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Totally Baked.
Totally Baked.

OK, so the War On Christmas Season 2016 is over. FINALLY! You’re done with the ultimate orgy of consumerism, and with spending half the day in the kitchen making some sort of extravagant meal you only attempt once or twice a year. You fought the crowds at the grocery store, stocked the larder thoroughly, made the cookies and the pies, brined the turkey, baked the relatives, and had the annual fight over the Great Family Misunderstanding (Treason! Misunderstanding! Deliberate Betrayal! Misunderstanding! Enid, get our coats, we’re leaving!) of 2005. Now you’re getting down to the last of the leftovers and a third of the kids’ toys are already broken, some surreptitiously, by you, because of that noise they made.

And you’re exhausted.

But you still need to eat. Well, Pink has something for you, for this interregnum between Boxing Day and New Year’s Drinking/Avoiding Drinking Eve. Something simple, but loaded with flavor – and as a bonus, it keeps you safe from vampires*!

Today, we’re giving those taste buds a workout with…

CHEDDAR-GARLIC OVEN FRIED CHICKEN BREAST! (But It’s Actually Baked)

Intoxication level: Anything up to stumbling. As long as you can set the timer and remain conscious to hear it when it goes off, you’re probably OK.

Time: 20 minutes prep, 35-45 minutes baking: approx 1 hour total.

Serves 4.

WHAT YOU NEED:

Ingredientses.
Yep. That’s all you need.

  • 1⁄3 cup butter, melted
  • 2 tablespoons minced garlic, or to taste
  • 2 teaspoons garlic powder, divided, or to taste
  • 1⁄2 teaspoon seasoning salt (or can use white salt, if you don’t love Babby Jesus)
  • 3⁄4 cup Panko bread crumbs
  • 1⁄2 cup finely grated cheddar cheese
  • 1⁄4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
  • 1⁄2 teaspoon ground black pepper (or to taste)
  • 4 boneless skinless chicken breasts

Measuring cup & spoons, a bowl or two, a plate, an 8 X 13(ish) cooking dish, whatever tool you prefer to create minced garlic.

WHAT TO DO WITH WHAT YOU NEED:

Ready to get baked.
Ready to get baked.

  • Preheat oven to 350°F.
  • Butter the 8 X 13(ish) cooking dish** (if using more than 4 breasts use a larger dish).
  • In a bowl, combine melted butter with fresh minced garlic, 1 teaspoon garlic powder and salt.
  • In another bowl, combine the dry breadcrumbs with 1/2 cup finely grated cheddar cheese, Parmesan cheese 1 teaspoon garlic powder and coarse ground black pepper.
  • Dip chicken in butter mixture; then in crumb mixture.
  • Place in prepared pan and bake uncovered for 35-45 minutes or until cooked through, larger breasts may take more time.
  • Top with shredded cheddar or mozzarella the last 5 minutes of cooking (optional)

And that’s it. I told you it was simple! Easy enough for a weekday meal, but good enough for company. It has a great, crispy coating that packs a lot of flavor due to the cheese, and then, Oh Em Gee, the Garlic!

Put it on a plate with Parmesan Mashed Potatoes & Country Style Green beans, as pictured (recipes eventually), add maybe some Cornbread, then sit down at the table and eat like a civilized person, already. You fought well, and you need to rebuild your strength.

*Sadly, this only protects against mythical vampires, not the real life monsters we actually face today.

**Optional, but recommended: For a crispier underside, place on a rack in your dish, rather than directly on the surface.

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  • theblackdog

    I’ll have to make this when the fiance comes home.

  • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

    This looks good. I’m going to try this. Does the Wonkette know the caloric value of the garlic cheese chicken??? Asking for a friend?

    • Martini Ambassador

      Zero calories if you cut it up before eating. That’s one of Newton’s lesser-known laws.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I’ve heard the calories leak right out through the knife slashes.

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      Caloric count is shut up and eat. Your’re wasting away to nothing.
      ~Your mother

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        I need to get back to fighting weight. Can’t afford to be sick in Trump’s America.

        • BigBoppa pour la résistance

          No shit. I just applied for medicare yesterday. I’m pretty scared about what might happen to that now.

          • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

            I’m too young for that but I still don’t like depending on doctors to stay healthy. The more I can do without medication and surgery the better.

          • Oblios_Cap

            You should be alright. I’ve still got seven years, so I’ll probably be screwed.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Calories 452.1
      Calories from Fat 235 52% (of RDA)
      Total Fat 26.1 g 40%
      Saturated Fat 14.8 g 73%
      Cholesterol 136.7 mg 45%
      Sodium 852.6 mg 35%
      Total Carbohydrate 18.6 g 6%
      Dietary Fiber 1.4 g 5%
      Sugars 1.5 g 6%
      Protein 34.9 g 69%

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        Thank you. It looks like something I can cook several of and freeze for later.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Cornbread? Oh no no no no no no no, Pink honey. This is a yeast roll-worthy dinner right here.

    /stomps off Southernly

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I recognize a compliment when I see one. Thanks!

      • elviouslyqueer

        Now if you substitute collard greens for those country style green beans and macaroni and cheese for mashed potatoes, then I would accept cornbread.

  • Treg Brown

    This looks delicious. What could be better than crispity chicken.

  • Anna Rompage

    I know this is going to sound awful, but my mom used to make oven fried chicken by dredging the chicken in mayo, and then crushed seasoned corn flakes… As surprising as it might sound, the recipe still holds up well to this day!

    • elviouslyqueer

      Your mom is a Methodist, isn’t she?

      • Anna Rompage

        She was an atheist growing up, then my dad made her go to an Episcopalian church when they first married, then she said fuck this, left the church, and he followed suit shortly after…

        • elviouslyqueer

          Ah. The Episcopal explains the corn flakes.

    • Martini Ambassador

      OT, but why is mayo a troll thing now? I really wasn’t following the witticisms of last night’s derp-fest.

      • Anna Rompage

        Because they cannot come out and directly say their racist BS without experiencing the Ban Hammer

        • anwisok

          But, what is is supposed to be substituting for?

          • Nounverb911

            Good taste?

          • Anna Rompage

            I’m not sure if this is it, but it’s what I found, “Mayo can be used in response to someone overreacting to something, or when someone does something bad”

    • AngryKatie

      I was going to post the same thing.

      I suspect my mom picked it up when she lived in PA, because no way she brought that with her from Mississippi. That branch of the family is firmly in the Miracle Whip camp.

  • Martini Ambassador

    Where do the canned clams come into play? We just pour them over the whole shebang at the end?

  • Ezio Auditore

    All this post needs is a recipe for garlic bread and I will be in heaven. Cheese, chicken and garlic are like, my favorite foods ever.

    • elviouslyqueer

      I made a “traditional” green bean casserole for Christmas using the usual recipe. Only I added 1/2 pound of cheese, a dash of Worcestershire sauce, and enough garlic powder to crop-dust Texas. I’m still getting rave reviews, even from relatives I can’t stand.

    • Jamoche

      Take a baguette – grocery store kind is fine. Slice in two the long way, cover the soft part with softened butter mixed with crushed garlic, then slice the short way about every inch, stopping just short of the bottom crust. Broil till lightly toasted.

      • BigBoppa pour la résistance

        Now when you say “butter”, do you mean a stick, a bar, a block a brick or a chunk?

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Yes.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          About 1 pat every couple of inches.

          • BigBoppa pour la résistance

            I’m old fashioned so I like to get to know it before I stat patting it all over. :)

            Note to Pink: I used to be part owner in a small chain of Italian restaurants so I’ve made enough garlic bread for one lifetime.

        • Jamoche

          If you can still see the bread, you don’t have enough butter :)

      • Shan

        Broil? Is that in the oven somewhere?

  • Doug Langley

    OT, but remember that job interview I had couple of weeks ago that seemed promising? They told me they’d make a decision by middle of the week (the 21st). Then talked with the recruiter and he told me they were on vacation and wouldn’t be back until Tuesday. Well, Tuesday was yesterday and I hadn’t heard anything, so gritted my teeth and called the recruiter. Turned out he meant they wouldn’t be back until Tuesday Jan 3!! I have yet another week of agony to go through! Help me . . .

    • Oblios_Cap

      Sounds about right. I was offered a job one year in December, but they wouldn’t let me start until after MLK Day in January so they wouldn’t have to pay me for that holiday.

    • MynameisBlarney
    • Anna Rompage

      Yeah, half of my suppliers are off this week and I cannot quote any of my industrial lines right now….

  • Oblios_Cap

    This sounds good enough for the church pot luck dinner. if I belonged to a church…

    • Blacktop Autumn

      Wouldn’t work. I took fried chicken to the end-of-the-year grad celebration when I was a grad student, and barely anyone ate any. And grad students will eat anything.

      • Oblios_Cap

        All they need is pizza and beer. I remember grad school in a hazy sort of way.

        • Ezio Auditore

          I tried beer once.

          All I did was spit it out and say “HOW COULD ANYONE THINK THIS TASTES GOOD?”

          • Oblios_Cap

            Who cares about taste? it’s the buzz that counts.

          • Blacktop Autumn

            “Beer is proof God exists and wants us to be happy.” — something Ben Franklin probably didn’t say.

          • Doug Langley

            Me too! Wow, how I dreaded my college parties.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Well, there’s beer…and there’s good beer.

          • Ezio Auditore

            So Coor’s Light is not representative of good beer?

          • MynameisBlarney

            *faints*

          • elviouslyqueer

            ALL THE DAMN SIDE-EYE.

          • Blacktop Autumn

            Can we ban this guy? ;-)

          • Ezio Auditore

            XD

          • MynameisBlarney

            Coors Light is like sex in a canoe. It’s fucking close to water.

          • Ezio Auditore

            That is….a very interesting analogy.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Have to give Monty Python credit for that.
            Though they used “American Beer” in stead of Coors Light.

            These days, ‘Merka makes some damn fine beers that rival Europe.
            Well…at least what they allow to be exported, anyway.
            I’m sure the really kick-ass beers don’t make if very far from the breweries.

          • Lefty Frizzell

            The Silver Sissy

          • BigBoppa pour la résistance

            Coor’s Light barely qualifies as drinkable water.

          • Historicat

            It’s a good representation of “beer” – quote marks are mandatory.

          • Jamoche

            That’s how I felt until I had good beer. Now, what’s good is highly subjective; I’ll be glad when the IPA fad is over.

          • Historicat

            Preach.

  • Nounverb911

    I just had leftover that for lunch, with Pesto sauce for good measure.

  • memzilla Ω

    If I’m using more than four breasts, it won’t be a larger dish that I’ll be looking for.

  • goonemeritus

    I think we all need to take a moment and thank those brave soldiers who have gallantly gave the less measure fighting to beat back Santa’s dark forces. Freedom from Christmas is not free people.

    • Ezio Auditore

      And the great General in the War on Christmas, Bing Crosby, who has shouted the words “Happy Holidays” since the 1940’s.

      • goonemeritus

        He will be heralded by our children’s children in verse and paintings.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        Scottish Joke:

        What’s the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

        Bing sings and Walt Disney

        • Ezio Auditore

          My minuscule Italian brain cannot comprehend Scottish humor.

          • Lefty Frizzell

            It’ll ruin it to explain it, but perhaps all you need to do is say it with a Scottish accent:

            “Disney” = (phonetically) “disnae” = (meaning) “doesn’t”

          • Ezio Auditore

            Oh.

          • elviouslyqueer

            Just gonna leave this here:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNuFcIRlwdc

          • Lefty Frizzell

            That’s a right wee stoater of a sketch

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Gawd, that made me LOL so hard the first time I saw it! And the second.

          • Oblios_Cap

            That’s what I intuitively figured it meant, but wasn’t overly confident that I were rite.

          • Daisy

            I don’t get it either. In my defense, it’s been, at minimum, a century since my family has been in Scotland.

  • Nounverb911
  • Shan

    Holy crap! I have all these things and I don’t even need to go to the grocery store!

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      Winner winner chicken dinner,

      • MynameisBlarney

        Literally.

    • Daisy

      I read the recipe to my mom, because this is actually stuff we keep in the house. We’d have to reduce the recipe by half, but that’s simple enough.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        You college kids with your fancy math and good grades…

        • Daisy

          And expensive textbooks. I’m currently looking at $188 for all of them, which actually isn’t bad. It’d have been a little more, but I actually already own Dubliners, so yay!

          • Oblios_Cap

            Me, too! I can’t remember the last time I read it, though.

          • Daisy

            It’s one of the required books for my R1B course, which is titled, Voices of the Celtic World. Thank goodness for my Irish obsession.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Wow! They were expensive in my day as well but that seems a little outrageous. Do they do e-textbooks yet? Just curious.

          • Daisy

            E-Textbooks are expensive, not always available, annoying, and sometimes, you need the material in class, but the teacher won’t allow electronics. In other words, I haven’t checked, because I hate them. The $188 price is for a total of ten books, used.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Hah! And I was feeling all hip and young because I love my e-reader. Keep up the good work.

          • Teecha

            Ebooks also have annoying licence issues. My school was considering using them, but it would have been prohibitively expensive. With actual books, schools can use them forever (or they fall apart) and students can sell them on after their courses.

          • Oblios_Cap

            I majored in math and econ back in the day. Even back then, books w/ symbols had outrageous price tags.

          • Doug Langley

            Be glad you weren’t in my intro computer software class. The one textbook was $200. Not for the book, but for the software app they need for the class. You’ll be glad to know they’ve revamped the class since.

          • Daisy

            Oh, I’m aware that as a social science major, I actually have it easy on pricing for class material.

          • Doug Langley

            Most of our books are pretty reasonable. We try to use just one book for each class. Had another class where we have several books, but they were posted online for free.

          • Yr. Gma

            It’s terrible. I used a textbook that I knew wasn’t doing a new edition every hour and a half so students would have to upgrade. That way they could get used copies.

      • Shan

        I was gonna get mad at Pink for posting a recipe on a day I don’t like to go to the grocery store. I have salad and weird tomatoes and little new potatoes. Possibly some broccoli if it’s still valid and edible. Also some beefy tomato soup with garlic and onions and veggies I made last night that just needs to have the beans and pasta chucked in and…DAMMIT. I need to go to the store for some bread…

        • Pinkham’s Law

          I don’t decide when they go live. ‘Trix edits them, then publishes when she sees fit. She dide a LOT of editing on this one, as I expected it to post before Christmas, and it was written with that in mind. I’m impressed at how well she mimics my writing style, which probably hurts her head, since she is a far better writer than I.

      • Naytch

        No way! Leftovers fer breakfast!

    • shivaskeeper

      That’s a win in anyone’s book.

    • nevillize

      This! We are making it for supper!

      • Shan

        SQUEE!!!

  • Teecha

    How many ‘cups’ of butter are there in that peculiarly shaped block of butter?
    How do you manage without actual measurements?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Recipes are more like guidelines…

      • MynameisBlarney

        I very rarely use recipes.

        Which…to be honest, explains the many failed attempts.

        • BigBoppa pour la résistance

          Failing is learning when you do it right.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Usually, the only failures were when I attempted to bake something.

            In a stock pot or skillet on the stove, or dutch oven on the fire, I rarely failed.

          • Teecha

            Baking is a science. You need to measure stuff when baking. Cooking is more forgiving.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yup.
            Got that right.

          • MynameisBlarney

            *correction*

            When baking meats or casseroles, or stuff like that, I’m usually ok, as long as I don’t let it burn to a cinder.

            It’s cakes and breads that are the ones I have to follow the recipes on.

          • Teecha

            We generally use cooking to mean stuff that you’d eat for your tea or lunch. So I’d cook a roast dinner or a casserole or a stir fry.
            Baking is specifically about cakes and pastries, as well as bread.

          • MynameisBlarney

            That makes entirely too much sense. Therefore, I’m going to ignore it!

          • Teecha

            Hurrah! Fuck sense! Fuck it in its ear!

          • MynameisBlarney

            Dayum rite!
            This here’s ‘Merka! We do thangs the hard way or not at all!

          • Teecha

            In Qatar, we pay someone else to fuck it up.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            One time I baked something without a recipe except I made a simple arithmetic error. Did not end well.

          • BigBoppa pour la résistance

            I never did much baking until about 10 years ago. For a while now I’ve been trying to perfect some of my Grampa’s recipes for Italian cookies. He didn’t leave any written recipes that I know of so I’m dealing mostly with look and flavor memories from 50 years ago. Fortunately, nearly all can be found on line now but there’s one that I’ve never seen anywhere. He called it something like ‘qualisimata’ (spelling is totally a guess here). It was kind of a combination dark chocolate biscotti and American brownie. Very crunchy on the outside but still chewy inside. I came closer than ever with the flavor this year but I’ve never been able to get the texture quite right.

          • MynameisBlarney

            *raises hand*

            I volunteer to be your Guinea Pig!

          • Historicat

            Sounds delicious – if you get it right, you will have to write it up for the Wonkette.

          • LucindathePook

            Baking has to be precise; cooking, you can get a little crazy.

      • Teecha

        Well, you say that, but as someone who learned to cook in imperial units and now cheerfully switches between metric and imperial, the idea of using a fucking cup as a way of measuring for cooking/baking seems insane. What size is the cup? I own 4 cups. They all hold different quantities of water. But how do you measure butter in a cup? Surely it’s a pain in the arse to scrape all the butter off the inside of your cup? Why not just use a scale?

        • Amy!

          American cup is eight ounces by volume.

          • Teecha

            This is why cup recipes are confusing for the rest of us coz we work in weights. 8oz of icing sugar takes up less space than 8oz of, say, carrots.

          • Amy!

            And it’s why those measurements are confusing to those of us with measuring cup and spoon sets, since all the recipes are by volume and you can’t convert to weight automatically. But everyone has the (measuring) tools for cooking.

    • boyblue123

      1/2 cup per bar of butter IIRC

      • Teecha

        Next question- how much is a bar of butter? We don’t have butter in that shape here.

        • MynameisBlarney

          1/4 lb.

          • Teecha

            Thank you.

        • Amy!

          We call it a “stick,” actually. It’s marked on the side, visibly in the picture: four ounces. That’s half a cup.

          It’s also marked (on a different side) in tablespoons (eight of them per stick). Fold open the wrapper, count the lines (you can see them through the wrapper), and cut the number of tablespoons required.

          • Teecha

            I can’t see it on my phone- I did have a look.

            Thanks. We buy butter in 250g or 500g blocks and also have weights in 50g multiple on the overlap of the wrapper sometimes. But I don’t know anyone who doesn’t weigh it for a recipe which calls for a specific amount.

          • Amy!

            *shrug* American recipes all tend to measure everything by volume (except maybe meat? I don’t cook that, so don’t really care). Everyone has teaspoons (and fractional teaspoons), tablespoons, and cups (marked in fractions and ounces for liquid, fractional measuring cup/spoons for dry). Three teaspoons to the tablespoon, two tablespoons to the ounce, eight ounces to the cup, etc. (nobody but fanatics remembers the conversions, but you print them out and post them on the side of the fridge, all done).

            Since American recipes don’t give weights, as a rule, we don’t weigh things.

            We also don’t give mass requirements and then weigh the ingredients, although I admit that’s picking nits. ;-)

          • Oblios_Cap

            I’ve always used kitchen scales to weigh other, non-cooking types of things…

          • Amy!

            And do you ship nationally? :-D

          • Teecha

            I have measuring spoons, and they are marked in ml or fluid oz, and a recipe will commonly call for 15ml of orange juice, rather than a tablespoon. Some of my grandmother’s recipes are in oz and tea/table spoons.
            I have got some measuring cups which I inherited from a former colleague, but I use them for decanting the washing powder coz none of my recipes have measurements in cups.

          • Amy!

            Yup. It’s all about the cooking culture. Changing it is hard, because the measurements are so pervasive. A lot of the time you can convert, but it’s safer to do your conversions by using the original measurements, transferring the total to the alternate measuring system, and writing down the amount from that system. Mechanical translations end up with weird results.

            All your recipes are presumably using a weight/mass-based system. All of mine are traditional based on conventional volumetric measures.

            You can mechanically adjust, so long as you’re aware that the “ounce” in use is the volume occupied by one ounce (by weight) of pure water (at sea level, etc.).

          • Teecha

            Yes, I convert 1oz to 25g even though it isn’t exactly right, but it means you get the proportions right.

          • BigBoppa pour la résistance

            I understand that El Douché likes to cook but measures everything by handfuls. Consequently, there’s never enough food to go around.

          • Teecha

            Actually, this explains the weirdly specific measurements on us recipe sites. I suppose I’d assumed that the conversion was the reason, and then used my own knowledge of baking to make it a sensible weight.
            So for fairy cakes- 125g of sugar, fat and flour plus 2 eggs – but I’ve seen recipes for something like 117g of each. Which must be a conversion from cups.

          • Amy!

            Well … g -> ml -> fluid ounce. Four ounces, yes. Whoever converted prolly didn’t dare add the extra 8g, since that’s over a quarter-ounce, and in some cases that can matter, I suppose.

            Part of the interesting bit of conventional systems (the American and Imperial are close to the last still in common use) is that they were more or less designed for household use. One of the intimidating parts of reading ‘metric’ recipes (for me) is that it’s hard to tell how much slop is in the measurements. There is no recipe that I know of that calls for 96 teaspoons of anything, or even for 32 tablespoons, because that level of precision is pointless for 2 cups, or even for sixteen ounces. Sixteen ounces says “ounces matter”, where “two cups” says ounces only matter in aggregates of eight or so. And “one pint” says mostly “it comes in pint or quart containers in the store, so use one small one or half a big one,” and a few ounces more or less … *shrug* It is, arguably, a compact and expressive way of communicating not only amount, but allowable precision.

          • Teecha

            I suppose you just get used to doing it. My scales have a really nice clear face to them, so it’s easy to measure accurately. But I prefer a balance scale, I didn’t bring it with me when I moved continents because it seemed silly to waste my baggage allowance on actual weights!

            I thought the cups system came from the pioneering Yankee thing- where would you get a scale and weights from and how could you be sure they’re accurate. But you would always use your same cup for cooking.

          • Amy!

            Oh, hmm, I spoke very ambiguously.

            Conventional systems, in general, aren’t “designed” at all; they develop organically and by agreement among the system users. Thus they’re rarely decimal; most often the size up or size down is 3x or 4x, or 1/3 or 1/4. Sometimes 2x or 1/2.

            The cup system is simply a volumetric, rather than weight-based system. Consistent sizes for volume are somewhat easier to achieve (even when improvising, if the container will take and hold a mark) than consistent weight. It began using standard commonly-available (industrial age) things: a cup (eight ounces), a table (or soup) spoon with a large bowl (half an ounce), a tea (small) spoon (a third the size of a tablespoon). Current conversion charts confidently tell you that “a pinch” is 1/8 teaspoon, but what it was was a pinch between index finger and thumb. When the book trade grew large enough to scatter cookbooks all over the country, it became more and more necessary to formalize the proportions, and to connect them with more formal measurements.

            (side note: there’s a sort of kitchen legend that dry measure and wet/liquid measure cups are different sizes; they aren’t. however, it’s true that dry measure cups are sized to hold precisely eight fluid ounces of pure water when filled to the brim on a level surface (you won’t be able to pick it up and move it without spilling (but it’s easy to move it full of, for instance, flour or sugar without spilling after running a straight edge across the top to verify it’s a full cup). liquid measure cups extend further upward, have markings to indicate the fill line, and typically have a spout, so in that sense, yes, liquid measure cups are much larger than dry measure, but filled to the proper level, they hold equal volume)

            These are systems “designed” in the sense that they suit a particular environment pretty well, because that’s where they grew and were developed. Dividing into halves, quarters, and thirds can be achieved with a good eye. It’s easier to judge whether your result will fill these seven jars (in a water bath canning pot) or this bowl or plate or casserole pan than to judge whether a certain weight will fit into a certain volume.

            Different kind of functionality and utility. Does require learning an obscure system that has no real future. It survives because there’s so much of it around, in this particular area (the US), and because switching to metric and decimal is non-obvious and prone to error.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            We generally reserve grams for measuring, *cough, cough* other stuff *wink*

          • Teecha

            Weird. Cocaine/ heroin I suppose would be in grams. But weed and resin is in parts of an ounce…
            or so I understand.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            We round the grams down to account for pinching, stems, etc.

        • boyblue123

          If you cut the single stick of butter into three equal pieces and use two of those pieces youll get 1/3 of a cup

          Also 6 tablespoons worth of butter if you dont have butter in pre-packaged sticks

  • Mpeg

    *photo: chicken breast, raw*

    This was not the side boob I’d come here to see~

  • Nounverb911

    Can you substitute gamecock breast for the chicken breast in this recipe?

  • Ezio Auditore

    Sort of off-topic but sort of related: Mall in China depicts Trump as GIANT ROOSTER.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2016/12/chinese-mall-erects-giant-trump-rooster-statue-just-in-time-for-his-inauguration/

  • TheGrandWaz00

    I’ll never forget the Battle of the Panko Plain back in the Big One.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Lost a lotta good people there.

  • Blacktop Autumn

    Damnit, now I want fried chicken and beer and instead I need to go stick a needle in my leg.

    Thanks guys. :-P

  • BrendaKay

    Hmmm. I thinking of mixing all that into my ground chicken to make chicken burgers…

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I have a feeling that would work pretty well.Might need to add an egg to bind it, though. Maybe.

    • Suse

      Are you my long lost litter mate?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Mr. Mac’s Garlic Pepper? Sounds intriguing…

    What does the rest of the “for resale” message say?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      They actually no longer sell it. They still use the labels, because they have several different blends, but they just make it for themselves & friends. Sorry. :(

      • Oblios_Cap

        Such is life. Thanks, Obama!

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    You have made my leftover rice and bean bowl seem very sad.

    • h4rr4r

      I have to admit that is one of my favorites, with loads of hot sauce and cilantro.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Hold the cilantro, add cheddar or mexican cheese blend.

        • BigBoppa pour la résistance

          If you’re out of cilantro you can substitute Palmolive dish washing liquid. Pretty much the same taste.

          • h4rr4r

            Only for the genetically defective.
            How I pity you.

          • MynameisBlarney

            And as for the hot sauce…
            I prefer sauces that complement the meal, rather than overpower it with brute force.

            Texas Pete is my go to hot sauce.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Exactly. If it sets your mouth on fire you can’t taste what it is you’re eating.

          • h4rr4r

            I prefer hot sauce to be hot.

          • MynameisBlarney

            To each their own.
            I prefer the hot sauce I use to accent the meal. Not overwhelm it.

          • h4rr4r

            I think the threshold for that varies greatly by person.

            I find a couple drops of 250k-500k scoville sauce in a plate of food to be a decent accent. Most would indeed find that overwhelming. It does have to have a good flavor though.

          • Shan

            Used engine oil would also work.

          • BigBoppa pour la résistance

            True, but Palmolive also has that nice, green color so it’s a twofer in the substitution department.

          • Shan

            Anti-freeze is also green. Ish.

          • Yr. Gma

            Did you know there is a gene that makes some people taste cilantro as soap? I don’t have it.

          • Shan

            I have 14 of them.

          • BigBoppa pour la résistance

            I did know that and probably have it because that’s why I don’t like cilantro. My wife says she thinks it tastes soapy too so maybe she has the same genetic thingy. The weird thing is that neither of our kids seem to have it. They both love it. One of my granddaughters will eat cilantro by the handful if you let her. And she’s only 3, which is even weirder because kids that little usually won’t eat anything with a strong flavor.

          • LucindathePook

            Clearly, it’s recessive.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I don’t either, thankfully. Cilantro is the best!

          • Shan

            And adult humans who can still digest milk are mutants, too.

          • Historicat

            Whatever, at least I have a soul.

          • Shan

            How can you tell?

          • Historicat

            I , uh, hmmm – you got me there.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Well, we’re very tolerant people at least.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            If I can eat cheese you can call me whatever you want.

          • Shan

            Lucky.

            *sigh*

            I’m only part-mutant. There are SOME milk products I can eat. Several types of cheese, so that’s nice. But no ice cream, ever.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Then what does soap taste like?

        • h4rr4r

          Yes to the cheese, but no you may not hold the cilantro.

          • MynameisBlarney

            But I DON’T LIKE CILANTRO!

          • h4rr4r

            The Rice, Bean, Cilantro, Cheese, Cilantro, Hot Sauce, Cilantro does not have much Cilantro in it.

          • MynameisBlarney

            It’s this kinda shit right here ^ that makes me glad I defected from Raw Story.

          • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

            RS is more angry. We have more fun.

          • Shan

            And not so many pants.

          • MynameisBlarney

            INORITE!?!

            And I can cuss more here too. Dangit.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            They banhammered me. Some fool asked me if I kissed my mom with that mouth. I asked if he s…ked his dad’s d*ck with his. That’ll do it!

          • Shan

            But that was FUNNY!!!

          • h4rr4r

            Monty Python jokes?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Well…yeah. and other folks getting my sense of humor and adding their own.

          • Well, I LOVE it. I’m having cilantro, cilantro, cilantro, cilantro, cilantro, baked beans and cilantro!

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Needs more Spam.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            What if he holds it between his knees?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Whose knees?

  • SnarkON

    Can I use SNAP to buy the ingredients?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      For the time being.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I find this hotter and more appealing than Jared.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yeah.

      Meeee too.

  • Yr. Gma

    I have the worst time making breading stick to the meat. Suggestions?

    • Shan

      Lick it first.

      • Paperless Tiger

        Tastes like chicken.

      • BigBoppa pour la résistance

        Are we still talking about meat?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Egg and milk wash. Or mebbe rub the meat in olive oil.

      • Yr. Gma

        The egg/milk thing never works for me.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Hmm…
          Do you rinse the meat and pat it dry first before the egg wash?

      • katkelly57

        Or mebbe rub the meat in olive oil.

        Durt burd.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Ermahgerd! Durt Burd!

          • katkelly57

            Oh oh….are you channeling a valley gurl?

          • MynameisBlarney
          • katkelly57

            She is scarwee with that hair….no Pippi Longstocking fur sher.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Use chicken with crepey skin.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I soak my chicken breasts in buttermilk for about a half-hour before I bread them.

      • Yr. Gma

        I’m gonna try that.

    • Anna Rompage

      Dredge meat in flour, then eggs, then breading…

      The flour helps create a base for the egg to stick to.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Is that a double entendre?

    • mancityRed6

      I used melted butter when I made something like this.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Contact cement?

      • Sister Artemis

        double sided tape

  • WomanInTheResistance

    Can I substitute with turkey?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I don’t have any chicken. Can I use lamb or trout?

      • Suse

        Try canned clams. Delish!

        • MynameisBlarney

          MONSTER!!!

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          And if you’re out of canned clams just throw in some rubber bands!

      • Yr. Gma

        Trout and cheese. I dunno.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Might have to switch to Romano and Asiago and top with a Bruschetta.

        • Shan

          McDonald’s puts cheese on their fish sandwich.

          So…good point…

          • Rick Hill

            *cheese-like

          • mancityRed6

            way, way back in ’90 I remember steaming those filets.
            the stench was unpossible

          • Shan

            I’ve worked fast food, too. The smell is almost impossible to get off of you.

          • mancityRed6

            I was 16, thank dog it was only for a couple of months.

          • Shan

            Same here. Summer between HS and college. It took me almost 20 years to be able to eat fried chicken again.

          • mancityRed6

            I ate well. Slicing an edge off of one of the many burgers I would fry.
            And when I was the dishwasher, oh boy.
            All the nuggets and…yeah, you probably don’t want to hear about that part.

          • Shan

            Yeah, no.

          • mancityRed6

            I was 16 and working for $3.85 an hour.
            Plus, at that time, the strange clown place was one of the better places to eat in town.

          • TheAmazingBeardedTrangerderist

            Glad to know I wasn’t the only dishwasher who feasted on leftovers.

      • BigBoppa pour la résistance

        Why not both?

      • mancityRed6

        stuff the lamb inside the trout

        • Me not sure

          Lout?

          • mancityRed6

            tramb?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Turducklamtrouten?

          • mancityRed6

            in your grocer’s freezer

    • Anna Rompage

      I would imagine so, but if you might want to filet the breast down to chicken breast sized portions..

      I actually make Veal Parmesan using pounded turkey breast and it turns out great! The texture is almost identical to the veal…

      • WomanInTheResistance

        I have actually been considering turkey piccatta. What on earth was I thinking?

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    “…whatever tool you prefer to create minced garlic.”

    Great! Now my dildo smells like garlic!

    • Shan

      It didn’t already?

      • mancityRed6

        I’m worried about you now.

        • Vecchiojohn

          We all are.

          • Shan

            HEY I’M RIGHT HERE OKAY?!

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        At least I didn’t say it TASTED like garlic.

        • Shan

          Heh! I should never get into these things. I’m always immediately out-grossed.

          • Me not sure

            No,no,no,…stay just as you are.

        • Brad’s Granny

          So what does it taste like?

          • Shan

            HAHAHAHAHA!

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Unicorn farts.

          • Brad’s Granny

            Now I feel foolish for even asking! It’s such a no-brainer!

    • grageo

      As it should

    • Mehmeisterjr

      This is why you should only mince garlic with a Sybian.

    • DaveM

      Damn it you made me spit beer on my screen. :)

  • mancityRed6

    I’ve done this, but instant potato flakes instead of bread crumbs.
    or, maybe just the recipe on the box.

  • mancityRed6

    my advice is to not dip the buttered chicken bits into the whole breadcrumb mixture.
    maybe sprinkle it over.
    then you can use the rest in your mash.

  • Sister Artemis

    Wait! what the fuck kind of drinking goes with this, beside every and any at all??? Inquiring minds and all that….

    • Shan

      I’m planning on Cabernet Sauvignon. Because that’s what I have.

      • Me not sure

        A perfectly reasonable approach to wine pairing, if you ask me.

    • major_asshole

      I’d say since it’s chicken go with a white wine. Mad Dog 20/20, if possible.

      • Sister Artemis

        Does Mad Dog even qualify as wine? sure, it fits into the “beverage” genre, and yes, alcohol content is alcohol-ey, but somehow I think these sorts of libations need their own category.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Mmmmm, cheesy….

  • SeeTrain65

    Curious, I opened the Twitter link to the Wonkette story. As it appeared on my screen, I felt my stomach grasp inside my body. I felt an urgency, an earnest sense of need, only to have my brain remind me my physical condition would not tolerate the actual chewing of real food.

    “Damn you!” I screamed to the ceiling. “Damn you, Pinkham’s Law! Why did you show me something I could make so easily and want so much, but be unable to eat?”

    My tears flowed down my cheeks, a warm river of regret and loss, and I lifted myself from my seat, walked to the kitchen and began my daily ritual of opening, spooning and consuming peanut butter straight from the jar.

    =====

    Or, in other words, “Damn, that looks delicious. Wish I could have some.”

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Eh. Needs more drama.

      Sorry about the dietary issues. Temporary, I hope?

      • SeeTrain65

        Unfortunately, probably permanent. Still, I can dream. And have gravy. Lots and lots of gravy.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    What kind of seasoning salt do you recommend?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I use the Mr. Mac’s pictured, but that’s no longer available for sale. They still make small batches for friends, so I won’t run out until they die. I’d simply say use one you like. Lawry’s is, of course, the “standard,” but it’s a lot cheaper if you make your own. It’s also a great place to start, and tweak to make your own.

    • major_asshole

      The only seasoning salt you need is Tony Cacher–Sasher–Sacher…Fuck it. You need Tony’s.

  • shivaskeeper

    Forgot to comment since I’ve been over at the OT thread. This looks very similar to the way I make Parmesan garlic chicken.

    However, why have I not thought to add cheddar or mozzarella cheese before this? It was so obvious an addition that I feel stupid for not doing it this way.

  • Suttree

    This is giving me some ideas for this weekend. I’m already getting tired of soups/stews. I can’t even remember the last time I cooked chicken. This if I’m not drunk and lazy, maybe cordon blue if I get after it at a decent time.

  • Alex Grey

    I will give you the recipe for the meatloaf to end all meatloafes! With brown sugar Siracha glaze.

  • DaveM

    Thank you. This was an instant hit at my house.

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