As we all know, Donald Trump’s quest for A-list entertainment for his inauguration (which he DOES NOT WANT, DAMMIT!) has been like a Looney Tunes reel of Wile E. Coyote running into walls and falling off cliffs over and over again, but like if Wile E. Coyote was orange and had smaller paws. As far as we know, the only confirmed performers are some girl who lost “America’s Got Talent,” some Mormon yodeling group or whatever, and the Rockettes, many of whom do not want to participate. Oh, and we heard a rumor that Trump was negotiating with the automated robot furry band at Chuck E. Cheese, but at press time they were telling Trump to screw off, in their musical robot voices.
So! There is this English singing lady named Rebecca Ferguson. We had never heard of her! But according to her Wikipedia, she was the 2010 runner-up on the UK reality TV program “The X Factor,” because one thing American inaugurations need is British singers. (We are not making fun, just making a point!) Ferguson announced on Twitter that the Trump team reached out and asked her to perform, and she was like “YEAH OK ON ONE CONDITION, THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE.”
I’ve been asked and this is my answer. If you allow me to sing “strange fruit” a song that has huge historical importance, a song that was blacklisted in the United States for being too controversial. A song that speaks to all the disregarded and down trodden black people in the United States. A song that is a reminder of how love is the only thing that will conquer all the hatred in this world, then I will graciously accept your invitation and see you in Washington. Best Rebecca X
OMG GOOD ANSWER, REBECCA FERGUSON OF BRITANNIA! Because after Trump’s campaign of inciting hatred against black protesters among his racist followers, reflexively talking about “the inner city” every time somebody brought up black people, his support for the racist and ineffective stop-and-frisk policy, oh, and that time he still wanted to execute the Central Park Five after they got out of prison on account of THEY DIDN’T DO IT, it would be right nice to see a black artist sing THAT SONG at Trump’s inauguration.
Shall we post the lyrics and a recording of Billie Holiday singing “Strange Fruit,” a song about lynching in the dirty South, which was written by a Jewish socialist man?
Southern trees bear strange fruit
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees
Pastoral scene of the gallant south
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh
Here is fruit for the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop
Here is a strange and bitter crop
Some of Trump’s supporters would not get it, and others — the KKK ones, like David Duke and “alt-right” Breitbart people — would probably get spontaneous stiffies at the scenes depicted in the song, which would be remarkable, as those guys don’t get erections easily.
Now, Mike Pence was probably excited when he heard Ferguson’s offer because A) finally somebody is saying yes! and 2) he has no culture and probably figures “Strange Fruit” is some kind of country gospel song about a dork faggot, which would be a PERFECT tune for him to clap his hands to the day he becomes veep. Sorry, Mike, but that is not what the song is :(
Ferguson’s offer doesn’t appear to be out of the blue either, as she has recorded an entire album of Billie Holiday songs, and cites her as one of her major influences.
So come on, Trump. What do you think? How about a nice British lady singing a song that will help remind the vast majority of Americans why they chose not to vote for you? It’s sure to be better than whatever pussy-grabbing duet Ted Nugent and Scott Baio are doubtless penning for the inauguration!
Here’s Ferguson doing a different Billie Holiday song, because why not. She is good!