SHARE
Beloved cartoon character Elmer Fudd proclaims it's Rabid Season
Beloved cartoon character Elmer Fudd proclaims it’s Rabid Season

In a move that’s likely to drain many Americans’ reserves of profanity, Donald Trump has chosen Alabama Sen. Jeff Sessions to be the next Attorney General of the United States. Ah well — Civil Rights had a nice run, and they may come back into vogue again someday. But if Sessions is confirmed by the Senate, we’ll have as the nation’s top law enforcer a man who was deemed (by Republicans!) too racist to be a federal judge in 1986, who played a key role in killing immigration reform — twice — and who for that matter thinks we need to cut back on legal immigration as well. Oh, and he’s a climate change denier, to boot.

Sessions got the nomination the old-fashioned way: by toadying to Trump. He was the only senator to endorse Trump during the Republican primaries, and members of his staff have worked on the Trump campaign as well. Sessions, probably the most hardcore anti-immigration member of the Senate, also helped write the Trump campaign’s “immigration policy,” such as it was, including a fanciful plan (that’s never going to work) for making Mexico pay for the wall.

Yr Editrix’s first thought on hearing Sessions had been nominated for A.G.: OH WE LIVE IN DYSTOPIA NOW WELCOME TO THE FUTURE HOORAY. She says she woke up really quickly when she heard the news.

So just how far to the right is our nation’s Department of Justice about to swing? Mother Jones offers a few notes:

  • When Tucker Carlson met him in 2014 during one of Sessions’s endless fights on immigration, Carlson came away calling him a “nationalist,” although that’s not necessarily a bad thing in Daily Caller Land.
  • Sessions renamed a Senate subcommittee he was chosen to chair the “Immigration and the National Interest” subcommittee, because he wanted “the American People” to know “this subcommittee belongs to them,” rather than to the “financial and political elite.” That’s a hell of a lot riding on one committee name.
  • He’s opposed every possible variation on immigration reform, and when the Senate finally passed a comprehensive reform bill in 2013, Sessions made it his business to kill the bill in the House. He distributed to House members a 23-page handbook chock-full of anti-reform talking points, starting with this blunt instrument of a paragraph:

    “Immigration reform” may be the single most abused phrase in the English language. It has become a legislative honorific almost exclusively reserved for proposals which benefit everyone but actual American citizens.

    And from there, it got a bit extreme sounding. Sessions probably did more than any one else to whip up rightwing opposition to the bill, which almost certainly would have passed if it had been introduced in the House, but John “Chickenshit” Boehner never brought it up.

  • Thanks to Sessions’s loyalty to Trump — including saving his transition team’s bacon once the campaign was surprised by actually having to put together a transition — the Trump administration is going to be shot through with Sessions staffers in key posts. Sessions’s top aide, Stephen Miller, who helped draft that immigration policy, is being considered for several posts; if he could be cloned, he might fill all of them. Rick Dearborn, Sessions’s former chief of staff, may become director of the White House’s Office of Legislative Affairs. A chief counsel for Sessions on the Judiciary Committee, Danielle Cutrona, gets a really cool job title in the transition: she’s in charge of “Immigration Reform & Building the Wall.” And the transition effort for Homeland Security (home of Immigration and Customs Enforcement and the Border Patrol) is being led by Cindy Hayden, who helped Sessions kill a 2007 immigration reform bill. Or as Sessions put it, she gets a lot of the credit for “stomping that bill to death.”

And then there’s all the racism stuff, which isn’t exactly ancient history, but will be downplayed as mere whining over “political correctness.” When Sessions was appointed to a federal judgeship by Ronald Reagan in 1986, his confirmation hearings turned up all sorts of charming stuff: A Justice Department official, J. Gerald Hebert, testified Sessions had called the NAACP and ACLU “un-American groups” that were “Communist-inspired.” Sessions also had complained the groups had “forced civil rights down the throats of people.” (History fans take note: this may be one of the earliest sightings in the wild of the “forced down our throats” trope, even leaving aside the ugly notion that Americans’ rights are some sort of nasty thing that have to be tolerated by normal white folks.) In the hearings, Sessions “clarified” that when he called the ACLU and NAACP “un-American,” he only meant they “involve themselves in promoting un-American positions” in foreign policy, so that was perfectly OK. Hebert also said Sessions had called a white civil rights attorney a “disgrace to his race” for taking voting rights cases, which Sessions claimed was only a joke, jeez, can’t you people take a little irony?

Sessions liked jokes like that a lot! Thomas Figures, a black former assistant US Attorney from Alabama, testified that during a 1981 murder investigation involving members of the KKK, Sessions

was heard by several colleagues commenting that he “used to think they [the Klan] were OK” until he found out some of them were “pot smokers.” Sessions claimed the comment was clearly said in jest.

Figures said it didn’t sound like a joke to him, and also testified Sessions had called him “boy,” and warned him to “be careful what you say to white folks” after Sessions overheard Figures criticize a white secretary’s performance. Figures backed up Hebert’s testimony that Sessions had called any number of civil rights groups “un-American,” including the Southern Christian Leadership Conference and the National Council of Churches. For his part, Sessions denied he’d said those things to Figures, but did admit sometimes his sense of humor was a little off-color. But a racist? Noever! Why, his children went to integrated schools, and he’d even shared a hotel room with a black lawyer, so there! The Senate Judiciary Committee voted eight to ten not to advance Sessions’s nomination to the full Senate — and this was in a Republican-controlled Senate. Today, those guys would probably be called RINOs.

Oh, one more fun detail: a year before Reagan nominated Sessions to that failed bid for the federal judiciary, Sessions had tried and failed to prosecute three civil rights workers, one of them a former aide to Martin Luther King, on voter fraud charges, because they had worked to register black voters. Focusing only on three majority-black counties in Alabama, Sessions managed to turn up 14 allegedly tampered-with absentee ballots, out of 1.7 million cast in the 1984 election. The jury acquitted the three civil rights workers after four hours of deliberation.

Oh, but surely after he was elected to the Senate in 1996, Sessions has been a lot better, hasn’t he? Maybe not so much. The NAACP has consistently given him “F” ratings, but only because the scale doesn’t go any lower. He attempted and failed to ban affirmative action in the federal government, opposed hate-crimes legislation, and even tried to block an investigation of the disproportionate number of minorities sent to juvenile detention facilities. In 2002, then-director of the NAACP’s Washington bureau Hillary Shelton said his “voting record is disturbing. … He has consistently opposed the bread-and-butter civil rights agenda.” He also defended judicial nominees with seriously awful records, according to the New Republic, including

such dubious nominees as Charles Pickering, who in 1959 wrote a paper defending Mississippi’s anti-miscegenation law, and Judge Dennis Shedd, who dismissed nearly every fair-employment civil rights case brought before him as a federal district court judge. Sessions called Pickering “a leader for racial harmony” and a “courageous,” “quality individual” who was being used as a “political pawn.” Regarding Shedd, he pooh-poohed the criticism, announcing that the judge “should have been commended for the rulings he has made,” not chastised.

Oh, yeah, and the climate denier thing, because why not:

Here’s Sessions in a 2015 hearing questioning Environmental Protection Agency’s Gina McCarthy: “Carbon pollution is CO2, and that’s really not a pollutant; that’s a plant food, and it doesn’t harm anybody except that it might include temperature increases.”

So, there’s your next attorney general, kids, and the person who’ll set the agenda for trivial things like equal employment enforcement and the enforcement of voting rights. Say goodbye to any federal challenges to state efforts to suppress minority voting! Now, we should point out here that the attorney general does require Senate confirmation, and that there is a slim enough Republican majority in the Senate that it would only take a few votes to block Sessions. This is where you pick up the phone or hit your email or both and contact your senator to say “Hi, this is your constituent Insert Name Here from Insert Town or City Here, calling about Jeff Sessions this time. … NOOOOOOO PLEASE, GOD NOOOOOO!!!” You may want to work on the phrasing. And it’s an even greater incentive to send a few dollars to help Louisiana’s Foster Campbell, who is trying to make it into the Senate, which would mean only a one-vote Senate majority for the R’s.

Post-apocalyptic visions of America are fun to read. But let’s do our damnedest to keep them fictional, OK?

[NYT / WaPo /Mother Jones / New Republic]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • beingreleased

    I think we should reserve judgement. I’m not going to take a position on the new administration until they start posting the severed heads of their enemies on the White House fence.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    What’s the odds on underage black girls being in his internet cache?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I should put some money down on that. I might be able to save my retirement fund from dying in the Trump recession after all!

      • Oblios_Cap

        Or maybe he has a black daughter. It worked for Strom Thurmond.

  • Stulexington

    To those who wanted to give Trump a chance: how was that 5 seconds of hope?

  • idiokratischtrumpenjugend

    Reinhard Heydrich wasn’t available?

    • Daisy

      He probably thinks the Butcher of Prague wasn’t extreme enough.

      • idiokratischtrumpenjugend

        I’m hearing rumors that Josef Mengele is being considered for Surgeon General.

    • Nockular cavity

      He got With Voted.

  • Nounverb911
  • Fartknocker

    So we have another inept appointee who will be placed in charge of $30-$50 billion project. But don’t let facts prepared by the GAO (hey Fucktard the Cheeto – they’re your new employees) help in making decisions:

    http://www.gao.gov/assets/680/675522.pdf

  • Ali | Cat of the Resistance

    NGL, it’s getting harder and harder to get up each morning determined to try to stop Bloated Ferret Man from destroying the world.

    • Nockular cavity

      The good news, maybe? Giuliani hates ferrets.

    • mardam422

      I used to giggle to myself about all those “doomsday preppers” with the hoarding and the bunkering and the ham radioing. Now I’m wondering how long it will take me to catch up.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        I no longer laugh at the notion that God is punishing America and we are in the End Times

    • Snopes Shop

      I’m so afraid I am going to wake up and people are going to not talking about it anymore.

  • Oblios_Cap

    the “Immigration and the National Interest” subcommittee

    Immigration is in America’s national interest. Somebody needs to pay the taxes as we get older.

  • Nounverb911
    • Nounverb911
      • Oblios_Cap

        That’s Jefferson Beauregard Sessions. You know, Named for Jefferson Davis and Pierre Gustave Toutant-Beauregard, two not at all traitors.

      • Crazt Maist Waizy

        I’m British, and I’ve wondered for quite a while about how all you Americans use the word ‘pick.’ “Joe Bloggs is his pick for that position” and all that. I quite like it, makes a change from my native ‘choice’ and ‘appointment,’ although I prefer the latter when it comes down to it.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    was heard by several colleagues commenting that he “used to think they [the Klan] were OK” until he found out some of them were “pot smokers.” Sessions claimed the comment was clearly said in jest.

    What, exactly, is funny about that?

    Fuck.

    • cmd

      Republican humor.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Conservatives have no sense of humor unless it involves somebody being fucked over.

  • Daisy

    Semi related: So, I’m part of a Facebook group called “Overhead at UC Berkeley”, and basically, it’s the stuff people say on campus. I put some trust in it, because people I know have said stuff that’s ended up there.
    Apparently, after the election, some guy said, “Well, I’m Asian and CS, so I’m fine.”

    Does he not get that racist white people hate Asians too?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Does every Republican have a top aid named Miller?

  • Nounverb911
  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    TPM has a heartwarming story about teen girls in Boston assaulting a middle aged woman who they assumed was an immigrant.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Next up – top national cyber security expert Barron Trump because why the fuck not.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      He’d be better than some of Trump’s picks, that’s for sure.

  • baconzgood

    This administration is shaping up to really fuck over a lot of people.

    • Nounverb911

      AOT,K!

    • Oblios_Cap

      I sense that we might be seeing a new record for the number of individuals in an administration being sent to jail when the Trump Era ends. And they said that Reagan’s 138 would never be topped.

  • WiscoJoe

    There’s been an interesting, sad development with My Tea-Party Uncle (TM).

    In the pre-11/9 world, he was so afraid of the “globalist conspiracy” that he said electing Trump was our only way to defeat it. Now that Trump has been elected and is filling his cabinet with Wall Street bankers, lobbyists, and other “globalists,” he now claims that this is proof of just how big and evil the “globalist conspiracy” really is because they were able to take control of Trump this quickly.

    • Creepoman

      Truly amazing – the Olympic-level mental gymnastics required by RWNJ’s to ensure that they never have to admit they are wrong. The Russian judge gives it a 10.

      • WiscoJoe

        Also, inflation is going to kill us all and the fact that no one realizes that inflation is the highest it’s ever been in the history of the entire world just proves that there’s a conspiracy to cover-up inflation and how it’s going to kill us all.

        • BeachBum

          With the dollar going up after 11/9, and with inflation it will really go up, we will be able to sell less and less to the world, while everyone can sell more to us.
          I suppose WI can trade cheese for onions in OH.
          OH can trade onions for coal in PA.
          PA can trade coal for oranges in FL, and back to cheese in WI.
          So I guess it will all work out ok.

    • OrG

      Well,I’m sure trump has already had a visit from the “Secret Clinton Death Squad” So there is that.

    • OneYieldRegular

      That makes me want to put a long and sharply pointed stick right through my temples.

    • brinylon

      I know facts and reality are but figments of our imagination, but what does he say to a slightly more refined version of I TOLD YOU SO!?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    And it’s an even greater incentive to send a few dollars to help Louisiana’s Foster Campbell

    Phone banking for him on Sunday because why not. Though I am beginning to wonder if phone bsnking does any good FFS.

    • cmd

      Can’t hurt, especially to remind people there is even a vote going on.

    • puredog

      I would think that, to persuade a Louisianan, or to even get them to listen to you in a political cold-call, you would HAVE to have a honeyed down-home drawl. Hell, I know that if someone with such a voice (and don’t get me wrong, I love the sound, grew up amidst it) called me at my present West Coast digs and started in on me about mah p’litical druthers, I would (politely) tell them to pound sand and hang up.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        I’m a little worried about that, but I want to do something to help. I can try channelling my Dad’s country drawl, maybe.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    He couldn’t find a decent nominee amongst humans so he nominated an elf? Is this true?

    • Look Closer

      A racist elf no doubt!

    • Bear OmNomNom

      If by “elf” you mean the Will Ferrell character… who redecorated all of Macy’s completely white.

  • mardam422

    He sounds nice.

  • Lizzietish81

    Given Trump’s rhetoric on how police officers are the most discriminated group (after white males of course) and how they should be given even more freedom to execute their will, this is a perfect choice.

    I mean, since Himmler is dead and all.

    • aureolaborealis

      You get an upvote just for showing up.

  • Look Closer
    • Bear OmNomNom

      At least HE gives us cookies!

  • baconzgood

    Is it just me or does he really look punchable (with votes).

    • Nounverb911

      It’s a job requirement to work for Drumpf.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Kickable also too as well (with votes).

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    When prisoners die of starvation he says, “I don’t understand, he had plenty of O2 to eat!”

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      Yertel speaks.

  • exinkwretch

    The Storm(front) clouds are gathering . . .

  • CountryClubRefugee
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Joe Fucking Scarborough is also wondering why Trump hasn’t brought in any sensible Republicans. https://c1.staticflickr.com/3/2352/2059165950_6b40403edc_z.jpg?zz=1

    • PubOption

      ‘Made in Hong Kong’ is a bonus.

  • Bill Slider

    It’s time to purchase a BLM lapel pin for
    my sport coats and suits, sign the Muslim register and contribute to Planned Parenthood. It’s the least that a gay, Athiest, white dude can do.

    • proudgrampa

      I love you, man!

    • Bear OmNomNom

      I’m slathering my car (which rolls all over fifth-ring suburbia during my night job) with progressive stickers. Any deplorables who try to start something are going to be rather surprised that such a large bruin managed to fit into such a small vehicle.

  • proudgrampa

    Please. Stop the Universe. I want to get off.

  • exinkwretch

    Also, Sessions only the got the job because the top Alabamian considered, Bull Connor, was dead.

    • Cismontane

      and the president-elect thought that the ghost of George Wallace is too similar in demagogic style and might be competition.

    • Bear OmNomNom

      You forgot Bobby Cherry.

  • Nounverb911
  • aureolaborealis

    I think the non-geriatric women in my family who voted for trump thought they were sticking it to all us elite college-educated libtards (I suspect this on account of them saying it, pretty much verbatim, in their FB spewings). They are mostly liberal on social issues (other than race). They may or may not ever admit how much they fucked themselves over with this.

    • Crystalclear12

      Bigly

    • arglebargle

      Yeah, I’ve talked with a couple of casual friends who did the protest vote or non-vote because Clinton had it wrapped up so why not? I really wanted to kick them in the nuts. Unbelievable, and thanksnotthanks fucking media. I wonder what a do-over vote would look like.

    • For the first time since our birth neither my sister or myself have been invited to the official ‘Family Thanksgiving’. Neither one of us has made a single negative comment online (or off) to them about their Trump the Beloved, despite daily barrages from them of “funny” Hillary posts.

      So our brother, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, cousins, etc. have apparently decided the fact they suspect we both didn’t vote for TRUMP is reason enough to forget to tell us this year’s plans.

      I say fuck ’em, but I know my tender-hearted sister will be sad.

      • BosGrl

        :(

      • aureolaborealis

        In the few ‘discussions’ I’ve had with my nephew on this, which essentially amount to him spamming rightwing propaganda, while I suggest that he diversify his sources of news, I have begun to feel like the I am in an old war movie: the sad old relative quietly trying to use reason to counter the passionate intensity of his nephew who has just joined Hitlerjugend. And no matter how gently he treats the young man, no matter how carefully he chooses his words, they do not support with the party line, and they are met with name-calling and denouncement.

      • puredog

        One of you can probably cadge the details out of a weak link, then she can crash. Win-win-win.

        • She at least will probably get an invite because she is an excellent cook and has all of our grandmother’s recipes (and her cast iron skillet). She’ll be told she can call me “if you want” because she’s my big sister and looks out for me and they damn well KNOW IT. :)

    • Lizzietish81

      I have been very fortunate to have die hard democrats in my family.

      • aureolaborealis

        My parents and I are die-hard, graduate-degree-having progressives, but my sister, who barely graduated from a small rural high school, is a die-hard low-information, everybody-resenting wingnut. And she raised her kids to think that way, too. These are people who life has given numerous second chances, who have decent jobs and homes and always seem to have money for new pickups and toys, who also claim that Obama and immigrants and The Blacks and self-hating white liberals have ruined their lives. These are people who consider themselves well-rounded if they watch FOX and CNN. I despair.

        • BosGrl

          I hear you. My sister and her husband are educated; they are sending their kids to private schools, they have expensive cars and two homes and yet, apparently, it is not enough and they need to pay fewer taxes. Thank goodness for my father, who did not have much post-high school education but is a clear thinker and well informed.

  • willi0000000

    so . . . basically worst pick since john mitchell?

    • exinkwretch

      You’re forgetting John Ashcroft.

    • cmd

      Makes one think almost fondly of Ed Meese.

    • Sister the Resister!

      And we don’t even get a Martha out of it!

  • OrG

    “Immigration Reform may be the single most abused phrase in the English language”Nope,that would be “sane republican”

  • exinkwretch

    All hail Jefferson Sessions — a Lester Maddox for the 21st Century!

  • Nounverb911
    • cmd

      There is a creepy photo.

      • Beowoof14

        Well Jeff has always impressed as a creepy guy. And Kellyanne, well let’s say Satan is pleased with how things are going.

  • Daisy

    Truly, the wedding I’m going to in a week will be a delight. It’s mostly going to be old, white, Republicans. Because I think there’s a grand total of one non-white person in my entire family.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Take pride in being the black sheep of the family.

    • Bear OmNomNom

      Carrie: Not Just For Proms Anymore(TM).

  • RumAddled

    Just donated to Campbell, made me feel a teensy bit better. Off to the ACLU site!

    • Yr. Gma

      I recommend this course of action (if you can do it.)

  • The Devastated Ms. MLG

    Seeing as he is so against people coming to a country which doesn’t “belong to them”, he and all his offspring will be immediately returning to the European country they originally came from?

    • thixotropic jerk

      You meant planet Uranus right?

    • Flashman

      The old Union of South Africa?

  • formerChild

    How can you keep something fictional that’s already happening?

  • anwisok

    I hate to say it, but I think it’s over. You think there was voter suppression this year? You ain’t seen nothing yet! I think Barack Obama was the last Democratic President.

    Here. Have some critters, if that helps.

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lizi4zfszg1qcvcdp.jpg
    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9ef06gwjz1rt8d4do1_250.jpg
    http://raredelights.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Top-20-Worlds-Cutest-Animals-640×375.jpg
    http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/medvedik_panda/44134887/4024/4024_original.jpg

    • Lizzietish81

      Too bad they’ll be extinct in a couple of years

      • zerosumgame0005

        and served at WH dinners…

        • MamaBrown

          released on the South Lawn and shot for sport

          • thixotropic jerk

            Oh I thought we were talking about Liebruls! My bad!

    • Sister the Resister!

      If Trump were a talented politician, I might agree with you. But I suspect the mismanagement and inevitable scandals will sink the GOP in the long run.

    • MmeLafarge

      However…if the white working class truly decided this election, and he doesn’t deliver the promised jobs that pay $32 an hour for a high-school graduates in the next six months, there might be hell to pay. How’s he gonna suppress the white vote?

  • OneYieldRegular

    Despite Trump’s bombast about making America great and uniting the country, so far he seems to be behaving more like a plantation owner trying to put down a slave revolt.

  • Scubabebe

    LOL

  • Dolmance

    When I open my eyes after a night’s sleep, I’m just fine, when the reality comes flooding back like the death of a really close family member.

    Each news bit about Trump’s cabinet picks is worse than the next, along with news outlets normalizing what’s happening, and pundits gushing over fuzzy Presidential anecdotes while normalizing this piece of absolute and utter pig shit.

    It’s getting up in the red on the unbearable scale. It’s like Richard Nixon had a baby with Lester Maddox. I don’t know how to handle it.

    • Sister the Resister!

      Hang on to yer Wonkette, Dolmance, and any other peeps that aren’t cray-cray. We’re only going to get through this together. I keep thinking about mega-storms, hurricanes and what not: there’s going to be damage, but our job is to limit the impact as much as possible, to stand by each other, and to never give up.

      • nightmoth

        Yes—try to remember that Hilz won MOST of the popular vote. We are not alone. I was looking forward to continued progress in this country as I aged out, but now it looks like I have to dust off the marching shoes. I’ll be damned if I see all the causes I’ve fought for get thrown out like a stray cat without me raking my claws across some faces.

    • MmeLafarge

      I’m feeling envious of my father, who only had to deal with RIchard Nixon’s defeat of Humphrey and McGovern. I don’t know who is more dangerous: Nixon because he was smart and sneaky, or Trump because he’s stupid and reckless.

  • zerosumgame0005

    So…who else is in envy of the world of “Designated Survivor”? with VOTES of course!

  • Yr. Gma

    So who will replace Jeffie Boy in the senate if he goes?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Bob Bentley?

    • OrG

      Couldn’t be any worse? Right? RIGHT?

    • Dollars to doughnuts it will be Senator “Somebody Even Worse” (R).

    • Bear OmNomNom

      Franz Liebkind?

  • Mavenmaven

    Well, now with Ivanka and Kate sitting in on meetings with foreign heads of state, we know all our security is well taken care of.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Those meetings are going to be like this:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eV6vRLDj_s

      • BosGrl

        I used to fight sleep as a kid waiting for SCTV to come on, back in the day – I think in Boston it was on after SNL.

  • Beowoof14

    Jeebus for looking like an evil Keebler Elf this guy hangs on and is still being an asshole.

    • nightmoth

      Eyes like a shark. How come so few people are able to read the “mirror of the soul?” He looks like he’d eat your liver with fava beans & a nice chianti.

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        Oh, they can read it… and they like what they see.

  • BosGrl

    Hey White Folks: Stop It.

    There, that should do it. Right?

    • NastyBossetti

      You forgot to say, “if it helps.” I think those are the magic words.

      • chicken thief

        “Thoughts and prayers…” if you two’s suggestions don’t work.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Let’s not forget that his full first name is “Jefferson.” IOW, he’s named after the bloodiest traitor in American history.

    • Jamoche

      Jefferson Beauregard Sessions the Third.

      Really, that says it all.

  • JMP

    He also really, really hates marijuana; so all of you who were consoling yourselves with “at least a lot of states legalized pot”? Nope, federal law enforcement will be shutting that down; and everyone who opened legal pot stores in Colorado and Washington State – and legal medical pot dispensaries in states where that was legalized -will probably be going to federal prison for a few decades. We’re in for a world of hurt.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Oh! I didn’t even think of that.

    • suziq

      Yup. I am thinking Obama better get marijuana off the Schedule I list and whatever so that we don’t go back to just a few short years ago when a joint gets you time in the joint. He will do something right??

      • Sir Ergot of Rye

        You mean the guy who reappointed Bush apparatchik Michele Leonhart (who believes marijuana is as addictive as heroin and cocaine) to head the DEA is going reschedule mj? Oh suziq you lovable optomist you.

  • Gert

    Dr Caligari’s cabinet of little horrors…

  • Randy Riddle

    So … what appointment will the corpse of Jesse Helms be getting in the new administration?

    • Cismontane

      He’s fired. Too courteous. Trumplandia doesn’t need buttercup racists.

  • Randy Riddle

    Well. This is good news for stocks in white bedsheet manufacturers.

  • chicken thief

    Not to pick on him just for his looks but that block noggin’ and those ears remind me of Mr Potato Head.

  • Cismontane

    OK. Time to produce a national map of no-go zones for those of us who still want to pretend we live in a tolerant and cosmopolitan liberal democracy and don’t want to get pulled over by people who will do unpleasant things to us. Who’s in? If you find you are presently residing in a no-go zone, you have 65 days to move.

  • chicken thief

    All that racism stuff is in the past. I’m a changed man! Why, some of my friends even have a Negro friend and Donald Trump likes the blacks and they like him.

    ~ Jeff Sessions

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    The Senate Judiciary Committee voted eight to ten not to advance Sessions’s nomination to the full Senate — and this was in a Republican-controlled Senate. Today, those guys would probably be called RINOs.

    No, they’d be called Communist Muslim Gay Kenyan Homosexual Elizabeth Warrens.

  • thixotropic jerk

    I hope Mr. Campbell doesn’t get “Wellstoned.”

  • Oblios_Cap
  • Vorhees

    “Sessions’s top aide, Stephen Miller, who helped draft that immigration policy, is being considered for several posts; if he could be cloned, he might fill all of them.”

    Hey, Ol’ Steve’s a genius – he can fill them all and probably have time left over to sit on the board of Trump’s blindly trusted company.

  • shaar dula

    I kind of miss leaks of Hillary’s emails. They have completely disappeared since the election. as if they don’t matter anymore.

    i’ll go and cry in the corner. bastards.

    • Sister the Resister!

      I suspect she’s no where near done, just regrouping.

      • John Smith

        I hope she is planning her campaign for Senate in 2018.

      • SueJones

        i hope she retires from Dem politics, promotes the causes she cares
        about, runs her charity organization that makes the world better, plays
        with her grandkids, and has a good life. She deserves it. She’s earned
        it.

        She offered her lifetime of service and experience not to mention her personal qualities of commitment, intelligence, toughness and values. For whatever reason, some voters decided no we’d rather have a cheeto jesus. So here we are.

        • Zyxomma

          It’s younger sister’s fault. She did NOT vote, and she’s in Pennsylvania. Blame Dr. Gina. And all the other assholes who believed the “Killary” garbage.

    • theblackdog

      They don’t. Assange got what he wanted.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    So when will the House Un-American Activities Committee be revived? I’m not joking.

    • Sister the Resister!

      They’ll probably put Michelle Bachmann in charge of it. And I do know you are not kidding.

  • Bear OmNomNom

    With a flaming Diebold machine, but containing two ballots, so still technically With Votes.

  • Truck Fump

    He always looks like he just farted in church.

  • pianoplayer1

    I knew the nice young black lawyer whom Sessions called “boy”. This was over thirty years ago. He was smart and distinguished.

  • Flashman

    Fox, meet chicken coop.

    • Zyxomma

      Facts, meet chicken poop. FIFY.

  • tangofoxtrot

    Donated to Foster Campbell at the link. Felt good.

  • CATMAN

    Ya gotta love it–Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III bravely defending the civil rights of those poor, oppressed white supremacists and Southern Belles who have suffered under the thumb of the Kenyan usurper–makes my eyes tear up just thinking about it

  • LarryHoudini

    ERNIE THE ELF IS A RACIST SCUMBAG. BOYCOTT KEEBLER “CRACKERS” TODAY.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Problem is, for the Trump admin he’s not racist enough.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I take it that Judge Roy Moore turned them down for some reason.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Fucker’s from Alabama. Fits right in. I’m hoping his nomination will die in the Senate. I hope.

  • m0uthbreather
    • H0mer0

      [I HATE Illinois Nazis!]

  • phoenix00

    Make America Whitewashed Again!

  • maureenc

    I can’t believe y’all didn’t include this gem: He voted against John McCain’s anti-torture bill.

    • Zyxomma

      Of course he did.

Previous articleTeam Of Evils: Michael Flynn’s Son (And Chief Of Staff!) Very Concerned About Dating Sites For White People
Next articleTeam Of Evils: Trump CIA Pick Mike Pompeo Also Complete Dick