HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA sigh. Former Trump campaign manager and suspected N*Sync fangirl Kellyanne Conway has a dream, you guys. A dream that cool celebs like Justin Timberlake and Bruno Mars will agree to play Donald Trump’s inauguration.
According to an “entertainment insider” speaking to The Wrap, the Trump campaign has been desperately trying to get musical acts to perform at the ceremony, and have reportedly offered lots and lots of money to both talent and talent recruiters, but to no avail. Because, you know, gross.
Kellyanne Conway was asked about this report on Fox & Friends on Friday, and her response was an enthusiastic “YES!,” adding “They can call me, by the way. They can call me.”
We can’t embed the video, but you can see it over at Mediaite. Totally worth it to see Kellyanne giggling and winking at imaginary Justin Timberlake and Bruno Mars
But will they want to, Kelly? Will they really? Justin Timberlake hosted fundraisers for Hillary Clinton with his wife, Jessica Biel. Don’t really see him hopping on the Trump train anytime soon.
And although Bruno Mars has been generally apolitical and doesn’t talk about what he believes as far as that goes, he performed at President Obama’s Fourth of July bash last summer, and has also performed at events meant to raise money for poor people and victims of typhoons, so he probably wouldn’t be too interested in having his name associated with the Trump brand either.
But that does not mean they are out of options! Sure, Skrewdriver’s been broken up for decades now, but there are still the obvious choices of Ted Nugent and Pat Boone, both of whom are totally cool and relevant. Nugent’s song “Jailbait” — a lovely ballad about tying up a 13-year-old-girl and gangraping her with some cops — would be a great fit for the Trump band. Meat Loaf could be an option, or Scott Stapp from Creed — whose wife once reported him to 911 for plotting to kill President Obama.
Then, there are the less obvious choices! Did you know Scott Baio tried to have a recording career? I did not! He did, and boy is he ever not good at singing. But he loves Trump and this song, I think, would be a perfect fit.
Trump supporter and complete lunatic Randy Quaid has a band, and they have a song about the conspiracy they believe in, in which the illuminati is going around killing all the celebrities.
Trump supporting aspiring Nazi and flat-earther Tila Tequila also attempted to have a music career at one point, as you may recall.
Of course, though the Trump camp is reportedly offering big bucks to anyone willing to perform (usually entertainers do this at no charge other than travel expenses), anyone willing to take such a deal might do well to consider the plight of the USA Freedom Kids before signing on. Trump is not exactly known for paying his bills.