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Paul Ryan shows Trump the new real estate in D.C.

Morning, Wonkers. It’s Friday, so if you haven’t stopped drinking yet, you’ll be excused for another couple of days, though it’s probably a good idea to put the bottle down this weekend and think about the 2018 elections. They’ll be super important because they precede the 2020 census, and that means redistricting. In the meantime, here’s some of the lame stories Yr Wonkette might make dick and fart jokes about this Armistice Day.

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  • Land Shark Hombre

    Trump Campaigned Against Lobbyists. Now They’re on His Transition Team.

    A number of the people on that list are well-established experts with no clear interest in helping private-sector clients. But to critics of Mr. Trump — both Democrats and Republicans — the inclusion of advisers with industry ties is a first sign that he may not follow through on all of his promises.

    “This whole idea that he was an outsider and going to destroy the political establishment and drain the swamp were the lines of a con man, and guess what — he is being exposed as just that,” said Peter Wehner, who served in the administrations of Ronald Reagan and George Bush before becoming a speechwriter for George W. Bush. “He is failing the first test. And he should be held accountable for it.”

    Trump Tracker

    • ThirdAmendmentMan

      the inclusion of advisers with industry ties is a first sign that he may not follow through on all of his promises.

      Good?

    • Foreign Agitator Ron

      ‘Held accountable.’
      Thanks, Pete. I needed the laugh.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Hahahaha remember when we dedicated a year and a half to working with enemies of the state and a fifth column inside the government to destroy one of the candidates because emails? Funny story. Turns out her opponent was a horrible demagogue who told us exactly what he planned to do and we ignored it. Some of it’s bad.

    • Jen B_VA

      Imagine our surprise. Trump said a bunch of stuff that is not true.

      • Land Shark Hombre

        The people who voted for him based on his promises and FAILED to listen to EVERYONE else who said the promises are bullshit are hosed.

        There are no DO OVERS! You own it.

        • Msgr_Moment

          They knew he was lying. The sad part, and I’ve heard this so freaking much, is that so many of them thought they knew what he really means and what he plans to do. I just can’t even at this point.

  • Arse Grammatica

    Would have been a better metaphor for current events if at the end the dog chewed up and pooped out the kittens.

    So thanks for it not being that.

  • ThirdAmendmentMan

    I love my two cats and really don’t think I could handle a third, but man kittens are the best. Provide so much entertainment.

  • This is what i am watching:

    https://youtu.be/stEXPIh9Qi0

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Still waiting for the pivot.

    • I am currently holding out for twirling towards freedom

    • You’d be better off Waiting for Godot.

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        ESTRAGON:
        He should be Presidential.
        VLADIMIR:
        He didn’t say for sure he’d be Presidential.
        ESTRAGON:
        And if he doesn’t become Presidential?
        VLADIMIR:
        We’ll come back tomorrow.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Waiting for Goetterdaemerrung.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      If you count his “protesters suck!”/”protesters are super and just exercising their rights!” Tweet-fail, he’s already pivoted a full 360 just overnight.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Trump’s inauguration parade is gonna be a hoot.

  • arglebargle

    Way OT but for what it’s worth – I’m slowly climbing back outta my hole. As a middle aged, white, happily married heterosexbian with a steady job and good insurance, I won’t pretend to think this election means as much to me as it does to many others in this country, including many of you Wonkers I feel I’ve got to know a bit the past year or so.

    I probably won’t be commenting as much, but know that I support you and I am looking for ways to make a difference here in my community. And if enough people do that it hopefully translates to making a difference throughout the country.

    I’m sure my snark level will creep back up. Hanging out here occasionally will definitely speed that process up.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    China’s eBay knock-off, Alibaba, is closing out its annual Singles Day, which is itself a Chinese knock-off of Valentines Day, but for single people who need retail therapy instead sexy times.

    Wait. American singles need cut-rate retail therapy too! And we might as well get to know our Chinese overlords, since they’ll undoubtedly own whatever is left of our economic ass once Trump gets through with us. Oh. That’s sort of dark. Um. Thanks for the kittens?

  • cousin itt

    If the new Trump Washington hotel goes under like I predict his entire financial empire will, maybe he will go Palin and resign “for, what’s best for my family.”

  • Longstreet63

    Good kitten/dog Nice Time!
    That dog is almost audibly sighing at being such a good boy, while the kittens seem torn between “Can I play with it?” And “Can I eat it?”

    • Even Gaspode wanted to be called a Good Boy

      • Longstreet63

        Me, too. Because this morning I have to write my own annual performance review, to be read by my boss, who told me what to put in it for him to read.

  • CourseZombie

    Thanks Dominick! I needed kittens this morning

    • Thanks for reading!

      • Amy!

        Your Brief has become a breif again.

        (I can’t help giving you grief; you can be glad that it’s not greif, right?)

        :-p

  • Mr. Blobfish

    If anything good can come out of this, maybe, just maybe he’ll keep his promise to fix the countries infrastructure.

    • Duke

      To his properties and those of his supporters.

    • jowgajen

      His plan for that involves privately funded roads.

      • SeekingNastyBarbie

        Toll roads. That’ll really help the working class. Not.

        • Longstreet63

          Ah, but all the forgotten, blue collar billionaire workers who own roads, will get their dignity back.

        • YoNastyBunny

          Not too long ago, there was a kerfuffle in southern VA about having toll roads. While toll roads in more affluent northern VA is definitely a thing, the poorer southern areas were hellbent to NOT have toll roads on I-95 (HIGHWAY ROBBERY!!!).

      • Creepoman

        Wait till you see his coin-operated breathing air stations!

    • JohnBull

      We’ll be paying tolls on them.

    • Jen B_VA

      That is the one thing the GOP plans to block like a mofo.
      They blocked all of Obama’s tries on it after all.

      • Adam Field

        Yeah, but they didn’t block Obama’s tries on it because they hated infrastructure, they blocked it because *Obama*. This had indeed occurred to me as well – the GOP didn’t block everything because they actually wanted to do nothing for 4 years, they blocked everything because their primary goal was “don’t do anything that Obama wants to do”. Now that a Republican is in office, they’ll do a lot of lasting harm, but I do imagine perhaps we’ll at least also get our necessary infrastructure spending in. It’ll just be passed in a bill that looks like this:
        1. Money for bridges
        2. Money for roads
        3. It’s now an imprisonable offense to be gay
        4. Money for trains

        And it’ll pass! But hey, at least we got money for bridges, roads and trains… better than not getting it?

        • Khavrinen

          More like:
          1. Money for [their friends’ company that builds] bridges
          2. Money for [their friends’ company that builds] roads
          3. Money for [their friends’ company that builds] prisons to put gay people in.
          4. Money for [their friends’ company that builds] railroads

          And use all the kickbacks they’ll get to make sure they get re-elected again.

  • Duke

    At what point will the white middle-class realize that they’ve been had? Sometime before 2018, I expect.

    • Longstreet63

      Just before the next war that makes it treason to criticize the president again.

    • Msgr_Moment

      “Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to destroy his country.”

      • OneYieldRegular

        Now I understand why I didn’t love that book.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Don’t look now, but Magical Realism is the governing ideology.

          • snigsy

            More like magical thinking.

      • Duke

        Unfortunately, as I awoke for a good slumber, I realized that “President Trump” was an inevitability and not a delusion.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Go home, Gregor, you’re a bug!

    • SeekingNastyBarbie

      I hope it’s that soon, to minimize the damage.

    • Khavrinen

      Unfortunately, like the saying goes “It’s not just a river in Egypt.”
      I expect very few of those who voted for Trump will ever realize it, because the Trump administration will spend the next four years blaming anything that doesn’t look like “so much winning you’ll get tired of it” on Obama/”Crooked Hillary”/all Democrats, and they’ll swallow it just as gullibly as they did his campaign rhetoric.

  • cousin itt

    Filibuster? Trump claims he never even got near her.

    • Shan

      I thought he said it was fine as long as he had Tic Tacs first.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Fillibustier, you mean?

      • cousin itt

        That’s Ivanka’s job.

  • Sedagive

    Last night I was talking the current state of things over with an older Jewish friend whose mother (recently deceased) survived the Holocaust. My friend was positive, upbeat, had faith in humanity and was ready to fight. Such an inspiration.

    And to think: her mother’s generation got through WWII without the aid of dog-shaming videos, cat GIFs and viral snark. However did they do it.

  • Nounverb911

    What kind of a dog would want to be adopted by Trump?

    • Msgr_Moment

      A post-Weimaraner?

    • Foreign Agitator Ron

      A lone wolf?

    • (((JustPixelz)))

      A chihuahua … to avoid deportation?

    • JohnBull

      Rudy Giuliani?

    • BigRedDog

      Dog libel! Trump is a cat person.

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        I’m not seeing it. He’d never share space with anything that refused to worship him.

      • SeekingNastyBarbie

        Cat libel! Trump would never put up with a cat’s independent nature, and no self-respecting cat would hang around to take his abuse.

        • BigRedDog

          Alright alright. Can we agree that all of god’s creatures hate Trump?

          • SeekingNastyBarbie

            Maybe not cockroaches and bed bugs.

    • TundraGrifter

      Definitely a lap dog. Like Chris Christie.

      • Nounverb911

        He’s gonna need a bigger lap.

        • TundraGrifter

          Maybe Lapland is big enough. Maybe…

    • Longstreet63

      They’re working on a new breed called an “isolated incident”. It’s an all-white pointer.

    • OneYieldRegular

      NOT,K.

    • Doug Langley

      An abused pit bull.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Possibly already posted, but it’s looking like “Putin’s AmierKKKa” is coming right along…

    Ku Klux Klan to Hold North Carolina Rally Celebrating Trump Victory
    https://www.yahoo.com/news/ku-klux-klan-hold-north-230227525.html

    • Nounverb911

      Is it still ay an undisclosed location?

      • BadKitty904

        May as well be the National Mall in DC…

    • Yay? No…that seems incorrect. *unsurpirsed* fuck.

      • BadKitty904

        The eastern side of Vancouver Island looks very nice, say, somewhere between Nanaimo and Courtenay…

        • I have never been. Ontario is too big to escape

          • Foreign Agitator Ron

            You just need to build up to escape velocity. But be careful, because if your timing’s off you’ll end up in the US.

          • 3 out of four directions send me there. SW Ontario for the….sinkhole of disaster

          • BadKitty904

            Sadly, that may be literally true of the U.S., before long…

          • Foreign Agitator Ron

            I intend to get my visits in ASAP. I have zero faith that the ‘open border’ between Canada and the US will remain so.

          • BadKitty904
          • Foreign Agitator Ron

            ‘I don’t get it, Fritz. Wasn’t THIS side the one with freedom?’

          • BadKitty904

            was“…

    • JohnBull

      At least in Putin’s Russia they’re extending the metro. It’s pretty cool. I don’t see that happening in DC.

      • BadKitty904

        Not unless it’s somehow in Russia’s best interest…

  • Nounverb911

    After being called out for being a crybaby, crybaby elect now likes protesters.

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/797034721075228672

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      See? He can pivot! It only takes Kellyanne beating him over the head with his Tweeter phone.

    • (((JustPixelz)))

      “small” groups. He had to twist the knife.

    • Jen B_VA

      One of these things is not like the other…which one of these tweets was made by someone else?
      Hint: Only one of them ends with an “unfair”

    • SeekingNastyBarbie

      He’s stupider than W. In what universe does he think the majority of people are going to come together with him and his racist, xenophobic, misogynistic beliefs?

      • cousin itt
      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        The one between his ears, the one that only he occupies.

      • Adam Field

        The universe in which we don’t actually have much of a choice at this point? So, you know, this one. I’m trying to come up with any ways in which I, personally, can *change* the fact that this is going to be an awful next four years for anyone who isn’t a straight white Christian male, or who has any friends or relatives who aren’t, and… I just can’t.

    • OneYieldRegular

      THANKS, Kellyanne.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Good morning, Wonkaderos. And despite everything, it *is* a good morning.

    https://youtu.be/KE_3bNs32xA

  • I’m going to put the kettle on. Tea seems to help soothe me a little. Now if only I could find a 2-gallon teacup…

    • Msgr_Moment

      Yes, but you’d probably run out of rum if you had one.

  • cousin itt

    It’s a nice day for a white inauguration

    It’s a nice day to hate again

    • Msgr_Moment

      The cradle of hate
      Don’t rock easily.

  • (((JustPixelz)))

    True trivia: “Singles Day” is a loose translation. It’s called “Bare Sticks Day” in China. Probably a reference to bare, unwed fingers. But, since China has millions of excess men (thanks to the brutality of the one-child policy), the “bare sticks” may have a different meaning over there.

    • As a college student with several jobs, I will simply say, “No Comment.”

      But I also know how to cook, clean, and sew.

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    The New Yorker published a very nice article on Leonard Cohen last month…RIP

    https://twitter.com/NewYorker/status/797078956319113216

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      That loss really topped the week off nicely for me. RIP Leonard. Your voice will be missed.

    • jmk

      I’m just going to leave this here…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiAuXRK3Ogk

      “Now I bid you farewell, I don’t know when I’ll be back
      They’re moving us tomorrow to that tower down the track
      But you’ll be hearing from me baby, long after I’m gone
      I’ll be speaking to you sweetly from a window in the Tower of Song
      Yeah, my friends are gone and my hair is gray
      I ache in the places where I used to play
      And I’m crazy for love but I’m not coming on
      I’m just paying my rent every day in the Tower of Song.”

  • Jen B_VA

    GOOD NEWS EVERYONE: A number of progressive ballot initiatives passed on Tuesday, like minimum wage raises in Colorado, Arizona, Maine and Washington, while Washington and Florida voted down potentially disastrous anti-environment initiatives.

    This is good news. However, like the marijuanas, Alls the GOP needs to do is put a Fed law in order and all of that is gone.
    We have seen they will do so at the state level. Doubt they will hesitate to do it from higher above.

    • Longstreet63

      Yeah, they’re only against government overreach when D’s are in power. See also: deficits, Supreme Court vacancies, filibusters…

      • TX Taco Truck Brigade

        It’s all about states rights…until the R’s are in charge of the federal government.
        Sigh.

        • Jen B_VA

          But we can beat them over the head with their own words. And use that against em when they run in 2018. Assuming the camps are not set up by then.

          • TX Taco Truck Brigade

            Assuming words and policies and facts and stuff matter.

            Sorry, grumpy this morning. Going back to bed soon.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Veterans’ Day, Singles’ Day, but also St. Martin’s Day. So have some goose for dinner and the season’s wine. And look for snow, in case St. Martin rides in on his “white horse”. http://www.czech.cz/en/101014-saint-martin-and-traditions

  • Rick Hill

    trump now loves teh protests because he sees an opportunity to bring on his police state. Show his supporters he’s doing what he promised. Then they don’t notice the nasty shit he’s doing to our country till too late

  • nightmoth

    I’m feeling better because I finally got out of the house and went grocery shopping.
    I saw a really adorable baby girl who likes to laugh. Then I ran into a woman from the African-American church I sometimes attend, and she saw my distress and laid some words on me and hugged me. It helped a lot.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Normal life still exists, despite how abnormal the world feels now. It’s reassuring. Who the hell knows what’s coming, but it’s not over yet.

  • Nounverb911
    • laughingnome

      We are all Rosemary’s baby today.

    • AnOuthouse

      Is it a boy or a girl? I can’t see its wee wee.

  • The dawning realization among Republicans that they now really do have to come up with a “replacement” for the ACA is priceless. They’re already hedging by saying it’s going to take time, and of course we’re not going to rip it all up, and maybe we need to keep some pieces…
    I believe the words they are looking for are “Oh shit, what do we do now?”

    • Foreign Agitator Ron

      And of course they THEN have to get it past the orange shitgibbon, if/when they can catch his attention.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      They’ve only had seven years. Give ’em time.

    • Khavrinen

      A Republican replacement for ACA? I believe “Cash on the barrelhead, or get the fuck out, suckers” about covers it.

    • Kavefish

      It’s kinda funny-not funny that the ACA may be in less danger than the Social Security trust fund, just now.

  • TX Taco Truck Brigade

    Morning Dom – lots on the agenda!

    Just wanted to be your friendly neighborhood pedant and note:

    Jewellry is a apparently a thing in Britain, but I think you meant jewelry?
    On the China bit, I think you’re missing an “in” between “current trends” and “international business”.
    I don’t have the Firefly clip in front of me, but I think Wash was not saying there’s no god. I think they were saying, “Oh no, god!”

    I love Wonkette, which is the only reason I’m bringing this up and TOTALLY NOT because I’m a complete jerk.

    ETA: And wikipedia calls it Singles’ Day, with an apostrophe. Just Pixelz reminded me.

    ;)

    • *fixed

      …but Wash TOTALLY says, “Oh, no God!” ;)

      • TX Taco Truck Brigade

        Ha! I defer to you.

        Did you see my edit about Singles’ Day? Apparently there’s a plural possessive apostrophe there per google and wikipedia.

      • TX Taco Truck Brigade

        P.S. BBC calls it Singles with no apostrophe, so maybe it’s a translation issue. My bad.

  • (((JustPixelz)))

    Mrs Pixelz and I watched news 24×7 for the past year. We even watched Fox. But since the election, we can’t turn it on. There’s an unopened bottle of champagne in our ‘fridge. It may be there for a while.

    • I’ve had Christmas music on…I may put in some comedy movies or cartoons…just something mindless and funny.

      • (((JustPixelz)))

        Christmas movies are already running on Hallmark. The inevitable couple in Hallmark movies always kisses three minutes before the end.

      • YoNastyBunny

        Yeah, I had to fire up the Xmas tunes early. Maybe I’ll watch “Arthur Christmas” today…

    • Longstreet63

      Save it for the resignation?

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        Or the trial.

        • Land Shark Hombre

          Or the “Million Goober March on the White House”

          That is coming.

  • BigRedDog

    A room full of kittens?!?!? That is like … my nightmare.

    *shudder*

    • Jen B_VA

      get em young and teach em the sage ways of the dog?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Why the fuck am I even alive to see this shit?

    And here’s your morning Nice Time: KITTENS! Specifically, brave little kittens meeting a dog for the first time. Be brave, like the kittens!

    Oh yeah, that’s why. Go on, superior species, and teach us how we should live!

    • Morning Cally, you holding up okay?

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Short term: no, not really.

        Long term: if only because I have two dogs, yes. If I am doomed to live though this shit then I have a role to play in the resistance!

        • Rick Hill

          You just need a new purpose. Organizing a national boycott of all things trump affiliated? Finding businesses that are trump opposing so people know who to support? Making the worlds largest ball of twine? You could have worse hobbies, you know

        • Yes, you do. We all do. Stay strong, and remember my door is always open if you need it.

        • You will be the new Lafayette!

  • TundraGrifter

    “Like a dog…” Trump and canines.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8xKAYLXbYA

    • Jen B_VA

      Because a dog needs you to love it. And it will give you sad eyes if you do not and prick your conscience.
      Trump loves no one but Trump and he hates having his conscience pricked. Makes him feel icky.

      • Roni Resistance Raven

        He has a conscience? Assume facts not in evidence.

        • Jen B_VA

          Everyone does. Even if you push it down and kill it over and over again, it is there.

      • TundraGrifter

        What if in 6 or 9 months or even in a year Trump just loses interest in being President? That he treats the office like a first wife and just says “The heck with it.” He won’t quit because that would look weak – but he very well could start phoning it in. One thing we know for sure – it’s a tremendous amount of heavy lifting, and he won’t be up to it for up for it.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I will not watch Donald Trump be inaugurated.

    I will attend a massive thank-you party for Barack Obama, wherever and whenever that may materialize (Someone? Please?).

    • Rick Hill

      I’m looking for the massive anti trump events. Wearing black and congregating on the town square

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        He’s coming to Canada at some point. Should be… interesting.

        • Jen B_VA

          I hope JT is “sick that day” and has an underling do the meet and greet.

        • snigsy

          We were politely nice to Bush when he visited Ottawa. I doubt Trump will get the same reception.

          • I don’t think we have it in us to be that polite

          • SeekingNastyBarbie

            Thank you.

          • TX Taco Truck Brigade

            Trump – breaking Canadians’ ability to be polite.

            This is not going to end well.

        • Rick Hill

          Everyone wear black and no noise. No trunging your backs, no jeers. Just silence and condemning stares(for extra effect, don’t apologize later)

          • phoenix00

            No I wouldn’t jeer. “Don’t boo, vote!” still applies.

            But I would turn my back. And wear earplugs so I don’t have to listen to a word he says. And maybe kneel on one knee, but Kaepernick didn’t follow through so I would have to think that one further.

    • SeekingNastyBarbie

      It will be immensely gratifying to see huge numbers of enthusiastic supporters turn out for Obama appearances. In your face, tRump!

    • Little Lulu

      A fundraising tour by Obama on behalf of PP or the ACLU would be welcome. I will surely miss him, now more than ever.

  • Nounverb911

    Megyn Kelly is already backtracking her memoir…
    https://twitter.com/NYMag/status/797067797050302465

    • Jen B_VA

      Naturally. She knows she is first against the wall.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Time to whip out White Santa.

        • Jen B_VA

          MegMeg was just stretching her legs thinking Hillz was gonna win and she could finally stop acting the Fox Blond roll.
          Now she has to crawl back into that or perish.
          I take a perverse delight knowing the people who helped make this happen are going to suffer along with the rest of us.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Donald Trump’s STILL being audited, and that’s likely to continue now that his finances have gotten exponentially more complicated.
    “No Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under [the United
    States] shall, without the Consent of Congress, accept of [sic] any
    present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any
    King, Prince, or foreign State.”

    Yeah, that’s going to be a problem.

  • Nounverb911
    • Jen B_VA

      Are there any queers in the theater tonight?
      Get them up against the wall!
      There’s one in the spotlight, he don’t look right to me,
      Get him up against the wall!
      That one looks Jewish!
      And that one’s a coon!
      Who let all of this riff-raff into the room?
      There’s one smoking a joint,
      And another with spots!
      If I had my way,
      I’d have all of you shot!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Worst. Dr. Seuss. Riff. Ever.

  • Khavrinen

    “I’m predicting more schizophrenic stupidity this weekend the next four years.”
    Fixed that for you.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      It’s going to be a long 4 years if all he does is whine and offer conspiracy theories every time somebody doesn’t kiss his ass.

      • Foreign Agitator Ron

        ‘If’?

      • Khavrinen

        It’s going to be a long 4 years period.
        If any of us actually live that long.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Trump’s pivots seem to involve a lot of stumbling and face plants. I don’t think he has much practice. But hey, at least our new 3rd 1st lady has a nice rack, amirite fellas?

    • Shan

      Melania or Ivanka?

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Nice. I would go with the mother of his most recent, acknowledged, child.

    • Logic of Color

      I wonder what her “first lady initiative” will be. Say no to drugs? Literacy? Coordinating a fashion statement?

      • SeekingNastyBarbie

        Shut up and hide from public view?

        • Jen B_VA

          So…like Laura?

        • nightmoth

          That’s my guess. Every time she opens her mouth it will remind the Trumpanzees that she’s a furriner.

      • Roni Resistance Raven

        Internet bullying. She’s already said.
        Irony gave one last sad gasp and rolled over dead.

        • Jen B_VA

          So she was the one who took Trump’s phone away?

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Just hiding the charger was probably sufficient.

        • Logic of Color

          Awesome. Was the rhyming intentional?

        • SeekingNastyBarbie

          Gee, that ought to go over as well as Nancy’s Just Say No campaign.

        • Msgr_Moment

          She knows a lot about it, too.

      • Longstreet63

        In the study with a candlestick?

      • Joe T.

        Overcoming a life of prostitution?

      • Msgr_Moment

        Plagiarism. Can’t figure out which side she comes down on.

        • Crazt Maist Waizy

          Whichever view she sees written down next.

        • Kavefish

          The diploma mill folks just breathed a sigh of relief.

  • TJ Barke

    They’re gonna need a lot of gold spray paint…

      • Tacoclamgenda

        NOW!!! Available in PRESIDENTIAL orange!!!!! Only $19.92. But wait, we’re going to throw in the biggly amazing invisibility gloves to make your hands look smaller than they really are! Believe me you won’t believe how small they look.

    • OneYieldRegular

      o/~”Gold…shortfinger! Wah WAAAAH Wah! He’s the man, the man with the destructive touch! He’ll destroy so much!

  • Jen B_VA

    Douglas Adams of course reminds us what the GOP really hated Obama for; he stepped out of his role!

    The President in particular is very much a figurehead—he wields no real power whatsoever. […] His job is not to wield power but to draw attention away from it.

    • Actually, this is true in India.

      • And is not true enough in America

        • Jen B_VA

          Is when a GOP president is there ^.^
          Remember, Saint Ronnie had no idea what is going on.
          Shrub left everything to Cheney.
          Trump has already said he has no interest in the actual work part. The work part is the power part.

          • nightmoth

            Absolutely! Nixon was the last GOP president who did things his way.
            I’m not reassured in thinking of Trump as a figurehead, though.

          • And his underlings are disgustingly nefarious

          • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

            Yeah. OTOH, if he fills his cabinet with the shallow, grasping, egomaniacal sycophants who’ve been carrying his water through the campaign, they may spend more time fighting with each other than getting anything done. What happens when you have a whole cabinet full of Wormtongues?

          • Jen B_VA

            That is the thing though. If Trump has shown us anything, it is that he is not cool with being told what to do. He gets all mad about it.
            It will be interesting watching them try to control him. Not that I doubt he will sign anything they hand him tho.

          • Kavefish

            This is why Paul Ryan is now wearing a shit-eating grin as wide as the Potomac River. He’s now de-facto president.

  • azeyote

    they’re in for some serious shit if they fuck with the weed here on the west coast –

    • Jen B_VA

      Blanket federal ban forbidding states from passing resolutions.
      Bank on it. Remember, local government!!!! Unless that local government does something to interfere in our profits (like say, private prison profits).

    • Kavefish

      I’d like to be optimistic about that.

      I mean, in that regard, it’s already become pretty good business, right? So it’s not just fucking with potheads but with cash-heads, too.

      • azeyote

        we survived here since the 70’s – we have gone to jail and lost our homes to get to where we are now – we won’t go back – not a chance

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          You’d think they’d simply look at the figures and realize what a cash cow this business is and just make it legal nationwide.

  • The Librarian

    How disappointing that Mr. Kaepernick didn’t go to bat and play ball for those that supported his right not to stand during the anthem.

    Oooops, wrong sport. Doesn’t matter, aren’t all sportsballs alike?

  • Land Shark Hombre
  • Sedagive

    We’re going to need a bigger boat.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    For Thanksgiving I’m going to the in-laws, where there will be, I’m pretty sure, a few Trump voters. In North Carolina. Where it mattered. But you know the really weird thing? I know it’s not going to be difficult or really even very weird. And that itself is weird. Let me explain.

    These in-laws who voted for Trump – I know them – are hardly even going to bring up politics at all. They don’t really care about politics. I could argue for a while, point out that the stories about Hillary were mostly lies, and eventually they’d shrug and say “yeah, maybe you’re right,” and change the subject.

    It’s not all fundies and bigots who got Trump elected – it’s also people who didn’t care and weren’t paying attention. I guess we knew this, but it’s just going to be so odd. It’s like someone who has control over your bank account going out and buying a museum-piece Ferrari that doesn’t run and will bankrupt you – when they don’t even like cars.

    • I decided for the sake of my sanity and my children, I can not even with the family this year. They probably won’t even notice so no big there.
      I do not think I ever want to visit PA again.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        My whole family is solid Democratic, labor union liberals. (“commies and socialists” to today’s GOPtards.) We’ll probably try to avoid politics too.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    ACA not repealed the first day. No ban on Muslims. No kicking out the illeagles. No wall. No bringing back manufacturing jobs.

    Rubes been played.

    • TJ Barke

      Technically first day will be after inauguration…

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I’m just peering into my crystal balls.

        • The Wanderer

          If I could get close enough to peer into my crystal balls, I’d never leave the house.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Why have I been content with brass for all these years?

          • Tacoclamgenda

            Oh phew! A laugh not followed by running smack into the trumpacalyps reality
            Than you.

    • jodyleek

      Not to burst our collective bubble but his first day in office doesn’t happen until January 2017. But even then he will not be able to attend to the dismantling of America as quickly as he promised. We can only hope.

      • Logic of Color

        Well, there’s still the buffer of Congress. Surely they won’t let him do any stupid shit.

        We’re screwed.

        • YetAnotherRebecca

          This is what my mother was telling me as she kept trying to talk me down on Wednesday. That there are still “good Republicans” in Congress that will help keep him in check.

          It honestly just made me hyperventilate even worse…

          • YoNastyBunny

            I really want to believe that there are “good Republicans” in congress who will check Trump. But somehow I think that when shit gets real, they’ll be as spineless as a common Democrat when it comes to standing up against unjust power. They could barely take their balls out their purses to distance themselves from Trump in the first place. Even the Never Trumpers have disappeared into the abyss now that the election is over. If they do come around, it will have to be because Donald pissed off a whole coalition of Repubs and not this one dude here or there.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Are there any “good Republicans” left? I thought anyone with a triple-digit IQ had been primaried out by the teabaggers.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            James B. Comey?

            Nevermind.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Did you ask her to name one?

      • Jamoche

        The suspense is the part that sucks the most. Part of this is making me feel like I did on 9/12 – especially the “these are people who hate me for merely existing and doing what I do” – but worse because it hasn’t happened yet. We can see it coming a long way off and can’t stop it.

        • jodyleek

          It’s a slow motion horror movie. And the worst part? The call is coming from inside the house!

          • OppressedMass

            Stealing this, jodyleek, hope you don’t mind!

    • Land Shark Hombre

      https://trumptracker.github.io/

      On Tuesday November 9th, 2016, Donald John Trump won the electoral vote and is currently standing to be the President-elect of the United States of America.

      He made a lot of promises. Trump Tracker will fact-check and see if he adheres to all of his stands on policies regarding culture, immigration, economy, and many more.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        LOL. Let’s start with the $30/hour jobs that will come back, just as soon as the GOP is done killing the last of the labor unions.

        Here’s the truth about the GOP’s strategy: When GM and Ford can pay Michiganders about as much as they Mexicans, the jobs will come back. We’ll see if the Trumpanzees are happy when they find out they’re “free” to build cars pretty much on the same terms that they can flip burgers: for minimum wage (if there is one), with zero benefits, and the “freedom” to dump their non-existent savings into a health care account. (Which contributions will be free of the income tax they don’t make enough to be paying (thanks, Trump!), which non-taxes will somehow fail to raise gov’t revenues to plug the $5 trillion gap handed over to the 1%)

        The economic clusterfuck is going to be awesome – think Kansas, but without Federal handouts to spiff up the hellscape.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Yep. We’re going to win so hard it’s not funny.
          Unfortunately, what we’re going to win is the race to the bottom.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Cool. Thanks.

      • The Librarian

        I’m so going to bookmark that site.

      • Oh look, Trumptracker will be the first site removed when net neutrality is over turned.

        • Tacoclamgenda

          I involuntarily started a snark laugh, you know the kind where you think a good one but then my brain kicked in. things like this will get funny again, right?

      • Kavefish

        :::bookmarked:::

    • Red Bird

      He’s not president yet. Wait until January.

      • Yr. Gma

        He also doesn’t have a magic wand.

    • Wee Mousie

      What’s that about an ill eagle? Did that bald eagle that The Donald had a photo op with actually peck Hair Furor, and is now suffering from Agent Orange poisoning?

      Oh! Thank goodness. you meant illegals.

    • phoenix00

      “Is America Great Yet?”

      “How ’bout today?”

    • phoenix00

      I goddamn hope that man sticks around.

  • So The Huffington Post is now proffering the theory Trump’s election is Mark Zuckerberg’s fault, since he allowed all my crazy-ass relatives et al to post all their crazy READ THIS AND REPOST IF YOU AGREE!!! KILLARY HAS COOTIES ON HER COOTIES’ COOTIES!!!conspiracy wackadoodles without any editorial control or rebuttal.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f939806313648d9e90590ea16503a9d1804375ad23c12bef13bee12382cfba78.gif

    • TJ Barke

      Way to go Mark!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It was Rupert Murdoch who made Americans stupid enough to put all that shit on Facebook.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      There’s enough blame to go around for everyone.

      • It has become clear to me that the MSM and the RNC got what they wanted-an ignoramus that is malleable and as long as they keep telling him how great he is, the powers behind the scenes now have carte blanche to effect all the ruination they can. We have lost our government and now either you goosestep in time or be destroyed. I have no hope left.

    • Red Bird

      I think he’s obligated to do what his friend Pedro tells him to do.

  • Msgr_Moment

    After the uprising of the 17th June
    The Secretary of the Writers Union
    Had leaflets distributed in the Stalinallee
    Stating that the people
    Had forfeited the confidence of the government
    And could win it back only
    By redoubled efforts. Would it not be easier
    In that case for the government
    To dissolve the people
    And elect another?
    — Bertold Brecht, 1953, Berlin.

    • Jamoche

      “And so the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn’t that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people.

      As soon as you saw people as things to be measured, they didn’t measure up.”

      ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

      • Msgr_Moment

        I keep coming back to Wonkette because it has the simultaneously wisest and silliest people I’ve ever met. Thanks.

    • Wee Mousie

      As it turned out, that was Stalin’s job, and he had a darn good go at it.

  • Msgr_Moment

    60,000,000 Trump voters (aka suckers)
    =60,000,000 minutes it took to birth them, at one per minute (P. T. Barnum, pr. corresp.)
    =1000000 hours
    =41666.66667 days it took
    =114.0771161 years

    Ergo, P. T. Barnum was an optimist. They’re growing suckers faster than ever before.

    • Wee Mousie

      P. T. Barnum’s observation was made back in the 1890’s. The population was much smaller then, so the birth rate was correspondingly smaller, also. too.

      • Msgr_Moment

        I knew that someone would have a convincing quantitative argument. That’s what I love about you guys.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Can we add a nice column in memory of Leonard Cohen? I rather liked his stuff, which was, you know, good.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I second that!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          And this. Brings out the onions every time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGorjBVag0I

          • UnsaltedSinner

            Not to speak ill of the man, but I just can’t stand the monotone drone of that song. This, on the other hand, is nice.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZI6EdnvH-8

          • Wee Mousie

            “So Long Marianne” was on “Songs of Leonard Cohen,” his first album, released in 1967. I bought it, despite never having heard him sing, because I had already read his poetry. I have bought everything he put out, in several formats.

            RIP Leonard Cohen.

          • I just bought his last album that came out about a week or so ago. The last Rolling Stone has an interview with his son and I knew he was ailing but when I saw today that he had passed it really hurt. I will treasure all his music until I am no more.

    • Wee Mousie

      As I listen, I’ve been musing whether we need to write Leonard Cohen’s epitaph, because I think he wrote ours:

      “Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
      Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
      Everybody knows that the war is over
      Everybody knows the good guys lost
      Everybody knows the fight was fixed
      The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
      That’s how it goes
      Everybody knows”

      • Roadstergal

        The one post I made to my FB on Election Night was that very song.

        Everybody knows it’s coming apart
        Take one last look at this sacred heart
        Before it blows…

        • Verboten

          Actually, America is finally going to turn around and unshackle itself from the idiotic policies of Clinton, Bush Jr. and Obama. Free market, here we come!!!

  • Doug Langley

    I’ve developed a really nasty eye twitch since Tuesday. The stress is just pounding on me harder than I imagined.

    I don’t know. I’m thinking I should just stop reading the news for the next 4 years. I’m serious. No news. No politics. No current events. AT ALL.

    Sadly, that means no Wonkette either.

    I don’t want to hear about the madness that will develop. I don’t want to keep going through an endless series of “Oh God, he didn’t do that, did he?????” I don’t want my blood pressure blowing through the roof.

    It’s drastic, but, well.

    • If it is better for you. However, burying your head really won’t stop it. You will see headlines in passing, the people you know will be talking about things.
      Maybe good to keep in the know so you are not blind sided?
      :hugs:

  • Johnatx

    Thanks for the video of the kittens. My cat, Natasha, thanks you too. She liked it.

  • Land Shark Hombre

    UK Friend: what happening is a white lash in USA. it’s like a backlash

    Me: yeah
    the UK had the same sort of thing on Brexit.
    Maybe the idiots will realize that voting for shit acutally makes a difference?

    UK Friend: clinton was the worst candidate i could possibly imagine. i would not have voted for her
    totally untrust worthy

    Me: How so? (I can’t see it because I’m too close)

    UK Friend: from our coverage she had no policies to note.just carry on doing the same stuff. Voting for a fucking idiot like Trump is at least expressing (for the majority) some decision
    they will regret it but i love when the establishment gets turned upside down. career politician etc etc.

    Me: Interesting. The coverage on her policies was lacking here, too. The press was focused on whatever the bullshit story du jour was. Emails, whatever.

    UK Friend: yea. this is exactly what happened here. the Stay campaign just got bombarded with negative press. it’s a win by fear tactics and trump pressed that button.
    fear the muslim, mexican, etc etc.

    • She had a metric shit ton on policy. People do not care about policy, until it bites them on the ass.

      • YoNastyBunny

        And even then, they misidentify the reasons for why that policy is around to bite them on the ass.

      • Land Shark Hombre

        My friend’s point was that the press didn’t talk about policy, either here or in the UK (about Brexit). It was all drama TV.

        • Is a good point and what I mean. The press does not cover it, because people do not care about it.
          We’re a materialistic driven society and we just sold our future for the new iPhone.

          • Land Shark Hombre

            iPhone? I’d say we sold out future for a new Samsung Galaxy 7.

            https://media0.giphy.com/media/l0MYyY4hDOBCs8ZFu/200_s.gif

          • Wee Mousie

            “The press does not cover it, because people do not care about it.”

            Yeah, but it used to be the job of newsmen and journalist to cover stuff that nobody cared about, until the audience had been educated about why they needed to know the facts behind what the promises and platforms of politicians meant. It was not to make the most entertaining fluff they could, so they networks would have a larger audience to sell to their advertisers.

            Broadcasters didn’t use to mind that their news department lost money. It was prestigious for CBS to have Edward R. Murrow or Walter Cronkite on their newscast, because they were the best. But then it was decided that news should make money, just like entertainment, and ultimately, that meant by becoming entertainment.

            Now the news is what the largest audience will pay attention to, not what the audience should pay attention to. And while the technical wizardry of news reporting improves, the content of the news reported deteriorates.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      I ran into one of my old workmates yesterday, a retired USAF Master Sergeant, black and female, who was singing the praises of Donald Trump and just how glad she was to have voted for him. How are we supposed to fix that kind of stupid?

      • ya don’t. Ya drop back 10 and punt and try not to say I told you so when they suddenly realize what is going on.

        • Land Shark Hombre

          OK … but there’s a few who I’ll have to say “I told you so” to.

          Just a few …. I promise.

          • HogeyeGrex

            AOT, K.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          If you are a reasonably intelligent black woman who voted for Trump, your chances of realizing what is going on are slim and none.

      • phoenix00

        She would’ve been called a 4 or 5, grabbed by the pussy, patted down and shot by the police, and her parents ridiculed.

        Not necessarily in that order.

    • Red Bird

      This is why I hope they fail. That kind of selfish thinking is what destroys an otherwise good country. I hope the UK falls apart and Scotland becomes independent. I’m going to continue being negative since that seems to be the way things work in this world.

      • Teecha

        My dad voted brexit. I said – when you can’t get a space in a care home coz all the pensioners have come home from Spain, and you can’t even find anyone to pay to look after you at home and wipe your arse coz all the Poles went home, then maybe you’ll realise what you’ve done with this stupid vote.
        I’m staying out of Britain til its all shaken down.

        • Red Bird

          Yeah. Whatever happened to the days of “We Are The World”?

    • Jamoche

      Wtf was wrong with doing the “same stuff”? It was working!

    • Teecha

      I had so many arguments about the shit thrown at Hilz. People with an undefined ‘she’s not a great candidate’ but no fucking reasons for that point of view. Well, we reap what is sown. In the UK and in the USA.

      • Roadstergal

        And this in light of the fact that every time she tried to give a goddam speech on meaningful shit, the cable news would show Trump’s empty lectern (equivalent in content to the same lectern with Trump behind it).

  • sosuume

    OT – Say bye-bye to Medicare – http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/11/paul-ryan-says-medicare-privatization-is-on.html
    They’re blaming Obamacare, but the ACA helped extend its viability and
    fixed loopholes. People will believe them. Wave adios as it’s being
    dismantled. Tell your friends.

    • I hope all those erstwhile folks who went “Naw, he never said he would take down medicare!!!!” are rethinking a few things right about now.

      • The Wanderer

        The Quisling Congress is gearing up to fuck retirees too by privatizing Social Security. The Eighty Years’ War declared by conservatives after FDR signed the Act is slouching to its conclusion.

        • Ayep. We should face that they play much longer ball than we do.
          And sure they will pump money into the military! But if you think service people or vets will get dime one? Lolz.

          • But those underpaid military peons (aka “cannon fodder”) will have lots of nice expensive toys to use!

          • Tacoclamgenda

            Nonono, you all forget that he said he would start taking care of veterans on day one, that they could call him personally in the Oval Office. That’s where all the military $ will go. Unless you were a POW of course.

          • Wee Mousie

            Yeah, call Trump if you have PTSD, or are missing important limbs or organs The Bastard President Trump will enjoy making fun of you.

          • Rick Hill

            But trum is going to take GOODLY care of those vets. He said so!!!

        • Kavefish

          I’m trying to figure a shorter way to say “Dump the Social Security Trust Fund into Wall Street’s Lap” that’s a little shorter, because “privatizing Social Security” is too vague a euphemism to properly represent the horror this could become.

      • John Smith

        I hope there is somehow we could add to any bill concerning Medicare to not allow grandfathering. Make it happen to the people that support these assholes.

        • idk. The libtard in me still does not want them to suffer that much.
          But the pissed off American in me is all you sow what you reap biatches

          • John Smith

            I don’t want them to suffer either. I was hoping that maybe they would not take it laying down an stop it from happening. It’s too easy if it doesn’t effect you.

        • boberiggert

          Beg your pardon, but as a current Medicare enrollee who voted for Hillz, I do not support this version of “payback”.

          • John Smith

            It wasn’t a “payback” I was thinking of. It was more of a matter of letting the people who are currently on Medicare know that they also have skin in this game, instead of wishing misery on other people. But I understand your position; after all, it is all about you.

      • sosuume

        Hope they got healthy while it lasted, cuz’ they sho’ gonna need to now.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Remember when PolitiFact called the claim that Republicans wanted to end Medicare its “Lie of the Year”? Good times.

    • Red Bird

      It’s already starting. I know people whose parents depend on Medicare to pay for their medical needs.

      • sosuume

        And many, because they love their parents, will chip in and help, or make space in their homes for them (like my parents did for my grandmother way back before Medicare) to provide the care they need. I’ve been trying to tell people for years that Medicare helps not only seniors, but entire families across generations.

    • Yr. Gma

      There is a sacred cow among Olds, and it’s Medicare (that and SS) and you can expect the hoards to turn on him when he starts messing with it. This is good news for 2018. AARP will be sure the word gets out.

      • sosuume

        People don’t realize that even if they don’t privatize Medicare immediately, it will be damaged by Trump’s promise to repeal the ACA, which fixed loopholes (Part D) and extended the program’s viability by a decade or more. Lawmakers will make sure that it only affects people who are not yet eligible for Medicare. The current Olds will be protected (but please know that we Olds have always wanted our children/next generation to enjoy the same benefits). Fight on.

  • Tacoclamgenda

    Ahhhhh, it’s so good to see sweet animals. Sort of like a palate cleanser… In a good way.

  • Apple Scruff

    “Many Trump supporters may not have expected their candidate to win, Krige added, which probably means they’re scrambling to make travel arrangements and book flights before they secure hotel rooms.”

    Awe that’s adorably optimistic.

    But you keep thinking that Trump supporters can actually afford to attend the Inauguration or any of the balls. It’s gonna be crickets and tumbleweed on Nov 20.

    • phoenix00

      To them DC is a swamp that needs to be drained anyways.

  • Nasty Granny

    I have this sinking feeling that what the future has most in common with Firefly is that it’s been suddenly cancelled.

  • DainBramage

    As a Seahawks fan, I’m glad that I can go back to my default view, that Colin Kaepernick is A Idiot.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Trump says protests “very unfair!” Poor Donald. First week on a new job’s a bitch, ain’t it?

  • Kavefish

    Over the last few days I’ve seen a lot of folks say “Donald Trump is not *my* president!”

    Well, Good News! He Ain’t!

    That’s because Paul Ryan is.

    Wheeeeee!!!!!

    • Roadstergal

      You misspelled “Pence.”

      • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

        Nope.

        Pence answers to Ryan. Proof? Answer the question: Who is in charge, in this photo?

        http://i2.cdn.cnn.com/cnnnext/dam/assets/161110152837-trump-ryan-11-10-exlarge-169.jpg

        • phoenix00

          He does have the largest hands.

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            He’s the *only one* with hands.

            The body language tells the story.

            He’s the only one with his hands not hidden below the table and he’s the only one leaning forward. Trump is slouching and it almost looks like he’s cupping his balls in a defensive gesture.

            It’s a clear signalling of who is dominant and who is submissive in this situation.

          • phoenix00

            I see Melania is also covering up her pussy, as per usual.

            But Pence also?

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            Pence is a Ken Doll, hence, nothing to cover.

          • phoenix00

            … and we thought Trump was the smaller man……

    • Resistance Fighter Puipui

      Hopefully, silver lining, we’ll at least get the joy of watching Trump block shit that Ryan wants out of petty spite because he doesn’t like how Ryan didn’t kiss his ass enough during the election.

      • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

        I like how you think :-D

    • phoenix00

      Mike Pence ain’t either.

  • themidniteskulker

    When these protests get big enough, we’ll see with our own eyes why our honorable, dirty state legislatures have been loosening up gun laws and enacting stand-your-ground. There are going to be NRA assholes chasing protesters all over town so they can than do the George Zimmerman thing, all they want. And the stolen supreme court has already been forgotten. Congratulations, Koch Bros!!

  • pending

    Is it wrong that I skipped everything and went straight for the video?

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