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Morning all you beautiful Wonkers! We’ve got a big day ahead of us with lots of ‘splainering, so here’s SOME of the stories that we might be talking about today!

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  • dslindc

    Yay red pandas!

    *reads other news and cries*

  • dslindc

    I see Disqus hasn’t had its coffee yet.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Listen: Disgus has come unstuck in time.

  • Msgr_Moment
    • DahBoner

      Uhhhh…I don’t want to hear her talk. That usually ruins it. 😀

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I’m on it………………………………………………………………………..

      • Msgr_Moment

        Nailed it.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Don’t wait up, boys……………………………………………………………

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Da! A ruskie bride!!!!

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I’m pretty sure it’s this guy:
      http://68.media.tumblr.com/2e4206c826104f2cb400b7d95ae6e211/tumblr_oi36evDZRf1vasyrco2_400.gif

      At least, I’m willing to interrogate him to find out.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I’m pretty sure it’s this guy:
      http://68.media.tumblr.com/2e4206c826104f2cb400b7d95ae6e211/tumblr_oi36evDZRf1vasyrco2_400.gif

      At least, I’m willing to interrogate him to find out.

      • Msgr_Moment

        GTT, if he offers to try the full-nelson position with you, run. It’s not in the ghey kama sutra.

      • Painter of Goats

        Hey! His eyes are up there!

      • Ricky Gay

        ah, moose and squirrel!

    • Bill D. Burger

      This requires my hands’ on method and gentle touch and a thorough investigation from head to toe.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Trump said the hacker is in a bed somewhere. So … well done, Inspector Clouseau.

      • Msgr_Moment

        I shall find her rim.

    • Foreign Agitator Ron

      Go ahead. Personally I’m not interested unless they’re willing to help me carry car parts.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I think I’d kind of love to watch the trial in Alex Jones’s lawsuit
    Facebook Attorney: “Turning now to Defendant’s Exhibit 338, is this a ‘news story’ you published?”
    Alex Jones: “It is.”
    FA: “Did you at any time investigate any of the factual basis for any claim in this story?”
    AJ: “I did not.”
    FA: “Is there any basis in fact, of which you are personally knowledgeable, for any of the claims in this story?”
    AJ: “There is not.”
    FA: “OK, turning now to Defendant’s Exhibit 339, …”
    At least, that’s how I fantasize it. I’ll be in my bunk.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      You have a gentler, saner Alex Jones in mind…

  • Msgr_Moment

    Thanks, wonksy, for finally asking that common question, who do I have to sleep with around here to get a cup of coffee?

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Miss Keurig,

      • Msgr_Moment

        That pod-person? She just gets used, abused, and thrown away.

        • Jeffocaster in the East

          Weak, sad coffee.

    • Mary Sandoras

      AOTK

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I’m pretty sure if you go after Putin’s finances, the rest of his underlings are toast…

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I’m content just to see certain Republicans as (or even on) toast.

      • John Iwaniszek

        Shit on a Shingle!

  • FauxAntocles

    I thought we agreed that Barron Trump was responsible for the hacking?

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Beware. Last night I said something about the young lord and got YELLED at twice by a person intent on a point of view not in keeping with what I said, even though upon reflection I fucking agreed with said person that maybe we shouldn’t mention the young lord, even if we feel very fucking sorry for him.

      • chortlingdingo

        While I personally think that all children should be off limits, there are a disturbing number of people who think that only Republican children should be protected. Some of the people that said horrible things about Sasha and Malia in the last 8 years are the same ones screaming about how Barron is off-limits because he’s a child.

        • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

          Agree on all counts. I even think the adult children of public figures should be (essentially) off-limit unless they choose to put themselves in the public sphere or do illegal shit or some such.

          And nobody every said anything nasty about the young Chelsea either! They were all so nice!

          The different set of rules of Rethugs and Dems, well, I’m over it, except for kids, though that doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to mention his name, or a major theme, for pity’s sake. Trump kinda put the young lord in play by saying he is the reason Miss Melons is not moving to the White House. Though, again, I am and always will be protective of the youngs. (But they are not absolutely invisible.)

  • Gayer Than Thou

    How much does it cost me not to have to have coffee with Jar-Vanka?

  • DahBoner

    they’re rich, that means they’re successful, which means they’re better than you are

    Except, if you’ve ever been “lucky” enough to actually be allowed to talk to Rich people, they sound rather dumb.

    Hmmmm…
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/LWIXX5sPbyyju/200_d.gif#14

    • …but…that’s how we measure success in America – with all the piles of money we use to light our cigarettes!

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Cigars libelz!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      One good decision is all it takes…like picking which uterus to drop out of.

    • Rick Hill

      I’ve talked to some who seem like normal folks…until they talk about how HIllary kills ALL the people.(They are quite serious, as well)

    • Foreign Agitator Ron

      My ex’s family are what pass for old money in Canada. I can confirm that this is true.
      And back in the 70s I used to party with Alannah Myles’ kid sister and her circle*. Hoo BOY is it true.
      * True story!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Did Putin hack Disqus? The Western world wants to know!….

  • anwisok

    I find it telling that the RWNJs all scream about the factcheckers being Liebruls, but don’t have any RW alternatives to offer.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Alex Jones is the Truth. Just look at him…

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “That’s not what I imagined Truth would look like. Back to the cave for me.”
        — Plato

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Is there room for two in there?….

          • Latverian Diplomat

            One nice thing about allegorical caves…always room for more.

      • anwisok

        Alex jones is The Truth, viewed while on double-dipped windowpane and suffering an attack of malaria.

        • Querolous

          What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck, and that is the truth.Sai King

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      The Bible.
      Katrina Pierson.
      Donald Trump’s tweets.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “The Truth is Out There…where it belongs. Don’t try bringing it in here.”
    — Alex Jones

  • Lizzietish81
  • h4rr4r

    So the Trumps are selling a chance to have Coffee, which is a known Arab drink, with a lady named Ivanka, which as we all know is a Commie name, why do they hate America?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Why? Because it’s full of … “Americans”.

  • Mary Sandoras

    Maybe Gordon Klingenschmitt can send those demons to reeducation camps..

  • YoNastyBunny
    • Mary Sandoras

      He’s such a delicate snowflake.

  • Bill D. Burger

    It’s the New World Order: The Golden Ghouls

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cq6RELErOo4

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Apparently, Shinzu Abe wants in….

      • Pissed de Résistance

        Or at least has dreams of soaking in a nice hot spring with Vlad…

  • Vincent Ricola

    Bakery refuses to bake cakes for a nice gay couple, acceptable legal retaliation from appropriate representatives.

    Clarendon Ballroom refuses to host a nazi pretend prom, rape and murder threats for all from every dipshit idiot with an internet connection.

    Totally the same thing.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “It’s not my fault my Cabinet and advisors are a bunch of ignorant blowhards and greedy assholes. Those are literally the only kinds of people who will talk to me.”
    — Donald Trump

  • Tiny kaiju

    Isn’t Peter King the one with a boner for the IRA? Maybe we should be monitoring the Irish?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Scott Baio may have found his calling as a human punching bag.

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      BAIO! Baaaaaio!
      Daylight come and me wanna go home…………

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Decades later, we finally find out what happens when you let Charles be In Charge.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Where do I sign up?

  • I’ll add the following from SF Gate:

    Kimberly Guilfoyle said to be in running for Trump Press Sec.

    http://www.sfgate.com/politics/article/Fox-News-Kimberly-Guilfoyle-press-secretary-Trump-10798373.php

    Oy.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Trump campaign is asking their friend Roger Ailes for his glass-topped interview desk.

    • Me not sure

      Nice credentials. Both of ’em.

    • puredog

      This babe is married to Gavin Newsom? What is this, like a James Carville/Mary Matalin thing?

      • Used to be…at least one husband ago. Yup, former First Lady of San Francisco.

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    Gordon Klingenschmitt has a stupid name and a stupid face. Also, I am Beelzebub.

    • Longstreet63

      Demon!
      Oddly, it turns out anyone who criticizes me is possessed by Belgian waffles.
      Look, it’s just science.

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        How do we arrange it so that it’s we who posses the Belgian waffles? Asking for a friend… okay, asking for a friend’s lunch.

    • Courser

      He’s been a laughingstock here in his home state for years.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Hail, Master.

  • Rick Hill

    ” Scott Baio doesn’t like it when you grab him by the pussy,”
    Which is hard not to do, because he’s all pssy.
    Btw. Do you think that the trumpnuts have taken note and are keeping it on the downlow until he takes office? After all, it won’t be legal to attack people because you hate them until after Jan.

    And, also, going to post this twice because I look up and everyone’s over here because new post. THIS picture is what trying to understand the new trump reality makes me feel like inside:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ee6fc999aaafd491b7cebd28a7e34188b4301679b776eb0c5e40908e753454e0.jpg

    • Msgr_Moment

      “My eyes are up here. And here. And here…”

  • Bill D. Burger

    I just showed that morning list up there to my marmot…and it upset him.

    https://i.makeagif.com/media/9-23-2015/TQl36f.gif

    Thanks Obama!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Arpaio drops five-year probe of Obama’s citizenship.

    “We and anyone else who dared to question the document have been maligned, falsely labeled and grossly criticized,” Arpaio said, refusing to take questions from reporters.

    • “Former Sheriff! Why are you such a raging asshole dickbag? Did you use sand paper in an inappororiate place?”

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        “Former Sheriff! Former Sheriff! Did you ever find evidence that you yourself were born?…because there are new musings out there, I have to tell you they are out there, that you were just shit out of a horse’s ass….”

        • “Wait! Horse shit can be a useful part of the cycle of life. Former sheriff, why are you more useless than horseshit?”

          • Courser

            My grandfather used horseshit to put all his garden beds to bed for the winter. Fabulous stuff for gardeners as long as it’s well-rotted (or allowed to rot over the winter)

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Arpaio and Little Donnie have America’s Most Bigly Braines.

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Hey, yeah, maybe we can finally get him impeached, just weeks before he actually leaves office!

      Proof that I can’t actually kill anyone with my brain alone is the fact that Arpaio is still alive and still being a dumbfuck.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        That’s MY dumbfuck!

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      Tsk. Poor little racist assholes. Sad.

    • lroom

      I’ve discovered a great way to shut up the wingers. One of my wingnut relatives was going on about how much he admired Arpaio and how he’s so great with law and order or whatever. I say “You know what really hurt his rep was when he was stalking that judge and getting his people to harass her.” He shut up and changed the subject. I made up the whole thing of course. Now I’m thinking that one way to fight back at these idiots we should just throw some fake news right back at them instead of using facts and correcting their stupidity.

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        Good thinking. It’s not like they’d check – or for that matter know how to.

        • lroom

          The funny thing is if I gave him real facts he’ll say I saw it on some liberal propoganda thing. He can’t find any sources on the crap I’m saying to try to discredit so he doesn’t even argue with me about it. It’s hilarious.

      • Doug Langley

        What do you mean, made up? I saw it on the internet!

    • Pissed de Résistance

      Arpaio drops five-year probe…

      Hard to hold on to a probe (or anything else) with manacles on.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Why do people keep calling Alex Jones a “conspiracy theorist”? I mean, that’s fake news all by itself. He’s a … (looks in DSM-V) … a fucktard.

    • Me not sure

      Points for DSM-V reference.

    • Me not sure

      Points for DSM-V reference.

    • Spurning Beer

      Fucktard is a part of the Axis 2 of Evil, incidentally.

  • Mavenmaven

    I wonder what you get for like, $200,000.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Not that….

    • Bill D. Burger

      Lovely parting gifts?

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        Would that be her legs? Asking for a rich friend.

  • Blacktop Autumn

    I think the thing that really gets to me is the right feels entitled to access to social media.

    No company has to give you a voice, fuckface.

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      I know, play by your own stupid Free Market rules or accept the inevitability that is FULL COMMUNISM.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    I thought the Russian hackers were named Fuzzy Bear and Hairy Bear. Why don’t they just search some gay porn sites.

  • Mavenmaven
  • BigBoppa pour la résistance

    Did we break Disqus with last night’s open thread? 2600+ comments so far – maybe 40% of them with attachments.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Darn it! :(

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “You can’t break what was never really unbroken. That’s kind of our stategy.”
      — Disqus Customer Support

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Who among us HASN’T gotten our ass kicked by the wife of the drummer from the Red Hot Chili Peppers?

    • Vincent Ricola

      Scott Baio’s side of the story sounds a little too good to be true. Poor guy was just innocently standing there while this crazy Red Hot Chili lady went bananas on him for no reason at all. Yeah right.

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        I’d think ‘he’s Scott Baio’ would be enough reason all on its own.

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Good on her! That’s how you participate in the resistance! Otherwise, what the fuck, are we all gonna march politely and calmly into the “showers?”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Word. First of all, like a guy who’s entire identity is being an annoying, insulting right wing dickhead is just an innocent bystander thinking only of “the children”. Fuck that asshole.

  • Rick Hill

    Ok, I’m not a cat guy and I don’t go around posting links to cats and stuff. But. This is pretty cute, a bunch of cats and kittens having their go at a real christmas celebration. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUOjKEHUn7k

    • TX Dept. of Brad Relations

      that’s hilarious…and of course around here you shake a bag of kitty cookies and all 3 come running.

      Loved it.

  • BigBoppa pour la résistance
  • Latverian Diplomat

    I love that song “Money Makes the World Go Round”. And it’s from such a great show, Cabaret! such an upbeat ending!
    — Mike Pence, Broadway aficionado

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      Huh. I figured Pence would be more of a Tomorrow belongs to me kind of guy.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “It’s all good.”
        — Mike Pence

    • Me not sure

      If he went to see Cabaret, even the Nazis on stage would probably bitch him out.

    • Me not sure

      If he went to see “Cabaret”, even the Nazis on stage would probably bitch him out.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    …Muslim surveillance programs like the one that spied on Muslim people…

    The city of Hartford runs a FREE circulator bus around downtown so residents (ha ha, it’s just me) and office workers can get to shopping (ha ha, it’s just CVS) and restaurant (OK, I’m not laughing; there are many restaurants). But I’ve never seen anyone riding on it. Like muslin surveillance, it sounds like a good idea (to some), but doesn’t actually work in the real world.

    • Rick Hill

      You know what you guys need? One word: Monorail.

    • Me not sure

      Free bus rides? SWEEEEET! I’ll be there next week. …No wait , I’ve got a colonoscopy appointment. Maybe later.

      • snark-lurker

        ohshit that reminds me…

        ***runs to tool box for butt plug puller***

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’d love to do the Coffee With Ivanka thing. I’ve got $7.19. Anybody want to hook a brother up with the rest of the $60,000?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Wow. Starbucks is gonna lose customers with that kind of pricing scheme. Well, some customers.

      • The conpany is a bigger issue for me

        ETA: was going to fix the typo, but, no, it’s totally approps

    • Bill D. Burger

      I’m a little grumpy before my morning coffee, so it could go badly.

      https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/40/d0/a9/40d0a90140846372929ebec1d4df56ab.jpg

    • Me not sure

      I got a dollah three fitty.

    • chicken thief

      Jesus, for $60k one could import a half dozen hawt Russian wimmin who will cook and clean as well as fuck yer brains out.

      Or so I’ve heard….

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I still think we should give these guys that North Korea won’t extradite and the ones China won’t extradite all the information that they need to rob all of Putin’s and his cronies’ bank accounts.

  • Me not sure

    It’s just a good thing that Chachi didn’t tangle with this guy’s wife. She’d’ve killed him https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6020c936746b2bf071ba85d1446090ca5991a9b05ae9d328b6079939e7029423.png

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    [Nancy Mack], wife of the Red Hot Chili Peppers’s drummer, who Baio says beat him up

    In fairness, he had his face with him which is too punchable to resist.

    (Baio objected to Mack shouting “grab them by the pussy” in front of his kids. Irony? Or rank hypocrisy.)

  • Oblios_Cap

    So little Scotty got beat up by a girl? Good!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Scott Baio makes this guy feel better about himself. So he’s done one positive thing. There is that!

    http://www.relatably.com/m/img/scott-baio-memes/frabz-shittier-career-me-or-scott-baio-7f9077.jpg

  • BigBoppa pour la résistance

    Posted this elsewhere this morning.

    Nancy Pwns Chachi
    Coming this fall on ABC

    • lroom

      Is moose-licking a thing?

    • Bill D. Burger
    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      What’s that in American?

    • Foreign Agitator Ron

      -14C isn’t cold. -14C is still sweater weather.
      -50C? THAT’S cold.

    • bupkus23

      Why would anyone need a warning against licking a moose, at any temperature?

      • Serai 1

        Møøse bites can be pretty nasti!

    • Msgr_Moment

      -23C (-9F) here in Northern NY this morning.
      Your argument is invalid.

      • that was CHI yesterday. and i would like to point out: i BIKED.

        fuck you canada.

    • yyyaz

      Yet another example of why Celsius and Kelvin have no business sticking their snooty, sciency noses into the timeless questions of “hot enough/cold enough for ya?”

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Little Lulu, still angry

    Ok, I’m putting “red panda” at the top of every one of my Wish Lists.

  • BMW

    I think this explains Trump’s cabinet perfectly.
    https://youtu.be/gbU4VRs2rro

  • The Librarian

    This NC governor stripping of governing thingy is making my head spin. It’s a horrendous abuse of law making. I hope NC residents can find a way to vote those asshats out.

    • puredog

      I’ll bet all but 10,000 NC voters will be perfectly fine with it, and so I am not holding my breath for the demise of the NC lege asshats (besides, there are SO MANY).

      • The Librarian

        *Sigh*. Then I hope people continue Moral Mondays.

      • The Librarian

        *Sigh*. Then I hope people continue Moral Mondays.

    • JohnBull

      The same shit went down in Wisconsin. They elected the same asshats. Twice.

    • JohnBull

      The same shit went down in Wisconsin. They elected the same asshats. Twice.

  • bookish

    http://nbcnews.to/2hCRwgO

    The more Trump pushes back against the mounting evidence and reporting about Russia’s involvement, the more he’s jeopardizing Rex Tillerson’s nomination to be his secretary of state. Make no mistake: Sens. John McCain (R-AZ), Lindsey Graham (R-SC), and Marco Rubio (R-FL) are taking this story more seriously than Trump is. And they very well might be willing to use Tillerson’s nomination to punish Trump for it.

  • bookish

    Fight brewing over Sessions’ nomination for AG.

    http://nbcnews.to/2hCdbp6

  • Beowoof14

    Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
    —Balzac

    According Rachel and Intelligence services Vlad is the richest man in the world. And it would appear he has hired Donald Trump to keep the con going.

  • Beowoof14

    Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
    —Balzac

    According Rachel and Intelligence services Vlad is the richest man in the world. And it would appear he has hired Donald Trump to keep the con going.

    • Rick Hill

      trump thinks he’s going to make a mint off of this. Putin’s still going to be five steps ahead of him

      • Brad H

        The thing Trump really doesn’t understand is Putin is ex-KGB. Right now, he’s Putin’s useful idiot, but idiots usually only have a short half-life of utility, after which they become an inconvenience. Right now, Trump’s getting sunshine blown up his ass, but at some point that sunshine is going to turn into a telegraph pole sans lube. That’s when it’ll get really scary, when people will hope he doesn’t rage launch at Moscow.

  • Edith R. Broccoli

    Red pandas are TEH CUTEST. They look like ginger raccoons.

  • bookish

    Haaretz: Trump pick for ambassador to Israel directed tens of millions to West Bank settlements.

    http://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/.premium-1.759484

  • puredog

    Re the McCrory-Cooper N.C. story, I followed the links, and while it may be that there are people rightly going apeshit about this bullshit, the links provided say nothing about that. WONKETTE CLICKBAIT!

  • eyelashviper

    Someone posted this link at another site, and it is actually shocking, and of course, is not front page news, and ;probably not on tv, also too.
    More clear evidence of Russian Hacking, this time into actual voting systems:

    https://www.cnet.com/news/us-election-agency-hacked-by-suspected-russian/

    • The Librarian

      Wow, shocking that this isn’t front page. Not surprising that this happened.

      • JohnBull

        Knowing our media, I would be shocked if this was front page news.

        • The Librarian

          When are they going to find their spines? Probably not for a while, if ever.

          • Foreign Agitator Ron

            It took 3.2 billion years for living creatures to develop spines. The MSM might take longer.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Holy shit. Holy shit.

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        I agree, this is the holiest level of shit, it is Jesus fucking Christ shit.

    • Serai 1

      Shocking? No, not at all. It was obvious.

  • Serai 1

    So Obama’s having a press conference today, right? Has there been any confirmation?

  • chicken thief

    Scott the Cuck.

  • Rick Hill
    • Mintie

      There’s always a Bob.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Can we give a dictionary to these people? I am tired of them misusing the words censorship, irony, and “success”.

    Also, I would be pissed too if unfairly elected leaders tried to pass partisan policies before they all got thrown out for being cheaters. What did they think was going to happen? No one would notice?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Speaking of money… Pantsless Mike Pence is busking online now.

    • Querolous

      Urban Justice Center rings alarm bells. Charity Navigator has no listing and then there is this: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/04/realestate/commercial/04urban.html

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I generally stick to MSF and the American Refugee Committee, on that front, since Heifer went bad. I was just passing it along.

        • Querolous

          If only there actually were journalists working for the MSM. “Follow the Money” is more than a line from All the President’s Men.

  • Oneofthebobs

    Red Panda looks like Donald with a decent haircut.

  • Zyxomma

    TRMS is now indispensable. I don’t have cable TV, but I DO have cable internet where I can watch it. And the red pandas were, as always, adorable not deplorable.

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