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Sadly, no undead mummies in this one
Hillary Clinton and Sidney Blumenthal, probably.

Ever since the stunning news broke Friday that “Hillary Clinton Dot Dot Dot Emails, What About Them, Don’t Ask James Comey, He Dunno,” Donald Trump has used pretty much every sniffing moment to loudly say Hillary’s email “scandal” is “WORSE THAN WATERGATE!” He literally said it on the TV we are watching while we were writing that sentence. He’s been saying it for a while, of course, and we’ve always found it funny in that “Haha, Donald Trump might be president and then America will fall like Rome did and all living things will die” kind of way. Ha ha!

Trump’s invocation of the phrase works because A) Donald Trump does not know what Watergate is, and 2) Donald Trump’s supporters don’t know what it is either. The only thing they know for sure is that Watergate was when we started naming scandals “ThingGate” and “YourMomGate” and, of course, “EmailGate.”

Well! One of the guys who did Benghazi during the Watergate scandal was John Dean, who served as Richard Nixon’s general counsel. And because he did Watergate, he knows what it is! Sadly, for Trump and the rancid wombat farts who are voting for him, Dean informs us that Watergate and HillaryGate are nothing alike, and that Watergate was actually way worse.

Dean explains in the New York Times, first by dropping a dollop of #HistoryKnowledge about what Watergate actually was:

The Watergate scandal, for the record, began on June 17, 1972, as a bungled burglary by men working out of Nixon’s re-election committee, who were arrested in the Democratic National Committee offices at the Watergate complex in Washington. […]

[T]hese investigations revealed astounding abuses of presidential power by Nixon, which included other illegal break-ins and burglaries; illegal electronic surveillance; misuses of agencies of government like the I.R.S., C.I.A. and F.B.I.; the practice of making political opponents into enemies and using the instruments of government to attack them; and then employing perjury and obstruction of justice to cover it all up.

Dean goes on to note that Nixon never apologized, never admitted he did anything wrong, never gave a shit what his lawyers advised him to do, died pretending he was innocent, oh and also one time he said, “When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal.” Ha ha! Sounds like Donald Trump talking about torture! Ha ha!

Dean then compares and contrasts that with Hillghazi The Hotmail Demon:

Contrast that with Mrs. Clinton, whose “scandal” is the result of her desire — like that of many, including President Obama — not to give up her Blackberry email account when she entered the executive branch.

Hillary Clinton was being a typical #Old, and she didn’t want to get rid of her Blackberry, because Chelsea and Huma had FINALLY helped her figure out how to work the buttons on it, and this is not the same thing as Richard Nixon and Watergate because OF COURSE IT’S NOT, YOU STUPID FUCKS.

Dean notes that, “Unlike Nixon, she has apologized,” and that “again, unlike Nixon — she had no criminal intent in any of her actions.” Now that might sound like some weird conspiracy theory to say that, but that’s what FBI Director James Comey actually determined back in the summer, before Comey decided to jam Anthony Weiner’s dick into the election and investigate some more Hillary emails, possibly because a bunch of lesser FBI agents and his own wife were making him cry uncontrollably and he was trying to protect his “reputation.” Or something.

Dean also makes the same point we just made — we promise we had the idea ALL BY OURSELVES — about how Trump and his supporters ain’t know who or what “Watergate” even is, and also debunks another lie Trump has been telling, about how Hillary was “fired from the Watergate Commission.” History-splain us, John Dean, you lovable Watergate crimer:

[T]here was never a Watergate commission (presumably he means the House Judiciary Committee), and she wasn’t fired — I know, because I asked the man who supposedly did the firing.

This is more than an innocent mistake. The idea that Mrs. Clinton was fired from the committee during its impeachment inquiry of Nixon is a mainstay among right-wing conspiracy-mongers.

Something Trump says on the campaign trail is Breitbart-grade conspiracy theory bullshit? WHOA IF TRUE.

Dean concludes by saying Donald Trump himself is quite a lot like Richard Nixon, except for Nixon had some good qualities, while Trump seems to be a 100% grade-A shitbrick with no redeeming qualities. (Not his exact words.)

In conclusion, Watergate was a really bad thing, and maybe all the people saying it’s just like Hillary Clinton’s email nonsense should STFU and READ A BOOK, DUMB-DUMBS.

[New York Times]

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  • limberrat
  • Callyson

    OT, but LOL:

    James O’Keefe’s latest video appears to have violated state wiretapping laws

    Multiple people on a secretly recorded conference call were in ‘two-party consent’ states.

    Yo, James honey?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fff43e4b392cca060835543beacca7d68e55b2d37fcbbd2f85b1c4c16046fe16.jpg

    • DainBramage

      Will Sugar Daddy Donald pay for his defense?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        No, his biological dad is wealthy enough; besides, Donald doesn’t pay for anything.

        Still, it would be nice to see that little shit actually do some jail time.

    • Oily Messiah

      Ah haha haha hahahahahah ahah ahahaha. Fuck all my O’keefe loving friends

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Ha. Hoisted by his own petard!

  • Crank Tango

    Whatever the fuck Putin is doing, there’s yer “worse than watergate.”

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    I remember Watergate. Watergate defined an era of mine, and this, sir…is no Watergate.

  • Nounverb911

    Scientists have proven that sending e-mails builds stamina:

    https://twitter.com/NewYorker/status/793130210917019648

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “But what about Tweets?”
      -D. Trump

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911

    OT
    Lazy teabagging republicans getting lazier!

    https://twitter.com/NewYorker/status/793173223269625856

    • Land Shark Hombre

      Too bad, so sad, McTurtle. I hope you have moving boxes ready for when your slow ass is moved out of majority leader’s office.

      Have a nice day.

    • Spotts1701, The Baddest Hombre

      So now the GOP has decided the best strategy is to play chicken with Hillary Clinton? That’s a great plan, right up there with charging an enemy machine gun nest in nothing but your knickers.

      • SterWonk

        Didn’t Audie Murphy and Daniel Inouye do essentially that? It worked for them (for certain definitions of “worked”).

    • arglebargle

      Fine. If they aren’t going to have hearings to fill any vacancies, Hillary and her pillow may just have to make a night time visit to the Thomas household.

      • Oily Messiah

        I mean Cruz has a point on the precedent, but completely ignores the fact that there was an act of congress that MADE THE SUPREME COURT HAVE 9 JUSTICES because a variable sized supreme court was a clusterfuck

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        A pillowcase stuffed with votes, natch.

    • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

      Total obstructionism is the new governance. Also the new black.

      • Oily Messiah

        Nihilist governance, fucking exhausting

    • Jen B_VA

      Depends. If Clarence suddenly kicks it and the court is suddenly liberal you better believe they will be howling to appoint people

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The number, of course, is to be run back up to 9, or maybe 11, as soon as they get a Repugnant into the White House.

      • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

        And if the left tries to block a Bork-type, it’ll be all “treason! impeach!”. I seem to recall during Roberts confirmation, they seemed offended that there needed to be confirmation at all.

  • Swampay

    He seems offended. Like it wounds his pride. “Huh, Clinton evil? WE were evil. I fuckin know from evil, we were the literal shit. She ain’t got nothin'”

    • Kavefish

      Gotta protect yer terf, man!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Bbbbbuuuuttt…..Trump mumbled it was “…a thousand times worse than Watergate.” ___ Wait! He also said that if HRC is elected there will be “…650 million illegals coming into this country in the first week of her administration.” ___ Hey! And there were those “…thousands and thousands of people cheering in New Jersey when the WTC came down….”

    Hmmm….I’m beginning to think that hyperbole, perhaps even falsehoods, are in play here!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    OT. The Onion needs to give up. It’s too pedestrian. Reality has it beat.

    Koch Industries tweeted a photo of billionaire Charles Koch in his Darth Vader costume

    http://thehill.com/sites/default/files/styles/article_full/public/blogs/charleskoch.png?itok=zfUdcDhK

    • DainBramage

      That’s not a costume.

    • Jen B_VA

      you’d think a billionaire would have a nicer office. Or at least cleaned windows and a painting that did not come direct from Hobby Lobby.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        You’re thinking of the more ostentatious other brother, David.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And a costume that didn’t come from K-Mart.

      • willi0000000

        looks like he said “get me something that looks like it might have been an early Grant Wood . . . but don’t pay more than $7.99 . . . and that includes the frame!

  • Callyson

    Whatever mistakes Mrs. Clinton made, her actions bear no similarities whatsoever to Nixon’s criminalization of his presidency, and his efforts to corrupt much of the executive branch. As Nixon’s secretly recorded conversations show, he rejected the advice of his lawyers at every stage of Watergate; he was determined to do it his way.

    Funny, that sounds like something The Donald would do…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/13bcd5012a7d6f08035b2bad2034ccdc28b2a1425281cfb164029d5c7b667dbb.jpg

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    Apparently Comey is very concerned how Russia’s chances in our election are effected by announcements too close to election day:

    http://www.cnbc.com/2016/10/31/fbis-comey-opposed-naming-russians-citing-election-timing-source.html

    • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

      It’s almost as if he’s a partisan hack.

    • Callyson

      FBI Director James Comey argued privately that it was too close to Election Day for the United States government to name Russia as meddling in the U.S. election and ultimately ensured that the FBI’s name was not on the document that the U.S. government put out, a former FBI official tells CNBC.

      The official said some government insiders are perplexed as to why Comey would have election timing concerns with the Russian disclosure but not with the Huma Abedin email discovery disclosure he made Friday.

      Perpelxed is one word for it…

      • Anna Dash!

        “Worthless shithead” might be another.

        Oops, that’s *2* words.

        • Kavefish

          That’s okay — it’s Double-Down Monday!

          • Anna Dash!

            XD

    • Spotts1701, The Baddest Hombre

      Selective integrity. That’s a new one.

    • Oily Messiah

      Because talking about a foreign government meddling in our elections and doing it yourself are the same thing. — This week in GOPland

  • Bill D. Burger
    • In actual fact Mary Poppins was virtually the definition of a “nasty woman”

    • H0mer0

      Julie used to be sooo pretty. I always thought she had one too many plastic surgeries.

      • Paul Dietzel

        Not sure she had any P.S. – “Plastic Surgery Facts” doesn’t seem to think so but, anyway, surgery or not it’s tough to still be the conventional definition of “pretty” at 81.

        • H0mer0

          maybe she didn’t have any PS, but then I don’t understand why her nasal bridge would have widened out. She’s still very elegant.

  • fawkedifiknow

    The “Watergate Scandals” would be just like Trump Apartments if the people running the Watergate Apartments were charged by the Federal government with illegal housing discrimination.

  • Brian

    Trump: Clinton’s emails are worse than Watergate
    Reporter: Can you tell me what Watergate was?
    Trump: Nixon
    Reporter: But what was Watergate?
    Trump: It’s a sad, very, very bad hotel in DC.
    Reporter: But what was the scandal?
    Trump: Nixon grabbed some woman’s pussy in the Watergate’s lobby. The that lying whore came out and said Nixon assaulted her. And that cost Nixon the election and we got stuck with Carter, who was a disaster. Carter, let me tell you, worst President ever, the absolute worst, except for Clinton and Obama. Bigly!

    • DainBramage

      Trump has the best brain, bigly. He’ll tell you so himself.

      • I want so see that brain, hold it in my hands. Perhaps Dr Ben could help

        • DainBramage

          The jar holding it would be labeled “Abby Normal.”

          • H’mmm

            Over 6′ bulky, inarticulate easily falls into mindless rages …

          • SterWonk

            The funny thing is that in the book, Frankenstein’s creation was by the end very well-spoken. The grunting, shambling version is Word of Dante via the movie series.

          • I was thinking of the “Young Fronkenstain” version

          • H0mer0

            my neuroanatomy teacher would say about the sulci and gyri “If it isn’t there, DRAW it in!” (meaning the little crevices between the brain lumps. He also told us that our brain (the one my little team was provided with to study) was retarded because the lumps weren’t very big and some of the crevices were missing. )

    • Bill D. Burger

      I guarantee you if he could be cornered and forced to give a reply, he would be almost clueless as to what Watergate was and what the constitutional crises was that it provoked.

      • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

        He’d blame it on Hillary somehow.

      • Oily Messiah

        Well given the current state of the GOP, I don’t think they could recognize a constitutional crisis if it was still waiting for hearings and a confirmation vote many many days after being nominated

  • Randy Riddle

    Everyone rattles on about Watergate, but the hotel wasn’t _that_ bad….

    • Snark Tank, Bad Hombre

      The sheets were only 600 thread count, room service took FOREVER, there were never any nuts in the minibar, and I actually had to pay the chambermaid extra for a beej. It really was that bad. Believe me.
      -Donald Drumpf, allegedly.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Their doors didn’t close properly after you broke in…terrible.”
      — G. Gordon Liddy

  • Callyson

    …while Nixon’s dark and nasty side, largely hidden from public view, got him in trouble, he was also a man of intelligence, with a strong understanding of government, a deep knowledge of the world and a heartfelt vision for lasting peace. If Mr. Trump has such positive qualities, he has kept that side of him well hidden, while giving free rein to his dark and nasty worldview.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ddbadb2a89a931e32b5120621a74821ea7fa23cb279ad2ce6525480189435504.jpg

  • A friend of mine made some envelopes ready for the Nixon stamp when it came out a couple of decades ago. It was a bit of a hit, as it captured Nixon in all of his post presidential glory.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8e8c01b8df9f2e691475b2148b4f2eb745fc890418418f83f5840da91783ff4d.jpg

    Nixon aside, I have a problem with Wikileeks being a partisan shadow organization with ties to nefarious global actors.

    Come to think of it, it sounds like the Trump campaign….. hey, waitaminute..

    • SterWonk

      Wait, the USPS made a Nixon stamp?!?!!

      • Sad, but true. But hey, the stamp and the Nixon Envelope were made for each other.

    • Paul Dietzel

      I was thinking how neat it would be to have some of those envelopes when it dawned on me that those stamps would be just as hard to find as the envelopes. For a short time I was a bit notorious around my little local P.O. in that when I’d go in to by a book of stamps the clerks would say, one to the other “There’s Paul, remember that he won’t take any of those Reagan stamps.”

      • I’ve got a bunch of the Nixon envelopes (with stamps separate) in a box somewhere, likely with a bunch of old lp’s.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    illegal break-ins and burglaries; illegal
    electronic surveillance; misuses of agencies of government like the I.R.S., C.I.A. and F.B.I.; the practice of making political opponents into enemies and using the instruments of government to attack them; and then employing perjury and obstruction of justice to cover it all up.

    So essentially Watergate was the Trump campaign?

    • laughingnome

      I know. Almost their entire opposition research hits are from illegal hacking possibly (probably) conducted by a foreign government interested in influencing the election.

  • Think of what Nixon could have accomplished with email!

    • Msgr_Bad_Hombre

      He would have been the original Nigerian prince.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    “But to compare them to Watergate is more than historical ignorance. It distorts our understanding of what actually constitutes an abuse of power, and raises the risks that we will someday install another leader who is all too happy to misuse historical memory to indulge a dark and nasty nature.”

    Someday being November 8th, apparently.

  • Consider, Nixon was a Quaker which means he was probably more honest than Trump

  • Mpeg

    “You’ll Never Practice Group Vinyasa In This Town Again” doesn’t have the same ring to it, so it’s just as well.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I have long believed the Republicans will not give up on their tactics of harassment, persecution and intimidation until they have “gotten even” with the Democrats for the forced resignation of Nixon. This has been the subtext to everything they have done since “I am not a crook” crook Dick Nixon resigned. They almost got there with Bill Clinton and it only made them more fanatical when they failed. After eight years of trying and failing to bring down Obama, they once again have a redmeat Clinton target in Hillary and they are snarling and growling like a pack of rabid dogs.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      <>

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Don’t hide, fight back.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    By comparison, the Trump campaign makes that Nixon CREEP look good.

    • YayConspiracy

      I don’t know. At least Nixon was an interesting creep (which may reveal more about dark corners in my own soul), but I find Trump utterly stupid and boring. Trump’s just a dangerous bragger, Nixon was shrewd and dangerous.

  • Joe Beese

    FFS.

    [Abedin] emailed the Secretary that “we should talk about putting you on state email or releasing your email address to the department so you are not going to spam.” In response, [Clinton] wrote, “Let’s get separate address or device but I don’t want any risk of the personal being accessible.”

    [emphasis added]

    http://www.politico.com/story/2016/05/hillary-clinton-personal-email-worry-223559

    This is Why We Are Here. Full stop.

    It has fuck-all to do with Hillary “not wanting to get rid of her Blackberry”.

    And you know what? She deserves not to have her personal emails rifled through!

    What she doesn’t deserve is the ability to hide state.gov emails from FOIA requests from us, the people who are paying for them.

    • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

      As I understand it, this isn’t the issue. Things were passed through that other account and/or properly cc’d to that account or printed on paper. Am I wrong on this?
      And it’s not right, no, so this next part isn’t a defense, but where’s the appropriate outrage when Dubya and Cheny and co did this? And then “lost” 22 million of them. Or gov scott for that matter.

    • Jen B_VA

      Dunno if it was an attempt to hide state emails or, as she very clearly said herself, assuming that is a direct quote of emailz “don’t want any risk of the personal being accessible”
      So pretty much “She deserves not to have her personal emails rifled through”

      • Carpe Vagenda

        forget it, Jake. It’s Joe.

        • Nasty Astraea

          CDS can strike anyone.

      • Joe Beese

        Dunno?

        Ask yourself if you would extend the benefit of the doubt to a Republican candidate.

        • Jen B_VA

          The woman said, to her own aides, before there was a server that she doesn’t want her personal stuff being accessible.
          Pretty sure even if it were Republican I would go “So they didn’t want their personal stuff gone through.” rather than leap to the conclusion that when she says personal stuff she means state secrets.

          • Joe Beese

            State secrets? Probably not.

            Clinton Foundation shadiness? Probably.

          • Jen B_VA

            Right. Or, it could mean personal stuff. Such as “That fucking Gowdy, I want to beat his smug face in.”
            Point is, conclusion jumping because the Clintons HAVE to be hiding something because we hate them so much seems to me a tinged premature.

          • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

            And that is how we got here.

          • Jen B_VA

            I got here because the rubber broke. Your problems are your own.

          • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

            That implies the Clinton foundation was shady. Seen no proof of that either.

          • Jen B_VA

            Ah but TJ, see Bill was once paid to give a speech by people who donated to the foundation!
            Never mind that they were sep acts. Obviously he never would have accepted the speaking arrangement- that was his job at the time, btw, public speaking- if they had not given to the foundation that summarily used the donation to do actual charitable acts.

        • jowgajen

          Yes. And I would like to point at the utter radio silence about Bush, Cheney, and Powell emails.

    • jowgajen

      That is one part of the conversation and could be true as well as the explanation of deciding to use a single device.

      On top of it all, government policy and systems have not kept up with emerging technology and have not been implemented in any sort of consistent or convenient fashion, which means the standard of what is acceptable or right or wanted continues to shift. As evidenced by how prior SOSs and Presidents handled or didn’t handle email.

  • Crystalclear12

    Book learning is for Democrats!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Trump’s invocation of the phrase works because A) Donald Trump does not know what Watergate is, and 2) Donald Trump’s supporters don’t know what it is either.

    Louder, please, so that everyone in Dumbfuckistan can get this through their spongy febrile brains.

  • memzilla

    Perhaps Senator Professor Warren has some thoughts she shared with Director Comey? “If Secretary Clinton’s email server was of sufficient ‘interest’ to establish a new FBI standard of transparency, then surely the criminal prosecution of those responsible for the 2008 financial crisis should be subject to the same level of transparency.”
    .
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a4ec0af0e75de4f7dbbaab783ca16e1ff9f23de18445ddf1cfa666a459302450.jpg

    • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

      Drop that hammer, Liz!!

      • Joe Beese

        Work the groin!

  • arglebargle

    You could almost call the overuse of the term “watergate-gate”. Almost.

    • Oily Messiah

      Scandals are now effixed with the suffix -ghazi.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      #almostgate.

      • Jen B_VA

        #moreofadoggiedoor

        • Lance Thrustwell

          #hashtag-gate-gate

  • cmd

    Does the book have pictures?

  • whitroth

    RANT
    Nixon *was* GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY (thanks, Doonesbury), and should have been impeached.
    Raygun deliberately destroyed the Air Traffic Controllers’ Union (against the law), then deregulated S&L’s, producing a recession, with 30% being from white collar crime inside the banks), and, oh , yes, he and Bush, Sr. conspired with the Iranian revolutionaries to make sure that they kept the hostages until after the election, and SHOULD HAVE BEEN IMPEACHED FOR *MANY* HIGH CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS,

    W and Cheney lied to Congress, outed an active CIA agent such that we lost “resources” (that is, people we were paying to spy died), illegally invaded another country that was *zero* danger to us, and SHOULD HAVE BEEN IMPEACHED, and tried for war crimes.

    Meanwhile, Bill got impeached for a blow job, and, like Bill, before she’s elected, they want to impeach her.

    The GOP needs to be RICOd.

  • JohnBull

    Libs invented books. That’s how they git ya!

    • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

      Stoopid libs, with their “facts” and “reality” and “context”. FREEDUMB OF SPEACH!!!

  • msanthropesmr

    Isn’t it a salad with jello?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I have hundreds of e-mails from Hillary on my computer . . . I think I’ll forward them to Comey. If everybody in the U.S. forwarded him all of their e-mails from Hillary, he could stop hunting and get busy reading them all.

    • The Deplorable Ms. MLG

      I get hundreds a day lately!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      This is SUCH a good idea.

  • Msgr_Bad_Hombre

    The only thing they know for sure is that Watergate was when we started naming scandals “ThingGate” and “YourMomGate” and, of course, “EmailGate.”

    You left out Benghazigate.

    • DainBramage

      And the new one, ComeyGate.

  • Jen B_VA

    other illegal break-ins and burglaries; illegal electronic surveillance; misuses of agencies of government like the I.R.S., C.I.A. and F.B.I.; the practice of making political opponents into enemies and using the instruments of government to attack them; and then employing perjury and obstruction of justice to cover it all up
    Huh. So a day ending in Y for the bulk of the GOP then?
    Bolding mine own.

    • Oily Messiah

      So, threatening to put your political opponent in jail is more like watergate/nixon than clinton e-mails

    • Remember, Johnson wasn’t lily white

      • Once&futureFred

        So “both sides” then?

  • CountryClubJihadi

    9 more days and White House Communications can start programming her secure Jitterbug.

  • Ray in VT

    Obama set the record for Watergates http://www.msnbc.com/politicsnation/the-7-other-scandals-didnt-turn-out-t. Maybe Clinton is trying to outdo him. /s

  • Joe Beese
    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I do NOT turn my back on frowny Hillary, just sayin’

      • Joe Beese

        That was Vince Foster’s last mistake!

    • Antonin Dvorak

      “Tell me one more time to turn this frown upside down, go ahead, tell me”.

    • therblig

      of course there’s no case – servers come in racks

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    What’s a “book”

    signed,

    The Deplorables

    • Oily Messiah

      Ain’t dat one of dem things made of trees wut have words scratched inside! I hurd readin one’ll turn ya liberal and gay faster than you and your cousin makin’ whoopie out in the barn

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        No no no. Da book is what da law throws at you when you beats up a cop. I fink it’s like a rock or sumpin.

    • The BuyBull?

    • Jukesgrrl

      I heard a sports commentator on CBS Radio say he really wanted to read a certain sportsball guy’s autobiography “but it’s 350 pages, so I just can’t.” What do you want to bet not reading it won’t stop him from commenting on it. Or telling the author how great it is when he has him in for an interview.

  • Jay

    “Well, that’s funny, because I happen to have Mr. McLuhan right here”

    • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

      “what I wouldn’t give for a sock full of horse manure”

    • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

      Heh, I was totally going to write, “Mr. Trump you know nothing of my work – Nixon”.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    At this point in the election cycle, Hillary could bite the heads off a bunny, a puppy, and a couple of kittens live on TV three times a day from now until November 8th and I’d still vote for her over Trump.

  • Joe Beese
    • DainBramage

      He doesn’t pay to be told he’s a loser.

      • Nounverb911

        I’ll do it for free.
        DONNIE, YOU’RE A LOSER!

        • Anna Dash!

          No please allow me.

          Donnie, not only are you a LOSER, you will go down in history as the greatest possible example of what *not* to be in the history of being a loser.

          KTNXBAI

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I have a friend who went public sector, but he did real estate law before that. And he said no-one in New York will work for the man unless they’re given a large enough retainer to cover the forseeable future of the case up front.

    • Kavefish

      Yeah, I just wish it were Kelleyanne Conway that was left high and dry. :-/

      • Nounverb911

        I doubt she got paid in advance….

        • Carpe Vagenda

          she’s getting paid by the Mercers.

      • DainBramage

        She does it for the love.

      • Anna Rompage

        I hear she’s getting paid in vouchers to Trump’s new DC hotel….

        Taco bowls are on me, bitches!

    • Oily Messiah

      Well, maybe he wasn’t happy with the quality of their work!

  • John Iwaniszek

    Trump also skipped over Iran-Contra and fake evidence for attacking Iraq.

  • Mavenmaven

    In this environment, Jason Chaffetz and crew would be obstructing the Watergate investigations and blaming the “liberals”.

  • Callyson
    • Spotts1701, The Baddest Hombre

      Yup. Policy is dull, egghead stuff. Let’s talk about e-mails, or if she smiles enough, or if she dresses funny.

    • Kavefish

      Now that really *is* depressing… :-(

    • Expect the next four years to be pretty much that. Innuendos, rumors, allegations, accusations all treated very seriously by the press as evidence of corruption, but no indictments, arrests, or convictions.

      • Blacktop Cadence

        And LOTS and LOTS of House investigations.

        • Goes without saying.

          Yeah, some days I do wish President Obama was a Bond Villain and come 1/20/2017 he would unveil his space laser and declare himself Emperor for life.

        • Anna Rompage

          They do need to find something to do with their time. I mean you can only vote to repeal the ACA so many times before it gets dull and loses its impact…

      • calliecallie

        The next 8 years, please. I will take it and like it.

    • nasty taco truck vagenda

      Sigh. Maybe one day we’ll have a functioning fourth estate. (haha no we won’t)

      Also too, I’m going to punch the next person who says “liberal media” to me.

      • Major_Major_Major

        I can still handle “liberal media”, but the next motherfucker that says “both sides” or similar false equivalency and I will gladly deposit my right shoe[redacted}…

  • DainBramage

    They caught the guy who dumped a load of manure in front of the Dem office in Ohio. He confessed to doing the same thing four years ago as well.
    http://www.wlwt.com/article/arrest-made-in-manure-dump-at-warren-co-democratic-headquarters/8051656

  • Scooby

    I always just thought it was a hotel.

  • gene108

    You don’t get it do you.

    The fact the government has spent tens of millions of dollars probing the Clintons for corruption and found nothing only proves they devilishly* clever at hiding their wrong doing.

    So clever, in fact, that we need more investigation to ferret out the truth about their vile, wicked, corrupt, hedonistic deeds.

    * Also, per a reliable news source, Hillary is an actual demon from Hell.

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      Which is why I’m voting for Hillary! If she is so damn good as to hide all kinds of bodies and nefarious deeds and have none of them come to light, imagine what she could do with some real power!!

      • Anna Rompage

        Just don’t get on her bad side, if you know what I mean…

        • DainBramage

          She seriously needs to borrow this Miles Vorkosigan (fictional character) quote for people who accuse her of killing enemies, “So if you truly believe that, why are you standing in my way?”

    • According to my conservative relatives, it just proves that Bill and Hillary have infiltrated agents into or bought or blackmailed existing government employees to cover up for them, making them literally like supervillains or Madam Hydra or something.

      It’s all very convoluted, but, by God, they’re sure of it.

      • Oily Messiah

        Cut off one head, two more take its place!

    • Oily Messiah

      the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence – the GOP

      • thixotropic jerk

        perzacktly!

  • Blacktop Cadence

    Plus, Forrest Gump isn’t staying in the room next to Clinton’s email server and complaining about it keeping him awake. Duh.

  • Nounverb911

    This just in too, why I don’t know, but it’s here.
    https://twitter.com/samsteinhp/status/793179782842347520

  • Joshua Norton

    I once saw on a Fox News chyron how Nixon was a (D), so you can’t fool me!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    The -gate suffix is so lame. Everything should be named after Teapot Dome instead. We could have had Iran Dome, Travel Dome, Monica Dome, Benghazi Dome, etc. Still lazy, but at least the result sounds cool.

    • h4rr4r

      Monica Dome is even accurate!

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I see what you did there. :-)

    • Oily Messiah

      With the onset of benghazi, we can now refer to everything as -ghazi

      Trump tape = Pussyghazi
      Trump charities – Ghazigiveaway

    • Doug Langley

      And the silverware plating scandal known as Chrome Dome!

      (I’ll just show myself out)

      • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

        Come back in, that was awesome.

  • limberrat
    • Joe Beese

      Stein surge!

      • Oily Messiah

        All that fossil fuel investment gave her soylent scooter a little boost

  • Me not sure

    One of the best assessments of modern American conservatism can be found in John Dean’s book from a few years ago “Conservatives Without A Conscience”. If you can find a copy, get it and read it.

  • Blacktop Cadence

    You know, I thought that flick Syriana was pretty believable, but good lord have the Republicans proven the whole “innocent until investigated” thing these last few years.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    “…rancid wombat farts…” and “…grade-A shitbricks…”
    I wonder if Evan intentionally named the only animal that actually shits “bricks”. The wombat poops cube shaped turds….Anyway, it made me laugh.

    • cafiene

      Whaaaatt??

      • WTF is quite right. It’s how wombats mark their territory by having crap that won’t roll off the top of a boulder

        • Courser

          Cool! Learn something new every day!

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        My daughter did a report one time. It’s true. Wombat’s poop cubes.

        • Kavefish

          The perfect Minecraft pet!

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Holy cow, it is!

    • Msgr_Bad_Hombre
      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Ha. Perfect.

    • elviouslyqueer

      And now my brain is full. Thanks for that, WTF!

  • doktorzoom

    Well, Mr. Trump, I just happen to have Watergate burglar G. Gordon Liddy right here…

    “You know nothing of my work!”

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Weinergate–Zipp’er Up!!!

  • Nasty Astraea

    OT did someone already post this? Watch Donald Trump be gross like a common Donald Trump!

    https://thinkprogress.org/watch-donald-trump-casually-drop-the-c-word-in-public-83941827ea9a#.j7atxseaf

    Newly unearthed video shows Donald Trump casually drop the word “cunt” at a public event in 2004.

    Trump is speaking a the Friar’s Club in October of that year, where he was the subject of a roast. The slur is used near the end of a short speech Trump gave at the conclusion of the event, which also featured Trump making cracks about how dumb Hugh Hefner’s blonde girlfriends must be and Regis Philbin’s penchant for “hostesses.”

    Trump’s comments were part of a riff about how women don’t really understand roasts. He starts talking about how his then-fiancee, Melania, had “no idea” what to expect from a roast. Trump added that nine “blondes” who accompanied Hugh Hefner to his roast “didn’t know what happened but they didn’t understand, so it didn’t matter.”

    Trump then makes a diversion to talk about Regis Philbin who he describes as “short” but nevertheless praises for going “through these hostesses.”

    Finally, turns his attention to Katie Couric who, according to Trump, also didn’t know anything about roasts before attending that evening. “The first word she heard was the word ‘cunt,’” Trump says, without any hesitation.

    • DainBramage

      I’m so hoping that somehow, some way, I’ll have the chance to laugh in his face.

    • TruthAdvocate

      You’re not really this dumb, right? It was a ROAST!!!

      • jowgajen

        Did you do a ctrl-F search for “cunt” or something?

      • Boscoe

        yeah… clearly Trump was merely “satirizing” how much of a misogynist he normally is! COMEDY GOLD!!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        You, on the other hand, are actually that dumb.

      • thixotropic jerk

        IKR? Because as a Wealthy White Man you should be able to say cunt or The N Word or I loves me some Putin Strange without anyone having to ask you if it was satire or a brain tumor that burst or just your own special brand of dickwittery.

      • H’mm so basic human decency goes out the window during a roast …

        … Fuck off

  • Nounverb911

    David Corn made a funny!
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN!

    https://twitter.com/DavidCornDC/status/793176346801430532

    • limberrat

      It would be pretty funny if someone did it for him…say Thursday/Friday this week?

      • Oily Messiah

        Say the commissioner of the IRS, because fuck it, if Comey gets to do WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS, why shouldn’t the other guy. Rethuglicans want his ass anyway

  • Jgb979

    If anything the Wikileaks releases have shown, is that the Clinton campaign inner workings are far more dull and mundane than anyone could have imagined.

    Given the fact that “lock her up” is now an acceptable form of political discourse, And the Russians have hand delivered public access to the private campaign inner workings, one would think there might actually be some…….evidence of lawbreaking.

    You know like this.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bush_White_House_email_controversy

    I’ve yet to meet a winger who can even coherently explain what he’s charging Hilldog with.

    • Oily Messiah

      SHE’S A WITCH, BURN HER!

      • Anna Rompage

        Only if she floats!

        • Oily Messiah

          No, if she sinks, its all a conspiracy by her powerful friends to make her appear like she is not a witch.

          • Anna Rompage

            Do you think a sick and nearly dead Hillary has the strength to swim in a pant suit?

          • Oily Messiah

            If she’s a witch

        • Blacktop Cadence

          Clearly we need to bring back trials of faith.

          I propose this for posting in the non-existent comments of Wonkette. We’ll drop a handful of stones in a cauldron of boiling water, and for every one you grab you get to break the rules about having to put “with votes” at the end of certain things.

          • Oily Messiah

            If that’s the case, can we replace the election with the trials from Indiana Jones, I’d like to see the penitent candidates walk before God, with votes or something.

          • thixotropic jerk

            Some tribes in the midwest if they wanted to test you used to make you walk on a bunch of greased buffalo skulls, if you slipped and fell, well that was a big FAIL!

          • Kavefish

            Oh, hell… why not just go Code of Hammurabi and find out if they’re lying by pressing a red-hot spoon on their tongue and the one with the worst blisters was lying.

          • Anna Rompage

            I like that! I used to work in a kitchen and have hands of steel….

    • Blacktop Cadence

      Some like to site a few passages of (I think) the Espionage Act that got floated around the fever swamp, but they don’t seem to get that SCOTUS already ruled on the use of the law.

      Yeah, turns out malicious intent is actually a thing! GASP HORROR!

      But, yeah, it’s almost like Clinton and her staff are human beings and not always talking about puppy strangling, looking for puppies to strange, laughing about past strangulation of puppies, and downright strangling puppies.

      • Oily Messiah

        Most Trumpkins don’t understand the nuances of malicious intent. Hell I’m a transactional lawyer and its still a technical area of law.

    • Spotts1701, The Baddest Hombre

      You, know I remember a time when wingnuts wanted Assange hauled out of the Ecuadorian embassy by force and hanged from the nearest lamppost as a spy. Now that he’s dealing exclusively in HRC dirt, he’s a hero worthy of a pardon and a tickertape parade down Broadway.

      • Jen B_VA

        Well that was when he was publishing Snowden’s stuff. At first they were all for that, figuring it would give Obama a black eye. But then when it became clear it was the Pentagon getting the stick, then they hated them for it.

    • Jen B_VA

      But but but because they haven’t been caught means that there must be SOMETHING.

    • Señor Taco Hombre

      I love watching them squirm when I asked, “Exactly what was the law she broke? Can you tell me which one?”

    • Crank Tango

      Ben Ghazi? Or his brother and, some argue the better scandal, Casey Ghazi?

    • Joe Beese

      From: Hillary Clinton
      To: Cheryl Mills
      CC: Huma Abedin
      Date: 2010-01-12 05:44
      Subject: Office supplies

      Please direct the staffer in charge of office supplies procurement to select a different brand of pen. The current BIC ballpoints with green ink do not write smoothly.

      – HRC

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, there’s your IMPEEECHABLE offense, right fucking there!

        • jowgajen

          Only the illuminati use green ink, natch.

      • mackafritz

        History’s greatest monster!

      • Thiazin Red

        If I were history’s greatest monster I would insist on gel pens. Those write so nicely.

        • Joe Beese

          Mmm… gel goodness.

    • Joe Beese
    • Nasty Astraea

      Does he want to ally with Putin or fuck him?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        He is pretty turgid looking.

      • laughingnome

        I think he sees all those date Russian women ads and is super excited about the prospect of getting some.

        • Anna Rompage

          Melenia is getting a little long in the tooth, at least for Donald’s standards…

      • AOT,K

      • elviouslyqueer

        Yes.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Shop for a nice samovar, grab a little манда

      • GHERKINS OF TRUTH!

        NO PUPPET! NO PUPPET!!!

        • Kavefish

          …dammit…. you beat me to it!

    • Shan the Nasty Libtart

      What the everlovingfuck is he even talking about?

    • Spotts1701, The Baddest Hombre

      I’m still boggled that we have a Republican candidate who is unabashedly pro-Russia. It’s turning over 70 years of Republican orthodoxy on its head.

      • Courser

        I know, right? Russia’s been the Big Bad as long as I can remember and now Trumpsterfire is embracing them and his minions are all YAY?? What about the commies?

        • Oily Messiah

          Not commies, you’re a commie

          • Kavefish

            No Puppet! No Puppet!!

    • boyblue122

      Sure…might as well form an alliance with Kim Jong Un too. Make the U.S part of some new age axis powers that the rest of the world loaths

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      And he is too fucking stupid to realize that his “deals” would be to the advantage of Putin.

      Also which party is he in because that statement just isn’t neocon enough.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, as long the ants he looks at from the top of the Trump Tower are the ones getting fucked over, and he’s personally profiting from the deal, it’s all good.

  • Nounverb911
    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Inconceivable!

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      It’s almost like bipartisan hiring just gives them an opportunity to fuck us!

      • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

        I hope that Hillz cleans them all out. They’re already gunning for her anyways, so oh well enjoy the pensions.

        • Jen B_VA

          I have a legit question: How much bipartisan hiring did W do? I seem to recall lots of his pals got appointments but I cannot think of much aisle cross hirings during that period.

          • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

            If it is anything like Texas, place all your buds but keep one or two guys who know what they’re doing so the whole shit stack doesn’t collapse.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I can’t even remember what fake scandal that dumbass Steve King said was worse than Watergate and Iran Contra times ten – was it Benghazi or emails? Whatever the fuck it was, Steve King you’re still a dumb shit. Always have been, always will be – one of the few constants in American political life.

    • Nounverb911

      Canteloupecalfghazi?

    • Spotts1701, The Baddest Hombre

      Maybe Fast and Furious. Hell if I know. Everything is worse than Watergate to these cretins.

      • Jen B_VA

        Because a Republican did the Watergate.
        True fact: At the time, the blow job in the oval office was worse than Watergate. Because Bill lied!!!!!

        • Courser

          I’ve been watching the Rethugs pull this shit since the 70’s. I’m so fucking tired of the goddamn cheaters, lyers, etc. Hey ReTHUGS – here’s a hint! Do thinks straight the first time and you don’t have to worry about the Dems figuring out your lame-ass cheats.

          • thixotropic jerk

            Asking them to thinks straight is a bit much and assumes thoughts in the first place not just knee-jerk reflexes.

      • Msgr_Bad_Hombre

        They never should have made its sequel, Faster and Furiouser. Waste of money and celluloid.

      • Courser

        Well, they’ve been trying to hang ANY damn thing from Dem’s necks every SINCE Watergate. Trumpster is a thing that epitomizes the Rethugs; They never forget *anything* when they’re caught with their hands in the cookie jars.

        They’re still trying to get revenge.

    • Land Shark Hombre

      He and Gohmert chair the “Dependable Dickhead Caucus”

  • Msgr_Bad_Hombre

    Gosh, maybe if Dubya et al. had been assiduous about chasing down WMDs as the GOoPers are about emails,……

    • Oily Messiah

      He still wouldn’t have found any because there were none where we were to begin with

      • Villago Delenda Est

        That was of course the problem from the getgo. Even though von Rumsfailed had the receipts signed by Saddam for the chem weapons used on Iranians and Kurds.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Trump is getting Federal funds through Secret Service protection. Shouldn’t we get a look at his campaign staff’s e-mails just in case there’s something in there?

    • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

      And I believe he’s billing hte secret service for plane rides and hotel rooms too. OR was that a poe thing? I can’t even keep it straight anymore.

      • Land Shark Hombre

        I always assume Trump is billing everybody. Follow the money.

  • Blacktop Cadence

    You know, in all of this I just want to note that Huma Abedin has handled this all — including her pedo dick husband — with a lot of grace. She doesn’t get mentioned much by the left, but the woman is a consummate professional.

    • Land Shark Hombre

      A strength of character to be envied by all, and a lesson in professional conduct for the congressional republicans. Too bad they’re not clever enough to learn.

    • Thiazin Red

      The woman deserves a long vacation somewhere with no people once this is over.

  • Anna Dash!

    OT – I just heard back from LambdaLegal. There isn’t really a cause for legal action in my case, but they gave me a link to resources that can help, the CO Anti-Violence Project.
    http://coavp.org

    So at least I can talk to some people and see what to do next. :)

    • Spotts1701, The Baddest Hombre

      At least you have more information today than you did yesterday. That’s a start.

      • Anna Dash!

        Indeed. I just reached out to coavp. Maybe they have more ideas.

        • Anna Rompage

          Hopefully so…

          A lot of these organizations can be great for steering you towards what steps should be taken next, what things to do in the future, and what not to do.

          • Anna Dash!

            Yes. I think they have a free counselor too. As I told LambdaLegal, I’m grateful that they looked into it, and they’ve made me feel like I’m not alone.

    • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

      And at least you have a contact there. Here’s hoping you never need them.

      • Anna Dash!

        Yes, I’m happy with how LambdaLegal acted with me. and the advice and link they sent are helpful.

    • Blacktop Cadence

      That neighbor again? Yeah, fuck that crazy motherfucker. >.<

      • Anna Dash!

        Yeah. He’s been quiet since I called management last Friday, but It wont hurt to get some resources and advice.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Gee, what was Trump doing all summer long in 1973 while the Ervin Committee hearings on Watergate were on TV every single day? In October 1973 the Justice Department sued the Trump organization for violating the Fair Housing Act. Maybe he was busy that summer.

    I tried to watch, I really really did, but I was 16 and it was summer and I got my driver’s license and I was otherwise occupied pursuing maturity.

    • Boscoe

      He was busy shredding incriminating documents, apparently.

      • Miss Roni Raven If Ya Nasty

        Busy keeping the blahs out of his rental properties.

  • Anna Rompage

    Wow, Alberto Gonzales has even come out against Comey releasing this information in regards to Hillary’s emails…

    You know you’ve messed up when Gonzales, Yoo, and 100 other previous high ranking justice officials have come out against your actions…

    • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

      Horrifyingly enough – CNN’s website has the basics of what comey did/the emails at hte top of their page today, but i haven’t seen anything about the various denuciations.

      • Spotts1701, The Baddest Hombre

        And they have an opinion piece by a Constitutional lawyer saying “Hey, Comey was just doing his job. The *real* villain here is Hillary Clinton.”

        • Kavefish

          :::muttering:::

          …the fucker…. :-/

        • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

          ugh, I saw that post and read/skimmed it. I didn’t even post here b/c it was so bad. A lawyer should have a better argument than that.

          • Spotts1701, The Baddest Hombre

            Yeah, I read it and was thinking “People pay you to defend them?” I mean, when your premise is “Sure, under normal circumstances he should have followed DOJ rules but these aren’t normal circumstances” you’ve conceded the point that rules were broken.

          • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

            I don’t remember anything other than it being sort of a winding circuitious route to “don’t blame comey”.
            It also had some unproven assumptions in there, which is you know, LSAT 101 (And I only got up to 80% percentile on that).

    • Jen B_VA

      Because it means Dems can do it to them, now.
      That is what they are worried about.

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        The adults can’t act like the four year olds. We all want to, but can’t. First off, we’d spill most of the liquor. Second, eh, who cares at that point.

    • Berkeleybear94

      40 post Hoover years of building a reputation as a non-partisan agency pissed away by a guy terrified of being seen as too friendly to a Democrat by the GOPers who already think he’s a traitor? Not exactly a shock people would be pissed.

      That the appalled parties would include respectively the author of the Torture Memos and the guy who repeatedly said “I can’t recall anything” about politicizing the US Attorney’s offices is just icing on the cake.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Nasty Astraea

      I hope that means the media will move on instead of doubling down, since it’s not giving them the horse race drama.
      Not likely, but I still hope.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Yeah, no hope. After the nice piece this morning (presumably for the print edition?), Chait doubled back with a long explanation of why Hillary’s server is a huge problem and a sign of badness and then a eye-batting analysis of why the american people somehow think she’s shady.

    • boyblue122

      Shouldnt the two polls really be split into Mon-Thurs, Fri-Sun

  • Nounverb911
    • Land Shark Hombre

      Bannon keeps smuggling in burner smart phones behind Kellyanne’s back.

      • Kavefish

        :::thinking:::

        Yanno, if this were the case, then his Twitter password would most likely be “123456” so he could post from one phone to the next.

        :::thinking-thinking-thinking:::

    • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

      Lizzie Warren needs to mock him a bit. He can’t help but take the bait.

  • TruthAdvocate

    Is the moron who wrote this article in grade school? Rarely do you read garbage this bad written by an adult…

    • jowgajen

      You took a wrong turn on the internet, dude.

    • Jen B_VA

      Rarely do you read garbage this bad written by an adult…
      Erm….that makes you what, precisely?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      This isn’t the blog you’re looking for.

    • Blacktop Cadence

      It’s almost like he doesn’t abuse ellipses, right?

    • laughingnome

      Evan is a fine writer. I wish I could comment about it but this site doesn’t allow comments.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Shun the nonbeliever!

      Shuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnaaaaahh

    • Kavefish

      Sorry.

      The line for Trump blowjobs is off thataway ——–>

      • Nounverb911

        Pay in advance.

        • Land Shark Hombre

          Cash only.

          • thixotropic jerk

            Will consider real estate swaps and authenticated previously worn Putin undergarments also too.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          In cash, verified as authentic by the U.S. Treasury.

    • Nasty Astraea

      Rarely is it asked, how do we put food on our trolls?

      • Oily Messiah

        Well I mean, they don’t even need to be fed, they just come up and open wide for whatever

        • Shan the Nasty Libtart

          That Turgid Love Muscle Guy sure does. Whoo!

    • Anna Rompage

      Welcome!

      you must be new to these parts

      Might I suggest pouring yourself a tasty adult libation, take off your pants, chill out a bit, and come revel in some snarky progressive banter

      • jowgajen

        I’m an oldschool maligned liberal.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Is the moron who wrote this comment in grade school? Rarely do you read garbage this bad written by an adult…

    • DainBramage

      There, there little buddy. I know it’s hard to understand, but this is a political humor site.

    • Spotts1701, The Baddest Hombre

      Ah, at least this one is somewhat literate. That’s an improvement over the usual quality of ruffian that we get around here.

      • Shan the Nasty Libtart

        Needs moar pr0n

        • Oily Messiah

          Yea, without the vivid descriptions of homosexual lovemaking, its just not really trolling

          • Jeffocaster in the desert

            Oh, I thought she meant prawn….

          • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

            “miss me yet?” – Turgid Love Muscle

          • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

            Have you heard the good news and accepted Turgid Love Muscle into your life? Write now for your free brochure.

          • thixotropic jerk

            Must send own dixpix or GTFO!

      • Jeffocaster in the desert

        Troll libelz!!!11!!!!!

      • Villago Delenda Est
      • ZangoCrudmonger

        That is a bad color combination and you should feel bad.

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      Uh oh, somebody ain’t never been down south before.

      • Various comments about the weather “south of the border”

    • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

      So cute

    • We prefer “moran” if you don’t mind.

    • laineypc

      I always feel sad for people who don’t get it. You don’t know what you’re missing, buddy.

    • Carpe Vagenda
    • cousin itt

      I haven’t played bad written since I was a kid.

      • Nasty Astraea

        ISWYDT

      • Suse

        That’s a fun game for the whole family. I lost the spinner somewhere, so now we play with dice.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Actually, it was written by an adult, which is why you are unfamiliar with such writings, seeing as you’re obviously an Infowars fan.

    • thixotropic jerk

      I dunno you seem like you’re a pretty good judge of morans seeing as how you is one so you tell us moran.

    • GHERKINS OF TRUTH!

      This bad written should probably have been “this poorly written”
      Good thing you’re a scholar and a gentleman!

      Whoops, damn autocorrect! You’re a scrotum and a genital.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Another similarity between Tricky Dick and Cheeto-face: both lied to their lawyers (who are sworn to secrecy about such things) about committing the actual events they were accused of. When the “Smoking Gun” tape came out, Nixon’s own lawyers were completely surprised, because Nixon never told them about that conversation.

    • Blacktop Cadence

      Two rules: never lie to your doctor or your lawyer. Doing so will never work out for you.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Especially your lawyer. You’re paying him either way you go with it.

    • Oily Messiah

      Well if you want your lawyers to disengage representation a good way to do it is to ask them to help you do obviously illegal shit

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Expecting them to suborn perjury will get the job done pretty well, too.

  • kindness

    Well if I can’t believe the White House lawyer who saved Dick Nixon’s bacon over a common Trumpichnick lying sack of shit, I am just out of easy answers. That need for easy is suspiciously Trumpian. In fact, basking in the calming light of easy I’m going to recommend that everyone out there go out and vote Democratic up, down and back up everyone’s ballots. Because we all know any Administration led by Hills won’t be easy.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      we all know any Administration led by Hills anyone who isn’t a mouthbreathing neofascist won’t be easy

      fify

  • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

    If they read even the briefest list of her achievements or the early chapters of Living History they could have at least gotten the facts about HER straight. From what I can tell, she was a lawyer who read through stuff and helped determine what illegal stuff got done, if any, based on that paper. It’s kind of a feather in her cap. Of course, reality has nothing to do with anything so I will just sit over here and grumble about people not knowing anything about American history and shake my cane at the kids in the yard.

    • Kavefish

      Protip:

      When you aim your cane at their shins, be sure to use the handle end.

      • yyyaz

        All I have is a tall walking stick. That I made myself. Out of ancient mesquite. Either end is equally effective.

  • Anna Dash!

    Y’know, afters years of internet toughguys calling me a “Commie” every time I disagreed howevers much with their stoopid Neocon Xtian Imperative, it’s just about takes all my strength not to come freakin’ unglued that the GOP is freakin’ *IN BED* with Putin and the FSB!

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      It’s very much a “Nixon goes to China” thing, in that only they can be trusted to not betray the country when dealing with the commies.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        More of a Bonzo Goes to Bitburg thing, I think.

    • jowgajen

      Putin definitely not a Communist.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        He’s a greed head power-mongering oligarchist, a longstanding Russian tradition that predates Lenin and Stalin by centuries.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is NOT a porn star!

    • Land Shark Hombre

      You’re not a commie? I haz a sad.

    • Spotts1701, The Baddest Hombre

      As I said, how in the world the Republican nominee for President could be this cozy with Russia (and attacking HRC for wanting to tough on them) is something I may never understand? The Republicans spent decades pushing the “Evil Empire” crap, and now those same Republicans are “No, no! Vladimir is our friend now!”

      • Land Shark Hombre

        But it’s Monday! Everything’s different now!

      • laughingnome

        Four legs bad. Two legs good.

      • Anna Rompage

        Many in the GOP have daddy issues and are looking for a mean, abusive, manipulative, patriarchal figure to look up to.

        Putin & Trump is like a two for one…

      • clubseal

        I for one would welcome us “cozying up to Russia,” if it were a way for us to mutually improve human rights and stop being a couple of bully world powers hellbent on doing whatever we want to anyone else without accountability.

        But since this is the real world, I’d settle for Americans maybe finally seeing that all Russians probably aren’t like Putin, just like all Americans aren’t torture supporting warhawks who think “brown skin” means “terrorist.” Although there are a sad number of those here.

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      I think a lot of the GOP people are flipping out but they’ve made a shitturdken on the top of their ticket so they got to eat what they prepared.

      • Anna Dash!

        I wish I could upfist an extra time for the “shiturdken” usage. XD

    • Blacktop Cadence

      Authoritarians love authoritarians.

      • Anna Dash!

        Well put. As much as I despise ol’ Vlad, at least he doesn’t make any bones about being what he is. The GOPers and they’re addle-pated voters are just wannabe, lick-spittle authoritarians.

      • OrG

        Yep USSR was never really “communist”

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    Sweden finally declares Raoul Wallenberg dead after 71 years.

    https://twitter.com/guardiannews/status/793174976157261824

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      I smell Putin in this….

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Nah. Stalin was less likely to get us into a war than Clinton.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      That’s heartbreaking. He was like a monument to basic human decency.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Sort of the anti-Trump?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Imagine if Schindler hadn’t been a greedhead.

  • Nounverb911
    • boyblue122

      If she’s innocent, Comey shouldnt let anyone know. If there is evidence against her, tell everyone….ummm ok lol

      • clubseal

        Sounds like a cousin to “I’ll accept the results of the election, if I win.”

    • Spotts1701, The Baddest Hombre

      “Find facts to fit my theory or I will deem you a collaborator.”
      *sigh* Same as it ever was with Mr. Hewitt.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Hugh doesn’t understand the concept of “exculpatory”, does he?

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      These fuckers don’t know how to lose graciously. Fuck the idea of just shaking the other teams’ hands, burn the motherfucker down if we can’t beat ’em fair n square.

      • Mezzaluna

        That’s how it’s done these days. The adults have left the building.

    • nasty taco truck vagenda

      Of course. Clinton Rules.

  • Anna Rompage

    OT,

    Quick question in regards to the continuing email drama….

    If Hillary was already shown to have had a handful of classified emails on an unsecured server, and between evidence & interviews, it was dismissed as careless but not illegal, what the hell more is there to look into in regards to Clinton’s actions and emails?

    • Land Shark Hombre

      Brownie points? With whom, I’m not sure though.

    • Nasty Astraea

      No one knows. Since they need to prove intent, it’s hard to imagine what they could find that would change their findings.

      But they’ll never stop the search for the smoking holy grail.

      • Land Shark Hombre

        Here’s to them finding the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

        • Last Hussar

          Bring forth the Book of Armaments.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Hell, they haven’t even proved THAT, and the documents are at best classified CONFIDENTIAL, which is the lowest level of classification.

      • Joe Beese

        30,000 initially turned over by Mrs. Clinton’s lawyers, deemed work-related, returned to the State Department in December 2014.

        ▪ 8 chains included “top secret” information

        http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2016/05/27/us/politics/what-we-know-about-hillary-clintons-private-email-server.html

        If copies of those 8 turn up in the Weinermobile…

        Let’s just say some lawyers are going to get rich.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Always the conditionals.

          • Joe Beese

            Of course. We don’t know anything yet.

            But I doubt all 650,000 emails are about Hillary’s yoga routines.

          • Kavefish

            But has “650,000” actually been verified as the amount they found? I haven’t seen that confirmed, yet.

          • Joe Beese

            The source seems to be the Wall Street Journal, which seems to have the ear of the anyonymous disgruntled agents who boxed Comey into this corner in the first place.

          • Kavefish

            Okay – thanks.

            I’ll still consider that “not confirmed” since “disgruntled” – but won’t be surprised if that’s the verified tally.

          • Mezzaluna

            My guess if 650,000 emails is true, it’s the total number on the computer. Not all of it is Huma’s and not all of Huma’s is work related.

          • Mezzaluna

            Weiner got a lot of penis enlargement spam.

        • zerosumgame0005

          top secret AFTER the fact, not at the time

    • Joe Beese

      In theory, a Republican-controlled House of Representatives could decide it warranted impeachment. Of course, it would never get past the Senate. But it would make a unique set of his-and-hers.

      Far more likely, this is going to leave Abedin in the hot seat.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        And Wiener’s wiener in the news

  • clubseal

    “Dean concludes by saying Donald Trump himself is quite a lot like Richard Nixon, except for Nixon had some good qualities … ”
    He was a character in Watchmen, so I guess that counts.

    • Kavefish

      He also gave us the EPA.

      Trump just gave us the APE.

      • yyyaz

        Meh. Dicknose signed off on environmental legislation because it was politically expedient at the time. Now the DEA was waaayy more his style.

        • Kavefish

          I don’t mind that it was his guilty conscience getting the better of him.

        • OrG

          Yeah probably,but I can’t imagine ANY republican signing the EPA into law now.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He was also in The Two Georges as a minor character…a Cal Worthington type in “New Liverpool”, aka Los Angeles.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Nixon used to not get enough to eat as a kid – his parents weren’t well off – and he was apparently really enthusiastic about the school lunch program. So that’s one thing.

      • thixotropic jerk

        golf clap

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I bet it was to the hungry kids. The current Republican party is trying to take it away from them. Hell, St Ronnie wanted to feed them ketchup as a vegetable.

  • Kavefish

    Well, I don’t know if he’s playing the long game, offering a port in the storm or found a few fucks he forgot to give that are past warranty, but it seems that Obama isn’t dropping the hammer on Comey. At least, not just yet.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2016/10/white-house-james-comey-clinton-fbi-230540

    • OrG

      I’d wait ’til Nov 9

      • Kavefish

        I’ll accept the rope-a-dope.

    • Courser

      Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies closer.

  • Suse
  • NastyBosGrl

    Here is my big worry: I don’t think people who were going to vote for Hillary are going to suddenly vote for Trump. I do think there are people who were waffling on voting at all, because they don’t like Hillary but hate Trump. Those are the voters that are going to stay home because of all this. We need every single vote.

    • OrG

      Who in the fuck is still waffling?

      • Jennaratrix

        People who hate Hillary because she’s a woman but can’t come right out and say that because reasons. But they know that Trump is untenable. So instead of admitting they’d never vote for a woman no matter what, they claim to be undecided. That way they aren’t assholes for voting for Trump, or misogynists for refusing to vote for Hillary.

        • OrG

          Well just don’t fucking vote then FFS

          • Jennaratrix

            Yeah, but that shows you’re lacking in civic duty; I think people see “undecided” as an acceptable reason. You have to admit it’s a good way to shut everyone up; when I don’t want to talk to someone about politics because I know it’s going to devolve into an argument, I say something like, “Oh, I just don’t know, neither seem great blah blah blah.” Really I’ve been on the Hillary bandwagon since she announced, but just like people can’t come right out and admit they won’t vote for a woman, telling a rabid conservaturd that you’re With Her is a great way to get yelled at. I don’t blame people for ducking the question, even if I can’t agree with why they’re ducking it.

          • cynmac’s bigly nasty pussy

            This is so true.

        • whitroth

          You mean like most of the Reptilians, who are all racist bigots, but can’t admit how they feel about the twice wildly-elected President of the United States?

          • Jennaratrix

            Yeah, just like them. We’re in for four (eight?) more years of it.

      • Baby_Raptor

        White cis/straight males who are threatened by the idea of someone without a penis being important.

        • zerosumgame0005

          not all of us , thank god!

        • DT

          A lot of white gay guys who won’t accept it either. And black men, while we’re at it.

      • NastyBosGrl

        I know plenty of people who say they won’t vote for Trump but “don’t like her”. I just shake my head. Why? Why don’t you like her? And they can’t put it into words; they have been brainwashed by decades of negative press.

        • Courser

          She has a vagina. That’s a disqualifying trait for some voters.

        • orygoon

          Oprah has news for them. She ain’t coming to your house for dinner!

    • a nasty feminist

      but i still don’t get that. nothing has changed. nothing. why would they change their vote? on what account? this is equivalent to issa saying he is going to start a committee to look into charges that hillary raped someone on her plane. there is literally no evidence. just making up some bullshit that sounds awful to get people riled up. if they are that stupid for this to change their mind then idk. you can’t say someone is bad and scandal ridden because you keep making up baseless scandal accusations to throw at them because you don’t like them.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      I’m currently trying to get my roommate to vote. At. All. I’ve offered to be as nonpartisan as possible, discuss the initiatives et al., walk with her to put in the box (vote by mail here), but no, she will not. vote.

      I am sad.

      Her ballot is sent to the house b/c her driver license was. 25 and thinks “they” will know if she votes…………. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhhhh.

      • NastyBosGrl

        So frustrating. People suffered so that we can vote.

      • Courser

        Umm… “they”, who?

    • orygoon

      We’re all in a helluva state. I’m THIS CLOSE to gibbering and shaking.

    • orygoon

      I sort of do get a thing, which is that people who don’t care, or who somehow do not know anything about candidates in a given election, maybe they SHOULDN’T be voting.

  • limberrat
  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Villago Delenda Est

      I was ready to twit the fuck out of Roth for that, seeing as he characterized both as “corrupt”, but then scrolled down and saw the magnitude of Hillary’s crimes side by side with Donald’s, and decided that Roth is a natural member of the Wonketariat.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        It’s startling when you see it like that.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    So a modern equivalent to Watergate would be what… the Republican candidate colluding with a foreign intelligence service to break into the DNC servers and steal all their documents?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Then covering up the involvement of his people and telling the FBI that this is CIA business and to back off, then deny he knew anything about any of this shit for months when he helped guide the entire cover up five days after the Watergate burglary.

    • I think that one would be worse than Watergate

    • Stulexington

      Or maybe bringing a Russian spy into a classified security briefing?

  • Paperless Tiger

    He has the salesman’s gift for hyperbole. And, why not? He’s in real estate. When they want a property they trash talk it to get the price down. That’s why Trump trash talks America. If it’s worthless, sell it cheap! Actually, it’s a gold mine, but don’t tell anyone.

  • Bitter Scribe

    For all the whippersnappers who are not up on their Watergate lore, John Dean was the guy who warned Nixon that there was “a cancer on the presidency” (his words) and was ostracized in the White House as a result. He eventually became the first high-ranking White House staffer to turn against Nixon. Even after Nixon fell, there were (and probably still are) a surprising number of nincompoops who revile him as some sort of traitor.

    • JustDon’tSayHombre

      Wasn’t Dean supposed to be the fall guy when the scandal first broke? Maybe I’m thinking of the Oliver Stone movie.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Yeah, they tried that, and he was like, “I don’t fucking think so.”

  • Objectifer

    Dean once said there is a cancer on the presidency. Did they ever get that looked at?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      On August 9th, 1974, surgery was performed. It was not fully successful. The immediate danger was removed, but a month later a really stupid, partisan person decided that the actual rule of law was more dangerous than a malignant tumor, and as a result we had a shitty grade Z movie star and a deserting coward subsequently given the keys to the country.

    • Mr Canoehead

      Didn’t Mike Huckabee sell them some cinnamon for that?

  • orygoon

    John Dean is an example of a sinner who did redemption. He’s been writing thoughtful stuff about ethics in government for years and years.

    Note: I remember going home from high school, flipping the tv on, and watching him read his statement to the Watergate committee. It took days and days, didn’t it? (My memory isn’t good at details, but it’s got the impression down solid.

  • Sister Artemis

    Dean always seemed like the levelheaded young kid in the watergate story – maybe that’s just how Woodstein painted it in their book and the movie, but he seems like a good egg, more or less. I value his take on this.

    • malsperanza

      He owned up, unlike all the other unreconstructed gargoyles of the Nixon administration. He’s spent quite a bit of energy and time over the years fending off the efforts of the right-wing to spin Watergate as a minor fuss that was blown out of proportion by liebruls.

      • starkitty

        #notallgargolyes

    • DT

      Yes, some lawyers are amoral scum of the earth. However, most lawyers are really the most saintly among us, affording the constitutionally protected right of counsel to the deplorable among us.

  • Nastyinencinitas

    Happy Halloween!

    • HazooToo

      Got a major haul as Batboy and Mommy Witch. A neighbor was giving out jello shots for parents. I love my neighborhood.

      • kev

        Not a single trick or treater ’round theses parts tonight. I think all the Trump/Pence yard signs (in the neighborhood, not my yard) scared ’em away. I know the scare me.

        • HazooToo

          Most panic inducing Halloween decorations ever. Then again, those people probably don’t even want to see a bunch of kids coming around looking for free candy! Little Takers! GET A JOB!

      • MizzMazz

        Batboy! Awesome! And great neighbors. When we used to get kids and parents around, I’d make ‘Adult Jello’ in this cool brain mold I have, and offer a slice to the parents. Tasty and potent. :D

        • HazooToo

          I wish I could’ve gone back for seconds, but speaking to adults in person is HARRRRRD.

        • Odd Jørgensen

          Pffft, go with dart gun with horse tranquilizers or go home.

      • Nastyinencinitas

        My friend hands out beers. Everybody loves her. Jello shots, though. That’s a nice touch.

  • NastySnarkOff

    Elvis was kind of hot.

  • Once&futureFred
  • styopa

    The actual convictions for Watergate were, as I recall:
    – conspiracy
    – obstruction of justice
    – perjury

    As far as I can tell, like Bill decades before her, HRC and her coterie aren’t really even *disputing* that those are true … just that they’re inconsequential.

    Personally, I find it amusing that the HRC campaign (& hangers-on) are relying on the intellectual defense composed by the same convicted felon who was the legal advisor to Nixon during the commission of the Watergate crimes. #notsuperbrilliantmove

  • Odd Jørgensen

    Jebus, the poll thingy above asked if Hillz leaked emails was as bad as Watergate, and only 27% said no. I can`t even.

  • Trthseeker

    What a POS article; President Trump knows and lived through the Watergate scandal; How old are you; and you are most disrespectful. At the very least; he isn’t a FRAUD like Barry Obama, and how he lost his license, but the MSM never told you, or how Michelle did also! Leave the writing to grown ups!

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