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Thou hast in thy skull no more brain than I have in mine elbows.
Thou hast in thy skull no more brain than I have in mine elbows.

Hey-ho, Wonkers, so much pure Stupid has been piling up in the ol’ Dear ShitFerBrains bin that we’ll probably get multiple posts out of the past couple weeks’ derp. Let’s get right to a true scholar who is morally and intellectually superior to all of us, one “AugustineThomas,” who gave us a good dressing down for our many failings. His Jeremiad was sparked by our post on the Trump Inauguration’s trouble finding entertainers, except for the Rockettes (and even some of those high-kicking dancers aren’t crazy about the gig). This news was quite welcome to “AugustineThomas,” who was happy the Inauguration would be untainted by purveyors of filth:

This is good for America. We don’t need Obama’s pop culture perverts to pervert our children and playing at the inauguration gives them exposure.

By the way your website is absolute garbage.

Oh, but “AugustineThomas” was only getting started about all the depravity and nastiness we secular leftist perverts are responsible for. A sampling:

  • He should try for Hillary’s lesbian lover Katy Perry. You Secularist perverts call her “A-list” right?
  • Honestly, you can keep your drug addict, mediocre, pervert “A-listers”. Those of us who don’t want to live as Secularist perverts are happy not to have them!
  • Breitbart has so many more readers :)
  • As much as you Secularist Leftists want this to be Communist China, it is still the United States and we can come together for common goals even if we disagree on other issues.  

    I think sexual perversion is ravaging “conservatives” and “liberals”, but it’s obviously the Democrats/Secularist Leftists who really profit from perverting our children and making them miserable with pornography and drug addiction.

  • You guys are part of a mediocre public educational system that brainwashes you rather than educates you […] Hilarious you mediocre shmuck. You clearly don’t read anything except Secularist Leftist tabloids that make you dream about sex with celebrities. You guys are pornography and drug addicts. You’re low class and you’re destroying our society.
  • Your Secularist lifestyle is what’s making you miserable and unfulfilled.
  • [In reply to someone complaining about his grammar:] Have you checked your own grammar? Most people in this country are poorly educated, but I did achieve a degree from one of the top-ranked English departments in the world and my grammar appears to be far superior to yours. Do you even realize how stupid you make yourself look by trying to criticize my language abilities given your horrendous grammar?

    And are you being racist? What is “Cheeto Benito’s”?

    Why are you defending Obama’s pop culture perverts? Do you have a pornography addiction?

We get the impression “AugustineThomas” cares little for secularism, perverts, porn, or popular culture. All of which are apparently Barack Obama’s fault; at least Obama is the current embodiment of how degraded culture has become, him with his White House concerts featuring the Rap and the Pop music (and great Blues and classical performers, too, but those are just for show, because as everyone knows, Obama is a pervert secularist leftist who worships pervert leftist secularists, pervertedly). Plus, A.T. achieved a degree from one of the top-ranked English departments in the world, where somehow no professor ever explained to him what it meant when something in one of his papers was circled and marked “repetitious.” Sadly, he never mentioned which top-notch English program he graduated from, so we won’t be able to send them a stern letter pointing out they aren’t teaching students to avoid over-generalizing.

Speaking of which, A.T. had some pretty harsh words for us secular perverts and our clear lack of education, and he dared us to prove we actually knew anything about REAL culture, which we can’t prove anyway, since obviously if we answered, we’d have only looked it up using the Googlebox:

  • You guys are so stupid you don’t realize how mediocre pop culture is. Try to read St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, Dante or Shakespeare. Then you’ll realize what an idiot you are and how stupid all the people who feed you this pop culture garbage are as well.
  • People who regularly attend church are more educated than Secularists such as yourself. You guys watch pop culture, which is completely brain-dead entertainment. It’s hilarious for you fools to pretend to be intelligent. You can barely even pull of this attempt at a high-brow insult and I’m sure you were Googling to check if you were right or not.

    It’s absolutely ridiculous for a Secularist Leftist who represents mediocre, illiterate pop culture to call out the intellectual abilities of others. You need to address the log in your own eye before criticizing the splinter in mine.

    If I were you, I would worry about my pornography addiction and the other immorality that goes along with being a Secularist Leftist. That is why you guys have such a high rate of depression and suicide. Without God, you have no purpose in life except to engage in cheap pleasures that ultimately leave you empty and miserable.

  • Tell me what City of God is about, since you claim you’ve read all the Classics. How about Hamlet? (I’ll know if you’ve just copy and pasted from some online summary.)
  • Hillary was pure evil and represented an international cabal that wants to turn the whole world into 1984. (Go ahead and tell me about 1984 as well, since you’ve read all the great books.)
  • Pray for the ability to self reflect and repent. As it stands, you’re proud of being a scumbag, pornography addict pervert who worships his favorite sins.
  • You’re full of love for your favorite sins. You are a scumbag member of the Immoral Majority who only wants to make the world safe for his favorite pervert sins. You’re a child abuser. You’re happy to pervert children if it makes them a little more pathetic so you’re not lonely. This is why you hate morality and especially Christians who most embody it. (For the record, I was raised a scumbag pervert Secularist like you, so I’m referring to those Christians who retained morality in their families. We should try to get better like them rather than hating them because we were raised so poorly.)

We’ll confess, after we banhammered poor “AugustineThomas,” rendering him an unperson, we pointed out we’ve always been puzzled by rightwingers who lionize Orwell and assume he’d be their best bud, when he was a lifelong socialist whose two best-known novels satirize the Soviet system not because Orwell loved American free enterprise, but because he thought the USSR had perverted democratic socialism. Given Orwell’s staunch anti-clericalism, if not outright atheism, it strikes us as weird A.T. would embrace him at all.

As to his claim, repeated several times, that regular churchgoers are more educated than “secularists,” A.T. finally offered a source after several people challenged him. You guys won’t believe this, but our graduate of one of the top-ranked English departments in the world mischaracterized the study. Shocking, we know:

Pew Report: Jews and Christians More Educated Than Atheists and Muslims
http://www.pewforum.org/2016/1…

Why do you Secularists always demand citations, yet never provide any? You are intellectually PATHETIC people.

The link does indeed go to a Pew Research Center report. It’s about religious affiliation and education worldwide, not just religious affiliation and education in the United States, which makes a bit of a difference, we’d say. Particularly if one is claiming readers of an American political mommyblog are uneducated drooling morons. And here’s a fun “tell”: The Pew report does not have the headline “Pew Report: Jews and Christians More Educated Than Atheists and Muslims.” You may be very shocked to learn a Breitbart article about the report does, which suggests A.T. read the Breitbart piece and nothing more.

Shockingly, the Pew study (which is a good read, actually) isn’t saying Christians are inherently smarter or more likely to be educated; rather, it says educational attainments of various religious groups are tied to economic development: Jews have the highest level of average postsecondary education because “the vast majority of the world’s Jews live in the United States and Israel — two economically developed countries with high levels of education overall.” As for “atheists and Muslims” being less educated worldwide, the study doesn’t say much about actual belief in a deity…but yes, post-Mao China has a lot of uneducated poor people with no religious affiliation. By golly, it’s almost as if “AugustineThomas” were seriously misrepresenting the actual findings of the study!

As for correlations between religion and education in the U.S. of A., it’s worthwhile to look at the New York Times’ reporting on that Pew study. Turns out American results are different from worldwide averages:

There were 267 million Christians in the United States when the data was collected, but only 36 percent of them had a postsecondary education, including college or a vocational school, the researchers said. That made them the least-educated religious group in the country.

Jews in the United States were more than twice as likely as Christians to have a postsecondary degree, and Hindus were almost three times as likely, Pew said. Buddhists, Muslims and those who said they were religiously unaffiliated were also more likely to have a college degree than those who identified themselves as Christians.

Now, before you make the same mistake as A.T. and crow, “See? Christians are dummm!” it’s worth noting that, in the U.S., the data for religious minorities are skewed by immigration policies, according to Pew lead researcher Conrad Hackett, who noted that while American Christians are among the best-educated Christians worldwide, our immigration policies favor highly skilled, highly educated immigrants, which is why Muslims and Hindus in the U.S. are likelier to have more advanced degrees than other groups. It has nothing to do with theology at all.

Oh, but there is some not-so-great news for “AugustineThomas’s” claim that people of faith are just plain better educated:

The study also found a connection between education levels and the number of people who described themselves as having no religious faith, Mr. Hackett said. In the United States, the religious tended to be less educated than the nonreligious, he said.

“The higher the level of education in a country, the larger the share of people with no religion tends to be,” he said. “Atheists and agnostics, or people with no religion in particular, have higher education levels than the religiously affiliated do in the U.S.”

Mind you, that’s only because our schools are immoral pervert factories bent on forcing Americans to become perverted pop-culture consuming leftists.

Anyway, you’ll be glad to know that after the banhammer fell, we got a couple of emails from “AugustineThomas,” who wanted to let us know our intellectual cowardice had led to Donald Trump’s triumph:

  • You’re a coward who’s too afraid to hear real arguments. You don’t read anything except your own mediocre propaganda rag. THANK YOU FOR HELPING DONALD TRUMP WIN!!!

    You guys need to stay as stupid as you are so you make it easy for us to keep winning! Thank you for being such an idiot who’s afraid of a real argument!!! :)

  • I suppose you’re a coward in an echo chamber who is too afraid to answer my arguments, so you preach at a comment of someone you blocked. Thank you! This proves that my arguments are superior! :D

We suppose maybe we should be ashamed of ourselves for running away from an argument from a guy who misreads Orwell, draws invalid conclusions from research, makes broad generalizations about those he disagrees with, and then proclaims victory when he’s become annoying enough to get thrown out. We’re all kinds of choked up about all that.

[Pew Research Center / Breitbart / NYT]

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  • memzilla Ω
  • Saxo the Grammarian

    The smart money says that “AugustineThomas” has an interesting browser history.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      With people THAT self-righteous, it might also be illegal.

    • Well, sure. He only said he’d worry about his pornography addiction if he were us.

      I’m not sure how that was supposed to be an insult.

      • RepubAnon

        Sounds as though because he is not us, he isn’t worried about his porn addiction. Assuming his English teachers warned him about negative pregnants- and he didn’t think they were more of the “deviated preverts ” that Col. Bat Guano mentioned in Dr. Strangelove.

    • OneYieldRegular

      As a former English teacher, I am worried about AugustineThomas’ pornography addiction.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Hillary was pure evil and represented an international cabal that wants to turn the whole world into 1984. (Go ahead and tell me about 1984 as well, since you’ve read all the great books.)

    Hell, if she can bring back the original Van Halen, I really don’t care how many child sex slaves she benghazied with her private server.

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      When I recall 1984 all I get is Reagan and Nancy.

    • janecita

      And Prince, in all his Purple Rain glory!

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        Ah, to be at the !st Avenue bar in 1984!

        • janecita

          I was a 7 year old kid living in Old Havana.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            “Just like ‘Nam, eh, slick?”
            “I was in junior high, dickhead.”

          • janecita

            Die Hard? Shit, now I feel old again!

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    From AugustineThomas’ opines, I’m surprised the monastery had wi-fi.

  • Nounverb911
  • Saxo the Grammarian

    “Try to read St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas”

    Too “new age”. It’s Tertullian and St. John Chrysostom or GTFO!

    • OneYieldRegular

      I prefer Gregory of Nyssa, a religious writer in the Wonkette mold, since at least he recognized that one path to the Holy Spirit was through alcohol.

      • frrolfe

        Call the Vatican. We have a new patron saint!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Augustine. Right. Talk about your secularist pervs.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I call bullshit.
    Before I believe that A.T. graduated from a top tier English Department, I demand to see his long-form cabbie’s license.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Sir or madam: Although most deride Phoenix University as an party online university, their English Department is beyond reproach. *hic*

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Damnit. I was going to enroll. I thought it was spelled: Fee? Nix!

    • bupkus23

      One has to wonder just where he “graduated” from. How does one get a degree from an “English department”? I kinda think few “departments” have degree-granting authority….

  • memzilla Ω
  • Spurning Beer

    This douche spigot is clearly unfamiliar with the work of bassist Robbie Shakespeare, of Sly and Robbie fame.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nI3sH53SH2k

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Admittedly, as a secularist pervert, I only read Shakespeare for the bits that have the beast with two backs.

  • Nounverb911

    “Breitbart has so many more readers :)”
    Wait! Bretibart readers can read?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Breitbart has a million anger monkeys on a million typewriters and still can’t come up with Shakespeare.

      • Nounverb911

        “Isn’t Shakespeare a fishin rod maker?”
        –Average breitbart reader

      • Duke

        It’s the million judges that are in short supply.

      • Left Coast Tom

        In fairness, we have to give those anger monkeys with their typewriters infinite time.

      • bupkus23

        ” million anger monkeys” – Why did an image of Michelle Malkin pop into my mind when I read that phrase? One of her is too much…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Hell, they can’t even come up with a plot outline for a show put on in a garage by Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I just go there for the centerfold.

  • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

    Ol’ AT sure thinks about pornography … a lot.

    • ThirdAmendmentMan

      I bet his browser auto fill is…interesting.

      • ThirdAmendmentMan

        Because you know that moron doesn’t know how to turn off the autofill or use an incognito tab. Not that I have experience with that.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Nooo, of course you don’t. Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to…um, well..do some minor computer maintenance. Yeah, that’s it.

          • ThirdAmendmentMan

            For some reason I can’t up vote comments, but know I am doing it in my mind.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    St. Augustine died in 430 AD. St. Thomas Aquinas died in 1274 So I’m not sure what bearing their writings have beyond historical philosophy.

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Because good old days — when a toothache would kill you and good luck with childbirth, and of course you need to keep having babies until it eventually kills you because most of them die in infancy.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Donald Trump attributes their writings to his incredible business success.

      Nah, I’m just kidding. Donald Trump can’t read.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    “How about Hamlet?”

    I was Shakespeare’s source for the Hamlet story, you pretentious meat goblin!

  • ThirdAmendmentMan

    I love how Trumpkins say Hillary wanted to secretly bring about 1984 style Big Brother, ignoring Trump himself has publicly said he wants to institute the surveillance they supposedly despise.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Well sure, since he vowed it would only be used on “those” people. You know, the “bad hombres”.

    • Duke

      Since Trump has said so much that is contradictory and so much clearly only for effect, his believers pick those things they like and ignore the rest. The part I don’t understand is why they think their particular set of statements (“idiocies”) are what he believes and will do.

      There will be no wall. There will be no trade war with China. There will be no improvement in manufacturing employment.

      What you will get are media events that support his objectives but no real progress on them. For example, big news over bullying major companies to save hundreds of jobs when millions are needed.

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        There better not be a goddamn wall since WE have to fucking pay for it.

        • Duke

          Latest reports are that we’ll pay for it and get Mexico to pay us back.

          • SuspectedDemocrat

            So we build a wall and then hand the bill to our neighbor. And when they laugh in our faces, are we going to file a complaint with the HOA?

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Actually, it will be the WOA, a new executive branch department.

          • edked_v2

            Just pull this easy trick a guy I knew back in my twenties always used to try: when someone the U.S. owes money to (say, China) comes calling, just say “oh, hey man, Mexico totally owes us xx billion dollars, just get it from them, tell them I said to give it to you.”
            See? Easy!

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            If he goes ahead with this stupid idea, I suggest we all stop paying taxes.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Since Donnie’s business manager always took care of such things, he doesn’t realize that hookers always get their money up front.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          If Trump get’s his wall, it will be a rich source of concrete blocks with which the masses of poor people in the US (all but the 1%) and the poor in Mexical can use to make shelters for themselves. Unless, of course Trump figures out how to guard said wall. And of course paying for guarding it.

          Okay, you can tell I’m not a GOP fuckjack; I think too much about shit.

      • ThirdAmendmentMan

        It’s not all that important what Trump says on many of those policy issues. It’s really important what he allows or endorses Congress to do. And Congressional GOPers are licking their lips right now.

        • Duke

          Because the lips are stuck on his ass?

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Well that’s pretty good news. I have been wanting to rip the lips off of them GOPer critters for a long time. With votes, of course.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I read something recently that one of this great nation’s sheriffs wants to send all the prisoners to build the wall. They will be put in some type of camp that will be concentrated near the worksites. Where have I heard of that before?

        • PubOption

          Will Donnie call one of the camps Mar-a-Gulago?

          • doktorzoom

            Ouch. And stolen.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Okay, you win!

          • OneYieldRegular

            Bravo.

        • Thaumaturgist

          FEMA. FEMA Camps. You heard about it from Obama.

        • BosGrl

          Yep, from here in Blue State Mass – Bristol County. Local pols say, uh, no, if we’re using prison labor it’s going to be for Mass stuff.

      • Hutch

        You mean, *GASP* they are cafeteria Trumpites?!? The horror.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I also don’t feel so bad about him with the nuclear codes now. I figure he isn’t going to blow up the world since he discovered he can tweet shit about a company and have his kids clean up in the market when the stocks tank.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Pray tell me the difference between Big Brother and Big Jesus. Surveillance is righteous when used to enforce Christianity.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Being an erudite liberal secularist pervert, I am acquainted with St. Augustine and invoke him when I see trolls like A.T., with a silent prayer of “Lord, banish this hoofwanking bunglecunt, but not yet.”

    • SterWonk

      So you think Dok (the banisher) is the Lord? (Eh, sounds plausible.)

      BTW, what’s your avatar? At first glance, I thought it was a “No Obama”, but that didn’t make sense.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I will have to orange-up the shitgibbon symbol. Sorry.

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
  • Mr. Blobfish

    As one of Obama’s pop culture perverts who fantasizes about having sex with the sexy perverted pop stars…………….I forgot we’re I was going with this. Oh, well. I’ll just sit here and think about Katy Perry’s boobs.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Okay, well as long as you’re in your happy place.

    • eggsacklywright

      Suit yourself. I’m going to think about Parker Posey’s boobs. Ready? Let’s get to work.

    • doktorzoom

      “Yo-Yo Ma rocks!

      — Donna Moss, The West Wing

  • Hutch

    I’m now looking forward to a commenter named, “ThomasAugustine,” to come forward and defend “AugustineThomas” as not having shitferbrains.

  • Fartknocker

    I may be a nonsecular person who has enjoyed porn and fapping from time to time BUT I gotta say, I really think I will spend some time building a playlist on my nonsecular smart phone of all the artists who have played in the Obama White House:
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/the-obamas-have-a-lot-of-famous-friends-but-who-do-they-invite-to-the-white-house/2016/09/02/21911ab8-6ba4-11e6-99bf-f0cf3a6449a6_story.html?utm_term=.15e1c1ad6d00

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    “You’re happy to pervert children if it makes them a little more pathetic so you’re not lonely. This is why you hate morality and especially Christians who most embody it.”
    Poor Donna Rose.

  • Vicious Babushka

    A.T. has never read Shakespeare because he had a shit ton of dirty jokes in his plays! Or maybe he did read Shakespeare but was too stupid to get the nasty sexual double & triple entendre sexx jokes.

    • folderol

      Thomas Aquinas has something of a history, too.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Augustine became a moral prude in his 70’s. Before that, not so much.

      • PubOption

        What did he do with the hippos?

        • deanbooth

          Rule 34!

  • folderol

    Secularist Leftist Pervert is too much to spell. Writing that out takes away from my pop-culture brainwashing time.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Shirley, Mike Pence has more important things to do than attack we preverts on a mommy dick joke recipe blog.

    • ThirdAmendmentMan

      It’s probably #2 on his list after banning abortion and contraceptives.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Plus, he’s totally obsessed with the T’s and the A’s.
      And don’t call me, surely?

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Dick jokes make Mike Pence feel all tingly.

    • tomamitai

      Where are these joke recipes about mommy dicks you speak of?

  • bookish

    New book on Snowden and the war on terror.

    http://www.newsweek.com/edward-snowden-undermined-war-terrorism-edward-epstein-539066?google_editors_picks=true

    He did vastly more harm by revealing the reach of the PRISM program, which was extraordinarily effective because militant organizations in Iraq, Syria, Afghanistan and Pakistan believed the encryption and other safeguards used by internet giants such as Apple, Google, Twitter and WhatsApp protected their communications. They evidently did not know the NSA could intercept data before it was encrypted. Despite metaphors such as the cloud and cyberspace, all data on the internet initially travels through fiber cables, almost all of which run through the United States and the Bahamas. That includes tweets, social media postings, Skype conversations and even Xbox messages.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Even our Xbox messages? Oh god now I’m embarrassed.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    About the first few writers he mentioned: No, no (I don’t read things that are explicitly religious), not sure if it’s just the translators but Dante is one of the worst writers I’ve ever seen so no, and Shakespeare is a dirty, dirty pervert (but his comedies are OK).

    • Wasn’t Inferno basically revenge porn?

    • It’s funny to mention Dante and Shakespeare while railing against popular culture, because their writings lose a lot of meaning if you’re not familiar with their popular culture. I remember all the footnotes in my college textbooks explaining what the heck those two were even talking about.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Perzackly. I couldn’t get through Inferno because I got bored with flipping to the back to read the pages-long footnotes explaining all the incomprehensible pop-culture references.

    • r m reddicks

      I saw Samantha the Witch in “A Midsummer Nights Dream” on tee & vee once as a young teenager. Does that count as secularist porn? I did achieve poised for launch.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        According to Jack Chick, YES!

  • Arse Grammatica

    Talk about repetitive: “City of God” just goes on and on. Ok ok, Rome fell, the kingdom of heaven is not of this world we get it. And far fewer bitey rat scenes than “1984”.

    • Hutch

      Not only that, but “City of God” has NO beat. You just can’t dance to it. I give it a “2.”

  • memzilla Ω

    You guys are pornography and drug addicts.

    For what I paid for my degree and those yearly CEUs, I better be!

  • Thaumaturgist

    Not being a Secularist/Liberal, I, for one, don’t want us to be Communist China. I am a Christian/Rightest. I want us to be Communist Russia.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Communist China and the Soviet Union both had things about sex.

      Just Sayin’.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    AugustineThomas correctly differentiates “you’re” and “your” so I’m inclined to agree with everything they say.

  • Spurning Beer

    Okay, I’ll grant you that secular porn is bad. But the religious porn, mwah!!

  • Tallmutha

    Dok, can you keep AugustineThomas’s contact information and get back to him for a comment when the Kremlin’s Trump orgy video gets released?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Honestly, you can keep your drug addict, mediocre, pervert “A-listers”. Those of us who don’t want to live as Secularist perverts are happy not to have them!

    “Those grapes are probably sour, also too.”
    — Classical and modern references can work together!

    • OneYieldRegular

      Yes, well, they’ll always have Ted Nugent.

  • janecita

    The funny thing is that religious people, watch more porn than non religious “perverts.”
    http://www.christiantoday.com/article/americas.bible.belt.states.indulge.in.more.online.porn.than.other.less.religious.states/42045.htm

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      See? There’s something to like about everybody!

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      “Christians” also have a far higher rate of divorce than other religions.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      And get divorced at higher rates, and have abortions at higher rates, and have opioid addictions at higher rates. Almost seems like there’s some sort of correlation.

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Because non-religious people just go get laid (the real thing!) when they’re in the mood without screwing it up with overlays of “sin.”

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Paging Josh Duggar. Josh Duggar to the white courtesy phone.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Honestly, the quiverful movement has a much dimmer view of humanity that us secular humanists. They view children as expendable instruments of war, not to be groomed carefully, but to be fed into the gears of conflict, like a Russian peasant in WW2.

        If the best thing you have to offer a person is only redeemable in death, you’re a pretty perverted person, IMHO.

    • azeyote

      that’s only till they get caught and get to be born again – and again, and again – that’s the rush of the glory of god drug – like crack – gotta chase that first hit

    • Querolous

      That’s odd, I don’t feel very religious.

      • janecita

        You are, you just don’t know it yet. That sensation in your body isn’t an orgasm, it’s the Holy Ghost;-)

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    Ezra Klein “I’ve read all the Republican healthcare plans, and they all are going to have higher deductibles, and cost more.”

    Oh, how delightful! Apparently they have no coherent plan. They’re so stupid, they really should do what they always do – rename it, and take credit for something they didn’t do.

    Tammy Bruce (moron) says “Go ahead and repeal it, Obamacare is already collapsing.”
    John Dickerson “No, it’s not.”
    Tammy Bruce: “Uber model, tort reform, free market, why do men have to pay for birth control that they don’t want?”

    Hey, bitch, why am I paying for prostate exams that I don’t want? Why am I paying for wars that I don’t want? Why am I paying for tax cuts on the rich that I don’t want (and that most of the country doesn’t want)?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Is she saying men don’t want birth control? We are quite keen on it, in fact!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      In Repub-World men don’t have anything to do with procreation, they’re just in it for the fuck.

      Sounds about right.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “You should walk away from anyone who says there can be an ‘Uber for healthcare’.”

      • Jamoche

        I’m not even convinced Uber is a sustainable model for Uber.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        You know who else was a know-nothing demagogue who said “uber” a lot?

        • PubOption

          Now you menschen it…

        • OneYieldRegular

          My last Lyft driver?

        • r m reddicks

          He was a real bormann.

        • r m reddicks

          A.T.’s quite the historian. You might enjoy his dickus posts on wired.com regarding YKW.

      • PubOption

        I don’t want to be treated by a doctor who relies on his/her cellphone for instructions.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      They know men’s birth control is going to be approved by the FDA soon, right?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I hope it’s a fully-reversible, long-term solution, like one of these whatchamcallits: https://pim-resources.coleparmer.com/product/m/asahi-stopcocks-with-flow-indicators-7021.jpg

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          It is. It’s basically an injection of latex (rubber?) or something along those lines. Apparently it may be more effective than other forms.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Now if we could just come up with an evocative, descriptive name that would be easy to remember….

          • Tiny kaiju

            Sperm bung?

        • Painter of Goats

          Thing is gay. Has 2 male parts and no female.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          That’s an enema valve. It rarely works for male birth control.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            I thought it was a …
            /removes sunglasses
            stopcock.
            YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Even a stopcock is right twice a day.

            Or something like that.

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        Theoretically a good idea, but would I trust a guy when I’m taking all the risk? Assuming I was still fertile (not) and still interested in sex (not).

    • azeyote

      the plan is to lower taxes on the rich so they can trickle down on us – that’s why you shouldn’t eat the yellow snow

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        I’ve had about all the trickling that I need.

    • SterWonk

      Obligatory The West Wing

      Toby Ziegler: I don’t know from where you get the idea that taxpayers shouldn’t have to pay for anything of which they disapprove. Lots of ’em don’t like tanks… even more don’t like Congress.

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        Exactly!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    OK, I’ll tell him something about 1984: it was written about 1948, when the man in the White House opposed both the nazis and Russia. And personally (mostly because I shut down cable when I had a child in the house) I’ve not only never actually seen the pop cultural juggernaut which is his president’s oeuvre, I don’t plan to.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I’m an asexual prude still on my first relationship (and the closest things to drugs I’ve ever done is take one too many Midols). But I’m sure he has a point. (He’s high?)

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I suspect he’s a lonely young man who wants terribly to believe that the people around him avoid him because he has a high and lonely destiny. Or, he’s some russian dude with a flair for languages. Have you ever heard anyone who achieved a degree refer to it as achieving a degree? In english, yet.

        • doktorzoom

          Yeah, that one stuck out like a turd in a punchbowl, didn’t it?

      • azeyote

        don’t worry you’ll get there if you keep running around with us heathens –

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Nah. If he were knee deep in genitals and drugs, crowing about his degree on a mommy-blog would be the last thing on his agenda.

    • Tallmutha

      Hey, that’s a good point. Y’know, AT, Celebrity Apprentice was not exactly Renaissance drama.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        And your guy can’t read. Allegedly. Just saying.

    • doktorzoom

      Anthony Burgess’s 1985 is a nifty little book; the first (and better) half a long essay on Orwell, the second an OK dystopia about out of control institutions — labor, big business, and government — all obsessed with exercising bureaucratic control for it own sake. The only details of the novel part of the book I can recall are A) his completely accurate prediction (for some countries at least) that cigarette packages would have only the brand name, a full color photo of a diseased lung, and a long health warning and B) since school standards in his fictional future have abandoned standards altogether, teens rebel by becoming erudite autodidacts. Gangs of teen intellectuals go around intimidating people with their vocabulary.

      Now that I think about that, reminds me of the Onion piece about Urbane Youth Gangs….

      • OneYieldRegular

        Anthony Burgess is so great. And speaking of non-secular pornography, perhaps A/T should read Burgess’ magnificent renditions of Giuseppe Belli’s raunchy 19th century religious sonnets in Burgess’ novel ABBA, ABBA. A sample:

        You know the day, the month, even the year.
        While Mary ate her noonday plate of soup,
        The Angel Gabriel, like a heaven-hurled hoop,
        Was bowling towards her through the atmosphere.
        She watched him crash the window without fear
        And enter through the hole in one swift swoop,
        A lily in his fist, his wings adroop,
        “Ave,” he said, and after that, “Maria.

        Rejoice, because the Lord’s eternal love
        Has made you pregnant – not by orthodox
        Methods, or course. The Pentecostal Dove
        Came when you slept and nested in your box.”
        “A hen?” she blushed, “for I know nothing of–”
        The Angel nodded, knowing she meant cocks.

        • doktorzoom

          That’s a lot better than “Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man after Midnight)”

      • Carpe Vagenda

        If Clockwork Orange, hypothetically, was the only book other than Satanic Verses that made me physically ill, am I going to be able to get through that one? Because it sounds like a good read.

        • doktorzoom

          I haven’t read it in over 20 years, but if you go looking for it, get it for the Orwell essay. The dystopian novel that makes up the second half isn’t as good. But it’s also free of ultraviolence, as I recall.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I’ve got St. Thomas Aquinas in my pants.

    • eggsacklywright

      I thought that was John Thomas.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        It’s crowded in there.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          If anyone needs me I’ll be in my bunk, sacking Carthage.

          • eggsacklywright

            And reading Balszack?

    • Zyxomma

      I never knew blobfish could wear pants. Of course, no one said you’re wearing them.

  • bookish

    More lube?

    Priebus said Trump plans to order the intelligence community to make recommendations as to what should be done. Depending on those recommendations, “actions may be taken,” he said.

    He did not elaborate.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      He could have said “The Destroyer Is Manifest” and made about as much sense.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Mistakes will be made.”

    • Thaumaturgist

      They make the wrong report, it’s going to be “personnel actions.”

    • Painter of Goats

      “tweets may be sent”

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Yes, but has A.T. read All Quiet on the Western Front?
    We’d like that book report on our desk by 7am tomorrow morning, Buster.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Jane Austen seems about his speed, so I’m requiring that an oral report on that at 10 am. (There will be a test.)

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I’m holding out for his report on Valley of the Dolls.

    • Amy!

      Donald hasn’t finished it yet. A.T.’s still waiting.

  • tehbaddr

    “Hillary’s lesbian lover Katy Perry”? Huma LIBELZ!!1!1!!!1!!!!!1111!!!

  • Thaumaturgist

    Must be an Augustine/Thomas clone. Have to agree that our intellectual failings HELPED DONALD TRUMP WIN.

  • JD Mulvey

    “For the record, I was raised a scumbag pervert Secularist like you.”

    Why am I imagining that this fella’s family moved and left no forwarding address?

    • Thaumaturgist

      Obvs, you graduate from a leading English department, you’ve been raised as a pervert Secularist like your Wonketeer.

      • William Bourdeau

        But he didn’t graduate, he “achieved a degree”.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Can you imagine the menagerie of characters that comprise this clown’s facecook friends list?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    This Augustine fellow sure has an intense interest in porn and perversion. He thinks about it a whole lot more than any “secular leftist” that I’ve ever met.

    • JD Mulvey

      He seems to define porn and perversion pretty broadly –like anything other than Dante and Aquinas.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s funny how these types talk about this sort of thing constantly. For example, our occasional off and on homophobe troll who can’t stop describing butt sex.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Turgid Love Muscle Guy (TLMG) was a class unto himself. You got the feeling he was condemning what he did last night – in some detail.

  • Painter of Goats

    Has St. Augustine ever gone platinum?

    Case closed.

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    I’m so over with secular porn. Anyone got a copy of Nasty Nuns Do Dallas?

  • Alan

    I was forced to read Shakespeare, Dante, and Thomas Aquinas and I can say unequivocally that I hated it. I wonder if it occurred to AugustineThomas that he’s stupid just because he doesn’t read the things I read.

    • tomamitai

      Aquinas’ big “proof” of god is just “prime mover” “special pleading” bullshit!

  • deanbooth

    Last week I came across Magellan’s blog, which had a deleted comments post containing one from Augustine himself:

    As to the fable that there are Antipodes, that is to say, men on the opposite side of the earth, where the sun rises when it sets on us, men who walk with their feet opposite ours, there is no reason for believing it. Those who affirm it do not claim to possess any actual information; they merely conjecture that, since the earth is suspended within the concavity of the heavens, and there is as much room on the one side of it as on the other, therefore the part which is beneath cannot be void of human inhabitants. They fail to notice that, even should it be believed or demonstrated that the world is round or spherical in form, it does not follow that the part of the earth opposite to us is not completely covered with water, or that any conjectured dry land there should be inhabited by men. BENGHAZI!!

    Same as it ever was!

    • Alan

      Oh. So he’s just crazy.

  • People who regularly attend church are more educated than Secularists such as yourself.

    That’s like saying a person who keeps taking the same grade over and over is smarter than those who graduate.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And, well, grammatically speaking, does “yourself” here really add any more fancy English clarity to “you” than “your ownself?”

    • doktorzoom

      Particularly relevant, since the Pew study only looked at the average number of years of school attendance among the various religious groups without making any claims about the quality of that education…

  • Bozilingus

    In case no one has posted this, from one deviated prevert to you others:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUAK7t3Lf8s

  • Jenny

    Remember the days when we were commie pinko russian lovers?!??! Oh well I guess China will have to do.

  • JD Mulvey

    “This proves that my arguments are superior! :D”

    He seems nice… :D!

  • janecita

    Is he saying that all those “home schooled” (lol) Duggars, are smarter than all of us? That is blasphemy!
    This is my favorite Thomas Aquinas quote.
    “Sorrow can be alleviated by good sleep, a bath and a glass of wine.”

  • doktorzoom

    Would have mentioned this in the main piece, but it was already too damn long: “AugustineThomas” has a fascinating Disqus history, too. Argues about how secularists have ruined everything, in every comment thread in the world, including posts on “The Man in the High Castle” and global warming. Explains Apple is now no longer good technology because a homosexual runs the company. The one place he’s mostly on topic? A discussion of the JonBenet Ramsey murder, where he knows who did it and is very insistent some guy who thinks otherwise is clearly insane. It’s a change of pace, at least.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      So he has a range of interests at least, adding pop crime fixation to secularism. He’s almost a trite stereotype.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’ll withhold comment until Slavoj Žižek weighs in on the JonBenet issue.

      • r m reddicks

        Or maybe Keyser Söze.

        • Hutch

          Or even Rollo Tamassi.

          • r m reddicks

            Shhh. Keep that on the q.t.

    • Edith Prickly

      Are we sure he isn’t just Kathryn Jean Lopez looking for porn so she can pretend to disapprove of it?

    • SayItWithWookies

      How odd that such a morally superior person would be obsessed with a dead child beauty queen.

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      I keep hearing about this “man in the high castle” which begs the question: if have an Apple TV thingy for streaming, can I only watch Amazon shows on my laptop?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The Apple TV Thingy puts the innertubez on your TV.

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        Well, I done gone and googled it and apparently there is a workaround involving me iPhone and airplay (which I have never used). Gonna go give it a whirl.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Poor guy – so vastly superior to the rest of us, yet somehow his genius goes unnoticed, and unappreciated by the uneducated secular masses. Perhaps he’ll get a mention in the Disqus 21st Century Internet Philosophers Hall of Fame.
      But probably not.

    • eyelashviper

      He looks divinely blockable…

    • So AugustineThomas takes time out to write about our perverted popular-culture fixation when he’s not poring over photos of a sexed-up six-year-old model. Figures.

    • r m reddicks

      He doesn’t seem to get along with “Billy Clay”, though.

  • calliecallie

    I, for one, would welcome some perverted secularist leftist socialist overlords.

  • Tiny kaiju

    My favorite sin is Sloth. Sloth and Anger. And gluttony.

    • eggsacklywright

      “Blow your raspberry, Stanley.”

    • starfanglednut

      Nobody expected…

    • deanbooth

      I like sloth, lust, gluttony and lust.

      “You said ‘lust’ twice…”

  • Martini Ambassador

    My room mate Lori The Libtard make many money on the Internet, perverting christenz childrens with secularist pop culture. It so easy, I making in 4 weeks for Land Rover Range Rover with lesbian Katy Perry package and undercarriage protection coating. Ask me how you can be too!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      7/10 Not enough caps and garbage characters.

      • starfanglednut

        I’d also deduct a point for the lack of a plug for Panda Insurance.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          That’s good. If the comment contained a reference to that (unspeakable) Insurance, I would have just blocked the commenter and moved on. That’s what I do to (-10/10) folks.

  • folderol

    Your Secularist lifestyle is what’s making you miserable and unfulfilled.

    Translation:

    I was once miserable and unfulfilled, but then discovered that an uncritical adoption of a belief system gave my life a semblance of purpose. Now I can project all my past miserableness to you scum. I feel a whole lot better now. Thanks for being there.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Are you paraphrasing A.T. or the original Augustine?

    • r m reddicks

      I see you scanned A.T.’s dickus page.

  • Edith Prickly

    Dude obviously missed all the dirty jokes in Shakespeare.

    • Or that Shakespeare was, purely, secular.

      • magyar of infinite power

        Beyond. He was openly antagonistic towards religion.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Get thee to a nunnery!”

    • eggsacklywright

      Good thing he’s never read Chaucer.

  • For someone with a high degree in a major English department, “AugustineThomas,” sure as fuck does not know why you should never stick those two particular names together, nor has any synonyms for mediocre at his disposal.

  • It’s strange how a cultured person like AugustineThomas doesn’t sound any more erudite than a person like me, who represents himself as a creature with a brain the size of a walnut.

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    “…we’ve always been puzzled by rightwingers who lionize Orwell and assume he’d be their best bud, when he was a lifelong socialist…”

    Ayn Rand thought religion was for morons, yet Paul Ryan and company have been licking her literary ass for years.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I’m pretty sure Paul Ryan and company think religion is for morons too.

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        Good point! Ryan claims to be a devout Catholic, but all that “helping the poor” shit seems to have flown right over his head.

    • Tallmutha

      The contemporary conservative mind is able to delink Rand’s atheism from her economic ideas, endorsing the latter while discounting the former. When it comes to leftist thinkers, on the other hand, all of their ideas are to be discarded as built on the rotten edifice of godless secularism.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        RightWinger situational Smörgåsbord thinking is so cute. /s

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        After someone pointed out to Ryan that Rand was an avowed atheist who thought religious people were morons, he backed away from her. He still thinks a crappy author had some really intriguing ideas though. He’s such a dumb, fake, “intellectual.” He’s about as intellectual as my asshole is.

  • Liberalia

    Oooh, I’m going to add public school graduatin’ secular pervert on my LinkedIn bio.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I’m kinda sorry I missed this guy. His sorts of “arguments” are right up my alley, as troll-arguments go.

    For the record though – has ANYONE ever showed up to a W’kette thread and tried to make a reasonable, polite, conservative argument? For anything?

    I’ve been hanging out here with you secular leftist perverts for almost a coupla years now, and I don’t recall that ever happening. What’s up with that? And don’t say because there are no reasonable, smart conservatives. We all know that ain’t true.

    • tomamitai

      Depends on how you define “conservative”.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I would say a fairly liberal (pardon the pun) definition these days might include people like, say, Reihan Salam or David Frum. Say what you will about those guys, they ain’t dumb. And while I think our beloved Wonkette is usually on the right side of things (and they would probably often agree), I would still bet that a person like that would disagree with the general thrust of, oh, 30% of Wonkette posts at a minimum.

        But folks like that never show up! All we get are the lunatics and morons.

        • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

          If David Frum shows up, I’ll be polite. Steve Schmidt, also too.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            I’d be polite to Frum, but Schmidt can go fuck himself with a blow-up $arah Palin doll.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          That’s because lunatics and morons make up the vast majority of the base these days. Frum is no more welcome in Donnie’s funhouse than we are. While I don’t agree with all his positions, I could certainly have a more intelligent and more civil and adult conversation with him than the average Trumpanzee would or could. I have conservative friends IRL, most of them wouldn’t be caught dead reading tripe like dead Breitbart, much less brag about if they did slum it and click. But those people aren’t Trump’s base and they’re not about to play keyboard warrior by annoying people on a mommyblog.

          The biggest lie of the modern conservative movement is the continued use of the word ‘conservative’, because they are anything but. Intellectuals have been fleeing the movement for years now as they watched their beloved conservatism devolve into an angry reactionary mob made up of grifters and nutters, bound together by a galaxy of selfish impulses and their shared fear and hatred of outsiders- anything or anyone different from them. They have lost all semblance of intellectual curiosity as a movement, in fact, they’ve become virulently anti-intellectual to the ridiculous point we’ve now reached where they simply reject any science, facts or reality itself when it proves threatening to their cultish worldview.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Today’s “conservatives” deny the root word itself. I mean, Dick Cheney rejected “energy conservation” as one of the tools of energy policy in general.

      • magyar of infinite power

        “Reasonable” and “Smart” also, too. But the main point this argument misses is that in the political arena, the bailiwick of this mommyblog/filth emporium, people who have these qualities have been driven from the fold of the Repubican Party.

    • doktorzoom

      Once in a rare while, yes. Unfortunately, comment sections being comment sections, some Wonkers insist on treating every conservative as if they were a Breitbart moran, and the quality of the argument often goes downhill. It makes me sad to see a possibly persuadable person driven away like that.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Good to know! Thanks Dok. I’ll keep an eye out for ’em.

      • In our defense, it’s kinda hard not to when the opening is usually something like “You all are morons and should read infowars because fake news is making you liberal zombies and your site sux!!!!”
        But point taken.

        • doktorzoom

          Those would not be the folks of whom I speak :D

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        There are still “conservatives”? Well, I’ll be darned. The thing is, most of these clowns come in with decidedly un-persuadable attitudes. What’s to be done, except offer them free rides on a votes tumbrel?

      • Tallmutha

        “Comment sections being comment sections”? Hey, don’t blame us, we’re not even allowed to comment here.

    • Bill Diaz

      I am frequently informed that I dance beneath the ban hammer and personally believe that as an argumentor, I do a decent (well reasoned, factual) job of it.

      Have a great day!

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Do you know what grinds my gears? The fact that wankers like trump have conflated Political Correctness with politeness.

    To be politically correct in an authoritarian regime meant that reality bent to the will of the dictator. As it is said, so it shall be. To be politically correct meant ceding reality to the authority. This is why Orwell made the complete denial of reality vis a vis fingers held up as the benchmark for political control, political correctness.

    For a while, being decent was politically advantageous, and because of that, became conflated with assuagement of power. However, the naked raw lust for power sans limits driving many politicians has caused a more cynical view to become dominant.

    I posit that people who susume reality to the political will are the true purveyors of pernicious political correctness, and not those who prefer politeness.

    Let’s take our language back!

    • I say we just go “So you want to be impoliticly incorrect instead? Sounds about right!”

    • Tallmutha

      I agree, but this long predated Trump. I was already grinding my teeth by the early 90s at comedians who thought they were just adorable for claiming “political incorrectness” as a badge of honor.

  • NastyBossetti

    You guys are pornography

    This is not the first time I’ve been called that.

  • bookish

    The Atlantic: Trump cabinet picks.

    https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/01/trump-cabinet-tracker/510527/

    Billionaire’s Row. All the President’s Generals. The Congressional Cabinet.

    President-elect Donald Trump has assembled a government-in-waiting that has plenty of money, plenty of military expertise, and plenty of time in politics—but not much experience in the sprawling federal departments they have been tapped to run. Trump has, thus far, chosen five wealthy business leaders, two generals, and four Republican politicians for his Cabinet. All but two are white, all but two are men, and just one—Elaine Chao—has run a federal agency before.

  • Alan

    I’m guessing the philosophy department didn’t want him.

    • eyelashviper

      Even Bible School rejected him…

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Wouldn’t change his name to Bruce.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Crack tube!

  • Vecchiojohn

    I, for one, our new perverted overlords etc. etc.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    In the City of God, every subway line ends in Perdition.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      And don’t even bother with the phone book for Purgatory. Every listing is for Jesus.

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      The A line has been merged with the T line to form the T&A line.

    • BrianW

      Well sure. I mean, subways are in the same location as Hell. QED LIBTARDS!!!!!!! 11!!!

      • Vecchiojohn

        I assume you mean Manhattan.

        • BrianW

          I was thinking under the ground but sure, Manhattan works too. Plus it’s full of dirty Secularist pervs, I would imagine. Win win!

          • Carpe Vagenda

            but hey, even the rats get pizza, and there’s wifi now.

          • BrianW

            Yeah the rats can have pizza, but my doctor says I shouldn’t. That IS hell. Well, at least I can use the Wi-Fi to look at pictures of pizza.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Hell is other pizza.

  • JD Mulvey

    I hope Thomas gets to read this column whenever he takes a break from fapping to People magazine.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Ignatius J. Reilly has really gotten to be a pain in the ass in his old age.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      omg lookitchu. Confederacy of Dunces reference ftw.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    Anyone, I MEAN ANYONE who misuses the reflexive did not go to any top ranked English Department, themselves.

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Myself, I am a top ranked grammarian.

      • Vecchiojohn

        Me to!

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I like how some of his cut paste sources know about hyphenated adjectival phrases and some not so much.

        • Jeffocaster in the East

          I may join the Trump Admin as a Grammar Nazi!

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            C:> get-command get-childitem -Module
            Get-Command : Missing an argument for parameter ‘Module’. Specify a parameter of type ‘System.String[]’ and try again.
            At line:1 char:27
            + get-command get-childitem -Module
            + ~~~~~~~
            + CategoryInfo : InvalidArgument: (:) [Get-Command], ParameterBindingException
            + FullyQualifiedErrorId : MissingArgument,Microsoft.PowerShell.Commands.GetCommandCommand

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Übergrammarführer?

    • Hutch

      Shouldn’t that be “theyselfs?”

      • Jeffocaster in the East

        thyself….

  • NastyBossetti

    This is kind of a long read, but I thought it was interesting in that it talks about how our brains work and the importance of framing, rather than just telling me I need to feel empathy for the people who put us in this mess because they “aren’t” racist, homophobic, misogynist xenophobes themselves (heavens no!), they are just okay with people and policies which are all of those things, as long as they get some kind of scrap out of the deal.

    • Courser

      Thanks so much! Just yesterday, I was doing some ‘deep thinking’ on just this exact thing. How our thoughts, feelings and memories are somehow made/recorded into the physical structures of the brain. Fascinating stuff now relating it to how people voted.

      • NastyBossetti

        I thought it was particularly helpful to be reminded that mere repetition of an idea strengthens it in our brains, whether you are repeating it to argue against it or not. So we really need to stop and think about the phrases we use to argue a point in order to not reinforce the thing we’re trying to stop.

  • janecita

    His disqus comments are amazingly crazy. Here is a taste.

    Discussion on Breitbart News Network 744 comments
    Camille Paglia: How to Age Disgracefully in Hollywood
    AugustineThomas
    We’d be better off with the Spanish Inquisition. It was far superior to our broken justice system, which allows perverts to bloodsuck from hardworking families to subsidize their favorite sexual perversions and other sins.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “You stole a loaf of bread? Well, it’s the rack for you son.”

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        24601!

        • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

          From Les Mis … Jean Valjean … anybody?

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Sorry, we secular deviants are too focused on porn and pop stars to get a literary reference.

      • janecita

        But we would save so much money! All our prisons would be empty!

    • Hutch

      Yesh. Sounds a lot like a Catholic priest in “treatment.”

      • OneYieldRegular

        “treatment” = “self-flagellation”?

      • UpstateNYObserver

        Hope the treatment includes a “Hair Shirt” with healthy colonies of fleas and bedbugs.

    • tehbaddr

      He really is focused on secularist perverts taking from the system to support their sexual perversion. Sounds like a mature TLM kinda guy!

      • UpstateNYObserver

        If he lives in a Red state the odds are that us secular perverts are why he has roads to drive on, electricity to power his computer and most services he needs to survive day to day. If an Ag state, they’ve also got their collective mouths on the public tit with Ag subsidies (heartland welfare, just can’t call it that).

    • Painter of Goats

      I don’t think blood is what the perverts are sucking.

      • tehbaddr

        Sure, the blood of Christian babbys, and abortions when we’re hard up for a fix!

    • Ωbjectifier

      As a matter of fact, I did expect the Spanish Inquisition.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      That’s kind of hilarious. What exactly does he imagine the Popes were getting up to? The Medicis were not a fastidious group.

      • I am so sad Attila the pun is taken

      • janecita

        Pope Alexander VI, Roderic Borgia, is a fine example of papal debauchery.

        • deanbooth

          I read a recent history of the Borgias, and the author thought most of the debaunchery info was propaganda, like the right wing on Jimmy Carter. “Worst Pope Ever!”

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I wonder if he’s the one whose portrait I saw in a museum in Italy? He was pictured with his two grandsons.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The Spanish Inquisition? I wasn’t expecting that…

      No wonder he can’t STFU about “sexual perversion and addiction”, he’s a closet BDSM freak

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I repeat my comments about bloodsucking parasites along the lines of Falwell, Robertson, Dobson, Wildmon, et all.

  • chascates

    In about 5 years you won’t be able to find anyone who’ll admit they voted for Trump. These asshats will still blame anyone else for the horror we’ll all be living in though.

    • Rouge Skwerl!

      I was just thinking that. Much like Bush, but even more denial.

    • Courser

      Well, there’s always the rallying cry, “YOU MADE us do it!!! #ThanksObama!!!”

      Which is actually the closest they’ve been to the truth in eons.

    • suziq

      Months. I give them 5 months.
      But then evidently since I read this here blog I am a un educated prevert. Which I did not know before! And I am not sure which flavor of Christian religion to start belonging to so as to not be so stupid no more. Seems like different ones don’t like each other too much. Also too, how do you commit to a religion when you don’t believe any of that shit. This is harder than it looks.
      Maybe I will just go back to my porn and think about that later.

  • UpstateNYObserver

    “Breitbart has so many more readers :)” – Maybe so, but regardless I bet the aggregate IQ points is higher at Wonkette, lots higher.

    • I think Breitbart has so many more sock puppet accounts.
      So there is that!

    • Rouge Skwerl!

      More “readers”, only if you count the ones who read the headlines.

      • UpstateNYObserver

        Or just look at the pictures..

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Isn’t it cute the way the bottom-feeders think it’s a mortal blow to us when they’re able to cite a RWNJ organization like Breitfart or Faux Gnus as having “more” of an audience than we do? Yes, fellas, there are more of you than there are of us; this is what keeps us up at night.

      • nightmoth

        Just keep saying “Hillary got 3 million more votes than he did.”

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

    “Without God, you have no purpose in life except to engage in cheap pleasures that ultimately leave you empty and miserable.”

    I actually prefer moderately expensive pleasures that leave me full, satisfied, and a little out-of-breath.

    • Courser

      I don’t know about you, but my pleasures don’t come cheap. Camping, climb and fishing gear can be very spendy.

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        Sewing machines, every manner of kitchen ware, guitars, banjo, a motherfucking piano, gardening tools, christ, I cost a fortune.

        • Courser

          Oh my, I didn’t even think of all my nice pots and pans and my new food processor/blender combo! I can now turn out a lovely hummus in minutes! I inherited my sewing machine from my mom, but yes, I adore it.

  • Liberalia

    It’s charming that he calls his Mom’s home school kitchen table a “top university “

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He considers himself a top when he’s out trolling city park restrooms

    • UpstateNYObserver

      I was thinking he was another deluded graduate of Liberty Baptist or Bob Jones. From what he writes, he’s already got enough brain damage to qualify for a residential sheltered workshop too.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Dante? Really? Frankly, I’m just <itching to see AugustineThomas’ take on Inferno. Wonkette should offer him a feature entitled, “Misreading the Classics.” I can learn about how King Lear ended up finding Jesus instead of sputtering half-witted regrets in an apocalyptic wasteland.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to return to my “Secularist” reading of Bertrand Russell’s “Why I am Not a Christian.”

    • Bill Diaz

      Anything I ever read prior to having sex for the first time was completely wasted on me and Dante’s Cycle is one of them.

      Have a great day!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Just bought a nephew some Bertrand Russell for a Christmas present, picked up some Thoreau for myself- I hope I have some time between my compulsive masturbation sessions to Katy Perry to actually read it.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Bertrand Russell as a Christmas present – you have one wicked sense of irony.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Believe it or not, he’s getting ready to start college and is interested in philosophy. Russell’s history of should keep him busy for awhile

  • Rouge Skwerl!

    Just found this on the eBays. Thought it was appropriate.

    “Foil Hat God of Caps Lock”

    Might have to buy it for $10

    Check our her other paintings: http://www.ebay.com/sch/3amgallery/m.html

    http://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/EU0AAOSw241YVaj~/s-l1600.jpg

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      Hey, it’s the 400-pound guy sitting on his bed somewhere!

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        The shipping charge is going to be a bitch!

    • Hutch

      I love the qualem blennum motto!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Looks a wee bit like DJT, don’t it?

  • SayItWithWookies

    I think the most amazing thing about AugustineThomas’ rants here was his conviction that pussygrabbing, accused child rapist, obsessively image-conscious gilt-covered acquisitive moron Donald Trump was going to issue in a new age of entertainment-free, religious intellectual rigor. That alone should give AT night terrors.

    • Jamoche

      Well, entertainment-free, anyway.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      A very sure sign of who actually has shit fer brains, here.

    • Truck Fump

      He makes W seem like a MENSA candidate.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Get thee behind me Satan!

    Ahh, that’s what I’ve been praying for.

  • azeyote

    top notch only matters if there is more than one notch on the stick – ” Lord, what fools these mortals be! – see i’m edumancated myself

    • Bill Diaz

      ‘I am stepped in blood so far, it would be as tedious to go back as to go o’er.’.

      Have a great day!

  • Blender_415

    Hmmmm. After reading that, I have a sudden impulse to shave my nether regions and go dancing.

    • Resisting the Urge – Holly

      Can I go with you?

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        That’s “can I come with you.

        • Resisting the Urge – Holly

          Damn it! And I was just snickering about that exact wording.

  • Resisting the Urge – Holly

    “we can come together” snickering uncontrollably over here….I’m a perverted secularist pervert, as you can plainly see clearly.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    AugustineThomas does seem to be obsessed with pornography addiction. Wonder why that’s the case?

    http://image.slidesharecdn.com/3ech13lecture-140428081631-phpapp01/95/psyc1101-chapter-13-powerpoint-16-638.jpg?cb=1398673397

  • Villago Delenda Est

    AT, being an obvious Breitbart reader, can safely be ignored.

    • eyelashviper

      the Joy of Blocking.

  • TJ Barke

    “Without God, you have no purpose in life except to engage in cheap pleasures that ultimately leave you empty and miserable.”
    And with god you have no purpose but to jump through the arbitrarily set hoops of an egomaniacal deity at the threat of eternal suffering…
    What I’m saying is that existence is mostly shit, no matter how you slice it, and the only way to go on is to embrace the absurd.

    • Be fair, TJ. Man ascribed the hoops. There is the eternal suffering tho

      • mancityRed6

        threat in name only, there is no proof of suffering or paradise

        • Well no, that is the point of a threat.
          If you think about it, the Christianist god is the worst at follow through. He threatens you with stuff but you do not find out about it until you are dead, and you can no longer fix anything.
          Worst. Parent. Ever.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Not to mention your labor is used to sustain parasites like Robertson, Falwell, Dobson, et al.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Not to mention I don’t want people running things who need an external structure to behave morally.

  • BosGrl

    AugustineThomas is still preaching the same crap on Brietbart right now (well, an hour ago anyway).

    Oh man: He is even posting this crap on an article about the Apple iPad.

    “Because Apple has no more vision since Jobs died and decided to be PC and put someone who suffers from homosexual perversion in the driver’s seat instead of someone competent. (There was too much danger that the competent person would be a heterosexual, white male.)


    In regard to your other nonsense, I’ll provide some more Scripture.

    “For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”

    • Someone needs to tell him why Augustine and Thomas would not be buddies.

      • Vecchiojohn

        What, and break his heart?

      • And neither would subscribe tn the Dead Brietbart mentality?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        because Augustine was a whited sepulcher and a scumbag? Boohoo, my evil wife kept showing up with the kids wanting me to feed them. Took all my holy resolve to shut that shit down.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Let’s let him know he got top billing here at the Deleted Commenters post!

    • eyelashviper

      Well, it is Sunday morning, and where else would one find good Christians on Sunday morning???

    • BrianW

      No, no. The only time God is all that omni-stuff is when it’s something they like. When it’s otherwise, either Secularists or SATAN are to blame.

      • efoveks

        Obama’s, “duh”.

        • BrianW

          I suspect they would tell you that is a distinction without a difference.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Um. Do you suppose he watched the convention where his fearless leader’s sole support in the tech community who’s technically not heterosexual and that sports lady who didn’t used to present that way talked about how totally chill Republicans are in matters genital?

  • therblig

    as a student of the classics, i must correct AT – it’s “preverts” and “preversions”
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0c5f7196ea1f4c565a6c900c113d966146dcd081c6f4c83bbe1fe7fccdfb12c3.jpg

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Sadly, he never mentioned which top-notch English program he graduated from

    I’ll bet the rent money it was Trump University. Their “classes” were taught in English, right?

    • Certainly were not mediocre secularists classes!

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Also taught in Russian
      Art of the Deal 101 Cheat Thy Partner
      Art of the Steal 102 Not Paying Contractors
      Art of the Repeal 103 GOP Congress versus Health Care
      Art of the Squeal 104 Short course in grabbing P***y
      Art of the Meal 105 Taco Bowl Recipes
      Art of the Conceal 106 Cayman Bank Account
      Art of the Feel 107, 108, and 109 Advanced Grab
      Art of the Peel 110 Shell Corps
      Art of the Reel 111 (Dance elective)

  • bookish

    Our PEOTUS, making America great by stiffing small business owners.

    http://nbcnews.to/2irvKvT

    After his election, Donald Trump quickly settled a series of business disputes — but just days before his inauguration, the president-elect’s company is still waging a legal battle against a Florida shop owner over an unpaid bill.
    The matter could have been settled for what amounts to pocket change for a billionaire, but the Trump Organization decided to take its chances in court.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      Graydon Carter sent out a bunch of checks to rich people in the 1980s to see who would cash them. They started out at $1.15, then went down to $.50, then $.13. This was back in the day when it was a hassle to take a check to the bank and cash it. The only two people who cased the $.13 check were Donnie Dump and Adnan Khashoggi.

      • I enjoy the way Carter’s mind works

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          Spy Magazine was hilarious. It was like the Wonkette of the 1980s. I wish I’d saved my old copies.

      • Ωbjectifier

        Old school trolling.

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          Snail mail trolling is the best trolling.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And he’s still in a pissing match with the chef who would prefer not to work in a hotel owned by a world-class asshole.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      You say “billionaire” like it’s true, when in fact I suspect the reason Cheeto Benito is going to court is that he does not even have pocket change.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba
    • Jamoche

      Just as I opened that image, out of the corner of my eye I saw an ad on TV: “Liberty stands with you”. Apt.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    You can barely even pull of this attempt at a high-brow insult and I’m sure you were Googling to check if you were right or not.

    Um, A.T. honey? If you’re going to call other people stupid, you’d better nail the difference between “of” and “off.”

    You’re welcome.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d4e6021c7e16e726b6ba06f3cbd0c4593ad0200ec5bd9103c436f3a148df7a6b.jpg

    • I think it was a Freudian slip. He wanted a pull of something

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I just figured he wanted something pulled.

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    I’m watching Blazing Saddles, which I guess makes me a secular leftist who loves pornography that perverts the kids.

    I love Gene Wilder’s speech to Bart, after Bart says “good morning” to an old lady, and she tells Bart “up yours, nigger” :
    Gene Wilder tells Bart “”What did you expect? “Welcome, sonny”? “Make yourself at home”? “Marry my daughter”? You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.”

    That’s how I feel about the GOP.

    • Vecchiojohn
      • Vagenda and Tiara

        America should rename itself Mongo.

        • Tallmutha

          Good idea, because like Mongo, America’s voice is mostly limited to simple expressions like “Mongo like!” or “Mongo hate!”

          • Jamoche

            “Mongo only pawn in game of life.”

          • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

            Mongo like candy!

            *explosion*

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Candygram for Mongo!

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            My other choice is “Duhmerica.”

    • Blender_415

      Hee. We secular perverts piled five people into my bed Friday night and watched Blazing Saddles while perved out on wine and some really good sushi. It would have been less pervy to move the TV/DVD player into the living room, but we’re not only pervs, we’re lazy pervs. And secular, also.

      • puredog

        You should post here before the next bash so we can all come join you. That sounds like fun.

  • Daniel Phelps

    Wait! Is there no porn here then? Why is there no porn? It’s just that some people are saying that this is where secular (sexual?) perverts hangout and discuss Orwell and Pew Research! I noticed a lot of us are driven to try and discover some context or insight into the home planet which produces species such as Augustine Thomas. A quick googlebox search was not promising, but two possible candidates turned up on LinkedIn (assuming the actual name is Thomas Augustine and the person hadn’t gotten their saints Augustine and Acquinas somehow confused). What do you think – the arms dealer or the wig wrangler from Annie the Musical?? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b72fed2b33bfe60f4e4c27ed37ebbea48acbe4a1ffdfd65ac9750a16a8327c87.jpg

    • I think it is more they got their defenders of the faith embroiled XD

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      I think AT was just riffing on his favorite theologians, much as I’m riffing on my favorite 12th century Danish scholar.

      • Daniel Phelps

        And I’m channeling Boris Badenov from Rocky and Bullwinkle (seems right for the times we live in). LOL

    • doktorzoom

      I would never encourage doxxing, so please leave all these nice folks alone. I can say that he uses a different name on his email. And no, I’m not sharing that, either. :D

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Besides, I’d bet money that the wig supervisor for Annie is NOT gonna be a sanctimonious fundie

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Quite the contrary. Theater folk are in general fine people and disinclined to be fundie assholes.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            and half of them are ghey- not too likely to be railing about the perversion of homersexuality

      • Oh no, absolutely wasn’t thinking that at all. Joke misfire. There were dozens by that name. Just made me laugh when one came up as an arms merchant and the last one in those five was a wig handier (?) for a musical (weird juxtaposition). LOL. Good reminder tho , Doc!😇

  • janecita

    City of God, the book, is boring AF. I like City of God, the Brazilian movie, way better.

  • shivaskeeper

    I remember this one. Christmas Eve troll. Most of the “you need to give me summary or xxxx book, or read xxxxx other book” was directed at me. I was calling him out on appeal to authority/appeal to education fallacies. I also tried to keep him on track, but he tended to drift a lot. I was bored when I was outside smoking.

    I’m pretty sure he was the one that claimed he was a great giver to charity and when I asked for proof, the answer was his family was all farmers and fed us perverted secularists and we still had the gall to bloodsuck his taxes.

    • ….because farm subsidies don’t bloodsuck off anyone’s taxes?

      • shivaskeeper

        That was brought up. I think he was Banhammered before he could try to weasel out of that one. Especially since he claimed his “farming family” took nothing from the government at all.

        • bookish

          Bwahaha…riiiight.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        The definition of “bloodsucking off my taxes” is tax-supported programs for people I disapprove of.

        • shivaskeeper

          You got it in one.

    • LucindathePook

      Does his farming family just give the produce away? Let the poor glean the corners of the harvest field? What?

      • Courser

        We have several big produce farms that always hold gleanings after harvest. The first few years it was a total madhouse, so I think they now limited to only families in need, which as it should be. I think a lot of them also give their less ‘pretty’ harvest away as well at that time. Grocery stores only want perfect product, so many food banks,etc. get the less perfect stuff. Trim it up a bit and it’s just fine cooking!

    • doktorzoom

      Yup, that was him. I couldn’t include everything

  • Bill D. Burger

    Update: Here is a picture of AugustineThomas where “…A.T. achieved a degree from one of the top-ranked English departments in the world.”
    It is housed in the top-ranked university structure behind him.

    http://cdn.quotesgram.com/img/33/68/1712695328-110822761_trailer-park-home-school-funny-redneck-t-shirt-s-3x-ebay.jpg

    • Querolous

      So the Skool Bus in the background is the school?

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    “Without God, you have no purpose in life except to engage in cheap pleasures that ultimately leave you empty and miserable.”

    Given that I often feel fulfilled and contented, I must be doing the cheap pleasures wrong. Why am I not sad about this prospect?

  • MrBlifil

    Tell him there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in his philosophy.

  • Ricky Gay

    Troll who farts in church sits in own Pew.

    • efoveks

      I just spat coffee on my cat.

      • snark-lurker

        did that make it go away? mebbee me try it

        • efoveks

          Cat just looked at me like, wtf?, then got up, ran off the bed– and got distracted by the room heater, where again she plopped herself. She is, how to say, not so bright…

      • Ricky Gay

        ha!

  • bookish

    Repealing Obamacare.

    http://nbcnews.to/2i2CnIT

    Lawmakers face a Herculean task of finding a health care plan that can please conservative activists, business groups and voters, and then carrying it to passage, which will very likely require Democratic support.

    To Republican small government advocates, the ACA was a body blow for individual liberty that exploded federal spending, raised taxes and put the country closer to a government-run health care system. But many of Trump’s supporters reject that ideology. They simply want better, cheaper health coverage — even if it costs the government more — and expect the president-elect to deliver on his pledges regardless of whatever philosophy is behind it.

    These two worlds are set to collide over the next four years. No one is sure what the resulting system will look like, but here’s the general road map.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      As usual, they fucked themselves right into a corner, with no clear exit strategy. Luckily their base is made up of hicks, hayseeds, rubes, morons, and easy marks, who won’t notice when they don’t do anything other than rename it to “Freedomcare” or “TrumpCareBigly.”

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        I wouldn’t be surprised if they did ditch the “individual mandate”, but then gutted provisions regarding emergency care so that people who don’t have insurance would not be given treatment at all. Then they can claim you aren’t forced to buy insurance. You just can’t get any sort of medical care if you don’t.

        • shivaskeeper

          Their own supporters will be baying for their blood.

          • They’ll just tell them the democrats did it, and they will believe it.

          • shivaskeeper

            After crowing about controlling all three branches of the government, to include both houses, and about how they have a mandate? I don’t think they’ll be able to pull it off this time. Especially given the recent articles about the republican buyer’s remorse and the we didn’t think they’d do it vibe.

          • Ohhhh idk, Shiva. Trump was already tweeting about how the Dems need to own the “failure of Obamacare”
            That seems an obvious prelude to including “when we take it away and you suddenly have no more health insurance”

          • shivaskeeper

            I get that. But when it actually goes away and there is nothing to replace it, blaming the opposition is going to be a hell of a reach seeing as how they think they control everything.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            “We would have found the perfect replacement for Obamacare, but our Democrat colleagues refused to support any bill we put forward.”
            -every fucking Republican MoC and all the RWNJ talking heads, after they repeal the ACA and everyone loses his/her shit.

          • Courser

            We need to follow Bamz’ advice. Do nothing to help them dismantle and replace any-fucking-thing. Do not accept tidbits or half measures. Resist

        • Courser

          Oh, the shitfucking mouthbreathers want to see blahs and messican dying in the streets because ERs won’t treat them. They’ve been hoping and praying for this for years. Cuz those types don’t DESERVE anything. “I ain’t payin’ for them ill-eagles and welfare cheats kids. They can just go back to whereever they came from.”

          I won’t be surprised to see gangs of ’em hanging around outside county ERs waiting to kick the refusees to death

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          That sounds about right. One thing I almost hope they’re stupid enough to do is just repeal it, with no backup plan. That’s what they promised to do on the first day, and I’d love to see them fuck their own base over. Unfortunately, they’ll also fuck good people over, so I really do NOT want them just to repeal it, or even to fuck it up.

      • shivaskeeper

        Truth be told, I wouldn’t care if all they did was rename it. Maybe throw in a few tweaks to improve it and claim victory. It’s not like the law is actually named Obamacare. That was a slur put on it.

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          I hate for them to take credit for it, even though it was technically their plan from the 1990s, created by the Heritage Foundation. Ironically, it’s one of the few plans they’ve ever come up with that’s actually kind of worked. Personally, I would have preferred single payer healthcare, but we can’t have nice things, because of reasons and Republicans.

          • shivaskeeper

            The pragmatic part of me doesn’t care as long as people are taken care of. I would also prefer single payer. That’s not going to happen yet, so we should take what we can.

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            Unfortunately, I also want rubes who voted for Trump to suffer, so I’ve got a bunch of conflicting emotions. I don’t want good people to suffer, but I want the morons to pay for their stupidity. I guess if I had to choose I would just choose that Republicans act like grownups, admit that it’s stupid to throw people off of insurance, and just leave everything alone. I doubt they’re that smart though.

          • shivaskeeper

            If there is a repeal with no replacement, they will suffer. They should suffer for that, since it s their stupidity driving it and they should not be insulated from it as they have been in the past. That should wake them up at least since nothing is a problem until it affects them personally.

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            They’re probably too dumb to figure out it’s the GOP that’s screwing them. They’ll probably just say “hrrr drrr, it’s the black guy’s fault, argle bargle, angry noises.”

          • shivaskeeper

            Then they need to be shown the truth. Probably gently at first since it’ll be unfamiliar to them. It’ll take time and patience to undo the lies.

    • The Trump supporters will get fucked and blame the Democrats.
      Wait for it.

      • efoveks

        It was sweet satisfaction this morning watching Yertle fumble on face the nation when asked about the Obamacare replacement plan. ‘…uh.. soon…quickly… we will have a replacement’. That said, I think we’re off to a great start!

        • How many years did they have to come up with a replacement?
          It is as if all those repeal bills they tried for all that time were just stunts that they knew would not work!

          • TJ Barke

            At the end of the day, Obamacare is their replacement, being a Heritage Foundation plan, they’re just mad that it’s got blah president all over it…

          • shivaskeeper

            They really didn’t think they would be able to repeal it so why come up with a replacement? Sure the Freedom Caucus no compromise nihilists want it gone, but the rest don’t. Not really anyway.

            The actual base doesn’t want it gone, because it benefits them. Career pols don;t want it gone because they fund raise off of it and get the votes to stay in power by claiming they will repeal. Insurance companies don’t want it gone because of all the new customers they have now + the revenue + accounting tricks to make even more money.

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    I wonder how much time T. Augustine spends helping the poor like his good book tells him to do?

    • puredog

      Nay, V.A.T., trolling’s a full-time job.

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        All Republicans on the Internet are self made millionaires, with a ton of free time to troll. That’s a science fact.

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

    “More of your conversation would infect my brain,” AugustineThomas, thou mediocre “poisonous bunch-backed toad!”

  • memzilla Ω

    I’m so old, I remember when Real Americans® WOULD BE FUCKING OUTRAGED at Russian interference with our election. There really ARE none so blind as they who will not see.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5b271b4bba6e1a00883fe229bddcd8ddb0be649b018c0fdfd8e5fcd810885063.jpg

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Their guy “won”, so who cares if there was outside influence. Wonderful. Will they be so sanguine should Russia decide Trump’s usefulness has reached its end?

      • Bad Tom

        At that moment, the Russian propaganda machine will start disseminating startling new revelations about the horrible behavior of Donald J. Trump.

        The attack will be multi-faceted, and emerge on social media, fake news sites, and real news sites, when possible. The target audience will lap it up.

        Trump’s supporters won’t be sanguine, they will turn on Trump themselves.

        • Shibusa

          I wish. There seems to be a cult of personality about the guy.

    • Ya know, some conservative asked here the other day if we’d be so upset if russian influence let Hillary win and I thought about it and considering how quick Libtards are to cut off corrupt mother fuckers and things that ain’t right I gotta say

      YES. YES IT WOULD STILL BE A BAD THING!

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        If my team cheats to win, then they don’t deserve to win. Period.

        • I think we finally found the real non-ideology related difference between conservatives and liberals. It is not education, for all the /jokes. It is not income, for all the /jokes on that.
          It is that if something is wrong, it is wrong, even if it benefits us.

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            Indeed. Then again, I’m the guy who will tell the cashier they gave me too much change back or will call a business and say they gave me more than I paid for.

          • shivaskeeper

            The word you’re looking for is integrity.

          • Not so say no conservatives have integrity. They just seem to misplace it a little whiles when that misplacement makes their own personal situation better.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            tough to reconcile that with their Machiavellian win at all costs attitude

          • boredcatlady

            Or “being a cuck” as they’re more likely to say

          • Amy!

            Case in point: Anthony Weiner.

            *sigh*

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I’m convinced that’s one of the big reasons they hate us- they don’t care about the cheating, but they know we would and deep down it bugs the shit out of them

          • Courser

            We really do have the high ground this time. And not just on airy fairy stuff but on intelligence and national security. They’ve just flushed any fucking chance of superiority for an entire generation.

          • puredog

            While I applaud the sentiment, I am afraid that “high ground” may prove cold comfort (except to the extent it provides a bulwark against rising sea levels).

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If Putin had helped Hillary win, these witless goobers would be running though the streets, waving their guns an howling for blood.

      • Hutch

        Hey! I think I discovered that “Witless Goober” is ThomasAugustine’s porn name! I checked his Dickqus account.

        • theCryptofishist

          Mine’s Biggus Dickqus.

    • NastyBossetti

      Ugh! MrBossetti was reading this article aloud to me this morning, as I pleaded with him to stop.

    • TJ Barke

      IOKIYAR…

      • Nockular cavity

        It’s OK if you’re Russian.

    • Courser

      I’m in a permanent outrage about it. I’m a child of the fucking Cold War and my dad worked in Army Intelligence for his time in the military. McCain is the only person who seems to feel any sense of urgency about this, which completely perplexes me since the new Regime slate is chock full of Cold Warriors. Are they thinking they can just out-play the Russians? Fools all.

      • The problem with the Pussy Grabber’s cabinet is that they are all psychopaths. The higher echelons of business, government, and the military tend to filled with psychopaths who have no hesitation to use whatever means necessary to further their own gain. The Russians, Cold War or no, is just another tool at their disposal.

    • Michael R

      The logic is they think Trump is a great leader and
      anything a great leader does is great
      ( because it involves no effort on their part )

  • Rouge Skwerl!

    (Go ahead and tell me about 1984 as well, since you’ve read all the great books.)
    Well it all began with Agenda 21 and bicycle paths.

    And I am currently reading the great works of the English language:
    -amazon.com/images/I/817iG0GtzCL.jpg

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

    Okay, Keenan Wynn and Shakespeare have been invoked, so now this happens:

    https://youtu.be/bPduoU826ew

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Pfft. Shakespeare is just a big pile of common phrases. The guy never had an original thought.

      • doktorzoom

        Shakespeare and the Bible are just FULL of cliches!

        • And smut! The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.”

          • snark-lurker

            it’z for shit like this that they really love their bibble

          • Hutch

            Ladies and gentlemen: the Old Testament Aristocrats!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          What has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

          • doktorzoom

            All of this has happened before, all of this will happen again.

            — The Gospel of Cylon Number Six

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            With six you get eggroll

            –The gospel of Doris Day at Dim Sum

        • snark-lurker

          your spendind you’re day off at teh office?
          WTFIWWY?

          • doktorzoom

            I am going off to brunch now. Play nice, people.

          • Bad Tom

            Mmmmmm… Brunch…

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I wonder if that’s where our S-F-B honoree got “Secularist Leftist” (apparently a Proper Noun). Ordinarily I’d check, but that Shakespeare guy wrote a shitload of stuff.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Because if Cole Porter never did another thing, he still gave us

      “If she says your behavior is heinous, kick her right in the Coriolanus”

  • Ya know, I do not think AT read the bible, if he is all worried about smut and perversion.
    Such as….
    Let him kiss me with kisses of his mouth,
    for your love is better than wine
    better than the fragrance of your perfumes.*
    Your name is a flowing perfume—
    therefore young women love you
    Draw me after you! Let us run!*
    The king has brought me to his bed chambers.
    Let us exult and rejoice in you;
    let us celebrate your love: it is beyond wine!
    Rightly do they love you!

    • efoveks

      Bible smut is the bestest smut!

      • Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.
        Lot pimpin out his own daughters

        • FauxAntocles

          And later they get their father drunk and screw him…

          • TJ Barke

            The Aristocrats!

          • Well, after he pimped out his under aged daughters, I could see why they might have weird views on what is proper.

          • theCryptofishist

            As if! One or another of those bible-writing patriarchs was willing to help Lot cover the fact that he got drunk and raped his daughters.

      • Resisting the Urge – Holly

        I’m rather fond of the Sodom and Gomorrah smut. You know I’m a perverted socialist stupid libtard smut reader, right? I get all my smut right outta the bible. It really is the best of the worst, i.e. here, take my daughters and do whatever you want to them…kinda sounds like what Trump says about his own daughter (couldn’t resist throwing that in there).

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        wasn’t Bible Smut one of the spice girls?

      • Bad Tom

        Certainly Bible smut is among the most violent and perverted ever written.
        So, yeah!

  • anon_the_great

    And to think AugustineThomas ‘pounded’ all that out all that with only one hand typing.

    • Pissed de Résistance

      What’s the sound of one hand typing?

      Tic tic tic. Fwap fwap fwap. Tic tic tic. Fwap fwap fwap…

  • Occam’s 8 ball

    I thought Jack Chick died.

    • TJ Barke

      Clearly his essence has become entrapped within A.T.

      • Bad Tom

        That’s some Bad Ass transubstantiation.
        ——-
        As in, didn’t wipe well enough.

        • snark-lurker

          gimme a ‘M’ & i could spell masterbation

          • puredog

            no u couldn’t

  • Daisy

    Here’s a hint, wingnut: culture continued after the 1600s, and 1984 doesn’t mean what you think it means.

    • No it didn’t! Wimmins are still property! Rich men can kill who ever they want!

      • Thaumaturgist

        Rich men can kill whoever they want on 5th Avenue.

  • rebecca

    Augustine Thomas seems like he’d be fun at parties.

    • What kind of parties are you going to Trix? And if that guy’s fun, can I please not come?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I wonder what would happen if he and Turgid Love Muscle ever crossed paths…would it be like watching matter and anti-matter react?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I think they’re pretty much on the same page, don’t you? Just with maybe different tumescence levels.

        • In TLM’s defense, at least he writes some pretty good porn for us while he chastises us on being perverts.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Slash libelz! This is what I say to TLM’s porn (seriously nsfw, but very funny).

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        “Don’t cross the streams!”

    • Painter of Goats

      If by “fun” you mean “edible”, then yes, at the Donner party.

    • snark-lurker

      must be a slow day at Wonk HQ

      • Bill Slider

        I think they call it Sunday, heavy lifting not encouraged.

    • Martini Ambassador

      “Your perverted addiction to the onion dip and ruffled potato chips is destroying the divinity of this party. Have you even read Betty Crocker?!”

    • dslindc

      Let’s invite him to the DC Inauguration Drinky Thing. Perhaps he could bring Brad.

    • BloviateMe

      Agreed. Being a secular pervert is much funner when someone is publicly slut shaming while you’re doing it.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      If by fun you mean someone who would have to be physically removed, yes. (I’m not specifying why because I’m sure there’d be several reasons.)

    • Tallmutha

      Lemon parties.

    • suziq

      I bet he would be “that guy” that doesn’t drink but somehow has lots of that delicious punch and proceeds to loudly spout off his brilliant theories. And that would be fun!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        especially after one of us doses the punch

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      A quick stroll through his commenting history shows him slagging off Apple products specifically because Tim Cook is gay – or “suffers from homosexual perversion.”

      Methinks Augie has a bit of an obsession.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Like our buttsechs troll.

      • I slag off Apple products because they are terrible. Tim Cook being gay, whatever.

    • puredog

      Well, certainly he seems nice, and not at all full of himself, like some.

  • btwbfdimho

    Is this you, Augustine Thomas?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nszoNrR8rAI

  • notleia

    I swear to gawd this is a guy my dad listens to on the radio. Or someone who parrots the aggregate of them.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      likely the latter- for every RW grifter and charlatan out there, there are thousands of sheep getting fleeced

  • btwbfdimho
  • Mike Steele

    Just finished Lewis’s “It Can’t Happen Here”; any Wonkers who haven’t, hop to it, while books still exist. Mr./Mrs./Ms. “Augustine Thomas”, you can’t fool me…it’s obvious you’re Provisional Commissioner Effingham Swan writing under a lame pseudonym.

  • Tallmutha

    The version of this with McCain and Obama was funnier (probably because McCain really did make that face), but this ain’t bad: https://mobile.twitter.com/EnglishRussia1/status/818051354186940416/photo/1

  • bookish

    Women in the weed industry.

    http://www.complex.com/life/2017/01/women-weed-industry/?google_editors_picks=true

    Women—from researchers studying the benefits of cannabis over opiates, to award-winning chefs cooking up the most delicious edibles on the planet, to those who are facing massive jail time for activism and legalization efforts—are the true heroes of the cannabis industry, and it’s time to recognize that. To celebrate women in weed, we spoke to 15 of the most powerful and influential women in the business:

  • M Dubs

    Hey! I’m not a Secularist Leftist porn addict, I’m a Secularist Leftist porn enthusiast!

    And for what it’s worth, I’ve read Dante, Shakespeare, and Orwell. They really get me off.

    • zerosumgame0005

      seriously, what kind of drugs was Dante on when he wrote the Inferno?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      [heads to bedroom with a bottle of KY and a copy of 1984]

      • puredog

        Busted, poseur. KY comes in a tube.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          It’s interesting you know this. And if your KY is coming and not your tube, you’re not doing it right.

  • Grokenstein

    Man, A.T. must beat off constantly.

    • therblig

      maybe just beats with no off.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Without lube. Hence the attitude.

        • therblig

          no lube in the bible.

          • Sakonyachen

            No internet either. That hasn’t stopped our hero from spreading his wisdom in our comment section.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Ever since the Council of Nicaea had the books I Lube and II Lubes removed from the bible. By the way, the second one is pronounced “Too Lubes”.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    [In reply to someone complaining about his grammar:] Have you checked your own grammar? Most people in this country are poorly educated, but I did achieve a degree from one of the top-ranked English departments in the world and my grammar appears to be far superior to yours. Do you even realize how stupid you make yourself look by trying to criticize my language abilities given your horrendous grammar?

    Donald. Is that you?

    • M Dubs

      Unfortunately, Donald only has a 200 word vocabulary. I doubt he could write half of this. This is someone who thought that the election was a choice of good vs evil, and that for some reason Hillary was the evil one.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Or a group project of several someones. The prose is kinda variable.

  • data_ninja

    Pornography is not an addiction – you can beat it!

    • TJ Barke

      Repeatedly!

      • Bill Slider

        With votes, if you want too.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Pornography is not an addiction – you can beat it! It’s a lifestyle!

      fify

  • Pissed de Résistance

    “You guys are pornography and drug addicts.”

    Guilty as charged. But why does Utah have the highest per capita rate of porn consumption in America? Are they too liberal and secularist?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Because Mormons aren’t real Christians to these clowns

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I read on the intertubes that Mormons are just christain clowns who are too stoopit to type “moron” correctly. For some reason, they like to congregate in places.

        • puredog

          Well, their angel IS Moroni, after all. QED.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Catholics are not real Christians to these clowns.

    • doktorzoom

      I don’t recall the details, but wasn’t one part of the study talk about porn site subscriptions? As I recall, there was some speculation at the time that at least Mormons were scrupulous about paying for the porn… This was back in the olden times, when online porn was largely something people paid for…

      • BloviateMe

        There’s something delightful about that. Sure, I’ll sneak around and jerk off to porn when I’m not supposed to, but I AM paying for it, because I’m not a complete thieving monster.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          They can afford to, what with all the money they save on coffee and booze

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Yeah, because they make moonshine.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      And I believe I remember reading that Pakistan accesses more internet porn than any other country in the world, also too.

      Funny – I don’t think of Pakistan as being particularly liberal or secularist.

  • TJ Barke

    I’m not addicted to porn! I’m addicted to sex. Porn is just what’s easily accessible.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It’s more handy, so to speak

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        And you don’t have to buy it dinner first.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Finger food at best

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    I’m not addicted to porn. I can stop anytime I want. I stop quite often, in fact. Sometimes several times a day.

    • Doug Langley

      Mark Twain: “It’s easy to quit smoking. I know – I’ve done it a hundred times!”

  • Bill D. Burger

    Augustine and his Mom when he was just a baby and she was planning his educational future.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cef94003dd644724e61639de884a0db55e442ef6e92b60883feeee90225549cc.jpg

    • NastyBossetti

      I’m really curious what the original context of this picture is, because I don’t understand it at all.

      • TJ Barke

        White trash fabulous!

      • BloviateMe

        A decidedly late shotgun wedding?

      • Jamoche

        Second-amendment defenders: people who oppose any sort of registration because then “the govt will know where to go when they start taking away guns” when all the govt would have to do is search on Facebook image tags.

    • Like the dress though. Purple!

    • Shoto

      She can git her chilruns lurnd up real good.

    • Resisting the Urge – Holly

      What’s wrong with this picture? There should be a Virginia Slim dangling precariously outta her mouth and a Bud Light can on the hood of the truck.

      • Hutch

        “Hold my baby and watch this!”

        • Bill D. Burger

          “Pitch him up thar’ real high!”

          • Villago Delenda Est

            “Pull!”

  • doktorzoom

    Also, I didn’t mention this, but Breitbart complained that by focusing on the U.S. results of the study, the NYT had deliberately buried the lede just so it could hide the excellent news that Christians are better educated worldwide.

    • Resisting the Urge – Holly

      Of course they did, and of course they are. Breitbart…where all the brilliant, smarter than thou “Christians” go for all their news worth whining incessantly about.

      • doktorzoom

        Well, it’s not an entirely inaccurate description of the findings, except that the Pew study was more interested in why that might be — for one thing, in a lot of countries, especially in sub-Saharan Africa, it’s a legacy of missionary schools.

        • Bill D. Burger
        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          In one of the FB groups I visit, I’ve had the displeasure of encountering an astrophysics student (and enthusiastic Christian) from one of Uganda’s elite universities, and a product of schools that were started by missionaries.

          This astrophysics student steadfastly claimed (through repeated debates) that the Earth is actually flat, and she said she had the math that proved it. Our group includes actual physicists and mathematicians who laughed uproariously at what she posted and repeatedly pointed out her many fundamental errors, to no avail.

          Because of that, and other apparent academic deficiencies, we became a tad suspicious that she was not, as she said, a well-regarded student. However, her FB timeline included notices of academic honors she received and grades and praise her work had garnered from her professors…which made us all sad about the clearly parlous state of education in Uganda.

          That kind of thing makes me wonder about how educated is “educated.”

          (She was booted from the group for repeatedly arguing that the Ugandan people should be pitied because those mean gays keep MAKING them advocate murdering gay people by continuning to be gay while living in Uganda, and if they’d all just leave or change, then she wouldn’t be placed in the position of having to advocate for their deaths poor her, and why didn’t we see who the REAL victims were?)

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Yeah, yeah, and Melania Trump has multiple degrees. As does Sarah Palin.

          • Querolous

            Don’t forget “Dr.” David Duke

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      This is really sad but I actually assumed that.

    • M Dubs

      Hey, if the facts don’t support your hypothesis, the obvious next step is to complain that facts are biased.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        You could just scream “fake news”.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        All facts have a liberal bias. This is known.

    • OneYieldRegular

      It’s like saying that the announcement of the discovery of Salk’s vaccine for polio should have instead focused on the pretty colors in the Petri dish.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Pray for the ability to self reflect

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

    [wipes tears from my eyes]

    HAHAHAHA!!!

  • Kevin Morin

    Real Christians go to schools with high ranked sportsball teams not English Departments.

  • Rick Hill

    I knew there was going to be a test. I asked and you guys said “no, just keep heathening it up”. What a fool I was to listen…

  • Rouge Skwerl!

    Real English literature.

    Lionel Derrick is a mastermind!*

    *Fun fact: he never existed.

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yFHM7efe48M/UJBBJP13g6I/AAAAAAAABNE/9hh9Ukf__vc/s1600/Deepsea+Shootout.jpg

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Mark Hardin”? “Mark Hardin”? Can we be a tad less obvious, please?

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        In a book called “The Penetrator”?

        LOL no.

      • Doug Langley

        “. . . dives into action!”

        Oh God. Oh God.

      • by “Lionel Derrick” also too. I think there’s a “subtext” here.

    • Doug Langley

      The Excecutioner simply had to be the worst series ever. I read one or two books, and I swear they just printed the first drafts.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      I prefer Johnny Quest, myself.

  • Shibusa
  • Scribe57

    I’m not a psychologist, but I’m pretty damned sure that if AugustineThomas went to a psychologist, what the psychologist would find already has a name.

  • Rick Hill

    So…Hillary was going to allow our lives to be placed under complete control of an international cabal that monitors our every action and word? Funny how that’s just a little bit off the mark. Those guys are going to be sooo blindsided

  • Bill D. Burger

    H.L. Mencken’s definition of Christian Puritanism is so perfect: “The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.”

    • ahughes798

      The dude abides.

  • TJ Barke
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Meanwhile, Glenn Greenwald remains unconvinced of anything. https://twitter.com/CNN/status/818131582791929856

      • Carpe Vagenda

        And also too, Putin is very supportive of his marriage, you filthy McCarthyite.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “My name is Glenn Greenwald, and I am a yam wannabe.”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        STFU Glenn, Trix owned your ass the other day

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Well, that’s only fair since I remain unconvinced that Glen Greenwald is important.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      We expect these people to run the country? Or get out of bed in the morning without hurting themselves? https://media.giphy.com/media/eI6NdZYSmzv20/giphy.gif

    • thebeatgoeson

      Just imagining her voice gives me a headache…

  • Rick Hill

    Addicted to porn? Then all those red states, which are the biggest consumers, are all secret libruls?

  • jodyleek

    Obama is a pervert pornographer but tRump is the one with a 3rd wife whose naked photos are readily available on the intertoobs, likes to talk about how much pussy he grabs, and peeps at young pageant ladies in various stages of undress. Sure buddy, sure.

  • Shibusa
  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    Guessing A.T. left w/o buying one of Rebecca’s caps with the swear word on it.

    • weejee

      no shit

      • Yr. Gma

        No he, he wanked over the picture of Donnie in the cap, and then he left without buying one.

  • weejee

    His Jeremiad
    A.T.’s jeremiad was more of a 20 liter (5 gallon) jerrycan filled with 40 liters of hypocritical tears.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ea3351aa4bd6fd3e53c5bed9d90c9b18be26ee4567488b627fe027aadea75ecb.jpg

    • BosGrl

      I had no idea what a jerry can was until recently, when I had to find one in Clue on Pogo :)

  • BosGrl

    Do you all remember the ST:TNG episode The Game? Wesley Crusher and Ashley Judd try to avoid giving in to this addictive game that has taken over the ship?

    I feel those who force God on others are just like this. Those of us who have lost loved ones and want desperately to believe in an afterlife and angels – it would be so easy just to give in and just have faith. Constantly being told to look for dimes and pennies. Told your loved one is now at peace and “with God”. Just stop! If that gives you comfort, great. I’m not telling you not to think this way. But I don’t believe it. And trying to shove this down my throat is upsetting.

    I am tired of those who have faith trying to justify that faith by making as many people as possible adopt their views. I’m not forcing my views on you. Leave the rest of us alone and STFU.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      It’s not just a religious thing, though. You see it all the time on parenting boards over circumcision, breast feeding, attachment parenting, food… I think it’s a form of magical thinking. If I do my one true thing, I’m safe and nothing bad is going to happen. But if you don’t do my one true thing and nothing bad happens, then maybe my one true thing isn’t the one true thing and I don’t control what happens. So, by not believing what I believe, you’re essentially threatening me. Which, how dare you.

      • BosGrl

        Yes – exactly. It’s not just God/religion. It’s absolute adherence to any kind of “faith”. The breast feeding nazis are especially bad.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Yeah, I remember. I always wondered how those women managed to post so much when they were on demand for their five year olds. Which, more power to them, but I think I spent less time at paying work than some of them did in flame wars about how everyone else was neglecting their kids.

          • VagendaofNastyWoman

            I never got that. As far as I was concerned, if they were old enough to ask for it, they were old enough to drink from a sippy cup.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Hey, if your life circumstances are so you can pull it off and it works for you and your kid, more power to you. My crazy cousin did it, and she raised two perfectly nice kids. It probably did awesome thing for their immune systems. I just have to question how the human race survived all this time if it’s necessary for the successful development of a child to have the full-time attention of an adult.

          • VagendaofNastyWoman

            It didn’t. Maybe hunter gatherers were more relaxed when they could afford to be, but in agricultural societies? By the time you were 3, you had jobs to do, like feeding the chickens or whatever. Mom might have another baby on the breast by that time, anyway.

      • ahughes798

        @Bos Girl, I always thought believing in God is the easy way to live. It gives them an “out” for their all seeing, all knowing, prescient god when something really shitty happens. Night club massacre? “God gave the gun-man “free will.” Well then, what about the victims? “It was God’s plan for them, God needed them. They are in heaven now.” Oh jeez….I feel so much better now…and my faith is re-doubled! Christian assholes.

  • VagendaofNastyWoman

    And Donald Trump is known to be such a devout Christian, and fan of Shakespeare, great books and high culture in general.
    You voted for an unrepentant serial adulterer who plasters his name all over gaming houses and hasn’t read a book since college if that, and you picked him over a devout Methodist who has spent her life in public service.
    That makes you a pompous hypocrite, and that’s being kind.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Fundies hate actual Christians more than they hate the gayz.

      • Yr. Gma

        It’s “Christlike” vs. “Christian.” My constant lament.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Here’s Augustine reciting a little soliloquy from Shakespeare. I believe it’s in Sumerian cuneiform___ or “tongues”?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6llCLa0bk8k

    “Monkey see / Monkey do.” ___ Bless his heart.

    • BosGrl

      In 15 years, that kid is going to have multiple tattoos and piercings just like every other young person, and telling the parents who made him do this to fuck off.

      • MizzMazz

        I hope you’re right. I see things like this and they make me very sad. Little kid just wants to play, discover the world, and have nice naps with a cuddly toy.

        I watched that Jesus Camp movie, and it took me weeks to scrub my brain. The imagery pulls me back to that anger.

        • BosGrl

          Little kids love to perform and make adults happy, until they realize that the adults are manipulating them. Neither of my kids would perform on demand and I quickly stopped asking them.

          • MizzMazz

            Neither would my son. He had this cute dance he used to do, and I asked him to dance for some friends, and he refused. I think I embarrassed him, and ruined dancing. On of many mistakes I made parenting.

          • BosGrl

            It’s what you did after that really matters. I think we all make that initial mistake.

    • thebeatgoeson

      Makes about as much sense as the actual preachers…

      • Bill D. Burger

        And he’s much less harmful. He hasn’t learned how to grift and sell the sky fairy yet.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The entire rant…every bit of it…is projection.

    These people are so miserable. If they had a shred of human decency, I’d feel sorry for them.

    • Yr. Gma

      Yep. The poor thing is suffering such guilt at his porn addiction, he has to find a diversion somewhere to turn his thoughts to the pure. I hope the goodly smattering of dick jokes in Wonkette didn’t tempt him to whip it out.

      • yyyaz

        I hope they tempted him sorely.

  • LarryHoudini

    He’s right, I don’t read Shakespeare. But I’ve seen “Midsummer Night’s Ream” and “All’s Well That Ends Anal,” so that must count for something.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Tightass Adronicus is a classic

      • msanthropesmr

        Not to mention, Cornhole your Anus

    • BloviateMe

      The dog from “in and out damn Spot” was particularly enthusiastic.

      • yyyaz

        Spot’s problem was that the doggie door was still unperfected, hence one way.

  • Scrofula

    “It’s hilarious for you fools to pretend to be intelligent . . . and I’m sure you were Googling to check if you were right or not.”
    Now that there is a real nugget o’ insight about a big chunk of the (temporarily) ascendant right.
    Because truly intelligent people never check to see if they’re right or not, because being “smart” means you’re always right, of course. Research and fact-checking are for pretenders; finding references in support of (or against!) your arguments is just cheating.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Augie was right because he FELT he was right, and ain’t no Google gonna tell him otherwise!! Facts – those secularist pervert things – be damned!

      • Yr. Gma

        “Feelings, oh, oh, oh, feelings…”

        • Villago Delenda Est

          You will roast in Robot Hell for creating that earworm.

          • Yr. Gma

            Hahahahaha!!!!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      So true. I check myself constantly, because I want to be sure I’m presenting properly spelled, if not actually factually supported, opinions.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I’d like to not spread false information almost as much as I don’t like to be wrong.

  • Jennifer R

    You know what? I work hard being a pervert. It’s a little insulting to just get lumped with everyone who likes a nice threesome or some frotting. Hey you stupid close minded god botherers. Everyone who does something sexually that you disagree with isn’t a pervert, save it for the weirdos like me who think blood bonding is a sex act.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Never do anything by halves if you want to get away with it. Be outrageous.”

      • Jennifer R

        If you look like you should be doing what you are doing when and where you are doing it, 99% of people will assume you are and that it is above their pay grade to verify.

  • Michael R
    • Jennifer R

      He looks like the klansman from that Preacher “Where the fuck is your chin” comic.

      • VagendaofNastyWoman

        Like there are a number of closely related people in old Yertles family tree.

        • Jennifer R

          Ya know, I am from the south, and when I moved to Arkansas it turned out one of the women I was with and I shared an ancestor six steps back, but holy shit does McConnell ever look like *his* fucking family tree is a stick.

          • BosGrl

            How did you discover that? Were you both on Ancestry.com? Just curious – 6 steps back is longer than most of us can document.

          • VagendaofNastyWoman

            If your ancestors were from one particular spot in the world, chances are that you are at least 6th cousins from other people from that place. People intermarried a LOT in those days, because most spent their life in one village.

          • BosGrl

            I misunderstood that – I thought they had a common 6th great grandmother. Yes, I watch that show on PBS and it’s always amazing when celebrities end up being related somehow.

          • Jennifer R

            Same full name, same specific birth region, my side says he fucked off west, her side said he came from Appalachia. My father’s side of the family lived in WNC for the last 400 years, so I guess we are both taking an assumption.

          • (Major_Major_Major)ly+Fucked

            Also being from WNC, there are several towns where everyone is 6th, 5th, 4th, and 3rd cousins. Check out the phone directory for Balsam Grove and Barnardsville.

          • Jennifer R

            Mars Hill.

            Edit: My high school was the feeder that BarnYardsVille fed in to.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Remember the good old days when McConnell wouldn’t even agree to a confirmation hearing until the candidates’ history all the way back to the day they were born was extensively and thoroughly scraped through for dirt?

      https://twitter.com/duckhunter9090/status/818152278062493696

      • Michael R

        Now he’s open a self – checkout lane .

      • shivaskeeper

        That was the past. We’re supposed to let it all go and move on to better things now. I know the PEOTUS sent a memo about that. Maybe a tweet, since I doubt he could do a memo. One of those things anyway.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        If Kissinger getting a Nobel Peace Prize didn’t kill irony, this certainly should.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Well, Sunday afternoon. Back to porn.

  • Zippy W Pinhead


    As much as you Secularist Leftists want this to be Communist China

    Psst, someone didn’t get the memo about commies- that’s your team now, Sport

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Given Orwell’s staunch anti-clericalism, if not outright atheism, it strikes us as weird A.T. would embrace him at all.”

    Because while Orwell might not exactly mesh with the right, in 1984, he’s provided an outstanding instruction manual for them.

    • Sister Artemis

      This ?
      “If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever.” — George Orwell

      • Ryan Denniston

        Sounds far more enjoyable than listening to AugustineThomas forever.

        • theCryptofishist

          Give him a boot, and I’m sure he’d be willing to make the switch.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Pretty much what the 1% are all about nowadays.

    • VagendaofNastyWoman

      Combined with The Handmaids Tale. Their faith demands that They must oppress everyone, but women in particular.

  • msanthropesmr

    Probably pointed out elsewhere, but didn’t Shakespeare coin the phrase the beast with two backs?

    • Ryan Denniston

      Was it in Hamlet?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Othello.

        • msanthropesmr

          You sank my battleship!

      • Markuserektus

        But it takes a village…

      • Hutch

        Henry the Third, Part Six.

    • Hutch

      What position IS that?

      • Jennifer R

        Well, math teaches me that a circle only has two sides, so obviously a 69 ring.

        • Hutch

          Well, there you go. I never took match in school.

          • msanthropesmr

            They wouldn’t let us play with match :(

        • (Major_Major_Major)ly+Fucked

          No no no, 69 is the beast with a mobius strip back.

          • Jennifer R

            Now I want to get some math nerd friends together and photograph a 69 möbius.

      • Tiny kaiju

        All of them really. Unless you have a threesome going.

    • VagendaofNastyWoman

      Get thee to a nunnery! ( which was actually slang for a brothel in Protestant England)

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Yeah, I use that with the assumption that the audience is well read enough to understand what Hamlet was saying there. With this crowd, that’s a good assumption. With Breitbart twits, not so much.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Pretty sure that was Boccaccio (and yes, I did look up the spelling which I would have gotten wrong).

  • Bill Slider

    Christians worldwide are better educated, says this man guy. For years, we have read that the rich liberals are better educated than the middle class. Therefore, rich liberals are better Christians than the middle class. This is fun. I like it

    • msanthropesmr

      I can make a graph to prove it!

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        And absolutely no background knowledge or other information provides a better insight to this occurrence!

    • Jennifer R

      Well I do suspect that Gates and Branson have each physically spent more personal man hours helping the poor than the average right wing christain.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Syllogisms are fun! ___ Take it away…

      OK..I’ll start: Unicorns are awesome.
      I am awesome.
      Therefore, I am a unicorn.

      Sorry…I’ll show myself out.

      • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

        No no, you’re fine right where you are.
        What are you doing later? Wanna go get sushi or something?

    • VagendaofNastyWoman

      Haven’t they been telling us that all that education is bad?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I find this post very easy to fap to…

    • Jennifer R

      That is just because you have The Far Side on the other tab.

    • puredog

      Spoken like a Secularist Prevert.

  • Scrofula

    Yeah, I read Orwell’s Animal Farm in 7th grade like every other kid in the US. Now if all I remember are evil pigs and hit-you-over-the-head symbolism, and some commenter says “no, they were evil chickens,” a smart person would just scream “FUCK YOU THEY WERE PIGS AND HILLARY IS A LESBIAN.” A DUMB person would double check teh googles first, come back and say, “pretty sure they were pigs, dude, and what does Hillary have to do with that?”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is a very common trope of wingnuts. To say something fairly stupid, then toss in a totally inappropriate troll phrase immediately after, in the hopes that you’ll react to the troll phrase, not the fairly stupid opening.

      • Alan

        Actually, I think they’re so stupid that they think it relevant.

    • Jamoche

      Nah, the hilariously evil chickens belong to Terry Goodkind.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Jesus, is 1984 what they have in store for us? I thought all we had to worry about were ovens and FEMA camps.

    • The Wanderer

      It’ll be more like The Handmaid’s Tale than 1984.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        LOL they should really execute me before they assign me to anyone. Because I will [REDACTED].

        • The Wanderer

          Yael and Sisera, or Judith and Holofernes?

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            *laughs maniacally, with votes*

        • Jennifer R

          Remember, a penis can be de-gloved really easy. Also it has eight different veins in it that are each individually big enough to bleed out before they could clot.

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            Please lemme know if you are visiting anywhere near West Virginia. I would like to be somewhere else.

          • Jennifer R

            Being trans gives you a lot of interesting little tidbits.

      • I think they are going for a mash up! It will be fun!

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly+Fucked

      1984 is my favorite Van Halen album, cuz nostalgia.

  • BloviateMe

    Right now, I’m wearing mixed fabrics, and thinking about eating shellfish tonight.

    There really is no sin I won’t commit.

    • VagendaofNastyWoman

      Make sure to burn your sofa if anyone sat there while they were menstruating.

      • Résistance Land Shark

        Did you get invited to the “Worked on the Sabbath” stoning? I heard all the best secular preverts will be there!

        • Jennifer R

          Joke is on them. Saturday is the Sabbath and god is torqued.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        If you’ve ever done anything sexual with a woman menstruating (like touch her arm or kiss her cheek) you have to sit in a hut by yourself and take long baths and scrub your skin really hard for a week. (Or do you get stoned? It’s one or the other.)

        • puredog

          Just speaking for myself, I get stoned.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            I meant with literal rocks, not plants. I’m just telling you what I remember from the Bible.

        • Jennifer R

          IMO if you don’t have your red wings, you don’t really love women that much.

          • Courser

            The first time I was way more freaked out than the guy. His response, ‘Okay, I’ll get a towel’. And damn if it wasn’t *really* good.

          • Scrofula

            Anecdotally, it seems to help with cramps. Anything I can do to help.

          • Courser

            That was also his suggestion. And it really, really does.

          • The Wanderer

            Damn straight. I had a girlfriend who went into horny hyperdrive when the blood started, and I came away looking like I was an axe murderer.

          • Jennifer R

            Hormone dumps do intense things. Friends who get the shot instead of pills go in to overdrive for a day or two after getting a booster.

          • The Wanderer

            I kind of freaked out the guy at the gas station when I stopped to refuel the alleged car on my way home.

          • Bad Tom

            Perfect time for a selfie posted to Instagram.

          • Jennifer R

            True Story: You can put whatever gory, sexy photos and videos you want on Gdrive as long as you only personally hand the links out instead of spamming them to every website on the planet.

          • It always helped Ma Femme’s lining drop. And that was a good thing.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          This, as it turns out, is a serious problem for orthodox couples (who, unlike their more recently arrived cousins, take all the prohibitions seriously) undergoing fertility treatments.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Where does the woman sleep when she’s on her period then? Because she’s not supposed to be physically near anyone and after she’s done anything she touched is supposed to be burned.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            No idea. I just read an article about the fertility thing when I was researching IVF for a story.

          • Scrofula

            Outside, duh. In the shed where she goes every month, and after every kid, probably where she shaves her legs, etc.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            That’s still a thing in the countryside in Nepal. It’s awful.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            You’re serious…? That’s depressing.

          • Jennifer R

            Not just Nepal. Lots of pre industrial places do the awful things we used to do when we were pre industrial. And a lot of them do the awful things we came up with post industrialization too.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Yep – totally serious. It’s mostly in remote rural villages, but it happens a lot.

          • Tiny kaiju

            The Red Tent with the other unclean ladies.

          • They had menstrual huts where you were supposed to go until it was over.

          • Jennifer R

            You know, sometimes the only difference between mental illness and acts of faith seems to be someone else codified it first.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            No idea. The theory that seemed most likely to me was that it had to do with saving the sperm for when it was most likely to produce little agrarian workers, but who knows.

          • Jennifer R

            When did humanity figure out that menstruation and fertility were related?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            No idea. But there was a lot of knowledge about nature that went away when the patriarchy took over.

          • Almost immediately.

          • Tiny kaiju

            I believe that’s in the DSM regarding visions and shamanic practices. It’s ok if it is in the patient’s cultural experience and in proper context but a hallucination otherwise. Which I guess lets the Charismatics and Pentecostals off the hook.

          • Jennifer R

            Which is kind of unhelpful in ways, they are all hallucinations. Not saying that every bit of atypicality needs to be patholigized but if god talks to you then you are at a minimum psychopathy NAS.

        • VagendaofNastyWoman

          Take a couple of doves to the temple and the priest will purify you. The woman, on the other hand, should be burned along with the furniture.

      • Rick Hill

        Not a concern. We have a separate room all women who are not clean must remain in for the duration. Actually a good idea…Hey! Put that down. Don’t throw..it was a joke!!

      • Bad Tom

        We wanted new furniture, anyway.
        ——-
        Wait. I thought you said masturbating.

        • VagendaofNastyWoman

          Your guests might prefer that you burn the furniture

    • Jennifer R

      You and me, we are like this. :holds up two fingers pressed together:

    • The Wanderer

      A friend of mine eats ham and Swiss on matzoh.

      • msanthropesmr

        Blueberry bagels truly are a sin against the lord.

        • Scrofula

          Cinnamon Raisin bagels, clearly Satan’s diaphragm.

          • Jennifer R

            Stoned, with peanut butter these are pretty tasty actually, besides the raisins.

          • Raisins are the devil’s hamster’s shit nuggets

          • The Wanderer

            But tasty toasted with cream cheese.

          • Sister Artemis

            everything toasted with cream cheese is delicious. Except canned clams.

        • The Wanderer
          • Jennifer R

            You have finally found a new addition to the list of what Jennifer won’t put in her mouth.

          • Doug Langley

            Hey, gotta get your minimum daily requirement of Red Dye #2.

          • Tiny kaiju

            They remind me of the vintage Bakelite jewelry from the Thirties.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Pretty much every bagel they sell at Au Bon Pain is a scandal and a hissing.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          There is a blueberry bagel in my kitchen right this minute.

          Panera makes ’em vegan, and the kid likes ’em.

          • Amy!

            Panera doesn’t make bagels. Panera makes doughnut-shaped yeast bread.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Here on Long Island, I have no difficulty getting the real thing, but I must say, Panera’s aren’t as horrific as some commercially-available bagels are – they’re not real, but they’re pleasant. It seems to be difficult for some people to understand that the word “fluffy” must NEVER be applied to a bagel.

      • JustDon’tSayIntelligence

        With canned clams on the side?

      • Tiny kaiju

        An old friend of my husband had a sandwich called The Moo Pig Grass or ham and cheese with lettuce.

    • shivaskeeper

      No, that’s so Old Testament. The New Testament did away with those rules. Christ died on the cross to do away with them, unless you really happen to like some of the rules from your mistranslation of Leviticus or Deuteronomy., If you really like the old rules, you have justify it by saying you think God finds x,y,and z icky so it’s cool because it’s not you personally, it’s God.

      • The Wanderer

        That’s quite so. According to the NT, Jesus came to fulfill the Law, not to add or subtract from it. Any doctrinal fluff in the NT comes from notable woman-hater Paul O’Tarsus.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Woman hater and obvious closet case.

          • Jennifer R

            If any one in the early church was big in to betraying the ideas of jesus it was that fuck.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            I looked up a couple of verses to make sure I remembered them correctly and holy Batman was he evil.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            As someone who read the Bible, Jonathon and David were best friends but Paul had a REALLY disturbing crush on Timothy. Also, I still don’t understand his condemnation of the effeminate. What was he talking about???

          • Jennifer R

            He was a Man Going His Own Way.

        • msanthropesmr

          Paul o Tarsus was the WSORST Emerson Lake and Palmer album.

        • shivaskeeper

          But they would have to actually read their bible and not just go on what the pastor or priest tells them is in it. That’s unpossible.

        • Scrofula

          Not to mention Paul of the NT demanded women veil themselves in church. There’s no fluff to get you ladies out of that.
          ETA: And don’t braid your hair, you whores.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            He also required women didn’t speak in church so anyone who condemns gays but thinks ladies should participate should not be trusted (which is most fundie Christians).

          • The Wanderer

            Tertullian (and, I think, Jerome) also went after the wearing of wigs, saying that if the priest laid hands on a woman’s head, you had to be sure that the prayer would get through.

          • Hutch

            Do you know where they stood on merkins?

          • mailman27

            How about figgins?

        • theCryptofishist

          And then there was the False Paul. Or was that False Pauls?

          • The Wanderer

            I think you’re thinking of the False Dmitris. I think there may have been three of those.

          • theCryptofishist

            Oh yeah, the Russians. Strange governments going by 100s of years. No women distributing swords from ponds, though.

      • BloviateMe

        Whatever makes me more perverse, that’s my path.

        • msanthropesmr

          Canned Clams.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            YOU MONSTER!*

            *Obligatory response to canned clams reference.

          • puredog

            Personally, I like to see whole amateur families performing sex acts on the internet (“CLANNED CAMS”).

          • shivaskeeper

            YOU MONSTER!1111111!!

          • Tiny kaiju

            On a white pizza with bacon. Thin New York style crust or homemade only.

          • mailman27

            How dare you.

      • Tiny kaiju

        I never thought of it that way before. Jesus died to take away my dietary sins. It all makes sense now. Like when I first heard the Bible referred to as Christian mythology. A revelation thanks to Kevin Smith and Dogma.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          New Covenant, and all that.

      • Rags

        So that invalidates the ten commandments? Get those blasphemous monuments off our Capitol lawn, dammit!

        • shivaskeeper

          They should be off the Capitol lawns anyway. Separation of church and state.

    • msanthropesmr

      But I woooont do that……

    • msanthropesmr

      How bout bacon wrapped shrimp covered in cheese?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I’ll take a plate of those.

      • shivaskeeper

        What kind of cheese?

        • msanthropesmr

          I have provolone and Cabot cheddar.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Can I go halvsies?

          • msanthropesmr

            For you, my imaginary internet friend, anything.

          • Not cedar cheese? IMPOSTER!

          • shivaskeeper

            Provolone FTW. I just had to make sure you weren’t a heathen or something.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            CHEEZE WHIZ FROM KRAFT! IN A CAN!

          • The Wanderer

            Makes a great, cheap, quickie topping on steamed broccoli.

          • shivaskeeper

            Heathen.

          • Jennifer R

            OOh that sounds good with say, Havarti or pepper jack.

      • Can they go on a stick? They could be handy as delicious lollipops

  • thebeatgoeson

    Does he think we are porn addicted, left wing, secular, child abusing perverts? I’m not sure because he barely mentions those things at all…Where the heck is my “eye rolling” emoji when I need it?

  • The Wanderer

    Non ragionam di lor, ma guarda e’ passa.

    • Hutch

      I’m impressed as all get out, Wand! “…let us not talk of them, but look and pass.” From Dante’s Inferno, Canto III. Wow!

      • The Wanderer

        Thank you! (bows) I have all three volumes of the Divine Comedy in my library.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    Does this mean Trump is making his ties in Russia now?

    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-38542415

    • Bill D. Burger

      Ooooh! “Russian Necktie”___That’s sum scary stuff right there.

      • msanthropesmr

        That’s when they kill you by dosing your tea with Polonium. Yeah – loses something in the translation.

        • Bill D. Burger

          Don’t look it up! More tongue in a Russian Necktie than in a French Kiss.
          (Although, I do sometimes picture Trump wearing one. ___ OH, with votes of course.)

          • Teecha

            Is it like a Colombian neck tie? That image haunted my dreams for weeks when I first learned of it.

          • Bill D. Burger

            Yup! ~shudder!~

      • too cheap assed to get a legit Sicilian necktie, I guess

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Reminds me off all those ill fitting suits Brezhnev wore…

    • Markuserektus

      Maybe he and Pooty are exploring BDSM…

    • Tiny kaiju

      Good relations with Russia are a good thing. Sucking Putin’s dick to get out of paying your personal debt to Russian oligarchs isn’t that bad either, is it Donald?

  • Yr. Gma

    I find it interesting that he graduated from the English Department but not the university.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      He graduated from Wonkette too.

    • Rouge Skwerl!

      Coursera isn’t really a university

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Sister Artemis

      Yes, when folks hold their credentials up in that manner, I usually assume they’re lying out their ass. They believe they coulda been a contender, so they paint themselves as actually having done it. Same crap from the “my military history should intimidate you fuckers” crowd.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, my military history SHOULD intimidate you fuckers. But then again, you’re not Breitbart simpletons, you simply nod your heads and move on to something less idiotic.

        • shivaskeeper

          Do you ever get the “you’re just not a real veteran” or “your service was fake and all lies because you’re not (whatever group I say you have to be lumped into)” bullshit?

          • Villago Delenda Est

            To those twits, I just reply “So, what was your MOS?”

          • BloviateMe

            I’ve found, face to face, an easy weed-out question is to ask what a gig line is.

            If you don’t know, you’ve never served

          • shivaskeeper

            I usually ask “where were you stationed? What unit?”

      • shivaskeeper

        Standard appeal to authority/appeal to accomplishment fallacy. I always ask for proof if whatever appeal has bearing, of call it out as a logical fallacy and move on if it does not.

      • Jennifer R

        Being the child of a 22 year vet, I quickly learned that anyone who uses their service to prop themselves up like a crutch is almost certainly some one and done rifle stchuper, who didn’t do anything even remotely notable with their life and have to feed their self worth with ratty memories.

    • BloviateMe

      One of my favorite lines: “I may not be book smart, but I have street smarts.”

      WTF does that even mean?

      • Yr. Gma

        I can tell the difference between a street and a book.

        • BloviateMe

          That made me laugh out loud.

      • The Wanderer

        I think it means, “I can’t scratch my name in the sand with a stick, but I can hot-wire a car.”

      • Doug Langley

        It means “I’m a high school dropout.”

        • This

        • theCryptofishist

          Oh, I mean “I’m a college dropout” when I use it.

      • Tiny kaiju

        I love it when people put The School of Hard Knocks or The College of Life as their education history on Facebook.

        • The Wanderer

          Not “the Kindergarten of Getting the Shit Kicked Out of You?”

          • Tiny kaiju

            I would respect that one.

        • Saxo the Grammarian

          Learning from one’s own fuck-ups is no great achievement.

          • Jennifer R

            The trick is, almost no one actually learned from them. They just keep on going in the same direction, the same way. And wonder why the same problem keeps punching them in the solar plexus.

          • Tiny kaiju

            So many people can not make that claim though.

      • Serai 1

        It means “I flunked all my classes”, basically.

    • puredog

      He does not actually claim to have “graduated,” as such. He instead “achieved a degree.” It may be the same thing, but the tortuous locution doth maketh one to wonder.

      • OneYieldRegular

        …as in, “achieved a degree” of proficiency in English?

  • Suttree

    I just ate a can of cranberry sauce left over from turkey day. I would do it again.

    • Sister Artemis

      Live your dreams!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh, smart. Probably had more vitamin C than anything else in the house.

      • Suttree

        It was just prep for the walk to the liquor store. Feels like 14 according to my phone. Be back soon!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I’ve been sterilizing the left over spiced cider with rum.

  • Count Awesome

    “I am so smart! S-M-R-T!”
    –ThomasAugustine

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Homer libelz!

    • Bill D. Burger

      ThomasAugustine was so happy the day he graduated from that world famous English department.

      http://i.imgur.com/scNr6py.png

    • VagendaofNastyWoman

      Both Augustine and Thomas Aquinas would probably find this dude to be a repulsive twit.

      • theCryptofishist

        Does he know what a hellion St. Augustine was before his conversion?

        • VagendaofNastyWoman

          well, they say there’s nothing worse than a reformed anything. When you look at what Augustine had to say about sex and women, it was true.

  • (Major_Major_Major)ly+Fucked

    I was really digging AT’s missives, but then I was distracted by all those perverted atheist pop culture people, and had to head to my bunk. Did I miss anything?

  • Some points

    “Breitbart has so many more readers :)”

    And they’re all bugfuck crazy. Speaking of bugs and quality… 10 billion flies can be wrong which makes me wonder if this fella sits down to big steaming plate of excrement each night.

    “Leftists want this to be Communist China”

    Not really…but I do wonder if folks like this would be cool with Czarist Russia.

    “my grammar appears to be far superior to yours”

    Because he said so, dammit!

    Shakespeare, eh?

    I wonder if he knows about all the sex, anal sex, and masturbation served up by the bard.

    “cheap pleasures that ultimately leave you empty and miserable.”

    This from someone who probably watches fishing shows and NASCAR.

    “so you preach at a comment of someone you blocked”

    Not “preach”…mock.

    • Rick Hill

      Maybe he just read the words but didn’t understand all that Shakespearian English.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      He’s at Breitbart. He probably thinks italian is a race.

  • Rick Hill

    I may have missed it but I haven’t noticed any republicans standing up for trump’s cabinet choices. With all the claims of them circumventing vetting and such, I haven’t’ seen much “He’s allowed to choose who he wants to work for him. Blah blah blah.”

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Romney apparently wrote an op-ed defending Betsy DeVos. The main takeaway is that she’s a good choice because she has no “financial bias” to reform education. Make of that idiocy what you will.

      • Rick Hill

        Yeah but no elected voices.

        • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

          Does it matter?

          • Rick Hill

            Just pointing out what’s missing

          • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

            I’m sure they don’t mind him. He brought them the votes.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Two hundred and sixty seven million Christians, my ass. All you have to do in America to call yourself a Christian is decorate fir trees and dye hard boiled eggs.

    • Teecha

      Are you saying, and I want to be totally clear on this, that these actions *aren’t* sufficient to make one a christian?

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      …and hate the poor and immigrants.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        The best are the people who see the parable of Jesus overturning the money changers who were charging access fees to the divine as an impetus for violence and toxic masculinity. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/85a7c8941cb490fdea081735abbe9d7d2d2675dbcafcfa7bbb98458a6bd57d14.jpg

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          Hey, my Jesus is no pussy. He’d have a grenade launcher if he comes back to earth.

        • Serai 1

          Jesus Christ (literally), that’s go to be one of the ugliest pictures I’ve ever seen. And I’m including every picture of a Chinese Crested.

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        And believe Jesus had blond hair and blue eyes.

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          Rock me, sexy Jesus.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        …and want to punish them.

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          Yeah, I’m pretty sure there is something in the Bible about punishing the poor and revering the rich.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Well, yeah, because the government doesn’t make that decision (yet). But there are Christians out there who call themselves Christians because they think Christ had some good ideas and they want to go with that.

    • The problem is that anytime you survey Americans a bunch are gonna say they’re Christian. It’s like a part of American mythology, the whole Christian nation thing. Reality is the majority identifying as such are actually unaffiliated and religion plays little if any role in their lives.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        To them, Christianity means race and nationality not religion.

    • Serai 1

      No, it’s probably a good statistic. Problem is, most people hear “Christian”, and they think “white evangelical assholes”. But “Christian” is an umbrella term, and covers a whole range of groups. If you ask a Catholic if they’re Christian, they’ll say yes, of course. So would all the other sects. It’s why I get so frustrated when people toss that word around, whether they themselves are Christian or not. It’s claiming a dominance for a particular sect that they do not actually have.

  • Teecha

    Shakespeare made loads of dick jokes*. Wonkette makes loads of dick jokes.**

    SO WHO IS TEH FILTHY PREVERT NOW HEY?

    Source: *me with a Masters in teaching Shakespeare. **me, with a hobby of reading wonkette and knowing about dick jokes.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Fuckin’ A, Teecha.

      • Teecha

        Fucking a Teecha would be more fun.

        COMMAS MATTER.

        • JH Marx, Resister

          Upfisted only for the last line – Honest!!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Shakespeare just seems difficult mostly owing to the fact that the language is antiquated and attempts to mimic the greek tradition of iambic pentameter.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Also, it’s crammed with Elizabethan slang that didn’t survive the 17th Century.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Yeah, he wasn’t selling tickets to snobs.

        • Teecha

          You don’t need to translate much to get the sense. You mainly need to reorder the words, see what they mean, then put those little buggers back the way that Billy wanted them.

          • Serai 1

            More than anything, you just need a good vocabulary. Know what helps with that? READING.

        • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

          It’s full of dirty jokes and double entendres too.

          Gore and intellectual humor. Something for everyone.

          • Jennifer R

            There is a reason why any high school literature book with Shakespeare in it looks like McCarthy got to it first.

          • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

            I started performing in my childhood and the thing I wanted for my 8th birthday was the Yale Shakespeare. Makes a great doorstop too.

          • Serai 1

            I’m very fond of my copy of The Friendly Shakespeare. All kinds of amazing info in that book. Did you know an actor once got killed onstage while performing Iago on a tour of the West in the 1880’s? That’s how fucking crazy that character can make audiences.

          • Teecha

            Shakespeare should be drama first and foremost. Then examine it as literature.
            *mutters* Fucking english teachers, spoiling Shakespeare for the rest of us.

          • Querolous

            Thomas Bowdler got there first.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            The groundlings just eat that shit up.

          • Jennifer R

            Violence and Sex are oh so close.

          • Count Awesome

            They can be the same if you’re into that kind of thing

          • Jennifer R

            I have first hand stories about that, with photos and video.

          • Count Awesome

            The non-comments section was throbbing….

          • Jennifer R

            I have made a few new friends by being explicit actually.

          • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

            It’s difficult to make Hamlet funny. On purpose that is.

          • mailman27

            It was a bold move when MST3K took it on.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            ^O dear god, now I know what I’m watching today.

          • Yr. Gma

            I don’t know. I always laugh at “I’ll drag the guts to the neighbor room.”

          • “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead” did a pretty good job.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            The Elcor production was funny.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIfx32iAjzU

          • OneYieldRegular

            Still, that musical version from “Gilligan’s Island” has stuck with me all these years.

          • Querolous

            That mangled both Bizet and Shakespeare

          • BoatOfVelociraptors
        • shivaskeeper

          But good slang, like good swearing doesn’t need a common language. You may not be able to understand what they are saying, but you get the point of it.

      • Teecha

        My opinion is that it seems hard coz reading shit that rhymes makes getting the sense out of it hard. Once you start standing up and acting the motherfucking words, everyone can understand it.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          It’s still difficult because it’s not modern English.

          “Or if thou follow me, do not believe. But I shall do thee mischief in the wood” – Demetrius in “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”:

          Yeah, that’s a rape joke.

          • Teecha

            I only slightly don’t disagree with you.
            It’s not modern English. But it’s not as hard as some people want to make out. (Often people who want to pretend that they are cleverer than the hoi polloi.
            I get my kids to speak in a brummy accent and suddenly it’s easier. Or we do bits making the most of their West Country accents.
            I translate some things into modern English and we unravel others to find the sense. We play with the sounds and words and images and it’s easier to understand.

            Shakespeare is part of our heritage and it’s so important for children of all ages to be able to wallow in his world and language and see how his sense of humour is still relevant in Britain.
            I really miss teaching drama. And Shakespeare in particular.
            Sigh.

          • theCryptofishist

            I thought you said “bunny accent.”

          • Teecha

            Ha! What’s up doc?

            The chaps who do the stuff about OP Shakespeare would disagree with me, and of course, David Crystal knows much more than I do about Elizabethan pronunciation. But all my kids know how they talk in Brum, and it’s close enough to achieve my aims.

          • ahughes798

            Fascinating. Ozzy Osbourne’s a Brummie, then? I love dialects. Johnny Carson used to have this guy on, every once in a while, who was a dialectician, and he could do every English dialect, tons of Asian Indian ones, and well, just everything. I was completely transfixed by what this man was doing. Found lots of you tube posts on how to do certain English dialects.

          • Teecha

            Yes, he is. That Black Country accent makes stuff rhyme in Shakespeare which doesn’t rhyme in RP (Received Pronunciation- the way the queen speaks and how old Shakespearean actors used to declaim.)
            That accent isn’t infallible for Shakespeare, but there must be similarities because Stratford isn’t far from b’ham.
            I love accents and have an ear for them. And I’m a pretty good mimic. I can’t do an accent from where I grew up. Weird. I did find myself going back to that accent when I was having some hypnotherapy a few years ago and thinking about events in my teens, I could hear myself speaking in the accent, but I can’t do it if I try!

          • ahughes798

            I can do a generic southern accent. I can “pass.” My Kentucky accent is still there, but not there unless I trot it out. The Tennessee accent is really different, I have a hard time with that one. The fun thing is that all Southern Accents are derivations of the various accents in Great Britain.

          • OneYieldRegular

            Anthony Burgess has a great observation about that in ABBA, ABBA, where he has one of his characters suddenly “get” the joke in Falstaff’s line, “reasons are as plentiful as blackberries.” With the accent, “reasons” would sound like “raisins.” Genius.

          • Serai 1

            That’s how you do it – out loud. If you’re not willing to get the words out and play with them like Tinker Toys, you’re never going to get results.

        • Reading the plays became a lot easier for me after seeing them performed. I found that after that I was “hearing” what I read with a sort of mental accent.

          • Teecha

            Boom! This is how it should be. He wasn’t writing stuff to be read and pored over, he was writing plays to entertain and rake in the spondulicks!
            Once you have the ear for the language, then you can do the reading and studying.

      • Yr. Gma

        Anyone raised on the King James version of the Bible can understand Shakespeare with little effort. Same era (more or less.)

        • Jennifer R

          I have found that a fairly small amount of “faithful” that claim the infallibility of the KJV have ever cracked the ugly motherfucker open.

        • BosGrl

          When you have the right professor, suddenly the light goes on and you get it.

          • Serai 1

            A teacher that has the kids read aloud is key. Reading it on the page doesn’t work at all. It just flows over their eyes like muddy water. You have to say the words, or at least hear them spoken.

        • Serai 1

          Homer helps, too.

      • Serai 1

        It seems more difficult because our fucking educational system can’t be bothered to teach kids anything about their own language.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      He made a lot of sex jokes in general. I’m not explaining the title “Much Ado About Nothing” I’m still scarred and I’m severely traumatized writing it out.

      • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

        That one is a hoot to perform.

        • Serai 1

          I’ve always wanted to play Beatrice. Alas, I’m too old now.

          • Wouldn’t a version of Much Ado About Nothing in a nursing home be a hoot?

          • Serai 1

            I’m not that old. But yeah, there’s nothing says Beatrice and Benedick have to be young. And the contrast between them and Claudio and Hero would lead to some great moments, I think.

      • Serai 1

        You must be awfully sensitive. That’s a pretty low-level sex joke, as far as Shakespeare’s concerned. ‘Tis why it’s in the title.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I mean, I do call myself a prude.

    • Count Awesome

      Even the name William Shakespeare is a dick joke.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        How did I never see this before. I am, like, not a smart person.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        His surname was, “Sqeezecock”, but he had it changed.

        • Count Awesome

          Kind of like “Penis Van-Lesbian”.

    • BosGrl

      In order to really appreciate Shakespeare, you really need a teacher who loves it and wants you to understand why. So you are awesome.

      • Teecha

        Aw, thank you!

  • TJ Barke

    People that proclaim how smart they are, aren’t.

    • BloviateMe

      I’m smart enough to know what you mean by that.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Good as a general rule but a lot of the women I know (including myself) call themselves geniuses sarcastically.

      • BloviateMe

        I sometimes call other people geniuses sarcastically.

      • Scrofula

        That comment is pure genius, Ms. Cats.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      I’m, like, a smart person. I have a good brain.

    • Vecchiojohn
    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m smarter than the average bear.

      • TJ Barke

        You wanna go knock over some picnics?

    • Jennifer R

      I don’t think I am all that smart, I just think that most everyone else is somehow even dumber than me.

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/news/a52119/pornhub-2016/

    “1. The United States watched the most porn on Pornhub. The U.S. accounted for 40 percent of the site’s traffic—or 221 pageviews per capita. The United Kingdom came in second, followed by Canada, India, Japan, and France.

    2. In the U.S., southern states took the prize for the most endurance.

    Pornhub also measured the average time each user spent on the site, to see who lasted the longest. Mississippi led the pack with an average visit of 11 minutes, 8 seconds. That’s almost a full minute longer than the U.S. average. Oregon, Utah, and Kansas are bringing up the rear with around nine-and-a-half minutes average.”

    Wow, seems the American South and Midwest love their porn.

    • Canada uses it to keep warm

    • Vecchiojohn

      You said bringing up the rear. Heh. Heh heh. Heh.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      From this, I gather that it takes Mississippians a minute longer than most Americans to take care of business, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Probably because of all the guilt.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Or practice.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Well, the extra time to find it…

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        I think it probably takes 8 minutes for Mississippians to figure out how to turn on the compruder, and the other minute to search for “sister porn.”

        Hey-O! I’ll be here till Tuesday, try the veal.

    • Hutch

      Go Ducks! Yay!

      • BloviateMe

        Don’t forget the Beavers. NEVER forget the Beavers.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Busy beavers or bushy beavers?

          • BloviateMe

            yes

        • Villago Delenda Est

          “Beavers unimpressed by Trojans” – actual Oregonian sports section headline back in the 70’s.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      And their sisters!

    • mancityRed6

      “Kansas…bringing up the rear with around nine-and-a-half minutes average.”
      good lord, it takes me that long to find something interesting.

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        Maybe they’re also busy pulling themselves up by the bootstraps?

        • mancityRed6

          sorry, I’m just not really into the BDSM scene

    • Me not sure

      “Things must come more slowly in Mississippi, Watson!” Homes ejaculated.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors
  • Jgb979

    If he was so smart he might have been able to condense 40,000 words into one coherent point.

    • Scrofula

      “I’m jealous that Obama is cooler than my shit-stain choice, and insecure about my intelligence in an internet forum.”

  • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

    “I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That’s what I call a liberal education.”

    –Tallulah Bankhead

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Cripes she was one seriously classy lady.

  • The Librarian

    1)”If I were you, I would worry about my pornography addiction”

    I refuse to worry about Tom’s porn addiction, that’s his problem, which he doth protests too much.

    2) I’m surprised to know that reading Shakespeare makes one realize one’s a idiot. Obviously Tom hasn’t actually read Shakespeare or he’d been more enlightened about his brain’s status.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    God money’s not looking for the cure.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cV2EUUF47Ms

  • Swampay

    Rule #1: Someone who screams so loudly about perverts using the perverted mediea to pervert up all the perverts has got something to hide. Bet on it.

    Rule #2: When someone brags so hard about their education level, there’s a good chance that not much actual knowledge stuck to their (perverted) brains

    Rule #3: You do NOT talk about Fight club You do NOT comment on Wonkette, (because there are no comments permitted on Wonkette)

  • Resistance Engineer Red Bird
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Yup, “political correctness” is all about blind obedience to ideology, and that is the central tenet of “Movement Conservatives”. They’re as fucked up as Mao was in that regard. They’re all fucking Leninists.

  • Show of hands: who here thinks Trump has ever read Dante or Shakespeare or Orwell? Anyone?

    Personally, I think an Archie comic might be too difficult for him.

    • mancityRed6

      he gets mystified by those “family circus” cartoons

      • Villago Delenda Est

        He fully groks the “Not Me” ones, though.

      • BosGrl

        Well, to be fair, those ones with the dotted lines, when little Jeffy is running in and out of the house, and can VERY confusing!

        • Scrofula

          Right? Why can’t Jeffy send for the car?

          • BosGrl

            hahahahaha

          • puredog

            Or call an Uber?

      • theCryptofishist

        He’s wondering if Not Me’s parents ever have him come back home.

        edited to add–we all went for the same thing.

    • BosGrl

      He thinks Dante is the guy that arranges security for him, Shakespeare is the guy in the funny clothes and Orwell is a cleaning company.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Orwell is a cleaning company he’s stiffed.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      I think he read “Lord of the Flies” and thought it was a “How to” manual.

      • BosGrl

        He thought it was Lord of the Lies.

      • Rick Hill

        Better than reading Spock, on child rearing

    • Rick Hill

      He read Mein Kampf.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Are we convinced he didn’t (have a ghostwriter) write it?

      • The Librarian

        Maybe just a bedside table prop?

      • mancityRed6

        not unless it comes on tapes.

        • CripesAmighty

          Cliff notes. (Paper Internet, for all youse young youts)

    • The Librarian

      Dante- Nope
      Shakespeare- Nope
      Orwell- Nope

      Anything beyond the 5th grade level- Debatable.

    • Alan

      Hahaha. More than 140 characters?

    • Daisy

      I barely made it through the Inferno sophomore year, so no. He didn’t read it. (We were using a translation that tried to keep the language patterns from the original Italian. I should have sought out a second translation for content.)

      • BosGrl

        I snored through Dante in college too…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I cheated on Hermann Hesse in German class in HS. I read an English translation of Siddhartha, not the original German.

        • puredog

          It’s okay. We’ll still confirm you to the Cabinet.

      • Serai 1

        Never read a translation that tries to be word-for-word, or “preserve the rhythm”, or any other such crap. A good translator wants to translate the meaning, and fuck all the rest of it. If you can make it pretty, great, but if not, it doesn’t matter. (I used to do translation work, and I’ve winced at some of the awful translations I’ve read that indulge in that “preserve the original” nonsense.)

    • shivaskeeper

      There is only one book. The Art of the Deal. He got the audio version though. He didn’t write it and I doubt he could read the finished product.

    • Reddishrabbit

      He has read them all!*

      *If you count the cliff notes version**

      ** Not the whole cliff notes, just the one page summary

    • LucindathePook

      Archie: too many gehs

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Twelfth Night: Act 1, Scene 3

    SIR ANDREW
    But it becomes me well enough, does ’t not?

    SIR TOBY BELCH
    Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I
    hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs
    and spin it off.

    In this scene, Sir Toby Belch and Sir Andrew are discussing Andrew’s hair, which is apparently flat and lifeless. While Toby uses the image of a woman spinning yarn from flax, the line is a rather unfortunate double entendre. Essentially, Sir Toby is telling Andrew that he hopes a woman takes him “between her legs” and that he contracts syphilis, a disease which causes hair loss.

    • Yr. Gma

      Are you still here, AT?

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        wut?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This explains so much about Donald.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Breitbart has more readers? Wait. They can read?

    • natoslug

      Weevils. Breitbart has more weevils. It’s a common mistake, though.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        So it’s a matter of the lesser of two weevils?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Bo knows weevils

      • puredog

        Auto-correct.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Does grunt and nod count?

  • WeaselPoo

    Just like to remind you all of a few of Obama’s failures before he’s evicted from the White House:

    FEMA re-education camps built: 0
    Enslaving of whites: No
    Declaring martial law: No
    Guns seized: 0
    DOW dropping thousands of points: Didn’t happen
    Helping beleaguered oil industry create more jobs by raising gas prices to $6 a gallon: Failed
    Banning Christmas: Failed
    Passing Man-Box Turtle Marriage law: Failed
    Wars won: 0
    Law forcing Christian churches to gay marry same sex people and/or appliances: Thwarted by Christian cake-shop owners.
    Establishing Sharia Law: Defeated

    • mancityRed6

      yeah, I don’t know if I’m gonna vote for him again.
      aww, who am I kidding, of course I will

      • Serai 1

        I’m gonna vote for him twice!

        • JH Marx, Resister

          Me too, also, like the 1st 2 times.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m really steamed about the FEMA camp thing. I’ll never vote for him again!

      • Reddishrabbit

        I knew I shouldn’t have spent all that money on my Camp Warden cards!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          I had a uniform made (in the manner of Hugo Boss) and everything in anticipation of being the Kommandant of a FEMA camp.

    • suziq

      It will be nice when we start winning again! We will be so tired of winning! Too bad it will be four years from now.

      • puredog

        I’m tired of winning already.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Hamlet: Act 3, Scene 2

    HAMLET
    Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

    OPHELIA
    No, my lord.

    HAMLET
    I mean, my head upon your lap?

    OPHELIA
    Ay, my lord.

    HAMLET
    Do you think I meant country matters? (get it? Cunt-tree)

    OPHELIA
    I think nothing, my lord.

    HAMLET
    That’s a fair thought to lie between maids’ legs.

    OPHELIA
    What is, my lord?

    HAMLET
    Nothing. (get it, not having a penis).

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You come here for dick jokes, and you get…Elizabethan dick jokes.

      • Serai 1

        They loved their dick jokes almost as much as they loved their fart jokes. Hell, the Queen laid a fart-joke trap that took years to reach its punchline. But when it did, it was a killer.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Oh Ophelia

      Please darken my door…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Ophelia, you’re breaking my heart!
        You’re shaking my confidence daily!

    • Tallmutha

      Ophelia? But I hardly even know ya!

    • Serai 1

      I’m not sure what’s worse: productions of Shakespeare that just let the jokes go by without hitting them, or that hit the jokes so hard it’s like having an uncle explain them to you. Branagh’s version of that scene hit that last joke so heavy-handedly, he completely ruined it. Better not to tell a joke at all than to make everyone roll their eyes at your clumsiness.

  • Nounverb911

    Melania must have left him locked in the bathroom again, and forgot to take away his phone…

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/818169485169410048

    • shivaskeeper

      Keep pissing off the Intelligence community and you’ll see “so serious!” leaks.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Like his tax returns

      • Nounverb911

        I’m still waiting for the CIA to empty all of Putin’s bank accounts and donate the money to Planned Parenthood in Mike Pence’s name.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          That would be WAY COOL!

        • CripesAmighty

          Calling Malcolm Nance–how about it?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      SQUIRREL!

      • shivaskeeper

        Of course it’s SQUIRREL!, he needs to lay the groundwork for when the revelations about him come out.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          And in the meantime, keep the obsequious MSM talking about his tweet instead of the actual report

          • shivaskeeper

            The media hasn’t really talked about the report at all. At least not truthfully. The focus is on “hacks”. Yes hacks were a part of the entire operation, but they have not talked about the entire PSYOPS, and Information Warfare that the Russians pulled on us at all throughout this whole thing.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Can’t upset the rubes customer too much

      • Nounverb911
    • Daisy

      He does not need to be on Twitter.

    • suziq

      I really expected someone to take his phone away by now. They just really do not care, do they? SAD!

    • gene108

      Considering Republicans want to rush through nominees, who refuse to fill out any required disclosure forms, including Sen. Sessions who left hundreds of questions blank, leaks maybe our only hope of shedding light on Trump’s loot the country Cabinet.

      • Nounverb911

        McConnell seems to have changed his tune since 2009.
        https://twitter.com/NormEisen/status/818068447716409345

        • gene108

          Fucking conniving asshole. And the good for nothing media will treat 180 degree turn asas A-Okay now.

        • (Major_Major_Major)ly+Fucked

          Maybe orange isn’t the new black, then. That would explain why Yertle has changed his tune.

    • WeaselPoo

      Says the guy who doesn’t trust the CIA/NSA intelligence reports, knows all about how untraceable a hack is, is too busy tweeting about both jack shit and every damn thing to make time for a daily intelligence briefing

      • puredog

        I rather loathe Maureen Dowd mostly, but even a blind pig finds the occasional truffle. She landed the hands-down best sentence/image in today’s NYT with the following description of the mood in DC as the inauguration approaches: “The city has the panicked air of a B-horror movie where the townsfolk stand stock still, bug-eyed and frozen, too frightened to flee, waiting for the creature.” (Full disclosure: I grew up in DC so this resonates particularly. Somewhere nearby is the distinct, but related, image of Donald Sutherland ululating.)

    • Rick Hill

      But, apparently, not as serious as the meddling in our election

      • gene108

        What meddling? Some 400 pound guy in his mom’s basement with an Altair 8800 and a Hayes 300 Baud modem did it.

        • Rick Hill

          The Dem’s security is so lax the guy used a ’79 Atari to break into their system

    • Rick Hill

      What import is “before I saw them”? There are a lot of things in the intel briefs he hasn’t seen.

    • Tiny kaiju

      That man’s butchering of the English language makes me want to stuff him in a Diaper Genie. #SoSerious!

      • CripesAmighty

        His flacks have been shopping this little gem all over the Sunday yakablabs.

      • Serai 1

        And we thought BUSH sounded like an idiot. *headdesk*

        • Wee Mousie

          Like “Fool me once… you won’t fool me again,” there did seem to be a thought, no matter how trite and/or destructive behind Shrub’s verbiage, trying desperately, but unsuccessfully, to get out.

          Not to imply that what Trump says isn’t trite and/or destructive, but there doesn’t seem to be any guiding thought behind his verbiage. Just sound and fury, signifying zippiddy-doo-doo!

    • Duke

      Does anyone have time for Twitter?

      Or, do they have time for anything else once they’re in it?

      Maybe get an intern to follow along and write stuff.

      • Wee Mousie

        I seem to recall that Obama had to turn over his BlackBerry when he became President Elect, and not another word was heard from him on any social network from then on. (Although the White House site did become much more interesting.)

  • TheGrandWaz00

    I guess he done told us.
    http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/didit.gif

    • Duke

      “Watch!”

      I love it.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    The Taming of the Shrew: Act 2, Scene 1

    PETRUCHIO
    Who knows not where a wasp does
    wear his sting? In his tail.

    KATHARINA
    In his tongue.

    PETRUCHIO
    Whose tongue?

    KATHARINA
    Yours, if you talk of tails: and so farewell.

    PETRUCHIO
    What, with my tongue in your tail? (Shakespeare was a cunning linguist).

  • btwbfdimho

    Speaking of sex, We The Peoples grew up with nearly-zero sexual education (including me).
    So where do we learn about sex? Not in High School nor watching mon&dad doing la chancería, but from…(yes, you’re right!) porn!
    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/20/opinion/sunday/when-did-porn-become-sex-ed.html?_r=0

    • Scrofula

      Which is why all those red state teen boys get pizza delivery jobs.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        They’re bound to be a bit disappointed.

    • natoslug

      Yeah, I think I’m happy not getting sex ed from watching mom and dad . . .

    • Wee Mousie

      Which explains all the disappointment, unrealized expectations and vituperative divorces.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Shakespeare does a “Yo Mamma” joke: Possible first motherfucker reference.

    Titus Andronicus: Act 4, Scene 2

    CHIRON
    Thou hast undone our mother.

    AARON
    Villain, I have done thy mother.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Incorrect. (Okay, technically a “yo-mama” joke.)

      • Tiny kaiju

        But they lost the punchline.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    OT: Kentucky’s legislature rammed through abortion restrictions, right-to-work laws, and replacing the University of Louisville’s Board of Trustees with a politically-appointed board in a rare Saturday session. Governor Bevin has indicated he will sign all the bills on Sunday and they will be effective immediately.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      Because of PATRIOTISM, son!!!!

    • Reddishrabbit

      Economic anxiety fixed!!

    • The Librarian

      They must be special presents for the Trump inauguration.

    • shivaskeeper

      Of course they did. The main take away is that did in fact deliver on their promises.

      No mention of the inevitable court cases having to defend the new laws and the cost to the taxpayers. As long as they get to say they delivered, it’s all good.

      • Tiny kaiju

        The fuckers even set aside a special fund to cover the court costs for the evitable challenge to the abortion bill.

        • shivaskeeper

          Yes, but it’s still taxpayer money. I’ll also bet that whichever law firm the hire will bill to exactly that amount.

          • puredog

            No, they’ll bill for much more and force supplemental funding. That’s how those law firms work.

          • shivaskeeper

            True. And it needs to be pointed out to them as soon as it happens. Not by the MSM but by their friends and neighbors. The base there won’t listen to the news, so it will end up having g to be a one on one ground game. One on one engagement and persuasion is what I see it taking.

      • They seem unaware of the Law of Unintended Consequences. In passing all these bill and laws from federal to state to local they are incurring a huge backlash. Cosmic laws are a bitch.

        • shivaskeeper

          They lack the imagination to see unintended consequences. FSM and After School Satan Clubs re a great examples of that. They really don’t think anyone else who they are trying to keep down will be able to use the laws against them as well. They don’t ever foresee a time they won’t be the majority and the current minorities might be in charge using their own rules again them.

          • gene108

            They fully see an America, where minorities will be the majority, which is why they work so hard to discourage minority voters, pass laws that hurt minorities disproportionately, etc because they do not want give up their perceived stranglehold on power.

            I mean they suffered through 8 terrible years of a Negro President in their White House. The shock to the natural order was too much for good folks to take lightly.

          • shivaskeeper

            You’re on to something, but there may be an even simpler reason to keep the straglehold. They know they have been playing unfairly. They know all the bad shit they do is in fact bad. They know at their core that treating another human being the way they treat them is worng. They also fear they day the folks they have been fucking over have the power over them.

            TL:DR – They fear the day the oppressed get in power because they do not want to be treated like they treat the oppressed now.

          • But they are not the majority and there is strong opposition. Also they are not the united front they claim to be and are struggling to contain intraparty disharmony.

        • gene108

          What backlash? I thought the 2010 Republican take over would’ve sparked a backlash. But most white folks – and it is always white folks that keep Republicans in power – love this shit.

          They keep electing and expanding Republicans majorities to pass more restrictive abortion laws, dick over universities, and make sure they can take guns all over the place.

          • OK, here’s one example, to build on shivas’ non-comment. Recently, and again today, several blue governors and mayors have publicly announced that they intend to fight the feds in every way possible, especially in the courts. California has retained Eric Holder specifically to lead their opposition in courts. New York’s AG announced he would file lawsuits for every violation. And all of them are emphasizing states rights as the central pivot point.

          • ahughes798

            Well, around 12% of the Latino vote also went to Trump. So the whitey’s had some help.

          • gene108

            As someone on another blog pointed out, after the election, white people are a majority in this country. If a majority of white people decide on something, there ain’t a whole helluva a lot minorities can do to off set it.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Racing towards the dark ages at breakneck speed

    • Alan

      The board of trustees was already appointed by the governor. Not sure what that’s about. But meh, it’s Kentucky, they want to be backward.

      • Jenny

        Texas was having too much fun. Kentucky was jealous.

        • puredog

          But NC started it! The wave of the future!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Just get it over with, Kenfucky, and pass the Enabling Act while you’re at it.

    • If only Louisville had stonewalled a couple of years, they could have used the “see? Perfectly legal!” defense when they got caught paying hookers for the athletic recruits.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    /trying hard to hide my playoffboner

    • Villago Delenda Est
      • shivaskeeper

        Only because I stopped my buddy Chris from watching the game. He is not allowed to watch them live since when he does they lose. He is allowed radio broadcast only, no visual.

        • proudgrampa

          We used to do that with my wife and the 49ers.

          Doesn’t make much difference, these days.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Sad. I remember when the Seahawks and 49ers were the two best teams in the NFL. Wasn’t long ago, either.

          • proudgrampa

            Indeed.

          • puredog

            Nothing does. Take a knee. Take all the knees. Then go home.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Way to TOFTT.

          • shivaskeeper

            Yep.

    • Painter of Goats

      In high school a lot of guys used textbooks.

  • natoslug

    I regret missing AugustineThomas’ original missives, as he sounds like a true “Opitomy of a Dumbass.”

    • puredog

      Well, they *are* better in the original Esperanto.

  • CripesAmighty

    “Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble, wire burn and ceiling dribble.”
    –A Comedy Of Errors In The Burning RainForest Of Arden

    Stage Manager’s Lament (yrs truly), Backstage, NC Shakespeare Festival, 1982.

    Read it, hell.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    For A-T, Shakespeare is a tale read by an idiot who is full of sound and fury, but says nothing of significance

  • proudgrampa

    He seemed so nice…

  • Daisy

    I’m trying to cancel my order from Berkeley’s student store, since they are still processing my order even though I placed it a week ago, but naturally, they don’t have anything for that.

    • Customer service at its finest!

      • Daisy

        I hate them so much. I need these books by the 17th.

        • Jennifer R

          Buy a paperbound international edition for half price or less online?

          • Daisy

            I don’t have the money. I need the original order to be cancelled before I can buy them again.

        • BloviateMe

          If God wanted you to have those books, he would’ve miracled them to you, leftist secular pervert.

    • suziq

      Sometimes you just have to call on the phone and be firm. I used to yell but then found that being pathetic works better. Tell them the situation and ask them what they would suggest you do. Kind of puts it back on them.

  • btwbfdimho

    You clearly don’t read anything except Secularist Leftist tabloids that make you dream about sex with celebrities. You guys are pornography and drug addicts. You’re low class and you’re destroying our society.

    That’s right, we’re just soldiers of the Trump Imperial Army of Sex Addicts.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h822LPnM5uw

    • Villago Delenda Est

      My personal Vietnam was a visit to a brothel in Korea.

      • btwbfdimho

        North or South K?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          South. Although I have been to North Korea…I crossed over the border inside the conference room at Panmunjom.

      • WeaselPoo

        I think Trump and the GOP constitute my personal Vietnam: manufactured victimization to start things off, pointless and destructive objectives, faking of information to pretend all going well, doubling down in hopes of eventual success in the face of mounting failures, blaming the media and protestors for military and political failures, screwing over veterans and enriching the military-industrial complex whilst damaging the economy and running up debt.

        And now we have Russian Agent Orange about to contaminate the White House.

    • Msgr_MΩment
  • Husband Of Mrs God

    I read some Shakespeare and discovered it had no porn.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      First they came for Shakespeare’s porn,
      But I said nothing,
      Because I didn’t get it.

    • Tiny kaiju

      But it does have an awful lot of dirty jokes.

      • Serai 1

        Most of which fly right over people’s heads. Including actors and directors.

    • btwbfdimho

      Do you quarrel sir? Ho, shall I draw my long sword
      Or will you duck your chicken shit ass back into your Ford?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV7xJ73_eeM

  • WeaselPoo

    Sadly, Dok Zoom missed the opportunity to declare the end of A-T’s sojourn with;

    “Exeunt, pursued by a bear” .

    • puredog

      Well, I think AT is alone (I mean, how could it be otherwise?), so it would be “Exit, pursued by a bear.” I *believe* exeunt is the third person plural, but my Latin is so far in the rearview mirror that I cannot guarantee that.

      • WeaselPoo

        You are correct, sir!

        I shall now exit, stageus leftus (alarums and hautboys)

  • proudgrampa

    Message to AT from George Orwell:

    “The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded. “

  • FDRliberal

    “Given Orwell’s staunch anti-clericalism, if not outright atheism, it strikes us as weird A.T. would embrace him at all.”

    As Doktor Zoom notes, George Orwell represents the opposite of what “AT” and his fellow fascists represent. Breitbart “News”, Fox “News” and Hate Radio is where these fascists regularly go for their “Two Minutes Hate”. The result is millions of people who, like “AT” are “unrecoverable”, whose minds are now permanently atrophied by hate, ignorance and stupidity. Like their Trump, these people are the enemies of both truth and America itself.

    Resist. Refuse. Reject. #NeverMyPresident

    • ANNG14

      Go FDR! I’m with him.

  • Rick Hill

    “You Secular Porn Addicts Are Destroying America..”
    I guess it’s up to christian porn addicts to save our country, then

    • Jennifer R

      Fucking the stigmata holes must be a real turn on to some people.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Rule 36 can take you to some really scary places…

        • Suttree

          There is a rule 36 now? I didn’t think it could get worser than rule 34. :)

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            Then you get into Rule 63 and it’s like the whole narrative unity of reality starts to shred.

    • To Christians: porn = public health crisis on par with polio. But guns, no big deal

    • WeaselPoo

      And they are doing a shit job of it—probs because christian porn is mostly coy strictly procreative S&M

      • Rick Hill

        I wonder how much of the punishment pron they consume, also.

        • Suttree

          A,OTK

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GIVE TEN THOUSAND MONKEYS ACCESS TO TEN THOUSAND TYPEWRITERS!!1!

  • Suttree

    Well, my 1/2 mile walk to the store went fine. 14 degrees isn’t very cold when you have awesome long johns on. I also realized that I now have 3 scarfs. They must be humping each other in the closet. They did eat a really nice pair of gloves for sustenance though.

    • BloviateMe

      Can you ask about my missing sock?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        It eloped with the missing Tupperware lid

        • Teecha

          And all the biros. Through that wormhole.

      • Suttree

        I just realized that I am missing 3 pairs of wool socks. I really hope that I left them all at Lizzie’s.

        • WeaselPoo

          Socks. That’s all you secular celebrity porn addicts think about.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Hey, hey. I have a loving, committed relationship with that tubesock.

          • yyyaz

            Meh. Turn them inside out and they all look the same.

          • Suttree

            Hi WeaselPoo!

          • WeaselPoo

            hi suttree

      • JH Marx, Resister

        I met a woman who claimed she knew where all the socks that disappeared in washing machines went.
        She’s been missing, lo, these many years.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Was your half mile walk to the weed store by any chance?

      • Jennifer R

        The church is close, but the road is icy. The dispensary is far, but I will be careful.
        -Traditional Californian Saying.

        • Vecchiojohn

          I thought that was from the Book of Common Prayer.

          • Suttree

            Dammit! Now I want to get high! I really don’t smoke except for special occasions. Today feels special.

          • TJ Barke

            Well, since we could all die in nuclear fire any moment, every day is special now.

      • Suttree

        Nope. I do have vodka and Camels now though. Truly, I do walk a mile for a Camel.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I walked a mile for a camel once. Fucker still wouldn’t put out- tried to bite me when I stuck its nose under my tent

          • BloviateMe

            That’s weird, usually camels love to hump.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I’m thinking this one was a bit of a drama dary.

        • TJ Barke

          Nasty habit, that. Walking…

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      I recommend at least one Ivanka scarf. The spontaneous combustion feature leaves you toasty.

    • Teecha

      Fuck me, sounds awful. I did an 11km cycle tonight and it was only 14 degrees. I was so cold and got ear ache. And I’m talking in centigrade.

    • LucindathePook

      Depends on the wind, really.

  • ViveLaRésistance

    Dude ends sentences with smiley faces and we’re the ones in thrall to pop culture? :(

    • proudgrampa

      Ha!

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    1984? As in Trump/Tillerson acting like we have this longstanding friendship with Russia.

    • LucindathePook

      We have always been at peace with Eurasia.

    • Nounverb911

      We have always been at war with the Mainstreammedia.

    • Reality Kills

      Donald got his history lessons all screwed up.

  • Poly_Ester

    AugustineThomas once again demonstrates that there is a vast difference between reading something and reading and understanding it.

    • proudgrampa

      Indeed.

    • BloviateMe

      What’s that supposed to mean?

      • Vecchiojohn

        Whatever you think it means

        • BloviateMe

          I’m sorry if you’re offended

      • proudgrampa

        Whatever you want it to mean?

        Cheers!

    • Msgr_MΩment
      • Suttree

        Hahahhahahhaha! I forgot about this!

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Otto West: Don’t call me stupid.

        Wanda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you’re an intellectual, don’t you, ape?

        Otto West: Apes don’t read philosophy.

        Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don’t understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not “Every man for himself.” And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.

        • Serai 1

          That ape line is one of the funniest jokes I’ve ever heard. It never fails to crack me up.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            That whole scene gets me giggling, no matter how many times I see it.

          • Serai 1

            They were so brilliant together. I love fearless actors.

  • Reality Kills

    Donald exudes moronity every time he speaks or tweets!

    • gene108

      You gotta realize that makes half the country feel good about him, because he speaks as dumb or dumber than they do and so they might not be that dumb after all.

      • Reality Kills

        That he went to Wharton School of Business is bullshit. He got a degree but I bet he was a stone C-.

        • Yr. Gma

          Hey! Maybe we should demand he release his transcripts!

        • SayItWithWookies

          Actually Donald never went to the Wharton School of Business — he took some classes at Wharton when he was an undergrad, or something like that — it’s one of the myths he constantly perpetuates.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            He transferred there after two years at Fordham. His brother had a friend in the admissions office who got him in.

          • SayItWithWookies

            Yes, and he got an undergrad degree, not an MBA:

            Trump did graduate from the Wharton School of business at the University of Pennsylvania, an Ivy League college. But Trump did not get an MBA from Wharton; he has
            a much less prestigious undergraduate degree.

        • ahughes798

          D’s get degrees.

          • Reality Kills

            Yes, it does. Rick Perry got a degree like that!

        • WeaselPoo

          It has been my experience ( as a teacher though only for four years) and as a student and as a general observer of a few decades in age, that a school’s reputation for excellence in general depends as much on its students as it does on its faculty, and as the best schools/universities need big bucks to attract the best teachers to develop a great reputation that will generate more money, they will happily admit the stupid scions of moneyed privlilege and happily claim a role in the inevitable post-graduate socio-economic successes of the idiots they have actually simply indulged, in exchange for filthy lucre.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            See: Bush, George W.

  • Rick Hill

    All these comments on Shakespeare and none on Katy Perry being Hill’s lesbian lover? You guys are slackin’

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Huma is pissed, I hear.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      The problem is that as soon as the discussion turns to Ms. Perry’s…assets…most of the crowd goes stampeding to the bunks.

    • ViveLaRésistance

      It’s a given.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Too jaded to care.

  • Nounverb911

    So is Donnie getting ready to annex Great Britain?

    https://twitter.com/Phil_Mattingly/status/818179672722771968

    • If Boris could make a pound from it, he would sell

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Selling England by the ruble.

    • ViveLaRésistance

      Maybe they can get England to pay for the wall.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        We’re better at dikes. Suck it, Wales!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Maybe he wants them to stop using “trump” as a word for flatulence.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Well, if the Queen dies soon they’ll need a new Monarch.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I still laugh and shake my head every time I read “Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson”

      • Tiny kaiju

        And then I reach for the ether.

        • yyyaz

          Save some for me. I’ll bring the amyl.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          I picked a fine week to give up the power drill….

      • Bitter Scribe

        How much will you laugh when you read “Secretary of State Rex Tillerson”?

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          I actually, physically shuddered right then.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Well, I have misplaced emotional responses myself, so…………..a lot?…

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      That would be the Oceania in 1984. Funny how this slips together.

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      Two questions. 1) Is Jared officially working for the incoming administration now? 2) Is this actually about the issue of Israel and the UN?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Together, England and The US will dropping out of the EU! And getting a brand new shiny currency! Guess who’s picture will be on all the currencies! In gold paint!….

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Hitler? Gotta be Hitler, right?

        • Tiny kaiju

          That was the family nickname for Trump’s mom.

      • Tiny kaiju

        Real gold leaf. Cost be damned, he’s worth it!

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        Gold, okay, if you insist.

      • gene108

        US was never in the EU

        Edit: They hate us for our freedoms.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          [frynotsureif.gif]

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          What are you, some fake fact-checker? We’re trying to make America Great again! Sad!…

        • Tiny kaiju

          You must use your “Trump Brain” to fully understand. separate yourself from the common reality and go to that place were only His ego forms the universe.

          • yyyaz

            The blackest singularity never seen.

        • CripesAmighty

          So what? We can double-drop-out just to show those cosmopolitan ayleetist eggheads what’s what.

        • tomamitai

          America is part of Oceania, NOT the EU. And remember, Oceania has ALWAYS been at war with Eurasia!

      • Nounverb911
        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Needs moar gold spray paint!…

        • Husband Of Mrs God

          Okay, drape a gold wig and draw an anus on the top rock.

        • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

          Nah. Same dictator. Different colored lens.

        • Serai 1

          Trevor did say Trump reminded him of an African dictator.

  • FDRliberal

    It’s interesting that neo-fascist, God botherer “AT” whines about pornography addiction. The data indicates that people in the red states, the majority of whom hold the same idiotic political and religious beliefs as “AT”, consume the most online pornography. One doesn’t need a PhD to understand why.

    • Suttree

      Gay porn also too.

      • CripesAmighty

        Here’s a theory–perhaps somebody is doing ‘Pray Away The Gay’ ‘therapy’ and is trying WAAAAY TOO HARD?

        • yyyaz

          If it’s still hard, it ain’t working.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            That’s the opposite of my experience.

    • ANNG14

      “The Bible belt” has the highest per capita rate for titty bars too.

  • Tiny kaiju

    How many perverts can a pervert pervert if perverts could be perverted?

  • FauxAntocles

    AT: full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

  • boredcatlady

    W.O.W. wow.

    Also, I read that as you ARE pornography comma as well as a drug addict. A dirty video with a heroin problem? Well, that’s how I read it, but I don’t have a degree from the most awesomest English departments in the world, so his confusing grammar must just be beyond my understanding. Also, I feel like he ran his comments thru google translate to get from Russian to English.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Putin will smash head of yours even if you snake hide in toilet.

    • yyyaz

      IMNSHO they are using out-of-work English majors to revise the google-garble to 8th-Grade levels of bullshittery.

    • Hutch

      “Enjoy your large macs and fries while you can, Secular Porn Addicts.” – AT (not Russian)

    • Courser

      I read it that way too. I definitely am NOT pornography. Well, unless it’s really, really BAD pornography that no one ever watches.

      • Serai 1

        I was for a while, but that was a hell of a boyfriend I had.

  • Garbageman

    I find all the references to pornography addiction to be vaguely arousing . . .

    Anyway, here’s an interesting, tough retrospective of the Obama years by William Rivers Pitt (for those who may not have seen it) . . . I don’t agree with all of it, but he makes some good points . . .

    http://www.truth-out.org/opinion/item/39015-not-acting-is-a-decision-the-obama-legacy-s-empty-spaces

    • btwbfdimho

      Also this, from this morning…

      This @POTUS@GStephanopoulos exchange on the party's fortunes has a lot of Dems muttering "well, uh, yeah…" this morning pic.twitter.com/ZnfpmsINam— Gabriel Debenedetti (@gdebenedetti) January 8, 2017

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Or maybe you shouldn’t have let the people who broke the world take all those houses.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          I know I didn’t work as hard as I should have to change that. And I vow to do better. Indivisible!…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Needed a lot more than no banksters rotting away in Supermaxes.

    • Courser

      I can’t read critiques of Obama yet and likely never will. For whatever perceived failings that historians will lay at his feet, he will *always* be my president. Much like the Kennedys represented a ‘Camelot’ period in our history, Obama will represent the post-recession 8 years as hopeful, ambitious and progress taking a huge step forward. For those who claim he did not do enough or wasn’t perfect in every way, well, fuck them. He was also the single most unfairly maligned, obstructed and slandered. He had to govern some of the most hateful people in the planet, who never once gave him a single word of credit for his successes and hung every fucking failure and disaster on him.

      The Nation started their Special Edition on the Obama years with The Institutionalist, which seems like a long-winded indictment of his administration. I may cancel my subscription and put my money toward a more positive source.

      People haven’t yet fully accepted that the Ultra-Progressive wing had as much to do with Hillary’s defeat as all the Russian interference. In this case, it made the difference. Thanks for nothing, Assholes! Hope you enjoy our 40 years in the wilderness and that it’s worth what we end up with. Fuck you AND die in a fire. The end.

      • Serai 1
        • Courser

          From economic wreckage, President Obama and his family gave us a beautiful garden. It wasn’t good enough for some of us, so THEY have given us a HUGE pile of shit instead, which the vast majority of us DID NOT deserve.

          • Serai 1

            I have my criticisms of the guy, but he will absolutely be the best president of my lifetime. I’m so glad I got to see it. *sigh*

            I seem to be sighing a lot these days. *sigh*

      • Garbageman

        Hey, I like him, too! . . . Obama’s the man, and always will be in my book . . . but that doesn’t mean he’s above criticism . . . and to be honest, by not reining in the national security state, and not prosecuting the banksters, he may have inadvertently laid the groundwork for what is likely to be much worse abuse from the Trumpty Dumpty team . . . but we shall see . . .

      • puredog

        While I generally applaud your sentiments, I am not sure I want to subscribe to your newsletter.

      • Hellhathnofury Demme

        My BIL is visiting, and started going on about why Hillary failed.
        I told him that while I’m sure there were many factors, I didn’t want to hear it.
        As far as I’m concerned, she didn’t lose the election as much as trump won by cheating.
        This may be called “denial” by critics, but I’m sticking to my guns.
        Others can dissect this election, but I can’t now, (and maybe never will).

  • Nounverb911

    I read on the internets that putins people are trying to teach trump how to use a computer.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1207c9f8bf71ef5cfd7bb6d49856a735296e0be0ba440e595087db11cbf037ab.gif

    • suziq

      If it was on the internets it must be true!

    • Rick Hill

      They gave him an app for his phone, told him it makes him smerter or something…

      • phoenix00

        Twitter.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      That’s …..that’s just……………..that’s crazy!……

      • Serai 1

        I used to play a game called Feeding Frenzy, an ocean game where big fish eat little fish. Casey was a kitten at the time and would go insane trying to catch the fish. It was really cute. Then she grew up and got jaded.

    • tomamitai

      I made the mistake of letting my cat play one of those tablet games once, and now I can’t play games on my big tv because she jumps up on the tv stand and tries to get it on the fun. LCD screens do not stand up well to cat claws!

      • Serai 1

        Rub the tv stand with lemon oil. That’ll keep her away from it.

    • Bill D. Burger

      His first lesson did not go well. And there’s only so much abuse any cyber device can take.

      http://i.imgur.com/cEnPVuZ.gif

      • yyyaz

        That there is funnie. For a couple more years, anyway, when it happens for real.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Aww, lookit his cute wittle paws…

  • Sedagive

    I have my own library – a room of old bookcases containing volumes that span the last 600 years. My focus is on the history of science, the history of medicine, natural history, culture and art (there is a smaller section devoted to literature) I will not keep a book that I have not read (at least in part). My bookcases have overflowed, and now I have stacks of books on the floor. It does not take a lot of money to assemble such a library, but it does take much care.

    I love to sit amongst these books. I breath in that sweet, musty smell, and I bask in all that hard work and all that hard-won knowledge – all those brilliant minds, from Lucretius to Darwin to Woolf and beyond. I think about all the progress we’ve made as a species, fighting our way out of the darkness of barbarism, ignorance and superstition into the light of reason, comprehension, and beauty.

    I think about the fact that, while multiculturalism and globalism have allowed us to share, understand and work with each other more closely than ever before, it has also taught us the value our own history and culture, and to nurture and protect that essential spark of knowledge and beauty from our own traditions, so that they may never be forgotten.

    And then I think about Savonarola, and Hitler, and how the enemies of culture and beauty and progress are always with us, fighting every day against the evolution of human comprehension.

    And then I remember that Donald Trump is soon to be inaugurated as leader of the free world. The evil and the imbecilic continue to fight against Lucretius and Darwin (and to a certain extent Woolf), and they will soon be ascendent.

    But here’s what they cannot have: culture. They can suppress and demean and destroy culture, but they cannot grasp it. They cannot know it. They cannot comprehend it.

    Shorter: shove it you mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, short-fingered vulgarians. I fart in your general direction.

    • ViveLaRésistance

      I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

      • Sedagive

        I should write one.

        • ViveLaRésistance

          If it’s about books, you’d best hurry. I just got back from Barnes & Noble. Nine thousand aisles of some kind of cartoon books and three short aisles of literary fiction. I didn’t see any history or science at all. I despair of the human race.

          • OneYieldRegular

            I was just in the once great bookstore of a large, prestigious university. The remaining books are now shoved over in a corner, with a few more upstairs in a room scarcely larger than a two-car garage. The rest of the store is now an endless ocean of university-themed clothing. Ugh.

          • Shibusa

            Take a gander at Amazon’s bestselling books list, which they update frequently: you’ll see several adult coloring books listed.

          • Querolous

            The first time I heard of adult coloring books my mind instantly pictured paint by number Georgia O’keeffe.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      My friend Kenneth Warfel wrote a great poem about his bookshelves. “they’re all I have to insulate…” was the last line. It’s about 3 degrees F here today…

      • Sedagive

        How wonderful. I know how he feels.

        It is cold here, but I was out early in the morning, buying books : )

    • suziq

      Perfectly stated!

    • Serai 1

      The physical presence of books is important, I agree. A fucking Kindle cannot compare, not in any universe.

      • Sedagive

        I’m not finding it, but there was a nice article some time ago about how the physical presence of a book, and the act of holding and turning pages actually increases recall of a text versus simply scrolling down a glowing screen.

        • Serai 1

          Just like actually writing with a pen will lay down more neural pathways than tickling keys. The more physical learning is, the better the brain retains the information. And the physicality also teaches endurance – it’s much easier to get distracted and wander off from a screen.

          • It isn’t so much the physicality of learning that is key it is the focus and the use of multiple senses while being exposed to stimulus that forms a memory. The more senses that are involved, the more pathways that are formed, the more likely it is that the memory will be retrieved when needed.

            I find my Kindle to be close to a book. I can highlight with reckless ease. I can make notes with little or no effort. I have to swipe the screen to turn the page.

            The big difference comes when trying to use those highlights and notes later. With a book, I have a spatial memory of where something is within the book, i.e. where it appears on the page, the left or right page, how far into the book, its spatial relationship with other information. I don’t have that sense with a Kindle.

            The Kindle lists your highlights and notes serially. You can search for key words. I find it frustrating when searching for a quote or other information. I am trying to adapt my note taking style to the Kindle, but haven’t come up with the ideal yet.

          • Serai 1

            The more senses that are involved, the more pathways that are formed,
            the more likely it is that the memory will be retrieved when needed.

            So, in other words, the physicality of learning.

            Yes, and if you lose your machine, or it’s stolen, you lose every book you’ve got on it, too. No, thank you. I’ve never kept all my eggs in one basket, and I have no need to carry an entire library around with me.

          • No, that isn’t true. All of your books are kept on the amazon cloud and will be magically downloaded onto your next Kindle. Your books are safe.

          • Serai 1

            Sure, if Amazon feels like giving them to you. Or weren’t you around a few years ago when they decided to yank back a bunch of books that had already been bought because they decided not to carry them anymore? When I buy something, I expect it to be MINE. If I wanted to read something owned by someone else, I’d go to the public library. (Which places are starving for funds and closing more and more precisely because of those shiny little toys.)

          • Um… okay. I see. Well. ah. Gotta go.

      • Yr. Gma

        I gave in to Kindle after one to many trips where I nearly broke my back carrying books. The one I was reading. The one I was going to read next. And the one I better take in case I finish the second one.

        • Serai 1

          Three books nearly broke your back? What the hell were you carrying, the Oxford Book of English Prose?

          • Yr. Gma

            I’m dainty.

        • Kindles are great for that reason. They also feed my book buying habit. I hear about or read about a book, I find it on amazon, one click later it is downloaded on to my Kindle and Ma Femme is irate… again.

      • Dazza

        Real books are nice, no question. However, those of us in small dwellings really treasure our electronic libraries.

        Honestly, if the Spousal Unit and I get any more hard-back books, we’ll have to move out. Our bookshelves cover every available bit of wall space, and are stacked two deep with loved out-of-print treasures. We had to go to electronic libraries or show up on Australian Hoarders as emergency cases.

    • kareemachan

      O/T: does anybody else find it a tad disconcerting when you are told that ‘one other person is typing’ when replying to a comment?

      But I actually came here to show off a word I just discovered: “tsundoku”. It means ‘letting books pile up unread on shelves or floor or nightstand’. That’s me, if you take ‘unread’ to mean ‘not read yet’.

      And yes, we have more books than bookcases and they are piled up everywhere.

      • Suttree

        No and yay! My father taught me that word years ago. He has a problem. I grew up in used bookstores and museums. :)

        • TX Dept. of Brad Relations

          “I grew up in used bookstores and museums. :)”

          There’s a quote of my grandfather up on the kitchen refrigerator, it says he “graduated from the Kansas City Public Library.”

          • Suttree

            Haha! My father is a librarian. He just retired from his esteemed position at a law school.

        • SadDemInTex

          I’ve been in bookstores all over the world. My passion for reading started when I was three and it has only grown. The public library (and playing music) were my solace during my captivity in my family of origin. I was lucky to have a museum loving grandfather and caught that bug early.

          Fuck that idiot

      • Serai 1

        When I worked at the Bodhi Tree, I had piles of books all over the house. They offered a fucking 40% discount to employees. They wanted us to be knowledgable on the subjects people wanted, so they were basically giving up their whole profit on the books we bought. And boy, did we buy them. I asked the owner of the store about it once, and he said there was over $1500 worth of employee book purchases every month. It was a great store. *sigh*

        • OneYieldRegular

          I loved the Bodhi Tree. I mean, half the books were things I was highly unlikely to ever read – about crystal therapy and the SoCal Swami-du-jour and Love Signs etc. etc., but one could find gems in there, and it was a wonderful, wonderful place just to hang out.

          I worked at Either/Or in Hermosa Beach; I spent all my earnings on books – even with the employee discount.

          • Serai 1

            I used to read in pretty much every category. (I’m an input junkie, as a friend of mine used to say.) Even if it wasn’t that interesting to me, I wanted to be informative. One of the things that got you hired there was having a specialty that wasn’t represented yet. So I got hired because I’m a Goddess-centered pagan and had read a great deal on women’s history, mythology, and paganism. Once I got in there, I was like a cat in cream – reading everything that caught my eye. Best job I ever had.

            Man, I sure miss that place. *sigh*

          • calliecallie

            “Input junkie.” I think you have hit on something with this. I think of myself as a news junkie, and was raised by news junkies. Another kind of input. I think most of us hear at wonkette probably fall in that “input junkie” category. We just want to learn more, know more.

          • arglebargle

            I grew up on my Father’s knee, watching Walter Kronkite every night. If we were driving anywhere in a car (Rambler, then Valiant), cross country or to the Dairy Queen, he would search the AM dial for news at the top of every hour. I still do the same thing.

          • Jackieajones

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ue295c:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !ue295c:
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      • I’ve always joked that you’re okay until you start buying books in languages you don’t yet speak. Then, you’re in trouble.

    • Suttree

      Father, is this you? I miss walking into his office and try not to knock a pile over. That fucker told me I should have another box in the mail soon. I must call and annoy him. He always chastised me about going to sleep, but kept buying D batteries without question. I read with him, the complete Sherlock Holmes out loud, while sitting on his back. Thank you dad, for giving me this love of knowledge. It kinda makes up for the beatings.

      • Sedagive

        Oh no – I hope that’s not true (about the beatings).

        My father always said: “money spent on books is never wasted.” A wiser man I have not met.

        • Suttree

          It is true unfortunately. We get along now. And he is great to my nieces and nephew. When I was 15 I had grown tall enough and put on enough weight to put him on his ass. I still remember the look on his face. It was abject terror. I can’t remember the speech I gave him though, while he was laying in a corner.

          • Sedagive

            Wow.

    • TX Dept. of Brad Relations

      Lol – this was great.
      (BTW, I too like history of science/medicine…I rarely understand the science part, but the journey of human discovery is fascinating…can I ask for a few recommendations, just off the top of your head, nothing taxing).

      • Sedagive

        Right off the bat: “The Swerve: How the World Became Modern” is a wonderful overview of Western culture (and fun to read, too).