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Morning Wonkers! Here’s some of the stories we might be splainering about today while you go sign up for Obamacare!

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  • dslindc

    I prefer, “Racist Asswaffles” instead of “Alt-Right”.

    • Ezio

      Personally I don’t know why anyone bothers calling them “alt-right” or “neo-Nazis”. There is nothing new or alternative about them. They’re the same racist dunderheads they’ve always been.

      • Pissed de Résistance

        I would call them Nazis if they actually had any organization or discipline.

        • Oblios_Cap

          At least it’s an ethos…

          • Lizzietish81

            Seriously, I still hate the people who didn’t even vote more.

        • Shanana Republic

          I guess that’s the “neo” part. Once they get some more practice, I’m sure they’ll get better at it.

          No, wait…

        • Msgr_Moment

          Or ethos.

        • John Smith

          Needs more Hugo Boss leather coats.

    • SmokinGood

      Indeed. This newspeak twaddle is double plus ungood.

  • dslindc

    Let’s be honest, Jill Stein wants a hand recount so that there’s no wifi involved, lest the auditors all get cancer and die.

  • Is “literal Nazis” still okay?

    • Crystalclear12

      The old Nazis are offended by the association.

  • Pissed de Résistance

    “Mike Pence’s personal Obamacare horcrux, Seema Verma, has been tapped…”

    Sorry, Verma’s one thing I’m definitely not tapping.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Damn! Issa losing would have been a bright spot in an otherwise shitty year.

    • Nounverb911

      Well some could always set his car on fire.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Dumpster fire eclipses car fire.

  • Nounverb911
    • Crystalclear12

      Subtle. I like it.

    • Ali | Cat of the Resistance

      Funny how the NYDN is reporting that but Reuter’s couldn’t be bothered to mention it in their article on General Penis.

  • Ezio

    TrumpCare is an accurate term. Because care is what will be trumped. GET IT?

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    Trump declares all National Parks will now be branded with the President’s name. 1st change: Trump’s Yellowstone National Casino and Hot Springs for the Rich.

    • Lizzietish81

      Well if it’s going to blow now is the time.

    • Ricky Gay

      at least that famous geyser will remain unchanged. Trump’s naming it after his ass: “Old Faithful”

    • cheetojeebus

      Those hot springs are swell saunas, Rich people will really enjoy a nice long soak. Rumors of the springs being caustic enough to dissolve human bodies in a matter of hours is all bullshit.

  • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

    The Army Corps of Engineers are also the ones who halted the construction of the pipeline due to environmental issues.

  • Lizzietish81

    Even Neo Nazis need a safe space.

    Really it’s the whining that causes me the most pain.

    For your morning listening pleasure

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeSIDX9wcYM&index=13&list=RDGMEMQ1dJ7wXfLlqCjwV0xfSNbAVMCDSOIspSTP4

  • Shanana Republic

    With an ideology that’s a mix of racism, white nationalism and old-fashioned populism, the “alt-right” has burst into the collective consciousness since members showed up at the Republican National Convention to celebrate Trump’s nomination last summer.

    How is white nationalism NOT about racism? Or were they just saying it twice to emphasize it?

    • Msgr_Moment

      “Rape murder arson and rape.”

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      They think that not wanting to live with black people is different than hating them.

      • Shanana Republic

        Too subtle for me, I guess.

    • Truthiness2U

      Because white-nationalism includes hating people based on their religion, not just their skin tones. Their soooo inclusive!

      That’s totally what MLK meant when he said people shouldn’t be judged on the basis of their skin, but also hated for the content of their religion, right?

  • Oblios_Cap

    What a Rogue’s Gallery is being assembled. Only foxes are qualified to guard the henhouses in this adminstration.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “…evidence of voter fraud…”

    Who needs evidence? We’re now in the Trump Era where saying something makes it so.

    • Pissed de Résistance

      Nuh unh, if a Democrat says it, it’s “lies from the pit of hell.”

    • Crystalclear12

      I read on the internet there was fraud. . .

      • starfanglednut

        I saw this article on fb….

  • Nounverb911

    Trump seems to be free associating things again.

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/803567993036754944

    • Yet another in a long string of totally not insane things to spew forth from that shitgibbon’s tweetin’ fingers.

    • Shanana Republic

      Fuck the SCOTUS ruling that said it was a free speech issue, right? God, Donnie, you are an ignorant idiot.

    • Lizzietish81

      It always tickles me when people say stuff like this, it’s almost like their patriotism is limited to meaningless symbolism and they lack true appreciation for what their country stands for.

    • Shanana Republic

      I mean, is this how it goes? Start getting folks used to OTHER people getting jailed for constitutional rights YOU disagree with. Then when it’s your turn, “Wait, whut?”

      • Ezio

        Johnson v Texas anyone?

      • Mike Steele

        Yes, young friend, this is how it has ALWAYS
        gone. In light of recent developments, it appears we are truly not ‘exceptional’ enough to avoid repeating history. Scary business…

        • Shanana Republic

          Eh, I’m not young. I’m just still infected by my hippie parents’ optimism.

          • Mike Steele

            If your parents were hippies, then you’re young to us:)

    • Ezio

      So what happened to all that “free speech and expression” he claims to believe in so much?

    • Msgr_Moment

      So I’m going to have to travel to any other fucking country on Earth to burn it now?

    • Well there goes my American flag as kindling business plan.

    • elviouslyqueer
    • Okay, but seriously… You can’t just start taking away citizenship from people as punishment for things. I know this is the dumbest question ever asked outside of a Trump national security briefing, but does he have even a single clue about what his new fucking job entails?

      • arglebargle

        Is this a trick question?

    • arglebargle

      This flag burning shit always gets me riled up.

      According to United States Code found in Title 4, Chapter 1 pertaining to patriotic customs and observances:

      §8(k) The flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a
      fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed, preferably by burning.

    • SmokinGood

      I told my office mates, somewhat jokingly, on Nov 9th, that since I had a passport with a foreign visa in it that I might not be allowed back into the United States of Trump.

      It’s less funny every day. Ironically, the amount that eventuality bothers me is also decreasing every day.

    • Mike Steele

      Yo, Donald… that one was litigated back in the day when you were dodging the draft and dodging STDs during your ‘own private Vietnam’, you bloated pig.

    • That’s bait. Don’t bite.

    • GrunkaLunka

      Send ACLU some $, they got this.

      Meanwhile, remember: CONFLICTS OF INTEREST.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Trump’s appointees probably seem familiar to you because they’re all teevee talking heads which raises an interesting question: who will talk on Fox News if they all get real jobs?

    Trump’s media strategy for Trump Media is to steal all the Fox squawking heads and rebrand them as Trumpmedia.gov.

    • Nounverb911

      Looks like Mika B is joining the cabinet (or at least being stuffed in a cabinet) too.

      https://twitter.com/HowardMortman/status/803603460771880961

      • Shanana Republic

        Does she have a bodyguard?

        • Nounverb911

          Joe S?

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        She’s the going to have a cat fight with KelleyAnne Elfwoman.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        She’s got an eastern European name. Perhaps she’s the next Mrs Donald J Trump.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Can’t wait to watch the new panel Cabinet in action.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Is it too early to say “Fuck it, we’re doomed?”

    Oh, good.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Move to Mexico before Trump builds the Retaining Wall.

    • bupkus23

      Much too late….

  • SeeTrain65

    Here’s a fun thing to do: When you go to the New York Times and find a story on Trump’s tweets on page A1, turn to page A3 and find out what he did to warrant another one of his Twitter distractions.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    As far as I’m aware the alt-right don’t have a lot of defined policy positions other than “OBAMA’S BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    • eka

      it’s reverse racism to put someone other than a white man in a position of power, duh.

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        It’s also reverse racism to call out another person’s racial bias.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Racist!

      • Ezio

        “When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.”

      • Msgr_Moment

        The dull bigotry of lowered hurdles.

  • Ezio

    The most ironic thing about white people acting like America belongs to them besides Natives being here first is probably that most African-Americans have deeper roots here and had their families living here longer than most white people have who mostly came here at the turn of the century or something.

    Like I’m a white dude of Italian extraction and I’m pretty sure most people of color are more American than me.

  • Nounverb911

    Has anyone created a ‘Thanks Pence’ gif yet?

    https://twitter.com/VanityFair/status/803600674265112576

    • eka

      trump supporters boycotting hamilton is like vegetarians boycotting a steakhouse.

      • Pissed de Résistance

        I still say Bubba likes nothing better than dropping $500 on a night of theater and frivolity.

      • bupkus23

        anencephalics boycotting MENSA

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      It is even more popular now because there is no risk of sitting next to a deplorable. A RWNJ free intellect zone.

    • Ezio

      The cast didn’t boo Pence, the audience did. They merely offered him a hand to try and stand up for ALL Americans and not just the hetero white ones. If Trump thinks that is an attack then he is in the wrong line of work.

      • Jeffocaster in the East

        Uh, duh……

  • Msgr_Moment

    “I, state your name, do solemnly swear to uphold the laws….”
    “Hold on, I’ma let you finish, but….”
    http://www.pajiba.com/politics/a-complete-list-of-all-the-times-donald-trump-has-broken-the-law.php

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Trump wants to jail an decitizenize anyone who burns the flag. Fuck the First Amendment! And 58K people like his tweet.
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/803567993036754944

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Why let trifles like free speech get in the way of ‘Murica pride fascism? Plus, with all of those scummy libtards in jail or in non-citizenship limbo (is that an island somewhere?), there will be fewer people to keep an eye on the Cheeto Benito raping and pillaging our treasury.

    • Yeah, that’s bait. I purposefully didn’t take that distraction from his attempts at privatizing public healthcare, schools, and the VA while he continues to throw cover over the exposes of his business dealings because it’s bait.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        It’s bait, but it’s also the motherfucking PEOTUS advocating overturning a Supreme Court decision, not to mention the First Amendment, by fiat. So you can’t ignore it. I hereby name this the Trump Dilemma.

        • bupkus23

          PEOTUS – pronounced “Pew ( as “Pew, that stinks!” ) TUS”

          Since most Rump supporters and the media can’t solve a four-word crossword puzzle, don’t expect them to ever resolve this Dilemma….

    • Lori

      Because lose of citizenship and a year in jail are equivalent things.

      • starfanglednut

        But if they take your citizenship first, they can gitmo you. It’s a win-win!

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      Well, be fair – how will fascism come to America if someone burns all the flags it is trying to wrap itself in?

      BTW, while we’re at it…I have a suggestion for where you can stick your cross, assholes.

    • AnOuthouse

      How about if I wear it as underwear like your supporters do.

    • Notreelyhelping

      You know that feeling that comes when you can see the storm and it looks seriously bad, but it hasn’t arrived yet? And you look around at your life’s work and think “this could be the one”? Yeah, that.

    • AnOuthouse

      Remeber when Hillary sponsored a bill that would make flag burning a crime punishable by 1 year in jain or $100,000?

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flag_Protection_Act_of_2005

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        I didn’t know that.

        If flags aren’t protected by the First Amendment, we can ban the Confederate traitor flag.

    • Historicat

      That’s why I suggest people burn the flag they really care about – the Confederate flag.

  • Mpeg

    Okay, agreed, wallabees are cute. Just hope theirs don’t smell as bad as “wombat farts” (™E. Hurst)~

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Considering the Trump/Bannon/Conway/Lewandowski approach to concepts like honesty, consistency, conflicts of interest, legality, the constitution, and reality – why wouldn’t these people stay at Fox? It’s a practical way to get the message out without being distorted by that liberal media bias.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Precisely my thought! Faux would wet themselves with delight if they could have the administration itself, rather than a crowd of talking heads, on their payroll openly for the first time.

  • anwisok
    • Nounverb911
    • MynameisBlarney

      It’s gonna be “One of THOSE days” every day until 2020.

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        I like how you believe there’ll BE a 2020. Today I find myself doubting it.

    • bupkus23

      Thanks. I just responded to a reply from yesterday, from someone who seemed to believe that Hillary’s ( actually Bill’s ) “scandals” were, in toto, real – and I am so incensed I kinda forgot about Rump for a minute ( since, I have concluded that the poster was not some just a gullible millenial or someone with both short-term and long-term memory loss, but just another douchebag troll )…

      Your cutie-pie posts do help sometimes. Gotta go find some more….

  • The AP has issued new rules when writing about the “alt-right”

    How about we all just use my preferred term for them: “Goddamned motherfucking Nazis”?

    As to Trumpcare, I know what it will be from talking to conservatives who are “sick of subsidizing the damn poor parasites who don’t want to work for anything!!!!!!!!!!!” It will, of course, be pay your bills or die.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    From the Trump University handbook:

    Why, anybody can have a brain. That’s a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the Earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing you haven’t got: a diploma.

  • Nounverb911
    • NastyBossetti

      I have enough outrage to go around. I don’t need to focus it on just one topic!

    • phoenix00

      D. Everything that’s happened the past year

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Does Obamacare cover the slow death of my soul at each of the blowfully terribilistic cabinet choices that Trump (really Bannon, but whateves) is making? My prediction is that this will be the least effective, most fuck-the-electorate administration EVER.

    • eka

      shhhh don’t say that where they can hear it. i think they heard us say it about bush and took it as a challenge.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    Trump is making the best choices around
    To see that the country falls down
    Education and Healthcare
    Will soon be so rare
    Each pick for the cabinet is a clown

    • Me not sure

      Your limerick is really well done
      It makes trolling Trump lots of fun
      But when the chips are all down
      To get rid of this clown
      I may just resort to a….

      Somebody help me out here. I can’t come up with a good finish. …Plunger?

      • Kooolest G

        I may just resort to a….with votes

      • Paul

        Pun?

        • Me not sure

          A very high caliber answer.

      • thixotropic jerk

        …A Nuke? (For Fun!)

        • Me not sure

          “If we have them why can’t we use them?”

  • cheetojeebus

    I promise there is no buried “Fruity Oaty Bars” octopus message in this.
    https://youtu.be/VKI92De-t4U

  • Trump care – sponsored by the NRA. For all your ills – a nice Remington and a box of ammo for your ails – all subsidized by your tax dollars hard at work!

    • Pissed de Résistance

      No, it’s more like a .38 and one round.

      • Me not sure

        “Just go home, put it next to your temple and pull the trigger until you feel better. That’ll be a thirty dollar co-pay when you check out. Buh-bye.”

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I saw David Corn on MSNBC last night. Usually no matter how bad things are he seems somewhat upbeat and even a little jolly. Not so much last night; he looked and sounded defeated. The whole idea of a post-truth presidency seems to be getting to him. As, indeed, it is getting to me as well.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    I see El Presidente Trump has graced us with another cabinet appointment.

  • AnOuthouse

    What? The recounts can’t really happen? I guess Dr. Stein will just have to pocket all that cash then.

  • Bill Slider

    I once saw a proctologist who I think used a protractor.

    • Paul

      Rectum??!! Damn near killed him.

      • Resisting the Urge – Holly

        There ya go again…however it is groan worthy.

  • bookish

    Boing boing boing. Cute joeys!

  • The Librarian

    I’m grateful that Dominic puts cute videos at the end of the Wonkgenda. Keeps me from sticking my head in the oven after I read about the new ways we’ll all be screwed with the new administration.

    * Fun size like Snickers?

    • Mintie

      There is nothing fun about those teensy Snickers, and everything fun about the teensy Wallabies.

      • The Librarian

        Not true! They keep me from eating a big one. Those joeys sure are cute though.

  • Foreign Agitator Ron

    Maybe it’s the persistent head cold, maybe it’s exhaustion (been cleaning out a storage locker bigger than some apartments) or pre-winter happy feet… or maybe it’s watching the last shreds of hope that this whole shitstorm will be overturned evaporate. But it’s got too much for me. For a while, anyway. Be back when I have my perspective back.
    Laterz, y’all.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Be good to yourself, Ron… do what you need to do. We’ll see you when you get back.

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