SHARE
Walkin' funny today.
Walkin’ funny today.

Donald Trump, fresh off being impaled by the sword of the lady in the white pantsuit in Wednesday night’s debate, did a rally Thursday. (Well first he got some Pop Tarts and cried on Twitter, baselessly, about how Hillary Clinton had the debate questions written on the back of her eyes or something. Pathetic. Then he did a rally.)

He had said a thing in the debate that was horrifying everyone — even Republicans like 2008 presidential election loser and wussy dude who got captured, John McCain! — about how, come November 9, he will “tell you at the time” and “keep you in suspense” as to whether he will graciously accept his dramatic, embarrassing loss to Hillary, and also too go to hell, never to be heard from again. Was that not the right thing to say?

Trump figured he’d better clarify, so when he took the stage at the debate, he fixed it.

To all of my voters and supporters, and to all of the people of the United States … I will totally accept the results of this great and historic presidential election …

Oh good, Wonkette’s going to take a vacation until November 9, see ya wouldn’t wanna be ya. Just kidding:

IF I WIN.

Cool. Know how some countries like Russia and North Korea have “elections” all the time, and strangely enough the people of those nations love their leaders SO MUCH ALL THE TIME that like 99% of the people vote for them and the other 1% are murdered, allegedly? We bet Donald Trump would be happy in those countries. He should move to there.

According to Nate Silver’s election forecast, Hillary Clinton has an 86.2% chance of winning, and that’s long before any polls reflecting the aftershocks from Wednesday night’s Trump Shitshow have come out. Red states like Arizona and Georgia and Utah are actual battleground states.

But Trump will only accept the results if he wins. In that scenario, who would be the thin-skinned baby orange gargoyle #rigging the election, because he wasn’t good or smart or appealing enough to win fair and square?

Lots of countries in Africa, like Sudan and Congo, have super-fake elections. Donald Trump would probably love to live in one of those places, except for uh-oh black people, Trump doesn’t like them.

Dipshit McGoo say anything else at that rally?

I would accept a clear election result, but I would also reserve my right to contest or file a legal challenge in the case of a questionable result.

A “questionable result” like Donald Trump not winning? Ayup, OK, whatever, loser. Would it be “questionable” if he lost by five points? Ten points? Guess all the normal, good Americans better get out there and vote for Hillary in numbers never seen before in U.S. American history so we can make it “15 points,” just in case.

Of course, he’ll probably puss out on filing a challenge to the election results, just like he shriveled back from actually going after the New York Times, and just like his dick fell off and rolled into a storm drain when given the chance to talk to the president of Mexico about his precious border wall.

Hey, did y’all hear there’s a new lady accusing Trump of groping her? Wheeeeee!

[ABC on Twitter]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Msgr_Bad_Hombre

    This is too much. I think I’m about to wonkettgasm here.

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      The politics overload can get to be a bit much around election time. I do my best to unwind each evening by doing a little writing, playing a video game, and checking liberal news sites only four or five times an hour.

      • Swampay

        I go to fivethirtyeight compulsively like in the late 90s in Silicon Valley when all the dudebros were checking their stock portfolios 30 times a day. Is he dead yet? Now? Now? (for the record, I am not a dudebro and never checked my portfolio more than ten times in a day)

        It’s like an old school horror movie. I won’t believe he’s actually dead until the credits roll. I’m steeling myself for one (or several) more jump-scares. Yeah, we saw him there, bleeding out from thirty hundred stab wounds after last night’s debate, but we don’t know for SURE.

        And by all the gods old and new and the baby jebus, if there’s a sequel I will fucking move to Canada.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Sequel? “2020: Bride of Trump”

          • Death Rocks From Space

            2020: Daughter-Bride of Trump, subtitled, “Ivanka’s Revenge”

  • Joe Beese
    • Blacktop Cadence

      Ah, Hillary decorated herself in Trump’s stolen nose candy last night, I see.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        But she tipped her hand so bigly last night! She proved she’s 100% Chinese with that Mandarin collar! I knew it!

    • tihond

      To be fair, now I’m worried she’ll make us worship V’ger.

      • Nasty Leftenant Anna

        LOL

        If she shows up bald, you’ll know what’s next….

        • Spotts1701

          A really, really long and drawn-out third act?

          • Nasty Leftenant Anna

            Yiss!

            That poor movie. It tries so hard, and still sucks. There’s a good idea in there somewhere, but it’s just buried under all the nonsense and the endless screen-saver shots.

            And we get loads of scenes of two characters that die at the end of the movie and are never referenced again.

          • Bad Hombre Ron

            Not for no reason is it called, ‘Star Trek: The Motionless Picture’

          • Nasty Leftenant Anna

            :D I mean, we did get the absolutely glorious Refit out of it. Still my fave of all fiction starships.

          • Bad Hombre Ron

            Meh, to me it looks like somebody ran the Enterprise through a lowrider shop in East LA. All it was missing was the hydraulics and the dingle balls.

          • Nasty Leftenant Anna

            The Connie Refit from the Kirk movies?

            I think the Abrams-Enterprise looks like a lowrider, IMHO.

          • Bad Hombre Ron

            Y’know, it’s funny, but I had to find a pic of it to look at. It literally did not register in my mind at ALL.

          • Nasty Leftenant Anna

            I don’t like Abrams-Trek myself. I saw the 2009 ‘Star Trek’, I haven’t bothered with the next ones.

            But I still watch the originals and movies. TOS, TNG, and DS9 especially.

          • Bad Hombre Ron

            I managed to miss ‘Enterprise’ when it was on the TV so I’m picking that up now. And I am Teh Oldz enough to have seen TOS in black and white.

          • Nasty Leftenant Anna

            XD I watched syndicated episodes of TOS on a small B&W in my room when I was little.

            I don’t know what year it was, but my older brother gave me a Mego Spock doll, and I’ve been a Trekkie evers since. :)

        • Ricky Gay

          another horrific transporter accident? oh wait, that’s Trump.

      • therblig
    • sincarne
  • Joe Beese
  • BeverlyCrusher’sWig

    I’m trying to imagine the level of freak out his supporters would have if Hillary said something like this.

    • Blacktop Cadence

      Considering they’re already a roiling mass of anger and willingness to get violent?

      I dunno, a lynch mob?

      • BeverlyCrusher’sWig

        Now I have the song from Beauty & the Beast where the mob is going to “Kill the Beast” stuck in my head.

    • cousin itt

      Ever been to a Disaster Area concert? “”Disaster Area was a plutonium rock band from the Gagrakacka Mind Zones and was generally regarded as not only the loudest rock band in the Galaxy, but also as being the loudest noise of any kind at all. Regular concert goers judged that the best sound balance was usually to be heard from within large concrete bunkers some thirty-seven miles away from the stage, whilst the musicians themselves played their instruments by remote control from within a heavily insulated spaceship which stayed in orbit around the planet – or more frequently around a completely different planet.”

    • Blackest Noobs

      for the most part, they’re more bark than bite.
      those patriots that hold up in that bird sanctuary proved that.
      they’ll run out of steam….ie no snacks.

  • JVisconti

    Suspense? Donald treats this election outcome like a promo to a season finale of The Apprentice where one of two is finally fired.

  • Brian

    OT: This should be Clinton’s next ad.

    https://twitter.com/bponsot/status/788859882720075776

  • memzilla

    Aren’t we underestimating the value of Drumpf’s endorsement by Zombie Idi Amin?

    • Death Rocks From Space

      I believe we are misunderestimating it the perfect amount.

  • anon_the_great

    Another example of Right wing humor. Yannow, like the racist jokes that are so funny PC Libruls don’t get em.

  • Joe Beese

    I did hear that!

    Virginia alleges that she was waiting for a car to take her home from the 1998 U.S. Open in Queens when Donald Trump lecherously glared at her and made comments about her appearance to his male companions. Then he allegedly grabbed her right arm and made contact with her right breast.

    “I flinched,” Virginia said. “He said: ‘Don’t you know who I am?’”

    Another liar. Probably paid by the Clinton campaign.

    • Nounverb911

      And what would Trump have done if she said NO!

    • laughingnome

      A couple of weeks ago I made a joke about Trump pulling out of Virginia and Virginia being relieved. I regret that joke now.

  • Crystalclear12

    This idiot belongs to the GOP. And after this election they must not be allowed to forget that.

    • Bad Hombre Ron

      The GOP
      Party of Palin
      Party of Trump

  • Belasaurius

    every response I can think of will be hammered by Dok

  • Blackest Noobs

    yeah! how does it go with Orangey’s suing the New York Times…like we haven’t heard really anything than he wanted to sue….kinda like when he pulled his campaign out of Virginia only a week later to say, oh no, we’re still in Virginia.

    and even better he is spending money and effort ( well if you call showing up to a rally an effort, cuz that’s practically all his ground game is, just showing up at rallies) in a state where he has a snowball’s chance in hell of winning.

    like a Smart Donald would play his cards elsewhere….you know like Florida or Utah, or Ohio, or Pennsylvania.

    but me being a liberal, yeah, i’m pretty glad he is wasting precious funding in my state that he most definitely will not win.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Oddly enough, he does seem to have some kind of get-out-the-vote effort here in Florida. Judging from the fact that I have gotten three, count ’em three, calls urging me get that early ballot in, which I will do, of course, but not before it can be counted.

      • Bad Hombre Ron

        Somebody seems to have a get-out-the-vote effort there. Betcha a cookie that Donnie has nothing to do with it.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Kind of like him not accepting the results when a woman tells him NO

    • GoutMachine

      BOOM.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Sure, Donnie, go right ahead and contest an election that’s gonna spank your ass harder than a Drano enema.

  • memzilla
    • Dog is half black, so Trump voters won’t care if it dies…

    • CapnFatback

      “What’s worse, America? Dead dogs or grabbed pussies?”

  • Nounverb911
  • Carpe Vagenda

    So, Fox is now the untrustworthy MSM in the tank for Hillary? I wonder how the Murdoch boys are going to feel about that.

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/789117930801926148

    • Jamoche

      “We told you what topics were going to be on the test.” – every Trump teacher ever.

  • Nounverb911

    A field report from near his latest rally…

    https://twitter.com/Bencjacobs/status/789165096765235200

    • Dudleydidwrong

      What took ’em so long? Couldn’t find the light switch?

      • boyblue123

        Someone on these message boards posted an article of a guy who went undercover campaigning and phone banking for Trump at a few of his field offices. The guy in the article basically said the offices have been ghost towns from the beginning

        • berkeleyfarm

          It would (to me) be interesting to hear a similar report from someone who was involved as a volunteer with the Sanders campaign. Because the Sanders campaign also seemed to me to be heavy on the “show” (rallies and some online activities) but not so much on boots on the ground or very organized at the field offices.

      • Bad Hombre Ron

        The bulb was burned out and they couldn’t find a third person to help turn the ladder

    • Nopuppetjohn

      And only a faint whiff of sulphur lingers on the cool autumn air ….

    • Joe Beese
      • Mehmeisterjr

        So the election is December 25?

  • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

    And just who exactly does Despicable Donnie plan to sue when he inevitably gets ramrod’ed, with votes? Every district that didn’t fall in his favor? That’s a lot of suits.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      every Clinton voter

    • Nopuppetjohn

      He could sue the post office in mail-in ballot states, I guess…..

    • Belasaurius

      can we countersue?

    • Death Rocks From Space

      And every last one made in China.

    • boyblue123

      He never follows through with lawsuits. He sent a message to the NYTimes and People magazine to retract their groping allegations or he’d sue. He never did file suit

      • Lascauxcaveman

        His lawyers have to keep reminding him, “Do you really want to pay us to start another suit you haven’t got a chance in hell of winning? Because you know we take the money up front now, remember.”

  • limberrat
    • Nounverb911

      New Secondary Trump theme song.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnzHtm1jhL4

    • Death Rocks From Space

      You tell me, some people are saying …

    • tihond

      You know, his dad had Alzheimer’s. It would be irresponsible to not speculate wildly.

    • Arolpin

      I’m thinking untreated syphilis.

      • Major_Major_Major

        People are saying its’s gonosyphilaidzhiemer’s

      • thixotropic jerk

        “I am syphillis and I resent you believing that i would ever infect that, that, that thing!!!”

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    The Blue Jays should refuse to accept the results of the ALCS.

    • The strike zone WAS kinda rigged all series (like, man was that some shitty umpiring!)

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I didn’t catch any of the games but I was sorta pulling for the Jays. Was the umpiring at least consistently bad?

        • I did feel that Cleveland had more calls in their favour, but I am a Jays fan so that may bias my opinion…

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Just don’t go full-Trump on us, eh?

          • I’m going to demand a recount of the number of outs… Are we sure there were 27? People are telling me there weren’t, smart people, the best!

    • Cleveland is the new Clinton? Or is it Toronto is the new Trump?

  • limberrat
    • Carpe Vagenda

      Guess they really were pissed about that sympathy note she sent and he didn’t.

    • GoutMachine

      They’re too busy reading the bathroom regulations to do anything else.

  • BearGHAZI

    Even Stannis Baratheon didn’t contest the Blackwater

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, when you’re in a position where the fire is all around you, it’s difficult to throw a temper tantrum.

  • Royal Ugly Hombre
  • Oblios_Cap

    Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, Donnie…

  • Spotts1701

    I understand that the word “loss” and the word “no” are not in your vocabulary, Donald. But work with me here, will ya?

  • Rick Hill

    “….filing a challenge to the election results,”

    If he can charge it to his campaign, that is. Also, too. The new lady who was assaulted by little donnie? Awful, terrible, hope it ses a courtroom but low on the list of why he is not qualified to be our preznit.

    • Spotts1701

      He’s already screaming she’s another lying liar who Clinton paid to set him up.

      • Bitter Scribe

        “I did NOT do what I bragged about doing!”

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    OT moar good news

    Paul Penzone (D): 46

    Joe Arpaio (R): 31

  • TheDogAteMyVote

    “I would accept a clear election result, but I would also reserve my right to contest or file a legal challenge in the case of a questionable result.”

    .

    Challenge accepted, Dipshit McGoo. I do believe you will get the ‘clear election result’ you desire………… https://33x5bs39d3jhnwvvr3uyk6zm-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/pix/2016/08/Nate-Silver-Election-Forecast-873×898.png

    • Longstreet63

      But if he wins in all those states, he gets to be president of those, right?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    His challenge to the election results if when he loses will be both low energy and – SAD

  • spends2much

    And yet, it is still so easy to find these seemingly normal Americans who wholeheartedly support this crypto-fascist lying man-baby. That’s the part that makes me the saddest, and so glad to be up here in the Great White North, where it’s supposed to maybe snow this weekend. Small price to pay…

    • thixotropic jerk

      True dat! And they all begin their “endorsement” of the asshole with “I know he’s a–_______ BUT I’m still voting for him anyway because Hillary is sooooooo much worser!” Yeah dumbshits as if! Rationalization is an ugly thing.

  • Scooby

    To me nothing says democracy more then declaring yourself the winner.

  • Rick Hill

    Any bets that this strong arming by trump winds up turning off folks who thought they could hold their nose and just vote for him?

  • Michael R
  • ArgieBargie
  • DainBramage

    How can we get a giant Hillary banner wrapped around Chump Tower?

    • Nounverb911

      parachutists?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Among the things I find fascinating about Trump’s campaign is all the times he refers to “the stuff I’m seeing,” like evidence of Hillary-induced election rigging, but never says exactly what it is that he’s seeing – yet his supporters seem not to care or notice. How is that possible? If you have proof of election fraud on a national scale, I would absolutely love to see it.

    • boyblue123

      His supporters run on pure emotion not on logic

      • Dudleydidwrong

        And that emotion is hate.

        • Snark Tank, Bad Hombre

          No, it’s FEAR. Fear of the blah man, fear of losing his masculinity by acknowledging that homosexuals exist, fear of RADICAL ISLAMIC TERRORISM, fear of women, fear of smart people, fear of the gubmint….

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Oh, the irony. The big, mean man is scurrd of errything. That’s what’s under that smirk.

      • Exactly. Things for them are made true if they feel strongly about it. That’s all that matters to them.

    • Rick Hill

      That’s in his file of Top Secrit things. Like his plan for winning the war on everything and how to be a fantastic pick up artist. And one thing, trump can keep a secrit, not like lying crooked Hillary.

    • Anna Rompage

      Between a shirtless Alex Jones, and a full view of Putin’s pecker just before Donnie goes in for the BJ, I’m sure he has seen his fair share of horrors…

    • Joe Beese

      If they thought details mattered, they wouldn’t be supporters in the first place.

    • Crank Tango

      I’m sure he could forward you some emails…about emails.

    • Scooby

      The fact he’s not winning bigly is proof enough.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m not certain anyone else is able to “see” the “stuff” that Donnie “sees,” ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo…

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ff89dad35e73de41b92005ae940035101728d7f96a29ccc082d76e925ef0177b.gif

  • Rick Hill

    Bets that trump goes off the deep end after the election? between losing the preznitcy and the tanking of his businesses, I say he spends his day going around declaring hisself the Prez, descending into actual madness, not this part time flirtation he has with sanity.
    http://www.sitcomsonline.com/photopost/data/615/18061wiz.jpg

    • Jamoche

      I’d make an Emperor Norton comparison, but Donnie wouldn’t even be able to pull that off.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Emperor Norton was a kind of a nice, harmless but seriously deluded guy. Trump is a kind of a vicious, toxic and dangerously deluded guy. But otherwise, yeah, same thing.

    • Bub the Bad Zombre

      He’s already a germophobe. The thought of Donnie sitting in a darkened room, his hair and nails growing ever longer, watching “Ice Station Zebra” repeatedly, waited on by Mormon manservants and surrounded by containers of his own urine is not a displeasing one to me.

      • Rick Hill

        I’d think his kids would have him committed and completely sedated

        • Cindyinencinitas

          I would like to see him kept, alone with nothing but Popular Mechanics and KPBS to entertain him and nothing to eat but taco truck food, in a 700-square-foot apartment in Boyle Heights that is guarded around the clock by militant separatist lesbian farmers on meth.

    • BadKitty904

      Here’s hoping for the business fraud and sexual molestation charges to start rolling in…

    • bob hombre

      Perhaps he can check in to the Lord Vetinari Ward.

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_Bad_Hombre

      I hope he does NOT give America a rose.

  • nightmoth

    just more big talk from the little manboy

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • nightmoth

      Thx! Very funny! (Trump book reports)

  • Daisy

    *sigh* I’m so sick of his bullshit.

  • lucidamente

    It’s almost 3:00 P.M. and Thirsty McSniffles still hasn’t accused Hillary Clinton of being on drugs at last night’s debate. What gives?

  • bubbuhh
    • Msgr_Bad_Hombre
      • bubbuhh

        He’s trying to get it, the little perv.

        • Msgr_Bad_Hombre

          “Binders? I got trunks full of ladyparts.”

        • Mehmeisterjr

          He tells it like it is.

        • Paganish

          Donald Trunk.

      • lucidamente

        Ya gotta start ’em early.

      • lucidamente

        “I know those peanuts are somewhere.”

      • Blackest Noobs

        “i had my tic tac, now where’s my pussies…oh over here..cool”

    • Blacktop Cadence

      I also want that LGBT hating asshole Pence to be the face of the party.

      • bubbuhh

        Wimmenz hating also too. And the Blahs and the Brows. And the yellows if he knew any also too also.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      That looks like another Klown Kar primary.

      The only thing that could save the Republican Party (or what’s left of it) would be a reversal of Citizen’s United.

      Ironies abound.

    • “None of these” should have won in a landslide…

      • Cindyinencinitas

        It’s the most attractive choice on there. Prolly has the best hair, too.

    • Well, I could see them deciding to field a black female republican …

      and choosing Michele Malkin

      • bubbuhh

        Is Filipino the new Blah?

        • BadKitty904

          “Close enough.” ~ The GOP

        • You think they’d know the difference?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      A overwhelming majority of those polled have basically opted for political suicide.

      Fine. Dandy!

    • Spotts1701

      Not only lost in the wilderness, but picking the guys who got them lost to lead them back out?
      Okay, then. Good luck with that.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        And that charming li’l scamp Rand Paul isn’t even on the list? No love for JEB!?

    • boyblue123

      Fox News might want to tone down its rhetoric if they want republicans to have any shot at the white house in 2020

    • GoutMachine

      That’s their go-to move, though. If you fuck up, don’t do something different, just double down on the dumb shit you did before.

      • Miss Roni Raven If Ya Nasty

        Well see, these are likely voters, not GOP leadership.

        We already know from their support for Trump that they’re dumb. I’m starting to think they don’t care as much about literal winning than about sticking it to the Repub leadership that has cynically promised them things they know they can’t deliver (repeal Roe v Wade, repeal Obamacare, etc) and know that the more they double down the bigger the bind the Repub leadership is in.

        Or that could just be my schadenfreude talking.

    • Miss Roni Raven If Ya Nasty

      This is great news for John McCain!

  • Ezio

    “I will be perfectly content with the election results as long as I am the one who wins” said Captain Obvious.

  • RobKanC

    He just can’t stop digging the hole deeper and deeper. If there is one thing people absolutely hate is a sore loser. Trump proving what a sore loser he is.

    • berkeleyfarm

      Standard reaction for bullies and narcissists when they actually get called on their bullshit.

  • Crank Tango

    Not surprising. The Donald is not the kinda guy to take No for an answer.

    • BadKitty904

      Donald is the kind of guy who is mentally incapable of taking “no” for an answer. Kinda like, say, Ted Bundy…

  • Bitter Scribe

    I think he was trying to be funny, in his great tradition of boss/rich-man humor.

    (Who was the guy who explained that so well a few months ago, and why isn’t he posting more?)

  • Bub the Bad Zombre

    I have been surfing from news site to news site, gaping in slack-jawed amazement at the Trump surrogates who are trying to justify, explain away, defend and deny the things he has said and done over the course of his entire life. I can’t help but wonder – just what would he have to do to drive them away? To make even his staunchest defenders turn away in disgust? I know they are being paid, in many cases – but surely there are things even Kellyanne, Jeffrey, Kayleigh and Betsy would not do or say for money…aren’t there?

    Then I remember the end of the movie “The Dead Zone”, when Greg Stillson holds up a baby as a shield against a sniper’s bullet. In the movie, it ends his presidential candidacy stone dead, and he commits suicide…but I can’t help but wonder, if something equally dramatic were to actually happen to Trump next week, would the following day not see the usual suspects out spinning the event for all they were worth, justifying it, explaining it, defending it and denying the facts and the evidence of our own eyes?

    • Longstreet63

      That baby was a plant by Crooked Hillary.

      • Nasty Leftenant Anna

        With more exclamation points, that would be the Drudge headline.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          And will!!!!!111!!1!.1!.1111><11!!!11!1

    • Spotts1701

      “Look, we’re not saying Trump was right to use that baby as a shield. But you have to understand he is still new to politics…”

      • Bub the Bad Zombre

        I don’t know whether to laugh or retch at that. And they would probably say something just like it.

      • laughingnome

        The baby is a grizzled political veteran so who’s really to blame?

        • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

          That baby got rich giving speeches to Wall Street. Also, it’s a Mexican!

    • Nasty Leftenant Anna

      It gets me, are these people so filled with hate and fear that nothing will dissuade them?

      Sometimes I look at the nutty stuff, the End-of-the-World videos and whatnot. I think there were 3-4 “doomsday” predictions on youTube by July. But, if these are the kinds of folks that are sticking by Trump, why do they even care about the election when the killer asteroids/comets/Nibiru/Solar Flares/Gawd will smite us all anyway?

      • Cindyinencinitas

        When is Obama going to be declared dictator for life? I need to stock up on wine for the party…

        • Nasty Leftenant Anna

          Worst Dictator-For-Life Evers! :D

      • OneYieldRegular

        If the election is all rigged, why do Trump supporters bother to vote?

        • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

          I thought this too and then reviewed the language…his supporters say it’s going to be rigged. But, from what I can tell, the Trump campaign frames it as “they’re TRYING to rig it, but only you drooling, crazed, jackasses can save us”. It’s deplorable.

      • Death Rocks From Space

        I live for the apocalypse. (Ironic, I know, but give me Death Rocks or give me, hmmm, not sure how that ends).

        • TheAmazingBeardedLady

          A nice chardonnay?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I know they are being paid, in many cases – but surely there are things even Kellyanne, Jeffrey, Kayleigh and Betsy would not do or say for money…aren’t there?

      This falls under the Law of Anybody’s-Whore-for-a-Nickle. NB: This Law applies more to politics than actual prostitution.

  • Objectifer

    Not only is AZ a presidential battleground, recreational weed is winning and Arpaio is losing! But it looks like we’re still gonna be stuck with John “Lawn Dart” McCain for 6 more years. I’ll take victories where I can.

    • Ezio

      Joe Arpaio losing is indeed great news, Thomas. You’re a really useful engine.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The Sun City demographic will put him back in office despite Kirkpatrick’s best efforts

    • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

      dammit, you reminded me. I was at the library last night and wanted to take a picture of this book. Hopefully “Life With Sheriff Joe Arpaio in America’s Toughest Jail” will have a new meaning very soon. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7260449f316c2dd934b330e3c06b00509518a0ad13e5f3f669ff5c909db0d028.png

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Let’s get one thing straight, right here, right now.

    There is no peak wingnut. There is no peak derp. It’s morans all the way down.

  • Rick Hill

    Trump’s big problem, now, is that he looks like a sniveling, whining little bastard. If he had shown strength and integrity a lot of folks would still stick with him. He didn’t. I’d expect him to have even fewer folks in the tank for him than he did just yesterday.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Rick, he can’t show strength and integrity, because he has none of either to give.

      • Rick Hill

        Yeah but if he expected to keep his bluff up, he needed to pull something out instead of that pile of crap he loves to whip out. Same way, just how many times did Wallace give him an out last night? He didn’t take one of them

        • Villago Delenda Est

          He doesn’t even grok the necessity of maintaining the bluff. His narcissism is that great.

          • Rick Hill

            It’s easy to see how it’s claimed he could have made a ton more money by doing absolutely nothing with it.

      • BadKitty904

        Truly. That’s not a “problem,” that’s “Trump,” hisownself.

      • Longstreet63

        It’s okay. The Right Wing Noise Machine will just redefine those like they did patriotism and the various parts of the Constitution they like.

        E.g. “Integrity” is the ability to strike back at your accusers without admitting wrongdoing.
        “Strength” is the capacity to arrange a completely friendly media event and not allow in any opposing views.

    • BadKitty904

      “looks”?

      • Blackest Noobs

        IS.

      • Rick Hill

        We saw it but you have to be totally in the tank not to see it. Remember how cringe worthy Gore grabbing Tipper and kissing her and then when he tried to stare dubbya down at the debate? yeah, I was embarrassed he was doing that but he was our candidate and not such a pos that trump is.

  • beingreleased

    According to multi-verse theory, there is a universe where Donald Trump is winning. This is of course why multi-verse theory is wrong.

    • BadKitty904

      Plus Trump would have a go-t, wouldn’t he?

      • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

        goatee libelz!!! (seriously, I just hate to shave. Even if I look like a douche bag, it’s the minimum amount of shaving I have to do. The full beard makes me look…just frightening).

        • BadKitty904

          Nonono. I think facial face is HOT – my bf has a beard – and I wish to God I could grow some. I was just riffing on the old Star Trek Prime joke…

          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9ce3398ad933356729e17d8ca52b590cc57805a1a7f2e79b741c032ac4c4fa7b.jpg

          • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

            Oh i know about the evil universe goatee…I was just saying…it’s considered douchy these days. And don’t be mad – mine looks (as one former co-worker put it during an argument) like an actual goat has chewed on it. I’m just lazy and don’t care how I look. Mine is not nearly as glorious as evil spock. (Also the show Community has a whole series of jokes about alternate timelines and evil versions of themselves and they use these really cheesy paste on goatees – the title of this jpg is “felt_goattee”
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f3c3815a1ef886c375b0205bfbde9db138cf94ea1a4c0a0db6f10e8dfc800455.jpg

          • BadKitty904

            Wth? I should do that with red felt, just to make my honeybun laff…

          • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

            You should! I will absolutely humiliate myself for a good laugh from someone I like.

          • BadKitty904

            Amen, amen, amen! Who wants to be boring?

          • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

            I like to make the day a little brighter for the cute gals at the corner store, so sometimes I do a little fat guy dance to make ’em laugh (they always have dance music playing in the store).
            My fellow students like to have fun at my expense, which is fine.
            Even my very professional, very classy prof was ragging on me last week…and I loved every minute of it! I consider it an achievement to have broken through her barriers on that.

          • BadKitty904

            As long as your efforts aren’t taken for granted, make ’em laugh…

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SND3v0i9uhE

          • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

            Awww, brilliant. I remember this from film school. I told the instructor I didn’t like musicals, he said neither do i, and this was what was screening that night.

          • BadKitty904

            If nothing else, you gotta admit Donald O’Connor could really sell a song!

          • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

            I was impressed by his physicality (is that a word?). I’m so horribly awkward (like a 3-legged elephant I always say). I know and suspect all those moves he does are waaaaayyyyyy harder than they look. He’s singing but also doing a dance that’s harder than step one, two, three. I dated a gal who was a dancer for a few years…I’m amazed at their physical discipline. I knocked over the same beer 3 times the other night, ya know! Lol.

          • BadKitty904

            Singing AND dancing is no kinda joke. Without doubt, the man was a trouper!

          • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

            I watched the whole thing cause I remember (and see again) how brilliant O’Connor was here. He was my favorite character in this movie because of this scene.
            Although, even as a straight dude, I see the attraction to Gene Kelley, he had such badass clothes in this flick.

    • Blackest Noobs

      probably the same universe where the Nazi won WWII.

      Trumps would have definitely been Nazi sympathizers.

    • Indiepalin

      Does Mr. Spock have a goatee?

    • Big Boppa (BadHombre)

      This is good news for John McCain Schrödinger’s cat.

  • BadKitty904

    I’m getting very tired of this preening, petulant poltroon…

    • Objectifer

      …this pusillanimous polecat…

      • Suse

        pugnacious parasite

        • laughingnome

          pitiable pisswad

          • Suse

            pantalooned pustule

          • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

            perfect proffering of alliteration…well done to the above.

          • laughingnome

            pugnacious pantywaist

        • Big Boppa (BadHombre)

          Pork chop faced, pickle dicked, pussy grabber.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Pukestained, preAlzheimers, pussygrabbing paratwit.

    • Death Rocks From Space

      Must buck up because he will NEVER EVER quit us. He will torture Merica til his dying day.

    • Berkeleybear94

      This pustule on the posterior of a once great party.

    • atheistinatacotruck

      The prickish, parsimonious, pantload of depravity…

  • Suse

    Dipshit Don, Jr. sez it would be a “step down” for his father to become president. “Unlike Hillary Clinton ― who’s gotten very rich being a politician,
    peddling American influence ― he hasn’t,” he continued. “This isn’t only
    a step down, but he wants to make sure that all Americans, all
    ethnicities and backgrounds, have the same opportunities to do what he’s
    been able to do, to start a great family, start a great business.”

    • memzilla

      LOAN ME A MIILYUN DOLLARS THEN.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        $14 million, as it turns out.

      • Longstreet63

        If things are tight, you may have to sell of some of the stock portfolio Dad gave you…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Er, “loan” me a milyun dollars, just never expect to see it again. You know, how the entire banking industry learned the hard way about him.

    • Daisy

      “Great”?

      • Suse

        Just terrific!

      • Nockular cavity

        Well, “great” does not mean “good,” so yeah.

        Like the Borgias. They were a great family.

    • Death Rocks From Space

      The “start a great family” part is really creepy. The preznit would be a step down bit is just hilarious, ’cause why the fuck is he trying to get a job that would be a step down???????

      • Suse

        This interview must have been part of his coked-up rant last night.

      • Longstreet63

        I presume he meant “Start three great families”…

        Also, being president sucks, so who would want that stupid job?
        Those grapes I can’t reach look really sour.

      • Bub the Bad Zombre

        “start a great family”?

        A bunch of greedy, grasping, murderous shitstains who have never had to works a day in their lives because they were born with a silver foot in their mouths is NOT a “great family.”

        The pus didn’t drip far from daddy’s chancre ridden peen, did it Jr.?

    • Ezio

      Wait a minute! Wouldn’t starting a business like Trump did require right-wingers to give everyone monetary “handouts”!?

      • Big Boppa (BadHombre)

        I’ll take my $14 million in Euros please,

    • beingreleased

      You people just don’t appreciate the sacrifices Donald is making for you.

    • OneYieldRegular

      “…and so if you vote for my dad, he’ll give you a 10% discount off of one of his $30,000 Trump University wealth seminars so that you can start a great business too.”

  • Joe Beese

    Anyone else finding the story links on the front page not working?

    • Nounverb911

      Just did.

    • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

      Works for me, but the formatting of this page is trashed.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Got that, America? All you bored, undecided, sick-of-the-campaign-and-don’t-give-a-shit voters?
    He goes away IF HE LOSES BIGLY. Vote accordingly.

  • Me not sure

    William Randolph Hearst had his San Simeon, which Orson Welles turned into Xanadu for the film “Citizen Kane”.https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/785751922485b76d12ce9073940ead3a704abaa7f4b4f860d3a792bb2a781b60.gif Now we have Trump and his Mar a Lago, but alas, no Welles to skewer him. This shit never changes

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      There will, inevitably, be a Hollywood treatment, a la Howard Hughes. Good luck to the actor who has to make him relatable.

      • Me not sure

        Gary Busey?

      • ViveLaNastyWimminz

        Kelsey Grammer?

      • Ricky Gay

        Jon Voight?

        • proudgrampa

          Ya know, I can see that!

          • Ricky Gay

            well he has “the dumb” part down.

      • Gentle Robot

        did jesse eisenberg do that to zuckerberg?

        • WIDTAP

          jesse eisenberg as Trump.

          “Ding, ding ding ding ding. Ding, ding ding ding ding.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Alec Baldwin. Even Hitler (in Downfall) was made almost human. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Do you think Baldwin could do Trump in a drama as well as he is portraying him comedically?

          • Villago Delenda Est

            I think Baldwin could do a passable job, but he’s no Bruno Ganz. Baldwin can do drama when he really puts an effort into it. See his dynamite performance in Glengarry Glen Ross…but he was part of an ensemble of giants there, and to do a Donald movie right you’re going to have to have an ensemble of that caliber to pull it off.

            The major problem is that Donald is so mockable that it’s very difficult to make a drama about him…that’s why a stellar supporting cast is essential.

      • Big Boppa (BadHombre)

        Gerard Depardieu. He doesn’t look much like Trump and the French accent would be a bit off but he could play the rapey parts in his sleep.

      • Berkeleybear94

        I’m guessing there will be at least 3. The first, rushed effort from the same sad clown posse behind the Atlas Shrugged trilogy of shit, and they’ll get one of the lesser Baldwins (one of them is a dirt bag conservative, right) doing an impression of Alec doing Trump but only sympathetically. The second a “serious” take made for HBO about the insiders trying to steer him out of the wreck (ala the last two elections) with Trump as far less of a focus. Maybe just voiced by someone the way they did Steinbrenner on Seinfeld. The third an abstract Wes Anderson whimsy piece about a sad old man in a tragically run down hotel complex in South Florida that barely touches on the election – with Trump played with comic glee by Alec Baldwin at his broadest.

      • Me not sure
      • Serai 1

        True poetic justice would have the role go to Alec Baldwin. Hey, he’s great at drama, too.

    • Nounverb911
      • OneYieldRegular

        He can just rename it Lago-in-Mar.

    • Joshua Norton

      Except Hearst built San Simeon from scratch and it’s in fairly good taste, crammed with valuable antiques. As with most Trump projects when he obtained Mar-a-Largo, he just put his name on someone else’s building, slapped up some gold leaf and furnished it with a bunch of gaudy crap.

  • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

    “If I win”
    Nice catch Wonkette! I didn’t notice that bit when I read it. OF COURSE he’d accept the election….although I wouldn’t put it past a theoritical president trump to whine that he didn’t win bigly enough.
    This man is awful.

    • Rick Hill

      Listen to trump say it. he makes it a loud statement. His picture of the event, he looks like he’s in a gymnasium that is hardly filled to capacity

      • DeplorableTXTacoTruckofDoom

        I seriously can NOT listen to that man talk. I avoid all video, tv, etc. The smirking smugness is just too much for my admittedly smug ass to take.

        • Rick Hill

          I heard it on NPR driving from a job. He sounds rough, too.

          • mancityfooty

            If you’d spent most of last night screaming at your family and anyone around you, you’d sound rough, too.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Well, let’s make sure the results are incontestable. In other words, let’s beat the living shit out of him on November 8, with votes.

    • Death Rocks From Space

      That’s what I keep thinking! For instance, Bamz beat McCain in ’08 by 7% which translated into 10 million more in the popular vote and Hillz is on track to beat Donnie to absolute death, with votes, so I’d like to see him TRY to explain away 10 million + votes, though I will not place money on the notion that the sniveling, whining, pissy-boy will try.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        He’s got the all purpose explanation already. “It’s rigged!” He was using it in the primaries, he uses it every time he faces a loss in court, he uses it every time the invisible hand gooses him.

  • JVisconti

    If on 11/9 and you don’t think you have lost your election after 4 hours, consult your MD.

  • Michael Smith

    I saw the idiots commenting on this on Facebook, saying “I don’t know anyone who supports Hillary, yet the media says she’s winning. If Trump doesn’t win, there’s going to be trouble in the streets, I promise you that.”

    First, the reason you don’t know anyone who supports Hillary is either (a) you are a piece of shit hick with a 10th grade education, and surround yourself with similar people, or (b) you yell and scream about Trump wherever you go and people don’t want to get into an argument with you or (c) both.

    Second, fucking try it.

    • nightmoth

      I hope they do try it. They’ll be surprised how many libruls know how to shoot.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I look forward to not making the same mistake the Union made in 1865.

    • Reximus

      or he doesn’t know anyone, like the Unibomber

    • Cheesus Crust
      • Michael Smith

        I think I saw that dude at Wal Mart today.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        I feel like his weapon might discharge if he’s not careful.

        I’m also concerned about the firearm he has tucked into his underwear at the hip.

        • Oh man, that is my kinda joke! It certainly got a laugh outta me!

      • Paganish

        Nice body armor there, Boo. See you at the “revolution”! XD

      • Ghenghis McCann

        “If that’s a well regulated militia, then I think it could be our chance to take the American colonies back, your Majesty.”

      • Miss Roni Raven If Ya Nasty

        His last words will undoubtedly be “Hold my beer and watch this, Earl.”

    • Mavenmaven

      Or (d) you are in Central Pennsylvania

      • Death Rocks From Space

        Or Southside Virginia. Or Southwest Virginia …

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Or North Florida…

          • mancityfooty

            I am so tempted to say “Or Kansas” but that would be based on polls. I’ve only seen maybe two bumper stickers and only one person (outside of friends I keep because they agree with me) who has even mentioned him in my presence, which was last Octoberish.

          • Antonin Dvorak

            Surprisingly, my home town in central FL has a distinct dearth of signs for president, there haven’t any for months, until yesterday, I saw three Hillary signs on my way to work. Same deal with the senate race, not a single Rubio sign. Literally 100% of the signs have been for local races like school board, state house/senate, and county commissioners.

          • mancityfooty

            There are a lot of downticket signs everywhere. I’ll have a look tomorrow on my way to vote, there’s a guy outside of Eudora that always has signs up for the Republican candidate.
            There was a Romney sign on the top of a hill for about 6 months after the ’12 election.

      • Michael Smith

        Well I am currently in central PA, so that may be the answer.

        • Mavenmaven

          Sorry to hear that, I got out 2 years ago and life is good again :)

    • Kiri the Nasty Unicorn

      “If Trump doesn’t win, there’s going to be trouble in the streets, I promise you that.”

      No bird refuge will be safe!

      http://journalofdoubt.net/jodwp/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fatty-Fats.jpg

      • Doug Langley

        Ah, a brave member of Meal Team Six.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Nobody in their right mind would keep company with him…

  • Callyson
  • Big Boppa (BadHombre)


    In that scenario, who would be the thin-skinned baby orange gargoyle #rigging the election….

    GARGOYLE LIBELZ!!!!11!ELEVENTY!!!

  • Cheesus Crust
  • Suse

    Irrelevant POS Mike Huckabee excuses Drumpf calling Hillz “nasty” because that’s just the way these NY guys do things. “I have to constantly remind myself that Donald Trump grew up in Queens.
    He’s kind of a street fighter. He’s just a classic sort of New York
    tough guy. For those of us who grew up in the South where southern
    gentility still means something, you know, the handshake would have been
    nice, maybe a nice smile here and there. But look, this was a fight to
    the finish last night. He said what he thinks. There are a lot of people
    in America who say to heck with gentility, what we want is somebody who
    is unfiltered, who’s plain spoken, who couldn’t care less about
    political correctness and the niceties because we’re hurting, we’re sick
    of getting kicked in the gut. And if there is somebody who will be
    president that will put his foot out there and start kicking back, we’re
    gonna vote for him. And frankly, that’s been his formula and by gosh
    it’s worked for him.”

    • nightmoth

      Irrelevant POS can go choke on the mythical southern gentility which he has never displayed.

    • Cheesus Crust

      I think Mike Huckabee is a goat-raping hick whose family tree is more vertical than linear.

      I’m just sayin’ what I think. (and, dear dog, poor goats)

    • Ghenghis McCann

      He’s kind of a street fighter. He’s just a classic sort of New York
      tough guy.

      I think you need your medication checked, Mike.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Irrelevant piece of shit indeed.

    • beingreleased

      “Donald is an asshole. And that’s what America needs.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “But I would be a better asshole. Just look at my record in Arkansas!”

    • JVisconti

      As that southern gentleman, Rhett Butler once said, Frankly I don’t give a damn about your thoughts Huck.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      So basically Trump’s a thug.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      …but by gosh, it’s not working for him now.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Real tough guy. You cross him in the street and he’ll sic his bevy of corporate lawyers on you SO fast…

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Stealing Santorum’s crown as the creepiest guy in politics and then becoming a disciple of the biggest asshole in politics is nothing to brag about.

      • Bebecca

        I still think Ted Cruz is the creepiest but will give you biggest asshole. flaming asshole is the term I use.

    • anwisok

      TL,DR version: Huckabee still has no idea why the GOP is about to get curbstomped.

    • Mavenmaven

      That’s not Queens. Joey Ramone is Queens.

      • Professor Fate

        This a thousand times.

    • Crank Tango

      Ah, so Trump is a street fighter, but Nobama is a Chicago Thug. I see.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, “Thug” is, after all, the new “ni*CLANG*”.

    • Professor Fate

      ‘there are a lot of people in America who say to heck with Gentility”
      like that couple both Trump supporters who wore matching t-shirts that said Donald Trump 2016 – f-ck your feelings. Those folks.
      and if Donald is any kind of street fighter i’m Marie of Romania

      • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

        That lovely couple would be the first to cry about McDonald’s forgetting a large fry.

    • Kiri the Nasty Unicorn

      Nugent’s bass player says what?

    • Miss Roni Raven If Ya Nasty

      Someone should kick Huck in his gentility. Often and hard.

    • Suttree

      Newt cannot start that moon colony soon enough. Just convince Huck he’ll be closer to gawd.

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      Oh so now it’s the south’s fault politics has been too nice??? HISTORY OF AMERICA LIBELZ!!!

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Huckabee proves once again that he’s not in touch with reality.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Says the guy who set loose two serial killers.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Villago Delenda Est

      This.Is.Brilliant.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Sure is! Wish I’d thought of it!

  • boyblue123

    I hope SNL and Alec Baldwin humiliate the hell out of Drumpf on SNL this week and dont hold back at all.

    I want to see cheeto jesus flip out on twitter

    • Suse

      Two of his wingnut brothers were there last night.

      • boyblue123

        two Baldwins were at the debate?

        • Cheesus Crust

          Stephen was commiserating with Baio at some point.

          • mancityfooty

            about their lack of work?

          • Beowoof14

            Which usually flows from their lack of talent.

        • Suse

          Yup – they posed with Sarah and Todd Palin.

          • Cheesus Crust

            Grifter’s Paradise.

      • Suttree

        Is Adam a wingnut also? If so that would explain his picture perfect character in Firefly.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          He is. He even quit twitter because of supposed “censorship” of conservatives. I don’t think he is one of the brothers though, he is from Chicago; while Alec and Co. are Long Islanders.

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            Damn it! I hate when the person behind the curtain ends up being a wingnut.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Adam isn’t related to those Baldwins.

    • Bad Granny

      You seem to have a mean streak. Come sit next to me!

      • Professor Fate

        ah Dorothy Parker reference. so nice to see one.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I thought that was an Alice Roosevelt Longworth reference.

  • Bad Granny

    Guys, I’m beginning to think this Trump fellow doesn’t have all of his marbles. It’s anyone else picking up that vibe or is it just me?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He has huge, big marbles. They’re just in a dimensional pocket where he can’t access them.

      • Cheesus Crust

        The bigliest marbles – terrific.

    • mancityfooty

      I’m starting to think I might not vote for him now.

      • Beowoof14

        I thought that when he rode down the escalator last year. My decision keeps being reinforced.

        • Bebecca

          I was never going to vote for him but was sort of ambivalent about him . I thought he was a benign cartoon character until he made fun of the disabled reporter. That did it for me but I’m big on civility.

      • Objectifer

        I’m beginning to think he is a bit of a cad.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Fuck NPR, part 37: Substitute host for Diane Rehm saying that Trump ruined an otherwise “strong” debate performance with his remark about the election results. I’ll go out on a limb and say “strong” doesn’t mean what he thinks it does.

    • Randy Riddle

      “Strong” as in “smells”?

    • They are way too desperate lately to appear “neutral”. There’s a difference between being neutral and reporting stupidity to keep the trumpanzees from squealing too loud. I don’t know why, since they won’t contribute at their beg-a-thons anyway.

      • Beowoof14

        Worried about those Kock bucks flowing into to pay their salaries.

      • nightmoth

        If I recall correctly, their first big budget cuts were from Reagan, and they’ve had serious spinal deterioration ever since.

    • Professor Fate

      Strong as in not having temper tantrum before the first five minutes and not physically attacking Hilary during the debate.

    • Suttree

      Things republicans have fucked up part eleventy million: NPR

  • Randy Riddle

    Donald Trump is acting like Charles Foster Kane, if Charles Foster Kane has someone stick Rosebud up his ass.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Pussy” was the name of the sled!

      • Randy Riddle

        Metaphorically, of course.

    • cat cafe

      Charles Foster Kane actually accomplished things.

  • Suse
    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Wow, that caricature is not even close. Far too flattering.

  • Poly_Ester

    Ivanka will have her post-election work cut out for her, the Trump brand will be toast.

    • Suse

      That’s the best thing of all!

    • Cheesus Crust

      Is that rye, white or wheat?

      • Suttree

        Wonder.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Will be”. It is. Bookings down. People specifically saying “nuh-uh” to discounted Drumpf hotel rooms.

  • Professor Fate

    Well that’s very white of him I must say.

  • Suttree

    My prediction is that the RNC (I assume they would be on the hook to file lawsuits?) tells him to pay for that shit out of his own pocket. Then he goes home and cries in his taco bowl. After that, every time he is seen on the streets of New York, we all heckle him and call him a whiny ass titty baby.

    • Walter Wellstone

      I like “whiny little bitch.”

    • Beowoof14

      I don’t know, I think most of his republican “Pals” will tell him the money for suits cupboard is bare.

  • Beowoof14

    Oh Dipshit Donald, needs to lose in a huge landslide. He can’t afford the lawyers to pursue the election challenges. and I am pretty sure with all of his close friends in the republican party he won’t get a dime to help him with those suits.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Kind of neat news: The Miami Herald has officially endorsed Patrick Murphy for Senate after the congressman’s stronger than expected debate performance. This is a pretty big blow for Rubio, not only because Miami is his home turf, but also because the Herald has a record of endorsing Rubio since his early days in the state house.

    When explaining their decision, the Miami Herald wrote:
    “Mr. Drumpf’s candidacy is a test of character, and Sen. Rubio is failing that test… His act is unconvincing. It reeks of political convenience rather than political conviction.”

    It should be noted that recent data shows Rubio only barely breaking even with Murphy in Miami-Dade County. This doesn’t help him in the slightest.

    Edit: Ooh, I forgot to mention Sabato downgraded this race from Likely R to Lean R, so this just keeps getting curiouser and curiouser.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Christ on a bike and I thought he denounced Wikileaks because it was the right thing to do! What a shitty little weasel.

    • Suse

      Smarmy little creep. Hope he goes down in flames.

      • Paul Dietzel

        Yep, that’s how I’ve always felt about Jim Carrey. (and also too, Rubio, of course)

        • nastymagyar

          Him too, also

    • MynameisBlarney
    • Mehmeisterjr

      I’d love to see Rubio lose.

      IMHO, Murphy’s TV ads have been weak and Rubio’s, albeit entirely mendacious, have been effective, good enough to fool the dopes.

      Unfortunately, “Good Enough to Fool the Dopes” is the Florida State slogan.

  • AnnieGetYerFun
    • Death Rocks From Space

      Love that!

      • whitroth

        That is a really great movie. I spoke to the director and scriptwriter the next year, and they’re good guys, so they *could* do it *right*, instead of Hollywood’s usual ignorant idiocy.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I never understood why Galaxyquest wasn’t a tearaway hit.

          I might have assumed that science fiction fans lack a sense of humor, but my personal sci-fi fan friends, including celebrated sci-fi writers, loved it.

          • whitroth

            By “sf fans”, I assume you mean the folks whose only acquaintance with science fiction and fantasy is what’s been on TV or a movie.

            We, the *real* sf fans, gave that movie a Hugo.

  • Nounverb911

    I’m starting to suffer from Delusional Trump Overload…. Have a kitten on me.

    http://p.fod4.com/p/media/791b8d54e4/hKHpGOPBRIyGZCBxnOe1_kitty%20somersault.gif

  • Bill Slider

    How long after he loses before the shooting begins?

    • edith prickly

      The nation’s emergency rooms will be overwhelmed with all the self-inflicted bullet wounds in the feet.

      • Bub the Bad Zombre

        “Why do you also have a bullet hole through both cheeks?”

        “I decided to shoot myself in the foot, but I forgot it was in my mouth at the time…”

      • nightmoth

        Yep. If white southern men didn’t shoot up the cow town after that black man got elected, they’ll just hunker down and pout over Hillary.

    • Me not sure

      Them shooting us, or vice versa? I need to know.

      • nastymagyar

        Them shooting themselves?

    • Bub the Bad Zombre

      I’m sure some reporters will be roughed up – I wouldn’t want to be a journalist around large groups of Trumpanzees after the election is called around 8:01 PM on November 8th – but I hope there will be no actual fatalities. Although it wouldn’t surprise me at all if there are.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Some of his more unhinged followers (I leave it as an exercise in “going to dark places” for the reader to determine how to evaluate this) will probably do something really, really stupid, without thinking everything through. So there will be casualties, but the Republic will survive.

    • Well, if I’ve learned one thing this year, it’s that the police are really good at killing people, so let’s hope the hillbillies stay at home in their trailers and quietly sob into Coors Light before mumbling something racist and passing out in their underwear.

      • Barley_Brains

        Passed out cosmopolitan intellectual in their underwear libelz!!

    • Crank Tango

      Do negligent discharges “protecting” polling places count?

    • Marceline

      This is America. The shooting never stops.

      • Ms M, is that you?

        Would love it if you’d come by the NPR Refugees channel and say hello (link in my bio). Hope you’re well.

    • BadKitty904

      “Up” or “at”?

      • NastyCatsVote

        Good point, I always forget that people ’round here *celebrate* by shooting their guns into the air. I’ll never get used to it.

        • BadKitty904

          Well, I was thinking more of “up,” in the sense of “heroin,” but “happy fire” is no kinda joke, either.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Are there any lawyers who would take on his case?

  • Well, if we were a sane country, I’d ask if it was possible for a candidate to receive a negative percentage of the votes, but since we’re ‘Murika, is it possible that Trump might just hit that 27% floor that separates the normal people from the crazy loons?

    • DainBramage

      Ha ha. “Sane country.”

  • Brian
  • UnsaltedSinner

    My shocked mom, on the phone from Mallorca: “By the way, we watched that Trump last night, in the debate. Now he says he won’t accept it if he loses! Have you ever heard anything like it?”

  • sockpuppet

    Donald Trump is the anal wart of human history.

    • nastymagyar

      HPV LIBEL!!!!!!!!!

      • NastyCatsVote

        HPV unites us! About 80% of us anyway.

  • limberrat

    Well, the campaign is even more delusional than I thought.
    https://twitter.com/NateSilver538/status/789190268574535682

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Even the ghost of Spiro Agnew groans at that.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Really? The campaign of the candidate who spent last night defending himself from charges of being an puppet of the former head of the KGB went with sleeper cell?

      • cat cafe

        YOU’RE a sleeper cell.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Not til this election is over I’m not.

          • ViveLaNastyWimminz

            Ain’t that the truth. I’m exhausted.

        • Dee Animal-Andee

          I wish I was a sleeper cell. I haven’t slept for shit for the last four days.

        • mailman27

          Nuh-uh!!

    • Crank Tango

      Coyote voting. In the morning, you chew your arm off when you realize what you’ve done.

    • Spotts1701

      They’re just hiding!

      • BadKitty904

        From reality.

    • BadKitty904
    • jowgajen

      There are four or even five largely white Republican counties in Western Maryland that he will win. So apparently they are only talking to those folks? Also the ones I’ve spoken to are embarrassed by him and not likely to vote for him … or Hillary, but still.

      • mailman27

        I’m on the eastern shore of the Chesapeake in MD and it’s all Trump all the time. Gonna be doing phone bank again for local D’s tomorrow, and hopefully they’ll have some yard signs. I don’t foresee long life-expectancy for them.

    • sockpuppet

      I have never seen so few political signs for presidential candidates in my long stay with your lost socks.

      • Dee Animal-Andee

        I did see rather run-down house with a Trump sign out today.

    • cat cafe

      Once again, completely projecting–it’s Hillary’s supporters who are being “quiet” and “afraid to put their signs out” against the seething mobs of haters.

      • elviouslyqueer

        This is actually true in my case. Because, duh, Mississippi.

      • Death Rocks From Space

        After the first debate (where in which she killed it) I decided I needed to woman-up and I put a #HillYes sticker on my car ’cause I felt like I owed it to her — would not put a sign outside my house, however, we moved to a rural area outside our fine city and those crackers got guns.

    • Arolpin

      Nate really should have included the link showing that Hillary is winning Maryland by at LEAST 27.5 points (Polls-plus Clinton 60.5%, Trump 33.0%). There is always some wishful thinking in politics, but when you’re down over 27 points with 19 days to go, you aren’t winning that state.
      (Lurkers in the comments agree with me!)

    • ViveLaNastyWimminz

      The Trump campaign tells people a lot of things. Generally their pants are on fire at the time.

    • Dee Animal-Andee

      In other words, chickenshits like him?

    • phoenix00

      Sigh, looks like someone forgot to define “battleground state” and “safe state”.

      Amateurs.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • btwbfdimho

    Donald: “Who needs the Electoral College when you could have the Trump University”?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Hell of a fall back school.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    The second clip sounds a lot closer to what he what his advisors expected him to regurgitate during the debate (they had the “Al Gore” defense in their back pocket in case he didn’t stick to the script because, let’s face it, that’s only good planning at this stage). And while he can’t help but taint it with the earlier assertion where he adds “…if I win” and of course “questionable result” in Trumpese is any result that means he didn’t win, the right sentiments and semantics and multi-syllabic words are all in place otherwise. Frankly, I’m more surprised that anyone is acting shocked and is aghast that Trump would make noises on the debate stage that sounded a lot like a spoiled child who hates to lose. One suspects that there will be a lot of drama and noise coming from the Trump camp after his (fingers crossed) defeat, but like any child throwing a tantrum, eventually he’ll cry himself out until it becomes whimpers after which he’ll go off to sulk.

    • cat cafe

      “Taint” is your best possible choice of words when discussing Donald.

    • Courser

      Personally, I wasn’t shocked at all. I’m kind of surprised that so many ‘experts’ were.

  • JerryRich

    In old-timey boxing slang a weak opponent was called a “tomato can” (when you beat on him red stuff comes out). I now present the new Trump campaign logo: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6d3f10f09c8beb49396bd5144052ff50ef70509df9632b7defec53d942678bd8.jpg

  • Me not sure

    I just read over at HuffPo that Paul LePage has called Trump stupid over his remarks about rejecting the outcome of the election. PAUL LEPAGE!! The stupidest governor in the USA!

    • Iam Reading

      Like puke calling shit disgusting.

    • phoenix00

      Should I cry or laugh? So confused…

    • Rickyphoo

      I know, right

  • Dee Animal-Andee

    Just one question–can Trump be extradited from Russia if he moves there?

    • ViveLaNastyWimminz

      By “can” do you mean “do we have to….can’t they just keep him”?

      • Msgr_Bad_Hombre

        I’m thinking declare Russia a hazardous waste site and declare victory.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I don’t think we’d ever want him back.

  • ViveLaNastyWimminz

    Why are some talking heads jabbering about a “peaceful transfer of power” if Turnip fails to give a completely unnecessary although traditional concession speech? Currently the White House is occupied by a classy, vigorous, brilliant, experienced statesman. Not an ignorant loud-mouthed uncouth embarrassing bafoon. Peaceful transfer of power goes without saying.

    • DesertedPictures

      There was also a normal transfer of power to Lincoln when he won the election. I wouldn’t call the violent rebellion that followed peaceful however.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Yes but those folks who opposed him had energy and direction. Shtrump “revolutionaries” are knuckle-dragging desk warriors who will play their WW3 video games in their mommy’s basement after he loses as their revolutionary act.

        • Rickyphoo

          I believe that the vast number of trump supporters couldn’t turn a gaming system on let alone play it, so they will probably just go back to yelling at kids to get off their lawns.

          The rest will go back to cooking meth in their basements.

        • Odd Jørgensen

          Spawn camping and griefing campaigns no doubt.

    • malsperanza

      I think everyone with a memory of Florida in 2000 dreads the thought of a protracted attempt by Turnip to contest the vote count in 20 or 30 states.

      The reality, though, is that he himself cannot do that. I believe the GOP would have to pursue the request for recounts. Not 100% sure about that. But the upshot in any case would be to taint and damage Clinton’s presidency before it even began.

  • bookish

    Strategic reasons why US military might choose to telegraph its intentions toward ISIS.

    http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show

    • Also, too, like, it’s the last stronghold of ISIS in Iraq, so WTF else are the Iraqis gonna do? You don’t think ISIS is going to notice 80,000 troops suddenly appearing outside of Mosel? There are somethings that you just can’t hide.

  • Notreelyhelping

    Well, note that his doctor didn’t differentiate whether Trump’s supposedly fantastic, robust health referred to psychological ailments as well as physical. Cause this motherfucker crazy.

  • PupperNutter

    Awhile back I started operating on the assumption that pretty much EVERYTHING the man says is projection and/or deflection. Which explains so much of the WTF that comes out of his mouth. He’s the king of the birthers? “No, YOU’RE the one who made everyone talk about the birth certificate.” His sleazy foundation is under fifty different kinds of investigation? “SHE has a sleazy foundation and takes money from it.”
    Everyone says he seems to have been sniffing coke? He calls for a drug test before the debate, which was essentially, “No, YOU’RE sniffing coke, Hillary.”

    By extension I would not be at all surprised to learn he’d been trying to figure out some way to rig the election, as that would fit his pattern 100%.

    OTOH, he has given us the gift that is: NO PUPPET. Which my girlfriend and I have been saying to each other frequently throughout the day, then cackling with glee.

    • Iam Reading

      He leaks his playbook constantly, then slams the military for advertising an offensive against Mosel. FFS

    • Miss Roni Raven If Ya Nasty

      I’ve been randomly shouting “You’re the puppet!” all day.
      My coworkers think I’m weird.

  • Iam Reading

    2.6 million people die every year in this country, most of them adults. About 200k of those will have died a month before the election and are unlikely to be purged from voter registrations. If just 10% of annual deaths aren’t purged from the lists, you will have 1 million dead, registered voters still on the list, every 5 years. So, yeah, dead people registered, sure. Doesn’t mean people are voting for them at a statistically significant rate.

    TLDR,

    STFU Trump surrogates.

  • Whale Chowder

    Drive-by comment: Mara Liasson is a fucking idiot.

    Just heard her on NPR saying that Clinton didn’t lay out a clear policy prescription for what she’d do if she were elected, which is required to “achieve a mandate.” Fuck, if she laid out policies Liassson would bitch about her boring, wonky style.

    God, I hate shit like that.

    • Slavakitty

      WTF! I used to be a generous supporter of NPR, even after all the nauseating post-911 jingoism, but they’ve become so very tiresome I’ve taken to driving to work in silence. This morning, Steve Inskeep was interviewing Kaine and kept interrupting him with banalities when he tried to answer his question about the Clinton Foundation. Like, “But what about accepting donations from Saudi Arabia?” *Click* Ahhh. Shut up, Steve.

      • nightmoth

        Wish NPR would get a clue from BBC. But not funded like the Brits are.

        • mailman27

          BBC=Real News. It’s not just on account of the accent. It’s actual factual.

      • SadDemInTex

        Koch brothers are big money donors to NPR

    • Shibusa

      What Mara Liaison should have said is that Hillary out-Trumped the Great Cheeto-Man with baiting and goading.

  • chascates

    When Trump loses he won’t be able to do anything for the Russkies so they might just make some of his investments ‘disappear’.

  • chascates

    At least one GOP stalwart is backing up Trump’s fears of rigged elections, and she’s someone who knows a thing or two about losing one. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0ac1c91e1eb44c701f2cec8321a19694c93cf055da2f946322298a9a4a176ffc.jpg

    • phoenix00

      This is too advanced for Palin….

    • Odd Jørgensen

      That fall where she cracked her head did nothing for her cognitive abilities I see, still as whacky as ever.

  • Joe Monte
    • phoenix00

      It’s Mr. Foreign and Domestic Policy Mike Pence’s now!

  • Kooolest G

    what if this is some 8 layer chess from trump, he’s gonna have the russians steal the election for him and then when they announce that he won 97% to 3% he’s gonna say, “hillary said she would honor the results of the election, nana nana boo boo”

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Pfft! If Donald and the Russians fudge the results, Donald will win BIGLY with one-hundred-eleventy percent of the vote and all 700 points of the electoral college.

  • Shibusa
    • HooverVilles

      ^^^^THIS^^^^

  • Greg Comlish

    Oh gee, way to ruin the suspense!

    • motmelere

      Right? I’ve been on tenterhooks about DJ’s ability to admit that he is, indeed, a huge waste of time & money.

  • DantesE

    I have lived in this country since 1971. To this day there are parts of the culture I do not understand. One of those things is the inherent and blatant disrespect of women in general.If I were to treat any woman or my wife the way trump does I would be in serious trouble. Forget her family I would have to be hiding from my father, brothers, uncles and cousins Crom help me if my mother, aunts and sister got a hold of me first. This is not to say women don’t get abused. It is just that retribution is swift and unforgiving.

  • DutchS

    Thanks to our weird Elektrikal Kollege System (TM), Trump’s basis for challenging results is slim to none.

    First off, if he wins the overall vote nationwide, that counts for zippo (right Al?) It’s only the vote in each individual state that counts. And only for those electoral votes. So he challenges and wins Delaware? That’s three. So what?

    Then there’s what the Constitution says: “Each State shall appoint, IN SUCH MANNER AS THE LEGISLATURE THEREOF MAY DIRECT [emphasis mine], a Number of Electors, equal to the whole Number of Senators and Representatives to which the State may be entitled in the Congress. (Art II, Sec. 1)” The only modification is in the 14th Amendment, which includes voting for presidential electors as one of the offices where states can’t disenfranchise a class of voters.

    By the time the 14th Amendment was passed, all the states had delegated voting for electors to the voters. Before that time, States could and did select electors legislatively. We don’t even know what the popular vote, if any, was in the first couple of elections. It’s not clear what would happen if a state were to try to assume that power again. Say Brownbackistan goes solidly for Hillary but El Supremo gets the Legislature to select a slate of voters for Trump. And it tips the balance. Hilarity will no doubt ensue.

    But if I were a State AG facing a challenge, I would first argue that the Constitution gives my state’s legislature sole authority to appoint electors, and that when the results are certified, we’re done here, and Trump has no legal basis to take it to court. (Neither did Gore, IMHO, but that’s another topic.)

    And if that last comment gives you the vapors, what part of “in such Manner as the Legislature thereof may direct” is not clear? The Constitution does not say what you THINK it OUGHT to say.

Previous articleYou Know What, MSNBC Focus Group? Just Stay Home. It’s Okay Not To Vote.
Next articleHow Can Hillary Clinton Defend Her Foundation When It Hasn’t Bought Any Snazzy Art?