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Hey ladies! Are you always wondering what to wear in order to be all professional-like and whatnot? You know, for business thingities? Like, should you wear lipstick, should you wear heels, should you wear a lampshade on your head? It is often so hard to know!

Thankfully, we have found a helpful resource to help you in planning your business attire: a presentation that went around the Defense Intelligence Agency back in 2013, back when it was led by Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn!

For instance, ladies, did you know that makeup can make you look more attractive? And that you should not advocate the “Plain Jane” look, whatever on earth that means?

screen-shot-2016-11-18-at-1-52-34-pm

Now, not to pat myself on the back here, but I am really good at makeup! I am! And as someone who is really good at makeup, I have to say that I am reasonably sure that at no point in my life has anyone looked at my makeup and thought to themselves “Wow! Way to not wear magenta eyeshadow with a red lip! That is very coordinated! You sure look like a lady who is moving assertively to identified goals!” I do not think that’s even a thing!

The incredibly sexist memo also nicely reminded ladies to consider their “body type” when dressing, which I am reasonably sure is code for “Hey ladies that are fat, please remember that you are a fat person when getting dressed! We know you forget sometimes, because it’s not like we live in a society that consistently reminds you or anything!”

screen-shot-2016-11-18-at-1-52-01-pm

It’s pretty gross to think of any part of any person’s body as “the negative.” Who gets to decide what “the negative” is? Hmm? Is there a committee of some kind?

There is also this bit, which I am incredibly curious about.

screen-shot-2016-11-18-at-1-50-50-pm

SERIOUSLY WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Is this a thing where you get a certain amount of “points” for each of those things and if you go over or under a certain amount of points you are underdressed or overdressed? And how is someone’s hair color contributing to them being either of those things? I do not understand.

At the time, it was a bit of a scandal, and Lt. Gen. Flynn responded to it by saying that “Neither the agency nor I condone this briefing and I only hope the intention to execute this task was pure of heart and intended to help […] But even smart people do dumb things sometimes.”

However! Um, this kind of thing wouldn’t really get “circulated” in an workplace where it wouldn’t be condoned. People generally know what they can and cannot get away with!

To read the whole delightful thing, click here. And then go “coordinate your makeup” and throw out all your scarves, if you are a blonde person or a ginger. I guess.

[Muckrock / Washington Post | USNews]

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  • Nounverb911
    • georgiaburning

      Needs a burqua

      • Crystalclear12

        And a dark room

  • Anna Rompage

    Who knew Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn was such a fashionista?

    I wonder if he put out guidelines for men as well, or was just trying to coerce the women in the DoD to dress up like the images he fantasizes about…

    • Oblios_Cap

      For the men:

      “The potato goes in the front!

      • BigBoppa pour la résistance

        And the onion goes on the belt.

        • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

          as was the style at the time.

  • Teecha

    This would totally get circulated at my workplace and we would all use it as an opportunity to reduce work place stress by pissing ourselves laughing at it.
    On the other hand, I do work in a place where I must cover my elbows and knees. It doesn’t say anything about the space in between those joints, but I’ve not tested that…

  • Oblios_Cap

    Now, Robyn, he’s a general type guy, so he must know more about these things than you. Well, that, and because he’s been cross-dressing for over 40 years now.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Men need guy-dance too!

    Any slides about guyliner, Axe body spray, or the appropriate amount of chest hair?

    • MynameisBlarney

      And how much plumber butt cleavage is TOO much?

      • Nounverb911

        AOT,K.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Don’t forget a little spray of perfume.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Eau de Pu.

      • Msgr_Moment

        “…accentuate your features”

      • Teecha

        In France, the bum cleavage is called a plumber’s smile. you should always share a smile…

  • Msgr_Moment

    …accentuate your features

    So, Lt. Gen. Flynn is in the pro-cleavage faction?

  • exinkwretch

    Dress code for men, of course, is “Bannon Aging Alcoholic Casual.”

  • Crystalclear12

    You know when the country went over the cliff I was all like:
    “Ahhhhhh, we are all going to die!!”
    But now, kinda enjoying the free fall, you know, so long as my enemies are right next to me.

  • FauxAntocles

    Let’s just turn that clock back about 70 years…

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Optimistic, aren’t you?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I’m reading the old Lensman book series right now, and this kind of commentary on proper women’s attire would fit right in, in describing how clearly the love interests are superior to other women.

    My how times haven’t changed.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Yeah, but thanks, no. Women have this coveted, condescending advice not required. I personally believe that men, more than women, need written instructions on how to dress for professional circumstances. For fuck’s sake, TRumpy is a frumpy, sloppy mess and apparently nobody has ever taken the time to suggest a good tailor.

    • Nounverb911
    • Latverian Diplomat

      Don’t blame me for looking rumpled. Everything I cram into my closet says “permanent press”.

    • PubOption

      “Donald, there’s this tailor in Hong Kong, really high energy, can get you a made to measure suit in less than 24 hours.”

    • Speaking on behalf of all men (#notallmen), when single, we do not have any clue how to dress ourselves. And yes, I am currently single.

      • BigBoppa pour la résistance

        My grandfather was a tailor. I learned how to dress properly from both him and my dad who wore nothing but hand made Italian suits when I was a kid. I learned it, but I just choose not to. Haven’t owned a suit for 40 years and haven’t worn a tie in over 20.

        And with what’s happened to my body over the 10 years or so, frumpy is considered a good day.

    • NastyBossetti

      Seriously! That guy can afford a good tailor. And a good barber. There’s no excuse for him to look like that.

    • cmd

      But his pal Bannon is quite spiffy looking.

  • memzilla (Maquis Uni)

    Hey General Flynn. Go co-ordinate yourself. With votes.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    VPL is right out!

  • Michael Smith

    Do they have a big problem with people advocating certain types of “looks” around the office or something? Are there evangelical grungers running around?

    • Wait, Doc Martins and red plaid flannel aren’t work attire? No wonder I keep getting fired!

  • The Devastated Ms. MLG

    If men spent more time controlling themselves and their own basest urges instead of devoting every waking moment to controlling women, there would be less murder, war, genocide and rape in the world. That seems far more important than my choice in lipstick shades.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Whoa there!
      That’s crazy talk!

    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      Isn’t it just amazing on the daily how men are both bosses of everything and the smartest and best for all jobs, but also cannot control their emotions (which they don’t have like dumb ladies) or impulses so us women better watch right out?

      Did I say amazing? I meant something that drives me to drink.

      • The Devastated Ms. MLG

        SHOTS. PLEASE.

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        Maybe we need parthenogenesis.
        http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2556936/

        • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

          Well that might take a lot of the fun out of life for those that like men and sexxytimes. But I’ll consider your proposal and take it back to the head office.

    • Cartoon Euchrid Eucrow

      Have I mentioned how many visible pens you have lately, and how nicely they contrast with your buttons?

    • Crystalclear12

      IDK, take personal responsibility?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Who knew that button-down collars were “casual”? I’ve always thought they were pretty formal, and I’m an Oldz.

    The suit is the core of the professional wardrobe? Hell, I’ve always avoided those like the plague.

    No wonder I’m not a “success”.

  • NastyBossetti

    “Each item of visible clothing”
    Does someone have a tip on where I can buy clothing that is not visible?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Saran wrap will do in a pinch.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I saw that in Fried Green Tomatoes.

        • Shanana Republic

          I still fantasize about the parking lot scene. I’m only sad that it was a VW Bug.

          • calliecallie

            I quoted that parking lot scene with my husband just the other day when some youngster cut in front of us in line.

          • Shanana Republic

            I work out all my screaming people-hate while I’m driving.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yes.
      I have a shit load of invisible clothing.
      Just send me several duffel bags full of non-sequential hunnerd dollar bills, and I’ll ship them right out!

      • NastyBossetti

        You seem very trustworthy!

        • MynameisBlarney

          I really am, just ask me!

          • NastyBossetti

            President-elect Trump? Is that you?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yuuuuuuuuuge

    • Jamoche

      When you find it, I’m sure our new emperor could use some new clothes.

    • cmd

      Harry Potter.

    • Ask The Emperor…

  • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

    “Each item of visible clothing”

    So 5 pairs of underwear is in, but a skirt, shirt and sweater is RIGHT out.

  • welllahdeedah

    Looks like a list a sorority would use to judge pledges.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Sexist Eye for the NSA Guy

  • I do agree that a visible penis is not generally appropriate at work… Oh.. PENS… I see my mistake now.

  • “Wear enough make-up to give me a stiffie, but not so much that you look like you’re having fun!” Fuck everyone who thinks this kind of shit will fly in the 21st-fucking-century right in the ear.

  • Michael Smith

    That newspaper article is nuts!

    “You’ll learn a lot about that man simply by listening. Don’t forget, however, that a too-aggressive attitude and too many pointed questions might scare him away.”

    I would resent that, but when I see how men on social media react to any type of questioning, I have to admit it is sound advice.

    • NastyBossetti

      It only scares away the ones you don’t want around anyway, so… seems like a too-aggressive attitude and too many pointed questions is the right strategy.

      • Michael Smith

        That’s a good point.

    • Jamoche

      If that sort of thing scares him, good riddance.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I mean, as a general guide to dating for all genders it’s fine to recommend that questions be conversational, not interrogative. It’s when this shit is told to women only that it’s a problem.

    • Michael Smith

      Disclaimer: I don’t really think it is sound advice. I was trying to make fun of dudes on Facebook.

  • NastyBossetti

    I advocate the shit out of the plain jane look. I don’t wear makeup, and I let my hair air-dry. And – lucky me – I’m still cute as hell.

    • Oblios_Cap

      As a guy, I don’t really care for makeup that I can notice.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Oh Christ, we can add Title 9 to the list of good things we can’t have anymore (or at least any attempt whatsoever to enforce it.) Fuck.

  • Anna Rompage

    Who are we to judge, really? I mean most of us forgo pants after all…

  • Daisy

    Oh, gross. Aren’t the standards for women high enough already?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    It’s pretty gross to think of any part of any person’s body as “the negative.” Who gets to decide what “the negative” is? Hmm? Is there a committee of some kind?

    The Trump transition team?

  • Oblios_Cap

    And… it’s quitting time. The drinking lamp is lit.

    • Anna Rompage

      Lucky you, I still have 3 more hours…. :(

      On the bright side, I do have a lovely Wanderlust IPA waiting for me when I get home…

    • Sister the Resister!

      Waaaaa…. I’m home sick (third day *grrrr*) and can’t even smoke. Drinking medicinally maybe, but not enough to get schnookered.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    From Star Trek The Naked Time, when Lt O’Reilly is cracked out on “space water”.

    RILEY: This is Captain Riley. Crew, I have some additional orders.

    RILEY: In the future, all female crew members will wear their hair loosely, about their shoulders.

    RILEY: And use restraint in putting on your makeup. Women, women should not look made up. And now, crew, I will render Kathleen one more time!

    KIRK: Please, not again.

    RILEY: (singing) I’ll take you home again, Kathleen (meanwhile, Scott is working in a Jefferies tube) I’ve watched them fade away and die.

  • Shanana Republic

    I once worked in a place that banned pants for women. Because I started wearing pants. They were professional looking slacks and everything. But not a skirt.

    I wasn’t there for long.

    • baconzgood

      We have to wear pants where I work

      • Shanana Republic

        I’m just a walking set-up for this stuff, aren’t I?

        I never learn…

        • MynameisBlarney

          I don’t own pants.

          • BigBoppa pour la résistance

            Uncle Hamish?

          • MynameisBlarney
          • Shanana Republic

            My family gatherings look like a reunion of half the cast of extras for that movie.

          • BigBoppa pour la résistance

            Mine look like a casting call for a Godfather redux.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Mine look like…

            Well…they’re mostly from Appalachia….so…yeah…

          • Shanana Republic

            On my mom’s side, there’s a bunch from Arkansas. Maybe we’re related?

          • Sister the Resister!

            Me neither. For Realz!

    • Jamoche
      • Shanana Republic

        Ooh, I saw that a while back. SHE IS AMAZING!

      • MynameisBlarney

        Oh yeah, I remember that!

    • Anna Rompage

      I don’t understand that at all….

      The only dress requirement should be that even remotely considered is that people have a professional appearance, and that’s all.

      • Shanana Republic

        Yes, well, apparently only skirts qualified as “professional” attire there.

  • WiscoJoe

    Fuck that shit. We’re all Hillary now.

    #ImWithHer #IWokeUpLikeThis #Flawless #NoFilter

    https://static.independent.co.uk/s3fs-public/styles/story_large/public/thumbnails/image/2016/11/18/17/clinton.jpg

  • baconzgood

    What’s wrong with the plain Jane look? I don’t mind it. Women don’t have to gussey themselves up for me.

    • willi0000000

      i prefer that a woman doesn’t get all loaded up with stuff that’s just gonna come off anyway (if we’re both lucky).

  • Jamoche

    Hey, has anyone told Trump this yet? http://www.bbc.com/autos/story/20161110-why-trump-wont-be-allowed-to-drive

    US President-elect Donald Trump has quite the collection of automobiles, which he can never drive. You see, US presidents and former presidents are not allowed to drive on public roads

    So what won’t the next US president be driving any time soon? The lengthy list includes his 2003 Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren, a 1956 Rolls-Royce Silver Cloud (reportedly one of the first cars Trump ever owned), a 2011 Chevy Camaro Indy 500 Pace Car and a 24-Karat Gold Orange County Chopper,

    Emphasis mine.

    • Sister the Resister!

      So, did he get that McLaren from Lori and Ammber? Inquiring minds etc etc etc

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Indianapolis Motor Speedway discussed requesting return of the pace car and then realized they didn’t know how to successfully remove cooties.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Inside joke at Trump Tower cabinet selection meetings: I like my wimmins like I like my salad…hold the dressing.*

    *It’s just locker room talk.

  • DainBramage the BBROYGBVGW

    How many items of flair did the ladies need to wear?

    • Lulu Mac

      Immediately what I thought of too…

  • NastyBossetti

    That last slide is truly puzzling. I wish I knew what the commentary was that went along with it.

  • Lulu Mac
    • Shanana Republic

      SQUEEEE!!!!

      • Lulu Mac

        Men may have power ties, but I have power shoes…

        • Ezio

          Of course shoes actually have a purpose whereas ties…well…ties are useless.

          • MynameisBlarney

            *shrugs*

            I dunno, makes for a great handle when slapping some douchebag about the face and neck.

          • Michael Smith

            Tie libelz!! They are really good at catching sauce that falls from food.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Built in bibs.

          • Michael Smith

            Unfortunately, they’re not supposed to get messy.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Pffffft!

            I do what I want!

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Hillz needed to wear this to a debate. And also, she needed to be wearing flats.

    • Arse Grammatica

      So, um. flats then.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    I was moving assertively toward identified goals until the damn bouncer stepped in front of me.

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

    I wonder what color eyeshadow I should use…

    • MynameisBlarney

      Neon Green?

      • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

        With my gray fur I can actually pull that off…
        Now, if you were to undress me with your eyes, what would you want me to be wearing?

    • Mezzaluna

      I recommend Urban Decay Asphyixa (a medium lavender) because WTF who names a eye shadow after how David Carradine died.

      • Lulu Mac

        My dream job is to be a makeup/nail polish color namer.

  • Vicious Babushka

    I worked at EDS back in the ’80’s when the “Dress For Success” look was all the rage. We were not allowed to wear pants or comfortable shoes, we had to wear panty hose & heels even while crawling around on the floor laying cat5.

    Dress codes persisted even 5 years ago. I got a reprimand for wearing “athletic” shoes. OK maybe my Nikes were inappropriate for executive meetings. I went to the Rockport store and got myself a pair of wingtips. LOL.

    Now I wear khakis, t-shirt and unbuttoned oxford shirt like any other old tech geek.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Hey, I usd to work there too! My fave policy was the one where when we were in the Dallas HQ, suit jackets had to be worn at all times (except when sitting at your cubical). Bathroom break? Don’t forget to be fully uniformed!

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      I worked at a furniture store in college and had to wear heels and skirts while climbing on ladders hanging mirrors, meeting customers at the loading dock with purchases, and rearranging the stock room.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      We got a new administration at work after an election, and they immediately tightened up the dress code, which had gotten pretty lax under the previous administration.

      They said that, if you dressed professionally, you acted professionally.

      We pointed out that the people who threatened to discipline us if we didn’t lie to the public about the administration’s fuck ups were all dressed professionally.

  • Vorhees

    Point of Order.

    In the top screenshot it says “Men fall readily into five categories or types.” Of which the first is “The Active Sportsman.”

    This is cruel, Wonkette, very cruel. WHAT ARE THE OTHER 4 TYPES???

    How can I go about the rest of my day without this knowledge? I need a drink. Er, another drink – in fact, just bring me the bottle….

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Drunkard, Fat Slob, Closet Case, and Beta.

      • Lulu Mac

        But where does Cuck fit in?

        • MynameisBlarney

          On the bottom?

          • Lulu Mac

            Ba Dum *Pshhh*

          • Cogswell … — … …—…

            Hey, Blarney… good to see you here!

          • MynameisBlarney

            Hiya Cogs! How ya been?
            Yeah…they like literally kidnapped me. I’m typing this from the trunk of a car.
            Please halp me! Send beer and cigs!

          • Cogswell … — … …—…

            I got banned from rawstory. I’ve been at C&L a lot. I decided to expand my horizons.

          • MynameisBlarney

            The fuck?
            Why’d they ban ya?

          • Cogswell … — … …—…

            Trolling the trolls. They didn’t like me sticking up for others there who aren’t as fortunate as I am with the quick wit.

            I was told I could come back if I stopped. I told the mod who responded to my inquiry as to why I was banned that he needed a new hashtag… #TrollLivesMatter.

            I don’t think he appreciated it and neither did I care.

            I also told him most of the articles there were poorly written or just click bait.

          • MynameisBlarney

            That’s kinda why I left RS.
            Very clicky-baity and some of the mods were just…GAH!

            And this place…well, I fit fuckin right the fuck in here.
            I just wish I’d found this place earlier.

          • puredog

            We’re all glad you boys found each other! Now, smash the fuckin’ state, okay?

        • idiokratischtrumpenjugend

          After trumpanzee and before sucker.

      • mancityhombres

        decisions, decisions…

      • I’ll take door #1

        • blondeiq

          Super sex? I’ll have the soup.

    • NastyBossetti

      I feel like you’re going to be sorry you asked this question.

    • Ezio

      The other four types:
      > The “dudebro”
      > The creepy “nice guy”
      > Angry racist/sexist internet troll
      > Guy who cares more about fantasy football than reality

    • Vincent Ricola

      I’m guessing “cuck” fits in there somewhere.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      There’s drinker, heavy drinker, blind drunk drinker and Palin

    • Mezzaluna

      I found the original article!
      http://flashbak.com/how-to-dress-for-success-and-to-get-a-man-a-1967-guide-for-useless-women-56767/
      You have your choice of Active Sportsman, Spectator Sportsman, Man about Town, the Sophisticate, A Good Time Charlie, The Shy Conservative, The Far-Out Intellectual, the Successful Executive, the Glutton and The Drunk.
      Compare and contrast with Trump’s proposed Cabinet.

      • Vorhees

        Shy Conservatives? If only…

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Hmm, they don’t count to five like they used to. :-)

  • exinkwretch

    Swastika tattoos should cover no more than one-third of the neck or forehead. Be tasteful.

  • Vicious Babushka

    The New Dress Code will be: all ladies are required to wear all of Ivanka’s brand.

    • Lulu Mac

      I’ve seriously only ever seen her clothes on the clearance rack at Ross…

      • Daisy

        Me too. My roommate was looking at a dress, saw her name, and went, “nope”.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    “Wear just enough makeup to accentuate your features.”

    How much is needed to make Flynn look like a giant asshole?

    • Mezzaluna

      None at all. He’s lucky that way.

  • Mezzaluna
    • Shanana Republic

      I think that looks nice.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    In my experience, on the first date you would have stood out as marriage material if you showed up.

  • Daisy

    I went through the whole professional look for FFA: black, knee length skirt, nude pantyhose (black in every state other than California), white button down, black flats (supposed to be heels), and the FFA jacket. Oh, and the scarf, plus making sure my hair was curled.

    • The Devastated Ms. MLG

      My oldest Niece is active in FFA. She likes it a lot. She has placed very high in the state in several competitions. I never thought I would have a niece who judged cattle, but apparently only 2 kids in the state of TN can do that better than her. I say that competition was #rigged and she was robbed!! That’s most likely my bias talking, but if an aunt can’t be biased, who can?

      • Daisy

        FFA is honestly so fun. The boys also get held to an appropriate standard of dress, and girls can switch to pants and boots if more suited to the competition.

        • The Devastated Ms. MLG

          It’s good for her, and I’m happy she found it. She isn’t much younger than you!

          • Daisy

            I’m glad too! And it sounds like she’s pretty awesome!

          • The Devastated Ms. MLG

            She’s frickin’ delightful, Daisy. :)

      • Celtic_Gnome

        “… if an aunt can’t be biased, who can?”

        Donald Trump, Steve Bannon, David Duke. Shall I continue?

  • Vicious Babushka

    I used to read articles like this all the time in teen magazines during the ’60’s.

  • Vincent Ricola

    No fatties. No brunettes. No heavy liner.

    I cannot stand this guy.

    • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

      He’d never hire me then. I think this is a good thing.

      • Vincent Ricola

        I agree. Anything to keep out of Michael Flynn’s awareness sphere is a good thing.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Scarf? What the actual fuck!

    • Mezzaluna

      Chanel or Hermes?

      • Ryan Denniston

        I guess it makes sense; we don’t really do foxholes anymore. Maybe Trump will bring those back too.

        • Mezzaluna

          Scarves can serve as make-shift tourniquets, parachutes for very small things and signal flags. The later is often the cause of confusion about whether the scarf waver is directing an action, signalling for assistance or asking the big boy on the left to come on over.

          • BigBoppa pour la résistance

            A scarf also served as a super hero cape when my son was 3.

          • Usedtobeyellerdawg

            Also as a mask for robbing gas stations and whatnots.

          • puredog

            Also useful for your Isadora Duncan tribute.

          • Sister the Resister!

            One of the best presents my kid got when she was about 3 years old was a Quaker Oatmeal box (the round kind) stuffed with a zillion colorful “silk” scarves. They got used for so many different things!

    • Bear OmNomNom

      Just not hijab.

      • Dazza

        All the upfists for this.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Scarves are back in thanks to Ivanka.

      So’s burn unit cosmetic surgery.

    • Querolous
  • idiokratischtrumpenjugend

    They are predicting red, white and black will be popular color schemes for the 2017 fascion season.

    • Lulu Mac

      ISWYDT

    • Mezzaluna

      Isn’t that also a penguin in blender joke?

      • BigBoppa pour la résistance

        SUNBURNED ZEBRA LIBELZ!!!!

      • Querolous

        nun/wherevers

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Brown shirts for die Menschen.

      • idiokratischtrumpenjugend

        And ladies, when you are gliding down the runway at the fashion revue, try to put a slightly higher kick in your stride.

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird
      • idiokratischtrumpenjugend

        We can winter in Port of Spain.

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      We are the goon squad and we’re coming to town, beep beep!

      https://youtu.be/aj3bkqhUQM0

  • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

    So if I don’t have red or blond hair, that means I win? This game is confusing.

    • Shanana Republic

      Well, I guess I’m out.

  • Ryan Denniston

    The 60s called, they want their social policy back.

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    As a woman, I have just one message for Flynn: bqhatevwr

  • NastyBossetti

    You guys are all just too young to remember that this is just how things were back in… Wait, did you say 2013?

  • Sister the Resister!

    OT: Washington Post reports that Trump will settle the Trump U lawsuit for $25mil. Good luck collecting, fools

    • Anna Rompage

      He’ll just pay it using other people’s money out of his foundation…..

      • Vincent Ricola

        Or our taxes under the new definition of the “presidential fund”.

      • Querolous

        His apparatchiks will be required to follow his lead and not accept their salaries and instead be required to “donate” them to his foundation. With all that sweet grift that will be floating out of the WH they won’t mind.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Using the old “We did nothing wrong, we just don’t have time for this crap” dodge. Oh, and an NDA a foot thick…

  • Cogswell … — … …—…

    Okay, this moron wants to tell women how to dress while the resident-select has a wife that poses naked. That’s just laughable.

    • Sister the Resister!

      Seems to me the correct civil disobediance response would be for ALL women to be nekkid. Bummer it’s winter

    • Anna Rompage

      I have a feeling this guy has no problems with the less is more attitude…

    • nightmoth

      Question: remember all those horrible racist cartoons of Michelle? Well, I want to post those nekkid pictures of the new flotus as nasty memes—is that slut shaming, and should I care? It’s in keeping with my new goal of “turnabout’s fair play.” I feel kinda sorry for Melania, but lay down with dogs, etc.

      • Lulu Mac

        Yes, it’s slut shaming. Whether you care or not is totally up to you.

      • Sister the Resister!

        It is slut shaming, and you probably should care, and I’d advise the “they go low, we go high” approach

      • Cogswell … — … …—…

        I have to agree. I’m sick and tired of this, “when they go low, we go high” business. Turnabout IS fair play. I say fight fire with napalm.

        • Shanana Republic

          I disagree. The racist cartoons of Michelle weren’t about Michelle, they were about racism. What is posting naked pictures of Melania about?

          • Cogswell … — … …—…

            You do have a good point. The rubes don’t really care that Melanoma has no class. In fact, since they voted for his royal anus, it shows they don’t care about anything at all except their bigotry, racism and hate.

            They’d probably just add the memes to their pr0n collection

          • Thiazin Red

            Shit, they don’t care that she lied on her immigration forms and worked in the country illegally either.

          • Cogswell … — … …—…

            They also don’t care that absolutely everything that came off the orange turd’s forked tongue was a lie, either.

          • Thiazin Red

            He tells it like it is.

            But don’t take anything he says literally, it was just a joke, he was being sarcastic, he isn’t a politician you can’t expect him to know things or talk good.

          • Cogswell … — … …—…

            But he knows words. He has the best words…

      • nightmoth

        Thanks for your replies. Seriously. I still want to do the good thing, instead of the bad thing, but I also keep in mind the old joke about the farmer & the mule.
        A farmer sold a man his mule as the most obedient, placid mule he’d ever known. But the mule wouldn’t do anything for the new owner. So the new owner took it back and complained, whereupon the farmer hit the mule upside the head, and said, “First, you have to get his attention.” That’s how I’m feeling about the christianist evangelicals who preach modesty for women, but voted for a serial adulterer with a trophy wife.

  • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

    I long ago resigned myself to failure at dressing for success. On days when i need a boost I go for “how unprofessional can I look?”

    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      I have those ‘how much can I get away with’ days too.

  • Michael Smith

    Know your body type?

    That reminds me of a game show I used to watch when I was little, in which my mom would complain about the host every time: “She has no business wearing sleeveless.” This was a children’s game show, by the way. If were a girl, I would probably have issues by now.

    • Sister the Resister!

      kind of goes along with the gender, quite frankly

  • Ryan Denniston

    I thought Republicans frowned on Big Gubbmint dictating minutiae to The People.

    • Michael Smith

      Yeah. The People. This is women they are talking about.

    • exinkwretch

      Women aren’t people, silly!

  • Marion in Savannah

    Back about 150 years ago I used to have to dress like that from time to time for bidness. I called it my “eat shit, peasant” look. Now I’m annoyed if I have to wear shoes. (Retirement rocks…)

  • blondeiq

    Is that “visible pens” or “visible penis?”

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I feel pretty strongly that men, in general, have no reason whatsoever to try to dictate women’s makeup, fashion, or anything else about their appearance. Women are much better at that sort of thing than the vast, vast majority of men. Any sort of “helpful” advice from men on that subject is just so much clueless hot air.

    Now, whether women collaborate with oppressive patriarchal expectations concerning modesty and things like that… I dunno, that’s for y’all to decide. I ain’t qualified.

    • Sister the Resister!

      unless it’s Ru Paul, of course

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      That’s actually a good point. I worked at a place years ago that had a pretty strict dress code for the women in the office. The male manager who wanted it had a woman in HR write it though because he didn’t have a clue himself. The finished product had all the usual stuff about hair, makeup and attire but it included some really specific things like type of underwear to be worn so as not to show visible panty lines or exposed bra straps (bras, of course, were mandatory) and allowable colors for lipstick and eye liner. The woman who wrote that was wound a bit too tight IMO.

      For men, there were only 2 guidelines. No jeans and collared shirts with ties. The first person to break the dress code was the manager who enforced it.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Personally, I am generally in favor of visible penis. Wait, what?

    • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

      Me too.

      • The Devastated Ms. MLG

        NOOOOOOOO!

      • Lulu Mac

        Um, no. I mean, they serve an important purpose and all, but they are not, IMO, visually pleasing.

        • BigBoppa pour la résistance
        • Gayer Than Thou

          I will defend to the death your right to say that, but boy oh boy is it gonna be difficult for you to get an account on my new social media platform/app, VisiblePeniser.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      The people near me in the bus stop usually seem to have a different opinion. Sigh. What it is to be a fashion pioneer!

    • Michael Smith

      Ah, yes, the old “VP.”

      “So did you meet that nice young man who applied for the sales position this morning.”

      “I did. He was qualified, but I’m afraid he had a bit too much VP.”

    • Vorhees

      Roger Ailes, is that you?

    • MynameisBlarney
    • Sister the Resister!
    • Thiazin Red

      You should check out the ballet, lot of visible dong at the ballet.

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      You’re on a roll today. I like that.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I am finally starting to come out of my post-election anxiety attack.

        • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

          Yes, I think we all are. This is how we will win the war, my brothers!!!

  • Gayer Than Thou

    This is just terrible. Seriously. Who does a PowerPoint on a black background?

    • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

      It communicates that you are moving assertively towards identifiable goals!

      • Lefty Frizzell

        Unidentifiable dark charcoal on black goals.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        The only thing I move assertively towards is the door at 5 PM. Otherwise, I’m here wonking all the live long day.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        That language is pretty much exactly how the brochures that come from our Japanese headquarter sound.

        “We must all exercise the best cautions and ideas while striving toward the higher goals grounding!”

        • Sister the Resister!

          tiny grass is sleeping!

    • Michael Smith

      In his defense, maybe he was hungover AF.

    • Ali | Cat of the Resistance

      At least it’s not Comic Sans?

    • tehbaddr

      I do, with Charcoal grey Ariel bold font. Makes the point all brutal!

  • Mpeg

    “Then I suggested, ‘Perhaps it might help to get your hair fixed up a little. It’s a little – – floaty. Then you might also add a little sweet-smelling perfume – – just a whiff of it. But the really imporant thing is to get a new atitude that will change the lines on your face and give you that indefinable quality known as spiritual joy. This I am certain will release charm and loveliness in you.’
    ‘Well,’ she burst out, ‘never did I expect to get this combination of advice in a minister’s office.’ ” – – Norman Vincent Peale, The Power of Positive Thinking, 1952

    “I GOT A NEW ATTITUUUUUDE!!!” — Patti Labelle, 1985
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWfZ5SZZ4xE

  • YayConspiracy

    I wonder if he had a boner when he wrote that.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Jeez, why don’t you tell us how you really feel Flynn? Mandatory pushup bras and thongs all around.

  • Nounverb911

    OT

    Press release from NY AG on Trump U.

    https://twitter.com/CNBC/status/799721838796488708

    • Ryan Denniston

      Now there won’t be any money in Trump’s foundation for vets :(

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Was there ever?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      One trial down. How many more to go?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Dammit, now this goes away and everyone forgets about Trump’s most obvious act of fraud and con artistry (excepting his successful Presidential run, of course).

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Dammit. I really, really wanted those depositions to go public. I have so few entertaining news options these days.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      On to the kiddie rape trial.

      • Shanana Republic

        I thought she’d been bullied by death threats from Trumpholes into dropping the charges.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I heard she was bullied into not coming forward and revealing her identity at a press conference, but I hadn’t heard that the whole trial was wiped out.

  • bookish
    • Vincent Ricola

      I expect Trump will be live tweeting insults at protesters during his inauguration.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The gals in the secretarial pool were not amused.

  • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

    Hey, there are pantsuits in that slide show! HILLARY, WERE YOU DOING BENGHAZI TO THAT POWERPOINT??

  • Ali | Cat of the Resistance

    Visible pens?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Well, the penis mightier than the sword.

      • Ali | Cat of the Resistance

        No visible swords either? :(

    • notaten

      I suspect that’s a military man thing. When I was taking a shipboard instructor course when I was in the Navy, I was told that having a shiny object anywhere near my breastesses was a no-no because of how my amazing(ly) small breastesses were too distracting to the men! This was in the ’90’s. I laughed and said if the men are that easily distracted perhaps they would not be the best fighting men? Oh, and I still graduated #1 in that class. SMH

  • Mr. Blobfish

    He forgot to tell the laydeez to smile.

    • Lulu Mac
      • MynameisBlarney

        Now there’s woman that looks like she’s about to kill a motherfucker!

    • Vincent Ricola

      He saves that for when he passes them in the hallway, he likes to enjoy the furious looks in person.

    • Ezio

      It is so annoying when people tell others, particularly women, to smile. Especially if they are a stranger. Not only is it creepy, but it is also dismissive to whatever the person is feeling at the time.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I particularly love when the command to smile is followed up with, “You look prettier when you smile.” I’d look happier with my knee in your nuts, but lucky for you I’m not doing that either.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Was it Flo Kennedy who suggested snarling “Say something funny”?

  • smr06va

    Not one word on pantsuits?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Yet, on leave, this was his preferred dress code for the laaaaaaaadeees.

    http://images.halloweencostumes.com/products/13868/1-1/womens-army-general-costume.jpg

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      From the Ivanka She-Wolf collection.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Sign me up!

    • tehbaddr

      But is that Overdressed or Underdressed?

  • OrG

    “smart people sometimes do dumb things”. Yep,on the other hand dumb people do dumb things all the time.Too many examples to list.

    • Crystalclear12

      11/8/2016

      • The Devastated Ms. MLG

        Sums it up.

      • calliecallie

        All the upfists for this!

  • calliecallie

    Don’t forget the fifteen pieces of flair.

  • going4baroque

    I want to share a quote that is just hilarious and insane, if you get serious about it. The quote is a quip by one James (Mad Dog) Mattis, Marine Corps general, who Obama named to replace General Patraeus in 2010, which goes to show that military commanders are not necessarily promoted due to their ability to be reasonable.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/17dfd003106f72893e813de9b8a67332ea998764977df39f137d3ada6390b67a.jpg

    • Sister the Resister!

      pretty much how I roll…

    • Mezzaluna

      Mom, Is that you?

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I thought Georgia was trying to outlaw the whole lampshade on the head thing.

    • tehbaddr

      MONSTERS!!!111!11!!1111!1!!!!!!

    • Vorhees

      Lampshade isn’t a problem.

      *Only* a lampshade is a problem. At least while motorcycling….

  • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

    I am going to take a stab at the last slide and say it means if you want to be taken seriously you need to consider all these things. And we all know that brunettes are the serious thinkers. Duh!!

  • Duke

    Anyone who’ll kiss Trump’s ass hard enough to get a job will be a psycho of some sort.

    We need a pool on who’ll quit first. Who’ll quit before the inauguration?

    Pence will be president by 2020, too. I got a fiver that says so.

    • smr06va

      As long as he isn’t POTUS after January, 2021……

    • Querolous

      Palin quit before she was even considered.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      I kind of don’t think the old guy has the stamina for the job. It wears on everyone who has it. In many ways Pence is worse, but I think he could hire better weirdos than DJT will get. There is always the possibility a Prez Pence will be able to get the worst of the DT kleptocracy out. That is how low we will fall.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Oh, honey, unless Tim Gunn said it right to my face, I am not taking fashion advice from any man.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      You made that work. Nice.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Man! Being a guy is so fucking easy!

    • Lulu Mac

      Understatement of the century right there, my friend…

  • Arse Grammatica

    Visible penis! Sign me up!

  • tehbaddr

    Note: if there’s ever a lady with lampshade on her head in the room, that’d be the one I’m after!

  • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

    Also too I am so jealous of the ladies and gents who do the make up goods. I always feel like I’m a toddler finger painting.

    Plus there’s always some sort of must have brush thingy to do a thing that I am not sure I need to be doing. Ugh. Makeup!

    • Shanana Republic

      Same here. I do lipstain and a little mascara and that’s about it. Just for color, so I don’t look like a boiled egg. Sometimes some foundation if I’m feeling splotchy or some eye shadow. These people who do contouring and cat-eye liner…god, I’d end up looking like Bozo the Clown. When I try even a little bit of eye liner, I look like I just lost 3 days and woke up under a bridge.

      • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

        Especially eye liner, fuck! No bottom eye liner ever because yeah crack hoe look.

        I rarely wore foundation when I was younger unless it was stage makeup because my skin was flawless. I don’t even know what happened because I have come to realize that nope I need foundation now. But I don’t know my color and feel weird as an almost 37 year old female hopping into the MAC counter and going haaaaaaaalp!

        • Thiazin Red

          I’m jealous of the skin, I’m 36 and haven’t had clear skin since I was about 10.

        • Shanana Republic

          At her request, I took my 15yo daughter to get foundation and the very nice lady at the Estee Lauder counter did swatches (or whatever) on us both and gave us some free “10-day samples” to try. That was over a month ago….she’s not really into wearing makeup, either.

    • Thiazin Red

      I can’t do it either, I’ve watched the videos but I can’t make the results come out the same. The guy who does my hair is a drag queen, so maybe I should pay him for lessons.

      However, I recently discovered a shade of red lipstick that works for me. I put it on and I didn’t look like the Joker with liver failure and a huge mustache!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Ladies Night at the White House are gonna be rocking like it’s the Clinton Years again.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      With less consent.

  • calliecallie

    As stupid and misogynistic as I find this, I would let him make presentations like this all day long if he would promise that it would be the worst thing he’s going to do in this administration.

  • Mezzaluna

    Here’s the original article with ALL of the man types.
    http://flashbak.com/how-to-dress-for-success-and-to-get-a-man-a-1967-guide-for-useless-women-56767/
    Compare and contrast with Trump’s Cabinet.
    The Glutton (Christie) and the Drunk (Bannon) are easy, but the rest…

    • Lulu Mac

      None of them are the Far-Out Intellectual, that’s for sure…

      • Thiazin Red

        Alex Jones?

        • Foreign Agitator Ron

          Far-Out, but hardly an Intellectual.

    • OrG

      Drunk libel!

    • You don’t have to worry about what you wear when you’ve got your clutches on a Drunk because he’s too drunk to notice! Your biggest challenge will be keeping him supplied with ice cubes!

      Ah, the 60s, God love ’em.

  • Next thing you know men will insist on control over if ladies should be forced to have babbies oh wait.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I don’t at all understand the overdressed/underdressed list. Which is which? As a ginger, I want to know just offended I need to be.

    • Lulu Mac

      All of them, Katie…

    • Thiazin Red

      Ha ha, there is no way to woman correctly, whatever you’re currently doing in wrong.

    • NastyBossetti

      The only serious hair colors are brown and black, and therefore if you have blonde or red hair, you are underdressed.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        I think I’m at least a little happy that I wouldn’t have cut it in this jerkwad’s administration. [*pours more flaming magenta dye on head*]

      • WomanInTheResistance

        But what about grey? Serious? Or ditzy?

        • Thiazin Red

          Grey gets you sent to the Unwoman Island for those who make penises sad. A woman aging naturally is both gross and terrifying to men like this.

        • NastyBossetti

          Invisible.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            Sure, but Carol makes that invisibility shit WORK for her on Walking Dead. It’s not a bug; it’s a feature!

          • NastyBossetti

            I think in a lot of instances, invisibility is an awesome thing.

          • WomanInTheResistance

            True that.

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        Heaven forbid you happen to have blonde or red hair naturally.

        • NastyBossetti

          That’s what hair dye is for! All ladies should be using hair dye anyway, in case they should grow a single gray hair on their head!

          • Shanana Republic

            I am in the process of turning mine white, for reals. My hairdresser lady is excited about it.

          • NastyBossetti

            I’ve been going gray since I was roughly 22. I used to dye my hair all different colors – turquoise, purple, red, green – until I was required not to by an employer and then I went with more “natural” colors. A few years ago, I just cut it all off to let my actual natural colors grow back in, and I’m really happy with they way it looks. I have a lot of gray, but I think it looks good, like highlights I didn’t have to pay for.

          • Shanana Republic

            Mine started going about 15 years ago and I was NOT ready for it. I mean, I had a little baby, for Pete’s sake! I didn’t want to be mistaken for her grandma! So began the coloring…ugh…

            But I’m fed up with it. It’s expensive and time-consuming. And I’m looking forward to wearing something besides earth tones.

          • Foreign Agitator Ron

            The current state of affairs in America is almost certainly helping with that.

      • puredog

        I disagree. If you have blonde or red hair, you are ineluctably overdressed.

        • Shanana Republic

          Read: too much boner bait.

  • Shucky Ducky

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/84589b0ad1a675763c83b958cdf0342091b05115f153dfdc47f5f4543f801f14.jpg
    “It look like you’re trying to be a misogynist. Can I help you with that?”

  • Thiazin Red

    Because god for-fucking-bid a woman just be evaluated on her competence, work ethic, or results, she should really also make sure she pleases the boners of all the men around her too.

  • OrG

    Completely O/T ;My cat has politely informed me that being depressed about impending fascism is NOT a reason to forget to clean the litter box.

    • Sister the Resister!

      they must have been talking to my cats…

      • Sekhmet1

        Mine have been complaining that my standards of service are slipping, too.

    • Shanana Republic

      Uh-oh. Did he pee in your shoes?

      • OrG

        No/he just politely peed on the floor outside the box.

        • Shanana Republic

          My kitty goes outside, bless his furry little butt. Even when it’s cold and snowy. But he looks back and growls at me before he steps outside, like it’s my fault.

          • Marion in Savannah

            We’ve got a black one who seems to think that after it rains (if it ever does again, down here…) it’s our job to hustle our butts outside with a hair dryer and dry the grass for her.

          • Shanana Republic

            When I was a kid, we had one who would NOT go when she was outside. She would be dancing at the front door whenever we came home and rush inside to use her litterbox. Weird.

          • Foreign Agitator Ron

            We had a black-and-white cat, an adopted stray (HE adopted US) who of a winter would try to walk without actually touching the snow with his delicate li’l paws. Watching him guaranteed smiles for the rest of the day.

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            Mine did not care, she’d take off.
            Dry up here too. Some days the smoke from the fires in the mountains is blowing through. No real rain expected until about Christmas.

        • Pierre_de_Fermat

          Mine used her litter box faithfully until she was very old. Then was less faithful.

    • Marion in Savannah

      I’ve got a little tortoiseshell who shoves her water dish all over the kitchen floor, slopping water as she goes. “MOM — quit yer bitchin’ and get your shit together!”

    • Pierre_de_Fermat
  • boyblue123

    “Contrast buttons” seems like an odd fashion item for a straight guy to worry about on what a woman is wearing. Just saying

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      He says “contrast buttons” and I hear “flair.”

      • boyblue123

        so “expressing personality” through flair is a no-no for this guy?…what a weirdo

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          I have no earthly idea what he means. I frankly wonder if he knows what he means.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        I hear “contrast buttons” and I think “is this a term that has multiple meanings?”

    • My parents’ television set had contrast buttons.

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      They might highlight your boobs and give an excuse for staring!!!

  • calliecallie

    This puts me in mind of the Capri Pants War of 2008 in my own workplace. The woman manager who banned the capri pants ultimately retired in 2010, and we won the war. I look forward to winning the war on Trump one day as well.

    • Lulu Mac

      I participated in a similar Flip-Flop War in 2013. Sandals were allowed, but flip-flops were not. Many battles ensued over the proper definition of both…

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        Save Our Soles!

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I had my own war on capri pants and won. I look terrible in them, so it was just a personal victory involving a war fought by an army of one.

      • calliecallie

        Susan, is that you?

    • AllieQuinn

      Wait, I think you might work with me…

      Or at least, we had the same war (and eventually the retirement of the dress code enforcer).

      • calliecallie

        Are you in Michigan?

        • AllieQuinn

          Weirdly…I used to be, but this particular incident happened in Baltimore. Guess there were more battles in the Capri Wars than I realized…

  • Señor Skwerl!

    But even smart people do dumb things sometimes.
    But dumb people who think they are smart do stupid things all the time.

    • Jamoche

      Dunning-Kreuger poster children.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Back in my work days there was a stunningly beautiful woman in her late twenties that worked in the cube farm down the hall from mine. As a reference point, she was built like a model you would see in a Playboy magazine centerfold. Though she wore very little make-up, and dressed conservatively, one Friday she got ‘the talk’ that the other women in the group complained that she dressed too provocatively because all the men in the building were constantly hanging around her cubicle, distracting them from their work.

    The following Monday, she came to work, put a burlap bag over her normal attire, and hung a sign over her name plate that read HAPPY NOW? She got a ‘talking to’ for that as well. I talked to some of the guys who work in the field last summer who informed me that she is now in charge of that section, and the former complainers work elsewhere.

    • Shanana Republic

      Of course they didn’t give “the talk” to any of the guys who were wasting time ogling her.

      PUT YOUR DICKS AWAY BOYS AND GET BACK TO WORK

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        I noticed that too.

      • snark-lurker

        yeah but, but, but…
        awww : (

    • puredog

      Awww, I likes me a happy ending.

    • Vorhees

      “As a reference point, she was built like a model you would see in a Playboy magazine centerfold.”

      Not that we would know, personally, right? No sirree, never ever seen such a thing.

      I know what you mean, though, my, uh, cousin told me about those Playboy models…

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      …she is now in charge of that section, and the former complainers work elsewhere.
      The mills of the gods grind slowly …

  • Clyde Barrow

    Ugh…this is going to be a long 4 years. No strip clubs and taco trucks on every corner…and now a dress code?

  • Melinda Piette

    Wait….this was from 2013 and NOT 1953???? By 1973 a lot of this would’ve been already outdated workplace dressing advice. By 1993: completely dead except for interviews

    • JoeChristmas

      In case you weren’t here last week, we just went back 50-60 years.

      • Melinda Piette

        Yeah, well…there IS that….but don’t all of the ladies in Kim Jung Orange’s orbit pretty much break all these rules, anyway? Except for Mrs. Mike Pence….and she would qualify on the “Plain Jane” scale

  • JoeChristmas

    Make-up America Great Again!

    • Foreign Agitator Ron

      <golf clap>

  • PixieThis

    Now I’m blonde, so do I wear a girdle or can I choose the naughtier sounding Spanx? Does this riding crop make me look like I have a career goal or does it make me look fat?

    • Nasty_ahughes798_woman

      The riding crop will take you places! Especially if you’re on a horse!

  • puredog

    No, I think you misunderstand. If you are a blonde or a ginger, you are just doomed. Sure, wear no makeup, throw away your scarves, dress in gunny sacks, it doesn’t matter. You are simply an irredeemable slut.
    Amazing how some people just cannot read with comprehension.

    • notaten

      Ooooh, ok, so, a brunette going to gray, (-2000)average height, decent weight(-1000) barely a C-cup(-5873), let’s , on the new presidential scale, I’m like, carry a 4, subtract for age, Dude, I’m like a – 45! Not too bad I guess! Woohoo!!! Oh, I forgot to subtract my give-a-fuck, so that’ll take some points off.

      • puredog

        Just so long as you are not actively causing trouble, ma’am, I’m sure everything is fine, just fine.

      • MaggieMalone

        Oh, thank you for that one! Subtraction for your give-a-fuck. :-)

  • Boscoe

    I’m guessing it’s sort of a Deal-A-Meal thing where you have to buy the card deck and personal organizer and all of these things are assigned points. So sure, you can be a ginger, but it’ll cost you some accessories…

    • Dazza

      So basically, this is a guide to filling out your character sheet. You have to have as many positive attributes as negative ones.

      Rule #1: Always go for enhanced Dex and high stealth/hide scores.

  • jowgajen

    Apparently dark suits give men an appearance of authority. But women ?????

  • JHan

    Flynn mishandled classified info LOCK HIM UP LOCK HIM UP LOCK HIM UP LOCK HIM UP

  • Vecchiojohn

    Does this stupidity make my butt look fat?

    • yyyaz

      Yuuuuge.

      • Nasty_ahughes798_woman

        Perhaps one of you owners of gentleman sausages could explain this to me. In the category of “Largest Behind in the World” is Kim Kardashian. Her truly giant behind is admired by a lot of men the world over, endlessly photographed all oiled up, and even, on rare occasions, covered with clothing. Whereass, my merely large behind is not considered an asset, but a liability, to be hidden with loose(but not too loose!) clothing?

        • thixotropic jerk

          Well consider it an ass-set now!

          • Nasty_ahughes798_woman

            Well, there have been a couple of hit songs written that were large-arse positive, so there may be hope.

    • KenTFM

      I would NEVER use a word as insulting as “fat” but it does look like you’re carrying two 5 pound bags filled with 10 pounds of cottage cheese just below your waist…cute culottes though.

  • cosmiccowgirl

    I read that whole presentation (for some reason), and it almost seems like it was written as a parody. It is just so poorly put together, and a lot of it makes no sense. If it is real, which presumably it is, you could use it as the basis for an entire gender studies course. The guidelines for men, for example, mention “authority” four times; the section on women does not use that term. The section on women mentions the woman’s body, body parts, or body type at least ten times; the guidelines for men do not mention anything about men’s bodies. I didn’t count, but the women’s guidelines are filled with negatives–don’t do this and don’t do that; I believe there is only one negative in the men’s guidelines, against earrings and necklaces (too feminine?).

    • Foreign Agitator Ron

      The earring restriction is because none of them could remember which side indicated a Dom and which a sub.

      • Bad Tom

        The Straight / Gay restriction was put to me as:
        Left is Right, and Right is Wrong.

  • Nodrama4mama

    They would have to pry my scarves out of my cold dead, fake blonde hands.

  • psychobroad

    And this was ok 3 years ago???!!!

    • Jonny On Maui

      No. It’s never been ok. It’s been done all the time, but it’s not ok.

  • ltmcdies

    But even smart people do dumb things sometimes.”

    I think that ought to be the motto for the president elect and his administration….although I’d take out that word “smart”

    • Bad Tom

      Also too:

      sometimes always

      • Nasty_ahughes798_woman

        Also too, too

        : dumb intentionally hateful

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Gentlemen:

    Dickies
    Codpieces
    Boxer Briefs
    Waxed Beans

  • This is the kind of thing that inspires me to dye my hair eggplant-purple and wear velvet yoga pants.

    • Shanana Republic

      Dress for the job you want….

      • This is why I am self employed and work at home.

        • Shanana Republic

          Well done, then!

          I still don’t understand why the tube top and spandex pants aren’t getting me anywhere, though.

          • kev

            wear that around my hut and it will get you places.

          • Nasty_ahughes798_woman

            Do you have a tramp stamp? Because that’ll get you places, if your spandex are low enough to show it.

          • JH Marx, Resister

            Pics please.

    • The Librarian

      I did that once, back when my hair was dark. It wasn’t that visible indoors at work, but out in the sunshine it was glorious. No yoga pants at work, though, sigh…..

      • Nasty_ahughes798_woman

        I have a friend who has dyed her hair so many times she actually does not remember what her natural hair color was. But she did henna her hair purple once, and it looked like regular brunette in the office light, but when she got out in the sunlight, it was a magnificent eggplant color, like yours was.

  • Wookie Monster

    Red or blond hair?

    Does the Pentagon have a ban on brunettes?

  • pixeloid

    Now of course only blonde-haired aryans will be acceptable in our new alt-right fascist government.

    • Foreign Agitator Ron

      Too bad Dear Leader is half Celt.

      • Bad Tom

        The KKK has some ‘splainin to do.

        • Nasty_ahughes798_woman

          I wonder if the American Nazis/stormfronters/KKK also hate Native Americans, seeing as how they appropriated a version of a Native American symbol and used it as their own. There are old bungalows in neighborhoods in Chicago that pre-date the Third Reich that have that symbol in the brickwork of the houses, so before Hitler was even a defective sperm it must have stood for something else entirely.

    • Keith Taylor

      Not necessarily. With Neo-Nazis so noisy lately, I find myself remembering that tag that once was popular among the original Nazis’ enemies … “The perfect Nordic Aryan male would have to be as tall and blond as Hitler, as magnificently built as Goering, and as virile as Goebbels.”

  • cosmiccowgirl
    • Shanana Republic

      Yes! Smash that shit!

    • phoenix00

      W.O.W.

  • Foreign Agitator Ron

    The g/f, who as I have previously vouchsafed is a very Irish ginger, would have found all SORTS of creative places to shove this ‘presentation’ had she worked there. And I know this because they pulled this sort of shit at her last job. Briefly.

  • Bad Tom

    I thought Flynn’s memo said “Visible penis.”
    Which certainly got my attention.
    ——-
    Although how women should accomplish this is puzzling.

    • Resisting the Urge – Holly

      One vowel away…..Bad Tom I laughed until I cried and snorted! I’ll chuckle all day now – Thank you.

      • Bad Tom

        My work here is done.

  • speaking as a blond (once natural, now expensively vidal sassoon): FUCK OFF 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019.

    also speaking as a blond (once natural, now…etc.) i am going to blind people soon. and i say ‘blind people’ less with votes and more with king lear.

  • DahBoner

    Ladies, in order to get a man, first you must be strong…
    http://didntyouhear.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/stpauligirl.jpg

  • Bridge Is Burned So Go Forward

    Hi Wonkettes. Just wanted you to know I’m one of (probably) many silent followers inspired by your words. Your humor and sanity have helped me survive many dark days of the campaign during this past year. Most of my family and friends voted for Trump. And yeah. It’s complicated. Partly it’s because Fox News under previous management of Roger Ailes influenced viewers to hate Hillary in a visceral way. This helped his good buddy Trump get elected. Evil stuff. The impact of the Fox News hate campaign cannot be underestimated. Glad to see things changing there.

    I’m not good at snark. But I wanted to let you know I had to fight some ridiculous battles for equal rights in the workplace back when I was a young woman. That meant enduring comments such as: “Why aren’t you home making cookies?” I thought we were past that as a nation. Apparently not. So it is what it is. We will go forward. Please know you ARE reaching people like me who are ordinarily considered conservative. You ARE making a difference. For example, you inspired me to donate to that nice guy running for the U.S. Senate in Louisiana. Who knows? His one vote in Congress might actually end up saving the world.

    Thank you for your leadership and also for your non-comments which are not allowed.

    • Nasty_ahughes798_woman

      Brava! Please continue to not use your cloaking device!

  • Mintie

    Whut? I don’t–so wait, does this mean I need to dye my hair brown, since I’m a blonde? I’m so confused . . .

  • Keith Taylor

    Not to worry, none of the above applies any more. With Donald Trump in the White House, standards for women’s wear will be simple and understandable. Playboy Bunny outfits. Or Victoria’s Secret.

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