After he finished issuing orders to his secret cabal of underground socialist Muslim revolutionaries around the world,
President Obama met with German Chancellor Angela Merkel to write an op-ed in Not American about the need to consider climate change and free trade in a globalized world. [ Op-Ed in Deutsch] Ya’ll are just love this idea!
Donald Trump has a mind to make South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley Secretary of State. Don’t that just make you happy as a dead pig in sunshine?
Hillary Clinton gave her first speech since the the election at the Children’s Defense Fund where she implored people to think of the children, and to fight for their beliefs. Yesterday we told you about how Trump’s supposed to meet with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, and we kind of figured he’d embarrass us by screwing up Abe’s name. What we hadn’t planned on was Trump’s transition team bungling its first meeting with a sitting foreign leader. The “planning” has been so fraught with chaos and stupidity that
Japanese officials do not know where to meet Trump, who else is coming, or who to even call for information. In fact, Trump’s team is so incompetent that, in an effort to extend good will,
the Australian Prime Minister had to call an old golf buddy in order to get Trump’s personal cellphone.
Republicans have redrawn the map for selecting committee chairmen based on region because this way they can continue fucking with you more efficiently.
Never-Trumpers on both sides of the aisle are doxxing Republican members of the Electoral Collage in an attempt to convince them to switch their vote on Dec. 19. Just so we’re clear, doxxing is bad, and Yr Wonkette hates doxxing almost as much as it hates Trump.
Megyn Kelly got super mad at a former Navy SEAL who thinks a Muslim registry would be swell, just like the internment camps for Japanese immigrants and citizens during World War II. It’s a good thing someone on Trump’s team is telling Arab media outlets that’s “bullshit” being spread by the Muslim Brotherhood and the Iranians, and not by an inept egomaniac waiting to grab whole handfuls of power. Nonprofit groups like
the Trevor Project, the ACLU, and Planned Parenthood have seen a massive rise in donations in response to last weeks election. Goddamn hippies with their LIBERAL agenda!
The U.S.-China Economic and Security Review Commission released a report calling China’s meddling in the affairs of Hong Kong “alarming”, as China continues to exert pressure on the press and academics. We’re told this is called “foreshadowing.” Some WASPY reporter lady in Detroit
got fired after news leaked out that she had a problem reporting on inner city violence, oh, and also, she used an N-bomb. Yep. Here are your
2016 Medal of Freedom recipients, a list including any number of great actors, sportsballers, soldiers, philanthropists, architects, and engineers. Remember this when Donald Trump starts giving medals of bravery and Purple Hearts to his kids. And here’s your morning Nice Time: Hungry kitties! Nom, nom, nom!