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Morning, Wonkers! We’ve got a really big day today, and we’re going to try to get to as much as possible. Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today!

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  • Tallmutha
    • (Major_Major_Major)ly+Fucked

      Figured there had to be a singularity of stupidity from which everything was radiating.

    • msanthropesmr

      World stupidist bottom burp award?

    • jodyleek

      Oh god I clicked your linky. Chuckles looks like a muppet. He’s also completely unfuckable. Not that I’ve ever fucked muppets mind you, but if I did it would not be him.

      • Pissed de Résistance

        At least Cookie Monster is funny.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          And much smarter.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          And Animal is down for anything. Anything at all. But he really just wants to cuddle.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I still think the Diebold machines were hacked.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    The animals ain’t cutting it. We’re going to need nice time posts, and nice time links in the Wonkagenda. These things are not doing my blood pressure any good.

    • I’ll see what I can do!

      • (Major_Major_Major)ly+Fucked

        Great, now you’ll never have time to bring us our coffee.

    • The Wanderer
    • msanthropesmr

      Lighten up Francis.

      • bupkus23

        You touch my stuff, I’ll kill ya!

  • dslindc

    Reminder: Jeff Sessions was considered too racist to be confirmed to the Federal bench 30 years ago. Think about how racist you would have to be 30 years ago for that to happen.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I mean, seriously, he was named after not one but two Confederate traitors.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        That part’s not HIS fault. But it does indicate what he was raised on (hate).

    • The Wanderer

      Plus he liked the Klan before he discovered that they smoked the Whacky Weed.

    • Cartoon Euchrid Eucrow

      I think it’s also possible that common decency may have diminished within a certain segment of the population.

    • cmd resistor

      Yeah, now it will just help him.

  • The Wanderer

    Chaffetz is just pissy because someone hid his binky.

  • dslindc

    And Jason Chaffetz (R-Fame Whore and noted partisan hack) can fuck all the way off. Represent the people in Utah’s 3rd, who only care that you are LDS and have an R next to your name, and leave us in the civilized world alone!

  • Nounverb911

    Jeff Sessions cried about something last night.
    https://twitter.com/byjoelanderson/status/818689307607109632

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Incomplete vetting == assurance of scandals emerging.

    Tillerson: He’s using the Cheney/Halliburton defense. Funny how that worked for Halliburton but not Schlumberger which was fined 232 million for doing the same thing in the same countries Exxon is accused of dealing with under Tillerson and his predecessor.

    Chaffetz: still too stupid to be running anything.

    ACA repeal: how to sell killing people that vote for you?

    Trump’s 250 million scam deal: The Republic of Georgia hotel deal– where nothing gets done without paying bribes– is on ice? Dang.

    Bill O’Reilly: Is this another sexual harassment scandal for the luffa guy?

    • Pissed de Résistance

      “Bill O’Reilly: Is this another sexual harassment scandal for the luffa guy?”

      Who even cares anymore? Bigger fish to fry (in my dreams).

  • msanthropesmr

    Those meerkats suck at Jenga.

  • msanthropesmr

    Is this how Berlin felt before the rise of Hitler? Does anyone else feel like they’re in the cast of M?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Well, to my mind this is both better and worse than 2003.

      In 2003, when you pointed out there was a problem with what the Bush Administration was calling “intelligence”, and the DOD and CIA were leaking all over the place trying to warn us, 80% of the population was ready to call you a terrorist, and folks seriously threatened to kill the Dixie Chicks en masse.

      In 2017, we have overt racists and even fascists siding with Trump, but the public is more divided with the majority rejecting the crap storm we’re rushing headlong into.
      Also, the Russians have figured out they just need to post memes with Pepe the Frog to get the most extreme Trumpists to rally to their defense.

      And finally, I am disturbed that we are depending on Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell to act as a check on Trump while simultaneously depending on Trump to keep Ryan and McConnell in check due to the present configuration in Congress and the nature of the President elect.

      • (Major_Major_Major)ly+Fucked

        Fuck, that is depressing…
        Don’t worry about the coffee. Beer me, Dominic

      • cmd resistor

        I can’t count how many supposedly sensible people (at least not foaming at the mouth) who talked about voting for Trump because, while he was a bit of a loose cannon, he’d have people to keep him in line, followed by, something, something, Hillary, criminal.

    • Unhappy Fingers

      Or one of the Dr. Mabuse films, with the Orange One using his evil animal magnetism to take control of part of the populace?

    • Historicat

      I think it’s more how the Romans felt as the barbarian hordes were closing in.

  • Nounverb911

    Okay, I’m still excited about the game, I promise to calm down once I’ve had my coffee…. But this happened.

    https://twitter.com/EmpireStateBldg/status/818691276681912320

  • shastakoala

    Those Meer Cats have a Monopoly on cuteness.

  • Bill D. Burger

    ♪♪ ♫ ♫Don’t you love farce?
    My fault, I fear.
    I thought that you’d want what I want
    Sorry, my dear!
    And where are the clowns
    Send in the clowns
    Don’t bother, they’re here. ♪ ♫♪♫

    https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D1QdkDlyhM4/WDh5wkDJgJI/AAAAAAABJE0/rdphCoLt2Vcb8_gFiZbwY9ZzauKZ4L6iQCLcB/s1600/TRUMP_PENCE_CLOWN.gif

  • Lizzietish81

    Rallying cry to action? Or a rallying action to cry?

    • The Wanderer

      A rallying cry to war. “We shall march upon a road of bones!”

    • THERE’S NO CRYING IN RALLY’S!

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        OT but “There’s no crying in baseball!” is still one of my absolute favorite movie lines of all time. It’s adaptable to nearly any situation, and I always hear it in Tom Hanks’ voice.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I thought the Bush Crime Family was bad, but the Trump Family is just gruesome. I see Jared has been tapped as the wartime Consigliere.

    • Pissed de Résistance

      To the mattresses!

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m not sure why anyone would expect their privacy to be respected by a Geek Squad technician. Gathering all the good files from customers (why do you think it takes a week to get anti-virus installed on your laptop lol) and uploading the primo nudies to the internet for imaginary popularity points has always been consider a “job perk.” See also: the Apple/Verizon technicians.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Also, back in the day, the fine folks who developed your film. I knew a couple of people that did that and bought home copies of some really nasty stuff. Not just the sex, but crime scene photos. Some of that was pretty gruesome.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Chaffetz’s path is not sustainable. He’s like a classic case of someone drunk on their own power who could have had it all, but goes to the well once too often and it all comes crashing down. See Lance Armstrong for details.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      He rose well above his level of incompetence, but in a Trump era, that’s kind of the thing.

  • Nounverb911
    • WotsAllThisThen

      I have never yelled anything that funny while being arrested. Well done, sir!

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        OT – I LOVE your screen name!!

  • Mary Sandoras

    Assisted suicide cuts into the profit margins of those that bilk the dying.

    • Oblios_Cap

      And makes Baby Jesus cry, because mercy is for wieners.

    • dslindc

      And government definitely belongs in the mix of that decision. Screw the person, their family, and their doctor! Conservatism at its finest hypocrisy!

    • Lefty Frizzell

      To be implacably opposed to assisted suicide props up his christian right bona fides, nothing more and nothing less. It doesn’t touch anyone he knows, or so he thinks, not that it would matter compared with political grasping anyway.

      • dslindc

        Definitely. Jason has clearly never had someone close to him face the horrible pain and suffering a terminal illness can cause in advanced stages.

    • Pissed de Résistance

      I’ve discovered that America is not the only place where they uses old age and dying to pilfer somebody’s lifetime savings. What a fucking racket.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Also/too: Incredible profits in chronic illness and disease____ fuck that “cure” thingy.

      • Mary Sandoras

        More money to be made in treating symptoms, not cures.

        • Bill D. Burger

          You betcha’!

        • PubOption

          I saw an ad for a cancer drug on TV last night, it basically offered three months longer life but made no mention of the price.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump’s Cabinet Brings The Circus To Washington.
    Wonkagenda for January 10, 2017

    https://i.redd.it/s7fo9p4553qx.jpg

    • chortlingdingo

      That feels astonishingly appropriate.

  • Randy Riddle

    Is Kim Jong-un on Twitter?

    If so, would you advise building a fallout shelter if you lived on the west coast of the US?

  • Oblios_Cap

    I would think the US could bring our some old prop planes and tip North Korean missiles into the ocean just like the Hurricanes did to the V-1 and 2s in WWII.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Oh and after repealing Obamacare 60+ times, now that they can actually do it, they might not have the votes. It seems some Republicans don’t want to play for realsies.

    Not to worry, though! Trump has a terrific, really great replacement plan, the best, and you can be sure he’ll have it ready in time to repeal-and-replace. So good, everyone will vote for it and nobody will get angry calls from constituents who lose their insurance.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Why does everyone call it “losing” your insurance? It’s being TAKEN AWAY.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Mistakes were made. Insurance was lost. Rural hospitals were closed. Nobody could have predicted!

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        It always in the last place you look.

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly+Fucked

      Tort reform and no state lines, YEEHA!!!!!1!!!! Winning like a goddamn champ!!1!!! MAGA, motherfuckers.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        With tort reform we won’t need all those burdensome reporting and auditing regulations either. And drug safety? Who do you trust, the professionals (who get very rich doing this which must mean they’re smart) or some unelected Washington bureaucrat?

      • Lefty Frizzell

        The former won’t help and the latter can’t be done, but I don’t suppose for a minute that that will stop them.

        • Tiny kaiju

          I never completely understood the business with selling insurance across state lines. What’s the story?

          • Lefty Frizzell

            It’s supposed to increase competition and bring down costs as per the Invisible Hand Of The Market.

            There’s no federal law banning out of state plans – it’s the states themselves that wanted that restriction. States regulate themselves independently. What happens if you buy an out of state plan that does not meet the requirements of your own state’s regulations?

            It will be hard for republicans, especially republicans that have railed against what they see as a federal takeover of the healthcare industry, to then argue that a federal law should override state’s rights. I hear they’re quite hot on state’s rights.

          • Antonin Dvorak

            Because insurance companies only follow the regulations in the state where their HQ resides.
            So if Florida passes a law* saying 100% of the cost of a wheelchair should be covered but my insurance is from Georgia, with no such reg; they can just say it doesn’t apply to them and not pay for it.

            * Hypothetically now, stay with me.

          • Exactly what Antonin and Lefty said. And the upshot will be to attract younger healthier folks to the cheaper / less comprehensive plans leaving the older sicker folk to buy more expensive plans (which essentially become high risk pools – expensive, limited and eventually unaffordable for many).

    • Doug Langley

      Rand Paul said he’d have a great replacement plan day after tomorrow. Wow, are these people SMRT or what?

    • I was on an advocacy group call and they said the longer the delay in the senate vote the better.

      Keep your fingers crossed and prayers to your sky god addressed.

  • Nounverb911

    Is trump still having his press conference, or did he just say that he was having one and hoping everyone would forget?

    https://twitter.com/tribelaw/status/818656529624735745

    • Bill D. Burger

      I will believe it when I see it. Bets are his next presser will be when he opens another shitty, gilded Trump hotel.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      If I was Trump, I would just continue to criticize Hillary for not having any press conferences. If Americans are so fucking stupid and it continues to work, why change the tactics?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    So what happens if one of these jokers is confirmed then the FBI comes back and sez that yeah, the guy is really running a child sex ring out of Wal-marts where he owns a 51% stake in the company?

    • Nounverb911

      IOKYAR!

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Jesus forgave him so that’s OK. He just can’t seem to get over the emails though.

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      As long as its not pizza, he’s good.

    • BearGHAZI

      But is the pizza any good?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I am calling my Senators district offices tomorrow to say “if a regular person has to have references, a background check and a drug test to work at Quik-trip, the people who will be running our country need the same vetting. I will be watching the votes and I will be calling back if any issues are found in the future from this skirting of common sense.”

  • The Librarian

    A sitting senator testifying against a shitty senator.

  • medcannabis1

    I need a shower after just reading today’s” turds from the Trump side :
    I need a joint….

  • DahBoner
    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      How old is he?

      • Marion in Savannah

        70. Old enough to be an unreconstructed racist bastard, and still young enough to REALLY fuck the country over.

        • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

          I hope he gets rejected. Aren’t we supposed to be calling our representatives to tell them we don’t want him?

          • Historicat

            Senators vote on cabinet nominees.

  • Nounverb911
  • Oblios_Cap
    • Nounverb911

      Go Tigers!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Tiny kaiju

      They are funny because they are true.

    • eyelashviper

      thanks, they are pretty great…

  • Unpresidented Ron

    It’s a miserable grey day today in the flatlands. It’s been snowing half the night, and now the snow is turning to rain. The perfect accompaniment to todays’ news.

    • I just biked 6 miles in it. Give me last week’s 10 degrees over this shit any day.

  • Nounverb911

    Sleeping Giants is keeping the fight going.

    https://twitter.com/slpng_giants/status/818831645461491712

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      Nice. I use their stuff so I’m impressed. Geeks with a conscience.

  • Crystalclear12

    I have to pace myself if I want to remain awake for all the confirmation hearings.

    now, do I want to remain awake for the hearings?

    • snark-lurker

      they may be riveting…or not

    • snark-lurker

      it depends on if the DINO’s hogg the mic

    • snark-lurker

      I just tuned in and it looks like you want to lock up breakable stuff & things that, when thrown can hurt people or kill the teevee

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        I’m watching the Sessions hearing now and Ted Cruz is asking questions about disabled rights and civil rights. I say that right ~ Ted Cruz and Jeff Sessions?!?
        I may open a vein.

    • snark-lurker

      you may want to watch this

  • Shucky Ducky

    >>It’s described as a rallying cry to action, possibly because there’s going to be so much action in the opposite direction.

    Or maybe because there’s going to be so much crying.

    • sweeper

      Already cried just reading about it.

  • Bill Slider

    So, when Trump pisses off North Korea, don’t plan a vacation in California, got it. Besides, Trump will blame the ensuing damage on an earthquake not North Korea, and Republicans in Congress will defend Trump’s claim. Post-factual is going to be so much fun.

    • Courser

      Yeah, revising my plans to move to the left coast if Colorado falls. Oregon seems nice. I enjoyed my one trip there years ago.

      • Sister Artemis

        Oregon is VERY nice!

      • Serai 1

        Um, Oregon is on the left coast. And certainly not far enough away to avoid the aftereffects.

    • Serai 1

      AHAHA, screw that. I prefer to live near the blast sites. Hell, I wish I lived next door to a target. I’d much rather go out in one moment than hang around rotting from radiation sickness for days or weeks or months or years.

  • boredcatlady

    DiFi is kinda bringing it in her opening statements. Do we call her that? CAN we call her that?

    • natoslug

      I kind of wish she’d been named Wilma.

      • boredcatlady

        Omg I know, but she’s totally rocking the “Betty” hairstyle. I do believe that Sally Field describes the style as a brown football helmet in Steel Magnolias.

        • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

          Or was that how Julia Roberts described Sally Field’s hair? Shucks, if I can’t remember for sure it’s time to rematch!

          • boredcatlady

            I think we might both be right? When she’s having her breakdown she says “Shelby was right, it is like a brown football helmet!”

  • Sedagive

    Slightly OT: I just received my cornflower blue “Hell. No.” cap. Mr. Sedagive took one look and said “to a Republican it reads like you’re refusing to Make America Great again.” I said “No – it’s a succinct message of resistance.” He said “I get that, but it looks like a semantic argument waiting to happen.” Sigh.

    In any event: It will be marching in DC, or NYC, or wherever it is needed.

    • cmd resistor

      Don’t worry, the republican would have to understand words to have a semantic argument with you.

    • Marion in Savannah

      He may be right there. I personally want a “Tuck Frump” hat…

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      You’re first response should have been “good”.

      • Sedagive

        Michelle Obama’s “America is already great” did come to mind.

        Not so true at the moment, though.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I have that t-shirt. Before the election, I wore it to the grocery store in my small red town, a little nervously, I have to admit. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of people who commented positively on it, most of whom were baffled by the screaming racist cantaloupe’s slogan because they agreed that America was already great.

    • Serai 1

      That’s why I haven’t ordered one. Not interested in getting into screaming matches with fucking idiots.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        I don’t plan to wear mine in day-to-day life. But at a protest? Oh course I’ll wear it. With my Bernie shirt and my BLM button.

    • Brendan_M

      That would be a good prompt to ask what Trump never answered during the campaign, what does that mean? What makes America great, where is America lacking in greatness, and what makes pre-Civil Rights America the ideal?

    • HazooToo

      I got my hat. I AM refusing to “Make America Great Again”. Because their interpretation of “Great” is a nightmare for anyone who’s not a rich, straight, white man.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I got my hat. If I can’t get my pussy hat done in time, I’m wearing it. “Hell to the No”

  • Doug Langley
    • Antonin Dvorak

      I’m going to have my own funeral. With blackjack and hookers!

      • Doug Langley

        I’d go!

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    The Wa Post version ofthe Geek Squad kiddie porn story does not fully convey how badly the FBI and prosecutors fucked up. There are some even more astounding details in the original OC Weekly story (sorry I don’t have the link–I read the print version).

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Roger Ailes sexually harassed Bill O too? That would explain Bill’s translucent desk…

  • Bitter Scribe

    I’d assist at Jason Chaffetz’s suicide.

    • suziq

      Me too (with votes?)

    • Brendan_M

      His political suicide, abandoning his “principles” and jumping on the “Trump Train”? I don’t think he needs any assistance.

      • Serai 1

        Yeah, but wouldn’t you love to have a hand in it?

        • Brendan_M

          Sure, but not if it means going to Utah. I have enough assholes to worry about in Ohio.

          • Serai 1

            True, that. I’d love to visit, though. I’ve heard it’s really beautiful.

          • Brendan_M

            Yeah, the beauty of many areas is one thing that keeps me optimistic. My brother did a cross-country tour of national parks after he graduated, but he used to work for Obama and was into parks and human decency. Maybe a tour of national parks would be good after I quit my job and commit suicide rather than live under Donald Trump as President. Ugh…I guess I’ll stay and fight instead of taking the easy way out.

  • Serai 1

    What time is Obama’s speech tonight? I’m getting together with my mom to watch it (because if I don’t watch it with someone, I’ll probably have a nervous breakdown). (I’m not kidding.) So she needs to know the time so she can search through her ridiculously enormous channel listings to find out where it’s going to be broadcast.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      9 – 9:30 p.m. I am watching it via streaming at http://www.cbsnews.com/live
      eta – if she has cable, watch it on C-SPAN or PBS because of talking heads on network are annoying.

      • Serai 1

        Thanks! I really don’t want to listen to some dickhead yammering. I hate pundits with a passion.

  • Lefty Wright

    While I would hate to see anyone lose their health insurance, I wish there were some way to send cancellation letters to Trump voters on ACA demanding they provide a satisfactory explanation as to why they voted for Trump.

  • Ducksworthy

    OMG! I just realized! You know who else had tiny hands? Tyrannosaurus Trump!

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