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But down at the bottom we, too, should have rights

Over the weekend (or today for you lazyboners who do not hang out on Wonkette all weekend long), we learned that the CIA has determined that Russia hacked the DNC and Hillary Clinton’s campaign chair, in order to aid the very shiny Donald J. Trump.

We also learned that Mitch McConnell, the Senate majority leader, had told that dastardly Barack HUSSEIN Obama that if he, Obama — who thought he was still president at the time, isn’t that adorable? — were to tell the American people about this, he, McConnell would consider it an act of “partisan politics.”

Who has changed his tune for the piper now and when someone says jump he says how high? Why, it is Mitch McConnell! Let us watch, together, his slow talking about burble gurble hummineh hurp.

It is hard as hell to understand him through all the anchovies he’s got stored in his dewlap, but we think he might have said this:

The Obama administration attempted for eight years to reset relations with Russia, and sat back while Russia expanded its sphere of influence, intervened in Crimea, Eastern Ukraine, and Syria, and attempted to bully the Baltic countries. It defies belief that somehow Republicans in the Senate are reluctant to either review Russian tactics, or ignore them.

Oh, I see. Russia is Nobummer’s fault, so “it defies belief” that Mitch McConnell himself told Bamz to shut his fool mouth, and that Donald Trump is still saying the CIA is a crock of shit, and that it probably definitely wasn’t even Russia anyway, and if it was, how come nobody mentioned anything before?

Also, he gives the CIA a real good tongue bath even though Donald Trump said they are :(
Will Mitch McConnell’s wife, Elaine Chao, still get her cabinet slot? And if she does, does that mean she has to leave the Wells Fargo board of directors? That would be a pity.

Meanwhile, Joe Walsh (the bad Joe Walsh, not the good Joe Walsh) has been hair on fire on Twitter all weekend about every Republican senator except Lindsey Graham and John McCain and now, apparently (and belatedly), Mitch McConnell not giving even the slightest of fucks about Russia interfering in an American election.

So good work, Joe Walsh. You were a terrible Congressman and a very bad radio host, and just an actual garbage person all around, but I guess you’ve got Mitch McConnell on jump.

[CNN]

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  • Awww….look who’s pretending to give a shit. Someone flip Yertle on his back and walk away…

  • Snopes Shop

    Not buying it, he’s up to something….

    • Very slowly…he’s up to something

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      If he’s awake and breathing, then yes he’s up to something.

    • puredog

      He’s not going to go all Special Committee, but just plain old reg’lar Senate investigation, which he can then control and make sure it does no harm to anything that needs to be harmed.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    WHY WON’T THEY INVESTIGATE THE CLINTON FOUNDATION!!?!?!?!!?!

    • Rabbi John

      BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT TO END UP LIKE VINCE FOSTER!!!1!!!

  • What a shocker! At least half the country doesn’t like the idea of a government run by an autocratic strongman interfering in their elections. Go ahead Mitchy. Try to save your job as enabler in chief. We’re fucking watching

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      But not the half that votes apparently.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Hillary got the majority of the popular vote. Never forget that.

        • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

          Never Forget!!!!! We want our country back.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Finally the American public will learn about any potential Russian involvement in Benghazi.

  • theblackdog

    Makes me wonder what Putinland has on him if he’s trying to walk back investigating and would blame Obama instead.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Which is worse – his utter lack of scruples or his incompetence? It’s a neck-and-neck race folks!

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Hell, he’s been competent at his intransigence for the last two presidential terms. We can’t even decide on a Supreme Court judge everyone has already agreed is perfect because of him….

    • schmannity

      AOTK

    • ImGoingBacon

      ISWYDT

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Have you seen that neck? That neck is only racing down his sunken chest.

  • Nounverb911
    • bookish

      Awww…turtle nice time.

    • Blacktop Autumn

      As if.

      McConnell would never help out a fellow turtle.

      • baconzgood

        Nor would other turtles help him.

        • theCryptofishist

          And those aren’t turtles anyway.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Snakes or alligators – you decide….

    • Objectifer

      Ramming speed!

    • Msgr_Moment

      1. Flip over turtle.
      2. Hump it mercilessly.
      3. ???
      4. Profit!

    • Snopes Shop

      Ahhhh coffee spit take

    • puredog

      If you could just get this to play backward, it might be more accurate/desirable.

  • Kooolest G

    won’t that be an awkward confirmation hearing when his wife has to answer the questions about how her husband tried to throw the election to get her a job, while he’s sitting right there

  • baconzgood

    I’m starting to get the feeling that the GOP is starting to get buyers remorse with the Don.

    • Rabbi John

      Mitch and the rest of the boys remind me of a family just got a new puppy; they don’t know where it’s going to pee next, but they know it’s gonna happen and they just have to be ready to run and clean it up.

      • LucindathePook

        Only difference being the pup can learn and grow and turns out to be lovable and able to fetch slippers and guard the house.

        • cmd

          I see a lot of chewed slippers here and peeing on the rug.

      • jw

        This pup’s gonna maul one of the kids within 6 months.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Fuck you, Yertle. You’re still a venal piece of shit. NO BACKSIES.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    You can see the whites of his eyes as he tries desperately to subvert the type of investigation to a Republican-controlled cover-up…

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I’m so glad I had the foresight to invest in pitchforks and torches- time to go turtle hunting

  • Resistinceisnotfutile

    I thought he was going to talk about some people who eloped. Fake news bait-and-switch again.

    • theCryptofishist

      Yes, I need a nice upbeat “eloping story” myself! There was none in Teen Vogue.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Dodging responsibility for this clusterfuck is gonna take real leadership.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The Reeps are positioning themselves to impeach Don the Con in favor of Pence, aren’t they? Not an improvement when it comes to policy making, but it would be nice to see Drumpf get what he richly deserves at least.

    • beingreleased

      That’s my guess. McDonnell assumed that Trump just wanted to be a figurehead, but he seems to be “getting involved” and “making decisions”, which are, predictably, bad.

    • Ali | Cat of the Resistance

      Honestly, if none of the Hail Mary passes pan out (I have no hope), at least with Pence, I think he’d not cozy up to Russia or take a giant piss on China.

      That’s the very least I expect out of him.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Yeah, Pence isn’t better at all , but he is more predictable.

      • Snopes Shop

        He’s worse because he has Jesus on his side.

    • LarryHoudini

      I’ve been thinking this from the get-go. And now that Trump has basically called the CIA a bunch of losers, they might get help. I wish I thought that were a bad thing.

    • Roadstergal

      Deciding between Pence and Trump. Would I rather die of ceaseless vomiting or incurable diarrhea? Yes, they’re very different in theory, but I’m dying in a painful and humiliating fashion either way.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    I’m gonna need another cup of coffee before I try to unpack this article.
    https://media.giphy.com/media/koTAN2V1PTOzC/giphy.gif

  • exinkwretch

    I suspect team Trump and congressional Republicans are having communications issues. Perhaps the talking points they’re being provided aren’t being translated properly from Russian to English?

  • Rouge Skwerl!

    Mitch wants to be remembered as a Hindenburg.
    “What? This Hitler fellow shouldn’t take over the government, but let’s give him arbitrary dictatorial powers anyway.”

    https://media1.britannica.com/eb-media/69/34969-004-7BEDFE6E.jpg

    And then he died missing all the good things Hitler did in the world.

  • coozledad

    Carly Fiorina is now director of getting the Chinese to bomb the living shit out of us for being stupid enough to let Carly Fiorina near anything with small, detachable pieces that can be swallowed.

    She was born for this job.

  • clubseal

    As much as I hate to type this, the “Trump transition team” has a point regarding the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. You don’t have to be a conspiracy theorist to be skeptical of a “secret CIA assessment.”

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Remember that the initial assessment had several qualifiers that pointed out that the CIA didn’t have proof that Iraq had WMDs, but the report was modified after political pressure was applied. This was to the dismay of the analysts who were more interested in the reality based community than in W’s determination to go to war FFS.

      • clubseal

        And this is more solid? They know some anonymous people tied to Russia that may have leaked the info?

        • OrG

          INVESTIGATE!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Obama isn’t saying let’s go to war with Russia- just investigate further. Big difference

          • clubseal

            I’m not saying that it isn’t pretty telling that Trump isn’t saying let’s go to war with Russia, since that seems like his default response to any foreign government.

          • clubseal

            Nothing like a triple negative.

        • shivaskeeper

          Working in Intelligence means the analysts dig and sort through as many sources as they can get. The conclusions will never be 100%, but if something looks wrong, dig deeper.

        • Resistance Fighter Callyson

          Talk to us, NYT:

          Both intelligence and law enforcement officials agree that there is a mountain of circumstantial evidence suggesting that the Russian hacking was primarily aimed at helping Mr. Trump and damaging his opponent, Hillary Clinton.

          In July, the infiltration of the Democratic National Committee’s computer servers produced embarrassing emails and other internal party documents, the publication of which caused a backlash that led to the resignation of the committee’s chairwoman, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and her top staff. Just weeks before the election, hacked emails from the account of John D. Podesta, Mrs. Clinton’s campaign manager, were made public and produced numerous stories about the internal dynamics of the campaign. That hack also produced the text of speeches Mrs. Clinton had given to Wall Street banks.

          American intelligence officials believe that Russia also penetrated databases housing Republican National Committee data, but chose to release documents only on the Democrats. The committee has denied that it was hacked.

          Beyond the specific targets of the hacks, American officials cite broad evidence that Mr. Putin and the Russian government favored Mr. Trump over Mrs. Clinton.

          tl;dr: they may not have found the smoking gun, but they can smell the smoke and are getting closer.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            ohferfucksakes – keep going, you old grey hag: what about Paul Manafort and the only changes made to the Republican platform, and the hundreds of millions Trump owes Russia and the extensive business interests he and his children have admitted to there and….ferfucksakes do some investigatin’….

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            true story- Manafort currently lives in Trump Tower. So much for disassociating the campaign from him

          • cmd

            And people are saying he’s back involved with the transition. Never trusted THAT guy.

      • shivaskeeper

        Hey, that’s what I said.

        • Resistance Fighter Callyson

          GMTA.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Cheney and Rumsfeld hammered the analysts unmercifully to browbeat them into affirming the conclusions they wanted. When that didn’t work to their satisfaction, they just made shit up.

        • PubOption

          Arranging the fact around the policy, as Tony Blair said.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Not just qualifiers- there were direct conflicts between various assessments

        • shivaskeeper

          That can happen. Different sources will lead to different conclusions, especially if agencies don’t work together. That’s why there is someone at the top who is supposed to sort through all the assessments too.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            yup, it’s their job to bring all the info to POTUS so he and his team can make those big decisions- GWB chose to ignore every bit that didn’t conform to his existing agenda. Donnie chooses to ignore everything they have to say, period

    • shivaskeeper

      There were a metric shit-ton of qualifiers on the WMD reports. It was stated over and over that the intel was not solid, was not something to go to war over, was inconclusive. All those were deliberatly stripped out by Bush and Co to fit their narrative.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Nonsense- it isn’t the same people for one thing, George Tenet≠ John Brennan. Also too, the intelligence agencies at the time cranked out conflicting reports and urged extreme caution about the reliability of their conclusions. The GWB administration rejected out of hand every assessment that didn’t support their agenda. In fact, Cheney made the unprecedented move to force them to report directly to his office, where he would routinely send back reports and demand that they be rewritten to conform to administration policy. Blaming those intel failures on the various agencies is nothing more than historical revisionism and scapegoating.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        This this this THIS

      • clubseal

        There’s something about accepting the conclusions that support a certain agenda. That’s why I’m cautious.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Unlike Trump joking that Russia should investigate Clinton’s missing e-mails?…

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Cautious is fine. It’s the kneejerk obstruction that is frustrating. let’s follow up and investigate. But the default from GOP leadership is “let’s sweep this under the rug and send it down the memory hole”

          • clubseal

            From the same people who brought us “Investigate Benghazi one billion times,” no less.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            So because the GOP abused the process to hurt Hillary, we should just give Trump a pass?

          • Suttree

            I think clubseal was agreeing with you and saying that the GOP is giving this a pass instead of their usual SOP of investigating Benghazi a billion times.
            EDIT: I’m reading the rest of this part of the thread and am unsure now of what the hell clubseal is trying to say.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            as am I

          • clubseal

            In your anger over this, perhaps you missed my point. I was calling the GOP hypocrites, yo.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            not anger- I’m genuinely confused as to what your point is

          • clubseal

            You said that you were opposed to the GOP’s obstruction of an investigation, and I, agreeing with you, called attention to the hypocrisy of the party that wanted to investigate Hillary a billion times suddenly losing interest in even having one investigation into these allegations.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I completely agree with that. thanks for clearing it up

      • Suttree

        Over a million lives lost, THIS!!!!!!! This wingnut that I was working with back in 2006 was trying to convince me that Iraq was such a nice peaceful place since we invaded. He was saying this as he played Rush on the radio. I informed him of the Lancet report saying that +650,000 Iraqis had died unnecessarily and for him to look it the fuck up before he spoke another fucking word to me about the war. He never said another word to me about the war.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      14 years is a long time in an agency like the CIA. It would be like saying don’t eat at Jack in the Box because some folks died of e coli in the 1990s from their food – while it’s true and factual, a lot of things have changed in the intervening period that may not allow the premise to stand today.

    • Msgr_Moment

      The one on Osama being ready to strike, OTOH…..

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I agree, actually. As much as I want to see Trump destroyed by these allegations, it’s incredibly hard to know when to trust our intelligence agencies. I mean, look at Comey during the fucking election.

  • stankbait

    Benign neglect is one thing. These Rethuglican fucks intentionally head in the sand ignored it like a scared ostrich. Now their posture has exposed their butt holes pointing to the heavens.

  • OrG

    The turtle is a worthless piece of shit.Always has been,always will be.

  • Shoto

    Turtle Boy can be contacted via telephone at:

    (202) 224-2541

    I’m thinking his office needs to called with a little bit of holiday cheer.

    • Suttree

      The fable of the scorpion and the frog needs to be updated to the scorpion and the turtle.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Aye-up.

  • coozledad

    He’ll always have his wife’s drug smuggling to fall back on.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXQCrOEx1-g

    • Thiazin Red

      Part of me does wonder what would happen if you sent an envelope to the address in the song.

  • elviouslyqueer
    • So now there are some Post political reporters with a lot of free time and no need to worry about losing access if they offend Hair Fuhrer?

      Seems like a short-sighted plan that will ultimately backfire in a spectacular way, Donnie.

      • Roadstergal

        Oh, they can’t go to his staged bullshit and instead must go find out what’s actually going on? I’m going to have to buy a subscription.

    • Shoto

      Having press credentials revoked by this asshole should now be considered a badge of honor. If the cable teevee infotainment entities had any integrity whatsoever, they would refuse to cover his pseudo-Nuremberg rallies in solidarity.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Who is still on the accredited list? Breitbart and Alex Jones?

      • Cogswell – User of the wheel

        Well, you have to keep someone around to report on his royal anus’ version of reality.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He actually did that months ago- right about then WaPo rediscovered their spine and we started to see all the excellent reporting from David Farenthold

    • Cogswell – User of the wheel

      He’s been shitting on the media since day one of the election cycle and threatening to revoke all of their Press Corpse credentials and they are still his lapdogs.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        They need an alternative viewpoint. They should do what FOX has done for years – just report on what his enemies say…

    • Mintie

      Oh noes! Jeff Bezos is going to cry into his morning oatmeal over this!

  • Look Closer

    Just imagine what would be happening if Hillary Clinton got elected with Russia’s help….

    • Thiazin Red

      Or if her cabinet appointments were totally unqualified ass kissers.

      • Look Closer

        Or if she owed $650 million to Russian oligarchs…

        • Thiazin Red

          Or had thousands of pending lawsuits, including for fraud against her while running.

          • Look Closer

            Or her pick for SoS is an oil magnate who is friends with Vladimir Putin….

          • OrG

            You could do this all day!

          • Villago Delenda Est

            “Everybody does it” – Your Village vermin.

          • Thiazin Red

            Both sides! Balance!

          • Villago Delenda Est

            As I read this, I hear Cokie Roberts in my head.

          • Pisto75666

            Ever since Senor Cheeto’s (s)election, i’ve been really hoping that someone asks Jon Stewart & Stephen Colbert if they’re still pedaling that ‘both sides are the same’ bullshit from a couple of years ago.

          • Look Closer

            It amazes me that we are here and it appears Republicans only care about 2 things. Neither of which includes the well being of the American people.

          • Oblios_Cap

            I heard she is into lending pantsuits, though.

          • Or was a shitferbrains Tang Ape with tiny hands, syphilis-addled brains, and chronic narcissism?

        • beingreleased

          Or if she had jaywalked that one time.

        • BearGHAZI

          Or if 10+ men credibly came forward and claimed she grabbed them by the [man]pussy, and a tape came out of her boasting about [man]pussy-grabbing with Jeneane Garafolo on a bus

    • OrG

      I know this! IOKIYAR!

  • beingreleased

    Why were Republicans more interested in investigating Acorn’s attempts to steal the election than Russia’s?

  • Suttree

    OT: A quick question. Does anyone else experience Wonkette time dilation? I refreshed Wonkette’s main page five minutes ago and it was still on the Teen Vogue article, and now I refresh again and this article has been up for 40 minutes. WTF?

    • rebecca

      when you’re not logged in, the homepage doesn’t update sometimes until we purge the cache. I checked unlogged in, and 40 minutes later this fucker STILL WASNT SHOWING, so I purged.

      We thought it would get fixed with the new theme, but GRRR.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Someone, I won’t say who exactly, but not Donna Rose, is going to be flirting with a night or two on the couch.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Next time you purge the cash, I’ll take some.

      • Suttree

        Thanks Rebecca! I thought I had lost/was losing my mind just have a shitty old computer that doesn’t like me.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I have.

      It’s just a timey-whimy thing.

      • kareemachan

        Wibbly-wobbley…

    • Thiazin Red

      Don’t panic but you may have been abducted by aliens.

    • Msgr_Moment

      It was the Russians. Or a false flag operation.
      Thanks, Obama, in either event.

      • Suttree

        The first 10 times it happened, I figured I was just having an acid flashback or had passed out sitting upright.

    • Anybody else planning on watching the presidential debate tonight?

      I hear Trump is planning to KICK SOME ASS.

    • Anybody else planning on watching the presidential debate tonight?

      I hear Trump is planning to KICK SOME ASS.

    • Nockular cavity

      A glitch in the matrix! Now we’re really fucked!

      …Upon reflection, I guess we’re still just as really fucked as before.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Have you tried turning the space-time continuum off and then back on again?

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        You have won today.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    McConnell is literally saying that because Obama once wanted to improve relations with Russia, of course republicans wanted the opposite. There is no other policy justification sought or required.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s another example of the truth of Cleek’s Law.

  • LarryHoudini

    As a life-long Conservative and True Patriot, I DECLARE THAT WE THE PEOPLE MUST ACT TO COUNTER THE MEDDLING OF THE RUSSIANS IN OUR ELECTIONS. IT THREATENS THE VERY LEGITIMACY OF OUR DEMOCRACY. Yes, of course, I can see that it has benefited my particular party, and left Republicans in control of the Congress and Presidency, and soon we will see a truly Conservative Supreme Court, but . . . uh . . . well . . . on second thought . . . gosh, can’t we all just come together? Come on, lieberals! Let’s give our new President-elect the chance he deserves. PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS, BLEEDING-HEART HOMOS. ENOUGH WITH YOUR PATHETIC LIBERAL TEARS IN YOUR SAFE SPACES.
    IT’S CALLED DEMOCRACY, HIPPIES. YOU GUYS LOST. GET OVER IT.

    • kareemachan

      Oh, were you saying something?

    • TX Taco Truck Brigade

      I’ve been Poed!

      • snark-lurker

        are your ears ringing too?

    • Look Closer

      Fuck that!

    • Nockular cavity

      Whew! I see your brain slug finally received the update!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Upfist for Futurama reference!

    • Mintie
  • Villago Delenda Est

    Turtle is yet another real-life example of Lenin’s famous “useful idiot”.

    • snark-lurker

      did you mean “turdle”?

  • Get used to everything that turns into a pile of lumpy, infectious diarrhea during the upcoming Trump Administration being “Obama’s Fault”.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      or Hillary’s, or Bill’s.

      Hell, they’ll blame Carter if they can get away with it

      • Suttree

        Jinx!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        FDR or GTFO.

        • Nockular cavity

          Woodrow Fucking Wilson, for some goddamned unfathomable reason.

    • Suttree

      With a backup of it being Clinton’s fault. Either one will do, because there was never a president named Bush in this century.

    • LarryHoudini

      Well, we’ve had eight years of practice. I think we’re all prepared.

    • Master Contrail Program

      All Republican malfeasance can be pinned on the 15 month term of Zachary Taylor, if you think about it.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Especially Trump’s whig.

      • theCryptofishist

        William Henry Harrison liBuLLZ!!!!1

  • Look Closer

    Any chance we are living with a Constitutional crisis right now?????

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Yes.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I know. Obummer won’t stop doing stuff and saying things. He needs to just admit he lost. Bigly.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      We’ll know for sure on the 19th. That’s when the Electoral College has a chance to put a stop to this shit.

      • Buzz1313

        I am praying for this..though I stopped believing in God sometime in early November..I believe it was a Tuesday

    • Randy Riddle

      Depending on how the electoral college pans out, we might be living in a Banana Republic right now.

  • Shibusa
  • MynameisBlarney

    Wehehehehellllllllll now….wouldja lookit that!?

    It ain’t JUST the CIA…

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028356743

  • M.E. Lawrence

    I am so confused. Repugs used to hate Russkies and call left-wing Dems
    commie perverts and snarl at peacenik demonstrators to go back to Russia. And now they love the godless reds–or do they? Mitch, make up your devious and vestigial mind. McCain and Graham, man up and cross the aisle already.

    • Jonny On Maui

      My SparklePony Lindsey manning up? Talk about his closet dreams…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They love them some Chekists, yes they do!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They love them some Chekists, yes they do!

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Hell, they STILL do that when we suggest that maybe children shouldn’t die form lack of affordable healthcare.

    • The DepravedDemmeFatale

      Hoover must be turning in his grave!

    • Russians haven’t been “red” since the collapse of the Soviet Union – they’re virulently anti-gay, post-gangster hyper-capitalists now, which is all very sexy to the American Right.

    • LarryHoudini

      And we ALL used to hate Nazis and fascists.

  • anwisok
    • Msgr_Moment

      Top Pic: “Egrets, I’ve had a few. But then again, too few to mention.”

  • boyblue122

    Republicans have always had an anti-Russia policy which is why there is no need to have a serious investigation into Russia meddling in an American election

    Thats some great logic right there

    • Master Contrail Program

      You going to lock that door?

      Why? The sign clearly says “Keep Out”.

  • schmannity

    Comrade Trumpov does not approve.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Hold on there just a minute, buster. Trump doesn’t trust the CIA because of Iraq, yet he’s best buds with Bolton?

    • schmannity

      Just because Bolton STILL insists that Iraq had WMDs just means that he had better sources than the CIA. Do not question Comrade Trumpov.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        He’s sure, absolutely sure, they’re somewhere to the North, East, South and West of Baghdad.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      It’s ALMOST as if he has no connection to reality.

    • azeyote

      Bolton is his kinda guy

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Of course Trump dismisses the reports and says there’s no evidence to support the idea that Russia interfered with our election

    Putin told him to say that

    • Master Contrail Program

      While he was drinking a glass of water.

      Amazing!

      “Who is dummy, Dummy?”

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        No puppet! No puppet! YOU’RE the puppet!!! Yeah…good times…when we still chuckled & thought there’s no way this maroon is gonna get near the White House…

        • Master Contrail Program

          Ahh, the flower and unbridled optimism of youth.

        • Buzz1313

          Of all the stuff he spewed during the election season, nothing made him sound dumber than his “No Puppet!” line. I was sure it cost him the elections. Fucking idiot.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      In Russia, Russia trumps you…

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Too bad, McTurtle, that you’re going down in history as a traitor, even if you’re not actually tried for treason as you ought to be. But you keep those chins up – your wife’s got a cushy job in the new administration, so you’ll still be making plenty of money while you sell out your fucking country.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I want more emu with arms gifs

  • msanthrope

    There is no good Joe Walsh.

    • snark-lurker

      wut about the fish?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Not even “Life’s Been Good” Joe Walsh? He’s no Randy Meisner, but still….

      • Msgr_Moment

        In his defense, he only became an Eagle after the Eagles had already Eagled.

    • Beowoof14

      Well there is that guitar guy who played with the Eagles I kind of liked. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_qHU_6Ofc0

      • Paul

        Glad you chose the James Gang rather than that insipid band. I’d rather listen to fucking John Ashcroft “sing” “Let The Eagle Soar” than those posers.(Eagles)

        You may all thank me for not posting a link to Ashcroft’s dulcet tones since it is nearing dinner time.

        • Resisting the Urge – Holly

          Darling? There are some of us that have the ability to appreciate all music in all it’s eclectic greatness. I like Don Giovanni and well as Don Henley. Now please STFU and stop your grumbling.
          With all my love and respect please go fuck yourself.

          An Eagles Fan From Way Way Back and PROUD OF IT!

          • Paul

            Yes dear.

            Is that right? Please don’t hit me again.

          • Resisting the Urge – Holly

            That’s right. Now go sit in the corner.

          • Paul

            NOOOOOO!!!!1!!! Not the chair with the nails again. How long do I have to sit there? The Patriots are on tonight. May I please watch them?

            And why are your cats staring at me and hissing?

        • JackLinks

          Here it is fans, Ashcroft singing “Let the Eagles Soar!”
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woLQI8X2R6Y

          • Paul

            That’s just fucking cruel. I wanted to get a rise out of folks, not make the contents of their stomach rise.

            Y’all might as well listen. It’s STILL better than that boy band.

  • Picabo

    It looks like we don’t need Turtle to get a Senate investigation. As seen on Daily Kos, “GOP members supporting investigation of Russian interference in election

    Sen Graham
    Sen McCain
    Sen Lankford
    Sen Corker
    Rep McCaul”

    • snark-lurker

      supporting ain’t the same as holding. talk’s cheap, takes money to buy whisky

      • clairence

        gonna need a lot of money the next four years….

    • MamaBrown

      Still in single digits. sheesh.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      While I’m excited to see some R’s saying “this isn’t partisan”, it’s the R’s leading the charge… McCain? Graham? Trump’s people are gonna spin this so quick, I can see it now! Old John’s just mad that he was captured & Lindsey’s still a bachelor who’s mad Trump gave out his cell number…or something like that. The mental gymnastics in his camp are 2016 USA Ladies winning gold level.

    • pstockholm

      Will believe when they they vote on a motion for a real and immediate investigation, not a second before.
      (Cmon, they’re Republicans, get real.)
      Rule #3. Institutions will not save you.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    Will Mitch McConnell’s wife, Elaine Chao, still get her cabinet slot?

    ^^THIS.^^ It literally pays to look the other way.

    • clairence

      That couldn’t POSSIBLY be why Trump chose her, could it? As a Senate firewall. A “trump” card, if you will.

      Naw, he’s clearly above such things.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      I wish I could upvote this more! Plus, McConnell REFUSED to remove himself from her hearings? WTF? The inbreeding of this administration is almost too much to keep track of. However, if you check Trump’s donor list, chances are pretty good the higher the donation, the higher the cabinet position.

  • Snopes Shop

    I’m not sure what makes me happier, Romney dog strapped to head or turtle gifs

  • Randy Riddle

    So, is Mitch McConnell going to whitewash the whole Russia thing or will he genuinely support a real investigation that he can financially benefit from somehow?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      He’s in, shell-deep….too deep not to pretend to do something…

    • Rick Hill

      Just as soon as they can find a way to tie a stone around trump’s neck and get Pence in the job he’ll have a course of action.

  • Beowoof14

    And so the shit show rolls on with Mitch complaining about Obama. Did he mention W not doing anything about Georgia, (the one in Europe) no because that was astute foreign policy in Mitch’s turtle brain.

  • mardam422

    I think it’s time for a Wonk-pool. What will be the first complete disaster for the Trump Administration? Something in the foreign policy sphere? Maybe the first of many administration scandals? Perhaps his wife was once deported?
    My guess…January 28th. Russia invades the Baltic states. Donald can’t find them on a map in the press conference room. Ends up pointing to Romania.
    Let’s play. It would be irresponsible not to.

    • therblig

      Russia invades the Baltic. Trump counters with, “I still have a hotel on Mediterranean”

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Too close to what would happen. He is clueless and thinks the VP can do everything without him there.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Trump grabs the pussy of an ambassador’s daughter. Bannon talks Trump into drinking heavily so there’s an excuse,

    • The DepravedDemmeFatale

      great idea, but i can’t think about it, cause it hurts my brain too much.

    • clairence

      how about selecting a competent Cabinet?

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        As I posted the other day, (stolen from a tumbler) “Watching Trump pick a cabinet is like opening an Advent Calendar to the Apocalypse.

      • Spurning Beer

        Nobody’s perfect.

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      What if an administration has a catastrophic disaster, and there’s nobody in the woods to report it?

    • Craig Peters

      I’m half-expecting a Lonesome Rhodes type of open-mike moment to bring him down. I wonder how the Trumpkins would react to a tape of their God saying how stupid they are and how he played them.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Would. Not. Matter.

        • Spurning Beer

          You may be right. There might be nothing that he could say or that could happen that would shake off the true believes. But at the same time, Donald seems to have a compulsion to test the limits of their blindness, and it could be fun to watch. An open mic incident where he says abortions are awesome, he’s thinking about exploring his bisexuality more actively, and taxes will need to go up bigly on white people to pay for a new entitlement program for the Afro-Americans and the Hispanics — I’d love to see conservatives try to choke that down.

      • LucindathePook

        I used to think that too, not so long ago, but it seems to me he’s had an open mike, been obnoxiously honest, and no one cares.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Considering all the crazy shit that’s gone on over the last 3 weeks (still a month to go until Inauguration)? It could be damn near anything! However, my guess is that Trump will say something seriously offensive to some head of states’ wife. I can imagine…”would ya look at the rack on her? I’d love to grab that pussy” or something equally as gross & cringe-worthy.

    • kev

      putin won’t have to invade anyplace. he’ll simply negotiate to buy them from rump for building permits, sweet building sites etc.

      • There is a $500 billion dollar Exxon deal on the table RIGHT NOW that got killed because of sanctions against Russia.

        OF COURSE the new Secretary of State is the Exxon CEO.
        ~~~

    • Professor Fate

      Terrorist attacks on Trump properties. Trump’s response is the bombing of Iran and all that entails to follow – gas reaches $10 a gallon.

      • Apple Scruff

        If something like this happens, his entire empire will be gone. No one will want to stay in a terrorist target.

        • clairence

          If that happened, the US would end up spending billions (trillions?) to protect any property with his name on it.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            If you think nobody wants the name now…

          • clairence

            If they rename them all Scion do you think anyone would notice?

          • Apple Scruff

            Not if the property was outside our borders and it was just one of those circumstances where he sold his name/ brand but doesn’t own the property.

    • Incoming Ham

      Something that embarrasses the GOP and calls out senior members. Something they can’t get out of.

      It’s all about them.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        “Something that embarrasses the GOP.”
        I’m trying to think of something – and not coming up with anything.

        • Incoming Ham

          That’s the problem. Short of every one of them being found naked with both a dead girl and a live boy, I am not sure there is much that would.

    • laineypc

      We won’t know because we will all be dead.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It will take a while for the “large ethnic Russian populations” in a Baltic state to mysteriously get “restive”, like they did in Ukraine, heavily-armed “rebels” to materialize, and for the resulting shitstorm to require Russian intervention to “preserve the rights” of the locals (who now want to be part of Mother Russia.)

      I give it twelve months. Trump won’t do shit about it so long Putin pats him on the head and calls him a smart boy.

    • phoenix00

      China. Xi Jinping gets tired of Trump’s shit.

      – calls payment on sovereign/convertible bonds
      – places massive tariffs on US exports
      – nationalizes US/China commercial joint ventures
      – sends a massive military force to the South China Sea
      – isolates Taiwan ROC diplomatically/commercially even more than usual

      Either/or/any combination of the above/pickseys chooseys!

  • Michael Smith

    “Hey as long as it helped our side, who cares? Now, of course, we can’t say that. The best course of action is: deny, deny, deny.”

    “But, sir, what if definitive proof emerges that Russia hacked and manipulated our election? Won’t our hard denial make it seem as though we had something to do with foreign interference in a presidential election?”

    “Jim, that proof will never emerge. And if it does emerge, we will take whoever was responsible for collecting the information, or for preparing the report, or for releasing it to the public, or maybe all of those people, and we will point out that they don’t like us, and so they cannot be trusted to handle any facts that damage us. Thus, people who love us are the only people whose criticisms of us would be valid. And they would never criticize us or release facts that disparage us. And if they did – then they don’t love us, and their criticism is based on petty bias. There’s literally no way this doesn’t work for us.”

    “What if the Democrats win the next election?”

    “We keep up the same policy of bullshit until we win another election.”

    • phoenix00

      Preen the messenger/shoot the messenger/repeat as necessary

  • Courser

    McConnell is a lying sack of dogshit. I want to set him on fire and leave him on Paul Ryan’s doorstep.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Votes.

    • H0mer0

      that’s a fun visual (reminds me of Family Guy when Peter anesthetizes

      Consuela and puts her in a basket on his neighbor’s front porch and rings the doorbell)

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    The Beltway press is moving heaven and earth to let this sack of shit McConnell get out in front of this story, and to protect him from the fallout he so richly deserves, although it’s quite clear he was not merely aware of what the Russians were up to, but used fairly classic political blackmail to silence the Democrats on the subject during the campaign, and indeed until well after the Russians (as well as rogue agents in the FBI) had done their level best to install Donald in the Oval Office and win the Senate for the Republican Party (don’t forget: it wasn’t just Hillary who was leading a few weeks before the election–Democrats were also on track to win the Senate and relegate this vicious little cotton-mouth reptile to the minority status he has earned).

    Now, though, what with the Post story coming out over the weekend making it clear exactly what old Mitch was willing to do to the US of A for the sake of his own political power and that of his party, it’s time for some emergency spin.

    Hence every mainstream news outlet in America is leaping into action, because apparently it’s just not permitted for a Republican to be outed or exposed in any way–not with (as we all understand) the various news organizations having various issues coming up all the time before committees of Congress, and thus not wanting to get on the bad side of Republicans.

    You especially don’t want to get on the bad side of Republicans who have made it clear they would willingly destroy the president of the United States himself, if he attempted to interfere with he subversion of the US electoral process by the Russians on behalf of the Republicans.

    So hey, lots of news coverage of a somber Senate Majority Leader declaring that he and his colleagues will, by gum, sooner or later, one day, when all the facts are in via thorough, often confidential and of necessity unpublicized and behind-closed-doors (because nobody takes the security of this nation more seriously than the Senate Majority Leader) but nevertheless–take his word for it–vigorous and objective investigation.

    Through this fine-tooth-comb approach, sooner or later, one day, perhaps even in this century, Republicans will in a bipartisan spirit get to the bottom of these allegations to determine whether they are just more nonsense from the Democrats or whether there is some tiny grain of truth in the notion that in their subversive relationship with Barack Obama, the Russians somehow, inadvertently, helped elect the finest and greatest leader America has ever known, that electoral college Titan, the Great, the Transcendent Donald.

    Thank you for your time, Mr. Majority Leader.

    • Sister the Resister!

      I have long thought that McConnell was, unfortunately for us, one of the most brilliant political strategists in DC. He is single-minded, focused on getting what he wants, and nothing else. He faltered some, I thought, during the early 2010s, but that may have been more to do with the uncontrollable tea-party contingent, and less to do with his skills.

      It’s all good and fun to make fun of Mr McTurtle’s slow drawn out voice and seeming pace, but there’s more going on here, and it’s not good, or for that matter, fun.

      • Moebym, Resistance Pilot

        Hillary also happens to be good at playing the game. She was a threat to him.

        • By all means. It’s why they’ve been opposed to her for decades. Hillary has legit beef with the GOP and her in charge would have sent them to the hills when she came after them with flamethrowers.

      • It’s all good and fun to make fun of Mr McTurtle’s slow drawn out voice and seeming pace, but there’s more going on here, and it’s not good, or for that matter, fun.

        McConnell is ABSOLUTELY an evil fucker and moreso than the cabal of evil fuckers he’s in charge of. Making fun of his Turtle ways is just a coping mechanism on our part – by all indications, he blackmailed the POTUS into potential treason.

        ~~~

    • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

      Is it time to revive the term “quisling”?

      • therblig

        mitchling

    • puredog

      Like I said elsewhere, but more eloquently.

    • Moebym, Resistance Pilot

      *applause*

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      FBI director James Comey, rogue agent.

    • H0mer0

      while they do that, can they find Nicole Brown Simpson, Ron Goldman and Jon Benet Ramsey’s real killer?

  • “…we learned that the CIA has determined that Russia hacked the DNC and Hillary Clinton’s campaign chair, in order to aid the very shiny Donald J. Trump.”

    Corollary: Russia ALSO HACKED the RNC, got serious dirt, unlike the insider chatter of the DNC political campaign, and is blackmailing the GOP with the info.

    The DNC releases were harmless, but potential RNC releases are actionable.
    ~~~

    • cmd

      Stands to reason there would be worse dirt on them.

  • Mavenmaven

    After Trump’s antiaircraft tweet attack today, it is pretty clear that he’s working for Putin.

  • SighSperling

    Nothing will happen. The press has obliged to keep the real story of McConnell blocking a special committee out of the headlines so this ‘investigation’ looks legit.

    Aside from that, I do enjoy watching shit like this go down:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6d369be0ec1de50ffd700448694718765a0f2d31893120b4fd4a2202658f75c3.png

    • gaybymml96

      From the Treehouse of Horrors I

      DIE, DIE, EVERYBODY DIE

    • Incoming Ham

      “You’re reaction was horrible?” WND’s Twitter twitterer is the Queen of England?

  • The thing that keeps me awake at night these days is the question of whether this clusterfuck is just some shitstorm collision of ambition, ego and greed or is this a coordinated attack meant to tear down America and rebuild it as some neo-fascist state. I sometimes feel myself hovering perilously close to paranoia as I consider the latter. I mean, it can’t *really* happen here. Can it?

    • pianoplayer1

      I think this is all just a weird coincidence of crazy things coming together under a full moon. Surely, Americans will not willingly embrace facism. Right? Right?

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        Many voters in The Sticks have already embraced fascism, to express their racism and misogyny. Their numbers are scary.
        More than a few were charmed by the special Donald-Ivanka relationship.

        • phoenix00

          ahem, “economic anxiety”.

      • Surely, Americans will not willingly embrace facism. Right? Right?

        More than 50 million did, and happily.

    • LucindathePook

      I can’t remember where I saw it recently, but there was a story in something I remember as fairly credible that said Russian manipulation hacking is behind a lot of European right wing political movements.

      • cmd

        There do seem to be a lot of those. Also, I read that they are working on Germany now.

  • Incoming Ham

    If only there was a way to work in abortion, minimum wage, or gay rights – THAT would have them buzzing like a hive of angry hornets.

  • pianoplayer1

    Wonkettes, please go to Salon to counteract the Clinton-haters, who are all “Russia, who cares, HRC stole the nomination. The U. S. deserves Putin/Trump. Wah!”

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Nah, I pick my battles, and Salon is a windmill not worth tilting at. YMMV. But I wish you good luck!

    • phoenix00

      My money’s on the majority of those fuckwads “stayed home/spoiled ballot/voted third-party”

      Fuckwads.

  • Cogswell – User of the wheel

    You’d think he could move faster than your average turtle since he is without a shell.

  • Spurning Beer

    My ostensibly ad-fewer Wonkette feed is at this very moment showing me a good-sized ad for “CharmDate.com,” with the slogan “Dating Russians In Your Way.” (I assume that means “in the way I would prefer,” not “Russians who are in my way when I want to go somewhere.” I could be wrong.)

    At any rate, there is no longer any doubt about the Russians hacking our America. Also, they may have acquired advanced Irony Technology.

  • gaybymml96

    What is the world I live in where JOE FUCKING WALSH has better moral standards than ALL OF THE GOP.

    Then again, it must be an awfully low bar to clear.

    • HorseChestnut

      Also fucking AXL ROSE.

  • FlownOver

    “…the very shiny Donald J. Trump.”

    No. It is still not possible to polish a turd. See how many are trying, to no effect.

    • HorseChestnut

      Sadly, you can gilt it.

      • phoenix00

        Or gold-plate it.

        • LadyLaz

          Oh man that made me laugh

  • bluicebank

    Is it just me, or does the Orange Dumpster Fire risk the wrath of the gods by pissing off BOTH the CIA and defense industry (Lockheed, Northrop)? Sure, maybe Trump could get away with capping a guy on 5th Avenue, because what’s the guy’s mother going to do, sue Il Douche?

    But the guys who know a guy with crosshairs etched in his eyes? The guys who build horrible things of mass misery? Say what you will about Donald Trump, but he either has a large set of brass balls, or is a complete idiot.

    • HorseChestnut

      It’s that second one. Name something smart the man has done (anyone, seriously, please).

      • Keith Taylor

        Well … just for the challenge, I was trying. For a moment I thought I’d come up with something, his campaign technique, which did get results, repulsive though it was, but on second thoughts that wasn’t smart. More like raw basic reptilian instinct for recognizing and appealing to the worst in people.

      • Incoming Ham

        Conning people into putting his brand on their buildings.

    • phoenix00

      That would be door #2

  • ibwilliamsi

    I find it difficult to believe that anyone thinks that the CIA doesn’t have some dirt on them that they’d rather not share – especially a Republican Senator.

    Bend over, Mitch.

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    With all due respect, defiling the artwork of Dr Seuss’ stories with Senator McTurtle’s face is just appalling.

  • WomanInTheResistance
  • Mike Steele

    Still can’t forgive Obama over this. He’s leaving, McConnell has been up his ass since dinner party on Day One, and wtf cares if release of Russian subterfuge would have been deemed “political”? There was an election going on, for Chrissakes; keeping this under wraps had consequences far more political, doncha know? Nothing McC could have threatened justifies O letting this slide. Maybe I’m dense, but I still don’t get it.

  • Bigby

    My read of this is that everyone has shit on everyone else and they’re playing a mean game of chicken. Obama’s probably thinking “do I give enough of a fuck about America to be outed with what they have on me, Dems, the gov’ment to blow this up sky high and risk future economic and/or civil catastrophe or do I let it go, hope Drumpf doesn’t fuck everything up TOO much, and collect 8 figures for the rest of my and my children’s life? Hell, no one seems to GAF what Rethugs do anyway.”. McConnell’s probably thinking “do I give enough of a fuck about what power we Rethugs have now now now to not throw just that asshole Drumpf under the bus in exchange for Obama not dropping his TreasonBombs™ on all of us, or do I hate that n-clang so much, and think my shit smells like rosewater, that I can play chicken to the very end and dare he and the Dems not to back down?”.

    Not a bad assumption on McConnell’s assessment of O and the Dems, with precedent in the Johnson “hell, I have Nixon committing treason with N. Vietnam on TAPE, but whachagonna do, let’s not rock the boat…”.

    • ColumbusLib

      Your read sounds spot-on!

  • mary5920

    Time for Moses to visit all those deplorables and smash some tablets over their heads. The Charleton Heston version would include a few earthquake special effects and some of them falling into a newly opened fissure.
    Maybe that could happen in Florida if they would all meet there with their Russian friends? They have some lovely sinkholes that could open up.

  • Incoming Ham

    Question: has anyone heard a reaction to all of this from the Kremlin? Are the Russians too busy laughing their asses off, drinking Diva vodka and high-fiving to respond?

  • bbayliss

    Time will tell who has fell and who’s been left behind.

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