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LOL, the lease doesn’t end until January!

Hey there Wonketariat! Rebecca says to tell you Dok and Evan are off this week, so posting will be light and erratic! (She thinks she is writing four stories a day. Five bucks says that turns into “two.”) We’re taking some time to actually enjoy drinking heavily and chain smoking, and like most of you, we’re going to recharge a little with our friends, our families, and some food and booze. In the meantime, here’s some news that we’ve disguised as clever dick and fart jokes!

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  • I just realized! Since this week is American Thanksgiving….that makes Monday my one year Wonkaversary!

    • FauxAntocles

      Yay! Congratulations!

    • BadKitty904
    • Creepoman

      Hooray! A reason to drink in the morning that’s not related to crushing depression!

    • Me not sure

      What did we ever do without you? Lip service is the traditional gift for a one year Wonkaversary.

    • pragmatist3

      I believe you get a coin for that.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Well done!

    • Foreign Agitator Ron

      Wouldn’ta bin the same place without ya!

  • Nounverb911

    The New Yorker has started it’s Obama farewell tour starting this week.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a1537f8303ebef1f5b1188953addb5e9d10355ea2cba90bab0178cf2fcdae548.jpg

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      It’s not too late, Obama, you can still declare martial law, and name yourself president for life. I will help you on the barricades!

      • Skaarphy

        Or he can ask Hillary and Bill to get the whole Electoral College assassinated, and get them replaced with mindless pro-Hillary drones/clones. It’s the NWO that is at stake here, the globalist elites must realize that!

  • dslindc

    You know who else has a warm embrace of evil?

  • Panika MCD

    please, please, please don’t feed the story about Konni Burton’s stupid fucking bill. it died in committee last session and I would like that to happen again. giving it attention is a good way to get it passed.

    • For whatever it’s worth, you’ve probably seen the extent of our coverage.

    • BadKitty904

      “Konni”? Srsly?

      • Panika MCD

        yep. doesn’t even know how many TX state senators she serves with.

        • BadKitty904

          I’m surprised some of these people are even able to find their way to the Legislature Building…

          • Panika MCD

            they usually get lost on the ground floor (not to be confused with the 1st floor) once they get in there.

          • BadKitty904

            I presume they follow the smell of coffee ’til they find the cafeteria, then stay there, Twittering, until Security shoos them out at closing time.

          • Panika MCD

            for some reason the ground floor (aka the basement) is very disorienting. the Capitol Grill (aka the cafeteria) is in the extension, so, if they’re lost on the ground floor, they may have to get coffee from Charlie Geren’s office.

          • BadKitty904

            Is that safe?

          • Panika MCD

            which thing? getting lost in the basement or drinking what Charlie gives you?

          • BadKitty904

            I was thinking the latter, but now that you’ve brought up the former…

          • Panika MCD

            there’s nothing we can do about that. it’s the exact same layout as the rest of the main building. it’s just disorienting and no one can really figure out why. drinking what Charlie gives you depends on whether you intend to drive later.

          • puredog

            As Kinky Friedman said, “How can you look at the Texas Legislature and still believe in intelligent design?”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Probably comes from a whole dimwit litter of Kaylees and Konnors and Kaycees. White people….

        • BadKitty904

          You know, that whole “KKK” trend…

        • Pissed de Résistance

          And brothers named Jared and Jerome and Jeremiah.

        • Mpeg

          omg I just realized “k-a-r-d-a-s-h-i-a-n” anagrams to “naiad shark”~

  • beingreleased

    Has anyone hurt Trump’s feelings yet today? Well get to work – those feelings are going to hurt themselves.

    • Nounverb911

      So far no tweets from the twat yet, today.

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        He must’ve slept in.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      I’m surprised someone so old got elected to be America’s first teenage girl president.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        Teenage girl libelzzz!!

    • BadKitty904

      Well, actually, yah, they prolly will.

    • Brendan_M

      I’m sure he’s still seething at unfunny Alex Baldwin’s unfair, very bad and biased portrayal of him, which no one likes. And the losers at overrated and failing Hamilton, who are the real racists, haven’t apologized! yet. We’ll hear about it some more, I’m sure.

    • Mpeg

      Actually I think Donald’s feelings hurt themselves too often. In fact they fall all over themselves trying to hurt themselves, which accounts for why they’re so successful at it~

  • Brendan_M

    The Trump transition has been looking for one non-white/non-male “diversity” hire for the cabinet, and I think we’ve found one at the D.C. Nazi conference:
    https://twitter.com/AngelTilaLove/status/799809348755161088/photo/1

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      My money’s on that crazy black sheriff.

      • Pissed de Résistance

        At least Tila’s lots of fun at office parties.

    • BosGrl

      How is she still a thing?

    • SeeTrain65

      I don’t care if Dok’s off or not, I refuse to type what I’m thinking right now.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Tila Tequila knows that attention isn’t just going to give itself, she needs to keep chasing it by any means necessary.

      • Pissed de Résistance

        She won’t be laughing when they put her in the FEMA camp.

        • Nounverb911

          Nah, she’ll be running them.

          • therblig

            isn’t she a little short to be a she-wolf of the ss?

    • Tiaras&tweetybirds

      that dumb cunt(boo hoo,she is a nazi),it’s sieg heil,not seig heil.

      • Pissed de Résistance

        I don’t think she wants to get into the whole propaganda thing. I think she just wants to be Minister of the Interior.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          I believe her interior is an echo chamber…

          • Pissed de Résistance

            I think you got my joke…

        • Tiaras&tweetybirds

          ooh such competition,sarah palin vs tila tequila?WHO will win?

      • Querolous

        “Seig” is Norwegian for “sticky”.

    • BadKitty904

      Well, they’ve got the “banal” part of the “banality of evil” well covered…

    • NastyBossetti

      What the fuck is wrong with these people? Seriously?

    • Fartknocker

      How appropriate. Hispter douchebags with a D-list porn star at a Nazi conference in D.C. The left shitbag looks like the spawn of Ben Stein.

      • bupkus23

        “D-list”???

        That characterization would probably offend Kathy Griffin – and she’d get another two more years of material to add to her schtick…

    • boberiggert

      Great. She can’t even spell it correctly.

  • dslindc
  • Nounverb911
  • So it wasn’t all a bad dream… Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck… GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.

    Reality sucks, I’m going back to bed.

  • Pissed de Résistance

    “German Chancellor Angela Merkel will seek a fourth term, hopefully offering a voice of reason amidst a rising tide of crazy, psychotic racists.”

    She’s proof that you can be fairly conservative without being a dick about it.

    • I remember when I thought she was TOO conservative…

      • Pissed de Résistance

        She is. CDU is. But neither are “conservative” enough to let people starve for the greater purpose.

        • Oblios_Cap

          European conservative are closer to America’s leftists.

    • BadKitty904

      That USED to be the GOP…

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        I had no idea you were old enough to remember that.

    • FlemmishSpy

      She knows how to respond to a grabber-in-chief.

      • Wombat

        A right hook?

  • Nounverb911

    Maybe we can get Saudi Arabia to release his taxes then:

    https://twitter.com/blakehounshell/status/800663942666326016

    • therblig

      so “take their oil” actually means “buy their oil over there, mark it up, and sell it to america”?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Ah, a 3-day workweek! Yay!
    I actually lit my fireplace yesterday here in FL. It was kinda chilly.

    • Marion in Savannah

      It was 33 here this morning. It’s supposed to be 80 on T-day…

      • mml1996

        Its 92 in Melbourne, AU – and mygodihatethesummeralready…

  • BadKitty904

    OK, can someone put the Texas Legislature on Time Out ’til they’re over this latest tantrum?

    In the meantime, Wonketeers, we’re one day closer to 2020! DOWN WITH TYRANNY!! LONG LIVE THE RESISTANCE!!!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/df68f2a860b8bfe7993aa2ffb15a6dbd9a7d8fad1424eff976c112178e9b1a2b.png

  • Nounverb911
    • Pissed de Résistance
      • Nounverb911

        Nah, over qualified.

        • Pissed de Résistance

          Way to loyal…

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            And astute judges of character.

      • NastyBossetti

        I assume these dogs have white owners, which would make them racist enough for the cabinet.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        That little bulldog is Ghouliani, right?…

        • Pissed de Résistance

          Rudy wishes his teeth were that straight.

      • Shucky Ducky

        Aren’t these guys already sitting on the Supreme Court?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Posting will be light and erotic? Do tell.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Kim fat fat fat? Well, it’s true that he’s the only one in N. Korea that gets to eat any real food.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Yes, it’s the most specific possible search.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Sane Americans who have accepted that Hair Furor won the election (*I wretch every time I even think THAT.) have almost breached the Canadian wall.
    http://i.imgur.com/QDiLf2N.gif

  • Oblios_Cap

    The link to Corey leads to an article about how Paul Ryan’s minion is being considered to lead HUD. Scary ,but nothing about CL being laughed at.

    • John Smith

      That last part’s a given; no citation needed.

  • Ezio

    NO DOKTOR ZOOM!?

    *Breaks down in tears*

    • Oblios_Cap

      Everybody needs time off. That’s how you catch embezzlers.

      • therblig

        they teach us that in municipal finance classes. here in nj, many of the embezzlers got that way from gambling. thankfully, we just destroyed a referendum on allowing casinos up here in northern NJ. blue state common sense prevails.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Yeah, it’s a basic internal control. The people that never miss work, answer all the mail, and pay all the bills always get caught when they get sick and somebody else reads the bank statements.

    • Nounverb911

      Who’s going to track down deleted commenters then?

      • Pissed de Résistance

        We could call him a retard while he’s not looking!

        • mml1996

          *banhammer materializes*

          INCOMING….’

          • Pissed de Résistance

            I said COULD.

            Please Jesus, don’t let them ban me. Where else will I waste all my spare time? (Assuming that masturbation is still a sin.)

          • It’s like, the third most fun sin.

    • John Smith

      I think he deserves a vacation – WITH VOTES!

  • Me not sure

    Even before this election, this has been among the worst years of my life. I don’t plan on whining about the details, but shit, it’s been weird. If everybody wants to take a break and enjoy the comforts of food, family, and friends, I’m cool with it , but dammit, you all had better be back soon because my sanity is at stake here. Do you hear me?
    ARRRRGH! ….Oh. Happy Thanksgiving week.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      I hear ya. My family is at my sister’s place in Oklahoma for thanksgiving so it’ll be me and the cats and whoever else here also has nothing better to do.

      • Me not sure

        Maybe we’ll have the place to ourselves. Let’s redecorate.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Best to you and missus not sure. Hope she’s still on the mend.

      • Me not sure

        She fights on. The treatments add time but don’t cure. Fight for a cure and as always, FUCK CANCER!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Indeed. Hang in there, friend. Every moment is precious.

        • There’s actually a charity called that. They have a big campaign going on right now. I bought a shirt i can’t wear to most places

          • Me not sure

            While I like the sentiment, I’m not sure that actually showing up for a fine dining experience in that shirt would actually help the cause. Good for you for your help.

      • VagendaofNastyWoman

        Recharge, rest, and come back. We need everyone to fight the good fight, for the Missus, and for country. And yes, Fuck Cancer!

    • BadKitty904

      Deep breaths…DEEP breaths…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QEDb3xzdec

  • Nounverb911

    Green Day slammed the orange one at last night’s AMAs, so far no reaction.

    https://twitter.com/NYMag/status/800702853148876801

    • MynameisBlarney

      His team is still trying to explain it to him using smaller words?

      • BadKitty904

        He’s still trying to figure out if he can afford to offend the American Medical Association…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Something tells me Trump isn’t real up on “punk rock”.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Da fuck is up with this “vacation” shit?

    • puredog

      I don’t recall having granted permission for any “vacation,” especially not on a weekday, and most especially not on a Monday. Anybody else want to own up to this?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Right? Neo-liberal elitists….what are we gonna do?

    • Beowoof14

      Fortunately I won’t have to see any right-wing family this week. Stopped doing thanksgiving with them years ago to hangout with liberals for the holiday.

      • artem1s

        I have seen the light and also will be spending the day with god forsaken lie-iberals. I am done with people who love to flaunt their piety at family holidays while laying down with warmongers and whore mongers and scaremongers and racists.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    There’s a Hitler joke in there somewhere, amiright?
    https://twitter.com/cnnbrk/status/800668005046816768

    • Nounverb911

      Probably a Mike Pence one too, also.

    • SuspectedDemocrat
      • BadKitty904

        That pic STILL makes me lol, every danged time.

      • chortlingdingo

        He could be a trans man who had an abortion before transitioning?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Two Hitlers walk into a bar…

    • Bill D. Burger

      “Bbbbbbbbuuutt Mr. Pope…what if you keep the babbie’ from an affair and unprotected sex and just tell everyone that God’s the father and and you’re still a virgin? ”
      ___Asking for a Friend. Thanks.

    • Pissed de Résistance

      So Hillary’s campaign is off the hook?

    • artem1s

      Sorry New Pope, I don’t need your fucking permission to talk to God. And no one needs your permission to be forgiven for something that isn’t a crime or moral sin. When you lock up Pope Nazi and Cardinal ‘pimp’ Law for harboring pedophiles, then maybe the ‘powers’ of your impotent clergy will have some meaning. Otherwise fuck off again.

    • therblig

      Pope Francis: Trump voters still burn in Hell after extra long Purgatory

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The Secret Service needs to secure the White House, Trump Tower, Mar-A-Lago, his jerkoff country club in Jersey and who knows what other jerkoff property he owns. I wonder if wingnuts so concerned about the cost of Obama using Air Force 1 for campaigning are concerned about the cost Trump is running up.

    • beingreleased

      These are necessary expenses what with the outbreaks of liberals hurting Trump’s feelings.

    • Nounverb911
      • Ryan Denniston

        That’s okay, I am sure they can approach from the west.

        • Nounverb911

          He’s been suing the FAA since he bought the place.

        • Rick Hill

          Isn’t there a freeway they can land on and not disturb donnie?

      • Pissed de Résistance

        Let me get this right. World renowned real estate mogul buys a beach place located on short final from Palm Beach Airport?

        We really are fucked. What a dumbass.

        • Nounverb911

          Trump’s been suing the FAA since he bought the place.

          • Rick Hill

            Move the damn runway!

          • Pissed de Résistance

            The FAA should rename it: Airport-no-Move-O.

          • Rick Hill

            Maybe it’s not as bad, not as rigged as he thought…

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        This is good news for airline passengers who like sharp turns.

        • Nounverb911

          Just like the old Hong Kong airport!

          • mml1996

            Ah, Kai Tak….

            I can sleep again…

        • Rick Hill

          Fortunately the people impacted aren’t all that important, just a bunch of poors that go there….

      • BadKitty904

        I think it’d be better for America in the long run if we just built an air-tight security dome over where ever Sniffles is staying. For “extra” security, ya know.

      • Rick Hill

        Sounds like trump is taking time in his busy transitioning to…wait for it…play a little golf.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “The land was cheap because it was under an airport approach, then I got elected President and that problem went away, land value goes up. Art of the Deal!”
        — Donald Trump

      • Wombat

        So all of this was a long con designed to ensure that Mar-a-Lago is no longer under the approach path for the airport?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Is that a B52 demonstrating the bombing run over Mar-A-Lago?

        • therblig

          A fella could have a pretty good weekend in Mar-A-Lago with all that stuff.

    • Nounverb911

      Also, guess who’s not moving to DC?
      https://twitter.com/maggieNYT/status/800354422601584640

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Hey, it took a long time for them to find a school that would allow in a kid who reeks of fish roe every morning. We can’t expect them to have to start the process all over again.

      • Shibusa

        Maybe Donald shouldn’t have been fadoodling the Playboy bunny when Melania was preggers. Hindsight!

      • John Smith

        “… I get allergic smelling hay…”

      • BadKitty904

        Prolly a dream-come-true for both Malaria and the Trumpling.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I imagine it’ll also make it easier for Trump to beat JFK’s record for affairs in the White House.

          • BadKitty904

            Ew, gross. And still a dream-come-true for both Malaria and the Trumpling.

      • Sedagive

        I can think of no better metaphor for the incoming administration than an empty White House: no lights on, doors bolted, windows shuttered, rain coming in, paint peeling, left to those pesky squirrels and raccoons.

        I hope it happens. These guys don’t deserve even a symbolic show of American authority.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Don’t count on it – he’ll be moving America to Trump Towers, charging us tremendous rates, tremendous! and hiring three times as many secret service men and grifting off their salaries….

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Do you realize how long it would take to get enough gilt to be up to Trump’s standards for the little one?…

      • Claire

        I can only support this wretched woman as she grasps at any chance she can get to be as far away from Trump as possible.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Headlines from the future: Secret Service to plant defensive landmines in sandtraps at all Trump golf courses, since President Trump insists he never hits a ball into them.

    • Bill Slider

      I also read that the Secret Service will sweep Barron’s school each morning before he arrives, for bombs.

      • therblig

        what about atomic wedgies?

  • mml1996

    Dammit – I has a bad dream again. Why the hell does Trump and Pence’s head get bigger as I vote through them?!

  • pragmatist3

    I’m starting a design competition for the Trump Presidential Library. The prize is that when they build the library, he will no longer be President.
    Remember, there are no bad ideas (except Trump being President).

    • BadKitty904

      I’d think whoever designs Nevada whorehouses would LEAP at the chance.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Shelf after shelf of all the great works of humanity in every language, bound in the finest pleather with gilt lettering on the spine, and inside, the contents have been cut out and replaced with porn mags.

    • Nasty Granny

      Can’t we just rename the archival room at the National Enquirer?

      • cynmac will never surrender

        That building in Boca Raton was finally demolished. The one with anthrax in it.

    • QHarp, Mujer malévola

      A giant mural of Eleanor Roosevelt in every room. It would piss him off on so many levels.

  • calliecallie

    Set the alarm for 2020. That sounds about right. Sigh.

  • jesuswasablack

    In the Bannon article he says that both conservative and liberal elites forgot about the workingman, then he goes on to describe himself as:”Thomas Cromwell in the court of the Tudors”! Right cause the working stiff is all about 1500’s England?
    http://static6.businessinsider.com/image/582f4dedba6eb637008b5456-1851/gettyimages-621869874.jpg

    • Rick Hill

      This guy looks just like the propaganda minister from V

      • bupkus23

        With or without the skin mask?

      • Skaarphy

        This guy looks like an alcoholic with heart/blood pressure issues.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          They have him on the Cheney diet….

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Oh yes, the Cromwell references just fly whenever I visit a refinery. Then we all argue about which is our favorite wife of Henry the VIII

      • Rick Hill

        Ann was a bitch who deserved what she got!! And you damn well know which Ann I’m talking about!!!

    • Ezio

      Because nothing says “hero of the working class” like voting for a the man who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      If I recall correctly, Thomas Cromwell ended up with his boiled head on a pike. Hmmm….

      • Oblios_Cap

        He also wore a funny hat.

    • BadKitty904

      Thomas Cromwell was also a treacherous weasel, as I recollect.

    • BadKitty904

      Well, if you’ve ever wondered what happened to Otis, the Town Drunk, from the old Andy Griffith show…

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    This is a good piece about the Hamilton thing.

    But to many others, this was the ineffectual Revenge of the Coastal Elites: a showdown at a show with a top ticket price that far exceeds a family of four’s two-week food budget — or, as one stern tweeter of the left put it, “a rapping civics lesson by Wesleyan grads put on for the 1%.” In the pro-Trump universe, a nice middle-American dad, who just wanted a night off before going back to being a heartbeat away from the hardest job in the world, found himself at the epicenter of blue-state rudeness being lectured by entitled show people with no sense of decorum. Don’t underestimate the degree to which a black man, poised and unflappably calm, speaking truth about the hopes of a nation to a white politician is exactly the kind of nightmare from which some of Trump’s voters thought they were finally awakening. Now they know that whatever they imagined might happen, this kind of thing is not going away.
    http://www.vulture.com/2016/11/why-the-hamilton-pence-incident-matters.html

    • bupkus23

      “…who just wanted a night off…”

      Yeah, right. Pence attending “Hamilton” was an attempted political calculation – just like Rump’s tweets have been. Rump tweets to get more publicity ( always more, good or bad ), while Pence wants to be seen as “culturally relevant”….

      Geez – saying that out loud makes it sound like some kinda Alex Jones conspiracy theory. My apologies….

  • mml1996

    Small mercies for having 4 Indian-American congressmen/women…. A little more colour in DC :/

    • btwbfdimho

      Once you Shift-right there is no Return.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Alt-right? But the Alt key was never intended for evil! That’s what the Ctl key was for.”
    — Qwerty Thompkins, keyboard designer

    • Rick Hill

      Alt was meant as a force for good…it was the chosen one!!!

      • pstockholm

        Alt Grrrr is how I feel all the time.

  • Nounverb911
  • tehbaddr

    This whole Trump presidency is a not so clever dick and fart joke!

  • jesuswasablack

    Also from the Bannon article he describes how wonderful things will be once Trumps “infrastructure” plan is enacted: “It will be as exciting as the 1930s”! Yes the 1930’s were good times!
    http://image.slidesharecdn.com/causesofthegreatdepressionpowerpoint-120806164105-phpapp02/95/causes-of-the-great-depression-powerpoint-1-728.jpg?cb=1344350502

    • Beowoof14

      Does Bannon know it was Roosevelt that brought us the WPA. I pretty sure he doesn’t or if did he forgot because he was having another drink.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      They do know they’re with the party that has blocked infrastructure spending for a decade, don’t they?

      • jesuswasablack

        It’s time to move forward now!

        • Foreign Agitator Ron

          Wouldn’t it be nice if they did? Just once? For a change?

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I tried 5 mins of Morning Joe, experimentally, this morning. It was awful. All Bannon apologism all the time. Did you know that the liberal media has taken some Breitbart articles and implied that the executive chairman of Breitbart is in some way responsible for them? And get this – the Clinton campaign used this to build an unfair caricature of Bannon! If you had dinner with him you would come away thinking he’s one of the most interesting people you’ve ever met!

    Words fail me.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      White supremacists are so misunderstood and persecuted.

    • Wombat

      Is it too early in the day to start drinking? Asking for America.

      • Oblios_Cap

        No

      • Jamoche

        Mimosas are a breakfast drink.

      • It’s five o’clock somewhere.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Okay, obviously you need a “self-care” refresher!
      1. Never read the comments
      2. Never read the bumper stickers
      3. Never – and this is important – watch Morning Joe.
      The first two have been known to cause rage strokes, whilst the third can actually cause your IQ to drop.

    • Foreign Agitator Ron

      Bannon IS interesting. So is a wasp in the room. And both should be treated the same way.

  • Bill Slider

    Wait, if Rebecca, Dok and Evan are on vacation this week, that makes you Acting In Charge of Almost Everything. You could stage a coup, and convert Wonkette to an adult porn site for a week. Just remember to hit delete history before they return and discover the spike in page views. Tell them you wroted (sic) so many posts that the server broke, crashed and deleted everything. Maybe they will give you a Christmas turkey for all of your hard (sic) work.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      You sound experienced….

    • SnarkON

      Because there simply aren’t enough porn sites on the Internet as it is?

    • Yeah, that’s not happening. They locked me in a closet with some cigarettes and a big pot of coffee, and told me not to burn anything down before they cut the lights. I made a hole in the floor last night to go potty, so that’s nice.

      • “I got that going for me. So that’s nice.”

  • The Librarian

    They say Bannon is SMRT, but he compared himself to Cromwell. Doesn’t he know that Cromwell was executed for treason?

    • Skaarphy

      If he does, he might consider himself a martyr.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Hey, you weren’t anybody in the court of Henry VIII if you didn’t get executed for treason at some point. :-)

    • ThirdAmendmentMan

      Cromwell died of natural causes. They did dig up his corpse and behead it, though.

      Edit: Oh we was talking about Thomas…sorry. I immediately just assume one would be talking about The Cromwell (Oliver).

      • The Wanderer

        Kind of makes it official.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I think you’re thinking of Oliver. Bannon was referring to Thomas Cromwell, who was executed because (no lie) Anne of Cleves was a fatty.

        • The Librarian

          Correct on both counts.

        • ThirdAmendmentMan

          Yeah I can’t bring myself to actually read Bannon articles, so I just assumed he meant Oliver. My mistake.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          She couldn’t have been nearly as fat as her ex.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Very true. But he was a poster child for the double standard.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            I’m looking at Hans Holbien (who apparently had the most accurate portraits of her) and she doesn’t look fat. Maybe a bigger chest and less waif-like than the time’s standards of beauty, but certainly not fat (I could eat her for breakfast and I’m chubby/toeing the fat line).

          • Latverian Diplomat

            It was just a joke. Many men use the term “fatty” injudiciously all the time, and Henry would fit right in with that crowd.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Oh. I woke up at six today against my will and had to run so many medical errands so my snark detector probably isn’t working right.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            No worries.

      • The Librarian

        Oliver Cromwell was related to Thomas, however.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        “They did dig up his corpse and behead it,”
        Please! Don’t give Trump ideas about what to do about his critics who have passed away.

      • unclejeems

        I’ve always thought that the digging up, and the corpse beheading and dragging (behind a horse) were very cavalier things to do. And speaking of Bannon, we need a New Model. (Eh, best I could do in a pinch.)

    • Remember,remember
      The Eighth of November…

    • therblig
  • Marion in Savannah

    And in today’s Annals of Dickitude here are the first 2 grafs of an article in the NYT:

    “Kanye West likened himself to Donald J. Trump at a concert on Saturday in California before tumbling into a 17-minute, free-associative speech addressing radio programmers, MTV, his friends and collaborators Jay Z and Beyoncé, Hillary Clinton, Mark Zuckerberg and more.

    After getting an array of grievances off his chest — from real-world politics to awards-show politics — Mr. West ended the performance with a microphone drop, having played only three songs, leaving fans bitter and upset, according to reactions on social media.”

    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/21/arts/music/kanye-west-beyonce-donald-trump-speech.html

    • The Wanderer

      And now everyone who’s come into money will think they can achieve high office simply because they have a lot of cash and no sense whatever.

      Thanks, Trump.

      • chortlingdingo

        I think you mean “Thanks shitty America” for voting him in.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I’m so glad we don’t have to pretend to like Kanye anymore!

      • mancityhombres

        overrated and overplayed

        • SnarkON

          Nah, actually a musical genius.

          • The Librarian

            Maybe, but still an asshole.

          • SnarkON

            So are most artists.

          • mancityhombres

            no, not even
            Curtis Mayfield, Sly Stone, Miles Davis, Chuck D, De La Soul
            those are musical geniuses
            Kanye doesn’t deserve a whit of the respect he gets

          • SnarkON

            Just because you don’t like him or his music doesn’t mean he isn’t extraordinarily talented.

          • mancityhombres

            I stand by my previous comment.
            Overrated.
            Musical talent and originality play big for me.
            He just doesn’t

          • SnarkON

            OK. I do think the people on your list are geniuses BTW.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            The offspring says this also too. Not sure I buy it, but then my mom didn’t get why I think other people are musical geniuses.

          • SnarkON

            Also, get a haircut, hippie.

          • Nope. Gonna let my freak flag fly!

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            And get off my lawn!

          • thewendyb

            NO

        • Paul

          Just a punk narcissist, writ LARGE.

          • mancityhombres

            I’m gonna hesitate on the punk part. shitheels, maybe

    • SnarkON

      It seems pretty clear that Kanye has some mental-health and emotional issues to work out. No snark.

      • cat cafe

        It’s so sad. I truly loved “Jesus Walks” but for years now it’s been “what’s going on with this guy?”

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      his L.A. show the next day was cancelled

  • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

    I went to Stanley, ID this weekend. My beau and I hiked in the mountains and stood by a frozen lake. We gawked at mountainscapes. We soaked in a hot spring. And I noticed something…I barely thought about Fanta Hitler at all. I didn’t read about politics, and I felt the happiest I had been in a while.

    So my question is, how do I balance being an informed citizen with my mental health? I don’t expect anyone to answer this, but it’s definitely something I’ll spend time mulling over when I tune out on Wednesday for the holiday weekend.

    • SnarkON

      Do you really want advice? Pick no more than three news organizations you trust. Check in with them once in the morning and once in the evening. (Or, even better, just once a day.) Then go on with your life.

      • I would ad to this, to seriously consider carefully choosing information in print, rather than on teevee.

        • SnarkON

          Yes, thank you, I definitely meant print. No television.

          • cat cafe

            We haven’t watched TV news for decades. It truly isn’t news! I’m always horrified when I see a moment of it–this is what’s passing for informing the public?

            I would also remove HuffPo from the equation. They’ve disintegrated into deliberately enraging clickbait and troll-infested comment sections.

            I would add to your fine suggestions, that we should also try to support, with moneys, anything approaching actual journalism, which these days means the NYT, Washington Post. I subscribe to them both (WaPo digitally) and also for old times’ sakes the Pennysaver, I mean, the Los Angeles Times.

            ps: if you have Amazon Prime you can get the first 6 months of WaPo subscription free. Impossible to find on amazon, just google “amazon prime Washington Post subscription” or something like that.

          • SnarkON

            I love you.

          • cat cafe

            Right back atcha, Snark

        • Claire

          Or from other countries. These days I’m getting my news from Spiegel, Le Monde, and Al Jazeera.

        • thewendyb

          AH-HEM! (Cough Cough) Wonkette not ON PAPER.

      • Erala Contratista

        Yes!
        Especially the once a day part. And paper, please.

        • rebecca

          AHEM.

      • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

        Solid advice.

    • My boyfriend and I have been binge-watching all things Monty Python for the last week, instead of being informed citizenry. Made us feel much much better.

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        It says much about the world that the Pythons’ absurdist humour seems almost sensible now.

        • cat cafe

          “Silly party”…. “Sensible party”…. “VERY silly party”….
          And it wasn’t always so absurdist (if you remember Mr. Hilter, Ron von Bibbentrop, and Mr. Bimmler, “Leytonstone has traditionally always been part of Maidenhead” and Graham Chapman chortling at the little bed-and-breakfast “You wouldn’t have much fun at Stalingrad!”) Not to mention Fawlty Towers “DON”T MENTION THE WAR!” “You started it, you invaded Poland” and the spectacle of John Cleese goose stepping!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Well, you could listen to this guy, who recommends to stop reading the news:

      https://www.theguardian.com/media/2013/apr/12/news-is-bad-rolf-dobelli

      Note this is not as superficial as it sounds. It’s a reasoned position.

    • eyelashviper

      Spend time in the outdoors, with family, replenish your energy and resolve.
      And remember, with tRump at full steam, things like public lands, mountain wilderness, clean air and water, etc. could begin to disappear forever.
      We all need time to cope, and feel better again. I rarely watch the news at all, read a bit online, and listen to other peeps who feel and think as I do.

      And I still sign petitions by the gazillion every day and try to make my voice heard, even if it is a bit hoarse and squeaky now.
      Courage, we all need plenty now.
      Oh, and laugh, as much as possible…I come to wonkette daily, sure to get a chuckle or even a belly laugh.

    • cat cafe

      A very wise friend of mine, who is the ultimate do-gooder (she is an honest-to-goodness real religious person, works for a very liberal church, oversees their schools and makes sure they teach tolerance and love, travels to Haiti six times a year to build schools, helps the homeless, is extremely pro-choice, etc), said this to me when I asked her the exact same question:
      “It’s not good for us to be obsessed with politics. We’re not politicians. We vote and we elect people to do that. We donate to activist groups, and people who have dedicated their lives to activism spend their days doing that. The rest of us need to do our work, be with our friends and family, spend time in nature, garden, and take care of ourselves. Yes, we can protest, and support and donate to those activist groups, and we can and should make our voices heard, and we can and should do righteous things. But it has to be in balance.”

  • SnarkON

    So the worst thing people have to say about a ruthless North Korean dictator is that he could stand to drop a few pounds? Jesus, people, priorities.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Well, he could drop a few pounds of Plutonium, but nobody wants that.

    • cat cafe

      Well, apparently the worst thing people could say about a ruthless American dicatator is he has funny hair and if you’re Jimmy Fallon HAHAHAHA you tousle it HAHAHA it’s hilarious, see?

    • cynmac will never surrender

      Asians have a weird thing about weight. I read a blog post by a girl who has a Korean background who says that she can’t buy clothes in South Korea and that the store keepers sneer at her when she comes in. So South Koreans; they’re just like US.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I’m not sure why the Republicans are upset about the infrastructure plan, which is all tax breaks (that’s the “trap” part) and even if it wasn’t, Trump could just issue a bunch of bonds and then pay them back at ten cents on the dollar, right?

  • Marion in Savannah

    Oh, crap. It’s almost 11… Time to take a break from enjoying myself and do [gasp] things that need doing. So when do we get the Jetsons’ self-cleaning house?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Is it time for your Stepford Wives makeover again?…

    • Shanana Republic

      I want the Binford Men’s Kitchen.

    • Welcome to the Wake

      I always wanted the Bewitched twitchy nose magic.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    SNL is funny but seeing Donald makes me sad. Although Kellyanne filled with guilt (and bile) makes me feel better.

    • A guilt ridden Kellyanne unnerves me.I don’t think it’s an accurate character representation, sadly.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        It’d make sense considering she clearly never expected Donald to win. It made my Monday morning better anyway.

        • cat cafe

          I think what made it so satisfying is that it is a satirical commentary by Kate McKinnon and SNL about what she SHOULD be feeling. And that remains the point.

      • Yeah, I think it’s a nice daydream but in reality I think Kellyanne is a True Believer.

  • Jennaratrix

    I think the best that we can hope for is that Teh Doanld breaks every single one of his campaign promises.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Were they promises or threats? I call them threats.

    • Meh, most of his campaign promises weren’t specific enough to really know if he broke them.

      • Jennaratrix

        Oh, I don’t know:

        Build a wall, make Mexico pay for it.
        Deport 11 million undocumented immigrants.
        Refuse to allow Muslims to enter the country.
        Women who have had abortions should suffer some form of punishment.
        Overturn the ACA.
        Indict and imprison Hillary.

        Those are pretty specific. And it will be pretty clear if he does or does not get those things accomplished. I’m obviously hoping for does not in every scenario; but the people who voted for him are not, and are they ever gonna be PISSED if he fails to do those things.

    • M.E. Lawrence

      I think the best we can hope for is something a little more–unpleasant than that (think Scalia plus, oh, about 10 or 12). But I’d settle for Jennaratrix’s scenario.

      (You may delete me, D.G., but I have to vent somewhere.)

  • Panika MCD

    TX House Human Services and JJ & the Family Issues are meeting to talk about human trafficking. I’m not seeing Debbie “Anchor Babies” Riddle, but she might yet show.

    http://tlchouse.granicus.com/MediaPlayer.php?view_id=9&event_id=2384

  • snigsy

    My Monday morning fantasy: that photo of smiling Obama on the phone is him asking me for a date.

    • therblig

      i immediately thought of NPR tote bags

    • VagendaofNastyWoman

      Would not care to face the wrath of Michelle.

    • cat cafe

      Sorry. He’s already asked ME for a date, and that smile is because I said YES tra la la la la

      • snigsy

        A girl can dream!

  • Lucas Foxx

    “He gets it; he gets it intuitively,” says Bannon. “You have probably the greatest orator since William Jennings Bryan.” Good grief.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      The wut?

      THE WHAAAAAAAT????

      • Lucas Foxx

        It’s in the the “creepy Bannon profile” link.

    • therblig

      and i thought jenna jameson was a good O-rater

    • BadKitty904

      Who is he talking about?

      • Lucas Foxx

        Trump.

        • BadKitty904

          DONALD Trump?!?1? The Male “Sara Palin”?

    • nick kelly

      I believe WJB flogged Florida real estate or am I mixed up.
      Think that’s what Galbraith said in Great Crash

  • Apple Scruff

    I scrolled through the non-comments and didn’t see this yet so I’ll just put it out there.

    Dear America,

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F4qzPbcFiA

  • VagendaofNastyWoman

    1992. 1994. 2004.2008. Opposition party is swept into power believing they have a mandate to transform society and build a 30 year majority coalition. Press talks about how party out of power is done for in the US. Two years later, party in power has to scale back its expectations thanks to frightened or disappointed voters. If the party is lucky, they accomplish 20-30% of what they want.
    In the absence of a disaster like Pearl Harvor or 9-11, Americans don’t like “sweeping transformations”. Bannon won’t be around forever, the question is how much damage will he manage to do?

    • Rick Hill

      They’re going to destroy all of it.

      • VagendaofNastyWoman

        We are the opposition now. We need to give them every last drop of misery they gave us, and more. Granted, I’ve been a shitty prognosticator lately, but this is going to be an administration mired in scandal and incompetence from day 1.
        The right wing has taught us how to fight nasty (With votes!). We need to use that.

        • M.E. Lawrence

          Thanks for the reminder about Medicare. Does the Werewolf really think he’s going sneak this nasty scheme past the 75 million Boomers, some of whom started applying for Medicare c. 2010, and most of whom will continue to do so for another 15 years? Most of whom know their rights and, moreover, are predicted to live long, long lives? NFW, punk.

          (Am definitely signing up for those Y classes.)

        • cat cafe

          It’s mired in scandal and incompetence from day -45. (I’m too horrified to look up exactly the number of days.) But I totally agree with you. They are fighting truly nasty, with Nazi-level misinformation, disinformation, and dirty tricks (sending Pence to Hamilton days after Trump’s $25 million fraud settlement? Bannon’s fingerprints all over that), and we need to stop being so fucking nice and stop this “giving chances” and “trying to understand” bullshit.

  • Thaumaturgist

    Dear Dominic: where I lives, it’s snowing. Are you still a “summer” intern?

    • *cough*

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Snowing? So much for GLOBAL WARMING, EH???!

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Here’s a fun fact! My grandmother, who was a Russian from the Ukraine, was actually taken to Germany by the Nazis and kept in a prison camp for several years. She was forced to work for the Bayer corporation after the war. Her mother was shot by Nazi troops as she lay in bed, sick with the flu.

    And now, 70 years later, I get to try to move my marginally-Muslim, half-brown family over to Germany, where they have leader who doesn’t freak us the fuck out!

    • M.E. Lawrence

      Bloody hell. Best wishes and please stay in touch.

    • cat cafe

      Right? My father barely escaped thanks to the Kindertransport, his mother was in Auschwitz (and somehow survived, but just barely), and the rest of my father’s and mother’s extended family were all slaughtered. But now Germany is the rational country. Horrifying.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Holy shit. That’s fucking terrifying.

        • cat cafe

          Those of us who grew up with this extremely near history have been trying and trying to warn people about what’s involved and how it happens…. so few people listen…. Thanks for getting it!

  • I’m still wondering what the Don was thinking he would do with that “equal time” he was calling for in response to that SNL skit. Was he planning on performing his Alec Baldwin impression?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Best Mussolini since Alexei Sayle.

    • nick kelly

      He doesn’t understand it’s not a news program.
      Comedians need funny- Trump is the mother lode.
      And the fact that he now IS the Establishment makes him doubly irresistible.
      I think we’re going to see a new brand of energized humor that is a form of resistance- something like Russian humor in Soviet era.

  • pragmatist3

    “Reporting will be light and erotic”!!!
    Sign me up.

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      That’s how I read it too!

  • Annie Towne

    The Hollywood Reporter profile of Bannon is terrifying, but very illuminating. He is right; we weren’t paying attention.

    • JHan

      He’s batshit crazy and will grind the country to the ground, his vision is frightening and the fascist undertones were clear “American Nationalism” – and who decides what is American and what is not American according to Bannon?

      But yeah,Liberals were distracted by BS .

      • Annie Towne

        He’s not crazy; he’s stone cold sane. And very dangerous.

  • nick kelly

    I want a state to step up and declare de facto secession. Just tell the guy you can’t afford the security to have him visit.
    Cities are telling him his anti- immigrant thing not happening.
    Now it’s time for a state.
    States Rights doesn’t have to mean anti -black.
    California?

  • nick kelly

    Bannon sounds like he will find Trump far too wishy- washy as Bannon creates the Sixth Reich. Look for Jared and Bannon to get REAL close, as a power behind the throne is created to fill the intellectual vacuum. .
    Re: Bannon’s claim that we created a middle class in China at the expense of US.
    About half China’s exports to US are budget apparel and consumer electronics.
    Much of the rest is Walmart stuff, where you won’t find much from the real US competitors: Japan and Germany
    Re: electronics-the US was out before China was in. Japan took out the US 25 years ago. (last TV made in US- Zenith 1995)
    Now China and S.Korea have taken out Japan- Toshiba just exited.
    This is very low profit biz. Wanna go back to the 50’s 60’s with US made TVs- that cost a month’s salary?
    Do you really think Americans are going to sew clothes together all day.
    Or pick strawberries?
    It would actually be kind of ironic if all that cheap labor, here and overseas, just disappeared.
    A case of being careful what you wish for.

    • JHan

      Bannon is a nutjob, but worse – a nutjob who is in possession of a keen intelligent mind. God help us.

      • unclejeems

        Yeah, but by the looks of him, his head is nearly clogged with cholesterol.

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