has me puzzled is who were the people cheering and laughing at Trump’s remarks? I could hear them on the video, but not see them. Were they CIA employees, or did Trump bring his own audience? I can’t find a definitive answer to this, just people speculating about it.

          • Mike Steele

            Guessing it was his traveling shills, though there are likely a few in every agency who relate to the badass bully…

          • puredog

            linky?

          • Mike Steele

            Came off Wonkette-believe it was in the New Yorker. Only need to Google Robin Wright on Trump at CIA. Hope that helps.

        • Paul

          And hang the blame on dimwit Trump saying it was HIS law. (In case they can’t just blame Obama or the Clintons).

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        Ron Ziegler, “This is the operative statement. The others are inoperative.”

    • TundraGrifter

      People don’t like falsehoods but you never hear about a truehood…

    • C4TWOMAN

      When you’re a professional news person, the word lie is avoided as unprofessional. Frankly by professional media standards he savaged her, so I’m okay with her being called out like this, as long as she’s called out.

      • Pisto75666

        True (re: lie being unprofessional), I just hate all this tapdancing BS. It’s part of the reason we’re in this position in the first place.

        • C4TWOMAN

          I agree. If the media had taken Trump seriously sooner, they could have called him on his lies earlier we might not be here. Instead they treated him like a ratings farm….

          • Pisto75666

            But calling him on his lies would mean actually doing their jobs, and we just can’t have that!

            One of my favorite things from the campaign media cycle was sometime last year or so, Rob Reiner was on MSNBC’s Morning Joe & pretty much told Joe & Minka that they sucked at their jobs for not taking Trump to task. Wouldn’t you know they had the nerve to be outraged (OUTRAGED, I tell you!) that he dared to say such a thing. (apologies for wordiness)

  • Tiny kaiju

    And Chuck Todd’s balls grew three sizes that day.

    • Pisto75666

      Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

      • Résistance Land Shark

        That’s OK … his balls only grew from extremely, teeny tiny to teeny tiny.

        • Pisto75666

          That’s better.

    • chicken thief

      Chuck Todd has balls.

      #alternatefacts

      • Tiny kaiju

        When I say grew, 1 mm x 3 is still only 3 mm.

    • Sardonicuss

      “It’s not my job to determine weather a guest is lieing or not” – what I hear every time I see Chuck Todd’s name (since I haven’t watched his show since long before he said it)

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Best pic by far of Il Douche’s motorcade:
    https://static01.nyt.com/images/2017/01/23/opinion/23krugmanSub/23krugmanSub-master768.jpg
    (NYT’s Damon Winter, via Paul Krugman’s column.)

  • proudgrampa

    Liar, Liar
    Pants on Fire!

    • ViveLaRésistance

      No pants! No pants! You’re the pants!

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      That’s just “alternative oxidation.”

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Hey, Sean Spicer and Kellyane Conway are just living an alternative lifestyle. I though you lefties were supposed to be cool with that.”
    — A Trumpkin

  • Mavenmaven

    Conway knows that “rethinking our relationship with the press” means “herding the opposition into detention camps”

    • Résistance Land Shark

      The only thing KaC has as a weapon against the press is access. So, the more press and media she “rethinks”, the less Cheeto Benito will be on the 6 o’clock news or the front page (of real news orgs). That would make Cheeto Benito really upset.

      • ViveLaRésistance

        Exactly. And shame on the press if they don’t call her bluff and just #sendtheinterns

      • Paul

        What are these “real news organizations” of which you speak? Any of them with “6 o’clock news” are wholly owned by a few corporations and all the employees self censor to keep their paychecks.

  • TundraGrifter

    Apparently the Law of Gravity has been repealed. Currently, a popular Alternative Fact is that things fall up.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I believe I can support a finding of the earth sucks at the current time.

  • TundraGrifter

    Maybe she’s just jealous Corey Lewandowski was banging Hope HIcks. It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      There seems to have been quite an epidemic of spokespeople boning surrogates on that campaign.

      • Résistance Land Shark

        There’s was also a general boning of the American public by that campaign also too.

      • TundraGrifter

        Every campaign! It’s one of the reasons people do it. Working long hours very close together; no time to meet anybody else. Late night drinks to relieve the pressure. One thing leads to another…

  • OddMan

    The conservative magazine The Weekly Standard has a scathing indictment on lying to the press and how Donald has corrupted his own people. Here is one paragraph.

    Rule #1 for press relations is that you can obfuscate, you can misrepresent, you can shade the truth to a ridiculous degree, or play dumb and pretend not to know things you absolutely do know. But you can’t peddle affirmative, provable falsehoods. And it’s not because there’s some code of honor among press secretaries, but because once you’re a proven liar in public, you can’t adequately serve your principal. Every principal needs a spokesman who has the ability, in a crunch, to tell the press something important and know that they’ll be believed 100 percent, without reservation.

    http://www.weeklystandard.com/trumpism-corrupts-spicer-edition/article/2006432

    • Résistance Land Shark

      Too late …. Spicer sunk that shit on Day 2.

    • mailman27

      Yeah, but Spicer’s boss is a liar also, too, and thus are we doubly fucked.

  • MAZS

    Todd still felt the need to use an euphemism rather than calling a lie a lie. Leaving wiggle room grays everything up for too many voters.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      I agree! for example, “I hate that thar Obamacare, but I shore like some of that ACA!”

  • Angela Ruzzo

    All my white male working-class neighbors keep telling me they voted for Trump because he is a “businessman” and we need a businessman to run our government and straighten things out. Yet there are hours of video and years of paper trail proving that he cheats his employees, he cheats his contractors, he cheats his customers, he cheats his investors, and he sells his name for profit then files for bankruptcy so he can avoid paying taxes. Yes, he is a businessman, but he’s a lying, cheating, thieving businessman who actually BOASTS about it in public, on tape, and who needs a businessman like that running the country? But when I tell my neighbors this, it’s like their brains shut down and they won’t hear it. They just ignore it. They repeat “businessman” as if it was a karmic mantra.

    • Sister Artemis

      Yesiree, Bob! My GF, short version: “all I can say to that is they’re pretty fucking stupid, and that’s my story and I’m sticking with it!”

    • Nick Scroggs

      Online I’ve just given up so far on trying to use rational arguments, I’m pretty sure it’s like only a few dozen people at most, but you raise any questions, you become to them just a “privileged liberal”. And I’ve got some examples on another thread to prove it.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        My experience is that when I present reasoned arguments and the facts to back them up, they cannot reply with rational counter-arguments so they begin to insult me personally and call me some pretty nasty names. That is always a dead give-away that they are morons. There’s no point in arguing with morons.

    • tomamitai

      That’s because, like the best “marks” a con man can find, they are dishonest weasels who foolishly believe he’s going to lie, cheat, and steal for them, at the expense of all those furriners and eggheads and queers and n***ers and sluts who won’t fuck them, and it never enters their minds that they’re just being used and will end up just as fucked.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Here’s what I think, based on 60 years of close proximity to white male working class relatives and neighbors. They are uneducated, they know they are at a disadvantage out there in the real world, so they cling to their equally disadvantaged working class roots and friends and childhood teachings and shut everything else out, because they know they are constantly being taken advantage of and they can’t fight back, but they shut this knowledge off in the back of their unfocused minds and refuse to confront or deal with it, because they don’t know how to. Then they see someone who says he’s their friend against the big, bad, evil, corrupt world that is constantly taking advantage of them, and they don’t ask questions, they jump on the bandwagon.

        Example: Neighbor called me this morning for advice. He works at Auto Zone. He mailed his truck payment on Dec. 28, and he has those duplicate check things to prove it. I know him, I have no doubt he did mail it, as he is 70 years old and very religious and very honest. Clearly it is lost in the mail. Loan company called him this morning to say they didn’t get the payment, so he tries to pay it online with his debit card, but they reject his debit card, possibly because he is not very computer literate, or possibly because the stupid loan company has put some kind of lock on his account because the payment is late. He is furious. His response to this is to say “Well screw them, I just won’t bother anymore and they can go to hell” instead of persevering to get the problem fixed. I said “Write a brief letter explaining the problem and enclose it with a check you mail.” He said “I can’t be bothered” – probably because he can’t write a letter. I doubt he has written a letter since he last wrote to Santa. He is uneducated, inarticulate, he feels helpless, he knows the loan company will screw him if they get a chance, so he does nothing.

        So of course I offered to write a letter for him, and he gratefully accepted.

      • Paul

        “We screw everyone else and pass the savings on to YOU!!!!!!!!1!!”

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      That’s because American corporations have done an amazing job convincing the public that a CEO is incapable of doing wrong.

      • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

        Only the public who don’t work for a place with a shitty CEO.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          A non-shitty CEO is fairly rare. I had one twice, but both times they retired, and their replacements were super shitty. You can’t count on the non-shitty ones staying around, whereas the shitty ones seem to live forever.

          • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

            The shitty ones have the self preservation skills of a cobra. It doesn’t matter who you are, if you piss them off and most of the time it doesn’t take much, you are going to be bit (demoted/fired eventually) and most likely killed (fired immediately.)

          • Angela Ruzzo

            True. And if you are a woman, and they are male and white, you don’t even have to piss them off to be bit, it happens just because you exist and are a woman.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Yes, all the evidence notwithstanding. Even after Enron. Even after the 2008 bank crisis.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          BP spill.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yeah. I forgot that one. Echoes of the Exxon Valdez, which I remember vividly – videos of baby birds covered in oil. Sickening. And Times Beach. It’s time to get out my DVD of Erin Brockovich and watch it again. Also Norma Rae. Also Iron Jawed Angels.

          • Paul

            Love Canal was nice too.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        And here’s another strange thing. One of my grandpas was a lead miner, the other was a coal miner, in the days before and after WWI when the mining companies were screwing people like crazy, and both of them HATED corporations and got arrested for going on strike and joining unions and demanding a living wage and safe working conditions. And their children felt the same way, but some of their grandchildren, and all of their great-grand-children, have forgotten all about it.

    • Spurning Beer

      Back when I was a young radical, “businessman” was a shameful identity.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Me too. The “Military-Industrial Complex” was at the top of our hit list. Still is for me.

        On the other hand, most of the businesses in my town, including the banks, were locally-owned when I was a girl 60 years ago, and now they are mostly national or regional chains, and the local business owners were better. I try to shop at the few locally owned businesses as often as I can, whether it costs more or not.

        • Paul

          Except it is now the military-industrial-media complex.

          Great idea shopping locally. It keeps the money in your community rather than going to the scum sucking Walton heirs in Arkansas.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            We’ve actually got one of the scum sucking heirs living right here in this town. She and her husband have the City Council and the University Chancellor in their pockets. If they say shit, the local sewers will overflow. It’s disgusting.

    • northandwells

      That’s why Illinois elected Bruce Rauner as governor. He is a businessman, not a politician. Accustomed to giving orders, not negotiating, we’ve been without a budget for almost 2 years. The state is in dire straits under his leadership.

      • Bebecca

        and Matt Bevin, millionaire in chief of KY. Our downward spiral is just getting started.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      You’ll notice too that almost every single bit of public policy has to be filtered through “it’s good business” filters, as if doing the right thing isn’t worth it, if it isn’t “economically” worth it.

      If you can’t make money at it, why do it? (c.f. Betsy De Vos re: public education)

      • Historicat

        Just like Nikki Haley and her “no CEOs have complained about it” response to the confed flag. Who cares what non-CEO types think, right?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Gosh, that’s not what they taught us in my political science and government and public administration classes in college back in the 70’s. The thinking then was that government was there to provide those services which benefit people that are NOT economically profitable, such as schools and highways and bombs. How times have changed.

        Thanks, Reagan, I’m glad you’re dead. I had a party to celebrate that fact, did you hear about it?

    • Historicat

      I’ve work for years for “businessmen” and almost all of them should be kept as far from power as possible. What is wrong with these people?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        It’s not just businessmen. I worked for many years in public universities and local government, and a large number of the male administrators and managers I worked for were just as bad, except they had power over fewer people and smaller budgets.

        I decided 35 years ago while working for one particular psychopath (not my first one) that some people don’t have souls. There are at least 3 reasons why they don’t have souls: 1) they were severely abused as children and their soul died; or 2) their soul was stolen from them by drugs or alcohol; or 3) they are defective human beings and were born without souls. Male CEO’s and university administrators all seem to fall into the third category. Every now and then you run into a female one, but in my experience this is pretty rare.

        Here’s an interesting thing. . . the two best bosses I ever had were 1) a middle-aged lesbian woman and 2) a middle-aged gay man.

  • cmd resistor
  • Garbageman

    So, to recap, Sean Spicer (whose title is ‘press secretary’) stands in front of the assembled media in order to rip them for how they’re covering the Dear Leader, and in the process spits out several ridiculously obvious lies that are easily refutable, then leaves without taking questions. Then Kellyanne Conway defends Spicer by saying the White House had ‘alternative facts.’ . . . I know I’ve said this before, but this is going to be the longest four years in the history of time . . .

    • tomamitai

      I thought it was black holes that slowed down time, but I guess orange ones do too, also?

      • Garbageman

        Well, maybe this is the trade-off for a longer life: You must live it in Trumptown . . .

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Real-life Twilight Zone

  • MAZS

    Actually lies, not falsehoods Chuck. But baby steps.

    • TakingAmes

      I think they’re trying not to assign motive, since they can’t say whether they know they’re lying or not. “Lie” implies malicious intent. Just sayin’.

      • MAZS

        at some point, motive is pretty damn easy to infer

  • I watched “AM Joy” on MSNBC today (online) and EJ Dionne suggested that the only response to the blatant lies is not to participate in the WH Press Pool. It seems to me that it would be a huge slap in the face to the Ol’ Pussy Grabber to quit him before he could ban the particular news agency from attending.

    • cmd resistor

      My understanding is that CNN chose not to cover Spicer’s thingy live on Saturday, which is also a step.

      • That’s right. I think all the MSM should be doing that.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Just send some flunky interns to capture the audio, ask some questions, and put your real press people on the real stories.

  • Spurning Beer

    Alternative fact: Steve Bannon has impeccable hygiene and grooming.

    • JD Mulvey

      And Michael T. Flynn is a rational, sensible authority on international geopolitics, as is Michael G. Flynn.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Yes, that’s just an “alternative cologne” he’s wearing.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    evan, you know I love the wonkette – but I feel ommitting CNN’s banner, “Alternate Facts” are Lies” is sinful!

    Seriously, that shit was hilarious.

  • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

    The KAC Daily Meditiation:

    IknowyouarebutwhatamIIknowyouarebutwhatamIIknowyouarebutwhatamIIknowyouarebutwhatamIIknowyouarebutwhatamI

  • Bitter Scribe

    Evan–Brilliant description of “Kellyanneing.” I’d never be capable of it, if only because I couldn’t stand listening to the woman long enough to perceive the pattern.

  • going4baroque

    in for a penny, in for a pound!
    What a message to send to the little girls growing up in America, it’s ok one day to lie to advance one’s interests, but it’s not ok the next day!

    On Jan. 12, Chelsea Clinton said in a stump speech in New Hampshire: “Sen. Sanders wants to dismantle Obamacare, dismantle the CHIP program, dismantle Medicare, dismantle private insurance. … I worry that if we give Republicans Democratic permission to do that, we’ll go back to an era — before we had the Affordable Care Act — that will strip millions and millions and millions of people of their health insurance.”

    Just sayin’

    • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

      This comment does not make logical sense.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Well, all I can think of to say is “shut the fuck up, Blueberry Princess.”

    But then, that’s all I can think of to say whenever I see Kellyanne’s mug.

  • JD Mulvey

    Kellyanne and Chuck are rethinking their relationship. Sad!

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “It’s complicated!”

  • JD Mulvey

    I cannot wait to see how she bobs and weaves as her boss moves closer to being impeached and removed from office. She’s going to need to eat Zolofts like candy.

  • JoeChristmas

    I always wondered what Goebbels would look like with caked on makeup.

  • JParkerSD46

    Ok, this is a bit OT and not (too much) snark. Here’s the question I would LERRVVVE to hear at the start of every press briefing, press conference, tv interview with Trump (should he deign to bless us with one) or any and all of his spokesidjits: “You have stated that President Trump (uurrggghh…sorry, I just threw up in my mouth) will not release his tax returns because a) they are under audit, and b) Americans don’t care. The IRS states that being under audit does not prevent one’s returns from being made public and polling shows that the majority of Americans do care what’s in those returns, including a majority of Republicans. Why, specifically then, will those returns not be released and what is in those returns that you/he are afraid to show America?” Think of all the hilarity that will ensue if this question is asked daily to everyone in the Trump admin.

  • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

    Her discourse is on the “it’s not fair” level of my 8yo’s. Also the “you laughed and it’s representative of how we get treated by the press YOU MEANIES I’m ABOVE IT SO I WON’T TALK ABOUT IT FOR 30 SECONDS LIKE SOME ASSHOLES WOULD.”

    This is what the suppression of journalism looks like.

  • rick

    Kellyanne CONway is a friggin’ lying sociopath just like her boss.

  • Peggy Ryan

    Someone should tell her she is too old to wear the plunging neckline. Her face is falling into her chest.

    • Ouch!

    • Browncoat Krieger IRL

      It’s her synthetic human skin mask, if you look closely you can see she’s really a reptilian space monster.

    • Amalga

      Not to mention her fake boobs are a little too perky for the whole package.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Kellyam is good. Yesterday “No release of tax return.” Today “Tax return release after audit.”
    Good to see she still does what the boss says.

  • CATMAN

    Wow, Kellyanne, turning Orwell’s “1984” into a policy briefing manual!

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    You know who actually never says “I am a kind and gracious person”?

    Kind and gracious people

    (One of the easier patterns to notice with these assclowns).

    • Browncoat Krieger IRL

      Just like how men who say they’re “Good Christian Men” are usually manipulative, self-righteous fuckwads.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        It’s the specific variety of douchewaddery that leads bystanders to append “…and humble” after the douchewad in question finishes an exhaustive list of his many qualities.

  • bookish

    She sold her soul to Tangerine Moumar. How will she explain that to her kids?

  • Browncoat Krieger IRL

    Alternative Fact: Cheeto Mussolini’s hair totally doesn’t look like weeks-old dessicated roadkill.

  • xy

    this is one of those times when words fail me and anger is all i can feel.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    The press better stop playing Clownstick’s game. When KaCa refuses to answer a question numerous time, she’s done. We can go to commercial. Donald Trump needs the press’s access more than he will admit.

    I agree with the article linked in the Wonkagenda. Send your interns to the White House and put your talent out there talking to the agency heads who are being required to lie for their boss and, unlike Kellyanne, are not happy with that.

    You know what The Art of the Deal says about building a house on a foundation of sand.

  • Panika MCD

    I feel like my thunder and that of the other non-commenters has been stolen! I started doing POST FACTs weeks ago and the non-commenters joined me. now I have to take those headlines and turn them into a triolet.

  • phoenix00

    Chuck Todd calling someone out? That’s my Alternative Fact Of The Day!

  • GemlikeFlame

    Another pool. How long before this ethically-indifferent mouthpiece is persona non grata with every major news outlet but Fox? And how soon after that does she lose her job? If Donnie bothers to pay her to begin with, that is.

  • Teto85

    This is going to be such an Alternative great administration.

    We have always been at war with EastAsia.

  • Spicer and Conway have lost what bits of credibility they had left after the Putin influenced election was over. Conway is more clever with word-play than Spicer, but her lies have become more obvious and flagrant since inauguration. Spicer, however, tells lies at the press room lectern that anybody with a plausible brain-stem could detect. Also, I have noticed that today CNN and other media are using LIE and LIAR instead of some euphemism.

  • jackaroe

    The answer to Chuck Todd’s question is that Spicer lied because all these lying lie factories are lie addicts. Every time they burp up a nice juicy lie from their mouth caves, they get a killer rush like a common Charlie Sheen. They think, “OMG I can bullshit to the whole freakin’ country and EVERYBODY has to eat it up yum because I say so! I am the king!!!” (or queen). They need their fix every day, and the first Sunday after taking office was a day, so there you go.

  • Reason

    When you lack a solid argument, a reason to be talking, and the class to dress like an adult, it’s Conway-Time ™.

    I think her most recent evolutionary ancestor was a jack-in-the-box.

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