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We got five bucks says Donald Trump cancels this press conference — you know, the one we’ve all been waiting 168 days for because It’s Okay As Long As You’re Not Hillary Clinton.

Of course, we had five bucks saying that before the #peehookers story broke.

What can we say, dude is a shitheel.

Liveblogging duties will be handled by Evan most likely, with Dok for the assist, because I, your editrix, am about to pile my husband and dogs and your 18-month-old boss of you into the #wonkebago for to drive to the DC Women’s March and also to buy you beers and yell stuff at the teevee during the Inauguration itself! And I haven’t even packed! Please send money, for “gas” (grass and ass). “Rebecca, that is a terrible way to start a livebloog about Donald Trump’s pee hooker press conference!” you (and Dok and Evan) are probably muttering RIGHT NOW. Don’t care!

Let the liveblogging begin!

11:04: OH HEY EVERYONE, we are still waiting on Donald Trump to come out, because he’s making us wait like a common Obama. He’s probably off somewhere peeing. This is Evan, by the way. Hi!

11:07: Rick Santorum, human shart, says on CNN that Donald Trump is NOT at war with the intelligence community, just the gay Obama liberals who run the intelligence community … like James Comey we guess.

11:12: Oh look, hot new reading material.

trumpbutt

11:14: Oh look, here is Trump. Who will be our president. Actually. Sean Spicer is introducing Trump, by saying Buzzfeed did fake news and everybody else did fake news, and nobody never peed on Trump.

11:16: We have to talk to Mike Pence first. Jesus Christ, this is stupid. If these fuckers would talk to the press more, we wouldn’t have to go through all this rigamarole.

11:18: Mike Pence is mad about the pee, and the fake news, also too.

11:20: Donald Trump: “Where are my Russian wee wee ladies? I need my Russian wee wee ladies. I have the best Russian wee wee ladies!” Just kidding, he didn’t say that. YET.

11:23: Donald Trump does not know how to say “industry.” He says it like in-DUST-ree. Fucking moron.

11:26: Trump says there is “great talent, tremendous talent” coming to the inauguration. Uh huh, we have been hearing! Like three Rockettes, five Mormons, and some chick who lost “America’s Got Talent,” right?

11:27: Hey, everybody, did you see Barry Bamz’s farewell speech last night? It was so good and wonderful. That’s a REAL president. Much better than this, which is weak and sad.

11:29: On to the questions! “Tell us about the pee, Donald.” FAKE NEWS! SICK PEOPLE! KINDA HOT THOUGH?

11:30: Oh, he actually said the election was probably hacked by Russia, but that there is “much hacking going on” and stuff about computers and other things and the DNC is dumb and the RNC is more smarter.

11:31: Trump points out that Vladimir Putin was very nice to leak a public statement about how Trump ain’t never got leaked on in Moscow, or colluded with Moscow, or got an election stoled for him by Moscow.

11:34: No but seriously, asks a journalist, in Moscow and St. Petersburg, TELL US ABOUT YR PEE STUFF. Trump says he knows about all the tiny cameras in the tiny rooms in the Russian hotels, and he told everybody to BE CAREFUL, because the Russians will tape you. Also, HE ISN’T INTO PEE STUFF BECAUSE HE IS A GERMOPHOBE.

11:38: Trump STILL not releasing taxes, because he says Americans don’t care, because he won by SO MANY NEGATIVE VOTES. Yeah, you stupid bastard, fucking give it.

11:39: Trump running away now so his lawyer can talk about how Trump is going to have one million conflicts of interest as president.

11:40: Lawyer lady says Trump doesn’t have to worry about conflicts of interest, but don’t worry, Trump’s groddy-face sons will run his businesses and promise not to talk about it with him.

11:43: All the stuff about Trump separating himself from his organization is basically the stuff we’ve already heard. Putting things in trust, blah blah, Ivanka quitting Trump Organization to go play first lady in Washington or whatever, zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

11:45Trump lawyer lady said no new foreign deals while Trump is president, but it sounded like “no new PORN deals,” probably because we are 12 years old.

11:48: Lawyer lady says for Trump to actually sell off his organization would make MORE conflicts of interest uh huh ok we are very impressed with her lawyer-ese except not really shut up.

11:51: And now she referred to the “SO-CALLED EMOLUMENTS CLAUSE” and says it doesn’t count for Trump, because Trump, and nobody could ever try to curry favor with Trump by paying for a hotel room at one of his ugly properties. HOWEVER. If a foreign government pays dollars to one of his hotels, he will donate those dollars to the United States Treasury, so the AMERICAN PEOPLE will benefit. Um. OK.

11:53: Oh good, Trump coming back now, to bore us a lot more.

11:57: Talking about Obamacare now. We are going to be “very, very proud” of what they do with Obamacare, which is a “complete and total disaster.” WHAT THE FUCK IS HE EVEN BABBLING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?

11:58: Trump says Obamacare is “imploding.” Yeah, about that.

12:01: Trump says you can have healthcare, and move to Michigan, and then move to South Carolina, and then move to Arkansas, BUT NOT FRANCE, and keep your healthcare. (If you move to France, you will have fabulous guaranteed healthcare, and the option to buy supplemental insurance for less moneys than you would in the US.)

12:04: Trump will build the wall, everybody is excited about the wall, nobody gets the crowds Trump gets, Mexico will pay for it, except Mexico won’t pay for the fucking wall, but Mexico has been so nice, he loves the people from Mexico, phenomenal people, except all the rapists, the government in Mexico is terrific OH MY GOD SHUT UP AND TAKE A PEE BREAK, DONALD.

12:06: Donald Trump reiterates that an intelligence leak about him liking the pee is just like Nazi Germany, because he doesn’t even know why.

12:08: OOH DAMN, TRUMP OUTRIGHT FIGHTING WITH CNN REPORTER. Called them “fake news.” Wouldn’t give them a question. And now Trump is talking shit about Lindsey Graham, because he thinks it’s still campaign season.

12:10: Trump says “there’s nothing that could come back” on the reports of his collusion with Russia, which, you will note, is not quite the same thing as saying there is absolutely no truth to the allegations, HUH DID YOU NOTICE THAT?

12:12: Trump still really mad about intelligence reports being leaked to the press. Yeah, bro, get the fuck used to it, because A) this is America and leaking is one of our greatest traditions and 2) the intelligence community hates the fuck outta you.

12:15: Yadda yadda, Trump says Vladimir Putin shouldn’t hack things, he doesn’t think Russia will hack more. Original part of question was, “Can you say once and for all that there was no contact between your campaign and Russia?” UNANSWERED.

12:16: AND IT’S OVER! Next presser will be in two years and he’ll just round up all the journalists he tricks into showing up and take them to the camps. BYEEEEEE.

$
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  • Panika MCD

    all lawmakers who obsess over who’s making boom booms in public bathrooms are into piss. POST FACT.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Prolly into scat too.

      • Ricky Gay

        Ella Fitzgerald libel!!!!!

        • MynameisBlarney

          That took me a second actually.
          I was like, “NO TELL ME SHE WAS NOT INTO THAT…Oooooh…Never mind”.

          • Ricky Gay

            I hear she could shatter glass!

      • Panika MCD

        already pegged Rex for that as he is into the black gold.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Live-stream.” This is already starting out well!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Too early for popcorn and wine? Oh. Right. Forgot the crowd. We don’t even wear pants. Of course we’re go for popcorn and alcohol. Let the games begin!

  • ViveLaPeésistance

    Maybe he accidentally locked himself in the bathroom.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    I’m honestly shocked that they didn’t demand all questions in advance. Though, I suspect it will be a dry run of their press strategy – only call on bootlickers “journalists” from friendly outlets.

  • Bureaucrap

    Is that the Russian National Anthem they’re playing in the background?

    • ShriekinViolet

      It’s the Battle Hymn of the Republic, an odd choice, I thought, until I remembered these lyrics:

      “They have builded Him an altar in the evening dews and damps”

      which I can only assume is a reference to what that hotel room looked like when Trump checked out.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Props to CNN for staying with the confirmation hearings until the last possible minute. It’s much better than watching an empty stage and hearing an illegally downloaded version of “you can’t always get what you want” on repeat.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      CBS News online split from the SoS hearing and are speaking on all of the various stinky things that they hope Trump will address. For the olds at home without cable, this is a good thing to hear, unless they are watching News Max (aka Faux News for Poorz) on HD.

      • Vincent Ricola

        CNN finally did the same thing. A quick recap of where we’re at now is needed for people who don’t spend all day reading political blogs.

  • A_Changeling

    Five euros says we’ll be looking at an empty lectern for at least half an hour before he’ll appear. Because it’s newsworthy.

    • Panika MCD

      bet something that may actually be worth something by the end of the press conference–like a HELL. NO. hat or Wonkette mug.

    • Lizzietish81

      Sounds like a Guns and Roses concert

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        So Trump is Axl, I assume? They are both gingery.

    • o’look Skwerl!

      And then he’ll talk about his Hotels and take no questions.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    There appear to be handouts. I do hope there are pictures!

  • WIDTAP

    I’ll take that bet!
    Trump is not going to turn down an opportunity to be the center of attention.

    However I will take a side bet with you that he will have at least one journalist thrown out, a la his performance in Dubuque during the primaries, when someone asks him a question he doesn’t like. Viva Jorge Ramos!

  • ViveLaPeésistance

    Remember that one time, when Donald said that Hillary taking a potty break was “disgusting”?

  • Oblios_Cap
  • beingreleased

    Here’s some trivia: Trump tweets more often than I comment at The Wonkette.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    A recording of a crowd chanting Trump? Presidential as fuck.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Gotta make sure those journos now who’s the boss of them now.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    I’m ready to go. http://www.cbsnews.com/live is streaming to the TV. Laptop is charged ready to go. Still in pjs so comfy. Brain Bleach at the ready. Puppy lounging next to me on sofa.
    Full Steam Ahead!!!

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Pants are off. Bubbly is bubbly. Bring it on.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Brian Williams and Katy Tur are tapdancing on MSNBC to stretch until Donnie shows up to just claim everything is fake and Obama’s fault.

      • Mary Sandoras

        That’s all I expect from him should he decide to show, the “squirrel” defense.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    This would be a “10-flag” presser. Not sure if that’s more or fewer than usual.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      More like 11+

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Do they have the fancy fringe? CBS News is showing Jared skulking around.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Not sure about the fringe, but they do have gold tassels. So, them there are at least high school edumacated flags!

  • Crystalclear12

    The more you deny the more true it seems😁

  • beingreleased

    My question: You say you have no financial ties to Russia. Would you care to prove that?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “GET HIM OUTTA HERE! TAKE HIS PRESS PASS!” – Trump

  • Marceline

    I hope that if he shows up at least someone asks for his tax returns. I don’t want them to get overly distracted by the peehooker story. They need to stay focused on his conflicts.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      A few choice inquiries into his DC hotel would be enjoyable, also too.

    • Roadstergal

      And maybe a little about his crushing debt-related conflicts of interest.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “The proof is in the underlying pudding of the documents.” — Major Garrett, CBS Poet Laureate.

  • Bureaucrap

    They have pre-recorded cheering. I guess he won’t come on stage unless he thinks people are cheering for him.

  • Lizzietish81

    For some reason today I keep listening to the Defective Turrets from Portal 2

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GOtZObArFo

  • Rick Hill

    I just tuned in over at RS and noticed the same thing. Seven minutes and no live stream, yet

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    The unfinished room with exposed ductwork is a nice touch.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Trying to be a man of the people. Just another guy with economic insecurity.

    • dslindc

      Trump has rooms. The best rooms. There’s no problem with his rooms, believe me.

    • Panika MCD

      the gold plate for the ductwork will be in any day now–it will be finished on time and under budget.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        He’s always under-budget. Helps when you don’t pay people.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I assume this is New York.

  • DahBoner

    It helps if you run the water in the sink and hum loudly. 😚😚😚😚

  • Lefty Frizzell

    The way this fucking surrealistic nightmare is unfolding he’ll just not show, but tweet that he did and it was great, just great, the people loved him, and everybody will react as though that happened.

  • Rick Hill

    Is he snorting a little confidence builder? Is that why he’s late? I’m sure that his people will give a perfectly believable reason for his tardiness.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I’ll be right out, I’ve got to take a leak

    • Rick Hill

      Live feed shows people milling about, they don’t know whether to piss or get off the pot

      • Panika MCD

        if you asked the Grande Detour, it should be both in reverse order.

    • Panika MCD

      i thought they were bringing this speech to us from the most glorious bathroom Trump Tower has…?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Santorum: “Trump’s not at war with the intelligence community, he’s at war with the LEADERS of the intel community, who were all Obama appointees. The people in the BOWELS of the intel community totally support Trump.”

    LOL, you REALLY shouldn’t mention “bowels” right now, Ricky Santorum.

    • artem1s

      oh man, Mr. Pee defended by Mr. Poo. This is better than the T ramming P logo.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Drain the swamp?

    No, I said drain the lizard!

    • HorseChestnut

      Lizardmen?! IT’S TRUE

  • freakishlystrong

    And the media laffs and laffs at us, there are those that would never watch Donald Trump do ANYthing, but, now that peegate is out there, Les Moonves and his ilk will be making it hand over fist..

    • proudgrampa

      I haven’t laughed this much since before election day!

  • Mpeg

    Trying to decide what to change my Username to instead of Mpeg. M-peeg? Mpeeleg? that looks too much like “Mpegleg”…

    • Vincent Ricola

      I’m a fan of the simple classics, so I’d go with mPEEg.

  • Panika MCD

    what’s with the Xmenmas music?

  • Rick Hill

    9 flags? Needs moar

  • Vincent Ricola

    Frothy Santorum is leaking all over CNN right now in an attempt to discredit their reporting with shitty semantic arguments and deflection.

    • cmd resistor

      Why does anyone put that guy on TV anymore?

      • artem1s

        the rest of the conmen are running as far away from this trainwreck as possible. they aren’t even interested in the 30 pieces of silver they get to betray their country

  • BlueMonkey

    LOLOLOLOL….SANTORUM!!!!!!!!!!

  • Just remember, questioning Trump about his treasonous activities with the Russians makes us Nazi Germany. And he has Steve Bannon’s word on that, who is an expert on being a Nazi.

  • calliecallie

    What the everloving fuck is this music they are playing? Glory, Glory Halleluja? Isn’t that a civil war song? Dear God.

    • Oblios_Cap

      And a Union one at that. The Alt-right won’t like that.

    • HorseChestnut

      We used to sing it like so:

      Glory, glory, hallelujah
      Teacher hit me with a ruler
      So I cracked him on the bean with a rotten tangerine
      And he sank like a German submarine

    • Roadstergal

      The Battle Hymn of the Republic? Originally John Brown’s Body?

  • BearOmegaNomNom

    Is it too late to get Coldplay for the inauguration?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I’m betting even Nickleback would say no. And you know no one invites them anywhere.

  • Nounverb911
    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      NYT EDITOR: I just don’t get why people don’t read the newspaper anymore.
      *breath*
      Hey Maggie, I need you to go live tweet irrelevant shit.

  • BMW
  • Oblios_Cap

    So will the patriarch of the Russian Orthodox Church bestow his blessing on Trump? Donnie has already dissed the Pope.

  • Blackest Noobs

    can we also start wagering bets on what will be Trump’s undoing:

    either Trump is in cahoots with the Russian from the get-go

    or

    The Russians have enough dirt on the Great Orange One to make him their puppet.

    either fucking way….Hillz was correct in her assertion, he is a fucking puppet.

    • Roadstergal

      I generally do pretty well if I go with “Hillz was correct.”

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Why are the press corps wearing raincoats?

  • NPR reporting that we have a program. First Propaganda chief Spitzer will speak, than the High Sparrow Pence will speak, then Trump. Everyone is wondering if Trump or anyone else will actually take questions, or if he will simply be making a sales pitch for new Donald Trump White House Steaks (TM), Make America Steak Again!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Is that Jared Kushner standing in front of Trump?

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Jared is sitting in the front row so he can hold the cue cards. Teleprompters suck.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      So we’re getting hornswaggled. Again. Great.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Goebbels, Himmler and the Der Fuhrer. Got it.

  • lucidamente

    Have a safe trip, Trix.

  • Nounverb911
  • Oblios_Cap

    Still no pooty puppet…

  • Bill D. Burger

    All that tweeting overnight in CAPS and with lots of exclamation points really must have exhausted The Donald.

    • Blackest Noobs

      yes holding down the shift key is HARD WORK.

  • boredcatlady

    Hm, wonder what product will get shilled at the presser

    • Nounverb911

      Trump Lemonade?

      • boredcatlady

        Yes! Someone yesterday posted it as an album cover!

    • Trump Mattresses: designed to repel whatever might trickle onto them.

  • Panika MCD

    they’re really going to attack Buzzfeed?

    • o’look Skwerl!

      Damn mainstream media!

    • Rick Hill

      Idk. Are we supposed to actually listen, too?

      • o’look Skwerl!

        I’m not.

      • ViveLaPeésistance

        I can’t watch or listen. As in the Bush II years, I rely on Wonkette to be my eyes and ears.

        • cmd resistor

          HOping WOnkette will live blog the inauguration IF it happens.

    • Mary Sandoras

      How much can he say about “fake news” without offending his bff Bannon?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Thank goodness we have the MSM to lecture Buzzfeed about journalistic ethics and not running with a story before all the facts are in.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Can Pence nod more?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Wow, Republicans are decrying “false news and leaks.” I guess that only applies to Trump, claiming Hillary murdered all the BENGHAZISSS and emails was totally fine.

    • calliecallie

      Not to mention pizza.

  • Spitzer is upset that a “left-wing blog” did what Zombie Breitbart and FOX News does. The tears he sheds are so salty.

  • Panika MCD

    dear Sean Spicer,

    Buzzfeed posts listicles of cute animals for clicks. they don’t post information from a report for that purpose.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Vincent Ricola

    Wow, they’re sure offended that someone would drop claims that may hurt Trump right before he takes office. Where was this outrage when Comey was grandstanding a week before the election?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Loved Angus King to Comey after Comey stated that “…the FBI does not comment on ongoing inquiries or investigations.”

      Senator King: “I cannot express in words the irony of YOU making that statement Mr. Comey.”

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        “the FBI does not comment on ongoing inquiries or investigations… in public.”

  • “This reporting is disgraceful. With that, here is the High Sparrow, who knows a lot about being disgraceful.”

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Cohen was never in Prague? No sympathy from me.

    • cmd resistor

      I saw some tweet in a comment somewhere last night from some woman of whom I have never heard saying Cohen was at his kids’ soccer event during the alleged dates he was in Prague. Cohen always creeped me out on TV.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Long form Trump birth certificate or GIVE ME DEATH.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Booo. I didn’t know there would be an opening act. Get Pence off the stage! I came for the headliner!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I didn’t even know one person could pee on another. How does that make a baby?”
      — Mike Pence

  • Snopes Shop

    This is the PRESS SECRETARY? Pretty unhinged.

    • cmd resistor

      That guy is creepy (Spicer).

  • calliecallie

    Just release the tax returns, dickhead, and we’ll all know where we stand.

  • anwisok

    Let the journalists see the passport. We don’t believe you just because you say something!

  • How bad must things be that they have to have several people step in front of Trump and have a bunch of paid Trump people to clap for everything.

  • Snopes Shop

    Is this trump tower?

    • Nounverb911

      YUP!

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Yeah, the lobby. Can’t let those journos pollute the building.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      More like “Trump Cower”, amirite?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    LOL, three people clap when Pence says “Trump will be in office in nine days.” Two people clap when he says “he’ll make America great again.” He’s so yooogely popular.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Please Clap will never get old. Never.

  • Nounverb911

    YOU LIE!

  • o’look Skwerl!

    why is there a “do not enter” symbol on the podium?

    • Rick Hill

      If you have to ask, you can’t afford to enter

      • proudgrampa

        “Abandon hope…”

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Weak denial of BuzzFeed. Sad.

  • 3FingerPete

    Yep. I’m inspired.

  • Rick Hill

    Sounds like it will only be a campaign stop

  • anon_the_great

    Wait. There’s no applauding at a presser.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      THIS!

  • Nounverb911

    The only people clapping are trump and his sons….

  • calliecallie

    It’s a press conference! Don’t fucking applaud! Assholes.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      They paid good money for those extras to applaud. Okay, they promised to pay them. Maybe.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Is that Uday Trump Jr. standing in front of daddy? I hope he gets that smirk wiped right off of his face.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    So what’s all the freakin’ piles of documents for?

    • cmd resistor

      Must be his tax returns, or the blind trust stuff, ha ha ha. Yes, and my lottery ticket will win TONIGHT.

  • “I’ve long been a supporter of a free press, but to print things about our treasonous behavior is something I will not stand for!”

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Trump birth certificate you motherfuckers.

    • Bill D. Burger

      And taxes!

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        And hotels! And hiring family members!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Wait. I’m an American person. I’m not sick and tired of this. I’m greatly entertained!

    • proudgrampa

      Indeed. I am truly enjoying myself for the first time since October.

  • Terpsichord

    Press conference implies there will be questions. I don’t hear questions. I hear speechifying.

  • 3FingerPete

    Don jr is the applause monitor, apparently.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    First time I ever heard cheering at a press conference.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Three people applauded, which was sad and weak. Pathetic.

  • Vincent Ricola

    No one likes you, Mike Pence. Go away.

  • Panika MCD

    the American people are sick and tired of salacious news which is not fully substantiated? how the hell did they get elected, then? why’s the National Enquirer still in business?

  • boredcatlady

    Oh man, Ivanka looks like she knows full well the pee story is probably true.

  • Rick Hill

    Isn’t there a law against public blwjobs, like this?

  • BosGrl

    Stopping his own news conferences because he is getting fake news.

  • anwisok

    Oh. I see. They’re goin to ignore the actual inteligence report.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      It’s the only way to spin it. Buzzfeed is evil, what they say is wrong, they’re out to get us, liberal. Thanks everyone.

  • calliecallie

    Cue the new theme music…

  • beingreleased

    He’s still on his first sentence.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’m not watching this because I generally try to avoid things that make my blood pressure spike so high the top of my skull blows off.

    • proudgrampa

      I’m not watching it either. I’m just reading the comments that no one here is making, nor allowed to make.

  • Nounverb911

    “QUOTING ME IS LYING ABOUT ME!”
    –DJT

  • 3FingerPete

    The birtherism stuff, that was real.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    WTF? Pence is what, the hype man?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Yup.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    What’s that puddle under The Don?

  • Rick Hill

    Oh, boy. Bad pol/good pol. Pence knocks em down and trump fluffs em up

  • A_Changeling

    Protesting too much. All three need to say this?

  • Gwennie_G

    So do you deny any of it?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Apparently in his mind, “irresponsible reporting” is a denial. He has word problems.

  • For those of you who don’t have your Trump dictionary with you: Facts = Inaccurate News Stories.

  • Ambignostic

    Was that intro music actually part of the press conference?

  • Cartoon Euchrid Eucrow

    haha wtf was that intro music?

  • Bill D. Burger

    They’re going for the “…stonewall em'” defense and the “la…la…la….can’t hear you” method for answering questions.

  • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

    Trying to Miracle Whip the crowd up for Donny, pathetic, SAD

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Some news organizations are good.”

    Now, let’s start lying about all the jobs I’m going to pretend to create.

  • Reddishrabbit

    Good work MSM, Trump gave you a sticker!!

  • Vincent Ricola

    Shots fired at CNN.

  • BosGrl

    GM is moving into Michigan? Wow, it’s about time!

  • HorseChestnut

    Putin the leaks in Wikileaks

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “That remark hurt my feelings.”
      Julian Assange

  • Rick Hill

    “I have great respect for freedom of the press. It saddens me to have to put an end to it.”

  • memzilla Ω

    He’s leading off with his enemies list. How Nixonian.

  • Bill D. Burger

    It was like watching Greer Garson’s 45minute Oscar acceptance speech.

    • BosGrl

      Can we have dead Greer Garson for President please?

  • Unpresidented Ron

    That has to be some sort of record: not ONE person has told a SINGLE truth so far. Including Pence calling Drumpf his ‘friend.’
    And now Donnie’s taking credit for decisions automakers made two years ago. Thanks, Obama!

    • Rick Hill

      No, no. Big corporations make billion dollar industry decisions over a cup of coffee.

      • Naytch

        At the kitchen table like real Mericuns!

  • So, over two minutes into Trump’s speech, he has yet to make a truthful statement.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    He can’t even pronounce “industry” correctly.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Low energy. SAD.

  • boredcatlady

    in-DUST-try

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      And he keeps doing it. Jared did a crap job preparing him.

    • calliecallie

      His-STO-ry. Reminds me of the line from the end of The Longest Yard, the Bert Reynolds one.

  • calliecallie

    Such a liar!

  • Panika MCD

    news organizations are not sending us their best. they’re sending us cat pics. they’re sending us police shootings. they’re saying mean things about me. and some, I assume, are good people.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Couldn’t find an actual cave, but they came pretty close with the acoustics.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      It’s the lobby of Trump Tower. *sniff*

    • calliecallie

      And the sound system is doing something odd, too, with an occasional echo. Its like a movie effect. For emphasis.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Air-O-plane.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Flown by aeronauts at the aerodrome.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    He looks like shit.

  • Nounverb911
  • boredcatlady

    Jeez, speaking of drugs. SNIFF.

  • 3FingerPete

    And whose idea was it to no-bid drugs?

  • anwisok

    HE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF THOSE!!!!

  • Panika MCD

    the bid process is all kinds of stupid. just look at the 40% of government services that TX contracts out.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Really strong, this guy who just whines endlessly.

  • exinkwretch

    Ford is in Michigan? Who knew?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Jack Ma?

    Hey, I hardly knew her!

  • Rick Hill

    Did big pharma approve of him saying he’s going to start bidding on drugs?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      They know he’s lying. We all know he’s lying.

  • Who cares about all this stupid propaganda. Get to the hookers!!!!

  • Panika MCD

    I got your RFP right here.

  • BosGrl

    If he says “bigly”, DRINK. Yeah, I don’t care what time it is.

    • boredcatlady

      I’m with you. Let’s do this

  • Unpresidented Ron

    Yeah, he’s gonna get the costs of the F-35 DOWN. What, does it work better if you leave stuff OFF?

    • o’look Skwerl!

      When you don’t pay the Boiengs.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        We are going to save SO MUCH MONEY on contractors’ bills you guys!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      There’s going to be competition. Then a physical challenge. Finally a teamwork exercise before he hands out the final roses.

  • anon_the_great

    Blah, blah, blah. Random thought. Don’t think of Slavic hookers. Is that a fly? Bigly.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Did he just say Jack Ma?

  • Nounverb911

    My wife can’t stop laughing……..

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      I can’t stop vomiting.

  • mPEEg

    11:18: Mike Pence is mad about the pee

    Sheesh… I remember when around here “P[ee]-ness” was a GOOD thing.

  • ServantToTheStars

    We’re going to have golden ice sculptures at the event.

  • “A great spirit that many people (who I will not name) have told me that they have never felt before.”

    That’s because they were not alive in 1939.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Get to the questions, pee king.

  • 3FingerPete

    Roll a booger, point to God. Trump has the best gestures.

  • anwisok

    Wait. NOW it’s ok for Medicaid/medicare to negotiate drug prices? One of the things Rs have been adamantly against for decades?

  • Panika MCD

    except that you’ve already lost us jobs and owe your contractors for the DC project over $5M.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    The inauguration is going to be so classy. It’s going to have all of the bands. No actual stars, but it’s going to be very elegant.”

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      “People who say they are ‘classy’ usually are.”

      Tracy Jordan
      30 Rock

  • BosGrl

    An elegant day! A gold-plated day!

    • Rick Hill

      Plated in pure 14 k, too!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Very elegant and classy. Much sensuality. Very entertainment.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Did he mention the F-18? Which came out in 1983?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Oh, great. He’s an aeronautical engineer now?

  • Rick Hill

    “I am the best! I am so great!”

  • Unpresidented Ron

    He said ‘movement.’ :D

    • Panika MCD

      i wish I could drink right now.

  • A_Changeling

    I hope no outlet mentions this fake jobs stuff. I hope they’ve learned to ignore it.

    • anwisok

      I hope they DO mention it, while making it clear they were in the works for years already.

  • exinkwretch

    This man has the vocabulary of a slow six-year-old.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      As a slow six year old, I object!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Pee-boy shouldn’t repeat the word “movement” so much.

  • Mavenmaven

    His pharma statements are BS. Most of the drug companies are in fact foreign companies, mostly in Germany, and the previously American companies were largely bought by Japan during the Bush era when the Republicans attacked science and their stocks fell.

    • Roadstergal

      Hey, now, Germany _and_ Switzerland… :p

  • Ricky Gay

    I cannot listen to him speak. Hideous. Thank you all for transcribing for me. GAH!

  • Blackest Noobs

    what the fuck is he talking about fucking bands????

    Movement? more like a bowel movement.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Trump, always the flim-flam slimy snake oil salesman, is fluent in gibberish.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911

    THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING!
    Ladies and Gentlemen of the world, our next president!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I picked up the phone for 30 seconds and all of a sudden he’s talking about F-35s. Is he just reciting his tweets?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Yes.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Jared has the cue cards. Ask him.

  • exinkwretch

    What, no “live stream” jokes yet? Come on, people!

    • calliecallie

      This whole live stream IS a joke.

  • Rick Hill

    Ok, who had “movement” on their bingo card?

  • Panika MCD

    did he just say the votes were rolling in on Nov. EIGHTEENTH?

  • boredcatlady

    I know from druggies and this cat is high AF

  • anon_the_great

    STFU Grampy.

    At least McCain usually has a point

    • anon_the_great

      Tired. Low energy. Loser.

  • Trump sounds so low energy. Sad.

  • Rick Hill

    So the states who voted for trump are going to do well, fck the rest?

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    He’s moved between like 5 different topics in as many minutes. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

    • anwisok

      Gish Gallop.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    His VA policy is to “straighten out the whole situation”

    Why didn’t anyone think of this before?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Ah, when in doubt (with Trump, that is “always”) be vague.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      And all the Vets have travel to the Cleveland Clinic!

  • anwisok

    We HAVE seen a movement like this before, though. See: Germany, 1930s.

  • beingreleased

    In case you weren’t aware, we are so fucked.

    • proudgrampa

      Have I mentioned that we are freakin’ doomed?

  • memzilla Ω

    <– now driven to MORNING drinking.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Trump seems to have LOW ENERGY.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He doesn’t have a good look — er, I mean stamina.

  • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

    I’m listening to it but it is making me sick to my stomach.

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      All I can stomach is the live blog. And even that’s pushing it.

  • BosGrl

    And we’re going to get Dr. Cliff Huxtable for the ladies…

  • Unpresidented Ron

    They really should have changed out his batteries before this.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      They used some left over from Romneybot 2012.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Wait? What? He found a sucker to take over the VA?

  • Martin Chambers

    Time to release some heavily edited taxes? ??
    For no other reason than to distract the media from the piss??

  • Rick Hill

    So glad someone who doesn’t get bogged down in detail will be in “charge”

  • Chad

    What the actual hell is he nattering on about?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      You can’t tell either?

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Donald Trump is going to fix everything wrong on day 1 which given the way government works means thanks Obama!

  • boredcatlady

    “I’ll have what he’s having”

    (When Harry Met Sally reference)

  • timpundit

    I admire you people for being able to watch him live on the tv. I can’t do it.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Why am I suddenly craving PeeKing Duck?

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Questions! Yay! Throw red meat!

  • A_Changeling

    I hope the media won’t mention ANY of this pre-babble.

  • Panika MCD

    you’ve been promising a lot of things for a long time and then you conveniently forget those things 5 minutes after you said them and deny all connection to those statements.

  • Rick Hill

    Why is he still trying to sell himself if he’s so great and everyone bought his line of shit?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Press goes straight to Russia hacking and Russian pee hookers.

  • Blackest Noobs

    OH. MY.GAWD.

    Trump is taking questions!!!!

  • anwisok

    If they ask real questions, and good followup questions, he’s going to go INSANE.

  • BosGrl

    Shhhh don’t mention the war!

  • Bdupa

    Shutkin from the VA is an Obama holdover. He says, VA sucks, I’m keeping the management the same, nice

  • Ambignostic

    I don’t know how long I can handle this verbal tic of repeating his adverbs and adjectives. “very very beautiful.” “so so big.”

  • o’look Skwerl!

    Pee Hookers?!

  • Unpresidented Ron

    aaaand… DEFLECT. Plus ‘fake news’

  • HazooToo

    Has anyone even asked a question yet?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      From my feed, the first quesiton was “Mmmmm mmm mmmm mm m m mmmmmm”

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      One. About the Russians and the pee-hooker stuff.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Just did about the Russian hack and #goldenshower. Go, go #PEEOTUS, go!!

  • BosGrl

    THEY PUT THAT CRAP TOGETHER!

  • Martini Ambassador

    I wonder if anybody in the press will be head’s up enough to ask about the fucking CONFLICTS OF INTEREST that the orange idiot still has and needs to resolve.

    • cmd resistor

      I thought that was the point of this press conference, to explain all that? Or that was the point of the December one that didn’t happen so now we just won’t talk about that stuff. I guess he tweeted that the boys will be running the biz and that’s all we need to know.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Yeah, “some sick people put that crap together.” And Trump paid them well for their troubles.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    A leak can’t be fake news, you utter nonce.

  • Rick Hill

    See? It’s debunked. Everyone move on, now

    • cmd resistor

      I just realized “debunked” means that Trump denies it so it isn’t true.

  • Panika MCD

    “they just put that crap together”

    DRINK TWICE BECAUSE I CAN’T!

  • Vincent Ricola

    “Fake news. Deflection. Didn’t happen. Everyone is out to get poor little me.”

  • Blackest Noobs

    even if it IS fake news or information, Trump’s reaction is NOT how a President should respond to it.

    • Panika MCD

      well, “The Russians said it was fake,” isn’t the most reliable answer.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    MUCH HACKING!

  • exinkwretch

    Donnie, that wasn’t the question.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Build a macro for that. We’ll be using that statement a lot.

  • Unpresidented Ron

    Ooh, blame China, Donnie. That will go well.

    • Daisy

      Goddamnit, I don’t need more thesis material!

  • We have so much hacking going on, why would you pay attention to my hookers and blow?

  • Martini Ambassador

    Also taxes. Ask about the taxes, please.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “Did you claim having Russian hookers perform a golden shower for you as a legitimate business expense in your tax returns, and is that why you’ve refused to have them published?”

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “Mr. Trump, are you saying unequivocally that you’ve never had Russian hookers perform a golden shower for you?”

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Now for something really informative.”

    http://i.imgur.com/FlEn5Bf.gif

  • Ambignostic

    We have much hacking going on.

  • boredcatlady

    They were practically begging for it, amirite?

  • tomamitai

    “Those pussies were totally open to being grabbed.”

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Much hacking, wow.

  • Rick Hill

    “We have some of the greeatest computer minds. Right now. We’re going to fire those guys.”

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    It’s a special form of hilarity as to how Trump pronounces China

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “If I were Donald, I would just quit about now.”
    — Sarah Palin

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Drink if he says “cyber”.

    • Roadstergal

      Dude, who among us is not just constantly drinking at this point?

      • Unpresidented Ron

        I may have to go back to the LCBO halfway through this.

  • Vincent Ricola

    LOL “hacking defense” LOL

  • Unpresidented Ron

    Wow, the reporter told him to answer the question.
    And of course Donnie won’t.

  • Cartoon Euchrid Eucrow

    The DNC was totally asking for it, did you see the way they were dressed?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Shouldn’t have been drinking like that, either.

      • Cartoon Euchrid Eucrow

        Party culture is just as much at fault for the DNC hacks as Gi-nah

  • Ambignostic

    “We’re going to get people together in a room.” Christ, he really is going to run government like a business.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      So how long before he tries to put the Government into Chapter 11?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      You mean, badly?

      • Nockular cavity

        It’s OK. The government will bail us out!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Holy fucking christ on a cracker. Four years of this? Nooooooo….

  • Panika MCD

    jesus. just answer the question.

  • Rick Hill

    They DID hack the rnc. It didn’t suit their purpose to release it.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    “Hacking is bad. But it can do good things.”

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara
  • 3FingerPete

    And there is the pivot!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    What a fucking crybaby

  • anwisok

    They can hack the CIA. They can hack the DOD. They can hack the State Dept. But they couldn’t hack the RNC! Uh, yeah. Sure.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      False equivalancies! They’re all the rage.

  • BosGrl

    Please stop talking about yourself in the 3rd person.

    • HorseChestnut

      But Bob Dole needs company

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Bob Dole doesn’t like it when Donald Trump steals Bob Dole’s shtick..

  • Vincent Ricola

    But Hillary

  • exinkwretch

    OK, still waiting for the first coherent statement.

  • anon_the_great

    Oh God. Hillary emails!?! Really!?!

    We are so fucked.

  • boredcatlady

    If he helped me win, then he’s a smart guy!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    So if Putin tried to help Trump with hacking, that’s an asset!

    • boredcatlady

      I can’t even

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    So, hacking is bad, but if good stuff comes of it, it’s good or something.

    • Daisy

      IOIYAR

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      And then he talks about the results of the hack like it’s a good thing?

  • Mavenmaven

    Podesta and Hillary. What a loser.

  • Panika MCD

    REPORTER: Mr. President-Elect, you’ve said many mean things about the intelligence community. how do you think your relationship with them will be going forward?

    GRANDE DETOUR: #HACKINGisBAD

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Rick Hill

    Welp, that guy trying to talk over trump won’t be allowed back to one o these

  • calliecallie

    Just as the first question was asked, my livestream quit on me. I really thought they pulled the plug on him. Too bad they didn’t, almost, now that I’m listening again.
    I don’t think I can listen to this man for four years. Seriously.

  • Unpresidented Ron

    The delusional fuck thinks Putin likes him. Sad.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Oh he thinks the American people like him. Delusional doesn’t begin to describe it.

  • 5 bucks and one ‘deer-in-the-headlights’ sounds like the kind of party Der Trump prefers.

  • Blackest Noobs

    HA HA HA Russia fighting ISIS….HA HA HA HA HA HA

    oh jesus what a fucking asshole

  • 3FingerPete

    Donald Trump’s friend Donald Trump sounds like a swell guy.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    It’s asset, not a liability that Putin owns me!

  • Ambignostic

    Didn’t Donald get the questions in advance from Megyn?

    • o’look Skwerl!

      Just the answers.

    • HorseChestnut

      And the answers

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Of course he did – and Ailes advised his campaign.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      He tried to. But then a squirrel ran across the room and he was distracted.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    It’s funny how his supporters all tell people to “get over it” yet he’s still justifying and celebrating his electoral win.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      STILL bad mouthing Hillary Clinton.

  • anwisok

    YES!

  • Glad i’m not watching. I do not want a concussion today

    • Daisy

      Same

  • Panika MCD

    you’re a very narcissistic person.

  • tomamitai

    Hillary put military action on the table as a response to hacking by state actors, so, yeah, I think Putin may not have wanted her elected.

  • Rick Hill

    Such classy. Much sophistication. So smert

  • Tony Emond

    Amusing that he actually showed up, he really wants to take the piss.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Oh fuck you Hairball Hitler about Obama creating ISIS. Go get pissed on again

  • Unpresidented Ron

    ‘I am very careful, plus paranoid.’
    Yeah, so precedential.

  • 3FingerPete

    I tell them, “Get the high dollar hooker. They’ll do anything!”

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Putin believes Hillary would be tougher on him.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Putin pissed himself at the idea of dealing with her.

  • BosGrl

    You might have cameras in your hotel room but don’t worry, you’re going to be good anyway.

  • Panika MCD

    adjectives that describe the Grande Detour better than “honest” GO!

    ORANGE!

  • Bdupa

    Coke sniffing back

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Where the balls is he going with this?

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    It’s funny how he knows everything before anyone else knows it, but only tells people after other people talk about it.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Especially at Mar-a-lago.

  • Rick Hill

    So his fears are surfacing “There can be cameras everywhere”

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Believe me

    There’s the tell- He’s lying his golden ass off

  • Panika MCD

    good thing that urine is generally sterile.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      And he didn’t touch it. It’s the smell, the aroma that excites Tiny Donald.

  • Nounverb911

    Trump hotels have cameras in their rooms?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Not as many as they will soon!

    • Panika MCD

      he’s a very good businessman. he’ll make sure you don’t steal the Holey Babel and make a buck off your clandestine lovemaking. win win. you should have read the fine print.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Sounds like he went to the Spy Store and figured out how the FSB filmed the sex tape.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Kind of like I say all the time if you’re going to whack it make sure you lock the door so your mom doesn’t walk in. All the time, I say this.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I’m a germophobe, that’s why I couldn’t be anywhere near peeing, and I totally wear gloves when I grab women by their pussies, because that’s where the pee comes out.

  • anwisok

    I wonder how many cameras were in the dressing rooms?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Just Donnie’s.

  • Blackest Noobs

    they’re doing a piss poor job of handing the news folks a working and audible microphone

  • anon_the_great

    Florida Man, meet meet the new boss. Arizona Grampaw

  • Unpresidented Ron

    ‘I have very very little debt.’
    ‘I have no loans with Russia.’
    Outright lying now.

    • Now?

      • Unpresidented Ron

        There were atoms of fact in his previous statements today.

        • I thought facts suffered spotanious massive existence failure when they come within 1 inch of the shitgibbon or his circle?

          • Unpresidented Ron

            It’s like Cherenkov radiation. There’s a brief flash of truth before they’re destroyed.

    • Blackest Noobs

      then he ought to show his tax returns….end of story.

  • He has no loans or deals in Russia? But his son has said he does. Sad.

  • Bill D. Burger

    More projection and bullshit there than at the Mega Cineplex.

  • calliecallie

    FINALLY someone asks about the tax returns. No deals? No loans? Prove it, motherfucker. PROVE IT. TAX RETURNS!!!

  • BosGrl

    He has very little debt.

    • Cartoon Euchrid Eucrow

      and no loans. I know this because he has said it about 17 times

    • ShriekinViolet

      I don’t think he’s talking about his debt.

  • memzilla Ω

    JESUS CHRIST NINE — TEN! — LIES IN ONE SENTENCE!!!

  • He had an offer to do a deal in Dubai over the weekend? Isn’t he supposed to be getting ready to be president?

  • Vincent Ricola

    “I have very low debt” – Donald lying ass Trump

  • BearOmegaNomNom

    Dubai? Where the hell is THIS going?

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Can one of these spineless goobers ask him to prove that?

  • anon_the_great

    Did he just make a golden shower joke? He sure did.

    An equine Senator waits in the wings…

  • exinkwretch

    He’s lying through this fucking teeth right now. The only way to prove you’re not is to release your tax returns.

  • Nounverb911

    Has he answered a question yet?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Would any answer he gave make sense?

    • Blackest Noobs

      doing a job of deflecting not answering

    • WotsAllThisThen

      If the question is, “How fucked are we?” then yes. He has clearly answered that.

    • Blacktop Autumn

      I’m not even watching and I know he hasn’t.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Ladies and gentlemen, our newest Russian asset- Agent Orange!

  • Rick Hill

    Does he realize that saying he has nothing in Russia that he is throwing down the guantlet?

    • o’look Skwerl!

      Why think before you speak?

      • Rick Hill

        It’s worked out so well for him to this point

    • BearOmegaNomNom

      Exactly his tragic flaw: Serving the immediate expediency.

    • calliecallie

      Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please…

  • BosGrl

    napwmo8mq032u4rpqojr;xl,riwo4rm8pe4murizsjf;fci
    afmeiomrjaow34

    • Reasonable

    • Daisy

      I bet this makes more sense than Trump.

    • Martin Chambers

      Cat or pocket. Taking bets now

      • BosGrl

        No that was me screaming LOL

  • 3FingerPete

    Trump has a hotel in Dubai. No conflict there, right?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “I don’t want to take advantage”

    ~Said No Trump EVER!!!!

  • calliecallie

    YES, YOU DID FUCKING HAVE TO TURN IT DOWN THE DUBAI DEAL, ASSHOLE.

  • BearOmegaNomNom

    You didn’t know until 3 months ago about the need for a sitting President to avoid conflicts of interest?!

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      He never expected to win. Dog catches car.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Well, to be fair he didn’t know until 3 months ago that Presidents actually have to pay attention to crap.

  • Panika MCD

    what the fuck is he babbling about?

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    No, fuckwad, it’s not that they “don’t want presidents getting tangled up in minutiae.”

    It’s to prevent corruption, you orange shitgibbon.

  • Rick Hill

    See? I’m uncorruptable because I had the chance to be dirty and I didn’t. Give me a cookie, now

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    You had a conversation about a foreign business deal, while president-elect, and we’re only hearing about it now?

  • anwisok

    THAT IS SO BULLSHIT!!! The law may not technically apply to him, that doesn’t mean there ARE no conflicts of interest!

  • Ambignostic

    Pence, DT just said you have zero personal worth.

  • Unpresidented Ron

    Shorter Donnie: ‘I’m gonna have all the conflicts of interest and you can stop me.’

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Nobody cares about my tax returns. Only the reporters care.”

  • 3FingerPete

    Trump could run his companies and be President and be great. But Obama can’t play golf.

  • Panika MCD

    no, you fucking couldn’t. and, oh, it’s so nice to know that running your crappy hotels and golf courses was boring you so much that you decided to be president.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    This isn’t even deflection, this is just ADD babble. It’s like listening to one of the Cylon ship brains.

  • BearOmegaNomNom

    OF COURSE they care; that’s a reporter’s JOB!

  • Snopes Shop

    I have to turn this off

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I can’t look away. The whole “watching an accident in slow motion” thing.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Hearing this asswipe on NPR….goawd…what a fucking irritating fucking shit stain.
    He’s STILL going on about Hillary’s emails. And blaming ISIS on Obama…

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    How ignorant? I didn’t know that I would have conflicts of interest until A FEW MONTHS AGO?
    They don’t want the President bogged down in minutia? DAFUQ

    • artem1s

      and who even cares what he knew? It was pretty much considered a feature that he didn’t know anything and was a putz. It still isn’t an excuse to avoid divesting.

  • exinkwretch

    And . . . no tax returns.

  • Ambignostic

    Thank you, reporter, for pressing the question.

  • Rick Hill

    We all care about yor tax returns

  • Nounverb911
  • Roadstergal

    “HE ISN’T INTO PEE STUFF BECAUSE HE IS A GERMOPHOBE.”

    Pee is pretty sterile, actually.

  • tomamitai

    “we’re in many many countries” He just admitted violating the emoluments clause!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Should have just sent this out and saved us all time.

    http://i.makeagif.com/media/8-04-2014/CK0bcP.gif

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Hey, that guy makes more sense than Trump!

  • Panika MCD

    you haven’t become president YET. and I care about your stupid fucking tax returns. plus, since you made that sweetheart deal with Abbott back in 2010, there are no Trump businesses in TX for me to go ask.

    • calliecallie

      Yeah. I tweeted him to ask for the tax returns while he was talking.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    WHY IS THERE APPLAUSE?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      At his masterful deceit? You gotta admit, it’s ballsy.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Seriously, who in the fuck in the press corps did that?

    • BloviateMe

      That amazed me too.
      At a f’ing presser.

      Paid shills.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      He stocked a press conference with fans????

      • Unpresidented Ron

        My first thought. Must be coming from the Faux and Brightfart sections.

    • Nounverb911
    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      They are in Trump Tower, so the employees are clapping, so they won’t get beaten.

    • Reddishrabbit

      The Great Leader demands love!!! LOVE THE LEADER!!!

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I swear I wouldn’t put it past him to promise to pay extras for clapping. Of course THAT bill will never get paid. Duh.

    • eggsacklywright

      5 bucks per clap?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        The clap can be expensive without health insurance.

    • ltmcdies

      the press is applauding..or did Trump hire some bystanders..

  • “Not going to release my tax returns. You think I want to prove my treason?”

    • Apple Scruff

      Was that Katy Turr?

      Then she said, “Since the 70s???” And he mocked her.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        He loathes Katy.

  • Unpresidented Ron

    Ah. ‘I’m going to have my paid liars answer these charges.’

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    And I thought W was a buffoon. Donald makes W look like FDR.

    • Vincent Ricola

      W was downright eloquent compared to what I just heard from Donald.

      • Barbarartanner

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ud448c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !ud448c:
        ➽➽
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  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    So he’s “answered” two questions? Wow.

  • cmd resistor

    OT but I read that Marco Rubio actually gave Tillerson a hard time at the hearing today, mostly about Russia stuff.

  • Yes, my sons are going to run the business, and there is no way that I have any influence over them.

  • Panika MCD

    did she just use the empire word?

  • Apple Scruff

    I couldn’t watch more than 30 seconds. He’s such a dick. Al Franken is speaking on C-Span anyway.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Did she really just say, “Nobody cared about Rockefeller’s conflicts of interest?”

  • memzilla Ω

    Lied about the past, lied about the present, lied about the future.

  • So his sons are not allowed to talk with him or visit the White House for the next four years?

  • anwisok

    So, he took, what? 5 questions? 6? Color me impressed!

    • NellCote71

      It is a good thing they are too stupid and uninterested to read the news.

    • anon_the_great

      No. He took responded to three reporters.

    • Ambignostic

      It was only that many because the reporters had to ask the same question two or three times.

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Took them. Didn’t answer them.

  • Rick Hill

    New requirement: everyone who is representing trump must slobber on his knob for at least three minutes before explaining how great trump is

  • Biff52

    This isn’t a presser, it’s a goddamned infomercial.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      We should have expected nothing less.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    You know he inserted that Rockefeller part. He couldn’t shine Rockefeller’s shoes.

  • anon_the_great

    WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?!

    Sorry ’bout the caps but they are not ironic

  • BearOmegaNomNom

    The laws simply don’t apply?! Holy Nixon, Batman!!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • cmd resistor

      And all TV interviews with his minions.

    • boredcatlady

      With a jackoff hand motion

  • WotsAllThisThen

    The President is now officially exempt from all corruption laws. MAGA!

    • Bill D. Burger

      “If the President does it, it’s not a crime.”

      Hmmmm…where have I heard that before…..

  • tomamitai

    Only a blind trust would serve to assure that his decisions are not colored by his business interests, you shitgibbon!

  • Panika MCD

    yes they are. the conflicts of interest statutes did not include POTUS because he’s covered under THE EMOLUMENTS CLAUSE shit eaters.

    • Constitutioning is hard!

      • Unpresidented Ron

        They’ll take care of THAT on day two.

    • anon_the_great

      Someone should have explained to Donnie Doll Hands Kings aren’t elected.

  • Rick Hill

    Shorter: Trust us. We wouldn’t lie or anything, oh no.

  • Panika MCD

    well, then he should put it in a blind trust and not give it to his stupid sons.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Emoluments Clause, you nitwit.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Repeal and Replace!

  • Nounverb911
    • snark-lurker

      thank Dog

  • BloviateMe

    So, basically a big “fuck you, I’ll do what I want, while pretending I’m doing you all a big, great favor. The best favor.”

    I feel sick to my stomach. This is going to suck. Bad.

  • memzilla Ω

    Why is no one yelling out “YOU LIE!!!” ???

  • boredcatlady

    Hallie Jackson really got to him, he was agitated for sure.

  • Rick Hill

    We have great lawyers tell us we can do what we want so, don’t worry, ‘k?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Here’s Fred Fielding, who worked in the ethics offices of Reagan and GWB. Weren’t those two presidents the most scandal plagued in recent years?

  • Wow, all the people who Trump pays thinks he will have no conflicts of interest.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Why would you, at length, lay out why it’s legal to have conflicts of interests only to say that you’re supposedly removing conflicts of interest?

    Because he isn’t, at least not completely.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    And he’s already escaped? That was not a press conference. It was a rambling discussion of only a few items.

    • cmd resistor

      Hey you are supposed to be grateful he showed up!

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Right, right. I haven’t been chipped for those automatic reactions yet.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    So no tax returns, no blind trust, no nothing. Trump’s just gonna do whatever he wants and dare anyone to try and stop him.
    Republicans, you own this. Either you find whatever passes for your honor and stand up to Trump, or resign. Anything else makes you accomplices.

    • Martini Ambassador

      It’s disappointing, but not at all unexpected. Sadly, there seems to be no will by the Republicans to hold him to account for anything. Party over country, always.

  • DahBoner
  • MizzMazz

    Oh bull-fucking-shit, he will not have conflicts of interest! And yes, pendejo elect, we are very interested in your tax returns.

  • Bill D. Burger

    In he came…..and there he goes. Well, I think that was to be expected.

    http://www.gifbin.com/bin/112014/1419936483_hitandrun.gif

  • ahughes798

    Urine is sterile….

  • NastyBossetti

    I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m satisfied that everything is above-board here!

    • Martini Ambassador

      It’s all fine!

      *resumes banging head with 2×4 oak plank*

    • NellCote71

      I feel so much better now. I apologize for setting my hair on fire every day since the election.

  • BosGrl

    This press conference should have a laugh track.

  • Rick Hill

    And, in no way will his sons tell him “Nothing about our business at all. Btw, here’s a list of people who are very eager to meet you sir.”

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Wait? Wot? He hired a SPOKESMODEL? HOW VERY PRESIDENTIAL?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I just said the same thing! Republicans used to make fun of Obama for using a teleprompter.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Republicans used to make fun of Obama for using teleprompters, and yet here Trump is using an actual other person to say his words for him.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Trump Can’t Read!!

      • JustDon’tSayOverrated

        Or Speak!

  • Nounverb911
  • Vincent Ricola

    Sure, Sheri Dillion, lawyer for Donald Trump. I’m totally going to believe your assurances that the Trumps aren’t a bunch of corrupt assholes.

    • AngryKatie

      How can you doubt her?
      Do you not see the papers on the table? So many papers!

  • MynameisBlarney

    DU’s Wednesday Toon Roundup.

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028458659

  • BearOmegaNomNom

    Liquid assets. Heh heh heh.

  • Nounverb911
  • We like the kind of vetting that shows the truth and is not captured by fake news

  • BosGrl

    Liquid business assets.

    • efoveks

      Again with the Russian hookers.!

  • Rick Hill

    So, has someone told him the real grift isn’t his petty little business deals?

  • BearOmegaNomNom

    “Mera Largo”? Simply long?! Wow, it IS all about teh peen.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Trump’s Marx productions? Wow, much communism!

  • Instead of leaving people without health care, Congress must really set about putting requirements that Trump release his tax returns for the last ten years and must comply with conflict of interest laws.

    Let’s get to work Republicans!!!

    • Blackest Noobs

      HA HA HA HA oh that’s rich!!!! expecting Republicans to work….that’s like expecting Democrats not to be limp penises

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    So because it’s now being managed by his sons, no one will be able to figure out that the Trump Organization will benefit Donnie? And there will be some kind of secret spell that keeps Uday and Qusay from mentioning what will benefit him?

    And what does it say that the leader of his outreach to women is going to spend her time “settling her children” into their new home while the men go to work?

  • Nounverb911

    And now back to our regularly scheduled distractions.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Awww…poor baby lost millions. He shouldn’t have run for the office if he didn’t want it.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      And his kids will be left homeless!

    • Roadstergal

      It’s almost like – being president is a public fucking service that SHOULD involve sacrifice.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    These are not the assets you are looking for . . .

  • Bill D. Burger

    Donny arrives for future press conference.

    http://i.imgur.com/G8OYyqA.gif

    • JustDon’tSayOverrated

      Shouldn’t that thing be on fire?

  • Unpresidented Ron

    Welp, THAT was a waste of time…

  • therblig

    Fucker is STILL running against Hillary. Pathetic little baby.

    • Roadstergal

      She won the popular vote, and Obama is waaay more popular than Drumpf is. His fragile little ego can’t handle it.

    • Doug Langley

      She must be one tough candidate.

  • Panika MCD

    I’m getting that “we’re doomed” sinking feeling again. Sallie Mae the Ulcer concurs.

  • Golden Liquid Assets is the new Orange

  • MizzMazz

    Hey, where’s Paul Manafort these days?

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Russia, probs.

      • MizzMazz

        All of the above. But seriously, where is he?

        • cmd resistor

          I did read somewhere recently that he was secretly doing transition stuff, maybe in NYC, but can’t remember details and it was only one place. If he was around, he’s sure run off for now, though.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Crimea a hooker.

  • Nounverb911
    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      “Trump claims he probably will, not that he’ll ever let you see.”

  • Oblios_Cap

    Does he have to drag all of his kids with him everywhere he goes? It looks like the old “keep your friends close but you enemies closer” type of arrangement.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Hard to get anyone else to take human shield duty these days.

  • 3FingerPete

    An expert in the field of experts?

  • BosGrl

    I seriously hate the word “deal” now. From now on, I am going to say, “your turn to place the cards randomly in front of us”.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Ditto for “tremendous.”

  • proudgrampa

    What?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Exactly!

  • bdoggmcgee
  • Reddishrabbit

    How did the law frm decide who would give this pathetic legally questionable presentation? Straws? Last one in? The women in the office?

    • JustDon’tSayOverrated

      Based on who gave Drumpf the best hummer.

  • Nounverb911
  • o’look Skwerl!

    What the hell is going on?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Some lady (his lawyer? accountant?) is ‘splaining how Trump can’t possibly ever do anything wrong with his holdings, so SHUT UP, you guys!

      • FlemmishSpy

        Dressed for a funeral?

  • Panika MCD

    it will be a big beautiful wall between the Grande Detour and his sons–with a big beautiful door in it that will be locked with a big beautiful key that some lacky with a title resembling “ethics officer” will swallow everytime he shits it out without washing it. and Mexico will pay for it.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    “Vigorous vetting” sounds like something else you pay the pee-hooker to do for you.

    • Biff52

      “Vy did you vet the bed, eh? You are a bad, bad, girl…

  • 3FingerPete

    Do Trump brand suit coats not have buttons?

    • o’look Skwerl!

      You pay extra for them.

      • 3FingerPete

        I think he wants us to know he has a big tie.

  • exinkwretch

    Here’s the executive summary: “We’re not going to eliminate the conflicts of interest, we’re just gonna pretend they don’t exist”

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    “The Trump brand is key to the value of the Trump Organization”

    And of course, the fact that the fucking president is a Trump will have no impact on that.

    • emeraldSETI

      … which is a really good reason to not run for president, if you’re concerned about such things as running a business that relies on your name so profoundly that you can’t possibly liquidate it, ever. Jesus, Republicans, sure would be great if you remembered what it was like to stand up for an actual principle here & shut this guy down.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    If he didn’t want to divest his assets, he shouldn’t have run for the office.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Ding! Ding! Ding!

      When he was deciding whether to run, what the hell did he think he would have to do if he won?

  • BearOmegaNomNom

    Royalties, plural? Thought he was only interested in the singular.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Plural first person when he is not amused!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    “Address the concerns of the American people?” She just said there were no concerns, except for the crooked press!

  • “President elect Trump should not be expected to destroy the company he built, just the country he lives in.”

  • Panika MCD

    he wouldn’t be entitled to royalties if they removed his stupid name and paintings he bought with Trump Foundation funds. oh, but that is just UNPOSSIBLE!

  • Nounverb911
  • memzilla Ω

    Summation of Drumpf press conference:
    1. I didn’t do it.
    2. Nobody saw me do it.
    3. You can’t prove I did it.

    • Nounverb911

      Putin can!

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        He has the receipts!

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      4. I got elected so nyahh.

    • Panika MCD

      5. when you’re a star, they let you do it.
      6. Tic Tac anyone?

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Bart Simpson libel!

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Oh sugarcube, we know he already HAS massive third-party debt.

  • Panika MCD

    no one has suggested he sell the business to the kids.

  • anwisok

    I wonder if he’s even in the room anymore. $5 says he’s already left.

    • Nounverb911

      he’s warming up the twitter machine.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      He’s there in the corner behind a flag and Pence. CBS has a split stream.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        REALLY? I’m shocked he’s still there. Figures he’s hiding behind the flag. Metaphors are fun.

      • Markuserektus

        She said stream…

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Freudian. I meant “screen”.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Long gone. Left a puff of smoke like Wile E. Coyote, he moved so fast.

  • BosGrl

    What I hear: WAH WAH WAH, bullshit bullshit, cuz I don’t want to!

  • JustDon’tSayOverrated

    JFC, so it’s just sentence fragments, no prepared remarks? Goddamn that’s hard to listen to.

  • Bitter Scribe

    The guy takes two or three questions and scrambles off the podium. He’s not comfortable dealing with the press unless he can pen them up and encourage a lot of morons to scream abuse at them.

  • NastyBossetti

    “I can’t do it because it’s hard!”

  • Rick Hill

    trump shouldn’t be expected to destroy the company he built. Let him save that for our country

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      OMFG – who vetted this speech, Jeff Sessions, that great legal mind?

  • exinkwretch

    “It’s too hard to do the right thing, so we won’t.”

  • Vincent Ricola

    This lady is really trying to convince us that if Trump sold his assets, it would open him up to more corruption than if he passes them down to Uday and Qusay. I guess they think all Americans are idiots.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Speaking to his supporters.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Just a lot of them are.

  • So….how many bunk beds should i install? I assume the answer is AoT,K

    • Unpresidented Ron

      I’m thinking about repurposing the garage.

    • snark-lurker

      wutcha gonna do in them bunks?

  • tomamitai

    Why not kick your kids loose and tell them to get their own jobs, on their own merits, instead of working for daddy?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Jesus Piss Christ. #richpeoplesproblems

    • efoveks

      Seconded.

      Shall we give a collected WAHHHH! in his dishonor?

  • Reddishrabbit

    And once Trump eliminates inheritance tax his child will get it without paying tax

  • Bill D. Burger

    Donald, Uday, Qusay and Ivankadonkadonk arrive for next event.

    Damn, it’s as though he can’t trust his kids out of his sight. Maybe that’s not so stupid?? hmmm…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dadfb5eff752b36348e17b4740e43bd2424dae08523fd7357780f3ec166db98d.jpg

    • Doug Langley

      I wish he wouldn’t duck the issue.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Nobody’s competent enough to run the Trump company.” Right, but his idiot sons can do it?

  • Unpresidented Ron

    ‘There’s no such thing is a totally blind trust.’
    Coming from a LAWYER.
    Can she be disbarred for this?

    • o’look Skwerl!

      You assume she has passed the bar.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Here is no bar that she would pass.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The CBS feed just shows Donnie and Mike looking uncomfortable. Who’s the yakker?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Is that the same as “who’s the top”?

  • lucidamente

    This is a stupid person’s idea of what a smart lawyer sounds like.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      She keeps saying “great company” so you know Trump had a hand in writing the speech.

  • efoveks

    Trump chose to run for president. His financial problems with it now are all his. I have every reason to hold him accountable and no reason to feel sorry for him.

    BOO FUCKING HOO>

  • tomamitai

    “so called emoluments clause”?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Fake news from the Constitution.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    “Fair value exchanges” are exempt from the emolument clause??? Let the deal making commence!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Hey, it’s not his fault that the hotel tripled the price of drinks just because he won the election.

    • lucidamente

      “The fuck they are.” —Alexander Hamilton

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Excuse me, Donkey Mouthpiece, but could you stop being so fucking condescending?

  • Ambignostic

    I’ll tell you one person who hasn’t heard “emoluments” before, he’s standing over there with his kids

  • AngryKatie

    Are we still supposed to collectively pretend that he’s mentally stable and prepared for this?
    Because the last 30+ minutes were pretty solid proof to the contrary.

  • BosGrl

    OMFG

  • “Trump’s groddy-face sons will run his businesses and promise not to talk about it with him”
    No, they will communicate with the entrails of freshly killed exotic and rare mammals

    • anwisok

      Couriers.

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
  • So, as a trained lawyer, I can tell you that this is basically saying that Trump plans to make big money off the presidency, and there is nothing you can do about it.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Also an attorney. That’s what I heard, too.

    • Reasonable non-lawyer person: i’ve been hearing that since November 9

    • As a non-attorney, I can tell you that Trump likes to get peed on.

  • BloviateMe

    Is this a filibuster? Is she going to break into Green Eggs and Ham?

  • Tallmutha

    Hey remember when some bogus story would get loose about Obama doing something bad and then the truth that he did not actually do said bad thing would come out and be so undeniable that even the RWNJs would be forced to admit that OK maybe he didn’t actually do the bad thing, but wankers like Glenn Reynolds or Roger Simon would say that, well, just the fact that we are able to imagine Obama doing this bad thing, that it is consistent with the (completely fictional) picture of his character that we have constructed for ourselves–that itself is a damning indictment of the President?

  • Panika MCD

    it doesn’t *come from* the Constitution. it’s IN the Constitution. and it says that it applies to ALL MEMBERS OF THE GOVERNMENT.

    • Markuserektus

      Especially since tRump holds the lease on a federal building.

  • BosGrl

    hahahahahahahahahahahahaha ok

  • Jennaratrix

    19 minutes? Was that really it? I mean, I can’t listen to him for 19 seconds, so I’m not exactly complaining, but this is sad. Pathetic. My cat gives longer press conferences.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      He’s baaaaackkk!

    • Jennaratrix

      I knew it was too good to be true. I can’t. I just can’t even.

  • Unpresidented Ron

    ‘The American people will profit.’
    Her nose must be reaching the back wall of the room by now.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Oh he’s going to donate the “profits” from foreign governments staying in his hotels to the Treasury. I know this game! Costs will always outweigh profits. Done.

    • h4rr4r

      Foreign dignitaries and business folks have expensive tastes. Just ask Putin how much two Ivanka look alike hookers who will pee on each other cost.

  • Reddishrabbit

    I can’t watch video, so just listening audio, but is Trump even there anymore? Or was this like 3 questions?

  • tomamitai

    Foreign dignitaries have already admitted choosing to stay in a Trump hotel in order to curry favor! And he’s going to donate the “profits”? Will we get to see the books?

    • o’look Skwerl!

      The American people don’t care about the books.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Many people are stupid, Ms Lawyer.

    And only a minority of people voted for him.

  • Since Trump’s sons aren’t supposed to discuss business with him, Congress should require that all conversations between him and his son be fully reported to the public.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    MORE APPLAUSE WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Those Stormfront guys must be getting paid by the clap.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Seriously, he probably sold tickets.

    • Damn Soros! You could of spent a few bucks on Hillary clapping last year!! JFC!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Many people voted for Trump because he’s such a tremendous, classy businessman.”

    Yeah, and what about the three million MORE who didn’t vote for him?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Someone should have shouted: “Is it true your code name is ‘I.P. Freely’ ___ Mr. Trump?”

  • Panika MCD

    she is now to be known as “Cherry” because she is not a Sheri or a Dillon.

  • Unpresidented Ron

    Wow, he came back. Did he have to get his new talking points from Putin?

  • BosGrl

    Rex Tillerson: I don’t know
    Trump: Brilliant!

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    And after that string of BS, Trump is back. This is surreal.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Can he not remember Sessions’ name?

    • Ambignostic

      SAY HIS NAME

    • Unpresidented Ron

      I got a twonie says he’s forgotten.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Cocaine is a Hell of a Drug.

  • 3FingerPete

    He was brilliantx3

  • snark-lurker

    fuck i can nut reed fast nuff

  • Panika MCD

    show me these people. I’m not happy.

  • Michael

    Did he just call her “dear?”

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    He didn’t last long.

    That’s what she said joke inserted here.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Melania giggles: “Thaaaank’ heaven.”

  • I want to bring the people that Putin has cleared into my cabinet.

  • Panika MCD

    oh, other oil barons think Rex is a good guy. that’s comforting.

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Well, they’d know.

  • anwisok

    Why were you watching the hearings? Shouldn’t you have beeen doing other things?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Doing? Things? Like Work?

    • Vincent Ricola

      He’s obviously been glued to CNN for the past 24 hours. That’s why he came out swinging with the low-key slams on them.

  • Snopes Shop

    I can’t listen to this stupid and lack of knowing words for four years

  • 3FingerPete

    Donald needs a hand puppet.

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Donald IS a hand puppet.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        For Vladdy’s hand.

    • Rick Hill

      You typed “he is” wrong

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    OMG this shit again. CHYNA BAD DEALS THAT’S NOT WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT YOU IDIOT

  • BearOmegaNomNom

    Obamacare? YAY, my preferred topic!
    Uh-oh, non-softball question.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    We’re going to replace the disastrous Obamacare with something very classy and tremendous.

  • Unpresidented Ron

    ‘They can say what they want.’ Yeah, like facts.

  • Oblios_Cap

    So his idea of a press conference is he talks the whole time?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Well, duh.

  • Markuserektus

    “Privatize everything.”

  • Bitter Scribe

    Lawyer just said Trump selling the business outright to his kids would involve “massive third-party debt.” Trump said a few minutes before that his businesses have “very little debt.” These guys can’t even be bothered to get their stories straight.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Why would “we” be proud about what he has put together about health care?

    Rhetoric is a bitch.

    • Panika MCD

      people are saying they love it! like Martin Shkreli!

  • Panika MCD

    you need to quit telling me how I’ll feel. it doesn’t help. it just makes you the country’s abusive boyfriend.

    • efoveks

      All the up votes for this one.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    “’17 is going to be the bad year.”

    Finally he says something I agree with.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      What A Idiot!

    • Unpresidented Ron

      We all do.
      – everybody but Russia.

  • BosGrl

    Keep terrifying people. Way to be president.

  • A_Changeling

    I’m curious/scared to know what the headlines are going to be. Press, don’t let me down. I will be judging harshly.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    I think I would rather be smothered in molasses and staked to an anthill than listen to any more of this.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Why can’t you tell us what this tremendous health care plan of yours is?

    • Jennaratrix

      Because there isn’t one? Just a stab in the dark.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Because he can’t summarize it in 140 characters or less.

      • Rick Hill

        Someone doesn’t give you details it’s because it aint there

    • John Frazer

      For the same reason he can’t tell us his ISIS plan – if the enemy knows his next move, there’s no way he’s ever going to defeat health care.

  • lucidamente
  • anwisok

    We know you don’t like O’care. What are you going to do about it?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Let. It. Implode. With. Sabotage.

  • Unpresidented Ron

    ‘We’re going to do something about Obamacare. In bits and pieces.’

    • Bill D. Burger

      With bigly great stuff. Believe me. You can believe me.

  • BloviateMe

    Trump doesn’t like people who sit back and criticize.

    I so give up.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    So they have a plan to repeal and replace, but he can’t answer a direct question about whether people will keep their ACA coverage?

  • BosGrl

    REPLACE WITH WHAT??? Jesus.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Something very classy. Sheesh, why are you so cynical?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Oh, shit, he just used the Paul Ryan “it’s too complicated to explain” line of shit.

    • Roadstergal

      To be fair, a lunch menu is too complicated for Drumpf to explain.

      • Unpresidented Ron

        That would explain the menu at his hotel.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          And them nasty martinis in wine glasses.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Ok. So I paid for my January insurance. And I have to pay for February soon. When and where will I pick this new mythical insurance? And where do I send my payment?
      Oh, yeah. Details, petty details.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Isn’t it worth it to get something very classy that won’t cost you anything, though?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    So far all I know about his replacement plan is it involves pride.

    • BosGrl

      Maybe it will be written by Bono.

    • boyblue122

      The replace plan involves going to the emergency room if you have no insurance, stiffing the hospital, and letting the taxpayers foot the bill

  • FlemmishSpy

    We’ll repeal ACA, then we’ll announce a plan.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Blue Cross on Line 1, Aetna on Line 2, Humana on Line 3, Mr. Trump. I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying…but they have a very impressive vocabulary for profanity.

  • Jenny

    So just like the vet charity we will have to constantly hound and verify that he is making payments to the treasury. Yup.

  • Unpresidented Ron

    ‘Obamacare is the Democrats’ problem.’ We all should have ‘problems’ like this.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Watching him with no sound. His gestures just scream “I’m lying”.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Watching him with sound. His voice just screams “I’m lying”.

  • Trumps DC hotel is now reverse public housing with all room charges going to the gubberment???

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Only “profits” go to the gubbermint. Costs will always outweigh profits. It’s like getting points on a movie after profits. Accountants will move heaven and earth to prove there were no profits.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Ah, the “stupid points”. Well, fits right in with Trump.

      • Yep. Paragraph One, Chapter one, Every Buss Ed classes in the USoA

  • NastyBossetti

    “The plan will be repeal and replace Obamacare.” That’s not a fucking plan!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    “Our plan will be better! Trust us!” Oh good lord. Because you’ve been so trustworthy so far?

  • Ambignostic

    “We are doing the Democrats a great service.” Once again with the talking like a serial abuser.

  • Rick Hill

    The plan will be secret because you don’t tip your hand to the enemy

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      So he can tell Pooty-Poot everything, but hide stuff from the American people.
      This is gonna end well…

  • anwisok

    FFS, how many times can he say “repeal and replace?”

  • Unpresidented Ron

    Here he is, taking credit for Carrier. Not mentioning that there’s going to be a net LOSS.

  • Snopes Shop

    No more hacking questions then?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Nope. Putin made sure of that.,

  • Bill D. Burger

    Imagine this as Trump tweeting tonight.

    https://media2.giphy.com/media/KzyKLNr39BeHm/200_d.gif

  • BloviateMe

    It will be cheaper and better than Obamacare. I’m all ears motherfucker, what’s the deetz?

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Why do reporters even bother asking questions when they know he won’t answer them? Why don’t they just ask the question over and over?

  • Panika MCD

    and then we gave them to our robot overlords!

    we didn’t actually CREATE any jobs, we just stopped a handful from leaving. you’ll love it when we win like this!

  • Markuserektus

    UT…my sponsor

  • BosGrl

    This fuckhead cannot give a complete answer without stroking his own ego. Doesn’t matter what the topic is.

    • Thiazin Red

      Same with places. He is literally incapable of referring to a place without talking about property or “deals” he has there.

  • Gwennie_G

    Whatever gods that may or may not exist, please send a giant eagle to swoop down from the sky and carry this man away forever. Oh, and Mike Pence too. Amen.

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      Amen.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Not for the first time, not for the last time, I’ll just add that thank fuck he didn’t use the wrong fucking email server eh? Although he certainly will anyway.

    • BearOmegaNomNom

      Something dot ru

    • Vincent Ricola

      He said he uses “hacking defenses,” whatever that means, so he can continue to ramble on twitter using his iphone.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        He would be so fucking easy to spearfish I simply cannot believe it hasn’t already happened. Attached doc – research shows Trump most popular and intelligent president ever!

        • Vincent Ricola

          “Click here for Russian teenage nudes.”

    • Biff52

      I’m sure he did, but Russia didn’t report on that.

  • Trump: Mississippi is the new Mexico!!!

  • The Trump Admin is going to sooooo help Science:

    They are showing the sources for anti-reality and anti-matters

  • Panika MCD

    I want someone to ask him how many states there are as a follow up.

  • tomamitai

    Since when can the President impose a border tax?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Presidents can’t. Emperors can.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    96 million tears.

  • Unpresidented Ron

    ‘Border tax.’
    Yeah, that will stop job loss.
    For robots, at least.

  • anwisok

    He acts like Ford is smuggling cars in from Mexico.

    • Unpresidented Ron

      ‘Psst, senor, wanna buy a Ford Fusion? Uncut!’

    • Gwennie_G

      “Those cars are criminals, they’re rapists, and some, I assume, are nice sedans.”

  • Nounverb911
  • Rick Hill

    Will trumpco pay a border tax for making clothing overseas?

  • Markuserektus

    The stock manipulator in chief…

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Who makes Pepto-Bismol? Go long on that.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Kaopectate, stronger and works faster.

        • Bourbon, stronger, faster and adds a ‘don’t give a fuck’ or two

  • BosGrl

    I want a SHRUBBERY!

    • 3FingerPete

      nik!

  • NellCote71

    He is doing that sucking thing again. I hate that sound.

    • Doug Langley

      You know, Perot warned us about that “Great Sucking Sound”. And everyone just laughed.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      *suck* *sniff* is how he breathes. He needs Darth Vader’s ventilator.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Yeah, just pick up that factory, put it on a flatbed and move it. It’s like a trailer home. Easy Peasy.
    I think that the journos let it pass to avoid getting sucked into the Vortex of St00pid.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    So smug when he actually has an answer. “It’s not a fence. It’s a WALL.” Sheesh.

    • His smugness…The stick up his ass has a stick up it’s ass

  • Panika MCD

    is it a wall? a fence? or a virtual wall? if it’s a “virtual wall” like Perry was talking about, that includes some fencing and no actual wall.

  • ViveLaPeésistance

    Mexico will pay for the wall, but not with a payment.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Oh my fucking god this man cannot stop pulling his own peepee in public.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    This is worser than I even feared. Don Trumpleone is acting like no other president in my life going back half a century.

    • NellCote71

      I know! I feel as if I were in an alternate reality.

    • Oblios_Cap

      or any I’ve ever read about going all the way back.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Mexico would rather vote itself out of existence than give us a penny. Take that to the banks that still give you loans.

  • Bill D. Burger

    It’s official. This is going to be a self-serving sham of a Presidency…a monumental grift of epic proportions.

    • Doug Langley

      Was there any doubt?

      • Jennaratrix

        Not in my mind, no.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
  • Unpresidented Ron

    ‘Mexico has been so nice.’
    Even better – ‘So many Mexican people work for me.’
    He can’t hear his own words, can he?

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    What with #peehookers, I’m now afraid to watch a video with “live stream” and “Trump” in the title.

    • Jennaratrix

      Ba-dum-TSSS!

  • Ryan Denniston

    So does the fact that Ivanka won’t be in charge of Trump Inc. mean that she really is poised to become First Lady?

    • sosuume

      Yes, but she’ll need to drink a lot of water.

  • Nounverb911
    • Doug Langley

      You know, I do wonder what it must feel like to say “Well, our latest intel tells us that . . . Russia is blackmailing you. But I’m guessing you already knew that.”

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I cannot wait until he gets to the Nazi part of that question. Maybe he can summarize the history of how a free press started WWII

    • Unpresidented Ron

      The one he was asked five minutes ago?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Yep nevermind, he’s already moved on to talking about his autograph

  • A_Changeling

    This is, sincerely, pathetic and sad. Everything he says is completely ridiculous. U.S., I hope you’ll find a way to stop this farce.

    • Jennaratrix

      It’s too late. We’re stuck, unless he gets a blow job in the Oval Office or uses a private email server.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Can I be the guy at the State of the Union who gets to yell, “You lie!”?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      We all should.

  • Panika MCD

    what I hate most about the Grande Detours: flagrant abuse of absolute adjectives.

    always, never, best, worst, no one, everyone, etc.

  • Rick Hill

    I don’t blame Mexico for being sleazy ripoff artists.

  • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

    “I will be the greatest job president God has ever created.”

    Oh, FFS.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Well, nice to know he doesn’t have an over-inflated sense of himself…

      • Oblios_Cap

        I think God pooped that bastard out after a long day of eating incredibly spicy burritos.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      That should be easy to factcheck. Obama created 15 million. Your turn Donnie.

  • ButtercuptheHarelessRabbit

    Needs moar pee jokes.

  • Markuserektus

    Answer the Nazi question!

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    When will Nero start fiddling? I smell smoke.

  • NellCote71

    Jim Fucking DeMint. Are you kidding me?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Didn’t he invent Obamacare at the Heritage Foundation?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Is he out of jail now?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    You know how I know an administration is going to suck? When it heaps praise of Jim “Creme” DeMint.

  • Rick Hill

    I don’t blame Mexico, I would do the same thing if I were a country

  • Résistance Land Shark

    A commenter below said, “I guess they think all Americans are idiots.”

    Yes, that’s exactly what Trump’s people think. They assume that because they “won” that their tactics and methods have been validated. Anyone who is complaining is a “sore loser” and a whiner. They operate as if they can say any stupid shit they want, and everyone will accept it as truth.

    In the past, the US has not worked that way. In the past, shit like this gets prosecuted. My colleague in London says, “I would bet with you that Donald Trump will not make it to be your leader.” He might be, but he won’t be for long IF everyone here picks up the phone and calls their Congressmen and Senators. TODAY. NOW.

    https://www.senate.gov/reference/reference_index_subjects/Directories_vrd.htm

    NOW. Call them and register your opinion. Do NOT let this shit become normal. It isn’t.

  • Markuserektus

    Dead Tony libelz!

  • Panika MCD

    now he’s breaking all his “on day one” promises.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    “Nazi Germany”

    Drink.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Constantly.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    This asshole has no idea what it takes to go through these processes.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Well, he certainly seems to be in awe of himself. I guess somebody’s got to be.

  • Biff52

    I just couldn’t take it anymore. This is gonna be a long administration, no matter how short it may be…

  • Bill D. Burger

    Lying grifting fraud gonna’ be a lying grifting fraud.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Buzzfeed is a failing piece of garbage.”

    • Martini Ambassador

      “Failing” is one of my bingo words. Drink!

  • Panika MCD

    Nazi Germany built A LOT of WALLS.

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Maginot Line libelz!

      • Doug Langley

        And it looked WAY better than Trump’s crummy wall.

  • How deep will that wall go?? ’cause: tunnels

  • Nazi Germany intelligence was famous for leaking material on Hitler banging hookers.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Oh, you mean it’s terrible that someone would release fake things like the stupid email bullshit that Comey released 9 days before the goddamn election?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      We’re talking about the propagator of the “birther movement.”

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    OMG “It’s a disgrace that the intelligence community released info that was false and fake”? GAWDAMMIT, what about the Weiner emails, you loathsome orange hypocrite?!

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      And the years, YEARS, of birther bullshit from his asshole!

  • anwisok

    Funny how he hates fake news NOW.

  • ibwilliamsi

    I’m watching it with the sound off. What? So will he! At least I have closed captioning on!

    What a shit-show. Is he into those, too?

    • cmd resistor

      I remember when Reagan would address the nation I would turn on the TV figuring I should but I had to turn the sound down. In retrospect, I’m not sure why I even bothered.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Nazi Germany did character assassination against its own leadership? Wha?

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      They did show the cover of a passport.

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        Hahahahaha, the fucking cover.

      • FlemmishSpy

        You can’t be more authoritative than that.

  • NastyBossetti

    “Your organization’s terrible”
    UGH!

  • ViveLaPeésistance

    I only lasted 3 minutes. Going to lunch so I can throw up properly.

    • Alan

      You have more endurance than I do.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    So wait, Healthcare companies are going to agree to cover every doctor in the country as part of their insurance? Because otherwise, YOU”RE LYING!

  • FlemmishSpy

    The pettiness at the podium continues apace.

  • Jennaratrix

    I’m not even watching this, just reading the stream, and I’m embarrassed for America. Christ on a cracker this is bad.

    • lucidamente

      Stream. Heh-heh, heh.

      • Jennaratrix

        Dammit.

    • sosuume

      My New Year’s resolution — never gonna watch him.

      • Whollyholeyholy

        ADHD for some reason it has made it such that I have never really had the attention span for TV and prefer to read for information (I do watch the infotainment late night shows occasionally). I’ve only seen him speak at length a handful of times, and I’m aiming to keep it that way. My most alarming moments during the campaign were when they would play clips on NPR and talk about him like he was a normal person.

    • Whollyholeyholy

      Same here.

  • Vincent Ricola

    GET ‘EM CNN! YES!

  • Panika MCD

    the press has to call him out? hope a reporter next to him asks the question.

  • In this metaphor, note Trump, by his own admission, is Hitler.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Wow Trump’s joke about Miss Lindsey doesn’t even get a chuckle.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Lindsey Graham is a Senior Senator. This is insane.

    • A_Changeling

      Even his paid clappers were too embarrassed.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    DAFUQ! He is fighting with the press. Rude? Rude? OMFG

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Good to see the news media helping each other out. Real freemasonry over here.

  • Nounverb911
    • CogitoErgoBibo

      That would be amazing. Or get called on and yield your time to Buzzfeed.

    • A_Changeling

      Exactly what I was thinking. Do it!

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I have to rewatch that one part, because it was an EPIC MELTDOWN. Oh wait, CBS is replaying it now.

  • Rick Hill

    Grinding all the axes…all the time

  • Wait…are they still fully hookers if Trump didn’t, as usual, pay the full bill?

    The new Volunteer America program

    • Oblios_Cap

      He can make hormones.

  • Rick Hill

    “BBC, that’s another fake news site”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Holy crap. That changes the whole history of WWII, doesn’t it.

      • Doug Langley

        What WWII?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Really. Trump’s a peach.

      • Doug Langley

        He’s the pits?

    • BBC News = Billy Bob Clinton news to Trumplanders

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Fake News” comes out of the mouth of a president who has Steve Bannon as one of his closest advisors?

    Kill me now!

  • Panika MCD

    you’re one to talk about moral compasses–Mr. Pussygrabber-Elect.

  • Ryan Denniston

    What the hell is all this applauding? Is that the rest of the press corps, or will every press conference be accompanied by a crowd of his stadium goers?

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I think it’s Trump’s staff.

      • Oblios_Cap

        So they’re being forced to cheer. That’s the GOPee way.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          GOPeePee.

        • Cleo_Cat

          Or they are paid like the people there when he announced his candidacy. When he descended on the escalator and we all thought this was a joke/ PR stunt. Heaven help us.

    • soon they will add the rows and rows of tanks and missles

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      It’s in Trump Tower. Those are employees. It’s insane.

      • Stulexington

        That is only a half step above an applause machine.

  • Markuserektus

    Moral compass…pffft!

  • “The advantage I have, when it comes to fake news, is that I don’t give a crap about the truth.”

  • Bill D. Burger

    How is it not a conflict of interest when your direct family members are running your business and one is in your cabinet?? Unbelievable corruption here already.

    • Jamoche

      Conflict implies more than one interest. He only has one interest: his money.

  • Panika MCD

    you’ve destroyed people with it. that’s how you know it works, you fucking turd.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Why the fuck do reporters give multipart questions to this boob? You’re just giving him more avenues out of it.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Fake news got YOU where you are you orange fuckwit.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Fake news aimed at others=”Hey, things happen. I don’t control the press.”
      Fake news aimed at him=”This is an OUTRAGE!”

  • Nounverb911
  • ibwilliamsi

    OMFG, “the United States is hacked by everybody…”

    • Rick Hill

      “I read that on breitblast”

      • Oblios_Cap

        False. I haven’t hacked the US (yet).

      • Unpresidented Ron

        ‘Read’?

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    How do you go from inDUStry to hacking?

    • BosGrl

      Yeah, what the hell is that?

    • Rick Hill

      Squirrel!

  • Panika MCD

    defunse:?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      it’s unpresidented!

  • FlemmishSpy

    RNC hacking defence: p@ssword!

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Actually, the RNC servers hacked were with a contractor, had been archived and were in the process of being decommissioned. So a Red Herring.

  • Nounverb911
    • WotsAllThisThen

      So unfair what the press did to that girl!

    • Bill D. Burger

      Closer to Ann Coulter…only not as smart.

    • SmokinGood

      Schindler probably. Ann Frank was a loser what got dead.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Quisling ~ a puppet of the Nazis.

  • 3FingerPete

    “We didn’t get hacked ’cause I’m so good.”

  • Me not sure

    T Rex : “CAN”T GRAB PUSSY! ARMS TOO SHORT! ARRRRGGGG!”

    • Doug Langley

      Funny you should say that. Scientists have been going nuts trying to figure out what the hell they could have used those dinky arms for. Latest theory: foreplay on Mrs Rex to get her into the mood. Really.

      • Me not sure

        Cloaca grabbing?

  • anwisok

    Sorry, y’all. I’m out. I can’t listen to any more of this. I just. Cant.

  • So, Russia will release all the stuff they have on Trump in the next, what, six months?

    • sosuume

      But they’ll hold onto the videos… just for good measure.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      As soon as they’ve turned Pence and no longer need Trump.

      • I assume Pence has a thing for Iran, as they share a similar policy on teh Gayez.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Russia too, now. It’s the religion question that is the sticking point. Pence is a True Believer in RWNJ.

  • Panika MCD

    I think we’re about to find out exactly what Russia has on him now.

  • ibwilliamsi

    Who did he refuse to take a question from because they’re fake news?

    • Vincent Ricola

      I’m guessing CNN? Or maybe someone from Buzzfeed?

    • From the comments below either Buzzfeed or the BBC

  • BosGrl

    Keep saying “leaking”.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Does he have the drip? That would explain his behavior.

  • “It is sad when the people know all this intelligence about me and hookers, and that is illegal.”

  • Markuserektus

    90 days outside the window of interest. It will be forgotten.

  • Just Lark

    But earlier you said it WASN’T an intelligence report!

  • BosGrl

    Well, there’s your problem right there. Don’t use Rona Barrett as your personal assistant.

  • Alan

    You just know that he’s gonna piss someone off and they’ll release the dirty videos and then he’ll claim that they’re fake.

  • Unpresidented Ron

    The housemate’s turned it off. I don’t blame her.

    But damn, I wish there was actual wine in these wine gums.

    • Alan

      I turned it off after about 20 seconds. Cleaned the litter box, took out the trash. He still speaks like an 8 year old.

  • “It is very unfair to this country to know anything about me.”

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Oh, DO you think it’s “sad” when intelligence reports get leaked to the press?

    Funny how you cheered it on when it was aimed at other people.

    • Jamoche

      Even begged for it the last time he had a presser.

  • Markuserektus

    Many meetings with intelligence…none rubs off.

  • Nounverb911
  • Panika MCD

    he is aware that Buzzfeed is not a paper media source, right?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      No clue. He has no clue.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Hacking is a New Phenomena ~ from a guy who only knows how to use Twitter on his phone. This amazingly bad.
    And now he’s paranoid about leaks? The leaks will be so EPIC.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Ok, call it. There’s literally no reason to have press conferences with this guy. He’ll just yell at you and tangent into whacking himself off.

  • o’look Skwerl!

    We should never know his schedule!

  • “Russia will have much more respect for our country when their hand picked puppet is in control than someone who is will opposed them.”

  • Panika MCD

    cue Poots shooting vodka out of his nose.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Buying another round and high fives all around!

  • Rick Hill

    “Know one knew but me and this othr guy”
    http://redmaryland.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/cone-of-silence.jpg

  • FlemmishSpy

    Foreign spies will lay off the US out of respect.

  • Markuserektus

    Oh hai Vlad!

  • Tips
    Leaking
    Spreading
    Leaks

    He has zero self-awareness

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Maybe it was Russia doing the hacking. Maybe it was Matthew Broderick too.

  • o’look Skwerl!

    I know that Czar Alexander did not respect us.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Does anyone think Uday and Qusay will do anything, even wipe their asses, without his approval?

    • Note there will be a “trust advisor working with them also”. Is that like a business nanny?

      • cmd resistor

        Isn’t that where you go to find the good hotels and restaurants?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Does anyone think Uday and Qusay will do are capable of doing anything, even wipe their asses, without his approval?

  • Ambignostic

    Russia won’t be doing it any more, because their guy got in.

  • ibwilliamsi

    Get the fuck over Hillary, dude.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Seriously. Oh my god, she’s like his version of King Charles’ Head.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Trump this summer – “Russia! Hack Hillz and find those missing emailz!”
    Trump today – “Russia hacking is baaaaad.”

  • o’look Skwerl!

    What the FUCK is he talking about?

    • Rick Hill

      Babel fish is working on the translation, now

  • Nounverb911
    • Vincent Ricola

      I usually hate CNN, but fuck this completely. Answer the questions, Donald.

    • boyblue122

      Its not like he does pressers often or actually answers questions

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Pivot to China.

    Reince, repeat.

  • Rick Hill

    Laughing is the way Russians show their respect for you. True story

    • A_Changeling

      Peeing on you also too?

  • Dear God. Japan has been a vital ally for 75 years, and he groups them in with China and Russia.

    • Nounverb911

      Well actually 71 years, but who’s counting….

      • Hey, didn’t the Japanese stand beside us when the Germans attacked Pearl Harbor?

    • Serai 1

      I’m surprised he didn’t stick Australia in there. They’re all right next to each other, right?

  • tomamitai

    Didn’t deny that his campaign had contact with Russia!

  • FlemmishSpy

    You can’t deny that’s an impressive amount of paper.

    • Oblios_Cap

      those poor trees.

      • BosGrl

        I’m sure they didn’t grow up thinking, I want to be part of a Trump report!

    • NastyBossetti

      But I missed the part explaining what all that paper is.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Talking about Hillary’s reset button. Why is he fixated on her clit?

  • 3FingerPete

    Will the press get to examine those papers or are they like the Trump steaks he rolled out at this last news conference?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Props.

  • Strange, Trump won’t take all the questions people for him.

  • BosGrl

    Oh dear, he didn’t end the press conference by saying “God Bless the United States of America”. Ten points from Slytherin.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      He did say “Thank-you.” That’s rare.

      • He knows those words?

        • SmokinGood

          No, it was the version of “thank you” that really means Now Fuck Right the Fuck Off Outta My Face Loser.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Bless your heart, as we say in the Shire.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          I was pretty shocked, myself.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          He probably spent 2 hours last night practicing be able to say it without looking like he sucked on a lemon.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Then he FAILED. Cuz that was real surly.

  • Rick Hill

    Memo to other countries:
    You will respect mah authority!

  • Panika MCD

    cue Pena Nieto shooting tequila out of his nose. cue JT shooting whatever he drinks at breakfast out of his nose. cue Angela Merkel shooting beer out of her nose. cue. cue. cue. cue.

    • Tea. We’re classy that way

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Srsly? They are laughing their asses off. Since 11/9, they’ve been planning on staying out of his way and letting him completely fail.

      • Panika MCD

        hence the laughing which can result in liquid coming out of the nose.

  • Markuserektus

    Fork him he’s done

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Lordy. Okay folks. Let’s see if Brian Williams and Katy Tur can make sense out of this word salad. Hope they’ve had their energy drinks.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Trump just went to war with the media and the United States.

    • Panika MCD

      also too: several other countries and continued his war on reality.

  • Headline: Trump runs away from the press, fails to state that his campaign had nothing to do with the Russians.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Goddamned if that presser wasn’t a walk in the wilderness. 4 years of that??? Oh hell NO!

    • tomamitai

      He said it would be eight!!

  • Nounverb911
  • NPR: Let’s start with the multiple elephants left in the room.

    • as well as the many other exotic animal carcasses strewn around this new administration

      • That’s from all that pussy grabbing. Poor tigers and leopards.

  • tomamitai

    Are Secret Service agents now allowed to have mustaches and be overweight, or are those guys his Praetorian guard?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      His Praetorian guard that the Secret Service hates. I predict a fragging when they get in the way when shit gets real. It’s already almost happened.

      • therblig

        the secret service probably views his private security as an extra layer of meat kevlar.

      • Serai 1

        It’d be amusing to see them back off and say, “Hey, you got your own guys, you don’t need us” and then just watch the mayhem.

  • Markuserektus

    Did all of this seem a little bit…fascist?

    • Oblios_Cap

      A lot fascist.

    • Rick Hill

      Little fascist….a little shuck and jive…

    • More like a fistful of fascism

      • Serai 1

        High Fascism.

        • slogans in High German

      • Creepoman

        A boot, stepping on a face forever load of fascism.

    • 3FingerPete

      Do women get a little pregnant?

    • Jennaratrix

      Just the fascist part. You know, all of it.

  • Jennaratrix

    Calling this guy a fuckwit is an insult to fuckwits.

    • Rick Hill

      calling him a fckwit is setting the bar too high

      • Jennaratrix

        Yeah. No wit involved.

        • Serai 1

          How about we call him a fuckwart?

          • Well, still, 54% of Americans would prefer anal warts to Orange Messaih

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            No actually he’s losing them fast. Approval rating has fallen from 41% to 37%. Check out http://www.areyousorryyet.com

          • Doug Langley

            That’s as great as this site:

            https://trumpgrets.tumblr.com

          • Serai 1

            They might prefer them, but nobody actually wants them.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    But the leak came from a friend, the Brits and MI-6. James Bond was on the job. So is the War with Intelligence against our allies too?

    • TakingAmes

      Obvs. Also, too, we shouldn’t expect to have allies anymore.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    So, anyone want to try to explain what that was even about?

    Because the best I got is that was about an hour long.

    • therblig

      it was about trump. everything is now about trump.

  • 3FingerPete

    I like the part where he implied election winners don’t need to release their tax returns.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Presser is over. I killed it. Outta’ the way…LOSERS.”

    http://media.boingboing.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/giphy2.gif

  • Garbageman

    Welcome to Pee Pee’s Big Top! Woohoo!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkTqOf8SeLE

  • Brad’s Granny

    “Can you categorically deny that did not happen?”
    *crickets*

    Also too; double negatives are bad y’all.

  • Nounverb911
    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Gets a nuclear arsenal that he doesn’t know how to use, because he has already fired the people that know how it works.

      • Creepoman

        As someone note previously, “every mushroom cloud has a silver lining” and in this case, here’s hoping the folks in charge of fueling the missiles all get pink slips on Jan. 19 so when Barron pushes the big red button cybered to the silos, nothing happens.

  • Rick Hill
  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Interesting. Straight to “CNN accused of being a fake news outlet and denied a question” on the MSNBC analysis. Glad we’re jumping on how the press will be treated going forward. Not the most important thing discussed, but it’s a very key issue.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I’m highly disturbed by the way he went directly after CNN – calling them “fake news” and such – and then froze them out. Just because Wolf Blitzer may be a shapeshifter, it doesn’t make his reporting “fake.” I’m glad other news organizations are immediately calling it out.

      • Jenny

        Me too.

      • cmd resistor

        I actually thought they had grown a brain after that stupid fake press conference before the election when he got them all to come down to his hotel for an infomercial. That lasted about 2 days then they went back to being lame.

        • Vincent Ricola

          Me too. And CNN might suck at time (often), but they don’t do “fake” news, they do “shouty surrogate table” news where they pick a surrogate from every possible side of a discussion and throw them at each other to see what happens. I’m not saying it’s a good approach to talking about politics (it’s not), but it’s not “fake”.

  • Jenny

    Whoo hooo america is great again!!!

  • Nounverb911
    • BosGrl

      But Trump was the only one melting down, so what’s your point, Michelle?

    • ‘This is the best press conference ever’ …to watch from inside the Asylum

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      As D E L U S I O N A L as Omarosa.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh my fucking god. What was that?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51nceHeO0tE

  • Four years of this clown trying to pull a “These are not the droids you are seeking to pee on”

  • Trump: “Of course there will be no more hacking under my regime by Putin, because I’ll give him all our intelligence freely.”

    • Stulexington

      But there will, he needs the unedited copy, you know without the colouring pages that help keep the honest Don focused.

  • A_Changeling

    Summa summarum: nothing has changed? Or did I miss something?

  • Nounverb911
    • BosGrl

      Seriously, what is the point of her?

      • Résistance Land Shark

        Who is she?

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Pundit – Hot Asian chick.

          • 3FingerPete

            Has a permanent case of angry face, though.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Some dudes are turned on by dominant women.

    • Bill D. Burger

      She figured that out, huh? There’s a real Einstein.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Uh, she doesn’t know that “hot mic” refers to a microphone that the subject doesn’t realize is on?

  • Bdupa

    He can sneak away from his secretary to meet Intel but not his bodyguards to meet some ho’s? Come on, man?

    • Bitter Scribe

      Yeah, not very resourceful.

    • 3FingerPete

      It’s not like a Trump goon is going to snitch on the guy who signs their checks.

  • Rick Hill

    One can only wathch trump and say: “We are all a little bit stoopider for having done so.”

  • Jenny

    Everybody is hacking us and only he can stop the hacking. Thanks to him the RNC did not get hacked.

    Fucking christ on a macaroni cracker.

    • Rick Hill

      So multi talented. Thank Bob he’s on our side….

    • boyblue122

      Except Julian Assange said on Bill Maher’s show back in August that the RNC was hacked, he just didnt feel like releasing the emails

    • therblig

      hacking is bad, but look at all the good stuff it turned up on hillary.

    • Well, when you are freely giving everything to your Russian overlords, you don’t have to worry about being hacked.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Walnuts just said that he gave the info to the FBI and that it is the same info that was leaked to Buzzfeed.

    • A_Changeling

      Where?

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Reported on CBS a minute ago.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      McCain? John McCain?
      Damn, at least he knows this is serious business.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Why did he do it? Per the report, because it’s his duty as an American citizen. Not a Senator. A citizen. I think Walnuts is trying to repair the Palin damage, which indirectly brought us to this mess.

        • cmd resistor

          I read that McCain got it from some source out of the country and I think even travelled there to get it, then gave it to he FBI in December.

    • BosGrl

      That’s it. John McCain doesn’t get to ask any questions at the next press conference.

  • Nounverb911
  • Putin just released the following statement:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKUOB8MN4Kc

  • Serai 1

    I just realized I’m probably not going to hear one fucking word this “president” says for four years because I can’t stand the sight his ugly mug, let alone listen to him. Guess it’s back to being blissfully unaware of what the leader of the country sounds like! *sigh*

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      We’ve done it before. We can do it again.

      • Serai 1

        Sure. But we shouldn’t have to.

        • cmd resistor

          Yes, I was just getting used to having non-evil intelligent people up there.

    • Doug Langley

      That’s how I spent the Reagan years. You’d be surprised how restful it is.

      • Serai 1

        I spent the Bush years that way. So I know perfectly well how restful it can be. I just DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO DO THAT.

    • chortlingdingo

      I feel the same way. I even avert my eyes when I see a picture of him because he makes me sick.

      • Serai 1

        I wish they’d get on making that cat app for Firefox. I intend to block or deny every picture of him that comes along.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          It works pretty good but not at all in FB or Twitter.

          • Serai 1

            Well, that’s fine since I have no intention of ever having an account at either.

        • cmd resistor

          Mine only works intermittently. Maybe I should try the cheeseburger one.

          • Serai 1

            It’s depending on the filenames, so if they don’t include the word “trump”, the app won’t do its job.

          • cmd resistor

            I think yesterday I got kittens when I was supposed to get something else, like maybe the intel report….

        • miss_grundy

          I have the cat app on Chrome and it is the bomb!

    • cmd resistor

      That’s how I survived the Bush years. I got very uninformed, though. And there was no Internet under Reagan.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Mildred Broxon

      WILL you please stop insulting the Neanderthals, who had large brains and took care of their aged and disabled. Unlike Republicans!

  • Rick Hill

    Shorter on his cabinet: “All these people are great and they will be the greattest ever.”

  • NPR noting that Trump avoided talking about almost everything, and never would state that his campaign had nothing to do with the Russians influencing the election.

  • Trump said no dealings with Russia. Trumps son said “A disproportionate share of our assets come from Russia.”

    One is lying. You decide.

  • Jenny

    Goal 1: get out of debt
    Goal 2: buy some land preferable somewhere else.
    Goal 3: go live there quietly and forget this idiot is the most powerful man in the world.

    • Serai 1

      No matter where you go, I’m pretty sure you won’t be able to escape this fucking orangutan.

      • Doug Langley

        Reminds me of the couple who in 1980 were fed up with politics and decided to move to a place where they would be left along. They chose the Falklands.

  • Of course, in the end, we must all remember as Kellyanne told us, don’t believe what Trump says, its what is in his heart that matters.

    • A_Changeling

      But it’s the same as what he says: nothing.

    • sosuume

      That calls for open heart surgery.

    • Serai 1

      I can’t believe a fucking WH official is actually demanding that the press be clairvoyant. WTFFF?

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Assumes facts not in evidence.

      • Well, a pile of dry dog shit, or whatever occupies the center of Trump’s chest. Kellyanne was not specific.

  • ViveLaPeésistance

    What a pissaster.

  • sosuume
    • boyblue122

      After Jan 20th he can say it and have it actually be truthful

  • A_Changeling

    “It was substantive as far as length.” Hallie Jackson
    I do love it when journalists openly laugh at him on tv, though.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Too little too late, but now that we’re in this mess, we may as well laugh to keep from crying.

  • FlemmishSpy

    Is DJT’s sniffing just a given now?

    • Make America Coked-up Again

  • MSNBC pointing out that Trump praised reporting on the hacks of Hillary, but now thinks reporting on hacks is a terrible thing.

  • Mildred Broxon

    You lost the $5 bet, but just donate it to yourselves, OK?

    • Not really. It was no so much a press conference as a stump speech with the questions he felt like answering (and likely had prepared ahead of time)

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        That explains the meltdowns when reporters from Buzzfeed and CNN tried to do their jobs. He probably thinks that he can be POTUS like it was Apprentice. Totally scripted.

        • miss_grundy

          He thinks this country is an extension of his company.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            He thinks that he will rule as king but command and fiat. The Inauguration was supposed to be his Coronation, and the fact that the citizenry is not worshipful is driving him crazy.

  • Democrats should be pushing legislation requiring all presidents to release their previous ten years of text returns upon taking office.

    • Stulexington

      I thought they were.

      • Well, if they are, they need to make it the first thing they say to the press in every meeting.

  • Vincent Ricola

    CNN is talking around #Watergate 2017 in the best kind of way. It’s like listening to my parents discuss my birthday presents when I was 6-years-old and in the same room.

    • Jennifer R

      I like PisswaterGate myself.

      • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

        I’m using #watersportsgate, personally

  • Chuck Todd pointing out that Trump’s lawyer mostly just gave a speech in favor of Trump, and little in support of the supposed “no conflicts” plan.

    • cmd resistor

      All those Trump lawyers do that — We’ve reviewed Melania’s immigration papers and we find that they are in order. They did something like that with something of his, I forget what, also too.

  • Stulexington

    I get the feeling the intelligence community is going to liberally overuse the “plausible deniability” excuse.

  • Sophia

    I was listening and not watching so question. Was Melania at the press conference? I saw the kids but didn’t notice if she was there.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Nope. Not at all. Ivanka wasn’t there either. Just Uday, Qusay, Spicer, Bannon, Jared, Pence and Spokesmodel/Lawyer.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        And the paid applauders.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Peons.

          • LucindathePook

            Pee-ons

      • Sophia

        Ivanka was standing right beside her Father. That was what made me think Melania was maybe absent. With this family who knows though. Melania made have been shoved to the back of the crowd somewhere with Tiffany.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    1205 comments over one hour of BS. Is that a record?

    • Rick Hill

      But he was remarkably disciplined! He only stopped to grind his ax two or three times and kept his veiled threats to a minimum! His ability to stop himself from going on a complete rant shows amazing discipline!

    • Rick Hill

      Oh, you meant us. No, the debates flew wild and fast

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        True, but they were much longer.

    • I’m sure that Trump has done more than an hour of bullshit before.

  • caitifty

    Just gonna point out that http://www.trumpsgoldenshowers.com now points to the donations page for HIPS, an excellent DC-based non-profit which provides services to sex workers.

  • MSNBC noting that Trump thanked the Kremlin for issuing a statement defending Trump.

    Imagine if Jimmy Carter did that what the Republican response would be.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Some of the Republicans are resisting. Establishment GOP can see the iceberg clearly. There are 5 key senior Senators that are totally against this BS.
      The Tea Party ones, the Freedom Caucus and Heritage Foundation fuckwads, those guys are toadies. And won’t change their minds and stop carrying the water until people in their districts start resisting. Reelection is always on their minds.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance
        • cmd resistor

          That was kind of a surprise to me. Although, since he is one of my senators I did send him an encouraging email a little while back when he expressed reservations about Tillerson, and he even responded saying he still did. But it was mushy enough that I didn’t expect him to be all gung ho about it.

          • He’s one of mine too, and I sent him a letter along the same lines. Hopefully a lot of people had the same idea.

          • cmd resistor

            Yes, and guess it’s time to follow up. Whenever a republican does something right, I do try to thank them. Of course, it happens so rarely it doesn’t take too much of my time.

  • Why won’t Trump treat Putin at least as harshly as he treats Lindsey Graham?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Putin owns him.

    • Serai 1

      How often do you shit on your boss’s head in front of the whole world?

  • eyelashviper

    I watched the whole damn thing, without benefit of a cardiac team standing by.

    Did anyone keep track of the lies????
    Just watched an attorney at Brookings tear into his legal defense for grifting, and on day one, trump will be in legal hot water, and will be facing countless legal actions against him and his spawn.
    Both CNN and msnbc are not buying the basura that was tossed out…glad to see some vague hint of reality in the alleged news media.

  • RugzYaBurnt

    Anybody got any advice on how to kill one’s emotional center dead? I don’t know how I’m going to get through whatever amount of time this travesty of an administration is going to last if I have the ability to feel anything.

    • tomamitai
    • LadyTavestock

      Step in and enjoy the fight. That was Molly Ivins’s advice. Enjoy making fun of Trump. Every day. Just mock him for any reason whatsoever and love doing it. This is a guy who’s still pissed off (get it?!) about being teased for having small hands. Small hands, for fucks sake! Once you see how mocking him makes him feel miserable, it will make you feel more empowered.

      • RugzYaBurnt

        Yeah. : / I have a friend who suggested that we should all spend our time trolling the everloving fuck out of Drumpf on Twitter, because that thin-skinned pansy is incapable of ignoring even the slightest of slights, but TBH I don’t really want to get a Twitter hook because I would be so much more gratified to see that company go down in flames as a result of its association with that pathetic dictator and his minions.

    • miss_grundy

      I suggest laughing. Laughing a lot. It will be the best pressure release ever.

    • bbayliss

      imagine your children dying…works every time.

      • RugzYaBurnt

        HAH! My womb is as barren as our future. Sucker!

  • tomamitai
    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Wait? What? That is not a joke?!

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    I think what you heard was “No new forn deals” while Trump is president (forn = foreign porn).
    Just guessing since I just had breakfast and couldn’t watch.

  • John Hollingsworth

    Once again Trump fails to provide any evidence that he is not two chimpanzees in an orangutan suit. What is he trying to hide?

    • alpacapunchbowl

      In addition to being a visual that made me literally laugh out loud, that would explain everything.

    • bbayliss

      The third chimp.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    He does not have a germ phobia. People with a germ phobia do not eat at fast food restaurants.

    • puredog

      “HE ISN’T INTO PEE STUFF BECAUSE HE IS A GERMOPHOBE.”
      Pee is sterile.

      • Thaumaturgist

        Did you they actually pee on him?

        Did he sleep in that particular bed after they peed on it?

        What does germophomatics have to do with any of this?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        At this point I’m just going to assume anything he says is the exact opposite. How many times did he pay Russian sex workers for their pee? I’d rather not think about it.

  • Serai 1

    Speaking of dealing with the press, I’m watching Josh Earnest doing so at today’s press briefing (good gods, what a contrast to the Orange Tribe), and am finding myself vastly amused at how much Josh sounds like Obama. He’s picked up the President’s verbal vics and rhythms, and his pacing in answering questions. It’s both funny and interesting.

  • bbayliss

    Shit, I took a xanax went back to bed and missed the shit show.
    Doctors orders.

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Doctor’s name and number please. That’s my kind of doc!

  • Mintie

    “12:06: Donald Trump reiterates that an intelligence leak about him liking the pee is just like Nazi Germany, because he doesn’t even know why.”

    Well, Hitler was said to be pretty freaky in the bedroom, so there’s that.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    I just read through the Live Blog, because I was so stunned by the Vortex of Stupid, it was all I could do to keep up in the comments – which are also hilarious BTW.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    UPDATE Rumor has it that there is a SECOND “sex” tape.
    All together now ~ ewwwwwww
    No details, just chatter.

  • shaar dula

    full transcript here:
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/11/us/politics/trump-press-conference-transcript.html

    this is a disaster waiting to happen. omg. there is no there there. its all nothing more than than an ego trip for him. i hope no ordinary persons are scarified at the altar to his ego.

    This is not Trump business, this is real world.

  • GemlikeFlame

    This is the third or fourth time I’ve heard the germaphobe excuse.

    Is little Donald aware that except for people who are desperately sick urine is sterile? Now, it’s jam-packed with lots of stuff you probably don’t want too much of, including various metabolites, uric acid, hormones, etc, but there’s noting infectious about it.

    Say, wasn’t Howard Hughes a germaphobe? As I recall he used to store his urine in jars. Difference between he and Donnie is that he was a bone-fide genius and Donnie can barely spell the word.

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