You know, people like Joe Scarborough, the white guy on the right.
Journalists (real journalists, not fake teevee talking heads) aren’t just worrying about being laid off and having to teach at community colleges,
they are also already fielding death threats from Trump supporters, and many are worried about their personal safety from people who openly encourage physical violence towards the free press.
Teachers across the nation are struggling to console distraught and emotional students who are now faced with the unfortunate reality that racism and sexism are both alive and well in the United States.
Federal employees are bracing for the unpredictable threats and policies from Trump, like a hiring freeze and cutbacks, that Trumpkin appointees will bring to beleaguered agencies across the nation. We continue to wonder how this happened, but as information on returns continues to trickle out,
we can safely blame Jill Stein and Gary Johnson for the loss of Florida, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Michigan even though it’s a pretty mean and fruitless gesture to insult adults with special needs.
Large protests erupted in major cities throughout the country last night at the news of Trump’s victory in cities like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, Oakland, San Francisco, Phoenix, Seattle, Philadelphia, Boston, and Portland, Oregon. The state of
New Jersey’s Local Finance Board in Trenton has made a unanimous move to take control of Atlantic City in an attempt to hold off a bankruptcy filing by the city, which would be funny were it not for the fact that Donald Trump played no small part in robbing the city blind.
DC Mayor Muriel Bowser admitted that the potential for D.C. statehood is all but dead, leaving Congress critters free to meddle in the District’s affairs for another couple of years.
Some of the things that Trump wants may be tough to accomplish while others require Congressional approval and a knowledge of constitutional law to avoid criminal penalty. Seeing as how gambling will probably be legal all over the place, you may as well start placing your bets on which Trumpkin cabinet member will be indicted first.
Right-wing militia gun fetishists have been emboldened by Donald Trump, so expect the price and prevalence of assault rifles to continue to rise as gun humpers spray lead and semen all over America. Think twice if you live in California or Nebraska if you plan on committing any felonies in the next few years as
both California and Nebraska have voted to keep capital punishment. Democratic New Hampshire Gov.
Maggie Hassan has defeated Senator Kelly Ayotte, so don’t start losing your shit just yet, the news isn’t as bad as it seems.
Though votes are still being counted,
North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory may have to find a new pot to piss in as it appears he was voted out of office in favor of Democrat Roy Cooper. Democrats will hold the seat of outgoing Senator Harry Reid as
Catherine Cortez Masto defeated Joe Heck for Nevada’s open Senate seat, proving that the Democratic machine built by Reid is still churning. Illinois Democrat
Tammy Duckworth stomped all over Republican Senator Mark Kirk despite having lost both of her legs due to combat injuries in Iraq. Stomp stomp stomp!
Chris Van Hollen will succeed Barbara Mikulski for Maryland’s open Senate seat, making it a pretty safe bet that Van Hollen will be sticking around for a while. Congressional Republican John Mica lost
control of Florida’s 7th District seat to Democrat Stephanie Murphy due to Mica’s lack of investment in campaigning.
Soda tax laws were passed in several cities across the country, like San Francisco, Oakland, Albany, California, and Boulder, Colorado, so you’ll either have to learn to start drinking your booze neat, or on the rocks. More Good News!
California, Nevada, and Massachusetts voted to legalize recreational marijuana, with Maine leaning yes (though it’s still real close), while Florida, North Dakota, Montana (hi!) and Arkansas legalized medicinal marijuana, but remember that sitting around baked out of your skull and waiting out the next few years isn’t the right course of action.
India has banned all forms of large currency in an attempt to stave off corruption and the production of counterfeit money often used to support terrorists, prompting the people of India to make a mad dash for large cash around the country, overrunning A.T.M.s.
Mexico is saying that it STILL will not pay for that fucking wall, but it’s open to working with Trump. Dios mío, este idiota.
200 countries are trying to find the silver, pollution-free lining in the clouds at the 22nd Conference of the Parties, a climate change summit in Marrakesh, Morocco, now that Donald Trump intends to stick a climate change denier at the head of the EPA. Here’s how Samantha Bee tried to put things in perspective last night because, as bad as they seem now, it’s not the end.
VIDEO And here’s your morning Nice Time: a clouded leopard sanctuary in Thailand! because I think we could all use big, cute cats.