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Early draft obtained by Wonkette
Early draft obtained by Wonkette

Oh, boy, it’s almost time for Texas Muslim Capitol Day again, that biennial event where the state’s Muslim citizens are invited to come on down to the Pink Dome in Austin to learn how their state government works, how to be effective citizen lobbyists, and to be screamed at by crazy people who fear that energy drinks are full of SATAN (and Sharia, same thing). You might recall that a couple years back, state Rep. Molly White marked Muslim Capitol Day by vacating her office altogether but putting any Muslim constituents on notice that if they wanted to meet with her, they’d have to “pledge allegiance to American Law,” renounce terrorism, and say hi to the Israeli flag on her desk:

molly white facebook

It wasn’t clear whether the Muslims were also supposed to pledge allegiance to Israel or if the flag was just there to scare ’em off like garlic would a vampire.

Sadly, Ms. White lost the 2016 Republican primary to a gent named Hugh Shine, about whom we know nothing except he appears to be a rightwinger who hates illegal Messicans more than Muslims. But there’s already a strong contender to take White’s place in the overcrowded Texas Bigot Hall of Fame: freshman state Rep. Kyle Biedermann, who prepared for Muslim Capitol Day by sending a questionnaire to “Muslim leaders” at mosques and Muslim student groups to gauge just how dangerous their freaky anti-American religious beliefs are, if they wouldn’t mind:

In a letter dated Jan. 11 and signed by Biedermann, Muslim Texans were asked to state whether they support efforts to designate the Muslim Brotherhood as a foreign terrorist organization, the “Declaration of Muslim Reform Movement” and a pledge regarding the safety of former Muslims.

The results of the poll, the letter indicates, would be shared with Texas elected officials.

He just wants some feedback to better serve the great State of Texas, after all. A spokesperson for Biedermann initially gave the Texas Tribune only a media advisory about a “homeland security summit” Biedermann plans for January 26 at the Capitol, a few days ahead of Muslim Capitol Day, aimed at studying up on “the critical threat of radical Islamic terrorism in Texas.”

A bit later, the office sent a more specific written statement, explaining, “The poll that went out was paid for with private funds and was sent out to gather responses in advance of my upcoming Homeland Security Summit[.]” Private funds, so don’t you go worrying about any official harassment of Texas Muslims, you sillies, even though the envelopes were marked “URGENT REPLY ASAP” and sent by a state representative. The Tribune notes that other participants in Biedermann’s little bigot party include representatives from “the American Islamic Forum for Democracy” and “Former Muslims United,” which do not at all sound like Islamophobic shell groups bent on promoting Islamophobic paranoia.

Heavens, for complete balance, the summit will also be graced with the presence of Irving mayor Beth Van Duyne, that minor rightwing national hero who keeps freaking out about “SHARIA LAW COURTS,” which are actually just private mediation services run by imams. Ms. Van Duyne has never had similar conniptions about Jewish or Christian mediation services run by rabbis or pastors, because obviously those are normal religions, not scary terrorist groups out to destroy America.

Bee “I dare you to find a nicer Texas lady name” Moorhead, the executive director of Texas Impact, a statewide interfaith alliance, was properly disgusted with Biedermann’s little publicity stunt, and urged concerned mosque and student groups who had contacted her group not to bother responding. Texas Impact also sent a letter to Biedermann calling his survey “misleading and intimidating.” What, just because he wants Texas Muslims to know Big Brother’s watching them? That might also make them feel all secure, knowing a state representative cares.

“It’s shocking that a few legislators — and it really does seem to be a few — insist on trying to marginalize [Muslims] session after session and try to keep them boxed into only being relevant on issues where it’s their identity that’s at stake,” Moorhead said. “It’s so disrespectful.”

ICYMI

Disrespectful? You know what’s disrespectful, Ms. Bee Moorhead? Disrespectful is not assuming that every member of a particular religion is bent on cutting off your head the first chance they get! Disrespectful is thinking the U.S. Constitution applies to people who pray funny! Disrespectful is failing to drown out Muslims singing the Star Spangled Banner with anti-Islamic chants! This here is America, and we know what respect is all about — it’s about having all the guns you want, and making sure the heathens know they can’t even have any rest when they’re dead. That’ll teach ’em to love America.

Yr Wonkette would like to congratulate Rep. Biedermann on his impressive display of patriotism, and to remind him that the Trump Administration still has a lot of open jobs.

Then again, so do a lot of Texas sewage treatment plants.

[Texas Tribune / Quorum Report / Charlie Pierce at Esquire]

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  • GoutMachine

    “I’m going to leave a gun pointed at the door and a ticking time bomb on the desk. Let’s see how long those America-hating pussies stay in my office.”

    • I Am Helpy

      “Haha! They won’t dare come near me now that I’m ON FIRE!”

  • arglebargle

    Derp in the Heart of Texas.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I can’t wait till Texas Teahadi Day.

    How many of the nice lady’s visitors will renounce the acts of Ayatollah Abu Ibn-Cheetoh?

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    dammit, my state never makes nice-time news…just derp news.

    • doktorzoom

      Molly Ivins has a birthday every year. And you still have Jim Hightower.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        should be a national damn holiday where kids are forced to read her work.

        BTW Dok – I sent you an email about a story idea.

      • Historicat

        I’m still in mourning for Barbara Jordan.

        • doktorzoom

          Amen, and Anne Richards, too.

  • Michael Smith

    What an insane place their legislative office complex seems to be. Its like the International Rooms at the University of Pittsburgh’s Cathedral of Learning, except each room is full of bigoted displays of paranoia about each different nationality.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Forget it Jake. It’s Tejas.

  • Anna Rompage

    Maybe it is time for us to just destroy to world, killing off all the human inhabitants, and let mother earth start over again.

    • Michael Smith

      As long as its not with a flood, I think I know someone you could call about that.

      • Nounverb911

        Houston seems to b totally flooded at the moment.

    • Spurning Beer

      I heard a civil rights lawyer in Montgomery almost 50 years ago say that the conservative vision is to have everybody start out in jail, and have to work their way out. Similar idea.

    • Ryan Denniston

      If the left were as nuts as the right, I would say that Republicans secretly believe in global warming. It’s a cunning and secret plan to bring about the Rapture. If the left were as nutty as the right.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Ezio Auditore

      Sonic really let himself go.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Optional music accompaniment…

      https://youtu.be/StHXkibWL3c

      • ViveLaPeésistance

        Perfect!

  • AngryKatie

    There are a lot of people out there who should be grateful that I’m not the king of them. Because holy shit do I want to be the king of them. Like, even for just a week would be fine.

    The rounding up and gun taking they’re so afraid of? Definitely on my day one to do list. So much rounding up you’d get sick of rounding up. I mean YOU wouldn’t, but they definitely would.

    • tomamitai

      I wouldn’t take their guns, as long as they followed the whole 2nd amendment, including the part about “a well regulated militia”. I’d make them drill and march and do calisthenics on a regular basis if they wanted to “keep and bear” any firearm bigger than a .22LR or a .410 shotgun.

      • AngryKatie

        I’d give them back to them under those conditions. But they’d need to “graduate” from my re-education camp first.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    “The results of the poll, the letter indicates, would be shared with Texas elected officials.”

    What a wonderful opportunity for trolling.

  • Crystalclear12

    we’re not winning the battle today, are we?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I’ve been finding that the fetal position is an ineffective posture for positive resistance.

  • Nounverb911
  • DahBoner
    • Would wear. My sister knitted me my very own Fourth Doctor Scarf. It’s 15.5′ long (shorter than the real one, but i am not a giant)

      • tomamitai

        The long scarf look kills; just ask Isadora Duncan.

    • I bought a really pretty blanket scarf but I’m still waiting for a lake effect snowstorm to wear it and I’m in Buffalo right next to the lake. It’s been in the 40’s and hi 30s this week.

      • I’m on the other side of the lakes. I am thinking i might be able to skip boots for the March on Saturday.

        • I suggest comfy shoes but ones that have a thick sole so the cold doesn’t sneak up thru your feet.

          • That is my current plan. Gloves in the purse. Warm coat.

          • For me it’s warm ears. Mine hurt like hell in cold, especially windy cold. The pussy-hats will come in handy.

          • I am scoring one from a lady coming in from Burlington (hopefully). Knitting would be closly linked to my death via accidental strangulation if i ever tried it

    • BearOmegaNomNom

      As opposed to Chun-Fy Snark, moderator of Korean Wonkette.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Rep. Kyle Biedermann, who prepared for Muslim Capitol Day
    by sending a questionnaire to “Muslim leaders” at mosques and Muslim
    student groups to gauge just how dangerous their freaky anti-American
    religious beliefs are, if they wouldn’t mind”

    Aren’t these the people who keep freaking about about taqiya? Why does that not apply here? I’m right aren’t I; can’t really rely on whatever answers are received. Better to simply behave like assholes from the start, dispense with the survey.

  • Bee Morehead, Resistance Leader, Texas Division.

    • BosGrl

      Too bad it’s not Agnes Moorehead, then she could put a spell on all of them.

  • Nounverb911

    Aren’t whites the minority in Texas now?

    • Sane people certainly are

    • Ezio Auditore

      They were the minority when they got there.

      (Though there are some Muslims who are white i.e. Cat Stevens)

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    Can we come up with a new contest for the Wonkette Pants-Shitter of the Year?

  • I really think that Muslims should not be described as “Muslim-Americans”. We don’t categorize other citizens (if we must) by religion ie Catholic-American or JesusFreak-American. I am Irish-American (2nd generation) so wouldn’t one say Syrian-American or

    Serbian-American. R’s are terrific at messaging and driving buzzwords incessantly. I feel we need to take control of the conversation at this time. ??

    • Ezio Auditore

      It’s basically their way of othering groups that they don’t like. It’s why most white Americans don’t go by hyphenated labels like minority groups do. And if they do, it’s usually their own choice.

      • Agreed, but by using a national or ethnic lead-in they wouldn’t be able to react in a knee-jerk (or jerk-off) manner. I believe that most of the pinheads don’t realize that there are other religious groups in other countries. JMO

        • Ezio Auditore

          You mean like all those Syrian refugees that they still won’t let in even though many are Christian?

          • jowgajen

            Brown Christian just isn’t the same.

    • CatCafe de la Resistance

      Absolutely. Ezio is right, it’s simply a way to “other” them. Substitute “Jews” and they’re right out of Goebbels’ playbook.

  • Ezio Auditore

    Is it just me, or is this eerily similar to how the American government treated Japanese-American citizens during the second World War?

    They say that those who don’t know their history are doomed to repeat it, but it’s also true that those who do know their history are doomed to watch others repeat it.

    • Shakenbake

      I’m swiping that.

  • whitroth

    Doc, let me break this to you gently: for years, up through at least ’04, if you went to the official website of the Republican Party of Texas, one of their official party planks in their platform was “Make America a Christian nation”, thereby saying that they hated the Founding Fathers, and hated America and religious liberty.

    And on the other hand, let’s quote that great Texan… Moll Ivins: “The Lege is in session; all of our villages is missing their idiots”. Also, “The Texas Lege, God’s gift to columnists.”

    Damn, I miss her.

    • doktorzoom

      Also “The National Laboratory for Bad Government”

      • OrG

        Success!

      • mancityRed6

        Kansas is coming up fast on the outside, the Koch brothers will see to that.

  • Jenny

    Siiiiiiiiiiigh

  • o’look Skwerl!

    So whatcha’ll doing for Hate America Day this year?

    • Nounverb911

      Isn’t that tomorrow?

    • Spurning Beer

      I am trying to decide between legislating morality and persecuting religious minorities. How about you?

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Banning science.

      • Ryan Denniston

        What did Cosette do in Les Miserables? Scrub floors? Knit socks? She didn’t play with her doll or go to school!

      • CatCafe de la Resistance

        As a woman, I thought I’d participate in the systematic misogyny towards my own gender, if that’s okay with you.

        • puredog

          If you have to ask for permission, you’re on the right track.

          • CatCafe de la Resistance

            I know, that’s why I added that meek little question haha.

      • OrG

        Why not both?

    • Living in Canada

      • Nounverb911

        Moving to Japan?

      • Painter of Goats

        Fine. Rub it in.

    • Ezio Auditore

      Shaking my head as I watch the world burn.

    • OrG

      I think I’ll drink heavily.When is it? Never mind,doesn’t matter.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Practicing my Russian.

      • OrG

        But their alphabet has made up letters!

        • CatCafe de la Resistance

          It’s all just squiggles! Not like OUR alphabet!

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          That’s what they’d like you to believe.

      • Ezio Auditore

        Na Zdorovie!

  • OrG

    Is it weird to be more afraid of so-called christians than muslims?

    • Nounverb911

      You people of “Faith” like Mike Huckleberry and Frankie Graham?

    • No, the Islamists have only killed about 4,000 Americans on US soil.

      The Christianists are planning on killing many, many more by gutting the ACA, environmental regulations and funding, workplace regulations, and engaging in more pointless military confrontations to make us feel big and strong.

      • Ryan Denniston

        Also too, they speak of FEMA camps. And ovens!

      • Beanz&Berryz

        30,000/year when ACA is gone… God’s Work.

      • arglebargle

        Not to mention their pew-pew toys.

      • CatCafe de la Resistance

        Christianists also did a fair amount of killing back in Germany in the 1930s and 1940s.

        • OrG

          Not to mention 1100’s – 1300’s.Crusades anyone?

          • CatCafe de la Resistance

            And NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

      • puredog

        But parades!

  • o’look Skwerl!

    OT: New government policy: Confiscate your IRA and 401(k) to bail out your bank.

    Totally not spam.

    • OrG

      It worked once.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      ummmm . .. linkie, if you could be so kind, good sir Skwerl!?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Texas: “Arr’ yew or have yew ever bin’ a member of the Radical Mooslamic’ Party?”

    https://img.ifcdn.com/images/b523a2de6cbf09f1a698096dbeb69c049dc2295d103bd082d500a6bf48a75506_1.jpg

    • Stulexington

      They’re terrific.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    There is no God but Wonkette, and Donna Rose is her prophet.

  • memzilla Ω

    …[a contender for the] overcrowded Texas Bigot Hall of Fame: freshman state Rep. Kyle Biedermann…

    “Biedermann,” eh?

    I think we need to investigate thoroughly whether Mr. Biedermann has:
    1. Renounced all loyalty to Kaiser Wilhelm II
    2. Properly refers to “sauerkraut” as “Liberty Cabbage”
    3. Properly refers to “dachshunds” as “Victory Dogs”

    He might even be a closet Lutheran instead of a God Fearing Baptist!

    • Painter of Goats

      I’ve heard the brainwashing inflicted in Luther League can’t be undone.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      There was at least one case of a Lutheran family chased out of a predominantly Baptist town, for the “sin” of objecting to school prayer.

      As the Prohibition era joke goes:
      Lutheran pray privately and drink publicly.
      Baptists pray publicly and drink privately.

    • 4. Referring to Vienna rolls as Victory rolls. In the early 50s my Gram would send me to the bakery to buy some.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Instead of changing their name to “Victory City” or some such, the residents of one Wisconsin town just changed the pronunciation from New BerLIN to New BERlin

  • Suttree

    About 20 ish years ago I used to heckle people of the faith. Aot,k. Now I have found a few that are actually good people. I selectively throw my tomatoes. Grrrrmmmmrrrhhhhhh. I’ll be quiet now. Fucking fuck fuckerrrrs!!!!!!!
    *gets dragged away by the neighbors cats*

    • Nounverb911

      In the early 70’s when the Kampus Krusade for Whatshisname came by my dorm room, I used to yell at them in Yiddish…They had no idea and would run away.

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      It’s perfectly possible to be a very nice person & still believe preposterous twaddle. Of, course, it’s still twaddle.

      • Suttree

        It is extremely difficult for me to get severely drunk with such a person, and not call them out on the stupid of it all. I am really not a horrible person, but I hate people who make up stories.

  • Anna Rompage

    Holy shit buckets and caped crusaders batman…. This person if fucking nuts…

    I pulled this off of their person FacePlace page…

    “I’ve been in a constant form of intercession for our Nation. God is
    sovereign, he’s in control, he knows the beginning to the end. While I
    pray that we can accept his will for our Nation, I am crying out for
    mercy. God, on behalf of your children, those who follow you, those who
    pray and intercede constantly for our Nation, those whose hope is in
    you, I plead to you to not give us a Jezebel to rule over this Nation.
    We need your Cyrus, we need the one whose heart is for you, not against
    you. We need your mercy and favor for the sake of our Nation. God, help
    us keep our eyes on you no matter what happens. I pray for peace,
    protection and victory for Donald Trump at the polls today. In the name
    of Yeshua, I pray. Amen.”

    • OrG

      Nothing terroristy about that.No siree.

    • arglebargle

      The only people that take the bible literally are atheists and fundamentalists.

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        Us atheists only treat it literally to show how ridiculous it is to take it literally.

        • arglebargle

          Yeah. I didn’t really use my words goodly.

      • OrG

        Fundys cherry pick.

    • Needs moar “allahu akbar”.

    • PubOption

      Which Cyrus, Miley or Billy Bob?

  • Bill D. Burger

    TexASS pols should clean their damned state of their homegrown terrorists before even looking elsewhere for them.

    http://pickuplinesworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Terrorist-Jokes-8.jpg

    • Ezio Auditore

      A terrorist group that has existed for over a century and still exists no less.

      • Scrofula

        Right, what are we doing in the War on Terror? Not a single bombing of a single Klan headquarters.

        • Stulexington

          No wonder they wanted Obama to promise not to use drones in murikkka.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    People who openly venerate fucking traitors while demanding proof that other people are Real Americans is just one more reason we should have not left one scorched stone standing upon another anywhere south of the Ohio River.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      Hey, wait a minute! WV went with he good guys! Most of us anyway.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I spent 4 years in Athens, and a lot of time in Chapmanville, Oceana, and Van. I’ve also been to a Marshall game. You have the floor, but you’d better make a pretty compelling case.

        • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

          Talking about the civil war. At least the state itself did the right thing.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            OK. South of the Kanawha work for you?

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            Absolutely!

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I kid. I love WV. Except Oceana. Fuck Oceana. And Iaeger.

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            I was shot at in Iaeger. I do not go south in the state anymore. (I’m in Huntington)

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Holy shit! I had a gun pulled on me in Iaeger! (While canvassing for the UMW, no less.)

    • mailman27

      We’re JK, of course ha-ha. But maybe things would have turned out better if we’d left a little less room for doubt.

  • cmd resistor

    OT, I think Jade Helm is happening, but it is in Florida. Our Wal-Mart was evacuated for a bomb threat this afternoon. Actually I think it is still an ongoing thing. The Sam’s next door, too.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas
      • cmd resistor

        That Obummer is so sneaky, throwing us off like that with all the Texas stuff.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Once people got out of the Wal-Mart, it must have been hard to resist just keeping going and getting the hell out of Florida as well.

    • Scrofula

      That was just an accident in the bathroom.

      • Ya know, I was going to say it was one of the customers lifting their leg to get off the scooters but Then I thought ew.

        • Scrofula

          Usually they have a kid to reach the beer and pork rinds, or one of those claw-things. But boy, when they go down . . .

      • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

        Twasn’t an accident. A trans person tried to go into the women’s room and heaven rained down vengeance.

  • mancityRed6

    Operator in training at Port Arthur for $34k a year?
    I’ll take it.
    I’ll have to move to Texas, but you get used to the smell after awhile.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Biedermann” sounds German to me. In light of the rise of neo-Nazi groups since Trump began running for President, I’m sure Mr. Biedermann will be fine if the state sends him a letter asking if he or any members of his family are Nazis.

  • Bill D. Burger

    How many FOX bots and good godly Texas Christofascists will say the words:
    “RADICAL ___ CHRISTIAN ___ TERRORISM”?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c38426e026cc83e6048857e4a4c6f7bfefcdf4029ec0b63a68e4039d03f2ff35.jpg

    • OrG

      NOT,K?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Sample questions:

    1) Have you stop supporting terrorism yet? Yes/No
    2) Do you love guns? Yes/No
    3) Is the federal government is an oppressive threat to our freedoms? Yes/No

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    I just don’t get it. Conservatives fancy themselves as heroic patriots, but they’re afraid of their own shadows. Buncha nancy-boys.

    • snark-lurker

      cowards all n faking it draft dodgers

    • magyar of infinite power

      Nancy-Boy Libel!!!!

  • CatCafe de la Resistance

    Just substitute the word “Jews” and you have Germany in the 1930s.

  • doktorzoom

    I Heart “Bee Moorhead” — as a name, at least.

    • And you just know she’s bound to be somebody’s aunt, also, too.

      • snark-lurker

        i think he means something naughty im purdy sure

        • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

          Daughter of Therell Bee Morehead

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Like in as Aunt Bee….

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Dennis Moorehead the Half a Bee libel!!

  • Scrofula

    Questionnaire for TX lawmakers:
    1) 3rd Mon. in Jan is: MLK Day or Rober E. Lee day
    2) Slavery was: abhorent or “their lives weren’t so bad”
    3) The “confederate” flag is a symbol: used by opponents of desegregation in the 1950’s or of “southern hospitality and sweet tea”
    4) John Schneider or Tom Wopat (trick question, it is John Schneider)

  • sosuume

    According to the Jewish Community Relations Council, at least 30 Jewish community centers in 17 states across the country received bomb threats on Wednesday.

    • cmd resistor

      Well, don’t worry, we’ll all be unified after Trump’s unifying speech tomorrow. Then no more bomb threats…..

      • Scrofula

        I’m feeling my unit right now.

      • phoenix00

        Because the bombs will have all gone off?

    • Nounverb911

      Including one close to Mar-a-Lago.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Why can’t Republicans say, “White Christian Terrorists”?

    http://i64.tinypic.com/1690vo4.jpg

    • Courser

      We need to make those up for the Bundy tribe too. Man, wouldn’t that piss a whole bunch of peeps off?

    • phoenix00

      Addendum: Dylan Roof

    • VagendaofNastyWoman

      White Christian terrorists who self radicalized after communicating with white Christian hate groups on the internet. Not catchy, but would piss a lot more people off.

  • The urinaugural concert is streaming on Yahoo and I went there-the Stones’ You Cant Always,etc. was on a loudspeaker, didn’t look like a huge crowd and then I ran away.

    • cmd resistor

      So I couldn’t help taking a look. Some guy with a Mohawk was playing drums and singing….yeah, doesn’t like huge crowd, hard to tell. Watching that asswipe and his family, him, waving at the crowd just made me too sad. Then I watched the Army band play Stars and Stripes forever and that made me sad also, too. I ran away then as well.

  • Scrofula

    How many TX lawmakers openly support Texan secession? I mean, today, 2017? As in, openly opposed to the US gubmit?

    • Nounverb911

      If at first you don’t secede, try, try again.

      • Scrofula

        Or keep putting it off, like fixing that old Dodge on your lawn.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • phoenix00

      Terrorism, IOKIYAR

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Thanks for the stats…I should’ve scrolled down before making my comment.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I think the Muslim groups who got that questionnaire should immediately send one back to this Biedermann:

    1) Do you support the designation of groups such as the Promise Keepers, Operation Rescue and the National Rifle Association as domestic terrorist organizations?

    2) Can you guarantee the safety of former Christians in Texas?

    2) Do you believe that the lawmakers and citizens of Texas should be loyal and faithful to the United States of America, and that advocating the secession of Texas contradicts that principle?

    • Roadstergal

      All of the upfists!

      Of course, giving electoral votes to Putin’s puppet pretty much takes care of ‘loyal and faithful to the USA.’

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      This… a million times!

  • Nounverb911
    • Big Brother is Watching You. And is constipated, also, too.

      • BrendaKay

        Yes! And is totally creeping me out, also, too.

    • or the Kremlin

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      Is that’s Trump’s signature or his EKG?

      • PubOption

        Does Pence use the nickname Slim?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Vanilla Slim, yes.

          • MeerkatsRMammals

            That must be his secret rapper name!

    • mailman27

      What a dick.

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Donnie has a look every parent is familiar with. Hope Ivanka had a clean diaper and baby wipes ready.
      And Slim there is almost lifelike, but that suit was definitely ‘shopped.

      • Dazza

        *snerk*

    • HazooToo

      The Hairbeast just radiates hate…

      • Oblios_Cap

        At least they are both wearing their flag pins like true “Mericans!

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Every time Drumpf reached for gravitas, he gets constipation instead.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      For a man who’s about to become leader, you’d think Trump might have a smile in there somewhere? I would also bet he’s one of those asshole guys that tells women to smile…

  • Scrofula

    1) A Kosher hotdog is: Tasty/all Beef
    2) A Halal (Sharia) hotdog is: almost identical/OMG CONCENTRATED EVIL!

  • weejee

    ♪ Good Godly Miss Molly, sure gonna fall
    Good Godly Miss Molly, sure gonna fall
    When you’re rockin’ and a rollin’ can’t hear reason call ♪

    / with apologies to Reverend Penniman…

  • Panika MCD

    Texplainer’s additional comments:

    a) if they think that energy drinks are full of SATAN, wouldn’t they be yelling at the Capitol Grill employees that supply me with BAWLS (and red velvet cake) all session?

    b) part of the reason it’s now Fmr. State Rep. Molly White is because the establishment fought back and not only defeated every bullshit Tea Party challenger, but also too picked off Molly because: who needs another White when James White is already so good at being A Idiot? now, I would rather have had that pastor beat Sticky, but I’ll take it–Sticky may not have those 5 votes to fuck with the L&C Calendar at the end of session now. is the Messican hater a useful idiot? probably.

    c) speaking of Miss Molly–the saddest thing was that an interfaith group of Muslim women who hold gatherings with various other Abrahamic religious women’s groups to show how much they have in common reached out to Miss Molly after the incident. they were sitting out in the hall of the extension talking while one of the Muslim children were playing nearby and my friend from TPR pulled out his camera and was all, “THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT!” then one of Miss Molly’s staffers blocked him with excuses like “you just can’t!”, “it’s not a public space!” and “I will hold you back!” after TPR Friend told the kid to keep his hands to himself, he saw that Miss Molly had successfully moved the Muslim women and child well away. TPR Friend said to the staffer, “I hope you realize how much you just screwed your boss.”

    d) it’s also worth noting that Miss Molly’s COS quit after the Islamic Heritage Day incident. new guy may suffer a similar fate.

    e) NO ONE is more of a bigot than Sticky. NO ONE. but this new guy makes me glad I spend most of my time in Sen Fi which is off limits for Campbell, Huffines, Hall and Burton. I will thank my lone star for that one. Sen Fi starts on Monday! it’s gonna be a wild ride.

    f) Speaker Straus hasn’t released his committee statements, but I seriously doubt this guy’s going to have anything to do with the Homeland Security & Public Safety Committee. more likely he’ll get something innocuous like Special Purpose Districts and one of those “select” committees of morans Straus uses to get the childrens out of the room while the adults get shit done.

    g) they’re all going to enjoy the mariachi band from TX A&M Kingsville also too. I will be in Sen Fi listening to….oh, shit…Article II…which is health agencies…which is fucked up and makes grown senators cry. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

    h) last time the Pink Dome had a “security summit” it was held by Sen. Bob Hall (who has seen ISIS on the TX border with his own eyes, y’all!!!!) about how our energy grid (ERCOT) is gonna get hit by alien pulses from outer space! he’d be right at home, but I can’t find a list of who’s going to be at Biedermann’s Ball.

    i) on a more positive note: TX Impact helps them find people to provide invocations for the floor sessions and usually get a couple rabbis and an imam in there per session. in 2013, 26 members decided they didn’t want to get Muslim cooties and stood outside the chamber while the imam did his thing with a translator. he sang the prayer and everyone cried because it was beautiful and the 83% of non asshole legislators told them they were stupid and had missed one of the best things ever.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Maybe if we all act like idiots we can save America from Sharia. It’s worked so far.

  • Map of protest requests per google:
    http://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/1/19/14
    I don’t know how the shitstain won at all.
    ..maybe I do.

    • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

      Getting a 404…

      • Sorry about that. I usually screw stuff up when I try to get all technical. It shows that even states that “went” for shitstain had high requests for protests. I’ll try again later got to make an ice cream run. :)

        • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

          Bring back ice cream and all is forgiven.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Yup. We all know…f’in Electoral College…I’m giving you the stink eye!

    • VagendaofNastyWoman

      Visiting one of my offspring in Alaska- even though its 9 degrees here, women in Anchorage will march tomorrow. Some of these intrepid wimmens plan to ski through the route instead of walking.

    • Serai 1

      I’m amused by the one asking when Voight became such an asshole. LOL, there’s someone who hasn’t been paying attention the last ten years.

      • IKR? The one thing I learned later in life and the hard way, was that I gave people too much credit for smarts. Most people, in my experience, are dullards. No intellectual curiosity at all.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        Usually, when your child disowns/refuses to speak to you…there’s a REAL good reason why.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Must be that “soft sensuality” I’ve been hearing about. Cue Marvin Gaye!

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        You’d think after what…13 ladies(?) came forward to accuse Durr Trumpenstein of assaulting them, they might wanna not wanna have “soft sensuality” as their theme. Either that, or the GOP thinks it’s all a funny joke.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    I know I’m just a low information libtard deceived by the dishonest media, but … when I see Muslims in my community, my heart grows a little bigger with love for a country (until noon tomorrow) that people come to from around the world even though they have to put up with a lot of stupid shit.

    • magyar of infinite power

      I feel either that, or uncontrollable rage. It depends how many items they have in the express lane at the grocery store.

      • phoenix00

        Don’t blame them, they’re tryin’ to get by just like you and me….

  • azeyote

    inviting people to come over to the israeli consulate when no one’s there doesn’t seem that welcoming – i’d like to see the sign in ledger for suggestions –

  • Ilgattomorte

    Texas is a Christian state and as such acts in Christian ways. I think this demonstrated clearly in Matthew 18:9:

    “And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.
    But, even better, if someone else offends thee, pluck out his eye and kick him in the nethers, for it is better to blind someone else than to pluck out thine own damn eye. That just goes without saying.”

    So sayeth the Lord.

    • Stulexington

      Ah, the Republican edition, really terrible version imho.

      • I didn’t dig how they made Jesus a 6 foot tall Aryan who grabbed at all the pussy.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Subtle differences, like varieties of barbecue sauce. I believe that is a quote from the King Jethro version.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      So, Texas plucks?

  • Alan

    Texas has sewage treatment plants?

    • natoslug

      Texas is a sewage plant.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      Yes, but they function differently than those in other states. In order to comply with the Republican clean water act, they add more crap to the water before releasing it.

  • BearOmegaNomNom

    Allahu “Ackbar”!? IT’S A TRAP!!

  • motmelere

    Why did I read Neidermeyer every time you wrote Biedermann?

  • phoenix00

    http://images.slideplayer.com/14/4250949/slides/slide_1.jpg

    I’m thinking Muslim-Americans are also willing to take this pop quiz too.

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    What are the stats about who’s really the bigger “terrorist”? White folks identifying as Christian or Muslims? These TX reps might wanna look in the mirror before lumping all Muslims into one group of “bad guys”.

    • who’s really the bigger “terrorist”? White folks identifying as Christian or Muslims?

      White folks identifying as members of the Trump Administration.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        Good one ;)

  • Zyxomma

    Hey, at least they’re calling them Muslims and not Ay-rabs. 40 years ago, many if not most of the TX Muslims I met (and there were many) were Persian.

  • A Bashful Nobody

    I is so tired of banging my head off the desk……….

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