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Hidey-Ho there, Wonkareenos! Break out your reading glasses and thinking caps because we got LOTS of wiener jokes to inappropriately insert in some newsy ‘splainers, so let’s go already!

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  • dslindc

    Halloween is over, so I assume we should be gearing up for the annual War on Christmas™?

  • beingreleased
    • Shan the Nasty Libtart

      That Hubble costume!!!

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Hubble telescope? Or sister wife with shutters? (I joke because I’m jealous.)

      • arglebargle

        Could be Moses coming down from Mt. Sinai toting the commandments, also too.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Sister wife Moses. I mean, if that were a dress, it would be a sister wife dress.

    • I’m going to miss being able to vote for her :(

  • Shan the Nasty Libtart

    Whoah. Today’s Wonkagenda is chock a block!

    • Me not sure

      Using the term “chock a block” isn’t nasty enough for the new personna that you are attempting to project. It is however gosh darned nice.

      • Shan the Nasty Libtart

        I mean nasty in a nice way!

        • Me not sure

          Well alrighty then!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    This morning NPR had FIVE count’em FIVE stories about Clinton’s emails. Not a single one on any negative aspect of Trump. Unless you count that two of the FIVE Clinton email stories were reactions from people associated with Trump. Fair and balanced, yall!

    • SessileRaptor

      TEH JEWISH CONTRLLED LIBIRAL MEDIA IS IN THE BAG FR HITLERLLY AND TOTALY AGINTS TRUMP! TRANNY!!!111!!!

      (misspelling stuff is actively painful, yo.)

    • therblig

      wnyc did have a fair and balanced (ok, took time to laugh while typing that) profile of long island voters feeling disenfranchised and supporting the Yam God. About what you’d expect, “Obama did nothing for 8 years”, “if you want opinions, ask my husband”, and one you wouldn’t expect, “my candidate would be john wayne. if you burned a flag in front of him, you’d wind up dead”.

      Eros was right

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qro7oBzUBos

    • Snopes Shop

      I’m having a hard time figuring out why no one is covering it. It’s driving me batty.

    • sbanthony

      I’m in a lefty part of California, and I’ve stopped listening to my local NPR for my own sanity. They keep casually saying how corrupt Hillz is, and commentators talk about not voting for either of the evil candidates. And that is even before the callers start.

      I had to step back.

  • beingreleased

    Nobody cares about Trump’s ties to Russia. (a) They are complicated, unlike email-ghazi, and (2) it is clear that Trump could shoot someone on 5th Ave. and not lose any support. It is disgustingly true that these reports will make absolutely no difference.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Yes, email is sinister stuff.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Well, his followers on social media sure seem to care, but since almost all of them appear to be russian cyborgs you can imagine why.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Ahh, you ran into the Web Brigade. Yeah, it’s 4:23PM in Moscow. Most of them will go home soon, and the second shift is not well staffed.

        • Oddly enough, I’ve noticed this to be an actual trend.

          • Jen B_VA

            Not very odd, Dominic XD Cause it is sorta actually a real thing

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Hard to know since there AREN’T all that many reports.

    • nightmoth

      I’m not one to view the fifties through a rose-colored haze, but this may be one where I miss the “good old days.” Everyone and their brother would be screaming about Trump’s ties to Russia. These are strange times.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    From the Financial Times:

    When Sergei Millian was appointed head of the Russian American Chamber of Commerce in the US in 2006, the young former Soviet émigré came to typify Russia’s new projection of soft power.

    He gave dozens of interviews to Russian state media as an expert on the US and appeared on US television opposing sanctions on Russia. He gadded about town with New York luxury real-estate brokers, even appearing on a reality TV programme called Million Dollar Listing, prompting one newspaper to nickname him “The Moscow Mule”.

    Friends approved when he posted a photograph on Facebook in 2014 of himself with Donald Trump and Jorge Perez, the billionaire owner of the Related Group, a Miami real-estate developer, at the races. Then this year, Mr Millian, now 36, began speaking of how Russia-US relations would improve under the presidency of Mr Trump, with whose organisation he said he had worked as a real-estate broker and maintained ties. “I can assure you he is very positive and friendly,” he told the Russian state news agency, Ria Novosti, in January.

    In the past, such activities might have seemed harmless. But now the US administration has formally accused Russia of attempting to interfere in the US electoral process through the hacking of the Democratic National Committee’s email servers, Mr Millian’s activities — and his ties to the Republican presidential nominee — are coming under increasing scrutiny.

    https://next-geebee.ft.com/image/v1/images/raw/http%3A%2F%2Fcom.ft.imagepublish.prod-us.s3.amazonaws.com%2F3275d1de-9d22-11e6-8324-be63473ce146?source=next&fit=scale-down&width=700

  • Gayer Than Thou

    A Very Special Trump: The Art Of Books With Lots Of Pictures In Them

    • It it a pop-up, like his hair?

    • The Wanderer

      Trump: наш очень полезный идиот.

  • zerosumgame0005

    Samantha Bee is always a nice time :)

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Poor Meredith, forced to tweet about how beauty queens got fat at 3:00 a.m.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Chief Engineer

    Good Morning, Wonketeers! :D And a hearty Привет матери понедельник вечер to the GOP, FBI, et al.

    • The Wanderer

      I’d prefer it if Clinton showed Trump Kuzma’s Mother.

    • Jen B_VA

      Zdratsvoitsya! Kak vi posheviyete?

      • Anna Elizabeth, Chief Engineer

        I’ll have to run that past the Universal translator. XD

        • Jen B_VA

          I can’t figure out how to do Cyrillic on a keyboard XD so phoenetic it is!
          horosho! ya lubloo cerda

          • Anna Elizabeth, Chief Engineer

            I love you too, Jen ~hugs~

            I just cut-‘n-paste the Cyrillic. I can see Russian, Japanese, and Klingon properly, but zero idea of how to type in them. XD

          • Jen B_VA

            There are like some sorta short cuts but heavens if I know what or what you need to DL for that XD
            :snuggle: Klingon be cool yo

    • nightmoth

      Good morning! You’re looking bright-eyed & bushy-tailed this A.M. So you didn’t overdo any Halloween fun?

      • Anna Elizabeth, Chief Engineer

        :D I’m afraid I didn’t have much Halloween fun. I’m almost free of my abusive family, however.

        • nightmoth

          Oh, dear! Can I bake one of those cakes we like and put a metal file in it for you?

          • Anna Elizabeth, Chief Engineer

            Yes please. :)

            Honestly, it’s better. I’ll just have to be prepared for when my sister -again- calls the police to report I need to go to the mental hospital because I’m not cooperating with the family’s abuse. Then it should all be over.

          • Shan the Nasty Libtart

            Anna, I was thinking about this last night but I wasn’t sure whether it would help, but…would it be possible to pre-preemptively contact the local police yourself? Could you put them in touch with another police department who’s familiar with your sister’s attempts at harassment-via-cop? Maybe then if she DOES call them and they know what’s what, they can tell her to piss off and maybe threaten her with something that’ll put the fear of Jeebus up her.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Chief Engineer

            The first part – maybe. It’s something to consider, at least. Thanx Shan.

            Last time, the 2 Deputies knew me, and were very professional and not-impressed with my sister.

          • Shan the Nasty Libtart

            Okay, just a thought. It’s awful to feel like you’re just waiting there for someone to do the next shitty thing. MOAR HUGS OKAY? I’m not trying to tell you what to do or feel or anything.

            Side note: My own sister did that to our mom. Not as an abusive thing (I don’t think, although sister can be unfathomably ragey over the tiniest things) but just because Mom hadn’t been answering her emails. Sister’s husband used to be a deputy so I think she got him to get their local cops to contact some where Mom lives (different state) and had them go do a “welfare check” on her. Soon as my sister told me what she’d done, I cringed inside and thought “Way to totally piss her off, genius.” I made sure Mom knew I had nothing to do with it and would have tried to stop sister if I’d known beforehand.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Chief Engineer

            ~hugs~ No worries, Shan. I appreciate your support and thougts more that I can express. :)

            It probs will be a Welfare Check. My guess is, yesterday’s eMail was the set up for “no holidays or Xmas gifts, sorry”, so she may not even mail again til closer to Turkey Day. I’ll be ready. :)

          • Doug Langley
    • lroom

      Just started reading this morning and see you had some trouble. I’m sorry about that. Family sucks sometimes.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Chief Engineer

        They do. Thank you for caring. You all are getting me through this. ~hugs~

        • lroom

          Hugs back.

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      (Jar Jar Binks voice) Meesa no want dat image in me head!

    • badhombreinatacotruck

      She’ll be booking the next flight back to France.

  • beatbort

    FBI…KGB
    They both have three letters.

    Some people have said they are the same organization.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Morning, Dominic. Robocall guy? Was chosen by the Trump campaign to be a delegate from CA.

    • Yeah :(

      • Carpe Vagenda

        He does meet the nicest people…

        • Jen B_VA

          gonna need a bigger basket.

  • Nounverb911
  • Anna Elizabeth, Chief Engineer

    Some, if not many people are wondering if the FBI is just a branch of the FSB.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The polls are tightening. Well played, Mr. Comey. Dick.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I don’t understand how the obvious Russian influence in this election hasn’t been the biggest story in our media for the past 6 months. This shit should NOT just now be gaining minimal traction a week out from the election, it should’ve been thoroughly investigated by our “journalists” after Donald Trump publicly called for Russia to step up their hacking. Instead we’re stuck wanking about emails all day with people who don’t really seem to know how emails work in the first place. Ugh.

    • Snopes Shop

      Why isn’t it being covered at all? I honestly need to know,

  • Nounverb911

    You just know he couldn’t say no.
    https://twitter.com/business/status/793440728500301824

    • Jen B_VA

      damn man, he grew about 20 forehead wrinkles this summer and his face is getting the look of someone who does not sleep regularly..
      I am not very sad by this

    • Rick Hill

      Why he wears dark suits is a mystery. The errant jizz splatters are so difficult to remove, especially that…ok, to vile, I can’t go on. Feel free to fill in your own blanks

    • Shan the Nasty Libtart
      • The Wanderer

        I think we should make him look like Theon Greyjoy.

    • The Wanderer

      Of course he does. He’s a spineless little apparatchik who’s never worked in the private sector a day in his worthless life.

      • Jen B_VA

        Good. Let us send him there

    • BearGHAZI

      After a certain amount of time, “no” means “yes.” Or so a frat boy told me

  • Lizzietish81

    Please, accuse China of being filled with environmentalist hippies.

    • SessileRaptor

      No no, you see the Chinese created the climate change hoax so that we’d cripple our own economy while they roar ahead and take over the world through the power of their entire population being dead of smog and toxic water.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        You laugh, but you won’t be laughing when their robot army invades :)

        Siri, Begin invasion.

        • Usedtobeyellerdawg

          Yoshimi will stop them; at least the pink ones.

      • PubOption

        Pollution problem solves overpopulation problem. What’s not to like?

    • therblig

      hey, isn’t “The Good Earth” all about them?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Nah. It’s about how once your first wife has grown your fortune you need to find one who doesn’t look so tired. It’s a shame Trump can’t read. He’d love it.

        • Jen B_VA

          he would hate the ending where you realize that the woman you did wrong to was the best one all along and your children are ungrateful fuckers who deserve nothing

          • Latverian Diplomat

            “No comeuppance!”
            Homer Simpson Donald Trump

          • Carpe Vagenda

            There is no way he would make the connection. There’s video out there somewhere where he’s talking about his kids and he says that rich kids frequently grow up with shitty values and he’s glad his family has escaped that.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Sergei Millian, head of the Russian American Chamber of Commerce, speaking of how Russia-US relations would improve under the presidency of Mr Trump, with whose organisation he said he had worked as a real-estate broker and maintained ties. “I can assure you he is very positive and friendly,” he told the Russian state news agency, Ria Novosti, in January.

    Mr Millian came on to the FBI’s radar after he participated in a 2011 trip to Moscow for 50 US businessmen and offered to organise further trips. The FBI pulled in the US participants to ask them whether Russian intelligence tried to recruit them during the all-expenses paid trip, three attendees told the Financial Times. One of them said the FBI told him they suspected that some of the people who organised the trips were spies.

    The questioning formed part of a wider FBI probe into whether Yury Zaytsev, the head of the Washington DC arm of Rossotrudnichestvo, was recruiting for Russian intelligence. Mr Zaytsev had been the lead organiser for the trip. The Russian foreign ministry said reports of the probe were “fabrications” that had “nothing to do with reality”. Mr Zaytsev, however, quietly returned to Russia shortly after the FBI probe, dismissing the accusation as “no more than an echo of the cold war”.

    Mr Millian remained in the US, writing to thank then-Russian President Dmitry Medvedev following the trip and offering to help organise more such visits, according to a copy of his letter seen by the FT.

    The FBI probe was part of a wake-up call for US intelligence over suspicions that Russia was activating networks long thought defunct after the end of the cold war. “The number of Russian intelligence operatives in the US is much higher than anyone thought,” one former senior US intelligence official said.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      but the FBI thinks they’re less dangerous than Hillary Clinton, so that’s OK

      • Nasty Astraea

        Well, yeah, she has poor email management skills! What are we thinking?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          That Jason Chaffetz conducts the business of his office on GMail, and Snopes gave it a thumbs down when Clinton said so, since she couldn’t prove he was still using the email address on his business card?

        • Arolpin

          I think it’s pretty clear that she doesn’t have poor email management skills. She has poor skills at preventing political enemies from latching on to any possible issue and screaming that it’s the biggest issue ever since the last biggest issue ever several days before.

          • Jen B_VA

            So basically, she breathes, is a Clinton and has a D after her name?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Well, also too. Vagenda of Manocide.

          • Jen B_VA

            V is for Vagenda ^.^

          • Carpe Vagenda

            It’s her vagend game.

          • Rick Hill

            It’s not just taht she’s a Clinton, it’s also that she’s a Clinton

        • yeah, well, maybe! but she still hasn’t been hacked!

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Actually, I don’t think the FBI thinks that at all from the FT article, nor do other agencies.

        I do think somebody at FBI is putting out spin.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Yeah, but the Times swallowed it whole, and New York used the Times story as a definitive debunking, so there you go.

  • SessileRaptor

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s been thinking of “Manchurian Candidate” jokes in regards to the trumpsters Russian ties.

    • The Wanderer

      It has an air of plausibility, without any recourse to brainwashing. He’s doing it for money and power.

      • Thorn Spike

        Also too, no brain to wash.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Now that Trump is only one point behind, are the polls still rigged?

  • Thaumaturgist

    headline wins the intertubes

  • Recipriversexclusons

    A Note to VA Voters

    Please take a look at VA Constitution Ballot Measures.

    From Daily Kos;
    Yes, Virginia, that is definitely NOT Santa Claus…
    http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/10/27/1587637/-Yes-Virginia-that-is-definitely-NOT-Santa-Claus

    I would also suggest voting against “Article X. Taxation and Finance. Section 6-B. Property tax exemptions for spouses of certain emergency services providers.” This should only be a law and should only apply to families that financially qualify. I can understand emotionally why people would want to afford this “tax break” to grieving families but I can guarantee, if it becomes a VA Constitutional Amendment, it will become the BASE for other laws to be written for non-disserving entities to avoid their share of LOCAL taxes.

    • bupkus23

      Hmm – Florida has a similar measure on their ballot this year. I wonder if this is another one of those ALEC-sponsored measures that the GOP push…

      Another Florida ballot amendment – From what I understand, the group ( “Consumers for Smart Solar” ) advocating for the amendment have been caught admitting that their campaign is designed to mislead, and that the measure will cripple the spread of individual solar power installations in “The Sunshine State”. I’ve seen their ads, and they ARE misleading…

      Gee – it’s enough to make one think the GOP doesn’t want to actually legislate, at any level – just fool the public and make “issues” go away…

      • Recipriversexclusons

        Actually, I think the GOP wants to legislate on behalf of the Corporatocracy, 99% of the population be damned. After all, if you can’t pad the GOP’s pockets with $, you have NO voice.

        More on the Florida Solar Energy Subsidies and Personal Solar Use, Amendment 1 (2016);

        https://ballotpedia.org/Florida_Solar_Energy_Subsidies_and_Personal_Solar_Use,_Amendment_1_(2016)

        • Mr Canoehead

          Government of the people, by the lobbyists, for the money.

        • bupkus23

          Thanks for the reference. I’ll admit that, in my post, I got several things wrong – but the Ballotpedia piece makes it clear to me that this Florida amendment is unnecessary, potentially harmful, and that the campaign in support of it is a typical right-wing/corporate scam.

          Which, of course, is why I thought of ALEC when I saw the previous post per VA’s proposed amendment….

  • BadKitty904

    So maybe Trump’s a tax-cheat, but is it actually possible Trump is part of a convoluted Russian plot to sow doubt in the U.S. election?

    That would certainly explain Sniffles’ “unique” “campaign”.

  • Bad Hombre Ron

    So, this seems an appropriate place to ask:
    Is there still any interest in a Southwestern Ontario Election Night Drinks Thingy? One week to go, so I think it’s time to make arrangements. My town isn’t what you’d call convenient, but if necessary I could set things up here.
    Thoughts?

    • If I were in the vicinity, I’d go!

    • kev

      what’s a Southwestern Ontario? is it like a Spanish omelet? I can’t have spicy foods late at night.

    • Where in SW Ontario? Just awonderin.

      • Bad Hombre Ron

        I’m right in between London and Chatham.

        • Ok. I’m in Buffalo and can see Ft Erie from where I’m sitting. I guess that would be southeastern Ontario. I am directly where Lake Erie empties into the Niagara River and the Buffalo River flows into the lake. Great view from the 7th floor. There is a battleship, “The Sullivans” right next to my building in the Naval Park. Also about 10 min to the Peace Bridge.
          I would love to go to a drinky thing but I don’t drive anymore and I’m not a good swimmer so..

          • Bad Hombre Ron

            I’ve probably driven past your place dozens of times on my way to Erie PA. Next time I’ll wave!

            Southwestern Ontario is everything west of Kitchener. Southern Ontario is everything east of there. Except Northern Ontario, which is everything north of Highway 17. Apparently it makes sense to someone, but I’ve never figured out who.

          • I’ll wave back but only if you’re on a boat. It took me a long time to figger out E or W. Now if you had told me before it would’ve made sense to me. Maybe not.

    • dude. i love southwestern ON (my mom spent her years b/t montreal where she was born and her dad’s family in hamilton). we trek to stratford every summer.

      also: if trump wins, i’m cashing in on my CA passport and probably moving to southwestern ontario as i don’t think i can afford toronto.

  • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

    Sam Bee gives me life. And dang, she might be right!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      She’s partly right. Trump’s read from teleprompters before. But I’m sure he had to read the speech (possibly with help) ahead of time, maybe twice.

      He’s a “reluctant reader”, that delightful euphemism for the marginally literate.

      • The Nasty Librarian!

        All the other bs aside, nothing would me make less inclined to vote for someone than one who doesn’t read. The ramifications are enormous….

      • puipui

        That would explain his consistent and hilarious difficulty reading “LGBT” during speeches.

  • SullivanSt

    Actual good news for John McCain!

    Except no, because he’s not qualified to have write-ins with his name counted in Ohio. Sad!

  • The Nasty Librarian!

    That article on the probable ties between Alfa Bank and Trump is nerd-tastic! I like Tea Leaves nom de plume, though not as salacious as Deep Throat.

    • Jen B_VA

      How I wish they went properly nerdy and used Biggus Dickus.
      Just to force the news people to say/print Biggus Dickus 500 times a day.

      • The Nasty Librarian!

        I would enjoy that bigly.

  • Bad Hombre Ron

    And now the East Coast pipeline that ruptured two weeks ago has REALLY broken.
    Bet you wish you’d bought that electric car now, eh?

    • Jen B_VA

      oh, is it time for the seasonal gas hike already? *checks calendar* ayup

      • The Nasty Librarian!

        That stuff happens a little too regularly here in CA as well.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Richmond refinery down again?

          • berkeleyfarm

            I work near one in Benicia. Probably our turn (shudder).

          • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

            Stay safe.

          • berkeleyfarm

            Still remember the night the Richmond plant burned, I was doing an interview up in the Berkeley hills.

          • The Nasty Librarian!

            Power outage and gas flares at the Torrance refinery.

      • Rick Hill

        Or the right before the election to piss off people that gas prices have gone up….

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      Westies have their own sources. My last fill was today at $2.50 per gallon. 6 gallons total. $15 will hold me for most of the week. Why? Meet my new wheels. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9700862265f3d891ff848937fb0e8156ea93753ad6671ec94847f66e3f0ea9bb.jpg

      • Bad Hombre Ron

        Thank you for buying Canadian!

        • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

          Thank you for quality fuel.

    • The Bird in a Red Pantsuit

      Yes, I really do. Every time I see a Tesla on the road I get a little bit jealous.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    киоск киоск, who’s there? Donald in the kiosk. (thanks to my Latin teacher for that)

  • Lucas Foxx

    In other Trump/China news, Chinese students at UW think a Trump Presidency would benefit them when they graduate and go back home to China to make their fortunes.

    “We don’t like Trump as a person but we like him as a tool to kind of bring American down.”
    http://kuow.org/post/trump-win-could-help-china-s-why-banner-flew-over-seattle

    • MizzMazz

      Well, they got the tool part right.

    • The Bird in a Red Pantsuit

      Funny. No one said that about Obama.

  • Grizz1y

    Sam almost makes up for Bieber and Nickelback.

  • jmk
    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      Interesting stuff. Hope it works.

  • Bill Slider

    I like the sorta kinda, connect some, but not all the dots, and Bingo, Donald Trump is a Soviet KGB Russian spy. Perhaps, FBI Director James Comey, otherwise known as maggot penis impersonator, could send a letter to Congressional Republican leaders this Friday, announcing the Putin-Trump alleged connection.

  • kev

    did anyone else see that article showing that NONE of Trump’s brats or senior campaign staffers have donated anything to his campaign? I assume they don’t want to waste money on a LOSER.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      He pretends to pay them. They pretend to support him.

  • Swampay

    how in the fuck does anybody take that asshole seriously? Sorry, not anything funny to say, but seriously, who could consider voting for that asshole?

    • Serai 1

      People who think more about themselves than about others, I’d say.

  • Serai 1

    Sam’s segment on Trump being illiterate was amazing. Damn, I hadn’t noticed how pervasive his avoidance of reading anything is, how often he refuses to do it or says he hasn’t done it. I certainly wasn’t aware of how many people who’ve dealt with him have said it. Are we seriously going to elect a president who can’t read anything that’s put in front of him? I mean, I can see why everyone around him likes it – an illiterate person is much easier to manipulate and bamboozle. Despite Trump thinking he’s the Smartest Guy Ever, he’d be hard put to keep control since he’d never be able to verify anything for himself, but always have to rely on the word of others. Holy shit, if it’s true, it’s potentially the most dangerous thing about him as a potential president, even more dangerous than his outsize ego or his belligerence. And combined with those… *ahem*, qualities… it makes him FAR more dangerous than anyone thought.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      He has that in common with his base, at least. They may be able to read, slowly and with much effort. But they refuse to do so since only pussy egghead types do it. This is why illiteracy rates are so high. It is really unliteracy.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    The only thing I can see about Samantha Bee that isn’t absolutely perfect, is that she’s married, but not to me.

  • Zyxomma

    That Samantha Bee segment was perfect.

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