SHARE
Wait, you're saying she was still on Fox? Huh.
Ready on day one

Just after Donald Trump was (gulp) elected, we all orgasmed in horror when Sarah Palin’s name was floated as a possible secretary of the Interior. You know, just in case Ammon Bundy’s not available. A long time ago, she said she’d like to be at the Department Of Energy, because, quote, “energy is my baby.” Also too, last year, Donald Trump said he would totally tap Sarah Palin, and we’re pretty sure he was talking about for his cabinet, and not in a vagina sex way.

But now there is a scoop in the internet that Palin’s definitely been on the phone with the Trump transition team, saying “Oh yeah, also too, I could maybe be a Mama Grizzly Cabinet Member, long as I don’t have to do much and can quit, oh, I’d say, halfway through.” The scoop doesn’t say which position she’s in the mood to quit, specifically, but reports that her son-in-law Dakota Meyer posted a thing on his TwitFace, a video about how maybe she’d like to quit doing something for the veterans. We’re just gonna trust NBC when it says that exists because we have more important things to do in this post than watch a fawning video about Princess Snow-Grift on Dakota Meyer’s FaceStagram.

Instead, we’d like to encourage the president-elect to #DrainTheSwamp and think outside the box, by creating a whole new cabinet position for Our Sarah. Why give her a real job when she could instead do something she really loves?

Some suggestions for possible cabinet positions:

  • Secretary Of Griftin’
  • Secretary Of Up There In Alaska
  • Secretary Of Drinkin’ Boones Farm And Makin’ A Ghostwriter Type Out Shit On Facebook
  • Secretary Of Keepin’ An Eye On Russia Just In Case Putin Takes His Shirt Off, ‘Cause Papa Trump Likes That, Allegedly
  • Secretary Of Speechwritin’
  • Secretary Of Pickin’ Out Donald Trump’s Favorite Bible Verses
  • Secretary Of Sendin’ Easter Baskets To Ivanka Trump’s Jewish Kids
  • Secretary of Finally Sittin’ Bristol Down And Havin’ A Talk About How Babies Are Made
  • Secretary Of Readin’ All The Newspapers. Which Ones? Oh, All Of ‘Em!
  • Secretary Of Bein’ The Next Judge Judy, Because Wasn’t That Her Last Rumored Grift?
  • Secretary Of Grindin’ Up The Turkeys Donald Trump Forgot To Pardon
  • Secretary Of Makin’ Words Good Speeches For Trump All Drunk And Suckin’ On A Big Gulp At The Same Time, Also Too
  • Secretary Of Namin’ America’s Babies After Tonka Trucks And Other Household Items
  • Secretary Of Quittin’ Halfway Through, Once She Gets Bored

OK, good job, Wonkette! We made up some good ideas! Now it’s your turn to make up cabinet positions for Sarah Palin in the comments, which are not allowed. Maybe we will pick our favorites for a contest, maybe we won’t!

[NBC]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • lucidamente

    Secretary of Veterans’ Affairs, because Bristol has had affairs with veterans?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    BUT WHICH ONE?

    That’s the ultimate “all of them, Katie.”

    • FlownOver

      Howzabout an all-encompassing Secretary of FOAD?

  • Jennifer R

    Said it before, Walnuts has to be apoplectic.

    • BosGrl

      He won his election. That’s all that matters.

      • Jennifer R

        He blames her for losing the presidency.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Sorry, Walnuts. You’re the one that looked at that and said, “Hey! I’ll hitch my wagon to that fuckin’ crazy train.” You have nobody to blame but yourself.

    • SterWonk

      Not nearly as apoplectic as we (including lots of right-thinking Republicans, FFS!) were when he picked her.

  • Scooby

    Just listening to her is going to give me PTSD.

  • Truck Fump

    Please, Crom, no. Just go ahead an push the little red button, Donald. The nuclear annihilation will be much quicker and less painful for our vets. They deserve at least that!

  • calliecallie

    Secretary of Pitbulls? Lipstick? Hockey Moms?
    Secretary of This Administration Is So Fucking Pathetic I Can’t Even.

  • Nounverb911
  • Marceline

    I think that I saw that more than 60 percent of military voters went for Trump so…okay.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I’m not going to defend them, but I’m just going to leave here that a lot of them can’t follow politics because they work 80+ hours a week on crappy pay (or at least that’s what happened with my old roommate). So I blame them, but I blame the media more.

      • TJ Barke

        A significant portion of people in the military were under the impression that the 2003 invasion of Iraq was because Saddam had something to do with 9/11. So they clearly aren’t being given real news or information.

      • Marceline

        I agree with your point but a friend of mine whose husband is vet said that the reason a lot of them voted against Hillary and/or Dems in general is because she/they want to cut military spending and they’re afraid of losing their jobs. It made me realize that there a lot of people in the military who want to stay at constant war because it’s job security.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I think the right stokes up that worry because I’ve always assumed they meant the really expensive stuff like trillion dollar jets that don’t work.

        • Historicat

          Next we’ll start giving donatives to the troops to keep their loyalty morale high.

          Praetorian Guard? Never heard of them!

  • Crystalclear12

    I blame McCain!!
    He started this shit!

    • cmd

      But at least back then people had the sense to not vote for the person who could not make a complete sentence — even if she was only going to be president if she kicked McCain down the steps or something.

      • Crystalclear12

        Ah, the good ol’ days.

      • cosmiccowgirl

        Trump speaks with just as much word salad-y nonsense as Palin, but America ridiculed her and made him president.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Progress.

        • cmd

          Yep. And he did more of it.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Blame Bill Kristol. IIRC, it was him what suggested her in the first place.

      Besides, he’s Bill fucking Kristol.

  • we’re still here

    Secretary of Word Salad. Because she speaks great American.

    • Crystalclear12

      And drink.

  • chicken thief

    Caribou Barbie ain’t a gonna be no dern secretary! And she doesn’t know how to brew coffee anyways.

  • Nounverb911
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      WORST

      CUCKOO

      CLOCK

      EVER!

  • monoglot

    Secretary of Anticulture–or Secretary of Labor, because listening to her is such hard work…

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Hopefully she will never go into labor again. I don’t think I could take another of her child names.

  • Nounverb911
    • BosGrl

      He’s on CSPAN2 right now talking about Cuba and 1950s cars.

      Edit: Now he’s saying Thanks, Obama for all of Castro’s evils.

      • Nounverb911

        And his dad fighting for Fidel in the good old daze?

        • BosGrl

          Just said “post birth abortions” twice. He must read Wonkette.

          • OneYieldRegular

            I’ve known quite a few post birth abortions.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            And they all seemed to have gotten elected this year.

          • HogeyeGrex

            No. There are quite a few left over ready to be appointed next year.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      If there’s any bright spot to this utter fucking cataclysm, it’s that he lost too.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    secretary of meth binges

    • Nounverb911

      No, that’s Bristol.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        that’s all of them, Katie

        I doubt if even the kid could pass a drug test at this point

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I’m pretty sure it’s coke. I think she turned down a line with Donald (for obvious creepy reasons) and he was offended because she’s too old and brunette to be his type and that’s why they haven’t been on speaking terms.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Oh god, I just tried to imagine what Sarah would sound like on cocaine. Best I could visualize was an Alvin and the Chipmunks album played at 2x speed, backwards.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          picture Cornholio turned to eleven

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Pretty sure Donny was bogarting the snow in that relationship.

  • Jennifer R

    Secretary of keeping an eye on Putin.

  • Ezio Auditore

    Veteran Affairs!? VETERAN AFFAIRS!? SARAH PALIN!? You think appointing Sarah Palin of all people is going to help all those homeless or disabled veterans get the assistance they need!? The assistance that the right dismisses as “handouts”?

    Guys, I need to sit down.

    • BosGrl

      She thinks Veterans Affairs is litigating adultery among service people.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        adultery? Maybe she should be secretary of Glen Rice

        • BosGrl

          I had to look that up. I haven’t followed basketball since the Celtics in the Larry Bird years.

      • Querolous

        The word you were looking for is “instigating.”

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      On the other hand, one of her kids is a vet, and as we all know the only way to induce empathy in conservatives is to involve family/friends. So, yay?

      • BosGrl

        Candace Gingrich says, nah.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Well Track hasn’t caught Teh Ghey to the best of my knowledge, just a light spot of domestic violence. So it’s all good in the hood.

      • Ezio Auditore

        Well, there are conservatives who kick their own children out of the house for being gay….

      • Anna Rompage

        You mean the kid who beat his girlfriend while he was having a breakdown and Sarah not suspending her Trump tour to go help her child out?

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Well yeah, priorities!

          Sigh. I sometimes misplace the multifarious layers of fuck-up-ness our new overlords have.

    • efoveks

      That, or she sees it as some sort of legitimate grift. After all, these boys & girls are patriots (except for that guy that shot all those fellow soldiers on that base that one time, and whatever few others are like him– there are no guarantees in this world) who did in fact put something in.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Secretary of all the moose up there in Alaska, dontcha know, you bet ya!

  • Nounverb911
    • Anna Rompage

      Chair of the upcoming GOP lead death panels…

    • Ezio Auditore

      Th…THOSE EYES…

      http://i.imgur.com/4G0iuqC.gif

    • Ray in VT

      Secretary of creepy, vacant stares.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Yikes! WTF is that thing? It looks like the Madame Tussauds wax dummy of the Ice Queen from “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”!

      • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

        The permanent rictus is from someone flipping the lights on while Neuter was in flagranti.

      • Botox, botox, and way too much botox, combined with a large stick jammed up her ass.

    • Nockular cavity

      ALL HAIL THE MOON QUEEN!

      • Lambsendbeds

        Mars Needs Women!!!!

    • Jennifer R

      No one tell her that the last brow lift wasn’t even. (someone tell her)

    • CountryClubRefugee

      Does she eat baby mice?

    • TheAmazingBeardedLady
  • Me not sure
  • Shibusa
  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Some days I pull out the cork and have a very productive day! Today I remembered my premium wonkette login and coded a visual studio extension!

  • Lee Hillhouse

    How about Secretary of Secretaries? There must be a lead secretary..

    • Celtic_Gnome

      One secretary to rule them all!

  • Ray in VT

    I’m sure that there’s a spot for her in the Department of Agriculture overseeing the cultivation of word salad.

  • DainBramage the BBROYGBVGW

    Secretary of Drunken Family Party Brawls.

    • Jennifer R

      Secretary of getting drunk and starting fights and *other family’s parties*

  • Shibusa
    • cosmiccowgirl

      Secretary of Education is the funniest one so far.

      • Seek

        She’s certainly been to more colleges/universities than I have. I have managed to graduate from more than she has but that’s just me bein’ a fancy pants liebral

  • I’d like to see her as the official White House Spokesperson.

    • Ezio Auditore

      “Well, President Trump has got some swell plans for America and for us. Golly, it’s gonna be huge!”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Also too!

      • There’s “mansplainin” and then there’s “sarahspalin”

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Since journalism for the next four years will be largely Tweet transcription, I kinda don’t have a problem with this.

  • Ray in VT

    Secretary of figuring out which books are objectionable and can be slated for removal from libraries.

  • FauxAntocles

    Which one? Does it really matter? You could put all these shitstains in a blender and pour it out into the respective seats and get a better result.

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      I like the way you think and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. I would be happy to operate the blender also too.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Margarita Monday is gonna be a whole lot different

        • Bub the Mad Zombie

          Yeah, I’ll have to be careful to remember which blender is which…

  • Daisy

    Secretary of Word Salad?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Secretary of Spork

  • Jenny

    Secretary of rearing heads

  • TJ Barke

    Secretary of Resignation.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Secretary of Schrodinger’s cat.

      • Blackest Noobs

        come on now, you know she wouldn’t know the reference.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Maybe, but being stuck in a quantum mechanics infinite loop of resignation would be a pretty appropriate fate for our Sarah.

          • The tricky question is, how do you know she’s not stuck in one right now?

      • HazooToo

        She is both passed out drunk and talking at the same time…

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      This is clearly the best, it is perfect for her. Except maybe she’ll just get a ghostwriter.

  • Ezio Auditore

    Secretary of Giving Your Kids Dumb Names

  • mackafritz

    Secretary of What’s Happenin’ Now

  • exinkwretch

    Secretary of I Can See Russia From My House and Putin’s Balls on Trump’s Chin

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      In all fairness, we can ALL see Putin’s balls on Trump’s double chin

      • Lambsendbeds

        He can go on The Maury Povich show.

        .

  • Ray in VT

    Secretary of shootin’ a mother-humpin’ moose http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/update-palin-rap/n12327

  • Shibusa

    Secretary of AOTK.

  • Alex Grey

    “Secretary Of Speechwritin’ Speechplagiarizin'”
    FTFY

    • Nounverb911

      That’s Melania’s job.

      • Alex Grey

        Wouldn’t want her unemployed, then Trump would have to divorce and deport her.

  • BosGrl

    OT: Ted Cruz is still yapping on CSPAN2 about Cuba. I mean, go ahead and say all the bad things about Castro, but now he is calling Hollywood types pinkos because they love communism. Someone needs to give this man a neuropsych test.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      He probably has a list of communist sympathizers in his pocket right now.

      • Bub the Mad Zombie

        They all received emails from Hillary.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          How long is that list?

          • Alex Grey

            Is Bengazhi mentioned, because BENGAZHI!!!!

          • Bub the Mad Zombie

            “Are you now, or have you ever been, in email contact with former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton?”

      • BosGrl

        Communist sympathizers, Tic Tacs – tomato/tomahto

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      Why? We know he’d fail.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      He’s just trying to earn some brownie points back, now that he’s at the top of Trump’s shit list.

    • mackafritz

      Yeah all Hollywood types are commies because we all know how well free speech works under communism.

    • Ray in VT

      What else do you expect?

    • cmd

      Sorry he doesn’t get to play the Cuban anti-Fidel card since his dad actually worked against Batista, not Castro. Of course here in Fla. we get to hear from the rabid asswipes like Marco Rubio and the like.

    • TJ Barke

      The man is literally possessed by Tailgunner Joe’s ghost.

    • Anna Rompage

      Can we just put a pair of concrete boots on the man and drop him into the middle of the Mariana Trench?

      • Alex Grey

        You want to poison the ocean?

  • Painter of Goats

    Yikes. I just tried to imagine a “conversation” between Trump and Caribou Barbie. Neither one could possibly understand the other’s stylized gibberish.

  • Lambsendbeds

    Secretary of Derp, of course !

  • OneYieldRegular

    What better person to oversee veterans’ health than the person who tried to blame Barack Obama for her own veteran son’s having violently abused his wife and threatened to kill himself right in front of her.

    • Jennifer R

      I figure the whole family has mild FAS, combined with Sarah and Todd absolutely beating them.

    • Ray in VT

      Personal responsibility and such.

      • Blackest Noobs

        as if that ever was a “real” thing among Republicans.

      • Jukesgrrl

        Such being family values, among others.

  • schmannity

    I am still stuck on Poet Laureate.

    • BosGrl

      Ode to a Turkey

      • schmannity

        There once was a girl from Wasilla.
        A young Glen Rice gave a thrilla….

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Ode to by a Turkey

    • arglebargle

      Poet Lariat.

      • Anna Rompage

        Poet illiterate…

    • cmd

      This makes me wonder who Trump will get to write the Inaugural poem. Or is that just optional?

      • arglebargle

        “Roses are bigly red,
        Demoncrats are blue,
        I already won so,
        nanny nanny booboo”

        • schmannity

          You’re hired.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      White House greeter.

  • arglebargle

    Sexatarian of Tawd, donchaknow.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Todd brings the rifle; Sarah brings the rack.

  • anon_the_great

    At this point a Palin appointment would be comforting. The Hell one knows…

    I second the motion to make her Poet Laureate.

    • arglebargle

      She would bring some lighthearted tomfoolery to the administration. And with all the other evil already entrenched she really couldn’t do that much damage, could she?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Anti-Poet Laureate.

      “When lilacs last in the dooryard bloom’d/ and the great star early droop’d in the western sky at nigh-…”

      “But, also, too, of course, WETHEPEOPLE you betcha ringin’ them bells and shootin’ our guns declarin’ liberty, freedom-lovin’ Americans, too, over this our great greatest nation of earth in history of ourn.”

  • CountryClubRefugee

    Why not name her Social Secretary so she an Omarosa can just plunge the knife all the way in and finish us off?

  • TJ Barke

    Just appoint all the very worst people for all the positions.

    • suziq

      Seems to be what is happening. Keep thinking I will wake up and it was a long nightmare. Please?

  • Anna Rompage
  • Anna Rompage

    The moment that Trump tells Mittens that he’s considering appointing Palin as Sectary of Veterans Affairs….

    http://i889.photobucket.com/albums/ac100/Ben-Gahzi/MittensII_zpsjx5pa8kn.jpg

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      “Run in 2012, they said… it’ll be easier than 2016, they said…”

    • efoveks

      He really does make it look like he’s putting in an effort to have a good time, and not let that painful gas attack ruin his night with a big stinky fart.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    I’m thinking a stress position in a cabinet that locks from the outside, with votes. So many votes, FF’sS, probably all the votes.

  • Ezio Auditore

    OT: Am I the only one who feels like Neil Cavuto is Fox News’ version of Wolf Blitzer?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Has Neil ever argued with his on the air experts over their expertise about the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

      • Lambsendbeds

        African or European?

        • Msgr_Moment

          I. don’t. know. Ooooooooowwwwww!!!!

  • Daisy

    At this point, we might as well appoint my dad to a cabinet post. He’s unqualified, but so is most of the list.

    • TJ Barke

      Hey now, a lot of the list is totally qualified to gut and butcher the departments they’ll be in charge of.

      • Alex Grey

        I could do that for a six figure salary, government health insurance, and retirement.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        That brings to mind that midwest former congress-gal who liked to lop pig’s nutses…

    • efoveks

      Your dad would be a sane choice. HE has his good points: he married your mom, and he has you :).

    • DainBramage the BBROYGBVGW

      The thing about appointing one of us unqualified weirdos is that we would honestly try to do a good job. The Republican mantra is that government is the problem, so they do their best to fulfill their own low expectations.

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      See, Reagan was right; government is the problem.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Msgr_Moment

      Pssssst, that’s where he stores his meth.

  • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

    Secretary of Blame Shiftin’

  • puredog

    AOTK!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Keep this dizzy broad away from the VA. Far away.

  • John Lo

    What? And here I thought a rat or a bear ate her.

  • OrG

    Secretary of redneck meth heads.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      She’s already Queen of them.

    • Dazza

      Secretary of Whiny White Privilege (and Shopping at Nordstrom’s)

  • Anna Rompage

    OT but equally as frightening…

    It appears Trump’s pick for Sec of HHS, Tom Price, is a member of The AAPS.

    AAPS is a fringe group of Tea Party-affiliated doctors which
    espouses a number of ridiculous and farcical claims — including the
    charge that Pres. Barack Obama used hypnosis and mind control techniques
    to win the White House.

    The AAPS also promotes antivaccine pseudoscience blaming
    vaccines for autism, including a view that is extreme even among
    antivaccine activists, namely that the ‘shaken baby syndrome’ is a
    ‘misdiagnosis’ for vaccine injury; HIV/AIDS denialism; blaming
    immigrants for crime and disease; and promotion of the pseudoscience
    claiming that abortion causes breast cancer

    http://www.rawstory.com/2016/11/trumps-hhs-pick-belongs-to-fringe-group-of-anti-vax-tea-party-doctors-who-believe-obama-hypnotized-voters/

  • Look Closer

    I hate John McCain.

    • Bill D. Burger

      That’s because you have good taste and are very perceptive.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Secretary of Fungible Commodities

    • therblig

      Secretary of Conjugal Fun Oddities

  • Jamoche

    Here’s a friendly fox on a freeway
    https://youtu.be/E1TLthE03U0

  • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

    Secretary of “What’s this button do?”

    • Msgr_Moment

      Secretary of “Here, hold my beer.”

      • mancityRed6

        like she’d give it away like that.
        she’d just chug it first.

  • John Iwaniszek

    All of them, Katie.

  • Cismontane

    So, possibly the VA for caribou girl. Didn’t the president-elect say he wanted to expand the military yuuugely? He does realize that recruitment would collapse if he made that one VA head doesn’t he?

    • Msgr_Moment

      I wanna live without Caribou Girl
      I would be happy the rest of my life
      If I forgot Caribou Girl.

  • Hey after naming me Juggalo in chief anything can happen. MIRIGHT?

    • therblig

      can i head up the Bureau of Magnets? i WILL figure out how they work

      • Msgr_Moment

        Iron filings go in, iron filings don’t go out. WHO CAN EXPLAIN IT??

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Technically, magnets are easier to explain than gravity.

          • therblig

            There is no Soviet domination of the Poles

          • Objectifer

            Ha! Sadly, I’m old enough to get that.

          • Msgr_Moment

            Coulomb’s Law plus Special Relativity and you’re there!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Secretary of Apple Polishing

  • therblig

    Secretary of Defense of Christmas

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Secretary of WordSalad

  • Paperless Tiger

    Duchess of Earl.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Jesus. Don’t give him any ideas about granting titles of nobility.

      • therblig

        Baron of Good Ideas

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Secretary of Causing Liberals to Headdesk themselves into Comas.

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    I case you can’t keep track of who’s boycotting who, Apple now has a ‘Boycott tracker’ app available on it’s App Store.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7d35d20e5d87dae858caa26098f2aded320db36ed32d49386c2fb75f00892f76.png

    • Jamoche

      I thought they were already boycotting Apple because of not caving in to the FBI. Also he has no clue how the AppStore works.

      • Alex Grey

        I bet it’s hurting them.

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      Well, Kurt Schlichter is more than a tad absurd himself after all.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Now if we could just get conservatives to boycott Star Wars, I might be able to get an opening night ticket!

    • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

      We have always been at war with Kellogs. Wait, what?

      • Doug Langley

        Our leader is General Mills.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          and Captain Crunch

    • boyblue123

      Its funny that Starbucks, Hamilton and the big loan companies are on the list. Stuff they never had interest in to begin with

  • Mavenmaven

    Secretary of Lipstick and Drilling

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I think that’s Melania.

    • BackDoorMan

      … I read that as “Dipstick and Drooling”… of course, I’m also a week behind everybody else in not reading the non-comments. In my defense, this is Palin we’re not talking about after all.

  • shastakoala

    Secretary of the Keg Committee.

  • TJ Barke

    Secretary of please god kill me now.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Coffee Spewed on the Keyboard Award

  • Nounverb911
    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Christ. What an asshole!

  • TX Taco Truck Brigade

    National Embarrassment Czar?
    Director of Homeland Lunacy?

    Yeah, we could go all day with this.

    • therblig

      Czarina of the Latrina

  • JVisconti

    Secretary of under the liquor cabinet.

    • TX Taco Truck Brigade

      Defender of the White Privilege?

  • mrFawkes

    Secretary of Department of Redundancy Department Secretary.

  • Secretary of the Inferior.

  • therblig

    Secretary of Endangering Species

  • Secretary of Get Me My Goddam Coffee.

  • mrpuma2u

    Secretary of “All of ’em, Katie!”

  • Secretary of Gotta Bang Her One of These Days.

  • Scrofula

    Commerce Secretary, Sudafed and Faygo division.

  • mrFawkes

    Some folks are saying she did a bang-up job baby sitting their cacti for a whole weekend–just one of ’em died. So maybe Secretary of the Desert.

  • John Lo

    She’ll come in handy when Trump is out of boner meds.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      “handy” heh heh heh

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Secretary of Strawman Affairs

  • BigBoppa pour la résistance

    Secretary of Street Brawlin’.

  • Objectifer
    • boyblue123

      that face is hilarious

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Has Secretary of Batshit Crazy been taken yet?

  • fawkedifiknow

    If Trump thinks she ‘s qualified to run a federal government department, why doesn’t he put her in charge of his business interests and see how much of it is left after 4 years – or, even 4 months?

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    As a strong proponent of abstinence-only sex ed, she’s a shoo-in for the Going into Labor Secretary.

  • bookish

    Sure, but she’ll have to offer up her female progeny as tribute.

    • Crystalclear12

      Trump has standards, Bristol doesn’t.

  • Spot Letton

    Secretary of…aw, fuck it, I quit.

    • La Resistance O’hontas

      Dibs on Associate Director!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I know Republicans want to shrink government, but a new Dept. of Meth and Grift would be perfect for $arah.

  • JustDon’tSayDittos

    Secretary of Energy Drinks

    (I bet someone wrote that one already)

  • Spurning Beer

    Director of the Bureau of Wine Coolers, Marlboros, and AR-15s (formerly ATF).

    • OrG

      Marlboro light 100’s thankyouverymuch!

  • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

    Secretary of Fruit Cocktails

  • Vecchiojohn

    Witchfinder General?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Health and White Trash Services.

  • mrFawkes

    Secretary of DUH

  • clubseal

    Secretary of Airborne Wolf Shootin’

  • boyblue123

    Secretary of the Herp-a-Derp

  • Daisy

    Secretary of YouTube comments

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      well, I guess, since we’re not worried about conflicts of interest…

  • The stupid is burning my brain…can’t snark…

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Hey! Snap out of it! The lurkers are counting on you!
      example: ‘SoVAILF’
      See? Snarky, raunchy, that’s all it takes.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Housing and Trailer Park Development.

    • Suse

      I notice that Drumpf has never put his name on a trailer park.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I think he runs those under the “Scion” brand.

  • Daisy

    Ugh, my final is in an hour. Luckily, the class is pass/no pass, one unit, and doesn’t count towards my GPA.

  • SnarkON

    Why not all of them, Katie?

  • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

    Head of the Department of Putting Things on Top of Other Things.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Or Funny Walks Caused by Day Drinking.

      • Crystalclear12

        Hey, that’s my job!

  • Blue Sky…uh…”Thinker”?

  • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

    Malcolm Tucker’s Gal Friday
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUky4_A7Zw4
    NSFW due to extreme use of the word fuck, extremely.

  • Doug Langley

    She’ll be the head speech writer. Mark my words.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’d refudiate that if I hadn’t misunderestimated you so much.

      • Vecchiojohn

        Very flustrating.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Why would she want to work for a sexual predatator?

          • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

            She’s been groped by a grizzly before and that wasn’t so bad?

        • Spurning Beer

          You guys going to start a squirmish?

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        Mute point. All blouster and no sincereableness.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Secretary of Having Good Words? I think Trump will reserve that portfolio for himself.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Bigly.

  • Suse

    Secretary of Raisin’ Kids Real Good.

  • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

    The subsection of the Department of Energy that deals with those adorable little hamsters on exercise wheels that power the Internet.

    • Panika MCD

      NOOOOOOOOOO! all she’d do is feed them sugar which would kill them!

      • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

        Little drunk rodents rolling around, crashing the Web.

  • Suse

    Ministry of Fear (which is a great book by Graham Greene; a decent film with Ray Milland, also, too).

    • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

      In her case it’s more Ministry of Feet then Fear.
      That’s it! Secretary of Ridiculous Slutty (but Patriotic) Shoes

      • Panika MCD

        which is better?:

        feet to the fear

        or

        feet to the fuhrer

        • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

          Further away with the feet from the Fuhrer is my motto

    • therblig

      Forget the past. Just tell me the future.

      (and those cakes nazis like)

  • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

    Unfinished Drink Wrangler?

  • mrFawkes

    Sturgeon General.

    • thaddeus whiffleball

      How does she feel about Roe v Wade?

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        You’re not going to get roe without wading

        • thaddeus whiffleball

          I know. It works on a few levels. Blind squirrels and acorns, don’cha know!

      • Suse

        Hahaha!

      • mrFawkes

        Todd likes his on crackers.

  • Bub the Mad Zombie

    Secretary of Doubletalkin’

  • Anna Rompage

    With the growing list of deplorables that are filling this admin, I do hope that someone does a reality TV show on all of this to document the craziness of it all. This way, after the impending nuclear winter subsides, and humanity gets back on its feet once again, it has a documented account of how they got to the place where they’re at…

  • Bub the Mad Zombie
    • Welcome to the Wake

      Gawds, I remember that video!

  • AKLynne

    Secretary of Collectin’ Trump Signs from ‘Merica’s Trailer Parks?

    • msanthropesmr

      Nah, Mang, you haveta have something to put in the windo of your car when you bust it out on a meth fueled rampage.

      • Panika MCD

        I hear that 4X8 signs are also great for making chicken coops.

  • msanthropesmr

    Secretary of Ass Kissin’

  • Anna Rompage

    Ambassador to Bartles & James?

  • Bub the Mad Zombie

    Brisdull as Secretary in Round Heels.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      and gorilla suits

  • msanthropesmr

    Secretary of Rasslin’

    • msanthropesmr

      Say scrofula – is that you, Count? AKA GB?

  • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

    Fluffer in Chief
    (is that in poor taste? Or does it just taste bad?)

    • msanthropesmr

      And it’s a floor wax.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Who’s the first to be indicted, Trump or one of the Cabinet Creeps?

    • msanthropesmr

      AOTK!

    • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

      Hillary, probably.

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      Indictments! Indictments! My birthday is on April 3rd, and all I want are some fuckin’ INDICTMENTS!

      • Welcome to the Wake

        I’m Feb 19, is that too soon? Probs. Oh, well. Good luck to you, mate!

      • Mine’s April 19th…bet they come down somewhere in between

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      I’d say cabinet, but I’d love to be wrong!

    • Vecchiojohn

      Great idea for a lottery.

      • msanthropesmr

        Say, I’ll hold the money for our “dead pool”.

    • Suse

      Lock ’em up!

    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      Not a single one until 2018, IF we can get out shit together.

  • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

    Head of Department of Hootin’, Hollerin, Bible and Gun Bitter Clingin’ Whatevers.

    • Suse

      Fuckabee for Secretary of God, Gunz, Gritz, and Gravy.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    You know she’s gonna grift the whole family in, so we better have Offices of Brake Line Cuttin’ and Girlfriend Smackin’ so Trog doesn’t feel left out.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Isn’t Education the obvious choice here? She could rid the schools of political correctness by replacing the music programs with speaking in tongues classes and the like.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Way ahead of you, unfortunately. Trump already picked someone who’s actually going to do that.

  • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

    Undersecretary for Passing Out in the Rose Garden

    • Oh the White House will be so Klassy…

      • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

        I guess in a way it’s good Trump won’t be living there full time. I can only imagine what they would do to the interior and with the furnishings.
        Gold leaf and faux Rococo everywhere. Fucking cherubs on the ceiling in the Oval Office and mirrors on the ceiling in the bedrooms.

        • Dazza

          No need. The cabinet of Billionaires/Goldman Sachs will turn the White House into a casino – to co-ordinate with the repeal of Dodd-Frank.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Secretary of Spanx

    • msanthropesmr

      Secretary of BumpIts

  • Panika MCD

    Secretary Of Griftin’ — that would imply she’s better at grifting that Trump and you know how he hates competition

    Secretary Of Up There In Alaska — from Idaho and living in Arizona now because most Alaskans lovingly refer to her as “the Sarah Bitch” (though, in deference to Calliope Jane’s feelings, I’m trying to remove “bitch” from my catalog of insults because being a female dog should never be a bad thing.)

    Secretary Of Keepin’ An Eye On Russia Just In Case Putin Takes His Shirt Off, ‘Cause Papa Trump Likes That, Allegedly — can’t even keep an eye on her kids

    Secretary Of Speechwritin’ — I thought she preferred scat?

    Secretary Of Pickin’ Out Donald Trump’s Favorite Bible Verses — facts not in evidence: Sarah Palin reading the Bible has not been confirmed.

    Secretary Of Sendin’ Easter Baskets To Ivanka Trump’s Jewish Kids

    Secretary of Finally Sittin’ Bristol Down And Havin’ A Talk About How Babies Are Made — facts not in evidence: does Sarah Palin know how babies are made?

    Secretary Of Readin’ All The Newspapers. Which Ones? Oh, All Of ‘Em! — can we just say that she lines Trump’s litter box with all the newspapers and call it a day?

    and while I like:

    Secretary Of Grindin’ Up The Turkeys Donald Trump Forgot To Pardon

    Secretary Of Namin’ America’s Babies After Tonka Trucks And Other Household Items

    most of the others can be summed up in Secretary of Word Salads (with Sugar On Top unlike that Mommy State Lady Michelle Obama).

  • Anna Rompage

    Holy shit, I shit you not…

    Donald Trump meets with Dan Quayle at Trump Tower..

    potaitow

    • Suse

      Whut the fuck???

      • msanthropesmr

        Potatoe, potatoe

        • Suse

          Secretary of Freedom Fries?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Secretary of Spell-checking

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      And to think he’s not even close to the bottom of the goober cesspool yet.

      • msanthropesmr

        Say, what is Trey Gowdy doing these days? Where’s Louie Gohmert…

        • Welcome to the Wake

          They’ve got bad cases of sad now that they don’t have Hillz to pick on.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I haven’t heard Santorum and Herman Cain mentioned yet.

    • Alex Jones been in yet?

      • Suse

        I hear it’s a close race between Ghouliani and Jones for Secretary of Saliva.

      • yyyaz

        Like everything else, “you never go full cray-cray” is in the rearview mirror and shrinking fast.

    • lucidamente

      “That Murphy Brown, she’s like what, an 8 or a 9?”

    • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

      I predict Schwarzenegger will be called on next.

    • Vecchiojohn

      The Tater Tot himself, back from Republican limbo. What next, Bob Dole’s brain in a jar?

    • Welcome to the Wake

      I can’t even.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      I hate to admit it, but he makes sense for Trump. Apparently, Quayle currently is the chairman of global investments at Cerberus Capital Management. And, as a former real VP, Quayle offers some degree of real experience in national governance.

  • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

    Outreach to rural northerners who think the Confederate Battle flag means “I’m redneck with a pickup truck.”

  • Welcome to the Wake

    Secretary of Being Stupider Than Donald so as to give the press a nifty distraction.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Secretary of First to be Thrown Under the Bus?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Todd will be a great choice to head up the Dept. of Anti-Government Militias.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Would the proper title be Half Secretary?

    • Suse

      Half Wit

    • Anna Rompage

      Iraq has quite a few powerful govt backed militias and look how well that country is doing

  • mrFawkes

    Has the position of Moose Lodge bartender in Nome been filled?

  • Marceline

    OT: I’ve found a new hero.

    “The misguided young lady flexed her arm to reach towards me — not sure what the she was intending to do without getting her fingers sliced off — but I pulled the knife out of the table and flipped it around in my palm and pointed it at her. She was not as stupid as I thought because she stopped her advance.

    What came next is the best and most accidentally craziest — and probably sexiest (to the right person) — thing I’ve ever said. To this day, I can still hear how low and scary it sounded to my own ears.

    “If you, or your cousin-husband ever reach to grab my head wrap again, I’ll castrate him up to his neck and filet the skin off your thighs.”

    http://verysmartbrothas.com/that-time-i-almost-stabbed-a-couple-rednecks-who-saw-my-headwrap-and-assumed-i-was-muslim/

    • Suse

      Wowie!

    • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

      Yes,please!

    • Objectifer

      “BITCH I AM THE TROOPS”
      I think I’m in love.

    • Thanks for sharing. A thousand palins couldn’t carry her boots.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Has Turkey Decapitatin’ been filled yet?

  • Not Actually A Commenter

    The Non-running ’61 Pickup On Cinderblocks In The Front Yard Czar

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      HEY!

    • Objectifer

      That’s the guesthouse.

      • Vecchiojohn

        Ha!!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      We could call it cash for clunkers, except everyone would think we’re talking about her tits…

      • Suse

        True story. Someone in my area was putting up handwritten signs that said “I Buy Cars” with a phone number. Unfortunately, the “r” looked like a “t” and a month or so later, the “r” was fixed by making it a capital letter so people would stop calling with offers to sell their cats. I imagine many kittehs were kidnapped for profit during this time.

  • boyblue123

    Secretary of Demolition Derbys and Monster Truck races

    • msanthropesmr

      Hey now, I dig me a demolition derby.

      • I drove in one once. It was an old Plymouth Fury with “Hell hath no Fury like this Plymouth ” spray painted on the sides. If the derby hadn’t been rigged by the Hells Angels I might have won.

        • marxalot

          Comrade Mom learned to drive in a mid 70s Plymouth Fury 3 nine-passenger station. No wonder the poor woman has no fear of anything smaller than a schoolbus and cannot park worth a damn.

  • NotReallyHere

    Secretary of Word Salad

    I’d never even heard of Word Salad before Palin came along, and now it’s running rampant through the Republican party like some kind of disease.

    On second thought, I don’t think she would be able to quit that one.

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      Vladimir Putin: “We’ll have two Wasilla word salads please.”
      Donald Trump (puzzled): I don’t know, I think we’re all out of Wasillas.”
      V. P..: “What kind of crummy dump are you running here Trump! That’s verbs, proper nouns, gerunds and conjunctions! In a bullshit sauce! Now get in that kitchen and make ’em before I bust your ass!
      (Donald rushes off to find Kellyanne): “Kellyanne! He wants two Wasilla word salads! I don’t know what that is!”
      Kellyannel: Well, ask the new cook…maybe she knows.”
      (Donald hurries to kitchen): “Sarah, do you know how to make a Wasilla word salad!?”
      S.P.: “You betcha!”

    • Shan

      It’s gotten worse than salad. The way everyone’s glugging it all down these days, it’s more like Word Smoothie.

  • This whole thing has just about reduced me to a one word vocabulary…

    At a speech in New York, Donald Trump said…
    Motherfuckers

    Donald Trump plans to appoint a madman…

    Motherfuckers

    Mitt Romney and Dona…
    Motherfuckers

    What will America look like with Donald Trump at the helm?
    Motherfuckers

    • Welcome to the Wake

      I got a new super heavy duty, solid brass hose nozzle today, kept sneaking up on huz this afternoon, “hands up muthafucka!” Really helped cheer me up.

      • That made me laugh. Um, but may I ask…why do you need a super heavy duty solid bras hose nozzle? No judgment, of course…it just presents some….interesting permutations.

        • Welcome to the Wake

          Well, I mean, who wouldn’t want one (given the opportunity?

  • Moebym of the Rebel Alliance

    OT: Hillary surpasses 65 million votes, which makes it a 2.4 million lead over Trop.

    Yep, she still lost the election because of the speshul swing states.

    Whatta world.

    Get me the fuck out of this place.

    • bookish

      Rumor is there are multiple unseen parallel universes, somehow bumping up against this one and influencing ours. I’ve got to say, so far I’m not impressed. They need to get their shit together.

      • Dazza

        Yeah. This world needs more Nac Mac Feegle , wizzards, and sinister luggage with many legs.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Has anybody done Secretary of Durr Glorp Maverick Youbetcha yet?

  • mrFawkes

    Under Secretary of Florida Man and Texas Man

  • SayItWithWookies

    Secretary of Midnight Birthday Brawls?
    Secretary of White Middle-Aged Rap?
    Vice-Admiral of the Chickenshit Navy?
    Potentate of the Nordstrom Expense-Account Raid?
    Second Assistant Deputy of STFU?

    • msanthropesmr

      Nordstrom’s too classy for her.

      • SayItWithWookies
        • msanthropesmr

          Oh, I didn’t say she wouldn’t go there. I just said it’s too classy for her.

  • Suse

    From NY Times: A wrestling impresario talks Small Business Administration.

    Spotted at Trump Tower on Wednesday afternoon: Linda McMahon, the former chief
    executive of World Wrestling Entertainment, an outfit the president-elect has some experience with. “The meeting went great,” she told reporters. “It was really nice to be up, and I was honored to be asked to come in. Anytime I think the president-elect of the United States asks you to come in for a conversation, you’re happy to do that. We talked about business and entrepreneurs and creating jobs, and we talked about S.B.A.”

    Her connections to Mr. Trump go beyond their mutual love of bloated men in
    spandex suits. Her net worth, estimated at around $855 million, would put her in the same income brackets as the candidates tapped to be the secretaries of Commerce, Treasury and Education, as well as the deputy Commerce secretary.

    • Anna Rompage

      Secretary of The Enforcers….

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      I’m telling you guys, it all makes sense now! Donnie wants to pull off the greatest heel to babyface storyline of all time! He’s going to suplex Mitch McConnell in the well of the House of Representatives at his first State of the Union address, hit Paul Ryan with a folding metal chair and then shave his head, and finish by announcing he’s actually…Andy Kaufmann!

  • boyblue123

    OT – The real reason Carrier kept some jobs in Indiana according to an Indystar column

    Carrier’s parent company, United Technologies, gets $5.6B in federal money a year and the company wanted to smooth things over with Donnie and co.

    Also, United Technologies could have a voice in policy debates about regulatory costs (if it has a good relationship with Donnie and co), Ball State University economist Michael Hicks said.

    “The chance for Carrier (and their lawyers) to help craft a huge regulatory relief bill is worth every penny they might save over delaying the closure of this plant for a few years,” he said in an email.

    http://www.indystar.com/story/news/politics/2016/11/30/federal-contracts-likely-biggest-factor-carrier-deal/94670496/

    • Anna Rompage

      The regulations are killing us… How about letting us dispose of toxic waste in a normal landfill that sits over a water table that is being used by a town of 1 million people…

      Look, we even have a report by our own scientists that show these products are not nearly as toxic as what those namby pamby independent scientists say…

    • SayItWithWookies

      “Trump Helps Carrier Move 1200 Jobs to Mexico” should be the fucking headline — you know, instead of 2200 jobs. And I doubt Carrier’s gonna wait years to move the rest. Now that Donald’s congratulated himself, they’re home free.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        as soon as our useless stenographers at the MSM flush it down the memory hole, those jobs will be on their way south- right around the time that the tax incentives expire

    • Anna Rompage

      And when is Donnie moving the production of his clothing line to the US?

      • Suse

        The 12th of Never, I think.

      • boyblue123

        in a few years after the minimum wage has been wiped out by his administration

      • Nounverb911

        Fun fact: Brooks Brothers main tie factory is in Queens, NY. They make over 1.5Million ties a year there.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      the federal contracts were obviously Donnie’s only leverage (same leverage Bernie was talking about using). Giving them a seat at the table come time to “reform” regulatory policy would actually be as bad as the hit on organized labor we expected. It’ll just not be as obvious as gutting a union (though that may still be a part of the deal)

      • boyblue123

        The fallout from a regulatory policy might only be known years later when another Flint-type problem is discovered

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          eggzactly, that sort of corruption is far more pernicious because you won’t see the results until a town gets poisoned or a dam breaks or a mine collapses

    • Dazza

      Colour me surprised. I really wish I hadn’t suspected this^^ in the dark recesses of my snarky liberal heart.

  • Treg Brown
    • Suse

      Love this!

  • Moebym of the Rebel Alliance
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      a judge in Wisconsin ruled that it’s up to local county clerks to determine procedure in their recount, after overruling Stein re: a hand recount. That may well mean that the people who might have been involved with any cheating will be in charge of determining if there was any cheating… (though I doubt that clerks would have been in on it)

  • Anna Rompage

    There are close to 4000 positions that are filled by an incoming admin, and this is what happens when your staff hasn’t started working on game plan until after Nov 8th…

  • aureolaborealis

    She would fit right in with the others in this administration who would be unable to win a campaign for statewide office in their home states.

  • Blacktop Cadence

    So, is she getting paid in vodka and fist fulls of Adderall and Meth?

    • Anna Rompage

      I hear Mama Gristly is much bigger of a fan of wine coolers, than of fermented & distilled potato juice.

      • Blacktop Cadence

        So she’s a high school girl with a drinking problem?

        I respect her even less somehow. A quality drunk doesn’t pound wine coolers.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Sarah is not a quality anything…

      • Jennifer R

        One of the kids IS named trackmarks afterall.

        • therblig

          i thought it was Trucknutz

          • Jennifer R

            Gotta love a woman who names her kid after the debilitating illness he was born with.

  • mml1996

    Thanks for making me laugh, Evan. Today’s a really shitty day.

    • Sister the Resister!

      Wonkette should be part of a good mental health regimen each and every day!
      (((hugs)))

      • mml1996

        Haha, well. Today’s my birthday, but I have no one around. I’ve ransacked the booze cabinet to find out that my sis and bro-in-law have emptied it a few nights before. There’s not much food around, and I’m broke completely.

        A whole month ago, I was pretty psyched to be turning 20. Now, I just hate it.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          20 is overrated. After turning 50, I gained a sense of myself and satisfaction I had never known before. So much shit I used to think as important wasn’t and shit I could never see or appreciate before became a new reason to live a full life. Peace.

          • mml1996

            Yeah, well – I couldn’t care for the number – its just the state I’m in.

          • Yeah, sounds like this one’s a rough one. Hang tough, though.

          • mml1996

            Thanks…:)

          • Dazza

            Is your birthday 1 December or 30 November?

          • mml1996

            1st it is… :/

          • Dazza

            Welp. At least it’s the first day of summer. No-one will forget your birthday. Much love from WA to you today (and every other day I ‘see’ you on Wonkette.)

          • mml1996

            Thanks Dazza, VIC says hello :)

        • Resistinceisnotfutile

          If you’re anywhere near San Diego come on over and I’ll make you a sammich. I’m sorry you’re in this predicament. Been there. Hated it. It will get better.

          • mml1996

            Thank you for the offer, I live 7,000 miles to the west though…

          • Resistinceisnotfutile

            Well if you change your mind…

        • BadKitty904

          First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!;
          Second, chin up – where’s there’s life, there’s hope;
          Third, pray that off-world colonization begins asap.

          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1a380e2f67172a526fa70f0abbf91042984679716c972f6e982900534eaf9a40.gif

          • mml1996

            Dammit, now I’ve just remembered all the dogs are with the caretakers.

          • BadKitty904

            I have no idea what that means, but still hope your b’day is a happy ‘un!

          • mml1996

            Nah, my sis is out of town, so they left the puppy with one of our friends and our dog with a dogsitter. So, the house is all empty and echo-y…

          • BadKitty904

            Ugh. Too creepy for me. Whenever my sweetpea goes outta town to lecture or whatever and I stay home, I invite a bud or two to come stay over. MUCH less scary and MUCH more fun.

          • mml1996

            Normally, I’m that person, but I’m studying, so :/

        • Sister the Resister!

          It’s my birthday too!!! Happy birthday to you – here, have a bite of my creme brulee, and can I fix you a cosmopolitan?

          • mml1996

            Thank you,

            Please remove all fruit juice and replace with more alcohol, thanks :/

  • Nasty Granny

    Secretary of Blamin’ Obama For That Time My Drunk Loser Kid Beat His Girlfriend?

    • Blacktop Cadence

      How long before he gets into a fist fight with Eric, and Eric drains him of his blood?

      • Nasty Granny

        Granny would buy tickets to that show.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Remember when we all thought that Romney’s kids were creepy?

        good times!

  • mml1996
  • mml1996

    https://twitter.com/mmfa/status/804103645495234560

    FUCKERS. Please send all your medical bills to Eric Bolling.

    • Blacktop Cadence

      “I’m going to cut Medicaid, but Medicaid will still be there for you.”

      What a fucking dipshit. TPM is now saying, though, that the Pubbies done realized they fucked up promising this whole repeal thing given the ACA was the conservative plan.

      • Anna Rompage

        They’re going with a voucher system…

        Here’s 10 Donald Trump tee shirts, now why don’t you run along and go trade these from some medical care….

        • Blacktop Cadence

          Made in Bangladesh, of course. That sounds American, is it in Michigan?

        • mml1996

          BARTER SYSTEM FTW!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            chickens for checkups!

          • mml1996

            I’ll trade you 1 egg for 1 surgery – deal?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I thought she was moving to DC with Willard and the horse…

        • TheAmazingBeardedLady

          And Health Savings Plans, because middle class and poor people have tons of money to sock away to pay for that heart attack or stroke.

    • Anna Rompage

      ERs don’t treat long term chronic illnesses, such as cancer….

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        or diabetes or…

        So expect those same people back at that same ER every few weeks when shit gets so bad that it becomes an emergency again. And expect your employer based insurance to rise accordingly when they all default

        just like the good old days!

        • Anna Rompage

          Talk about death panels…

        • Blacktop Cadence

          I read on Vox the shitpoke nominated for HHS wants to start taxing employer based health benefits too.

          That’ll be good for the old copay and benefits package when it hits employers.

    • Panika MCD

      and we were trying to get people to stop using those for their primary care because it costs everyone more.

  • pgjack

    I’d go with her being Trump’s speech writer. I’d love to hear a Palin speech through Trump’s filter.

  • Courser

    Totally OT: Watching the coverage of the firestorm followed by severe weather and tornadoes.

    I know this sounds horrifically cold, but these are the same people who don’t believe in climate change. It’s here, assholes, and you’re living it. Since you elected a climate change denier, hope you like your weather. It’s gonna get hell of a lot worse. Soon.

    • Anna Rompage

      Those who do deny will just blame it on god’s wrath because of the gays, or socialism…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        insufficient piety!

        PRAY HARDER!

        • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

          Verse 22 of the gospel according to Catch even.

          • yyyaz

            The Very Right Rev. Yossarian would like a word with you.

          • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

            And the lord said that he would put flies in the eyes of all the unholy, yet provide crabapples for the cheeks of the righteous. And balls would be squeezed in the hands of the righteous such that the blasphemers would not receive answers regarding the carrying of said crabapples therein.

          • yyyaz

            What Michael Palin wrote for Sarah’s Sunday School class when he was completely potty?

          • Zippy W Pinhead
    • BadKitty904

      Wait ’til crops begin to fail, due to climate change, and food costs soar. We ain’t seen nothin’ yet, folks…

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        Canadian mangoes will be A Thing. And Norwegian date palms.

        • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

          As long as I can grow avocados on Cape Cod before we are inundated… Fuck it, not even that is incentive enough

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            Completely OT, but WTF: My dad grew up in East Wareham. I think that neighborhood is now all summer homes for middle-rich folks.

          • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

            East Wareham is upper middle with all the joys of the moddern opiod problems. We rent, at way too damn much, but we have seasons, good schools, and are the most libtart of our circle but not by much.

        • BadKitty904

          Unfortunately, not for long. Starving hordes fleeing from the former temperate zones will strip the Far North like locusts.

    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      its sad irony. my empathy/schadenfreude meter vacillates hourly.

      • Courser

        Oh, I do SAR and other community work, so I have loads of empathy *most* of the time. But willful ignorance really pisses me off. And as marxalot mentions, we’re all subject to the same fate as these no-nothings. That pisses me off too.

    • marxalot

      Our weather. Ours. All of us. These delusional bigots have doomed all of us to ruinstorms and famines.

      • Courser

        That’s one of the reason I kind of give no fucks about those people at the moment. And it feels kind of karma-like. I had a counselor who once told me, “life keeps presenting you with the same lesson, with increasing force, until you learn it” Man, that’s actually a huge thing. Kind of like, “if you keep banging your head into the wall, find another route”, but more zen-like

  • 3FingerPete

    As the mother of a veteran Sarah Palin knows about the heartbreak that comes when a veteran gets arrested for things like domestic violence. As Secretary of Helpin’ Veterans she pledges those arrests will stop.

  • Shoto

    Supreme Allied Commander of Brawndo Distribution

  • mml1996

    https://twitter.com/justinjm1/status/803757749276471296

    My laugh is just hollow and empty…..

    • Amazing, innit? How the very same people who screamed about Hillary being too cozy with Wall Street are suddenly mute when the worst of the Wall Street highwaymen get plum Federal jobs?

      • BadKitty904

        I’m guessing the Administration of Hate™ will change the nation’s motto from E PLURIBUS UNUM to IOKIYAR.

        • yyyaz

          IOKIYAR but WHATAMI??? hengghhh?

          • BadKitty904

            lol And here I thought vaudeville was dead…

    • georgiaburning

      Draining the swamp, to make way for the mile-wide open sewer

  • BadKitty904

    I think the Disasta from Alaska should be appointed His Paranoial Twitterness’ Official Court Concubine. They deserve other.

    • Panika MCD

      she’s from Idaho.

      • BadKitty904

        She was birthed in Idaho. She’s FROM Alaska. (Besides, I can’t think of anything, just now, that rhymes with “Idaho”.)

        • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

          And both Idaho and Alaska are in the punchline for a dad joke,IRC.

        • Panika MCD

          she lived in Idaho until she was 16 or 17 and went back for college. she’s from fuckin’ Idaho.

  • Smibo

    I’m hoping Trump will nominate her for Secretary of STFU.

    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      It will be the Secretary of FTUSA. Which cabinet position you may ask? AOTK.

    • Panika MCD

      aren’t McCain and McConnell (despite his wife being considered for Transportation Secretary) already nominating Trump for Preznit of STFU?

  • shaar dula

    lame stream media that cannot recognize the greatness that god dumped on America.

    I think I’m pissed with god. Why did he dump the resources on America, and then go ahead and also dump them on “those” countries? Was he trying to confuse us?

    In anycase Energy is our baby, and we will dump it. Because God.

  • Resistinceisnotfutile

    Secretary of Makin Sure Errybody What Comes Here Is a Good Christian Who Tithes and Hey, Here’s an Envelope What’s Already Got an Address Onnit!

    • Panika MCD

      do you really think Sarah Palin tithes?

      • Me not sure

        Tithes one on?

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          Well, hell, that’th my kinda tithththg!

          • Me not sure

            Ohhhhhh no, you don’t tell me about tithing, I’ll tell you about tiy-thing.
            When I finish thisss drink I’ll take you outside and tithe the hell out of you, pal!

  • Begin Anew Day

    Look at the people Donnie has “picked” already.

    Sarah is nowhere close to the right tax bracket for a cabinet post.

    She might still have enough money left to buy some knee pads and serve at his pleasure as a personal assistant.

    • Dazza

      I like this^^^. High quality snark. Made in America, too. Thanks.

    • Nounverb911

      When you get down to it Mitt’s net worth is closer to Palin’s than it is to Trump’s.

      • Panika MCD

        facts not in evidence: whether Trump’s worth is what he says it is.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          Zackly. At least Mittens released some tax returns.

          • Panika MCD

            and if we’re going to nominate someone for Secretary of Tithes, you can’t do better than a Mormon.

        • Me not sure

          No fucking way. His creditor banks probably have him on a tight leash.

    • Panika MCD

      except that she’s managed to grift millions from a) the AK taxpayers, b) FOX News and c) TLC. she’s a multi-millionaire.

      • Begin Anew Day

        She had a good run going there. But she never cracked the 100 million dollar mark. At best she made 25 or 30 million . Most of her peers on the grift consider her a rock star. But in Donnie’s world that kind of money is considered CHUMP CHANGE.

        Then she has had to pay for Todd’s masseurs, his wrecked snowmobiles, Bristol’s ever expanding flock and Track’s rehab. That stuff all adds up.

        • Dazza

          I really don’t see her as the type to live within her means, or have a long-term investment strategy.

        • Panika MCD

          that’s still thousands of times what she was making before. and Todd’s healthcare is fully covered by the state because he’s half Yu’pik.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      “The crazy ones are great in bed.” – Donald Trump

      • OrG

        Actually that is true,but its not worth it.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          *clinks glass* True dat!
          (But I married her anyway)

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Somebody I know commented on this, so I saw it on my FB feed. Powerful graphic!

    “THE NEW AMERIKKKAN FLAG
    IN DOLLARS WE TRUST”
    https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/15202494_10154829193549052_6151899996082188349_n.jpg?oh=261016a6e4558545f71d815f27533703&oe=58FD28E4

    Link to the post.

    • El_Pinche

      60% of the Trump fanatics would love it.

  • Constant Gardener

    Secretary of Fancy Pageant Walking. Or, is that too on the toes?

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Secretary of U.B.E.T.C.H.A.

  • Panika MCD

    Secretary of Lipstick on Pitbulls.

  • Snopes Shop

    Republicans are boycotting “Kellogg’s” which is now going to be my food staple throughout the holiday season.

    • TJ Barke

      Kellog’s? The family that pushed eugenics and introduced circumcision to the US as a means of stemming masturbation? Republicans are boycotting them?

      • also, yoghut enemas and Corn Flakes as masturbation stemmers

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        The carbolic acid to the clitoris was a bit unusual, also too

        • TJ Barke

          It’s almost like they were fuckin’ weirdos or something…

      • Snopes Shop

        I don’t know but there is a pretty active Breitbart cereal naming hootenany going on on the twitter right now.

      • Wasn’t it two brothers, and one was the weirdo with the ideas about masturbation and enemas and stuff, and the other was the one who actually flaked the corn or whatever?

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Why are they boycotting Kellogg’s?

      • Snopes Shop

        They take offense to Breitbart’s lack of ethics. I think the “Feminism is worse than cancer” headline pushed them over the edge.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Wingnuts have a long, glorious history of protesting breakfast cereals…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcWm4qQaPpE

      • Doug Langley

        Cereal killer.

  • Daisy

    Done with the final.

    • SnarkON

      Get drinkin’!

      Just kidding, doll. Get yourself a nice nourishing meal and a good night’s sleep.

      • Daisy

        I’m taking care of the meal part right now.

        • BadKitty904

          You deserve a treat. Perhaps a Baby Ruth?

          • Daisy

            If it wasn’t so cold, I’d get ice cream, tbh.

          • Cold? Cold?!?!

          • Daisy

            I am accustomed to 100 degree temperatures.

          • marxalot

            wait, are you in Austin, too?

          • Daisy

            I’m from Bakersfield, California, which is in the lower Central Valley of California. In other words, I lived in the desert.

          • marxalot

            I’m moving to Las Vegas next month. They tell me it’s a dry heat, but the water tastes weird.

          • Daisy

            Ahhh, fun. Back at home, in the high desert, we’ve got water contamination issues.(Fracking)

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            Yeah, it’s misty/rainy and 45 deg F in the East Bay today.
            That’s cold for here.

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            Ramen Shop. It’s def soup weather.

          • BadKitty904

            Cold? 71 is cool, I’ll admit, but hardly calls for mukluks.

            Maybe hot fudge on top would help?

          • Fuck…it’s SUPER warm here today. I think it hit 11 degrees

          • BadKitty904

            There’s a digit off, there, somewheres…

          • This time of year is supposed to be negative intergers

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Congrats! How did it go?

      • Daisy

        Well enough. I only have to get a C to get a pass grade, as the course is Pass/No Pass.

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          Was this your last final of the semester?

          • Daisy

            First. I don’t take any others this early.

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            Best of luck to you! Let us know how they go. :)

        • BadKitty904

          Well, that’s a bit of a plus, esp. with the full fury of Xmas about to burst over us…

          • Daisy

            *Proudly* My Christmas shopping is done, I just am waiting on shipping for some of it.

          • BadKitty904

            That’s just not normal.

          • Daisy

            I had a strict time limit, and some of what I bought takes forever to ship.

          • BadKitty904

            I haven’t even started my Xmas list yet.

            As mentioned, I’m having a hard time of thinking of anything to top the gift I got my honeybun last Xmas. :0/

          • Daisy

            I just checked to make sure guy friend’s second gift is on its way, and it is. I’m actually more concerned about roomie’s second one, because I can’t track it.

          • BadKitty904

            Dang, Lady Bountiful…

          • Doug Langley

            You are not human.

    • Nounverb911

      Which course?

      • Daisy

        A political colloquium. It was just a one unit class.

        • Nounverb911

          Is it fun at least?

          • Daisy

            Somewhat. I got to see Gavin Newsome speak, and Justin Brooks from the California Innocence Project.

          • mml1996

            Gavin Newsom? Hubba hubba…

          • Nounverb911

            He’s on some peoples lists for 2020 already.

          • mml1996

            California can have him first. Let him prove his mettle.

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            Agreed. I’m not sure he’s even Guv material. What’s he done, and if he’s done a lot of something why don’t I know?

          • mml1996

            He did lobby hard for the gun-restrictions that California passed this Nov…

            But he has to do more. Lt. Gov is not good enough..

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            That’s kinda what I mean. I should know this, but doesn’t Lt. G. preside over the Senate?

          • mml1996

            I don’t think so. I think Texas does that.

          • mml1996

            Scratch that – California does that too…

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            So what’s your impression of Gavs? Governor material?

          • Daisy

            He’s impressive. And a smart ass.

    • mml1996

      YAYA!!!

    • shaar dula

      good good. I hope no night-outs were involved.

    • shaar dula

      I’m going to be your boring uncle and tell you a “in my days” kind of story. but there were a bunch us like me in my batch. most of the courses, we would forget the day after the final. but some classes would bother us and stay in our minds even the finals. these are what we all ended up happily taking as professions and further studies.
      being bothered about something at the UG level has been rewarding.
      Find out what bothers you.

  • SnarkON

    Secretary of Quitting Halfway Thr

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Secretary of Family Planning – Drunk and Disorderly Division.

  • shaar dula

    Since everyone has moved here. Reposting.

    completely out of the box, unhinged even.

    but, why not nationalize Trumps assets for say 25 years , with the Trump family guaranteed 10% stake? That way his interests are aligned with the country’s interests.
    His youngest son and perhaps his grandkids will benefit. But meanwhile the rest of us can atleast service Marlago (or what ever it is) just like Camp David during our remaining working years.

    I for one don’t want my tax dollars paying for his fancy tastes.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      It’s a good idea on its face, but what kind of fucked-up mess does the USA take on?
      Also, too, gov’t would have to contract the management of the assets. See Yosemite Park for what kind of a clusterfuck that can lead to.

      • shaar dula

        Given the fucked-up mess 2016 elections have been, do we even have a choice?
        We need to make this work. Beyond egalitarian stuff, our own piddly little lives depend on surviving this bout of crapola of a situation.

    • He’d have em declare bankruptcy in 5 minutes, put the tax payer on the hook as the primary, and then “buy” them back for pennies.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Secretary of Bolero Jackets

  • marxalot

    Secretary of Tourism and Culture.

    You know, driving around in that big bus she quit driving around in, being told repeatedly that she can’t drink while taking the pills to get rid of that culture she picked up…

  • cosmiccowgirl

    Fun! There are so many!

    Secretary of Hockey Moms
    Secretary of Puttin’ Lipstick on a Pig
    Secretary of Moose Shootin’
    Secretary of Fancy Pageant Walkin’
    Secretary of Rock n Rollers and Holly Rollers
    Secretary of God and Gun Clingin’
    Secretary of Drill Baby Drill
    Secretary of No More Pussyfootin’ Around (not to be confused with Secretary of Pussy Grabbin’)

    • Me The People

      Secretary of the Department Of Science And Trucking

      • cosmiccowgirl

        Truckin’

    • Panika MCD

      Sarah Palin is not talented enough to shoot a moose. she does shoot at wolves from helicopters with high powered guns–a practice most Alaskans find moronic, but think is also something that tourists do enough to make it profitable, so they’ll allow it. to be fair, tourists also by swizzle sticks and earrings made from moose poop.

      • cosmiccowgirl

        Moose is just a funny word.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Secretary of Big Gulp

  • bookish
    • mml1996

      Richest*

      * – for themselves. Gross Americans don’t apply.

  • mml1996
  • Nounverb911

    Quasi off topically but funny.

    General Petraeus has to check in wth his probation officer before he can leave NC.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/35ad5c9901f6100d58c427835309977f5b1365d20a407f86616b382f192a27c7.png

    https://twitter.com/bradheath/status/804059861369651200

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      This is too perfect for words.

    • Seriously. Where the FUCK are the SHE’S A CRIMINAL I JUST KNOW IT!!!! people as the orange fuckwaffle is picking actual criminals to run our government?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        WWND?*

        *WhatWouldNixonDo

      • OrG

        That’s easy.IOKIYAR

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        They’re on Facebook pretending Trump saved 1000 jobs.

        • I never realized just how much projection all that sheeple stuff was.
          These folks literally are buying every lie, every con, every flashy trick….

    • Anna Rompage

      Can someone on probation leave the country, or are the diplomats they
      interact with now required to come to the states, and stay in a Trump
      owned hotel?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Trump hotels are sovereign territory around the world.

    • Doug Langley
  • Anna Rompage

    I thought I was going to lay off the bad food for a week or two, especially after the holidays, but with the way the Trump admin is filling out, I said fuck it and am making a huge platter of deluxe Nachos, with home made red chile and all the fixings, because it’s just a matter of time before Trump pushes the button, or a giant asteroid from god wipes us all out….

    • There’s the spirit! Eat, Drink and be Merry, because come Jan 21 we’re fucked.

    • Jennifer R

      Yeah deadbeat donnie really took the imperative off of losing post surgery weight, or finishing my personal project.

    • OrG

      You consider that BAD food?

      • Anna Rompage

        It’s the most glorious food ever, but not so great for the waist line, especially since it’s Winter ale season….

    • Doug Langley

      Well, might as well go whole hog . . .

      http://foodporndaily.com

  • azeyote

    secretary of – fuck the fuck off –

    • shaar dula

      I love the phrase. fuck the fuck off. it captures an emotion to a t and has a ring to it. I’m going to steal it. fuck the fuck off.

  • Walter Wellstone

    What did she do to deserve a cabinet position? What happened when they were together in Iowa? Was Bristol there with Sarah?

    • Anna Rompage

      Tits?

      Or was it that Donnie just saw her on TV a couple of times…

      I mean seriously, they had Dan Quayle over to the Trump Towers today.. Talk about draining the swamp…

  • mml1996

    https://twitter.com/WalshFreedom/status/804075844910141448

    How’s that swamp working out for ya, huh? YOU’VE ALL BEEN CONNED DICKHEADS?!

    • mml1996

      https://twitter.com/WalshFreedom/status/804038449300959232

      I’m laughing OH GOD THIS IS BRILLIANT.

      • marxalot

        Oh man, someone deftly photoshopped Crying Jordan (just the face) into Walsh’s profile pic and sent it back to him. Oh, oh, oh.

        • mml1996

          I MUST SEE THAT

      • I like the ones who take the time to laugh at him and then go pay your child support

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Man, I’m almost tempted to actually activate the twitters just to join in that dogpile.

      • I like the ones who go…just give him a chance!!!!
        Cause ya know, they were so willing to give Bamz a chance.

  • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

    Hey, Y’all.

    My Mom died yesterday, at around 4:30PM. I promised her I am safe, that I am happy, and that I would enjoy my life.

    I’m doing well, actually. It’s been a good day. Chores, exercise, cooking a good meal, a bit of hobbies. Getting dressed, doing my hobbies, I kept finding things that were gifts from Mom, and I kept smiling as I found them. :)

    But I do get lonely.

    I’ve decided not to let the pusillanimous, the selfish, and the cruel drive me away from the internet. I think perhaps some metaphorical ass-whooping is in order, and a lot of folks need to channel their inner James T. Kirk. Anna is just the Chick to achieve these things.

    The Captain is on the Bridge, Y’all. Find some fucking courage, most Ricky-Tick.

    • mml1996

      OMG, I’m so sorry, Anna.

      May she rest in peace and join all the angels in heaven.

    • TJ Barke

      My condolences.

    • Daisy

      *hugs* I’m sorry about your mom, and I’m glad you had a good day.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Sorry to hear about your mom and I’m glad you’re doing well. We’re here with you.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Condolences. Be glad you had a chance to say goodby. That’s a powerful, wonderful memory to have.

      • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

        It is. :) Poor Mom, sick and in pain, was more worried about me. I sent her photos of me smiling – like this Avatar – and told her I am safe, I have friends, I’m flirting, having fun, decorating for Christmas, and I think she wasn’t afraid for me anymore.

    • Jennifer R

      *offers hugs and condolences*

    • data_ninja

      I’m sorry for your loss. Condolences and everything else.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I’m so sorry, Anna.

    • shaar dula

      ayyo. sorry about this. please go through the grief. its ok to do so and its good in the long run. please share what you remember your mom for, what she meant to you. if comfortable/possible.

      • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

        Thank you. :)

        I lived with her for most of my life. A lot of it was caretaking. We never got to travel like we dreamed – her dream was to visit the UK – but for 12 years, we were together almost everyday, cooking, shows, chores, shopping, laughing, and crying. I think that’s damned near the definition of Quality time. :)

    • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

      So sorry to hear of your loss, but it is sweet to hear that you let your mum know you are happy. Life is like a superposited sine wave, some really high highs, and some god awful lows. Glad to hear you have found a mean and it is net positive. Its been great getting to know you over the last year or so. Fair winds and following seas, and always keep the James T. Kung fu in your pocket to level someone when they need it.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Oh Anna. I’ve been there too.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrJiU9BOEBI

      • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

        ~hugs~ This is one of my favorite scenes, ever. :)

        I try to make a difference. My Baby Girl, my BFF, the younger Transwoman whom is my best friend – she sent me a video last night. She was so excited, all the great news she had to share. She’s achieved a major milestone in her Transitioning, plus college is going well, she’s dating, and happy and excited. She told me she wouldn’t have any of this if she hadn’t met me a couple of years ago.

        It was exactly what I need to hear, yesterday. :)

    • shivaskeeper

      My condolences.

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      Oh sweetie, I’m sorry.

    • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

      I send my deepest condolences for your loss.

    • :hugs: Love you, Annabanana

      • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

        XD Laughter and tears, Love, thank you

        • That is how I dealt with it at the time. It ain’t never easy, but the sweetness, for me, eventually overtook the bitter.
          Took a whiles tho XD

    • efoveks

      *hugs*, *hugs again*

      Anna, I am so sorry.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Sorry to hear it. Stay strong.

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      Condolences and hugs.

    • Shibusa

      I’m so very sorry. I lost my mom many years ago and my grief was terrible, and long-lasting. All my best to you.

      • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

        ~hugs~

        I’m finding lots of good memories right now. Little things – I have my Star Trek toy she bought me for Xmas 2 years ago – “Excelsior” from Star Trek 6 – and it also reminded me she paid for the tickets so my little brother and I could see Star Trek 6 back in ’91. :)

    • Amy!

      *hug* Sending you warm thoughts.

      • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

        ~hugs~ Thanx, Amy. :) I’m OK.

    • O Captain! My Captain! Lay a little James T. on me. And, we grieve in proportion to our love. Take care of yourself; it is a long road, but you’ve got a good support group right here anytime…

      • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

        ~hugs~ thank you

    • Dazza

      Sorry, Anna. Thanks for the pep talk in the midst of your loss.

      • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

        ~hugs~ Life does go on, and thank you. :)

    • Ali | Cat of the Resistance

      I’m so sorry.

    • calliecallie

      (((HUGS))) So sorry!

      • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

        ~hugs~

    • grindstone

      You’re never old enough to lose your mom. All my best wishes.

      • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

        ~hugs~ Thank you. :)

  • data_ninja

    OT: This is a real billboard, as I’ve driven past it twice now. 480 Westbound on the bridge in NE Ohio. Share my pain! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f65dbcb813012226f98be01a7a6db31ce4f954bfcbfbb133dad0e76e00642808.jpg

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      WTF is wrong with people FFS?

      • Ever get the feeling we got just what we deserved after all?

        • data_ninja

          That is one of my favorite toasts:
          “May we get what we want, may we get what we need,
          but may we never get what we deserve.”

        • Jennifer R

          I don’t recall stabbing any disabled nuns last time around.

          • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

            This is the punishment you get for beating babies to death with golden retreiver puppies

          • Jennifer R

            What’s the one for being a drug loving hippy faggot girl?

          • Eternal bliss and a pony?

          • Jennifer R

            I must have gotten in the wrong line then, just point me to that one and I’ll happily start at the end.

          • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

            The same punishment as being a godless believer in science-4 years of the Trumperdammerung

      • Daisy

        Whoops, I should have read further down the thread.

        • data_ninja

          It bears mentioning more than once.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          Nah! I appreciate the support!

    • Walter Wellstone

      Fuck…

    • TJ Barke
    • mml1996

      I’m signing up for a lobotomy now, Thx

      • data_ninja

        That’s not one of the services listed.

        • yyyaz

          Proprietors assume you’ve already had one.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        I’ll go with you. Maybe we can get a twofer discount.

    • Anna Rompage

      Just think, she looked like this before all the work…

      Oh, Mary!
      http://i889.photobucket.com/albums/ac100/Ben-Gahzi/trump%20mom_zpshwih7mti.jpg

      • data_ninja

        If I’m not mistaken, that’s Hillary’s face on Trumps head. I’m basing this mostly off of the non-orange glow, but maybe the eyes and nose as well.

        • It doth look like it, yuss.

        • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

          It’s left her looking a bit like Stephen Fry

          • mml1996

            She has the same constipated ass face that Trump has. Clearly Trump has a bit of ass-censtry..

        • Courser

          I think you’re right – it’s a morph of them both. Definitely horrifying.

      • Me The People

        I always thought it was a mistake for Donald Trump and Margaret Thatcher to use the teleporter from ‘The Fly’ at the same time.

      • TheAmazingBeardedLady

        And we wonder what the thing on DONALD’S head is. Whatever it is, we know what spawned it.

    • Daisy

      What is wrong with people?

    • Me The People

      It’s like everyone is getting dumber every day. Soon we will all be too dumb to notice anymore. It’s like the Twilight Zone.

      • data_ninja

        “There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly
        what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear
        and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

        There is another theory mentioned, which states that this has already happened.”
        –HHGTTG

        My guess is that someone figured it out near the end of 2015. Which would explain the weirdness (but not the shittiness) of 2016.

  • btwbfdimho

    Speaking of Sarah, she received an Honorary Degree in Climate Science from the TU!
    http://nationalreport.net/trump-university-offers-sarah-palin-honorary-degree-in-climate-science/

  • shivaskeeper

    I almost wrecked my truck today. There I was listening to the radio and the news said Sarah Moose Knuckle Fucking Palin might be tapped for VA Secretary. Secretary of the Veterans Administration. Secretary of the fucking VA. Sarah Griftin Quittin Palin.

    The almost wreck was because I was swearing too hard to actually look at he road anymore.

    • Anna Rompage

      Yeah, when Donald heard about Veterans Affairs, he thought it was about military personnel cheating on their spouses and vise versa…

      • Jennifer R

        Wouldn’t that have made Patreus the shoe in?

      • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

        So $arah will be Secretary of Jodie?

        • shivaskeeper

          Ha.

    • Courser

      Be careful! One of my brothers totaled his car the day after the election because he was so upset!

      • shivaskeeper

        All is good. I did pull over to finish the rant.

    • Be prepared for a privatization move followed by a cut to the GI Bill and probably a req that you can only apply at all if you have jesus in your heart and an R on your reg card.

      • Jennifer R

        All that fresh we support our trans troops and vets stuff will be gone too.

        • Support our troops means lip service. Always. Support sending them over there to fight our wars. Give parades and salute when told. Tell them thanks for their service! And then vote for the fucks who pass bills to take their benefits.
          Edit: Surprising no one with a brain, the military is becoming increasingly libertarian. They know they’ll be fucked but at least Libertarians say they don’t want no furrin wars

          • shivaskeeper

            You forgot posing for photo ops with troops so you can look like you’re supporting to the rubes back home.

            Didn’t see a lot off Libertarians while I was in, maybe some “small L” libertarians. A lot of GOPers for sure, with a huge overlap with the Christianists.

            The unfortuanat truth is if you stay in the military for more tahn 10 years and think you will get half of what was promised, or any real support you are stupid. People like me stay in for our brothers and sisters in arms, not for the promises.

            Don’t get me wrong, there are some good bennies, but it’s telling that where I am, next to one of the largest Joint Bases in the country with one of the best rated regional VA’s in the world, around 3/4 of the vet services are non-profits.

      • shivaskeeper

        Been prepared for that for a while. I learned long ago the government is not bound by any promises made to Vets.

        • OrG

          Vets or anyone else.

          • shivaskeeper

            Vets in particular. A contract signed between a member of the military and the government does not have to be honored by the government.

            Hell even a promise by a particular congressional session does not have to honored by any later sessions or even the one that made the promise if they really don’t feel like it any more.

    • mml1996

      I absolutely hate to sound opportunistic, but if the Democrats don’t seize this opportunity and go for the Republican’s jugular – there may just be no resistance then…

      • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

        I said it on a previous post, but if the Dems don’t channel William T Sherman and salt the fields and burn the land fighting this bullshyte, ima gonna lose my shit, then freak out, then go abso-fucking-lutely apeshit.

        • mml1996

          Oh definitely. I’d go for the Greens immediately, if the Democrats lose their balls.

      • shivaskeeper

        Honestly, not really holding my breath. But, yeah, even if they can;t win, they damn well better fight.

  • Me The People

    Weekend Assistant Trailer Park Supervisor

    • Jennifer R

      Yeah, but you have to suck Mr Lahey’s dick.

      • Me The People

        Never seems to be a problem.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          The pants are comin’ off!….

          • mml1996

            What’s pants?

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Go eat a cheeseburger….

          • mml1996

            I’M A VEGETARIAN HOW DARE YOU?1

            WHERE IS MY NON-FAT, GMO-FREE, ORGANICALLY GROWN, PESTICIDE FREE DICKS HUH?

          • Land Shark

            Is Kosher salt OK for those free range dicks?

          • mml1996

            As long as its long :)

          • Jennifer R

            Being a vegetarian would suck. Always having to find a trashcan or toilet after giving head.

          • mml1996

            I’m still not sure if the load is vegetarian or not…

          • Jennifer R

            That sounds like a question for some religious official.

          • mml1996

            “Dear Lord, whats the best way to swallow if I can’t have meat?”

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            It’s just salty protein, Baby. It’s good for you. XD I like the taste, myself. XD

          • Daisy

            That comment wouldn’t be out place up here in Berkeley.

          • mml1996

            Must it squirt quinoa?

          • Daisy

            I think that’s just for extra credit.

          • mml1996

            So the dick must be made of soy nuggets…

        • Jennifer R

          Yeah but with the whiskey dick you will be there all day, and you still have to rake the back gravel and chase Ricky off the propery.

          • Me The People

            Not sure she’d have the stamina for the inevitable National Piss Jug Drive either.

    • mancityRed6
      • Me The People

        That is brilliant!

  • Secretary of Moose Killin Bible shillin griftin fun! yeah!

  • Land Shark

    Secretary of War on Christmas.

    • OrG

      Shouldn’t that be the war on the “war on christmas”?

      • Land Shark

        Too many words for the Tundra Twat.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Secretary of Christmas Defense.

        They’ll finally add those triangular wings to the Pentagon to make it a shining star.

  • data_ninja

    Secretary of Liquor Cabinet?

  • Daisy

    I had frozen yogurt from the dining hall, and now I’m freezing.

    • TJ Barke

      Guy across the hall could help…

      • Doug Langley

        Does he have a hot toddy?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          is that what the kids are calling it now days?

          • TJ Barke

            I have no idea… *sobs*

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            If you’re evers in Colorado, message me. We will go clubbing, when they see you with me – and *everyone* knows why Cougars go with younger guys -you’ll get so many phone numbers. :)

          • Browncoat Krieger IRL

            Good! I hate seals!

          • TJ Barke

            That’s sweet, but I’m way too awkward to get anybody’s phone number…

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            Trust Anna. We aren’t done with lessons yet, Babe.

            I used to take Ativan to go to the supermarket.

          • TJ Barke

            I’d definitely need one to go to a club. Or some other form of chemical encouragement.

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            Maybe we’ll start slower. Maybe just a “date”, I’ll show you a girlfriend experience, and you’ll get attention, trust me. :)

          • TJ Barke

            I should probably just skip the whole thing, I missed the boat when it comes to this whole romance thing, and it seems like trying to catch up is just a recipe for disaster.

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            No, Babe. It’s not too late. 3 years ago, I was lonely, a Virgin, never even got looked at. Now, well – it’s very different. I don’t think you’re LGBT, like me, but believe me, if I can do it, you can learn too. :)

          • BadKitty904

            Um, you’re str8. Snap outta it.

          • Doug Langley

            Sure – if by “now days” you mean 50 years ago.

        • BadKitty904

          Do we know him that well?

      • BadKitty904

        Oooooooooooo!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Reposted from Wonkville (our headlines are funnier®) because Donnie’s picks aren’t depressing enough

    http://www.out.com/news-opinion/2016/11/28/trumps-latest-staff-pick-outed-gay-brother-dying-aids

    • Browncoat Krieger IRL

      What a nice lady.

      Wait, no. Not nice, cruel, monstrous, insensitive. She’ll fit right in with Hair Furher.

    • data_ninja

      Did they literally scrape away all of the material from the bottom of the barrel, and now they’re just reaching into the unhallowed ground that it stood upon?

      • Msgr_Moment

        They’re sending out for new barrels as we speak.

  • Wild Cat

    She wants the new cabinet position: Secretary for Euthanasia of the Impoverished.

    • TJ Barke

      I think you mean, barbecue of the needy.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        the last supper, as it were…

        • TJ Barke

          Somebody’s…

      • Wild Cat

        Even her sex slaves say she can’t cook for shit.

  • shivaskeeper

    Secretary of “mericka.

    Secretary of Big Gulps.

    Secretary of the 2nd Amendment (the only real amendment)

    Secretary of Real ‘Merikans.

    Secretary of Drunken Family Brawls, or alternately Secretary of Melee.

  • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

    Does everyone know the great Comic Book Artist and Writer, Jack Kirby? “The King” created or co-created Captain America, The Fantastic Four, the X-Men, the New Gods, and about a zillion others.

    My favorite story of his is from New Gods #8. “The Death Wish of Terrible Turpin”. When Darkseid’s stupidest, ugliest, son, the metapowerful Kalibak comes to Metropolis, the authorities are worried because Superman is out-of-town. But Detective Dan “Terrible” Turpin reminds them, that it’s not how hard *they* hit, it’s how hard *we* hit back.

    Turpin arranges to hit back – with all the electrical power in Metropolis! Knocks that ugly motherfucker six ways from Sunday, too.

    I sincerely think it’s time we all find our inner Terrible Turpin.

    • One of the best moments in Superman: The Animated Series was when Dan Turpin (designed in the series to resemble Jack Kirby) stands up to flippin’ Darkseid and rallies the people to rise up.

      Darkseid: “People of Earth, I am Darkseid, lord of Apokolips. Here is your savior,
      cowed and broken. I have crushed him as easily as I have crushed all who
      dared to oppose me throughout the cosmos. I am power unlike any you
      have ever known: absolute, infinite, and unrelenting. You have no choice
      but to prepare for a long dark future as my subjects and my slaves.”

      Turpin: “In a pig’s eye!” (tackles a Parademon, seizes its weapon, and uses it to free Superman) “I don’t care how many worlds you’ve conquered, ugly, you ain’t gettin’ this one!”

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Appoint her Secretary of the Exterior, and ship her to Mars.

    Appoint her Secretary of Labor Day. She can probably handle a one-day-a-year job for the whole term. Maybe

    Ambassador to Vanuatu. Yeah, I like that one.

    • Dazza

      Hells no! Keep her out of the southern hemisphere.

  • Incoming Ham

    Could she be persuaded to quit before she starts?

    • Browncoat Krieger IRL

      Just tell her it’s 2018, she won’t know.

    • BadKitty904

      Depends on which pays her more.

  • Me The People

    Department of Nascar Affairs

  • Browncoat Krieger IRL

    Secretary of Squirmishes.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Secretary of SQUIRREL!!!

      • TJ Barke

        Sec. of Squirrel stew.

        • Browncoat Krieger IRL

          Hey! Squirrel stew is good! No self-respecting squirrel stew would waste time on a Palin!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          that’s Huckabee’s job

          • Jennifer R

            They could make his son dog catcher. (And dog vivisector)

  • Browncoat Krieger IRL

    All of Them Secretaries, Katy.

  • TJ Barke

    Secretary of Ringin’ those bells and shootin’ those guns!

  • bookish
    • TJ Barke

      Drainin’ that swamp alright…

    • Wild Cat

      Shocking!

      You still read that corrupt rag?

    • OrG

      Wow,who could have seen that coming?

    • Me The People

      Corrupt banking elites trembling!

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      “So, tell me…if we’re draining this swamp, how come Pepe and all those Wall Street gators are so fat and happy?”

      • Jennifer R

        Didn’t you see deadbeat donnie and mitt-tron2.0 had frog legs with their meeting?

    • BadKitty904

      I have to admire the NYT‘s understatement.

    • Now now, put this in perspective:Hillary gave speeches man. Sure, Trump seems to be giving them the entire cake, a glass of milk, and a good night kiss for good measure, but she gave speeches

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    Secretary of Porcine Cosmetology?
    See also the billboard from data_ninja, seriously, hargh.

    From the cabinet picks so far, best case is when there’s no logical connection. Visible connections have all been bad news.

    • Daisy

      So basically, utter incompetence is our best hope.

      • shivaskeeper

        Actually in an institutional setting, like government, incompetence at the top can be worked around pretty easily by the people who actually do all the things. Assuming you don’t suffer to much brain drain at the lower and middle levels.

        Bad leadership can be worked around.

        • True: But generally when leadership is bad, those competents beneath are looking for an out, and when they find it, the entire house of cards crumbles.

          • shivaskeeper

            I’m making a broad assumption here. If the rest of government is like the military, the professional core of the organization will wait out the bad leaders and get on with the job, especially if the pension is on the horizon. Bad leaders come and go. They may get fired, demoted, impeached, quit on their own (looking at you Sarah), or just move on.

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        Yes! Hope they’re bad at doing evil. (Wishful thinking unfortunately.)
        Also hope for good guys who can mind-F these people into a breakdown — happy honeymoon.

  • mml1996

    http://crooksandliars.com/2016/11/rep-tim-ryan-uses-ethnic-slur-during

    No, I’m glad this dick ain’t leading the Democrats.

    • data_ninja

      He’s not exactly the best thing that Youngstown has to offer. Here, have a picture of someone else from Youngstown: Ed O’Neill https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c1/Ed_O'Neill_at_2015_PaleyFest.jpg

      • mml1996

        i love him in Modern Family & he’s one of the good BUNDYS!!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Mr Empty Pants!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      While I doubt he meant to use it in the ethnic slur manner, he’s not ready for primetime if he hangs those slow pitches over the plate for an opponent to take yard. If he wants to play in the big leagues, he has to recognize when he steps in it on TV and when someone like Tweety offers him an out, take it and make some vague mea culpa about talking about a brand of wine, not an ethnicity.

      • Not any more, Zip! From now on it is lie your ass off, ignore facts, and never EVER apologize for anything. Heck, double down!
        If he is not out tomorrow talking about wop burgers and n*clang sauce, he ain’t doin populist right!
        After all: “humans are social animals who “become the social culture that we are immersed in most of the time”

    • “That’s what we call it in Youngstown, Chris.”

      No. No it is not. No one calls it that but ignorant fuckwaffles.
      Hope that helps, Tim!

  • TX Taco Truck Brigade

    Need to vomit?:

    “Donald Trump staked his credibility as a negotiator — the underpinning of his grand entrance to politics — on a very specific claim.

    He wouldn’t just stop the trend of globalization and outsourcing. He’d convince Carrier — an Indianapolis-based air-conditioning manufacturer — to abandon its plans to eliminate more than 2,000 Hoosier jobs and shift its production to Mexico.

    Well before even taking office, he’s delivered — Tuesday night the company announced it would keep about 1,000 of those jobs in Indiana.”

    http://www.cnn.com/2016/11/30/politics/donald-trump-carrier-jobs-analysis/index.html

    • TX Taco Truck Brigade

      ugh, and then later we find out:

      ‘And while Trump’s campaign pledges to lower corporate taxes and ease regulations likely played a role, it was not Trump — but Vice President-elect Mike Pence — who was key to Carrier’s decision.”

      “The details of the Carrier deal remain obscure. Trump’s campaign has deflected questions on exactly how the company was convinced to stay in Indiana — pointing reporters to the company and its much larger parent, United Technologies. The fate of Carrier’s plant in Huntington, Indiana, which employed 700, is also unclear.”

      • jowgajen

        What is clear is that the reporter should brush his/her teeth after that rim job.

        • TX Taco Truck Brigade

          Needs moar Scope.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          It’s nice to know that after all the post election introspection, that CNN is still totes good with nakedly sucking up to power

          • data_ninja

            It’s just them normalizing their own terrible behavior, and not just Trump supporters.

    • Daisy

      CNN? Go fuck off, and not in the fun way.

      • TX Taco Truck Brigade

        Yeah, I like to flip over there and laugh or cry as applicable.

        How are finals going? Finished first one today.

        • Daisy

          I have my first one done, for my easiest course. The rest are due the week after next.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I had to change the channel tonight over the chyron on NBC, that Trump Negotiates Deal to Save 1000 Jobs. BULLFUCKINGSHIT. They straight-up bribed Carrier with $700K of Indiana’s money to stick around for a year or so, or until the impeachment, at which time the 600 – not 1000 – jobs will disappear like Mitt Romney’s soul.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Unfortunately, this made for Tee Vee bullshit plays fantastically well to a national television audience that has been dumbed down by decades of mindless boob tube watching and the two dimensional plot lines of coke addled Hollyweird sitcom writers. It’s a PR win…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Secretary of I Can See Russia from my Housing or Urban Development

    Secretary of Helicopter-based Wildlife Management

  • Sekhmet1

    So now she’s cosied up to the Orange Führer, I guess she won’t be as worried about Putin rearing his head and coming into the airspace over Alaska? Maybe she’ll throw a welcoming “shooting animals form helicopters” party for him.

  • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGuEPjb8Auk&list=PLgA_QpnjZQyzzgCKjokpQXhcix1SjHxsC&index=9

    ~When they finally come to Destroy the Earth
    ~They’ll have to go through You first
    ~I bet they won’t be expecting that

    No kidding, my Darlings – they wrote this song about Miz Anna. Ain’t nobody beaten me yet.

    Let’s all leave them stunned and stuttering. Let’s be Invincible.

    • Shan

      Hi, Anna!

      • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

        Hi Shan! :) How are you?

        • Shan

          Okay-ish? Better? Digging out from under a depression I didn’t know was as bad as it was. That’s how those fuckers work, I guess. Ugh.

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            ~hugs~

            I hear that. We all gotta find our warrior spirit, I guess. It’s nevers easy.

  • Nounverb911

    As part of my effort to aid the ‘war on Xmas’ I propose this as the theme song. (Or at least something to annoy the crap out of Megyn Kelly).

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEU-9ovWTyk

    • Shan

      Aww, wait? I wanna hear the song!

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Secretary of Defensiveness
    Secretary of FUD
    Secretary of picking up all those fucking Gs she’s dropped…

    • BadKitty904

      Secretary of picking up all those fucking Gs she’s dropped and basketball-players…

    • Nounverb911

      While she’s picking up Gs can she pick the ones that trump drops too, also?

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      “Secretary of picking up all those fucking Gs she’s dropped…”

      That WOULD need an entire Federal Dept.

  • Nounverb911
  • Jesus, Mary and that other guy. How the fuck have we ended up here? I try not to think about it but when I do I could run in circles screaming. This shit CANNOT STAND.

    OK I’m calm now. Thank whatever for tranquilizers.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      IKR? It hits me at random times and I find myself screeching at the television (or the computer).

      • IKR? My cat keeps hiding on me.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I can’t even with the news today. I’ve turned it off twice and muted so many times I can now find the button easily – it’s the one with the depression worn into the middle of it, like a 2000-year-old stone step.

          • I used to read all of my regular stops like Raw Story, C&L, etc. but now I find myself barely able to check out the stories. Life is too short and being a old (my birthday was Sunday), I cannot stay in a state of constant rage. I spent 8 years of Bush being incensed and that’s not good. I am ready for some asshole to start acting up like that nutcase in Michael’s. I intend to whip some ass.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Happy birthday! I too am a November olds. There are lots of us; November is 9 months after Valentine’s Day.

          • Happy B Day to you too!

    • BadKitty904

      I think we ended up here via:

      > Selfishness;
      > Hate;
      > Greed;
      > Ignorance.

      I may have a missed a few, though. OK, maybe more than a few…

      • Daisy

        Meth?

      • yyyaz

        The others are ancillary. Call it the HIGS syndrome.

        • Suttree

          Now only if CERN would create that fucking black hole we were promised!

        • BadKitty904

          You may be on to something there…

  • Daisy

    My guy friend is in shorts and a t-shirt. It’s like 45 degrees Fahrenheit.

    • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

      I’m in a cami. :) It’s 29F outside.

      • Daisy

        I’m cold just thinking about that!

      • Shan

        STOP MAKING ME DO MATH

        • Shan

          Oh, wait. Your F is the same as mine. Except my Fs are way higher.

          SORRY

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            It’s been that kind of day. XD

          • Shan

            Yeah, we had 60s until a couple of weeks ago. It’s dropped to the 40s recently and everyone in my house thinks they’re going to freeze to death.

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            I wore not only my coat, but gloves, a hat, and a scarf to go to the store today.

          • Shan

            Well, yeah. Gotta make up for the booty shorts!

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            Last week, I had a guy in an IROC stop, back up, and hit on me when I was walking home in booty shorts. He had to be 10 years younger, at least. XD

          • Shan

            I get the 10 years younger ones but JFC its boring.

            So far, anyway.

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            Yeah, he wasn’t my type, but it was flattering. :)

            He wasn’t creepy, but no chemistry.

          • Shan

            Ok, I get the flattering part. I’d still rather be able to go grocery shopping without getting asked for my phone number, though.

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            *nods* I’ve had guys hit on me in line and such. It happens more in Winter, when coat and gloves block my Pride bracelet.

          • Some of us never have that problem.
            *curls up in a corner. Snuffles* i’m gonna eat some werms

          • Shan

            It’s a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” kind of thing. Do you REALLY want to have the “problem” of having rando assholes hitting on you when you’re just trying to find the best deal on orange juice?

          • …..no. Of course not.
            But I would not mind knowing that it might happen and that later on I will roll my eyes to my girl friend and be all…AS IF.
            Actually, it might have happened and I never noticed because apparently I still have not learned what flirting is. Was told today that I was being a flirt with the electrician at the shop and I am all o.O I smiled and said hi? Cause I say hi and smile to people? Didn’t even hug him.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            I have been told I am flirting when I’m teasing someone or in the middle of telling them off. I don’t flirting is a real thing.

      • BadKitty904

        I’m indoors, because it’s 70 and almost 10PM here.

        • Daisy

          70 sounds really pleasant right now.

          • BadKitty904

            It’s delightful, actually.

        • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

          But you have humidity, right?

          • BadKitty904

            Not that any of us notice – we’ve lived in it all our lives. Visitors, however, are fascinated that it’s possible to eat the local air with a spoon…

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            I do very badly in humidity, but I’ve lived in Colorado since I was like 2.

          • BadKitty904

            True – and pretty pathetic – story. Once, when we were on college break, I went to visit a fellow student in Colorado Springs, his home, for a week. By the second day, I was short-of-breath and getting nosebleeds because of the altitude. By the third day, I had to start using skin lotion, because it was so dry my skin was beginning to crack and bleed.

            To each their own…

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            Yeah. Altitude sickness. :) No place is perfect, and we all adapt to our climate.

          • BadKitty904

            Said college chum now theorizes that native Floridians are descendants of Atlantean refugees…

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            XD Perhaps they are correct. I was miserable in Chicago and Indiana in the Summer.

          • BadKitty904

            I would be, too, but prolly not ’cause of the weather.

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            That too. :) I was a teen, and so deep in the closet.

          • BadKitty904

            Bingo. The South is weird enough on that topic. I can’t even imagine the MidWest.

          • Imagine the south, but without the veneer of gentility.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHJbSvidohg

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            Yeah. Southern Colorado is bad enough. There are places that are very friendly, and across the same street I’m beyond Hadrian’s Wall.

          • BadKitty904

            I seem to recall everyone I met being perfectly pleasant.

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            I’m further south. It’s weirdly mixed down here. I’d love to get back to Colorado Springs.

          • Shan

            I’ll try to let you know

          • BadKitty904

            Oh, boy.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            I call it “breathing cheese,” which is what a 92-degree day with 100% humidity here in KY feels like.

          • BadKitty904

            Humidity is good for you! It’s like living is a sauna – moisturizes your skin and gives it a healthy glow!

          • Shan

            Have you ever been to Seattle?

          • BadKitty904

            Colorado is as far west as I’ve ever been. That was traumatic enough.

          • Shan

            I’m just sayin’ as a former Seattle resident…

          • BadKitty904

            Don’t they have giant slugs there or some such?

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            As someone with breathing problems, let me be the first to tell you it isn’t good for your lungs.

          • Daisy

            Back at home, we could see the air because of the pollution.

          • BadKitty904

            I suspect that may not be a Good Thing. However, you’re a step ahead of the rest of us once the Republicans repeal all environmental protections.

          • Daisy

            Yay for me, I guess. Bakersfield was the most polluted, the drunkest, and most illiterate city in the states.

          • BadKitty904

            The drunkest? Now, I’m impressed! There’s some pretty stiff competition for that title.

          • Daisy

            Never doubt Bakersfield’s ability to scrape up dishonor!

          • BadKitty904

            If they can whup New Orleans for title of “drunkest city,” nothing is impossible.

          • ERIE LIBULLZZZZZ

    • BadKitty904

      Offer to warm ‘im up. Hubba-hubba!

      • Daisy

        Thing is, he runs warm, so he’s fine. I’m the one who’s freezing.

        • Suttree

          Ask him to warm you up then.

          • BadKitty904

            Jinx!

        • BadKitty904

          Offer to let him warn you up. Oo-la-la!

    • Jennifer R

      Nudist here! fluffy blankets are *the best*

      • Shan

        I’d TOTALLY be more nudist if I had fewer offsprings in the house.

        • Jennifer R

          This fuzzy blanket would even work for just the bedroom. The secret to a good fuzzy blanket is always get the largest one.

  • mml1996
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      jesus fucking Christ on a pony. This may be the thing that saves us all from dying by walking out in front of cars while looking at our cellphones, because for sure if Fuckface von Clownstick starts texting me, I’ll be throwing mine into the first well I come to.

      • BadKitty904

        I wish he would. I’d post his number and a lurid profile on Grindr SOOOOOOOOOOO fast…

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I am keenly interested in your ideas, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

    • Daisy

      Great, I already get random phone calls. Last thing I need is Trump texting me at 3am because someone asked which animal he skinned for his hair.

  • BadKitty904

    Minister of Meth?

    • Daisy

      Secretary of Oildale’s meth industry?

      • BadKitty904

        Wasilla’s, too. Also.

        • Daisy

          Oildale would be a promotion for her.

          • BadKitty904

            Honestly, it would.

  • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet
    • Shan

      That was stupid but I cacklesnorted at the end.

  • Secretary of Stupid

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Kevin Drum:
    I’ve never understood the Big Mac. It’s basically just a double cheeseburger with an extra bun in the middle. But why would anybody want an extra bun in the middle of their hamburger? Has anyone ever eaten a hamburger and then said, “That was pretty tasty, but it could use some extra bread”?
    Can someone please explain this to me? Thanks.

    Roger that. Also the “sandwich spread” they’re slathered with, too.

    • Jennifer R

      Someone could explain the club sandwich to him.

      • BadKitty904

        I, personally, would like to know why it needs to be clubbed. Seems pretty harmless to me.

        • Jennifer R

          You have never been in the back of a McDonalds I can see.

          • BadKitty904

            I can count the number of times I’ve been in a McDonald’s, ever, on both hands, with fingers left over, much less the back of one.

            (Mama and Granny had “views” on nutrition.)

          • Shan

            I like your Mama and Granny. My kids still sometimes yell at me: “MOM I WANT SOME FUKKIN CHICKEN NUGGETS!” and after I stop hyperventilating we go get some. Thankfully, not that often.

          • I haven’t had a McNugget in 2 years. Not since we got Popeye’s. I’d rather get a box from them.

          • BadKitty904

            It’s kinda weird, actually. To this day, none of us kids drink soft drinks, eat chips, etc. We could, if we wanted to, mind you – it just never occurs to us.

          • Shan

            Yeah, I don’t drink soda and neither do my kids really. They like juice and non-fizzy “energy” drinks. I don’t buy chips because I will eat the whole fukkin bag in one sitting and then pass out.

          • You describe that like it’s a bad thing…

          • Shan

            It is. I ate 3 cans of Pringles one time. Never again.

          • Jennifer R

            That one should strive for an intake of the useful bits in moderation?

    • sw19headlessvoteperson

      Sandwich Spread is delicious! But only the UK version. The North American version tastes like rehydrated bug shells in snot.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Well, you made me spit on my keyboard, so thanks, I guess. But that does beg the question, “How do you know?”

        • sw19headlessvoteperson

          A beetle flew up my nose once and initially I coughed it out – but then thought, hey, YOLO.
          HTH :)

      • C4TWOMAN

        And you know this how….?

      • nick kelly

        Have you been following the Marmite Incident back in Blighty?

    • Me The People

      One of the worst food atrocities I’ve ever seen was someone putting a potato pie (itself already an atrocity) inside a bread roll before eating it. Starch within starch within starch.

      • Shan

        M X made chicken and dumplings and served them on mashed potatoes. Does that count?

        • Me The People

          Nah, you’ve got some tasty protein in there, I wouldn’t say it was an atrocity.

          • Shan

            What if you couldn’t tell which bits were the chicken and which were the dumplings?

          • Me The People

            Ok, it’s starting to sound more like an atrocity now.

          • sw19headlessvoteperson

            I’d say the MSM has done its job.

          • Sounds good to me. Yay comfort food!

      • sw19headlessvoteperson

        Chip butty libels!!!

        • Me The People

          Chip butty is fine, that’s only two starches. Three (esp. with nothing in between) and you’re out!

        • Shan

          Oh, food you get after closing time is exempt from judgment. My local chippie used to do a magnificent deep-fried pineapple ring that I used to get after chucking-out time and OMG…And another local Chinese chippie used to do the most fabulous yellow curry you could dump on your chips. Or you could drink it straight out of the cup….

          • sw19headlessvoteperson

            Chip shop curry sauce is the best! The tea bar at the Mighty AFC Wombles soccerball stadium know to give me a cup with some hot water so I can stir up some curry sauce granules to go with my half time chips mmmmm. :pppp

          • Shan

            That sounds messed up except for the chip shop curry sauce part. They didn’t make us make our own, because stupid drunk idiots can’t do that kind of thing.

      • nick kelly

        Wo yee like a side o’ haggis wit it?

    • C4TWOMAN

      Yep, Big Macs are not only overrated, but they’re not very big. If I’m that hungry, I go straight for a double bacon cheeseburger with double everything. Much more tasty.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I am not allowed to judge anyone’s food choices. I used to take school pizza bagels and put them in the school sub sandwiches (I regret nothing).

  • DahBoner
  • Karma Rocks

    Time for everyone to get their copy of the book Boys Will Be Boys by Shailey Tripp, exposing Todd Palin as a pimp and a huge sex scandal! It’s a book the Palins have known has been out and in print since 2012 and they have never refuted anything in the book. Not even when directly asked by reporters and lawyers. America you need to read this book and know who Sarah Palin really is!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Secretary of The Big Slurp….

  • Oh FSM….the joy!:

    https://youtu.be/7lp0H7nKdak

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      A Cabinet position?

    • Good question-if only one of the talking heads would ask it on the teevee.

    • Sheepshagger

      Lebensraum?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I like the way Mein Fubar casually threw that out there. As if “a year in jail” and “loss of citizenship” are more or less equal punishments for a non-crime. Proof, as if more were needed, that he simply lacks the capacity to think.

      • Daisy

        Also, I believe deliberately creating a stateless person is prohibited, because of what the Nazis did during World War II.

        • Jennifer R

          Could we round all the racists up and give them some oil derricks or something? They all talk about doing that anyway (seasteding) this is just helping their dreams come true. We could probably fly drones overhead for monitoring/amusement purposes.

    • shivaskeeper

      Presidential Medal of Freedom? Possible the MOH if they can spin it a military salute.

    • BadKitty904

      Loss of voting rights.

    • Apparently the penalty for giving your mistress classified info is probation and secretary of state

      • Daisy

        But EMAILZ!1! is punishable by threats of imprisonment and execution, plus electing your fascist opponent.

        • I take heart in knowing- actually knowing!- all these smug morons will get so crushed and hurt as their lives fall apart as they help bury the grand experiment.
          Then I lose a bit when I realize the rest of us get to go with.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Can this really, really, truly be the world we’re living in? That Mein Fubar is about to be inaugurated (hang on, BRB, throwing up) and bringing in a cabinet composed of white nationalists, billionaires, Goldman Sachs execs, Caribou Barbie, and either a guy who knowingly gave classified emails to his mistress or the robot Mittens von Rmoney? That more than 800 hate crimes have been committed in the name of the “president-elect” (BRB, throwing up)? That the zombie-eyed granny starver and his cohorts of evil are about to yank healthcare and Medicaid and Medicare away from everybody? That the beautiful, accomplished, classy, elegant, highly-educated First Family is about to be replaced by a repellant ignoramus with a slug on his head (BRB, throwing up), a nude model from Slovenia, Uday and Qusay, and the fuckable one? Somebody help me wake up from this nightmare! All this throwing up is bad for the enamel on my teeth!

    • Sheepshagger

      Things can always get worse.

      Gulag proverb.

      • TJ Barke

        My motto, also.

        • Sheepshagger

          Too.

      • nick kelly

        Could be worse, could be worse- Monty Python from the cross

    • Daisy

      I sometimes think I’m just having a really bad nightmare. But this is reality now.

    • I’m sorry, but this is not a nightmare – if it were we would have catapulted ourselves out of bed around Veteran’s Day.

  • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet
  • Daisy

    Ugh, I’ve misplaced my Christmas bows.

  • Bub the Mad Zombie

    Only a few hours lift in the last month of November we’ll ever see, because, in honour of his glorious, LANDSLIDE victory, Donnie is having the name changed to “Trumpember” next year.

  • Me The People

    http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/308198-petraeus-would-have-to-notify-probation-officer-if-named-secretary-of

    “Former Gen. David Petraeus is reportedly one of President-elect Donald Trump’s finalists to be secretary of State.If he’s chosen, he’ll have three days to notify his probation officer.

    Petraeus was sentenced to two years of probation on April 23, 2015, for giving his mistress classified information.

    “The
    defendant shall not leave the Western District of North Carolina
    without the permission of the Court or probation officer. Travel allowed
    for work as approved by U.S. probation office,” says a court judgdment, reported first by Brad Heath of USA Today.

    “The defendant shall notify the probation officer within 72 hours of any change in residence or employment,” the document adds.”

    How about ankle bracelets for the rest of the team including Trump?

    • BadKitty904

      Secretary Betrayus will respond to your question as soon as his Russian handlers tell him what he thinks.

      • shivaskeeper

        Flynn is in bed with the Russians. Petraeus is the one who chases tail. Got to keep your cashiered Generals straight.

        • BadKitty904

          “Treason and Testosterone” pretty much sum up the new Administration and Congress.

          • shivaskeeper

            Yeah. Don’t forget tiny hands.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • . I am ready and willing to play any role that you want me to play

      And there it is. Right there.

      • Bub the Mad Zombie

        “I am ready and willing to play any role that you want me to play…
        as long as I get to wet my beak a little, capisce?”

        • shivaskeeper

          That was my though. How much is in it for me?

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      It’s hard to imagine some Pakistani bureaucrat making up Trumpy lines like “Pakistanis are one of the most intelligent people” — which, come to think of it, begs the question of who the least intelligent people are. Also, it’s worth noting that these “most intelligent people” would be blocked from entering the United States under Trump’s “Muslim ban.”

      Isn’t it obvious? The ones who voted for Donnie.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        my first thought

    • sw19headlessvoteperson

      I really hope someone releases a transcript between Trump and Boris Johnson. Then turns it into a Pinteresque/Beckett-esque play.

      • Jennifer R

        Godot sounds too Muslim for them.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    I swear to god the guy on O’Donnell’s show right now is a really nerdy Dracula.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Secretary Of Drunken Brawls At Neighbor’s BBQ Party, obvs.

  • Nounverb911

    I read on the internets that trump is planning on making all attendees at the inauguration wear these.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/990244533b2315d0f9222bfa0a0164673f2ff80fe97db96eec2b82ed16f75183.png

    • Jennifer R

      Looks like the beginning of a new fetish doll line.

    • BadKitty904

      What “attendees”?

      • sw19headlessvoteperson

        “sacrifices”

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          “tributes”

    • Ducksworthy

      I’m looking forward to the bowing down part of the ceremony.

  • Nounverb911
  • sw19headlessvoteperson

    OT the hashtag #BreitbartCereals is knocking it out of the park on Twitter right (white?) now!
    https://twitter.com/HawkinsUSA/status/804163148169220096

    • data_ninja

      Some good ones people have so far:
      Special KKK
      Racist Bran
      Honey Bunches of Deplorables
      No Chex or balances
      Apple Jack boots
      Puffed Race Baiters

      (I’m thinking of some myself now…)

      • boyblue123

        Whiteies

      • data_ninja

        No ReCount Chocula

      • White Race Crispies
        Honeycombovers
        Alpha-gits

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Cream of white

      • data_ninja

        Alt-meal
        Now in Sovereign Cinnamon flavor*

        *(H/t to BadKitty for that one a while back)

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Boob-erry

  • Sister the Resister!

    OT: It’s my birthday, and my only regret is that I haven’t had much time for wonking with all of you, because my dear friend has kept me entertained and relaxed all day. It’s good to have friends, it’s great to have relaxing birthday and nice knowing wonkers, one and all, will be here when I have time again (tomorrow, hopefully!)

    Also, HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS to our friend own under, @mm1996

  • Bub the Mad Zombie

    “Okay Sarah, we think we’ve found a job suitable to your unique talents. We’ll even supply you with one pair of rubber gloves per month!”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/76ac5db72ea372c9e0a324032d30455b84eb18a1567a00a68ad5ec7baaace9a9.jpg

    • Shan

      Holy god. I’ve spent way too much time of my life in those things for that to be funny….And yet, it’s still funny.

      • shivaskeeper

        Have you ever been in one when it was 140 degrees outside?

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          100 is my limit. At that point I’ll find a bush.

          • shivaskeeper

            Pooping in a bush on a FOB is not… acceptable behavior. Assuming you can find a bush.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            I could hold a bowel movement in, I meant urinating.

          • shivaskeeper

            You have obviously never eaten chow hall food while deployed. I have the outside naughty bits, so a convenient wall or anything else really is fine for the rest.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            I have not and now I am seriously concerned as to what they feed you.

          • Old Man Yells at Cloud

            Thank you for sharing that.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            That is not even the most disturbing thing someone has said in this thread.

          • Daisy

            Still creeped out by the billboard, honestly.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Try not to look. Or think about anything too much.

          • It’s only bad if you get caught.

        • sw19headlessvoteperson

          That would be virtually upside-down!

        • Shan

          Yes.

          (edit) Okay maybe not OUTSIDE but definitely inside the poop-hut.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Is she the hand, the hose or the toilet?

      • sw19headlessvoteperson

        AOT,K

    • shivaskeeper

      Too technical for her. Way to technical.

    • data_ninja

      Wait, does she fill it up, clean it out, or look into it for ideas like reading tea leaves?

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Oh my god Jill Stein I support a ranked system almost wildly but I think you might have just tarnished the dream for me. You can’t just deflect your guilt because the whole system is wrong. We know that. That’s why we told you to shut up.

  • Wait, Palin has a kid named Energy? I thought her kids were named things like Bristle, Paladin, Shank, and Truck? But, what do I know about those nefarious Alaskan ways? Hell, I had thought she had said, “I can see Russia from my house,” “All of them, Katie,” when asked which newspapers she read. So, really, what do I know about it?

    • Jennifer R

      Remember, she named her disabled kid after his disability.

      • Clubfoot? Wasn’t that a night club in Austin back in the day? I thought she had named him after that. Shit, and I thought I had hit on her one night there, too, also, however, but, I guess I’ll have to stop telling that story.

        • mml1996

          Drubblehead?

  • Blacktop Cadence

    OT: First night with our high school LGBT club, but kinda a bust. It was a makeup meeting, so few attended. I left realizing I called two transboys by their girl names when I was subbing (though with one we did have a brief convo about something else, and I kinda figured he was either a masculine lesbian or a transguy), and I actually feel bad. Us transes should know other transes, but that’s impossible, honestly.

    I will get it right next time. :-D

    Teachers are super cool, friendly, and appreciate the resources I’m bringing as a transwoman (one is a straight cislady and the other is a gay cisguy).

    • mml1996

      That is still pretty wonderful.

      • Blacktop Cadence

        I think so too. Honestly, I’m worried I get nailed down as a super masculine guy in these sorts of situations since I’m walking in with a baggy flannel shirt over a band t-shirt (the only way I have left to hide the boobs unless I wear a compression sports bra), jeans, and a pair of Vans.

        I felt a little fake, and a little unprepared for a pair of transdudes and no transladies, too. :-D

        • mml1996

          Hey, there’s no such thing as being fake! You do you!

          • Blacktop Cadence

            I know, I know.

            I am also boning up on my transdude material for next week. Hitting up the popular reddit sub and asking around a bit should bring me up to speed.

          • BadWolfGirl

            This is new territory for you & I think you’re awesome for doing it! Your story, creativity, compassion, caring & empathy will mean so much to them <3

        • I think it is important to show them, especially so young, that you do not have to be one kind or another kind of woman or man, to be a woman or man. Good on you!

    • BadKitty904

      I’m sure the kids appreciated you being there. :0)

  • nick kelly

    The odder, oddest? thing about this (gulp) Presidency is that the power around the Throne won’t be the Cabinet, who must be approved.
    It will be a privy council of family and odd ducks like Bannon.

    Prediction: a Night of The Long Knives in which Bannon is expelled by an alliance of mainstream quasi-normal repubs including Cabinet members and the Family.
    Bannon will prove too much of a wacky ideologue for a parasitic but pragmatic Family.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I keep thinking I have walked into “It Can’t Happen Here” so I’m pretty sure Bannon is going to kill Donald in his sleep and claim the presidency as his own (while threatening Congress and the Supreme Court and probably exiling both Mike Pence and Paul Ryan).

      • Naw, the second Trump realizes that Bannon is tarnishing his brand, he will be gone. That is why he has the special made up job, instead of a real cab offer.
        He’s just there to placate the stormtrumpers until after the 21st when he can shake off the clinging whiny man babies, no longer needing them to run around putting out internet fires.

        • nick kelly

          Hopefully but Chief Strategist is quite a title for a non-job. I think even Trump was surprised by the backlash.
          The Romney dalliance may be a reaction: ‘Jees I need to hire an adult who doesn’t look a maniac in a soup kitchen line’

          And then Kellyanne flips out over Romney. Ever see folks on an overloaded boat run to one side then the other?

          And the true believers are in shock over long time finance guys being hired to advice on. like, finance.
          They should be hiring farmers with dirt beneath their nails- just like the Swamp Drainer.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Before *the event* I was hoping Hillary could be convinced to hire some economists.

          • It is horrible of me but I cannot deny myself a lil joy that the fervent fanatics are now going all….just give him a chance!
            lolz

        • shivaskeeper

          I think he’s going to have to placate them longer. Especially the ones who came out from under their rocks and let the racist flag fly since they think it’s a new world order. They are going to be pissed if he brushes them aside without fulfilling any of his promises considering more than a few of them outed themselves as racists and are probably heavily armed and none to stable.

          • Why would he care? They are very much a minority, even among the right. They might wink wink nudge nudge and wanna drop the N word as a right, but most of our right hand brethren are not the full out racist fucknutters.
            And besides, he knows full well that all he needs to do to get them to roll over is toss them a bone every once in a while. Say something not PC. They’ll come running back cause he is just like them!!!!
            He can totally afford to scrape ’em off and I suspect he will do just that.

      • shivaskeeper

        I think I could live with them getting exiled especially if they throw in McTurtle., and then have the coup to replace Bannon.

        • nick kelly

          People return from exile- best to tie up loose ends.

          • shivaskeeper

            With votes. Always with votes.

          • nick kelly

            Oh true. I’m Canadian. You and I suffer in different ways. You are actually stuck with the guy but the disbelief here is sharper. Honest.
            We are also suddenly more acutely aware of being next to only superpower,
            So only refuge for now is humor and a drink

          • Saaayyy…..do you happen to have a couch?

          • mml1996

            Like a really massive one…? And is it right next to Trudeau’s residence? #justaskingforafewlittlemobs

          • When we go get Picky for our great migrational trans continental wonkette tour and invasion, we must remember to NOT stalk any prime ministers.
            I sorta promised.

          • mml1996

            Aw mahn…

          • I know, I know, but they threatened to put me in canadian jail and I do not like maple syrup that much.
            Would not mind the mounties tho, not gonna lie

          • mml1996

            Mouth watering and non-existent pants tightening…

          • You can’t miss the Maui invasion part!

      • BadKitty904

        Like Game of Thrones performed by the cast of Married with Children

  • Daisy

    So I went over some of the stuff guy friend has done/said with someone yesterday, and she thinks that at one point, he was definitely hitting on me.

    • mml1996

      I think you two know it already :)

      • Daisy

        A couple weeks back, while playing D&D, it was my turn to roll, and he said, “Roll a twenty, baby.” I was so tempted to make him explain that one.

        • mml1996

          YOU’RE KILLING ME REALLY :D :D

          • Daisy

            I ended up rolling pretty high, too.

          • mml1996

            I really hope you two stop beating around the bush and get together, already :)

          • But, the dancing. It’s such a sight! :P

          • Daisy

            I hope so too. I’m so, so frustrated right now.

          • mml1996

            I’m frustrated for you :)))

          • Daisy

            My only joy is hoping everyone is right, and therefore meaning he’s just as frustrated.

          • mml1996

            I do hope you get the courage to ask. :)

          • Daisy

            I’m a horrendous coward, unfortunately. He’s the one with the Gryffindor jacket. :)

          • mml1996

            Now, if you don’t -> I WILL. I’m a sucker for HP nerds.

          • Daisy

            *grumbles* The dork is a Ravenclaw, like me.

          • mml1996

            I’ve always thought I’d be a Hufflepuff -> turns out my personality is close to a Ravenclaw too..

          • Daisy

            Depending on test, and considering quality, I’ve gotten everything but Gryffindor.

          • mml1996

            Gryffindor is hard to get ;)

          • Daisy

            Off topic from our discussion, but goddamn– , the sound of his voice is pleasant. I don’t care who he’s talking to, or about what, just listening to him is fantastic.

          • mml1996

            Damn, you’re crushing on him hard.

          • Daisy

            Oh, I know. :) This is the worst I’ve ever had it.

          • mml1996

            I hope to have crushes too, someday. Savour it :D

          • Shan

            OMG I’m just gonna stick with celibacy from now on, this is too complicated.

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            Sweetie, do like this:

            “Hi, [Guy]. I’ve always been just crazy shy, but I have a crush on you. Let’s go out and talk about it. :)”

            He’ll either smile and say yes, or panic, and then say yes, or he’ll say no.

            If it’s no, there will be another guy. :)

          • Shan

            Anna. I’m guessing you’re not an introvert?

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            XD I used to be. The old me was.

            But no, Anna is not. XD

          • Shan

            Well, there ya go. I suspect Daisy is about as likely to say “HI GUY I CRUSH YOU LET’S GROOVE!” as I am.

          • mml1996

            Thanks Shan – I just spilled my drink all over and I’m still snorkling :D :D

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            Probs. :) I just keep thinking, if *I* can do it, anyone can. :D

          • Shan

            Well, that’s because you’re an extrovert. The rest of us would probably rather die alone and be happy to let our cats eat our faces off.

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            I have days like that too, honestly.

            But, I believe we should go after what we want. Honestly, the future does not look bright. Live Now.

          • Daisy

            Yeah, not likely.

        • Jennifer R

          Totally sounds like nerd flirting to my ears.

    • BadWolfGirl

      Hit back!!!

      Have you decorated for the Winter Holiday? Get some mistletoe!

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Please, make a move. I beg you. I would give one of my anxiety pills (don’t worry, not narcotics) to you at this point. (And tell us all the details afterwards.)

    • BadWolfGirl

      I’m considering jumping back into the dating pool after the holidays.

      Don’t be surprised if I end up asking you for advice, IOnlyLikeCats for anti-anxiety & Anna for courage!

      • Daisy

        I’m hopeless. I’d end up causing more harm than good.

      • Shan

        I don’t even know how that works any more.

      • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet
  • BadWolfGirl

    Completely OT: BadWolfKid’s birthday was last month. He heard nothing from his Dad’s side of the family. No facebook, no email, no text, no call, no card. He told me it was NBD, but I could tell that it hurt him. (BWK’s father is dead, his grandfather & one uncle actually kept in touch with him.)

    Yesterday was a family birthday so we texted wishes for a happy day.

    Well, tonight I sure got an earful of ugly. I was called out for brainwashing BWK so they’ve disowned him. I was all WTF??? So they told me that during the RNC in July, BWK had asked them to please stop posting pro-Trump crap on fb. He also asked them to stop posting lies about the Bamz Fam & Hillz. He even told them that he was afraid of DJT because he belittled people with disabilities. BWK is terrified that DJT will put him in a cage because he’s Autistic.

    I told them that I was not aware that he had contacted them & that I was sorry if he had offended them. They sent me a screenshot of his message. I read it and it wasn’t offensive, it was well-written & respectful.

    So, stupid me, I asked what the problem was. I don’t know why I asked that. My ears are bleeding, my eyes are crossed, my God those people are angry.

    They want me to have him write a letter apologizing to them & maybe they’ll change their minds. I explained that although BWK is not an independent adult, he is an adult & they should be respectful of him. They told me I was a horrible person for allowing him to volunteer for Hillary For America & that it’s criminal that I forced BWK to follow my political beliefs.

    They slammed the phone down & hung up on me!

    They didn’t even give me the chance to say that it was BWK’s idea to get involved!

    So, I went downstairs & asked BWK why he hadn’t told me about this. God love him, his answer was that he didn’t want me to be angry. I told him it was too late for that & he started to cry. I hugged him and asked him why he was crying…he thought that I was mad at him!

    I’m so proud of the BadWolfKid :)

    • mml1996

      Tell the rest of the shitheads you call “family” to find the nearest ditch and ….

      You get the picture.

      • BadWolfGirl

        You guys are the best <3

        It really was BWK's idea to get involved with HFA :)

        • mml1996

          I hope he isn’t let down by the result. Hillary will live on as a legend for trying to save us from an armageddon.

          • BadWolfGirl

            He’s heartbroken, he’s praying that the recount changes it and/or that the Electoral College does it’s job.

            He’s furious that Hillz has been painted as public enemy number one.

            He’s not upset with Hillz, he just wants to give her a hug.

    • You got a good kid there. The assholes who may be related by blood are just assholes.

    • BadKitty904
    • Jennifer R

      You’ve done well with that one.

    • Daisy

      Awww, BadWolfKid is the greatest!

    • Dazza

      It’s time to choose your family – those who love and support you and BWK. Reject the haters and abusers, they will only hold you and BWK back.

      • BadKitty904

        Well said, Dazza.

    • shivaskeeper

      You have done well. Just remember family is who you choose to have in your life. And let BWK know that too.

      • mml1996

        100% agreed. There is no fucking rule that it has to be a relation by blood.

    • Shan

      BWK sounds like any other kid.

    • TJ Barke

      Yes, you must be forcing him to make him believe that Trump is a piece of crap…

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        By him watching speeches/hearing quotes.

    • Brainwashed. Forced.
      To me it sounds like they do not wanna be bothered and have made the choice to sever those ties. Fuck em and when they come crawling for a hand out after their beloved leader fucks them, hang up.

    • OrG

      BadWolfKid has more sense than the relatives.I’m proud of him too!

    • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

      I’ve told many of my “friends” and family to GFT. They just couldn’t understand why a Bisexual Transwoman didn’t enjoy getting GOPer propaganda.

    • This is just getting me madder. They are mad at YOU for brainwashing him so they disowned HIM. They are punishing HIM for the sins they perceive in another. Yeah right, they probably just want to ignore they have a relative with issues. What a fucking lame assed crappy excuse.

    • mml1996

      Cut them off – cut them off NOW. They’re like a massive cancer on your family’s happiness. I wish my mum had the guts to do that to her relatives when they were desecrating my grandparents’s graves.

      • Laws yes. Anyone who would “punish” a kid for something they accuse the mom of are fucking assholes of the worst kind. The very worst kind.

        • mml1996

          No, these weren’t in laws – they were her fricking uncles and brothers.

          My blood boils when I see their faces.

          • Did not mean in laws XD Laws yes, sorry, I pick up weird phrases. Think that one was from the Stand.

          • mml1996

            Ahahahaha XD

      • Jamoche

        +1 to this. Never put up with something from DNA-sharers that you wouldn’t put up with from strangers. I cut my paternal DNA contributor off when I was 20 and never regretted it.

    • shivaskeeper

      I tossed off the last comment, true though it is, without really thinking about the implications of your whole post. Am I reading it right that they think you brainwashed BWK, and they are going to take it out on him? And if he apologizes or being brainwashed by you, in writing, to them, they might forgive him?

      There’s an old Army expression that comes to mind here, “Eat a bag of baby dicks you fuckstick.”

      Again, blood family is an accident of birth, your family is who you choose to have in your life.

      ETA: Spelling. How does that work?

      • THAT. That is what is really getting to me. How dare they? Who the fuck do they think they are that they get to “punish” someone’s child by passive aggressive bullshit- did not even have the nuts to address the issue AT THE TIME but waited for revenge on a birthday?????
        What fucking kind of people are these? I’d never let them speak to my child again

        • shivaskeeper

          You apparently posted similar while I was typing.

          • rofl gmta and/or we ALWAYS agree on everything! Or so I am told.
            Grrr. Zomg I just wanna cuddle Wolf and son and adopt them right now.

        • mml1996

          Trump supporters, apparently. They fit the fucking deplorables category and then some. D**ks.

    • Shan

      Okay, sounds like they’re mad at both you and BWK for being both smarter and kinder than they are. They’re attacking you as the “responsible” adult but in dong that they’re also being insulting and dismissive of BWK who took them on in the first place as the equal – or better – they can’t bring themselves to admit he is.

      So many kudos to BWK from here.

    • data_ninja

      Hmmm. This hits close to home, but not in the exact situation. Short version is that my deceased parent’s family wasn’t in contact with me or my sibling for a very long time (most of my childhood, parent died very young). I later made the grown up decision to try and get back together with them, possibly out of a sense of family.
      It hasn’t been easy, and while they aren’t as hostile as the side of the family that you describe above, I still struggle with them sometimes (we have some very different value systems). Not sure if you’re looking for some advice or just wanted to rant, but as a person who has been through and continues to go through that situation, I believe it’s best if the child decides that the distant family is worth reconnecting to. And that distant family side better realize sooner than later that family is important, even the children of the deceased.
      Hopefully this won’t continue much longer and they’ll pull their heads out of their asses. Making a younger person write an apology letter to an adult that’s been acting like a child is a bit much though. My $.02.

      • Shan

        Making a younger person write an apology letter to an adult that’s been acting like a child is a bit much though.

        I went through a similar thing in my family recently, where my daughter’s dad wanted her to apologize to his wife for basically being just an eye-rolling 13yo teenager on a trip abroad where at the same time my XH’s wife was a flaming c*nt the whole time, to the point where both my kids AND my XH had only horror stories to tell about her for weeks after they got back.

        And yet, somehow, they guys forgot that and the weight of the Bad Time got dumped entirely on my daughter, the youngest person on the trip. It was entirely and repeatedly demanded of her that SHE be the one who apologized for everything that went wrong for a YEAR after the fact. Even her older brother jumped on the bandwagon, to the point where I had to leave work and go rescue her sobbing self from my front porch one day.

        Her dad actually told her out loud with words that if our daughter wanted to continue to have a relationship with him, she HAD to apologize to his butthurt immature wife. I told him AW HELL NAW and pointed out that if he wanted to have a relationship with our daughter, HE needed to be the adult himself and step up between his idiot immature wife and our girl.

        Eventually, he did. But not before he caused our daughter to shed a lot of tears.

    • BadWolfGirl

      They’re not my family, they were my in-laws before their idiot son decided to end it.

      I told the BWK that I’d kiss ass if he wanted to try to repair the relationship. Thankfully he said, “Fuck, NO, Fuck Them! We have to accept that thing as our President! They Won! They should apologize to me for voting for that….oh, sorry Mom.”

      He’s 20 & he’s made his decision. Now I understand why he wasn’t that upset that they forgot his birthday.

      They truly suck.

      • mml1996

        They do suck. Your kid is absolutely wonderful and bloody sensible.

      • :cuddles: Good for him. lol oh, sorry mom. What a darling

      • shivaskeeper

        They do suck, but you and the kid sound like you got it together. Good.

      • grindstone

        Honey, come sit next to me. My husband is a smart, smart man, and he said, “WHEN you finally go nuclear on my mom, remember not to dump me in the process”. He knows there will be a time when I stick my foot metaphorically up her ass. The ONLY reason we’re still civil is because my in-laws adore our son and want to be a big part of his life, and I’m grateful for that. They’re decent people if you can overlook the undercurrents (never blatant, that would be tacky) of racism, nationalism, jingoism, etc. But if push comes to shove, I will cut them off and shake the dust from my shoes when I go.

  • She’s going to be picked for the Secretary of Education, which she will change to the Department of Bibble readin’, writin’, and rithmatic, and wolf shooting from helicopters piloted by anyone smarter than Todd.

  • data_ninja

    Moar #breitbartcereals from Twitter!
    No Fact Chex
    Golden Creeps
    Alpha Bitch
    LIFE as we know it is over
    Grab ’em by the Oats
    Grope Nuts
    Locker Room Crunch
    All Bran Matters
    Raisin Klan
    Hauptmann Crunch

    • gropenuts. hehehehe

      • yyyaz

        I thought that we had cured that, but then what does it matter now.

    • data_ninja

      Shit, this might be the best yet: “Rudy Pebbles” https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CykB05UXcAABzfJ.jpg

      • mml1996

        I’m throwing up seeing Ghouliani’s lower teeth

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I can barely function on my own or take care of myself and my teeth look better than that. What does he just rub tobacco on them every day?

          • mml1996

            My aunt who literally chews tobacco, has freaking better teeth than this dickturd.

          • Ok, chewing is bad, kids, but I am still getting a huge kick outta the idea of some little old lady with a wad going spooooot.

          • mml1996

            I’d show you a photo – but I’ll spare the imagery. To this day, seeing my aunt makes me want to jump off a moving car. (she’s a terrible person too).

          • Darn. Well then don’t, cause in my mind, old lady chaw is a pleasantly plump old salt who never did harm to anyone, makes insanely good apple pie, and grumbles about lazy menfolk while picking up the yoke and plowing the field herself.
            I like my version

          • Jennifer R

            One of the witches in Pratchett’s Discworld chews Tobacco and is pretty much how you described.

          • Probably a reason for that XD
            I am firmly convinced that I have never truly had an original thought in my life. At first, I thought THAT was an original thought and therefore disproved itself, but then I figured I probably read it on the interwebs

          • Jennifer R

            You would probably like the Witches. Good down to earth folk interested in practical realistic answers.

          • That sounds like me. I am very pie in the sky hopeful, but, at heart, very practical all the same. Sorta hope for the best but prepare anyway, just in case

          • yyyaz

            You need to listen to yourself more. I disproved that same theory to myself, but it took 30 years. LOL.

          • Yeah. Jen would toes have an evil, mauading cat, wear red boots, and sing filthy songs when drunk

          • …..is that not something everyone does?

            ~Your one true love’s a sailing ship
            That anchors at our pier.
            We lift her sails, we man her decks,
            We scrub the portholes clear~

          • More like, “A Wizard’s Staff has a Knob on the End”

          • ;)

          • But like Jennifer R says…you really will like the Witches. Granny and Nanny are pure wonderfulness and terrible sarcasm.

          • I will have to get that one. AAAnnnddd wishlisted!

          • Also, too: Shakespeare parody is the first book!

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            ~And go Down
            All hands on board

          • Jennifer R

            Greebo isn’t evil, just very sure in his place in the world being Nanny’s cat.

          • He is nothing but an adorable, baby kitten. Never took down a rabid bear on his own.

          • Dazza

            Augh! Not the Wizard’s Staff Has a Knob on the End. I swear Nanny Jen, the last time you sang it was at the Low King’s coronation, and I didn’t know where to put my face.

          • mml1996

            Yeah, keep that – mine will turn vagina’s inwards with her awfulness.

          • but they…that would…then they’d be out…

          • mml1996

            She’s just that AWFUL. *gnashing my teeth in anger*

          • FEH. Do you have to deal with her at all? Cause if not, fucker. If so, I could teach you some very passive aggressive tricks learned from my very guilt trip master mom and a long tradition of catholic mind fucking?
            Fun at parties, guaranteed to break the ice!

          • mml1996

            I will have to deal with her when I return to my home country. This is the woman that tried to blackmail my grandmother into giving up her home and property after my grandfather died. When that didn’t work – she (and her daughter) continued to verbally abuse her until my grandma passed away last year.

            I fucking hate the maternal side of my family. Worthless pieces of dried up shit.

            Sorry, I’m in a bit of rambling mood today.

          • BadKitty904

            OK< I'll count my blessings. then. Mine's irritating, not monstrous.

          • I am sorry you have to deal with her. Can’t you just tell her to fuck off, you don’t want anything to do with her, and never talk to her again?
            Or at least, dream of doing so? I’ve often internalized a few kiss off letters in my time XD can be cathartic so long as you don’t obsess too much

          • mml1996

            I wish. But my uncle is one of the few people I like, and he’s incredibly powerless in this situation, so I can’t necessarily cut him off either.

          • That I can understand. Putting up with someone because of someone else…pretty noble of you, actually.
            Frustrating as hell. But noble :hugs:

          • mml1996

            Thanks Jen :)

          • yyyaz

            “..,.very passive aggressive tricks learned from my very guilt trip master mom and a long tradition of catholic mind fucking.” I KNEW there was a reason I liked you.

          • BadKitty904

            Mine isn’t awful, but she’s older than me and my bro, so terribly bossy. “Do this, do that, wear this, etc.”

          • Shan

            I like you. Do you need a sister?

          • I have 3 already, but that as you know is never enough ^.^
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK3URAH760w

          • Shan

            I got one and that’s too many. She’s too much angry trouble.

          • Mine are a trip XD They are a bit older than I, so I was more an observer and still to this day watch the dynamic from that vantage more than not. I am also the only one thus far who has moved more than 30 minutes from the house in which we grew up XD
            They be craycray, but loving.

          • Shan

            Mine is 13 years younger and seems to have some serious baked-in anger issues. Last time I saw her, she lost her mind at me right after she’d just had a free massage at the hotel we were staying at THAT OUR MOM PAID FOR. I said something that set her off and it was so bad, even after I tried to talk her down, that I thought about catching a cab back to mom’s house. Except it would have really upset mom.

            There’s loving craycray and there’s just “omg where’s my pepper spray?” craycray.

          • Bub the Mad Zombie

            I know, right? Too cheap to get them capped?

          • Dazza

            The weird thing is, it looks as if he has had the upper teeth done, but – maybe – ran out of money for the bottom teeth?

          • BadKitty904

            He smokes cigars, so yes.

      • data_ninja

        Okay, last ones that I’ve seen that are good (that hashtag is starting to have trolls all over it, which is what happens on the internet)
        Cornflicts of Interest
        Cinnamon Toast Cucks
        Cornfederate Flakes
        Alt-Reich krispies
        Alpha-Twitts
        Grab ’em by the Muesli
        Mil-O’s

        • mml1996

          NOOOOO, DON’T RUIN MILO FLAKES FOR ME-GODDAMIT, I DID IT TO MYSELF!

      • BadWolfGirl

        That is scary!

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      Grope Nuts? Euell Gibbons does not like! Rather eat a pine tree!

  • Blackest Noobs

    Sarah? Sarah Who?

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Sarah Alsotoo.

  • Blackest Noobs

    i think Barry’s presidency broke white people. i mean come on…would you ever imagine 1970s white people would be this whiny about someone leaving them. yes you crying about it doesn’t you look weak…oh wait….it does.

    but funnier…you guys won…you’re gonna get your way…and yet you still complain and whine over the most nothingest of things.

    Barry broke White America.

    and i dunno if we can reboot it. maybe.

    hold down on the power button, folks.

    • To be honest, don’t even care if it does. I hope this is the last great gasp, the final spasm, the great hurl before the sobering up.

      • Blackest Noobs

        i thought it was that tea partier mess…their last hurl so to speak…man!! they do like to beat a dead horse, dont they?

        • Naw that was just the before party drinks. Then the obstruction years was the heavy drinking.
          NOW is the hurl. All the ugly is crawling out for everyone to see. Fuckers didn’t even make it to the loo in time

          • We’re gonna need a couple truckloads of sawdust.

          • Penny Dreadful

            If this is honestly how it turns out it will be worth it. I do have faith in the future – I’m a bit less optimistic about our actually getting there.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      What if we just shut White America off and leave it in the closet for the data to slowly corrupt itself?

    • data_ninja

      I’ve heard that reason before. “We just had a black president, no way could we have a woman president right afterwards!” And my response was if people don’t want to embrace modern-fucking-day realities of people being equal, then they should get rid of their cell phones and HDTVs and fucking mosey on back to the 1950s or 1850s where they think they belong because things were so much better. Progress doesn’t come just in one form, it brings a lot of stuff with it. It’s a wave of change, not just a drop here and there. You can get washed away by it, or you can ride along with it.

    • BadKitty904

      White American is really not adjusting to being a minority at ALL well.

      • Panika MCD

        that’s been a theme for a while. a couple of my super-Catholic cousins (though they voted for McMullin and the two living abroad voted for HRC) post memes every once in a while about how abortion is hastening the point where we become a majority minority country. I keep trying to remind them that the fastest growing part of the population are Hispanics and the majority of them are Catholic, too.

  • btwbfdimho
    • mml1996

      Given how well Americans were duped into Trump, I say set the alarm for 2024.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        We have to get up in 2018, 2020, and 2022 to vote.

        • Gosala

          Can I vote early now and sleep through the nonsens?

          If I don’t get my 8 years, I’m just useless.

      • BadKitty904

        Well, Republicans. The rest of us are horrifyingly aware of exactly what he is.

    • Shan

      Good night!

  • 52camellias

    Secretary of Smokin’, Drinkin’, Sippin’ on Gin and Juice

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Trevor had on Nazi spokesmodel Tomi Lauren tonight. imho, it was Trevor’s finest hour.

    Tomi can go to hell.

    • BadWolfGirl

      There is something seriously wrong with that girl. BWK says she needs a case of Snickers bars.

  • Slinger

    Of course Sarah wants to be Secretary of the VA, Virgin Abstinence. Bristol could be the Under Secretary since she’s used to being under.

    • Panika MCD

      aren’t virgins abstinent as a component of the designation?

      • shivaskeeper

        You’ll have to ask Bristol P since she has, what?, two or three virgin births now?

        • Panika MCD

          she’s virginAL. which means she’s trying to be a virgin, but is fallible because: GOD.

    • Panika MCD

      maybe VirginAL Abstinence instead so that it can include all those people who are really trying to be…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s__rX_WL100

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    And the bitterness of TrumpPenceZees who actually believed that “drain the swamp” crap has begun:

    Some of Trump’s Biggest Supporters Hate His Goldman Sachs Moves

    Mr Trump, this is bullshit. Can you hire someone who doesn’t work for Goldman Sachs?

    What about that swamp? Huh? https://t.co/t2QkXsrtBy— Joe Walsh (@WalshFreedom) November 30, 2016

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4481628db3a21aeb05b0db6ddd604650273287e7e108f50d41d35d6a2458a3e4.jpg

    • What the fuck did they honestly expect. He told them, with his mouth, with his platform, precisely what he intended. Overturning civil rights. Dismantling the safety net. Destroying education. Some weird war on porn of all things. But above all, tax cuts for the rich.
      What the fuck did they expect?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        A rose garden?

      • shivaskeeper

        All politicians lie?

        • That there is what it is going to be chocked up to. MORE mistrust. Even less involvement. And with all the fake news out there, an increasingly less educated electorate.

          • TJ Barke

            Seriously, let’s dissolve the Union. The experiment is over.

          • As a scientist, I think it would be better to change one of the variables first.

          • shivaskeeper

            In this case he wasn’t lying though. He did say exactly what he was going to do.

            We can’t let them forget that when the pain hits them too. He told you what he was going to do.

          • True that. And they will need to be reminded because they will say they were lied to. It is up to us to remind them that nope! No lies! He told you that! You voted for it!

          • Penny Dreadful

            I’m upvoting you so much I”m pretty sure I owe you a foot massage at this point.

      • Jennifer R

        If he wants a war on porn I am a WMD grade weapons producer.

      • OrG

        It seems they expected him to “drain the swamp”.BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

      • TJ Barke

        Apparently they don’t understand what republican politics are…

      • georgiaburning

        They voted for a guy who brags about how he screws people over, and now they’re surprised when he does it to them.

        • Penny Dreadful

          Oh, I totally get this. I once dated a beautiful, bisexual Portuguese man who told me daily, “Don’t believe a word I say.”

          It was the only thing he ever said that I didn’t believe.

    • BadKitty904

      Good.

    • Panika MCD

      I am still surprised that there are so many suckers out there.

      • If one is born every minute, times 3, carry the r……

        • Fuck math!

          • Panika MCD

            politics is always a numbers game.

          • That’s just statistics. One of the great lies

          • Money is the root of all evil. Math is the root of money. Therefore, math is the root of the root of all evil.
            QED

          • Post hoc ergo propter hoc, bitches!

          • Panika MCD

            not really. we always tell field people that they need to shorten their spiels so that they can hit more doors or phone lines. we also too tell them not to get mad at people who shut the door after “I’m from the X campaign” because they’re not wasting your time. numbers game. contacts, attempted contacts, targets, stats, turnout, flake rates, etc.

          • Hry, Ben Franklin was a crazy, racist conspiracy theorist, but he wasn’t always wrong

  • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sE6Gme921u8&index=47&list=PLgA_QpnjZQyy6LAbGAB11g3AXcjVAK_8K

    I’m in the mood for this oldie.

    ~Desmond says to Molly
    ~”Girl, I like your face”

    Protip – if the men that tell me I’m a Beautiful Goddess,patterned after Helen of Troy (yes, I’ve actually been told that) had just said “Girl, I like your face”, I’d likely be in bed with them right now. :)

    • Yeahhhh poetry is great but that is tryin a bit hard to wing out there XD

      • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

        Shyeah. XD

        I’m over 40, I’ve only lived as a woman for 20 months, and I’ve already heard that shit more often than you’d imagine.

        • Hey, pretty good tho XD In an eye rolling as if sort of way lol.
          To give you perspective, the only pick up line I can recall that I actually recognized (though, after the fact) as a pick up line was
          “Hey, I got mah pick up in tha parkin’ lot” With an arm rub.

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            Oh Jeebus.

            Lask week on OKC, I had some old tell me I “must have been made 2nd after Eve”, and a 20 year-old said “Hey, I’ve got 8 inches for ya'”. Maybe if the guys could find a middle ground, there. XD

          • erm, was that first one an age joke?
            Also, the only way to properly respond to I got 8 inches for ya, is to brightly ask “8 inches of what?” and then proceed to purposefully not get any of the euphemisms that follow.
            8 inches? Of what?
            Of pure man meat, baby
            Is that a cannibalism thing?

            8 inches?
            Yeah, packin a steel rod just 4 u
            Do you work in construction? I do need a new shed, but I want it bigger than 8 inches.

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            No, he actually meant it that I was “the prototype” of women. XD

            And honestly, I don’t mind frank sexual interest, I’d just like if guys were a little more charming about it.

          • I once was helping a prof put a desk together and a lady prof walked up and watched us a bit, then picked up the drill and pulled the trigger and went “Can I screw with you guys?”
            I always thought that was a charming approach

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            That is cute. :)

            The night after the Election, I rejoined OKC. Some cute guy messaged me at 4AM, I was awake. He said he had a cure for insomnia, if I would invite him over.

            And, then he backed out when I did invite him.

  • shivaskeeper

    OT: So I was sitting here eating a cherry danish, and the black cat just jumped in my lap and headbutted said danish into and around my face hole.

    • BadKitty904

      Subtle, no?

      • shivaskeeper

        No. Not really. Beast is the least subtle cat out there. Didn’t stop me from eating the danish though.

    • shivaskeeper

      And now the dog is licking cherry off the cats head.

      • Jennifer R

        Sounds like the cat owed the dog a favor.

        • shivaskeeper

          They play together all the time. As long as the dog remembers the cat is in charge.

          • BadKitty904
          • BadWolfGirl

            Yes. It. Does.

            =^,,^= Nimbus

          • shivaskeeper

            You have no idea. Beast walks around the neighborhood like he won it in a poker game and “ain’t no one gonna tell me what to do on mah property.” And I do mean the whole neighborhood. He will demand to be let into the neighbors houses, and the funny part is they will let him in.

          • Jennifer R

            Gotta let neighbor cats in sometimes to keep your own working.

          • BadKitty904

            I would expect no less.

          • Penny Dreadful

            Truth.

          • Zyxomma

            I have posted this many, many times, but it bears repeating.

            Animal behaviorists, linguists, and computer scientists all put their heads and skills together to decipher the language of cats.

            Cat lovers everywhere were disappointed, but unsurprised with the results. All cat language comes down to exactly two sentences:

            1. When’s dinner?
            2. Everything here is MINE.

          • BadKitty904
      • BadKitty904

        TEAMWORK!

        • Jamoche

          My cat would knock the bag of dog treats on the floor. Nothing else, just that. They were obviously colluding.

          • BadKitty904

            Petty politics at work…

      • MASS HYSTERIA!!!!

        • data_ninja

          Tell ’em about the twinkie.

          • BadKitty904

            What about the twinkie?

          • shivaskeeper

            Beat me to it, Dammit.

          • BadKitty904

            Well, having seen that flick a jillion times, it was almost a reflex…

          • I used to listen regularly to a podcast that frequently datrd thing BG and AG. Before Ghostbusters & After Ghostbusters

          • BadKitty904

            Some genuinely brilliant one-liners…

          • shivaskeeper

            Same here. But I didn’t see the reply in time. I blame disqus.

      • BadWolfGirl

        Nimbus The Naughty One steals yodels & hides under the bed while eating the filling! Ninja kitteh!

  • Reality Kills

    Yes! Donald have nominated millionaires and billionaires idiots that have made themselves! They certainly are going to help all those foolish people that voted for Donald because they are know what to be working for a living is! YES!!! FUCK YOU, DONALD!

    • Reality Kills

      By the way, the “have made themselves” was sarcasm!

      • yyyaz

        You have redeemed yourself and cemented your name in the Wonkerado Walk of Fame.

  • data_ninja

    Alright folks and folk music, I’m still getting over the flu, and have two and half hectic days of work ahead of me. So, Imma leave you with this tune (my go-to for lots of laborious work ahead). Peace out y’all!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Dy2tuF915E

    • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

      ‘Night! :)

    • BadKitty904

      Bon nuit!

    • BadWolfGirl

      Until tomorrow :)

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Listen to WaPo, Dems:

    Democrats, skip the civil war

    But unless Trump’s first two years are wildly successful, 2018 offers Democrats opportunities to rebuild hollowed-out local parties. This is especially true in statehouses, as The Post’s Greg Sargent pointed out. Ten states with Republican governors could plausibly turn blue (as could New Jersey in 2017).

    Clinton’s popular-vote advantage speaks to other opportunities. It reflected a shift toward the Democrats in Sun Belt states with large minority populations that is likely to continue. In Texas,Clinton got some 560,000 more votes than President Obama did in 2012, while Trump ran 4.6 percentage points behind Mitt Romney’s showing. Trump also fell short of Romney’s percentages in California, Arizona and Georgia…

    A panicky abandonment of their core commitments is the last thing
    Democrats need. Far better advice comes from Agriculture Secretary Tom
    Vilsack, who urges the party to re-engage with rural and small-town voters. Also promising: the formation of a Blue Collar Caucus in the House announced this week by Reps. Brendan Boyle, an Irish Catholic from Philadelphia, and Marc Veasey, an African American from Fort Worth.

    I mention the backgrounds of this pair of Democrats because their cross-racial partnership sends exactly the right message. Progressivism’s embrace of social and economic justice is about lifting up the left-out across all of our dividing lines. Remembering this is the first step toward political recovery.

    tl;dr: never give up!

    • Panika MCD

      grumble. I wanted to beat our 2008 numbers. we were on track to do it and then Paxton’s letter threatening the election judges hit on 11/7.

      • mml1996

        But we came closer, which is better.

        • Panika MCD

          Paxton is THE FUCKING WORST elected official in TX.

          • mml1996

            Well, we’ll need to remind Texas to leave him without a job when he’s up for reelection in 2018..

            On that note – I really wish Wendy Davis would’ve won in Texas or even come close

          • Panika MCD

            he might be without a job if he gets convicted of securities fraud.

            on the other note: I really wish BGTX didn’t exist and that Chris Turner didn’t have a dumbass primary challenger in 2014.

      • I honestly do not understand how the right can claim crap about loving the constitution and freedums and founding fathers and then actively try to prevent people from voting like that.
        We need to push this kind of shit in their faces non stop and take that talking point from them. Flat out.

        • yyyaz

          If it would make a difference, I’d be all for it. The bottom line for me is that the body politic is too stupid to understand anything other than “shiny!” or “squirrel!”

          • Yeah I do not know how, but I WANT it.
            I also fully intend to turn Pepe into a peaceloving hippie beta male, see if I don’t.
            I am in punk mode it would seem XD

          • yyyaz

            Go, baby, go! I actually neutered Pepe by pointing out the anatomical realities of amphibians, but all I got was an upfist.

          • heh maybe I will make pepe get tired of never getting a girl, turn into a girl parts haver, and pop out a tad pole.
            “When you realize that you are never getting laid” Can title it that

          • Panika MCD

            given the hearing I watched today on the TX Rainy Day Fund, I have a hard time believing that. only Huffines managed to look like an idiot and he is a teeny tiny strange little man who I think wears makeup, but I haven’t been up close enough to confirm him because he’s constantly performing.

        • OrG

          They might be LYING?

        • Panika MCD

          I suspect there will be legislation that has bipartisan support on this. Paxton pisses off plenty of people in his party. but it wouldn’t hurt for him to have a second federal agency on his ass.

    • mml1996

      Yes – that is exactly the way to do it.

    • BadKitty904

      I’ll be damned if I’ll give up and I’ll be damned if I’ll let these vicious, un-American bastards wear me down.

      But can we start organizing and working now, please? Like, right NOW? Real Americans can’t afford to blow the next round like we did this ‘un.

      • mml1996

        Democrats shouldn’t let it slip like 2002 mid-terms. I mean, granted, it was post -9/11, but the result shouldn’t be ditto.

        We still have some good news -> while the rust belt is going Red – the South is showing signs of turning blue, we should focus on that. GA, AZ, TX, LA, MS could turn blue if Democrats really fight for it.

        • We wouldn’t be losing the rust belt if we fought union busting harder and didn’t make it so easy to ship jobs elsewhere where workers can be had for a dollar a day. Just sayin.
          Not sure which loop hole to close to fix that but I bet someone here does XD

          • mml1996

            I guess that is the question now – how do you get jobs back to the Rust Belt? Should there be more investments?

          • for sure, investments and different jobs, which will need training and education (and make more different jobs for that). Because the ones they had ain’t comin back

          • mml1996

            What jobs, though? Manufacturing is a lost cause – what industry could take over that mantle?

          • I am thinking the most obvious one would be infrastructure jobs, and also too, tech fields, ag and possibly smaller more specialized manufacturing once the areas were re-developed. But I don’t really know. How do other areas do it?

          • mml1996

            That is the question.

          • Penny Dreadful

            I don’t know from manufacturing, but surely we can build solar panels, wind turbines, and pretty much anything plastic (all my storage tubs are USA-made!).

            Tesla cars? Where is he manufacturing those, anyway? I honestly don’t know.

            And *somebody* has to build the robots.

          • Dazza

            None. Robots and AI are stealing manufacturing and white collar jobs, too. Perhaps – in an ideal world – a basic living allowance might be the answer.
            Ref. http://www.conferenceboard.ca/economics/hot_eco_topics/default/11-12-15/a_big_idea_whose_time_has_yet_to_arrive_a_guaranteed_annual_income.aspx

          • BadKitty904

            If their old industries are dead, they must be replaced by new industries. It’s not that there’s a lack of work. There’s a lack of work the people in these regions know how to do. We can fix that – blacksmiths and pewterers adapted, these folks can, too.

          • Gosala

            Ok, but let’s not be glib about it.

            Going back to school in your 50s is difficult and risky, not the least because the is enormous prejudice against older workers.

          • Dazza

            Plus it is insanely expensive to go back to school – and the upcoming Republican deregulation of tertiary education-for-profit is going to further impoverish the uneducated and unwary.

          • Gosala

            Which leads me to ask, why should the worker take all the risk?

            Why do we not expect the employer to?

          • Dazza

            Interesting. What do you suggest?

          • Gosala

            Employers should undertake to provide the training.

            After all, they are the ones who stand to benefit and who can afford to the risk.

            By itself, that will not be enough, because employers will always be prejudiced against older workers.

            So, there will also be a need for a guaranteed basic income.

          • BadKitty904

            Certainly not trying to be glib. It’s a serious, complicated issue.

            As I see it, the manufacturing jobs moved overseas by the Republicans are not coming. That leaves Rust-Belters with two options: a.) change – drawing new industries and learning new skills; or b.) generations on Welfare and the continuing downward spiral into a permanent underclass.

            Yes, it will be difficult and risky. But the alternative will be FAR more painful.

          • Gosala

            With all due respect (and that’s a lot) I don’t buy into the idea that there are only two alternatives and that both put all the burden on the workers.

            I remember in the 50s and 60s there was a lot of speculation that future technology would mean that nobody would have to work more than a few hours a week and we’d all be blessed with time for fun stuff.

            What happened to that idea? Why can’t we reimagine society so that our basic worth is not based on dollars? In which homo ludens, homo amandans, homo creandans takes precedence over homo economicus ? (Apologies for the fractured Latin)

            Why can’t we restructure the economy so that everyone is guarenteed a basic, life sustaining, income? Numerous studies have shown that this is possible, even desirable especially in light of the social unrest that a large population of poor and disenfranchised people causes.

            Why can’t we make employers responsible for giving workers the skills they need for the job, after all it is the employer who chiefly benefits.

            Yes, yes, I know this is all wild eyed utopianism, but let’s not entrap ourselves with 20th century thinking about 21st problems

          • Gosala

            Dems have been bad on union busting. Unions have been bad at adapting to changes in the economy. As an erstwhile union organizer, this frosts my shorts.

          • Dazza

            Since I am an old, I remember the Reagan years and the sustained modern Republican assault on unions beginning with the PATCO strike. See http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/03/opinion/reagan-vs-patco-the-strike-that-busted-unions.html

          • Zyxomma

            Don’t know how old old is, but I too am old, and know for certain that PATCO had NOTHING to do with the air traffic controllers. Raygun did that to prove he could break a federal union, because the postal workers were ready to strike. My mother, of blessed memory, took “early” retirement after 17 years in the USPS, because Raygun’s message was “work till you drop dead.”

        • BadKitty904

          If WE stay focused and WE stick to our message, TrumpCo. will do WAY more than enuff to clearly illustrate that they’re vicious, venal, amoral, racist, treasonous assholes. WE just have to keep reminding voters that “This IS who the Republicans truly are.”

          • Over and over and over and over again.

          • yyyaz

            … my friend,
            You don’t believe we’re on the eve ….

          • yyyaz

            And then they will blame the “obstructionist demoncraps” who were the last line against the tyranny they so fear. And the morans, shitheads and whatever you want to call the 49.9999% below the average on the intelligence curve will buy it. At a premium.

    • Suttree

      Jersey better go blue for governor in 2017! I have always found it interesting that voters will vote blue for senate and pres, but vote douche for guv. Here, have some maps. Pres 2016, senate 2014, guv 2013 respectively. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e083bc842e05a47f26dee8d6f735b4a022bdb60a8df0fe31fe4b78fdd08f9d9b.png https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b83e901cb6e952549f60e2e9ee1b5975a527cccc81ce001782b04443f1af57ae.png https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eeccd241687f0a292e43ff9ba4572c0d277f22016d839047dd727f0b25aa6f7a.png

  • Reality Kills

    This is what going to happen. Donald is going to easy regulations and boost government spending. The economy is going to grow fast. So fast, inflation and interests rates going to go up really fast! Boom! Economy gets red hot! Bubble explodes, then…. recession. -A short story by Reality Kills.

    • yyyaz

      Perfect plan. All his vulture asshole buddies get richer, take him along for the ride, and we get fucked without even spit, let alone lube.

      • BadWolfGirl

        Ouch

    • Gosala

      This is not so different from what Paul Krugman is projecting

    • mml1996

      Economics slam.

    • TJ Barke

      I think we tried that… From 2000 to 2008, it was not great. Plus all the war dead and murdered foreigners.

      • Reality Kills

        We just don’t learn!

  • Jamoche

    Total long shot – Palin can teach Trump how to quit without getting tagged as a quitter.

    • yyyaz

      I appreciate your optimism. Freshen your drink?

  • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

    “Death has little meaning to us. If it has none to you, then attack us now. We grow annoyed at your foolishness.”

    – Kirk

  • Daisy

    I had to lock my phone really quickly, because guy friend came in to ask me and roomie about the work we have left before finals. And he asked me first. :)

    • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

      “Guy, I’m crushin’ on you. Let’s go out tomorrow!”

      • Jennifer R

        This is the best advice.

        • Gosala

          No no no no no no no

          That will either spook him (if he’s a decent guy) or make him feel in control (if he’s not)

          Better is to stay coy. Give positive but ambiguous signs.

          Trick him into making the first move.

          • Dazza

            Yeah, as if that’s gonna work.
            Seriously, Before the spousal unit and I started dating for reals, each of us was really into the other – but too shy to show it. We were acquaintances – but neither wanted to risk rejection by making the first move. If my best friend had not threatened to drop me if I didn’t just ask my crush out – my honey and I never would have gotten together. So, a friendship was saved and my darling and I had a great first date (and yes, you definitely can have sex on the first date – if you both want to – it doesn’t make you an immoral person. Just make sure there is consent all the way, and SAFE SEX)

          • Gosala

            Worked for my sweetie now SO

          • Penny Dreadful

            OFFS, just no. This sounds like the bullshit advice my mother gave me in the mid-80s. It does not work. It is okay for a woman to take the lead.

            If (a) he’s not a decent guy, he’s an insecure asshole, and if (b) there is no way he will take the lead of a strong female.

            If you like the dude, let him know. He will either reciprocate or not. If he does, yay! If he does not, yay! Now you know! And maybe someday he will, and you will either still be interested, or not. It’s a win-win-win situation. You don’t have to wait around for anyone, ever. Life is long and amazing and it all works out, honest.

          • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

            Daisy has already, accidentally from her shyness, shut him down.

            If she doesn’t initiate some interest, I think it’ll never happen.

          • Gosala

            Well, there have been chapters in this story I have missed.

            I suggest a campaign of flirtation.

    • BadKitty904

      “C’mere, ya big palooka…”

    • mml1996

      Just blurt out I LIKE YOU. And walk out.

      • BadKitty904

        *drop mic*

        • mml1996

          Or do it like me and accidentally peck some in the neck.

      • TJ Barke

        I generally stare and then immediately pretend to be doing something else if they look at me.

        • Anna Elizabeth, of Starfleet

          That’s OK.

          Next step, look at her again, and smile. :)

          If she smiles back, that’s your chance.

        • Dazza

          The lady in question may assume that your don’t like her – and an opportunity is missed.