Morning there, Wonkaderos! We’ve got a big day ahead of us, so here’s just a few of the things we might be covering today!
- Donald Trump had an awkward fancy dinner with Mitt Romney and Reince Preibus last night, after which everyone said it was great, and fine, and they had good discussions, and nothing bad happened so stop saying something bad happened because it didn’t happen!
- Earlier this morning, Trump twatted that he’ll leave his business to “fully focus on running the country,” which we’re pretty sure is just code for “Oh shit, I could be impeached.”
- Trump has chosen Goldman Sachs alumnus Steve Mnuchin for Treasury Secretary. Apparently, after you drain the swamp the only thing left is sludge and rotten trash hiding at the bottom. And things with big teeth.
- Mitch McConnell’s wife Elaine Chao has been tapped for Department of Transportation, so start mapping out those pot holes on your way to work because they’re not going away anytime soon.
- Wilbur Ross has been picked for Commerce Secretary, probably because of his history of buying out failing business, like Trump’s casinos, firing all the workers and then selling the companies for an obscene profit.
- Civil rights groups have recorded more than 860 incidents of racism and bigotry in the 10 days following the election, but don’t you dare call them hate crimes and blame Trump, seeing as how he loves people (especially the white ones).
- Trump is kicking off his
victory“Thank You” tour in Cincinnati on Thursday where he’ll probably spew more sentence fragments and indecipherable nonsense bigly because all that presidential stuff is for losers!
- North Carolina Republican governor Pat McCrory wants a recount in only one county even though his opponent, Roy Cooper is ahead by 9,000 votes, has declared victory, and is preparing his transition team like an adult.
- A federal judge has ordered North Carolina to redraw its legislative districts on the grounds that they’re racially gerrymandered, which has Republicans super mad seeing as how they’ve worked so darn hard to purge their districts of those pesky minority voters
- Delivering supplies to #DAPL protesters will net you a $1,000 fine if caught, according to a new mandate by North Dakota officials. Protesters, however, are calling shenanigans on that mess, and digging in to ready themselves for winter. Maybe they should have taken over a federal wildlife refuge instead.
- Three weeks after the election, Trump finally spoke with UK Prime Minister Theresa May, this after meeting nine other heads of state and other far more important people than the leader of our allegedly closest ally, including UKIP’s Nigel Farage, various celebrities, and cable news talking heads.
- Kellogg’s has decided to join the growing chorus of advertisers pulling their business from Breitbart. Breitbart thinks this is “un-American”, despite the fact that milk becomes colored in cereal.
- Cancer producer Phillip Morris is interested in killing off traditional cigarettes in favor of fancy vaporizers, which is absolutely terrifying because it means journalists and keyboard cowboys will now look like hipster douchebags instead of sullen, battle-hardened dispensers of truth and justice.
- After Mike Pence got a free lecture on human rights during a night out on the town with his family, the musical Hamilton broke Broadway sales records by bringing in more than $3.3 million dollars last week, which doesn’t even count resale tickets. So much for that boycott!
- And, now for your morning Nice Time, baby box turtles!