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ELEVEN HOURS, ALAN!
Maybe she can testify for ELEVEN MORE HOURS.

Tuesday, we told you the bizarre, convoluted story of a thing that supposedly happened during the FBI’s investigation into Hillary The Criminal’s emails, where maybe Patrick Kennedy from the State Department offered a quid pro quo to an FBI dude in exchange for not retroactively classifying this one Hillary email about BENGHAZI!!!!!!!11!1! Or maybe the FBI dude offered a quid pro quo. Or maybe nobody did. Regardless, whatever happened, no quid pro quo actually happened, as the FBI dude did not get what he wanted (more agents in Iraq), and the State Department did not get what it wanted (to keep the FBI from retroactively classifying one of Hillz’s emails as DO NOT READ EVER). Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton was probably 1,000 miles away, chugging the hot sauce she keeps in her bag while watching “The Good Wife” and updating her personal Clinton Body Count spreadsheet with smiley face emoticons for all the people who’ve been body counted since she last updated. Whatever.

Tuesday night, the Washington Post found the retired FBI dude in question, Brian McCauley, and he was like “Yeah, sorry, I did in fact suggest that,” which means it was NOT the State Department trying to do special favors for Hillary. Doesn’t mean she’s not Satan Incarnate, but this time she actually wasn’t herding the hounds of hell together to do her dirty work. (OR WAS SHE?)

Seriously, this thing from McCauley is so bad:

… McCauley acknowledged that he offered to do a favor in exchange for another favor, but before he had any inkling of what Kennedy wanted. The FBI and the State Department have denied that McCauley and Kennedy ever engaged in “quid pro quo.”

McCauley, who has since retired from the FBI, said he asked Kennedy to send him the email in question and then inquired with another bureau official about it because he had only a partial understanding of the request. McCauley said that when he learned the missive concerned the attack on the U.S. diplomatic facility in Benghazi, Libya, he told Kennedy he could not help him.

“I said, ‘Absolutely not, I can’t help you,’ and he took that, and it was fine,” said McCauley, who was the FBI’s deputy assistant director for international operations from 2012 to 2015.

Oh wait. That’s not bad at all. And also, newsflash for all those out there reading WikiLeaks and thinking it makes them an expert on anything besides the lint in their navels, agencies of the U.S. government lobby each other for things, and they bicker, and they also sometimes help each other out. It’s called HOW THE ENTIRE WORLD WORKS.

So case closed, story over! Right? Of course not. Remember how the GOP investigated Benghazi, and then it investigated Benghazi again, and then again, and every time it didn’t find THE SMOKING GUN to confirm its brainwashed beliefs about Hillary Clinton, it would go ahead and investigate Benghazi again? Yeah well, the RNC would like to maybe use this as a way to investigate Hillary’s emails again, since the Republican who runs the FBI didn’t find THE SMOKING GUN that confirmed its brainwashed beliefs about Hillary Clinton.

Here’s a a portion of a stupid letter sent by the RNC to the State Department’s Inspector General:

To learn that a senior State Department official may have attempted to make a backroom deal to cover up the extent to which our national security was put at risk by Secretary Clinton’s use of a secret email server is shocking and warrants an immediate review by your office. Further, I request that your office investigate whether Mr. Kennedy made any additional quid-pro-quo offers to other federal agencies in relation to Secretary Clinton’s emails.

Mr. Kennedy’s attempt to influence the release of records in a manner that benefits presidential candidate Hillary Clinton undermines government transparency. According to the FBI report, one unidentified individual told the FBI, “State has an agenda which involves minimizing the classified nature of the Clinton emails in order to protect state interests and those of Clinton.” I request that your office review Mr. Kennedy’s role in the release of Clinton-related records to determine the extent of Mr. Kennedy’s attempts to manipulate the FOIA review process.

“Blah blah blah,” it says in essence, “We want to get moving on a fresh Hillary Clinton investigation, since we’ve already lost the 2016 election, so maybe we could go ahead and waste America’s time with this! We also did not read the goddamned newspaper this morning, where the nice Washington Post explained that there’s no there there, and that this is a complete non-story, because we are very stupid and cannot read without moving our mouths. Love, The Republicans.”

The fact that this is one of the two major political parties in the United States is fucking offensive to the founding fathers, the bald eagle, baseball, apple pie, and the freshly birthed Christ child.

[Washington Post / RNC letter]

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  • dslindc
    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Now I’m hungry.

    • Joe Beese

      When the Trump campaign complained, Culinary 226 replied, “Just for that, the tacos are getting extra meat.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “and no, not Trump Steaks. We have standards, you know.”

        • M Dubs

          When you put Trump Steaks on a taco they call it Carne Carrot Carnivale.

    • onedollarjuana

      As to Taco Trucks, I’m voting for Hillz because I never want to have to walk more than one blocko for a taco.

    • Dutchman

      I bet those Mexican’s are paying for that wall.

      • Blank Ron, Avenger of Ponies

        <golf clap>

  • Whale Chowder

    It must be working. According to Allen West, the polls are a tossup and Hillary’s numbers are collapsing!!!1!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      War criminal shitstain says wut?

    • UNIT Leftenant Anna

      Oh Sweet Klingon Jeebus. They should be medicated.

    • limberrat

      Oh we are holding onto the USC poll? And it has Hillary winning? Oh you are TOAAAAAST.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Cripes. That poll has been badly skewing the entire poll aggregate for months now. Once the outlier millenial black dude stopped being interested, suddenly it fell into line with everyone else.

      • jowgajen

        The USC poll weights responses by a self reported enthusiasm score. It asks the same 3000 participants each week, as well. The polling technique is interesting, but Nate Silver has pointed out that due to the way it is weighted certain participants can have an overly strong effect on the result. Interesting stuff if you are at all nerdy about statistics and whtanot.

    • Joe Beese

      LA Times & Rasmussen. LOL

    • MynameisBlarney

      Hoooold the phone there, Jackson!

      Allen West said that! THIS. CHANGES. *EVERYTHING!!!111!!!ELEVENTYONE!!!

      *and by “everything” I really mean “jack-fucking-shit*

    • AngryKatie

      The IBD/TPP poll also has him up by 1, 538 adjusted it to a tie.

      I continue to seesaw between panic and just vague disquiet.

    • GoutMachine

      This is great news for John McCain.

    • Biff52
    • BJW
    • cmd

      SO SORRY I did not get to have him as a congressperson. I did, however, have the misfortune of hearing him speak at a bar association lunch. I would have skipped that one but was told we would get 1 hour of CLE credit and I only needed that one hour. Not only was it awful, but we didn’t get the credit. He was supposed to talk about how congress works and not campaign but he didn’t. I guess they didn’t approve the credit because he taught us NOTHING.

      • Historicat

        Your story is a perfect encapsulation of the current Republican party.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    RNC campaign slogan: How can you vote for a candidate who is under Congressional investigation???

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I think we’re all missing the point here: It’s the Republican Jobs plan for Republican Consultants.

    70 million and counting.

    • Tonight, I think she should tally up all the money spent by congress for all the Clinton “scandals”, which have produced absolutely NOTHING (probably at least $100 million at this point), and rattle off a list of things that could have been done with that money.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        It was over 100 million in the 1990s.

        Throw in both hers and Obama’s Benghazis, it’s closer to 170 million.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        They could have just given it to me, and I’d have a T1 to my house and could post to Yr Wonkette that much faster.

        • FlownOver

          As much as I’d appreciate that, I’d stil have crap download speeds (and service generally) from WOW.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Well, you can’t do anything about Blizz’s internal network, which seems to be under a bit of a strain recently.

      • GoutMachine

        It’s probably greater than the GDP of half the world’s countries.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Why are they bothering with another one? They already declared her guilty of everything, including, according to Trump, “her situation.”

  • MynameisBlarney

    OH FOR CRYIN’ OUT LOUD ALRIGHT ALREADY!!!!

    https://media.giphy.com/media/IROkeQQXKZFbq/giphy.gif

    • AJ Milne

      Now that you mention it, _has_ Congress investigated the disappearance of Mr. Ed yet? Haven’t seen him in years. Something going on there.

      • GoutMachine

        People are saying he was killed as a result of HIllary’s “stand down from the barn” order. Lots of people are saying this, look it up. Someone should investigate!

      • cmd

        I had to explain Mr. Ed to a young person the other day.

    • Msgr_Trump_has_killed_satire

      I’m calling the SPCA and asking them to take me away in cuffs, I was laughing so hard.

    • M Dubs

      So weird. I’m a vegetarian, but I’m eating this dead cow up.

    • Doug Langley

      That’ll teach the cow not to double park in a handicap zone.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    What the fuckheads don’t seem to grok is that in order to release the emails to comply with the FOIA request, they must be declassified.

    They don’t understand any of this.

    • Whale Chowder

      What is this “understanding” you speak of and why do you believe it applies to Republican congressmen?

  • Randy Riddle

    “We could solve all the problems in the Middle East, balance the budget, and create world harmony if that darn Hillary wasn’t making us have to stage showtrials about her all the time!”

  • AJ Milne

    I trust someone has, by now, brought up that doing the same thing repeatedly/expecting different result/desperate cry for your loved ones to get you help definition thing, right?

    • Blank Ron, Avenger of Ponies

      More than once.

  • arglebargle

    Ya know, Donald Trump does seem to have the leadership qualities the Republicans are looking for after all.

  • memzilla

    Here’s a quid pro quo, you fulminating Rethuglicans. You can have your eleventy fourteenth Clinton witch hunt, and in return, we investigate the 22 million emails that YOU fucks deleted from a private email server run by the RNC in 2007.

    • GoutMachine

      Not to mention the 60 deaths during 13 embassy attacks during the Bush administration …

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Then there are the 4k plus American servicemen and women dead in Iraq, plus thousands more maimed for life, plus hundreds of thousands of Iraqis killed and millions made refugees…

      • geoffalnutt

        3000-plus on 9/11. George was trying to decipher “My Pet Goat”. He was in over his head in both cases.

      • spends2much

        Please, those are heroic war casualties, and to question that in any way proves you are a traitor. Unless you can somehow blame a Clinton, then let’s schedule those hearings, y’all!

        • GoutMachine

          And subpoena Obummer’s time machine.

          • FlownOver

            Trump has his own time machine – the ReTardis.

      • Swampay

        However many in Beirut under Reagan. (I am enough of an old to remember back to Reagan and enough of an old to not remember the number and enough of an old to not bother to look it up, google it yourself you damned kids!)

    • arglebargle

      Mittens had an email issue of his very own as well. Seems he preferred a hotmail account…

      http://www.businessinsider.com/governor-mitt-romney-used-personal-email-like-secretary-of-state-clinton-2015-3

      • MizzMazz

        Their memories are short indeed.

        • arglebargle

          Shorter than their weenus’s, if that’s possible.

          • MizzMazz

            I think it’s funny that elbow skin is called a weenus, and then we use that to refer to a trouser snake.

          • arglebargle

            What? I learnt something. Can I go home now?

          • MizzMazz

            Seriously! That little bit of skin on your elbow is called a weenus! who thought this shit up, and yes, if you want to, you can go home.

      • GoutMachine

        Hotmail?! Jesus Hopping Magic Underwear Christ. That right there disqualified him from office.

  • Joe Beese

    “If there’s quid pro quo, she’s got to go!”

    • Msgr_Trump_has_killed_satire

      The GOP are such a bunch of quods.

  • AngryKatie

    Have they considered that what they might really need is some kind of therapy?…
    Show me with the doll how the mean lady emasculated you.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Somehow, she found my peepee and whacked it right off! With an x-acto knife!”

  • PimentacoTX

    Ugh, of course none of this clarification will matter. All over the internet are headlines like this: “State Dept. Had Quid Pro Quo Deal with FBI”.
    The headline is as far as most nitwits get, so it’s been added to Hillary’s Big Book of Crimes for most people.
    Fucking hell.

    • AngryKatie

      And she’ll explain it, and it will make total sense, but people are unclear on how the hell anything works, so the response will be: see! she’s evasive and never answers questions!

      • Spotts1701

        Or “It’s too complex! She’s talking like a lawyer!”

        • Whale Chowder

          Or she’ll get one detail wrong or shade an interpretation just a bit in her own favor and it’ll be “See? You can’t trust anything she says!”

          (edited) And that’s just the Berners.

    • spends2much

      Just as soon as somebody tells said nitwits what the hell Quid Pro Quo is. They probably think it’s something from the appetizer menu at Olive Garden.

    • Brianna Amoré

      At this point who gives a fuck. The haters already hate her and won’t be dissuaded at all. Those who support her will see through the bullshit. And the Republican House just proves how useless and consumed by HDS they are, and how they must be removed from power for Hillary’s agenda to go forward. If nothing else this will just motivate more people to vote for her.

  • jowgajen

    This strategy has worked so well for them and the nation …. oh wait. Vote the fuckers out already, America, they are wasting your time and money.

  • Spotts1701

    Well they have to do something during the lame duck session, plus in January the newest Congresspeople need grandstanding footage for 2018.

    • ThirdAmendmentMan

      I’ll laugh when the GOP doesn’t have enough new people to grandstand.

    • AngryKatie

      There’s a duck hunting joke there somewhere.

    • Ricky Gay

      so when do they finally reach China?!

      • Lulu Mac

        It’s pronounced GY–NA!!!!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    There is no downside for being a pathetic snake-weasel that is bad a lying in the current GOP.

    You get to hire all your snake-weasel buddies to assist in your blatantly fictitious nonsense, the press plays along because it has something “new” to report, and your Republican constituents either know it’s not true but are happy you’re doing it anyway, or they are nuts.

  • GoutMachine

    Why isn’t there more outrage that the State Department official in question is NAMED KENNEDY!!!!1!!!1!!1! Bill Clinton and JFK boinking women! Ergo, Trump winzzz! Wake up, sheeple!

    • Msgr_Trump_has_killed_satire

      CHAPPAQUIDDITCHGHAZI!!!

      • GoutMachine

        Plus ça change …

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Is that where we ride brooms off of bridges chasing an elusive video tape?

  • FauxAntocles

    Soon we’ll have the Democratic Party, the Trump Party and the “those guys” Party.

  • Apple Scruff

    Ivanka was just on the teletubes at some Very Important Women conference and the interviewer asked her why there is such a big gender gap in the Presidential polls and she’s all, “Oh, I don’t believe the polls.” And when asked about a poll taken by Huff Po about her customers moving away from her business because of the Trump name, she’s all “Oh, well, I don’t believe the Huffington Post.”

    Like father, like daughter.

    • Kooolest G

      I wonder if she’ll believe her accountant when he tells her that her “business” is broke

      • arglebargle

        Broke? Boom, chapter 11. Now that’s smrt.

    • Anna Rompage

      At some point, hopefully she’ll pull her head out of her father’s ass….

      • Apple Scruff

        When she talks about him, there is no affection. It’s all very icy and professional.

        • Anna Rompage

          If my father & his friends referred to me as a “piece of ass”, I’d probably be a little cold and icy towards him as well…

          • You know, that actually shocked me a little. I can’t even wrap my head around what it must have been like to grow up with that for a father. I mean, no one is going to give my dad any lifetime achievement awards for parenting either, but I at least have zero doubt he’d react very badly to anyone who spoke about one of his daughters that way. Especially to his face. That made me feel incredibly sorry for Ivanka.

          • Michael Smith

            Yeah Trump is an incredibly awful father. Strange that he’s the family values candidate / savior of Traditional American Values.

          • Blank Ron, Avenger of Ponies

            His base thinks those ARE family values and traditional American values.

          • cmd

            My dad would have never said that about anyone, and, although he was a very mild-mannered guy, might have at least cursed at someone who said that about me.

      • M Dubs

        Not until he’s finished.

        Also, ew.

    • DainBramage

      “Airplanes exist, so I don’t believe in gravity.”

    • Brianna Amoré

      The Trump family motto: “Oh, we don’t believe in reality so we create our own.”

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        The Trump family motto: Get yours, then declare bankruptcy.

    • Shibusa
  • Anna Rompage

    Perhaps the GOP should stop pussygrabbing around… There are approx 2.8 million civilian federal employees. In an manner to be efficient, the GOP should launch a criminal investigation into any public employee who is a registered democrat, or anyone the base of the GOP has accused of being a RINO (Comey, they’re coming for you)…

  • Lulu Mac
    • MynameisBlarney

      The theme for today is. “How Bruce Lee gifs work perfectly for Hillary’s current situation!”

      Regarding the empty threat of yet ANOTHER wasteful investigation, Hillary was all like…

      https://media.giphy.com/media/RGFL2W7ZJvoM8/giphy.gif

    • samrockton

      I like Hillz hair that way.

      • Blank Ron, Avenger of Ponies

        It does suit her, doesn’t it?

  • I truly hope the Trump voter suppression on the GOP is large enough that the House flips too. Otherwise, you know the House GOP is going to spend the next four years doing nothing but more pointless investigations instead of actually governing the country.

    • Kooolest G

      with all the gerrymandering, that’s a tough hill to climb, but I hope every time the house blocks something, she can remind them that democrats got how many million more votes for their congressional candidates than republicans and still they have the nerve to call themselves a majority

      • georgiaburning

        Another reason to start taking back those state legislatures, and untwist the districts. Play the long game

  • Callyson
  • Msgr_Trump_has_killed_satire

    What’s taking these Poindexters so long to impeach her already? They’ve had THIRTY YEARS!

    • limberrat

      So low energy, so sad!

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    This America. We speak American. There ain’t no American quid pro quo.

    Q.E.D.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Quid pro quo sounds Messican.

  • hendenburg2

    Sorry, but this is something I just have to ask…

    Do guns actually “smoke”? As in, after firing a gun, does a trail of smoke seem to just slowly idle out of the barrel? Granted I haven’t been around guns a lot, just once when two of my cousins dragged me out to shooting range on BLM land for the 4th of July, but I didn’t any “smoking” guns then. Personally, it seems like it would be quite inefficient for a gun to smoke, since it would mean that not all of the powder burned off when the gun fired. It would also probably be bad for the barrel.

    • Señor Skwerl King

      Black powder gunz smoke.

      • hendenburg2

        Ah yes, I forgot about good ol’ black powder. Part of the reason armies stood facing each other in lines, took 2-3 shots and than ran at each other was because after those 2-3 musket shots, you couldn’t see shit from all the smoke

        • Brianna Amoré

          The other reason was that military tactics were always based in what used to work before new technology was invented, and military tactics in those days were formerly based on sword charges using soldiers massed in large formations.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Ah yes…good ol’ Chivalric Warfare.

          • hendenburg2

            Well, except that very few actual historical battles were fought with armies carrying sword and spear charging at one another.

            Most combat of the Middle Ages up through the dawn of the gunpowder era was fought by raids on opposing enemy encampments, trying to steal supplies, harass/tire out troops, capture noblemen and their sons for ransom, and move your army into a better terrain position and theirs into a less advantageous one. Large battles were only fought in desperation or when one side had an enormous tactical advantage.

        • limberrat

          Well, guns were also wildly innacurate until the Civil War so it was still useful to use massed formations and have men charge forward.

          • UNIT Leftenant Anna

            Also, there were no ways of effective Command-and-Control other than voice, drums, or bugles, so the soldiers had to stay close enough to hear commands.

    • GoutMachine

      Good question. Maybe the old ones did?

    • limberrat

      Black Powder guns do. Live fired mine several times and have had to wait a minute or two to make sure I didn’t cook off new powder since it was still smoking from burning embers.

      • hendenburg2

        Is the phrase that old? Guess it’s time to call “A Way With Words”

        • limberrat
          • hendenburg2

            Odd. gunpowder started being phased out around 1884, with the introduction of smokeless powder, or guncotton.

          • Early cordites smoked as well

          • limberrat

            That’s the official origination. It might have been a common phrase even earlier than that.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Smokeless powder is a relative term. It’s not perfectly smokeless,just orders of magnitude better.

    • Well gun nutz look at a new gun and say “that’s a smokin’ gun”

    • Crank Tango

      That’s kinda the point–they only smoke for an instant after you fire them, so it is kind of a big deal to have the smoking gun.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Aha! I have here the smoking gun…wait it was smoking just an instant ago, honest!” :-)

  • Señor Skwerl King

    “The fact that this is one of the two major political parties in the United States is fucking offensive to the founding fathers, the bald eagle, baseball, apple pie, and the freshly birthed Christ child.”

    Not to mention tractor pulls, timber sports, pro wrestling, taco trucks, rodeos, the Statue of Liberty, mothers, long walks in the fall, and Mount Rushmore.

    Oh and fuck you Stone Mountain!

    • hendenburg2

      Personally, I am glad that the Democratic Party is offensive to tractor pulls, pro wrestling, rodeos and Mount Rushmore.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Breaking News: New Clinton accuser coming forward.

    Hate To Break It To You Again News: Bill Clinton not running for President.

    • AngryKatie

      It’s clear he thinks attacks aimed at men adjacent to her are attacks on her.

      It’s almost like he thinks she doesn’t exist as an independent entity separate from men or something.

    • Señor Skwerl King

      I accuse Chelsa Clinton of taking advantage of complimentary hotel shampoo.

      • TheGrandWaz00

        Off with her Head…and Shoulders!

        • arglebargle

          Unconditionerally

          • therblig

            Reince, Lather, Repeat

        • Snark Tank of Deplorables

          A very Suave pun, Waz.

          • data_ninja

            We’re getting closer to the Nexxus of these jokes.

        • Whale Chowder

          Aussie what you did there.

        • M Dubs

          I like he we’ve boiled down this story to its Herbal Essence.

        • jmk

          I just think we should shed No More Tears over this accusation.

        • Doug Langley

          What’s with all the shampoo puns? We can’t find any real poo?

      • Big Boppa

        Don’t get your Pantene’s in a bunch over it.

    • Anna Rompage

      It’s curious how this person has come forward with only 3 weeks left to go in the campaign, not to mention that it was right wing propaganda site Deadbart that has an exclusive on the story…

      See what I did there?

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        People are just so damned CYNICAL these days!

      • Alleged Land Shark

        “Follow the money”

        Trumpanzees: the campaign is using YOUR donations to pay for this fantasy story. Allegedly.

        • Blank Ron, Avenger of Ponies

          Promise to pay.
          It’s Trump. Never commit until the cheque clears.

    • limberrat

      Was this someone Ken Starr investigated in the millions spent back in the 90s?

  • DainBramage

    OT: John McCain: Profile in courage.
    https://twitter.com/mattmfm/status/788388173990723584

  • weejee

    tRump practicing for tonight’s debate.

    • phoenix00

      Wait, isn’t this /the/ debate?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Let’s waste more taxpayer dollars on another investigation which will lead nowhere! Fiscal Responsibility.

  • Charles Wolf

    Republicans, In their quest for THE SMOKING GUN,
    They are more likely to trip over their own leaking water pistol.

  • Thiazin Red

    Do people not think this is how everything works everywhere? I’m in science, I might ask someone for a reagent, or a mouse, or an antibody, and the other person says “okay, but can you do X for me?”. Then I say yes as long as it isn’t something crazy.

    • MOG253

      Sadly, most of the people carrying on about this stuff have no idea how government works or business or just about anything else.

  • Me not sure

    Benghazi was obviously a CIA deep-cover false flag operation carried out by Evan McMullin in Hillary drag. It all begins to come clear now, doesn’t it?

  • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

    Hey charging at windmills sure beats doing real work, like confirming SCOTUS noms.

    • QHarp

      You can charge at windmills, commie; real Americans charge at jacked-up, coal-rollin’ F-150s with American flag Truck Nutz and decals of Calvin pissin’ on Saddam’s head.

      • Suttree

        I’m so happy that I no longer live in the south. With the exception of the lax drinking laws in NOLA that is.

        • QHarp

          Eh, it has its moments. Some of which are meeting down-to-earth, kind-hearted people just trying to do good in the world, while others are starting your morning commute behind a coal-rolling Trump-bro with his Instagram handle printed on his back window.

          • Suttree

            The good moments happen to be great though! I still miss it. I was a transplanted yankee, but I was down there for a while. I just stayed away from politics, religion, and actually used to go *watch* NASCAR at a buddy’s place. That amounted to watching the grill and getting drunk.
            Everybody knew well enough to keep the racism really low key or say it out of my hearing range. Nobody wanted that lecture.

      • Sister Artemis

        Don’t forget the other calvin sticker with him kneeling at the foot of the cross with sun-rays streaming down.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          That is the worst.

          • Sister Artemis

            You just know they think Calvin’s parents are godless libruls

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Oh hell yeah. And I bet they were too.

      • Toomush_Infer

        My F-150 has an Obama/Biden sign on one side of the tailgate; a Clinton/Kaine sign on the other…

        • QHarp

          Yes! Big ol’ Democrat trucks are the best!

  • Suttree

    I think we should all go to Texas (or Cheney’s crypt) and clear brush until we find Bush’s missing millions of e-mails. Which were held on RNC servers! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bush_White_House_email_controversy
    /ffs Why isn’t the liberal media harping on this shit?! You fuckers!

  • Khavrinen

    Dear Republican Party DumbAsses;
    I know it’s too much to ask that you stop hurling baseless accusations at ole Crooked Killary ( Lock Her Up ) all the live long day, but could you at least smoke some of the good sh#t and dream up something NEW?! I’m getting real f%cking tired of watching nothing but re-runs.

    • Whale Chowder

      It’s OK to swear here.

      I mean, fuck, why not?

    • Sister Artemis

      Yeah, why won’t they entertain us gooder? this shit’s getting old!

  • Thiazin Red

    The story came from the FBI’s notes, so obviously they knew about it and didn’t think it was anything worth pursuing. But of course they know better than the FBI.

  • samrockton

    i’d rather they waste my time by go fucking themselves, repeatedly

    • Ricky Gay

      this is foreplay for Republicans. It explains why their spouses are angry and bored.

  • Thiazin Red

    538 puts the chance of winning the senate up to 75%, so theres that.

  • IIRC it was the FBI that initiated the exchange, not State.

  • FlownOver

    “Remember how the GOP investigated Benghazi, and then it investigated Benghazi again, and then again…”

    Kwik Kwiz: How many “agains” did Evan miss?

    • Total of 9 investigations, wasn’t it?

      • jmk

        One more and she gets a free 6-inch sub at Subway.

        • M Dubs

          …and a “get out of congressional hearings” free card.

        • Doug Langley

          Wait – you mean she eats at the same place as her friend Jared, the child molester? IMPEACHHHHH!!!!!!!

    • flipdraw_mc_graw

      I’m thinking they could combine the new investigation with another vote to repeal ACA and get some synergies flowing. Very “art of the deal” IMHO

    • M Dubs

      All of them, Katie.

  • Crank Tango

    I’m so sick of hearing about her goddamn emails that I have stopped reading my own emails out of solidarnosc.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      Also comments, if comments existed.

  • Dutchman

    From the Banner Ad at the bottom of the page:

    FOUND: Jesus’s Lost Words
    A secret so powerful it was banned from the Bible

    Roman guarding the cross: What say you Jesus?
    JC: Nothing my son.
    RGTC: I’m certain I heard you say something!
    JC: Ok fine. I sure could use a beer right about now.

    • therblig

      Banned from the Bible: “And for the love of Dad, please don’t be assholes in My name”

      • Blank Ron, Avenger of Ponies

        Banned from the Bible: ‘And I say unto thee, the LORD THY GOD loveth the gays, and don’t let anyone tell you different.’

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Banned from the Bible: “Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy, for that is the only day my mate allows me to grill.”

  • MOG253

    McCauley now on the enemies list. Poor guy, but that’s what you get for doing your job. My neighbors will be waiting for his untimely death, so they can blame Hilz.

  • “…undermines government transparency.”

    Yep, nothing makes things more transparent than classifying more things!

  • Jen B_VA

    The fact that this is one of the two major political parties in the United States is fucking offensive to the founding fathers, the bald eagle, baseball, apple pie, and the freshly birthed Christ child
    HELL YES

    • therblig

      or the freshly burped christ child.

  • AnOuthouse

    “Washington Post found the retired FBI dude in question”
    Killary’s getting lazy or sloppy.

  • AnOuthouse

    “State has an agenda which involves minimizing the classified nature … in order to protect state interests …”
    Horrors.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Republican congressmen have an agenda which involves minimizing the governance of the country…in order to protect the interests of the wealthy class.

  • Blank Ron, Avenger of Ponies

    I need to watch my diet. These nothingburgers are playing hell with my digestion.

  • Indiepalin

    I can’t wait until the Democrats take over the House so they can appoint a COMPETENT committee chair who will really get the goods on Hillary.

    • M Dubs

      I like your premise. If Democrats were in charge of this political witch-hunt at least they’d get results.

    • Wes Grogan

      That won’t happen unless we take back the states in 2020. Without fixing the gerrymandering, there’s little to no chance of ever getting back the House.

  • Astraea

    Since I was in a hotel room and my wifi wasn’t good enough to catch up on Rachel from last night, I turned on Morning Joe for a few minutes this morning. They were talking about this like it was just the worst thing they’d ever heard. I had to shut it off because it was so ridiculous.

  • sbanthony

    Here’s the thing- it works for them.

    When Hillary left the State Dept, she had an approval of like 67%. But after 2 years of investigation, it was down to 30 something. The head of the committee is on video saying that this proves the investigations worked. This was even before a bruising primary where she was constantly called corrupt.

    So now we have an electorate who thinks she MUST be basically evil, because all investigations. And everything is filtered through that lens.

    BengazEmails!!

    • peteywheats

      The best part for the GOP is that NOTHING has to come out of these investigations because merely investigating gives the right wing echo chamber all the sturm and angst that they need to scream and cry “demon-woman!” 24/7

      • sbanthony

        Nothing has come of it but Hillary’s popularity and trust-worthiness was assassinated and we are left with a terrifying possibility of DT being in reach of the WH because so many people distrust her. Even on the lefty side this is true.

        Sane folks would not all be bricking themselves if Hillary had the approval she had when she left office. This election would be the joke we could rightly point and laugh at. As it is, with 3rd party voters, and general distrust, it isn’t in the bag.

  • BigHorn

    Darrell Issa’ll have his creepy hand in this. Take his job on the 8th, north county San Diego (and anybody else unfortunate enough to be in his district).

    • Cindyinencinitas

      I’m doing my best, and the DCCC has thrown money and bodies at the race. It’s pretty great, really.

  • peteywheats

    I guess we won’t have a supreme court after a couple more decades of gerrymandered Republicans refusing to advise and consent to any Democratic presidential appointments. Oh well, we should have listened to Donald Trump, Mitch McConnel and Louie Gohmert I guess.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Still just wanna know more about those businesses Trump has a part in in Russia – is this something we think Hillz will bring up tonight?…

    • M Dubs

      I doubt it. There’s way more serious scandals for Hillary to discuss, and word is she’s going to use this debate to make a case for herself instead of hoisting Trump by his own petard. He’s more than happy to do that to himself.

      Also, until Trump releases his taxes we just don’t have enough information about his ties to Russia. And we all know Trump won’t release his tax returns until Hillary releases her long-form Benghazi email Vince Foster rigged certificate.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Don’t you think if he were elected that he would present a real risk of being blackmailed to his security detail and others in the intelligence community? They’d have to have a fucking scoreboard somewhere in Colorado.

  • azeyote

    sooner or later they will investigate to see if she is really a woman, and if she is indeed Hillary Clinton – also the election results –

  • Mavenmaven

    Trey Gowdy just wet himself in anticipation.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    We really need to do something about Congress and their frivolous fishing expeditions or, as the Thuglicans call them, investigations. One or two on any given subject should be plenty…maybe three. Can we get some legislation on this?

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    Impeachment proceedings will start on Nov. 8 at 9:00 PM.

  • Ray in VT

    This time will be different. This time they’ll get the REAL truth.

    • Stulexington

      realfacts TM

  • DesertedPictures

    If clinton wins with 14 points the House can turn blue and all these investigations just stop.

    • M Dubs

      Typical Demoncrat behavior. Rigging our political system with “majority votes” and “mandates from the masses”.

      • clairence

        yeah. unless it’s 100%, it’s not a mandate.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      SHUT OFF ALL THEIR MICROPHONES THIS TIME GODDAMMIT.

  • Cool_North

    It’s their last chance to play “investigation committee”.

  • Wes Grogan

    Well, the Washington Post managed to get to the bottom of it in less than a week, so it should take a Republican committee, what… nine years?

  • Scooby

    How about this time its winner take all

  • Raan
  • chascates

    If the GOP continues to hold hearings on President Clinton’s emails or Benghazi or hold votes to rescind Obamacare I go on record right now suggesting she become the dictator they fear and put them all into FEMA camps.

  • cmd

    Boy are these RNC people serious jerks. I was trying to think of something bad that could be done that did not involve bodily harm or anything like that, so I was thinking, in the spirit of the season (Halloween) maybe rolling their yards with toilet paper?

  • kareemachan

    Ye gods, these guyz just love them some gummint-wasting stuff. Pitiful.

    ETA: I’ve asked a time or ten why people hate Hillary. Still don’t have an answer. Not even a “real answer” like because this, this, or this, but no answer whatsoever.

    Failing yuuugley.

    • revenant

      the origin of the decades-long smear campaign against the Clintons, other than that it started in Arkansas when Bill ran for Governor, is murky. Once he began his run for President, of course, the slander went national, and it was eagerly picked up by the “liberal media”, because there was lots of juicy (sexual) gossip in it, they hoped to placate the RWNJs by playing along (note how well that act of appeasement worked out for all concerned), and both the Republican party and their media enablers had come to believe, after the 12 years of Reagan/Bush, that the White House belonged to the Republicans.
      So- the smear campaign has left both of the Clintons with vaguely bad reputations among people who don’t usually pay much attention to politics; they just know that they’ve heard a lot of negative stuff about the two, almost everything they’ve ever heard was bad, so these must be two bad people.

      • I Am Helpy

        Not sure who originated it, but at this point it’s being perpetuated by the Koch brothers and Murdoch; they pay fake journalists to write bullshit articles and books like Clinton Cash (most of which had to be withdrawn or heavily edited before publication because it was so easily disprovable, although you’ll still hear those retracted claims as “facts” from right wingers).

        • cmd

          People like Mike Huckabee add to it. He’s always talking about how he defeated the Clinton Machine in Arkansas. Of course, he is A Idiot.

    • clairence

      “We keep trying to do stuff and failing… proof positive that government is ineffective. Now, contribute to my campaign and don’t forget to vote for me.”

  • At this point, I don’t think all these hacks and investigations and such are really trying to find anything actually damning. After 25+ years of such efforts coming up with little more than Bill’s inability to keep his dick in his pants, they know they’re not going to find anything else.

    What they’re aiming for, instead, is for all the smoke to make people assume there’s got to be a fire there somewhere. And on that count, they’ve been wildly successful. Even people who agree with her on policy and plan to vote for her still think she’s probably somewhat corrupt, simply because she’s been investigated so many times.

    In a way, it’s kind of like racial profiling. If you go in assuming that most Black men are criminals, you stop more of them, arrest more, and convict more–even if the charges are flimsy, at best. Net result: outsiders note that the prison population skews to Black men, which reinforces the idea that they’re inherently prone to crime and perpetuates the cycle all over again.

    Hillary’s haters don’t have to actually find any real dirt on her. They just have to keep looking, because it’ll make most laypeople assume there’s a reason for it beyond just a witch hunt.

  • Joshua Norton

    When the Senate goes Dem next election, maybe we should start bringing up more hearings on all that old “Impeach Nixon” stuff. Everyone knows that finding ways to overcome the never-ending shame brought on by that mishegas is what has been the wingnuts primary motivation for the past 40 years.

    In fact, that’s my primary goto response whenever some wingnut goes on a tear and tries to bury me in an abundance of overwrought Clinton (his and her) conspiracy theories. “I got 2 words for you buddy. Richard Nixon“.

  • tihond

    The GOP is going to investigate Hillary in an attempt to find out what time the debate starts.

    • Stulexington

      Also too, they’re going to investigate Clinton for making them loose because that’s a high crime or something.

  • motmelere

    Silly Republicans! Don’t you realize how little time you have to repeal Obamacare again?

  • CATMAN

    Although this story should have died a natural death soon after it was debunked, it has been resuscitated and given new life by FOX News as of Thursday evening, complete with commentary by Congressbooger Jason Chaffetz

  • Vagandarian the Librarian!

    By golly, I am an expert on lint.
    Move over Hillz! There’s a new sheriff in town.

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