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Your tax dollars at work
Your tax dollars at work

So, here are a few things you need to know about Donald Trump’s choice for Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos: Her name’s pronounced duh-VOSS, her own children have never seen the inside of a public school (they go to a private Christian school, like Thomas Jefferson intended), she loves corporate-run private and charter schools, and we kind of dodged a bullet, because Trump’s initial choice for the job was Jerry Falwell Jr., the gun-toting head of Liberty University. (Hey, it’s allowed interracial dating for years now!) Then again, maybe Falwell would have been a complete failure as an administrator and never gotten stuff done. DeVos is a ruthless advocate for “school choice” — the funneling of taxpayer funds to private schools and charters in the hope that “competition” will improve all schools, or at least make public schools and teachers unions go away forever.

Here’s a fun fact: When DeVos and her billionaire husband, Dick — heir to the Amway fortune, so all school buses will now be pink — helped push through Michigan’s charter school law, they made damn sure that charter schools would be free of burdensome regulations, like educational achievement standards. Earlier this year, when the state legislature was considering adding oversight regulations for charter schools in Detroit, the DeVos family showered $1.45 million on legislators’ campaigns, and by complete coincidence, the final bill was completely free of state oversight of charter schools. Hooray, freedom!

The DeVos influence is one reason that Michigan’s charter sector is among the least regulated in the country. Roughly 80 percent of charters in Michigan are run by private companies, far more than in any other state. And state authorities have done little up to now to ensure that charter schools are effectively serving students, eliciting concern from current federal authorities.

“There are a lot of schools that are doing poorly and charter authorizers do not seem to be taking the necessary actions to either improve performance or close those underperforming charters,” current U.S. Secretary of Education John King told Chalkbeat about Michigan last month.

But people are making money off taxpayer funds, and the places where that happens have “school” written on them, so it must be a huge success! Just imagine our entire nation’s K-12 system run by ITT Tech — it’s going to be a golden age of companies making billions off shitty private schools!

Predictably, those socialist monsters at the National Education Association don’t see why this is going to make every child well-educated, or at least a revenue enhancer for fly-by-night charter schools. NEA President Lily Eskelsen García said in a statement,

By nominating Betsy DeVos, the Trump administration has demonstrated just how out of touch it is with what works best for students, parents, educators and communities […] She has consistently pushed a corporate agenda to privatize, de-professionalize and impose cookie-cutter solutions to public education.

Pfft! Who doesn’t love cookies? Besides, DeVos is a proven educational leader, having donated millions and millions of dollars to Republicans who want to dismantle the Government Schools wherever possible. She’s a big pal of Gov. Mike Pence, who helped institute the nation’s biggest school voucher program in Indiana, and as if that weren’t enough, her brother is Erik Prince, the founder of those fun-loving private security goons Blackwater. Who needs a gun-free zone in a school when those guys are available?

Still, the negative nellies seem determined to take all the fun out of the coming looting of public funds:

“Betsy DeVos is everything Donald Trump said is wrong in America: an ultra-wealthy heiress who uses her money to game the system and push a special-interest agenda that is opposed by the majority of voters,” said Randi Weingarten, president of the American Federation of Teachers.

Weingarten also said,

DeVos has no meaningful experience in the classroom or in our schools […] The sum total of her involvement has been spending her family’s wealth in an effort to dismantle public education in Michigan. Every American should be concerned that she would impose her reckless and extreme ideology on the nation.”

Well, yes, that was the point, wasn’t it?

Barry Lynn, executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, seems to think there’s something untoward about public monies going to Jesus Schools. He called DeVos’s nomination “an insult to public education […] Private school vouchers violate the fundamental principle of religious freedom because they fund religious education with taxpayer dollars.” That’s simply not accurate. It’s not an insult, it’s a frontal assault.

Let’s see, what else makes DeVos a great choice to run the nation’s schools? She’s against gay rights and donated $200,000 to the campaign for Michigan’s constitutional amendment against marriage equality. Her mom has served on the boards of anti-LGBT groups like Focus on the Family and the Family Research Council. So you’d better bet the public schools will knock off all that gay indoctrination they’ve been doing. If there are any still open, at least.

[Detroit News / WaPo / Chalkbeat / WaPo / The Advocate]

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  • Ilgattomorte

    O.T. There are at least 8 injured and the suspect is dead in an active shooter situation at Ohio State University. Not to worry though, Kasich and others have already sent out “Thoughts and Prayers”.

  • boyblue122

    Who needs public schools. Only people whose parents can afford to pay for a private education for them should be able to go to school. Duh

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Emphasis on Duh….

  • They really are working on building that GOP majority, aren’t they?

  • Anna Rompage

    What really is a pubic school other than a glorified daycare center?

    Anyways, the free market will decide which Charter schools will succeed, and which ones will die….

    • mardam422

      This will only stop when the Scott Baio Charter School has to close and their state championship winning sportsball team is disbanded.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    In addition to being dated and overly genteel, the fox in the hen house metaphor misses the rapaciousness of this appointment… We need something more hip, modern, and fitting of the age that encompasses the sheer arbitrary and vindictive ideological meanness, rather than the simple hunger of a fox… maybe something like assault rifle-armed terrorist in the discotheque as a more apt metaphor…

    • SmokinGood

      Con man in the retirement home?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I’m just going to drop this off:

    https://twitter.com/Marmel/status/802673712998842369

    • Pelican would be more presidential

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      The pelican has better hair

    • YoNastyBunny

      The motherfucker could just get a plastic surgeon to stuff that gullet of his behind his ears… just like he expects all the wimmenz what are not 10s to do…

    • FlownOver

      For old times’ sake:

      A wonderful bird is the pelican,
      His bill will hold more than his belican,
      He can take in his beak
      Enough food for a week
      But I’m damned if I see how the helican!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Roughly 80 percent of charters in Michigan are run by private companies, far more than in any other state.

    Hey, let’s take out the middleman and just throw the kids into privately-run prisons when they turn 5.

    • FauxAntocles

      Otherwise known as sweatshops – finally, socks will be made in Murka again!

    • Anna Rompage

      We can call them “Boarding Schools for the Economically Challenged”
      or FUBAR for short…

  • Mavenmaven

    The future cheap labor force the Republicans want for exploitation won’t need education anyway.

  • FauxAntocles

    Conservatives love the uneducated so much, they’re going to make more of them.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Also too impoverished.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Cannon fodder for their Crusade.

    • efoveks

      You hit on one of my biggest questions. At what point does the level of education finally become so poor that people cannot effectively compete, and has that already happened and this is why Murika is having problems gittin’ a good jerb?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Can’t tell time; can’t give proper change.

        • mml1996

          NOMATHALLOWED!

      • Well, in Michigan the state has argued before the court that literacy is not a right and therefore the class action suit filed against the state by the school children of Detroit ought to be dismissed. Let’s make the rest of the country like Michigan and the other Republican wonderlands like Wisconsin, Kansas, and Florida.

        • efoveks

          Let me guess. These are the same people who believe that helping the poors be self sufficient is the same thing as cutting off services… to help them become self sufficient. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that, other than it being wrong on every level. Yikes!

          I did not know that about the state of Michigan. Now I really, really want Canada to invade Michigan right now.! To save all the little children from the salt mines…

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Martin Shkreli for HHS!

  • Crystalclear12

    Good thing I didn’t put the vodka away from the last article.

  • JVisconti

    Be assured that the curriculum for Economics classes will be how to make millions suckering family and friends into lucrative (Ha) Amway pyramids.

    • FlownOver

      The ones where all that grain is stored?

  • Oblios_Cap

    I believe she also thinks a hard day’s work is a good substitute for kids being educated as well. Child labor, just like Jesus preached.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    This is what the economically anxious US American voted for. Why won’t you understand them?

  • Lizzietish81

    Amazing, sex education in the US could get even worse.

    • The Conservatives in Ontario are going to try and use the new and updated sex ed curiculum as a wedge issue during the next election here. Fuck those GOP wannabes

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Teen pregnancy is at a all time low. How much you wanna bet that number starts to tick up again in our new conservative paradise?

  • Scooby

    Shit, now how am I going to choose between sending my kids to Jesus University or Trump University?

  • Ryan Denniston

    “When DeVos and her billionaire husband,
    Dick — heir to the Amway fortune, so all school buses will now be pink —
    helped push through Michigan’s charter school law, they made damn sure
    that charter schools would be free of burdensome regulations, like
    educational achievement standards.”

    Also too, Newt Gingrich’s dream of child labor in school. You know, Snow Crash might end up not being a fictional account of a future America after all.

    • ThirdAmendmentMan

      Snow Crash totally nailed the internet.

  • Oh charter schools are so great they don’t need to be tested. Aptitude tests coming out from most are soo far above everyone else, it’s almost like homeschool but in another building! Yay. Lets subsidize ignorance wholesale. Next stop – turning public schools into state run day cares with no cirriculum!

    • FlownOver

      They have the bigliest test scores. Believe me!

    • Querolous

      More like into state run sweatshops. Why do business in Bangladesh when we can do it here?

  • boyblue122

    The GOP – trying to make the movie Idiocracy into a documentary

  • MynameisBlarney

    They’re a bunch of goddamn end timers.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Will we have any of the New Deal left when these people are done?

    • Shoto

      Define “New Deal.”

      — Paul ZEGS Ryan

    • Lizzietish81

      Trump is renegotiating a bigger Deal

      • boberiggert

        The Yuge Deal.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Will we have anything left?
      Anything at all?

      • Crystalclear12

        Smouldering pile of shit.

        • Shoto

          You say that like it’s a bad thing.

          — Sam Brownback

      • Oblios_Cap

        Only stardust.

    • yyyaz

      Nope. Gummint doesn’t work. To prove it, Ryan is busy getting ready to unveil the Raw Deal. Suck it, libtards.

  • Shoto

    Now we can finally establish as a Science Fact that Babby Jeezuz rode his dinosaur to Philadelphia to personally write the Constitution.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      And before that, God had a helluva week creating heaven and earth. On the seventh “day,” he watched roundball games.

      • Shoto

        Jeezuzing is hard work.

      • Oblios_Cap

        He picked the day’s winners while having his first cuppa that morning.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          It’s always the team whose fans pray harder, right? If there are any lost Television Without Pity people here who followed “The Amazing Race” updates, God is in the tub. He’s not getting out of there just to help your team.

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      Drumpf: “We need more poorly educated people. Hey Betsy! You busy?”

  • Moebym of the Rebel Alliance

    We are screwed for several generations.

    • Jennifer R

      And how!

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      Chin up! There will only be two, maybe three more generations, tops!

      • yyyaz

        And judging from the Millennials’ attitudes about reproducing, the next generation will be drawn from the drying estuaries of the gene pool.

        • Daisy

          I plan on having kids, but yeah, I know a lot of people who aren’t. Granted, I know a Trump supporting millennial who doesn’t want kids, too.

  • Thiazin Red

    Why do the fundies always seem to depict Jesus with a James Brolin like feathered 70s hairdo?

    • Nockular cavity

      Do NOT mock the Holy Mullet!

    • Johnatx

      Jesus? I thought that was Billy Ray Cyrus

  • Bub the Mad Zombie

    Okay, Amway, it all makes sense now. After all, Multi level marketing scamming depends on a steady flow of stupid people “starting their own business.” *wink, wink*

    • MizzMazz

      Yeah, Amway people suck. The products are for houses that never get dirty, and the people who sell this shit, well, never trust them. I got invited to dinner at an acquaintance’s house, and innocent me, thought, “oh, how nice” then I was strapped into a hard sell for an hour, after lousy chicken and rice. MLM scams are all the same.

      • Bub the Mad Zombie

        Many years ago I met a guy at a plastic model contest. We talked for a while, he seemed like a pretty decent person. While we were talking, he alluded to a business opportunity he was considering. I remember wondering what it was, and whether it would be worth looking into myself, but I didn’t ask. The next time I ran into him, he had gone whole hog into Amway. Attending seminars and conventions, buying “motivational” tapes and listening to them constantly, the works. He was a different person completely. I couldn’t even stand talking to him. He would constantly make “clever” quips that fell flat, always had a big fake smile on his face. (The missing front tooth that he didn’t get fixed because he was spending all his money on Amway shit was the icing on that cake.)

        The upshot? He was a janitor when I first met him, 27 years ago…and he is still a mop jockey. Fuck Amway, and all other MLM scumbags.

        • MizzMazz

          I never fell for the Amway thing, but I admit to falling for selling Omitrition (sp?) that sold smart drink powders and the like. Never made a dime. Realized this sort of thing was designed to fuck over your friends and acquaintances , and I don’t want to do that. I knew a chap who had boxes of Amway in his garage, and couldn’t sell it/ get rid of it. Who does that to friends? Oh, let me guess…

  • Nounverb911

    This just in, trump announces head of the DEA!

    https://twitter.com/NewYorker/status/803247103774441472

    • data_ninja

      Was John McAfee busy?

    • BadKitty904

      How much is Sniffles charging for Cabinet positions, anyway? What’s his price, per seat?

      • Whale Chowder

        If you have to ask…

        • BadKitty904

          We’re talking about a man who cashed a check for $.13. Sooo…

          • Whale Chowder

            Yeah, but those positions are “fuckin’ gold, man.”

  • Oblios_Cap

    Jesus is really checking out the schoolmarms boobs in that picture, isn’t he?

    • Nounverb911

      Why does Jeebus have three arms?

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Post-nuclear Jeebus?

      • Oblios_Cap

        “Surprise, surprise, surprise! That’s not really my arm.”

      • MynameisBlarney

        Don’t be ridiculous!
        That’s growing out of that stupid kids forehead!

        GAH!

    • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

      That’s why she has her arm across them.

  • And of course, the wingnuts hate her because she doesn’t want to dismantle Common Core.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      She did come out and deny that. She is very much opposed to CC.

      • Great…

      • clubseal

        How dare we teach math like it should be learned!
        Heresy!11!!

        • chortlingdingo

          It took me forever to understand what they were doing with common core math. I kind of do math in my head like that, but I’m not really a visual learner in that way, so looking at common core techniques was super confusing to me.

          That being said, it’s possible that it would have made more sense to 8 year old me, who I’m sure was more impressionable and less settled in her ways of math.

          • clubseal

            I’m just a big fan of teaching kids why numbers work the way they do. Being a math person myself, I know why it’s difficult to teach number theory before learning countless other aspects, but I like that we’re moving toward a more comprehensive math package early on.

  • The Outraged Ms. MLG

    These lucky children will be very well-prepared for fabulous careers as nativity scene actors!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The educational achievement standards are rigged!

  • Señor Skwerl!

    What is that bearded Middle Easterner doing in that classroom with the upper middle class children?

    Terrorist!!!!

  • MizzMazz

    That bitch in the picture is teaching ID, isn’t she? And Jeebus is inappropriately touching that boy.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Well, the song says that Jesus loves the little children…

  • Bill Slider

    Has the University of Phoenix considered adding sports ball teams to their curriculum?

  • calliecallie

    She’s also a fan of child labor:

    The Acton Institute, a conservative nonprofit that is said to have received thousands of dollars in donations from Betsy DeVos and her family, posted an essay to its blog this month that called child labor “a gift our kids can handle.”

    “Let us not just teach our children to play hard and study well, shuffling them through a long line of hobbies and electives and educational activities,” said the post’s author, Joseph Sunde. “A long day’s work and a load of sweat have plenty to teach as well.”

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      Not to mention a damned good beating on occasion.

      • theCryptofishist

        And we do have all those good jobs and no one to fill them.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Yes, of course. A long day’s work… for some children. Come along, Barron. Don’t touch the urchin.

    • Daisy

      Fuck, these are problems I thought we had fixed, for the most part. And now, progress we’ve made over the last 100 years will be undone.

    • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

      You’re never too young to be a Scamway rep! Start recruiting, you lazy little buggers…

  • Daisy

    I really pity my friends who want to be teachers now.

    • I loved teaching – I got out when the administrators became terrified of the insane Jesus-lovin’ parents.

      • Daisy

        Administration pushed out three of the four decent English teachers at my school. I was lucky to have them.

    • Teecha

      Being a teacher is the best job ever. It’s all the shit outside the classroom grinds you down.

      • TheAmazingBeardedLady

        My brother taught high school English in Baltimore City Schools for 8 years. No one could pay him enough to go back into a classroom now. Location location location!

    • clubseal

      I pitied them circa No Child Left Behind.
      But there are still great teachers out there.

  • calliecallie

    It’ll be fun when she starts trying to sell Amway products to the other cabinet members.

  • beingreleased

    I send my kids to a private school because (with sacrifice and help from the grandparents) I can afford to. That does not mean I want public schools to suffer – I wish every kid could go to a school like my kids go to. People like this who think public schools should suffer because they don’t use them make me sick.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      My kids go to public school because I am a poor. One’s in a participant-plus-publicly-funded G&T program at the best school in the city, and we’re lining up the other one for the same thing. We’re scraping a decent education out of the system, but scum like DeVos will make it harder and harder for others to do the same.

      • theCryptofishist

        I went to Berkeley High for a year. It was once one of the best public schools in the state, and at least one person in my class went on to Harvard. (Whatever that means.) Of course, there was a large underprivileged and resentful African American population, as well as the children of professors, doctors, lawyers, and other professional elites. Back then, if you were willing to go into school and fuss at the right people, you could get your kid transferred into the better classes, usw. (Which wasn’t my family at the best of times, and we were particularly stressed back then, iirc.)

    • NastyBossetti

      We have a guy in my area suing the school district because he says they misuse funds. His argument seems to be that public schools should be bare bones, and that only private school kids whose parents can afford a good education should get any kind of “extra” programs like music, art, advanced placement, sports. He has said all public schools should be equal and it’s not fair that kids here are issued laptops while kids in the nearby city barely have textbooks (I agree with that). But his point is not that we should work to bring the city’s public schools up to our level, but that our schools here should be reduced down to theirs. It’s a very scary point of view.
      I don’t have kids, but I’m happy for my taxes to go to schools, and I would be happy for that money to be spread over the state instead of just this tiny area. Even if I think about it purely selfishly, if my neighbors and their children are well-educated, that’s better for me in a variety of ways.

  • SmokinGood

    I worked for a Charter “School” for a year. It was little more than a nepotism-heavy scam to loot the state treasury at the expense of vulnerable kids.

    • Nounverb911

      So just like the trump administration?

    • grindstone

      I rail against charter schools to my husband’s chagrin. Here’s how it goes: the first year a charter opens, it’s shiny, new, top shelf. They make a great effort to convince parents that there children are in exclusive, yet still public, schools. But exclusive. With great education. Then the second year, things aren’t replaced, fixed, or purchased. Textbooks become substandard. By year four, the charter company’s money is elsewhere, starting new schools, and firmly lining their pockets, and your child is in a questionable school environment.

      They make parochial schools look good in comparison, so there’s that for them.

      • SmokinGood

        Hah. This particular one’s target audience was juvenile hall. It’s main attraction was the fact that it was “self-directed computer-based instruction”, which, in reality, meant that everyone sat around doing nothing other than sending texts under the desk for 6 hours so that the school would sign whatever their PO needed.

  • Oblios_Cap

    That picture isn’t good enough to be a Naughton, is it?

    • SmokinGood

      Nah, it’s too subtle to be a Naughton.

  • NotALiar

    a question to my elders. we’re people as freaked out by W’s cabinet picks as we are about these? I was in early high school when he was elected and could not have given less of a shit. were the people he picked as disgusting and as unqualified as dolands picks?

    • Crystalclear12

      No

    • MizzMazz

      I can only speak for myself, but ‘W’ was a joke to me and my friends until 9/11 happened, then we got serious. Cheney was the power, and ‘W’ was the talking head. We have that sort of dynamic happening times 12 now.

    • Lizzietish81

      More freaked out. I mean yeah Henry Kissinger is a war criminal but he’s at least a competent war criminal

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5vo7jLGOb8

      • theCryptofishist

        He was before my time, so I hadn’t seen footage of the way he kept giving Nixon side glances, like he was afraid that he was about to wail on him.
        Interesting.

    • Brendan_M

      I was in high school, too, but I followed the cabinet picks closely. I was very concerned and disgusted with all the corporate lobbyists, and my concerns about corruption were unfortunately born out, but I wasn’t worried about anyone in Bush’s administration being foreign agents or associating with actual fucking Nazis or getting their news from InfoWars. This incoming administration is an unprecedented shitshow.

      • NotALiar

        that’s what I kind of figured. their politics were awful but they weren’t the worst kind of people like these.

    • Teecha

      From across the pond- we might have totally disagreed with their politics, but we didn’t stare, mouths agape in horror, at the hideous human beings being chosen.

    • yyyaz

      Meh. The Shrub’s picks were merely run-of-the-mill gooptards. The bloviator’s picks are more like gremlins on a suicide mission to destroy everything they can get to so they can take us with them when they go down.

      • subatomic

        Agreed. It’s not even close. Shrub was a moron and his appointments were all toadies, but at least his cabinet appointments had experience. However, many of then were also terrible. Trump’s appointments just show how ignorant he about almost everything, and also how uncaring. These people will systematically dismantle this country and won’t give a shit as long as they are getting theirs..

    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      IMO this is way more fucked up

    • Johnatx

      Nope. These folks are way worse.

    • Thaumaturgist

      puh-leeze. Shrub wasnt in the loop til the middle of 2006. youre talking about Cheney’s picks. Cheney’s picks were more competent and more cautious about self-dealing, which still was considered unacceptable by the then Ungreat America.

  • AnOuthouse

    I think I’m going to start a charter that expressly bans libtard kids. The wing nuts will be lining up to shower me with there sweet grifter cash and gov’t vouchers. I have a pretty good DVD collection their brats can sit around and watch all day.

    • Nounverb911

      ‘Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure’ for history class?

      • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

        It was a time when the world looked like the cover of the Led Zeppelin album Houses of the Holy…

      • Jennifer R

        I am fairly sure I can curate a list of DVDs they could spend the school year watching that would make them better people than their parents.

    • Crystalclear12

      Idocracy for civics?

    • yyyaz

      Ooh, ooh, you can have me for principal for only $150K/yr., a new Lexus hybrid (leased, natch) every 2 years, 12 weeks vacation, 50% matched 401k, unlimited healthcare plan and $100K/yr for “supplies.”

    • Crystalclear12

      Wheel of Fortune spelling?

  • beingreleased

    DeVos has no meaningful experience in the
    classroom or in our schools […] The sum total of her involvement has
    been spending her family’s wealth in an effort to dismantle public
    education in Michigan.

    When will you people realize the fact that she’s rich means she knows more than you about everything.

    • mardam422

      Hey, worked for Donald.

  • I think the kid in the red jumper on the right looking right at Jesus is about to start screaming “STRANGER DANGER!”.

  • Ilgattomorte

    For years now, Ive been thinking “We need more billionaires in government”. I mean democracy in great, am I right? But, it’s missing the feeling of security that only a person who can buy and sell your entire family can give you.

    This new system would be just like democracy, but with wealthy landowners, in important positions, to make everyday decisions for the rest of us. Maybe we could call them “Dukes” or something like that, because they’d be big and strong like John Wayne. These people would make decisions and provide for the rest of us, so we would never feel insecure. Maybe, eventually we could all go to live on their lands and they would give us jobs and food and stuff. Wouldn’t that be great?

    You know, as smart as the founding fathers were, it’s funny they never thought of that.

    • Querolous

      “Dukes” or something like thatPerhaps “Douche” or “Archdouche” or “Grand Douche”?

  • schmannity

    Mullet Jesus!

    • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

      He looks like a third-tier country singer. This seems appropriate somehow…

    • whyieverdidit

      Why is there an extra hand growing out of that child’s forehead?

      • theCryptofishist

        Oh, you think that only the third eye should be there?

      • schmannity

        It’s a miracle!

        • Querolous

          Only God can make a river burn!

          • schmannity

            Cuyahoga Libelz!

      • Bear OmNomNom

        The scene is from the Province of New Cuyahoga (formerly Ohio) after Trump eliminates the EPA.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Education drives people away from religion, so she’s doing the Lord’s work.
    Lord Beelzebub’s.

  • 8:00: History sponsored by the David Barton foundation.
    9:00: Math sponsored by Republican Congressional Budget Office or why 2 – 10 means more for everyone. (Note: This class replaces algebra as that word sounded to Arab for our tastes.)
    10:00: Biology sponsored by Answers in Genesis. Or “God did it.”
    10:05: Break
    11:00 Nutrition sponsored by Carl’s Jr. Wash that half-pound triple bacon butter burger down with some Big Ass Fries and a Big Ass Coke.
    1:00: I don’t know… just kind of sit and stare at the wall… we get paid by the state either way.

    On the plus side, once the vouchers start going to Islamic schools, maybe that’ll teach them to knock that shit off? Hahahaha… no, they’ll just outlaw vouchers going to Muslim schools.

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      2:30: Ecology sponsored by the American Enterprise Institute and the Koch brothers.

    • chortlingdingo

      Don’t forget a return to Roman numerals instead of those heathen Arabic numbers.

  • BadKitty904

    Education is one of the largest state and federal budget items. DeVos and the Reichpublican Junta are solely interested in how much of that tax funding they can $teer into their own pocket$ via “charter schools,” the longe$t-lived $cam of the Cheney Admini$tration.

    And I’m sure it’s occurred to the GOP Junta and to their owner, Putin, that complete control of the minds of the young is a useful thing to have for propaganda purposes. An ignorant population is an easily controlled population.

  • Daisy

    Awww fuck, I attend a public university.

    • Suttree

      It’s mostly small minds they want to ruin. You are way too SMRT and will be graduating soon, so they can’t fuck you up.

  • schmannity
  • TheGrandWaz00
  • shastakoala

    That’s the problem with these pyramid schools. There’s only one way in and no way out.

    • theCryptofishist

      At least they don’t have room for a lot of grain to be served as bread to the little poor free-loaders.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    And we continue our march toward our society turning into Fahrenheit 451

    • Suttree

      No books unless they are Texas approved schoolbooks!

    • Kateaux

      Less Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 and more C.M. Kornbluth’s “The Little Black Bag” and “The Marching Morons”, I think.

  • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

    I’m sure the Scamway business model of bleeding people dry by constantly forcing them to buy “training materials” and go to seminars will translate very nicely to the brilliant charter school future.

    ETA: forgot to link this http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1620-amway-5-realities-multi-billion-dollar-scam.html

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Sounds like the model for Trump U…

  • Welcome to the Wake

    My dearest, darling, beloved Wonkette: I get the play on “Team of Rivals” that is “Team of Evils,” but if I may, calling these numbnuts “evil” is actually giving them waaaaaay too much credit. They are all manner of terrible things but true evil is a rare thing and they’re all just too stupid to rise to the level of evil, IMHO. Thank you for listening.

    Can I think of an alternative? Team of ……… ?? I’ll work on it.

  • Teecha

    As a teacher, I’d like to say that members of my profession totally fucking love* it when people who have no relevant experience in educating children and young people get stuck into educational policy like this.

    *Clearly I mean hate it. But it’s obviously a massively sarcastic sentence. I point this out for those who are victims of substandard education systems and might not notice.

    The UK took the idea of Free schools from Sweden, where the last I heard was that there is no evidence of free schools being an improvement, and also adapted charter schools into Academies.
    Any politician who is fiddling around with education, is, imo, certain to be fiddling around with diverting money to her/his chums. People who care about educating children listen to teachers.

    • mardam422

      That’s 20th century thinking there, pal. The Golden Age of America is over. Get with the program. Learn Russian, buy oil stocks and pray you die before the money runs out.

    • pstockholm

      Also big problems in Sweden with for-profit school owners and religious “free” schools, both Christian and Muslim.

  • Crank Tango
  • UncleTravelingMatt

    This weekend, I asked an acquaintance who teaches at a public school in North Carolina and voted Trump what he thought would happen to teacher salaries once everyone with a Bible and a copy of Atlas Shrugs can open a school. He’s pretty sure it will all work out okay for him because his prosperity gospel preacher said Trump being elected is God’s will, and God wouldn’t do anything to hurt his bank account.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Faith is amazing…

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        So is stupidity.

        • dshwa

          There tends to be w link between them.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      It’s “Atlas Shrugged”, and it still kind of sucks. Especially the long polemic rant the last 70 pages or so.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Too many things going on. Thanks for the correction.

    • mardam422

      Are you gonna ask him again after his unemployment benefits run out?

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      Jesus Christ. Can you tell me where he lives, so I can drive by pointing and laughing when he loses his fucking house?

      Fucking moron.

    • YoNastyBunny

      Speaking of salaries, my sister is an attorney for HR department of a major corp in NC. Remember how Dept of Labor issued guide lines on the increasing the minimum salary to qualify for “exempt” status and not be eligible for overtime pay? That’s supposed to go into effect this Thursday. And her company was getting ready to increase a whole lot of salaries. But HELLS BELLS, Y’All! Now that Trump was elected, that directive is up in the air and that company is seriously considering not doing the salary increases after all. Why bother, right? The Trump Administration sure as fuck isn’t going to defend that regulation.

      Again, economic anxiety my ass! THIS is “economic anxiety”.

      https://www.dol.gov/WHD/overtime/final2016/

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        Wow and I keep hearing that most of his supporters earned over $72,000 a year. Sure it won’t affect them.

      • eka

        economic anxiety, yeah. he has not proposed one thing that would benefit the white working class. they have to accept that voting for someone who wants to cut taxes for the rich and who is against increasing the minimum wage (although i admit that changes from week to week) is either stupid or racist. either they didn’t pay attention to policy or they bought into his racist propaganda. they’re both bad, but i’m hoping most go for “stupid” and work to correct that.

    • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

      These boneheads always think they’re going to get a pass. I hope he enjoys working for free Scamway products and coupons for Trump University courses that will teach him to stop being a gullible loser…

      • OrG

        Unfortunately,this is a feedback loop.You keep thinking “Well NOW they’ll get it…….Well NOW they’ll get it……. I’m starting to think if they were going to get it,it would have already happened. sigh

    • OrG

      Doesn’t he know god is too worried about sportsball to worry about his bank account?

    • Land Shark

      Dogbutt Jeebus says, “Dumbass.”

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    So… let’s look at who was offered the Department of Education position.

    Ben Carson, Jerry Fallwell Jr, and this lady.

    I guess the evangelical right said it had to be one of them?

    • beingreleased

      This is possibly the cabinet position Trump cares least about. It has absolutely no effect on his life – he can’t make much money off it unless they allow federal student loans to Trump U. He’s perfectly willing to say “Sure – she’s fine” to whoever suggests a name first.

      • theCryptofishist

        Doesn’t that mean he’ll be regretting that within a week?

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          He’ll never think of it again, and he’ll have to ask someone who she is when she shows up for Cabinet meetings.

          • thixotropic jerk

            “Have I grabbed that one by the pussy yet, Shtevie?”

          • TheAmazingBeardedLady

            Assuming Trump shows up for cabinet meetings.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Based on his business model, I’m guessing he’ll pop in, have a few pictures taken shaking hands, and then leave.
            Or they’ll file past him as they go into the meeting room, and that will be good enough.

  • Suttree

    I believe I made a wise decision to never breed. At the very least, I won’t be alive to see the third generation of idiots.

    • Bear OmNomNom

      Buck v. Bell libelz!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Can’t get rid of the Dept of Ed, Energy, or whatever that other one was, because there’s only two really plummy ambassadorships–to Paris and to the Court of St. James–so you need those seats for the additional grifters, campaign donors, loyalists, um, patriots. Yeah, let’s go with patriots.

  • mardam422

    Truly, Wonkette is entering it’s Golden Age. I mean the sheer volume and quality of stories to snark about is unprecedented in human history. It must be like shooting fish in a barrel at Wonk Tower.

    • puredog

      I just wonder how I am supposed to keep up on the comments AND get work done AND lead my life. Seems like too much. Something’s gotta give.

      • Land Shark

        Well, the “lead my life” part sounds sorta optional …

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Wasn’t Bernie Madoff available?

    • dshwa

      He’s going to head the SEC.

      I wish I was sure that was a joke.

  • SterWonk

    … so all school buses will now be pink …

    I think that’s Mary Kay Cosmetics? Whatever, they’re all MLMs anyway.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      They’ll be using Cadillac Escalades

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Agreed SterWonk, MK is pink everything

    • doktorzoom

      Oh, heck, you’re right. Mixed up my multilevel marketing scams. My bad.

  • Randy Riddle

    It was a nice educational system while it lasted.

  • Johnatx

    So….in the picture, does Jeebus have three arms?

    • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

      Nah, the kid sitting beside him has a hand growing out of his forehead.

      • Johnatx

        Many will after Trump eliminates the EPA.

    • No, but he also doesn’t have a penis. He’s like a Ken doll.

      • Christopher Boscarino

        I dunno. I see some sexual tension there between Jesus and the teacher. He stares at her, she shyly avoids his gaze by looking at her book. Oh, yeah. It’s there.

      • Thaumaturgist

        Ken doll only has two arms.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    At least 10% of Fitz Jr’s classmates don’t need the free or reduced lunch anyway.

  • OrG

    These people have obviously not read the red parts of the bibble.

    • Querolous

      Not to worry. Edumacation under the new rules will not include the 3 Rs. Da bibble will be what ever the priest/governor says it is.

  • Lefty Wright

    NC started private school vouchers recently after the NC Supreme Court ruled it was constitutional. Even though the state constitution says that state tax money should only go to public schools. The conservative majority the GOP spent millions on a few years ago issued a decision several hundred pages long, but essentially it said any educational service is a public benefit, therefore even religious schools are public schools. And of course, they lifted any accountability from theses schools. Basically, the only requirement is that the teacher have a high school diploma. With no curriculum, testing or facilities requirements. Or requirement for open enrollment. As many people have noted over the last few years, North Carolina takes a back seat to no other state in their efforts to move the country backwards. Between premature cuts in unemployment benefits, to voter disenfranchisement, income tax cuts that increase taxes on the poor from expanded sales taxes, takeovers of local elections rules and districts, abortion restrictions, reversal and lack of enforcement of environmental protections, and of course McCrory with his support of the legislature’s LGBT discrimination laws, I doubt any other state has us beat. Including Texas or Alabama.

    • eka

      they’re running scared because the state is being overrun with employed liberals, many in the higher ed sector. obviously they need to gut education to stay red.

      it’s cool, we’ll take NC soon enough. but it does suck for the kids in public school right now.

  • Greyhame

    I believe the intention behind these cabinet picks is to exact revenge upon everyone who voted against one Donald Joffrey Trump.

    • Begin Anew Day

      They will also work a wicked revenge upon everyone who voted FOR him as well.

      Strap on your helmet Baby! This shit show is just starting!

  • therblig

    I assume that vouchers will not be permitted for Mooslim schools?

    • Señor Skwerl!

      Or black public schools.

      But homeskoolin will buy daddy a new 4 wheeler!

    • suziq

      Pffffftt!! Everybody knows those Mooslim schools are really just for indoctrinating terrorists, they aren’t real schools. Not only no vouchers for them but we will close them down and kick them all out. They aren’t real ‘Mericans no how.

  • Thaumaturgist

    When Republicans say “privatize” they mean “monetize.” So quit your bitchin about ” improving schools.”

  • herrointment

    The ball is rollin’ down the hill and you won’t be able to stop it. Sad!

  • Bezoar

    So, soon the easy money will be in starting up a school?

    • Whale Chowder

      I’m already drawing up plans for the Whale Chowder School of Reedin’ and Ritin’ (and Sportsballin’ and Coal Minin’)! I’m gonna be a thousandaire!

      • Begin Anew Day

        Dream Big or Go Home!

  • Kele Lampe

    Not to mention backing an institute that wants to repeal child labor laws. Education is too good for poor kids; they should be in the salt mines, building character and contributing to society, where they belong!
    https://www.google.com/amp/m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_5836eb7fe4b000af95edf12e/amp

    • Dazza

      Holy crap.

  • miss_grundy

    And you wonder why public schools in western Michigan do not get any love. Blame this lady. We do not need more idiocy in this country.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Let’s not forget how “charter schools” really got their start: as a way to establish all-white “academies” after the Supreme Court said you couldn’t isolate children in public schools by race.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    “pronounced duh-VOSS”. I thought the emphasis was on the “duh”.

  • Begin Anew Day

    I extend my condolences to the Teachers of America. I know that you sweat blood to accomplish a, largely thankless, task. It cannot be easy to see your profession being ridiculed and savaged in this way by Donnie.

    I cannot presume to advise you in this fix but I will make an observation: If you can manage a classroom then you have everything you will need to work in the soon to be burgeoning Mental Health Field. Therapists and shrinks have more work than they can handle right now. With Donnie warping reality with every tweet I think you might be able to switch careers with not too much sweat.

  • Panika MCD

    this is where those rural Republicans come in real handy because they don’t usually have more than one charter or parochial gerrymandered into their districts. here’s what I had to say about the last episode of this at the TX lege.

    https://belltheblindtiger.wordpress.com/2016/10/17/house-committee-on-messing-with-dan-patrick/

  • On the bright side, my mother-in-law, who has been pushing for my home schooled kids to go back to public school, is suddenly back on board with homeschooling, at least for as long as one of Trump’s nitwits is running things. It will be nice not to have that argument anymore for a few years.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    Betsy DeVos is a cunt. A gold-plated cunt, but a cunt nonetheless.

  • mml1996

    Just imagine our entire nation’s K-12 system run by ITT Tech — it’s going to be a golden age of companies making billions off shitty private schools!

    BRB, going to break into my chemistry lab to find the strongest acid to dissolve my brain.

  • hvdv

    Right on. The customers-formerly-known-as-students can just learn that reading and writing and that other non-R on their own time! Or not, that’s probably totally cool too.

    • phoenix00

      Pay-per-chapter!

  • I bet if Betsy DeVos had been Secretary of Education, no one would have been able to sue over Trump University!

    …Hey, now. Wait a minute!

  • Am I the only one who hears her name pronounced Davos and thinks Davros and get that chill of the appropriateness of the Freudian slip?

  • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

    I am no longer there, though much family is, but I grew up in Grand Rapids, MI and the DeVos family basically runs that city with money. Sadly, they are very good at the money part so they also get away with lobbying for really heinous things and getting it there. Their last name is a bit of a curse in my mostly very lefty family. In short, eff those dicks.

    • Same Here, Grand Rapids native and the last straw was Amway sending 4,000 jobs to China when the Michigan economy was bleeding out

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